Scotland

Scotland: The Most Nannying of Europe's Nanny States

Forget a blue-painted Mel Gibson yelling "freedom!" Now it's all about the mandatory salad bar.

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Braveheart

Many Americans, when they hear the word Scotland, will think of Mel Gibson in blue facepaint yelling: "FREEDOM!" That's how Scotland is viewed by non-Scots the world over: as a plucky, liberty-loving nation that sits atop snooty England and longs to be free and wild and beer-soaked in a kilt.

Well, if that's how you see Scotland, you urgently need to update your mind's image bank. For far from being a land of freedom-yearning Bravehearts, Scotland in the 21st century is a hotbed of the new authoritarianism. It's the most nannying of Europe's nanny states. It's a country that imprisons people for singing songs, instructs people to stop smoking in their own homes, and which dreams of making salad-eating compulsory. Seriously. Scotland the Brave has become Scotland the Brave New World.

If you had to guess which country in the world recently sent a young man to jail for the crime of singing an offensive song, I'm guessing most of you would plumb for Putin's Russia or maybe Saudi Arabia. Nope, it's Scotland.

Last month, a 24-year-old fan of Rangers, the largely Protestant soccer team, was banged up for four months for singing "The Billy Boys," an old anti-Catholic ditty that Rangers fans have been singing for years, mainly to annoy fans of Celtic, the largely Catholic soccer team. He was belting it out as he walked along a street to a game. He was arrested, found guilty of songcrimes—something even Orwell failed to foresee—and sent down.

It's all thanks to the Offensive Behaviour at Football Act, which, yes, is as scary as it sounds. Introduced in 2012 by the Scottish National Party, the largest party in Scotland the Brave New World and author of most of its new nanny-state laws, the Act sums up everything that is rotten in the head of this sceptred isle. Taking a wild, wide-ranging scattergun approach, it outlaws at soccer matches "behaviour of any kind," including, "in particular, things said or otherwise communicated," that is "motivated (wholly or partly) by hatred" or which is "threatening" or which a "reasonable person would be likely to consider offensive."

Got that? At soccer games in Scotland it is now illegal to do or say anything—and "in particular" to say it—that is hateful or threatening or just offensive. Now, I don't know how many readers have been to a soccer game in Britain, but offensiveness, riling the opposing side, is the gushing lifeblood of the game. Especially in Scotland. Banning at soccer matches hateful or offensive comments, chants, songs, banners, or badges—all are covered by the Offensive Behaviour Act—is like banning cheerleaders from American football. Sure, our cheerleaders are gruffer, drunker, fatter, and more foul-mouthed than yours, but they play a similarly key role in getting the crowds going.

The Offensive Behaviour Act has led to Celtic fans being arrested in dawn raids for the crime of singing pro-I.R.A. songs—which they do to irritate Rangers fans—and Rangers fans being hauled to court for chanting less-than-pleasant things about Catholics.

Even blessing yourself at a soccer game in Scotland could lead to arrest. Catholic fans have been warned that if they "bless themselves aggressively" at games, it could be "construed as something that is offensive," presumably to non-Catholic fans, and the police might pick them up. You don't have to look to some Middle Eastern tinpot tyranny if you want to see the state punishing public expressions of Christian faith—it's happening in Scotland.

It gets worse. SNP officials have said that even singing "God Save The Queen"—the national anthem of the U.K.!—could be a crime at Scottish soccer. If it were to be sung by Rangers fans, say, as a way of winding up Irish-identifying Celtic fans, then that could "become offensive behaviour," an official says. You know a nation has truly lost the plot when it outlaws the singing of the national anthem in certain situations. Imagine if American football fans were told that they sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at their own peril, because if someone in the stadium finds their patriotic warbling offensive then they could be arrested. Welcome to Scotland.

Not content with policing what soccer fans sing and say, the SNP also polices Scots' smoking, boozing, and eating habits. It was the first country in the U.K. to ban smoking in public. Last month it announced that it will ban smoking in cars with kids. It is currently pushing through a ban on smoking in parks. And it has its eyes on smokers' homes: if a public-sector employee, like a doctor or social worker, visits your home, he or she has the right to say that you should "not smoke when they are providing [their] service." This, of course, is the ultimate goal of the global jihad against nicotine: to move from making bars, cars, and parks smokefree to making our homes smokefree.

Scotland has set itself the Orwellian-sounding goal of making the whole nation, every bit of it, smokefree by 2034. What will happen to any smoker still lurking in Scotland after the glorious dawn of the 2,034th year? It's probably best not to ask.

Scotland is also plotting to put a sin tax on booze. The SNP blubs about the fact that "alcohol is now 60 per cent more affordable in the U.K. than it was in 1980"—that's a bad thing?—and so it is pushing through the Alcohol Minimum Pricing Act, which will impose a state-decreed price on all liquid pleasures. It is trying to push the Act through, I should say: it's being held up by a legal challenge from the Scotch Whisky Association which, understandably, doesn't want the state telling it how much it should sell its wares for. I would say "God bless those whisky makers," but I'm not sure how much you're allowed to say "God" or "bless" in relation to Scotland these days.

The SNP insists minimum pricing is "not a tax." Yes it is; it's a sin tax, the taxing of larks, the imposition of a kind of Prohibition-for-the-poor, where, in the words of John Stuart Mill, "every increase of cost is a prohibition to those whose means do not come up to the augmented price."

Scotland's great and good also watch what the little people eat. Last month, BMA Scotland, an association of doctors, declared war on Scotland's "culture of excess" and said ads for junk food and booze should be banned. The SNP wants to go further: it's agitating for an EU-wide ban on junk-food ads, clearly keen that all the peoples of Europe, and not just poor Scots, feel the stab of its Mary Poppins extremism.

There is even—get this—a discussion in Scotland about making salad bars mandatory at restaurants. Yes, there exist actual officials who would like to force businesses to serve you vegetables, even if they don't want to and you don't want to eat them. Concerned that "Scots are 30 years away from reaching the World Health Organization target of five portions of fruit and vegetables a day"—apparently the average Scot only eats 3.5 portions a day—there is talk of "beefing up [get it??] the number of greens by introducing mandatory salad bars."

And then there's the authoritarian icing on the cake, if Scotland will forgive such an obesity-encouraging metaphor: the SNP's Children and Young People Act. This Act plans to assign a Named Person, a state-decreed guardian, to every  baby born in Scotland, in order to watch him or her from birth to the age of 18.

Due to come into force in August 2016, the Named Person initiative is truly dystopian. Once, it was only abandoned or orphaned children who became charges of the state; now, all Scottish children will effectively be wards of the state under a new, vast system of, in essence, shadow parenting. In an expression of alarming distrust in parents, and utter contempt for the idea of familial sovereignty and privacy, the state in Scotland wants to attach an official to every kid and to keep tabs on said kid's physical and moral wellbeing.

There'll be a state spy in every family. In Scotland, Big Brother is not only watching you (it was recently revealed that Scotland has 4,114 public-space CCTV cameras and "camera vans," which drive through towns filming the allegedly suspect populace); he's also watching your kids.

In Scotland, we see in gory Technicolor what happens if the so-called nanny state—such a weak, quaint term for this lifestyle tyranny!—is allowed to run riot. Scotland is creating a truly cradle-to-grave system of state meddling in people's lives, where from birth to adulthood, and everywhere from soccer games to the pub, from the CCTV-saturated streets to your local restaurant, you're being watched, finger-wagged at, told what you can and can't say, what you should and shouldn't eat, where you can smoke, how much you can drink, even how passionately you may bless yourself.

Let Scotland the Brave New World be a salutary lesson. Challenge every act of state authoritarianism you encounter, because they will speedily accrue and you'll end up living in a nation where you can't even freely sing the goddamn national anthem. Adopt a brilliant Scottish turn of phrase and say it with abandon to all those who would interfere in your life: "Get tae fuck."

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209 responses to “Scotland: The Most Nannying of Europe's Nanny States

    1. The children even have their own ‘named person’ from the government to keep an eye on them.

      1. “The children even have their own ‘named person’ from the government to keep an eye on them.”

        This action essentially puts every single human “into the system”. In the US you don’t even have to be in the foster care system, once CPS puts a child into their database they act as nothing more than government goons harassing and extracting from parents.

        And in one swoop Scotland has done this to everyone.

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    1. Your obsession with children has been noted by the Named Person Bureau.

      (Which, only coincidentally, shares its acronym with the National Parole Board.)

  1. When I think of Scotland, I think of heroin and Ewan McGregor.

    1. I think of the soccer hooligan skit SNL used to do.

    2. “When I think of Scotland, I think of heroin and Ewan McGregor”

      +1 He was called Mother Superior on account of the length of his habit.

    3. In addition to ‘Trainspoting’, ‘Filth’ is a good cinematic look at contemporary Scotland.

      1. Agreed…unfortunately.

    4. I’m still traumatized about the dead baby on the ceiling scene in Trainspotting

    5. Admittedly, in my travels to the British Isles, I noted no heroin abuse in Scotland anywhere I went but when I was in Dublin I did manage to stumble upon a 12th century church across from a primary school that was the scene of many heroin addicts shooting up.

      1. Have you considered opening a travel agency?

    6. When I think of Ewan McGregor, I think of Ewan McTeagle, the Scottish Poet, from Monty Python’s Flying Circus

      1. To Ma Own beloved Lassie.
        A poem on her 17th Birthday.
        Lend us a couple of bob till Thursday.
        I’m absolutely skint.
        But I’m expecting a postal order
        and I can pay you back as soon as it comes.
        Love Ewan

  2. “This Act plans to assign a Named Person, a state-decreed guardian, to every baby born in Scotland, in order to watch him or her from birth to the age of 18.”

    Crusader Kings come to life!

    1. That is some scary stuff right there

    2. Sweet, is this like playing a real life version of The Sims game?

    3. This made me lol

    4. $#$%#$% Married my daughter to some douche who stabbed me in the back.

      NO YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLAIM TO THE GRAND DUCHY OF ESTONIA! I DON’T CARE WHO YOU BRIBED!

    5. there were 56,000 live births in Scotland in 2012. How many named people work for the government? 18 years down the road, when the first cohort graduates the system, there’ll be 900 thousand kids being watched over. A thousand per each govt employee? Betcha they do a wonderful job of keeping up on the welfare of each one of those kids, to the neglect of the 10 or 20 who might really need help.

  3. “Scotland has 4,114 public-space CCTV cameras and “camera vans,””

    I wonder how that work out on a per-person and per-square mile basis.

    1. Especially if you excluded the vast swaths of unpopulated wasteland heather in the calculation.

    2. One each?

      1. Och, aye!

    3. They’re actually for tracking sheep.

      For purposes.

  4. FINALLY, some common-sense government regulation over what has been an entirely too anarchic and shadowy underworld of culture for too long – parenting within the home.

    In 50 years, we’ll hopefully have evolved to the point of simply taking every child at birth and depositing them in a government-licensed facility to be raised until 18 years of age, to ensure that no one has a better or worse upbringing than anyone else. It is simply unfair that some people are born to unfit parents.

    If we play our cards right, we could become the Borg by the year 2200.

    1. And they can hope for rebirth at Carousel like everybody else.

      1. What I would do for a couple of nice greens.

      2. Most importantly, we’ll force Scottish haggis-makers to make haggis for man-on-sheep weddings, regardless of the sex of the sheep in question.

        1. I’m pretty sure that Scottish Haggis makers have always supported man on sheep weddings

          1. Yeah i mean that’s how haggis is made, isn’t it?

      3. you’d like that, wouldn’t you Sandman?

    2. Given that they are on that side of the pond wouldn’t Cybermen be more apropos?

    3. At birth? You would allow drug addicts to turn their babies into addicts, wouldn’t you! The State should take control of all ….. at conception!

      1. Its only necessary.

        After all, what are babies except new immigrants. And we already agree that immigration control is the right an proper responsibility of government.

    4. Children are to be decanted, not born. And they will be raised by the collective community, not parents. And they will be encouraged to explore sexuality as they wish because sex is irrelevant to reproduction. They’ll be happy to be in the caste they are assigned because the subliminal teaching they receive in their bottles makes it so.

      1. . . . the subliminal teaching they receive in their bottles makes it so.

        Pshaw! Citizen, that attitude is so 20th century. Instead of unreliable ‘subliminal teaching’, we use advanced genetic engineering to control for intelligence and aggression and then layer on direct surgical modification of cognitive architecture and noetic prostheses to ensure no ‘unmutual’ thoughts are possible.

        1. And if that doesn’t work there is always the Soma and Feelies

          1. Inefficient. We will simply cull the ones who are not fit to be the New Man.

    5. Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because they’re so frightfully clever. I’m really awfully glad I’m a Beta, because I don’t work so hard. And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don’t want to play with Delta children. And Epsilons are still worse. They’re too stupid to be able to read or write. Besides they wear black, which is such a beastly colour. I’m so glad I’m a Beta.

      1. +1 gram

        1. A gramme is better than a damn.

        2. +2 swinging feet.

      2. My name is Jeff Winger. I recently became a four. Funny thing is, when I was a two, I didn’t actually have any less. But I did have a lot of crazy friends! “Hey, my name’s Tommy Talouca. I’m from hallway C. I’m a two! I got to get to the cafeteria before they run out of apples!” What is it with twos and apples? You’re given three kinds of fruit. Mix it up! And then you become a four, and you get that, uh, that four walk. You know what I’m talking about, it’s like this…

    6. Could be worse. It could be in 18 yrs. they’ll be raising them until they’re 50.

  5. This is because most of the Scots who worth a damn left a long time ago.

    1. Many years back I enjoyed a raucous evening with a couple of HP engineers in for an extended working visit at the HP facility in Ft. Collins, CO. We drank a shitload of beer and made fun of royalty and the election of Ronald Reagan. They also had an endless supply of Irish jokes. Decidedly non-PC and much funnier, I’m sure, due to the shitload of beer.

      Why did they invent wheelbarrows? To teach the Irish how to walk upright.

  6. Last month it announced that it will ban smoking in cars with kids. It is currently pushing through a ban on smoking in parks.

    They already do both of those things here in Maine, USA.

    1. The difference is that, outside of Portland, nobody will enforce that shit in Maine.

      1. Yeah they do. It’s an excuse to yell at someone.

        1. “You damn kids! Stop smoking on the private property adjacent to my lawn!” *furiously dials police*

      2. That’s because the police know that back-up is hours away and they don’t want to get shot for trying to enforce stupid laws.

      3. Disgusta police would enforce it.

  7. (b)does not include a regulated football match outside Scotland unless the match involves?

    (i)a national team appointed to represent Scotland, or

    (ii)a team representing a club that is a member of a football association or league based in Scotland.

    This is bullshit. There isn’t the slightest attempt to define “appointed”, “represent”, or “based in”.

  8. No true Scotsman wouldn’t act this way.

    1. Fist beats us to it again.

  9. So…I guess things really would have been worse in Scotland had they gained independence from the UK, huh?

    1. I suspect many people in England secretly hoped that the Scots would vote “Yes”.

      Just like many Western Canadians sincerely the Quebec Separatists would win their Neverendum.

      1. It’s not a well-kept secret.

      2. Secretly? Mate, I am generally against government spending but I am *totally* up for large amounts of my tax money being spent rebuilding Hadrian’s Wall, this time with a north side minefield from coast to coast and machine guns in the old legionary watch towers.

        I was extremely disappointed by the NO vote. I live in London.

  10. He was arrested, found guilty of songcrimes?something even Orwell failed to foresee

    Technically, songcrimes would be a subset of thoughtcrimes.

    1. Songcrime is not the same as thoughtcrime.

      You are hereby sentenced to 60 days of “Louie, Louie.”

      1. Soft heart. 60 days of “This is the song that never ends…”

        1. Poofter. 60 days of being randomly rickrolled…

  11. “Offensive Behaviour at Football Act”

    The Oakland Coliseum is under arrest!

    1. Your punishment is… to be a Raiders fan.

      1. “Solitary” involves having to watch videos of Al Davis directed drafts.

  12. “If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap!”

    1. “The English took all of our sheep and all of our women! And then they gave them back! Which was worse!”

    2. If it ain’t Scottish, it ain’t crap!

  13. OT:

    Thai police forced to shoot out tyres of confused American tourist’s car after she crashes into THIRTEEN vehicles and two people while driving wrong way down one-way street
    Driver played ‘demolition derby’ through streets of Banglamung in Thailand
    Police shot out three tyres to stop the car as it drove into oncoming traffic
    Angry mob surrounded the vehicle after it stopped to attack blond driver

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..treet.html
    Good thing she didn’t try that in The Land of the Free. Cops would have “feared for their lives,” and we all know what happens after that.

    1. The dog dies.

      1. Thanks for reminding us, Paden.

    2. Angry mob surrounded the vehicle after it stopped to attack blond driver

      Women are blonde, DM.

      Also, where do dumb blondes fall on the bad driver scale? Because if you’re the standout bad driver in a nation that’s half Asian women, you ought to be pretty fucking high on the list.

      1. There’s a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette, all pregnant, waiting to be seen by the doctor. The redhead giggles and says “He was on top, so we’re having a boy.” The brunette giggles and says “I was on top, so we’re having a girl.” The blonde starts sobbing. When they ask why she blurts out “We’re having puppies!”

        1. Why would she cry? Puppies are awesome!

    3. In Seattle, this would be Wednesday in a Prius.

  14. You know who else was part of a hotbed of new authoritarianism…

    1. Your mom?

    2. Rand Paul?
      -Reason staff editor

    3. Epi’s mom?

    4. Every SJW everywhere?

      1. Oh-ho – personal experience there, Mr. Cocoa?

      2. The safe word(s) is Marv Albert.

  15. This Act plans to assign a Named Person, a state-decreed guardian, to every baby born in Scotland, in order to watch him or her from birth to the age of 18.

    Fuck, I hope that government employee unions in this country don’t pick up on this idea. The size of the bureaucracy that would be needed to run such a thing would be beyond gargantuan, even in a country the size of Scotland. Think of how many new employees the government in this country would “need”!

    1. Shovel-ready jobs.

      1. Yeah. Shovels to dig graves for these bureaucraps that get too big for their britches.

    2. Naw, they just assign 2,000 kids to every bureaucrat, so most never get seen, anyway.

    3. Yeah, if they do this without increasing head count, by assigning equal numbers of children to every single person already pulling a pubsec paycheck,

      I would be amused.

    4. Finally, a full-employment jobs plan for pedophiles.

  16. “Imagine if American football fans were told that they sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” at their own peril, because if someone in the stadium finds their patriotic warbling offensive then they could be arrested.”

    I can actually see this occurring inside of two decades.

    1. Considering the quality of the “singing” of The Star-Spangled Banner at most sporting events, it should have been banned long ago on aesthetic grounds.

    2. That’s just crazy. Next, you’ll say kids can’t wear an American flag t-shirt.

    3. Supreme Court already ruled it ok for a school to ban wearing the American flag because it might alarm some of the other precious snowflakes.

      1. But you can’t ban wearing a Mexican flag, because racism.

        1. You WILL wear a Mexican flag every May 5th

          /Hermano Grande

          1. I was driving to work last week and noted a sign proclaiming the celebration of Cinco de Mayo at this particular venue is to take place on May 3rd…

    4. I for one wouldn’t mind seeing the back of singing the national anthem at sporting events.

  17. But in Brave New World, everybody is happy all the time! They’re young for as long as they live, they don’t work really hard jobs, they get plenty of time to bang and do awesome drugs, and no one is poor or unhappy! Why wouldn’t you want to live there? It’s paradise!

    /prog

    1. And everyone has a job!

  18. Mrs. Tundra and I are contemplating a trip to Scotland. Despite its obvious fucked-up-ness, any opinions as to the worthiness of this destination?

    1. Take a heavy coat. Even if you go in August.

    2. What time of year? Because it really matters.

      1. Summer. Early August, probably.

        1. Unless you hae a compelling reason to go to Scotland in particular go to Germany instead.

          Lots of castles there as well and Germans are easier to communicate with than Scots.

          1. Lol. Been to Germany already. Only real compelling reason is family history.

            1. Go to somewhere in South America then. Fuck Eurotards.

            2. I want to visit Germany and see the farming estate of my ancestors (which is still in the family name). And I just discovered that near there is a Texas-style ranch. I wonder if the guys running the ranch set that up in response to the “Oktoberfests” and “biergartens” we have here.

          2. If you go to the Hebridean Islands, especially in the last week of May and especially to Islay, you will end up surrounded by nothing but Germans for your entire stay there.

            1. Really? Why the Hebrides? Part of a German plot to conquer Scotland?

              1. The Germans love the heavily peated Scotch of Islay.

                1. Bet they have U-boats there already.

              2. You know who else had a German plot to conquer the British Isles?

                1. Yes, Hengist and Horsa.

                  1. That wasn’t a plot so much as it was a successful conquest. The UK has been German ever since.

                2. Bastian Schweinsteiger?

                3. Werner Herzog?

                4. Mr. Hilter?

    3. Mrs. Tundra and I are contemplating a trip to Scotland. Despite its obvious fucked-up-ness, any opinions as to the worthiness of this destination?

      Personally I loved Scotland. Glasgow is meh, but Edinburgh was an amazing city. Most visitors do Edinburgh and then head north into the highlands and the river spey and whatnot. I ended up going west to the Hebridean Island of Islay (went for the Feis Ili, annual Islay whiskey festival the last week of May). I really loved the west coast. There’s a town along the west coast called Inverary and that is the place I will one day retire.

      1. If you golf and miss St. Andrews, you will forever have to apologize to those who chase little white balls. The Falkirk Wheel is worth the trip. Stirling Castle is at least as impressive as Edinburgh ditto.
        Didn’t, but wanted to take the choo-choo from Edinburgh to Oban.
        Don’t go for the food.

        1. I found myself rather fond of haggis actually. So long as I made a conscience effort to either forget what its made of or get drunk enough on good whiskey where I didnt remember.

      2. My wife has a lot of ancestors from Firth, and I’d like to go there someday.

    4. I’m Hard, Yet Soft, I’m Coloured Yet Clear, I am fruity and sweet, I am jelly…What am I?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rax50efCUk

      1. Barack Obama?

      2. Adolph Hitler?

  19. Scotland is a country which has never made any fucking sense.

    They went from the wildest bunch of hard partying heathens to the most hard core buttoned down stick in the ass Calvinists.

    They went from the country that kicked everyone’s ass so thoroughly they couldn’t be beaten and was only conquered because they were too busy fighting each other to pay attention to the invaders.

    They went from the biggest defenders of Freedom and the right to self and local autonomy to the biggest cheerleaders for the total state on the planet.

    No where else in the world has essentially the same genetic and cultural group continually swung between such extremes.

    1. “the country that kicked everyone’s ass so thoroughly they couldn’t be beaten”

      Despite my Scottish ancestry, I have to call bullshit on that.

      For every Bannockburn, there were three Collodens.

      1. You did notice the part about their being too busy fighting each other leading to their being taken over right?

        1. I did.

          But even when they did unite against the Sassenachs, they usually got their asses kicked.

          Claymores vs cannons is not generally a win for the former.

          The Scots usually beat the English only when the latter were being exceptionally stupid by English generalship standards.

    2. Perhaps too many of the independent Scots got the hell out. It’s not like the U.S., Canada, Australia, and so on aren’t up to their gullets in Scots.

      1. Exactly. The good ones left.

  20. I have never been so happy that my ancestors had the foresight to get out of that hole.

    1. Me too. Caught the boat in 1772.

    2. As far as I can tell, my ancestor left that dump sometime around 1740. I’m glad he got out while the getting was good.

    3. My grandma went back once before she died. She was pretty much in tears.

    4. My Scottish ancestors took a detour through the 13 colonies before backing the losing side in 1776 and winding up running for their lives after 1783.

      1. So you’re a fucking Loyalists are you. SEIZE THE TRAITORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        1. Technically, you were the traitors, only you obeyed the first rule of Treason: You have to win.

          1. Why doth Treason never Prosper?

            For if it prospers, none dare call it Treason.

          2. Touche. Well played sir.

    5. I hope my prodigy says this about me and New Jersey.

      1. d’oh, progeny.

      2. There are places that accept you want and will own a firearm without putting you on a list.

  21. I didn’t follow Scottish Independence too closely, but it seemed to me that the SNP was using promises of MOAR FREE SHIT to get people to vote for independence. The idea seemed to be that if Scotland were master of its own resources, it would be able to promise a better social safety net. This struck me as quite an odd approach.

    It seems contradictory to me, that a people this paternalistic would embrace independence (not that Americans are much better). I wonder if they stayed part of the UK because, at the end of the day, more people thought that MOAR FREE SHIT was available from the UK as whole, as opposed to just from Scotland.

    1. If Scotland became independent it probably could offer more free shit.

      It would end up a very small country with a very small population and a shit ton of Oil.

      It is not so hard to finance a welfare state for a small population when you have tons of Oil money to pay for it with.

      Of course with the SNP being basically a hardcore socialist party there remains the risk that they would turn Scotland into Venezuela with horrible weather but like socialists everywhere they never consider that risk because they know they have the right top men in place.

      1. If Scotland went independent the could *offer* more free shit, sure (and they would) – but most of their money comes from tax splitting with the South.

        Its not even a matter of their having a smaller tax base – they couldn’t even support *current* spending if they went independent.

    2. Yes, the SNP promised lots of more free shit. They are essentially the left wing of the Labour Party in Scotland with a large dose of ethinic superiority notions thrown in.

      TBS, I don’t remember if the net income from the North Sea Oil in what would be Scottish territorial waters was greater or less than the money Scotland got back from the government in London.

      1. Less.

  22. There is a guy in Scotland who shares my name and is so stupid and inconsiderate that he puts in my email address into web forms when he does things like order pizza when he’s shitfaced on Friday nights. I’ve found a few likely candidates for Stupid Scottish Warty on Facebook, and they’re all SNP supporters and were big for voting Yes. I now know everything I need to know about the SNP.

    1. I bet you’ve fucked way more sheep that Scottish Warty.

      1. SSW absolutely has whiskey dick 100% of the time. No question.

      2. Scottish Warty

        All the nightmares + Haggis

    2. You should go visit and give him/them (only way to be sure) some facial surgery.

      Don’t worry – slitting a nostril is how Glaswegians say ‘hello’.

      1. He’s in Glasgow, actually. It’s a tempting thought.

        Come to think of it, I’ve gotten a few emails that are legitimately directed to him, too – one or two personal emails and a few emails from an emigration agency. I think he’s just plain stupid, not inconsiderate.

        1. We should all be his friend on Facebook.

          1. Like I’d trust you with my identity. Like you wouldn’t come to my house and eat all my food and rape my dogs.

            1. Better than the other way around.

            2. They’d come looking for the sheep.

      2. The best-selling novel Warty Cockburn and the Chamber of Rape to be released soon.

      3. I seem to remember “Glaswegian Kiss” = headbutt

      4. Apparently, some business schools in other parts of Scotland have special courses on the Glaswegian language, because what the people of Glasgow speak doesn’t sound anything like English even to other Scots.

  23. I think you guys need to channel your inner William Wallace and have a revolution. Are you guys even allowed to own guns? I’m assuming the answer is a resounding “Fuck No!” judging by how you all are being ruled.

  24. Let me just recommend that no one try the drinking game where you take a shot of scotch every time William Wallace kicks someone’s ass.

    1. have you tried taking a shot only in the scenes where WW kicks ass *and* actually did so in real life?

      I think there’s might be 3 of them.

      1. And yet Braveheart is still a more accurate representation of historical events than Rolling Stone’s UVA rape story

        1. Snoopy vs the Red Baron is a more accurate representation of historical events than most of what is written in The Rolling Stone.

        2. I see a Lifetime movie production about a Scottish King starting a fraternity and raping women on glass tables. Based on true story.

    2. My son, freedom is best, I tell thee true, of all things to be won. Then never live within the bond of slavery.

  25. OMG- We now know where Chuckie Schumer is from …

    God bless the Founding Fathers and the American Revolutionaries

    1. Schumer is a Jew. And he really should know better.

  26. Hmmm…”The Billy Boys” has the same tune as “Marching Through Georgia.”

    Same theme, different targets.

  27. Adopt a brilliant Scottish turn of phrase and say it with abandon to all those who would interfere in your life: “Get tae fuck.”

    Don’t you mean “Get tae fuck, slaver”?

  28. Noooo, America isn’t exceptional at all.

  29. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub and each orders a pint of ale. As the barkeep is putting their drinks in front of them a fly happens to land in each of their drinks. The Englishman pushes his away in disgust. The Scotsman looks at the Englishman, then reaches into his pint and removes the fly and takes a big drink. The Irishman looks at both men, reaches into his pint and grabs the offending fly, turns it upside down and shouts, “SPIT IT OUT YA BASTARD SPIT IT OUT!”

  30. Start working from home! Great job for students, stay-at-home moms or anyone needing an extra income… You only need a computer and a reliable internet connection… Make $90 hourly and up to $12000 a month by following link at the bottom and signing up… You can have your first check by the end of this week………………

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  31. Mandatory Salad bars in Scotland? There is a joke in here somewhere, about William Wallace and watching your portions!

  32. But what about the roads?

  33. Why did the Celtic cross the road?

    He was stuck in the chicken.

  34. Is this any surprise?

    Profanity used to be banned in Scotland.

  35. Bring me a sheep my mother
    I’m tired of my brother
    Bring me a sheep, I’m feeling lonely tonight

    http://www.eg.bucknell.edu/~lw…..raved.html

  36. How was this not posted on April 1st??

  37. As an Englishman (albeit long-time US resident) I find much with which to agree as far as this article goes.

    However. Rangers-Celtic is just a fucking blight on humanity in general and did need to be addressed on some official level. It really did. Way too complicated and extensive an issue to address in an internet post, but trust me it did.

    But ban all “offensiveness” at or relating to football? Boy just please fucking invoke the law of unintended consequences and crank it up to level 1,000.

    I hate the British nanny state but their approach to football (largely centered around banning violent hooligans who were caught being violent) actually worked well. And has created a better and safer environment that in many/most continental leagues.

    When I was young and growing up in the 80s and 90s you were literally taking your life and health into your own hands when you went to football. I went then every week and go back over now a couple times a year. Things are actually much better in England because of the big-brother nanny shite as far as this goes.

  38. What is the background and religious ethnicity of those who most commonly push the nanny state/PC policies? Is it a minority that wants to make the majority over sensitized and afraid of being proactive about any action that they might do. What better way than to allow a minority to gain power and destroy initiative of those others who are foolish enough to accept such brow beating?

  39. Article’s OK, but what’s said of American football fandom is much more accurately applied to baseball.

  40. Liberalism is the intersection of politics, social policy, and extreme co-dependency.

    1. I wish you bloody Americans would stop calling people who are profoundly illiberal “liberals”. No one else uses the word that way. Call them leftist, socialist, communist, sh*theads, nanny state thugs, whatever, but stop indulging them by calling them “liberal”.

      1. Illiberal fits very well and is accurate, but most people won’t use it.

      2. Good point Perry! You’re right, illiberals here, have given liberalism a bad name. But so many politicians are wearing sheeps clothing these days, so they can get elected and then vote like wolves. Because when wolves outnumber the sheep, you know what they’ll be voting on for dinner.

  41. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
    This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

  42. A kilt wearing, ultra-proud of his Scottish ancestry friend mine returned home extremely disappointed after long looked forward to trip back to the Scottish homeland. At first, at least, he really didn’t want to discuss his little adventure. Eventually he used words like “socialism, statism, nanny-statism” and “disappointment.”

    I recommended he look at the bright side: All the good Scots ended up here in the good ol’ USA. No passport needed to go visiting.

  43. Live in scotland and I don’t feel it’s all lost. Most Scottish people are distrustful of government. I can have long political discussions with very left leaning folks where our politics will never really diverge. This leech like class of busybodies, find most of their support from not being English and a disenfranchment for anyone not pulling the current party line. It’s why I suported independence. As much as I hated the snp, freedom from England would of redefined the political spectrum and allowed some sort of opposition to rise up.
    I take this in contrast to my time in Canada. Most canuks I know have a genuine belief in the power of government to reshape our lives for the better. It’s only a minority of organised and wealthy Tories that keep them from destroying themselves.

  44. My classmate’s step-aunt makes $61 /hour on the internet . She has been fired from work for nine months but last month her pay check was $12801 just working on the internet for a few hours. try this out.
    GO TO THE SITE TEC NEXT TAB FOR MORE INFO AND HELP
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  45. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
    This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netjob80.com

  46. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
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  47. Perhaps the restaurants can cultivate a patch of dandelions and let that be the salad bar. Personally I prefer my dandelions cooked like spinach, but it also deals with the laws about having the landscaping adhere to another bureaucrats’ whims.

  48. Some people really need a history refresh.

    “When the harvest was over the cattle wandered over all the place, till the land became a dirty, dreary common ; the whole ground being saturated with the water which stood in the holes made with their hoofs. The horses and oxen, being fed in winter on straw or boiled chaff, were so weak and emaciated that when yoked to the plough in spring they helplessly fell into bogs and furrows ; even although, to fit them more thoroughly for their work, they had been first copiously bled by a ” skilful hand.” Cattle at the time of their return to the pasture, after the long confinement and starving of winter, were mere skeletons, and required to be lifted on their legs when put into the grass, where they could barely totter. This period and this annual operation, when all neighbours were summoned to carry and support the poor
    beasts, were known as the ” Lifting.”

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