Cruz Releases First Ad, Chelsea Manning Starts Tweeting, France Bans Skinny Models: P.M. Links

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  • The reason for the season.
    Credit: JeepersMedia / photo on flickr

    Sen. Ted Cruz has launched his first campaign ad to try to snag the Republican nomination for president.

  • Anthony Ray Hinton, who spent 30 years on death row in Alabama, has been freed. There were no eyewitnesses to the crimes, two slayings of two restaurant workers, and no physical evidence except for a dubious link between bullets at the crime scene and a gun that belonged to Hinton's mother.
  • Chelsea Manning is now tweeting from prison.
  • France has passed a law banning fashion models who are too thin. Potential fines are involved and even jail time. It even outlaws "condoning" anorexia and requires models to supply certificates showing their BMI scores.
  • Despite the national Boys Scouts' organizational ban on the participation of gay adults, its Greater New York Council approved an openly gay Eagle Scout serving as a summer camp leader.
  • Celebrate Easter with a blood red moon on Saturday due to a lunar eclipse.

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  1. Sen. Ted Cruz has launched his first campaign ad to try to snag the Republican nomination for president.

    NEW FRONT RUNNER.

    1. He’s got to be way far out there as a frontrunner to avoid the explosive, projectile vomit his ad induced.

    2. He’s got to be way far out there as a frontrunner to avoid the explosive, projectile vomit his ad induced.

      1. Ya, but I bet he doesn’t let the sqlrs treat him like a bitch

        1. It’s a NAP thing…

          1. Is that anything like SAP? Cuz then I would be sympathetic

            1. Aggression against the squirrels, even righteous as it might be, is unacceptably. NO TRUESCOTSMAN LIBERTARIAN would allow it to, like, stand, man.

              1. Get off my branch! Stooooid Sqlrs!

                1. Ok, officially sent him an email explaining how he should fire his campaign manager and anyone who thought that ad was a good idea. (wolf pup howl meme inserted here.)

                  1. Meh I just watched it too. It’s very MURICAH! but then what do you expect for team red primary race

      2. Why do you guys keep saying brother?

        1. cause he ain’t heavy.

    3. You were conspicuously absent from the French BMI thread. Hmmmm.

      *scratches chin*

      1. We even called him out and compared him to a certain Bavarian Gentleman.

        1. von Bismark?!

          1. No damnit, I thought we were talking about John

            1. John is Bavarian? Can he get me some of those donuts with the cream inside?

              1. I can actually help you with that. It’s a, uh, homemade recipe…

                1. *takes donut and pretends not to know what’s in it*

        2. Bastian Schweinsteiger?

          1. Ted, don’t expect these philistines to know who he is.

      2. THERE WAS A BMI THREAD? WHERE???

        1. I think it was between Soave’s gay pizza thread and Shackford’s gay pizza thread, but I may be wrong.

        2. Well maybe if the fat wasn’t preventing your eyes from opening and SEEING IT.

        3. well, here now.

        4. Yep… And no sign of John. You mammals are reliably disappointing.

          1. who you callin’ a mammal, pal?!

            1. Your cold-blooded superior shall declare you whatever he favors for dinner… Unless you are truly a squid

    4. Hello.

      Holy crap. 20 minutes late on Good Friday and there are 107 comments?

      1. Start your fast Rufus. Good thing poutine isn’t considered food.

        /runs

        1. What’s poutine?

          /runs

          1. Hey!

            1. I think I passed by your spot in Berkeley a few months ago. Is it by Top Dog?

              1. Yep. Though I don’t have that particular location, my territory is SoCal.

                1. NOOOOOOOOOO.

                  Well, in my defense, it was January…2nd? So a few days from opening, IIRC.

          2. Animal Fries.

    5. I’ve made $64,000 so far this year working online and I’m a full time student. I’m using an online business opportunity I heard about and I’ve made such great money. It’s really user friendly and I’m just so happy that I found out about it. Heres what I’ve been doing

      http://www.work-mill.com

    6. I’ve made $64,000 so far this year working online and I’m a full time student. I’m using an online business opportunity I heard about and I’ve made such great money. It’s really user friendly and I’m just so happy that I found out about it. Heres what I’ve been doing
      http://www.work-mill.com

  2. Despite the national Boys Scouts’ organizational ban on the participation of gay adults, its Greater New York Council approved an openly gay Eagle Scout serving as a summer camp leader.

    Big Gay Al?

    1. The founder of the Boy Scouts sounds a lot like Big Gay Al:

      Baden-Powell was keen on amateur theatricals, from Charterhouse public school where among other roles he played female operatic roles. In the army he made a speciality of female roles and would often make his own dresses. His stage specialty was what he called his skirt dance.

      A scout is.. thuper! thanks for athking!

      1. I do like his last letter to the scouts:

        I have had a most happy life and I want each one of you to have a happy life too. I believe that God put us in this jolly world to be happy and enjoy life. Happiness does not come from being rich, nor merely being successful in your career, nor by self-indulgence. One step towards happiness is to make yourself healthy and strong while you are a boy, so that you can be useful and so you can enjoy life when you are a man. Nature study will show you how full of beautiful and wonderful things God has made the world for you to enjoy. Be contented with what you have got and make the best of it. Look on the bright side of things instead of the gloomy one. But the real way to get happiness is by giving out happiness to other people. Try and leave this world a little better than you found it and when your turn comes to die, you can die happy in feeling that at any rate you have not wasted your time but have done your best. ‘Be Prepared’ in this way, to live happy and to die happy ? stick to your Scout Promise always ? even after you have ceased to be a boy ? and God help you to do it.

      2. His stage specialty was what he called his skirt dance.

        And his backstage specialty?

        1. Makes me wonder if John Waters was a boy scout.

  3. Chelsea Manning is now tweeting from prison.

    And yet I’m not allowed to tweet from math class.

    1. well, math class is officially worse than prison.

      1. But doesn’t he/she need a phone or computer to do this? I guess Leavenworth is more of a country club than I thought

        1. She dictates from a prison phone to someone on the “outside.”

          1. Caught. Yes, I do not click through the links.

            Are the tweets worth reading, or just prog stuff and sex change stuff?

            1. dunno. just started. so far it’s “thank you” and “tweeting from prison is hard” stuff.

              1. and “tweeting from prison is hard” stuff.

                Fucking women

            2. Chelsea Manning is prog now? On what basis?

              1. It’s a trap!

          2. “she”?

            The guy in the cell is PV1 Bradley Manning.

      2. But still not as bad as Nicole.

    2. Things we know about Fist:

      1) He’s Asian
      2) He teaches math.
      3) He likes the Penguins.
      4)….

      1. He lives in a log cabin.
        He has a burn barrel.

        1. He’s fairly punctual.

          1. Yes. So much so that he quite possibly could be unemployed. An unemployed asian math teacher.

            1. unemployed asian math teacher

              Nice band name.

                1. 42.

                2. That’s how I figured out you were this guy, Fist. He has the perfect BMI.

                  1. At his height? That guy’s got to be at least overweight. #bmiscience

      2. and I said, well that’s the one thing we’ve got.

      3. His only human contact is the FedEx guy

        1. So if delivery services go drone, he won’t every see anyone in meatspace?

  4. More on the blood moon:
    http://www.timeanddate.com/ecl…..15-april-4

    I’m waking up my oldest to see it. And, if I can find it, I’m breaking out the telescope.

    1. You can actually get decent shots of it with your camera.

    2. I don’t think you’ll have any difficulty finding the moon.

      1. With all that rain over California, Playa will have a hard time seeing the moon.

      2. Of course not! I have GPS.

        1. Dane!

          1. You get one more for free, and then I’m going to start charging.

            1. Derpetologist did also refer to Doyers’ looks as “male model” so I think we can all agree that his aesthetic judgements are somewhat suspect.

              1. When he said Los Doyers was a “male model” I assumed he meant model of christian charity.

              2. No seas celoso, guero.

                1. Don’t blame me for crushing your budding male model career. Blame the French and your shitty diet.

                  1. Do u even paleo, hitlerjugend?

                    1. No. Mein fuhrer says meat is evil. And smoking. And Jews.

                      Mein fuhrer is Bo Cara, Esq.Fuhrer

              3. It’s a 3 pronged problem.

                1) Drunk
                2) Poor eyesight
                3) Questionable taste

                Still, though, I’m holding him responsible.

    3. Dang, gonna miss it. Good news for Hawaiians, though, who are smack dab in the middle there. I think the only total eclipse I’ve seen was when I lived there, and it was only at 11pm or so.

    4. You got a scope too PM?

      I’m probably going to try and get up early Saturday for it too and get some shots using my new astrocam.

      All depends on how drunk I get tonight, which judging by the day I’m having is very.

      1. PM? He’s a professional 360 MLG noscoper, m9.

        i hope he rests in pepperoni.

        i cry evertim.

        1. At least you didn’t link to that retard.

      2. A Galileo and a Celestron refractor. I can’t remember where in the hell I put it, though.

        I think the drinking will help, though. Pass out early, wake up to take a leak, and go outside to look at the blood moon.

        1. I have a NexStar, originally a C6 but I got a new 8″ tube. Having fun with the new ZWO camera.

          The drinking always helps. Always. The problem is the girl will want to stay up late drinking which will rule out early sleeps.

          1. You’re way ahead of me. I have stuff that’s cheap enough for young kids to use.

            I think the last time I got them out was perseid.

            1. I have a Galileoscope too which is always fun to break out. That tiny scope is what got me hooked.

              It’s my new money pit.

              Astrophotography: A new and exciting way to spend a ridiculous amount of money!

              1. My new money pit is a phantom drone. Which I barely ever get to use.

          2. Hey, Tman, would you *kindly* give me your quick +/- for the NexStar?

            1. Mostly +’s for me Rich.

              Pro:
              Very Portable – I took the whole 6″ setup on a plane to Colorado from Nashville, carried the OTA on the plane and packed the rest (mount, tripod etc).

              Easy to use, and once you get the alignment down it’s a breeze to cruise from object to object.

              Great optics

              Minus-

              Alt-Az mounts cannot hold a pic for more than like 30-45 seconds before shifting so any astrophotography will be limited.

              I recommend going big and get the bundle is you want to buy new, if not you can find tons of used Nexstar stuff online.

              Here’s the new bundle-

              http://www.telescopes.com/tele…..ackage.cfm

              You will have to buy a battery pack is you plan on taking it anywhere, and the bundle comes with a nice battery and some quality eyepieces.

              1. Thank you very much! 😎

                1. Register over at the Cloudy Nights forum too, their Celestron forum will have the answers to any and all questions you have about the scopes, and also some great tips and tutorials for maximizing it’s capabilities.

                  Aside from H&R it’s my favorite web forum.

                  http://www.cloudynights.com/fo…..n-nexstar/

        2. My brother has an Orion 8″ Dob. Very nice scope.

  5. France will ban excessively thin fashion models and expose modeling agents and the fashion houses that hire them to possible fines and even jail, under a new law passed on Friday.

    Mais oui?

      1. Je suis fat dudes.

  6. Nicky Minaj: “I can cure the sick with my boobs.”

    1. Well it beats single payer healthcare.

    2. Something something on fleek.

    3. Isn’t she more famous for her ass like most female hip hop stars?

      She does have a nice rack though, I cannot deny.

      1. They are both man made.

        1. So are my wife’s and I have no problem admitting I like ballon smugglers.

            1. No. All mine.

              1. Why do you hate science, Root Boy?

    4. The smirk on that kid’s face is priceless.

  7. …requires models to supply certificates showing their BMI scores.

    FINALLY COMMON SENSE, SCIENCE-BASED LEGISLATION FROM FRANCE.

    1. IM ON TO YOU.

      Phrasing?

    2. You know who else required starving people to show their papers?

    1. How do I go about becoming some half-mad mystic prophet that people give money to? Should I just start copying down Agile Cyborg’s weekly sermons and randomly quote them at work until I’m declared a guru?

      1. This guy is done. You never go public before things happen. That’s not how these scams work.

        1. Probably time to break out the castrations and jello pudding, then.

        2. Don’t be dumb. I’ve read The Bible Code. It’s so full of shit it’s eyes are brown, and has a very explicit “shit will go down at this time” but at the end there’s the hopeful message that through prayer and fasting and voting the right way and whatnot you can AVERT the apocalypse hard coded into the text of the Torah.

          Guess what, none of the stuff Drosnin has predicted has happened and there’s a Bible Code 2 and 3 AND PEOPLE BUY THEM.

          1. At least it’s not anthropogenic

            1. But by not buying his book and heeding his spiritual insights, and of course praying and fasting, you would be causing the end of the world. YOU PERSONALLY. YOUR PURCHASE AND PRAYER ARE A KEY COMPONENT IN A 6 THOUSAND YEAR PLAN!

              1. Where can I buy prayer credits? Have they established a government regulated market for those yet?

                1. Based on his posts, Jesse should know. Seems like he is searching for something missing in his soul.

                  1. Based on his posts, Jesse should know. Seems like he is searching for something missing in his soul.

                    I have a few family members who consume a TON of this stuff. And I’d try to go over why it’s pure chicanery. I find it funny that Jesus explicitly tells his followers not to buy into this stuff and there’s still a robust market for it:

                    “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,f but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

                    1. Yes, I recall reading some of your comments about family and their speaking in tongues ways. Always interesting reads.

                    2. JR Church? Prophecy in the News has been going for decades. Strangely, even though they start with the Bible, they use other things as “sources”, Numerology and other religions among them. Pretty sure they have been preaching the impending Rapture the entire time.

                      But, to be fair, they were pretty much predicting Christ’s impending return a few minutes after his death.

                2. I think Martin Luther put the kibosh on those…I think you can get wind-powered autonomous prayer in Tibet though…

                  1. Wind-powered autonomous, sustainable Tibetan prayer…

          2. I don’t get it, why would truly devout Christians want to avert the second coming of Christ in their lifetimes? That’s just…. bizarre.

            Sure, shit’s gonna go down, but if you’re saved you’re good.

            It shouldn’t matter if you are pre or post either.

            1. I’ve never gotten a clear answer, but I think a lot of it has to do with aversion to the suffering that would happen, and wanting to make sure everyone you cared for was saved before things go down.

        3. The website Breaking Israel News reports that Rabbi Amram Vankin predicted years ago that the 44th president of the United States would bring bloodshed to the Jewish people, based on the Hebrew word for blood, “dam,” which has the numeric value of 44. Vankin said this before Barack Obama was elected as the 44th American president.

          I can see his point.

      2. If you quote every fourth word in every Agile Cyborg post since last November, it is said that with the coming of the blood moon you shall be granted the opportunity to commune with beings who are not of this world.

      3. The way it usually works is you establish your mystic credentials with an accepted religion. Later you form a splinter group, claiming the main line was drifting away from the truth.

      4. I think you have to just take really mundane and easily explained phenomena and tell people that disaster is coming but their own moral rectitude will save them from it (with God’s assist because God loves them so very much). Then you tell them if they want to read all about it they’re going to have to buy your reasonably priced book so that they too may be let in on the secrets that are only for the in crowd.

        So far I’ve only been able to get myself tagged a shaman, but I bet you can get to mystic prophet in no time if you’re willing to be a horrible human being.

        1. I’m not seeing a link to subscribe to your news letter, Jesse. Where can I find more information?

          1. You’ll have to visit my compound ashram.

            Pants are frowned upon there.


            1. Pants are frowned upon there.

              I had some friends over for drinks and the zombie apocalypse came up. I said the first thing I would do is strip naked because my whole life people have been making me wear pants. So I guess what I’m saying is, what time should I come over.

              1. I’m surprised you aren’t already on your way.

                1. Do you still have that 55 gallon drum of lube?

            2. NO PANTS?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!

              *rips off pants, runs toward ashram*

              1. Dear Journal,

                Today I learned the Pavlovian trigger to get Warty to remove his pants. Tomorrow the world will rue the day it crossed jesse.in.mb!

                1. I suppose I could assume streetlight duty in the event of a pantsless zombie apocalypse?

                  1. The WhiteSnake isn’t that big, Los Doyers.

                    1. Not big, but amazingly reflective.

                    2. What’s your albedo, brah?

                    3. So, when will it tell is if there’s going to be six more weeks of winter?

                    4. That depends mostly on daily zinc intake.

  8. France has passed a law banning fashion models who are too thin. Potential fines are involved and even jail time.

    As France goes, so goes the California.

    1. Lulz. There’s a max BMI limit to living in this state, brah. And at least 75% of your dietary far must be from avocados.

      1. Fat*

        Fuck you autocorrect. Fuck you with a dry avocado pit.

        1. At least it didn’t auto-correct it as “fag”.

          1. Careful, Ted. We don’t want to cause trouble for H&R by using the f-word.

              1. *** farts in Los Doyers’s general direction ***

    2. Yup. The cat is out of the bag. That law is coming here; or at least some do-gooding asshole like Bloomberg will start pushing for it.

      We’re too fat. Too thin. We need to be just right!

      1. The Goldilocks Act has a nice ring to it.

  9. Mrs. Manhattan asked me to make a brisket for passover tonight, so I have a prime rib in the oven right now.

    /husband of the year

    1. Mrs T&T decided to go paleo again so I bought Thin Mint ice cream and nutella this week.

      /Learning to sleep on the couch

      1. Does she also do cultfit? There can be only one acceptable answer to this question.

        1. No?

          1. Okay, that’s good. So you only have to worry about weaning her off of one cultish belief.

      2. You don’t win friends with salad.

        1. What about Taco Salad?

            1. That’ll certainly make you friends.

            2. Doyers, since you’re too young to get the reference:
              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jq_OhlQ0ZkA

              1. You have three kids and no money. Don’t you wish you had three money and no kids?

                1. Given my one encounter with playa consisted of him slapping people with no provocation and trying to steal a dog, I think he likes having kids.

                  It makes him look mature by comparison

                  1. To be fair, Sudden’s dog is adorable, and Los Doyers is naturally slappable.

          1. Sure. Taco salad, hold the lettuce.

        2. That’s how i feel

    2. I looked over the list for husband of the year.

      I see no Dane.

      1. You’re Canadian drunk, which is the worst kind: sloppy.

        1. And slurry.

          1. I’m going on vacation next week, and I’m going to punch one of your geese in the face. Because of you.

  10. Celebrate Easter with a blood red moon on Saturday due to a lunar eclipse.

    That expansion pack was the shit, back when expansion packs were a thing.

  11. …its Greater New York Council approved an openly gay Eagle Scout serving as a summer camp leader.

    But will they be able to get a cake for the occasion?

    1. What if you only bake cakes for neighbors for free? Can you discriminate, or must you bake for anyone who asks you to?

  12. The Vatican is offering a course on exorcism?or casting out demons?this April to teach priests and laypeople how to recognize and fight demonic possession.

    Diabolical action, he said, “is favored by magical practices and the use of diviners, who may have a real influence in demonic possession.”

    *** glares at Janet Yellen ***

    1. “The devil,” the Pope went on, “is a liar, the father of lies.”

      See, I’m not a Christian, but the Devil doesn’t seem so bad in the context of the modern Bible. Every time he shows up, with the snake thing, or the hanging out with Jesus in the desert thing, really he’s just there to tempt people into doing things that mess with God. He’s just some weird trickster spirit who likes to fuck with God’s plans, he doesn’t really come off as evil.

      1. Evil in the Christian tradition (well, in all the Abrahamic religions at least) is explicitly defined as defying God. God says it, it’s by definition good, can’t be otherwise.

        1. God says it, it’s by definition good, can’t be otherwise.

          “If God said it,
          I believe it,
          and that settles it.”

          An actual bumper sticker that people with jobs and families put on their vehicles. They want other people to know that they think this way.

          1. Of *course* they do. How else are they going to convert you?

            1. Of *course* they do. How else are they going to convert you?

              I guess it’s similar to the spammers we get here, jobsfish and the like. I can’t imagine that crap working on anyone.

        2. Evil in the Christian tradition (well, in all the Abrahamic religions at least) is explicitly defined as defying God.

          I disagree that that definition of evil holds true for the whole Abrahamic tradition. Abraham actually debates God and talks him down for the number of righteous people required for God to spare Sodom. In Exodus, Moses also disagrees with God on several occasions. Also, as far as Judaism is concerned, Titor’s description of Satan (ha-Satan, or “the Accuser/Adversary”) is spot on concerning his depiction in the Book of Job. Of course, Satan’s identification with the “Lucifer” role is a completely Christian invention that just reeks of Zoroastrianism and/or Mithraism syncretism, imo .

      2. A Christian text describing actual evil would be hitting too close to home.

  13. France has passed a law banning fashion models who are too thin.

    Well, French runway shows during Fashion Week were getting out of hand.

    1. I was expecting a late night chick fight at Denny’s.

          1. 2/3 of the straight porn I have is from Brazzers. Danny D did homo porn before he started working with them.

            1. Why do you have st…oh, wait, I remember.

              1. I went hunting for my favorite early aughts pornstar’s straight appearances and it was unwatchable, late ’90s/early ’00s Czech heteroporn was a solid decade behind their homoporn.

                Also, fuck 640×480 video. Fuck it right in the ear.

                1. Early 00s was the peak of American gonzo heteroporn. Cameras were cheap enough to let any hillbilly make porn, but shitty enough to hide the girls’ flaws. Plus, Gauge and Aurora Snow.

                  1. The early ’00s were great for a lot of porn, but straight Czech porn wasn’t part of that. I think you’ve seen screenshots of the lesbian bit, no?

                    1. I seem to remember Czech porn being great 10 years ago. I’ll have to investigate.

                    2. It’s possible. My exposure was quite limited on that front, but I remember not being impressed.

  14. Doesn’t France have an obesity problem? ” 38.5% of men and 26% of women in France are considered overweight while 60% of men and 43% of women in Germany are considered overweight.”

    In the US it’s nearly 70%…

    1. Wonder if that has to do with national and regional cuisines.

      Taking my parents to a German restaurant next weekend and the food is quite heavy, especially with bier.

    2. HAHA FATTIES!!!

      maybe they were worries that members of the general (ie morbidly obese) public would try to devour a runway model?

      1. Can’t wait for those jokes on the new Daily Show

      2. and I fat man, thoughts of devouring runway models don’t mean to me what I think they mean to you.

    3. WE. ARE. ALL. OBESE.

      /sips Carlsberg.

      1. Carlsberg? Jesus. It better be the 9% ABV brew.

        1. 5%. Sorry. I need a light beer (or three) after a long run/bike ride.

          MoMenTS.

          1. Next you’ll tell me you root for those scouser scum up in Merseyside.

            1. Er. You mental?

              AC MILAN.

              But I always liked Liverpool. I was introduced to them back in the late 70s and early 80s.

              1. FORZA JUVE. They have enough money to pay off the refs AND the mafia.

      2. Carlsberg? Jesus. I hope you’re drinkinnr the 9% ABV brew.

        1. Well now, squirrelz, you’ve done me in this time. Now I look like a rambling drunk. NTTAWWT.

  15. France has passed a law banning fashion models who are too thin.

    Sarcasmic hardest hit.

  16. Despite the national Boys Scouts’ organizational ban on the participation of gay adults, its Greater New York Council approved an openly gay Eagle Scout serving as a summer camp leader.

    I’m really looking very hard at finding a way to give a shit about meaningless skirmishes in TEH KKKULTUR WARZ, but I’m coming up short.

    Any suggestions?

    1. Give it time. We all have pizza fatigue.

    2. GAYSTAPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

            1. *narrows gaze at the lot of ye*

              1. *narrows gaze gays at the lot of ye*

                1. The gays are always trying to get narrower. Slim-fit shirts look weird otherwise.

  17. Robert De Niro: Hillary Clinton Should Be the Next President

    “I think that she’s paid her dues. There are going to be no surprises, and she has earned the right to be president and the head of the country at this point. It’s that simple. And she’s a woman, which is very important because her take on things may be what we need right now.”

    Well, he’s not talking to *me*.

    1. There are going to be no surprises

      True in the sense that we’ll expect corruption and zero accountability and will get exactly that from a Hillary administration.

    2. she has earned the right to be president

      If only there was a well established way of determining that.

      1. Look in the Constitution, Pl?ya. It’s twue. It’s TWUE!!

    3. and she has earned the right to be president and the head of the country at this point.

      Fuck you, De Niro. Stick to your flicks.

      1. Meh, even his flicks haven’t been good for a while now. He’s not really an actor anymore. More of the world’s best De Niro impersonator.

        1. Yeah. Did he and pacino go into some actor talent draining machine?

          Seriously, I think the only peope who stay good actors in old age are stage trained types, because once you hit 60 your finally old enough for juicy roles like King Lear.

          1. Then went from being actors to being celebrities. Actors are cast in movies to make us forget they’re not the character. Celebrities are cast in movies to make sure we don’t forget they’re not themselves.

    4. Completely vapid and devoid of philosophical principles other than identity politics.

      Fuck you, Bob.

    5. Earned the right. Why do people say things like that? Not to mention that it dismisses this incredible pile of baggage she has, which is even more awe-inspiring when you consider how little time she’s actually served in public office.

      It’s interesting to me that Democrats seem to think there is only one woman capable of running for high office. A corrupt, dishonest, incompetent, old lady. Not to mention that they also seem to think that honesty, competence, and ethics are irrelevant, as are members of the male sex who might be better suited for the job than this harpy.

      1. She paid her dues? Did she complete the cursus honorum? What would a modern cursus honorum be?

        1. PRESIDENT
          Vice-President
          US Senator OR State Governor (kind of the Patrician/Plebeian split, yes?)
          US Representative
          State Senator or Lieutenant Governor
          State Representative
          Various local hack positions from Alderman to County Board and such

          Like winning a Grass Crown or a Civic Crown, you could be a General and jump in to run for any of the US Rep and up.

          1. Pretty much. Although I’d love to have more non-professional politicians, we need some kind of track record to judge these guys by.

            Electing people with no experience, aptitude, etc. is a really bad idea. Let’s not forget that that petulant man-woman in the White House right now could decide to suicide the world.

        2. Serving a third of a term in the Senate seems to be the requirement these days.

    6. I think that she’s paid her dues

      IT’S HER TURN

      There are going to be no surprises

      I guess he’s saying we’ve seen all the dirt there is to see on HRC. To which I say balderdash.

      and she has earned the right to be president

      IT’S HER TURN

      and the head of the country at this point

      DE PRESADENT IZ OUR LEEDER THERE’S NO UDDER BRANCHS OF GOMMINT

      It’s that simple

      #analysis

      And she’s a woman

      IT’S HER TURN

      which is very important because her take on things may be what we need right now

      Her “take”?? Jeez. Might as well elect Skip Bayless.

      And by the way, “may be what we need”? You sound real sure there, Bob.

      1. I think that she’s paid her dues.

        How?

        and she has earned the right to be president

        How?

        And she’s a woman

        Relevance of this is…?

        which is very important because her take on things may be what we need right now

        Why?

        It’s almost like you need to actually explain your position rather than devolve into vapid buzzwords.

      2. Her “take”?? Jeez. Might as well elect Skip Bayless.

        Have a take. Do not suck. If you do, you will get run.

        /Jim Rome

        1. Rack him.

      3. now i want to see skip and Stephen a compete to be president. It would be delightful

    7. A better question: Why the fuck should Robert De Niro, or any other celebrities’, opinion on politicians matter to me? They’re just as ignorant as your average person when it comes to politics and have no claim of being ‘experts’ in regards to it either.

      1. Yeah, right. If you’re so smart why aren’t you, um, wealthy as a celebrity?

      2. As a contrary indicator?

    8. Fucking Jimmy Conway.

      1. Little bit…little bit…

    9. I guess one earns the right by doing just enough criminal activity.

      1. Well, she IS good with email.

    10. “…the right to be president…”

      DeNiro should stick to acting, i.e. mouthing words others tell him to.

  18. Spot the Not: Louis Farrakhan

    1. America is in trouble, and I say God is about to wipe this nation from the face of the Earth. I’m not crazy, I’m not drunk, how long do you think a nation can do evil and not face the wrath of god?

    2. You see everybody always talk about Hitler exterminating six million Jews. That’s right. But don’t nobody ever ask what did they do to Hitler.

    3. The Mother Wheel is a heavily armed spaceship the size of a city, which will rain destruction upon white America but save those who embrace the Nation of Islam.

    4. If somebody told me I only had one hour to live, I’d spend it choking a White man. I’d do it nice and slow.

    5. White people are potential humans ? they haven’t evolved yet.

    6. Qaddafi is hated because he is the leader of a small country that is rich, but he uses his money to finance liberation struggles.

    Fun fact: Farrakhan’s name comes from an Arabic word that means “charming”.

    1. 1 sounds like Jerry Falwell.

    2. Hm. It’s either 1 or 3. 3 seems insane, even for him, but… he’s really insane. I’ll go with 1.

    3. 1. America is in trouble, and I say God is about to wipe this nation from the face of the Earth. I’m not crazy, I’m not drunk, how long do you think a nation can do evil and not face the wrath of god?

      Jeremiah Wright is much better at that kind of talk.

      Fun fact: Farrakhan’s name comes from an Arabic word that means “charming”.

      “Louis” means “charming”?

    4. 4. I’ve heard that somewhere else – maybe a musician.

    5. 4 is the not. Miles Davis said that.

  19. Spot the Not: Michael Savage

    1. Oh, so you’re one of those sodomites. You should only get AIDS and die, you pig; how’s that?

    2. These here are the top of the line. Scientifically engineered and all that crap. Guaranteed by some Sierra Club asshole not to hurt a chipmunk IF you step on it!

    3. Your job is to struggle until you drop dead. That’s it. Stop trying to be happy.

    4. When I go to a religious service I want the heavy-duty. I want the heavy duty; I want the tequila of services.

    5. Marijuana was the most destructive element in my life… Marijuana is the most dangerous of all drugs.

    6. I would also make the construction of mosques illegal in America and the speaking of English only in the streets of the United States the law.

    1. 2 was from Falling Down.

    2. 4?

    3. 2 ?

      Listened to him when nothing else is on. One angry dude, but sometimes entertaining and a crazy way.

    4. Michael Savage?

      Kevin from ‘The Wonder Years’?

    5. 2 – unrelated to the other things he talks about?

    6. 2 is the not. It is a quote from the Nazi guy in the movie Falling Down.

  20. …its Greater New York Council approved an openly gay Eagle Scout serving as a summer camp…

    And thin crust pizza will be scrapped from the menu.

  21. Guys, Elizabeth Stoker Breunig hasn’t posted at TNR in 4 days.

    Given her religious obligations, did they give her half the week off for Easter/Good Friday or something? Regardless, I feel like I’m going through withdrawal.

    1. Perhaps she’s finally been committed?

    2. If she gets time off now, how can she get time off for May Day?

    3. [ from dark alley]

      Hey buddy…I think I got what your looking for. Here, try a free sample

      [opens trench coat, flings baggie to Irish]

      http://everydayfeminism.com/20…..ist-means/

      1. you’re, that is

        I may be a derp pusher, but I care about homophones!

      2. ESB is GATEWAY DERP.

        One day you’re reading Bruenig, the next you’re sucking Democratic Underground commentators to hear their opinions on GMOs.

      3. Wow, what would happen if one of those people said they were an egalitarian?

      4. My favorite part is where it says colonialism is responsible for most sexism. Suttee, foot binding and female circumcision? Totally the white man’s fault, yo!

    4. It’s going to be okay, Irish. We’re here for you. You probably feel like you’re dying now, but soon you’ll be, shall we say, brought back to life, fresh and new and ready to tell all of us how great it is to be in an ESB-free world.

      SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS!

      1. Blessed am I, for Irish has read ESB for me.

    5. Derp addiction is an ugly thing that has destroyed many families. You should wean yourself off by slamming your head in a car door. Slam it several times per day to start, then less and less. If that doesn’t work, try slamming the other head.

      1. Others, like me, say that derp is a mind-expanding substance that leads to transcendental experiences.

        Now,

        You wanna get high?

        1. That is dangerous, man. Damned few have built up a Derp tolerance like you have.

    6. Have you tried saying her name three times while starting into a mirror?

    7. Okay, Irish, I know your jonesing real bad, but you can do this. Just lock yourself in a hotel room and shiver in the bath tub

  22. France has passed a law banning fashion models who are too thin.

    Remember when France did the opposite of what England did? The EU is retarding human progress.

  23. Nice alt-text. Blasphemous, but nice.

    1. Have you seen the Peeps Show?

    2. Not at all blasphemous. Easter is no more Christian than Christmas, and I mean that with no irony whatsoever. They’re entirely pagan holidays that once had a Christian veneer but no longer do.

      1. Well, the cross *is* the symbol of the quartering of the Universe into active and passive principles.

  24. Fuck it, here’s Breunig babbling incoherently about how we should get rid of property rights.

    On the other hand, property theories that view property as an instrument for the communal good militate against this ‘buffered identity’ by contextualizing individual actions and procedures (such as property transactions) in the impact on the community at large. It’s pretty hard in set-ups like these to think to yourself, ‘doesn’t matter if I wind up with 500 million times the wealth of everyone else in my county due to this transaction, because I did it fair and square, and it’s my right.’ Instead you think, ‘so long as there are a lot of people without much who aren’t able to live good lives because I’ve got all this money to myself, I’m not actually entitled to all of it.’

    1. You know…

      Even when drunk she makes no fucking sense.

    2. I really just want to say to her, “Dude, you know some people just completely don’t give a fuck about the ‘community,’ right?” Because sometimes I feel like she actually doesn’t know that.

      1. I just want to tell her ‘dude, since people in a multicultural society form their own communities based on their cultural identity, trying to artificially construct on overarching community for the entire country is not only a futile endeavor, but will invariably result in oppressing minority communities by forcing them to adhere to moral strictures that the majority places upon them.’

        I’d then go on to explain how the most successful ‘socialist’ governments are all small, homogenous countries like Sweden, whereas the only truly successful gigantic, multicultural nation on Earth is the historically libertarian United States. Once she figures out why that is, she will have obtained enlightenment.

        1. I was thinking something more along the lines of, “Did it come out of my vagina? No? Then I’m not motherfucking responsible.”

          1. All you C-section babies are on notice.

        2. /Knocks on Irish’s window.

          Ahem. Canada has done pretty well on that front too.

          1. Get back to me in twenty years when the French nationalism kicks up again and you’re living in the People’s Republic of Quebec.:P

          2. America Junior? Do they really get full credit?

          3. How can you knock on my window when you’re all the way up in Canada?

            1. Canadian drone strike, using a cyborg moose.

              1. Motherfuckers.

                All of YOUZ!

                1. At least we don’t pray to a queen or whatever sick rituals you perform before your goddess.

          4. “Canada has done pretty well on that front too.”

            Who?

            1. Now you’re just being mean for its own sake.

        3. Kinda hard to to call Sweden a success. You could have at least said Norway.

        4. I’d then go on to explain how the most successful ‘socialist’ governments are all small, homogenous countries like Sweden

          Sweden is not even “successful.” Unless you consider a country poorer than the poorest US state “successful.”

          Norway is quite successful at playing socialist, but it has a population smaller than several American cities and is sitting atop (well, next to really) an ocean of oil. When the oil runs out it’s going to simultaneously get much poorer and retreat from its socialism, just like Sweden and Denmark have been doing for the last 30 years.

      2. Depending on your sources, around 0.5% to 10% of any given population have clinical sociopathic tendencies. In modern national populations, that’s millions of people who openly see the concept of ‘community’ at best as a joke and at worse as something to easily exploit.

        This is why I find all those people talking about ‘restorative justice’ where the accused has to listen to how their actions affected the victim and their families so hilarious. There’s a large percentage of the population that Just. Does. Not. Care.

        1. [waves]

          1. Oh, that’s why you’re so hot! You’re a sociopathic serial killing black widow!

            1. THIS IS WHY THERE ARE NO NICOLE LIBERTARIANS

            2. So that’s why she always flirting with me?!?!

        2. I would argue that SJW’s are sociopaths since they want one big homogenous community, which is somewhat sociopathic towards all smaller communities. One can denounce a community as “not for me” and go move to another community more to one’s liking; no need to seek revenge on the one you don’t want to be in.

      3. “Dude, you know some people just completely don’t give a fuck about the ‘community,’ right?”

        Forget that = she doesn’t even seem to have a working definition of ‘Community’

        its all one big self-referential mush to read a foregone conclusion.

    3. Awesome zero sum theory of capitalism if I read it correctly. By awesome I mean stupid.

      1. You read it correctly.

    4. And as usual we jump right into the insane utopian delusions where everyone would just magically share if no one owned anything. Because the Tragedy of the Commons just doesn’t exist.

    5. You have a problem. Beyond being a Mick.

      1. Aaaand I clicked anyway. Damn it.

        A property rights approach, in which property ownership is an intrinsic good, that is, a good unto itself, because each person (or some persons, as it usually goes) has a discrete right to property ownership.

        Yep, that’s right. Liberal property rights theories “usually” only grant some persons the right to own property. Yes indeedy.

        A social function approach, in which property ownership is an extrinsic good, which means that it is good only insofar as it affects goods outside itself.

        Of course, she doesn’t realize what a clusterfuck this would be if taken seriously.

    6. Bruenig isn’t very interesting to me, because I deny all of her premises. There isn’t anything to argue about.

    7. DAMNIT IRISH! You were almost clean!

  25. Diagram her sentences sometime for fun. “Contextualizing actions in the impact.”

    1. What language is that? I’m not familiar with it. Indo-European?

      1. In my professional opinion, I am forced to suggest that Ms. Stoker B. suffers from aphasia.

        1. Do you think the infection from her dead tooth has reached her brain?

          1. *nods sadly* It’s terminal, I fear.

        2. Stoker B? I’m trying to decide if that invokes a hint of Stroker Ace or a scent of Bram Stoker.

    2. That’s nothing. Try this paragraph:

      Property based ethics

      “Since it was announced that Michael Brown’s murder will earn no response from the justice system, there have been protests/riots. In the course of those protests/riots, which, mind you ? are enacting the response the justice system totally refused to ? there has been property damage and looting. People are very upset about this property damage.”

      Got that? Rioting and randomly destroying property is ‘enacting the response the justice system totally refused to.’

      Apparently the justice system should have randomly destroyed a bunch of shops in Ferguson for no fucking reason because it would make Elizabeth Stoker Breunig happy that something had been done.

      What a vile, depraved, vicious human being she is. She couches her love of violence in Christianity so she can pretend she’ll ascend to heaven after she’s done righteously fucking over the poor people who get their lives ruined by these kinds of riots.

      1. Word salad may describe a symptom of neurological or psychological conditions in which a person attempts to communicate an idea, but words and phrases that may appear to be random and unrelated come out in an incoherent sequence instead. Often, the person is unaware that he or she did not make sense. It appears in people with dementia and schizophrenia,[2] as well as after anoxic brain injury.

        Whenever I read prog blogs, I feel like bored Victorian paying a tuppence to gawk at the loonies.

        1. And don’t forget this.

      2. What a vile, depraved, vicious human being she is. She couches her love of violence in Christianity so she can pretend she’ll ascend to heaven after she’s done righteously fucking over the poor people who get their lives ruined by these kinds of riots.

        Had she been born 6,000 miles East or West of her birthplace, Elizabeth would now be happily slitting throats to shouts of “Allahu akbar!”

      3. Sounds more like a “we have to pay taxes or else the mob will come kill us” thing. “See, you didn’t respond in the system, so you reap riots.”

        1. Fuck the mob. What have they done for me lately?

        2. I think Irish’s read is correct, given her collectivizing nature. Society killed Brown, justice requires that society be punished in some way, the riots are punishing society.

          Or she’s really terrible at writing, and she meant what you said. So it could be either interpretation.

  26. “France has passed a law banning fashion models who are too thin.”

    I’m not going to check the entire thread; did someone already point out that this is the French Model Employment Act?

  27. As predicted =

    Shiite “Liberators” of Tikrit Loot & Burn City, Murder Suspected Sunni ISIS Supporters

    “Since its recapture two days ago, the Sunni city of Tikrit has been the scene of violence and looting…. Reuters correspondents also saw a convoy of Shi’ite paramilitary fighters ? the government’s partners in liberating the city ? drag a corpse through the streets behind their car.

    …Two security officers, speaking on condition of anonymity, said on Friday that dozens of homes had been torched in the city. They added that they had witnessed the looting of stores by Shi’ite militiamen…head of the Salahuddin Provincial Council, told Reuters that mobs had burned down “hundreds of houses” and looted shops over the past two days. Government security forces, he said, were afraid to confront the mobs. Kraim said he left the city late Friday afternoon because the situation was spinning out of control.”

    1. Shooting collaborators is pretty standard during conflicts such as these.

      1. Yeah, I know

        in this case, anyone who still tries to occupy property they own is probably a “collaborator”

        Tikrit is the birthplace of Saddam, and the tribes in the region have traditionally supplied the core of the Sunni iraqi leadership

        With the ouster of Maliki, the US has been trying to force a political reconciliation between the new shiite power base, and these older sunni groups, and get them to work together politically.

        This appeared to be making progress… until it became clear that these shiite militias were acting completely independently and ignored the Iraqi Army leadership

        they’re not interested in ‘reconciliation’. they want to attack former sunni strongholds, drive them out, and burn their fucking homes to the ground.

        Basically, the prediction was that this wasn’t a “war against ISIS” so much as an opportunity to expand Iraqi Shiiastan into traditionally sunni areas, and drive out the locals. It appears to be going that way.

    2. Pretty sure Mohammed got punked by Allah.

  28. RIP lonely shepherd

    Rodolfo Moure, a spokesman for the prosecutor, said: “I initially thought there were two bodies but then I realised one was a scarecrow wearing lipstick and a long-haired wig.

    “It was lying next to the deceased and had a six-inch strap-on penis.

    1. RIP, indeed. That is sad.

    2. But did it scare the crows?

    3. Argentinian authorities speaking through a translator stated: “We haven’t seen a man fuck with strawmen like this since an American tourist named Bo Cara visited us last year”

      1. I am too late to declare you the winner, but…..you win. This should have ended the thread.

        Bravo.

        1. I appreciate the declaration, late though it may be.

  29. Memories Pizza just crossed $800k

    1. That’s incredible. So. How will the left spin this?

      1. So many backasswards christfags!

      2. Hate reigns supreme, and we need laws for public accommodation and great social justice right now. This is a result, of course, of not taxing rich people enough and voting Republican.

        Did I miss anything?

        1. Someone at Daily Kos DID say the government should intervene in third party places like GoFundMe and take away money from people who don’t deserve it.

          All for having a different opinion.

      3. “How will the left spin this?”

        How do they always? Get government to intervene and take someone’s money away. Because Justice.

        1. There’s no better justice than justice for a few than results in injustice for the many.

          1. Isn’t that what it’s really all about?

      4. How will the left spin this?

        Why, of course, that money should be donated to all those people that lost business by boycotting Indiana.

    2. It’s a wonderful life!

    1. Before I click – Romanian pr0n?

      1. OK, 54 seconds in…I could only determine “that is weird”.

      2. jesse.in.mb might be able to help you on that front. Tell him WhiteSnake sent you.

      1. I can see why she would fault her boobs for preventing her from playing at her peak performance

  30. As someone who is naturally very thin, I feel offended and othered by the new French law.

    1. Same here.

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