Political Correctness

New App for Politically Correcting Your Language

Never again be heteronormative, cissexist, racist, sexist, etc.

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PoliticallyCorrect
sodahead

A new JavaScript tool, Alex, scans your texts, emails, blogposts, and articles before you send them out to alert you to various forms of oppression, including microagressions, that may inadvertently lurk in them. The app makes helpful suggestions for how to edit your texts with the goal of helping you to offend no one.

I put in a couple of my recent Reason articles into the Alex demo to check how unPC I might be. Not so much, as it turns out. The main thing that Alex wanted me to change was the use of the pronoun "he," though in every case I was referring to a specific male person like, say, President Obama and economist David Autor. The suggested change was "they" or "it." Referring to President Obama as "it" somehow doesn't seem right. I also got dinged for the title "chairman" when referring to the head of a committee evaluating technological unemployment in the 1960s. Suggested Alex changes included "chair, chairperson, coordinator." Can you say "anachronism"?

An article over at Bustle argues:

Being politically correct just means being considerate of perspectives other than your own. When we diss political correctness, we're basically dissing people's right to feel respected. Political correctness is not about being condescending or superior; it's about making sure nobody is harmed by damaging language. And I happen to think that someone's right to not be hurt is more important than someone else's right to hurt them.

No one has a "right" not to be hurt by someone else's words. I am all in favor of and try hard to practice the arts of civility and tolerance and strongly urge everyone else to do so. True tolerance and civility are much better than adhering to some rote rules of PC speech that can be implemented by a computer program. Nevertheless, as I have pointed out, "No one has a right to a world in which he is never despised." And while I despise racist, sexist, anti-gay, anti-religious, and other forms of hateful speech, I also insist that "hate speech is free speech."

Let's face it, truly bigoted folks are not going use this new app. On the other hand, those timorous souls who fear that they may run afoul of the ever-changing standards of what is deemed offensive by the self-appointed racial, gender, persons with physical handicaps (just checked with Alex which informed me that "handicapped" may be offensive and made the suggested change in the text) thought police may want to use it.

Hat tip to B Pat.

NEXT: Go Bar Hopping...for the Sake of California's Disabled

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  1. Oh, hell no.

    President Obama as “it”? Wow – RACIST much, Alex? #VastRightWingConspiracy

    1. And – REALLY? – Ronald? CHIMPANZEES to represent the app? And “stifling” themselves, like Edith, the oppressed womyn we all grew to love?

      ALSO RAAAAAAAAAAAACIST. AND SEXXXXXXXXXXXXIST.

      For shame…

      1. Your new handle is microaggressing me. Perhaps try; Almanian – I Hardly Knew Her It

        1. Only xe hairdresser knows for sure…

        2. Is this better? ^^^

          1. Your use of “micro” is triggering to those who are not small.

            1. *slaps Citizen X right in it’s goddamned face*

              1. “it’s” ?? REALLY?

                I can’t even macroaggress right…

                *walks off forlornly*

                1. “Goddamned” is triggering to nontheistic peoples.

                  1. I already walked off!! Forlornly!! I cannnnn’t heeeeeeeeeear youuuuuuuu….

                    1. Whoa. Now you’re mocking paraplegics, depressives, AND the deaf? Is there no end to your infamy?

                  2. It is also triggering to theistic peoples.

                    1. This is how Dylan Roof got started…

                    2. “Started” is triggering to chronic procrastinators.

                    3. “Chronic” is triggering to Dr. Dre.

                    4. Your use of clinical use of the word ‘chronic’ is triggering people who smoke the pots.

      2. At least he didn’t use the word ‘violate’.

  2. Excuse me. I appear to be lost. I was looking for Reason and appear to have stumbled into The Onion. Can you help me?

    1. There’s an app for that….

      1. Heyyy…this app is just the youporn app…thank you.

  3. Most of the comments here at Hit & Run would crush that whiny app. Just try and run a good Agile Cyborg rant though it.

    1. Running Agile Cyborg comments through the app would likely cause your computer to explode.

      1. *drags chair up to TB’s computer, pours whiskey*

        Ok, do it…

        1. Hold mah beer and watch this…

        2. Seriously, staffers. Run some choice H & R commentary through it and post the results.

          1. God, that would be…..funny

      2. Reading Agile Cyborg comments causes my head to explode.

      3. “Norman, coordinate!”

    2. When I was a kid and underage drinking, an acquaintance stole a portable breathalyzer from his dad (a sheriff’s deputy) and brought it to a party. At the beginning we thought it would help us from drinking too much and driving. As soon as we started drinking, though, it became an instrument for us to prove how much more manly of a drinker we were than anyone else. “.14? Fucking pussy! Hand me another shot of that Everclear and watch this”

      I see this tool leading to the same sort of evil. At least we were all pretty much sissy drinkers so we pretty much fell down and puked. I shudder to think of the attempts to out vulgar Sugar Free, Agile Cyborg or STEVE SMITH. Fuck what if Hercules comes back?

  4. True tolerance is not tolerating anything that might possibly offend a tolerant person.

    1. Come now, tolerance means accepting and making the world safe for people who get offended at the slightest provocation.

  5. we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected.

    That could not conceivably be a right.

    And I happen to think that someone’s right to not be hurt

    Not a right.

    is more important than someone else’s right to hurt them.

    Also not a right.

    Did this author bother to think through these concepts at any any point after she it turned six years old?

    1. Well, the right not to be hurt would be real if she meant physically.

      1. But we both know what she’s talking about. And even still, this may be a purely semantic objection, but you don’t have a “right not to be physically hurt”, by say a lightning bolt or gored by a buffalo. Only a right not to be physically hurt by another human’s agency, since rights are a concept that exist solely within the context of human interaction.

        1. Well we will see about that. I am currently suing the national park service and the rangers at Yellowstone.

          I was camping there last year with my extended family and I went down the trail to get some water and my dad kept shouting at me “Bye son! Bye son!” Finally I turned around to tell him I’d be right back and to calm the fuck down. At that point I was gored and trampled by a herd of buffalo that had been running right at me.

          If I win, there will be legal precedent to prove that a citizen has the right to not be gored by a buffalo.

          1. That sounds more like a legal entitlement. But in any case I think it’s fair to assume that those buffalo have qualified immunity like all the other government animals.

      2. When Nick Lachey got married and the fourth-cutest boy in school – for whom she had a very real shot, mind you, totally within his league – didn’t ask her to prom, her pain was real.

        Her struggle continues.

        1. Something something Chicken of the Sea.

          1. *farts*

    2. we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected.

      That could not conceivably be a right.

      It is, and you need to stop othering it.

  6. In terms of clarity of thought, Bustle appears to be a direct competitor to Everyday Feminism.

    1. Dude, I read an Everyday Feminism column this morning and…you’re very wrong about this.

      Just saying.

      1. Nothing touches Everyday Feminism. Their top post is about how evil Taylor Swift is for ‘exemplifying white feminism.’ It’s problematic, yo.

        They seriously throw a fit because Blank Spaces ‘trivializes dating violence.’

        1. I’m pretty traumatized. I can’t really talk about it yet.

          1. Here is an actual quote from an article claiming men should never criticize feminists:

            “Whenever someone responds to my critique of the culture in which we live with what they believe to be a deep conundrum or contradiction, my first thought is, “Wow. You have absolutely no respect for me as an intellectual being.””

            Whenever someone tells me that there are reasons that I am wrong, it shows disrespect for my mind powers. Don’t you dare provide me with evidence that contradicts my positions, shitlord oppressive cis-Hitler.

            1. OHMYGODOHMYGOD

              “You’re Shutting Down a Conversation Instead of Adding to It

              “So, ya know, just to play devil’s advocate here, I want to give you an idea to chew on: Maybe sometimes, instead of inserting your opinion, it’s better to pay attention to the conversation than to add to it redundantly and reductively.”

              Look, we want to have a conversation – you know, one of those conversations where only one side is allowed to talk and anything the other side says is condemned as reductivist.

              1. Check out the part where she thinks “rationalizing” is a good thing. It literally destroyed me.

                1. “Check out the part where she thinks “rationalizing” is a good thing. It literally destroyed me.”

                  Figuratively destroyed you, grammar Nazi. I don’t want to live in a world where you misuse ‘literally,’ Little Ms. Editor.

                  1. By the way, per the app there are no issues with ‘Little Ms. Editor,’ so condescending sexism is totally okay so long as you don’t use certain words.

                    1. “Little Mx. Editor”?

            2. FUCKING A DUDE THAT WAS WHAT I READ EARLIER

              Trigger warnings, how the fuck do they work?

            3. The world must be rearranged for her emotional health. Yes.

            4. I have a hard time putting into words, how utterly and completely ridiculous these people and their arguments are. I’ve been trying to write this comment for like 10 minutes, trying to piece together a concise description of how profound this person’s stupidity really is and I just can’t do it.

              1. I’ve been trying to process it for hours, so I’m not surprised.

              2. “Contemptible” is a good word. Perhaps even “beneath contempt.”

              3. Nonsensical dumbfuckery.

              4. “Now, I’ll be the first to say that I don’t think we should value intellect (and particularly the narrow definition that we allow for it) as a trait (hi, that’s ableist) ? and yes, I know that you devil’s advocates out there want to argue that intellect and its associated innovation is valuable to the propagation of our species ? but I do think that we should respect one another for whichever ways our smarts show up for us.”

                I don’t want to live on this planet anymore

                /Prof. Farnsworth

            5. That is a true internet classic.

            6. Whenever someone responds to my critique of the culture in which we live with what they believe to be a deep conundrum or contradiction, my first thought is, “Wow. You have absolutely no respect for me as an intellectual being.”

              Well, I’m just happy we were able to clear that one up.

              Now, how about you go and make me a sandwich and pour me a whiskey, Sugar.

              1. ^^^^^^

                Thank you.

  7. Referring to President Obama as “it” somehow doesn’t seem right.

    are you sure about that?

    1. Thinking someone is a contemptible asshole and a menace to the economy and personal freedom doesn’t mean you don’t consider them human. Quite the opposite.

  8. Ahem. Bustle likes this app but they’re running a HUGE ABERCROMBIE & FITCH LEADERBOARD??? Sooooo problematic.

    1. The intersectionality chart has a column for stuff that’s really cool and will make peeps jealous.

  9. Being politically correct just means being considerate of perspectives other than your own.

    con?sid?er?ate (k?n-s?d??r-?t) adj. Characterized by careful thought; deliberate.

    I suspect most Reasonoids have thought it out before rejecting other peoples’ BS.

    1. Or other *people’s*.

  10. “Being politically correct just means being considerate of perspectives other than your own. When we diss political correctness, we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected. Political correctness is not about being condescending or superior; it’s about making sure nobody is harmed by damaging language. And I happen to think that someone’s right to not be hurt is more important than someone else’s right to hurt them.”

    Love this argument because it totally neglects to make any sort of judgment call on whether or not it is reasonable for someone to be offended. All that matters is that they’re offended – the rationale behind the offensive is completely irrelevant so it’s totally reasonable for us to completely change our mode of speaking in an Orwellian fashion in order to please people who are clearly mentally ill.

    1. All emotions are valid, Irish. That’s what their social control facilitator therapist told them.

    2. Love this argument because it totally neglects to make any sort of judgment call on whether or not it is reasonable for someone to be offended.

      Actually, it does. If the offended person is a part of a special class, then it is totally reasonable. If they part of an oppressive class, then they have no right to complain if they are offended.

      Lady Social Justice wears no blindfold.

      1. “Lady Social Justice wears no blindfold.”

        Would make a nice bumper sticker.

    3. Of course, objectivity poisons their entire world view. The ethical rules they put forward are purely subjective, i.e. “it’s bad to offend someone”, instead of the objective position that offending someone, in and of itself, an ethically neutral proposition.

      Absolute subjectivity provides the cognitive dissonance blinders necessary to construct such a logically inconsistent and unworkable ideology.

    4. “the rationale behind the offensive is completely irrelevant so it’s totally reasonable for us to completely change our mode of speaking”

      I think you are on to something here. Societies change, use of language changes, all without rhyme or reason. There really is nothing new in that. The irony is that you seem to take offence at the process.

      1. Every time you show up, the collective IQ of the room drops 20 points. Your ability to completely misunderstand the argument being made verges on the supernatural and I’m actually impressed by how dumb your contributions universally are.

        1. “Every time you show up, the collective IQ of the room drops 20 points. ”

          Word of advice: I wouldn’t worry too much about “the collective IQ.” You’ve clearly got issues with your individual IQ.

          Honestly, I don’t know what you conceive the argument to be. That because reason does not cause societal and language change, we should resist it? Shall we try for IQ minus 30?

          1. Some changes ought to be resisted. It’s not as though every conceivable change to culture and language is a good one. Not to mention this isn’t a some ground swell change to come out of broader society in general, these are changes proposed by academics and activists working off of a nebulous and internally inconsistent theory about ethics and justice.

            You seem to have a problem that there exists a person outside of the groupthink who feel that the Orwellian hellscape you support is worth critiquing.

            1. “You seem to have a problem that there exists a person outside of the groupthink who feel that the Orwellian hellscape you support is worth critiquing.”

              Saying chairperson instead of chairman is your idea of hell? Does it make you feel victimized? Sorry but that’s a part of grumpy old manhood that you’ll just have to get used to. Or not. It’s not fair, is it? A person should have the right for society to not go changing on him during his lifetime.

              1. Saying chairperson instead of chairman is your idea of hell?

                Having a legion of grievance mongers policing language and doxing people, harassing them and whatever else because they took offense to something is my idea of hell, yes.

                A person should have the right for society to not go changing on him during his lifetime.

                Right, Kulaks who complained about the changes taking place in their country were just grumpy old men who resist “change in society”. This isn’t some kind of organic change in society. It’s an elitist and academic coup of loud activists who harass and threaten to get their way and spread a rather insidious ideology by intimidation and unethical social interaction.

                1. “Right, Kulaks who complained about the changes taking place in their country”

                  Right, you are just as aggrieved as the Kulaks were. Being forced to say “chairperson.” Congratulations. May you wear the badge of vicitimhood proudly. Lord knows you’ve earned it.

          2. The individual IQ of any person should only be measured as the collective IQ of the group divided by the number of participants.

  11. It also replaces “maiden name” with “birth name”

    Highly fucking problematic. What on earth makes you think that a woman’s name just before she is married for the first time is also the name she was given at birth? Fucking biological-family-normative bullshit.

      1. While somewhat silly, it’s also a serious point: there is not actually a way to communicate without making assumptions that could offend a super-sensitive person. It’s just not.

        1. And why they even want to find this holy grail I’ll never really understand. I mean I know it’s because they’re intellectual and emotion cripples, but I have a really hard time empathizing with stupidity that runs so deep and pure.

          1. I kind of get it. They’re grappling with the suffering inherent in being-in-the-world. They’re just doing a really shitty job of it, and also letting it drive them toward totalitarianism, because they think they can actually make things better.

            I consider it my function to remind them that they can’t.

          2. These people know one thing about individual rights, their individual rights are more important than your individual rights. The right of pre-op transwoman to use a women’s locker room is more important than the rights of the women to not want a man in their locker room. You see, the women are just being dirty bigots.

          3. And why they even want to find this holy grail I’ll never really understand.

            Because they’re not really after not being offended. Do you think for a minute that the people over at Bustle give a tinker’s damn about offending a white, heterosexual, male? It’s about power. Period Full stop. The traffickers in this want to be able to make others walk on eggshells or have an offense to “damn” them with for which they must beg absolution.

            1. White heterosexual males created the society and civilization that was so tolerant and fruitful that it allows gays, browns, blacks, womyns, trannies, three-legged pirate hookers and even these SJW mental cripples to prosper like no where else in the world or in all of history. White heterosexual male dominated societies have been tolerant to a self-destructive fault. Those aforementioned groups would mostly whither away and die due to the lack of past, present and future contributions to their well-being by white heterosexual males, perhaps one day they’ll get their wish.

        2. Meh. I have no interest in communicating with such stupid, hypersensitive people anyway.

    1. little girl name

    2. In school, I always got trouble for my word choice. Instructors would either say oh man this word is too uncommon or difficult, use a simpler one instead, or else, this word has some connotation or other, use this other that don’t. Sometimes in casual writer there was some merit, though the fact that zero weight was put to the precision of meaning vitiated the dickens out of everything. However, this continued to be the case even in writing advanced technical papers, where replacing one word or expression with another that has a slightly different meaning is a big fucking problem. Didn’t bother the instructors, who insisted it’s more important that more people can more easily follow what I am saying even if that’s not what I actually meant to say than that anybody actually be follow what I meant to say.

  12. In the words of the verbose and acerbic Stephen Fry: “It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what.”

  13. “When we diss political correctness, we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected.”

    Yup. With great enthusiasm.

    1. “Right to be respected”

      No. Respect is earned, by your actions. Nobody respects babies. Why should they? Babies haven’t done anything yet to earn respect.

      1. My 5 month old is an upstanding citizen in his community with high moral integrity. But then he shits his pants and I just lose all respect. Good point.

  14. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words are what really hurts me!

  15. They’re going to have to make this app open-source, because what happens when the “correct” terminology changes and the app no longer recommends the latest euphemism?

    The comment boards for the development threads would also make for interesting entertainment.
    Why gets to decide what goes into the app?
    What happens when the app splits into two competing versions championed by different camps of oppressed people?

    1. I want the fork that does the opposite of its current intent! That would be fun.

      1. I’ll contribute. All instances of “womyn” need to be replaced with “sugartits”.

  16. When we diss political correctness, we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected.

    Sheesh, go ahead and *feel* respected, then.

    1. Not sure what’s more discreditable, defending knee-jerk political correctness, alleging a “right” to respect, or actually using the term “diss”.

  17. Tried a class assignment from last term:

    men may be insensitive, use people, persons, folks instead

    his may be insensitive, use their, theirs, them instead

    men may be insensitive, use people, persons, folks instead

    Yeah, no thanks.

    1. Did you have to type it into your tablet 100 times without using any word processing?

      1. That would be a terrific addition to the app: digital penance for offenders.

    2. his may be insensitive, use their, theirs, them instead

      Singular/plural agreement be damned, eh?

      1. It’s become so rampant I’ve reverted to just using his in protest. I didn’t even mind the clunky “his or her workaround, but this they/their/they’re/them business is a bridge to far. Sorry our gender-neutral terminology is so woefully underdeveloped and frankly insulting when directed toward humans, cupcake, but his will have to suffice for aesthetics and convenience.

      2. That was my first thought. Time to completely re-engineer grammar conventions to avoid offending someone, somewhere.

  18. I’m getting that app so I know to do the exact opposite.

  19. Is there an app that takes neutered PC text and converts it to racist rapey vernacular? Because that would help Salon and HuffPo increase its readership.

  20. If weren’t for date rape, I’d never get laid. And you cis shit lords probably assume I’m the aggressor.

    1. Ahem. That’s, “If it wasn’t for date rape, I’d never get laid.”

      1. Is it correct to say, “was it not for date rape” or “were it not for date rape?”

        1. I wasn’t correcting based on English, but based on the lyric.

          1. He didn’t know it was a song, he was just stating a fact.

            1. I was quoting “Rocket man” unplugged. Get out of my mind space.

          2. I guess I’m not familiar with that song.

            1. It’s titled “Date Rape” in case you were curious.

    2. Hilarious, the only term flagged is

      lords may be insensitive, use officials, masters, chiefs, rulers instead

      Apparently “date rape,” “aggressor,” and “laid” are inoffensive terms.

      1. master and ruler are preferable terms to lord. that is one useless app.

        1. ‘Lord’ is not gender-neutral – that seems to be the main criterion.

          1. Shouldn’t it be *made* gender-neutral, like actor and steward and waiter are becoming?

            1. I stand corrected, apparently they gave up on neutralizing gendered terms:

              actor may be insensitive, use performer, star, artist instead

              steward may be insensitive, use flight attendant instead

              waiter may be insensitive, use server instead

              Memory-hole it!

              1. Now you’re getting it. By using only gender-neutral terms you are preventing from even being able to form the heretical thought that there might be some difference between ‘males’ and ‘females’.

              2. steward may be insensitive, use flight attendant instead

                Heh. Considering a steward was a role created for boats, I don’t think flight attendant is quite correct, unless you want to reference the ship’s flight attendant.

                1. +1 Gopher

      2. I didn’t RTFA. As always, I’m pissed while everyone is sober.

      3. It it weren’t for date rape, I’d never get laid. And you cis shit maters probably assume I’m the aggressor.

        Perfect.

      4. Wait…is Shitlord problematic? Because that would be problematic.

        Which would lead to some kind of paradox….a problemception, if you will.

  21. Wait, women who refuse to have sex with me are still bitches, right? Or are they sluts? Slutty bitches? I guess what I am asking is, when I proposition a woman and she turns me down, what insult do I indignantly yell at her?

    1. Ask her if she likes chicken. She says yes, yank your pants down and tell her, “Try this, it’s fowl.”

    2. women may be insensitive, use people, persons, folks instead
      woman may be insensitive, use person, friend, pal, folk, individual instead
      she may be insensitive, use they, it instead
      her may be insensitive, use their, theirs, them instead

      Okay, I want a Chrome addon that adds parenthesized alternatives next to or under posts.

      1. I’m not your pal, folk!

        1. I’m not your folk, person!

        2. Isn’t it beautifully patronizing? We can’t refer to your gender because you might identify as something else, and rather than prevailing on your good faith in writing off any such inadvertent slip as being unconscious but not malicious, we’ll assume you haven’t got the mental tenacity or the breeding to take it in stride and instead you can have “pal.”

    3. You could accuse her of erectile dysfunction and call your best friends to sob about the whole thing over a cocktail.

      1. I like it, but I am not richer and therefore cannot afford cocktails.

        1. Seagrams works just as well if one finds themselves a member of the lower bracket of social classes. 4 pints of the sweet and fizzy for 4 dollars, American. Tears not included.

    4. Just put on your hat, grab your “stuff” and learn

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Di_dqMWsp8

    5. when I proposition a woman and she turns me down, what insult do I indignantly yell at her?

      I’m pretty sure the corect answer is “bull-dyke.”

  22. *Trys it out on H&R comments.*

    * 20 Minutes later*

    HEADLINE NEWS! Amazaon EC2 Caught fire today killing thousands! Women and minorities hardest hit!

  23. No one has a “right” not to be hurt by someone else’s words.

    Well. Now you’ve done it.

  24. Well, use of this app will make it easier to split the retards.

    1. and quantify their likely contamination of the gene pool. NOTE: the previous comment is likely to be politically incorrect. If this offends anyone, they should immediately go outside and play “Hide and Go Fuck Yourself”. Oops, I did it again.
      I guess political correctness is a concept I am unable to adopt.

  25. “Wow. You have absolutely no respect for me as an intellectual being.”

    Well, there’s no point denying that. Ya got me, Sheriff.
    *throws down guns*

    1. Wow. You have absolutely no respect for me as an intellectual being.

      Do something intellectual that commands respect, and maybe I will.

  26. I am all in favor of and try hard to practice the arts of civility and tolerance and strongly urge everyone else to do so.

    Not me. Fuck that. And in that spirit. Fuck you Sugarfree, fuck you Warty, fuck you John, fuck you Sarcasmic, fuck you Nikki…you are the worst, fuck you Hugh, Fuck you Crusty, Fuck you J Sub D….oh wait, he is fucked, Fuck you…….

    1. What, no love?

      I haz a sad…

      *runs off crying*

      1. You’re among those who shall remain unfucked.

        1. Well, fuck me

        2. Warty knows his name. Ergo, impossible.

      2. Fine! Fuck you, too. I would have told Florida man to fuck off but he was apparently too busy at a Burger King.

  27. The whole PC thing is Orwellian newspeak. It’s the belief that if you strip away a person’s ability to use a word they won’t be able to think in an inappropriate way. Given the ever changing PC words that is demonstrably false.
    It’s almost a tribal use of taboo words. Don’t say the words and the evil spirts of isms won’t get you.

    1. It’s the belief that if you strip away a person’s ability to use a word they won’t be able to think in an inappropriate way.

      Naw, PC is just bossiness masquerading as concern for others.

    2. evil spirts of isms

      Nice John-o

      1. I’ve call that an RCz Law qualifier-

  28. These apps are nothing new. I recall back in the 90s reading a newspaper article on a financial story, and a particular fund or some such was “in the black” but the article read “in the African American”.

    1. That’s clbuttic.

    2. Person of Color, please

      1. For those who take great pride in, and principally identify themselves by, their race, they have no reason to bellyache when others employ words that the PC police would brand as racist.

        Thus, if V-Dare Daryl views the world through the prism of his whiteness and principally identifies himself as Caucasian and constantly chirps that blacks cause all the problems, he can not be heard to complain if another calls him a cracker.

        Likewise, if Barack views the world through the prism of his blackness and principally identifies himself as a negro and goes out of his way to play the race card and exhorts other blacks to whine for more welfare and special treatment because of their black skin, he can not be heard to complain if another calls him a nigra.

      2. I was watching Goode Family on Netflix (or was it hulu?) and the wife and husband were having an argument about the proper term for a black guy.

        She said, “Person of color? That can’t be right, that’s just colored people in reverse!”

        Much lulz.

    3. Zach Galfinakis = “I got real drunk last night and African-Americaned Out.”.

  29. I ran three of my recent “stories” through the online demo. It only flagged the gendered pronouns, which we already being used correctly.

    1. So give us a sample then?

        1. After reading that I want to kill myself by going back in time and marrying my wife again.

          1. To stare into the meatus of the Ouropenis, you have to be a dick. That?s SugarFree.

        2. Oh, hey, it’s been a while since I been to your site. Look like I got some catching up to do.

          *Swallow some anti-nauseant*

          Geronimoooooooooo……

    2. Yeah, this thing is pretty worthless. I would pay for an app that maintained a database of verboten terms, for the lulz.

    3. “stories”

      Stories huh? I think in respectable circles they are called “crime scenes.”

      1. Really makes you reconsider that whole “freedom of expression” thing, doesn’t it.

  30. To me being respectful is giving everyone shit regardless of who they are. Treating some people like toddlers is condescending even if they want you to.

    1. No shit. I once got a three day suspension from another site for telling someone to not get their panties in a bunch. Of class, not long after that I got permabanned because I couldn’t stop lowering my language to that of a five year old.

      1. Couldn’t *not stop.

        I refused to kowtow to their delicate sensibilities. Whatever.

    2. !This! Apparently you grew up with Don Rickles too.

  31. When we diss political correctness, we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected. Political correctness is not about being condescending or superior; it’s about making sure nobody is harmed by damaging language.

    No, asshole.

    When you and I mutually reach an arrangement regarding terms of address, or mutually choose to ascribe to the same convention, that is respect.

    When you assign yourself the responsibility of policing the terms that I use, and haughtily lecture me about the latest fucking iteration of the new terms you made up in your secret pinko asshole meeting last fucking week, that’s domination. If I knuckle under to you, that’s slavishness and obsequiousness.

    1. When we diss political correctness, we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected insane presumption that being easily-offended is sign a superior virtue

      FTFY

  32. Anytime you go upside a man’s head, or a woman’s, then they have a tendency to blink.

  33. When we diss political correctness, we’re basically dissing people’s right to feel respected. Political correctness is not about being condescending or superior; it’s about making sure nobody is harmed by damaging language.

    diss? Isn’t that cultural appropriation?

    1. Change just one letter and we have brilliance! Inserting the word “piss” instead of the word “diss,” as well as the word “charmed” instead of “harmed,” will help add to the author’s non-obvious attempts at satirizing the PC crowds. I give “zem” 5 Savvy out of 5, nested unpacked wisdom.

    2. We bitch and we fight
      Diss each other on sight

      I was giving the last Pink Floyd album a C- until I heard these words on the last track. Then I rolled my eyes and gave it an F.

  34. Nobody is as constantly butthurt over this issue than those who demand the right to use outdated or outright bigoted language and not be called on it.

    That said, I don’t know why basic manners doesn’t take care of this on both sides. It’s rude to call people by names or terms other than what they choose for themselves. It’s also rude to lecture other people about their poor manners, or especially their simple mistakes.

    1. Indeed, it’s pretty retarded.

    2. When you start calling yourself a bag of rotten principles, I’ll start following your advise.

    3. It’s also rude to lecture other people about their poor manners

      Especially when you are lecturing others on their poor manners.

  35. So I am handicapped and I don’t find handicapped to be fucking offensive

    What I do find to be fucking offensive is fucking white knights assuming for me what I would find offensive. Fuck You

  36. The “gender neutral pronoun” (“they”, “it”, etc.) line is one that I still consider unlikely to find conversational acceptance, based on my own interactions with lefty-types — They really only make much of an effort at it in official correspondence or in interactions with the various Trans-types actually pressing the issue.

    I do what I can to hold back the tide. At a recent event I was asked to introduce myself and state my “preferred pronoun”. I told them “he”, but explained that I thought pronouns should be at the discretion of the user. I’m not sure how many understood my meaning, but nobody commented on it.

    When I’m addressing a person directly, I’m generally respectful of their wishes in the interest of civility. Pronouns are generally used when I’m referencing that person when I’m addressing others, and in that case I’m inclined to use whatever pronoun makes my meaning clearest — “gender”-wise, that means describing them however I perceive them.

    1. Oh yeah cause fucking civility has done so much for the spiritual advancement of men since forever.

  37. Isn’t “Alex” that dude who got the Ludovico Treatment and now can’t listen to Beethoven without suffering intense nausea?

  38. Oh, this should be fun…

    I put in one of Shakespeare’s sonnets, and apparently the use of “his” to describe “love” is inappropriate. Apparently, I need to use their, theirs or them instead.

    So here goes:

    It is the star to every wandering bark,
    Whose worth’s unknown, although their height be taken.
    Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
    Within them bending sickle’s compass come;
    Love alters not with their brief hours and weeks,
    But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

    1. Ooh, look what happens when you put the Rime of the Ancient Mariner on there!

      Not only is it full of “he’s” and “she’s,” but it says

      “bride” instead of “spouse” (“The spouse hath paced into the hall/Red as a rose is she”),

      “men” instead of “people,” “persons” or “folks”(“Nor shapes of folks nor beasts we ken” – so much for the internal rhyming scheme)

      “Mother” instead of “Parent” (Heaven’s Parent send us grace!)

      Oh, remember when all the ship’s crew except the Mariner become undead? As described in the chilling lines
      The body of my sibling’s son
      Stood by me, knee to knee:
      The body and I pulled at one rope,
      But he said nought to me.

      Strangely, “Still as a slave before his lord/The ocean hath no blast” triggers no warning for the use of “slave” but they recommend replacing “his lord” – “”Still as a slave before their official/The ocean hath no blast”

      And who could forget the great couplet near the end: “This Hermit good lives in that wood
      Which slopes down to the sea.” – they say to replace “slopes” with “asians” (“Which asians down to the sea”).

      1. The Gettysburg Address, short as it is, manages *three* violations (one “fathers” and two “men”)

        1. I put in Frederick Douglass’ Famous Fourth of July speech from 1852, rebuking America for failing to live to to the principles of the Declaration of Independence where black people were concerned.

          http://www.historyisaweapon.co…..july4.html

          Here are some of the problematic parts:

          “Mr. President, Friends and Fellow Citizens” (Fellow may be insensitive, use Person, Friend, Pal, Folk, Individual instead)

          “since Pharaoh and his hosts were drowned in the Red Sea” (hosts may be insensitive, use presenters instead)

          “They were statesmen, patriots and heroes, and for the good they did, and the principles they contended for, I will unite with you to honor their memory.” (heroes may be insensitive, use role-models instead)

          [quoting Scripture] “How can we sing the Lord’s song in a strange land?” (Lord’s may be insensitive, use Officials, Masters, Chiefs, Rulers instead)

          1. “For the present, it is enough to affirm the equal manhood of the Negro race.” (manhood may be insensitive, use adulthood, personhood instead; Negro may be insensitive, use African american, South american, Caribbean person, African, Person of color, Black person instead)

            “Cast one glance, if you please, upon that young mother, whose shoulders are bare to the scorching sun, her briny tears falling on the brow of the babe in her arms….The crack you heard was the sound of the slave-whip; the scream you heard was from the woman you saw with the babe.” (babe may be insensitive, use person, friend, pal, folk, individual instead)

            “You boast of your love of liberty, your superior civilization, and your pure Christianity, while the whole political power of the nation (as embodied in the two great political parties) is solemnly pledged to support and perpetuate the enslavement of three millions of your countrymen.” (countrymen may be insensitive, use country folk instead)

            Oh, and this: slave / master may be insensitive, use replica / primary instead

  39. Triggering intensifies

    1. It would be too much to ask for a warning, I suppose? Because I, for one, become physically nauseous with any talk of “triggering”. Like gag-me-with-a-spoon nauseous. And here you are, like you people always are, just assuming otherwise, assuming that it’s totally okay to Really. Not. Get. It. But you will get it (meaning, get yours) one day when it happens to you, and you literally can’t read a single word without vomiting. That day, I’m going to send you a letter disguised as an unlabeled package of organic savory tea.

  40. On the other hand, those timorous souls who fear that they may run afoul of the ever-changing standards of what is deemed offensive by the self-appointed racial, gender, persons with physical handicaps (just checked with Alex which informed me that “handicapped” may be offensive and made the suggested change in the text) thought police may want to use it.

    IOW retarded ninnies who talk like fags?

    Someone should run some of the comment threads through it. I bet it would explode like Lisa’s grammar robot in that episode of The Simpsons.

    1. No, but it managed to catch some of the really offensive stuff:

      “Ask her if she likes chicken. She says yes, yank your pants down and tell her, “Try this, it’s fowl.””

      The app’s response? “yank may be insensitive, use northerner, american instead”

  41. Putting in the lyrics of the Geto Boyz classic still, I got this recommendation:

    “bitch may be insensitive, use whine, complain, cry instead”

  42. Holy shit, this is the gift that keeps on giving!

    I plugged in Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech.

    Of course they flagged “Negro.”

    There are three uses of the offensive term “brotherhood” – “solid rock of brotherhood,” “beautiful symphony of brotherhood,” and of course

    “I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.”

    In addition to “brotherhood,” there are two uses of “sons,” meaning that there’s three offensive words in one sentence!

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