Friday Funnies: US Economy 2015

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[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Its as if Payne decided he woukd drive shriek apoplectic today!

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Worst Spiderman vs Snailman issue ever?

[commodious spittoon]

Guessing the knifing went reasonably well? Do you feel lighter?

[UnCivilServant]

What? You mean they don't install ballast to keep him balanced?

[SugarFree]

No, it's more like those silicon testicles they give neutered dogs so that they still have something to lick.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Last night was terrible and humbling. You cannot and should not try to tough out surgical pain... Listen to the nice nurses when they offer you pain meds...I hope to be out tomorrow.

[commodious spittoon]

That's what you get for trying to watch a primary debate without proper anesthesia

[SugarFree]

Always opt for the meds. Always. Being cut into is no time to be a tough guy. And if you don't needs them, I'll buy them off you.

Glad to hear you are recovering well.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Thanks...as I said...humbling. I now listen to the nice ladies with the oxy.

[Tonio]

Glad you and the recipient are both doing well. You did a very good deed. Respect.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

And now will you *&^%$#@! listen to the nurses and be a good patient.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Aye

*bows head*

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Aye

*bows head*

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Squirrelz...in the hospital?!

[UnCivilServant]

They're server squirrels, they're not going to leave you be just for that.

[Will4Freedom]

I don't understand how squirrels are responsible for causing duplicate posts.

Maybe someone could explain.

Parrots, I could believe. Mocking birds or even a raven, maybe. I'd believe a Xerox/Squirrel cyborg (Squirlinator? Squirerox?) , but a plain old squirrel? Naaa...

[commodious spittoon]

More like... or they just fill the cavity with fake dog's bollocks?

[UnCivilServant]

It depends on your insurance carrier.

A good one will get you a proper replica.

A poor one will get your the dog balls.

Obamacare will get you a bag of sand, and you have to stitch the hole closed yourself.

[commodious spittoon]

Sutureself.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

*narrows gaze, clutches abdomen*

[plusafdotcom]

"narrows gaze, clutches below abdomen..."

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

The ... thing that came out of my buddy was nae so much a polycystic kidney as a baby shuggoth. Terrifying. Fortunately my kidney is strong like bull (but not quite Warty) and cleaning out his system.
This whole thing has been...an experience.

[UnCivilServant]

So who's going to raise the shoggoth?

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

I think the Medical College of Wisconsin has a new mascot....

[SugarFree]

When the stars are right it will raise itself.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Black Spider-Man's webs went a little limp there.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Are...are you insinuating something?!

[The Hyperbole]

In fairness that snail is getting it! The wind is blowing his eye stalks back and it appears that he's kicking up dust.

[cavalier973]

The snail is trying to figure out why there is a weirdo on his back.

[Brett L]

"It's a racing snail!"

[straffinrun]

"It's a racist snail!"

[Lord at War]

"Look at that S car go!"

[plusafdotcom]

"squints"

[Suthenboy]

At least he has one accomplishment: Carter is no longer the worst president in modern history.

[Rebel Scum]

Something something labels.

OT: How was the clown show on FNC last night? I didn't watch because I was too busy getting laid.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

You got the better of it.

[Crusty Juggler]

Pubes.

[Libertarian]

Why in the cartoon is Obama repeating the words that Trump yells while he's having sex?

[UnCivilServant]

He got the latest NSA report.

[Almanian - Trump's Woodchipper]

I don't get it. Awful, therefore, perfect.

Happy fucking Friday, Reasonoids! I hope everyone not showing up in the threads this AM offed themselves as a results of the awful "debate", and everyone who does show up dies of cancer while their family looks on in helpless anguish.

Also

*SLAP!!!!!!!!1!1!1*

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

It hurts when I laugh, you heartless bastard! Ow!

[invisible furry hand]

*slap!*

[The Shrubber's Woodchipper]

I want one of those snail jockeys for my garden.

[Tonio]

Words fail me.

[The Shrubber's Woodchipper]

You fail me.
The correct response is: RACISSSSSST!

[plusafdotcom]

better near the front porch (verandah) near the driveway...

[straffinrun]

Choco Kneivel dumping a bag of salt on that snail would be more betterz.

[Lord Humungus]

Ha. Ha.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

MDT "SLAP"!

[johnwerneken]

The Obomunist rides to the rescue!

[Suthenboy]

Heh. yeah, Nixon started the price controls on oil. What a fucking dunce. I am fine with Carter getting most of the blame for that though.

I distinctly remember the gas lines.

Carter wasn't harmless at all, we just forget how bad he really was.

[Tonio]

Perhaps it is time to reconsider the legacy of Gerald Ford.

[Suthenboy]

He gave away the Panama Canal FFS.

[The Hyperbole]

Sure, but he always set the groundwork for the current craft beer renaissance.

[SIV]

Poisoned the Marijuana supply with paraquat.

[KDN]

Carter's domestic policies weren't bad; he got the ball rolling on deregulation and reigning in Fed-driven inflation among other things. He was completely out of his element on the world stage, though. It's fine to be a non-interventionist, but you can't be a pushover.

[UnCivilServant]

Fox seemed to be doing their darndest to prevent me from seeing. First off their own stream didn't work (apparently you needed some kind of cable provider authentication BS for it to do so) then when I found someone who was streaming it via YouTube, they stepped in and managed to issue a copyright complaint in the middle of the stream, cutting it off. I mean even if the challenge gets that lifted, the process would take longer than the relevent content.

Add to that the interest of the reporters in attacking the candidates instead of facilitating an exchange of policy ideas, and I'm more annoyed at the media than any of the candidates. Fantastic job Fox, especially when you've got guys like the Ambulatory Adipose Tumor form the Jersey Wastes on the stage.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Much can be forgiven for that and deregulating trucking.

[Suthenboy]

A reference to this guy?

http://mentalfloss.com/article.....t-drinking

Funny article.

[Almanian - Trump's Woodchipper]

And we STILL HAVE CHECKS LEFT, SO LET'S SPEND!

Oh, you mean those OTHER kind of checks. Yeah, those are so 100 years ago dead white male racist slaveholders. Duh

[Suthenboy]

I hold him responsible for this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Assassination_of_Anwar_Sadat

In fairness though, I don't think any Americans were really aware of what we were dealing with then, just how primitive and backward Islam is. I don't think Carter understood that he was dealing with naked savagery.

[Swiss Servator, ...ouch.]

Whip Inflation Now?

[plusafdotcom]

I made a button that said "WHIM" when that one came out. My employer 'suggested' that I stop wearing it. I thought it more accurately reflected how the gummint made such 'decisions' and 'policies.'