Iran Talks Continue, Walmart Opposes Arkansas Religious Freedom Bill, World's Oldest Person Dies: A.M. Links

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  • via Buzzfeed

    Multilateral negotiations with Iran have been extended beyond yesterday's midnight deadline.

  • Twenty-two prisoners had their sentences commuted by President Obama, who doubled his commutations total in a single day.
  • Walmart is among the businesses speaking out against a "religious freedom" law under consideration in Arkansas, where the company is based.
  • Lawyers for Porsche say it was driver error, not a vehicle flaw, that caused the crash that killed Paul Walker.
  • A man finds out his stolen iPhone ended up in China, and becomes something of a celebrity there.
  • The world's oldest person, Misao Okawa, died yesterday at the age of 117.

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  1. Yesterday was my last first Links comment.

    1. Hello.

      Lady Gaga buys soccer club Parma.

      http://forzaitalianfootball.co…..ent-459661

      1. Not bad for an April Fool’s joke.

        Though Italian football, even outside of Parma, seems pretty well fucked for the future, doesn’t it?

        1. Italy are second in the current year’s standings toward the league coefficient, with three teams left in the Europa League.

          They’re also going to gain on England next year.

          1. And at the moment the best league is Bundesliga.

            Wolfsburg are a team to watch. Reminds me of Werder Bremen in the early 2000s.

            1. They won’t catch La Liga in the league coefficient. Of course, it’s really only staying in the top three that’s important.

              If only Leverkusen could hit penalties. 🙁

              1. It takes time. If they keep this up they will. Spain is entering a less dominating stage.

                I watched Bundesliga slowly overtake Serie A. That took a good solid five years. Mind you, it took a combo of Serie A tanking and Bundesliga taking off.

                I don’t expect Liga to drop off significantly. But who knows?

                EPL seems to be dropping off more.

                1. Spain have Bar?a and Real Madrid; Germany only have Bayern M?nchen.

                  Spain also have a pipeline to all those Latin players because of the shared language.

        2. What makes you say that? Yeah, it’s been a rough 10 years or so but nothing it can’t overcome. All leagues have had their lulls. Serie A’s turn.

          Actually, it’s turning the corner.

          New stadiums on the horizon and it all starts there. Its star players are deciding to stay more.

          More interesting, North Americans are buying their teams and not Arab oil men or Russian billionaires.

          1. I was more thinking of the general Italian economy dragging it down. Parma is bankrupt. AC Milan could end up going the way of Leeds. Stuff like that.

            They’re good at the very top, but outside of that…

            1. Things are never what they seem in Italy.

              Don’t apply our Anglo-Northern-North American optics to Italy. There’s cash and wealth in Italy.

              AC Milan is definitely in a tough spot but then again it was the same in the 1980s.

              Parma too was bankrupt not too long ago.

              1. Not for nothing, but all this soccer trolling is kind of a cruel April Fool’s prank.

                1. It’s a depressing reminder that there are still six months until football.

              2. Italian football is in dire straits. FFP rules mean the old Italian model of the oligarch dumping money down the team is simply not feasible. Witness what’s happening at Inter, per esempio. There’s no Berlusconi-style revolution set to sweep in to Milannello either (twat that he is, Silvio did turn the side around)

                But the larger problem is simpler but much more difficult to solve, given local politics in Italy: most teams, even the biggest, don’t own their stadia, which severely impairs their finances. No sweetheart tax break deals here, and getting planning for a new stadium is a decades long nightmare in Italy (whether or not this is truly a bad thing depends on how important you think sports really are).

  2. The world’s oldest person, Misao Okawa, died yesterday at the age of 117.

    Man, that title is like a death sentence.

    1. She said her life seemed short.

      A lesson for us all.

      1. It was short. Human lifespan is way way too short.

    2. Do they not count Pro Lib as a “person”?

      1. Homo sapiens neanderthalensis are not people in the homo sapiens sapiens sense of the term.

        1. Our righteous anger lives on through all of the ages.

        2. I thought Pro Lib was technically H. floresiensis.

          1. When the universe was forged in the crucible of the Big Bang, our mighty friend was already 17 years old.

            1. That’s an awkward age.

          2. “I thought Pro Lib was technically H. floresiensis.”

            +1 Sting

  3. The shocking moment border patrol Tasered 25-year-old in his car – and the vehicle burst into flames and burned him to death
    WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT
    Alex Martin, 25, was pursued by Border Patrol in Pine Valley, California
    The agents were in unmarked cars
    They used a spike strip to pull Martin over, smashed his passenger window and then fired a Taser into the car
    The shot ignited the interior and the car exploded
    Dashcam footage shows the agents fleeing the scene and not helping
    Martin burned to death
    His family are now suing the US federal government

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..sered.html

    The incident occurred in March 2012, however the disturbing video has only just emerged.
    Border Patrol said the video had been recorded over and was gone, however the FBI’s forensic division were able to track it down.

    The officers involved have not been named.
    The federal government are trying to have the case dismissed.

    And nothing else happened.

    1. WARNING: DISTURBING CONTENT

      Not disturbing to cops.

      1. Well, it’s disturbing for them also. I mean, even cops would get in trouble for jerking off at their computers, right?

        1. Jesus, man.

          *chortling uncontrollably*

    2. Well, he was in a Constitution-free zone after all.

    3. He said the fire posed a high risk to the agents, and that Martin’s death could have been avoided if he had just pulled over.

      COMPLY. OBEY. THE INNOCENT HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.

      1. It never ceases to amaze me how many Americans seem to support this Obey or Die idea. Other nations have been called Fascist police states for less.

        1. Oh yeah, name 68. We can do a bracket.

          1. This could be a fun game. How does one go about seeding these countries? Does size of population oppressed equate to strength of schedule?

            1. Seeding committee composed of Dunphy and Tulpa

    4. Gabriel Pacheco, a lead Border Patrol union representative, said that the proper protocols were followed in the chase and stopping Martin’s vehicle.

      He said the fire posed a high risk to the agents, and that Martin’s death could have been avoided if he had just pulled over.

      Good shoot immolation. WINNING!

    5. In their defense, he looked just like Christopher Dorner.

      1. A 5’2″ Asian delivery woman?

        1. When your life is on the line because some crazed ex-cop swears to wipe you off the face of the Earth, you don’t have time to ponder who exactly is in your sights if you want to make it home safely at the end of the day.

          Split second decisions will save your life and the lives of #coplivesmatter.

          1. Almost got me there. B-

  4. Two college campus cops suspended after cell phone video emerges of them harassing group of black students and even hitting one
    The officers have been placed on administrative leave after shocking video footage surfaced of them harassing a group of four students
    The incident occurred at El Centro College in Dallas and was captured on cell phone by student Charles Adams
    Footage shows the young men being ordered to face a brick wall, while one cop searched, questioned, and even hit one of the teens
    El Centro College President Jose Adames has said a full investigation is underway

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..g-one.html

    ‘I’ve got a lot of stuff on my belt I could use on you this afternoon. I guarantee you I will be glad to use it,’ she is heard saying to another of the group.

    Heroes.

    1. Did they get home safely? Because that’s the highest priority here. Besides, if they didn’t want to be jacked, them hoppers shouldn’t have been working the corner.

    2. Campus cops are the ones who were deemed unfit to be actual cops, or just didn’t want to try.

      1. Wow and being a cop is already such a low bar to jump over. Do they recruit only out of the special education classes for this job?

    3. Why the hell does she walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame?

      1. Hey! She’s been working on her posture for years. You see hunchback, I see someone who no longer knuckle walks.

        Give the lady some credit.

        1. Give the lady some credit cake.

          You know she wants it.

          1. She’s breathing, isn’t she?

            1. Through her cake hole.

    4. ‘I’ve got a lot of stuff on my belt I could use on you this afternoon. I guarantee you I will be glad to use it,’ she is heard saying to another of the group.

      Is she…Batgirl?

    5. Suspended. Well, not even that. On leave.

      Not fired.

  5. Woman explains smiling mugshot after arson arrest

    It’s an unusual — nay, strange — expression for someone who’s just been arrested for trying to burn down the yoga studio where she practiced, but says she smiled in her mugshot because, well, she’s trying to let go of her anger. That, she told the station, is why she went to American Power Yoga Saturday in the first place, carrying a baseball bat and a can of gasoline.

    “I thought it was going to make me happy… to burn the place that had brought me so much pain and suffering,” Duarte told the station.

    Duarte claims to have longstanding disputes with two men associated with the yoga studio.

    “He kept hitting on me and kept trying to make me the girlfriend on the side,” Duarte said about one of the men.

    1. ZOMG she doesn’t look humiliated in her mug shot!!!111!!!

      And of course cops accused of crimes don’t get named.

    2. It’s always a man’s fault when women act badly.

      1. Behind every bad woman is a….

        Nevermind.

        1. STEVE SMITH?…WAIT WAS QUESTION AGAIN?

    3. SEE! This is why we need to get rid of the free market.

      That poor woman was *forced* to go to the only yoga studio within 500 miles of her. If the government were running things, there would be enough yoga studios to meet demand and they would all have to follow strict regulations!

      1. Tut, tut.. a real prog wouldn’t use the word ‘demand’

    4. “Just to set it on fire, just destroy it, get rid of the devil’s temple,” Duarte told the station.

      Insanity defense…check.

  6. Citizens defy Border Patrol by staying silent with video cameras
    Protest against Border Patrol utilizes internet videos to spread awareness

    http://www.houstonchronicle.co…..er-premium

    1. How long until Congress passes a law to ban video recording Border Patrol?

      1. Well if we don’t the terrorists will win.

  7. Multilateral negotiations with Iran have been extended beyond yesterday’s midnight deadline.

    You know how to make a deadline, you just don’t know how to keep a deadline.

    1. They should get the insurance since there are people who want to beat the hell out of that country.

  8. Rise of the mutant goldfish: Pet fish released into the wild are turning into MONSTERS ten times the size of local species and bullying them toward extinction
    Aquarium fish are being dumped in Western Australia rivers by pet owners
    Goldfish are growing from the regular 100g to 2kg and koi carp to 8kg
    The exotic species compete with 10cm long native fish for food and habitat
    They also introduce devastating parasites and diseases onto local species

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..rways.html

    1. bullying them toward extinction

      We need to create bully-free zones!

    2. I don’t know, sarcasmic — those photos are awfully reminiscent of some gag postcards I’ve seen.

      1. Invasive carp are a big deal.

        1. Yep, sorry. A poor attempt at humor.

        2. You ain’t kidding. There are jumping carp in some bodies of water out here that have hit people in the face and knocked them unconscious, no bullshit.

            1. Um, Swiss you need to take a hint from our enlightened brother, Sarc.

              Only a full on racist would use the hurtful term “asian carp”. Those of us who have evolved know that the correct – and inclusive – term is “invasive carp”.

              Don’t feel bad, I was once as bad as you are. Then my wonderful govt in Minnesoda showed me the way by passing legislation changing the name asian carp to invasive carp. Now we don’t have to worry about being known as a poor man’s Indiana.

              http://tinyurl.com/malz5oe

              1. According to Joe Biden, the term is “Oriental” carp.

            2. It’s only a win if you KO the Carp. You’re supposed to punch them as they jump at the boat occupants. Have you never played this game before?

              1. They could introduce a bunch of Jewfish who could run off the Asian carp with high rents.

                1. Sloop, I think you mean they should introduce a bunch of usurious carp to run off the invasive carp with high rents.

          1. And the fish isn’t even tasty, why couldn’t they be salmon, or cod, at least trout?

            1. They taste OK. It’s just that they’re bony as hell.

              1. So you’re saying not for John?

                1. So you’re saying not for John?

                  I said they’re bony, not svelte. He don’t do svelte.

            2. Why not the lowly halibut, BardMetal?

              They’re useful for more than just chopping down the mightiest trees in the forest, you know.

              1. I believe you mean herring.

                1. I believe you mean hewwing.

                2. “I believe you mean herring.”

                  Quite correct: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DopGxUAoAY

    3. This is why you never buy from Indian Burial Ground Pet Store

    4. Adapt or die.

      The goldfish are using a standard tactic. By looking pretty or tasting good, they us other species to spread then around.

      Plants do this with berries to get birds to spread their seed. Goldfish use humans. Lots of plants use bees.

  9. Multilateral negotiations with Iran have been extended beyond yesterday’s midnight deadline.

    Season 2 of 24 was better than Season 1, at least.

  10. Ants in space! Astronauts watch as insects tumble and fall while trying to search an area in zero gravity
    Researcher in California studied ants in zero gravity on the ISS
    Astronauts were asked to monitor the ants in eight habitats on the station
    When the ants tried to search, they struggled to keep their grip
    Some remained floating around for up to eight seconds at a time

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..avity.html
    I for one welcome our new insect overlords.

    1. Simpsons did it!

      1. To the underground sugar mines with you!

    2. Is anyone else ever struck by how utterly retarded some of these “experiments” are? It’s like a 5th grader preparing his ant farm for the elementary school science fair BUT IT’S IN SPACE SO GIVE ME A GOVERNMENT GRANT.

      1. NOTHING LEFT TO CUT!!!!!

      2. They’ve got to justify the expense somehow.

  11. Are these mystery radio bursts messages from ALIENS? Study finds freak frequencies from outside the Milky Way ALL form unexplained multiples of 187.5
    Scientists are trying to work out what is causing Fast Radio Bursts (FRBs)
    The strange signals occur for a few milliseconds and come from nowhere
    The first was detected in 2007, but only a handful have been seen since
    Explanations range from colliding neutron stars to alien signals

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..187-5.html
    I’m sure there’s a natural explanation, but it’s still interesting.

    1. The first pulsar was thought to be a possible alien beacon because it was so regular.

      1. “Pulsar” … right.

        You left the transponder on, again, didn’t you?

        1. Quick, wrap this around your head. It’ll buy you a few minutes.

          1. +1 total mindfuck

          2. My nose hurts just thinking about that.

    2. What about the “Wow” signal?

    3. unexplained multiples of 187.5

      Maybe that’s how many fingers the aliens have?

      /base187.5

  12. Sen. Robert Menendez to face corruption charges

    Federal prosecutors are expected to charge Democratic Sen. Robert Menendez on Wednesday with using his Senate office to push the business interests of a friend and donor in exchange for gifts?, people briefed on the case say.

    The case, brought by the Justice Department’s public integrity unit, sets up a high-stakes battle between a New Jersey senator who has fought off investigations for years, and federal prosecutors and the FBI who have spent years pursuing him.

    Federal officials and Menendez’s attorneys have discussed plans for the New Jersey Democrat to turn himself in before a planned court hearing on Thursday, according to people briefed on the case.

    1. Bet it gets lots less coverage then that of the GOP Congressman who resigned, in part, for the embarrassment of having his office look like something from “Downton Abbey.”

      1. Or the GOP Congressman who resigned because he was paying illegals under the table at his restaurant.

    2. James P. Moran was caught doing essentially the same thing. It made the news for about a day, then nothing else happened?.

  13. Songbird’s ‘impossible’ 1,700-mile flight: Tracking of blackpoll warbler proves it really can cross continents without stopping for food or rest
    Blackpoll warbler undertakes non-stop flights of up to 1,700 miles
    Flies without stopping to rest, eat or drink across the Atlantic
    US scientists tracked birds from New England to the Caribbean

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..-rest.html

    1. I like the description of a “meatball with wings”. Mmm, songbird meatball.

  14. Twenty-two prisoners had their sentences commuted by President Obama, who doubled his commutations total in a single day.

    One of the legitimate presidential powers he’s actually afraid to use. Advocates should couch them as executive orders.

    1. sentences commuted

      Commuted by high-speed rail?

  15. Hi guys.

    Just to let you know things up here have gotten a little crazy – my wife was cheating on me with my fucking cousin – so I may not be around as much – if at all.

    In case any of you cared.

    1. Don’t do anything stupid.

    2. Wow. Don’t do anything rash. Document.

    3. I really hope that’s an April fools day thing.

      1. I can’t say I’d find it funny either way.

    4. I hope this isn’t an April Fool thing, because that’s fucked. Good Luck, Rufus.

    5. APRIL FOOLS!

      Sorry UnCivilServant.

      Other than that, man you guys are EASY!

      1. I just thought it was going ot turn into a country song. You need your dog and pickup truck to die first though.

      2. Thanks for preying on our good will and trusting natures, Canadian.

        1. Blame my kid. After making her a nice breakfast she said ‘she didn’t want it’. Just before I could say ‘get out of the house and walk to school without a jacket’ she screamed ‘April Fools!’

          I decided then and there – wringing my hands – to nail you suckers.

          1. Next time you need sympathy I’ll refer you to the dictionary and tell you to look between shit and syphilis.

          2. For this “joke” I sentence you to be tied up to the front of my car and then burned by my minions.

          3. Whew,

            There for a minute I thought you were on to us.

          4. You fooled me as well, Rufus.

            Now I won’t post the link to the humorous video I found for you, nor even inform you what it was aboot.

            *attempts a narrowed gaze*

      3. I hope you eat spoiled poutine by accident.

        1. Ha, ha. I don’t eat poutine! Pft!

      4. man you guys are EASY!

        So’s your wife!

        1. But your momma is EASIER!

        2. The wife is his cousin. I don’t get it.

      5. I knew it! Cousin fucking in Canada is normal, right?

        1. Just like in the Appalachians.

          Except we don’t squeal like pigs. We yelp like coyotes.

        2. I thought cousin fucking was still edgy. It was beaver fucking that is common place in Canada (well at least Friendly Manitoba).

      6. *wipes sweat from clammy fish brow*

      7. “Other than that, man you guys are EASY!”

        Just like your wife.

        /Rufus J. Firefly’s cousin

    6. Ouch.

    7. That’s fucked up, sorry to hear it. Good luck.

    8. What a twat.

      It might not be a bad idea to go get tested for STDs.

      1. This post gave me AIDS.

    9. Holy shit. Sorry to hear that. Keep your cool and don’t make any rash moves.

    10. Hide your revenge porn now.

      1. BUTTPLUG

      2. Fortunately for him there’s a giant vacuous cavity between your ears he can stash it in…

    11. We do.

      As much as I hate to say it, go see a lawyer.

    12. Assuming this isn’t an April Fools’ joke, sleep with your sister-in-law like Marty Brodeur did.

  16. The right’s made-up God: How bigots invented a white supremacist Jesus

    I often ask myself whether I really do worship the same God of white religious conservatives. On this Holy Week, when I reflect on the Christian story of Christ crucified, it is a story to me of a man who came, radically served his community, challenged the unjust show of state power, embraced children, working-class men and promiscuous women and sexual minorities (eunuchs). Of the many things Jesus preached about, he never found time to even mention gay people, let alone condemn them. His message of radical inclusivity was so threatening that the state lynched him for fear that he was fomenting a cultural and political rebellion. They viewed such acts as criminal acts and they treated Jesus as a criminal. And all who followed him were marked for death.

    This is why I identify with the story of Jesus. And frankly, it is the only story there really is. This white, blond-haired, blue-eyed, gun-toting, Bible-quoting Jesus of the religious right is a god of their own making. I call this god, the god of white supremacy and patriarchy.

    1. Jesus didn’t exactly challenge the power of the State on earth.

      1. Yeah, render unto Caesar and all that.

        1. I always took that as an early call for separation of church and state.

          ?\_(?)_/?

        2. Yeah, “render unto Caesar” was actually a very sly way of questioning what was, and wasn’t, Caesar’s.

    2. Find of mentioned this on the RFRA thread this morning, but there is no Che Jesus either.

      Umm, he didn’t challenge state power either. That was one of the larger points not meeting force with force.
      I always interpreted Pilate as being a little reluctant to execute Jesus, but the religious leaders were creating such unrest that he believed it was the best way to avoid a riot.

    3. “Of the many things Jesus preached about, he never found time to even mention gay people, let alone condemn them.”

      Well, I doubt he would have baked them a cake either, and that seems to be the current threshold for homophobia.

      1. If you accept the usage of the term eunuch as a substitute for homosexual in the bible (three classes are specified, by choice, by accident, born that way (this one)), then Jesus preached that you should accept them as they are. However, I think he would have taken issue with marriage between adults who could not have children. And no-fault divorce was definitely out of the question.

        1. If you accept the usage of the term eunuch as a substitute for homosexual in the bible…

          WTF? Srsly? That’s a thing?

          1. Yeah, I’m unsure why a man being forcefully castrated has anything to do with homosexuality.

            1. It’s a descriptive term that was not always applied to those who were castrated. It definitely applied to those who chose a celibate life. The question is what is meant by those who were born that way, since being born without genitalia is a truly rare occurrence.

          2. Matthew 19:12 on marriage and it’s requirements exempts some from participating.

            For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others–and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

            1. In the Talmud, as in Roman law, the distinction between natural eunuchs and man-made eunuchs was substantive, although it is not easy to determine whether the natural or the man-made eunuch was in a better position. Both types of eunuchs seemed to be exempted from the requirement to perform the levirate marriage or submit to chalitsah, so there was no advantage here for the natural eunuch. If anything, the man-made eunuch seemed entitled to greater privileges than the natural eunuch, since the man-made eunuch was entitled have a child engendered in his name by his brother if he died childless. It is likely that the natural eunuch should not have married in the first place, as he was never in a state of fitness. [On later review, given that the unqualified “eunuch” is said to be exempt from levirate marriage, while the man-made eunuch is not exempt, it appears to me even more strongly that the unqualified “eunuch” is the eunuch-by-nature.] But what is most interesting is that Rabbi Eliezer believed the natural eunuch might be cured. Here I would merely note past controversies in the United States about alleged cures for homosexuality.

            2. I appreciate the passage. What I still don’t get is how the term “eunuch” is encompassing homosexuality.

        2. Everyone likes to remember “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” But after that, Jesus told the woman “Go forth and sin no more.” Jesus wasn’t radically accepting of alternative lifestyles. He was radically forgiving of people that made an honest effort not to sin.

          1. Actually, IMO, He was radically forgiving of everyone that accepted Him as their Lord and Savior. He wanted people to “go forth and sin no more” but knew it wasn’t possible.

    4. This white, blond-haired, blue-eyed, gun-toting, Bible-quoting Jesus

      Are we talking about the same Jesus???

      I have never seen a serious picture of Jesus carrying a gun, he did quote Scripture, but it would be pretty hard for him to quote the New Testament given that it wasn’t written until after he left, mainstream depictions of Jesus nearly always show him as dark hair and eyes, and while, yes, he is depicted as being white by white cultures, other cultures depict him as reflecting their own appearance.

      1. The funny thing is the people that live in the region that Jesus was born consider themselves white, so I’m not sure why depicting him as white is such a terrible thing. I mean would the common depiction of Jesus we see everywhere really stand out that much in Jerusalem?

      2. Come on, Lynch. He’s clearly hiding a Mk. 49 and two extra belts of ammo under those robes.

      3. Never visited a Mormon temple, eh?

    5. On that site, every day is like today

    6. embraced children, working-class men and promiscuous women and sexual minorities (eunuchs).

      For all the mocking that progs love to indulge in about SoCons “not understanding Jesus,” this sort of thing shows that they haven’t really read much of the Bible either beyond the “render unto Caesar” and “rich men will have a hard time getting into heaven” parts.

      Yes, Jesus does spend time with prostitutes, tax collectors (a class singled out through the Gospels for their corrupt nature, which progs conveniently overlook), and the like, but in the scripture he never actually said, “Accept these people as they are and never try to correct them.” He says, “Only the sick need a doctor; it’s not the righteous I’m calling upon to repent.” After he saves the prostitute from being stoned, he doesn’t say “Keep practicing your lifestyle, don’t let the haters get you down,” he says “Go and sin no more.”

      It’s pretty safe to say that the narcissism of 21st century progressivism would come under criticism by Jesus, to say nothing else of their ridiculous “envy as virtue” ideology.

  17. Lawyers for Porsche say it was driver error, not a vehicle flaw, that caused the crash that killed Paul Walker.

    Were people thinking otherwise?

    1. Lawyers looking to sue, probably.

    2. Fast cars are flawed like firearms.

      1. Did that car have a bayonet lug and detachable magazine?

  18. FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) ? Fort Worth police say a man who won $500 on a scratch-off lottery ticket apparently fatally shot his live-in girlfriend and then himself after they argued because he didn’t want to share the winnings with her.

    Sgt. Joe Loughman said Tuesday that 48-year-old Laurice Hampton was able to call 911 to report the shootings Saturday night despite being critically injured with a gunshot wound to the chest.

    http://news.yahoo.com/police-f…..sAqyTQtDMD

    1. BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTPLUUUUUUUUUUUG

      1. Xeones,

        Thank you for your service. If you were to set up a Go Fund Me site, I’d kick in $10 and suggest others do the same.

        1. Thanks, man. Typing out “BUTTPLUG” whenever it ‘contributes’ is getting to be a drain on my resources. Every little bit helps.

  19. Why I don’t read Scientific American anymore

    By overemphasizing individual mobility, we ignore important social determinants of success like family inheritance, social connections, and structural discrimination. The three papers in Perspectives on Psychological Science indicate not only that economic inequality is much worse than we think, but also that social mobility is less than you’d imagine. Our unique brand of optimism prevents us from making any real changes.

    Outside of this article, I would like to see an analysis of easy money policies and how they affect income inequality. If income inequality is a metric we actually want to measure by, then it would make sense, wouldn’t it?

    1. Given enough time, almost any organization will eventually be taken over by left-wing orthodoxy.

    2. economic inequality is much worse than we think

      The science is settled! Open your wallets.

    3. If you want a proxy for the speed of our descent to Idiocracy, compare an issue of Scientific American from 1965 with the current one.

  20. Close to homeless, Steubenville hacker Deric Lostutter turns to porn: “If it makes money, it makes money”
    Finding work has been hard ever since he gained notoriety, so the 28-year-old has started camming with his wife

    In a followup email, Lostutter, who is currently being investigated by the FBI on hacking charges and potentially faces more than eight times that served by the teenage boys convicted in the Steubenville case, blamed his lawyer, Tor Ekeland, for failing to defend him against online trolls. He’s especially upset that his Ekeland hasn’t challenged those claiming that Lostutter had ransacked his crowdfunded defense fund. “[This] led me to have my landlords and jobs harassed, my social security number even was posted,” he wrote in the email. “failure to keep the jobs and landlords happy led to 3 evictions, and eventually a move to north carolina this month.” (Ekeland responded with, “No comment.”) Lostutter recently married Jennifer, the mother of a 7-year-old, and says his family is facing potential homelessness. Despite the positive attention he’s received for his role in the Steubenville case ? like Brad Pitt’s production company buying the rights to his story ? Lostutter is desperate for work, which he blames on his lawyer and his newfound notoriety.

    1. So this is the guy who’s been spamming H&R?

  21. “Lawyers for Porsche say it was driver error, not a vehicle flaw, that caused the crash that killed Paul Walker.”

    Driver error didn’t stop Holder from shaking down Toyota.

  22. Suit claims officers get rewards based on quota ‘board game’

    Crime-fighting in at least one police precinct has been reduced to a petty board game that rewards or punishes officers based on the number of arrests they make each month, according to a group of disgruntled cops.

    How much you wanna bet there’s money involved?

  23. A week old but don’t know if this article was discussed:

    The Six Most Evil Presidents in U.S. History

    Short version:

    James Buchanan- for allowing the country to descend into Civil War;
    Andrew Johnson- for his Reconstruction policies that allowed the proliferation of Black Codes;
    Ronald Reagan- for ignoring and failing to address the growing AIDS epidemic;
    William McKinley- for starting and executing the Spanish-American War;
    Harry Truman- for deciding to use nuclear weapons on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and;
    Andrew Jackson- for the forced evacuation of Native American tribes (the Trail of Tears).

    1. And of course no Woodrow Wilson.

    2. WILLLLLLLLSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!!!

      1. Miiiiiiizuuuuuno

      2. TETSUOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    3. What? Given that everyone looking at the cost in lives of an invasion of the Japanese home islands estimated Millions on both sides, putting an end to the war with far fewer deaths is the ‘evil option’?

      1. It’s also saying one of the most evil things ever done by a US President was not battling AIDS, so I wouldn’t trust their view of evil that well.

        1. It’s a really infantilizing view of gays that implies they would be doomed unless a politician utters thw word “AIDS”. It’s also led to the whole ribbon bully shit we have today. Just once, I’d like to see an organization like the NFL say they’re going to spend October raising awareness of a disease like pancratic cancer (killed NFLPA head Gene Upshaw) or any of the neurodegenerative diseases, instead of breast cancer.

          Fuck Randy Shilts’ corpse.

        2. It is more not battling AIDS to the extent that they would have liked, rather than actually doing nothing.

      2. BINGO!!

      3. Also note that the president that sent Japanese American citizens to concentration camps isn’t on the list.

        Apparently not doing enough to fight AIDS (whatever that means) is worse than the affirmative action of sending 100s of thousands of US citizens to concentration camps.

        1. Well VG,
          FDR single-handedly ended the Great Depression with a massive Broken Window Fallacy, so it all balances out.

          (sarcasm)

        2. You know who else sent 100s of thousands of his country’s citizens to concentration camps?

          1. Every government with a public school system?

          2. Sultan Mehmed VI?

      4. And 100K Chinese were dying every month. Do they not count?

        Only ignorant fools think a long drawn out blockade would have been better.

        1. The Soviet Union would have started invading from the north…

          Having a North/South Tokyo situation to round out the cold war, along with whatever the soviets did to the northern parts of the island would have been totally fine, too.

      5. Given that everyone looking at the cost in lives of an invasion of the Japanese home islands estimated Millions on both sides, putting an end to the war with far fewer deaths is the ‘evil option’?

        Haven’t you seen the latest revision? The Japanese were on the very verge of surrendering. Once the Soviet Union “declared war” they were really, really afraid. Even after the nuking of Hiroshima, they just couldn’t quite get around to surrendering as quickly as they really wanted to do.

        1. If I recall correctly, the soviets declared war between the two atom bombs, just so they could claim some pieces after the war.

          1. Stalin had promised he would declare war against the Japanese 3 months after Germany surrendered. Considering how much planning and preparation was required to drop the bombs and to invade Manchuria and the northern islands, I doubt either Truman or Stalin could have affected the schedule much, and it was just coincidental.

    4. I see FDR and his concentration camps for Japanese-Americans somehow didn’t make the list. But Reagan “ignoring” AIDS did. Nope, no bias here at all!

    5. And Buchanan should have done what? Why no LBJ?

      1. I rather doubt that the guy who pulled that list out of his butt ever read Buchanan’s account of what transpired during his administration.

        Anyway, it was Buchanan who launched the US into its bloodiest war. That would be Lincoln and a bunch of Southern hotheads.

        1. it was NOT Buchanan.

        2. Buchanan was (probably) the first gay president. You’d think progressives would be down with that.

      2. Buchanan was weak, not evil per se.

        1. When the State is your god, being weak is the evilest thing you can be.

    6. Buchanan is incompetent, not evil; the only quote they have from Reagan showing he was ‘evil’ is when he said ‘I think we should wait for the science to come in before we unequivocally say you can’t get AIDS through casual contact,’ The Spanish-American War was so relatively minor I don’t know why the fuck it’s on this list.

      As for Truman, they claim Japan was ready to surrender before dropping the bombs and their only condition was that the Emperor not be tried as a war criminal. That’s a lie. They wanted the Emperor to maintain his position as the head of the government. That would have been like letting Germany surrender but allowing Hitler to remain as Head of State – it wasn’t exactly an option.

      Jackson and Johnson can go fuck themselves, but the other four aren’t evil under any reasonable definition.

      1. And wasn’t there a coup attempt by the hardcore military commanders even after the atomic bombings? And people really think they were ready to surrender?

        There weren’t really any good options for ending the war. I completely understand why the bombs seemed like the least bad.

      2. The unconditonal surrender requirement was also a legacy of FDR from caving to the press because Eisenhower cut a deal with French Nazi for getting his troops to stand down during Operation Torch.

    7. Reading the article, I see that FDR and LBJ were listed as “honorable mentions”.

      I also see that Alternet’s readers were complaining about that.

      1. I’m still trying to figure out how Wilson doesn’t make the list.

        1. Wilson was a progressive.

          Sure, the his decisions prolonged the Great War, facilitated the success of the Bolsheviks, set the stage for Hitler’s ascendancy to power, enacted Prohibition, launched the War on Drugs, established the Federal Reserve and the debasement of money, enriched crony capitalists, etc., etc.

          But his intentions were pure.

          1. Don’t forget that he segregated the federal government.

            1. Which convinced the Japanese government that the U.S. could not be trusted to deal fairly with non-whites. So thanks for Pearl Harbor too, Wilson, you asshole.

    8. No Wilson.

      No FDR.

      But Reagan and Truman. I guess its a minor miracle they didn’t list W.

    9. “The right side of history” is evoked. No need to clutter my negative mind spaces with more of this drivel once that phrase appears.

  24. The Market Ticker Ceases Publication

    I don’t think this is an April Fools Joke.

    I know some of us find Karl a bit over the top sometimes, but his farewell message is poignant.

    1. Denninger preached Doom and Gloom 24/7 during the Great Bull Market of 2009-2015. Now Peter Schiff needs to close shop too. Being persistently wrong is bad for a pundit (unless you’re Charles Krauthammer or Bill Kristol).

      1. BUUUUTTPLUG

    2. Denninger preached Doom and Gloom 24/7 during the Great Bull Market of 2009-2015. Now Peter Schiff needs to close shop too. Being persistently wrong is bad for a pundit (unless you’re Charles Krauthammer or Bill Kristol).

      1. BUUUUTTPLUG

      2. And yet you’re still posting.

  25. Wall Street banks mull freezing Dem donations over Warren

    Four major banks are threatening to withhold campaign donations to Senate Democrats in anger over Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s (D-Mass.) attacks on Wall Street.

    Representatives from financial powerhouses Citigroup, JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs and Bank of America recently met in Washington and discussed the growing hostility towards big business within the Democratic ranks, according to a Reuters report Friday.

    Bank officials cited Warren and Senate Banking Committee ranking member Sherrod Brown (Ohio) as the two main lawmakers leading the charge against them. But the banks have not agreed on how to respond together, with each firm making its own decision on donations, Reuters reported.

    1. The Squaw don’t smoke peace pipe with Jamie and Lloyd.

      1. BUUUUUUUUTTTPPPPLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGG

      2. Your squaw doesn’t realize that when she attacks big banks and forces them into massive regulatory submission the people who feel the most pain are the workers- not a single ultra-wealthy higher-up feels her policy whip.

        Due to overwhelming and surging federal regulations compliance departments within these big firms have become stasi-like which has placed tremendous stress on low, mid-level, and upper mid-level white collar workers.

        1. Due to overwhelming and surging federal regulations compliance departments within these big firms have become stasi-like which has placed tremendous stress on low, mid-level, and upper mid-level white collar workers wreckers, kulaks, and little Eichmanns.

          Fuck ’em.

          /prog

    2. I hope they do this.

  26. No Joke: April 1st Brings Double Digit Sales Tax To Several East Bay Towns

    As of Wednesday it is more expensive to shop in parts of Alameda and Contra Costa Counties.

    Buy something in Hayward and you’re going to get whacked with a 10% sales tax. Take a few steps outside the city limits and the tax is a half cent cheaper.

    “A sales tax could scare businesses,” said Jessica Cuevas of 25 25 Vintage. “If it keeps increasing the way it does, it could have a negative effect on Hayward.”

    Cuevas says downtown Hayward is just coming back and another sales tax is the last thing a city trying to turn around needs.

    Last summer, Hayward voters taxed themselves. Measure C passed with an overwhelming 68% approval.

  27. IRS chief to GOP: You can’t abolish us

    The IRS commissioner on Tuesday brushed aside GOP proposals to abolish his agency, insisting the U.S. would have to have a tax collector one way or another.

    “You can call them something other than the IRS if that made you feel better,” the agency’s chief, John Koskinen, said after a speech at the National Press Club.

    1. Koskinen’s right. But there being a new tax collection agency will be of little solace to the corrupt bureaucrats jettisoned following the IRS’s closure.

      1. And it could be a lot smaller and focus more on its core duties of processing returns rather than arbitrate loopholes…

        1. The civil service should be hired for a single four-year term at an individual agency, with a quarter removed each year so as to prevent mission creep. Half the reason people look for more stuff to do is that they become too efficient at their core job. Forcing people to constantly learn a new one is one way to solve that.

    2. The IRS could be reduced to a few people who process forms with a flat tax and repeal of Obamacare, and we can get to the real work of government, namely prosecuting all of the IRS personnel who’ve been breaking the law.

    3. You may have a federal tax collecting agency but it need not collect internal revenue.

  28. Please stop snorting cocoa powder

    “Snorting chocolate powder is not safe, because the powder is perceived by the nose as a foreign toxic substance,” said Dr. Jordan Josephson, an ear, nose and throat specialist at Lenox Hill Hospital in an email to Live Science. “Putting any foreign bodies ? including smoke, cocaine and/or chocolate powder ? is not safe and is not advised.”

    The powder, Josephson explained, could damage the hairs and membranes in the nose, possibly resulting in scarring and weakened functioning.

    “I do not advise snorting any powder products,” he continued. “I recommend eating mints or basil and chocolate, and getting the desired effects the old fashioned way.”

    You know who else wanted the desired effects the old fashioned way?

    1. Sad thing is, I’d believe Salon tried to publish a story like that on any other day of the year too.

    2. Schneider’s ham?

    3. Timothy Leary?

    4. Smith Barney?

    5. Haile Sellassie?

      1. + 1 shot into each of the four winds

    6. Pepperidge Farm – duh.

    7. Mr. Hilter?

  29. More Taxpayer $$$ to Another ‘Green’ Obama Backer

    The Department of Energy last week announced a conditional loan of $259 million to Alcoa, Inc., supporting the manufacture of lightweight-aluminum auto bodies. The resurrection of the DOE’s controversial fuel-efficient-vehicle loan program is a bad idea in light of the agency’s awful track record on taxpayer-backed green investments.

    All told, the DOE’s loan programs have lost taxpayers at least $780 million. But Americans should also question why Alcoa, which tallied $23.9 billion in revenue last year, needs a helping hand from taxpayers. Then again, this corporate giant and its leaders have deep ties to the Obama administration.

    1. That Kenyan Muslin Socialist is beloved by corporate America.

      1. BUUUUUUTTTPPLUUUUUUUUUUUUUG

      2. You are so boring.

        1. Just doing what he’s paid to do by Bloomberg News.

  30. IRS chief to GOP: You can’t abolish us

    Koskinen said Tuesday that the IRS has clear rules barring staffers from using personal accounts for their public work and that he strictly follows that policy.

    To illustrate how seriously the IRS takes that policy, Koskinen noted that he had sent draft congressional testimony to his home computer for editing early in his tenure.

    “Within a couple days, I had a visitor from IT security,” the commissioner said, adding technology staffers quickly got him “a computer and a printer for home from the IRS.”

    Emphasis added. IOW, not seriously at all. What a smug POS.

  31. Pack of Baby Squirrels Allegedly Attacks Manhattan Man

    A Manhattan man says he was attacked by a pack of baby squirrels.

    The man’s daughter-in-law says the attack took place at the East River Houses in East Harlem.

    The 89-year-old man was scratched and bitten by the squirrels.

    The squirrels seemed to have chewed through a window screen and entered the apartment.

    1. Cuddliest “When Animals Attack” segment ever….

      1. “baby squirrels” – I bet it was a rat or rats in reality.

        1. Squirrels are nothing more than tree rats, so of course it was some kind of rat.

          1. Rats are nothing more than subway squirrels, with bad public relations.

  32. Just spotted on a generally left-ish politics sub-forum:

    Here’s what I don’t like about [Trevor Noah’s] “jokes.” He’s punching down. In essence, that’s the difference between liberal humor and conservative humor. Liberals punch up, conservatives punch down. If that is his basic comedic stance, he’ll fail as the host.

    This was apparently stated completely in earnest. It’s like the left has become a corporate buzzphrase generator, except for social and political issues. That is so, so grating…

    1. Liberals sure do love to “punch up” at Obama…

    2. I generally find liberals to be rather humorless. They laugh at misfortune or prospect of misfortune for people they don’t like, and that’s about it. Which fits right in with their love of state violence. They just love violence in general.

      1. I don’t know. The scariest liberal laughter I hear is when I am driving around on the weekend and hit Pulic Radio. They will have one of those sappy shows like Prairie Home Companion or Wait don’t tell me and they will tell some joke that makes no sense because it is so devoid of any edge and people will laugh and laugh.

        And not fun laughs either. It is some weird polite chuckle.

        I don’t trust people who don’t seem to have any innate sense of humor.

    3. I like Patton Oswalt’s take:

      (50/53) Jokes should always entertain. EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HEARS THEM.
      ? Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) April 1, 2015

      1. +1 Brian Regan

    4. I already forgot what “punch down” is supposed to mean – and I don’t care to be reminded.

      1. It means not taking your relative privilege into account when making jokes about a particular caste of humans. True humor requires that you only attack people who are higher in the Hierarchy of Victimhood? than you are. A disabled transgender Eskimo comedian, for instance, is permitted to mock anybody at will, while a rich old cishet white dude better not stray out of chicken-crossing-the-road territory. Unless he is into Progressive politics, of course, which automatically confers a certain number of VictimPoints?, since the continued existence of non-Progressives is a constant microaggression.

  33. Flatulent cows deliver blow to environment, wind conference hears

    Reducing emissions in agriculture, ? Gallach?ir mused, won’t be an easy task. “Unless you have a shotgun,” he quipped, prompting the biggest laugh of the day. It’s probably unlikely the Irish Farmers’ Association will be booking ? Gallach?ir for its annual conference anytime soon.

    The wind lobbyists, or Big Wind as the economist Colm McCarthy sometimes calls them when he’s feeling facetious, have also set up a website, windfacts.ie. The site is supposed to bring the truth, as the industry sees it, to the debate about wind energy. Wind farm developers are the enemy in several communities around the country.

    1. “Yah don’ need cows, just ea’ the birds our mills chops up!”

  34. Michelle O’s ‘healthy’ lunches going to the pigs ? literally

    Earlier this year, a New York district estimated its students throw away 85 percent of their fruits and vegetables.

    American schools spend an estimated $3.5 million per day on food that ends up in the garbage can.

    FTS. They all want cake.

    1. WHY WON’T THEY LISTEN TO MY COMMON SENSE PLANS!

      “I’ll show them.” (Picks up phone): Get me the President. Honey? Yeah, last night was ‘special’ all right. Listen, can we draw up a law forcing kids to eat my food in schools? (pulls phone from ear. President shouts, ‘BRILLIANT!).

  35. Can you see the tell?
    New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has banned all non-essential, state-funded travel to Indiana
    http://nypost.com/2015/03/31/c…..o-indiana/

    State employees will continue their non-essential travel to the rest of the world.

    1. Non essential? Look, if anything stops the NYPD’s counterterrorism efforts then the terrorists, by definition, win.

      Why do you want the terrorists to win?

    2. Actually, this was a redundant proclaimation, since non-essential travel is already banned, and getting something tagged as ‘essential’ (such as picking up a prioner being extradited, etc) takes a lot of red tape.

      Exception – the governer’s non essential travel to Cuba is apparently A-OK.

      1. Yeah, because Cuba is apparently cool with teh gheys.

      2. I’m pretty sure the idiot CEO of Apple sells products to Saudi Arabia, but Indiana is just no-go at this point.

        1. They have store in Iran too.

  36. OT: I mentioned this yesterday but it got lost in the noise:

    I previously discussed my company’s new policy of random tobacco testing so they can hit people up for the extra 50% insurance premium. And then they decided, since they were already there, to throw in drug testing.

    Well guess who got first draw in my department? Me.

    Needless to say I was pissed as hell and only went because refusal to do the test is automatic dismissal. I had to drive out to a rundown medical facility, fill out a form, wait for an hour, pee in a cup, and then initial the two different vials with my urine. I told my manager that I want my anger at this procedure known to the higher-ups but I don’t see this going anywhere. I certainly lost plenty of respect – the little that remained – for this company.

    I’m only staying for the freedom of movement and time, something my wife needs as her law business grows. But damn….

    1. btw, I was clean. And then I went home and drank a large vodka & tonic, the legal high.

    2. Does your company do business with the federal government? Because my understanding is that if a company does, then they are required to test their employees for drugs.

      1. I think that depends on how close the company’s relationship is with the federal government. I’ve worked for companies that sold stuff to the Feds, and the company never drug tested. I worked (for too long) for a defense contractor, and got drug tested as a condition of employment.

      2. No – no business with the Feds here.

        Apparently one of our divisions has a real drug issue with the factory floor workers, so they decided to make a blanket rule that covers “everyone” (I doubt higher level management will ever get tested).

        1. I like my company’s policy: you get tested on hiring, and tested again if you hurt yourself on the job or show up obviously drunk or high. Seems to work well.

          1. Except that a positive test doesn’t prove the person was high when they hurt themselves. Only that they got high at some point in the last month.

            1. Except that a positive test doesn’t prove the person was high when they hurt themselves. Only that they got high at some point in the last month.

              I don’t disagree, but you’re not supposed to be doing drugs at all as a condition of employment. It’s really the lightest touch you can take and still have a reasonably effective policy. And we probably need one since we’re a manufacturing company with plants scattered throughout hillbilly America.

              1. but you’re not supposed to be doing drugs at all as a condition of employment.

                Which is total bullshit since an employer should have no say as to what you do on your time. Only theirs.

                1. Which is total bullshit since an employer should have no say as to what you do on your time. Only theirs.

                  Again, I don’t disagree. But you do need some way to properly enforce “don’t be high at work.” Leaving it up to the managers or the office narc will lead to it being more of a pain for all involved, and open up greater liability to the company. The status quo ain’t perfect, but it suits us best.

                  Ideally you want a test that can see if the employee has used drugs within the last X hours, but I have no idea if that exists beyond hiring someone to conduct field sobriety tests (which have their own problems, particularly when applied to the injured).

              2. I think the best drug policy is to do tests two or three times a year but tell your employees when they are getting them. That way you only get the people who have a problem and can’t control their drug use. I really don’t care if an employee is using drugs off duty as long as they are coming to work sober. The problem is that not everyone has enough self control to do that. So I want to test but I don’t want to get everyone. If you are using and have self control and are an otherwise good employee, I frankly don’t want to catch you and have to fire a good employee. I just want to catch the ones who are using and have poor self control. An announced drug test does that. Anyone who can stop using drugs for the weeks leading up to it, has self control and is very unlikely to ever let drugs interfere with their work. Anyone who can’t, has no self control and needs to go.

          2. That was the old policy – and it worked – someone in our department got canned for testing positive for drugs after running into another car with a company vehicle.

          3. I like my company’s policy better: there is no testing.

            1. I assume nobody’s ever lost a hand on the job where you work.

              Well, nobody has for me either which is why I’ll never be tested (not that it would matter if I was). But it happens out in the mills and that’s who the policy is for.

              1. If somebody loses a hand at work, that just means that the wreckers and kulaks who own the Kochporation have been lax on safety standards in their never-ending quest for profit…

              2. No, it’s all cubicles here.

                So are the mill workers responsible for their own limbs or can they lose a hand due to someone else’s negligence? That would affect my position on the drug testing.

                OTOH I don’t really care as long as the policy is known to prospective employees. If my company tried to institute a new drug testing policy I would tell them to fuck off on my way out the door.

                1. Someone else’s negligence as well. All workers involved in any incident get tested.

                  I don’t really care as long as the policy is known to prospective employees. If my company tried to institute a new drug testing policy I would tell them to fuck off on my way out the door.

                  Easier said than done, but I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment. Don’t change my contract without my consent.

        2. A couple jobs back I worked for a company that did drug testing because of a similar situation.

          Lots of drivers employed by the company. HR was too chickenshit to tell the drivers “you will be drug tested, but we aren’t wasting time on the corporate drones”, so they drug tested everyone.

          I worked remotely out of my house and the one time I was selected I just put it off until they dropped it. I don’t do any drugs, but like you I was pissed at the invasion of my privacy and – more importantly – the testing facility was way across town and really inconvenient.

      3. I’m an on-site Fedgov contractor and we don’t get drug tested.

    3. “Would *you* kindly hold the cup for me? I always get shaky when I’m being tested.”

      1. Never mind, I’ll hold the cup and you hold the..

    4. Lord, I forgot what you did for a job.

      I can tell you that about 3 years ago I was in a shitty position at a company that I no longer liked, but like you I was sticking it out for various reasons. One of the reasons was I kept reading about high unemployment and a shitty economy, so I figured a crap job was better than none.

      I eventually got fed up and reached out to an old head hunter I had used in the past and he instantly got me a much better job.

      According to him, the IT market in Minnesoda is super hot and you have to pretty much work at remaining unemployed if you have any skills whatsoever. Since then I have had to fill a few positions and can verify that there are no good free candidates out there.

      I don’t know the particulars, but I would recommend at least testing the market. It might be way better than you think.

      1. oh I could get another job, that’s for sure. I’ve turned down a few headhunters – mostly who want me to work in Ohio or the Detroit area. Right now I’m more worried about the particulars. Currently I can work from home a lot, or leave the office early if I have to meet my son’s school bus. I’m worried about losing that flexibility, which helps my wife if she has to go to court or meet a client later in the day.

  37. NYPD detective caught on film ripping into Uber driver.

    A New York Police detective assigned to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force with top secret security clearance is facing suspension, reassignment and loss of his clearance after an incident with an Uber driver Monday that was captured on video, a law enforcement official told CNN.

    The altercation began when the Uber driver gestured to a detective in an unmarked car to use his blinker, after he was allegedly attempting to park without using it, according to Sanjay Seth, a passenger in the car who uploaded the video to YouTube on Monday.

    The video picks up seconds after the detective began yelling at the driver of the taxi and mocking his accent, and also shows the unmarked car with lights flashing pulled over behind the Uber car.

    1. Gestured to use his blinker? Who’s got two fingers and saw you not signal?

  38. Dear Arkansas,
    Thanks for considering a Religious Freedom bill. You should definitely spend a lot of effort publicizing it.

    Sincerely,
    Everyone in Indiana

    1. Ha! You Hoosiers now know what it’s like to be an Arizonan!

  39. Hope you can forgive me all?

    BFF?

    /nervous grin.

    1. You’re forgiven.

      APRI–No, really.

    2. You are triggering all the dapper mustaches in this place, Firefly.

      1. Agile.

        Is this you?

        http://coolopolis.blogspot.ca/…..-icon.html

    3. Forgive what?

      1. They’re just sore I fooled them and hurt their little-wittle sensitive souls.

    4. I never forgive… never forget.

      * adds Rufus to “The List” *

      1. Agreed.

        *narrows gaze and clicks ballpoint pen…*

        1. …Elaine Benes…

          1. Ruuuuuuufuusssss

  40. I was thinking this morning about our current obsession with “victimhood” and how insidious evil is. The thing about being a victim is that it necessarily implies a perpetrator that made you a victim. So the flip side of being a victim is having an enemy.

    Certainly, we all feel compassion for victims of racism or sexism or oppression. If this compassion isn’t retrained by forgiveness, it becomes an excuse to hate. Jesus was right when he said love your enemies. He was right not for their sake but for your own. If you don’t forgive people who harm you, you never get over the harm and end up wallowing in self pity or worse hatred.

    The Progressive obsession with who is a victim is a great example of compassion turned into evil. The compassion they sell offers no redemption. There is no way for the designated oppressor groups to ever be forgiven. Moreover, there is no way for the designated victims to ever get over their condition since forgiving your enemy is a necessary part of doing that. So what starts out as compassion ends up being endless division and hatred.

    1. Exactly. I’ve despised the concept of victimhood as a moral position of authority for a long time now. It can only lead to collectivization and violence.

      1. It can only lead to collectivization and violence.

        First you’ll need the innumerable laws slicing and dicing a million hairs- then comes the collectivization and violence, perversely.

        1. The violence will be over the law itself, as each victim group jockeys for power over the other.

          1. … and throws all those who don’t submit into the prisons which creates anarchy- the ultimate balance against unrestrained power.

      2. It totally does. And not only that, it also harms the people is claims to help. If you don’t forgive, you can never get over something. All giving victimhood moral authority does is encourage people never to get over whatever harm they suffered.

        If you think about it from a evolutionary perspective, the natural tendency among humans to shun victims of misfortune makes sense. If we are living in a pre-civilized or early civilized world, everyone in the tribe or clan has to hold up their end or we are all in big trouble. So if something horrible happens to you, you have to get over it and keep pulling your weight or everyone suffers. Given that fact, it is entirely understandable why people would naturally shun victims and create every incentive possible for people to conceal and ignore what happened to them rather than use it for sympathy.

        That is not to say we should never show victims any sympathy. It is only to say that sympathy has its limits.

        1. Sympathy should play a role in the restoration of actual victims to becoming functioning, contributing members of society. Those who cannot or will not do that, do not deserve it.

        2. That is not to say we should never show victims any sympathy.

          Sympathy shouldn’t equate to handing them keys to the fucking kingdom which has been happening for decades in this country. Given half a chance victims would entirely erase the concept of liberty from society.

        3. All giving victimhood moral authority does is encourage people never to get over whatever harm they suffered.

          It’s worse than that.

          The empowerment through victimization zeitgeist leads people that have suffered no harm to claim victimhood, and come to see themselves as victims, to gain leverage over others.

          1. Absolutely. When you think about it Nazism was at heart just a cult of victimhood. It’s main message was telling the German people they were victims of the Jews and the allied powers and were therefore justified in hating them and taking revenge.

    2. Feeling like a victim is also a great way become a loser.

      Why bother improving your life when forces beyond your control will just smash you at any given moment?

  41. Artist Ai Weiwei should have been into oranges and stolen iphones. Would’ve likely saved him from being terrorized by the fucking Chinese government while being rewarded with a steamy mess of socialist blog thumper love. Unreal to me how the utterly simplistic captures the attention of millions while the truly profound is forgettable. Props, Ai Weiwei.

    1. Simplistic, trite, lowest-common-denominator stuff captures the attention of millions because of its harmlessness, not in spite of it.

  42. “To reduce my views to a handful of jokes that didn’t land is not a true reflection of my character”, says guy who’s new job is to reduce people’s views into a handful of jokes that don’t land

    Seriously, fuck this guy if he can’t see the staggering amount of irony in that Tweet.

    1. He’s the perfect proglodyte spokesman.

      A raging anti-semite that wallows in his own supposed victimization.

  43. I love it, Apple won’t put an office in the evil state of Indiana because it doesn’t protect homosexuals from the horrors of someone refusing to bake their wedding cake. Meanwhile, Apple has a major overseas headquarters in Dubai, a place where being a homosexual is a criminal offense that will buy you all sorts of ghastly punishments.

    1. Their entire marketing scheme is built around social signaling. Eventually, they’re going to get cornered between interest groups and it will damage their market share.

      1. It is just a matter of time. The Progs are eating themselves. We have already seen old line feminists get run out for the crime of objecting to gender as something someone make up in their head and for saying porn is bad. The whole thing is built on signaling. So, you always have to have an other to signal your difference from. As the group gets smaller, your chances of being the other just get higher.

    2. “NASCAR is disappointed by the recent legislation passed in Indiana,” said NASCAR Senior Vice President and Chief Communications Officer Brett Jewkes, in a statement released Tuesday.

      “We will not embrace nor participate in exclusion or intolerance. We are committed to diversity and inclusion within our sport and therefore will continue to welcome all competitors and fans at our events in the state of Indiana and anywhere else we race.”

      http://www.orlandosentinel.com…..-post.html

      1. BUUUUUUUTTTPLUUUUUUUUUUUUG

        1. Credit where it’s due, he truly is the king of the non-sequitur.

          1. The clown prince of the off-topic remark!

            Absolutely no credit is due, however.

  44. Yay! I can start making beer again!

    Last year around this time the chest freezer I used as a keg cooler died, and I can’t justify the $200 to replace it new.
    Just found a used one in the classifieds for fifty bucks, and I’ll be picking it up on the way home from work.

    Yay!

    1. What’s the first batch of brew gonna be?

      1. You know, I hadn’t even thought about it. Probably a hefe. Warm weather is on the way, and nothing beats a weizen after some yard work.

        1. Mmmmm…. hefeweizen…

    2. Just found a used one in the classifieds for fifty bucks, and I’ll be picking it up on the way home from work.

      And that was the last that anyone heard from sarcasmic.

      1. +1 Wood Chipper

  45. Personal question: what do you do when your father has gone off the rails and is acting like an irrational, crazed 16-year-old girl?

    Like, when he calls you weeping (literally) about how much he loves this woman he’s been dating for 3 months and it’s soooooooo painful and she just doesn’t want to give him the full-time commitment that he neeeeeeds sooooo baaaad. Then calls you a few hours later, all manic and excited because he’s talked to his drunk, lobotomized (literally) friend who told him to “go get another woman” and has called up a couple of old (pre-mom) girlfriends in revenge for his current girlfriend (who he loooooves soooo much) flirting with some other dude.

    And when you’ve told him his dating life is not an appropriate topic of discussion for his daughter, yet he chooses to ignore that because he neeeeeeeeds to talk about it. Even though I asked if he had friends he could talk to.

    It’s like he’s a crazed, manic, passive-aggressive ball of selfishness. I don’t even know this person. It’s like Ron Swanson turning into Tom Haverford overnight.

    1. Give him a few TMI details about your sex life. That should get the message through.

      1. Done. Didn’t work.

        1. If subtle won’t work, then maybe it’s time to lay down the law. Tell him you’re not having this conversation, and you’ll hang up if he starts it. Then you’ve got to follow through. That’s the hard part.

          1. Also done, in our last conversation, where he was all jazzed about calling these other women. I hung up and haven’t spoken to him since. My only contact has been to email him a couple of well-researched shrinks (well, PhD therapists).

            I’m trying not to let his complete personality transplant get to me, but shit, man.

            1. Me and my father get along great as long as we don’t talk politics or economics. Those subjects are simply off limits. And so far he has respected that. Make it clear that you want a relationship with him, but that there are subjects you simply will not talk about with him. It worked for me, though my father hasn’t recently lost his mind.

    2. So help me God, I hope I don’t ever have to deal with that. While I don’t have all the answers for you, I think you need to set your boundaries.

      And you tell him in no uncertain terms that mail order brides are out of the question until all of his assets are put into a trust.

      1. He knows I require a prenup and power of attorney stays with me if he ever gets hitched again. This is more like him acting like a junkie, and everyone else’s feelings be damned.

        Damn his girlfriend’s need to have her own space. My dad needs her to be there 24/7.

        Damn my desire (and need) to live as drama-free a life as possible and not talk to my dad about his personal relationships with women. He needs to use me as his shrink.

        He’s literally like a junkie, where everything is focused on him.

        1. Sorry, KK. Hope it gets better, dear.

    3. This ain’t some Rufus AF day BS, is it?

    4. He reads like a needy little bastard.

      1. Agreed. My dad has turned into a total fucking creep.

        And I don’t doubt that his reputation is for shit in his little gated community.

    5. I have been to this rodeo. My mother died after being married to my father for 37 years. My mother was much more dependent on her and much less comfortable living alone than she would have been had we lost him instead. He did the exact same thing your father is doing. He fell in with some of the worst sorts of women and wanted to marry them almost immeidately. My mother died in March of 2005 and by spring of 2006, my father was “engaged” to a woman I referred to as the ‘horse torturer”. She was into these ultra long distance horse riding contests where everyone tried to see how far they could push their horses. The irony of him wanting to marry her after being married to my mother, who was the daughter of a rancher and such a horse lover she could barely tolerate regular horse racing was quite remarkable.

      I, like you, was completely horrified and gave him hell about it. It sadly did no good. We are pretty sure the ghost of my mother ran off the horse torturer. The woman drove five hours to finally visit my father’s home (which also had been my mother’s home) and stayed ten minutes only to turn around and drive home saying “the house is just cold and there is something wrong here and I can’t stay”.

      1. Eventually, he finally after a couple of more less objectionable women but after falling for them equally and foolishly quick and hard, he got over things and stopped doing it.

        I wish I had better advice for you. Unfortunately, the best thing to do is just roll your eyes, bite your tongue and just hope he comes to his senses, because there doesn’t seem to be any way to get someone to from the outside.

        1. Weirdly, the more crazy comes out of my dad, the more I’m on this woman’s side. She point-blank told him he was putting too much pressure on her (remember, this is a 3-month relationship), and my dad has point-blank chosen to ignore that. He wants what he wants, and the needs and feelings of the other person have no bearing. He wants a 24/7 girlfriend. He’s totally obsessed with this woman. Therefore, she should be his 24/7 partner, even though she wants to go slow and have her own space.

          1. If the woman is not looking to take advantage of him, then don’t worry about it. If he wants to obsess and drive this woman off, that is his choice.

          2. Hey, Kaptious Kristen’s Dad, grow the fuck up, old-timer. You aren’t a goddamn child in junior high school. You should know better than to act like this- you desire love, give it, and then back the fuck off. No quality woman desires a needy and self-obsessed man. Even those most willing to commit aren’t going to fucking tolerate a dude who hasn’t an ounce of emotional self-assurance.

            In other words, quit being a punk-ass old man with jello for balls.

            With a measure of love,
            Agile Cyborg

            P.S. your daughter really hates the pathetic-reject side of her dad so let’s get to work on fixing that shit

          3. Kristen,

            I don’t have any useful advice here unless it is to agree generally with what sarcasmic and John have written. I think you did the correct thing by warning your father that if he continued his inappropriate and intrusive conversation you would end the call, and then following through with it.

            It seems that you’ll have to wait this out, making helpful suggestions via e-mail even though they’re likely to be ignored.

            I’d like to be of help but really all I can do is wish you the best.

            Charles

    6. Bipolar?

      Early stage dementia?

      Or is this an April Fools’ joke?

    7. You might want to take him to have his cognitive functions checked. Such a massive shift in mood and behavior could be a sign of impairment.

      1. How about an endocrinologist? Maybe he’s been taking testosterone, and his estrogen upped in reaction.

    8. (not an April Fool)

    9. Send him to the man-o-sphere. Results may vary.

  46. I don’t like April Fools’ Day.

    That being said, this is a neat first use of a new gTLD: https://com.google/

  47. Spot the Not: J Edgar Hoover.

    1. I am an old man, and most people hate me. But I don’t like them either so that makes it all even.

    2. I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

    3. We are a fact-gathering organization only. We don’t clear anybody. We don’t condemn anybody.

    4. The purpose of this new counterintelligence endeavor is to expose, disrupt, misdirect, discredit, or otherwise neutralize the activities of black nationalist, hate-type organizations and groupings, their leadership, spokesmen, membership, and supporters.

    5. Justice is merely incidental to law and order.

    6. The New Deal introduced to Americans the spectacle of Fascist dictation to business, labor, and agriculture.

    1. “The New Deal introduced to Americans the spectacle of Fascist dictation to business, labor, and agriculture.”

      This is true, so I doubt Hoover said it.

    2. I’m thinking either 2 or 3.

    3. 2. Final answer.

    4. And the Not is #1- that is from Mr. Potter of It’s a Wonderful Life.

  48. Spot the Not: Huey Long

    1. You sometimes fight fire with fire. The end justifies the means. I would do it some other way if there was time or if it wasn’t necessary to do it this way

    2. Now, just a word about the poor Negroes. They’re here. They’ve got to be cared for.

    3. I have $100 for whoever knocks that loudmouth son of a bitch out.

    4. It is true. I am an ignorant man. I have had no college education. I have not even had a high school education. But the things that takes me far in politics is that I do not have to color what comes into my mind and into my heart.

    5. I can frighten or buy ninety-nine out of every one hundred men.

    6. You will find that you cannot do without politicians. They are a necessary evil in this day and time.

    1. #3 is the Not- Boss Hogg of The Dukes of Hazzard said that.

  49. http://money.cnn.com/2015/03/3…..-blogging/

    Andrew Sullivan; blogging nearly killed me. No Andrew, going insane and spending years obsessing over Sarah Palin’s uterus nearly killed you. Shame on the Atlantic for not firing you and forcing you to get the psychiatric help you so clearly needed.

    1. Indeed. Even worse, he’s the guy that our most cretinous troll modeled his entire schtick after.

    2. I liked him in the early days. He was one of the few contrarian voices in the liberal media that I was reading at the time.

  50. Can anyone here please explain the pic & alt text? Something about “bro orange” or “broo range”?

    1. The guy in China who bought the pictured American’s guy’s stolen iPhone didn’t wipe it or turn off iCloud photo syncing. The American dude posted a bunch of the Chinese dude’s sellfies online, including ones with orange trees in the background. This became a sensation in China, where said Chinese dude was nicknamed “Brother Orange”.

  51. Twenty years to the same hot ass today. Just remembered… damn.

  52. Public dancing is banned in Sweden

    News broke 2 days ago. Not sure if it’s an April Fools or not. My g/f, who is originally from Sweden, brought it to my attention.

    1. Dancing exploits the humans and makes them go disorderly. Can’t be having all that footloose around the uptight atheists.

  53. I don’t think this is an April Fools joke …

    I Followed My Stolen iPhone Across The World, Became A Celebrity In China, And Found A Friend For Life

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538……ijMD3kJAE

    1. It is not. It has been floating around the internet for a while.

      Also, it is one of the AM links today.

      1. Thanks for ruining my joke, Carl.

  54. My ex-wife makes $75 every hour on the laptop . She has been laid off for seven months but last month her pay check was $18875 just working on the laptop for a few hours.
    Look At This. ???? http://www.jobsfish.com

  55. My ex-wife makes $75 every hour on the laptop . She has been laid off for seven months but last month her pay check was $18875 just working on the laptop for a few hours.
    Look At This. ???? http://www.jobsfish.com

  56. My ex-wife makes $75 every hour on the laptop . She has been laid off for seven months but last month her pay check was $18875 just working on the laptop for a few hours.
    Look At This. ???? http://www.jobsfish.com

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