Boehner Pushes Obama Trade Deal, NC to Get 72-Hour Waiting Periods for Abortions, Pluto Moons Have Erratic Orbit: A.M. Links


  • NASA

    President Obama is getting some help from Speaker John Boehner in pushing for passage of the Trans-Pacific Partnership; Boehner argues the legislation will provide a check on the president's power.

  • North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) says he'll sign legislation mandating a 72-hour waiting period for women seeking an abortion.
  • Former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced he'll be seeking the Republican nomination for president. Jeb Bush is expected to make an announcement in Miami on June 15. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.), meanwhile, apologized for keeping a Joe Biden joke in his stump speech. Too soon.
  • With just a couple of days left to make its first 300 million euro payment, Greece is still seeking to negotiate the terms of the repayment.
  • A former FIFA vice president says he has documents showing the association football governing body meddled in elections in Trinidad and Tobago and that he fears for his life. He was arrested last week and released on bail.
  • MERS is spreading in South Korea in the largest outbreak of the respiratory syndrome outside of the Middle East.
  • Go home, moons of Pluto, you're drunk.

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  1. …Boehner argues the legislation will provide a check on the president’s power.

    He knows because he read it thoroughly.

    1. Since Obama wants it, I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that.

      1. Cmon, even Palpatine was for (indefinitely suspended) limits to his power.

    2. Where be Rufus?

      Hello, Fisty.

      1. I be here, there and everywhere. Even as you work or pretend to work most of you think ‘Rufus’.

        Cutting an onion? You think, ‘ah Rufus!’

        Making out with your gal (or not), images ‘oh, Rufus!’ enter your mind.

        Reading a book? Powerful urges of ‘Rufus’ overtake you.

        I’m Rufus.

        1. I only know three words: ball, and dog, and Rufus.

        2. True dat.

          I just got back to my desk after taking a shit. I really was thinking Rufus the whole time!

          Are you psychic or something?

          1. I just know my place in your respective lives.

    3. Hello.

      ‘Jeb Bush ie sxpected…’

      Missing an ‘e’ perhaps?

      1. Rufus: Picked-up this story from BBC and interested in a Canadian perspective.

        1. That’s the dark side of Canadian history and has been a topic of discussion on and off for years.

          Residential schools and the concept of reservations are evil nonsense.

      2. Maybe a space in the wrong place?

        ‘Jeb Bushie sxpected…’

        1. I’m going with SEXPECTED.

          MY WORD.

    4. Anyone remember how, after Obama was first elected, we were told by Joe/MNG/etc. that we had to be patient? That he had plenty of time to fulfill his campaign promises, like shutting down Gitmo?

      Well, after a mere 7 years in office, Obama is finally fulfilling his promise to work with Republicans. Isn’t he dreamy?

      1. All those promises went down the Memory Hole, so he didn’t break any promises, because he can’t break promises he never made.

        1. And even if he did break promises, if was because the evil Koch-inspired tea-baggers prevented him from keeping them because racism.

  2. Go home, moons of Pluto, you’re drunk.

    Romulan Ale is illegal!

    1. Because it would make Romulan women attractive?

      1. Are you saying Rosa Delauro (D – CT) is NOT attractive?

        1. She is attractive… to camels

          1. +1 Midnight At The Oasis

          2. Learn something new every day.

            Until you told me that, I had assumed that camels had decent eyesight.

            Now I realize that camels are nearly blind and interact with the world mainly through smell.

  3. Jeb Bush ie sxpected to make an announcement in Miami on June 15

    Go home, Ed, you’re still drunk

    1. Jeb Bush, that is to say, is sexpected to make a very seductive announcement in sexy Miami…

      1. Mmm…velour.

  4. Go home, moons of Pluto, you’re drunk.

    Aren’t all moons orbiting under the influence?

    1. +1 gravitational pull

    2. Very nice indeed, gaijin.

      1. thank you

  5. NYTimes article on Uber vs. Paris socialism

    Top (Reader’s Pick) Comment

    Jim NYC 21 hours ago
    All of Uber’s statements are Orwellian. Case in point: ‘demands of the marketplace.’ When you break laws and avoid regulations to gain advantage and undercut legitimate business, it no longer qualifies as free market supply and demand.

    Reply 114Recommend

    Jim (and the 114 upvoters) making a comparison: “This makes me feel bad. Orwell makes me feel bad. This must be Orwellian.”

    1. I don’t think Jim knows what words mean.

      1. Damnit, Jim!


    2. Orwell was a noted free-market extremist – like Rand and Hitler.

      1. You know who else was a….

        Oh, nevermind.

        1. Goddammit.

      2. You know who else- hey, wait a minute.

    3. Jim wins a medallion.

      1. In Jim’s world, everybody wins a medallion.

        1. +1 equal outcomes

    4. If you don’t respect economic regulations imposed by a tax funded extortion racket, you are betraying the principles of the free market… It must be so blissful to be a progtard. You only need to rub one or two of your brain cells together to form an opinion that most people will accept at face value.

    5. When you avoid regulations designed to protect cartels against outside interference, you should feel bad for refusing to play by the rules of organized criminals.

      1. “You know when you don’t pay off the mafia, they beat the other store owners up more often. I blame you.”

    6. “undercut legitimate business”

      You mean the one being propped up by a goon squad? That legitimate business? “Nice car you have there….”

    7. NYT finest.

    8. I would upvote that if I had a NYT subscription just so everyone could see that “Jim NYC” has no idea what he’s talking about.

  6. A former FIFA vice president says he has documents showing the association football governing body meddled in elections in Trinidad and Tobago and that he fears for his life.

    See, rest of the world? This is what getting so investing in a stupid and very boring sport gets you.

    1. The DOJ probably can’t believe how easy it is to flip these fuckers.

      1. Are you saying he is diving?

    2. I was talking to my wife last night about getting Orlando city soccer tickets for next season. She said she is more willing to get them because the stadium is private and not screwing tax payers. I was so proud.

    3. See, rest of the world? This is what getting so investing in a stupid and very boring sport gets you.

      I didn’t know the rest of the world was that into baseball.

  7. Former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced he’ll be seeking the Republican nomination for president

    How long before he forgets that he’s running?

    1. “Running? For what….?”


      1. Give him some thick glasses. Stat!

        1. Those glasses make him look like he’s trying to do a Clark Kent.

      2. The Hawks will take the Cup.

        They’re in cruise control. I can sense it. Total Zen hockey on their part.

        1. From your lips to God’s ear, Rufus.

          They do not seem to worry or get flustered much. I like how Teuvo Ter?v?inen scores and his first thought is “oh no, now I have to talk to the media”…

        2. I tried to tune into my local NBC news at 11 last night, and I was like “WTF?” when I saw that fucking hockey was still. going. on. And I like hockey!

          1. I agree hockey in June is ridiculous. They have to find a way to wrap things up by May like not too long ago.

      3. Obama forgetting that there are 50 states and instead believing there are 57 states is not a problem.

        Rick Perry forgetting which 3 federal departments he will shut down while on stage is a problem and disqualifies him to be POTUS.

        1. I’m not Bo, so I’m not biting.

          1. Just pointing out media hypocrisy. That’s all.

            1. It’s there, no question.

        2. And anyone who drinks from a water bottle while speaking is also disqualified.

  8. Couple of weeks old, don’t know if anyone posted this:

    Canadian politician poses for speed metal band album cover, faces petitions to step down.

    The band is Gatekrash?r, the album was “Fear of Attack”

    “What happened three years ago, frankly, was a mistake,” Drever, 26, told The Canadian Press in an interview Thursday.

    “I wasn’t aware of the premise of the photo beforehand and I was just asked to do this, and I did it.

    “As soon as that picture was taken, I regretted it.”

    The photo is the latest in several questionable shots to surface since Drever won the Calgary Bow seat in the May 5 election. The pictures have sparked petitions demanding that she quit or be removed.

    Drever, a third-year sociology student at Mount Royal University, said she just wants to get on with her new job.

    1. Drever, 26

      no one who is 26 should be a politician

      1. Why? Because the job requires some maturity like Bill Clinton has?

        1. Age is no guarantor of wisdom of course. it’s simply my opinion on a general strategy for minimizing risk. A 26 year old should be testing their premises and world view out in the real world…not in the insulated world of government.

          1. Term limits is a better solution. Minimize the damage any one politician can inflict.

            1. I agree…as a legal solution. I was not suggesting there be any legal impediment to a 26 year old politician…just that I would be hard pressed to ever cast a vote for one.

          2. No one should be a politician.

              1. If there are no other politicians, who needs Ron Paul?

          3. I agree. Little or no life experiences (most of the time anyway). I’ll be damned if a 26 year-old will tell me, for example, how I should run my business affairs.

            The NDP is filled with kids in their ranks – and frighteningly getting elected. Which arguably proves the majority of people who vote have little or no skinny in the game. If the NDP fuck up, there are no direct consequences to their lot for they care little of unintended ones.

            1. Aw c’mon Rufus, they’ve got great intentions. They’re going to make the world a better place.

              1. Yeah.

                AT MY FUCKEN EXPENSE!

          4. Drever, 26… a third-year sociology student at Mount Royal University

            This struck me as well

            1. Precious few in the NDP ranks come from serious back grounds.

              They can spin nice sophistry until your sun tan disappears, sure, but they ain’t the sort of type you can build a business with and such.

              1. They can spin nice sophistry until your sun tan disappears, sure, but they ain’t the sort of type you can build a business with and such.

                Your wording conjured the voice of Mal Reynolds in my head. Nice!

    2. The fuck? Do they know it is just entertainment, and not real? Should Schwarzenegger have been disqualified from office because he terminated a bunch of innocent people in a movie? Just when I think we may have reached Peak Derp.

      1. I think i’d be MORE inclined to vote for a politician who’d posed for some shitty band’s terrible album cover.

          1. Alice Cooper is a noted family man and conservative Republican who is actually really good at golf. At this point, that’s the most shocking thing about him.

            1. That perfectly describes Caitlyn Jenner, too!

  9. Senator: Bring RICO Charges Against Climate Deniers
    It started with tobacco, but it won’t end there…..0-13798192

    1. Uh huh. But it is not a scam at all, no Sir. The settled science can stand on its own merit, so all dissent must be shut down.

      1. Who needs merit when you’ve got CONSENSUS.

        1. “Eppur si muove”

        2. Consensus is 280 people per million.

    2. Just watched the “environmentalist” episode of “Bullshit” last night. Goddamn, I love Penn & Teller.

  10. Drink mas? Taco Bell to serve alcohol at Chicago location
    Yo quiero margaritas: Taco Bell to serve alcohol at Chicago location featuring new design…..19577.html
    And here I thought Demolition Man was fiction.

    1. Alright Chicago, I’ll give you this round…of margaritas!

    2. + “Bad language, chocolate, gasoline, uneducational toys and anything spicy. Abortion is also illegal, but then again so is pregnancy if you don’t have a licence.”

    3. That’s right in my ‘hood!

      Methinks the hipster taco joints in the area will not like this cheaper competitor swooping in. And I like the hipster taco joints… I just hate the hipsters that pollute them.

  11. Apartment where the walls started oozing BLOOD leads to the discovery of dead neighbor upstairs
    Thomas Kennedy found mystery red streaks on kitchen wall in his Midwest City, Oklahoma, home last month
    Police officers went upstairs and discovered that Kennedy’s neighbor had died after a fall…..skull.html

    1. “GET OUT!”

    2. The walls of the 53rd precinct were bleeding?

    3. So this is the form chosen for the destroyer? A crappy apartment?

  12. Chinese restaurant opens called ‘I Don’t Know’
    The restaurant opened in Rochester, New York
    Owner Jessie Dong says the name was inspired by the phrase her kids say when she asks them what they want to eat…..-Know.html

    1. And then she serves them cheap chinese take out.
      Mom of the Year.

    2. There’s another restaurant across the street called “Dindoo Nuffin”.

    3. Better than her previous idea, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

    4. Ugh – my hometown. There is a reason I hated Chinese food until I left there for college.

    5. “Chinese restaurant opens called ‘I Don’t Know'”

      Third base.

  13. “We are learning that chaos may be a common trait of binary systems.”

    Unlike the order we experience here on Earth.

    1. Explains marriage

        1. a foursome? you guys stream it for us?

    2. No it is not. The erratic behavior is not erratic at all. Those bodies are all close in size and are all effecting each other.

      1. I enjoyed the following quote from the article: “The pair of football-shaped moons [Nix and Hydra] spin in an orbit as chaotic and random as a TIE fighter piloted by a drunken Vac-head.”

        Yet as you’ve pointed out, Suthen, the astronomers were able to plot the moons’ courses in a model – because science works.

  14. ‘Not that sad, and certainly not tragic’: New Jersey law clerk suspended after comments made following trooper’s death aged 24 in car crash
    Leslie Anderson, a law clerk in Middlesex County, New Jersey has been suspended over comments she made on Facebook
    She said that death of a trooper who was killed in a car crash while on duty Saturday around 1am was ‘not that sad and certainly not tragic’
    Anderson also wrote on the Facebook page of News 12 New Jersey she felt bad for the family of the deer the trooper killed
    Anthony Raspa, 24, was killed when after he struck the deer his car veered off into a wooded area, striking a tree
    The head of the State Troopers Fraternal Association said that because of her job, this brings up this ‘brings up ethical and conduct issues’
    Anderson has deleted the comments along with all her social media accounts…..crash.html
    Here’s what she wrote:
    ‘Troopers were probably traveling at a dangerously high speed as per usual. Totally preventable. At least they didn’t take any of the citizens they were sworn to serve and protect with them.’
    Truth hurts.

    1. ROFL! How is that an ethical or conduct issue? Are these people so thin skinned that anything less than sloppy cock-sucking adulation appears to them to be a despicable smear on the order of spitting babies on bayonets?

      1. As far as law enforcement is concerned, telling the truth is the height of bad ethics and bad conduct.

      2. It’s unethical for a peasant to disparage their costumed betters.

    2. Lese Majeste will not be tolerated.

    3. ‘brings up ethical and conduct issues’

      Yeah, issues like we can’t depend on her to torpedo a future cop brutality indictment.

    4. People are increasingly fearful of talking ‘off the cuff’ now.

      There’s a thin veil of paranoia gripping them and the sad thing is they don’t realize it.

      I even see it among my buddies sadly. Once upon a time we were an awful bunch uttering things that were not fit for human consumption. A couple of us maintain this healthy disposition (my wife likes it) but unfortunately the others have ‘matured’ and worry too much what others think.

      Shit, you can’t even swear in an email anymore.

      But not here at Reason. Here, I can be myself and type cunt, cunt, cunt as many times as I like while in my Everlast underwear.

      1. I knew this kid named Rufus
        Who used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
        He liked to hang out late
        He liked to get shit-faced and keep the pace with thugs

      2. We’ll look back on this with nostalgia when we’re in the camps.

      3. Three times fast and you’ll summon Ken Schultz to put a damper on your cunt parade.

    5. Late to the party here, but my dad one time spent over an hour stuck in backed up traffic downtown, and was perplexed that there were about a dozen cops standing around doing nothing instead of directing traffic. When he finally got up to where the cops were standing around he rolled down his window and goes “What are you guys doing? Nobody here can direct traffic?”. One of the cops comes up to his window and goes “We’re honoring a fellow officer who fell in the line of duty”. From local news reports, he knew they were referring to a cop who had been killed a couple days before when he crashed his cruiser into a telephone pole while speeding. So he replied “Line of duty? He was speeding and wrapped himself around a telephone pole!”. In hindsight, he was lucky they were feeling lazy. With that many cops standing around I’m 100% confident they could have satisfied a court as to the justifiable nature of caving his skull in.

  15. Do you love reggae and hate easy listening? You must be UPPER CLASS: What your music taste reveals about your social status
    Scientists asked 1,595 people from varied backgrounds about music tastes
    They found that higher classes liked rock, reggae, pop, classical and opera
    But the higher classes all hated country, easy listening and golden oldies
    Lower classes preferred heavy metal, rap and disco but hated pop music…..tatus.html
    Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine.

    1. Scientists

      yeah, riiiggghhhttt.

      1. So all high class people hate country? Even the country star millionaires? Has anyone told Randy Travis? Is he out of the drunk tank today? Did anyone see black dog?

        1. Well, I hate country. Must be true.

          1. So I can file this under settled science, PBUI?

            1. Settled by consensus. Immutable fact.

            1. I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said “powerless”. I thought it was weird and I googled it. Evidently it’s an AA thing. Who advertises they were a drunk?

              1. If you were to ever attend an AA meeting you would understand.

                1. If you were to ever attend an AA meeting you would understand.

                  I’ve been to a few AA and NA meetings. I get sharing in meetings, but on the open road? I don’t get that.

                  1. I am not saying that it makes sense. There are a good amount of people in AA who have determined that their sobriety/recovery are the biggest parts of their personalities.

                    I grew up with a guy who is like that. He lives it everyday and boy does he want to tell everyone about it.

                    1. I grew up with a guy who is like that. He lives it everyday and boy does he want to tell everyone about it.

                      My mother’s like that. Traded the bottle for Jesus.

                    2. It is less about Jesus and more about just having “alcoholic” become his personality. He does stand-up and 75% of the routine is about being an alcoholic. He just hangs out at AA meetings. His girlfriend is in AA.

                      He is not the only one I have met who is like that. I mean, do whatever you want, do whatever makes you happy, what gets you through the day, but fuck it is annoying and hard to be around.

                    3. My mom is on a Jesus AND bottle type plan. She’s super fun to be around.

              2. Maybe they’re just trying to excuse their bad driving

              3. “powerless”

                I guessed it was some religious thing until I just googled it. Worse: it’s some “addiction science” claptrap.

              4. My dog training mentor’s vanity license plat says “June 35”. At first I thought it was his birthdate. Then he told me it was the founding of AA. It’s a cult. HOWEVER, having been in a relationship with a drunk (who died directly from being a drunk. As in, his liver exploded), I would rather have had him be an AA cultie than a drunk.

                1. I would rather have had him be an AA cultie than a drunk.

                  I agree with this, of course. The culties are still exceedingly hard to be around socially.

              5. AA teaches helplessness and freedom from responsibility. It is disgusting, but something that appeals to certain personality types. They wear that shit like a badge of honor.

            2. I hope the ghost of Johnny Cash comes to your house and kills all your plants.

              1. So that’s what happened…

                1. It was probably Billy Ray Cyrus on his way home from a bender

                2. I hope alive Willie Nelson comes to your house and smokes all your plants.

        2. So all high class people hate country? Even the country star millionaires?

          What makes you think country millionaires are “high class”?


          1. Check. And. Mate.

          2. My hometown hosts a huge country music fest each summer.

            When I was in high school Hank Williams Jr headlined the event. He showed up a week early, stayed the entire week of the fest and then stayed another week.

            He walked around with Hank suspenders, bought drinks for tons of people and flew in girls to hang on his arm.

            He was by far the coolest celebrity I have ever encountered. Don’t be knocking country stars.

            1. Adjust your snark detector. I’m knocking elitist “scientists”.

              1. I just wanted to brag on how I’m a close personal friend of Hank Jr.

    2. I hate these stupid asshole studies.

      I can go from Van Morrison to Pere Ubu to Paganini to Mose Allison to Aretha Franklin (the gospel stuff) in one sitting for fuck sakes.

      Who cares what that reveals about me? I just want to listen to good music.

      1. 26 year old sociology majors care.

      2. The two stations I jump to most are bluegrass junction and hip hop nation. Make of that what you will.

        1. You like Gangstagrass?

          1. If this isn’t a thing crusty, I’m going to make it a thing. A twangy banjo rhythm with profanity laced anti-cop lyrics. I might actually cry.

            1. It is the name of a group. They are not really my thing but I like the idea in theory.

              1. Thanks to you and Mr bot. I never watched justified or heard of this group. I’ll check it out.

                1. Justified was a very good television show.

                  Fact: if you pull on Raylan he will put you down.

          2. You like Gangstagrass?

            Why yes, yes I do.


            1. Love the theme song for Justified.

        2. I’m sure they can pin down “Florida” from just that info.

        3. You’re bi-polar.

          1. It’s spelled sexual. Bi-sexual. Wait, what are we talking about?

      3. Mose Allison sucks ass.

      4. Social signallers need to be told what the signals mean.

    3. I love crunk. And bluegrass. And pop. And surf guitar.

      I’m a very high class low class broad.

    4. I didn’t see anything about electronic. What class of robot am I?

    5. Praise Science! Is there nothing It can’t do?

  16. Forget Dave, meet Roger: After giant grey kangaroo is pictured stalking suburbia, a SIX FOOT red rival weighing 14 stone emerges – who crushes buckets for fun
    Roger the kangaroo, who lives at The Kangaroo Sanctuary Alice Springs in NT, is 2m tall and weighs in at 89kg
    A new photo has emerged of the alpha male – a red kangaroo – crushing his metal feeding bucket between his paws
    He was orphaned after his mother was found dead on the side of a road in 2006 by sanctuary manager Chris Barnes
    But he is not as big as Dave who is famous for roaming Brisbane streets and is also 2m tall but weighs 6kg more…..IGGER.html
    Warty is jealous. Seriously. That kangaroo is ripped.

    1. That roo got swole.

    2. Pah. Warty would swing that ‘roo around by ts tail and smash the other one with him, morning-star style.

      1. Ah yes, but would Warty tie me kangaroo down for sport?

    3. ‘[He] will attack anyone or anything that gets too close to him or his women,’

      Wait a minute….maybe that ‘roo is Warty!

      1. humanity will roo the day

        1. HM will be along to punish your punning any moment now.

          1. Punnishment?

      2. Well, I bet he can really squat a lot of weight…..

      3. Well, Warty IS known to carry his young in a pouch…

        1. Alys likes to feel the thunderous rumble of his heartbeat.

          1. Which one? He has five hearts, you know. And none of them are capable of what we humans know as ‘love.’

  17. North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) says he’ll sign legislation mandating a 72-hour waiting period for women seeking an abortion.

    Someone who doesn’t like abortion because he thinks it is murdering babies makes sure fetuses are closer to being babies before they are aborted.

    1. Well done.

      1. More like medium rare.

          1. Sorry, too soon?

            1. Wait 72 hours and check back then.

    2. Look you mock, but I was going to go on a shooting spree. I had to wait 72 hours and by then I lost interest. Abortion is the same way. Sometimes you wake up itching for an abortion and by the time you get a free minute you’ve lost interest.

      1. Good call. We should mandate 72 hour waiting periods for shooting sprees. Someone ought’a make a law!

    3. I wonder if this is just trolling leftists regarding waiting periods for exercise of second amendment rights.

      1. Don’t attribute to cunning that which is best explained by pandering to your base.

        1. Sure, most likely just stupidity, but it would be some good trolling.


        1. The best trolling bumper sticker I’ve ever seen:

          “Guns don’t kill people. Abortions kill people.”

          1. That’s pretty epic. I would never put it on my truck though.

            1. Just play your twangy hip hop music while you drive around. No one will mess with you

              1. I guess it does send the message that not only do I have poor impulse control and a gun, I know how to use it.

                1. If you also have a bumper sticker that says “I ? my kids,” ain’t nobody will even tailgate.

                  1. This is the best piece of advice I have ever received.

    4. Yeah I disagree with abortion after a certain point. The Republicans seem keen to make sure that certain point is crossed before anyone gets an abortion.

    5. Damn, Protagoronus, that was a good one.

  18. Jack Warner. He epitomizes the concept of the Idiot King.

    1. FIFA’s new song slogan should be Mellencamp’s ‘Crumblin’ Down’.

  19. Islamic State’s command of social media called unprecedented

    “Privacy above all other things ? including safety and freedom from terrorism ? is not where we want to go,” [said the assistant director in the Counterterrorism Division of the FBI].

    Well, I suppose he’s OK with the IRS then.

    1. is not where we want to go

      And who is this ‘we’ to whom the assistant director refers? F this unelected authoritarian dick

      1. That’s why these guys should have their exact locations available to the public at all times — so we know they’re safe.

        1. Someone should fly a consumer grade drone over his house and post the pictures to his wife’s facebook page.

    2. Yeah, they’ve still got a little work to do……..e_facebook

  20. The meme I see floating around derpbook: “Bill gates has done more for mankind since he left microsoft than when he led it.”

    1. Idiots. Fucking idiots.

    2. Idiots. Fucking idiots.

      1. Squirrels. Fucking squirrels.

    3. Why is it idiotic to think that a billionaire’s philanthropic work may actually be a bigger deal than his business? Do you have any idea what his Foundation actually does? Or is making money the only way to value someone’s effect on humanity?

      1. It isn’t the money making that counts, but the vast proliferation of computer technology that changed the world that counts. Bill Gates put the entirety of human knowledge at the tips of the fingers of every common man on the planet, albeit with a shitty OS.

        Giving out scholarships and grants to various NGO’s can’t top that.

  21. A former FIFA vice president says he has documents showing the association football governing body meddled in elections in Trinidad and Tobago and that he fears for his life. He was arrested last week and released on bail.

    FIFA may be the closest thing we’ll ever have to real life Bond villains.

    1. Jack Warner is far too comical to be a Bond villain.

    2. Sepp Blatter is a piece of classless crap.

      He presided over scandals like 2002 and breaking FIFA protocol by not presenting the Jules Rimet to Cannavaro in 2006. That spoke volumes of what kind of a gigantic douche he is.

      Not to mention his idiocy on Scotland’s soccer federation about its place in FIFA among bags of other things.

      Fuck him and his creepy ‘Go FIFA, Go FIFA, Go FIFA’ chants.

      1. Are your chants “Go IFAB, Go IFAB, Go IFAB”? Less catchy, that’s for sure.

        Blatter is a horrible human being. He’s even worse for fooling everyone into thinking his “bringing football to the world” shtick was anything remotely genuine.

        1. Football/soccer or whatever they want to call it has belonged to the world waaayyyy before that jackass. No sooner than the English codified to laws of the game by the 1920s the entire world latched onto it. Uruguay, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Italy by that point were already powers (in addition to England and Scotland of course) and soon after by the 1930s Germany, Brazil, Sweden, Argentina and France joined the ranks. And still later Holland and Spain. It became the world’s game pretty darn fast.

          It doesn’t belong to England any more than to one lousy FIFA president.

          1. I think when Blatter makes those noises, what it means is throwing money at non-powerhouses. Same reason the World Cup goes to South Africa and Russia instead of France or England.

    3. I just read that the US is going to be a “loser” after all this because we’re damaging our chances of hosting the 2026 World Cup. (Wait, we want this?) Presumably all the little shithole nations that make these decisions will be pissed at us for stopping the flow of $$ that Blatter was showering on them.

      1. Why wouldn’t we want this? It’s one of the few things of this sort that actually makes money because we hold it in stadiums that already exist. 1994 was spectacularly profitable for USSF.

        1. Good points – I was probably thinking of the Olympics which are always loaded with graft.

      2. Anti-American sentiment is already there so – damned if you and damned if you don’t sorta situation where soccer is concerned.

        I soooo want to see the USA win a WC in my lifetime.

        1. I don’t think any of us is going to live that long. I’ll settle for the occasional whupping of Mexico.

  22. Daybreaker parties come to DC

    Hope this doesn’t affect the lynx being on time from now on

    1. Fucking joiners. Gotta always be joinin’.

  23. Tanzania Warns Politicians: Witchcraft Using Albino Body Parts Will Not Win You Elections

    However, witchcraft using private servers and money-laundering foundations will.

    1. What am I going to do with all my inventory? Is Albino body part fetish a thing?

    2. Fuck Sub-Saharan Africa jesus titty-fucking christ.

  24. Jeb Bush ie sxpected to make an announcement in Miami on June 15. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.),

    “My fellow Americans, I am NOT seeking the nomination for POTUS in 2016. The Bush brand sucks, and honestly, I will get waxed in the primaries. Even if I win, I will suck as President.”

    1. If he would do that, he would prove himself to be a great American. He could also make a statement about how un American having dynastic families are. It would make Hillary look like the craven bitch she is. He is of course nearly as bad as she is. So there is zero chance of this happening.

      1. He could also make a statement about how un American having dynastic families are.

        OMG. I think I would probably piss myself if that actually happened. Then I might write in Jeb on the ballot.

        1. That actually might be his best electoral strategy. Pull a George Washington and refuse the crown, then get a write in landslide.


  25. With just a couple of days left to make its first 300 million euro payment, Greece is still seeking to negotiate the terms of the repayment.

    If you owe the bank 1000 euros, it’s your problem.
    If you owe the bank 300 million euros, it’s the bank’s problem.

    1. Used to be if you were a developer and you were in trouble with the bank, they would give the developer an assistant. The assistant’s job was to follow the developer around and speak for him at all construction meetings, constantly referring to the developer as “asshole”.

      1. Christ, complete and total grammar fail

        1. F*** grammar.


          Non-native English speaker

    1. One of the reasons I don’t give a fucking dime to UNICEF is their promotion of government schools in Africa etc. This sounds heartless until one realizes that in setting up such school systems, the states getting the money make sure that the new compulsory education system breaks up institutions like tribes that are a check on the state power. Between corruption, graft and enabling tyranny, I suspect very little of the dimes and quarters collected in those little boxes actually goes to helping children.

      1. You’re heartless. Look at all the good public schooling has done impoverished third-world hellholes right here in America.

      2. Have you read this book? The Beautiful Tree

      3. Those repressive regimes you’re talking about will gain an awful lot of power when they’re able, by UN sanction and funding, to track every girl and woman in their country. This is sooo gonna end well.

      4. Give the Africans commerce and nothing else. Look at what agricultural dumping has done to the local agriculture industry there. It’s uneconomic to send your food to market when you’re competing with foreign free shit. Not to mention that charitable westerners are sending shipments of seeds that literally contain instructions telling the local farmers not to simply eat the seeds, but to plant them in the fucking ground instead. Those people could use a little familiarizing with commerce and trade in lieu of charity and welfare payments.

        1. Or, you know, we could just let them alone and they can figure out what works best for them. But everyone feels we need to undo the damage done by colonialism. It’s like pulling that loose thread on your sweater – the more you pull, the more damage you do to the sweater.

          1. It’s easy to blame all their problems on “colonialism”. It’s even easier to do so with running water, toliets, telecommunications and some semblance of modern medicine.

    2. Girls Count? Well, of course. But can they math?

  26. Kid brings ghost pepper to school. Dumb ass buddies try some and go to nurses office because their mouths burn.

    School gives kid lots of detention and say “it is the same as bringing LSD to school”.

    And the Liens were shocked and mystified when they said the school likened the peppers to psychedelic drugs.
    “I was told that it’s equivalent to giving someone LSD,” Nick Lien said.…..r-lawsuit/

    1. I gave Phillipe, likely the quietest kid in middle school, habenero seeds to chew on and laughed and laughed while he stood at the water fountain rinsing out his mouth.

    2. I would have offered it to the principal and teachers as a dare. That would have helped sort out the dumb ones from the smart.

      1. “That would have helped sort out the dumb ones from the smart.”

        I hope you find a difference.

  27. Gentlemen… Start your guffawing: Gawker Votes to Unionize

    1. So we can presume future articles on union matters will surely be un-biased, right?

      1. Future articles? are you kidding between the sitouts, sitins, strikes and protests followed by the inevitable “scab”(which for gawker is the most laughable concept ever) replacements we might just be unlucky enough to see a solitary facebook post.

    2. I was hoping they would un-ionize

    3. When a general election installs a candidate on the basis of a plurality of votes, with tens of millions tallied and a margin of 1-2%, it’s easy to forget the coercion inherent to majoritarian rule.

      When you have numbers like

      Yes: 80 votes?75%

      No: 27 votes?25%

      the clouds of direct democracy dissipate somewhat and you get to see that 80 people subjugated 27 of their colleagues to their whims.

      (I’m assuming their union isn’t voluntary.)

      1. (I’m assuming their union isn’t voluntary.)

        Voluntary? That word was removed from the Newspeak dictionary several editions ago, comrade!

        1. Oh no. It’s still there. It just has the definition for mandatory behind it now.

    4. It’s going to be awesome to watch them go down the drain like Hostess.

      1. When your already at the bottom it’s kind of hard to sink lower.

        1. Well, they still employ people at this point. That’s gonna change in a few years.

    5. Iowahawk said it beautifully: Brotherhood of Subiliterate Snark Typist Local 1

      1. Love that guy

    6. At first I read that as “onionize” and thought, what, they aren’t already a joke?

  28. How come our bathroom thread yesterday isn’t showing up in the list of Most Commented stories?

    I smell a fix.

    1. Bathroom thread? I always miss the good stuff.

      1. Don’t listen to the haters, follow my link. It is great.…..nt_5342004

        1. You are not right.

    2. Because somebody at Reason HQ has some class?


  29. Rand Paul’s dark vision:

    At its best, libertarianism is a cheerful, optimistic approach to politics, brimming with confidence about what men and women can achieve when left to their own devices, and, accordingly, with fresh ideas about how to meet social goals through individual initiative and free markets. The Republican Party could well benefit from adding such approaches to its platform on issues from gay rights to law enforcement. Democrats could, too, for that matter.

    …….Is Paul actually listening to his own words, as he regularly implies that the U.S. government is a greater threat to its people than al-Qaeda and the Islamic State combined? “Some people are so fearful, they’re like, how could we get terrorists?” he mused in another moment of hyperbolic ?motive-impugning the other day. “We’ll be overrun with terrorists, and ISIS will be in every drug store and in every house in America if we don’t get rid of the Constitution, if we don’t let the Fourth Amendment lapse, if we don’t just let everybody pass out warrants.”

    No one says this, or anything close to it. What Congress has been having, for the most part, is a debate about the age-old tension between security and freedom and how to manage it, realistically, without shredding the Constitution. Then, over here, you have Rand Paul.

    1. Charles Lane is an idiot.

      1. My wife says he looks just like Charlie Brown as a grown-up.

    2. During one of Rand’s speeches on the Senate floor the other day he said something like…”get a warrant and hire 1,000 more FBI agents to investigate suspected terrorists.” I would hope he does not want to hire 1,000 of those douchebags (perhaps just use the 17 million Federal agents to do the work), but I like Rand’s idea more than whatever we have been doing.

    3. I see WaPo is at the early phase of “debate them.” The transition to “debate” usually involves constructing straw-men versions and debating those. They only have their own credibility to lose.

      Also, no numbers on how many people Islamists have killed on US soil vs how many people government has killed during the same period.

      1. ^THIS, Tonio.

    4. Rand Paul’s dark vision, as opposed to Barack Obama’s rainbows and unicorns vision.

      Got it.

      1. Is that racist? I can’t tell.

        1. If you have to ask…..

          1. …yes

  30. Fuck, my senator is actually doing something I like.…..306079451/

  31. She is not a moderate. She is an amoral crap weasel that will say and do anything to continue to suckle on the body public. then check all report news this way….

    1. Adolpho!

      Nice job posting something topical instead of your usual mindless sales pitch. It ensures more people will click on your spam links!

      Oh, and fuck you asshole!

  32. Mending it by ending it. Dallas repealed its plastic bag ordinance yesterday.

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