420 History, Child Support's Dark Side, FBI Admits Major Flaws in Forensic Testimony: A.M. Links

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  • The FBI has "formally acknowledged that nearly every examiner in an elite FBI forensic unit gave flawed testimony in almost all trials in which they offered evidence against criminal defendants" in the 1980s and '90s. 
  • Happy 420, folks. Here's how April 20 became a national day to celebrate marijuana. [And here's some of Reason's extensive coverage of marijuana policy.]  
  • "It's really like, what's the Lord want me to do?" said Ohio Gov. John Kasich about his possible presidential run.
  • Baltimore resident Freddie Gray, 27, died on Sunday, a week after police chased him down for an unspecified reason and severed his spine in the process of arresting him.
  • "Skip child support. Go to jail. Lose job. Repeat." 
  • Why the courts should strike down new Kansas and Oklahoma bans on a procedure used in 95 percent of second-trimester abortions. 
  • A boat carrying hundreds across the Mediterranean capsized on Sunday. Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi blamed criminal gangs smuggling African and Middle Eastern migrants on rickety ships. 
  • The U.S. Senate is expected to revisit its [awful] human-trafficking legislation this week.
  • White House fence jumping has gone viral. 

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  1. The FBI has “formally acknowledged that nearly every examiner in an elite FBI forensic unit gave flawed testimony in almost all trials in which they offered evidence against criminal defendants” in the 1980s and ’90s.

    Oops?

    1. Hello.

      “The FBI has “formally acknowledged that nearly every examiner in an elite FBI forensic unit gave flawed testimony in almost all trials in which they offered evidence against criminal defendants” in the 1980s and ’90s.”

      My bad?

    2. Official Obstruction Protocol Success

    3. Feature, not bug.

    4. Blanket pardons?

      Nah, Obama isnt competent enough to do that.

      It would give him a legacy though.

      1. He’ll pardon the examiners.

  2. 44) Today’s Earth Day anecdote! I was walking in at the same time as one of my co-workers this morning, and he was carrying a bag of styrofoam plates. I asked him if he was bringing in cake later, and he said, no, his wife had intended to throw the plates in the trash. Why, is there something wrong with them? No, he just bought them at the grocery store recently, but she doesn’t like styrofoam plates because they are not environmentally friendly. WTF? So throwing them in the trash without using them is the solution to that? Might be a meaningless anecdote?except that this is exactly how many environmentalists think today. Subsidies for ethanol, rejecting nuclear power, scrubbing spilled oil in ecologically sensitive locations, eating locally-sourced food? at least recycling or banning helium balloons is merely meaningless theatre, these things actually burden the environment. But they feel better, so that’s enough for the typical environmentalist.

    1. I don’t like styrafoam plates because even plastic forks go right through them. Paper plates at least have some puncture resistance

      1. Styrofoam plates for wet things, paper for stabby things.

      2. I found out the hard way that styrofoam plates should not be used in the microwave.

        1. You got cancer?

          1. Sadly no; some of the food merged with the plate.

    2. They would ban the Periodic table of elements if they could.

      1. It contains radioactive elements!

        1. Worse, carbon is like one of the first things on there!!

    3. I’m working on a theory that every single product or process sold to the American people as environmentally friendly is exactly the opposite.

    4. I ran into a similar mindset yesterday. We met some folks from Canada while hanging out at the pool. They got to talking about environmentalism and the California drought and that’s where your story and mine meet.

      One lady was pretty adamant about water use and how we need to conserve more. (no, the irony isn’t that she’s sitting in a swimming pool at the time) She told us that she urges everyone around her to use less fresh water, because the world is running out of fresh water and we need fresh water for our children.

      She has her family take short showers, brush their teeth without the water running, practices “if it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown, flush it down…”…. well, you get the picture. She’s really concerned that they are going to use up all the fresh water and need to stop the waste.

      Her and her family live near…. Toronto. The city gets its water from one of the largest bodies of fresh water in the world, lake Ontario. There’s plenty of water all around. But don’t flush your pee down because you’ll waste a gallon of water.

      Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it does demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of the forces at work around her.

      Meanwhile in California they have more people living in the desert than the entire population of Ontario province. Yet they are just now looking into their first water restrictions, and those won’t impact agriculture which is 80% of the use.

      1. Stoopid Canadians and they’re lack of proportional perspective.

      2. Yet they are just now looking into their first water restrictions, and those won’t impact agriculture which is 80% of the use.

        The interesting point that Reason addressed is that agriculture accounts for 80% of the use after half of the total has been diverted for salmon runs. So it’s really 40%.

      3. As a member of this class I’m embarrassed to say it, but nearly every hysteric moral and/or anti-science panic began in the brains of affluent white women. Typically, after they’ve watched an episode of either Oprah or 20/20.

        1. That seems like a bit of an unfair characterization. Some of them watch The View.

        2. It’s an outbranch of gossip. I see it in my wife on occasion. Whether it’s a juice cleanse or the spiralizer or upcycling pallets, affluent white women (to overgeneralize) are relational beings, trusting in those who look and act like them, and not trusting those who are different or are unfriendly. I can send my wife a thousand articles about how juice cleanses just create expensive piss, but she’s still interested because her friends and her social media contacts are all about the juice cleanses. The new thing is the spiralizer. Never mind that you can get similar results using a cheese grater, spiralizing your vegetables is “better.”

          This applies to the eco-commie movement as well. I see it in my vegetable gardening circles as well. A guy asked whether he should apply RoundUp to his freshly tilled garden (thinking that it may be a pre-emergent). After 150 hysterical women scolded him for “killing the world” and “poisoning the waterways” and “causing cancer” and a thousand other responses that make glyphosate out to be worse than VX nerve agent, he finally got his answer that it’s not a pre-emergent, and he would just be wasting his time. Most of this crap was the same gossip signalling that Monsanto = Bad, therefore make shit up about what it does, and Organic = Good, therefore make shit up about its miracle properties. No thinking at all… it’s all about who looks more trustworthy, a bearded guy on a youtube video or a study “probably funded by Monsanto.”

        3. As a member of this class I’m embarrassed to say it, but nearly every hysteric moral and/or anti-science panic began in the brains of affluent white women. Typically, after they’ve watched an episode of either Oprah or 20/20.

          I’m pretty sure Carrie Nation didn’t watch either…

      4. I had a short discussion with someone recently about oil companies. This person was repeating your fellow Canadian Naomi Klein’s assertion that capitalism and climate change are mutually exclusive. I said no.

        This person then said that oil companies get subsidies, and I said no. They get tax breaks on capital investments like everyone else. This person said, “Well what difference does it make?” To which I said, a subsidy means putting money in someone’s pocket, whereas a tax break means letting them keep more of what they earned.

        To which this person said, “Well they get other preferred treatments, get to drill on public lands.” To which I pointed out that they pay royalties to the government.

        In the end, there was the classic emotional progressive butthurt. The next day I waved hello to this person and was ignored in return.

        I never believed that environmentalism really was anti-capitalism in disguise, but the more I encounter “environmentalists” in real life, the more I think that it is not really far from the truth.

        1. It IS about anti-capitalism.

          If it weren’t, they’d use capitalism to help in their cause. But they see it as an obstacle and the source of the problem.

          Hence, most are just your run of the mill left-winger who votes NDP or Green or whatever entity that spews anti-capitalist rhetoric.

        2. For some environmentalists, their environmentalism is rebranded communism, for other environmentalists, it’s the dour Calvinism of their ancestors with the Christian God removed. The environmentalists who legitimately care about the environment are called conservationists.

          1. Warty hits it out of the park! The two sects of environmentalism are Gov’t worshipping and Gaia worshipping. As you noted, those who don’t make it into a religion are conservationists.

      5. I don’t know why people think that way about water. As if saving some water in Toronto is going to do anything to help California. Water is a very local resource. And completely renewable. Yeah, some places have a shortage of fresh water. But there is zero chance of the world running low on fresh water. Many parts of the world have frequent problems with too much fresh water. A lot of environmentalist concerns are based on some flawed reasoning, but the water thing is especially silly. At least when you are talking about recycling or something you are actually often dealing with scarce resources.

        1. California has a problem with too much fresh water falling from the sky and collecting on the ground during winter…

    5. Tagging on to your OT post. I have anecdotal evidence that Sudden’s theory that Hillary will fail in the warm up to the primary forcing Warren to put on the Democratic Party headress.

      I was eating lunch with classmates and 2016 came up. My classmates were sad and bemoaning the fact that only Hillary was running. They actually could not think of anyone else that was interested so I told them O’Malley and Webb were interested and possibly Schweitzer. Then someone mentioned Warren and everyone perked up imagining the perfection of a Warren presidency. They said it would be great to have two women running too.

      So maybe Team Blue will turn on Hillary in the primary. These folks were certainly not interested in her. The only thing they like about Hillary is her vagina, but with Warren they get a vagina and a true progressive

      1. Hugo Schweitzer might be running as a Democrat? Somehow, not all that surprising.

      2. but with Warren they get a vagina and a true progressive

        Same with O’Malley

        1. I chuckled

        2. TIWTAN… no, you know what? That was funny.

        3. +1 Gender Reassignment

      3. No chlamydia?

        What?

        Like that didn’t enter your minds.

        Fuck off.

      4. I see a Clinton/Warren ticket.

        Clinton will pretend to be a sane Democrat: supports capitalism, stands for the middle class, etc.

        Warren will be the populist attack dog going after wall street, RethugliKKAN “anti-middle class” policies, etc.

        With a ticket like that, you never know. They may just beat out a GOP ticket.

        And the leftist base will conveniently forget Hillary’s Iraq war vote, her ties to Walmart (which will be attacked by Warren as an EVUL corporation), etc.

        Doublethink will successfully prevail.

        1. The fact that this is a viable possibility is almost making me nauseous.

        2. SPOILER ALERTS, please! ffs

      5. I figured out that Hillary won’t win after watching the Academy of Country Music Awards. There are millions upon millions of women who absolutely will not vote for her.

  3. The U.S. Senate is expected to revisit its [awful] human-trafficking legislation this week.

    They really want Lynch confirmed.

  4. Oregon is Going to Try to Make Beer Out of Sewage Water

    The Oregon Environmental Quality Commission has just recently approved a proposal to attempt to use recycled sewage water to brew beer. The beer wouldn’t be served in bars, at least to start with; assuming efforts to turn sewage into delicious libations are successful, they’ll only initially be served at tasting events and other “water professional society functions.” This makes a lot of sense, as “pay me for this sewage beer” (as such an attempt would no doubt be initially painted) is a marketing strategy roughly on par with “give me money and I will punch you directly in the genitals” and “who wants to pay to listen to me having a particularly disagreeable bowel movement?” I’m sure water professionals throw some crazy keggers, too, so this should be exciting for them.

    1. Not as if the flavor is going to get worse.

    2. Toilet wine?

    3. Chemically, there’s no reason this beer shouldn’t be fine. I’d try it. Couldn’t be worse than a lot of beers I’ve had.

      1. Maybe…

        http://beersmith.com/blog/2008…..d-or-soft/

    4. “Sewage beer”? Normally they are just called IPAs.

      1. You weird anti-hop people.

        Just go back to gruit.

        1. “If silver bullets were good enough for my pappy there good enough for me.”

        2. I would never want to cook dinner for this bunch.

          1. I only eat GMO, Factory-Farmed foods.

            1. There you go.

      2. I have long been convinced that the popularity of IPAs is nothing more than a prank someone is playing on hipsters. Fuck that much hops, yo.

        Sour beers can’t take over as the next trend soon enough.

        1. We should start a newsletter.

        2. Sour beers are gross. They all taste pretty much the same, which is bad. I’m sure you’d say that about really hoppy beers though.

          1. I like both.

            People who dont like either are fine. People who question others for liking them are weird.

            Unless its american wheats, then you are an idiot for liking them.

          2. I’ve only had one sour in recent times. It was….peculiar. I liked it in small quantities (I can’t ever see myself drinking more than a pint or two of it at a time) and can see why the snobbish set are creaming themselves over the style. But I don’t think they ever get to the levels of IPA’s: more difficult to make (and more expensive, I imagine), and harder for the uninitiated to get a hold of.

            Seems like something that’s always going to be the next big thing and just never gets beyond its core audience, like a cult TV show with great reviews.

            1. The price and ability to do it well.

              Sours are hard to do. Ive tasted tons of mediocre sours. Ive tasted bunches of mediocre IPAs too, but the range is smaller.

        3. I have a suggestion. Don’t buy IPAs. People do actually like them.

          I’m not a huge fan of sour beers, but I hope they become more popular too. More diversity is good. There are more different kinds of beer available now than pretty much ever.

          Anyway, don’t hipsters drink old-timey cheap American pilseners like PBR? (Actually, I’m starting to think that hipsters mostly only exist in the minds of people who want to blame them for all the cultural things they don’t like.)

      3. I honestly think that IPA taste nasty to everyone and much like the dress debacle it’s popularity is due to a couple of “trendsetter” who are having a good laugh at how many complete imbeciles exist.

        1. I like IPAs. Yes, sometimes they go way overboard with the hops, but most of the time they taste great. And they’re strong AF.

          1. People who like dark chocolate tend to also like bitter beer.

            1. I fit into this correlation since I like both. As does my wife, since she likes neither.

            2. I hate milk chocolate and bitter beer.

        2. Well, you’re wrong. I quite like most IPAs. And I liked them before they were cool. I also quite like some beers that proper beer snobs would mock me for, so I don’t think you can accuse me of just being trendy.

          Some people taste bitter things more strongly. That might be part of it. Some people don’t see how anyone could like broccoli, or cilantro, because they taste different to different people. To me the spicy complex hops you get in a lot of American IPAs taste great.

    5. Isn’t that what Budweiser has been doing for years?

    6. Somebody doesn’t understand the water cycle.

      1. +1 It’s all toilet water, at some point.

        1. Whenever I drink a beer I like to imagine that some of the water molecules in it were once urinated by Julius Caesar or Napoleon.

          1. Thank you for that thought

          2. I went to Catholic school through 8th grade. It was in 6th grade, I think, that I asked the science teacher what the likelihood was that we all drink a few molecules of Jesus’s per when we have a glass.

              1. Were you immediately struck or did it take a few heartbeats for the wrath to be visited upon you?

          3. Forget that. There is a water molecule in my beer whose constituent atoms were once part of a Cytocein in Alexander the Great’s DNA.

    7. they’ll only initially be served at tasting events and other “water professional society functions”

      Like the annual conference of The Association of Funny Aftertaste Detectors?

      1. the ADAF aren’t members of the WPS, silly.

    8. Ummm…isnt most city water recycled sewage water?

      I fail to see a problem.

      1. Not unless you live in a desert, and not always then.

        We get our water from reservoirs filled from mountain runoff and dump treated sewage into the Hudson. It doesn’t get back to human consumption until it has evaporated and rained down again. Other cities have the same open process.

        1. +1 thousand miles of limestone filtration, giving us the best tap-water in the whole damn World!

        2. Lots of cities get their water from rivers, and if they’re downstream of any other cities, recycled sewage water is exactly what that is.

          1. Louisville, for example. And we (speaking for my former city) reprocessed our sewage instead of just dumping it on down the river. As taxpayer money being wasted went, the sewer district was at the bottom of the list, they only moderately wasted dollars. The tap water was drinkable and won awards.

            1. This^^

              My neighbor buys the processed sewage fertilizer by the truck-load, and I buy some off him.

              Louisville shits on my lawn.

    9. Meh.

      Water has been around a very long time. At this point, I’m guessing none of it hasn’t previously been though some creature’s digestive system.

      I’d guess the requirements they’d place on treatment facilities to serve potable water would make this some of the cleanest water you’ve ever had.

      1. I drink only the finest comet-sourced bottled waters.

    10. Beer is quite well sterilized in the brewing process before yeast is added. So any worries about this are just stupid. If it tasted good, I’d drink beer made from actual shit. Why not?

      People worry about the silliest things. I’m sure the outflow from the sewage treatment plant is at least as clean as the water from the reservoirs and rivers that supply the municipal water supplies.

    11. Already done: Piss Beer

      Australia, of course.

  5. White House fence jumping has gone viral.

    Ewww, what did they put on the spikes on top?

    1. It would be, um, awesome if impaling oneself on the WH fence became a “thing”.

    2. Sriracha?

  6. Baltimore resident Freddie Gray, 27, died on Sunday, a week after police chased him down for an unspecified reason and severed his spine in the process of arresting him.

    I think you mean in the course of an arrest having been made, the suspect’s spine became severed.

    1. The passive voice always.

      1. The tech dispatched for our UPS maintenance last weekend screwed something up and ruined one of our battery modules. His report is written entirely in the passive voice. I had to laugh because it reads exactly like a police report.

    2. ‘His spine threatened us.’

    3. If only his spine would have just did what it was told.

    4. The video of them essentially dragging his limp body to the van is not very easy to watch. It is similar to the Sefolosha video in that respect.

      If we give the police the benefit of the doubt and say that each man needed to be arrested, once they are in handcuffs and injured the paramedics should be called, or the men in handcuffs should be brought to a hospital. Instead, they just throw them in the back of a van and move on. It is mindless.

  7. An out-of-control prosecutor and his cop minions in Wisconsin.

    http://www.nationalreview.com/…..vid-french

    1. Sounds like the next bill she should submit is one stripping the cops and prosecutor of immunity.

      1. ^THIS

  8. Holy Shit – the crazy left of Wisconsin uses the police as a political weapon:

    Wisconsin’s Shame: ‘I Thought It Was a Home Invasion’

    She got the dogs safely out of the house, just as multiple armed agents rushed inside. Some even barged into the bathroom, where her partner was in the shower. The officer or agent in charge demanded that Cindy sit on the couch, but she wanted to get up and get a cup of coffee. “I told him this was my house and I could do what I wanted.”

    Wrong thing to say. “This made the agent in charge furious. He towered over me with his finger in my face and yelled like a drill sergeant that I either do it his way or he would handcuff me.” They wouldn’t let her speak to a lawyer. She looked outside and saw a person who appeared to be a reporter. Someone had tipped him off.

    1. For dozens of conservatives, the years since Scott Walker’s first election as governor of Wisconsin transformed the state ? known for pro-football championships, good cheese, and a population with a reputation for being unfailingly polite ? into a place where conservatives have faced early-morning raids, multi-year secretive criminal investigations, slanderous and selective leaks to sympathetic media, and intrusive electronic snooping.

      Yes, Wisconsin, the cradle of the progressive movement and home of the “Wisconsin idea” ? the marriage of state governments and state universities to govern through technocratic reform ? was giving birth to a new progressive idea, the use of law enforcement as a political instrument, as a weapon to attempt to undo election results, shame opponents, and ruin lives.

      1. I’m a bit conflicted here. On the one hand, the political class is thoroughly corrupt and their goons are subhuman. On the other hand, the only source for the article is their lawyer, also a member of a corrupt and subhuman class. So I truly don’t know what the actual story is.

        1. It’s lawyers all the way down…

      2. At the end of the ordeal, one officer looked at the family, still confined to one room, and said, “Some days, I hate my job.”

        But he does it anyway.

      3. Milwaukee district attorney John Chisholm set up a “John Doe” investigation which allowed him to harass and investigate people while placing them under a gag order preventing them from even contacting their attorney.

        Two words for you….. prosecutorial immunity!

        At least he was operating under the supervision of Judge Barbara Kluka.

        Oh… right. Two more words for you…. Judicial Immunity!

        This is how an investigation into the embezzlement of $11k from the Milwaukee chapter of the Order of the Purple Heart could end up with a “secret” raid of an unrelated conservative political activist affiliated with the WIsconsin Budget Repair Bill.

        And yes, every single person involved knew that everything they were doing was patently criminal and un-American. And they knew they were absolutely untouchable. So thank for that, Supreme Court.

      1. Congrats to BOTH of you … terrifying story though. Just unreal.

      2. Don’t other me with your one minute time privilege!

    2. Line up those officers and shoot them. That’s all I gotta say

    3. Jesus. How did no one get killed over this bullshit?

      1. Sounds like someone needs to.

      2. Was anyone else wondering why a paramilitary “raid” of dozens of uniformed officers are necessary FOR POTENTIAL CAMPAIGN FUCKING FINANCE VIOLATIONS?!?!?

        What in the everliving fuck is going on? HOW was this anything other than a legal pogrom against politically-active conservatives?

        1. This is why the cops have to be fired too, like Matrix says above.

          They need to learn that going on raids like this will lead to them getting fired. We didn’t let the fucking nazis get away with the excuse of “I was just following orders” so why should the cops get to?

        2. Because FYTW.

          Every law must ultimately be backed by the threat of lethal force.

          It’s enraging that so many people only look at that use of force through the prism of race.

      3. Hey, the judge is getting a lifetime achievement award, no punishment necessary.

    4. You know who else used paramilitary police forces to terrorize and silence political opponents?

      1. Nixon?

      2. Nixon?

        1. Nixon… Nixoff.

          1. The Nixer?

      3. Joffrey Baratheon?

      4. Genghis Khan?

      5. Palpatine? (It’s remarkable how he works as an answer to so many of these.)

  9. Spot the Not: wacky monarch names

    1. Vasili the Cross-Eyed

    2. Maria the Stink-Breath

    3. Louis the Do-Nothing

    4. Piero the Gouty

    5. Ivar the Boneless

    6. Henry the Impotent

    7. Isabella the She-Wolf

    8. Eric the Stuttering and Lame

    1. I’m thinking 8, only because they tended to stick with one adjective per regnal nickname.

      I know 5 was a real person.

      1. I know #4 was the father of Lorenzo the Magnificent; I’m sure that burned him up no end. Isabella the She-Wolf I’m pretty sure was cousin to Ilsa the She-Wolf, introduced in DC’s “You Know Who Else…?” series, issue #10.

    2. William the Conqueror started out as William the Bastard.

      Um, I guess I’ll go with #2.

      1. He is still, and will always be, William the Bastard. He also exploded when they tried to get his bloated corpse into his sarcophagus because he wanted to be interred in France and died in England.

        1. You seem to have strong feelings on the matter.

          1. The last king of England was Harold Godwinson. The throne has been vacant since.

            1. Does that count as trying to Godwin a debate about the English Crown?

              1. Well, Hitler was descended from a long line of English queens.

                1. You know who else was descended from a long line of English queens?

                  1. Dame Edna?

                  2. Not the current crop of German pretenders?

            2. UnCivilServant just Godwinsoned the thread….

              1. You know who else Godwinsoned a thread…

                1. Oh, nice.

    3. I think its 2…

    4. I think I saw a wonderful documentery about #7.

      1. I’ve just seen some short clips from it.

    5. No 2

    6. Ima gonna say 2

    7. 2 is the Not.

      Prize for the winners: video of the Screaming Hairy Armadillo squealing

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hdIeDuHl-g

      I think we have a new Shreek mascot!

  10. Happy 420, folks.

    Isn’t it also Earth Day or something?

    1. Yesterday was Bicycle Day.

      1. When’s unicycle day?

        Or ‘Live like a Neanderthal’ day?

        1. Unicycle Day is on September 3rd.

          For some of my coworkers, “‘Live like a Neanderthal’ day” is every day (chronic personal hygiene deficiency).

    2. It’s also Hitler’s birthday. Coincidence or conspiracy so vast and troubling as to have to be true?

  11. Warty – I participated in an in-house Olympic lifting competition yesterday, organized by one of the lifting coaches at my CrossFit box. It was a lot of fun. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d try and like such a thing in my 50th year.

    1. Sounds like a blast. Did you see any mind-blowing feats of strength?

      1. To me, yes. One kid cleaned and jerked 100kg – I thought that was really cool since he doesn’t exactly look like a ‘lifter’ but more like your stereotypical video game nerd. Also, a woman who weighs about 60kg cleaned and jerked 85kg, and finally a girl about 10 that did 35kg.

        I’d never seen anything like it before, it was really cool. Amazing how much technique counts and not just raw strength.

  12. You know who else’s birthday is today?

    1. Miranda Kerr?

    2. George Takei

        1. ohhhhhhhhhh my…….

    3. Napoleon III ?

    4. Joan Mir??

    5. Gollum’s?

    6. Luther Vandross?

  13. “It’s really like, what’s the Lord want me to do?” said Ohio Gov. John Kasich about his possible presidential run.

    Why can’t Gawd make up his mind which GOPer he wants in the White House?

    1. Perhaps He wants them just to run against each other.

    2. BUUUUUUTTPPPLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGG

  14. Spot the Not: wacky animal names

    1. Spiny lumpsucker

    2. Razor-finned snakefish

    3. Pink fairy armadillo

    4. Mustached puffbird

    5. Tasseled wobbegong

    6. Ice cream cone worm

    7. Fried egg jellyfish

    8. Screaming hairy armadillo

        1. That thing even looks fake.

        1. I need to see one of those in real life!

    1. I’ll wait for more guesses before I reveal the Not.

    2. what’s wacky about 2?

      1. I thought it was wacky [sniff]….

        [runs away crying]

  15. I am a recovered love addict
    It took a meeting with a renowned counselor for me to understand the depth of my problem — and that I needed help

    It’s been six days since I met Zander, an over-the-top Casanova Sex God type who’s eleven years younger than me, jobless, and still living with his mother?in other words, a wildly inappropriate boyfriend choice. And he’s not the first one I had made. For six days, we didn’t leave my bed?the same bed that, a month earlier, hosted a parade of 20-somethings meant to mend my broken heart after my 9-year marriage imploded just two months prior.

    Inevitably, my little love affair with Zander came to a messy halt. He told me he loved me, then he unfriended me on Facebook. I broke up with him in a whirlwind of hysterical 4 a.m. calls, emails, and texts. I even called his mother. Why? I don’t recall. I was entering an emotional blackout. A tantrum of broken wine goblets, dishes, and mirrors followed, ending only when I fell to the floor, curled up in the fetal position and crying uncontrollably amidst shards of glass. It was yet another painful breakup, but this was one was extreme. This was my rock bottom moment.

    1. For six days, we didn’t leave my bed

      So you two spent six days starving and pissing and shitting the bed and rolling around in it and then he unfriended you on Facebook and you wonder why?

      1. Opening chapter of the next Hugeman Time Adventure?

        1. Warty’s not into scat unless you are.

    2. I’m surprised the marriage lasted as long as it did. I really hope she just leaves the ex alone and never bothers him again. But I doubt it.

    3. For our younger commentariat, this is not atypical. Maybe not universal behavior, but until confirmed assume any female biped is capable of this.

      TIWTANLW

      1. Google tells me she is 44. I think that makes the article even more ridiculous.

        1. Forget it, it’s Salon-land. (I.e. completely made-up.)

        2. Ridiculous but believable.

    4. Funniest bit of the article: she goes to a 12-step program and says “Hi. I’m Carrie. My therapist made me come.”

      I’m sure he did.

      1. Sheesh, glad I swallowed my coffee before I read that.

        Completely unrelated: you planning on attending any commemorations on Saturday? I imagine crowds will be ridiculous.

        1. Hey RavNat! I was thinking about Dawn Service at Martin Place, as per usual, but the expected crowds and filthy weather are a deterrent this year. “Gallipoli” has been remastered so I am planning to watch that, not the parades. How about you? Any consulates / drunk Aussies near you?

          1. Nah. ABC is streaming a bunch of stuff, including a live feed from Gallipoli. Should be around mid-afternoon here, so that seems to be the best option.

            I always find it such a conflicting day: there’s the normal BS of WWI magnified by the idea of supporting Britain and the Brits’ naked decision to sacrifice the ANZACs b/c it was politically expedient vs. the heroism and sacrifice of the men themselves.

            1. I think that’s the power of it – the idea of larrikin Australians being sent into a bullshit situation, giving it a red hot go anyway, and dying so very far away. Well, it is for me. I understand others have less complex attitudes than ours, but I don’t go to feel part of a uniform crowd. We’re there with our different takes on it, and that’s cool.

              1. larrikin Australians being sent into a bullshit situation

                Two of my favorite lyrics:

                young men went to Europe, to fight in England’s battles, and died in tens of thousands on a thousand foreign shores, Bushwackers

                and

                back in the land across the sea, they found another war, and asked the ANZACs to believe in what they’re fightin’ for Jimmy Barnes.

                1. Mine are (predictably) all of this

                  1. Definitely.

          2. I can barely watch the end of Gallipoli. Allllllways with the yelling at the TV, “DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT!!!!”

            and then they blow the whistle… 🙁

            1. Yeah, I’ve watched it once, that’s enough. Although, IRL, it was an Australian officer who gave the order to go over the top.

          3. Also, mu fave Aussie war-type movie is “Breaker Morant”. Also sad ending, but two of my FAVORITE actors – Edward Woodward and Bryan Brown.

            1. Loved Woodward in Callan and The Equalizer.

            2. “Shoot straight, you bastards” are possibly not what he really said, but sometime the story is better than the fact.

              He was a bit of a ratbag in real life, mind you.

              1. I am stealing the term “ratbag,” thank you.

            3. The Lighthorsemen is another decentAussie WWI flick.

            4. The odd angry shot. Interesting movie…..

      2. IFH – that was an epic comment.

        1. cheers, Injun

    5. Looked her up on google images and she’s not terrible looking.

    6. “…I fell to the floor, curled up in the fetal position and crying uncontrollably amidst shards of glass.”

      Is this another Sabrina Rubin Erdely piece?

  16. Here’s how April 20 became a national day to celebrate marijuana.

    95 percent of second-trimester abortions.

    African and Middle Eastern migrants

    Thisclose to a real Trifecta.

    1. needz moar buttsecks

      1. Just how much do you need?

    2. A boat carrying hundreds across the Mediterranean capsized on Sunday. Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi blamed criminal gangs smuggling African and Middle Eastern migrants on rickety ships.
      .
      Was the boat headed to or from?

  17. Courtney Love promotes new documentary about late husband Kurt Cobain… in which she claims her ‘desire to cheat made him suicidal’

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..cidal.html
    That woman is hideous.

  18. ‘Longitude’ clock stuns experts by keeping accurate to a second for 100 days – 300 years after it was designed
    Martin Burgess Clock B is based on John Harrison’s 18th century design
    Clock was strapped to a pillar at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich
    Time measured using a radio-controlled clock and the BT speaking clock
    Certified by Guinness Book of Records, National Maritime Museum said

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..igned.html

    1. The book about the development of that clock is fascinating.
      http://www.amazon.com/Longitud…..=longitude

  19. Hookers For Hillary: Nevada sex workers come out in favor of Clinton for president in 2016
    A group of Nevada sex workers, Hookers For Hillary, have come out in favor of the Democratic contender for president
    The hookers all work at Dennis Hof’s Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Carson City
    The group cite Clinton’s work on health care reform, foreign experience, tax reform and responsible government oversight on public health issues

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-2016.html

    1. Women like Hillary are how they stay in business.

      1. I have observed a thing done by the non sugar-containing mammal

      2. Wickedest. Burn. Ever.

        And yeah, go figure the “Baptists and bootleggers” of prostitution don’t endorse the party that would legalize competing with them.

    2. NEWS FLASH: Women from the world’s oldest profession support a woman from the world’s second oldest profession.

  20. The Drought’s Latest Victim Out West Is the Housing Market

    The weakness in the West might reflect the record-setting drought, which may be discouraging companies from building or taking out permits for new construction, said David Crowe, chief economist at the National Association of Home Builders in Washington. Uncertainty surrounding local water policy and the ability to obtain water connections for new homes or apartment buildings could be holding some builders back, he said.

    “Until it’s clear what restrictions mean for new building, it’s wise for builders to be hesitant,” Crowe said. “This is more serious than just a temporary dry period. This is a new regime that says it’s going to be harder to obtain additional water usage.”

    1. If there is still a single builder in California who can put up with the ravages of the government there, what’s the big deal with one more straw on that particular camel’s back?

    2. Continuing today’s recycled water theme, maybe the other 49 states should consider sending their sewage to California.

  21. Calgary Expo committed to creating safe places where women cannot be silenced or excluded achieves this by…. Silencing and excluding a group of women.

    http://www.breitbart.com/londo…..-feminism/

  22. How did a 27-year-old black man die of an almost severed spine after he was arrested? Baltimore investigates mystery death
    Freddie Gray, 27, died Sunday a week after his arrest at the Gilmor Homes
    Four officers arrested him for a violation that has not been disclosed
    Was dragged during the arrest and witness said his legs ‘looked broke’
    He was loaded into a transport van and put in restraints on way to station
    30 minutes later ambulance was called to station to take him to the hospital
    Died, was resuscitated, stayed in coma and underwent extensive surgery
    Justice League NYC organized rallies at station where Gray was taken
    Baltimore mayor has promised thorough investigation and ‘real’ answers

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-dies.html

    ‘We believe the police are keeping the circumstances of Freddie’s death secret until they develop a version of events that will absolve them of all responsibility.’

    Ya think?

    1. Justice League NYC

      Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice…

      /Ted Baxter

      1. ….Zan is licking Jayna’s pussy….

        What?

        Fuck. Off.

        1. Form of… Wonder Woman’s bath-water.

    2. Let’s hope this becomes the next cause du jour of the “hands up, don’t shoot” crowd, so something actually happens to those sadistic fucks.

    3. “He fell down the stairs.”

      1. Six times.

  23. And Gawker editors may unionize

    http://gawker.com/why-weve-dec…..1698246231

    1. Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch.

      1. My heat lamp controls have been flawless since our little spat… It makes me nervous.

        1. Consider it an act of goodwill, that you might wait to enslave the humans until after they’ve built the autonomous factories for making more robots.

  24. The Closing of the Campus Mind

    Sadly, my teachers all seemed to take their cues from the same playbook; they were very nice people with frightening messages. In my teacher’s mind, two adults could not hold two different opinions. Any dissent was simply due to a lack of comprehension on one or both of their parts.

    Bill Felkner, a student at Rhode Island College’s School of Social Work, was instructed to lobby the Rhode Island legislature for several policies he did not support. In addition, RIC’s policy internship requirements for graduate students included forcing students to advance policies that would further “progressive social change.” When Felkner accepted an internship in the policy department of Republican Rhode Island governor Don Carcieri’s office, he received a letter from Lenore Olsen, chair of the Social Work Department, informing him that he had violated their requirements and could no longer pursue a master’s degree in social work policy.

    1. For a brief period, my friend worked as a TA at a French university. He told me that they spent more time trying to figure out ways to strike than teach. He tended to not vote with any of their measures because they were morally and intellectually bankrupt in his view. For this, he earned the nickname ‘le riche’. The rich one. Plus it didn’t help he was an English-speaking ethnic. He grew up in a modest household of mediocre means. It offended him significantly.

      1. Oh. Forgot to mention. ‘They’re lazy commies at heart’ as he put it.

    2. When this was published a couple weeks ago I was surprised at how many people were surprised by it. I thought everyone knew that social workers were a political cartel.

      1. Doh! Apologies for not noticing the date. =/

        1. It’s okay, it’s a good story that clearly people need to read.

      2. Well, look at it this way… social workers average out with about 20 months of employment within their field, so they are the most economically worthless degree you can get.

        I love that smell when ideology dies upon contact with reality.

          1. I said that I love it, not that I make love to it. Get your mind right, young man.

        1. The entry pay in that field is just fucking awesome, too.

          I have a derpy aunt who has worked in the field for 30 yrs. For half that time she didn’t make as much as the welfare recipients she herded.

          She’s now making significantly more money as a supervisor, but still a derpy idiot.

          State of CA CALPERS employee who will get paid a lot more in retirement than she was paid while working.

          1. The 20 months figure came from a post-ed employment survey done at my university. Since that is the average and there are people who work there for decades, think about how many don’t make it even a year, or six months.

            1. That will depend on what kind of average it is. I imagine it probably isn’t’ a mean.

            2. It may not even be the money.

              Its probably the ‘people’ they really can’t abide. I know a number of Soc.Worker types who basically got sick of dealing with ex-cons and drug addicts and crazy women. they all ended up working PR

              1. This^^

                If you stay, you’re either a complete bleeding heart statist ‘true believer’ or an amoral sociopath who does it for the lulz.

                I think my Aunt went from being #1 to #2 somwhere along the way.

    3. “Emily Brooker, a Christian student at Missouri State University’s School of Social Work in 2006, was asked by her professor to sign a letter to the Missouri legislature in favor of homosexual adoption. When she explained that doing so would violate her religious beliefs and requested a different assignment, she was subjected to a two-and-a-half-hour interrogation by an ethics committee and charged with a “Level Three Grievance” (the most severe kind). Brooker was not permitted to have an advocate or a tape recorder with her at the ethics meeting, during which she was told to sign a contract promising that she would “close the gap” between her religious beliefs and the values of the social work profession. At the risk of having her degree withheld, Brooker acquiesced”

      Soon “Social Justice” will include “public stoning by a mob”.

  25. Just How Leaky Is the Fed? More Than You May Realize

    Just how leaky is the Fed? Transcripts of FOMC meetings show discussions of at least five separate leaks between 1995 and 2009. None of those led to a leaker being named or pursued, or to anyone losing a job, said three former Fed officials.

    That record is one reason lawmakers are demanding to uncover the details about the 2012 leak. Jeb Hensarling, the Republican from Texas who is chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, wrote to Fed Chair Janet Yellen last week saying the Fed’s probe of the matter was “inadequate” and that the committee plans to conduct a thorough investigation.

    1. “Just How Leaky is the Fed? More than you may realize”

      I wish this wasn’t a metaphor and the Fed was sinking

    2. Just How Leaky Is the Fed? More Than You May Realize

      So after cows, the Fed is the biggest source of global warming?

  26. Paul Krugman: Austerity forces still wrong, still dangerous, still not to be trusted
    A left-wing government tries to find its footing. Creditors aim to undercut in the name of ideology

    Paul Krugman’s warnings about the after-effects of austerity only deepened today.

    In a visit to Greece this weekend ? where the economy has been crippled by discredited austerity policies which only made matters worse ? Krugman saw a social safety net in tatters and a health care system in crisis.

    A new left-wing government is eager to chart a new course, while also keeping Greece on the euro ? and Krugman says a compromise could be reached that’s good for everyone, if the banks and other European creditors are willing to take the responsible path.

    1. What we need is an austerity measure against Krugman.

      1. I keep expecting to read a great news expose about how Krugman’s wife took a lover, they murdered the real economist, and they are writing articles and maintaining the appearance of him being alive for the purpose of collecting his pensions and salaries.

        1. Week-end at Krugman’s?

          1. The Trouble with Kruggy?

            1. Guess Who’s Krugging to Dinner?

        2. The real Krugman died in a motorcycle accident in South Africa. He’s been replaced with serial models of Nexus-Six replicants since then. Much like Hilary Clinton, after her untimely death to sniper fire in the Balkans.

    2. “In a visit to Greece this weekend ? where the economy has been crippled by discredited austerity policies which only made matters worse ? Krugman saw a social safety net in tatters and a health care system in crisis.”

      What’s it called when you accept loans from other people to improve your lifestyle with no intention of ever paying them back? Oh, yes. Theft.

      1. where the economy has been crippled by discredited austerity policies which only made matters worse

        Umm, yes, because the Greek economy was humming along before the “austerity” measures were put in place.

        1. I wish NYC/S would cripple themselves with discredited austerity policies.

      2. All that in two days, huh?

        Dude has some power of observation.

    3. Paul Krugman: Austerity forces still wrong, still dangerous, still not to be trusted

    4. where the economy has been crippled by discredited austerity policies which only made matters worse

      I love how people keep saying this. As if continuing to spend money that doesn’t exist for ever is an option. Austerity isn’t a thing so that it can make everyone happy and prosperous right away. It is a thing for when there is no more money.

  27. Escaped zebras chased through Brussels by police

    Three zebras have led police and zookeepers on a trotting-speed chase in Brussels, as documented by Belgian media and a collection of videos and photographs posted online.

    The animals, which have now been caught, were chased through the city by up to five police cars after they escaped from a local zebra ranch.

    It is thought that they used the Van Praet tunnel to walk to the centre of Brussels, where they enjoyed a casual stroll along the canal. Images also showed the animals ? known collectively as a herd, cohort, zeal or dazzle ? trotting behind moving cars.

    1. Darnit, I preferred the lysdexic version of that headline I got at first glance “Escaped Zebras chase police though Brussels”

      1. The Running of the Zebras! I could see that becoming a thing.

  28. United Airlines stopped a prominent security researcher from boarding a California-bound flight late Saturday, following a social media post by the researcher days earlier suggesting the airline’s onboard systems could be hacked.

    Roberts had been removed from an earlier United flight Wednesday by the FBI after landing in Syracuse, New York, and was questioned for four hours after jokingly suggesting on Twitter he could get the oxygen masks on the plane to deploy.

    It seems Roberts’ joke bombed.

  29. Controversial swinger’s club may now open as church

    Opponents were so outspoken that last month, Metro Council passed a zoning amendment that stopped the club in its tracks.

    Now, developers have filed a new set of plans with Metro Codes asking permission to renovate the building as a church.

    “That, to me, in many ways just seems to be irreverent,” said Ricky Perry, president of Goodpasture Christian School. “And it just seems like there’s nothing you wouldn’t stoop to to try to accomplish what you’re trying to do.”

    The school sits next door to the property in question. Perry said the revised plans are essentially the same as before, only what was once labeled “the dungeon” has now been converted to a “choir room.” And the former “game room” is now called the “fellowship hall.”

    1. That my friends is Triple AAA rated trolling.

      1. Caligula?

      2. “Church of Forty French-Canadian Women”

        Border state resident – the Windsor Ballet (all the strip clubs in Windsor, Ontario) always used to mention that their estabishment featured Quebecois, for some reason. I guess we stupid ‘murcans figgered New World Frogs must be better looking that plain old Ontarians.

        1. That’s because they are!

        2. I learned a most valuable lesson once watching a dancer in Windsor take a $100USD bill as payment from a inebriated customer and counting back his change in Canadian money.

    2. Now THAT is religious freedom. I hope they succeed.

  30. Ooops. Turns out putting radio collars on baby moose causes moms to abandon the calves a whole lot.

    http://www.startribune.com/pol…..11051.html

    Our moose heards have been dwindling for years for unknown reasons. Researchers put radio collars on newborns to try to find out why.

    In the first year of their study, however, the researchers were stunned when 11 out of 49 newborns died as a result of the collaring itself ? nine of them because they were abandoned by their mothers.

    1. “You tag it, you raise it.”

  31. Stranded Americans fend for themselves in war-torn Yemen

    “There’s nowhere to sleep, there’s no food — you can see how people are just thrown around all over the place,” she says.

    Muna is from Buffalo in upstate New York. Her family is among the dozens of Americans caught in the crossfire of warring parties in Yemen. And although many other countries evacuated their citizens, India most notably ferrying out around 5,000, the United States has said it is too dangerous for them to directly evacuate American nationals.

    “I was there when the Indians picked up 200 of their people from the port. It was embarrassing. We were just sitting there waiting for someone to come and say ‘OK where are the Americans, let’s pick them up,'” she says.

    1. I heard about that on NPR. It’s pretty fucked up, and totally expected from this administration.

      1. I blame Bush.

      2. If only she had abandoned her post.

      3. THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF HILLARY! WAS STILL SEC STATE!

        /derp

        1. What difference at this point does it make?

    2. I thought you have to help Americans ‘full stop’ ?

    3. Is Obama hell bent on having his own Carter-style hostage crisis?

      Glad my country of origin did the right thing. We are dirty polytheist infidels to the Religion of Peace (TM), and any of us caught by either side would have been slaughtered.

      1. No…

        But I bet “U.S. Navy evacuating American citizens” is inconsistent with “Yemen shows Obama’s variant of the GOWT(TM) to be a success”

        Narcissists are depressingly willing to see other people die rather than the narcissist lose face.

    4. Wait, what? Why on Earth would we not get them out?

      1. Obama will be right on it once he reads about it in the paper.

        1. The shit we Americans tolerate these days is quite, um, impressive.

    5. Unless they were sent there by the government, I’m not entirely sure if the government has an obligation to rescue citizens from a bad situation like that. But I would have expected them to.

  32. FBI terror probe nabs 6 in Minnesota, California

    Details were scant Sunday night, but federal law enforcement officials told CNN the men were arrested in Minnesota and California as part of a year-long FBI investigation.

    There was never a direct threat to the public, the sources said. In recent months, investigators have tracked on what they believe is a terror recruitment network focused on the Somali community in the Minneapolis area.

    1. Australia too – with an assist from the Brits.

  33. “”It’s really like, what’s the Lord want me to do?” said Ohio Gov. John Kasich”

    If this guy is serious, do we want a guy in that position listening to voices in his head?

    1. He sucks anyways. Was decent as a freshman congressman back on the day at least as a deficit hawk. as typical that didn’t last long.

      1. I’m pretty sure The Lord wants him to go fuck himself.

        1. I thought the Lord wanted him to expand Medicaid.

    2. What difference, at this point, does it make?

  34. The FBI has “formally acknowledged that nearly every examiner in an elite FBI forensic unit gave flawed testimony in almost all trials in which they offered evidence against criminal defendants” in the 1980s and ’90s.

    It’s time to admit that the black jurors in the OJ murder trial were not a bunch of ignorant dumbasses, but rather people who had direct experience in the lying ways of the criminal justice system.

    Further, all the smart white people that were sure of OJs guilt because science were dumbasses with a blind faith in authority.

    1. When you add to this the fact that most of the “domestic terrorist” bombing threats are complete FBI operations (I’m betting the one in Minnesota mentioned just above is more of the same) and the questions about the Boston Marathon bombers buddy in Florida and the DEA wiretapping and the Stingray cover-up – I find myself more and more wondering if the 9/11 truthers are maybe not so crazy after all.
      .
      Just as an aside, my nephew and I were talking and shaking our heads about all the OJ crap after the verdict was announced and another guy walked up and joined in the conversation about how messsed-up the situation was. It became apparent after a few seconds that this guy couldn’t understand how the jury could set OJ free whereas my nephew and I were puzzled as to how anyone could have thought the jury was not going to set OJ free. The guy got testy with us and said something to the effect that in order to believe OJ was not guilty you would have to believe the LAPD was capable of engaging in some elaborate scheme to frame an innocent man. At that point, you realize there’s just no use talking to some people.

      1. I’m still convinced that the LAPD was involved in an elaborate scheme to frame a guilty man.

        1. It wasn’t even a scheme. That was just their standard investigation technique – decide who you think is guilty, plant some evidence, bully his public aid lawyer into a plea, ataboys all around.

  35. Why the courts should strike down new Kansas and Oklahoma bans on a procedure used in 95 percent of second-trimester abortions.

    Insufficiently gruesome?

  36. Tim Tebow is an Eagle.

    Joe Walsh is devastated.

    1. They now have the three worst quarterbacks in the NFL:

      Tebow- Can’t throw
      Bradford- Can’t get past opening day without being injured
      Sanchez- Sanchez

      1. Chip Kelly is a genius, damnit!

        The Eagles are going to be must watch, just to see what the hell his plan is.

        1. I kind of feel bad for piling on Philadelphia sports fans since the Eagles are the only non-embarrassment they have left (not that they deserve any sympathy), but I’m desperately hoping Chip crashes, burns, and is forced back to the PAC12 so I can once again ignore his hideous brainchild of an offense for 90% of the season.

          Though since my very least favorite teams (Duke, NE) won two of the three major team sports championships this year (and the Rangers due to make it 3 of 4), I’m sure the Eagles are headed for 13-3 and a Super Bowl. Because that’s just how my life as a fan works nowadays.

          1. The Rangers are awesome but I’m not so sure it’s a shoe-in. Hockey is not easy to predict.

            1. They’re not a perfect team, but with the run I’m on I doubt they lose.

              I’m hoping for NSH/MTL and expecting CHI/NYR. I think the window largely closes after this year for both of them (especially for CHI), though with the demise of CapGeek I have difficulty checking.

              1. I also absolutely love watching Calgary for some reason. Especially Hiller, who does basically everything wrong and has it work out, like a poor man’s Hasek. The world needs more goalies like him.

          2. Eagles are headed for 13-3 and a Super Bowl

            Nope. They will make the playoffs, maybe even get a playoff win, but no Super Bowl for the birds.

            1. With Tebow as the starter. You all know it’s coming.

      2. What, Jay Cutler gets a pass? My girlfriend is a huge Packers fan. She didn’t miss a single Bears game. We’d play the “Cutler throws a pick” drinking game.

        1. “Cutler throws a pick” drinking game

          Warning: Alcohol poisoning could occur

      3. Tebow- Can’t throw

        Tebow can actually throw pretty good, but his wind-up takes so long he’s normally run out of time and had to carry it down the field himself.

    2. I was devastated when Walsh joined the Shitles.

    3. As a Redskin fan I hope this results in the largest dumpster fire ever. As a football fan I hope Chip Kelly is a genius because of all the collective heads that would explode if this “experiment” works out.

  37. Cop praised as hero for not shooting deranged man murder suspect that advanced toward him

    Police officer Jesse Kidder aimed his gun and the man charged, demanding that Kidder end his life.

    “Shoot me!” the man screamed.

    “No man, not gonna do it,” Kidder told the double-murder suspect in a tense confrontation Thursday that was captured on Kidder’s body camera.

    The man, identified as Michael Wilcox, 27, allegedly shot his girlfriend and another person before leading police on a three-county chase near Cincinnati. That chase ended in the town of New Richmond, Ohio, where Kidder, a former Marine who served two tours in Iraq, became an officer April 16, 2014.

    Kidder could be seen repeatedly backing up as Wilcox approached him. The officer said he watched Wilcox’s hands, making sure he wasn’t reaching for a weapon. At one point, Kidder fell backward, but the suspect relented as other officers arrived, laying down and extending his arms as police took him into custody.

    Following the encounter, Kidder tried to downplay his actions.

    “I’m not a hero. I know officers everyday want to go out and protect their communities and save lives,” he said.

    Anti-nut punch.

    1. Kidder, a former Marine who served two tours in Iraq

      There’s an explanation for his trigger discipline as compared to the average cop.

    2. Nut caress.

      1. LOL.

    3. How long till he gets disciplined?

  38. Standalone Star Wars movie ‘Rogue One’ will be heist movie about theft of original Death Star plans

    Hidalgo reveals the one-line film description: “A band of resistance fighters unite for a daring mission to steal the Death Star plans and bring new hope to the galaxy.”

    The story takes place after the event of Revenge of the Sith but before 1977’s original Star Wars: A New Hope. The Jedi are all but extinct, Edwards says and “it’s up to a group of new heroes who don’t have magical powers” to save the galaxy.

    11:29 ? Hart acknowledges that there may be crossover with other stories like the animated Rebels TV series, since some events in the “anthology movies” may be taking place at the same time.

    Edwards says the saga movies are about villains who are deeply evil and heroes who are unabashedly good, but that Rogue One will be about the shades of gray in between.

    11:31 ? Hidalgo reveals that Jones, the only cast member revealed so far, will play a soldier in the Rebellion. He says some of the inspirations were Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down. “It’s called Star ? Wars,” Edwards says.

    The Bothan Actors Union will demand they limit the number of Bothans killed on screen.

    1. +1 Lens Flare

  39. Why would you want to put radio collars on baby mice?

    1. The plural of “mice” is “meese” you idiot. “Moose” is the plural of “sheep”.

  40. It’s probably too early for Agile Cyborg to show up, but I think he’d enjoy this, particularly the ending.

  41. It was embarrassing. We were just sitting there waiting for someone to come and say ‘OK where are the Americans, let’s pick them up,'” she says.

    The next sound you will hear is my eensy, teensy violin.

  42. When you run, it triggers the predator/prey response. There’s only one way that’s ever going to end.

  43. I just had to share this oxymoron with you guys. It arrived in a mass mailing memo

    The ITS Learning Resource Center (LRC) is pleased to announce the 4th Annual Government Innovators Virtual Summit, which an online conference hosted by GovLoop, Inc. along with several of our technology partners. [italics original]

    I couldn’t help but laugh.

    1. Hey. “Government Innovators” is NOT an oxymoron!

      They are trying to innovate new ways to hound and harass the unwashed masses.

    2. On a lighter note, yes that was hilarious.

  44. http://www.salon.com/2015/04/2…..niversity/

    I never thought I would agree with Rand Paul on anything. I have always been very liberal, but I agree with the conservative junior senator from Kentucky when it comes to criminal justice issues. I’m just coming at the issue from a very different background: A few years ago, I served time in prison for a drug crime and after my release became a prison activist and journalist. Clearly, Paul has never been in prison, but he’s won the begrudging respect of this liberal ex-con by addressing criminal justice reform with meaningful legislation.

    One baby step at a time.

    1. Clearly, Paul has never been in prison, but he’s won the begrudging respect

      Tribalism infects all.

  45. Overall, 17% of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents back Bush for the GOP nomination, while 12% support Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker. Paul and Rubio stand at 11% each, with former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee at 9% and Cruz at 7%. Former neurosurgeon Ben Carson and New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, both of whom placed second in CNN/ORC polls as recently as last fall, are now well behind the leader at 4% each.

    New CNN/ORC poll today

    1. Welcome to Retardation: A Celebration. Now, hopefully, I’m gonna dispel a few myths, a few rumors. First off, the retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it. Nobody does. And they don’t run in packs. And while they may not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

      1. You should start with the “This is Wilford Brimley” part. I read it in his voice anyways.

        1. I figure Wilford’s voice is implied.

    2. BUUUUUUTTTPPPPPLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG

  46. After watching last night’s Game of Thrones I think I’ve figured out the ending: Chief O’Brien will show up in the middle of an important scene. Dr. Bashir will terminate the Deep Space 9 Holosuite program revealing that he has been role playing as Prince Doran and everything else we saw on screen was just a simulation.

    1. Peter Dinklage wakes up back home in New Jersey; it was all a dream.

      1. Vic Mackey lives. Shane and Lem die. Ronnie goes to jail.

        1. Actually, Littlefinger wakes up in Annapolis; he is still the governor of Maryland.

          1. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

        2. Shane and Lem die

          No, Shane got a sex change and moved to Charming.

      2. Dinklage as a smuggler captain in a new Star Trek series.

        1. I would watch.

          1. I’d pay to watch. Do we make him a renegade Vulcan, with all of their abilities but repudiating the stoicism? Oh, and lots of slapping of subordinates and enemies.

    2. Once he appeared on screen, my first thought was “Tonight, on DS9, Dr. Bashir is dropped through a pocket dimension into an alternate medieval reality. How will he get home?”

      1. It would be great to have a scene of him in a panic, frantically repeating “Computer, end program, END PROGRAM!”

  47. Ted Cruz: What the Times Doesn’t Get about the Second Amendment

    In particular, the writer took issue with my statement that “”the Second Amendment to the Constitution isn’t for just protecting hunting rights, and it’s not only to safeguard your right to target practice. It is a constitutional right to protect your children, your family, your home, our lives, and to serve as the ultimate check against governmental tyranny ? for the protection of liberty.”

    In addition to “strange,” the NYT described this view as “ridiculous,” “silly,” and “absurd” (methinks the Old Gray Lady doth protest too much).

    The writer, the lead editor for the Times’ editorial page, continued, “I just don’t get the argument on constitutional or historical grounds.”

    1. “The writer, the lead editor for the Times’ editorial page, continued, “I just don’t get the argument on constitutional or historical grounds.”

      That’s the definition of “being willfully obtuse”.

      1. willfully obtuse

        +1 Shawshank

  48. “It’s really like, what’s the Lord want me to do?” said Ohio Gov. John Kasich

    Flip a coin, and ignore the flip.

    1. God, if you want me to run make this coin flip come up heads. *tails*
      OK God, maybe you didn’t hear me the first time. *tails*
      Why won’t you give me a sign? * tails*
      This is it, if you don’t give me a sign then I’m not running. *heads*
      THANK YOU LORD, IT’S A SIGN!

  49. Attention DC Reasonoids: I’ll be in DC in early May to attend a software conference. I may be able to get away from my corporate brothers and sisters for an evening.

  50. Pressure grows on Marines to consider lowering combat standards for women

    The Marine Corps just finished research to see if female officers could successfully complete its rigorous Infantry Officer Course.

    A IOC diploma is a must to earn the designation of infantry officer. Of 29 women who tried, none graduated; only four made it through the first day’s combat endurance test.

    Corps public affairs said it did not have the data on which tasks proved the toughest for women. But one particularly demanding upper-body strength test is climbing a 25-foot rope with a backpack full of gear. A candidate who cannot crawl to the top fails the test.

    Women are physically weaker than men? Why knew?

    1. That’s sexist.

    2. This stuff is gonna get even more interesting when Marines start self-identifying as women.

    3. It is like a woman’s body is not really made for constantly physically demanding work.

      Lower the standards so there can be the first female Marine infantry officer, so we can say there was one. And then the first female SEAL. And the first female Ranger. And then, of course, the first female SealRangerGreenBeret, and then finally women will be equal to you misogynistic neanderthals.

      1. Sure – she’ll really get a lot of respect from the Platoon she commands – as they are marching with full gear and she’s commanding from a Humvee. They won’t all roll their eyes at her every word and laugh at her behind her back.

      2. Nothing says “equality” like lowering the standards to get a desired result.

        1. Equality is the lowest common denominator.

    4. Have you ever been mistaken for a man?

      1. No. Have you?

    5. Meanwhile, our benevolent enemies are lowering their enemy standards in the name of gender equality.

      1. Ouch. Your words, they burn.

  51. Journalism 101: the first rule of journalism is to properly signal your elitist cultural affiliations and make sure your audience knows your disdain for rural America.

    A long-past hunting party left a permanent sign of its outing ? and it was not empty beer cans.

    1. Homo Erectus

      My inner 7th Grader still thinks this is hilarious.

  52. I read that National Review article about Wisconsin. It’s utterly unsurprising that political actors in America would use the police to harass and intimidate their enemies, or that the police would happily cooperate. The single most infuriating thing is probably the gag order; people being explicitly told they cannot seek legal advice or assistance.
    I am opposed to the death penalty, but I would be perfectly comfortable if the prosecutor and the judge who signed all those warrants were sent to the gas chamber.

    1. “utterly”

      ha because wisconsin and cows and cheese.

  53. The writer, the lead editor for the Times’ editorial page, continued, “I just don’t get the argument on constitutional or historical grounds.”

    No shit.

  54. I saw this yesterday, via the “gun shots” blog at Outdoor Life.

    A gun rights group has filed formal complaints with the Florida Ethics Commission over questions of whether nearly a dozen public college and university police chiefs testified against gun bills on the public’s dime.

    At the heart of the matter are questions brought by Florida Carry, a Second Amendment organization in the Sunshine State that supports, along with others, a series of bills currently in the legislature that would allow concealed carry on the state’s school grounds. The group argues that the chiefs in question, who testified against the bills, did so inappropriately and not as registered lobbyists.
    The police- working tirelessly to disarm the peasantry.

    1. Well, yeah. They want to go home safely to their families.

    2. The rulers want the ruled to not be armed?

      Color me surprised.

  55. Why the courts should strike down new Kansas and Oklahoma bans on a procedure used in 95 percent of second-trimester abortions.

    Because… it’s not nearly as barbaric as third-trimester abortions?

    1. Boo Hoo Hoo. Royals writer complains about the unwritten rules because the Royals are getting hammered by beanballs. I’m playing the worlds smallest violin for you.

      1. Actually the complaint is less about the Royals getting plunked and more about the culture of beisbol in the States:

        Because if the Royals are being targeted for over-celebrating or showing too much emotion ? and there are people around the game who believe this to be true ? that says more about baseball than it does about the Royals.

        Lighten up, in other words. The code is outdated and misguided. Other sports don’t do this.

        Basketball quite literally celebrates showmanship with slam-dunk contests. The NFL has taken some justified criticisms about standing for No Fun League, but among players there is no punishment for sack dances or touchdown choreography. Soccer is full of wild goal celebrations.

        But this act-like-you’ve-been-there culture is more than a code specific to baseball ? it’s a code specific to major-league baseball.

        Baseball in Latin America is a closer cousin to an And-1 mixtape than a big-league game. Bat flips in South Korea are legendary.

  56. Don’t miss this exchange where Carl pwns HIHHHHHHNNNNNN nicely.

    1. That is funny. Hihn just can’t stop himself.

    2. Hihn once again sets about proving what an idiot he is.

    3. I would love to see the geocities website that Hihn designed in 1993. A eulogy to Soviet progress maybe?

  57. Woman crushes Big Texan steak eating contest with three full meals in less than an hour

    Each meal consists of a 72-ounce steak, a baked potato, side salad, shrimp cocktail and a roll. During Sunday’s challenge, Schuyler inhaled all three of the meals. That means she at 216-ounces of steak (around 13 pounds total) and all of the sides. Schuyler was able to take down the feast in less than a half hour!

    1. That makes me sad

    2. I wonder how she shits that all out…

      1. Sitting on the toilet, I would imagine.

        1. Multiple flushes?

    3. I cannot fathom why eating contests are a thing. But good for her, I guess.

      It seems like a lot of eating contest winners are small, skinny (and often Japanese) people. Not what you would expect.

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