Trump and Ailes Still Getting Along, EPA's Orange Muck Problem, Trigger Warnings Drive Everyone Insane: P.M. Links

• 

  Fox News

  Unlike private corporations, the EPA can't be fined for polluting rivers with orange muck.

• Roger Ailes has apparently made peace with Donald Trump by vowing less critical coverage.
• The New York Times profiles the founder of Liberland.
• Can Rand Paul run for two offices at once? New doubts emerge.
• Retired generals support the Iran deal.
• Don't miss The Atlantic's cover story on campus censorship: "The Coddling of the American Mind."

New at Reason.com

Human Trafficking in America: Myths and Realities

A Reason event on prostitution, sex trafficking, and the law

Joshua Swain 

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Comments

[WoodSlayer]

No comments? Is this thing broken?

[rts]

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

Is there anyone at home?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

You ruined Fist's day.

[Tonio]

To be an official First the comment must reference one of the links, and provide a topical comment, as Fist did below. But honorable mention to WoodSlayer for his earliest comment on the thread.

[Tonio]

Also, whoa, WTF...Woodie's comment is stamped 4:29 PM. I didn't see any links until just a few minutes ago. Something is rotten here.

[MJGreen - Docile Citizen]

Robby "WoodSlayer" Soave was his full name in high school.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I think it was actually "WoodPolisher" in HS.

[Libertymike]

Still, whether it was polishing or slaying, he did it to the Forest.

[C. Anacreon]

And that's why we call him Forest Gimp.

[WoodSlayer]

They must have hit it on RSS before the main page all I can guess. I'm usually way later but must be a slow news day

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Those are Fist's rules, not mine. He lives in the Reason server room, and it's not fair.

[Tonio]

Those are my rules too. I do however support your right to have your own set of rules.

[Clich? Bandit]

I would like to point out the some form of formatting ALSO needs to take place. Italics, bold, strikethorugh , link, or

blockquote

.

SO, for the new folk:
In order to qualify it must be the earliest post to include the following:
1. Reference to one of the LYNX topics
2. With commentary added
3. And formatted in some form

an Oxford for Nikki

[Libertymike]

Nothing beats the Oxford comma.

[commodious spittoon]

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

[Just say Nikki]

All right-thinking people.

[Jerryskids]

Some people do give a fuck, shit, damn, or rat's ass about an Oxford comma. Some people don't give a fuck, shit, damn or rat's ass about an Oxford comma. Some people are commanists, some people are anti-commanists.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

"an Oxford for Nikki"

Is that like an updated version of a Canticle for Liebowitz?

[Hamster of Doom]

More like a pleasing sacrifice to a god.

[Citizen X]

Actually, he comes from a darker timeline in which the famous children's series is known as "The Berenstayne Bears" and the links post almost 8 minutes earlier than they do here.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Don't make this about me.

[Jerryskids]

Does he come from a timeline where there's some gotdam alt text to tell me if that pic is illustrating the story on Trump or the story on the orange muck?

[Jerryskids]

Does he come from a timeline where there's some gotdam alt text to tell me if that pic is illustrating the story on Trump or the story on the orange muck?

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

A timeline infested with squirrelz, apparently.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Hello.

I fear Robby is being over worked with the Penske-Campus Rape file.

[RBS]

He's not Penske material.

[rts]

'Shatter' drug discovered in Delta home invasion

Officers in Delta, B.C. discovered a drug lab making "shatter," a powerful marijuana-derived drug, while responding to what they say was a targeted break-and-enter on the 5200-block of Fourth Avenue on July 27.

Reminds me of Swank.

[Mike M.]

I preferred Oui myself.

[Palin's Buttplug]

I recall the "full bush" Demi Moore Oui.

That was a classic.

I will probably never agree with you again. Savor this moment. Wipe your chin.

[C. Anacreon]

Remember topless Demi Moore in "Blame it on Rio", (before she magically grew breasts during her 20s in real life) when she was completely flat-chested?

Keeping up with The Simpsons references in this thread, Demi's screen father in that movie was the voice of Fat Tony.

[Palin's Buttplug]

She was awesome. And Betsy 'something' was the hot one.

Good skin movie.

[Rich]

Hey, what ever happened to "Ice"?

[Ted S.]

I think he got a show on HGTV and did a fakeness show with the Amish.

[Rich]

"T" or "Cube"? I can never keep them straight

*** dons sunglasses ***

out of Compton.

[Ted S.]

Vanilla, actually.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

He got arrested for stealing stuff from a house across the street.

[C. Anacreon]

Across the street from you?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Oh, god no. Somebody like that would never make it past the gate.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

He loves Coco?

[0x90]

Come on y'all, it's time to get nice.

[Hamster of Doom]

I'm going to go into my lab and manufacture a powerful soda pop-derived drug called Creamsicles.

EVERYONE FREAK OUT.

[JW]

You're only going half-way. You have to make it indistinguishable from the real product and sell it from ice cream trucks to unsuspecting little kids,

UNSUSPECTING LITTLE KIDS.

You monster.

[Hamster of Doom]

I do what I do best, and let the marketing monkeys do what they do best, okay?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Marketing idea:
Have attractive celebrities deep throat the popsicle.

[rts]

Popsicle Twins (Gong Show)

[Zombie Jimbo]

1) I'm not convinced that they are twins
2) How can we be sure they weren't trafficed on to that TV Show

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Ah when game shows knew how to work the smut innuendo.

Wonder what those two are up to now.

[BigT]

That was one of the all-time great shows on TV.

[Hamster of Doom]

Well done! Have a banana.

[jesse.in.mb]

Pinguin!. I believe this is communist Estonian, so if you like young (sometimes OMWC young) blond girls getting frisky with ice cream cones...

Here ya go

[Old Man With Candy]

Oh my god SOFT SERVE!

[Old Man With Candy]

Isn't there a clip somewhere with Martha Stewart giving some corn on the cob a hand job?

[Trouser-Pod (The blowhard)]

Wouldn't that be a 'cob job'?

[Ted S.]

William Shatter and Hilary Swank?

[Michael]

I was thinking Will Shatter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJCKwqyR7KY

[Pro Libertate]

A Shatner drug? Is such a thing possible?

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Must....get...another....hit....

[Pro Libertate]

I AM KIROK!

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

I AM CRACKROCK!

[Pro Libertate]

Drugs. You're better off without them, and I'm better off without mine. These drugs. . .I give, they take. They won't permit me my life; I've got to live theirs!

[Mickey Rat]

I thought that was "tek", there were some wars over it.

[Fist of Etiquette]

...the EPA can't be fined for polluting rivers with orange muck.

Only ridiculed.

[Hamster of Doom]

That implies a sense of shame. They're angling for a pay rise out of the deal, so probably a 'no' on the shame.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Retired generals support the Iran deal.

They like their pensions.

[Citizen X]

If you like your pension, you can keep your pension.

[JW]

They're never too far from battlefields so glorious

[C. Anacreon]

Out in a world of their own
They'll never come down
Till once again victorious

[Just say Nikki]

Today's posting "schedule" since morning links:

9:00am -- am links
9:53am -- full post
10:45am -- full post
11:00am -- full post
11:00am -- full post (yes, two posts at exactly 11am)
12:36pm -- full post
12:40pm -- full post
4:20pm -- full post (within ten minutes of PM links -- or would have been, if they hadn't been late)

This is not atypical. Come on, guys. Schedule your posts.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Dang, I missed you by mere seconds.

[Illocust]

The PM links have been moving later and later in the day. They used to appear about ten minutes after 3:00 for me, and now its nearly 3:40 before they get around to them.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Timezone? And your ISP probably caches. The links USUALLY go live (except when Rico is in charge) at exactly 430 EST.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What time is that EDT?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Are you guys tag teaming me with your pedantry?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Um...of course.

[Tonio]

EDT during the Summer.

[Pro Libertate]

ET (or CT or PT) is also acceptable. I sure the heck don't let EDT/EST stand uncorrected in agreements.

[Ted S.]

Reason's posts ought to be time-stamped in UTC.

[C. Anacreon]

Diller, a dollar
A ten-o'clock scholar.
What makes you come so soon?
You used to come at ten-o'clock,
But now you come at noon.

[Ted S.]

Reason's posts ought to be time-stamped in UTC.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Twice.

[In League with the Dark Ones]

That, or time stamped locally.

[Just say Nikki]

They're pretty reliably tweeted at 4:30 ET.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

But how often is the staff tweeting?

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Is that anything like the videos HM often posts?

[Fist of Etiquette]

You people don't get it, do you? The Hit & Run crowd is being punished for the somewhat expensive Woodergate scandal. They're going to keep this up, messing with the format and the schedule, until you all leave in disgust in the hopes that new, couth commenters will filter in, who don't bring with them legal expenses.

[Scarecrow & WoodChipper Repair]

And qualify for the teen minimum wage.

[Fist of Etiquette]

HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT ASPECT OF IT. #SINISTER

[ant1sthenes]

Ah, that explains the Buzzfeedification of the articles.

[Libertymike]

From where are they coming? The Forest?

[Hamster of Doom]

They're holding auditions. I hear there'll be a wine-tasting, and craft beer.

[MSimon]

Breath holding contest.

[Pro Libertate]

Oh, breath. I thought you said something else.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

He hath a lithp.

[DEG]

They're going to keep this up, messing with the format and the schedule, until you all leave in disgust in the hopes that new, couth commenters will filter in, who don't bring with them legal expenses.

I hope they don't hold their breath.

[Old Man With Candy]

I have it on good authority that Nikki and Hitler have something in common.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

This space below reserved for Nikki's complaints:

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Still too much space; try this ? | |

[Fist of Etiquette]

Roger Ailes has apparently made peace with Donald Trump by vowing less critical coverage.

Everyone seemed to have that deal with Senator Obama. That worked out well.

[Just say Nikki]

Trafficking in everything, modeling edition:

"When I heard that there were people in slavery today, I really couldn't imagine it," she explains. "[But] how people are trafficked, it was parallel to how we scouted models around the world -- we spoke with mostly young women, but also men, about the opportunities to work in New York in the fashion industry.

"Of course, modeling comes with fame and other benefits and a very, very high salary, but the hope and the dream that a model has for a better life is the same thing as a field worker who comes here from Mexico -- they're hoping to build a better life for their family back at home ... and then they get duped into situations that aren't what they expected."

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Every headhunter is a human trafficker.

[Rich]

And all the sinners saints.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

And recruiting sargeant...

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

The gf makes 150K annually being trafficked in IT services.

Stop calling them "trafficked slaves" and call then "sexual activity consultants on retainer" instead.

[Citizen X]

Your girlfriend is a hooker who specializes in dudes with a cell phone holster clipped to their belt?

[Pan Zagloba]

It's a growing, underserved market. Get some basics of comic books and Star Wars, and you (well, not you you) could clear up.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Niiiccceee.....

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

How do you think I got her on retainer?

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Well... she's his GF when she's on retainer (it's a real GF experience, but it costs extra)

[MJGreen - Docile Citizen]

She's blown them all (away).

[C. Anacreon]

I'd prefer hookers who are blowing me away not to have a retainer in their mouth (or braces either).

And that's how we comic geniuses tie together every bit of this thread!

Let's move on to another hilarious topic -- thinking of regular fruit as a dessert! No way, you say? I answer, has peeling an orange ever actually been worth it?

/SiriusXM comedy channel

[TheZeitgeist]

IT dorks always have the fattest pipes.

[That's A Bingo!]

There's a documentary on Netflix called "Girl Model" that shows what sure looked like human trafficking.

[Slammer]

They should all form a union:

The Human Traffic Controllers Union.

Then they can all strike for better wages and pensions, and future President Zombie Reagan could fire them all.

[Paul.]

they're hoping to build a better life for their family back at home ... and then they get duped into situations that aren't what they expected."

Sounds suspiciously like marriage.

[Mazakon]

Unlike private corporations, the EPA can't be fined for polluting rivers with orange muck.

How about defunded? Just because.

[In League with the Dark Ones]

Nah, they'll get a funding boost.

That's the punishment for government failures.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Unlike private corporations, the EPA can't be fined for polluting rivers with orange muck.

What about Donald Trump? I mean, he has to wash that thing on his head occasionally, amirite?

[rts]

Teen who kissed CBC reporter won't be charged, police say

Staff Sgt. Brian Cumming said Squamish RCMP won't be recommending charges in an incident involving a 17-year-old boy who planted an unwanted kiss on CBC-TV reporter Megan Batchelor during a live broadcast at the Squamish Valley Music Festival.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

She's the pedophile, right? Arrest her!

[Rich]

"Cumming"? "Squamish"? "Batchelor"?

You can't fool *me*, rts. That's from The Onion.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Nothing's a joke anymore...it's rape.

[Fist of Etiquette]

More like Squeamish Valley Music Festival. Am I right, hosers?

[Heroic Mulatto]

Really, dude?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

In his defense, he was probably so drunk that he could only see 6 inches in front of himself. Hence the mistake.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I'd acquit him for this, though.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

the EPA can't be fined for polluting rivers with orange muck.

So how much are WE going to get fined then?

[Rich]

^THIS^.

How about fining *someone* for lying about the magnitude?

[Hamster of Doom]

Don't worry. This whole government "situation" will get better, juuuuust when you think you can't take it anymore. Works in the movies, every time.

[In League with the Dark Ones]

Unlike private corporations, the EPA can't be fined for polluting rivers with orange muck.

BP is thinking nationalization might be a good thing...

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

It's done wonders in Venezuela.

[Just say Nikki]

Tear down this racist flag!

(The history is interesting, though.)

[Fist of Etiquette]

HERE WE GO WITH THE BLAME AMERICA FIRSTERS AGAIN

I was hoping it was going to be the swastika flag. I mean, really, enough is enough of that thing.

[Heroic Mulatto]

It's Erbe, not Hass!

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

What do avocados have to do with anything?

[Fist of Etiquette]

HERITAGE OF HATE. Hateritage. Herihatege. Hateage.

Seems like those two words should meld together easier.

[Pan Zagloba]

There were quite a few news item about firearms today ("combat-style rifles", Reason?), so today in Accomplished Female Athletes of Eastern and Central Europe, I focus on Danka Bartekova, Slovakian competitive skeet shooter (yay!) and a member of IOC (boo?). She won Bronze in 2012 Olympics, and was the winner of World Cup Final in 2012. She is also one of the three World Record co-holders for finals score. She also gets my praise for having her own website, so I can provide two links of images!
Shooting Gallery, showing action shots from various competitions, including a sweet shot of cartridge being ejected.
Promotional, because even a woman who isn't my type is hot when she holds a bigass shotgun!
I wish I could do three links, because there's an adorable picture of her shooting a bow elsewhere on the site.
Bonus trivia I learned researching; Olympic skeet was co-ed sport until 1996, when women were banned. Maybe something to do with 1992 Gold being won by a woman? In 2000, Women's Skeet was added as a sport, but honestly, no reason. From my (very limited) understanding, competitive shooting is one of the sports where women can fight evenly with men.

[sarcasmic]

Google Kirsten Joy Weiss. You will be impressed. And horny.

[Pan Zagloba]

I am, and I am!

[Just say Nikki]

Why read Christopher Lasch?

This producerist ideology, according to Lasch, "deserves a more attentive hearing, on its own terms, than it has usually received." It holds the answer to the questions critics like Charles Murray raise?and reveals that too many libertarians and conventional conservatives are confused apologists for a system that produces everything they despise: authoritarianism, centralization, and widespread dependence.

[*GILMORE*]

". "'Wealth and splendor, instead of fascinating the multitude,' ought to 'excite emotions of disgust,'" wrote Lasch, quoting Thomas Paine, whom he considered one of America's earliest populists. What motivated this revulsion was the belief that the only honest way to accumulate wealth was by what could be produced with one's hands....

...producerist populism, Lasch believed, should be revived for the 21st century as contemporary liberal and conservative politics?which both see average Americans as spectators and consumers in matters of policy and production?prove worthless and devoid of popular allegiance. Only a producerist and populist politics could revitalize the notion that direct and local citizen control over politics and the workplace is the best synthesis of radical and conservative American ideals,"

Sounds like the Danish Law of Jante

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Jante

"The ten rules state:

You're not to think you are anything special.
You're not to think you are as good as we are.
You're not to think you are smarter than we are.
You're not to convince yourself that you are better than we are.
You're not to think you know more than we do.
You're not to think you are more important than we are.
You're not to think you are good at anything.
You're not to laugh at us.
You're not to think anyone cares about you.
You're not to think you can teach us anything

[Heroic Mulatto]

Yes! Let's base our entire value system on the aesthetics of a Chevy Truck commercial.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

+1 simile for a rock

[Gojira]

By contrast, Lasch's vision of the good life is truly radical yet profoundly conservative; it harkens back to traditions now largely dormant in American life where those who worked for a living wanted to build local communities, in the words of 19th-century labor leader Robert MacFarlane, based upon the now forgotten American ideal of "small but universal ownership" of property, which was the "true foundation of a stable and firm republic."

I knew it; people who rent apartments in big cities are pieces of shit who cause all the problems.

[Mrs. Lemuel Struthers]

I think we see examples of Lasch's producerist ideology in things like Uber or AirBnB

But, Lasch idealized working class Americans. His analysis ignored tenet farmers, factory workers, salaried white collar clerks - basically about 80% of wage earners. Yes, it's probably beneficial when a larger portion of the population owns the means of their own production, but we're hardly living in a unique age. Some people who call themselves small government conservatives or even libertarians are apologists for crony capitalism or corporatism, confusing pro-business with pro-markets. In that he was right I think, but I say we seem to moving in a direction Lasch would approve of.

[Just say Nikki]

Interesting point about Uber/Airbnb.

[*GILMORE*]

He seems to hold the idea of social mobility (or any kind of wide range of economic stratification at all) in very very low regard.

[Mrs. Lemuel Struthers]

Well, he was classed obsessed, really. I read his Revolt of the Elites years ago. It's basically a polemic obsessed with how the political/academic classes were betraying democracy by encouraging dependency. His idea of dependency was unique in that it focused more on working/middle class dependency on corporate interests rather then, say, the welfare dependency of the poor - but similar concept.

[*GILMORE*]

150 People Arrested, Barrages of Gunfire, Rocks and Bottles Thrown @ Police, and Politicians Office Looted During Largely-Peaceful Michael Brown Anniversary Protests

[Rich]

Haw!

[Just say Nikki]

Arm the mentally ill!

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

We already have police.

[Citizen X]

You're just all over the place this afternoon.

[Just say Nikki]

I have many interests.

[Heroic Mulatto]

You had the chance for an "I am large, I contain multitudes" quote drop and you squandered it.

[Just say Nikki]

I didn't want to say I was large, dude.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Ain't nothin' wrong with being a little thick.

[Atanarjuat]

To the bunk it is, then.

[DEG]

I am happy the Youtube "standards enforcement" bozos haven't found that video. Thanks HM!

[Clich? Bandit]

ok, but you LOOM!

NIKKI LOOMS!

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Just say "I am Legion!"

[Rich]

Neurodivergence, or divergence from social standards of normal thinking, isn't shameful.

Even so, don't stick it in neurodivergent.

[Paul.]

Man I learned that the hard way.

[Paul.]

Much of mental illness is socially constructed. By using medical diagnoses to condemn patterns of thinking, we stigmatize and alienate anyone who thinks differently from what the capitalist, patriarchal state will accept. How dare anyone be restless, anxious, or depressed. People who are socially awkward, can't focus for long periods of time, or struggle to deal with emotional trauma, or stab to death a young woman struggling with her groceries on her front stoop don't make good capitalist workerbots.

[C. Anacreon]

Diagnoses that remain in the DSM such as Asperger's, depression, bipolar disorder, and ADHD reflect "abnormal" personalities, not any sort of illness.

Oh, really? I think the only people that would agree with you are Scientologists and folks in the Anti-Psychiatry crowd (also mostly Scientologists).

Those are all full-blown illnesses, not personality disorders.

[Woody Chipset]

Democracy explained

[Ted S.]

The politics of failure have failed. We must make them work again.

[MJGreen - Docile Citizen]

*twirls, twirls towards freedom*

[Atanarjuat]

Awesome.

So, how does Trump stand to gain financially from his run? He lost his shows as a result of that stuff he said about immigrants. That had to cost him a bundle.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Well, one would assume that Trump had a contract with the network, that they may have arguably breached.

Maybe he's looking to get on Bravo or E as a Kardashian or a real housewife?

[Lee G]

He's building his cred before snookering another round of investors

[Paul.]

Dan Bender, with the La Plata County Sheriff's Office, takes a water sample from the Animas River near Durango, Colo

But did he get home safely?

[Palin's Buttplug]

Venezuela now has a gold problem.

The South American country, which is trying to stave off a bond default in the wake of oil's swoon, had 68 percent of its international reserves in bullion as of August, according to the World Gold Council. That's a big worry because the price of the precious metal has tumbled 15 percent from this year's high in January as the global slump in commodities deepened.

The decline threatens to erode reserves the cash-strapped country relies on to pay its foreign debt. Venezuela, which gets more than 95 percent of its export revenue from oil, will see its hoard plunge by $1 billion if bullion prices don't rebound, said Alejandro Arreaza, an analyst at Barclays Plc.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/.....cmpid=yhoo

Chavez the Goldbug!

[Free Society]

After a parent screamed at her, this first-grade teacher called the police

Linda Johnson, a retired California teacher who frequently contributes to the washingtonpost.com comments page for this column, told me what happened when she decided not to bow her head and take unfair criticism from her supervisors. Instead, she called the police, with surprising results.

"About 10 years ago, my student teacher and I were walking my first-graders to the computer lab," she said. "One little boy started to yell and jump around, so I asked him to go back to the room with the student teacher. In a few minutes, the boy's father came along to check his son out for a dental appointment. When he saw the boy crying, he went ballistic and came running after me. He cornered me at the entrance to the computer room and screamed at me in a menacing way in front of my students. He waved his arm at me in a threatening way."

This piece makes it clear that I'm supposed to side with the teacher but for some reason... I don't.

[Free Society]

Later on in the piece, her telling of events seems to indicate that it wasn't until the next day when her boss told her to act more professional, that she called the police as well as her union rep and school board, to preempt any censure of her own actions. So basically the dad wasn't enough of a threat to justify calling the cops, that is until her mean ole boss wasn't very nice to her the next day, then of course the guy deserved a misdemeanor. That's why this story stinks.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

she called the police as well as her union rep and school board, to preempt any censure of her own actions.

Thus the "xxxxxing way" template in her letter.

[Rich]

"He waved his arm at me in a threatening way."

"Police Shoot Unarmed First-Grader"

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

The child whined and cried in a menacing, threatening way.

[Heroic Mulatto]

I remember being a substitute teacher on a long-term assignment when one day in the middle of class, a kid's mother came to the classroom door, almost falling-down drunk. I'm sure If I had her thrown in the pokey for public intoxication that it would have had nothing but positive consequences for that child.

[Ted S.]

Just as sex education is predicated on the assumption that the kids are going to do it anyway, we should have alcohol education based on the idea that the kids are going to drink, so teach them to drink responsibly.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

Sorry, Protestant School, I mean public school is based on doing the opposite of what Catholic Schools do. Catholic school kids get a nip of Communion wine every once in a while so that is responsible drinking.

Public school will have to teach kids how to drink irresponsibly so they see the consequences of it. A fifth of Bushmill's at recess ought to do it.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Retired generals support the Iran deal.

Pussies!

/GOP Chickenhawk Brigade, aka Rush (King of the Rednecks) Limbaugh - praise be unto him.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Are you looking for attention?

*hands Buttplug animal crackers and a juice box*

[Paul.]

And he got it... Thanks Pl?ya, thanks a LOT!

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

But it's the right kind of attention. Maybe he'll even take a nap.

[Paul.]

But everyone at Reason just came out of the nap... I mean the Great Reason Siesta!

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

OH MY GOD, you're right! I'm voting Hillary next election! Thanks Shreek!!!

[Palin's Buttplug]

Admit it. The only rationale to oppose the Iran anti-nuke deal is political wrangling.

And that includes Chuck (the AIPAC whore) Schumer - NY Senator.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

The only rationale to oppose the Iran anti-nuke deal is political wrangling.The only rationale to oppose the Iran anti-nuke deal is political wrangling.

Post-Fast Track vote? Agreed. But then again, I think the Fast Track vote was an unconstitutional abrogation of their (unassignable) treaty power.

[Libertymike]

You know that you would be banned from RedState for posting a comment like that, don't you?

[Jerryskids]

I oppose the anti-nuke deal on the grounds that it ain't gonna do a damn thing to keep Iran from getting nukes but it will provide a reason to stop worrying so much about Iran getting nukes. Sorta like putting a piece of duct tape over the red "oil" light on your dash and thinking you've done something to address the problem. And an Iran with nukes is a problem.
.
Not that I have any idea what the hell you can do about Iran other than the P J O'Rourke-ish suggestion that we just give them all nukes and tell them to have fun. The Sunni get nukes, the Shi'ia get nukes, the Copts and the Kurds and the Ran get nukes, the Syrians, the Lebanese, the Omani, the International Camel Racing Association and Sheepfuckers Anonymous - all God's children gots nukes! Then God can deal with them, about 5 minutes from now.
.
But "doing something" doesn't actually mean you've done something so let's not pretend that we have.

[Enough About Woodchippers]

Why do you post here?

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

What else is an angry, antisocial, bigot, coke using loner to do?

If he was ignored, he'd go find someplace else to clog up with mental flatulence.

[Palin's Buttplug]

I hate you conservatives, that is why.

[*GILMORE*]

Englebert Humperdink is Upset People are Digital Downloading.... wait.... uh, well close enough...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

"When will you be mine. Tell me quando, quando, quando?"

If you know the song it will be stuck in your head for the rest of the evening.

[*GILMORE*]

"Thank you, I'm Murph, and these are the MagicTones, and we'll be here in the Armada room all month, you're marvelous...don't go changing"

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I closed my eyes and was immediately transported to 70s and 80s when we went to banquet halls for weddings, communions and org...never mind.

[Ted S.]

And listened to Gino Vannelli.

[Ted S.]

I remember "After the Lovin'". Is that close enough?

[*GILMORE*]

I'm just upset no one's interested that Benedict Cumberbatch is upset people are filming his performances.

[*GILMORE*]

Boko Haram = Changes Tactics, Hands out Food & Medicine, Performs Benefit Concert for...... no wait, hold on.... no, sorry they just killed a lot of people. Don't know what happened there.

[Free Society]

For a second there I thought they'd be hosting U2

[C. Anacreon]

That's the letter U and the numeral 2.

[*GILMORE*]

"And a Child Shall Lead Them"...

[Paul.]

Obama's already had two terms. It's someone else's turn.

[In League with the Dark Ones]

But Franklin had 4 turns!

[Woody Chipset]

Franklin was the worst thing about the Fantastic Four.

[Lee G]

This. I despised that storyline.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Obama's already had two terms.

It should be like Jeopardy. You have to beat the defending champion.

None of these fucksticks this cycle could.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

Zombie Reagan 2016!!!

[Hyperbolical (wadair)]

As often you do, you missed the point.

FDR was a terrible president for prolonging the depression for more than a decade after it had ceased in Europe. He continued to garner support because he was a populist and because Americans are reluctant to change horses in the middle of a dangerous stream.

Not that Obama hasn't tried, he hasn't frightened the American electorate into keeping another term. Nonetheless, it's moments like this one that make me thankful that we have constitutional term limits on the POTUS.

[Christophe]

All political offices should work like this. $1 to enter the presidential raffle.

[Rich]

California Gov. Jerry Brown signed a law Monday that bans the word "alien" from the state's labor laws.

"It has no place in our laws and should not be the basis of employment hiring."

"We'll just call 'any person who is not a born or fully naturalized citizen of the United States' a 'PWINABOFNCOTUS', pronounced 'pwinaboffincottus'."

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

Or "noboffin" for short.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Good on him! The institutional and systematic discrimination against the Tenctonese is inexcusable.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

How about 'jerbs'? Does it have any place in your laws?

[Irish ?s ESB]

Given that Trump just gave Roger Ailes 24 million viewers for his primary debate, I'm surprised he hasn't proposed marriage.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

OT: What's with every company, group, and organization that I do business with publishing a fucking newsletter? I don't give a fuck about some faux journalistic account of some random ass event as written by some HR employee who doesn't have enough to do.

All I want from GEICO is my fucking bill. All I want from Ford is notification of recalls. All I want from my health insurance company is information pertaining to my specific account!

/rant

[Just say Nikki]

Google "content marketing" for the answer to your question.

[Paul.]

Eliminate Content marketing with this one weird trick!

[*GILMORE*]

there was a story (i think in the economist) recently about the backlash from "Customer Loyalty Programs".

The problem is that everyone does them exactly the same way - weekly bullshit emails for no fucking reason. which makes the 'important stuff' they actually send you get buried in your junk mail.

All the newspapers i have online registration with send me daily PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST SUBSCRIBE TO US PLEASE emails. Its always a "special offer", but its really like the homeless guy on my corner who i used to pass everyday. They're so hard up i'm surprised they havent offered a cheeseburger and a blowjob if i'll just get Weekend Home Delivery or something. They're the worst.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

The problem is that everyone does them exactly the same way - weekly bullshit emails for no fucking reason. which makes the 'important stuff' they actually send you get buried in your junk mail.

Targeted mailing lists are very important. I don't want to unsubscribe because there is legitimate information being sent to me. However, I don't want to wade through the bullshit to find the legitimate info.

My law school is the worst at this. I'm constantly getting information about job fairs and opportunities that I'm not qualified for (mainly because they're for minorities). They have some mailing lists, but don't use them. Everything goes out to the entire law school or to our entire class.

[Ted S.]

Worse than Nicole?

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

The Nikki Gazette

[Chinny Chin Chin]

Perhaps you could publish this rant in some sort of a broadsheet, that could then be distributed via bulk mailing.

You might convince dozens.

[*GILMORE*]

Jeb Bush to Hillary = No, *You're* a Towel!(head)

- Bush to Blame Clinton for Iraq Failure, Creation of ISIS

smh, smh, smh

this is gonna be a really long election season

[Paul.]

Canada on verge of recession.

http://money.cnn.com/2015/08/0.....=obnetwork

The latest economic data from Canada shows that it is inching toward recession, after its economy posted its fifth straight month of contraction.
Statistics Canada revealed on July 31 that the Canadian economy shrank by 0.2% on an annualized basis in May, perhaps pushing the country over the edge into recessionary territory for the first half of 2015.

"There is no sugar-coating this one," Douglas Porter, BMO chief economist, wrote in a client note. "It's a sour result."

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

Quebec City will lose their expansion team before they even start.

[Paul.]

I thought Canada was an expansion team for the U.S.?

Boom, I'm here ze veek!

[Rufus J. Firefly]

The dollar wasn't that much worse when the Expos left for Wal-Greens.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

The Nordiques left Quebec City because of the economy.

The problem with the Expos was Jeff Loria couldn't be forced to sell and Selig found a way to kiss D.C. ass.

[Woody Chipset]

I think having a non-diplomatic ego maniac who cannot admit he's wrong and will never back down from a position might, just might not be the person to have access to the launch codes.

[Paul.]

But enough about Obama.

[That's A Bingo!]

We can't undo the last few presidents.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Bush to Blame Clinton for Iraq Failure

Just let that fucking sink in.

Incredible.

[C. Anacreon]

Booooooooooooosh!

[Medical Physics Guy]

I walked by Buttplug's new hair salon today.

[*GILMORE*]

Well done

that got a long chuckle

[Clich? Bandit]

i larfed

[Rufus J. Firefly]

BURN!

[Mazakon]

Kerry: US dollar could suffer if deal doesn't passed

The more I hear about this deal, the more the phrase "Too good to be true" comes to mind.

[*GILMORE*]

Given the dollar is, by many accounts, "Too strong", this isnt an argument that actually means anything.

it also doesn't make sense. The sanctions regime has been the status quo for decades. A *lack* of change is going to undermine confidence in US$ reserve status?

They seem to be going from doomsday predictions (CERTAIN WAR!!) to "Well, the markets might not like it!?"...soon it will be, "UH, Some people will be really mad if we don't, because we said we would?" then it will be "Awwwww.... come onnnnnnnnnn. PLEASE?"

[Rufus J. Firefly]

"If we don't pass this deal, little children may be vulnerable to murderous clowns or being sucked in by a civilization living in the corn fields. I'm just saying."

[Palin's Buttplug]

Peanuts, I have a request since I was busy this past weekend.

Re: Eric Erickson, (who is a true conservative douchebag pussy) went off on The Donald - tell me you Peanuts did not go all PC and support the PC clown "Eric". "On the rag" is standard speech down here in Dogdick, Ga.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

I used to follow EE on Twitter for a laugh, but he got boring.

[Palin's Buttplug]

"On the rag".

Who doesn't say that?

Fuck you, Eric Erickson - you PUSSY conservative.

You're a fucking cunt, eric.

Get me a goddamn Twitter account!

[MSimon]

On the rag was a later addition (edition). Blood coming out of her "wherever" or in later explanations "whatever".

Why just yesterday I was licking the OL's wherever. She asked for a towel to dry her ear.

[Zaytsev]

Fuck that asswipe Erickson.

[Irish ?s ESB]

I'm really upset Elizabeth Stoker Breunig hasn't written anything completely bugfuck crazy in the last two weeks because it's making me feel like maybe there's a better use of my time than obsessively refreshing her New Republic page.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

It's August. She's probably on vacation.

[Irish ?s ESB]

The last really retarded thing she posted was about how feminists shouldn't give up on Pope Francis.

I know it's retarded because here's the subheading:

He's no Amy Schumer, but that's okay.

Also:

In other words, Pope Francis's interest is in making the distribution of resources equal enough that women (especially women in poor countries) are able to raise families at will, rather than at the convenience of others. While not advancing the totality of any given secular, liberal feminism, it is an approach that should appeal broadly to those interested in the intersection of poverty and womanhood. And, unlike the priesthood (which has no clear relationship to the material reality of women's circumstances either way) it suggests obvious political frames for advancing women's interests. Gloria Steinem he isn't, but feminists shouldn't throw Francis out just yet.

Look guys! All Pope Francis is trying to do is make it so that anyone can have a family of any size, regardless of their current financial shape!

Brilliant!

[Just say Nikki]

What I love about ESB is that she doesn't just want to use immoral means to reasonable ends. Her entire worldview is terrible.

[Irish ?s ESB]

Come on! All he wants to do is achieve the totally rational goal of allowing random Bangladeshi women to start families at will without any sort of financial constraints, even though their country's per capita GDP is like $1,100 dollars a year.

ESB is not a very trenchant thinker when it comes to economics.

[Just say Nikki]

I mean, whose goal isn't the creation of more poor children?

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Adorphan, Inc.... wait, you said isn't....

[Heroic Mulatto]

Margar....never mind. Too easy.

[Paul.]

Is that who the ESB is in your name? Thanks, I was too afraid to ask.

[paranoid android]

I figured people who weren't in on the joke assumed he just really likes The Empire Strikes Back.

[Mrs. Lemuel Struthers]

You could take up a new hobby like stamp collecting, model railroad building, long distance running or buggery. All would be better uses of your time.

[Irish ?s ESB]

How would buggery be a new hobby?

[Mrs. Lemuel Struthers]

Well, Crusty introduced a new topic called cuckoldry porn. Possibly there's a meet-up in your area?

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I think his last hobby was one of those, back when he was still curious.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Roger Ailes has apparently made peace with Donald Trump by vowing less critical coverage.

Ailes needs his GOP butt-sex partner to keep viewers on the rope.

[Karl Hungus]

Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese Reteam for 'Devil in the White City':

http://tinyurl.com/oupzzs2

DiCaprio will play a 19th-century serial killer in Chicago. I wonder if it'll be bloody.

[Palin's Buttplug]

Goddamn libruls! Why do they make all the good movies?

[Karl Hungus]

Probably because they're creative, "left brain" types whose views aren't constrained by logic and . . . well, you know. Point is, wen you live in a fantasy world yourself, it's easier to create a fantasy on screen that the rest of us can enjoy.

[Cytotoxic]

I thought that was right-brain?

[Karl Hungus]

By God, you're right!

http://www.livescience.com/329.....brain.html

[*GILMORE*]

That book was lying around my apartment for like 8 years and now i can't find it.

[Karl Hungus]

You haven't read it yet, I take it? The same author also wrote In the Garden of Beasts, about the U.S. ambassador to Germany during Hitler's rise. Terrific book.

[lap83]

Seconded.

[Mrs. Lemuel Struthers]

That book was lying around my apartment for like 8 years and now i can't find it.

This is upsetting. Because you still read actual books instead of ebooks.

[*GILMORE*]

I refuse to do ebooks. I got a kindle as a gift a few years ago and gave it to Mom.

for the last ~13 years, I lived on a street with 6 different book-merchants in a 3 block area. And I knew them all very well. they'd routinely flag me and hand me something saying "i saved it for you"

(i was partial to hardboiled detective fiction, war history, japanese writers like Mishima/Kurobata, any magical-realism like Italo Calvino, or Borges, random stuff like PK Dick, Russian Sci-Fi, etc.)

I would buy 3 at a time from them for like $10, then return them whenever I was done and get free things in exchange. Some things I'd return, some things would go into "maybe later"-storage. That one was something specifically recommended by the guy on the street that i never opened. It was because I liked Caleb Carr or something. I liked having my own personal reading-consultants. They were all very literate dudes for being a few-medium-steps above homeless-person types.

Actually this video here has a brief clip where one of my bookseller buddies gets into a fistfight with a local junkie

[Cytotoxic]

Do you also ride a buggy whip?

[Zaytsev]

Hopefully only in private.

[Swiss Servator, zum Haus]

Nicely done.

[*GILMORE*]

I get the DiCaprio/Scorsese thing... i mean, why they make movies together

The Departed and The Aviator were great IMO...but only because of the ensemble cast of the former, and the Howard Hughes kookyness which was bound to be interesting

Shutter Island i was 'meh' on. "spooky but boring"

Gangs of NY was.... a glorious failure, because it failed to be the best movie of all time. It had so many world class elements... like design/setting/costumes + Daniel Day Lewis... great characters & story... but otherwise pretty boring, badly paced, and also-meh acting from DiCaprio....

and i've never seen "Wolf", and no one ever came running to me telling me i should.

in short, i think Scorsese doesn't get huge wins out of DiCaprio so much as he gets "reliable quality". None of them are really "blow you out of your seat" stuff like Raging Bull or Goodfellas or Age of Innocence. More just like solid B+/A- stuff that will get polite nominations.

[Karl Hungus]

The Aviator is my favorite of their collaborations, Gangs of New York is probably second. I'll gladly be the first to tell you to see Wolf; not one of his/their greats, per se, but wildly entertaining nonetheless, with Margot Robbie in all her full-frontal glory, to boot.

I'm with you on Shutter Island.

And I will agree that nothing the two of them have done together is as good as Goodfellas

[Palin's Buttplug]

with Margot Robbie in all her full-frontal glory, to boot

You sexist fucking pig.

I agree 100%.

[Palin's Buttplug]

and i've never seen "Wolf"

It's among his (MS) best. No Goodfellas or Raging Bull -but excellent.

I am biased as a filthy capitalist pig type.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

When he gets out of DiCaprio is green lights for funding.

[Karl Hungus]

Having DiCaprio on board would naturally make it easier for any director to pry funding from the studios. But I seriously doubt a director or Scorsese's stature has to worry much about funding, even without a major star attached to the project. Hugo, with Sacha Baron Cohen and Ben Kingsley, cost somewhere between $150-170 million to film.

[*GILMORE*]

Good point.

I think Karl is right that he'd still get go-aheads, but with DiCaprio, they don't even look at the script and go, "Ok. How much do you need"

That's sort of what i was saying about their relationship not being about "Huge wins" but rather "predictable, reliable quality".

[The Last American Hero]

The book was excellent. I didn't care for the one about the telegraph as much.

[Cytotoxic]

Re China's "devaluation": it seems China isn't forcibly devaluing its currency as much as it is no longer propping it up as much as it was before by burning foreign reserves (mainly USD and USD assets).

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ti.....o-devalue/

[Cytotoxic]

Comment and Question Time with Cytotoxic: we need to have a frank talk about Rand Paul. I did not watch the debates because no but everything I am hearing tells me that 1) Rand did quite badly and 2) he's more or less kaput. I think it's time to swap someone else in. Either a diehard like Massie or maybe someone we like less but can win like Steve Forbes.

[Juvenile Bluster]

Your attention, please. Pinch hitting (hitting) for Rand Paul (Paul), Justin Amash (Amash).

I don't get Paul's campaign. He's been going against everything that made him popular in the first place. I guess he's trying to appeal to the GOP base for some reason. It isn't working.

[Cytotoxic]

Amash's Keystone vote was a bit silly, but I still think he or Massie would be a better bet than Paul or Johnson.

[ant1sthenes]

"I guess he's trying to appeal to the GOP base for some reason."

Probably because he's currently trying to win an election in an electorate composed solely of Republicans. I would be surprised if he didn't look more moderate libertarian in the general election.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

It's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too early to count anybody out yet. Rand shouldn't start thinking about hanging the hat up until 1) the Trump bump goes away, 2) the pretenders (Graham, Gilmore, etc.) drop out, and 3) those things happen and he's still below 8%.

Until then, it's not even close to over.

[Cytotoxic]

He's doing bad in Iowa and he left the debate worse than he came in. He's pandered to the border-boner crowd to no avail, I am a big fan of 'fail early'. That way you have time to fix and replace what is bad.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

Paul's problem is the GOP base loves big government as much as the Democrats do.

[Christophe]

DING DING DING.

[Cytotoxic]

They are way less steady in their love of Big G but that means their only virtue is their scatter-brain tendencies.

[Cytotoxic]

It's going to be 'too early' to make a change until it is too late.

[Libertymike]

Comments and Questions for Cyto:

Although he was not putrid during the debate, Rand did not impress.

Win like Steve Forbes? If you mean winning the dynastic lottery, well, yes.

[Cytotoxic]

Forbes got further.

[Libertymike]

Hmm....you sayin' that Steve has more game than his daddy?

Who in their right mind would ever think that Steve would have ever made it with Liz Taylor?

[Christophe]

A Steve Forbes isn't going to win either. The GOP has somehow stopped caring about tax policy past requiring some lip service to the cause.

If current trends continue, the winning candidate will be whoever can best wield immigration/ISIS/domestic terrorism as a cudgel against their opponents.

[Cytotoxic]

The weird thing is that at the state level the GOP is, in quite a few cases, headed in the right direction and pushing the states they have power in in the right direction. Lots of states are engaging in a lot of tax reform. I am starting to think we could do a lot worse than President Perry.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

Blue Bell's back, bitches!

[Mrs. Lemuel Struthers]

Yummy, yummy listeria!

[AlmightyJB]

We had the same issue with Jeni's Ice Cream in Columbus. Twice.

http://www.dispatch.com/conten.....ecall.html

[ant1sthenes]

It's a shame, though, I like all the weird flavors there.

[The Late P Brooks]

"The Coddling of the American Mind."

They misspelled "curdling".

[Cytotoxic]

I heard it said that Rand can't afford to criticize and thereby alienate Trump's supporters. That's a bad idea. Trump's supporters are attracted to Trump because they are also thin-skinned pig-stupid assholes. You can't make these people happy. Just treat them like dirt.

[The Late P Brooks]

Gangs of NY was.... a glorious failure, because it failed to be the best movie of all time.
.
As delusional masturbatory costume dramas go... it still sucked. I was laughing my ass off by the time it came to its "climax". I vowed to never, ever watch another Scorcese pic when I finally dragged myself out of there.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

So what you are sayng is you are kind of on the fence, yes?

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

It could go either way.

[*GILMORE*]

I more or less agree.

It was a huge failure because of how gigantic and epic the production and set design and staging was....

...but then, the story was sort of slapped together, had no pacing at all (meaningless scenes were too long, important scenes too short)... and dicaprio and cameron diaz looked like they were driven to the set from a Hollywood cocktail party and asked to just "wing it". fake accents, corny acting... Daniel Day Lewis seemed like the only one who was even trying at all.

... it could have been very very good, but it just kind of fell short of even "meh". which made the failure all the worse.

i think it was maybe a good thing it failed because it meant scorsese would never try anything that ridiculous ever again.

[Karl Hungus]

Daniel Day Lewis seemed like the only one who was even trying at all.

I didn't get that sense, but I will say that he made that movie. One of the best movie villains in quite some time, I think.

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

Gotta agree. I can't even remember why I hated it, I had to look at my Netflix rating to remember how low I rated it.

Sometimes Scorsese just totally blows the tone. Probably because he uses the same editor all the time which means he doesn't want to be challenged in that area.

[AlmightyJB]

I don't remember hating it. Don't remember much about it except the stabbing lesson with the pig.

[The Late P Brooks]

Daniel Day Lewis seemed like the only one who was even trying at all.
.
If frenziedly gnawing the scenery is what you call "trying".
To be honest, some day I should watch it again, approaching it as (self-)parody. It might be more fun than the last time.

[Cytotoxic]

Serious question that I should have asked before and will again: what should I do with my monies and stuff? Cryptocurrency isn't ready for my (meager) life savings. I have several thousand in Bank of Montreal in the form of a TFSA and a savings account and an RRSP (which I plunked money into almost right during the nadir of 2009! Hell yeah!) Is this stuff safe? Should I move to a different bank partially or wholly?

[AlmightyJB]

Best advice I can give is to diversify. It is tough right now because it seems like everything is overpriced. Or are you strictly talking liquid assets?

[PH2050]

I'm surprised you aren't utilizing The Permanent Portfolio approach as outlined by Harry Browne.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I don't give away advice like that for free.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Rob Roy
Cocktail
The Rob Roy is a cocktail created in 1894 by a bartender at the Waldorf Astoria in Manhattan, New York City. Wikipedia
Main alcohol: Scotch whisky
Ingredients: 5/6 oz Sweet Vermouth, 1 1/2 oz Scotch Whisky, Dash Angostura Bitters
Preparation: Stirred over ice, strained into a chilled glass, garnished, and served straight up, or mixed in rocks glass, filled with ice.
Served: Choice of "straight up" or "On the rocks"
Standard garnish: Maraschino cherry or lemon twist
Drinkware: Cocktail glass

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Shit Cocktail
Take a huge shit in the juicer
Blend to an oily paste
Add toilet water and thin to desired consistency.
Garnish with corn on the cob and tootsie rolls
Serve room temperature prior to dessert course

[Heroic Mulatto]

John Collins
Cocktail
Similar to a Tom Collins, the John Collins is made with bourbon whiskey instead of gin, but still mixes in lemon juice, simple syrup, and club soda to make a refreshing cocktail. Serve with straws."
Main alcohol: bourbon whiskey
Ingredients: 2 fl oz. bourbon whiskey, 1 fl oz.lemon juice, 1 teaspoon simple syrup
Preparation: In ice-filled mixer combine bourbon, lemon juice, and simple syrup. Shake and then strain into Collins glass. Top off with club soda.
Served: "On the rocks"
Standard garnish: Maraschino cherry or lemon slice
Drinkware: Collins glass

[Karl Hungus]

With a proper diet, you wouldn't need to add the corn after the fact.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

Nor the tootsie rolls, I suppose.

I'm just trying to come up with cocktails that people would actually pay for...

[AlmightyJB]

Maker' 46. Pour Maker'. Drink Maker'.