The Onion on College: 'Students, Faculty Invited To Freely Express Single Viewpoint'
Cue uncomfortable laughter


For anyone following Reason's recent coverage of the college beat, this Onion article—"College Encourages Lively Exchange of One Idea"—should provoke uncomfortable laughter:
BOSTON—Saying that such a dialogue was essential to the college's academic mission, Trescott University president Kevin Abrams confirmed Monday that the school encourages a lively exchange of one idea. "As an institution of higher learning, we recognize that it's inevitable that certain contentious topics will come up from time to time, and when they do, we want to create an atmosphere where both students and faculty feel comfortable voicing a single homogeneous opinion," said Abrams, adding that no matter the subject, anyone on campus is always welcome to add their support to the accepted consensus. "Whether it's a discussion of a national political issue or a concern here on campus, an open forum in which one argument is uniformly reinforced is crucial for maintaining the exceptional learning environment we have cultivated here."
The best Onion punchlines are the ones that hit a little too close to home, after all.
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Slow clap.
*Joins in, signalling to others that it's OK. also, is eventually the first one to whistle or yell out in support after the applause grow to an acceptable level.*
*joins in, having no idea whatsoever what's going on, but being a total social animal, feels compelled to clap and yell while looking around trying to figure out what the HELL is happening*
I once started a boo that filled a stadium. I am legend.
* stands at the fringe of the circle of clappers, having no idea what it's about, judging these stupid trained seals, even though if I knew what it was about I would be applauding too.
You monster. *jazz hands* is the only acceptable response.
**DOWNTWINKLES**
*glares at BiMonSciFiCon*
**snaps fingers in place of socially frowned upon LOL**
+1 Safe Space
Sorry, maybe just a spore-friendly thumbs up?
The one idea is something that everyone can had better agree on! All hail the one idea! Forward, comrades!
Once we've forced everyone to agree with the one idea, then you'll come to realize how popular the one idea really is!
Forward, comrades!
We must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!
Ouch.
My favorite Onion piece that hits too close to home.
http://www.theonion.com/articl.....age,26207/
My favorite - immediately post 9/11: God clarifies no killing rule!
Some brilliant stuff in there.
my favorite is pretty old and doesn't relate to politics, but it's a good one. Study Reveals: Babies are Stupid
http://www.onion.demon.co.uk/t.....babies.htm
"If I wanted to read other viewpoints, I would unblock all the people that tried to follow me on Twitter."
*blocks SugarFree*
I'd complain, but who's listening?
What? Did someone just say something? Huh?
OT- ALA is during Pride Week in SanFran this year. It's going to be an awesomely awkward mix.
Not really. All those old ladies in cat sweaters with their Barnes and Noble tote bags will fit right in. They all look like elderly lesbians and asexuals to begin with.
"is that a mohair coat? No? Oh, just cat hair. Sorry. No, don't talk to me. I've got to go... there's a seminar I want to get to... No, I'm all out of business cards and we're actually not hiring right now anyway.
Yeah, linked in. Just look me up."
Imagine how confused the bear-lovers are going to be trying to pick up the unshaven librarian geeks.
That's what I'm worried about. Good thing my wife is going with me... otherwise pride night at that ballpark might get uncomfortable. I'm a hot, slobby POA to a certain subset of a niche out there.
I'm pretty sure Twitter is all adbots spamming each other.
yes. yes it is.
(tries to follow NutraSweet on Twitter)
Some time around 2005 The Onion went from parody to prescient. It makes me sad. I liked it better when we could laugh because the stories were ridiculous and impossible.
They actually always had an element of truth as a fundamental part of their humor.
Is it just me, or are they leaning more libertarian this year?
Anyone who wants to actually be funny will seem somewhat libertarian as they will attack anyone who gets too big or ridiculous or needs mocking. But it's probably just more of a dedication to staying funny and not being partisan than anything else.
I'm sure it will end fairly soon. It's an non-election year.
The Onion seems to do a good job of putting humor before any kind of view point or politics.
Area Man Agrees With This
Exactly. Like the communist roommates who were a microcosm of why socialism didn't work.
When everyone is responsible for the dishes, nobody is responsible for doing the dishes.
My solution to that problem was just to do the dishes and not bitch about it. But make sure people knew I was doing their dishes.
Much easier and more pleasant than listening to people complain about who's not doing what.
No, they've been prophets since at least 2001.
Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
http://www.theonion.com/articl.....-pros,464/
Something about being beyond parody...
Too bad The Onion was prescient enough to include that as a quote from the man on the street.
Where is that quote from? The onion page doesn't have comments.
Oh, found it on facebook.
Goddamn those people are stupid.
Yeah, facebook comments are reaching youtube levels.
It's online Gresham's Law - bad comments drive out the good. The more popular a website is the shittier its comments will be because the people who aren't shitheads will stop posting in the face of all that stupidity.
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Wow.
Good thing there are only 11 of us that come to Reason.
There's a reason I stick mainly to Reason boards for informative discussion.
And there's a reason that trips to the comment section of youtube or facebook commentary is accompanied by hot candle wax on my nipples and electrodes on my scrotum. It's the pain I seek those days.
This piece is unfair. I happen to know that universities have a Five-Year Plan to introduce a slight variation on the accepted viewpoint.
They allow both viewpoints. Marxist and Leninist.
Of course, but there is a movement to allow a grudging acknowledgement of Stalinism. They don't call it Progressivism for nothing!
I imagine that's big in Journalism schools. Tough to teach Durantyism without it.
Do they study political systems in J-school? I thought they were just told what to think, not exposed to different political ideas.
There are even eventual plans to unchain the Trotskyists from the water-heater in the basement. Not too soon of course, baby steps.
Trotskyists get the icepick.
Which is a form of tolerant discourse.
I remember when the onion had enough ballz to NAME the one true viewpoint, but that was back in the Madison era
I remember when the Onion had the balls to write articles that began:
Don't bother looking for it on the Onion's website as it's been memory-holed.
What, why?! That was a legend, fit to stand shoulder-to-shoulder (or spiked penis-to-spiked penis) with Masta Cornfeld and Smoove B (who doesn't have a spiked penis, baby, but if you want one, he will wrestle a Warty to procure one for you).
Don't forget Jim Anchower
I think I get why he's funny, but I just never connected with the humor. If I knew any potheads they were never of that type, so it felt more like a rehash of every stoner stereotype.
Jean Tinsdale articles wanted me to commit suicide, so mission accomplished but humor as dark as fuck. Outside Scoop was cool, but really one-note joke.
Smoove B and Cornfeld (RIP, you Payaboo Pimp) were my guys, though. Keeping it real, like no one could.
See, I knew that guy, right down to the fact that the resemblance to the picture is so uncanny that I question if they didn't find his picture in a college yearbook or something.
Does the Onion still count as satire?
Poe's Law still applies.
I sometimes wonder if they throw up their arms at the news and go "How the fuck do we top THAT?!"
It's like Twilight. I mean, was there really a point to spoofing those movies?
There's always a point to spoofing things. Even if it is just having Kristen Stewart sigh loudly and mope for two hours. With sparkles.
Oh wait that's not spoofing, that's the movie.
The best Onion punchlines are the ones that hit a little too close to home, after all.
The Onion article that got nervous laughter around my house was the one where area man just wanted some alone time, and his girlfriend enthusiastically planned it out for him, hour-by-hour, with social engagements.
If only I could post that anonymously to my wife's FB page.
At somepoint satirical outlets like the Onion are going to run out of things to satirize and just start reporting actual news - an no one will be able to tell the difference.
They could probably just basically cover the Hillary campaign and that would be all the material that they need.
Wait.
Debating one idea against each other isn't a good thing?
But what about civil discourse? How do we have it if we all have different ideas?
Look, Rufus, sometimes diversity gets out of hand (e.g. Marxists vs Revisionists vs Eco-Marxists) but that's what the talking stick is for. These are not Libertarians, who use AR14 instead!
Oh wait, I have just been informed that the talking stick was rejected as a phallocentric metaphor. Until further notice, we are back to discussing how racist Republicans are. Sorry.
Unlike here where dissent is welcome and encouraged!
Alternative title: We're better! Let the back patting begin, free of self awareness!
Your projection is showing again, Bo.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FREE SOCIETY! WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME HE IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS, YOU LITTLE FUCK!
You jinxed it yourself Warty. You spoke too soon.
*Mom!* The Warty man is scaring me again.
I AGREE!!! ROBBYS ARTICLE TRIGGERED THE CRAP OUT OF ME WITH ITS EUROCENTRIC PATRIARCHAL MICROAGREESSIONS
Have you been banned yet? You're welcome 😉
I actually feel that this one is too too close to home to be funny.
Agreed. Should have had a trigger warning.
Slightly OT:
Every single girl in the photo accompanying the Onion article.
I noticed too. It appears to be a college that screens out any females who are not at least a 9 out of 10.
I luv da money hole!
That one was great.
Good work, everyone. Not a single bite.
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Jesus fuck is it getting desperate and pathetic.
Shut up, you're going to jinx it.
I ruined everything. For everyone. Except, Bo. I'm....sorry.
The best Onion bit ever was the point-counterpoint "No Blood For Oil" vs "Exactly How Much Oil Are We Talking About Here?"