All About Bernie, Everybody vs. Rand, Losing Water: P.M. Links

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  • Bernie Sanders

    Sen. Bernie Sanders wrote a weird sex essay a long time ago, but who really cares?

  • Is it just me, or is literally every other Republican out to destroy Sen. Rand Paul for his foreign policy views, even though Paul is obviously right? I know, I know, preaching to the choir, but still. Oh, some links.
  • A year's supply of water for 500 California households was stolen by "vandals." (Hat tip: Playa Manhattan)
  • Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape. Thanks for the $579,000, taxpayers.
  • From Salon: "Why Disney's 'first African princess' is the spirit animal for global white supremacy." Should be compelling.
  • The latest Aaron Schock stuff.
  • Some soccer thing.
  • This new Netflix series Sens8 looks promising.

NEXT: Emma Sulkowicz Hopes Maybe a Museum Will Buy Her Mattress

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  1. This new Netflix series Sens8 looks promising.

    If it’s so great why isn’t it on network television?

    1. Hello.

      Robby is working hard today.

      124 years of environmental failed predictions:

      http://www.lowerwolfjaw.com/agw/quotes.htm

      1. Can your former director turn that into porn?

        1. Shit, I’ll do it!

          Now to find a partner….

          1. Jesse would probably be willing to partner with you.

            1. Does he have tits?

              1. And Jesse would like to know if you’re a real canadian… Do you have a beard and swing some lumber?

                1. No and no.

                  Stubble and I swing your MOTHER.

          2. Don’t get your hands pregnant!

  2. Sen. Bernie Sanders wrote a weird sex essay a long time ago, but who really cares?

    I actually very much don’t want to know about it in any way.

    1. It really doesn’t seem too weird, but he wrote about rape fantasies so…

      1. Bernie “I like rape” Sanders is right!

        1. STEVE SMITH VOTE FOR RAPE CANDIDATE

    2. Where do you think Sug got his material from?

      THE STUDENT IS NOW THE MASTER.

    3. Was it a diatribe about how half the people in the world control all the pussy in the world and that just isn’t fair?

      1. Well done.

      2. That has been a running theme of parts of the Left since the French Revolution.

  3. Bernie SandersSen. Bernie Sanders wrote a weird sex essay a long time ago, but who really cares?

    The sex essay was a sadomasochistic orgy of socialist bureaucrats raping citizens.

    1. So, art imitates life kind of thing…

      1. Have you seen the German movie The Lives of Others?

        It has a scene where a woman gets raped by a high-ranking Communist Party official, and there is nothing she can do. That really was art imitating life.

        1. Surprisingly, I have seen that movie. Why do I not remember that scene?

          1. Probably because patriarchy or something

    2. So Bernie’s “Mein Kampf” then?

      And his campaign is crapping over Pandora now.

  4. I know, I know, preaching to the choir, but still.

    THAT’S WHAT WE DO HERE. (Except without the religious imagery.)

    1. QUIT YOUR BITCHING FIST AND GET UP ON THAT CROSS.

      1. Why have you forsaken me?

        or

        I GOT WOOD FOR YOU RIGHT HERE

        1. Nailed it.

          1. Always look on the bright side of life…

        2. Will you take Sheep and a Clay for it?

    2. Paul should be very happy with where he is right now. History has shown that you don’t want to be in the polling lead this early, but you DO want to differentiate yourself from crowd as quickly as possible. He’s doing both and no one is coming along with him to split the “sane” vote.

      Of course the fact that he polls best against Clinton means that there’s no way the stupid party will pick him to actually run against Clinton. It’s going to be Bush and everybody already knows it. It’s his turn, right. Bush, charismatic windbag, Bush, charismatic windbag, Bush. That’s how it goes.

      1. I watched his interview with Jon Stewart and he did extremely well. He made few missteps and ended the conversation perfectly.

        1. I’ll check it out.

      2. I’m actually pretty optimistic about Paul. He’ll have a harder time winning with the party fighting him so hard, but I think he has a real chance to break through as a popular candidate.

        1. I am too. Strangely much more optimistic than I ever was about Dear old Dad.

          Has my memory faded or are they fighting Rand harder than they fought Ron? I mean, putting aside the early caucus thing that was going on…

          1. Has my memory faded or are they fighting Rand harder than they fought Ron?

            They seem to be….he stands a better chance of not terrifying the mind numbed American electorate. I hope he loses this time and wins in 2020!

          2. Bigger platform in the Senate means greater visibility?

          3. Because they knew Ron couldn’t win. They’re much more worried about Rand. It’s actually pretty obvious if you listen to the SoCons or warhawks that trash him–he’s worth bitching about to them.

      3. You know, sometimes I think the GOP isn’t just stupid. Sometimes I think it’s genuinely suicidal.

      4. Bob Dole was a charismatic windbag? Are you certain about theory of yours?

  5. See? That’s how hat tips work, other Reason writers.

    1. They’re all just jealous about those of us who DO get the H/T from time to time…

      *admires last H/T from across the room*

    2. (Hat tip: Playa Manhattan)

      Looks to me like he microaggressed against you, bro.

      1. He’s saving up 10 hat tips to exchange for a cocktail party invite.

      2. Totally. Pl?ya should start carrying an accent wherever he goes for nine months.

      3. If I ever get a hat-tip, I want a Homeric epithet, like Warlike Pro Libertate or Pro Libertate, Sacker of Cities. That sort of thing.

        1. Florida Man, Pro Libertate

        2. Pro Liberate Wrestler of Gators

          1. Neither of those is Homeric. Wine-Dark Pro Libertate.

            1. Something like Earl Pro Libertate, Slayer of SoCons?

            2. Neither of those is Homeric.

              I read that as “homoerotic”….what on earth is wrong with me?

            3. Cowering Pro Lib, hiding beneath the linens of Fair eyed Helen?

    3. Maybe get a blister on your little finger. Maybe get a blister on your thumb.

      1. +1 custom kitchen delivery

    4. Ooooh, ooooh, Mr. Manhattan, can I have your autograph?

      1. I prefer to reward my groupies in other ways.

        1. OK, I’m oiled up and ready, young fella.

          1. Greco-Roman wrestling?

    5. Did anyone read the link? A bouncy house deflates, and 50 million gallons of MY water runs into the ocean. Nice work, people in charge.

      1. While the city of LA continues to water tires and shopping carts, in the rain…

      2. Don’t play coy with us, Mr. Manhattan.

        Tell us where the water is!

      3. The act of a bunch of kids or could there be some eco-terrorist rationale?

      4. 50 million?

        pppppt.

        That’s nothing. California wastes 150 BILLION gallons a year on a stupid fucking endangered fish population.

        http://spectator.org/articles/…..melt-0-now

        “Claiming that water pumped out of the Delta to the Central Valley was the cause of the smelt decline, the Natural Resources Defense Council and allied environmentalist groups in 2008 sued the federal government. The Bush Administration’s Department of the Interior then agreed to divert more than 150 billion gallons of water a year from the Central Valley to the San Joaquin River Delta in a vain effort to stop the decline of the smelt.

        The federal government then asked the National Academy of Sciences to conduct a formal study. In March 2010 its report concluded that fish counting data were not fully reliable…The harsh pumping restrictions continued. By this summer it had been three years since the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service had imposed a restriction on the system to divert an extra 81 billions gallons of water a year from the Central Valley system to flow out to the ocean

        1. One comet, and their problems would be over.

          1. Maybe if it was followed by meteor showers and tidal waves, followed by fault lines that cannot sit still, etc.

            1. See you in Arizona Bay.

        2. Other sources I’ve seen report that 50% of California’s water supply goes to environment uses and 50% goes to human uses.

    6. See? That’s how hat tips work, other Reason writers.

      So joining the ranks with Vanneman is a good thing?

  6. Feminist writer from The Guardian likes Snoop Dogg, and she’s quite the rebel.

    Lyrics about bitches and whores are offensive ? but a life without such contradictory pleasures would be boring, if not impossible

    1. WE NEED THINGS TO BITCH ABOUT

    2. Oooh, Valenti’s not gonna like that!

    3. A couple of years back, Radio Sweden’s English program had a piece on Jamaican reggae/dancehall musicians performing in Sweden, and talked with Swedish gays about the fact that the Jamaicans’ lyrics are terribly anti-gay. The Swedes were twisting themselves into pretzels trying to make excuses for open bigotry from non-whites.

      1. Swedes need to chill the fuck down.

        1. A Jamaican ex-gf complained that I didn’t pronounce bati (or however the fuck you spell it) the right way.

      2. The Swedes were twisting themselves into pretzels trying to make excuses for open bigotry from non-whites.

        I wonder why. Aren’t you supposed to do what’s always done when describing quetionable behavior in people with skin darker than yours?

        “It’s a cultural thing.”

    4. …..and she’s quite the rebel.

      Plain, overweight, middle aged white lady has a crush! Sounds like somebody will be vacationing someplace exotic this year!

    5. Liberal announces approval of rapper shortly following his announcement he was voting for Hillary.

      …but a good ~20 years after his “Yeah, I murdered someone ; so what?” album.

      If she’d said, “I still hit the purple drank, rock swisha house, keep my rims spinning”, I’d be mildly impressed

  7. From Salon: “Why Disney’s “first African princess” is the spirit animal for global white supremacy.” Should be compelling.

    You can’t fool me, Reason. That’s a headline from the parody twitter account @Salondotcom.

    1. They called her an animal?

  8. Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape. Thanks for the $579,000, taxpayers.

    They need to create a videogame teaching men not to rob, but that would be against government’s first principles.

    1. I’m trying to imagine the psychological profile of the person who actually plays this.

      1. Like the Bill Burr bit on the Neanderthal who sits at home in his beater and sees the ad that says “don’t hit women” and has his epiphany. “Sorry honey! Didn’t know! Upsie daisy!”

      2. Oh, that’s easy, potential rapists, of course.

        You have a GTA style RPG called something like SUPERRAPE. You market the game as really rapey, more rapey than a dolphin, more rapey than STEVE SMITH. The only catch is when you find a victim in the game, and start raping, the controller delivers an electrical shock designed to medically castrate you.

        *Begins filling out grant application*

  9. Never mind ISIS, Boko Haram, or Taliban atrocities against women.

    Hypersensitive “feminists” are on a witch hunt and they are looking for things to get offended by. They should be f***ing ashamed of themselves. But hey! I’m just mansplaining.

    Feminists upset over statue of man and woman talking

    1. Made me think ofthis.

      1. I think of that at least once a day. But I know a lot of idiots.

    2. I haven’t clicked the link, and I’m going to guess what their gripe is.

      Guess 1: Female is talking, male is not, furthering stereotype that women talk too much.

      Guess 2: Male is talking, female is not, furthering belief that women should be submissive.

      Guess 3: Both are talking, which normalizes fact that men interupt women.

      1. Captioning contest! (aka Mansplaining Contest!)

        Man to Woman: “Wanna come home and make me some dinner?”

        1. Man to Woman: “Looks like you get your legs rubbed a lot.”

          1. I wonder if the artist realizes that and regrets using his daughter as the model?

        2. Not mansplain-y enough “Wanna come home so I can teach you how to make me some dinner?”

        3. Man to Woman: “Did you know that, to some people, my cock is in your face? So, get busy.”

        4. Captioning contest! (aka Mansplaining Contest!)

          Man to Woman: “Wanna come home and make me some dinner Have you washed underwear yet? Get off your lazy ass and get it done.. “

      2. No. Man has his leg up on the bench, therefore he is in a position of dominance and is clearly mansplaining.

        1. Also known as “You come to this Gym often” pose.

          1. Yeah his pose is douche-y, but not condescending. He just looks like a guy who is transparently trying to impress her. A normal woman would notice that, but wouldn’t take offense, just brush it off as a guy thing. Feminists are fundamentally just incredibly insecure.

            1. It’s also a statue and the guy who made the statue probably just put them in that pose because he thought it looked nice.

              1. The proportions of the leg on the bench is out of whack.

                He looks like he just got off King Richard’s Rack, or something.

        2. MANSPREADING

          He might as well be slapping his cock in her face

        3. You don’t appear to be pregnant. There must be something wrong with you.

      3. I was really overthinking this, it turns out.

      4. Female’s legs are crossed (sign of enforced patriarchal value system).

        1. Female: “Does this make me look fat?”
          Male: “No, it’s not the dress that does that.”
          SMACK!

          1. Male: “Say, you’re CUTE when you’re angry!”

    3. They aren’t upset, they’re passively aggressing. Anybody who deals with small children knows the way this works – you find some way to make sure your sibling offends you, giving you the excuse you want to punch him in the head. When the sibling squalls and attracts the attention of Mommy, you can innocently point and say “He started it”. These “offended” SJWs aren’t a damn bit offended, they’re aggressively playing offense. Trying to soothe their “hurt feelings” won’t help since they don’t actually have any hurt feelings, the only proper response is the same response the whiny kid gets – a smack upside the head and a “You want something to whine about? I’ll give you something to whine about.”

      1. I laughed..

    4. I like that he has his leg hiked up: ‘I got yer package right here, sweetie.’

    5. Aren’t they femsplaining the meaning to everyone?

      1. I have, no shit, been told that it’s impossible for a member of an oppressed population to ” ‘splain” at an oppressor population member.

        The woman I was talking to did not seem to care for my alternate thesis that the woman who I’d accused of femsplaining “was just being a fucking cunt, then”.

    6. If it was the woman standing like that they’d complain that the guy was looking up her skirt.

      1. I had a history teacher in junior high who used to stand like that when he taught. And he would wear his grays (tshirt and short shorts for athletics class) with no underwear.

    7. Nether of the statues are white so it’s none of their business.

    8. “I feel like we’ve all been guilty of [mansplaining], males and females alike,” said Hernandez, the woman who took the original photo of the statue. “But it’s just less palatable when a guy’s up to it ’cause, well, he’s still on the right side of oppression.”

      Which is a sexist thing to say in itself.

      1. It is better to be on the right side of oppression than the wrong side.

  10. Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape. Thanks for the $579,000, taxpayers.

    Is it like ‘Don’t Whizz on the Electric Fence’ but with rape?

    1. Is it called ‘Don’t Stick it in Crazy’? Or ‘Avoid College Girls’?

      /Same thing, I know.

  11. What do went want? What do went want?

    CLIMATE CONTROL! CLIMATE CONTROL!

    Al Sharpton Asks If God Is Punishing Texas With Torrential Rains, Flooding

    Reverend Al Sharpton
    ? @TheRevAl

    #KeepingItReal QOTD: Do you think the #TexasFlooding is related to climate control or God’s rebuke?Call 8775325797 or tweet me your thoughts

    Seriously, before the government imposes a carbon tax, it should make a good faith effort to collect overdue taxes from Reverend Al. After all, the climate depends on government confiscating more money.

    1. I have to admit, I never really expected Al Sharpton to understand statistics/probability, so I’m completely unsurprised.

    2. To be fair, plenty of Christian fruitcakes thought that God was punishing New Orleans for its licentiousness after Katrina or will blame other natural disasters on sinful living.

      Just shows that both religions’ adherents like it when their higher power is in a vengeful mood.

      1. I think Sharpton was just making fun of conservative Christians, since “their side” doesn’t believe in climate change and “his” does, and they’re always blaming weather shit on God.

        1. Sharpton is a hardcore Christian who has debated on behalf of Christianity.

          It is very likely he seriously believes things like this are caused because God got mad.

      2. Thousands of salt pillars washed away in the flood waters.. The wages of hedonism.
        The EPA will fix that in the next clean water act.

    3. God punished the blacks of New Orleans with Katrina.

      And the arrogant assholes of NYC and NJ with Sandy.

    4. Climate Control: God fucking with everyone with the giant air-conditioner in the sky.

  12. A year’s supply of water for 500 California househols was stolen by “vandals.” (Hat tip: Playa Manhattan Epi’s Mom)

    1. Please. Houston received 550 days consumption just Tuesday. 162B gallons fell on Harris County. Thats 2 gallons for every dollar Bill Gates has.

    2. Was it “stolen” or simply “released into the wild”?

      1. I thought Epi’s mom was his dad?

      2. Ever hear of a condom?

      3. A man with a conscience would feel ashamed.

        1. A hard dick has no conscience.

          1. I blame the bath salts Flakka

  13. The latest Aaron Schock stuff.

    Would the Downtown family’s servants gossip to the local telegraph office to put secrets out over the ticker tape? I don’t think so.

    1. The latest Aaron Schock stuff.

      Needed more Instagram pics

      1. No one even bothers to acknowledge my Downtown Abbey jokes anymore.

        1. Maybe because you spell it wrong?

    1. You can’t get me to read that, but I assume they made it clear which party the governor belongs to?

      1. No mention of any party affiliations at all.

        1. Ah, thanks.

      2. “Mother Jones carefully avoids any mention of party identity of the Nebraska Senators who voted to abolish the death penalty, lest the proles get confused about the carefully cultivated image of RethugliKKKans. the pitfalls of “identity politics”.. this one time..

  14. I recently bought The Button Down Mind of Bob Newhart and was surprised to learn that it won Album of the Year for 1961. Apparently, there was another comedy album that won Album of the Year by Vaughn Meader called The First Family. Can anyone tell me if it was any good?

    1. It’s about the Kennedys, if I’m not mistaken, so it’s likely shit.

      1. Wow, that album sold a million copies a week for 7 weeks?

    2. I have a copy of The First Family on my desk as I type this. I’ve never listened to it.

      1. How do you get what you type on the Smith Corona into the internets?

    3. I remember hearing the Bob Newhart one when I was six or seven and got a few of the jokes.

      Bob is a funny dude and always has been.

  15. One quote to dispel anyone’s hopes on a saner Team Red. Minding your own business is apparently not Fiorina’s strength.

    The Turks have asked us to help them topple Bashar al-Assad. We are not.

    Video: Carly Fiorina on how she would fight ISIS

    1. What why?! Even if they truly changed their mind about Assad, the current Turkish government is pro-ISIS. Pro-fucking-ISIS to the point they refuse to let NATO use their airspace to bomb them! Jesus, woman, if you want to go on a war path at least don’t do it on behalf of Islamists!

      1. Forget it, Pan. Its Conservatown.

        1. If Narendra Modi asks the US tomorrow for help toppling Pakistani PM Nawaz Sharif, Fiorina will jump the gun.

          1. That would at least be consistent – help a democracy overthrow Islamic state supporter of terrorism. Which also has access to nukes.
            This would be more like, “let’s overthrow Afghani government because Pakistanis ask us.”

        2. Sigh…if they have to be consistently stupid, is it also too much to ask them to at least be consistent in stupidity? If you hate Them Muslimz, then hate them, not bitch that USAF is not serving as Al Qaeda Air!

      2. Carly Fiorina on how she would fight ISIS

        What’s she gonna do? Make ’em sammiches to death?

        1. Sell them on a merger with Compaq.

          1. It would certainly halt their growth.

        2. Try the “you’re shoe is untied” gag?

      3. A lot of people are pro-ISIS apparently

        http://www.breitbart.com/natio…..port-isis/

        1. If you don’t want to murder ’em, you’re for ’em.

      4. Yeah, but that guy’s just evil. I bet he throws parties on September 11th, like, every year!

      5. Eh I don’t know about that. I don’t think even Turkey’s government knows what it wants to do. All the more reason Fiorina is wrong.

    2. “I’d jab them with an upper cut and take to the body and then POW nail them with my left hook!”

    3. This is pretty lame. I don’t think Fiorina really has much bearing on Team Red. Does she even have a strength? Running HP into the ground doesn’t count. Further, ISIS is our business. They hate us for our freedoms.

      1. She has the magic vagina which means that she has a much greater than 50% chance of getting the VP nod

      2. ?sarc?Further, ISIS is our business. They hate us for our freedoms.?/sarc?

        ftfy

        1. What? Are you seriously implying they don’t?

          1. They hate us, our alleged “freedoms” are irrelevant. That they hate us is not a sufficient reason to commit Canadian blood and treasure to the insurmountable task of exterminating thousands of people, and their bullet-resistant ideology. To believe that you can extinguish a religious ideology though military adventurism is as foolish as it is arrogant. And as for being “our business”, I suspect that they’re more of an Iranian problem than Canadian problem.. keep it that way. Why would you deny the IRGC this conflict that they have plotted and brooded soooo hard for? They want hegemony in that cobbled basket case known as Iraq, let them earn it… and take responsibility for the inevitable outcome, domestically.

  16. Some soccer thing.

    You know, Robby, millennials like myself would love to be polled on soccer. BUT NEVER MIND NOW.

    1. I’m more millennial than you. I’m peak millennial.

      1. Los Doyers is actually from Generation Z but doesn’t like to sit at the kids’ table.

        1. Yeah, fuck your Kraft mac and cheese.

          1. It’s Kraft Dinner you douche.

            1. It’s Kraft Dinner you douche.

              Nooooo. Nikki has been a Canadian plant this whole time!

      2. Well, THAT explains alot …

    2. I didn’t read the whole story on this at BBC but apparently Blatter is arguing that he must be re-elected as he’s the only one who can restore the integrity of FIFA. He contends that he was not aware of the corruption.

      So, the Obama defense: “I am far and away the most qualified person to do my job BUT I have no idea what those under me are doing.”

      1. Staggering really.

        It’s the opposite that should take place. A real man, with real honor and dignity would step down.

        And honestly, does anyone really believe a man who ruled FIFA like his own fiefdom didn’t know what was happening? There must be pictures of him winking away over the years.

        1. Who resigns anymore? I mean, really, unless there’s an actual indictment or other immediate consequence, who steps down honorably?

          1. Anthony Weiner?

            Although he held on until the day after he qualified for a lifetime Congressional pension, if memory serves.

          2. Progressives who transgress the tenets of intersectionality are sadly the only people left who resign, albeit with incredibly fake and forced “honor.”

            Like Joss Whedon having to resign from twitter.

      2. Sure, and he can work tirelessly to restore FIFA’s integrity from an un-air conditioned shack in Qatar.

        1. Excellent idea. He could sleep in the workers’ quarters too.

      3. Could someone explain in general what the crime is supposed to be in FIFA? Is there an actual victim, or is this one of those vague “failure to deliver honest services” thingies?

        If one or more employees of FIFA is using a position of trust to gain financially at the expense of their employer, that’s fraud. If instead, however, FIFA is said to be corrupt itself, then who’s the victim?

        So which is it? Are certain employees of FIFA taking bribes to do their job in a way FIFA would not want? Or is it acknowledged that FIFA is itself for sale under the table? There doesn’t seem to be any crime in the latter case.

        1. The immediate argument is that FIFA execs accepted bribes to award the 2014, 2018, & 2022 World Cups. So, in theory, the harm would be to the losing bids.

          1. There’s your defense right there. Only an idiot would want a money pit like the world cup so the bribers were doing the other bids a favor.

          2. But if FIFA is the organiz’n awarding the contract, and everyone knows FIFA operates by its execs taking bribes, or at least that FIFA’s decisions are final according to their own rules however they want to make them, how can anyone be said to be a victim?

            1. Also, why couldn’t they sue for their money back if they thought they were cheated? I think I know the answer: They have no basis for recovery, since they wilfully submitted to FIFA’s operation, and FIFA made no guarantees.

      4. So, the Obama defense: “I am far and away the most qualified person to do my job BUT I have no idea what those under me are doing wasn’t aware of my staggering level of corruption, until I saw it on T.V..”

    3. Millenials need to leave soccer alone or drop the hipster/steampunk shit and be normal fans like the rest of us slackers who started everything.

      🙂

      1. Hey! I don’t wear steampunk shit. But I do cuff my jeans sometimes.

  17. Newark may have to lay off top teachers, and the Democrats are to blame | Editorial

    Comments are genius. See this one.

    And it sets a terrible precedent, for one day you may be at the top of your game, but after many dedicated years of service, you may be the one getting cut because you’re no as young as you used to be.

    This one on the other hand is spot-on:

    The state has run education in those districts for the better part of two decades. You see the results. Why is the state still in charge?

    1. you’re no as young as you used to be.

      Looks like someone Scottish posted.

    2. The state has run education in those districts for the better part of two decades. You see the results. Why is the state still in charge? It’s time to turn over those schools to the federal government who will run things right!

      FTFY (in a prog way)

  18. Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape. Thanks for the $579,000, taxpayers.

    Every Mario adventure game is about the literal rape of Princess Peach by Bowser, so does that count as the market beating government to the punch?

    1. DON’T TEACH PRINCESS PEACH TO BE CAREFUL, TEACH BOWSER NOT TO KIDNAP!

      1. 8 worlds, 8 Koopalings.

        I’m just sayin’

        1. Yeah, but they’re just raping Toadstool.

        2. 8 worlds, 8 Koopalings. and 0 trigger warnings…

    2. I don’t think you quite get what the word “literal” means.

      1. He meant “littoral”. He’s sorry.

      2. Maybe he’s using the older meaning of “rape” as “abduction?”

        1. Yeah, that would be it.

          1. Surprised a HeteroPatriarch has never raped a Sabine woman. Isn’t that like a rite of passage for his kind?

            1. Maybe he’s a Samnite? Or a Campanian?

              1. Etruscan.. it was always the Etruscans..

    3. I just hope they don’t cancel the #6 Dance.

      1. -1 sparing the women.

  19. “Sen. Bernie Sanders wrote a weird sex essay a long time ago, but who really cares?”

    WILL SOMEONE GET BERNIE A COMB?!

    1. The central planning commission has not yet decided on the 5-year quota for combs.

    2. I think that’s what John McCain would look like if he had hair.

      1. Each time I see John McCain I think Cotton Hill.

        As I’ve mentioned a few times already.

        1. +1 Get me some sammiches.

        2. Managerial carnage in England:

          http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/32916338

          20 managers from the Championship (out of 24 teams), although Leeds & Watford fired four each this season.

          1. The EPL is entering a turbulent stage looks like.

            Only Wenger, to his credit, seems to carry on safely.

    3. Hoarders are hoarding the combs.

  20. ‘Tampon tax’ will end July 1

    The federal government is nixing the GST on feminine hygiene products, including tampons, starting July 1.

    That’s bloody great.

    1. What you did there, is gross.

      1. Just go with the flow, HP.

        1. We’re just padding the comments, now.

          1. Put a sock in it.

            1. Okay, enough, I’m pulling this thread.

          2. We’ve Maxied out the puns.

            1. The PM should make the announcement from Red River.

              1. Bryant-Denny Stadium

            2. This thread was absorbing.

              1. It’s the wellspring from which we flow…

    2. It’s weird how your puns all sync up when you spend a lot of time together

    3. There will still be a string attached.

  21. Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape.

    You level up when you successfully get your consensual sex subsidized.

  22. The National Institute of Justice awarded a grant to the University of New Hampshire last year to create a game targeting college-aged males that can be played online and on smartphones.

    We love thee, old New Hampshire
    And to the White and Blue
    Wher’ere our work shall call us
    We always will be true
    We’ll ever guard thy honor
    Bright shall thy mem’ry be
    New Hampshire alma mater
    All hail, all hail to thee!

    I would also like to point out that approximately 90 percent of that money went to locating 2 out of the 5 Black men currently extant in New Hampshire.

    1. So you’re saying there’s a 40% chance you’re in that gallery?

      1. 20%. Mulatto. Though I think he’s actually a quadroon trying to pass.

        1. Though I think he’s actually a quadroon trying to pass.

          As I’ve noted before, this is actually true!

          1. My Shvartzevision never fails me. You only rated a 25 on the Finster scale.

    2. Imaging the outrage if the quotes in that pic were switched around.

    3. Wow. #4. WOW.

      1. Funniest thing I’ve seen this week.

    4. white: “My friend STEVE SMITH is good at rape. He is the best at it.”

      Malcolm Jamal: STEVE SMITH raped me.

      Spanish: Me too!

    5. What the fuck is that? Is that actual propaganda being used by UofNH?

      “We don’t want a repeat of that rape that happened last year.”

      The douche talks about it like “We don’t want a repeat of Henry making an ass of himself again.”

      These people don’t believe any of the shit they say. They come up with a narrative and repeat it over and over and over until it is a meaningless mantra, sounds that come out of their mouth that trigger no thought for them.

      I have dogs smarter than these useful idiots.

      1. “..I have dogs smarter than these useful idiots.”

        Ahh.. But you dog has no future in politics…

  23. At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest. Groups of men paid to watch.

    (Chief of Staff to Vice President Dick Cheney)

    1. That passage, weirdly, never gets old.

  24. …is literally every other Republican out to destoy Sen. Rand Paul for his foreign policy views, even though Paul is obviously right?

    Figuratively, they’re using their numbers to take down the strongest among them and focusing on primary voters they think exist.

    1. Is it Tony? It’s Tony, isn’t it?

    2. I was thinking about the 8% cutoff Irish mentioned in the New Yorker cartoon thread yesterday and someone with whom the number 8% is associated came to mind.

    3. That person is unbelievably stupid. This is what we’re up against, people.

      1. That has to be trolling. Anyone that stupid would forget to breathe.

        1. Hopefully, someone that willfully stupid would mistake bleach for water.. and Darwin would prevail…

    4. Every tweet from that guy is solid gold:

      “But imho is that the govt should set up competing supermarkets, so the privately-owned one’s will conduct business properly.”

      Someone mentions Chavez was a billionaire from looting Venezuela and gets this response:

      “Then you shouldn’t have any problem with Chavez, then, since he was obviously a capitalist.”

      1. @skye2earth I know you’d rather be out hunting down hoarders, but back here at GovMart we need a price on toilet paper. Please advise

        @skye2earth GovMart manager to aisle 3, need a price check on Maduro Quilted 12-pack

        Loving this.

        1. Oh man, Skye2earth is a prostitute who is convinced that everyone is slut shaming her because they’re making fun of all her naked pictures in her timeline.

          It’s a public timeline. No one wants to randomly see your snatch, woman.

          This is also the greatest nonsequitor I have ever seen:

          “What would I know about economics? Asks the people who don’t suck cock for a living. ”

          Ingesting semen apparently makes you magically understand economics. Sperm – what can’t it do?

          1. I wonder whether she’d be in favor of having her prices set by the sex workers kommisar. And work schemes arranged to spread it around, of course.

            Actually, considering she’s featuring photos cribbed from sites like “plumperspass”, she’d probably benefit.

            1. I wonder whether she’d be in favor of having her prices set by the sex workers kommisar.

              Otherwise known as Head Pimp.

          2. is that what mansplaining means?

          3. I’m gonna try to convince my wife of that.

          4. “No one wants to randomly see your snatch, woman.”

            She should marry this guy. They sound perfect for each other!
            http://www.theonion.com/blogpo…..enis-10965

            1. Or Leo LaPorte

          5. Semen is a potent tool of the patriarchy.. even in small doses.

      2. I like that this guy thinks there is some huge problem with supermarkets in capitalist countries. All this time, they’ve been conducting business so improperly that the government needs to open public supermarkets?

        1. Bernie Sanders said so. And there’s that study about too many choices inhibiting choice-making. So there. The problem is overabundance.

          1. Oh yeah, that study no one has ever been able to replicate! I love that study!

          2. That was the only possibility that came to mind, which means… what, the government supermarkets will compete by offering fewer products?

            OK.

            1. And somehow bankroll all the profits not made from products not sold into feeding starving children. Because, somehow, consumers not currently choosing to put their dollars toward charities will be inclined to do so when their choices at the supermarket are reduced from “18” to whatever number Bernie deems sufficient. Ditto investors and entrepreneurs. Somehow, the entire structure of production will shift from producing goods for consumption to alleviating hunger because Bernie passes a law prohibiting stores from carrying more than x number of y products.

              1. I get that the end-game isn’t pissing around with petty laws and restrictions, it’s nationalizing the economy and running it “rationally,” and Sanders is easily arrogant enough to think he’d resist the temptation to Chavez himself and the economy.

                I think the boys over at Ace of Spades are right: Sanders isn’t running for real. He’s running to make Clinton look vaguely palatable by comparison.

  25. rom Salon: “Why Disney’s “first African princess” is the spirit animal for global white supremacy.” Should be compelling.

    You gaze far enough into the navel, the navel gazes into you.

    1. +1 philosophical outie

    2. I bit on that link and with never get those minutes back. Among the offending idiots who are the worst:

      Rolling Stone
      Salon
      Slate
      Gawker
      Jezzie land
      Vox

      I only venture over there when links are provided here, but the collective intelligence of the commentariat at that salon piece would barely fit into the trunk of a prius with a couple sets of golf clubs in the back.

      Are all these people that fucking stupid?

  26. From Salon: “Why Disney’s “first African princess” is the spirit animal for global white supremacy.” Should be compelling.

    Wasn’t Nala technically an African princess? Or did she just become a queen after her and Simba knocked paws?

    1. Was Coming to America not a Disney movie?

      1. “I renounce the throne of Zamunda!”

        1. Your royal penis is clean.

    2. Dang, beat me to it. At least, wouldn’t Simba’s mother count?

      1. Simba’s mom was a queen, too. Maybe Simba had an off camera sister?

  27. A year’s supply of water for 500 California househols was stolen by “vandals.” (Hat tip: Playa Manhattan)

    The fuck?

    1. A Hat Tip is an occasional reward doled out by an editor to an abused commenter, not unlike the occasional piece of jewelry given by a pimp to a ho. You see, a pimp’s love is very different from that of a square…

  28. BTW, nice job pm links. You created a list, nearly the entirety of which I don’t want to click through.

    1. Yeah – Salon?! Who the fuck is going to click on that?

      1. Wait, there are links?

  29. It’s that time of year again!

    Class of 2018 Herndon Climb

    Aaaaand I’ll be in my bunk.

    1. That was strangely hypnotic.

      *worriedly taps gaydar, checks batteries*

      1. It’s not gay, it’s the Navy.

        1. Girls? when did we start letting girls in the club..I mean Navy

        2. Oh, no … that’s not gay … AT ALL

          Don’t ask, don’t tell …

    2. …gobs of seamen astride a greasy pole, that old chestnut.

      1. Midshipmen.

        Seamen work for a living.

        1. Don’t harsh the humor!

  30. Sen. Bernie Sanders wrote a weird sex essay a long time ago,

    Paging SugarFree

  31. Some soccer thing.

    Robby does Hipster Social Signals.

    1. Be nice. He’s under my protection now.

      1. You’re really letting this h/t thing go to your head.

  32. “It’s shocking that someone would do this, given our current situation. Our drought is so severe,”

    A rubber dam. A rubber… inflatable… dam.

    Ok, here’s my question… why did it take this long before valndals threw a lawn dart at this thing?

    1. 44 years, in fact.

    2. Ok, here’s my question… why did it take this long before valndals threw a lawn dart at this thing?

      “We didn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to actually make a rubber dam!”

    3. Did they learn nothing from Seinfeld?

    4. Do you know how long lawn darts have been illegal to sell in CA???

      1. Criminals from the red states would merely smuggle them in, and then there’s the lawn dart show loophole.. A nation wide ban is the only way.

          1. Pointed lawn darts, intended for use in an outdoor game, have been responsible for the deaths of three children…………
            “CPSC banned lawn darts in 1988, but some of these dangerous products may still be in garages, basements, or second-hand stores,” said CPSC Chairman Ann Brown. “Parents should destroy these banned lawn darts immediately.”

            Three children, Jesse.. *3!* Count them!
            I see no difference between lawn darts, and Adam Lanza.

  33. Did anyone read the link?

    You slay me.

  34. Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape. Thanks for the $579,000, taxpayers.

    Jesus-tittyfucking-christ.

    1. Jesus-tittyfucking-christ.

      This is precisely what we’re guarding against.

      1. Someone needs to report for reeducation playtime.

    2. Dammit! You will take your Christ pr0n normal like everyone else. No special requests!

      http://i.imgur.com/TAGY2FV.jpg

    3. I can’t believe they spent money on that while CHILDREN ARE STARVING!

      1. No new deodorants were created in the process, so it’s a wash.

  35. Latest campus development: University of North Carolina trustees rename Saunders Hall, impose a 16-year moratorium on further renamings.

    After the Civil War, the Ku Klux Klan, the paramilitary arm of the [name that party!], terrorized Republicans for the crime of supporting black rights.

    Congress held an inquiry into the Klan’s activities, summoning Saunders, who was the reputed head of the Klan in North Carolina. Saunders took the 5th when asked if he was in the Klan, or if he knew about Klan murders.

    On his *tombstone,* Saunders put the phrase “I decline to answer.”

    In 1922, UNC named a residence hall after Saunders, who had branched out and done some useful historical research into North Carolina colonial records.

    Now, in response to student activists, the UNC Board of Trustees is renaming Saunders Hall as Carolina Hall and putting up a plaque to explain how, as an institution traditionally associated with the Democratic Party, UNC is fairly limited in whom it can honor, and…just kidding, I don’t think the explanatory plaque will mention the D-word.

    The Board of Trustees also imposed a 16-year moratorium on renaming anything else on campus, which translates to a million years in student-activist terms.

    http://www.wncn.com/story/2917…..nders-hall

    1. Congressman to Saunders: “What’s the matter, Colonel Saunders, chicken?”

    2. Note that it seems a lot of students are pissed off about the renaiming. They wanted it named after Zora Neale Hurston. Fine person, but she had absolutely nothing to do with UNC. She taught at a school near there (now known as NC Central), but that was really her only interaction even with the state of North Carolina. She lived in Florida.

      1. Ok, but she was a zombie hunter.

        There should be a hall named after her on every campus.

        1. If a building is named after Zora Neale Hurston, it will only be a matter of time before another crew of student activists starts protesting, once they do some research* and find out about her letter to the editor** about the Brown decision:

          “It is most astonishing that this should be tried just when the nation is exerting itself to shake off the evils of Communist penetration. It is to be recalled that Moscow, being made aware of this folk belief, made it the main plank in their campaign to win the American Negro from the 1920s on. It was the come-on stuff. Join the party and get yourself a white wife or husband. To supply the expected demand, the party had scraped up this-and-that off of park benches and skid rows were held to be just panting to get hold of one of these objects. Seeing how flat that program fell, it is astonishing that it would be so soon revived. Politics does indeed make strange bedfellows….

          1. “In the ruling on segregation, the unsuspecting nation might have witnessed a trial-balloon. A relatively safe one, since it is sectional and on a matter not likely to arouse other sections of the nation to support of the South. If it goes off fairly well, a precedent has been established. Govt by fiat can replace the constitution. You don’t have to credit me with too much intelligence and penetration, just so you watch carefully and think….

            “It is well known that I have no sympathy nor respect for the “Tragedy of color” school of thought among us, whose fountain-head is the pressure group concerned in this court ruling. I can see no tragedy in being too dark to be invited to a white school social affair. The Supreme Court would have pleased me more if they had concerned themselves about enforcing the compulsory education provisions for Negroes in the South as is done for white children. The next 10 years would be spent in appointing truant officers and looking after conditions in the home from which the children come. Use to the limit what we already have.”

            (from LewRockwell.com)

            http://ow.ly/NzDWy

            *remember research? A key skill students universities used to insist their students possessed.

            ** cited for shock value, not because I agree with it.

  36. Did we have an alt-text fail today?

    C’mon. The first thing Bernie will do if he gets power is take away our guns and make us obey him at gunpoint. That’s the standard socialist Modus Operandi.

    1. The first thing Bernie will do if he gets power is take away our guns and make us obey him at gunpoint.

      To be fair, he’s actually been pretty good on this issue as far as supporting Vermont’s massively liberal (read: not progressive) open carry and possession laws. Doesn’t mean he won’t dump it if he ever took the catbird’s seat, but I’ll give credit here where it’s due. It’s the one thing that leftists actually don’t like about him–well, that and the fact that he doesn’t have a dusty pudenda and it isn’t His Turn.

  37. This new Netflix series Sens8 looks promising

    It’ll be shit without Mr. Garibaldi.

    1. Why are the characters’ relative height’s important?

  38. So the Pentagon is calling in the CDC for their presumed expertise in dealing with the accidental shipping of the live anthrax? Ummmm, didn’t the CDC already have the same problem? You’re going to call in Curly because Moe screwed something up?

    1. Pentagon: “I tell you, Lord Lucan CDC, *you* have lost the Light Brigade Anthrax!”

  39. Speaking of FIFA: Vladimir Putin accuses U.S. of meddling

    In televised comments, Putin called the U.S. involvement in the FIFA investigation “strange” and said the country was overstepping its power amid growing concerns, especially that of Russia’s, that the scandal could affect that country’s hosting of the 2018 World Cup.

    Everything that’s gone on with Russia and THIS is what makes Putin haz a sad?

    1. Hypothesis: The Russians are used to going along with whatever else Putin does, they’re reconciled to his BS, they reserve their passions for sport, so Putin is trying to suggest that sinister Western Powers (esp. the U.S.) are trying to ruin sports for the Russians.

      What better way to rally the people behind their Leader?

      1. It’s why Congress gets involved with steroids, baseball, deflategate, concussions… it’s more newsworthy, at least as far as what people will actually read, than the esoteric crap they’re normally doing.

    2. Putin is too manly to get sad. Sombre, morose even, but never sad!

      I guess he’ll have to go punch a tiger to show how much US disappointed him with this uncalled for aggression.

  40. ProPublica: How federal dollars are financing the water crisis in the West

    Getting plants to grow in the Sonoran Desert is made possible by importing billions of gallons of water each year. Cotton is one of the thirstiest crops in existence, and each acre cultivated here demands six times as much water as lettuce, 60 percent more than wheat. That precious liquid is pulled from a nearby federal reservoir, siphoned from beleaguered underground aquifers and pumped in from the Colorado River hundreds of miles away.

    Wuertz could plant any number of crops that use far less water than cotton and fill grocery store shelves from Maine to Minnesota. But along with hundreds of farmers across Arizona, he has kept planting his fields with cotton instead. He says he has done it out of habit, pride, practicality, and even a self-deprecating sense that he wouldn’t be good at anything else. But in truth, one reason outweighs all the others: The federal government has long offered him so many financial incentives to do it that he can’t afford not to. [emphasis mine]

    The article gets Malthusian at points, but does a great job of covering some of many ways government incentives lead to shitty outcomes with water conservation/distribution. I found the description of the mechanics of direct and indirect subsidies illuminating.

    1. I’ve always wondered what would happen if the Upper Basin states of the Colorado River decided one day to simply renounce the CRC and tell California, “sorry, you’re on your own here.”

      1. I certainly appreciate that sentiment, but am surprised to see it as a response to an article about Arizona cotton farmers.

        1. Arizona would likely get hosed regardless since they’re in the lower basin and mostly desert. One of Mo Udall’s more amusing statements was that Phoenix would dry up and blow away if the feds didn’t complete the Central Arizona Project. BigGov-worshipping hyperbole, no doubt, but that state certainly has far more people living there than anyone could have ever expected, and every additional person puts strain on the resources.

    2. California farmers switched to almonds from cotton during the last crisis because cotton requires more water than almonds and cotton can grow almost anywhere while almonds can only grow in far few places.

  41. Following up my post yesterday about the left-wing OTC birth control chimpout, here’s a 2013 ThinkProgress article arguing for it to be implemented. Money quote:

    “Oral contraceptives are the most popular form of birth control, but the outdated practice of requiring women to visit the doctor to obtain a prescription leads some women to take their pills less regularly and compromise the method’s effectiveness.”

    Also, ACOG, who’s arguing against Gardner’s bill, was pimping this as recently as LAST YEAR.

    :shitlibs: “BIRTH CONTROL SHOULD BE OTC WAR ON WOMEN!!!…UH, WAIT A SECOND, MAYBE WOMEN SHOULD GO TO A DOCTOR AFTER BECAUSE SAFETY N SHIT!!!”

  42. Abe vagoda is still alive and worth 7 million dollars:

    http://heavy.com/news/2015/05/…..letterman/

    1. That’s all Tessio managed?

  43. That article about the rape game is hilarious:

    “The marketing campaign features posters of “guy talk,” which tries to depict real conversations between students about sexual assault.

    “My friend Jeff is the man,” a young man in one poster says. “He got this girl passed out drunk and then nailed her.”

    “You’ve got to be kidding. Your friend raped her,” replies another. “Your friend is pathetic.””

    In another example, “Guy Talk 2,” the friend Jeff “banged this passed out chick at the party last night.” A good response is “That’s so not cool. What’s wrong with you? Your friend is messed up!”

    “Guy Talk 3” appears to imply that a man plans on raping another man he met online. “I met this guy online. He’s coming to my apartment and I’m getting him drunk. We’re hooking up whether he wants to or not.” “That’s not okay,” a friend replies. “That’s rape.”

    “Guy Talk 4” shows a group of frat boys planning a party, as one says he won’t drink to “make sure the guys stay in line.”

    “Good call,” his friend replies. “We don’t want a repeat of the rape that happened last year.”

    Other posters depict dorm rape scenes, parties, and a lesbian yelling at her girlfriend.

    These scenes are also available to be put on the side of a bus.”

    We don’t want a repeat of the rape that happened last year.

    We don’t want a repeat of the rape.

    1. Things never said by anyone, ever, in stilted dialogue nobody ever uses. I’m convinced, where do I turn in my rape badge?

    2. We don’t want a repeat of the rape that happened last year.

      “This year, fucking grab its motherfucking leg! Seriously, you had one job!”

      This game now sound so horrible it makes me want to play it, and see how awful I can make Sir Warty Rapersson.

    3. And tarran upthread didn’t think that Sulkowicz had a future…

      Someone raised this idea up the flag pole, a whole room full of people saluted and recieved steamer trunks full of cash to bring it to reality.

      1. Different thread actually.

        1. Oh… *waves hand dismissively*

    4. Any mention at all of the equal numbers of men raped (according to their definition) by women each year? Or is that gonna be downloadable content?

      1. Men are the only group in a position of power, soooo.. something something Patriarchy!? and henceforth, only men can rape.

    5. I just realized that Jeff commits a rape in Guy Talk 1 and Guy Talk 2.

      Jeff is a fucking monster.

      1. Should have named him Haven.

    6. “”That’s not okay,” a friend replies”

      LITERALLY NOT OKAY

  44. That water wasn’t stolen; they didn’t truck it away.

    It was “destroyed” (as property) by being dumped.

    The difference is meaningful because words matter, even if the end result here is identical.

  45. Robby,
    Thanks for providing a platform for us to comment on. Keep fighting the good fight. I’m still amazed that those links are not overburdened with all of us clicking on them at once.

  46. Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert Indicted On Federal Charges

    The Justice Department charged the Illinois Republican Thursday for evading reporting requirements and lying to the FBI as part of a scheme to pay off victims of “prior bad acts.”

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/johnst……aejNXOK8j

    1. So…he’s being prosecuted for being blackmailed?

    2. He may have been devious but it’s small potatoes, the dude never struck me as a guy that could run a criminal enterprise….c’mon wasn’t he a high school wrestling coach for years. The dude is not capable of this.

      The Clinton’s OTOH have been at it for decades.

      While I tend to like divided government, it usually results in less government stupidity, andl logically I should be ok with a D in the shack vs a team red Congress. In this case the Hildog is perhaps the most corrupt pol in US history, at least in modern history.

      I think as more shit comes out the hildog will be forced out of the race. When the WAPO and NYT are on your case it won’t end well, even if it’s “your turn”.

      We will see…if she gets away with this we a royally fucked in the long term. She might survive one term, but she looks like shit at 68, imagine how shitty she will look in 5 years.

      Will be interesting to see it play out.

  47. I don’t know if the people at The Hill are mendacious fucks or are actually admitting that the only hope to solve the Obamacare disaster lies with Republicans.

    http://twitchy.com/2015/05/28/…..-meltdown/

  48. Scum of the earth

    The head of the Cleveland police union says the consent decree the city signed with the U.S. Justice Department is impractical and dangerous.
    “This document is going to get police officers killed.”
    That’s Steve Loomis, the head of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association, after he’d had a chance to digest the more than 100-page consent decree that will govern use-of-force policies and practices, as well as training, complaint procedures and civilian oversight of the Cleveland force.
    Among the sections Loomis found most objectionable are requirements for police to document when and why they pull their weapons.

    Oh, no! Consider the consequences of their actions? That’s crazy.

    1. I would settle for a requirement for them to document when and why they use their weapons.

    2. Among the sections Loomis found most objectionable are requirements for police to document when and why they pull their weapons.

      “You do realize, Steve, that the documentation can be done *later*?”

    3. “This document is going to get police officers killed.”

      Let’s see how many resign in protest. Or safety.

    4. After they killed that 12yo kid for being annoying this fuckstain should be exiled to Syria.

      I know a lot of cops and i don’t fear them (a Montana small city), but people should fear this asshole.

      1. They don’t have to record and document when they draw their weapons? Both small towns I lived in (one had a sheriff’s dept, the other was a city with a police force) I visited the police departments with Scouts as a kid, and in order to demonstrate gun safety, one of the officers took us to the range and showed how to make sure few types of pistols and rifles were on safe, and then showed us the three page document he had to fill out if he drew his sidearm on duty, or pulled the shotgun in his vehicle out of its rack. The sheriff’s department didn’t show us the guns, just explained that the reason that only two of its deputies had ever drawn weapons was partially because they like to deescalate use of force if possible, and they had a five page document to fill out for drawn weapons. And I grew up in Southwest Ohio. Is Cleveland’s Police force that messed up?

  49. Why the hell aren’t Republicans talking about something less controversial like shrinking government? Put the Democrats on the defensive, for heaven’s sake.

    – “Aid” to corporations
    – How many anti-poverty programs are there?
    – How many bureaucrats administer them?
    – What do we pay them every day? Every year?
    – How many federal employees make over $170,000/year? (Lots)
    – There are hundreds of stupid programs. List them.
    – Aid for “farmers” that ends up in Manhattan and other urban areas.
    – Many, many more.

    1. I think amazing headway could be made just talking about how ridiculous the government is, both in spending and in action, and at how much we could fix both it and the economy if we stopped the madness. To the exclusion of just about everything else.

      1. Exactly. The way to counter the overall Democrat argument that “we need more government” is to highlight the spending and giant bureaucracy and abuses we already have. Get some real numbers out there. Years ago I read that one department had 1,500+ people who made more than $170,000/year. Use numbers like that to shock people.

        1. Here’s where Bo could come in and pounce….and be right.

    2. “Aid for “farmers” that ends up in Manhattan and other urban areas.”

      But if we emphasize such abuses, we might lose New York!

      /Republitard

    3. did the USDA stop publishing that list of where the farm subsidies go? I was amazed how many farmers live in Highland Park in Dallas. I figured that tony little town would have an ordinance about roosters and pig shit.

      1. I think it’s all absentee owners, but that still points out the ridiculousness of the program: most people think farmer subsidies are to help actual farmers on a farm, not absentee owners and agribusiness.

        1. “most people think farmer subsidies are to help actual farmers on a farm, not absentee owners and agribusiness.”

          Bill Maher waded into a shit-maelstrom a while back for even broaching that subject.. Much backpedaling ensued. Bill is an insufferable prick, in my estimation, but was on the right track that time.. blind squirrels and nuts..

    4. To give the answers most “progressive” politicians and voters would give…

      How many anti-poverty programs are there?

      Not enough.

      How many bureaucrats administer them?

      Not enough.

      What do we pay them every day? Every year?

      Not enough.

      How many federal employees make over $170,000/year? (Lots)

      Not enough. In fact, that should be minimum wage. After all, wages have no effect on employment. Or on consumer prices.

      There are hundreds of stupid programs. List them.

      Loaded question, you evil libertarian. There are none.

      Aid for “farmers” that ends up in Manhattan and other urban areas.

      Why do you hate urban farming???

      1. James Howard Kunstler doesn’t like urban farming either.

  50. Christian Science Monitor is on the case.

    The agreement entered into by the Cleveland Police Department this week, in which the department has promised to enact widespread systemic reforms, especially around the use of force, is one of the most stringent Justice Department settlements yet.

    But federal investigations and consent decrees like the one in Cleveland have become increasingly common, and many experts say they’re one of the best chances troubled police departments have for taking on the daunting task of reform, addressing police misconduct, and improving relations with a distrustful community.

    Not a single fucking word about police unions or their special version of “due process” which immunizes cops from responsibility for their actions.

    1. Something Must Be Done.

      The Obama Administration Has Done Something.

      The Obama Administration is run by the Democratic Party.

      THEREFORE – The problem has been solved.

      What, then, are you complaining about, Teabagger?

  51. Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert Indicted On Federal Charges: The Justice Department charged the Illinois Republican Thursday for evading reporting requirements and lying to the FBI as part of a scheme to pay off the victim of “prior bad acts.”

  52. I like the conversation above about Rand and how he’s basically where he needs to be. I don’t think it’s just ‘Rand vs Sanity’ however I think Cruz is worth keeping on the good list for now. It’s interesting that he hasn’t made the same kind of desperate crappy attacks on Rand as the other GOPers have. He knows he and Rand are in a similar position and will draw on each other’s supporters when the other drops out.

    1. Sen. Cruz in NH on Saturday for a rally organized by WRKO’s Jeff Kuhner.

  53. I knew it. They made too many new posts throughout the day and now PM Links is going to be the last post of the day. They blew their collective wad.

    1. Even Reason has east coast bias.

    2. Yeah. Lately, the quality of Hit ‘n Run posts have fallen to this, and they need to return to this.

      I blame Gillespie.

      1. You want reason to be extremely repetitive and possibly gay?

        NTTAWWT

        1. Why would I want what already is?

      2. At least Reason hasn’t deteriorated this far:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRfZzU3e3X0

        (CAUTION: DO NOT CLICK)

      3. Tim Cappello?

  54. Maybe of interest to Rufus. I only heard about the incident a few years ago and assumed the victims had already been exonerated. To think there are more than a few still serving time… but the tie-in with the latest moral panic is spot-on.

    1. Oh, this is just rich. Parents of the coached children organized to help bring about the charges. They named their organization “Believe the Children.” Listen and believe!

    2. Oh, we’re aware.

      The most notorious story for me is the one out of the Amirault family in Boston. The entire justice system fucked that family up and when it was fact they had not committed a crime that bitch-cunt Coakley refused to set them free.

      1. I never did grasp her reasoning for that. It seemed pretty clear-cut by that time, and yet she refused. Why?

        1. I think the first thing they teach you in Prosecution 101 is “Never, ever admit you are wrong!”.

  55. Sen. Bernie Sanders wrote a weird sex essay a long time ago, but who really cares?

    The better question would be: Is he right?

    1. Fifty Shades of Bernie Sanders.

  56. From Salon: “Why Disney’s ‘first African princess’ is the spirit animal for global white supremacy.”

    I don’t understand why little Marxians can be a bit more honest and forthcoming and simply write a an article that simply begins with “Why anything anybody does is the spirit animal for global white supremacy and there’s nothing you can do to make us change our minds even if everybody became little Marxians because that is what we do.”

      1. Honesty was never the socialists strong suit.

  57. “Blacula” is on right now!! It’s the 70’s again!

    Did he just say, “Is that him?’ “How can you tell, THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE,,,,:

    Oh. No. He. DI’N’T!

    1. The poll at the end is horrifying.

      1. “”How frequently do you use bottled, store-bought salad dressing?“”

        Peasants! my salads are dressed with oils and vinegars hand-squeezed by virgin orphans, and aged in casks made from fresh-hewn old-growth hardwoods.

  58. http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=356988

    DC Metro bans all political ads because they don’t want to run Pamela Geller’s anti-sharia ad and one particular DC official proves himself to be a gaping vagina:

    “Metro official says agency fears a cartoon ad of the Prophet Muhammad would make buses and subway stations “terrorists targets.””

  59. Against Individualism: A Confucian Rethinking of the Foundations of Morality, Politics, Family and Religion.”

    On the libertarian account my major obligation to you is simply to leave you alone, and that is all I’ll ever ask of you in return. I am not responsible for being born white, or male, or an American, or whatever, any more than I am responsible for your being born poor, a minority, or diabetic. I am now responsible for myself, and for those with whom I freely contract mutual benefits and obligations. I’ll find my own job, obtain my own health insurance, develop my own pension plan, purchase a home when I can afford it, and see to the education of my children, thank you. On all these scores you should do the same. If misfortune on any or all of them should befall me, I’ll suffer them in silence and not ask for a handout from you or anyone else, especially the government. And please note that for every one of these affirmations I can formulate an action-guiding principle that I can will to become a universal law; rest assured I have taken the moral philosophy of Kant seriously.

    1. And there the libertarian and tea partier alike rests his case. It is a very strong one, whether we like it or not. We may raise other objections to the account, but should not count on any of them having much purchase, for the views are very well grounded in the concept of freedom and the unencumbered autonomous individual, rational self. It is possible to challenge the libertarian on moral and political grounds, but not, I believe, if one accepts a foundational individualism as grounding ethics.

      Fortunately, that foundation can be swept away. Confucius would say that the tea party’s emphasis on individual liberty is based on an almost certainly fictional and counterintuitive account of what it is to be a human being. So long as we, too, continue to accept the errant view of human beings as essentially free, rational autonomous individuals, and retain just as it is a constitution that enshrines that view we will never be able to denude the captains of industry, the bankers, brokers and the otherwise wealthy of their moral cloaks, nor rein in their dominance in the economic and political arenas.

      We must destroy humanity to save humanity. Christ on a Pogo stick, Ayn Rand could not have invented such people.

      1. Wow, that’s astonishing.

        “Fortunately, that foundation can be swept away.”

        Onward towards Year Zero! Advance towards the Killing Fields!

        Does this guy not realize how much this sounds like violent, revolutionary communist rhetoric?

      2. I also like their total misreading of libertarian arguments. No libertarian would argue that someone suffering should be required to suffer in silence without help – they’d simply argue that the help must be freely given and that it is immoral to compel what you believe to be help through threats of imprisonment, particularly given that a large number of these policies supposedly meant to help are abject, provable failures if you actually look at the programs’ results.

        1. “If misfortune on any or all of them should befall me, I’ll suffer them in silence and not ask for a handout from you or anyone else…”

          No Libertarian ever said he couldn’t ask. But I don’t think he knows what asking means.

          1. In fact, it’s government that often prevents people from asking by inhibiting free interactions among individuals. The countless times where police stopped churches from giving food to the homeless come to mind.

        2. Forget it, Irish. If they had any wisdom, they’d be Daoists instead of Confucians.

      3. “But describing our interpersonal behavior from this perspective goes strongly against the grain of the essential self that we have been enculturated to think and feel we really are, something that remains constant and unchanging throughout the vicissitudes of our lives.”

        If he didn’t lie about what libertarianism is, he might not have to invent so many lies to ‘disprove’ it.
        I challenge *anyone* to find a claim that as rational individuals, we must ‘remain constant’.

      4. The same sort of strawman-bashing ‘argues’ against a freed market.
        I read a screed yesterday where the claim was that a freed market requires ‘homo-econo-something’; a construct which is supposedly gifted with the ability to make instantaneous, perfect value decisions.
        If that condition did not exist (and ha, ha, there are many studies showing it doesn’t), a freed market cannot deliver the perfect solutions!.
        Well, yeah….

        1. That’s hilarious, because some of the biggest critics of the concept of homo economicus had surnames like “Hayek,” “von Mises,” and “Rothbard”. I mean, for fuck’s sake, the whole argument of the Austrian School is that humans possessing perfect knowledge to make decisions doesn’t exist, therefore any attempt to “plan” the economy will fail.

          1. The further failure is the typical lefty presumption that *any* econ system can provide perfection.
            Tony and his ilk presume that libertarians claim perfection, when in fact the claim is ‘less damage’.
            I’ve yet to see anyone here claim a ‘utopia’, other than sarc; what we want is to be able to correct mistakes quickly and at little cost.
            How long did LBJ’s ‘war on poverty’ spread harm before Murray’s book blew the lid off of it? How many are still suffering as a result?
            And what we propose is WORSE?!

      5. Yes, Confucius did so much for Chinese civilization. It’s not like he was responsible for laying the ideological foundation for about 2000 years of autocratic despotism. After all, only free, rational autonomous individuals would have a problem with forcing young women to mutilate their feet to satisfy some scholar-bureaucrat’s sick fetish.

        Have you read some of the Chinese philosophers belonging to the Legalist school? That’s some evil shit, I’ll tell you.

        1. If HM finds a particular fetish sickening, you know it’s some bad shit.

          1. That’s why they’ve replaced the Miller obscenity test with just expert testimony by me in our court system.

        2. Whatever, HM. It’s not Confucius’s fault that Hsun Tzu and Han Fei Tzu were total dickbags who erased the Mencian contributions to Confucianism.

          I, for one, think we should bring back Mohism. A roving band of city-defense engineers/scholars who wanted to make war costly so trade and material well-being could prosper.

            1. [Mencius] criticized the Yangists as selfish, ignoring the duty of serving the public and caring only for personal concerns

              And the tune stays the same.

            2. “I prefer Yangism, myself.”
              And a pox on your research house!
              I’m looking at “China” (Keay), which I thought was a good overview of Chinese history, and neither of those was even mentioned.
              So, links to books, please.

              1. On the one hand, I’m surprised Keay didn’t mention the Mohists. On the other, I’m not as they didn’t have the same long-lasting impact the Confucians, Legalists, and Taoists -all contemporaries of Mohism- had.

            3. I look forward to reading ? Shrugged, when Ayn Yang finds a publisher.

              1. “I look forward to reading ? Shrugged, when Ayn Yang finds a publisher.”

                So, turtles.
                Ya know, I miss ’em. They make a wonderful soup.

          1. Where in hell did you find that bit of Chinese thought?
            I mean I’ve done some reading on Chinese history and missed that entirely…

            1. To be honest, I don’t remember how I first learned of Yangism. I just think of how the world would have been different if it, as opposed to Confucianism, took center stage in ancient China.

              1. “[…]I just think of how the world would have been different if it, as opposed to Confucianism, took center stage in ancient China.”

                By my reading, C’ism was/is the ‘free shit’ default in China; not sure Yangism was sufficient to overturn the dominant gestalt, regardless of whether it was called C’ism or not.
                Too many people jammed into small spaces suggest a bias toward commutarianism at least. They never had a physical ‘frontier’; dunno if they can learn from the availability of an economic ‘frontier’.

                1. I think another factor was that most of these philosophies were developed during a time of almost unending conflict between various fiefdoms. Ideologies that stress “order” are going to seem attractive in such a context.

            2. I picked up my knowledge about Mo Tzu from Burton Watson’s Basic Writings of Mo Tzu, Hs?n Tzu and Han Fei Tzu. It’s from the ’60s which explains the archaic Romanizations. Now their Mozi, Xunxi and Han Feizi.

              I just like the idea of Chinese hippie siege engineers roaming the countryside and making war costly because it was their jam. I disagree with Mohisms universal selflessness, although I do think their focus on society organized around improvement of material wealth was an order of magnitude better than Legalism which eventually strangled Mohism and the softer Confucianisms out of existence.

              1. “I just like the idea of Chinese hippie siege engineers roaming the countryside and making war costly because it was their jam.”

                I do, too! A LOT! How about a link; I tried and the Reason skwirrelz didn’t like it…

                  1. Heroic Mulatto|5.29.15 @ 12:32AM|#
                    “Try this.”

                    Danke.

                  2. I can never remember which of the Triad of Assholes (Xun, Li Si and Han Fe) was the one that helpfully suggested that you randomly execute courtiers because the rest would assume the executed had done something wrong and had been able to keep it secret from everyone but the ruler and then be on their absolute best behavior at all times.

                    Do you remember by any chance? It always kills me that I have to preface that bit of philosophical history with “I can’t remember which one of these it was but they were all dickbags anyway…”

                    1. jesse.in.mb|5.29.15 @ 12:51AM|#
                      “I can never remember which of the Triad of Assholes (Xun, Li Si and Han Fe) was the one that helpfully suggested that you randomly execute courtiers[…]”

                      Jesse, I feel fortunate that I can remember the first emperor in Xian and the road of oxes, let alone which asshole first suggested random executions.
                      That seemed to be fairly standard after a ‘dynasty’ got established and began to suffer from the inevitable corruption.
                      Keay made it worth reading, but it still got tiresome after the Xth dynasty again collapsed in corruption.

                1. This is the book I have on my shelf. It’s been 15 years, so I can’t promise it’s a scintillating read, but Mozi is the first philosopher he covers so you don’t have to click next too much before you’re in the thick of it. Burton seems to have worked on a specifically Mohist focused book more recently.

                  Stanford’s Encyclopedia of Philosophy is usually a decent place to get started with a school of philosophy with links to the texts and a good amount of context.

                  1. jesse.in.mb|5.29.15 @ 12:40AM|#
                    “This is the book I have on my shelf.”
                    I found it in a couple of places by now, but much as I love to read, fifty bucks and some small part of 500 pages sounds a bit much for a failed area of historical thought, even if they were running around with earth movers and tunneling equipment.
                    I applaud you for the memory to cite it, and I’ll try to find some more concise references.

                    1. Jesus, it’s $50 now? I got a used copy for $6, which has at least three or four students’ notes in it. It’s clearly not as loved as my used Laozi though.

                    2. Y’all sound like a bunch of rice queens.

      6. “Christ on a Pogo stick, Ayn Rand could not have invented such people.”

        To be fair, we’re all living in a VR simulation constructed by a learning, cloud-based program called RAND (named after the creator’s favorite president), which developed Objectivism in 2029 after becoming sentient.

        The whole Ayn Rand moniker was just an easter egg (Artificially Intelligent Network RAND, get it?). You perceive these people as ridiculous because they are — they’re NPCs, cartoonish AI-controlled caricatures of real human tendencies, exaggerated in order to make a point.

        1. So when does the next DLC come out?

          1. I think part three of the Dictatorship of Lady Clinton scenario will be out in a year or two, if that’s what you were referring to by DLC.

  60. HAPPY INTERNATIONAL DAY OF UNITED NATIONS PEACEKEEPERS EVERYONE!!!!

    I hope you’re celebrating by infecting a village with cholera before sodomizing children in exchange for food rations!

    1. Double-plus UNgood.

    2. Well it is Friday.

      1. Yeah, if you’re a kraut.

        *narrows gaze and sharpens nazi-killing knife*

        1. We’re gonna take you back, to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world…

          …But then an even greater force emerged, the un

          and the un un-nazied the world – forever.

    3. From the link:

      “a day to pay tribute to all the men and women who have served and continue to serve in United Nations peacekeeping operations for their high level of professionalism, dedication, and courage and to honor the memory of those who have lost their lives in the cause of peace.”[1]

      I think they read news releases that I missed, and they missed the ones I read.

  61. For your amusement this evening, Vladivostok, the famously polluted Russian far east port, has a “Pollution Control Vessel”, and it’s quite colorful!
    http://www.marinetraffic.com/e…..pid:907267

    1. That looks like a pretty sweet gig. They just took a tug and added 50 ft

      1. And somebody headed north from the Yangtze; those cabin sides didn’t get that way by accident.

    2. The only reason I buy single lottery tickets for advertised jackpots over $200 million is I otherwise have no shot at a 30m+ yacht in my lifetime. I needs a big motor yacht.

  62. “Federal government creating videogame that teaches men not to rape. Thanks for the $579,000, taxpayers.”

    And it’s as enjoyable as playing “Depression Quest”

    Fuck Off.

    That is all.

  63. “[…]In a few weeks, Pope Francis will visit the Philippine city of Tacloban, which was devastated by super Typhoon Haiyan in 2012. Shortly thereafter, according to the Guardian, he is expected to present an encyclical on climate change, “urging all Catholics to take action on moral and scientific grounds.”[…]”
    http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad…..lical.html

    My goodness! The guy in the pointy hat is going to square the circle between science and faith!
    Well, tough. Already been done by the catastrophists; they’re operating on faith.

    1. Pointy hat? Dumbledore is the Pope?

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