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Republicans Worry About Iran Deal, Al Shabaab Attacks Kenyan University, DHS Looking Into Nationwide License Plate Tracking System Again: A.M. Links

Ed Krayewski | 4.3.2015 9:00 AM

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    John Boehner and other Congressional Republicans expressed reservations about a "framework" negotiated for a nuclear deal with Iran, saying they want Congress to play a role, something President Obama said he welcomed.

  • The Somali Al Qaeda affiliate Al Shabaab launch an attack on Garissa University College in Kenya, killing more than 140 people.
  • Sen. Mark Kirk (Ill.) became the fifth Repubican senator to signal he would vote to confirm Loretta Lynch as attorney general.
  • The Department of Homeland Security is trying again to set up a nationwide license plate tracking system.
  • Sen. Dianne Feinstein's (D-Calif.) solution to terrorists using the Internet is to ban things terrorists look for on the Internet.
  • The Coast Guard  found a man lost at sea for 66 days after a German tanker reported seeing him.

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NEXT: Friday A/V Club: D.W. Griffith and the Censors

Ed Krayewski is a former associate editor at Reason.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Links on Good Friday? War on Christianity.

    1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

      At least in Kenya, it sure is.

      1. Rich   10 years ago

        Something, something, last supper. 8-(

    2. JW   10 years ago

      I have a dream that Reason will see something in one of the other 49 states to cover today.

      Our redtards will be disappoint.

      1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        I actually enjoyed the last thread on the topic, where I discovered a new business opportunity, chic wedding pizza, P?te Neapolitan du Fromage. Layered pizza, with frou-frou ingredients.

    3. Sevo   10 years ago

      EVERY Friday is a good Friday.

  2. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    The Coast Guard found a man lost at sea for 66 days after a German tanker reported seeing him.

    I'd say his pizza's free then.

    1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

      You know who else German tankers reported seeing?

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        Is it Hitler? Is that the answer?

      2. Slammer   10 years ago

        Hundminen?

        1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

          Deplorable animal abuse. Excellent response.

      3. Xeones   10 years ago

        Sgt. Yakov Pavlov?

      4. Elspeth Flashman   10 years ago

        Nicely phrased, Switzy, in the true german style.

        1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

          Alles klar!

    2. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

      Was he taking the boat to a gay wedding?

    3. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      Oh, I saw this movie. Lifeboat.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

        Now I have that theme song in my head.

        Life, exciting and new
        Come Aboard. We're expecting you.
        Life, life's sweetest reward.
        Let it flow, it floats back to you.

        Life Boat soon will be making another run
        The Life Boat promises something for everyone
        Set a course for adventure,
        Your mind on a new romance.

        Life won't hurt anymore
        It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
        Yes LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! It's LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! (hey-ah!)

        Life Boat soon will be making another run
        The Life Boat promises something for everyone
        Set a course for adventure,
        Your mind on a new romance.

        Life won't hurt anymore
        It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
        It's LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! It's LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! It's
        LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!
        It's the Life Boat-ah! It's the Life Boat-ah!

  3. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    Bikini-clad Jessica Alba lavishes love on her little ones as she enjoys a snorkelling adventure with husband Cash Warren and daughters in St Barths

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....Baths.html
    Dang.

    1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      Eh. I guess some people are into that sort of thing.

    2. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      Lots of girl on girl action in that piece.

      1. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

        go on...

        1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

          You have to be excited about the new Mad Max.

    3. The Laconic Esq   10 years ago

      She has all the sex appeal of a RealDoll. I don't get it.

  4. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    'Jesus is a MYTH': Christ stories appeared decades after his 'death' - and he was probably many people rather than just one, atheist writer claims
    Atheist writer David Fitzgerald claims there is no evidence Jesus existed
    The San Francisco based author instead says Jesus was a literary allegory created by combining old Jewish stories and rituals along with rival cults
    He insists it is time to stop believing in Jesus Christ as a historical figure

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci.....laims.html

    1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

      Athiests hatin' on Jesus... just sad, man. Leave the man/deity be...

    2. Rich   10 years ago

      He insists it is time to stop believing in Jesus Christ as a historical figure

      Feel free, Dave.

    3. Slammer   10 years ago

      Nobody fucks with the Jesus

      1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

        You said it, mahn.

    4. Ted S.   10 years ago

      A couple of years ago I suggested I'd like to see a bunch of zombie movies on Easter to celebrate the undead Jesus. Needless to say, opinion was sharply divided.

      1. hamilton   10 years ago

        zombie jesus

      2. Old Man With Candy   10 years ago

        My kid got in trouble in Catholic school a few years ago for (seriously) suggesting exactly that. When the teacher contradicted him, he insisted on getting the dictionary and reading the definition of "zombie" and pointing out that the Jesus story fit it exactly.The phone call I got from them was... priceless.

    5. Zeb   10 years ago

      Didn't we already know that? I tend to think that there probably was a real person at the beginning of the whole thing. But the Bible is certainly not a reliable historical document.

      1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

        Palestine was crawling with would-be messiahs at the time. I can easily believe one of them was particularly memorable to his followers, and that some teachings of others became misattributed to him.

        The Virgin Birth, Resurrection? Nope. They are the period's equivalent to JFK assassination theories. Their Hero deserved a better story surrounding his death than reality, so they whipped themselves into fervent belief (rose after the 3rd day, shot by the CIA because he was going to get us out of Vietnam, etc).

        1. Zeb   10 years ago

          Yeah, that seems likely. All of the virgin/asexual birth and resurrection stuff was largely present in other older traditions.

      2. Pi Guy   10 years ago

        I am not the real Dread Pirate Roberts.

        1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

          In that case I highly recommend that you avoid Iocane powder.

          1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

            Or posting anything about Silk Road.

    6. SugarFree   10 years ago

      [eyeroll]

      OK, so let's assume he wasn't a real human being... So what? Christians don't worship a mortal man who said he was the Son of God, they worship the Son of God. Historicity of Jesus has nothing to do with the faith in a redemptive act by an aspect of a Supreme Being.

      1. Zeb   10 years ago

        The most charitable reading I can come up with is that he is telling historians that they should stop assuming that Jesus is historical.

        1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

          That's what I got out of it.

          1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

            Me as well.

      2. Rasilio   10 years ago

        Actually it would be a big deal.

        To most Christians the crucifixion of Jesus was not some mere metaphor for redemption. It was literally that act which makes their salvation possible and if that never happened then their entire faith is meaningless.

        If we had iron clad proof that Jesus of Nazareth never existed it wouldn't make it impossible to be a Christian but it would decimate the christian faith and make what was left look something more like Deism than the active evangelizing faith that it has been.

        It would also put an end to folks like Ken Hamm's young earth creationism and all other biblical literalist beliefs.

        That said as an Atheist I think that it is almost a certainty that there was an itinerant preacher in Judea during the late 1st century BC that either claimed or was reported by his followers to be the messiah and who was named Jesus and he probably did at least some of the things attributed to Jesus in the Bible, there is a good chance he was even crucified by the Romans. That doesn't mean he was the son of god or that the miracles he was purported to have performed ever happened but odds are there is someone that served as the basis for the legend.

        1. SugarFree   10 years ago

          Too many people are making too much money for the train to be derailed by something as simple as historical fact.

          And nothing is going to stop the young Earthers. They already reject pretty much every bit of understanding science has discovered about the natural world. They are lost to reason.

          1. Rasilio   10 years ago

            I know, my entire family are young earth Christian Dominionists

            1. SugarFree   10 years ago

              Ugh. Sorry, man.

            2. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

              As an agnostic, I find the young earthers to be just, well, beyond saving.

        2. Suthenboy   10 years ago

          "If we had iron clad proof that Jesus of Nazareth never existed...."

          It would make no difference whatsoever.

  5. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

    Can someone remind me what happens if Jesus sees his shadow?

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      It means the sun is out, or the light is on. Nothing major.

    2. Slammer   10 years ago

      He goes back in the tomb and we have six more weeks of atheists?

      1. Mickey Rat   10 years ago

        No, they are a permanent infestation.

    3. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

      Six more weeks of lent?

    4. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

      He has to sneak back across the border to Mexico for 6 more weeks.

    5. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      It means Joseph Smith was right, and totally not on powerful hallucinogens.

      1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

        Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb. Dumb.

  6. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    'Congratulations! Manuela just gave you a car!' The Price Is Right model messes up and reveals vehicle's $21,960 price tag to overjoyed contestant
    Manuela Arbelaez handed The Price Is Right contestant Andrea a $21,960 Hyundai Sonata SE for free on Thursday's show
    The absentminded model revealed the correct price of the car too early
    Host Drew Carey was left with little opinion but to tell the contestant, 'Congratulations! Manuela just gave you a car! The game is over, folks'

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....stant.html
    Duh-oh!

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      How many years has that show been on the air? Has this happened before, or are performance standards slipping?

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        I DEMAND LEGISLATION TO ADDRESS THIS POTENTIALLY CRITICAL ISSUE!!!

        1. Cdr Lytton   10 years ago

          How about a series of videos-- reason Saves The Price is Right?

      2. Ted S.   10 years ago

        Bob Barker in his later years would simply declare the contestant a winner for all sorts of production errors.

        1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

          I hadn't actually watched the show since I was a kid, so I wasn't aware of that.

    2. Cdr Lytton   10 years ago

      "That's coming out of your paycheck."

      1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        It's taped. They could've just shitcanned this take and done it over.

    3. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      I especially enjoyed the bikini picks inserted into that article just because. The daily mail has to be the best run rag ever.

      1. hamilton   10 years ago

        That was for context, you uneducated boor.

        1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

          The bikini pics are there to explain why she gets to give away cars without being fired.

    4. SugarFree   10 years ago

      That girl could give me a free car any time she wanted.

      1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

        But would she let you park it in her garage?

        1. SugarFree   10 years ago

          I doubt it, because I'd want to park it sideways.

          1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

            But than where would you store your power tools and the stuff you would like to throw away one day but just can't bring yourself to let go of the past?

            1. SugarFree   10 years ago

              I think that girl likes to keep her garage cleaner than that.

          2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

            It won't last.

      2. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

        Even if it's a Hyundai?

        1. SugarFree   10 years ago

          Sure. I can also use it as my new shootin' car.

      3. Warty   10 years ago

        Jesus Christ, she's adorable. Science fact: hot chicks become 53% hotter when they're embarrassed.

    5. Slammer   10 years ago

      Hammock!

  7. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Tampa man pulls son's tooth using Camaro

    Tampa man Robert Abercrombie, aka Rob Venomous in his professional wrestling life, is going viral after posting video of his unusual tooth-pulling method.

    He used his Chevy Camaro.

    Abercrombie told FOX 13 on Wednesday morning that he was looking for a new way to pull his son's second tooth. Jason is 8 years old and was excited about the idea.

    The uneasy video starts with Abercrombie revving his engine in front his home before he hits the accelerator, pulling the tooth with ease.

    1. Ted S.   10 years ago

      He could have just used the car door.

    2. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

      Only a dumb hick from Tampa would think that pulling a tooth with a car was original.

      1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        [Moves Sparky up personal disposition matrix.]

        1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

          What are you gonna do, send your snakes after me?

          1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

            "Send?" No. Don't look down the toilet bowl. It's less horrifying if you don't see it coming.

    3. Rich   10 years ago

      "Florida man drags son behind pick-up truck"

      1. Zeb   10 years ago

        Shit! Wrong tooth.

        1. Tejicano   10 years ago

          Nah, wrong daughter...

    4. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      For fuck's sake. Youtube is rife with creative tooth-pulling, and I even saw a tooth-pulling montage on fricken America's Funniest Videos.

    5. Private FUQ   10 years ago

      You must have the volume up a little just for the moment the tooth comes out

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM3dpPqWG7Y

    6. straffinrun   10 years ago

      I'd like to see how he removes his wife's tampon.

      1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

        Like this?

  8. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

    One Writer At Reason Is Actually Able to Condemn Coercion and Witch-Finding Without Equivocation
    ...Too many writers there seem more enamored of gay marriage than liberty itself. Check your masthead, guys -- you're not Gay Men's Health Crisis. Your masthead identifies you as being in favor of liberty first and foremost....

    ...The fake libertarians at Reason -- which is most of them -- seem to believe, with a couple of honorable exceptions, that this form of intimidation-by-mob-assault is actually healthy free expression -- so long as it enforces the social codes and taboos they favor.

    I think Nick Gillespie would have quite another opinion of it were this form of mobbing directed at couples in gay marriages...

    1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

      I liked Matt's article best too.

    2. hamilton   10 years ago

      "Reason." A magazine for "liberty."

      Right.

      Can I get a ruling? It's Friday and I don't have much else going on today anyway.

      1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

        I thought it was for Messicanz, pot and ass sex?

        Or alt-text (at least the online version...)

      2. EDG reppin' LBC   10 years ago

        Drink!

        1. hamilton   10 years ago

          Woo-hoo!

    3. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

      I for one think they SHOULD change the name to "Gay Men's Health Crisis." Then I could tell people that though I am not gay, I just read it for the articles.

      That would be awesome!

      1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

        Articles? Who reads the articles? I'm here for the comments.

        1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

          Christ, you must never engage in foreplay...

        2. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

          I'm just here for Lobster Girl.

          1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

            Lobster Girl....

            1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

              Happy (Good) Friday all: http://www.aeromental.net/2009.....a-lobster/

    4. Zeb   10 years ago

      this form of intimidation-by-mob-assault is actually healthy free expression

      I don't think may were saying that it is healthy free expression. But unless it rises to the level of a criminal threat or assault it is free expression. Which I'm pretty sure should be protected whether healthy or not.

      1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

        An angry mob is an intended, implied threat.

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          Why do you hate pro-life protests or Tea Party rallies?

          1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

            Yeah, Botard, Tea Party rallies are REAL intimidating events. Fucking terrifying when they pick up all their trash at the end and neatly deposit it in the appropriate receptacles...

            1. Zeb   10 years ago

              That's true for the TP. Some pro-life rallies and protests do get pretty angry mob-ish.

            2. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

              Did someone litter around the pizza joint?

              1. VG Zaytsev   10 years ago

                Does journo bullshit count as litter?

                1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                  Perhaps as Zeb says metaphorically...

          2. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

            Showing up at someone's business to protest them specifically is different that a public gathering, you idiot.

            I think Nick Gillespie would have quite another opinion of it were this form of mobbing directed at couples in gay marriages...

            1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

              Yeah, pro-life people never show up at someone's business to protest what they're doing there! lol

              1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

                LOLski!

              2. VG Zaytsev   10 years ago

                Killing babies is a sacred rite for some (just ask nancy pelosi) making money doing so is just a bonus.

                1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                  Haha, pro-life people can't resist the 'killing babies' line.

          3. Private FUQ   10 years ago

            You got some links from rightwingwatch for us today?

            1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

              Maybe, I'll check them later.

              Are you the link bias police? Because if so, you should be aware that there's a lot more action on the 'other side' of town...

              1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                Insert key
                Turn key
                Release key
                Watch the Botard shriek

                Endless fun

                1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                  You seem to be the shrieker here

                  1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                    I know you are but what am I?

                    Nanny, nanny boo boo
                    Stick your head in doo doo

                    /more popcorn

        2. Zeb   10 years ago

          Or a metaphor. A bunch of dickheads getting pissed of on the internet isn't literally a mob. If they made serious threats, it's still criminal, but it's not quite torches and pitchforks.

      2. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

        It did actually raise to the level of criminal threat, and a lot of the communication has been handed over to law enforcement.

        1. Zeb   10 years ago

          And I hope that they are appropriately punished if the accusations are true. But I don't think most of the response rose to that level.

          I think it was all pretty shitty. Those people weren't hurting anyone and hadn't actually done anything discriminatory. Even a peaceful boycott or protest would have been pretty shitty, but it would have been free expression.

          1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

            "But I don't think most of the response rose to that level."

            Silly nuance Zeb. It's much more fun to generalize the acts of some to those of many!

            1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

              It's much more fun to generalize the acts of some to those of many!

              So you're just hanging around to have fun. It makes so much sense now.

            2. lafe.long   10 years ago

              Silly nuance Zeb. It's much more fun to generalize the acts of some to those of many!

              Haha, pro-life people can't resist the 'killing babies' line.

              1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                Bo is the queen of collectivizing while decrying all the supposed collectivizing.

              2. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                Yeah, those are totally the same!

    5. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

      From the comments:

      "The only difference between Big-L Losertarians and Post-Modern DemocRATs - the order of importance they place on the goals ofthe total subjugation of Christians and free drugs for all. "

      THEY'RE ON TO US! *smokes crack while throwing Christians into a lions den.*

      1. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

        That idiot commenter then gets called out by other commenters, and says the following:

        "Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. You're so stupid you wouldn't know stupid if you hit yourself on the head.

        Losertarian Goal 1A - Free drugs for all
        Losertarian Goal 1B - Elimniate Christianity

        Post-Modern DemocRAT Goal 1A - Eliminate Christianity
        Post-Modern DemocRAT Goal 1B - Free drugs for all"

        This guy...this guy knows the score.

        1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

          Lets compromise, free drugs for Christians.

          1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

            So...what kind of drugs? Asking for a ... pastor.

            1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

              Anti anxiety drugs for the Catholics - we want the alter boys relaxed, don't we?

              1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

                I said "pastor". not "priest", I...er, the pastor is Protestant!

            2. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

              "WHAT KIND OF DRUGS, DENNY!?"
              "IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT!"

          2. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

            Sounds like a fair trade.

        2. Idle Hands   10 years ago

          Do you think he capitalize the RAT part of democrat as a statement or because he accidentally pressed the caps lock during his stroke that impaired his critical thinking ability?

          1. SugarFree   10 years ago

            No, that's an attempt at humor. And I'll tell you what, it's just as funny this time as it was the first hundred or so times I saw. Knee-slapping, goddam guffaw funny.... EVERY TIME!

        3. hamilton   10 years ago

          Wait, wait. What about Teh ButtSeks?

      2. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

        Fuck free drugs. Pay for your own goddamn drugs, you fucking welfare queen mooch!

    6. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

      "The fake libertarians at Reason -- which is most of them -- seem to believe, with a couple of honorable exceptions, that this form of intimidation-by-mob-assault is actually healthy free expression -- so long as it enforces the social codes and taboos they favor."

      Fake libertarians? Silly me, I thought being a libertarian meant you were against using coercive force but apparently it means also being against social movements that don't use force. So I guess libertarians must be against much of the pro-life movement that tries to end abortion by non-coercive but 'mob' tactics like boycotts, letter writing/social media campaigns, sit-ins, etc.

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        GOOD THING WE GOT A REAL LIBERTARIAN HERE TO CLEAR THAT UP!!
        Thanks, Bo, for the ruling. We are all wiser - and more classically liberal - now...

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          Er, you do know I'm responding to a guy who called Nick and Reason out as fake libertarians?

        2. Old Man With Candy   10 years ago

          Why are you feeding that poor guy's condition? If he won't admit it and get treatment, the only proper response to clueless and contentious content is:

          BOOOOOOOOOOO CARRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

          Anything else just delays the inevitable.

          1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

            Repetitive performance of rituals can make the autistic person feel comfortable, but only in the short run Old Man. You should try to break out it.

            1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

              BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

              CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

          2. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

            I understand before my time there was Donderooooooooooooooooo

            Around the time when I started visiting the site there was Gregoooooooooooooooooo

            Now there's just Boooooooooooooooooooooo

            The names are getting shorter at least.

            1. Old Man With Candy   10 years ago

              DONDERRRRRROOOOOO is a perfectly acceptable substitute. Trying to seriously engage someone with a mental illness is just a bad idea all around.

              1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                We shouldn't talk to you? That seems harsh.

                1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

                  I know you are but what am I, BO!!!!!

                2. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                  Who is this "we" Bo? As far as I can tell the only "we" that you belong to are PB, Tony and Jackass Ace. Also I suspect most people here would prefer you not talk to them. But just to turn the key again......

                  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
                  CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

                  1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                    Deranged.

            2. Lord at War   10 years ago

              There was always the "STFU, LoneWacko" also...

      2. Ted S.   10 years ago

        This from the guy who thinks we're all TEAM RED shills.

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          Never said all, so thanks for illustrating my point.

          1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

            Split that hair, BO!! SPLIT IT!!!

            1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

              Is English your second language? Third?

              1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

                Its YOUR MOM'S second language!

                1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

                  Epi smiled.

      3. VG Zaytsev   10 years ago

        Silly me, I thought being a libertarian meant you were against using coercive force but apparently it means also being against social movements that don't use force.

        Except that this social movement is hysterical over the idea of relaxing (not ending) government coercion in the name of equality.

        Other than that little detail it's totally non coercive.

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          "Except that this social movement is hysterical over the idea of relaxing (not ending) government coercion"

          So, like the pro-life movement, eh?

      4. robc   10 years ago

        Weigel worked here. QED.

    7. Warty   10 years ago

      Question: Why don't you fucking yokeltarians just go away and hang out at shitty yokeltarian sites like that? You hate us, we hate you. Go away.

      1. SugarFree   10 years ago

        Shut up, Warty! Absolutely no one who criticizes Israel is actually anti-semetic!

      2. VG Zaytsev   10 years ago

        Because watching hysteric cosmos shit all over themselves is quite enjoyable.

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          It seems like you fellows are the ones sh*tting all over yourselves about the supposed biases of the writers here.

          1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

            It seems like you fellows are the ones sh*tting all over yourselves about the supposed biases of the writers everyone here.

            1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

              You confuse the order of things, and thus your argument falters.

              Reason writer writes something. Yokeltarians whine. Poster here points out the whining. You say 'aha, you're whining!' but is it whining to point out other's whining?

              1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                Turn key again
                Make more popcorn

                Priceless

                1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                  You sound deranged.

    8. kilroy   10 years ago

      Memories Pizza GoFundMe

      Currently at: $530,815

      1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

        !!!

        $542,212 just 30 minutes later.

        1. pan fried wylie   10 years ago

          the internet taketh away, and the internet giveth...

        2. Red Rocks Rockin   10 years ago

          You know the most LOL part of that? The guy who set it up is apparently a black man (presuming the photo is legit). I wonder if any of the Upright Grievance Brigade is going to target him for Wrongthink as well.

        3. BigT   10 years ago

          $763,742 as of 3:52 EDT

          Impressive!

      2. Rufus J. Fisk   10 years ago

        i need to open a pizza place and claim i do not serve ANYONE....imagine the money id make from crowd sourcing!!!!!

    9. MJGreen   10 years ago

      The guy's an idiot. And from what I recall, that's always been the case.

  9. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    Sen. Mark Kirk (Ill.) became the fifth Repubican senator to signal he would vote to confirm Loretta Lynch as attorney general.

    Because what good GOP'er doesn't love the asset forfeiture?

    1. WTF   10 years ago

      Things are really changing now that the republicans have control of the Senate!

      1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

        I agree, WTF.
        They obviously got the message from the voters and now that they're in control they're curtailing invasive... um, restoring civil liberties... um, cutting spending... ah never mind.

      2. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        Yeah, this is even worse than I feared.

    2. Marshall Gill   10 years ago

      While not a GOP'er, I do love it when the wife forfeits the asset.

    3. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

      Jesus, what's the point of having the power to NOT confirm people if you're not going to use it? There should be a mandatory quota for each branch defying the other branches.

      1. KDN   10 years ago

        It wouldn't work. The executive would just commit defiance at thrice the rate and give their surplus to the other branches.

        1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          Then, alas, all we have is the Censor. Thou art remov-ed.

  10. Rich   10 years ago

    Feinstein's (D-Calif.) solution to terrorists using the Internet is to ban things terrorists look for on the Internet.

    Porn? Good luck with *that*!

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      Why doesn't she just ban terrorism? Did she ever think of that?

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        Simple. Elegant. Effective. I love it.

      2. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

        Probably not, Fist, too many of her contributors make billions off the War on Terror (TM).
        Banning it simply won't do.

    2. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      How else are they going to frame I mean catch terrorist without collecting theie browser history illegally?

  11. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    And the award for most dedicated student goes to... Senior builds hut and lives in the woods for EIGHT MONTHS as part of his research project on simple living

    Dylan Miller is a senior at Juniata College in Huntingdon, Pennsylvania
    He's been living in a hut deep in the woods a half-hour walk from campus since September
    He has no plumbing or electricity in the hut and studies by lantern
    He hopes living in the hut will help him better understand Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....iving.html

    For the project to be approved, Miller had to follow a list of campus and state requirements, including having a portable toilet and cellphone.
    The campus police also have the authority to decide if weather conditions are too harsh for Miller to stay in the hut.

    Freedom means asking permission and obeying orders.

    1. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      Yep. I'm sure Thoreau was totally into asking permission from the proper authorities for his "adventures" (The Maine Woods is hilarious in its pants-shitting).

    2. Steve G   10 years ago

      deep in the woods a half-hour walk from campus

      Methinks their definition of 'deep in the woods' is different than most folks...

    3. Xeones   10 years ago

      Does his mom come out to bring him dinner and do his laundry? Because that's important for the authentic Thoreau experience.

      1. SugarFree   10 years ago

        Is his furniture made out of bags of dried lima beans?

  12. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    Spot the Not: LBJ

    1. Goddamnit, I'm so angry I could throw a midget through a pool hall window!

    2. Fuck your parliament and your constitution. America is an elephant. Cyprus is a flea. Greece is a flea. If these two fleas continue itching the elephant, they may just get whacked good.

    3. Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

    4. These Negroes, they're getting pretty uppity these days and that's a problem for us since they've got something now they never had before, the political pull to back up their uppityness. Now we've got to do something about this, we've got to give them a little something, just enough to quiet them down, not enough to make a difference.

    5. Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

    6. Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.

    1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

      1. I think dwarf tossing came into vogue post-LBJ.

    2. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      6?

    3. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

      I am stealing ALL of these quotes (especially that one about negroes being uppity - I had never heard that!) but Imma guess 1. Seems TOO good to be true...

    4. All-Seeing Monocle   10 years ago

      I cannot *wait* to use #1 in casual conversation.

    5. WTF   10 years ago

      1

    6. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

      Six?

      I have approximately the same chance of getting this correct as Fred Flintstone had at getting the cat to stay out for the night.

    7. robc   10 years ago

      5, just because.

    8. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      And the not is #1. I forget where I heard it. Some novelty record ages ago.

      Prize for the winners

  13. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    'Let's hope I don't get punched': Girl attempts to kiss random strangers in Grand Central Station - and captures the whole thing on camera

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem.....amera.html

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      No arrest for sexual assault?

      1. Andrew S.   10 years ago

        You mean for the ones that kissed her?

        1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

          Grand Central isn't a University.

    2. Rich   10 years ago

      The video ends with the pair of total strangers passionately kissing in the station, a true movie-worthy moment.

      CHICK FLICK!

      1. Illocust   10 years ago

        That really is a difference between how most men and how most women would react. I wonder which is a mentally healthy option.

    3. Aloysious   10 years ago

      Something similar to that happened to me on St. Patrick's Day. When the woman was through kissing me, she ran away. I choose to believe that she was shy, and not that I am a bad kisser.

      1. WTF   10 years ago

        Or maybe it was your massive boner.

        1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

          I was told that that is the reason why women run to you, not away from you.

          Perhaps I should be more skeptical about what I read around here....

          1. Xeones   10 years ago

            NO, NO, STEVE SMITH NOT LIE.

            RUN TO, RUN AWAY FROM, WHAT IS DIFFERENCE TO STEVE SMITH?

    4. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      That's not Grand Central Station! That's Grand Central Terminal!

      They lied to us! The Station is the underground section where all the tracks and subway platforms are. That is clearly the above ground terminal where the art and tan marble is.

  14. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

    The Department of Homeland Security is trying again to set up a nationwide license plate tracking system.

    This whole thing stinks. Smells like ass, man.

    1. SugarFree   10 years ago

      Tulpa loves the smell of that ass.

      1. Hey Nikki!   10 years ago

        If DHS doesn't track every license plate all the time, food trucks will be everywhere!

        1. SugarFree   10 years ago

          Exactly. They might even be... convenient to people working downtown! [gasp!]

          1. Hey Nikki!   10 years ago

            But...the restaurant owners, NOOOOOO!

            1. SugarFree   10 years ago

              Their lower start-up cost are unfair!

          2. tarran   10 years ago

            And impeding traffic by parking perpendicularly!

            1. SugarFree   10 years ago

              And you can throw snowballs from them!

  15. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    The Department of Homeland Security is trying again to set up a nationwide license plate tracking system.

    They just got a new SQL server and they need data.

    1. gaijin   10 years ago

      The Department of Homeland Security is trying again to set up a nationwide license plate tracking system.

      They just got a new SQL server and they need data.

      So they are planning a sequel system?

    2. Bam!   10 years ago

      Then I'll get a license plate like this.

  16. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Australian woman's breasts refuse to hide from Google Street View

    In its attempt to visually map every corner of this earth, Google Street View has captured some pretty remarkable sites?and wild sights, from curbside breakups to dressing-room hookups. Add to that list the breasts of 38-year-old Karen Davis, who ran out to flash a passing Google vehicle in TK.

    "I look at Google Maps a lot and I wanted to be on there and I thought this is the way to do it," Davis told a local Australian paper.

    Luckily for Davis, Google's pixelating algorithm, used for blurring faces and license plates, missed her voluptuous breasts. Google blurred Davis's face but left her breasts uncensored.

    ...insert John joke here...

    1. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

      UPDATE: She's been charged, and a DNA sample taken (!)

      1. All-Seeing Monocle   10 years ago

        They're going to.... compare her DNA with the DNA from the photos?

        1. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

          Presumably it will be put on the sex offenders' DNA database

          1. All-Seeing Monocle   10 years ago

            Got it, thank you. That way if some poor guy is raped by a masked woman with big (I assume) hooters, they can prove it was her what done it? Brilliant! Keep up the good work, boys.

      2. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

        I'd like to give her a charge, if you know what I mean...

        1. Aloysious   10 years ago

          ^I came here for this comment.

    2. Hey Nikki!   10 years ago

      a passing Google vehicle in TK

      For those who don't know, "TK" means "to come." The editor forgot to finish the story.

      1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        "And now you know. . .the rest of the story."

    3. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

      Having viewed the unpixilated version...

      Drop breast attack?

  17. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    Woman, 23, arrested for 'slapping her 67-year-old boyfriend in the face so hard that she knocked out his contacts'
    Brittany Lyn Hilbert of Orlando, Florida was charged with domestic violence battery and battery of a person over 65-years-old
    Hilbert allegedly hit her boyfriend and knocked out one of his contact lenses during an argument over a friend he did not want her to see
    Hilbert told police her boyfriend body bumped her
    Hilbert has been arrested a total of five times and her charges include possession of pot and Xanax and also failure to appear in court

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....riend.html
    23 and 67?

    1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      She looks like a homeless Lindsay Lohan. But perhaps I repeat myself.

    2. tarran   10 years ago

      He's having a lot of fun spending what his kids foolishly hope to inherit.

    3. Ted S.   10 years ago

      It's Florida Woman.

    4. kilroy   10 years ago

      battery of a person over 65-years-old

      What, are you supposed to ask for ID first?

  18. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    Spot the Not: Ronald Reagan

    1. Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.

    2. If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under.

    3. My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.

    4. This guy is so far out in the environmental extreme we'll be up to our necks in owls and outta work for every American.

    5. I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

    6. Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.

    1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

      5

    2. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

      Imma go 4

      1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

        Winner! George HW Bush said #4.

        your prize

        Reagan said trees cause more pollution because they release chemicals in hot weather that help make smog. However, the trees alone are not enough.

        Another fun fact: Indians who lived in what is now LA also had smog:

        When the Spanish explorer Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo sailed in 1542 past the coastal plain of what became Los Angeles, he was so struck by the dark haze from the Gabrieleno Indian campfires hovering over the mountain-ringed basin that he christened it the Bay of Smokes.

        http://www.nytimes.com/1998/04.....s-not.html

        The smog came from campfire smoke trapped by a thermal inversion.

        1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

          I'M ON FIRE TODAY!!! TWO FOR TWO!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!

    3. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

      6 - wasn't that said by James Watt when he took over the EPA?

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        Actually it WAS said by Reagan, but IN CONTEXT what he said is that the EPA considers carbon dioxide a pollutant so that by that definition trees are bigger polluters than cars, becasue they give it off when they are cut down or something.

        You only ever hear this quote out of context in an effort to discredit Reagan as a simpleton.
        Truth is usually more complicated...

    4. WTF   10 years ago

      5

    5. Andrew S.   10 years ago

      Cinco.

    6. Marshall Gill   10 years ago

      #3 I am pretty sure that he did say #5

    7. robc   10 years ago

      6.

      I'm thinking that was some other GOP pol.

  19. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    Fast Food Workers Continue To Protest After A 'Weak' Raise, Demand $15 An Hour And A Union

    http://detroit.cbslocal.com/20.....imum-wage/
    I haven't seen a raise in going on four years now. Ungrateful asses.

    1. Rasilio   10 years ago

      Raise: The act of getting a new job with an employer willing to pay more for your skills

  20. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

    Sen. Mark Kirk (Ill.) became the fifth Repubican senator to signal he would vote to confirm Loretta Lynch as attorney general.

    FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME, IT'S NOT THE FAMED COUNTRY SINGER, MARK.

    1. Grand Moff Serious Man   10 years ago

      But 'Coal Miner's Daughter' is his favorite movie!

  21. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    Nature's strangest sex rituals revealed: From an octopus with a detachable penis to porcupines that pee to woo
    Argonaut octopus has a detachable penis that the female can save
    Creature was voted to have the strangest sex in a Society of Biology poll
    Banana slugs can mate with themselves and porcupines wee to woo
    Sex can be painful because the males and females have different aims

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci.....ealed.html
    Did someone say detachable penis?

    1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      Leopard slug mating is pretty wild:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG9qpZ89qzc

      The mating habits of Limax maximus are considered unusual among slugs: the hermaphrodite slugs court, usually for hours, by circling and licking each other. After this, the slugs will climb into a tree or other high area and then, entwined together, lower themselves on a thick string of mucus, evert their white translucent mating organs (penises) from their gonopores (openings on the right side of the head), entwine these organs, and exchange sperm. Both participants will later lay hundreds of eggs.

      Top that, Sugarfree!

      1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

        NOOOO! He will!

      2. WTF   10 years ago

        Top that, Sugarfree!

        Don't test him. Seriously, just don't.

        1. SugarFree   10 years ago

          Who can be grosser than nature?

          1. WTF   10 years ago

            Um............you?

            1. SugarFree   10 years ago

              I never came up with entwining head penises.

              1. Old Man With Candy   10 years ago

                But you will, you will.

              2. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

                Just entwining penii as heads?

                1. Beautiful Bean Footage   10 years ago

                  I take it then that those slugs would struggle to find pizza for their wedding in Indiana, then...

    2. gaijin   10 years ago

      A classic...

      "I can leave it at home when I think its going to get me in trouble"

      1. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

        Yeah, I thought that was witty.

    3. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      Twisting their slimy bodies together, the large slugs dangle upside down from a glittering rope of mucus, slowly rotating. Then, out of the molluscs' heads emerge large, blue, tube-like growths that wrap and writhe around each other.
      If you come across this weird sight, you'd be forgiven for thinking the slug's wriggling blue protrusions were some sort of parasite, or even emerging young.
      But what you'd actually be witnessing is a mating ritual of a pair of amorous leopard slugs, and the large blue tubes that grow out of the right side of the slugs' heads are their immense penises.

      http://www.bbc.com/earth/story.....d-slug-sex

      1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

        What a bunch of dickheads.

      2. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

        At first I thought I was reading some SugarFree...

      3. SugarFree   10 years ago

        HAWT!

        1. WTF   10 years ago

          I sense a new Warty Hugeman chapter in the making.

          1. Warty   10 years ago

            Warty Hugeman and the Glittering Rope of Mucus

          2. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

            With special guest star "D. Weigel"?

  22. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    The perfect body? It comes in ALL shapes and sizes... Curvy Kate mocks Victoria's Secret ad campaign with plus-size spoof
    Victoria's Secret caused huge consumer backlash with 'The Perfect Body'
    Campaign was amended after Change.com petition started by students
    D+ bra brand Curvy Kate spoof ad using top 10 Star In A Bra contenders
    Competition for 'real women' finds their next lingerie model each year

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem.....-Body.html
    Ahoy all you chubby chasers! You know who you are!

    1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      Meh the blonde three from the right end is pretty hot. Not all of them are a total loss.

      1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

        I was thinking the same thing.

        1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

          A couple of them are past "plus sized", and the tats are a total turn off for me. The one who looks like Bea Arthur is a total turn on, tho.

          1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

            Finally, someone who shares my tastes.

            1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

              Thank you for being a friend.

              1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

                It looks like a line-up for a women's power lifting competition, heavyweight class.

                +1, would 'bate to, again.

    2. WTF   10 years ago

      I like how "real woman" means a woman who is out of shape and overweight. Women who keep themselves in good shape are somehow not "real".

  23. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    A Tax Office bureaucrat claims she was treated with sarcasm, aggression and bias by the Administrative Appeals Tribunal when she appealed a decision to refuse her a workers compensation-funded breast reduction

    more

    1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

      Noooooo, sarcasm?

      1. tarran   10 years ago

        Don't sneer.

        Doug Piranha used sarcasm to keep London in the grip of fear.

        1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

          Dinsdale?

  24. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

    ...saying they want Congress to play a role, something President Obama said he welcomed.

    The role Obama held when he was in Congress. "Present."

  25. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Two New York City women accused of planning 'terrorist attack'

    Two New York City women have been arrested and accused of planning to carry out a "terrorist attack" in the United States, according to a federal criminal complaint made public on Thursday.

    Noelle Velentzas, 28, and Asia Siddiqui, 31, plotted to hit police, government or military targets based on their "violent jihadist beliefs," according to the complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Brooklyn.

    It said Velentzas and Siddiqui were conspiring "to prepare an explosive device to be detonated in a terrorist attack in the United States."

    1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

      My problem with this accusation is that these womens' "crimes" are essentially free speech and free association, pretty much choreographed by the FBI...

      1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

        When you're AQ,
        You're AQ all the way
        From your first "allahu akbar"
        To your last dyin' day.

        When you're AQ,
        If the spit hits the fan,
        You got shaheed around,
        You're a tribal ma'am!

        You're never alone,
        You're never disconnected!
        You're home with your own:
        When company's expected,
        You're well protected!

        Then you are set
        With a capital A,
        Which you'll never forget
        Till they cart you away.
        When you're AQ,
        You stay AQ!

  26. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

    Only the LA Times could suck so much government cock:

    http://www.latimes.com/opinion.....olumn.html

    Money quote:

    Its technologists have proposed new enforcement projects that would collect $8 to $13 for every dollar spent.

    "That's a return on investment that private businesses would kill for," notes John Hudak, who studies the management of federal bureaucracies for the Brookings Institution.

    AND THE GOVERNMENT CAN KILL FOR IT!!

    And in fact they regularly do. Don't forget - just like the Dept of Ag and Dept of Ed - the IRS also carries guns, badges and has a SWAT team.

  27. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Germanwings Co-Pilot Set Plane to Go Faster Before Crash

    "An initial reading indicates that the pilot present in the cockpit used automatic pilot to put the plane into a descent toward an altitude of 100 feet, and then several times during the course of the descent, the pilot modified the setting of the automatic pilot to increase the speed of the descent," BEA said in the statement.

    1. straffinrun   10 years ago

      He would've made a good Fed Chairman.

      1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

        So far, so good?

    2. Kaptious Kristen   10 years ago

      You can see that data on Flightaware. The plane descended at a not-unheard-of rate, but the speed kept increasing.

      1. BigT   10 years ago

        The plane descended at a not-unheard-of rate, but the speed kept increasing.

        g

  28. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    Behold the wonder of Australia's minimum pay system:

    Small businesses and restaurants forced to close over Easter long weekend because they can't afford to pay inflated penalty rates that allow teenagers to earn up to $50 an hour

    1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

      ...

    2. The DerpRider   10 years ago

      The comments are depressing.

    3. JW   10 years ago

      What the fuck is a penalty rate?

      "Look at you, with all that business and customers flush with cash ready to give it to you. We can't allow that to happen." Something like that?

  29. Bee Tagger   10 years ago

    The Coast Guard found a man lost at sea for 66 days after a German tanker reported seeing him.

    He chose the sea over the Germans.

    1. Cdr Lytton   10 years ago

      So did the passengers aboard the Vera.

  30. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    9 New York Doctors Are Accused of Defrauding Medicaid Using Homeless People

    "Free sneakers, shoes and boots today," Bernard Rorie shouted, standing outside a soup kitchen in East New York, Brooklyn, where he was being recorded by investigators

    Mr. Rorie was recruiting homeless people, prosecutors said, and whoever had a valid Medicaid card would be packed into a van and sent to medical clinics around New York City. There, after hours of unnecessary tests and fake diagnoses, the homeless people would be sent off with sneakers ? selected from stacks of shoeboxes in the clinics' basements. The doctors, staff members and billing specialists, meanwhile, would rack up hundreds or thousands of dollars per recruit in false Medicaid claims, prosecutors said.

    1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

      SINGLE PAYER NOW!

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        Well, DUH. The first rule of liberalism. If the government had MORE control, this obviously WOULDN'T have happened!

        Tony and Shreek actually believe that.

  31. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    3 in 4 Refugees On Food Stamps, Many Using Other Forms Of Public Assistance

    Refugees from Africa and the Middle East were the heaviest users of cash assistance at 61.9 percent and 68.3 percent respectively. Latin American refugees only used cash assistance at a rate of 8.1 percent and South Asia used about 42.7 percent. Data for Europe and the former Soviet Union was not available.

    The use of food stamps ? or the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) ? also varied with 88.9 percent of refugees from Africa, 91.4 percent of Middle Eastern refugees, the Middle East, 72.9 percent of South Asia, and 36.7 percent of Latin American refugees using the benefit.

    Overall, according to the report just 50 percent of refugee households in the five year window were self-sufficient.

    1. gaijin   10 years ago

      reparations for centuries of priviledge

      /WEB DuBoys2Men

  32. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    Now this is a movie review

    John Wick is a great cinematic achievement and if you disagree you're an idiot. Gary Ogden predicts the

    resurrection of Keanu Reeves thanks to this year's first unmissable dead dog vengeance movie.

    1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      That movie actually was pretty fantastic for what it was. A mindless action movie.

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        Agreed, and it came out LAST year, Furry.

        1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

          Everything is reverse in Australia from how their toilets flush to the fact that they write reviews after movies leave the theater.

      2. Drake   10 years ago

        I got the Blu-ray from the library with low expectations and ended up really liking it.

        1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

          The Man From Tai Chi, while not as good as John Wick, is also a pretty watchable martial arts film. Keanu still gots it, is what I am saying.

  33. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Poll: Even Jeb Bush Supporters Not 'Very Enthusiastic' about Candidacy

    A Washington Post/ABC News poll found that only 12% of Bush supporters are actually "very enthusiastic" about his candidacy while a whopping 32% of his own supporters are either "not so enthusiastic" or "not enthusiastic at all" about supporting him. Fifty-six percent of his own supporters are "somewhat enthusiastic" about supporting him.

    The poll also discovered that 53% of Americans view Bush unfavorably while only 33% view him favorably. Bush, though, leads the GOP field in the national poll with 20%. He is followed by Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) at 13% and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker at 12%. And 33% think Bush will win the nomination regardless of which candidate they support while 12% think Cruz will.

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      "But it's my Turn!"

      /Jeb

      1. Mike M.   10 years ago

        My guess is that the only reason he's even running is that daddy told him he has a responsibility to try and clean up his stupid brother's messes.

  34. Warty   10 years ago

    Cleveland man pummeled by tuxedo-clad attacker after police charity event outside Playhouse Square

    Victim of beating after Cleveland police event still waiting to talk to detectives

    What could have happened??? It's a whodunit!

    1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

      I feel totally let down.

  35. Rich   10 years ago

    Pretty sure this is a photo of invisible furry hand.

    Possibly NSFW. (Even though she's *invisible*.)

    1. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

      I have done many stupid things. Nudity in Canberra in autumn is not one of them.

      I did go to that exhibition a few months ago. It gave me a mild headache

      1. Warty   10 years ago

        Autumn. Listen to this nutty broad, talking about autumn in April.

        1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

          I blame the Antipodes, messes with the mind.

    2. Slammer   10 years ago

      Australia looks pretty racist to me.

    3. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      lol like any women under 60 would attend that.

  36. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Moths Fondly Remember Plant Species Where They Lost Their Virginity

    Think real estate decisions are hard for humans? Imagine if the house you lived in were also your singles bar, your babies' nursery, and your shelter from large animals trying to eat you. And, while you were growing up, your food source, as you nibbled away its floors and shingles.

    Moths face all these pressures each time they settle down on a plant. That may be why at least one type of moth uses pleasant associations to help with its choices. The plant species where an individual loses its virginity becomes a favorite.

    1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

      Damn poison ivy. Long story.

      1. straffinrun   10 years ago

        I got 3 minutes. Go on.

      2. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

        One camping lesson I never forgot - check the plants nearby if using leaves as emergency toilet paper.

        1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

          And you lost your virginity?

          +1, STEVE SMITH APPROVES

    2. Suthenboy   10 years ago

      "The plant species where an individual loses its virginity becomes a favorite."

      What kind of anthropomorphic shit is this? Moths are all specific to certain plant species. It has nothing to do with fondness. It's a fuckin' bug. It has to do with finding a niche so you aren't crowded out by other species.

      If you grow much stuff it is easy to notice how each plant species attracts specific species of moth and butterfly and other insects.

      If you have ever grown tomatoes you know this guy:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Actias_luna

  37. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Except for rich, Americans' incomes fell last year

    In fresh data that adds fire to a growing debate over income inequality, the department said that Americans on average saw income decline for the second straight year in the 12 months to June 2014.

    The average pre-tax income fell 0.9 percent from the same period a year earlier, to $64,432.

    But broken down into quintiles, those in the top 20 percent of incomes saw their money stream grow by 0.9 percent to $166,048 on average.

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      Funny, when my royalties were added to my stagnant salary, I broke even with inflation.

      1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

        when my royalties were added

        Is "Bad Boyz Get Spanked" still selling?

  38. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Florida killer guilty of murdering Orlando roommate, raping corpse

    The murder didn't seem to faze him. Santana stole Fazio's car and money, and then went for a haircut when it was over. He reportedly bantered casually with barbers before the cops found him.

    Roche gave Santana two life sentences for the murder of Fazio and attempted murder of the second roommate.

    He was also found guilty of cruelty to animals, abuse of a dead human body and two counts of grand theft.

    1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

      Weekend in Bernie?

      1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

        *narrows gaze*

    2. Illocust   10 years ago

      Yeah, I'd say this guy needs a pyche ward, but I'm fairly certain he's just beyond help.

    3. SugarFree   10 years ago

      Finally, the real gay cultural marxist fag agenda has been unveiled! If only the Christian property owner had been able to keep this murderous butt pirate from renting an apartment!

      1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

        Murderous butt pirates

        Good name for a shoegaze metal band?

        1. Xeones   10 years ago

          Didn't they open for Ween on their last tour?

  39. Palin's Buttplug   10 years ago

    A former Florida teacher accused of repeatedly having sex with at least three students has pleaded guilty to three dozen criminal counts.

    Jennifer Fichter, 30, was set to attend a pre-trial hearing in Polk County Court Thursday morning, but instead she pleaded guilty to all 37 counts of unlawful sexual contact with a minor.

    Each charge carries a maximum of 15 years in prison. Fichter's sentencing is scheduled for July 2.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....z3WFeJ6CYr
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

    1. Fist of Etiquette   10 years ago

      17 year olds? Come on.

    2. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      the thing about that women is she has lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. On the other hand I can't really blame the "kid".

      1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

        I'd churn that butter all day long...

    3. Xeones   10 years ago

      BBBUUUUUUUTTTTPPPPPLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUGGG

    4. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

      So, Alaska's Most Famous Colon Cork, where's all the crowing about today's awesome NFP print? Or the equally fantastical revisions (-69,000 jobs)?

  40. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Raise the wage: Paul Krugman shatters the myth that we can't afford to boost workers' pay

    While free market fundamentalists might retort that global competition will sink firms that boost worker pay, Krugman responds by noting that most American workers are "employed in service industries that aren't exposed to international trade."

    What about technology? Isn't it an unassailable maxim of modern economics that we can afford to pay larger wages only to highly skilled workers ? ones who can't be replaced by machines? As Mike Konczal wrote recently, technology is but a small part of the larger inequality phenomenon. The key factors, he pointed out, include tax policy, the financialization of the American economy, deunionization, and the conscious political choice not to raise the minimum wage.

    What's more, Krugman observes, "Workers are people; relations between employers and employees are more complicated than simple supply and demand." This truism is borne out in empirical evidence, with comparisons of states that raised their minimum wages with neighboring states that didn't showing that higher pay does not mean fewer jobs.

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      relations between employers and employees are more complicated than simple supply and demand.

      Yes, my employers hate their employees and want us to suffer as much as possible. But then again, we're not a profitable institution, we're a government.

      1. Ted S.   10 years ago

        Most of your colleagues are ingrates who treat your bosses (the people, not the politicians) like people you're entitled to take as much as you want from.

    2. SugarFree   10 years ago

      Is there anything served at McDonald's that couldn't be dispensed out of a slightly more fancy vending machine? The fries might be the trickiest thing.

      1. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

        Ha! 3-D print them.

    3. Drake   10 years ago

      Who the fuck is "we" he speaks of? Has Krugman ever run a business or had to make a payroll?

    4. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

      What an amazing man: he shatters an economic 'myth' without using a single number, merely rhetorical assertions. Fucking cast iron genius.

  41. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    Gun nuts' latest victory: Sam Brownback signs law allowing concealed carry without a permit

    Live in Kansas? Want to protect yourself against anyone who might come for your tax cut? Worried someone will try to fight you for the last remaining book in the state? Well, hoo-boy, do I ever have some good news for you!

    As of July 1, Kansans will be able to carry concealed weapons without having to actually obtain a concealed carry firearms permit. They can thank their good and godly GOP governor, Sam Brownback, who signed the no-permit-no-problem legislation today.

    Much to the delight of the National Rifle Association, Kansas will join Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Vermont, and Wyoming in allowing this freewheeling state of affairs.

    1. Warty   10 years ago

      Worried someone will try to fight you for the last remaining book in the state?

      How is it socially acceptable to say things like this?

      1. Longtorso, Johnny   10 years ago

        BAN BOOKS!!!!!!

      2. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

        Jeez Warty, it's not othering if Salon does it

        1. Warty   10 years ago

          This tedious Aussie is your fault. YOUR FAULT.

          1. Rich   10 years ago

            He had his moments.

            "Your First Amendment lets me say 'Your Second Amendment sucks dicks!'"

          2. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

            They wouldn't be peeing in his pocket quite so much if they knew his usual jokes are just a bit rapey

          3. greasonable (was sthgrau)   10 years ago

            and your culpability for linking to vox?

      3. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

        I always laugh at progs who believe people out in the middle of nowhere don't read. What else do you think there is to do?

        The best read people I know are my aunt and uncle who live in the woods in Wisconsin because they have enormous amounts of time to read and it's not like their attention is being taken up by their neighbors. I'm willing to bet the average old person in a rural area has read more broadly than some hipster writing for Salon.

        1. Warty   10 years ago

          Forget the mistaken assumptions. What really appalls me is the simple racism on display here. These same people will argue that race is primarily a social phenomenon, not biological, and I agree with them. Explain to me, please, because I'm not that smart - what's the difference between this member of the Good Thinking class sneering at his lessers and some moron at at Stormfront saying that darkies aren't smart enough to rule themselves?

          1. Free Society   10 years ago

            Well the Good Thinking class pay to ensure that the stupidity and/or ignorance among blacks remains fully subsidized, at home and abroad.

          2. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

            This is regional rather than by skin color and progressives believe it's okay to sneer at someone based on the region they live in. They don't even live in Brooklyn, yo!

            1. Free Society   10 years ago

              Sheeeeeeeeit.

          3. John   10 years ago

            Nothing. The only difference is these people think it is okay when they do it. Of course the guys on Stormfront think that too.

      4. Free Society   10 years ago

        What do you want to bet that the writer of such disparaging commentary lives either on the South West, North East coast, or the leftist island of Chicago? Their commentary is always dripping with contempt for flyover country, a place which by every metric of freedom, is better and therefore more contemptible from a fascist point-of-view.

        1. Drake   10 years ago

          Ironicly, they sold me on Kansas as a place to live. Low taxes, gun rights, and few progressive assholes. It sounds wonderful.

        2. Hey Nikki!   10 years ago

          People on the coasts think Chicago is flyover country too.

          1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

            Chicago is hosting the NFL draft this year, so that is how you know the sports world is finally taking it seriously.

            1. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

              And two of the top picks aren't even showing up...

    2. Brian D   10 years ago

      WILD WESY ALL OVER AGAIN!

      Also, New Hampshire has a similar bill working its way to the governor's veto.

      1. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

        Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Vermont, and Wyoming are well known for their high murder rates. It's practically a death sentence to live in those states!

    3. gaijin   10 years ago

      this freewheeling state of affairs.

      Free?! Heaven forfend!

    4. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      +1 What's the Matter with Kansas?

      The trick never ages; the illusion never wears off. Vote to stop abortion; receive a rollback in capital gains taxes. Vote to make our country strong again; receive deindustrialization. Vote to screw those politically correct college professors; receive electricity deregulation. Vote to get government off our backs; receive conglomeration and monopoly everywhere from media to meatpacking. Vote to stand tall against terrorists; receive Social Security privatization. Vote to strike a blow against elitism; receive a social order in which wealth is more concentrated than ever before in our lifetimes, in which workers have been stripped of power and CEOs are rewarded in a manner beyond imagining.

      Thomas Frank registers at nearly 100 milihedges on the Smugter Scale.

      1. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

        There was a great review of that book in City Journal where they pointed out that if you adjust for cost of living Kansas is well into the top half of incomes per capita and that they've also weathered the last several recessions far better than the rest of the country.

        That was before the 2008 recession too, when Kansas did far better than most of the rest of the country. But Kansas doesn't vote the way Frank would prefer, so he blatantly lies and pretends the state is some sort of dystopia.

        1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

          I've always wondered about this: why would you 'adjust for the cost of living' if what you're interested in is something like productivity? Of course in places where people have more money things tend to cost more. That doesn't make the people there less productive than people elsewhere.

          1. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

            You adjust for costs because it tells you the quality of life of the people living in an area, which is what's under discussion. People in New York are paid more partially because of how expensive New York is, but their quality of life isn't necessarily any better than someone living in Kansas with far lower nominal income because the cost of living in Kansas is so much lower.

            It's not about 'productivity,' it's about coming to conclusions about quality of life. Frank's entire argument is that EVIL RETHUGLICANS have tricked the easily duped morons of Kansas into voting against their best interests, but if Kansans actually have a pretty high quality of life, then his thesis clearly isn't right. That's why you have to adjust for cost of living.

            1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

              I get that a person making X in a place where costs are higher can get the same amount of stuff and lifestyle that a person making less than X where the costs are lower, I guess I just think that other than taxes, costs are just going to be higher where people make more, and that making more means something important too.

              1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

                Sure but making more doesn't necessarily mean your living differently or better either. Also it leads to another question: how much is the cost of living driven up by gov. intervention into the various markets in the area you reside and how much of the increase is driven by real market forces.

                1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

                  Well real is a dumb term but, I guess just market forces.

                  1. tarran   10 years ago

                    If the state reduces taxes the stuff being taxed immediately becomes cheaper for consumers.

                    If you do the Econ 101 exercise for how generalized supply vs demand curves change when the state reduces taxes, the supply curve shifts upward, and the market clearing point is a lower price for consumers, a higher price for producers, and an increased quantity being produced and consumed.

                    The result, marginal businesses become more profitable, and consumers have more money to spend on less urgent/desired needs.

                    These are all first order effects. If one were to slash taxes and stop maintaining roads, for example, the decline in infrastructure would negatively impact economic activity. On the other hand, if the slashing of taxes were to result in some charitable activity, like the closure of state parks, the result would be economic expansion.

                    Generally.

                2. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                  I agree, that's why I separated out the taxes. The bigger the goose the more the government seems to be intent on burdening if not killing it. But the big goose means something I think (man, that sounds silly, but I'm too tired to rewrite it...).

                  1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

                    Taxes aren't the only thing though look at how zoning impacts housing and minimum wages impact the service industry.

              2. Hey Nikki!   10 years ago

                making more means something important too

                Making more only means whatever "more" buys. What else could it possibly mean?

                1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

                  Yes, I see your point, but for one thing about what it could possibly mean is that one is producing more productive or valued work (the things that the New Yorker produces are of course not just sold in NY just as with the man in Kansas, the fact that the former rakes in more than the latter might mean something). I guess one could also think about the fact that if the NYer travelled to Wichita he could live much larger the Wichitian could on a visit to NYC.

                  1. Hey Nikki!   10 years ago

                    IMO the only really relevant thing about doing well somewhere with a high vs. low cost of living is that the person making bank in a high-cost place can better afford the kind of luxury goods that have a worldwide market without price variation (or with very limited, tariff-based variation). So the affluent guy in Kansas can't buy Hermes but the guy living similarly in Manhattan maybe can.

                    As far as productivity, I submit the number of people who GAF is very low. How productive are you vs. how well do you live--vast majority are going to care infinitely more about the latter.

              3. Rasilio   10 years ago

                You have the causality backwards.

                Places have a high cost of living not because of the wages paid but because of the geographic constraints of living there and because of the level of government taxation.

                Do you have to make houses winter proof, do they need to resist hurricanes or tornadoes, how much land is available for expansion in close proximity to employment centers is there, how far are you from a port or rail nexus, how does the stock of housing compare to the population, how far does food need to be shipped to reach there.

                Wages are then forced higher by the high cost of living

      2. Free Society   10 years ago

        receive deindustrialization. Vote to screw those politically correct college professors; receive electricity deregulation. Vote to get government off our backs; receive conglomeration and monopoly everywhere

        The derp is strong with this one. So deregulation=monopoly, how the fuck does that work? "Getting government off our backs" is bad? Nevermind that "getting government off our backs" precludes support for monopolies, that is unless you have an elementary school understanding of anti-trust laws and the whole concept of monopolies to begin with.

    5. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

      My favorite headline on this:

      "New Kansas Law Allows Residents to Carry a Concealed Gun Without Permit or Training"

      Without permit or training? Oh noes!

      1. Free Society   10 years ago

        I'll bet money the average citizen carrying a gun will still be a better shot than cops and without any shadow of a doubt, regular jackoffs with a gun will be an order of magnitude more judicious in their use of that weapon than cops are.

        1. straffinrun   10 years ago

          Got my first rifle when I was 16. I somehow managed not to break into people's homes and shot them or their dogs. I'm lucky I guess. Wish these cops could be as lucky as I was as a 16 year old.

          1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

            Of course. This is a serious flaw in the mindset of progressives, that there always exist 'experts' from whom one must get 'certification' to do something or disaster ensues. My dad taught me to handle a firearm when I was a kid. He learned from his dad. I've got years of such 'training.' Why in the world would I need a six week class from an 'expert?'

        2. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

          Four months at the academy responsibility for one's actions

          1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

            Greater than! I forgot! Stupid stupidhead.

        3. WTF   10 years ago

          Of course, because regular people are held personally accountable for their actions. They can never have the benefit of "procedures were followed, furtive movement, good shoot".

    6. The Laconic Esq   10 years ago

      Want to protect yourself against anyone who might come for your tax cut?

      They can't help embedding the idea that a tax cut is something "given" to you--that what you have earned is actually just something the government lets you keep.

    7. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

      Kansas will join Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Vermont, and Wyoming

      Also known as the "Death Belt"?

      /ProgDerp

      1. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

        Hey man, Wyoming and Vermont are fucking killing fields.

    8. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

      As for those who may prefer that their armed neighbors at least have proper credentials before loading up: well, tough titty.

      Because, of course, the trigger-happy psychos the non-'gun nuts' so fear were waiting for government permission to carry their concealed weapons to the site of their next massacre. With that petty legal hurdle cleared, it's everybody out of the water!

  42. Mike M.   10 years ago

    Just as we were recently warned: the Obama economy still absolutely sucks and a pathetic 126,000 jobs were created in March, half of what was initially expected. Sorry Weigel!

    1. gaijin   10 years ago

      but BBBOOOOOSSSSHHHHH!

    2. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

      That's a VICTORY for Weigel!
      10 bucks says he pops up and starts toting the 5.5% "unemployment rate" as a victory, too...

  43. Slammer   10 years ago

    Australian prostitues take selfies to celebrate Pretty Woman's 25th anniversary, pearl clutching ensues

    The Pretty Woman blog post had originally appeared on the site of a Missouri-based Christian group, Exodus Cry, which says it is committed to "abolishing sex slavery". The article's author, Laila Mickelwait claimed that the film had lured young women into prostitution and subjected them to a life of abuse and trauma.
    She told BBC Trending that she stands by what she wrote despite the sex workers' campaign, and that legalised prostitution creates an environment where illegal sex trafficking can then occur. "Just because there's a handful of women and men who are posting pictures on Twitter saying this is an empowering job doesn't make it true about the industry," she said. "They have a voice but they're the voice of a very small minority who have the privilege of getting on Twitter and being able to post those kinds of pictures".

    Privilege!

    1. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

      Not just any privilege, Twitter privilege.

      Because the 3 minutes it takes to set up a free twitter account means that only the rich of access.

    2. John   10 years ago

      The ultimate genetic privilege is to be born an attractive woman. Feminism, in many ways, is an effort to end that privilege while pretending otherwise.

  44. Rich   10 years ago

    Meet Flakka, The Dangerous New Drug Sweeping Florida

    "On a scale of one to 10, Flakka is a 12," Lt. Dan Zsido of the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office told 10 News Tampa Bay Sarasota.

    "My Friend Flakka"

    1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      Fake Scandal!!!

    2. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

      The new PCP?

    3. This Machine   10 years ago

      "On a scale of one to 10, Flakka is a 12."

      Sign me up! Can't be as bad as Krokodil, right?

  45. Palin's Buttplug   10 years ago

    In a conference call with members of right-wing pastor E.W. Jackson's STAND America that was posted online today, former senator Rick Santorum disputed the existence of the separation of church and state in the U.S. Constitution, dismissing it as a Communist idea that has no place in America.

    A listener on the call told Santorum that "a number of the things that the far left, a.k.a. the Democrat [sic] Party, and the president is pushing for and accomplishing actually accomplishes a number of the tenets of 'The Communist Manifesto,' including the amnesty, the elevation of pornography, homosexuality, gay marriage, voter fraud, open borders, mass self-importation of illegal immigrants and things of that nature." The likely presidential candidate replied that "the words 'separation of church and state' is not in the U.S. Constitution, but it was in the constitution of the former Soviet Union. That's where it very, very comfortably sat, not in ours."

    http://churchandstate.org.uk/2.....rican-one/

    1. Andrew S.   10 years ago

      Well, you're on "CHRISTFAGS!!!!" right now, which is a change from your recent trend of only going with "BUSHPIGS!!!!"

      1. Palin's Buttplug   10 years ago

        Porn, homos, and illegals are for commies!

        1. Andrew S.   10 years ago

          Who the fuck are you talking to, Wiegel? The voices in your head again?

        2. Mike M.   10 years ago

          Don't you think it's about time that you finished your crappy rock and roll book?

          I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before the publisher decides to just cut bait on your dumb ass.

        3. Xeones   10 years ago

          BBBUUUUUTTTTPPPPLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUG

    2. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

      This isn't the first time Santorum has said that, he's pretty far out there.

      1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

        Using semicolons

        1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

          Semicolons help you connect closely related ideas

          One must first have 'ideas'.

    3. Xeones   10 years ago

      BBBBBUUUUUUUUUTTTTTPPPPLLLLLLUUUUUUGGGGG

  46. Free Society   10 years ago

    The Department of Homeland Security is trying again to set up a nationwide license plate tracking system.

    Fuck license plates.

    1. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

      Wouldn't that cause unwanted bleeding?

    2. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      Literally impossible.

      1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

        I have an idea; just roll the plate into a tube, after covering with latex?

        1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

          I tried to bold the semicolon for ya.

    3. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

      fuck da police!

    4. Zeb   10 years ago

      Indeed. All they are good for is collecting taxes and tracking people's movements.

  47. Grand Moff Serious Man   10 years ago

    Angels' Albert Pujols gives touching gift to Downs syndrome brother of Dodger outfield Joc Pederson

    Pujols and Joc Pederson had not met before March 16, the night of the screening in Phoenix. They both play professional baseball and share a market, and people in the business tend to be acquainted. But Pujols is 35, three MVPs and 520 home runs into this and headed for the Hall of Fame, while Pederson is 22, has 28 days of service time...

    So it was something of a surprise that night when Pujols worked his way through the crowd, found the Pedersons ? father Stu, mother Shelly, Joc and Champ ? and introduced himself. Champ was beside himself.

    "You're my favorite player," he said, well within earshot of Joc.

    He asked for a jersey.

    Pujols laughed.

    The Pedersons knew The Pujols Foundation, knew the work it did for people ? children in particular ? with Down syndrome and other disabilities. Champ did too. From that, they figured Pujols must be a good man. Champ is a pretty good judge of these things.

    "Champ's been wanting to meet him for a long time," Joc said.

    Three days later, the Dodgers hosted the Angels at Camelback Ranch. Pujols was at first base. Pederson subbed into the game as a pinch-runner at first.

    "I have Champ's jersey," Pujols told him. "I'll be sure it gets to you."

    Awesome.

  48. invisible furry hand   10 years ago

    The top definition is a thing of beauty

    1. Hyperion   10 years ago

      Da Hood: Beeotch

  49. Hyperion   10 years ago

    In case no one posted it yet, here it is. It does appear that all Muslim bakeries are willing to bake gay wedding cakes. Shocking. You have to scroll down the page to see the video...

    Muslim Gay Cake

    1. Drake   10 years ago

      Gotta love Crowder - says what everyone knows but nobody in the media will say.

  50. Grand Moff Serious Man   10 years ago

    Barack Obama: Savior of 50000 lives thanks to healthcare law

    The president's statement could have been a bit more precisely worded to reflect some of the uncertainty in the estimate: "likely a major reason why we've seen an estimated 50,000 fewer preventable patient deaths in hospitals."

    But that's a relatively minor quibble. The numbers might seem large, but the research seems solid, according to experts we consulted, and it is based on a review of an extensive database. The results likely reflect work that predated the ACA but at the same time the ACA has spurred even greater cooperation among hospitals. Since the president is using a figure more than a year old, it is likely understated ? unless, of course, the interim number for 2013 turns out to be overstated. We will keep a watch on that.

    But in the meantime, the president's claim appears worthy of the elusive Geppetto Checkmark.

    1. Derpetologist   10 years ago

      ."He is not the Word made flesh, but the triumph of word over flesh, over color, over despair."

      actual Ezra Klein quote about the Obamessiah

    2. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

      unless, of course, the interim number for 2013 turns out to be overstated

      Like if government numbers got "unexpectedly" revised down?

      1. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

        Yes, trumpeting a 'number' that you don't even actually believe is real, and openly stating that you are aware of this.

        Why even both with any pretending to reality instead of just jumping right into the hagiography?

        You are just the kind of people who make life impossible for professionals. Miracle, Miracle! That's all we ever get out of your smelly mouths. Because you blackmailed one Christ into showing off once in awhile you think all others are suckers for that kind of showmanship. Well, you've met your match in this generation. Turn left, turn right, turn right about again, you'll find everyone you meet is more than a match for you.

    3. Red Rocks Rockin   10 years ago

      Gotta love all the passive-voiced qualifiers they employed there.

  51. Grand Moff Serious Man   10 years ago

    Yasiel Puig fine after crashing into Howe Kendrick chasing pop fly

    Christ, I'm going to see them play the Diamondbacks in Phoenix next Saturday and I'm already worried Puig will kill himself before. Kibby would not be happy since he's the only reason she's interested.

    1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

      Harper does the same kind of stupid shit, but he's gotten a lot better. Puig will learn eventually.

      1. John   10 years ago

        Harper is turning into a bit of a knucklehead. His little trick where he tries to bait the running into trying for second by dogging it going after a hit is bush league and is going to bite him in the ass at the worse time. I wish he would just shut up and play hard.

        1. Idle Hands   10 years ago

          he generally does. But I believe the event your referring to happened in spring training, not in a real game, and he got chewed out for it by the manager. Everything Harper does is magnified about a million times and blown completely out proportion. Not that I believe he's above criticism or that he doesn't benefit in the end from that kind of attention, but it does get a little ridiculous. Puig is treated the same way by the national media.

    2. EDG reppin' LBC   10 years ago

      Got tickets for Opening Day at Dodger Stadium. I an fucking STOKED!!!

      1. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

        Dodgers last won a World Series when Reagan was President. Coincidence? I believe not.

        Maybe this year they won't fall at the first hurdle and maybe Kershaw won't get used like a toilet in the playoffs. But that's not the way to bet.

  52. Elspeth Flashman   10 years ago

    OT: tickets to a Red Wings game on Sunday, and I'm getting a little excited.

    1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

      Excited about going to Detroit? Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones that doesn't get killed and dumped in a vacant lot.

      1. Elspeth Flashman   10 years ago

        I may actually get a VIP treatment, so we will see. That's what has me excited, potential locker room (pant pant) visit.

        Oh yeah, that and professional hockey. Yup.

  53. Sevo   10 years ago

    David Sirota finds Martin O'Malley not left enough because:
    " former Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley, has been sounding anti-Wall Street themes, but only after finishing up two terms in office that saw his state plow more public pension money into Wall Street firms, costing taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars in financial fees."
    http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/.....176080.php

    Yes, folks, that nasty guy could have saved all that dough and put it the pension funds UNDER A MATTRESS!
    The rest of the article pretty much makes it clear that anyone to the right of that Chui guy running for
    Chi-town mayor is just not acceptable.

  54. Ken Shultz   10 years ago

    I keep waiting for a Reason thread about the Iran nukes deal. I'm just trying to figure out exactly when the Senate is scheduled to vote on this treaty.

    If there had been a provision in the "framework" protecting the right of gay people to Iranian wedding cakes or pizza, I'm sure Reason would have been all over it.

    I guess we'll have to wait for a socon Republican to say something stupid about Iran, and then I'm sure that'll be considered sufficiently important by Reason staff to graduate from a bullet point in AM links.

    1. Mike M.   10 years ago

      The deal (which hasn't been formally approved yet) is such a giant, stinking turd that not even Reason can help polish it for Obama.

      1. John   10 years ago

        IowaHawk had a great one liner on that. We can totally trust anything Iran says except when they talk about destroying Israel. Then they are just joking around.

    2. Not an Economist   10 years ago

      My understanding is this deal doesn't require Obama to go to Congress except to get the sanctions lifted.

      So he already has an excuse if the deal goes south.

  55. SugarFree   10 years ago

    Are You Smarter Than a DoubleX Writer? Find Out With This Week's News Quiz.

    It's not an April Fool's joke for some baffling reason.

    1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

      Apparently, yes, I am smarter than a retard from Slate.

      1. SugarFree   10 years ago

        I had faith in you. I was the wing beneath your wings. When you saw only one set of footprints, I was giving you a piggyback ride.

        1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

          I was giving you a piggyback ride.

          Is that what we're calling it now?

          1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

            Wondering why your butt hurts?

  56. Derpetologist   10 years ago

    MSNBC discovers LBJ was racist; makes excuses for it:

    http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/lyn.....hts-racism

    Johnson spent the late 1940s railing against the "hordes of barbaric yellow dwarves" in East Asia. Buying into the stereotype that blacks were afraid of snakes (who isn't afraid of snakes?) he'd drive to gas stations with one in his trunk and try to trick black attendants into opening it. Once, Caro writes, the stunt nearly ended with him being beaten with a tire iron.

    classy guy

    1. Bo Cara Esq.   10 years ago

      Next thing you know we'll find out Thomas Jefferson owned slaves!

      1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

        BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

        CAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

      2. Derpetologist   10 years ago

        Bo, don't you think it's noteworthy that a so-called civil right hero was a racist bastard and that this fact has been repeatedly buried? Rand Paul got pilloried for saying the 1964 CRA went too far, but you hardly ever hear about what a racist the bill's author was.

        1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

          When anyone on the left is criticized here it is Bo's first reaction to say "but, but, but the nasty (SoCons, Republicans, Tea Partiers, Right to Lifers, Right wingers, Reason commentators) did it too."

          The mask slips more every post. He really is just a concern troll for the progressives.

          1. John   10 years ago

            Because he is a concern troll. He like Tony and Shreek never shows up on the threads that involve nonpartisan issues. You never see him on a movie thread or a dead puppy thread or any of the hundreds of other threads that don't concern team red versus team blue. He only shows up on the partisan threads and he always says some variation of "the hit and run republicans are just picking on team blue" or "but the nasty team red people are just as bad". It is his entire act.

            1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

              He did show in the Easter egg thread but that was to troll Warty. I think Bo is secretly in love with Warty the way he follows him around. He's like a 8 year old little boy pulling the pigtails of the girl in front of him in class.

              1. Xeones   10 years ago

                Remember the Garbage Pail Kids?

                Huh. Not sure why i just thought of that.

    2. Private FUQ   10 years ago

      "I'll have those niggers voting Democratic for the next 200 years."

      "These Negroes, they're getting pretty uppity these days and that's a problem for us since they've got something now they never had before, the political pull to back up their uppityness. Now we've got to do something about this, we've got to give them a little something, just enough to quiet them down, not enough to make a difference."

      JBJ - The Civil Rights Hero of the left

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder   10 years ago

      LBJ was about buying votes, anyway he could. Pure and simple.

  57. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

    I know I shouldn't have, but I clicked on SugarFree's link and got sucked into Slate's derp.

    I did find this gem though.

    Q. Sister Married Her Statutory Rapist: Eight years ago, when we were both in high school, I discovered my sister was sleeping with her English teacher. I told my parents, but our English teacher was 22, and she convinced them it was true love. My parents declined to press charges as long as the relationship went on hold until my sister turned 18. I didn't agree and told my principal and the cops; the teacher went to jail. My sister's now married to him and has never forgiven me for turning her husband in, especially since he's now a registered sex offender. They have a daughter, and if it weren't for their relationship's origins, I would say he's a great husband and father. I miss my sister so much. I'm not welcome in my niece's life. My parents are tired of the rift between us. Did I make a mistake? How can I repair our bond?

    1. Viscount Irish, Slayer of Huns   10 years ago

      How old was the sister? It seems to me that if she was 17, this is yet another example of America's idiotic statutory rape laws imprisoning someone who didn't deserve it.

      Now, if she were 14...that would be a slightly different situation.

      Either way, the idea that someone can end up for life on the sex offender registry for having consensual sex with his future wife is grotesque.

      1. John   10 years ago

        They were both in high school. That means she was at least 14 and probably older. She ended up marrying the guy. There was only at most 8 years age difference. This guy is a putz who likely has some weird and unhealthy attachment to his sister.

        1. Warty   10 years ago

          There's a historical term for a 22 year old man fucking a 17 year old girl. What is it, I forget...Oh yes, I remember now. It's called COMPLETELY NORMAL.

          1. John   10 years ago

            Yes. The guy was 22. If he had been in his 50s and married with kids older than her, i could totally see it skeeving her family and brother out. But he was just out of college. I would rather have my 17 year old daughter dating a guy in college with a job than some jackass 17 year old with tattoos and his pants down over his ass.

            1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

              John, It was only the brother who had an issue. The parents just said for them to quit fucking until she was 18. He's lucky his parents don't treat him like his sister does.

              1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

                Why do you guys keep saying brother?

              2. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

                Why do you guys keep saying brother?

                1. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

                  Why do I keep saying brother? Holy fucked website, reason...

                2. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                  Maybe it was her sister. The point however doesn't change.

          2. Private FUQ   10 years ago

            I am so thankful that I am not dating my wife today. Since when we started dating she was 16 and I was 21. That was 25 years ago. And today that would land me on the Sexual Predator for Life list. What a fucked up place to be young today.

            1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

              I am so thankful that I am not dating my wife today.

              Sounds like she'd be way too old for ya.

              1. Private FUQ   10 years ago

                Good point. She wears me out right now. She would hurt me badly if she was 25 years younger.

          3. Lord at War   10 years ago

            In my youth (Ohio late 70's- early 80's) a 17 yr old was "jailbait".

    2. Rasilio   10 years ago

      Well for starters you can allow your brother in law to arrange for you to be anally raped multiple times, as that almost certainly happened to him when he was behind bars.

      Then you can give them at least half your paycheck for the rest of your life to make up for the fact that you have now prevented him from ever having a career

    3. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

      My sister's now married to him and has never forgiven me for turning her husband in, especially since he's now a registered sex offender.

      Weird. I wonder why?

    4. Warty   10 years ago

      What's irrefutable is that the teacher was breaking the law, and once this became known, society said he had to pay a price for his crime. There's no defense for a high school teacher, even one only five years older than his students, to have sex with a student. You took action that the adults in your life refused to take by blowing the whistle on someone who was a potential serial predator.

      "The law is the law!" Fuck you, Prudie, you hag. People like her are disgusting.

      1. John   10 years ago

        He doesn't think that. I think he just has fucked up feelings for his sister.

        1. Warty   10 years ago

          That's Prudie saying that. I.e., you ruined this guy's life, there was no good reason to and it did no good whatsoever, but the law is the law, so you did the right thing. It's a truly disgusting attitude.

          1. John   10 years ago

            That is a shame. I really like Emily Yoffe. Disappointing to see her give such an idiotic answer.

        2. $park? the Swifty   10 years ago

          Why do you guys keep saying brother?

          1. Bobarian (sexbot hand model)   10 years ago

            Was the teacher black?

            1. Monty Crisco   10 years ago

              Why do you guys keep saying brother?

      2. bodenlosen Schweinerei   10 years ago

        "Soh-sigh-ettie said he had to pay a price" (because women, especially young ones, are always gullible dupes of penis-carrying powerholders, and thus they never have any agency in relationships).

        "Potential serial predator" (even as events proved that woefully wrong, you've prevented Future Crime!).

        "Laws are only words, words written on paper, words that change on society's whim and are interpreted differently daily by politicians, lawyers, judges, and policemen. Anyone who believes that all laws should always be obeyed would have made a fine slave catcher. Anyone who believes that all laws are applied equally, despite race, religion, or economic status, is a fool."

        John J. Miller, And Hope to Die (in Jokertown Shuffle Wild Cards IX)

    5. Rufus J. Fisk   10 years ago

      i have heard of a few school districts putting an age limit on new teachers to 25 or older for these reasons. Can't remember where though. It is odd to me to think some 22 year old is mature enough to begin to handle kids of that age. But what the fuck?

  58. adolphowisner   10 years ago

    ? ? ? ? LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY ? ? ? ? ?
    My friend's step-sister makes $72 /hour on the computer . She has been unemployed for ten months but last month her pay check was $14639 just working on the computer for a few hours. Pop over to this web-site ??????? http://www.jobsfish.com

  59. gwasken7970   10 years ago

    my friend's step-aunt makes $73 hourly on the internet . She has been out of a job for seven months but last month her income was $19815 just working on the internet for a few hours. pop over to this web-site....,
    ??????? http://www.work-reviews.com

  60. straffinrun   10 years ago

    Raise both, you perv.

  61. Rich   10 years ago

    And no, um, jazz hands!

  62. Ted S.   10 years ago

    I like big 'buts' and I cannot lie.

  63. Zeb   10 years ago

    More "and"s. I think these people are wrong about some things. And they have every right to run their business however they want to.

  64. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

    Yes, this is my attitude, as well. This is a capital opportunity to show how stupid and wrong these laws are. Discrimination is only a truly serious problem in commerce when it is enforced by government.

  65. UnCivilServant   10 years ago

    That's why we need to carry!

  66. Rich   10 years ago

    The individual becomes psychotic, they often rip off their clothes and run out into the street violently and have an adrenaline-like strength and police are called and it takes four or five officers to restrain them.

    Meth Meh. IIRC, it takes six or seven officer with PCP.

  67. Lord Humungus   10 years ago

    *shrugs off being tased, bashes a cop head with a thrown car*

  68. Private FUQ   10 years ago

    ^^ This.

    Every time I see a rational argument over this followed with a but it means they are about to invalidate the argument. You are either for freedom for everyone, including icky bigots, or you're a statist fuck. The "but" tends to make you a statist fuck.

  69. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

    We've come a long way from letting Illinois Nazis march through a town chock-full of Holocaust survivors and their families.

  70. Ska   10 years ago

    Perche tutte le riposte in Italiano?

  71. John   10 years ago

    Ovi has turned back into a monster. I, however, refuse to put any faith in the Caps doing anything but losing in the first round of the playoffs in some unbelievably frustrating fashion.

  72. Idle Hands   10 years ago

    First round exit. Ovi gets a bad rap, he is who he is at this point a prolific scorer and not much else.

  73. Andrew S.   10 years ago

    Now, now. They don't always do that. Sometimes they lose in the second round in some uneblievably frustrating fashion.

  74. Mike M.   10 years ago

    The hockey playoffs are almost entirely about two things: which goalie gets the hottest, and Canadian tears.

  75. Rasilio   10 years ago

    What do you think the odds are that I could score reasonably cheap tickets for their game on the 11th?

    I'm taking my wife to Baltimore next weekend and she's a HUGE Caps fan but so far the cheapest tickets I've been seeing have been running north of $150 a seat which is just out of my price range.

  76. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

    My problem with him isn't really with him, so much as the people who overrate him because they are obsessed with only offense.

  77. Charles Easterly   10 years ago

    Non capisco.

  78. greasonable (was sthgrau)   10 years ago

    +1.. Sometimes you need to call in a professional

  79. Idle Hands   10 years ago

    To be fair, offense seems to be more easily understood by the layman because the one thing he does is score goals and get on sports center for that. Understanding good Defense/offensive positioning that lead to good outcomes requires a more nuanced understanding of the game.

  80. Auric Demonocles   10 years ago

    He's amazing offensively, but that's only half of the game. I don't have any problem saying that he's awesome offensively, or averages out to good overall; it's just when people try to say he's one of the best in the league. If he was, he would be better defensively.

  81. Elspeth Flashman   10 years ago

    I've always liked Zetterburg. Darren Helm is a hottie. Teemu Pulkkinen isn't so bad either.

  82. The DerpRider   10 years ago

    Puck bunnie's answer is whoever will talk to them at the Post.

  83. EDG reppin' LBC   10 years ago

    The caveat: I'm the dedicated driver for my friend who is possibly the biggest Doyer fan in all of LA. He bought the tickets. I'm renting a car and I have a plan to stuff all beefy 220 lbs. of my drunk, sunburned, overly emotional, tobacco chewing, Latino dumbass friend into that rental car and get both our asses back to Long Beach in one piece. No cops. Hopefully no barf.

  84. Pro Libertate   10 years ago

    Which, incidentally, is orders of magnitude worse than someone getting turned away by one vendor out of 100.

  85. John   10 years ago

    They are easy to get but always expensive. NHL tickets are horrible like that. I think the NHL might be the most expensive professional sport to watch in person.

  86. Elspeth Flashman   10 years ago

    Lulz!
    Um, that's a really bad photo of him.
    He reminds me of Kris Draper, who I always liked as a player. But not going to win any awards or magazine covers as "hottest hockey hunk."

  87. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

    Its pretty heavy when we have Derpetologist and Barfman needed in one thread...

  88. Swiss Servator... Switzy!   10 years ago

    DETROIT SUCKS! DETROIT SUCKS!

    /Hawks fan

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