Reason Weekly Contest: Bernie Sanders Needs a Slogan

Last week's winners revealed.

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Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:

Thanks for the Trump slogans, but he seems to have imploded. So now, please come up with a catchy slogan for his nemesis: Bernie Sanders.

How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to [e-mail]. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "BERNIE" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, July 13. Winners will appear Friday, July 17, right here at Reason.com.

In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason Magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!

And now for the results of last week's: We asked you to come up with a new tourism tag line for Greece.

THE WINNER: Check us out on gofundme.com! — Paul Kellmurray, Nolanville, TX

SECOND PLACE: Where other people's money goes on vacation. — Felix

THIRD PLACE: Acropolis Now — Steve Foster, Lower Merion, PA

 

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

The Olympic-sized f**k-up! — Shane Skekel, Slidell, LA

Europe's Achilles' Heel. — Rufus J. Firefly, Montreal, Quebec

It's all capitalism's fault. — Jay Cornell

Greece, come swim in our sea of red ink! — Charles Carsten, Riverside

Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall bankrupt the Eurozone. — Josh Wieder, West Palm Beach, FL

Going Out of Business Sale. — Christopher P. Brown, Idlewylde, MD

After 2000 years, we still can't figure out Democracy! — Susan Montgomery, Philadelphia, PA

Greece: You can see Albania from here! — Dave in Surpise, AZ

Visit The Origin of Civilization. Now Happy to Accept Bitcoin. — Ross Levatter, Phoenix, AZ

Zimbabwe on the Med! — Dances-with-Woodchippers, Portland, OR

Home of ancient ruins, such as the economy. — Joseph Gahan.

Come for the unemployment, stay for the bankruptcy. — T. Axel Jones, Stroudsburg, PA

Come to Greece… Please? — Ed Lehane, Cincinnati, OH

Brother, Can You Spare A Euro? — Frank Good, Kansas City, MO

Discover the spirit of Greece: find someone else to pay for it. — Douglas Smith, Juneau, Alaska

Visit Greece. Bring money. — Jim Noble, Boulder Creek CA

Europe's Drachma Queen — Coby Wholeben, St Augustine, FL

Greece - EU'll Never Want to Leave — Dennis Nowicki, Rowland Heights, CA

Greece. At least we aren't Somalia. — Rob Collister

Experience your own Greek Tragedy. — Raymond Chuu, Concord, CA

Comments

[sarcasmic]

Weekend at Bernie's!

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

Weakened at Bernies

[sarcasmic]

You win.

[Swiss Servator, rudert schwer!]

*applause*

[Pro Libertate]

How did "Acropolis Now" not win?

[sloopyinTEXAS]

That's the worst Bernie Sanders slogan ever. It's not even topical, dumbass.

[Pro Libertate]

Socialist leader leads us to Greek-like collapse. With napalm. Wrong again, sloopy.

[Idle Hands]

How did I not see this comment?

[Pro Libertate]

Deep truths like this are axiomatic and can be found by all philosophers who seek epistemological understanding.

[Malvolio]

Or "EU'll Never To Leave" -- the only two I LOL'ed at.

[sarcasmic]

The Sanders Cometh!

[sarcasmic]

Enter Sanders!

[sloopyinTEXAS]

Bernin' Down The House.

[sarcasmic]

You won't have to remove Sanders from your vagina!

[Pulseguy]

You've got my vote.

[Pro Libertate]

Bernie and the Debts.

[sloopyinTEXAS]

Then you come up with this and totally redeem yourself!

[Swiss Servator, rudert schwer!]

He's got 23 problems, and none of them are deodorant selection.

[sloopyinTEXAS]

"Vote for me and you might have 99 problems, but a bitch won't be one."*

*Can also become the slogan for whoever wins the GOP nomination.

[Gilbert Martin]

Deodorants?

We don't need no stinking deodorants!

[toolkien]

"If you loved B.O., you'll LOVE B.S.!"

[Idle Hands]

How did "Acropolis Now" not win?

[Pro Libertate]

I, too, have asked myself this question.

"Never get out of the market." Absolutely goddamn right! Unless you were goin' all the way. Bernie got out of the market. He split from the whole fuckin' program.

[sloopyinTEXAS]

So the Drudge headline is about Germany capitulating and the HuffPo headline is about Greece capitulating. That's hilarious.

[kinnath]

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream .. . .

[kinnath]

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream .. . .

[DenverJ]

Elect Bernie, he'll kill all the squirrels.

[Lee G]

Eat the Rich

[Mike M.]

"Don't be fooled, my real purpose here is to make Hillary look young and vibrant."

[SimonJester]

I lol'd

[sarcasmic]

"Guns, marijuana, and Mexican butt-sex for all!"

[Swiss Servator, rudert schwer!]

No, no! That is the Libertarian nominee's!!!!!

[Idle Hands]

Germany
Italy
Russia
Cuba
Venezuela
Greece
America

Socialism this time it will work.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

You forgot France and dare I say the UK.

[sloopyinTEXAS]

Off Topic: Finland has a retarded sport.

Seriously, that looks insane.

[Idle Hands]

Better than this?

[sloopyinTEXAS]

So much better.

[geo1113]

Stump is better. Participants don't have to set their beers down.

[sloopyinTEXAS]

"Robin Hood was a piker."

[Lee G]

Come and Get It

[Pro Libertate]

Economy-kickin' good!

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Sanders 2016: It's Mourning in America

[sarcasmic]

"We can be just like Greece!"

[sarcasmic]

"Socialism will work when I'm in charge!"

[Rt. Hon. Judge Woodrow Chipper]

The Only Choice - Bernie Sanders for President

[Theoretical Bi Irish]

"Acropolis Now"

HOW DID THIS NOT WIN

[american socialist]

Ooooo, ooooo... Pick mine, pick mine...

"I'm not totally full of shit"
Or
"I don't get my pay checks from a foundation paid off by Mr. Koch"

[Theoretical Bi Irish]

You never get tired of being wrong about everything, do you?

[american socialist]

Ok, ok... How about this one?

"Likely contributions from washed-up, bored octogenarians: $0"

Any better?

[Chip the Chipper]

Bernie is a fucking septuagenarian you nitwit. He is old as fuck too.

[Swiss Servator, rudert schwer!]

And I bet he would take Soros geld.

[Sevo]

"Ok, ok... How about this one?"

Stinks.
Much better:
Sanders! Because the economy isn't bad enough yet!
Or
Sanders! We can achieve poverty!
Or
Sanders! We can all starve together!

[Dark Lord of the wood chipper]

If you had taken the Koch money, maybe you could've payed your mortgage.

[Theoretical Bi Irish]

He really shouldn't have told us that.

On the bright side, even though AmSoc is a useless deadbeat, at least he never claimed a lack of sex causes cervical cancer like his hero Bernie Sanders did.

[Kristen?s Vermeer]

If you had taken the Koch cock money, maybe you could've payed your mortgage.

FIFY

[american socialist]

This doesn't make sense, but since I'm bisexual and have had enough butt sex to know that I enjoy it, this slogan came to mind:

"Bernie: I'll keep gay marriage legal-- even in Kentucky."

[Kristen?s Vermeer]

So you were giving it away for free when you could have been making money and paying your mortgage? Typical socialist.

[Aloysious]

"I Won't Will Be Fooled Again!"

/The Who

[Brian]

"I don't get my pay checks from a foundation paid off by Mr. Koch"

Yeah, he gets his paychecks the honest way: taxes.

[american socialist]

So, we're back on board with the notion that no one anywhere should pay any taxes and that everyone in the public sector is a mooch? Yay! I'm so excited for you now that everything is back to white and black.

[Brian]

Oh, not at all.

I'm just saying that states as small as Vermont don't deserve senators.

[Suicidy]

How about......'my supporters are parasites who walked away from their mortgage and left everyone else to pay for it'? How would that be?

[Theoretical Bi Irish]

One Deodorant, One Sneaker, One America

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Sanders 2016: Freedom From Choice

[perlchpr]

Nice.

[Kristen?s Vermeer]

Dean Bernie for Americka

[SOFL Hockey Fan]

"Legalize it! (rape)"

[commodious spittoon]

"Four more years! Four more years!"

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

Apply Sanders twice daily to get rid of that Bernie feeling.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

Bernie Sanders: Because you only need one type of fried chicken! (racist!!!)

[Kristen?s Vermeer]

Bernie: maple is the only creemee flavor you need.

[Protagoronus]

Bernie: He probably won't have you killed after achieving total power.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

I also have his campaign song:

[To the tune of Yankee Doodle]
Bernie is a dinosaur
with a wild imagination,
he thinks that all the kids are poor
from a lack of perspiration!

[SimonJester]

I can do this!

Bernie is a dinosaur
with a wild imagination,
he thinks that all the kids are poor
from a lack of perspiration!

Bernie-doodle: "Greece for all!"
(At least he's not too randy!)
Loves the Drachma and o'Che
With others money he's handy!

[Aloysious]

Bernie Sanders: Dead White Guys Rule!

[some guy]

Bernie Sanders: The TOP MEN's TOP MAN.

[some guy]

That... wasn't supposed to go here.

[IndyEleven]

50 Shades of Broke

[Spoonman.]

It'll work this time!

[Anomalous]

An anagram of Bernie Sanders: Brains Sneered

[triclops]

There are at least ten brilliant Greek lines from last week.
Well done, Reasonoids.

Was hoping there would be a woodchipper reference somewhere, though.

[american socialist]

This one is a little long:"Bernie: I'll keep the government out of decisions you make with your Planned Parenthood doctor, I'll kelp gay marriage legal and won't appoint some theocrat to the SC, I'll decrease the bloated military budget, and I won't send hundreds of thousands of Americans to fight in some bullshit war."

[Chip the Chipper]

So you are voting Libertarian in 3 out of 4 of these? Nice! Welcome to the Group!

[Fizban]

Would be nice if he kept the government out of all my health care.
No prez is going to do anything about homo-marriage.
Won't appoint a nominee theocrat who believes in God, but def. one who worships the State.
Sure, no socialist country have every fought in any unjust wars. When they are not fighting wars it's just because they are to busy killing their own people.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

How about, "I'll cancel Medicare and Medicaid because they're costing nearly $1 trillion more than they're taking in, and encourage a cash-dominant payment system that will reduce medical costs by 50-80%"?

[kbolino]

Claim: I'll keep the government out of decisions you make with your Planned Parenthood doctor

Reality: Sanders would make sure Planned Parenthood keeps getting government funding.

Claim: I'll kelp gay marriage legal and won't appoint some theocrat to the SC

Reality: Sanders would appoint socialists (aka worshippers of government) to the SC.

Claim: I'll decrease the bloated military budget

Reality: Sanders might decrease the military budget, but he won't know bloat from legitimate expense and so will just make the military even more bloated and ineffective.

Claim: I won't send hundreds of thousands of Americans to fight in some bullshit war

Reality: Sanders will be "forced" to engage in conflicts around the globe due to the country's position as global peacekeeper, which will likely result in lots of American deaths that the media will shove under the rug.

Heckuva job, Bernie!

[statesidemonk]

Forget government cheese, I'll give you government Ben & Jerry's.

[Unicorn Abattoir]

Sanders. Elect a commie for mommystate.

[sasob]

Sanders and Socialism - why should anyone have more than you do?

[Pogue Mahon]

Wow, that is good. All of it, boiled down to one sentence!

[sasob]

thnx.

[The Shrubber's Woodchipper]

Bernie: Ending hunger by uniting us around one choice of deodorant.

[Spartacus]

"Socialism now, socialism tomorrow, socialism forever!"

[HolgerDanske]

(Or until we run out of your money)

[Aloysious]

"Socialism Up Your Ass!"

[Aloysious]

Take 2:

"Metal Socialism Up Your Ass!"

[Derpetologist]

Bernie Sanders: Spite Power

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryVdIxMQZjE

Bernie Sanders: A chicken in a pot somewhere, maybe

[Peachy rex]

Gimme!

[some guy]

Bernie Sanders: His policies are doubleplusgood!

[sasob]

Wealth - theirs to produce, mine yours to consume.

[Derpetologist]

I think it would be a cool if a politician gave speeches by pulling phrases out of a hat. So you'd get something like "precious children...small farmers....fair share....hard work...family values....good schools....safe streets...."

[HolgerDanske]

I've felt for a while that you need to change your name to "progtrollogist".

[Fist of Etiquette]

"Only slightly less economically literate than the others, but with more interesting hair."

[darkflame]

"At least I can't mess up worse than Obama" -also works for republican candidates

[sasob]

Sanders for 2016. End hunger the old fashioned way - starve to death under Socialism.

[Woodchippin' 4 Jesus]

Dances with Lenin

[kmc212]

The contest is rigged.

[Woodchippin' 4 Jesus]

Bernie the Spitting Borg

[Woodchippin' 4 Jesus]

Big Brotherville? Nah, man! Sanderistan.

[Woodchippin' 4 Jesus]

I will eliminate the income gap and end greediness.

[Fizban]

Sanders for 2016 - End the wealth gap, end wealth.

[sasob]

Sanders 2016 - you can have your neighbor's cake...and eat it, too.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

GIMMEDAT

[BigT]

Bernie - because we haven't run out of other peoples' money yet!

[Medical Physics Guy]

Elect the Bern, and send the economy up in flames

[BigT]

Sanders - the Major Moron, not the Kentucky Colonel.

[Trshmnstr doesn't recycle]

Sanders 2016 - Because it's unfair that genius is only 99% perspiration.

[toolkien]

To repeat-

"If you loved B.O., you'll LOVE B.S.!"

just couldn't leave it stuck up there with the 12:00 comments...

[sasob]

Bernie - or would you rather smell Hillary's cigar?

[Rebel Scum]

Bernie Sanders: He'll spend your money better than you.

[lap83]

Great Leap Backwards

[american socialist]

Lenore,

you are my favorite writer at Reason. I even went so far as to show your article on sex offenders to her and said, first, "most of the writers on this website are barely concealed right-wingers adopting a libertarian label but here's one that doesn't seem full of shit and, second,"you really should do something about this" [she's a criminal defense lawyer, btw].

So, I would just say that you have a perfectly respectable gig going in criticizing the nanny-state. Why risk it by sliding into the same right-wing cesspool that your fellow writers seem to enjoy wallowing in? Soon, you'll be writing articles on why it's not so bad that rand Paul wants to criminalize abortion. I think you are way too good of a writer and your cause is too important and noble to start encouraging ad hominems in the comments page in this silly contest.

[american socialist]

Her= my wife, btw

[Sevo]

american socialist|7.10.15 @ 3:44PM|#
"Her= my wife, btw"

Someone was stupid enough to marry a deadbeat?
Please don't breed; they world needs less stupidity.

[Brian]

[she's a criminal defense lawyer, btw]

Did she turn to you and say that maybe if you got off your ass and stopped trolling the internet all day, that maybe you wouldn't have lost your house to the bank?

[kbolino]

ad hominems in the comments page

They're insults, not ad homs, you fucking idiot. Like that one.

[american socialist]

Wouldn't you agree that the nice lady has a perfectly respectable cause? Shouldn't the arguments about how Bernie sanders is the second coming of Josef Stalin or how marvelous ayn rand's books are be left to others?

[Red Rocks Rockin]

Shouldn't the arguments about how Bernie sanders is the second coming of Josef Stalin or how marvelous ayn rand's books are be left to others?

Care to link where any of the writers explicitly made those arguments?

[kbolino]

The contest has just begun, no criteria were established, no hints were given. Apparently you can't even fucking read.

[John Titor]

Considering your rather monstrous attempts to ignore the deaths and suffering of millions of people in an attempt to run cover for your cause, what you believe constitutes politeness or a perfectly respectable cause mean stunningly little. I know this might shock your fragile sense of self-righteousness AS, but you're not a good person. You are, at best, a useful idiot to be exploited by far smarter and more cunning socialists.

[Issue Ninja]

Sanders Not Woodchippers

[JeffreyinSandySprings]

how about

"I'm not Hillary!"

That alone is enough reason to vote for him in the primary.

[sasob]

Back in 2008 it was "anybody but the Bitch." How did that work out for us? 🙂

[BigT]

Or: I'm no cunt!

[sasob]

Sanders - 'cuz what damn difference does it make now?

[Chocolate Starfish]

Bend Over with Bernie

[Gozer the Gozerian]

That gives a fresh take on "Weekend at Bernie's!" near the top...

[DenverJ]

I thought Bern and Ernie were the gay guys on Sesame Street.

[FlyingComic]

Bernie Sanders: Pushing America "All-In"

[D. M. Michell]

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

[Pulseguy]

"Bernie says 'No More Tax Loopholes' - How much did you make? Send it In."

[Pulseguy]

"From each according to how much money he makes - To each according to how he votes"

[Gozer the Gozerian]

Enteignungsaktionen f?r alle!

[Beezard]

Nader 2: Electric Boogaloo.

[Blowhard Woodchip]

Bernie, baby, Bernie!

[Nick W B]

Bernie Sanders: feeding children deodorant since 1929!

[Cristobal]

Bernie Sanders - Lets face it...working sucks!

Theme song for the campaign - Holiday in Cambodia.

[CharlotteHaze]

"Freedom is Slavery!"

[Response]

Greece: We brought money into this world and we'll take it out.
Greece: Where every day is a holiday ? so why are you here?