Nanny of the Month

What's the Deal with Nanny Statists?

Jerry Seinfeld's lemonade stand meets the long arm of the law in the final edition of Nanny of the Month.


It"s been a rough year for the extraordinarily rich and successful comedian and actor Jerry Seinfeld. First, he caught all kinds of flak for calling out college students for overbearing political correctness and last week he was forced to confront the long arm of luxury town law enforcement. 

You can check out the writeup of the final editon of Reason TV"s beloved series, "Nanny of the Month," below:

Well, this is it—after six years, Nanny of the Month is packing it in, but not before one last hurrah!

Growing vegetables, selling Chipotle burritosphotoshopping modelsfeeding the homelesswearing naughty beige yoga pants, and engaging in consensual sex—over the years busybodies have been itching to bust you for all those crimes.

But for the very last episode we head to the Hamptons for a story that highlights why we may be completely and utterly doomed.

Here"s the deal: A cop shut down a lemonade stand. Yeah, we"ve heard that story enough times we almost forget to be outraged, but in this case the lemonade stand was run by Jerry Seinfeld and his son.

In other words, celebrity—the one force that could plausibly be strong enough to overpower our control-freak culture—got squeezed like an overripe eureka in a gorilla cage.

Runs 84 seconds.

Nanny of the Month is written and produced by Ted Balaker (@tedbalaker). Edited by R. Campopiano.

To watch previous episodes, go here.

NEXT: Confidential Informants and a Lack of Accountability

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  1. 911 whats your emergency? Some kid running a lemonade stand. Ok, a car will be right over. One Adam 12 have a guy calling in about a lemonade stand, I’m gonna need you to go kneecap his nosy ass.

  2. 911 whats your emergency? Some kid running a lemonade stand. Ok, a car will be right over. One Adam 12 have a guy calling in about a lemonade stand, I’m gonna need you to go kneecap his nosy ass.

  3. So does this count as a thread about nothing?

    1. Only if someone refused to give you a license for something that should not be licensed. Then ya got nothin, pal. It is the Reason way.

      1. Seinfeld, a show about nothing. A recent legendary mythical deleted thread without headline or content. I’m just too meta for some people.

        1. If something is reposted and all the comments deleted, did they ever make a sound?

          dwell on that.

          1. The man clapping with one hand was masturbating.

            1. What about the woman clapping with no hands?

              1. Don’t mock sexy Saudi Arabian kleptomaniacs. You are better than that, Mike.

        2. Seinfeld was not actually conceived as a show about nothing, but a show about how a stand-up comedian gets his material. The “show about nothing” line comes from the episode where the cast goes out to LA to pitch a TV show idea.

          There’s trouble on the set of Blossom.

          1. Actually the “show about nothing” came about long before they went to LA. It was the episode when they made their first pitch to the TV execs and George kept insisting nothing happens in the show (“What did you do today? I woke up and went to work. That’s a show!”) and then stormed out of the meeting yelling that he wouldn’t compromise his artistic creativity.

            – Seinfeld scholar

            1. fuck, meant artistic integrity.

    2. Seinfeld’s later work (Marriage Ref, Bee Movie) all fell flat on its face. While Larry David — with little name recognition and no face recognition — made another successful comedy show from scratch a few years later. Pretty strong indication of who was the driving force behind Seinfeld’s awesomeness.

      1. LARRY DAVID 2016!

      2. Which is pretty much the case with Seinfeld. Seinfeld himself virtually disappears from the man writing credits – suspiciously coinciding with the show’s increasing popularity. For Seinfeld as a stand-up, I was never struck with the notion that he was particularly “edgy”, anyway.

        1. The beaut of his comedy is a fine edge, not jagged.

      3. Still bitter about your thumbs?

        1. Not as bitter as he is about Susan.

  4. Final edition? Has the nanny state been defeated? I don’t see any pols or bureaucrats hanging from the lampposts on my street.

  5. And, yada yada yada nothing else happened.

  6. An overripe urethra?

  7. I exist solely to be forever intimate with the winds flowing from the four corners.

    1. May your balls be tickled from every vector, astral sailor.

      1. Q, I photocopied the starfish of one of my favorite female buttholes and pasted them in the millions all over super black deepness. When they fall, quincy, they will call gently and tightly on your ak-7incher and the bullets released will fire like a million new parallels and your brain will fell you like a fuckton of blizzard suns.

        1. I painted a moon today. 26 feet diameter. The sketch was twitchy with JPEG artifacts, and assume the twitchiness was intended. So I battled fat pinks against sly greens, and hope distance sorts them out.

          1. Twitch. So presumably the Quinc meanders about his existence to the beating drums of an everyday hum dollar. Or maybe not. Maybe Quince meanders to the beating hearts of stolen souls. Anything isn’t likely and almost is. So this term twitch. The fat pinks and sly greens reads like any good expert mode Terraria gamage. Super sweet shit. Hope distance. Another dark pit calling me. The term twitch literally jumps off the screenage and jams its thorny t’s into my neck. Twitch is the millisecond between living and dying if you were naked and crawling on an African savanna. Twitch is the finger breathing on a trigger missing its target. Twitch can dissect sketchings. Twitchin, Twitchen, witchen, Hitchen. Hitchens. Hitchens my fine brother is also lurking in the Twitch.

          2. Nice try, Quincy, but I don’t think you’ll out-Agile him.

            1. Nope. Won’t happen.

              1. No one out agiles the Agile!

            2. Difference is, I am somewhat soberly and factually describing what I actually did today. I painted fat pinks over sly greens to get a 26 foot moon looking like a twitchy looking sketch. It’s not a drug trip, it’s a day in the life

              1. This, sir, is like body surfing reality, my love.

                1. One day, I ran a thousand black balls through a band saw. I buy glitter by the ten-pound bag. I spill more Lube a week than a naughty sorority uses in a month. Fuck, my hands are purple.

                  #morefactualstatements #nottryingtooneupthecyborg

  8. OT, from an article about how most Britons want to quit the EU:

    […] there is still a significant unfairness ? the huge imbalance in the amounts which the two sides are able to spend.

    A 2000 law places a spending limit on each side, calculated by reference to the number of votes received by each political party supporting either side. Under this perverse Labour legislation, the lead organizations for both the ‘Yes’ campaign and for the ‘No’ campaign will each be entitled to spend ?7million.

    But on top of that the Conservative Party will be entitled to spend another ?7million supporting ‘yes’ and so too will the Labour Party, while the Liberals will be allowed to support the ‘yes’ campaign to the tune of another ?4million.

    1. “Musician and campaigner Sir Bob Geldof has offered to take four Syrian families into his own home.”

      I think I saw that on South Park.

  9. That totals ?25million. But the limit for the ‘out’ campaign will be less than half that, only ?11million: ?7million by the lead body and ?4million by Ukip, the only party officially supporting the ‘no’ campaign.

    The Electoral Commission obviously thinks these huge amounts of money might be spent by the ‘yes’ campaign since it has increased the limits from the amounts laid down in the 2000 legislation.
    Even if the political parties don’t have that money now they could receive money from companies and EU institutions to enable them to spend up to the limits. There can be no doubt in whose favor the rules are weighted.

    The fix is in!

  10. The real question is why people think it’s ok to have one set of rules for adults and another for these children’s lemonade stands. If my business needs a permit, why shouldn’t they? It’s not fair to people who play by the rules. These children don’t even pay taxes! They’re freeloaders!

    1. And they write their E’s backwards, trying to be cute.

      #letterformsmatter #dyslexiaisnotamarketingploy

    2. They also don’t have to abide by health regulations. “Poppy’s been a little sloppy.”

      1. Exactly. Who is protecting the consumer from this unregulated menace? Who? What about kids? What happens if one of these unregulated lemonade stands is set up near a school. Think of the children!

        And they write their E’s backwards, trying to be cute.

        It’s fraud and misleading advertising.

      2. “Breaking news, Don. There appear to be an outbreak of food poisoning here in suburban Dallas. I am trying to approach the epicenter of the outbreak, but the streets are slick with vomit and littered with writhing bodies begging for mercy from a Loving God.” *Inaudible*

  11. The War on Lemonade is stupid and counterproductive, but I don’t see how it is made worse by the fact that the rich and famous are targeted by it. If anything, it’s a sign that the rule of law may still have a finger twitching.

    1. Some of us are working to get rich, hoping it buys us some reprieve from the endless statism.

  12. Can somebody look up the score of the CAL game? I don’t have internet right now (other than this site).

    1. It’s over and the final was 73-14 Cal.

      How do you have access to only one site? Have prisons implemented a one-site per log on policy or something?

      1. That sounds reasonable.

        1. The score or the prison policy?

          Cal was laying Grambling State.

          1. So racist. I almost feel bad.

      2. I just wanted somebody else to type it. Thank you.

        This season is looking good so far. Time to ramp up the drinking.

        1. You know, every lake has at least one snowmobile at the bottom.

          1. Cal’s lake has at least a dozen.

        2. I love taking Cal overs. I’m already lubing up for the Wash State and Oregon games.

  13. So if the fucking law says the fucking lemonade stand should be shut down should the fucking decent cop that refuses said lawful orderings penned by snivel hooches be detained for following his conscience? Scott likes to call prison bars detention so detained it is. I am picking on Scott. I love Scott.

    1. You don’t understand. It was like drawing customers in cars who then like parked their cars. They weren’t parking in legal places like driveways and stuff. No. They were parking like illegally. And the lemonade stand was to blame for all the illegal parking complaints, so it had to be like shut down and stuff. Parking is some serious shit. It’s almost as important as like murder and stuff.

      1. I hate to state this obvious facturd but I think white people are the worst fucking shits ever when it comes to cars. White people in HOA’s don’t like trucks in driveways or boats attached to trucks or anything at all in driveways and it gets worse next to the curbs as the fine god sarcasmic alludes to. I grew up with the motherfucking black people parking in the middle of the goddamn street talking to a stew of brothers or a couple of big sassy mamas with some popsicle munching fuckbabies all strewn about tearing shit up. You horned the horn and hoped some motherfucking black mama wouldn’t rip your head off with her tits and the black dudes would be like oh cool bitch get to Foodtown we understand fo sho we won’t kill yo cracker ass. If you got by in peace life was good.

        1. (Nods head vigorously)

          We’ve all been there, friend.

        2. Funny but the guidos in Brooklyn and Staten Island do the same thing.

  14. Where are we supposed to get our nanny pageantry from now?

    1. The production values on those 1 minute videos have been killing Reason.

      We have an inalienable right to nanny of the month, I say. Reason, tap into your windfall profits and give the commetariat what they need.

      1. Do they use stupid music beds?

      2. I have an idea. Since most of the commentariat here donate to Reason, why don’t we declare a free market sharing program wherein we get a vote on the features of the blog.

        I vote for the following:

        1. Edit feature.

        2. Late Nite Links.

        3. Once a week, free no topic thread.

        Anyone who disagrees is a fucking commie.

        1. I’m OK without an edit feature. You said it, you own it. Plus all the John-o’s make my day.


          1. Edit feature is not for walking back what you said, it’s for correcting quickly written type-os while working or on your cell.

            1. Free Liev or Eid!

    2. Naughty America.

      1. America, love, is as naughty as my pinkie toe. America pretends to be naughty but she’s a goddamn bipolar sad condition, man. She’s tripping on the past while trying to embrace the future while dying in the present.

  15. Have to say that I’m both proud and perplexed by the fact that I have witnessed 3 kids lemonade stands operate in my neighborhood this summer without incident. One just a few days ago, right in front of our house. No swat teams, not even any threatening busybodies. And over the winter, kids were sled riding down the hill across the street to the north of us, without incident or any freaked out busybodies making a fuss, all winter long whenever snow was on the ground.

    I don’t know what’s happening here in the PRM, but I like it.

    1. I’ve seen a couple locally. Like most things it requires a complaint. In Seinfeld’s case some neighbors complained about people parking. I don’t know the details, but that’s why the stand got shut down. Someone called nine-eleven about someone parking in front of their very expensive home in an effort to get to a lemonade stand in front of a different very expensive home. That’s… uncouth. To draw commoners into the neighborhood like that? The police must do something. Do you know what I pay in property taxes each year?

      1. Only time I’ve ever made a fuss about anything like that. About 10 years ago, while living in a home that I still own, just don’t live there now, my neighbors were having this huge multi family garage sale that they have every year. They have this big pole barn that they host it in. I’m on the same side of the road as them and they’re right on the corner of a cross roads. My property front on that road is about 600-700 ft. Every year during that sale I would come home to people parked in my yard all the way down my property. This particular time, they were parked right in front of my front gate and there was no way I could get in.

        But instead of being a freaked out dickweed, I just walked over to my neighbors house and asked them to get the persons blocking my gate to move so that I could get in and to asked them to please not park there again.

        1. Hyp is a good man. A peaceful thought man. A man that would wander the universe in the spaces with his ship gliding it into ports and stages calculated and reasoned. A man I think was perhaps shat from his mothers vagina several hundred years before we needed you like the Silk Road Pirate man and some of these other brothers strewn about this place and maybe several sisters because the sweet lilting call of the female ninja is in short supply but I’d like to pretend some of them cavort invisible like about the jungles of this thing, Hyp.

          1. If we ever fold space together, Agile, I look forward to wandering the unknown reaches of the multiverse together in hedonism, forever.

            1. Sir, I offer you my hand in travel. Mayheart the wists fall upon the particles and I may be ever so lovingly blessed by glutton gleans of star angel pussy farts blowing bubbles outside this fucking thing called earth, lover… I will FUCKING float a pussy fart bubble up to your goddamn fucking craft… but if that doesn’t work, my lover, I think I have a humongous cock under the best national park in the united states called the space cock. I bu8ilt the space cock with grizzly bear anger and wolf meanness and I used wolverine jizz to weld all the shit together, hyp baby, and elk. FIELDS of elk. I entrapped their will to survive and calculated their will to survive and turned it into an engone…. and the blizzards screech I decided to turn into a laser of hell ice…….

              yea… bitch,… we can fly out o here…. I plan on FUCKING making the mountains our skin….

  16. The really important part that Reason conveniently left out was that customers were parking illegally.

    Did you read that? People were parking illegally.

    We as a society can’t let this happen.

    Good job, boys.

    1. that customers were parking illegally.


    2. People were parking illegally.

      The correct term is illegal parkers. Don’t humanize them.

  17. Star Trek The Savage Curtain is on. Kirk and Spock team up with notorious Earth-tyrant Abraham Lincoln and some pussy Vulcan peace creep pacifist to battle Genghis Khan, Kahless the Klingon, some chick, and another evil Earth-guy for the entertainment of a lava rock. Lincoln microagresses against Uhura but he’s an alpha so she gets turned on rather than offended.

  18. Man, here’s the deal. Non of this shit fucking matters. Reason will fucking rip this paper off and shit it into the winds like it wonts to do with shit and all. I get it. Peace out, Brother Fisher, your post is super crack ass relevant. And super biker jacket backyard patio cocaine lines on the pretty blonde girl we hang out with which is weird because my wife is also a pretty blonde girl so I guess that’s a double biscuit of coke- but we also love a sweet boy from Indiana and Chicago and that lovely sweet Japanese woman who works for that corporation with huge towers in that weird country. So much off radar sex going on under all the corporations paying their super intelligent people so much money. yay, fucking corporate ethics up the ass because they mostly fuck ethics up the ass so I guess we’re all even. so I hope that reaches you brother man. But I have a complaint about older Americans who shop for groceries in middle America.

    I FUCKING HATE HATE not in a murder hate sort of HATE but a I want to PUNCH with KEMPO KARATE POWER AND ENTIRE LINE OF GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING FRITO LAYS CHIPS INTO CRUMBS sort of hate…. I hate MOST of the old people in the big boxes. I hate MOST of the middle-aged people in the big boxes. It goes without saying that ALL young people are hated but I cut them slack because their brains are porridge steel cut oat stupid.

    1. Constant fucking problem, DON’T FUCKING stop at the mouth of an aisle with your goddamn cart and body covering the FUCKING entrance while your dumbass gazes into eternity.
      Constant FUCKING problem, leaving your FUCKING cart in the FUCKING middle of the goddamn aisle while you shit brain turds over what peanut butter you and your FUCKING ghostly wife wants after FUCKING 50 YEARS of buying that exact peanut butter.

      BUT, if you are above 25 and this shit gets worse over 40… WHY THE FUCK are you so GODDAMN self centered when you shop ESPECIALLY ON DAYS BEFORE HOLIDAYS YOU HORRIBLE FUCKING GLITSHUCKING HIDEOUS humans….

      WHY, are old people so fucking stupid but they demand that the YOUNG be respectful? The old generation is FULL of idiots and self-absorbed fucks without manners.


      Peace out. .lovely Fisher. Super nanotech unto thee, sir.

        Are those the old farts who can’t figure out how to park a shopping cart off to one side?

      2. Don’t do anything when everyone else does it. (i.e. shopping) I read that advice a few years ago from some obscure old business advice book I picked up at a garage sale. It’s not possible to follow all the time, but it makes you happy when you do

        1. “Don’t do anything when everyone else does it. ”

          I basically live my life like this. I go out more on weekday nights than on the weekends, and avoid the big holiday nights. I don’t shop on weekends.
          I have become very annoyed that my once working class neighborhood is now a hipster/yuppie playground.

  19. Not sure what Saben said at ht but ‘bama turning it up


    Well, this is impressive. I also hear he is polling 25% with black voters which I never thought a republican would do in my life time. Fukin teflon Don.

    1. Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn.

    2. Collectively, black people are like that door under the stairs when you were a fucking dumbass kid. You ran past that door. As a kid that door represented your fears of the bogeyman. But, eventually someone opens that door and you aren’t AS scared but you still are. because stairs have that strange paradigm of going down into eternity from the backside. Black people are those shadows under the skeery infinite stairs. Not even black people can figure out black people which is the reason for Ben Carson. Black people are the shadows of oppression, man. And that shadow is very fucking long and the walk to end that shadow might take some time under the setting of certain suns.

    3. Saw this poll earlier there. Certain Reason writer not going to like this.…..hispanics/

      1. But, but, I thought Republicans wanting to secure the border was a huge turn off to the Hispanic community? You mean maybe they aren’t happy with an open border policy? Maybe they aren’t the one-issue pro open borders and amnesty group that leftists and some Reason writers say they are?

  21. This quy is entertaining. Second time I’ve posted it here, but:

    Doctor of Commo Sense

  22. OK, I got the repeat, but did I miss the reason N-o-t-M is retiring? It’s not like there isn’t material by the bushel; what is it?

    1. Final is a term that disturbs a boy on way too many drugs… final is the term and this is odd and alarming at this and that, sir sevo.

  23. Well so these things occur and arms sling and ears tune and eyes shift and heads tilt and we don’t know what to do because we feel the eternal outside but we are human man… can someone make us escape this thing, man? We are flesh, not magical, not mysterious, not superduper, not able to make much that doesn’t require chainsaws or robots or bombs, man,…

    universe, we are just fucking humans, bro….

    i just want to be kind, man. I just offer a bottle and a toke to my cloud of digital friends and family, reason and the thread gods and goddesses.. .man….

    love, peace, kindness, and special dispensations of hugs. many cares and soft thuggery. many lofty sugar stars… many folding blankets of comets… many colliding affections…

    1. See, it’s this kind of thing that keeps me coming back to Reason after 11:00 PM on a Saturday night.

  24. Always found out how cool people are when they die or travel into the mountains to eat soup with cougars.

  25. He’s an attractive boy and I think he should start a spaceship with hyp, Quince, and Sevo and make for the mountains but not the mountains here – the mountains on whatever the fuck planet they fly that shit into….

  26. I read the comments on a article about Kim Davis and now I’m perfectly alright if someone launches a nuclear war like the simulated ones at the end of Wargames.

  27. So… Do you guys think it would be a good idea to use a lemonade stand as a cover to sell dope ?

    1. It would be a WONDERFUL idea, and brownies on the side!

      1. There used be an enterprising young man who would cruise the French Quarter with a large bin full of brownies that he would sell for $1 each. If you were one of those in the know, you could opt for a $5 special brownie from the bottom of the bin. Holey Mackerel, were those things worth more than $5. 15 -20 minute onset and you would be feeling nice for hours. American entrepreneurship FTW!!

  28. If I was granted one wish by a magical genie, I would wish to get stoned with Agile Cyborg and talk about the world.

  29. Why are they ending nanny of the month?

    1. This question has been asked several times in this thread, and not really answered yet. If everyone loves Nanny of the Month so much, why axe the feature? Isn’t that exactly the opposite of what we normally expect the free market to provide?

  30. The production values on those 1 minute videos have been killing Reason.

    We have an inalienable right to nanny of the month, I say. Reason, tap into your windfall profits and give the commetariat what they need.

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