Hillary Unveils Healthcare Plan, Biden Beating Sanders, Monkey Selfie at Center of PETA Lawsuit: P.M. Links

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Rushen!/Flickr

  • Vice President Joe Biden is beating Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (25 to 24 percent) in a new poll on Democratic presidential candidates, with Hillary Clinton now nabbing just a third of her party's support. 
  • The feds are (update!) not suing PETA over a monkey selfie. I RTFA quickly and wrongly, apologies. PETA is suing a photographer on behalf of a selfie-taking macaque named Naturo.
  • The Department of Education said there's no evidence Princeton University discriminates against Asian and Asian-American applicants. 
  • Hillarycare 2.0is here
  • Vice takes an in-depth look at prison reform in Mississippi—a state which, were it a country, "would have had the second highest incarceration rate of any nation in the world" two years ago.
  • The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is holding a panel hearing on the safety of permanent birth control implant, Essure
  • In case someone wishes you a happy autumn equinox today… 

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  1. The feds are suing PETA over a monkey selfie.

    More monkeys are killed by PETA selfies than by sharks.

    1. Hello.

      Biden’s to lose?

    2. The prehensile-tailed mammal is not the fucking issue here, Fist!

    3. That sentence is as backwards as PETA’s lawsuit.

    4. Wait, isn’t PETA suing the Feds?

      1. Actually, I think PETA is suing the photographer and/or his publicist in Federal court. That’s how the feds are involved.

      2. PETA is suing the photographer in federal court.

        1. Dang. I preferred it the other way.

        2. PETA is suing a monkey? Or does “selfie” now have an alternate meaning?

          1. PETA is suing the human photographer who facilitated the selfie, arguing that the photo should be the IP of the macaque.

            1. I’m assuming the monkey used the photographers equipment and ceded all rights by doing so.

              1. The photographer never had a valid contract with the macaque.

            2. Next PETA will sue National Geographic, claiming they never got a signed model release from any wildlife captured on film.

            3. Actually it’s a derivative work, since the original copyright belongs to the camera’s CMOS image sensor.

          2. No, the monkey is suing the Feds in PETA court.

        3. Sheesh, if the monkey owns the copyright let *him* sue!

          1. At least he was smart enough to stay out of Kangaroo Court.

            1. Wallaby a monkey’s uncle!

        4. By what reason can PETA possibly claim standing?

      3. I am wondering, should PETA win this suit, who do the proceeds from the sale of the photo go to? To the monkey of course, but who will be managing the money on it’s behalf?

        (I am guessing PETA)

        1. According to morning links, yes, it’s PETA. But they only have the interest of the monkey in mind and won’t use any o fit for their usual anti-human advocacy. You can trust PETA.

    5. From the link above:

      CNN legal analyst Danny Cevallos said to qualify for copyright protection in the United States, a piece of work must meet three criteria:

      ? It must be fixed in a tangible medium. In this case, that would be a photograph.

      ? It must be original. “Overall, originality is a low threshold, and probably satisfied by the macaque’s selfie,” Cevallos wrote. But there’s a catch for animals such as Naturo. Namely:

      ? The work must have an “author.” And in the United States, the term “authorship” implies that the work comes from human being, Cevallos said. “Materials produced solely by nature, by plants or by animals are not copyrightable,” he said.

      So if the monkey doesn’t win copyright of the photo, can the human?

      Not likely, Cevallos wrote.

      “Because the monkey cannot create a copyrightable work, that work can never be copyrightable,” he said.

      In the case of a monkey’s selfie by itself, that photograph immediately and forever falls into the public domain, and can be used by anyone, without permission.”

      1. This is our generation’s Dred Scott decision.

        1. The Naruto decision, please. Be respectful. Monkeys are sensitive, too.

          1. Naturo is the monkey’s slave name. His real name is Oo Oo Aa Aa Aa Aa! Eeee! Eeee! The monkey alphabet is mostly vowels.

            1. We should pass a law forbidding teaching them consonants

              1. We should pass a law forbidding teaching them consonants

                This right here….this is how the war will start.

                /forgives the James Franco movie for not getting that part right

          2. Everyone knows monkeys don’t believe in IP.

      2. So if I set up a motion triggered camera and capture wildlife the photos don’t belong to me? I have to actually have my fingers on the camera and trip the shutter myself, manually?

        Sounds like bullshit to me.

        1. In this case, the monkey picked up the camera, pointed the lens at its face, and triggered the shutter. The monkey framed the shot and took the photo.

          In your case, I still don’t think you have copyright if a random event triggers the shutter. But a judge will need to decide.

          1. It was an awesome photo, and the photographer who left his gear sitting around is fucked.

        2. So likewise, the elephant that paints pictures cannot have copyright ownership and the images are public domain.

        3. I would say that using nature as a tool to create a photo would make it yours. And I think that both describes your game camera and the money pic. It’s not the same as something that just happens in nature. But I’m not a federal judge, so what do I know?

          1. This isn’t about monkey IP. It’s about awarding rights to an animal, and by extension all animals, and if they can have IP rights then why not these umpteen other rights.

            1. I know that’s Peta’s plan. I was just speculating about Suthenboy’s hypothetical.

    6. A lot of feces will be flung in that courtroom.

      1. Status quo maintained!

  2. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is holding a panel hearing on the safety of permanent birth control implant, Essure.

    A Hillary mask is grafted onto your face. #BITCHYFIST

  3. Nothing about #MasculinitySoFragile, ENB? You know you wanted to.

    1. it’s not therapy, it’s ManTherapy. With MEAT and FIGHTER JETS

      BUT I LIKE THOSE THINGS

      1. Of course you do, sweetie you big strong man, you.

        1. +2 batted eyelashes

    2. Also, all of those dudes should squat more. And all of those chicks complaining about those dudes. And everyone complaining about those dudes who should squat more and those chicks who should squat more. Fuck! I should squat more!

      1. im going on vacation. I will not be squatting for two weeks.

        I really like DLs ove squats anyway.

        1. I prefer dead lifts as well. You can get the benefits of squats more safely by doing leg presses and the “good morning” exercise.

          1. You know you just said that when Warty is around…

            1. I’m on good terms with him:

              Warty|3.9.15 @ 2:00PM|#

              You are truly a monster.

          2. You can get the benefits of squats more safely by doing leg presses and the “good morning” exercise.

            1. The key words are “more safely”. The internet is filled with videos of squat fails.

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xce-TBlbu5w

              1. Ed Coan was squatting something like 992 there, if I remember right. Things happen when you’re attempting to do extreme things.

                And for what it’s worth, the leg press is far less safe for your back than even a shittily-performed squat.

                1. Really? I did not know that. My thinking is that correct form is super important for squats, thus making them more dangerous.

                  I would think lunges are even safer.

              2. Though I am 100% in favor of the goodmorning. Especially when chicks do it.

                1. Especially when chicks do it.

                  Oh my!

                2. Especially when chicks do it.

                  *Watches video*

                  *Blinks eyes*

                  *Blinks eyes*

                  I am very impressed with your promotional material and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

                  ‘Til then, I’ll be in my bunk.

        2. I really like DLs ove squats anyway.

          Downlows?

      2. Squats? What is wrong with y’all? Don’t you have anything productive to do?

        I split and stacked a rick of wood yesterday morning and this morning before 9am each. I don’t own any weights.

        1. I’m with you, Suthen. I’m 58 and an office guy and yet people ask me where I work out. I tell them I don’t. I do manual labor instead. Pulled dozens of 1.5-2″ saplings this last weekend and sawed up some wood. Digging holes is a good workout too (if you need some holes dug).

          1. I was in the best shape of my entire life (including the times when I was working out 2hrs+ daily) when I spent 6 hours a day felling and sawing trees. Unfortunately, I’m now in the worst shape of my entire life because I spend 14 hours a day sitting behind various desks at school and work.

        2. I don’t understand weightlifting at all, man. I avoid those weights…they’re heavy.

    3. Why does everybody have to focus on the bits between their legs? Seriously, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

      1. I forget which great man said the most important things in a person’s life are his money, religion, and private parts.

      2. Why does everybody have to focus on the bits between their legs?

        What is the meaning of life?

        1. 42, obviously

      3. That hashtag has nothing to do with the bits between people’s legs.

        For some reason, people seem to have a hard time understanding the difference between “masculinity” and “men.”

        1. Nikki says “have a hard time”.

        2. To me it all seems like a colossal waste of calories. Men and women are different. So fucking what. Every single person is fucking different. I don’t care. If you leave me and my shit alone I DON’T CARE. Why people feel the need to poke and pick at scabs on each other via social media is beyond my comprehension. Have some dudes become wussies in my opinion? Yes. Have other dudes become dickheads in my opinion? Yes. Is this new or novel? No. Why the bloody hell does anyone want to start a hashtag about this shit? slash/ Why does anyone want to start a hashtag period?

          Well, THERES your problem

          1. start a hashtag period

            hhhm, maybe onto something there

          2. Word. I don’t get it either.

        3. Anyone who wasn’t paying attention during Womyn’s Studies class can pull up a chair to Nikki, to be properly spoonfed all the nuance and knowledge she has to impart about this indispensable field of research.

    4. I guess I don’t understand. Is it obligatory to fight to the death to be the biggest asshole on Twitter? If we could just get latest wave feminists and dude-bros to all get together in one place and then nuke that place, I would be happpy. But have people really not figured out that the outrage is just clickbait?

      1. If only we were so lucky that the Twits would fight to the death.

        1. And not just Upper Class Twits.

          1. “Oliver St. John-Mollusc has run himself over!”

  4. Why do we need Hillary Care 2.0? We have Pelosi/Reed Care. It’s perfect. It has a website AND EVERYTHING!!!

    Man, this is gonna be a loser for her…

    1. From the article:
      Under the Democratic presidential candidate’s proposal, patients would be able to visit the doctor three times a year without having to meet their deductible first

      I can already visit my doctor MORE than three times before meeting my deductible. This is the first sentence in the article and it already doesn’t make sense.

      1. This is the first sentence in the article and it already doesn’t make sense.

        #WINNING right out the gate! #GoHillary!

        1. Just you wait for Hillary Care 3.0. That’ll fix it. She’ll be hitting the Reset button any moment now.

    2. “With deductibles rising so much faster than incomes, we must act to reduce the out-of-pocket costs families face.

      Gee. I wonder why deductibles are skyrocketing. Hmm.

  5. …with Hillary Clinton now nabbing just a third of her party’s support.

    The Clinton Machine has really been disappointing since Bill left office.

    1. You can put lipstick on Hillary, but it’s still a pig

    1. In other discoveries, dropped objects fall.

      1. Research shows that men are most attracted to women in their early 20s – no matter how old they get

        “This just in: water still wet. Details at 11.”

    2. I’ve found 27 to be the perfect age for a woman. They’re more mature and less prone to play the games that the younger women do, but they still have that youthful vitality. But it’s all downhill from there.

      1. I met my wife when she had just turned 26 and we married a year and a half later. You’re right, she peaked about wedding day at age 27, and it’s been a double-black-diamond downhill ever since.

        1. Sorry to hear that. My GF just turned 28, so everything’s good. For now…

    3. “I keep getting older, and they stay the same age.”

      1. I got so many OKcupid messages from old guys that I stated “noone over 30” on my profile. After that I still got messages. Normal ones and angry ones telling me that at (then) 22 I was too old anyways. Okay.

        u mad, bro sis potential date?

    4. faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, and more money

      1. faster women, older money, younger horses, and more whiskey

  6. Wait, is the picture apropos of the first item or the second?

    1. I’m going to go with “Yes”.

  7. Obese to Wear Waist Sensors for Federal Study

    The National Science Foundation (NSF) is spending $1.7 million to monitor how and what obese families eat, tracking their eating via sensors they wear on their waists.

    OK, I’ll, um, bite. How does a waist sensor monitor what you eat?

    1. If it falls off without breaking the band, you’re eating the right amount.

      1. “WARNING: THIS SENSOR BELT IS SUPPOSED TO BUCKLE, NOT YOUR CHAIR”

    2. “My acoustic sensor indicates you ate beans a while ago.”

      1. “Just rub any food against a piece of paper.
        If the paper turns clear, it’s your window to weight gain.”

    3. Because we can’t trust the people in the study to just write down what they eat?

      1. Oh, and I read the article. They’re not tracking what people are eating, but where, when and with whom they are eating.

      2. Writing down what you eat creates a barrier to eating. Instead of just grabbing the chips they have to think about how they are about to eat chips. That has the potential to change their eating habits while participating in the study and thus not giving a true image of how the obese eat.

        Also, yeah, some people lie. They don’t write down that extra slice of cake, because it was only for a birthday party and they don’t want the researchers judging them.

    4. Why not have a waste sensor on our obese govt?

      1. This topic was pitched right into your wheelhouse, eh?

    5. Some of those fucking fatties might even eat the sensors.

    1. …Denmark’s existing solomor seem content with their lot ? and most haven’t given up hope of ditching their solo status, either. Rehlsdorph is currently dating and Fjord says: “I’d still love to meet someone and give my little girl a dad beta bucks. For me, a father is beta bucks so much more than a blob of sperm. A father beta bucks is someone who makes the lunch boxes, says, ‘Good morning,’ and kisses good night. He’s the one who is always there for the child during its upbringing. I just haven’t met him yet.”

      1. What makes you think she needs his money? She’s a professional working woman.

        1. She’s a professional working woman paying 100% of one or more kid’s bills, and some of the taxes necessary for the “social safety net”. If she doesn’t need his money, it is only because govt has taxed him enough for said safety net.

      2. “I’m happy to settle down with a man / woman, s/he just has to be x, y, z, and 30 other things.”

        I knew a lot of people who carried this with them deep into their 30s. Now they’ve all rounded 40 and they’re panicking. Just date someone you click with.

        1. If you read between the lines in the article, one can reasonably conclude that the pervasive welfare state, lengthy maternity leave allowances and education subsidies have allowed men to opt out of fatherhood/marriage/long term relationships.

        2. ^This.

          I know women who have standards that have nothing whatsoever to do with creating and maintaining a successful, happy relationship.

          Ex. – 5 ft tall woman who will only date men over 6 ft tall. She is 42 and still single.

      3. “I’d always dreamed of having three or four kids but the man I was in a relationship with in my 30s wasn’t ready. I met other men who mostly seemed to be interested in their careers ? or their PlayStations ? so I began to lose faith. I wasn’t anti men: I adore men! I just couldn’t find one who wanted kids.

        Hmmmmm….

        This article brings more questions up about men’s behavior than it does about women.

        Women want relationships, women want children… (film at 11).

        Men not interested…

        1. In raising other men’s children. For the first time in human history.

    2. More and more women in the country are deciding to start families using donor sperm, rather than waiting for the right man to come

      Heh.

      1. Are we still not doing phrasing? Because… phrasing.

    3. I’m gonna guess there is also a generous subsidy.

    4. But becoming a solo parent isn’t in most women’s game plan. According to a study by Copenhagen’s University hospital, 90% of women surveyed in the country’s nine public fertility clinics wanted to have a child with a male partner. “The majority say that becoming a solomor was Plan B,”

      Hmmmmmmm….

      “Two thirds had been in a relationship and wanted to become pregnant but their partners weren’t ready.” The average age of couples seeking help for fertility problems in Denmark is 33, and the average age of single women is 36. “In other words,” says Schmidt, “women are waiting it out, and when it becomes clear that there isn’t going to be a man in the picture, they’re taking action themselves.”

      Hmmmmm…..

    5. But it’s not just Scandinavian liberalism behind Denmark’s solomor statistics. Danes are also delaying adulthood, according to researchers. “Society now decrees that you can still be a teenager in your 20s and many Danes study until they’re 30,” says Erb. “Then you need to invest a few years in your career and before you know it, you’re 35. For years, politicians told young people: ‘Put your studies first and then start a family.’ But it’s getting too late for many women.”

      Boy, there’s a lot to read between the lines here.

      1. Of course, in Denmark it isn’t euphemistically called “liberalism”, but rather the proper term: Socialism

        Liberalism is something completely different there.

        Delaying adulthood is really the crux of all of this. Danes are children their entire lives, society in loco parentis.

    6. “These women appear to do an amazing job but the situation isn’t sustainable. Denmark’s birth rate is just 1.9 ? it should be 2.1 ? so we need to educate men that if they want children, they need to get on with it while their partner still has time.” Work is underway, with Denmark’s minister for education and the minister for health launching a programme to teach high school students about fertility problems.

      I wonder why that birthrate “needs” to be 2.1?

      1. Probably the minimum for population replacement, which is necessary for a social safety net. Otherwise you will have too many old people for the ones in their productive years to support.

        1. *ding*ding*ding*

          The pyramid scheme of 52 weeks maternity leave and endless college kind of withers on the vine if you don’t, you know, have a pyramid.

      2. Just import people. As a bonus, once the imports reach a critical mass, feminism will terminated with extreme prejudice, and any remaining native Danish women won’t have to worry about waiting too long to have children or finding a partner, because one will be provided for them, and there will be substantial incentives not to have children out of wedlock, like not being stoned to death.

        1. I am positive that there is a very large contingent of …oh, say … Syrian men … that would love to be “imported” into Denmark.

  8. The worst article ever posted at Jezebel:

    Fall Is the Worst Season

    Fall is the year’s Sunday, cheerful industriousness that flips imperceptibly into terror, buoyed by the pitch-black gurgle of never having enough time. Fall is seasonal twilight, the kind where the air drops 20 degrees when the sun disappears behind the buildings and you look around, suddenly detached from your body, having lost track of your desires. Fall is the season of requirement, when your brain turns on again and you are opening envelopes and filing papers and remembering you never sent the wedding gifts and you’ve got the sensation of a downhill with the requirement of an uphill and your sock drawer’s an absolute crime zone and you’ve got the taste of iron in your mouth.

    Fall is the worst season.

    I’m not sure what all of that means, except fall is great and fuck winter.

    1. It is definitely the worst article ever posted to Jezebel.

      1. I’m not sure that a bold statement such as this is measurable. Surely there are others that would make the cut. We are talking about Jezebel here, a literal gold mine of shrieking fanaticism.

        1. There are few things more wrong than preferring summer to fall. That’s just reality, dude.

          1. Spelling a meat pie and a nipple cover the same is more wrong.

            1. There is only one true pasty and it is a delicious delicious meat pie.

              1. uhhh…wow…you really ARE the worst. I have no idea how you continue to surprise me. Like when Captain America bets Fury that he can’t be surprised and then the Helicarrier lifts off…like that.

          2. There are several tumblrs devoted to highlighting how terrible the articles are at Jezebel. To say this one is the worst is simply too bold, even for you SINCE YOU ARE THE WORST AND WOULD KNOW.

            This is hilarious though-

            http://nojez.tumblr.com/

            1. You go too far when you attack fall.

          3. I like all seasons equally.

    2. Agile Cyborg moonlights at Jezebel now?

      1. It all makes sense now.

      2. Uh, no. AC’s commentary has a respectable poetic license about it.

        This just sounds off from normal prose because it’s badly written.

        And fuck her. Fall is the absolute greatest season of the year.

    3. Fall is the BEST season.

      Wait – I’m a man. OK, so that’s why it’s the worst season for a Jezebelian #ThinkLikeAJezebel

      1. I guess to be fair to the Jezebees, most of them disagree with her.

        1. And I did get a laugh from the commenter who posted this:

          It’s fall, you know what that means

    4. That’s worse than one of those auto-generated Viagra emails.

    5. What!? Fall is by far the best season. Whatever Jezebel says, believe the opposite.

      1. Depends where you are. In New England autumn was best. In Philly spring was best, there wasn’t much autumn. In Wisconsin summer was best. Here in Scotland spring comes amazingly early so that is great, although it’s early summer that’s the best.

      2. I’m a summah man myself. Though I do like breaking out the light jacket come October.

        1. Can’t stand the heat or sunlight (I’m in So Cal). Autumn is cooler, has longer nights, and pumpkin spice is everywhere.

        2. I love all the seasons, but summer takes the edge for me. Dallas is a bit too summer heavy for me, though. The reason I like summer is because (at least in the midwest, where I grew up) it was hot at the peak of the afternoon, but it would get cool in the evenings and the sun would stay up until 10:30. Here in Dallas it’s just hot all the time and blazing hot during the day.

          1. Summer is always the best because it’s the furthest possible time from winter.

          2. Used to live on lower Greenville in dallas in a huge open loft across the street from a bank. We had no AC for one summer. At three in the morning or so, the bank’s sign would still be showing like 99 or 103. I developed air conditioning induced narcolepsy. Summer sux in Texas unless you work on a springfed river in the hill country.

    6. Fall is the year’s Sunday, cheerful industriousness that flips imperceptibly into terror, buoyed by the pitch-black gurgle of never having enough time.

      Who writes like this?

      1. Overly industrious retards

      2. pitch-black gurgle

        Nice band name.

    7. I’m not a huge fan of fall (really late fall – early fall can be totally awesome), but that is…what the fuck IS that?

    8. Wh…

      Wh…

      What is a “sock drawer”?

      Why would anyone need someone to draw socks?

    9. I went to college pre-yoga pants, so fall was when the girls stopped sunbathing in the quad and started adding to the length and quantity of clothes they wore

    10. All seasons are equally awesome, provided you know how to take advantage of each. Also, it helps if you live somewhere that actually has all four seasons, and no, Roadrepair is not a season.

      1. Houston: Football, Basketball, baseball and summer -although baseball season went all the way to football season this year.

    11. Every single person at Jezebel is mentally ill or emotionally unbalanced. Saying that this is the worst article ever posted at Jezebel really doesn’t make it stand out much.

    12. Two words: Deer Season.

      1. The four seasons are: Hunters season, Plow Guy Season, Mexican Season, and Cop Season. This is determined by the most predominant group standing around eating donuts and drinking coffee at the local mini-mart/gas station.

  9. Edmonton cabbies took off their shirts and demanded pizza at a protest over Uber.

    The cabbies came out in force, 200 men strong. They stormed out of their seats and shut down a council meeting Tuesday. They made council retreat into a behind-the-scenes lounge.

    A few cabbies even took off their shirts in protest to symbolize their fears that council’s actions will impoverish them.

    And a few defamed Mayor Don Iveson and various councillors, alleging council was in the pocket of a giant American company, and that council was glibly ruining the lives of cab drivers.

    1. A few cabbies even took off their shirts in protest

      Finally something good about cab drivers.

    2. Ok, Council, fight back. You have the power, all you have to do is say “taxi medallions become shall-issue $50 licence, you just need a valid driver’s licence and two years of clean record.”

      1. If only Edmonton residents had fought this hard to keep Gretsky.

    3. Did any female cabbies take off their shirts?

      1. Are cabbies of any sex people you are likely to want to see with their shirts off?

          1. I said “likely”.

            Unlikely interests are not covered by my statement.

  10. Hillarycare 2.0is here

    I actually thought this was a joke.

    So with absolutely zero sense of irony, Hillary has found something is amiss in America’s healthcare, and if she’s president, she’ll lower costs and increase access, once and for all?

    1. Yes, the free market has ruined health care in the last 5 years.

  11. Under the Democratic presidential candidate’s proposal, patients would be able to visit the doctor three times a year without having to meet their deductible first.

    But the co-payments go up, right? RIGHT?!

  12. So. It goes something like this. A guy in my pool writes a humorous thing about Jagr that involves a ‘what would you do if it was your daughter’ angle. No one cares except some chooch who makes an issue speaking on behalf of those who have daughters. Kicker he doesn’t have any. I call him out on his SJW bull shit; which is not the fist time. He once went off – with lies I might add – on the use of the word ‘retard’. Charges I’d be the type of guy who would shut down speech on campuses.

    This is what we’re up against folks. I have no idea how to deal with the jerk off. The utter lack of self-awareness is frightening.

      1. Tell him the retard joke more slowly next time, so he doesn’t feel left out.

        1. *applause*

    1. If someone’s noting what a pussy Jaromir Jagr is, it’s all good.

    2. I have no idea how to deal with the jerk off

      Since he’s already in your pool, hold his head underwater until he drowns or recants.

    3. I have no idea how to deal with the jerk off.

      “You’re an idiot. Nobody cares what you think. Shut up already.”

      1. “Everything you say is wrong.
        Everything you believe is wrong.
        You are not fit for rational discourse.”

    4. The best way to deal with those people is by mocking them. Don’t engage them and don’t try to reason them. Laugh at them.

      Also, that Jagr story was fantastic.

      1. I tried the humor angle and he responded with the ‘puerile’ angle. I tried to reason with him and he went all ad hominen.

        Literally no way to handle it because he then engages in circular sophistry.

        Which is where he began this insane line of logic about campuses. Luckily, a few guys in the pool know he’s nuts and actually love my sick humor.

        So I did call him a retarded asshole.

        I’m not perfect.

        1. Oh but we think you are, especially for calling him a retarded asshole.

    5. I call him out on his SJW bull shit; which is not the fist time.

      Fist!

    6. Be upset with yourself for raising the type of person who would sleep with someone for the purpose of blackmailing them?

  13. Police raid on suspected Eaton Place burglars was like ‘James Bond’

    Four men are in custody after armed police launched a pre-planned operation to thwart an alleged burglary in one of London’s most exclusive streets

    Good to see the “cops posing as construction workers”, that is in every second movie, actually works in real life sometimes.

  14. The Department of Education said there’s no evidence Princeton University discriminates against Asian and Asian-American applicants.

    The Princeton admissions office said their railroad studies program is always open to their yellower applicants. The curve is safe there.

    1. If Asians can’t be a victim group on America’s university campuses, who can?

      1. The discrimination isn’t against any particular ethnicity. The discrimination is against the highest performers.

    2. Up in Canada now, they’re blasting tunnel

      under $1 a foot, all done with a pigtail.

      They’ve got some new explosives there.

      Fantastic stuff.

      They give it to Johnny Chinaman…

      send him in,

      down comes tons of rock…

      and one dead Chinaman.

      You, sir. Do you know what the fine is

      for killing a Chinaman?

      $ maximum.

      The inspector is working for the company.

      Four times out of five it’s an accident.

      You could do this here with your own zinc.

      All you’ve got to do is give the bugger

      a box of this stuff…

      put him down the hole,

      up to the rock face…

      and there’s your zinc.

      Sixty-five cents a ton.

    3. IANAL but I don’t see how these Universities avoid getting their asses handed to them in the courts some day. The statistical evidence is just too damning.

  15. Premiums for work-based health insurance have risen 24% since 2010, and deductibles have soared 67%, according to the 2015 Kaiser Family Foundation/HRET study. Both are rising much faster than wages, which are up 10%, and inflation, up 9% during the same time period. Now, nearly half of workers have to shell out $1,000 in deductibles before their insurance even kicks in. That’s up from 10% in 2006.

    SHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKEEEEE!

    1. 8% of statistics are bullshit.

      Wait, ALL BUT 8% of statistics are bullshit.

      At least where Shriek is concerned.

    2. Kaiser can suck my hemorrhoids as they were lobbying hard for O’Care

      1. A video made by Kaiser was the “fair and balanced” video we watched in one of my nursing courses to explain the ACA.

        It’s not the most bias propaganda I’ve ever seen or read, but it was in no way neutral as the narrator said it would be.

      2. So did the Hospital I worked at.

    3. That’s the market at work. Medical advancements are a bitch!

      Think that about covers it. Also, Iraq war.

  16. As part of her plan to keep drug costs down, Clinton said Tuesday she’d limit consumers’ monthly spending on medicines to $250.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    1. “Sorry, Mrs. Perkins. You’ve reached your limit. No more meds until next month.”

    2. Well, for one, those kulaks and wreckers could hoard all those drugs they don’t want to sell for $250! Bloodsuckers!

      1. Nothing that a swift action by Proper Authorities can’t resolve. Flypaper tactics – wait for kulaks to hoard up, descend upon them and distribute the contraband to the Deserving.

        1. The first time I read about the treatment of the kulaks was at the tail end of The Gulag Archipelago. Terrifying stuff. And I felt at least a little relieved that the prospect of it ever happening here was fairly slim.

          But that was then.

    3. she’d limit consumers’ monthly spending on medicines to $250.

      How?

      1. Penaltax?

      2. A complex arrangement of tax credits and penalties?

      3. Buying them in Mexico?

      4. Death panels.

    4. Clinton’s twitter account literally said something like “Hillary’s plan will cap drug spending at $250/month. What will you do with your savings?” And I just thought, Jesus Christ, how cynical can you get? She’s very literally selling her plan by going “MONEY! LOOK AT ALL THE MONEY YOU’LL GET! YAY MUNNEES!”

    5. “We never expected that insurance rates would go up so far to pay for this! Those greedy insurance companies, we need more regulation!”

    1. Jesus FUCKING Christ on a cracker, why did I click on that and START READING?? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

      1. why did I click on that

        Oh, c’mon, you know why: “We are trapped on slut island . . . .”

      2. Because every once in a while, you just have to remind yourself of exactly how sick some people are.

        1. RC was right….I’m such a man……

          *hangs head in shame*

      3. So, does it have any pictures of Slut Island?

    2. Slut Island sounds like a location for Sugarfree Slick Willie novella! (look into the Biden thread for reference).

      And everyone, listen to Almanian. I didn’t and my brain is now locked up. Back shortly after some Rimsky-Korsakov to unfreeze it.

  17. Vice President Joe Biden is beating Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (25 to 24 percent) in a new poll on Democratic presidential candidates

    And with that, Bernie is done.

    1. I was hoping Bernie would win, so our journey to the dark side would finally be complete.

      Now we’re just sort of stuck in no-man’s land.

      1. For God’s sake – keep your head down.

        I don’t want you to end up like Richard Thomas in the remake of “All Quiet on the Western Front”

        1. Was that the version where they had the front of a bunker in view, and you heard
          “Good-night, John-Boy.”
          “Good-night, Kaiser Wilhelm.”

      2. Now we’re just sort of stuck in no-man’s land.

        But potentially with lots of Camaros and mullets

        1. Sooooo…..TOTALLY AWESOME No Man’s Land!

    2. And with that, Bernie is done.

      Are you saying *dons sunglasses* he Berned out

  18. Good lord ENB. Are you stupid? Or are the editors so lazy that you can’t properly write who is taking what action on the monkey peta suit.

    Peta is suing the photographer and the company that published the photo…in federal court.

    The Feds aren’t suing anyone

    1. A little late to the party I see…

      1. Here I just get to the bottom of the links and you guys are posting new s**t at the top.

        I give up, I’m off to do dishes.

    2. I see it now.

    3. This guy may be a stupid a-hole, ENB, but he’s right that PETA is suing.

      1. Yup I’m an asshole because reason can’t do the reading / proof writing of a 9 year old

        1. No, you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.

          1. ^^ what pa said

            1. Everyone is aware of ENB’s intellectual shortcomings. It’s not polite to keep pointing it out again and again. Just be thankful she wasn’t aborted or hired to bag groceries at your local supermarket.

        2. Its perfectly possible to be right and an asshole at the same time.

          In fact, I find that being right allows me to be an even bigger asshole. You get more of a smug edge that way.

          1. Its perfectly possible to be right and an asshole at the same time.

            Libertarian Credo!

    4. She’s both stupid and a liar. And a bad one at that.

  19. From the Vox article:

    Mississippi isn’t the only southern state enacting criminal justice reforms. Alabama, Georgia, and Texas all have high incarceration rates compared to the national average, but each state has engaged with the JRI in recent years.

    From 2007 data, all those states have among the highest incarceration rates for whites. Only Texas incarcerates blacks and Hispanics more than the national average. I suspect the demographics of the freed prisoners won’t be to the liking of BLM.

  20. Hillarycare 2.0is here

    Phew. Thank god. I thought she might have had a chance at the presidency for a minute there.

  21. with Hillary Clinton now nabbing just a third of her party’s support.

    There was a veritable eruption of relief on twitter earlier this week when yet another poll was showing Secretary Clinton pulling back a dozen points ahead of Senator Sanders.

    “Ah, she’s righted the ship, she’s got this now”

    This Newsweek poll would seem to muddy that narrative.

  22. OT: For you gun nuts I highly recommend one of these: http://www.sigsauer.com/Catalo…..8-sas.aspx

    6 in group at 35 feet. 8.1 grains AA no.7 behind a 125gr Ranier hollow point clocks out 995-1015 fps at the muzzle.

    1. Looks nicely concealable. I’m not a huge fan of .380 now that there are so many 9mm pocket pistols around, but the caliber has its place. Does it fit OK in big hands?

      1. You know what they say about a man who has big hands?

        1. Bigger gloves?

        2. If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit?

      2. It is probably a bit small for large hands. My hands are pretty medium sized and the pistol is a bit small for them. My wife, on the other hand, finds it a nice fit and she is an ace with the thing. Lots of punch for a pocket sized gun.

    2. I want one in Rainbow Titanium!

  23. I think we got pretty close to Peak Shikha today:

    “Apparently, VW had installed a “defeat device” or software that was programmed to curb the smog-producing nitrous oxide emissions of its small diesel cars such as Audis and Passats etc when they were being tested in a lab ? only to belch these ozone-generating gases with abandon on roads.”

    1. Nitrous oxide, huh? That’s a laugh.

      1. What you did there… i see it.

    2. What is your point?

      When a gas or diesel engine operates in a lean condition (excess O2), extra heat is generated and the Nitrogen and Oxygen molecules become excited. That allows these less stable pollutants (NOx) to form.

      NOx and VOCs can react in UV sunlight to form ozone.

      1. Gas engines do run hotter lean, but it’s the opposite for diesel engines.

        1. Not exactly.

          A ‘lean-burn’ diesel can run cooler because it is possible to run them at something like 65:1 and all that extra air acts as a coolant, but a diesel running at near stochiometric (say17:1) runs hot, just like a gas engine.

          The lean-burn engines avoid excess NOx by this cooling, but standard diesels don’t.

      2. NOx is nitrogen oxides, not nitrous oxide.

        I’ve never heard NOx referred to as “ozone-generating gases.” Her blog post is the third hit on google. Normally people just say that NOx leads to smog and acid rain without mention of ozone or nitric acid.

        1. Sorry, the Nitrous Oxide (N2O) point got past me.

          1. On the second thing, “ozone-generating gases” sounds like the gases an ozone factory would use. “belch these ozone-generating gases” sounds like a high school student with a thesaurus and a fuzzy understanding of how to avoid plagiarism. I larfed when I read it. Maybe it’s just me.

    3. I was wondering who was going to tackle the VW story here. So many angles are right in Reason‘s wheelhouse. Shikha is from Detroit so all things auto default to her. She did pretty well.The rest of the staff seems a bit challenged on car stuff.

    4. I was wondering who was going to tackle the VW story here. So many angles are right in Reason‘s wheelhouse. Shikha is from Detroit so all things auto default to her. She did pretty well.The rest of the staff seems a bit challenged on car stuff.

  24. My masculinity may be fragile but my femininity is rock hard.

    1. “… but my femininity is rock hard.”

      Let’s find out, waffles.

      Does the following observation/opinion offend you?: “Women haven’t learned how to separate criticism of femininity as a construct from criticism of them as individual women.”

      I’m asking for my own edification and perhaps the benefit of some of our fellow posters.

      1. I’m not offended personally. But I am offended on behalf of all other women.

        1. Taking offense personally is selfish, not to mention ineffectual, so rock on.

        2. Thanks for responding, waffles.

          I personally don’t get offended by such generalizations either.
          Of the many times I’ve been subject to such overgeneralizations in the past (or been present/part of a dialogue when they’ve been said) I have on occasion suggested that not only are they improvable assumptions, they are aren’t useful to advance the conversation.

          I took an actual tweet from the link provided to us earlier (above in this thread) and changed three words that the young lady who posted the tweet used. Her actual quote was “Men haven’t learned how to separate criticism of masculinity as a construct from criticism of them as individual men.”

          Thanks again,

          Have a great night.

  25. OT: Ran across this music video (two guys in an apartment, really) and was knocked out by what they could do, live. Mike Love doing Permanent Holiday:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU7hZ3smj0g

    It’s long. The middle vocal break is incredible. You’re welcome.

  26. I nominate the following for the Most Condescending Comment Masquerading As Journalism today:

    Like their former communist neighbours, Czechs simply have not been exposed to the kind of immigration from Africa and Asia that has transformed societies, palates and minds further west.

    From a BBC report on how horrible Slavic subhumans aren’t jumping for joy to have themselves generously enriched by Germany’s castoffs.
    The only formerly-communists neighbors Czechs have are Poles, who spent centuries trying very hard not to have their minds and societies transformed by the Asian immigrations (Turks and Tatars), while they did adopt some of their cooking, and Slovaks, who were part of the same country under Communism. If you go from there, you have Hungarians and Ukrainians, who, much like Poles but with less success, experienced their share of transformation already.
    The key quote, which invalidates all the hand-wringing for paragraphs above is at the end, of course

    “These people want to go to Germany. What mechanism will be put in place to keep them here in the Czech Republic?” the Czech interior minister asked recently.

    Which is why the whole thing is pointless Kabuki theater.

    1. “Terrified and close to tears, she told the operator she had just seen what she described as a dark-skinned man [….] He was a chimney sweep, dusted in soot, and carrying his telescopic brushes.”

      Turns out he was just looking for an invitation to the White House.

      1. Speaking of White House invitations, Wunderkind Ahmed Mohamed’s marvelous invention was really a disassembled digital clock stuck in a kid’s pencil box.

        “Ahmed Mohamed didn’t invent his own alarm clock. He didn’t even build a clock.”

        The young inventor’s marvelous creation is dissected here:

        http://blogs.artvoice.com/tech…..ourselves.

        Funny how you can get to be a heroic child genius these days.

        1. Look, that is Old News, Science is Settled, WDATTDIM, etc. The whole thing is a Teachable Moment, and lesson has been taught, so we are done and moving to New Outrage.

    2. I finally read the article.

      Slovakia has so far offered to take in 200 refugees. Preferably Christians, it says.

      Absolutely the response I expected from Slovakia. I lived there for a year. It is a very insular, homogenous, and xenophobic place.

      1. Getting rid of Slovaks was the best idea Czechs had since inventing the Pilsner. Only topped later when they decided to start filming porn in large amounts!

          1. Hungary has mountains?

            I loved the Slovak mountains. The Tatras are awesome. My wife and I considered naming our kid that if she was a girl, but rejected it because the girl would probably be called Tata

            1. Had. There are still on the coat of arms.

      2. Plus, they are a very messy people —
        or wait, is it that their collective name Slavs sounds like Slobs?

        I always get that mixed up.

        1. Hey, there’s a reason “slovenly” is a word….

        2. They are very strict on having “inside” shoes. At the door, you remove your shoes and put on the provided slippers or house shoes. At school, the kids enter the school and go directly to the locker room to put on inside shoes. So that’s pretty clean

          But
          I rode a train in which when I flushed the toilet the flap simply opened onto the train tracks. But I think that is more a result of keeping trains made in the Communist era than the evidence that they are dirty

      3. I have always wanted to go on a castle tour in Slovokia. They have the coolest castles. Like this:
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orava_Castle

        I still want to go.

        I used to know a guy who would go there on vacation every year. He would bring a huge suitcase full of perfume, silk stockings, women’s clothing, jewelry etc.
        If you have to ask why he did that I doubt my explanation will make any sense to you.

        1. No need to explain. I grew up in a country whose access to jeans and records during the Cold War was a very important strategic asset in engaging Hungarian, Czech and Polish populace. Sadly, I was too young to leverage the advantage at the time.

    3. societies, palates and minds

      Funny how it always boils down to food with these people, the most superficial of justifications. That’s how you can tell they’ve never actually lived for any length of time in any of these Vibrant Communities.

      1. Also, as I mentioned, courtesy of the Turks, most of these nations don’t need their palates expanded by the inferior Arab version.

      2. So eastern europe resisted ‘migrations’ of turks for centuries because they wanted to keep their culture pure?

        I think it had more to do with keeping the Turkish yoke off their children’s necks and Turkish swords out of their guts.f

        Modern Europe could take a lesson from that, but no, they want to learn it all over again.

        1. Look, to a BBC reporter, what you just said is complete nonsense – not wanting Turkish yoke is a proof of their horrible racism and untermenschesness, because Turks were soooo much better rulers than local rabble. Plus, cooking! COOKING!

    4. I think we need an exchange program — ship one multiculturalist European (shipping nationalists could potentially result in hate crimes or diplomatic incidents, after all) to somewhere in the middle east, africa, or central asia for each refugee taken in from those lands.

      Cyto tells me that all immigration is a benefit to the host nation, and denying those same benefits to these developing nations while white countries reap all the rewards seems like a sort of new imperialism and is probably also racist.

      1. I suspect if you made Bernie Sanders deal with having to live as a non-elite in Venezuela for about five years, he’d come out of the experience a bigger capitalist than Ayn Rand.

  27. Migrants are disguising themselves as Syrians to enter Europe

    When a reporter switched to the North African dialect, the men laughed nervously. “We are Algerians,” they admitted.

    Hamza, 27, is from Algiers. “I am illegal, not refugee,” he said. “In my country, the only thing you can do there is either drugs or crimes. So I was in prison several times, for drugs, also for trying to kill another guy.”

    1. We totally needs more guys like him in our country. Open your hearts (and wallets) America!

    2. I like Hamza. Totally up front about being an “illegal” violent felon.

      I predict he spends the rest of his life in a crappy Euro project somewhere, cashing welfare checks, doing drugs, and occasionally trying to kill another guy.

    3. also for trying to kill another guy.

      And he’s from Algiersm, now in Europe? You could say he’s… L’Etranger?

      1. Depends if the guy he tried to kill was an Arab.

        1. It was in Algiers, so odds are good that he was!

          1. I’ll bet Robert Smith would know.

    4. Looking at the map.

      “I got Germany! Yay!”
      “I got Latvia – rats.”

      What’s the stop the ones stuck in Latvia from just going to Germany later?

      1. Theoretically, nothing. But they won’t be eligible for benefits, and their refugee claim will be adjudicated in Latvia, so if they leave it will fail.
        In practice, Germany will throw up document controls on Polish border, and turn them around when they try sneaking in.

        1. So the Schengen Agreement goes out the window.

          1. At this point it seems almost a sure thing that this “Migrant Crisis” is going to blow up the entirety of the Schengen Agreement.

            I wonder how big the anti-EU margin’s going to be whenever the UK gets around to having their vote on the process…

          2. Yup. The article I linked above has a map of where the controls are implemented. BBC puts it in almost every article and I swear, every week more and more controls pop up. As more migrants arrive, more and more controls will go up, until the Agreement is dead letter.
            I’m not going to cry if EU implodes, but I’m surprised it wasn’t the shit economy, it was the modern version of Ostrogoth migration. Wait till the migrants figure out the “we’ll stand outside your city until you pay us to move on” tactic.

            1. Yay! More stamps in my passport!

              1. I can’t wait to use DM again.

                1. Oh god, the Solid Currency of my youth! I’d be all over it, and so would every country in the Balkans!

  28. On a drive south of Brisbane yesterday down to Varsity Lakes, and was listening to Triple J on the radio, when their 5pm news and current events show ‘Hack’ came on. They had an interview with David Leyjonhelm about an inquiry he intends to bring to the Ozzy Senate in regards to cutting back the excesses of The Nanny State. It was nice to hear, and the interviewer didn’t even trot out any ridiculous left wing tropes, which was a bit of a surprise.

    Senator Leyjonhelm has a looming battle on his hands, as this piece of prohibition stupidity gains traction in Australia.

    1. That legislation is a dystopian theme just waiting to be written.

    2. I love how they blurred out the eyes on those hoodlum smokers.

  29. Spot the Not: things Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys said or did

    1. Was trapped for a week after becoming trapped when a heap of pizza boxes and porno magazines collapsed on him

    2. Claimed Shortnin’ Bread is the greatest song of all time

    3. Took LSD and then played one note on a piano over and over

    4. Jumped on stage at a nightclub and began singing “Be-Bop-A-Lula” while wearing only slippers and a bathrobe.

    5. Demanded to be pushed into and buried in a grave he dug behind his house

    6. Wandered off alone for several days and was sighted at a gay bar playing piano for drinks; he was later found living as a vagrant in Balboa Park in San Diego

    1. 1 is a story about a man who died that I heard years ago. 1 is not.

    2. 1 has the Dept of Redundancy Dept problem. Edited:

      “Was trapped for a week when a heap of pizza boxes and porno magazines collapsed on him”

      1. Unless he wasn’t trapped and rose triumphantly like a phoenix from the pizza box and porno mag heap

      2. oh nvm, thought you were saying trapped and collapsed were the redundant parts

    3. I’m pretty sure it’s #1. But #1 could have survived if he’d made a game of it by dribbling a nearby basketball for an hour, and then seeing if he could break that record.

    4. 1 — that was Howard Hughes.

    5. 4. That was me last Wednesday.

    6. 1 is the Not. That is based on the Collyer Brothers, the most famous hoarders of all time.

      The brownstone’s foyer was packed solid by a wall of old newspapers, folding beds and chairs, half a sewing machine, boxes, parts of a wine press, and numerous other pieces of junk. A patrolman finally broke in through a window into a second-story bedroom. Behind this window lay, among other things, more packages and newspaper bundles, empty cardboard boxes lashed together with rope, the frame of a baby carriage, a rake, and old umbrellas tied together. After five hours of digging, Homer Collyer’s body was found in an alcove surrounded by filled boxes and newspapers that were piled to the ceiling.

  30. Have we covered the Happy Birthday copyright ruling?

  31. ENB,
    Good links…could have used some alt-text on the monkey selfie like a Trumptard quote or maybe even the Pope of Climatology.

  32. Vice President Joe Biden is beating Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (25 to 24 percent) in a new poll on Democratic presidential candidates, with Hillary Clinton now nabbing just a third of her party’s support.

    So Hilary is nabbing 33%. Beating Sanders and Biden.

    No doubt about it, America has Battered Wife Syndrome.

  33. “Vice President Joe Biden is beating Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (25 to 24 percent) in a new poll on Democratic presidential candidates, with Hillary Clinton now nabbing just a third of her party’s support.”

    Just to be painfully clear, that means Democrats are breaking 49 to 33 against Hillary?

    …and the other 18%, who are presumably undecided, know everything they need to know about Hillary and still can’t bring themselves to commit to her?

    I like Carly’s odds nationally against any one of the three: Biden, Sanders, or Hillary.

    1. I can’t stand Carly’s politics, but it would be hilarious to see her go up against an old white guy (Sanders or Biden, take your pick) while Team Blue falls all over themselves to find an excuse to badmouth her while continuing the “Republican War on Women” narrative.

      1. Only thing more hilarious would be one them going up against Carson!

      2. I can’t stand Sanders politics because he’s a socialist.

        I can’t stand Hillary’s politics because she breaks socialist, she’s incompetent, and she’s a crook.

        I can’t stand Biden’s politics because it’s a continuation of Obama.

        I can’t stand Warren’s politics because she’s a class warrior.

        I disagree with Carly on a number of issues, but I can stand her. I don’t like her foreign policy compared to Rand Paul, but she wouldn’t make a bad President.

        The Democrats all would. I don’t see a single one of them that isn’t generally hostile to libertarianism and/or capitalism.

  34. “Vice takes an in-depth look at prison reform in Mississippi?a state which, were it a country, “would have had the second highest incarceration rate of any nation in the world” two years ago.”

    I was a lot more interested in Vice before they unionized.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08…..izing.html

    Are Mississippi’s prisons unionized? Last I heard, they contracted them out. Is there a unionization push? Are any unions associated with or trying to push unionization of Mississippi’s prisons in any way connected to the union that Vice joined?

    I mean, now that they’re unionized, why wouldn’t we question their objectivity?

  35. In case anyone cares:

    Fuck the pope!!!!

    That is all.

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