Reason Weekly Contest: Title Miss Piggy's Tell-All Book
Last week's winners revealed.


Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
Now that Miss Piggy and Kermit have split, please come up with the title of the tell-all book one of them will write.
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to contest@reason.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "KERMIT" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Aug. 10. Winners will appear Friday, Aug. 14, right here at Reason.com.
In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: Go Set a Watchman, Harper Lee's newly published sequel to To Kill a Mockingbird, shocked America by painting Atticus Finch as a bitter racist. We asked you to come up with the title of another shocking or disappointing sequel.
THE WINNER:
The Old Man and the Hormone Injections — Bill Roberts, Tulsa, OK
SECOND PLACE:
Horton Hears a Microaggression — Joe, MD
THIRD PLACE:
Stuck in Traffic (sequel to "On the Road") — Linda Olle, New York, NY
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Lackluster Results (sequel to Great Expectations) — Alexis Bailey, Mesa, AZ
A Portrait of the Artist as an Underemployed Starbucks Barista -- Axel Jones, Stroudsburg, PA
Wuthering Lows — Christopher P. Brown, Idlewylde, MD
Revenge of the Giving Tree
Lolita the Assistant Telemarketing Manager
Where the Wild Things Are Killed For Trophies
The Trial, Part II: Reversed on Appeal, by Franz Kafka —Jay Cornell, San Francisco
Return to Treasure Island: IRS Audit — Kathy Harkness, Denton, MD
Les Misérables: Havana Nights — Ed Cox, Austin, TX
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe Malfunction — Robert Ryan Dallas City, IL
Catch 22-A; The Sub-Clause — Greg S. Renaud
100 Days of Incessant Companionship, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez — Norm, New Park, PA
Infinite Yeast — John Seeley, Kew Gardens, NY
A Hipster Startup Grows in Brooklyn — Joshua Trujillo, Chandler, AZ
Puss in Kinky Boots — Ted S., Kingston, NY
Go Kill a Southern Liberal Fantasy — Michael Hughes, Atlanta, GA
As I Lay Dying After a Traffic Stop — Tracy Davis, Lawrence, KS
Sometimes a Notion Isn't So Great — David R. Woolley, Minneapolis, MN
Mansfield Parking Lot
Do You Think Jean Brodie Has Had Work? — Linda Olle, NYC (Yes, our second place winner!)
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It's Not Easy Doing Green
Sent in my submission.
"Green Legs and Ham"
nice
Pretty good.
Heart of Porkness?
Pig, the Forbidden Meat?
Raw Pork
And Kermit's Shredded Pork.
No More Frog in My Throat
Dangit! I just submitted that!
La Viande de Grenouille: Life under interspecies patriarchy.
Linda Olle is actually our third place winner.
dang, I forgot to submit mine last week
Tuesdays with Kermie
Spit Roasted.
Hop to the Top: 40 Years in Hollywood with a Stick Shoved Up My Ass
"Not That Kind of Pig"
"A Song In My Heart, A Frog In My Throat, A Man's Hand Up My Ass: 40 Years of Bringing Home The Bacon"
I like it. There's like four tell-all books in there.
Dork, Pork and Bork: The 40 Year Love Triangle Between Kermit, Miss Peggy and the Swedish Chef
+1 therdy gerdy
I like that a lot better than mine. Plus you were faster.
Read at your own discretion. There's some real nasty Bob Crane-type shit in that book involving Kermit and the Swedish Chef.
That's what happens when you hire SugarFree as your ghostwriter
"Cured Pork"
Pork Chops: Why I Had to Learn Self Defense
(Coming soon, Miss Piggy's secret lover tells all in his new book: "Bjorn De Spjorn De Bork Bork".)
"Eat, Pray, Frog"
What's long and green and smells like bacon?
Kermit the Frog's finger.
Wakka wakka!
My Life with the Velvet Frog
Pork and talk
Oink: Twenty moves Kermit showed me that made me squeal!
Good, but that might be better for the title of the Cosmopolitan article she writes to promote the book
Yep, and her BuzzFeed article can be: Top 7 reasons I had sex with a frog! The government doesn't want you to know about #2, and it will shock you!
The Other Pig - My Torrid Love Affair with Blake Shelton.
One day we'll find it, the frog-pig connection: The scrubbers, the cleaners and me.
Why There Are So Many Songs About Pig-Holes; Piggies on the Other Side.
The Torrid Romance that was Banned in Saudi Arabia!
Kermit's sad break-up song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isMFxOLbiro
So good, I've had this bookmarked since the first time I saw it.
'He's Not Pig Enough For Me'
Fifty shades of green.