A.M. Links: Rand Paul Calls John McCain and Lindsey Graham 'Lapdogs for President Obama,' DOJ Will Investigate Freddie Gray Death in Baltimore, France Foils 'Imminent' Terror Attack

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Credit: C-SPAN
  • Rand Paul says Lindsey Graham and John McCain are "lapdogs" for President Barack Obama's interventionist foreign policy.
  • The Justice Department has opened a civil rights investigation into the death of Freddie Gray, the 25-year-old Baltimore man who died after his neck was broken while in police custody.
  • Oklahoma reserve deputy Robert Barnes entered a not guilty plea yesterday to second-degree manslaughter charges stemming from the shooting death of Eric Harris. Barnes claims he accidentally shot Harris with a gun when he meant to use a taser.
  • According to a new report, "at least four high-profile MSNBC on-air personalities have tax liens or warrants filed against them."

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  1. According to a new report, “at least four high-profile MSNBC on-air personalities have tax liens or warrants filed against them.”

    Lien Forward.

    1. Good one.

      I’m no fan of FOX News, but cripes, could you imagine what the left would be saying if multiple commentators from that network had tax liens?

      1. could you imagine what the left would be saying if multiple commentators from that network had tax liens

        Yes, I can imagine that – nothing. They’d say nothing because a) taxes are for little people (laws too), and b) it’s ok when they’re side does it because they are the good guys trying to progress the country forward, not grubby capitalists and 1%ers that want to keep what they earn.

    2. It’s especially ironic since in some cases, just the tax owed is more than what many of their viewers would consider “wealthy” if it were a salary.

      1. I thought no one watched MSNBC. According to wingnuts anyway.

        1. Shriek derp de derp. Derp de derpity derp. Until one day, the derpa derpa derpderp. Derp de derp da teddily dumb. From the creators of Der, and Tum Ta Titally Tum Ta Too, Shriek is Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetely Derpee Derpee Dumb.

          Rated PG-13.

        2. 8% of people watch MSNBC

          1. MSNBC wishes they had ratings that high.

            1. 8% of 8% of people watch MSNBC.

              1. I think it’s probably only 8% of MSNBCers watch MSNBC.

              2. MSNBC wishes they had ratings that high.

          2. The only one left is the Tin Man.

        3. You fucking Team Red goofballs hate it when your own words are used against you.

          1. Tin Man! Derpity derp derp.

          2. Welcome to Retardation: A Celebration. Now, hopefully, I’m gonna dispel a few myths, a few rumors. First off, the retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it. Nobody does. And they don’t run in packs. And while they may not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

          3. If nobody watches MSNBC are they no less hypocrites in calling for policies they refuse to follow?

        4. Nobody that matters watches MSNBC

        5. BUUUUUTTPPPPLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG

    3. The reason these noble people have tax liens is because the government is unfairly targeting the Top 1% instead of the Top .001%

      We need a truly progressive tax code as championed by these talking heads.

    4. They’re just following the lead of the people in Obama’s administration.

      1. Hey, what is Charlie Rangel, chopped liver?

        1. if only…

        2. He just looks like it.

    5. Hello.

      Wow. 130 comments.

      I don’t know where to begin!

    6. GMSM is da winner. Chicken Chicken Dinner.

    7. What do they all have in common?

    8. Start making cash right now… Get more time with your family by doing jobs that only require for you to have a computer and an internet access and you can have that at your home. Start bringing up to $8596 a month. I’ve started this job and I’ve never been happier and now I am sharing it with you, so you can try it too. You can check it out here…
      http://www.work-cash.com

  2. French authorities say an “imminent” terrorist attack has been foiled in Paris.

    Was a white flag involved?

    1. I heard the perpetrator accidentally shot himself while going to the target.

      1. Are we sure the perp isn’t a US Law enforcement officer working some sort of sting? They are the only ones qualified to handle firearms like that.

    2. It’s (white) curtains for them!

    3. *walks up behind fist and takes bite from apple*

      Pretty good prank you pulled on me fisty. I told you I liked enterprise until the time travel stuff and you said I just need to get past the temporal Cold War. I’m in season 4 now. The whole damn show is time travel. I won’t forget this.

      *slides back into shadowy alley*

    4. Was a white flag involved?

      I heard a hilarious ethnic “slur” for the French the other day–“rifle droppers”.

      1. Do you know why the roads in France are lined with trees?

        So the German army can march in the shade!

      2. For Sale: French Army surplus rifles; Never Fired, only dropped once.

      3. I was looking at buying a pistol once, and the sales guy told me it was in such good shape it might have been owned by a Frenchman – never fired and only dropped once.

    5. Actually, from what I’m to understand, their anti-terror people are supposedly good. But, then maybe that’s only in comparison to the lardasses at the TSA.

      1. I imagine that France’s DGSI is quite competent in comparison to the masters of entrapment at the FBI.

        Sometimes I wonder if there would be less terrorism in the US if the government did absolutely nothing.

  3. 46) According to the Washington Post, Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe is trying to persuade the Washington Redskins to move to Virginia, claiming that “having the stadium could be a ‘tremendous economic boon.'” I think this would be a huge mistake. Sports teams are a terrible economic bet, and football is worse than most because you only get eight home games per year. Now, if a business wants to move here because Virginia’s tax and regulatory climate are favorable, I’m all for it, but if the state spends a penny on a new stadium it will be a complete rip-off of taxpayers. Moreover, Dan Snyder is one of the biggest economic parasites on the planet and cannot be trusted. He has 12 years left on his lease at the current stadium site in Maryland. I think even negotiations with him are immoral as it gives him leverage to break his existing lease.
    So let me ask y’all. I intend to write a letter to McAuliffe, as well as my local State delegate and senator, telling them I think this is a bad idea. Which approach should I take in the letter? Should I use one of the arguments above, or something else?

    1. Only one thing matters: how will this affect re-election fundraising? If you can slant your letter that way, you have a shot.

      1. Governors are 1 term only in Virginia. But McAuliffe is probably trying to get on the Governor to Sentar pipeline in Virginia (Allen, Kaine, Warner)

        1. They have a pipeline for mythical half-human, half-horses?

          1. Are you arguing that those 3 aren’t at least half a horse’s ass?

    2. If he wants them to move, he should persuade Maryland to try to use eminent domain to take over the team.

    3. It’s disingenuous to say that it’s only 8 games a year. First of all, there’s automatically 2 more preseason games, plus the possibility of home playoff games. On a much larger effect, the stadium can be used to host all sorts of other things (soccer friendlies, music concerts, college games/basketball tournaments, etc.) so it can easily get a lot more use. It’s not even necessary to make that disingenuous argument since this still don’t add up to a net economic benefit. Even further, it doesn’t matter what the economic effect of a taxpayer funded stadium is; it’s wrong regardless of the effect.

      1. plus the possibility of home playoff games

        You do know you’re talking about a team owned by Dan Snyder, right?

        1. I’m not surprised somebody beat me to a snarky comment about that.

      2. Okay, thank you for this point. More than eight games, plus other uses. You’re right that this should be argued on its genuine merits.

        I do note, however, the area already has several venues already used for concerts, soccer games, and so forth.

      3. It’s probably a maximum of 16 dates a year, all told. That’s IF you luck out and get a Mexico friendly or one of the stops on ManUre’s summer tour.

        1. CANADA VERSUS USA – REALITY GLADIATORS.

          1. No, that’s being played at Gillette on New Year’s Day.

            1. Ha. True!

    4. Just insist that any contract be predicated on key performance indicators: the Skins must maintain a rolling 50% playoff appearance rate in ten year periods and any season below .500 allows Virginia to break the contract and become eligible for liquidated damages.

      As a Skins fan, I think we all know these KPIs are utterly, totally and completely unachieveable until Snyder sells the team.

    5. Perhaps gather a good bit of data and summarize it to show evidence for your point that sports teams/stadiums can be a “terrible economic bet” (citing more recent examples first).
      I’d keep in mind Auric’s viewpoint as well.

      I’m sure there are several others who have better ideas than I regarding your purposes.

      I encourage you to carry through.

    6. It’s a bad investment for a state or municipality to build a stadium, but it’s typically a boon for the area surrounding the stadium.

      1. This^^

        When I lived in the area, Kansas City home games were 3 day events starting with Red Fridays and tailgating weekends.

        The state of Kansas was probably getting the best deal, though, because the nicer part of the Metro-Complex is in Kansas, and the stadium is in MO. A whole lot of business was brought to the Metro for the weekend.

        1. The state of Kansas was probably getting the best deal, though, because the nicer part of the Metro-Complex is in Kansas

          The nicest part of the KC Metro area is now in MO. The whole power and light district, the meat of Westport, etc.

          1. That was getting there, but Lenexa/Overland were the best part of the Metro when I was there.

      2. Which is why the areas around the old RFK and Nationals Park are such nice places to walk and raise your kids.

    7. As a Team Blue retard, you should appeal to his sense of identity politics. Speak his language. Remind him of the inherent racism in the team name and Snyder’s refusal to change it. Demand he wash his hands of the whole thing until the team name changes. Oh, and as penance for even talking to Snyder, he needs to loosen up the laws restricting ancient native traditions like casinos and tax free tobacco sales.

    8. Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe is trying to persuade the Washington Redskins to move to Virginia…

      …and change their name to the Virginia Slavers.

      Would anyone object to their people being disrespected?

  4. Rand Paul says Lindsey Graham and John McCain are “lapdogs” for President Barack Obama’s interventionist foreign policy.

    Never have so few been so wrong at the expense of so many.

    1. This is a big gambit on Paul’s part, and I hope it doesn’t come back to bite him in the a$$.

      1. I think it was brilliant

        1. Yeah, me too. Personally I think Rand needs to just run as Rand – as I recall Reagan did (not that he was perfect or libertarian messiah litmus test passer) and Reagan ran for president, what, three times before succeeding?

        2. I agree. I think it recasts the debate away from the way the hyper-interventionists/neo-conservatives have been able to frame it for the last 10-15 years. Traditional Republican/conservative foreign policy was never “all-war-all-the-time”. The Weinberger/Powell Doctrines were more about when we shouldn’t intervene than when or how we should. Calling out Graham and McCain as stooges for Obama’s disjointed and rudderless foreign policy puts them on the defensive that they deserve to be on.

      2. Graham came out first and insisted that Paul was worse on foreign policy than Clinton yesterday.

        1. That is exactly the sort of comment that will work well for Rand. Hope McCain makes some similar comments. Rand can use that against both Clinton and establishment Repubs.

    2. You know who else was so wrong at the expense of so many?

      1. Barack Obama?

      2. Marshall Herff Applewhite?

      3. Sheldon Richman?

  5. “Barnes claims he accidentally shot Harris with a gun when he meant to use a taser”

    Hey, who hasn’t made this mistake?

    1. Well, Bubba hit exactly where he was aiming…

      1. Mark Chestnut’s hit Bubba Tazed the Julebox?

    2. Thankfully there’s no double standard, and no non-officer would ever be charged for more than second degree manslaughter in such a case.

    3. I saw Barnes’ apology video. It was creepy and ill-advised. He apologized to the family of Harris and then said it was the second worst thing that had happened in his life. The first being cancer, which he then spent an inordinate amount of time describing. We’ll all get old, but this was an old guy with no sense of self awareness…and none of his family seemed to have any either as they sat by and let him ramble on.

    4. Dick Cheney?

    5. He should also be charged with torture if his plan was to taze a subdued person.

  6. The Justice Department has opened a civil rights investigation into the death of Freddie Gray, the 25-year-old Baltimore man who died after his neck was broken while in police custody.

    There might actually be consequences to this one.

    1. They will need one of them to give the others up.

    2. I doubt it. I’m sure the cops and others have been very busy eliminating evidence and getting their stories straight.

    3. No video. No charges.

    4. And why were the cops subduing him? Oh, because he made eye contact with a bike cop and then started to run.

      Yeah, he was a bit suspicious looking, so we had to chase him down and break his spine.

  7. Obama fights The Squaw and other progs on his signature free trade deal:

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/21/…..pposition/

    Obama: Warren is ‘wrong’ on trade

    1. Even a blind buttplug occasionally finds an asshole.

      1. This is some delicious infighting amongst the Dems. And any national political aspirations by the Squaw have been squashed. The far more powerful DLC Dems like Obama are putting down an insurrection by the Prog Wing of the party.

        Enjoy it. Us free traders will win this one.

        1. I hope you’re right. But I suspect you’re giving your Dem friends too much credit. Not like you’d ever do that.

    2. BUTTPPLLLUUUUUUG

  8. Magic ‘teabag’ transforms bland lager into refined craft beer

    A special ‘teabag’ has been designed to transform ordinary bland lager into a refined craft beer.

    The beer-bag works in the same way as fruit teas, but instead of infusing it in hot water the user drops it into a pint.

    The sachet, which contains a blend of hops, fruit peels and natural spices, is left for two minutes to transform the flavour without the cost or calories of a craft beer.

    1. Ratfucking Teabaggerz!!!!!!!!

    2. I hate bland lager, but buying a cheap beer and then dipping a tea bag in it sounds like Pajama Boy-level of wussiness.

      1. +1 car bomb

      1. I like beer ’cause it is good
        I drink beer because I should
        If there was a song to sing
        I sing it and beer you bring

        I drink beer when I am sad
        ‘Cause the beer, it makes me glad
        Now there’s nothing left to say
        So let’s go drink beer

        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        And stuff!
        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        (Let’s go drink some) Beer! (beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!) Beer! (Beer!)

        When it’s warm, it tastes real crappy
        But cold beer will make me happy
        When I throw up on the floor
        I can go and drink some more

        They say beer will make me dumb
        It are go good with pizza
        Now that we have drunk some beer
        Let’s go drive a car

        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        And stuff!
        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        Beer is good!
        (Let’s go drink some) Beer! (beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!)
        Beer! (Beer!) Beer! (Beer!)

        Uh, dude? I think you’ve had enough)
        No!

        Let’s go drink some beer!

        (I am drunk, drunk is me, I am drunk…wheee!) [x3]
        (Belch!)

        1. I’m in a time zone where it makes sense, Cheers!

          1. It’s always happy hour somewhere.

        2. I’d say this is a rugby song but there isn’t enough rapeyness in it even though rugby players love beer more than rugby…

        3. My preferred beer song – Tom T. Hall

          In some of my songs I have casually mentioned
          The fact that I like to drink beer
          This little song is more to the point
          Roll out the barrel and lend me your ears

          I like beer it makes me a jolly good fellow
          I like beer it helps me unwind
          And sometimes it makes me feel mellow
          (Makes him feel mellow)

          Whiskey’s too rough, champagne costs too much
          Vodka puts my mouth in gear
          This little refrain should help me explain
          As a matter of fact I like beer
          (He likes beer)

          My wife often frowns when we’re out on the town
          And I’m wearing a suit and a tie
          She’s sipping vermouth and she thinks I’m uncouth
          When I yell as the waiter goes by

          I like beer it makes me a jolly good fellow
          I like beer it helps me unwind
          And sometimes it makes me feel mellow
          (Makes him feel mellow)

          Whiskey’s too rough, champagne costs too much
          Vodka puts my mouth in gear
          Well this little refrain should help me explain
          As a matter of fact I like beer
          (He likes beer)

          Last night I dreamed that I passed from the scene
          And I went to a place so sublime
          Oh, the water was clear and tasted like beer
          Then they turned it all into wine

          I like beer it makes me a jolly good fellow
          I like beer it helps me unwind
          Sometimes it makes me feel mellow
          (Makes him feel mellow)

          Whiskey’s too rough, champagne costs too much
          And vodka puts my mouth in gear
          This little refrain should help me explain
          As a matter of fact I like beer
          (Yes he likes beer)

          1. Too bad Alice doesn’t post much anymore. Or this where the, “Alice, you’re drunk. Go home” meme came from?

  9. Land of the lost tribe: Indian Ocean island is home to a community who have lived there for 60,000 years… but it’s too dangerous to visit because they try to kill outsiders

    The indigenous tribe has lived on North Sentinel Island in the Indian Ocean for an estimated 60,000 years
    Their limited contact with the outside world usually involves violence, as they are hostile towards outsiders
    Islanders have been known to fire arrows or toss stones at low-flying aircraft on reconnaissance missions
    Tribespeople have rarely been photographed or recorded on video, as it is too dangerous to visit the island
    India’s government has given up on making contact with the islanders and established a three-mile exclusion zone

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tra…..-land.html

    1. I’m betting they don’t have guns. How fucking dangerous can it be?

      1. +1 Guns, germs, and steel

        1. Ha. I read that book.

          1. Yeah, me too. I thought it was an interesting premise but ultimately not backed up by enough evidence and relied to much on PC premises.

            1. To be honest I don’t recall details it’s been so long. May have to go ‘flip’ through it.

            2. I didn’t read the book, but watched the video with my son who had. We both thought the guy made a reasonable and insightful observation that civilization tended to flourish in locations with native animals that could be domesticated. However, he goes on to downplay that observation, and wants to convince his readers that the all the troubles in the world are caused by European guns, germs, and steel.

      2. I think I read about these guys in National Geographic a couple years ago. Some linguists actually tried to go there in the 1980s to find out if there language is similar to the languages on other nearby islands, but weren’t able to get their boats ashore without being shot at with arrows. The people are basically uncontacted by modern civilization, and apparently want to remain that way.

        1. I’m shocked the governments of the world are standing idly by and allowing people to conduct themselves in a manner in which they choose.

          1. You can bet if someone found something valuable on the island, like gold for example, that those people would be exterminated/relocated in a matter of minutes.

            1. By “valuable” I mean “taxable.”

        2. Their hostility towards outsiders can at least be partially attributed to past conflicts. Survival International said ‘the outside world has brought them little but violence and contempt’.
          In the late 1980s and early 1990s several tribespeople were killed in battles with armed salvagers who visited the island to recover iron and other goods from a shipwreck.

          It’s also possible that most of the people who visited them were total assholes and made all outsiders look bad.

          1. Isn’t that what the first paragraph you quote says, more or less?

            1. Yes, but there’s not enough detail for me to infer much. It’s possible the salvagers were just defending themselves against an unprovoked onslaught of arrows, for example, and natives got killed because the salvagers had guns with them.

      3. Not too dangerous if you don’t mind losing a few guys to arrows before committing mass slaughter, I suppose.

        1. Exoskeletons. Although they might think the world outside is full of robots.

          1. Man, I wonder what they think about those giant noisy birds in the sky? They probably scare them so firing arrows at everyone makes sense.

        2. Yeah but do you need to turn into a 10 foot tall smurf first?

      4. Very dangerous if you don’t want to kill them. Not too dangerous if you are willing to shoot them.

    2. These people have exactly the right idea.

    3. While privileged people are eating ?15 burgers and splashing ?100 on new trainers, the near-naked Sentinelese are surviving off the land and hunting for sea creatures.

      Wat?

      1. I think this is supposed to convey the “idyll” of third-world subsistence living versus, well, the way the rest of the world want to live.

        1. Third world? These people must be 4th or 5th world at least.

      2. Yeah, is there a point somewhere in there?

    4. Is it the lost island of Libertopia? We don’t know much about them, but we do know they have the right to bear arms.

    5. I think it is really cool that there is still a place like that that has no contact with the world.

      While I am sure many of them would want the benefits of civilization given the chance, most would probably just die from diseases they never encounter if contact were made, so I think it’s best to leave them be. Especially since they seem to have no interest in contact from outsiders. I have to wonder what they think of outsiders though.

  10. Meanwhile, also in Baltimore…

    http://www.baltimoresun.com/ne…..story.html

    Man accused of rape. After one month in jail, DNA tests prove man innocent of rape. Despite DNA tests, man spends another 14 months in jail. Man sues, wins $2.3 million. Of course, the city is appealing.

    1. Goddamned rape denialists

    2. What are you, a damn RAPE DENIER?!

    3. Justice is punishing someone by taking money from someone else and giving it to another guy.

    4. And of course it’s going to be the people who pay this, not the officials.

      1. I suppose I could’ve just said that. Cheers!

    5. And that is probably the only part of Baltimore which is appealing

  11. “At Supreme Court, Eric Holder’s Justice Department routinely backs officers’ use of force.”

    Can’t have central control without a strong enforcement arm.

  12. 1 dead in botulism outbreak linked to Ohio church potluck; 20 in hospital

    All of the patients attended a potluck on Sunday at Cross Pointe Free Will Baptist Church in Lancaster, about 30 miles southeast of Columbus. As many as 60 people ate at the event.

    Five patients are in critical condition and 10 were taken to hospitals in Columbus, according to Fairfield Medical Center in Lancaster.

    The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Tuesday released 50 vials of antitoxin from the Strategic National Stockpile for the patients, according to CDC spokesman Tom Skinner.

    I blame Warty.

    1. This is botulism, not some heretofore unknown, mutated STD.

      1. Maybe Warty caught it from Nancy Pelosi?

    2. How long until some progtard suggests banning church potluck dinners?

      1. Or at least regulating them.

      2. “How long until some progtard suggests banning church?”

        FTFY.

    3. Apparently they picked the wrong religion.

    4. So much for praying over food.

  13. Rand Paul says Lindsey Graham and John McCain are “lapdogs” for President Barack Obama’s interventionist foreign policy.

    I doubt either of them will dial up the rhetoric after this.

    1. I predict a lot of growling and barking.

      1. I’d have guessed yipping and ankle-biting.

    2. When Lindsey Graham hits puberty he’s gonna kick Rand’s ass.

  14. Passing airplane may have unloaded used toilet paper all over Pa. town

    You’ll have to excuse the people of West Pittston, Pa., for feeling dumped on and a little crappy right about now. This, because some town’s folk awoke Monday to find toilet paper and plastic littering their yards in Luzerne County.

    Now, no less than the Federal Aviation Administration is investigating whether the debris came from a plane passing overhead.

    1. Glad they specified that it was unused.

      1. Read that again, Drake, they said it was used.

        1. Oh no!!!

          Why did somebody feel the need to airlift sewage?

  15. U.S. Court Recognizes Chimpanzees As “Legal Persons” For First Time

    Hercules and Leo, who are currently used for biomedical experiments at Stony Brook University on Long Island, were granted a hearing on their habeas corpus petition by Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Barbara Jaffe.

    Habeas corpus is a legal petition that detainees use to seek relief from unlawful imprisonment, and by granting habeas corpus to chimps, Jaffe endorsed the idea that they deserve the rights of a human being with respect to being confined indefinitely and in less than humane conditions.

    Advocates argue great apes are highly intelligent and self-aware beings with complex emotional lives that deserve basic rights, including the right to be free of inhumane treatment.

    1. That should have been tossed out. The New York state Court of Appeals already ruled Great Apes are not persons, so going to the Supreme Court in Manhattan (actually the bottom rung of New York Courts) should be bound by precedent and toss the case.

      1. Legally the opinion might be wrong but honestly I can’t disagree that Chimps especially and realistically all Great Apes and possible Elephants, Dolphins, and some Whales probably deserve some level of legal protections similar to human rights.

        1. Define “inhumane”. Sounds like they are getting three hots and a cot for just sitting around getting injected with stuff. Did they give consent? How would they give consent?

        2. My gut tells me the same thing. Perhaps a right to be left alone in the wild. Ones that are already captive can’t really return to the wild but should be treated reasonably humanely.

    2. Jerry approves.

    3. “with complex emotional lives”

      Considering I don’t even know where all you zombies come from, this seems ridiculous.

      1. Do not mock my complex emotional life, or I shall fling my feces at you.

      2. ‘All you Zombies’ AND ‘Jerry was a Man’?

        Dayum.

    4. Just plant some drugs or a gun on the chimps. Then it’s OK to lock them up and experiment with them. There is plenty of precedent for that.

  16. Are Earth Day and Arbor Day two separate holidays? I hate the former but have always liked the latter.

    1. Yes, Arbor Day is on the last Friday in April and was started by J. Sterling Morton in 1872. Morton moved to Nebraska and was horrified by the lack of trees, and started the holiday to encourage the settlers to make the state leafier. I’ve been to Morton’s estate in Nebraska City many times.

      1. “Yah know, Norm, little-known fact….”

  17. Revenge is a dish best served WET! Scorned woman dumps lying lover’s entire Apple collection in the bath (and sent him the pictures to prove it)

    Japanese man pays for his cheating ways with his prized gadget collection
    Scorned girlfriend takes snaps of Apple bath and sends them to him
    Photos of soaked iMac, iPhones, iPads and accessories go viral on Twitter

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem…..ve-it.html
    [muntz laugh]

    1. Scorned girlfriend takes snaps of Apple bath and sends them to him

      So she’ll enter a plea of not guilty by reason of insanity when he takes her to court?

      1. “Here’s proof that I destroyed your expensive property!”

  18. Rand Paul says Lindsey Graham and John McCain are “lapdogs” for President Barack Obama’s interventionist foreign policy.

    I liked Rand before, I like him more now.

  19. Presidential hopeful Rubio reaches out to gay Republicans

    Marco Rubio, the youthful Republican presidential hopeful who touts himself as the candidate of his party’s future, has been making moves to court a socially liberal faction of his party that represents gay conservatives.

    The Florida senator’s staff have held quarterly meetings with the Log Cabin Republicans “going back some time”, their executive director, Gregory Angelo, told Reuters. The meetings with the advocacy group were to discuss legislation, issues and opportunities to “partner on,” Angelo said. Rubio’s office declined to comment on the meetings.

    The discussions highlight the tricky electoral math for Republican presidential aspirants like Rubio.

    1. Phrasing!

  20. A feel-good cop story, for a change: http://www.nola.com/crime/inde…..er_to.html

    Bonus points for the author’s name being awesome.

    1. Hahahahaha. Jesus, what an amazing name.

      1. Nobody fucks with the Jesus?

    2. This was even more amazing:

      Authorities also say 30-year-old Lt. Daniel Moldander, a shift supervisor, was fired for unprofessional conduct regarding the same drug case.

      Tregre said Moldander, who had worked for the department for more than eight years, was terminated because he was uncooperative and for “conduct unbecoming an officer” towards his colleagues. Tregre would not say what specific behavior led to his firing.

      1. I mean, just how much of an asshole do you have to be to get thrown under the bus by your fellow cops? And in Louisiana no less. Something tells me these two guys got canned less for criminality or unprofessional conduct and more because they ran a train on the sheriff’s daughter.

        1. Lousiana, aside from New Orleans, seems to have regular stories about cops getting arrested and charged for stuff that gets swept under the rug elsewhere. I’m always shocked.

        2. “Sheriff Mike Tregre confirmed that the recorded radio traffic indicated inconsistencies with the deputy’s testimony, but he would not say specifically what lead [sic] to the perjury accusation.”

          I used to live in those parts. I’d wager that “what lead [sic] to the perjury accusation” involved an envelope full of cash.

    3. FTA:

      Tregre told reporters that his department was acting on a tip from another agency regarding the possible transportation of illegal drugs.

      I wonder if this had held up in court if he ever would’ve revealed that.

      A BIG “FUCK YOU” TO THE ALPHABET BOYS, NSA/DEA/FBI

  21. End of the road for FM radio? Norway announces it will switch off analogue service in January 2017

    Norway will be the first country in the world to stop radio broadcasts on FM
    It says it will save ?17 million a year by the switch to a purely digital service
    The decision was driven by rise in popularity of digital and internet radio
    Other countries are expected to follow as numbers of FM listener drop

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..-2017.html

    1. Who listens to the radio over the air?

      1. I do from time to time. Our local sports radio affiliate is,on FM. And there are plenty of times I can pick them up when my phone signal drops to 3G

        1. I’m curious – I have the ability to listen to Pandora on my new car but wonder how that effects my data plan. Any advice or experience? Do I need to be in the car for hours on end before I’ll have an issue? How about when I am driving outside of my network range (if that’s still a thing…)

          1. I’m pretty sure it counts. But I don’t think it uses much data. I use it a lot and never come anywhere close to my data limits…and I also watch a lot of Netflix while on the road, usually through my provider since hotels WiFi signals typically suck ass.

          2. I have Spotify and an unlimited dataplan. Spotify streams at 96kbps at low and 320kbps at high end. I would assume Pandora is similar. If you streamed at the low end you’d use about 1GB per 24 hours of listening.

          3. Are you listening to it through your phone using Bluetooth to connect to your car or is this through an app and data plan that is part of your car? If it’s the former, most data plans offered by major carriers build in the fact that streaming music services is a huge component of their subscriber base. Check your data plan limits. I have ATT and am grandfathered in to the unlimited data plan but Verizon has a data calculator page that could help (the link won’t paste here but just Google “Verizon data calculator”).

          4. Awesome, thanks gang.

      2. Old people with old cars.

        1. And not-so-old people with old cars.

          1. I got a new Xterra last fall with built-in Sirius-XM which I enjoy. So now I have to figure out how to retrofit it into a 9 year-old 350Z and a 6 year-old Forrester.

            1. We’ve got a 10 year-old Forrester and a 10 year-old Outback.

              FM it is.

              1. CDs man. There all the rage these days.

                1. I have yet to replace the shitty stock stereo that only plays like one or two of my disks.

            2. I put this in my truck. Love it.
              http://www.pioneerelectronics……IC-8000NEX

        2. My 28 year old wife and her 5 year old Nissan.

      3. Hate Radio is delightful entertainment for my commute.

      4. I can only listen to my iTunes playlist so many times in a row. Occasionally I do switch over to radio, though the station (93.5 The Bull!) I listen to just switched to HD Radio, so I’m not listening to FM any longer.

        1. HD Radio is still FM bandwidth, just using digital signal processing, right. Clearer signal, but with less range was my experience.

          I listened to HD in STL, which gave me like 3 stations (separate channels) from the one big station (K-SHE).

          When I moved to KY, there weren’t any decent HD signals to speak of.

      5. Hitler?

      6. I do.

        I suppose FM is becoming less popular. But it would be a shame to see it go. I have a fondness for technologies like radio and land line phones where you can still use the same equipment that has always worked. I suppose that’s not a reason to preserve it, but it’s better to have the market decide than some government agency.

  22. Man shoots computer in Colorado Springs alley, gets revenge he wanted – and a citation

    “He got tired of fighting with his computer for the last several months,” Lt. Jeff Strossner said. “He was having technology problems, so he took it out in the back alley and shot it.”

    Strossner tweeted Hinch “executed” his computer in an alley on the 2200 block of West Colorado Avenue.

    The penalty for the citation will be up to a judge, police said, adding that Hinch was good-natured about the citation and hadn’t realized he was breaking the law when he went Wild West on that useless piece of technology.

    Hinch shot it eight times, Strossner said, “effectively disabling it.”

    1. Please tell me he was playing “Damn it feels good to be a gangsta” on his phone while he was doing it.

    2. #cyberlivesmatter

    3. Effectively disabled, hmmm. Get John Podesta on the phone and get him a gun.

      -Hillary

    4. +1 PC load letter

    5. Freeze! Pop pop pop pop….

  23. Want to be paid more? Start having extra sex: Employees who make love two or three times a week earn 4.5% more

    Study finds that celibacy leads to lower spending power among employees
    Researchers by Anglia Ruskins University looked at 7,500 study responses
    Workers with health issues having sex also earned more than abstainers

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-more.html
    mumble mumble correlation mumble causation mumble mumble

    1. celibacy leads to lower spending power

      Oh, *that* explains the Catholic Church.

    2. Want to be paid more? Start having extra sex:

      I would think it depends on who the employee is having sex with.

      1. Quiet you! I am going to show my wife this article and don’t need any factual nonsense undermining me!

        1. I am going to show my wife this article

          I am shame…I had not thought of that…good idea!

    3. What percentage of the employees in the study worked in prostitution? I would think that would have a direct link on their earnings.

    4. Employees who make love two or three times a week earn 4.5% more

      You mean there are people who have sex less often than that? Man, that sucks.

    5. “People with fuck trophies have easier time justifying being paid 5% more”

  24. Release of Benghazi Report on Hillary Clinton Likely Pushed to Election Season

    The findings of a Republican-led committee investigating Hillary Clinton’s response to the deadly 2012 attack in Benghazi, Libya, likely will not be released until next year, just months before the 2016 presidential election.

    Representative Trey Gowdy of South Carolina, chairman of the U.S. House Select Committee on Benghazi, has been emphasizing a desire for the panel to finish investigative work by the end of 2015, including its review of Clinton’s e-mail practices as secretary of state. Now that seems less likely.

    In a statement on Tuesday to Bloomberg News, committee spokesman Jamal Ware confirmed the delay. “Factors beyond the committee’s control, including witness availability, compliance with documents requests, the granting of security clearances and accreditations?all of which are controlled by the Executive branch?could continue to impact the timing of the inquiry’s conclusion,” Ware wrote.

    1. I question the timing.

    2. The House GOP already released the report – conclusion = fake scandal.

      Really. No one except Team Red zealots gives a shit about BENGHAZI!!

      1. Mrs. Stevens would like to have a word with you. I’d be wearing Kevlar if I were you.

      2. How human of you Palin. An ambassador and soldiers are killed and you don’t give a shit about finding about what happened. Right. They knew the risks.

        The left. They kill me.

        1. We know what happened, you idiot. Quit trying to use their deaths for partisan political reasons. That is pure scum-like.

          1. You set a fine example there, Tin Man.

          2. BBUUUUUUTTTPPPPLLLLUUUUUUUGGG

          3. Yeah guys, we know what happened. Some people got upset by a video slamming their religion or something. They were just protesting.

            But only like 8% of the protesters were actually bad people who make the whole mob look bad.

            /derp

          4. Right. The video did it.

          5. You do that just about every other day with the Iraq War Weigel, you vile cretin.

          6. Quit trying to use their deaths for partisan political reasons.

            HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… (exhale)… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      3. BBUUUUUTTTPPLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUGGGG

    3. Haw. That should be entertaining.

  25. the court judge allowed Bates to take a planned vacation to the Bahamas before his upcoming July court date.

    “Avoid the appearance of evil.”

  26. Drone with radioactive material found on Japanese Prime Minister’s office roof

    A drone carrying small traces of a radioactive material was found on the roof of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe’s office Wednesday morning, police said.

    A member of the Prime Minister’s staff spotted the four-propeller, 50-centimeter wide drone and alerted authorities, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police said.

    The drone was equipped with a small camera and a plastic bottle containing small traces of a radioactive material, according to Japanese media, citing police.

    1. “Radioactive material”? A radium watch or tritium sight contains ‘radioactive material’ be more specific.

      1. This is not our fight and I’m not your captain

      1. I love that song. Not sure why.

        1. Me too. I thought that was a great album, but that video is cheesy.

    2. Rotor != propeller. Stupid media.

      1. That had better be Porcupine Tree.

  27. Hamilton, what do you think of the schedule release? A lot of home weekday night games (3). The away games do offer some convenient scheduling options though.

    At least it’s better than the alt-text.

  28. Webcam model uses her EIGHT FOOT belly to find love… and she claims she had her pick of doctors, lawyers and bodybuilders

    30-stone woman’s ‘perfect belly’ attracted men from around the world
    Gayla Neufeld always struggled with her size, weighing 13 stone aged eight
    The 52-year-old now embraces her belly and works as a webcam model
    Texan Gayla met her husband Lance, from Canada, on a fat-fetish forum

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem…..lders.html

    Warning: Some things cannot be unseen.

    1. Stop it. John’s penis can only get so erect.

    2. So she was 182 pounds when she was 8? I am not clicking that link.

    3. It’s like my cursor…has a mind…of…it’s…own. Cannot…resist…

      1. Oh Jesus Christ.

        1. She’s got holes in different area codes.

  29. When battling Hillary, it’s the cronyism, stupid

    “The economy, stupid.” Democratic operative James Carville used that simple phrase in 1992 to remind former President Bill Clinton to maintain narrow focus on that issue.

    Republicans who want to beat Hillary Clinton in 2016 need a similarly single-minded focus: It’s the cronyism, stupid.

    Hillary is at times a liberal, at times a moderate; here a populist, there an elitist; sometimes a hawk, sometimes a dove; but she’s always a crony.

    Turn over any rock in Clintonworld, and you’ll find some species of cronyism wriggling out from beneath it. Look in her Senate career, and you’ll find her selling public policy in exchange for campaign contributions. Peek into the Clinton presidency, and you’ll see her husband selling pardons for gifts to his presidential library.

    1. How in the heck is that remotely Constitutional? Oh yeah. Deference.

      1. Of course it is Constitutional. Obama’s executive order explicitly states that it is necessary to address a national emergency. Anything that the President does in the interest of national security or to address a national emergency is Constitution per its fytw clause.

    2. The prohibitions in section 1 of this order include but are not limited to:
      (a) the making of any contribution or provision of funds, goods, or services by, to, or for the benefit of [Snowden]

      Ha! They forgot “from” and “in accordance with”!

      1. “but are not limited to”

      2. Aren’t bills of attainder specifically prohibited by the Constitution? And right in the text too; not skulking among the penumbras with judicial immunity and abortion.

    3. He cited a “national emergency” to justify it.

  30. ” claims he accidentally shot Harris with a gun”

    So he basically admits to manslaughter. He probably would have been better off saying he did it on purpose using the impenetrable I felt threatened defense.

    1. Yeah, I’m a bit confused how saying “I accidentally killed this guy” is a defense to manslaughter.

  31. Environmentalists call for Constitutional amendment to radically transform society into an eco-socialist paradise

    Excerpts:

    2. It requires the wealthier corporations (those with incomes of over $50 million/yr–but excluding all the small businesses) get a new corporate charter once every five years which will only be granted to corporations that can prove a satisfactory history of environmental behavior and social responsibility–to a panel of ordinary citizens who will also hear the testimony of people from around the world who have had their lives impacted by the behavior of the corporation being reviewed.

    3. It requires every school from k-to graduate or professional levels to teach environmental practices, latest information, skills both in working with and protecting Nature but also in empathic communication, caring for everyone on the planet, and learning how to organize and use democratic and nonviolent methods for protecting the earth and humanity’s future.

    4. It overturns any treaty or trade agreement which can be shown to be destructive to the wellbeing of the environment or to working people or is judged by a court to stand in conflict with the intent or specifics of the ESRA.

    Number four is truly grotesque. Fuck these eco-commies and their contempt for humanity.

    1. I’m just impressed they recognize it would take a constitutional amendment, instead of just calling for Obama to do that by executive order.

    2. to a panel of ordinary citizens

      Oh, sure..Ordinary citizens. Hand selected for their ordinary and right thinkingness on the issues of importance.

      1. to a panel of ordinary citizens

        We will call them something like, oh, I don’t know, “People’s Committees”?

      2. Nah, I’ll grant them this one. We already empanel juries, no reason we can’t assign one to handle this useless bullshit.

    3. Psychos.

    4. “…requires every school…to teach…skills both in working with and protecting Nature but also in empathic communication, caring for everyone on the planet…”

      So, indoctrinate everyone into your eco-cult AND turn them into pussies.

    5. Can’t make me click on the derpaciousness that is that link….

    6. NICE, American style. CS Lewis was a prophet.

  32. You know the old saying: 18th time’s a charm.

    At least it is when it comes to finally suspending a cop for excessive force in Denver.

    http://kdvr.com/2015/04/17/sus…..cusations/

    Note the officer will be back on the job in a month instead of in the dock awaiting trial for attempted murder, assault, battery and a host of other charges a “civilian” would face. But it’s a step in the right direction. (Watch the video recording and tell me what a “civilian” would be facing if the roles were reversed.

  33. Sex crimes, drugs and dead soldiers: The U.S. military’s secret African shame

    Three of the dead were American commandos. The driver, a captain nicknamed “Whiskey Dan,” was the leader of a shadowy team of operatives never profiled in the media and rarely mentioned even in government publications. One of the passengers was from an even more secretive unit whose work is often integral to Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC), which conducts clandestine kill-and-capture missions overseas. Three of the others weren’t military personnel at all or even Americans. They were Moroccan women alternately described as barmaids or “prostitutes.”

    The six deaths followed an April 2012 all-night bar crawl through Mali’s capital, Bamako, according to a formerly classified report by U.S. Army criminal investigators. From dinner and drinks at a restaurant called Blah-Blah’s to more drinks at La Terrasse to yet more at Club XS and nightcaps at Club Plaza, it was a rollicking swim through free-flowing vodka. And vodka and Red Bull. And vodka and orange juice. And vanilla pomegranate vodka. And Chivas Regal. And Jack Daniels. And Corona beer. And Castel beer. And don’t forget B-52s, a drink generally made with Kahl?a, Grand Marnier, and Bailey’s Irish Cream. The bar tab at Club Plaza alone was the equivalent of $350 in U.S. dollars.

  34. Michael Brown memorial tree destroyed by vandals just hours after it was planted in Ferguson park

    Sapling was planted in January-Wabash Park in Ferguson, Missouri on Saturday but by Sunday, its trunk had been snapped in half
    By Monday, it had been replanted and the Ferguson Police Department is investigating the incident as an act of vandalism
    This is the third time a Brown memorial has been destroyed; in September, a memorial went up in flames and in December, one was hit by a car

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-park.html
    Twenty bucks says the cops did it.

    1. You mean “former” cops.

      Didn’t the majority of the racist pieces of shit walk out when the recent election put a bunch of black people in positions of authority over them?

      1. I don’t know. Haven’t been following it.

        1. You haven’t been following it because what he’s referring to happened in another town.

    2. Well to be fair to the vandals, fuck Michael Brown.

  35. White America’s Gwyneth Paltrow problem: How it’s playing games with the lives of poor people
    In Kansas, lawmakers are legislating away poor people’s right to be happy?and this is best defense we can muster?

    Conservative disdain for the poor has reached new heights with the recent passage of the HOPE Act in Kansas earlier this month. This bill, signed into law by Governor Sam Brownback, prohibits those who receive TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) from using funds to go to movies, to go swimming, to go theme parks, to gamble, to visit strip clubs or bars.

    Many Americans fundamentally believe that one’s income bracket should determine one’s access to fun, pleasure, and entertainment. The resentment and the lack of empathy that undergirds most of the social policy that emerges from the right prove just how out-of-touch and mean-spirited such social policy is.

    Should poor people not have the right to go swimming? Swimming is an important survival skill. There are large swaths of Black people who do not know how to swim because of long histories of segregated swimming pools and subpar swimming facilities in this country.

    1. Jesus Christ, no one is saying poor people can’t go swimming.

      1. Next you’ll be saying that Georgetown isn’t preventing students from using birth control.

      2. It’s a stupid bill, but it’s at least an equally stupid response.

        No, the bill is even stupider than the response.

        1. If Kansas thinks it can outstupid Brittney Cooper, the Shame of Rutgers, they are in for a rude awakenings. Brittney Cooper is stupider before 9am than Kansas is all day.

          1. Shame of Rutgers

            You misspelled New Jersey State.

            1. Chris Christie has a toilet he destroyed there named after him.

      3. POOR PEOPLE CAN’T GO SWIMMING!!!!

        *smug smile, walks away*…

      4. It’s Salon, it’s not supposed to make any sense.

    2. The comments are…rich:

      “But how widespread of a problem has this been? Was there any proof submitted during debate on this bill in the legislature that showed that TANF money was being used by a significant number of people in strip clubs? It may be that there are some people who are doing this, but is it really widespread enough that it needs to be codified into law? I really doubt that is the case.”

      Hmmmm…let’s extrapolate this methodology. What’s the percentage of the population who use drugs? Who criminally use firearms? Who would refuse service to someone because of skin color or sexual orientation?

      1. Do we really have to say it?

        PNP, yo.

    3. Swimming is an important survival skill.

      In Kansas?

    4. Swimming is an important survival skill. There are large swaths of Black people who do not know how to swim because of long histories of segregated swimming pools and subpar swimming facilities in this country.

      Oh, that’s the best paragraph in the whole piece. I’m sure blacks in the rural south would be shocked to learn that they don’t know how to swim.

    1. TK-424, we appreciate your concerns, however, the Imperial Design Bureau has run the armor designs through rigorous testing standards and has verified that a wearer can survive multiple hits – from a child weidling a blunt object. This prolonged battlefield survivability is key in many types of urban pacification. With regards to your concerns about comouflage, with the number of worlds and environments in the Empire, it is impossible to provide camouflage for all of them. Instead, we have stressed positive identification of friendly formations in an often chaotic battlefield environment. If you would stop losing so many uniforms, you wouldn’t have an issue with infiltrators in your ranks. Operational protocols require a positive verbal identification even if the exchange is ‘boring’ as many have remarked.

      — Complaints Department, Galactic Empire.

      1. Well done.

  36. I just came back from Canadian Tire. While paying at the cash a guy behind me decided it was a good idea to argue with the gal who monitors the self-pay cashes claiming it’s some sort of scam.

    Personally, I like them – when they’re ^%@$$@$ open.

    1. Do the self checkouts take that Candian Tire cash stuff?

      Does that stuff still exist? Because I’m just going on memories of going to Toronto for baseball games and Wrestlemania 18 when I lived in upstate NY.

      1. Yup.

    2. I don’t speak Canadian, what is “paying at the cash”?

      1. I think you have to pull your pants down and then do a no-hand salute…?

        1. No Lord. You walk up to the cashier, politely place your items on the conveyor belt (which we call paying at the cash,Sparky) look around and THEN you pull your pants down and do a no-hand salute.

          Fucking philistines.

  37. About the MSNBC deadbeats. Always worth reminding that the faux-populist Native Elizabeth Warren turned profits by buying repossessed homes and flipping them.

  38. Thousands of Washington state teachers plan one-day walk out for higher pay

    Sveral thousand teachers across Washington state are planning a one-day strike on Wednesday to demand higher pay, better benefits and a reduction in class sizes, the state’s largest teachers’ union said.

    Nearly 3,000 teachers in nine school districts were planning to participate in the walkout, said Washington Education Association spokesman Rich Wood. The 5,000 members of the Seattle chapter of the union are voting this week on whether to stage their own walkout in May.

    At issue are cost-of-living raises and funding for benefits being considered by the state Legislature. Teachers are unhappy about a proposal to raise pay by 3 percent over two years, while the state has not increased teacher healthcare funding in five years, according to Wood.

    Teachers also want the state Senate to abandon a plan that would increase class sizes in grades four to 12, the union said.

    “The current budgets fall far short of funding the quality public schools our kids deserve,” Wood said.

    Thank God we have such selfless people willing to abandon the children for the sake of the children.

    1. Fire them all.

      1. Bring in scabs. They’d probably be more effective. And by “scabs” I mean actual dried wound crusts.

      2. Set fire to them all

        FTFY

  39. Spot the Not: things blamed on global warming

    1. Colder Winters

    2. Syrian Civil War

    3. Surge in fatal shark attacks

    4. Insomnia of children worried about global warming

    5. Boy Scout tornado deaths

    6. Student loan debt

    1. 2

      1. #2 has definitely been blamed on global warming. I’ve seen it discussed here.

        I’m guessing #6.

      2. Nope. According to what I’ve heard on NPR, global warming caused droughts in Syria which caused people to move from rural areas into urban areas which caused unrest which caused the civil war.

    2. Imma say 4….

    3. I’m going with 6. 6 is because of the korparashuns and the income inequality.

    4. 6 is the Not.

      prize for the winners: http://www.truthrevolt.org/sit…..corn-1.jpg

    5. I’ll go with 5. Makes too much sense

  40. It’s Earth Day and apparently I’m a pangolin.

    1. A *baked* pangolin? 😉

      1. No pot for me, thanks.

        Plus I don’t want to be sued for copyright infringement by the other guy.

  41. Spot the Not: dumb laws

    1. NYC banned pinball machines from 1940 to 1976

    2. LA banned pinball machines from 1939 to 1974

    3. Chicago banned pinball machines from 1938 to 1975

    4. Coffee banned in the Ottoman empire from 1511 to 1524

    5. Coffee banned in Ethipoia from 18th century to late 19th century

    6. Coffee banned in China from 1757 to 1814

    1. 4, because Persians?

      1. 6, because Chinese?

    2. Could be 6 as ermagerd we can’t grow coffee and tea! Also sounds like something that could have been forced on China by the East India company?

    3. 5 because Ethiopia invented the stuff. How could it have been banned? Not even Mussolini banned it.

    4. 6. Because “all the tea in China.”

    5. 6 is the Not. 3 is technically a not since I got the years wrong.

      Ethiopia really did ban coffee for almost 100 years. So did Sweden.

      linky

      1. I refuse to believe that Ethiopia ever banned coffee. You’re wrong, sir! Wrong!

        1. wiki sez:

          “In the Horn of Africa and Yemen, coffee was used in local religious ceremonies. As these ceremonies conflicted with the beliefs of the Christian church, the Ethiopian Church banned the secular consumption of coffee until the reign of Emperor Menelik II.[6] The beverage was also banned in Ottoman Turkey during the 17th century for political reasons,[7] and was associated with rebellious political activities in Europe.”

      2. According to theroasterie.com, you got the years wrong on 4. 1511 was Mecca, Ottoman empire was 1623.

  42. Spot the Not: wacky bird names

    1. Red-headed Oxpecker

    2. Blue-footed Booby

    3. Marbled Frogmouth

    4. White-bearded Hermit

    5. Green-breasted Mango

    6. Yellow-bellied Sapsucker

      1. Nope, that’s an actual bird though I believe extinct.

        1. Not extinct “Least Concern”, the exact opposite thereof.

          1. “Least Concern”? My dad just used the term “Fuckem”.

            1. Other animals in the “Least Concern” category: The Norway Rat, The German Cockroach, the Common Raven, the Government Bureaucrat.

      2. No, that one is definately real. It looks like a mutant seagull

      3. I believe that Blue-footed Booby eggs have red yolks.

        And blue ‘whites’ when cooked. It was a Ripley cartoon…..

    1. 3, I have all the others checked in my field guide.

    2. 1 is the Not. There is a Red-billed Oxpecker but not a red-headed one.

      You may have a prize anyway:

      dancing blue-footed boobies

    1. Now, *those* are labia majora!

    2. Wow, that’s the first time I’ve seen stupid kids doing stupid things and posting the results on the Internet.

    3. This is particularly satisfying… because the people look so comically stupid in posting the results… just Beaker the Muppet STOOOOOPID.

      That one kid in the black shirt looks like a fucking gremlin… or Donatella Versace…

    4. My fucking ribs hurt

  43. French authorities say an “imminent” terrorist attack has been foiled in Paris.

    Anti-freeze in the wine?

    1. Vive le Bart!

    2. Alcohol is an anti-freeze. French wine could use more of it.

  44. Imagine numerous piles of shit all colliding at once from different angles.

    Whitney Cummings To Star In HBO Pilot Based On Maureen Dowd’s Book

    1. This instead of Ringworld?

      1. They are making a grab for the wine-soaked 45-year-old spinster demo.

        1. I usually get slapped when I do that.

        2. You forgot “multiple owner of cats” in there somewhere. NTTAWWT. It’s just funny.

    2. I didn’t think there could be a show on television that would ranking lower on my interest meter than NBC’s “The Slap.” You have apparently found it, SF.

      1. Did you watch any of it? I’ve wondered if it could possibly be as bad as the promos looked.

        I was subjected to 45 seconds of Jane The Virgin while I desperately fumbled for the remote, and it was almost more than I could bear.

        1. I didn’t. The presence of Melissa George couldn’t even sway me.

          To be honest, from what I understood the subject matter to be (physical punishment of another person’s child and its impact on the extended family dynamic), it’s not a horrible topic. But how do you make that interesting in television format? It screamed “movie short” to me at best.

  45. * Rand Paul says Lindsey Graham and John McCain are “lapdogs” for President Barack Obama’s interventionist foreign policy.

    I see Graham as more of a purse dog.

    1. My visual cortex registered an activity of yours.

      1. Nice! Btw Swiss I forgot to thank you for suggesting I look into the VA exemption from the PPACA. IRS couldn’t hit me with the “tax penalty”, feels great. Semper Fortis!

  46. Report: IRS Deliberately Cut Its Own Customer Service Budget

    IRS Commissioner John Koskinen has blamed the IRS’s “abysmal” customer service on congressional budget cuts–funding is down $1.2 billion from its 2010 peak–but a new congressional report points the finger back at the IRS. While congressional funding for the IRS remained flat from 2014 to 2015, the IRS diverted $134 million away from customer service to other activities.

    In addition to the $11 billion appropriated by Congress, the IRS takes in more than $400 million in user fees and may allocate that money as it sees fit. In 2014, the IRS allocated $183 million in user fees to its customer service budget, but allocated just $49 million in 2015–a 76 percent cut.

  47. Payout For Horseback Fugitive Beaten By Cops

    A California county has approved a $650,000 settlement to stave off a lawsuit by a man who was beaten by deputies after a chase on horseback.

    San Bernardino County spokesman David Wert said the payout was agreed with Francis Pusok in a meeting on Tuesday.

    Mr Wert says the agreement would settle all potential claims stemming from the 30-year-old’s arrest on 9 April.

    WE beat, YOU pay.

  48. While congressional funding for the IRS remained flat from 2014 to 2015, the IRS diverted $134 million away from customer service to other activities.

    Arming their audit teams with full-auto weapons?

    1. And that requires purchasing a large amount of ammunition, I’m sure.

    2. And MRAPs. Don’t forget the MRAPs.

  49. Scott Walker finally comes out and admits, “okay, you got us, we hate legal immigrants too”:

    http://www.breitbart.com/big-g…..migration/

    1. You posted the wrong link, apparently. You have a quote in your comment which isn’t in the link. I am certain that you did not editorialize his quote and then pretend that was his actually wording on purpose, because that you make you a complete tool.

      1. He was clearly not pretending those where his actual words.

    2. Is he a racist and and xenophobe too?

      Just because someone wants to control the borders and the number of immigrants does not automatically make them a racist, xenophobe or hater of all that is non white. The endless collectivizing of people who don’t support complete open borders as haters and xenophobes is the same shit progressives pull with the racist card.

      I personally think he’s wrong on his stance but I didn’t read anywhere that he hates immigrants. People can actually have different ideas about a policy without hating the the people subject to the policy.

      1. Re: Private FUQ,

        Just because someone wants to control the borders and the number of immigrants does not automatically make them a racist, xenophobe or hater of all that is non white.

        Indeed. It only shows Walker is another economics-illiterate buffoon, just like his brethren on the left side of the economically ignorant tent.

        Wanting to stop legal immigration, or migration in general, serves only to garner the sympathies of those that think their situation is attributable to immigrant labor. Stopping immigration, legal or otherwise, will only accomplish the increase on the cost of production of goods and services or a renewed push to outsource most activities overseas, as labor becomes more expensive. Instead of talking about the root causes of unemployment – the high cost of hiring, payroll taxes, regulations, medical insurance requirements and Obamacare – politicians continue their divide-and-conquer game by stoking the fires of mistrust.

        1. This is the way you argue against another person and their policies. You state why you think they are wrong and if you want, you then provide supporting documents. “okay you got us, we hate legal immigrants too” not only doesn’t reflect what was actually said but is the same lazy shit progressives do to stop all discussion.

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