Friday Funnies: 100% Government Liquor in Pennsylvania

John Cole | 7.10.2015 10:50 AM

Read: Vetoing Liquor Privatization, Pennsylvania's Governor Says Competition Would Raise Prices

Start your day with Reason. Get a daily brief of the most important stories and trends every weekday morning when you subscribe to Reason Roundup.

NEXT: Bipartisan Senate Bill Would Protect Banks That Do Business With Marijuana Merchants

Hide Comments (38)

Editor's Note: As of February 29, 2024, commenting privileges on reason.com posts are limited to Reason Plus subscribers. Past commenters are grandfathered in for a temporary period. Subscribe here to preserve your ability to comment. Your Reason Plus subscription also gives you an ad-free version of reason.com, along with full access to the digital edition and archives of Reason magazine. We request that comments be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment and ban commenters for any reason at any time. Comments may only be edited within 5 minutes of posting. Report abuses.

Free Society 10 years ago

Still waiting on the last users of cursive writing to die
1. Almanian - Wood Chipper-ish 10 years ago
  
  I'm 53! I'm not old!
  
  /paraphrasing Dennis from "Holy Grail"
  1. Thymirus 10 years ago
    
    I'm 21. I was always taught cursive. It's my sacred right to write in it. It's right there in the Constitution, immediately after the right to tax-funded abortion.
    1. SQRLSY One 10 years ago
      
      "... immediately after the right to tax-funded abortion."
      
      Which, in turn, is right after the Cuntstitutional section that says that your "religious freedom" is not valid unless a federal judge has read your mind (they have that Powah, ya know) and has determined that your religious beliefs are "sincerely held". I for one have a "sincerely held" religious belief that Government Almighty Power Pigs should suck on my posterior putrid pustulous pimples!!!
2. Jordan 10 years ago
  
  I'm 31 and only write in cursive. You're going to be waiting a while unless I have a woodchipper accident.
  1. UnCivilServant 10 years ago
    
    So you only write in illegible?
3. bacon-magic 10 years ago
  
  The Constitution is in cursive, guess you don't need that...
4. Rhywun 10 years ago
  
  I deliberately write in cursive just to piss people like you off.
5. plusafdotcom 10 years ago
  
  And when you sign a check (soon to be obsolete) or sign a contract (probably obsolete soon, too), you'll print your name at the bottom?
  Nah, you'll just attach your sigfile, right?
  
  Got a check from an eBay scammer once, with a block-printed 'autograph' on the signature line. Couldn't be an indication, could it?
  
  🙂
6. Reverend Draco 10 years ago
  
  I know - it sucks to be outed as an illiterate failure, huh?
Dylboz 10 years ago

I was like, nice one, Bok! Then I noticed...
1. Almanian - Wood Chipper-ish 10 years ago
  
  Bok, Payne, Cole - it's all SHITE!
Thymirus 10 years ago

Has nobody thought to challenge the constitutionality of the state's monopolization of an entire industry on its own demerits?
1. Almanian - Wood Chipper-ish 10 years ago
  
  *slaps forehead*
  
  !!!!!
  
  No!
  1. Thymirus 10 years ago
    
    Is it Bush's fault?
2. SIV 10 years ago
  
  Constitutional
  See 21A
3. Spechul Playz In Hell 10 years ago
  
  I'm waiting on the Federal government to crush the State monopoly on selling liquor on the grounds that in interferes with interstate commerce... face-palms to be had all around on that day.
Mike M. 10 years ago

Why is the drunken, bloated corpse of Ted Kennedy lying in state atop the Pennsylvania state capitol? He was a Massachusetts guy.
1. Swiss Servator, rudert schwer! 10 years ago
  
  He'd go that far for a bottle of booze that large?
2. Zeb 10 years ago
  
  Drunken corpse?
Almanian - Wood Chipper-ish 10 years ago

I don't get it.

Awful. Therefore, perfect.

I already wished everyone to get stuffed and a happy Friday, so fuck you all once more, and I wish an awful death upon you all, preferably something involving a woodchipper.

Also

*SLAP!* AGAIN!
1. Spoonman. 10 years ago
  
  The governor recently vetoed a bill to privatize the state-controlled liquor system because reasons, where reasons = union jobs.
  1. Almanian - Wood Chipper-ish 10 years ago
    
    *narrows gaze a' la Swiss*
    
    Don't come around here much on Fridays, eh?
    
    *rolls eyes*
    1. Fizban 10 years ago
      
      Slap em' agin! Slap em' agin!
    2. Swiss Servator, rudert schwer! 10 years ago
      
      Watch out, Almanian...narrowing gaze whilst rolling eyes is a listed danger in the Swiss Big Book Of Scowling.
      1. Cap'n Krunch 10 years ago
        
        Don't try it at the airport, it's considered reasonable cause for a rectal exam.
        
        Of course, if you're gay carry on...
        
        Fizban 10 years ago
        
        TSA asks you "Did anyone else pack your gay carry on?"
Aloysious 10 years ago

I thought, from the governments perspective, monopolies were bad.

/naive waif
1. Thymirus 10 years ago
  
  Congratulations. You've just earned yourself a space at Stalag Luft... Uh, Reeducation and Enlightenment Camp 1.
  
  /Department of Information.
mad.casual 10 years ago

*Uncaps bottle of 'freedom'. Pours one out. Knocks one back.*
Ken Shultz 10 years ago

You need to pass a civil service exam in order to be hired as a liquor store clerk in Pennsylvania.

No really.

"Approximately 98% of the positions filled in the PLCB are Civil Service which means a Civil Service examination must be passed in order to be employed by our agency."

http://www.lcb.state.pa.us/PLC...../index.htm

Government employee unions are a menace to society.
Kristen?s Vermeer 10 years ago

Would have been funny if the 'E' was left off "Absolute". You know, so it's like the real vodka.
1. Agammamon 10 years ago
  
  We don't carry that brand. You could try . . . oh wait, you can't. Just shut up and buy something.
kV 10 years ago

Shouldn't it be 200 proof? Oh well, back to my Booker's.
Agammamon 10 years ago

All you fethers did all morning was bitch that there was no Friday Funny and now that its here all you're doing is bitching *about* the Friday Funny.

If I were you, I would would be concerned about how many woodchippers Cole owns.
Fist of Etiquette 10 years ago

I don't get it.
atheistrepublican 10 years ago

I live in PA. Fortunately, I also live near DE and NJ. Guess where I buy my liquor?
Stephdumas 10 years ago

Did they want to imitate Quebec's SAQ?

Please log in to post comments

Friday Funnies: 100% Government Liquor in Pennsylvania

Latest

No Other Land Won an Oscar. Miami Beach's Mayor Is Trying To Evict a Movie Theater for Screening It

Are Democrats Regretting Trying To Out-Hawk Trump?

Everything's Computer

Is This the Beginning of the End for the Department of Education?

Biden Rushed Out Billions for Green Energy Projects Before Trump Took Office

Recommended

Login Form