Obama Roasts Hillary Over Emails, Kerry Slapped by Assad and His Own Staff, College Students Like Guns: P.M. Links

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  1. Brazilians are tiring of scandal-plagued President Dilma Rousseff.

    They’re not as tolerant as our voters here in the USA?

    1. Looks like I tied you. Almost.

    2. Hello.

      A) Are we doing a NCAA pool this year?
      B) I’m a little wasted on – hang on don’t have a grip on these German names – Hacker-Pschorr Weisse (traditional wheat) beer.

      1. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror, and said

        “Self?!? You aren’t going to day drink today!! Do you understand?!?!”

        And yet here we are.

        1. I went cross-country skiing and said to myself, ‘you deserve not any beer. GERMAN BEER.!’

          1. I just enjoyed myself a nice Brooklyn Lager on my lunch break. Now back to the grind.

            1. Hipster.

              It’s hot, and I don’t have AC. A cold Dogfish Head seemed like the right thing to do.

              1. Is Brooklyn even distributed in California? I brought the sample 12-pack back from Vegas with me because I haven’t seen it out here.

                And I suppose it’s hipster because its brewed in Williamsburg. And because I’m drinking it downtown. And I have a beard now. My buddy out in Vegas was calling me a hipster this weekend. E Tu Playa?

                1. If the beard fits.

                  It’s not like you have a designer dog…

              2. Every year on the beach in Delaware we drink (against beach rules) Dogfish and Newcastle.

                1. Beach? Delaware?

                  *shakes head*

                  I got a keg of Newcastle for my kid’s 5th birthday. It was much appreciated by all of the parents. I think that is the last time I’ve had it.

                  1. WEST COAST BIAS!

                    1. Yes. I suppose so.
                      My beach.

                    2. The good news: When California finally cracks and falls into the ocean it will be Nevada’s beach.

                    3. That’s a very common misconception, Lady B.

                      SoCal will eventually be a peninsula, with water on all sides, thus increasing my property value even further.

                    4. If it has water on all sides, isn’t it an island?

                    5. If it has water on all sides, isn’t it a FUCK YOU SLOOPY?

                    6. The REAL Southern California is already a peninsula. What everybody keeps calling ‘Southern California’ is actually the middle part.

                      The US only acquired half of California back in 1848, and ever since then, Americans have tried to convince themselves it’s the whole thing.

                  2. Way back when I was a magazine editor, Newcastle Ale had the back cover ad on our rag every month. They paid us in a combination of cash and cases. We had an old fridge in our offices that didn’t have room for food because it was always completely full of Newcastle bottles.

                    As you can imagine, our editorial meetings always got more hilarious and disoriented after they exceeded 45 minuites, and production weekend was one long bender of nut brown beverages.

                    1. It’s a calorie thing for me. I consider Newcastle to be a light beer, which means I have to drink a lot of them. That’s too many calories.

                      8+% or GTFO

                    2. I worked for a weekly newspaper that had the back page “paid” by Founders Brewing when it was just begining. We had pallets delivered.

                  3. Sending all the kids home tired and blitzed?

                    /contibuting to the delinquency of future libertarians?

                    1. There are only a few places in town to have a decent kid’s party. Only one of them allowed booze. It’s a lot of fun when the parents start going down slides and getting rowdy in the ball pit.

                    2. The ball pit is fun until you hit pee.

                  4. What did the 5 year olds think of it ?

            2. I drank a Firestone Walker rye IPA with lunch today. Pretty bitter, but delicious. I don’t drink much beer.

              1. Bitter is what makes it so damn good. Did I mention that I like the taste of Asprin?

        2. This is the sole reason you put the mirror above your bed, right?

          1. I can’t remember. I put it up when I was day drinking.

      2. I’m a little wasted on – hang on don’t have a grip on these German names – Hacker-Pschorr Weisse

        It’s tough to go wrong with a German wheat beer, though it can be done.

        1. I’m thoroughly enjoying it. It took me two minutes to type this sentence.

          1. Drunken commenting is fun!

        2. I’m generally not a wheat beer fan. My exceptions are dunkelweiss and berlinerweiss (i love sours).

          1. Dunkelweiss beers are good. I’ve never had a Berlinerweiss, though I have one in the queue in the cabinet.

      3. Double Dark Animator or GTFO.

    3. Fake scandals. Things are perfect when women are in charge. Anyone who disagrees is an intolerant caveman perpetrating abuse.

      1. Well, besides Dilma stealing several billion dollars from Petrobras while she sat on the board there, and nearly ruining Brazil’s economy over the last several years, everything is fine with her.

    4. There were nearly 2 million protesters over the weekend. Almost all of my family there joined in the protests against Dilma and the PT.

      If Aecio Neves would have won the election, it would have been very good for Brazil. He may not be the best, but I can tell you with certainty he’s better than Obama, a lot more pro-business.

    1. That’s only going to make Florida Man more powerful.

    2. Manbeerpig?

  2. President Obama is the latest political figure to give Hillary Clinton the business over her email shenanigans.

    Via the DoJ?

  3. Wonder what the China fellaters will think of this?

    China’s Li Keqiang pledges to reduce government role in economy

    Premier Li Keqiang expressed determination Sunday to press ahead with reforms meant to reduce the Chinese government’s role in the world’s second-largest economy in hopes of spurring growth despite what he acknowledged would be pain for “vested interests” that benefit from regulation.

    1. They’d say communism is withering away the state.

    2. And reforming their education system too. It’s almost like they don’t think of themselves as technocratic geniuses the way Tom Friedman does.

    3. Is Friedman going to become a libertarian now?

      1. Become? No.

        Claim to be one? Possibly. Friedman’s muddled brain occasionally spits out random sentences that it thinks are profound. “Ich bin ein libertarian” is certainly within that set of possible random sentences.

        1. “The only thing worse than the one-party democracy of the Republicans, is the zero-party democracy of the libertarians.” /friedmangenerator

        2. If he were a dog, and libertarianism a wash rag, Friedman would be just as likely to ride the mango as Obama would be to sign a carbon trade agreement with Angola’s allies.

          But don’t count it.

        3. I’m pretty sure “Thomas Friedman” is actually an Orangutan with an ergonomically adapted keyboard.

          1. Why do you hate orangutans, Lady Bertrum?

          2. It would have to an orangutan with a sense of humor who wanted to spoof the received wisdom of East Coast elites.

            But I think most orangutans have better things to do.

    4. Once the fellating is, um, finished, they could take a brisk walk in the fresh air to clear their heads, or a quick swim to wash off that dirty feeling:

      http://www.boredpanda.com/pollution-china/

  4. …but his outreach efforts win on the press attention front.

    Who will going forward make certain he never wins over a Democratic crowd ever.

  5. Canada could save billions of dollars by covering everybody for virtually every drug

    A universal prescription drug plan could reduce total spending on medications in Canada by billions and cover everyone at an affordable price for taxpayers, health policy researchers say.

    Magic!

    1. God dammit this fucking country.

    2. Canada government says do drugs, kids!

    3. “Government plan could save billions of dollars while keeping drug costs affordable, study suggests”

      Of course, once it becomes too expensive like anything else run by the government the researchers will say, “IT WAS JUST AN ACADEMIC SUGGESTION! You’re the morons who listened to us!”

    4. And what’s magic only about *drugs*? Universal food and housing could save even *more*!

      1. I truly am perplexed a politician hasn’t pushed for universal food yet.

        I mean at this point…

        1. Quotas of rice and rat meat?

    5. Bend that cost curve!

    6. What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with people?

    7. *by forbidding off-label or any other prescription not officially endorsed and permitted.

      Did the British NHS already do this. And they aren’t dying in the streets — just from neglect in hospitals.

  6. Nice work, Reason commenters. We had some troll attempts this weekend, but everyone did their part.

    Keep up the good work!

    *wipes tear from eye*

    1. Speaking of this. Has Reasonable always had that hover feature, where hovering over the filtered comment shows why it was filtered, in case I want to view it? That’s fabulous.

    2. I don’t know, GKC got a lot of responses.

      1. *smooches*

        1. Dude, gay.

      2. While I strongly disagree with his beliefs, they are sincere, and he isn’t trying to troll.

        I went after him pretty hard a couple of weeks ago, and ended up going a little bit too far. So for the time being, I’m staying out of all matters Eddie.

        1. He’s witnessing to us. It’s not trolling, strictly speaking, but it’s not terribly polite either.

          1. I’d love to have you Joiiin Uuuus, but on only a couple occasions have I made a specifically proselytizing post.

            But I’ll do one now – drop by your local Catholic church, talk to the priest, kick the tires, drop in on their RCIA classes, you might like it!

        2. The off-topic posts about Lincoln and gay sex might qualify as trolling, but then those rarely get any kind of response.

          And I did enjoy the ‘families are penalized by not getting a big enough tax credit’ argument this weekend.

          1. I like doing deep-dish and Lincoln trolling, I usually wait for a gay article to discuss a gay topic, but maybe I slipped up a couple times.

            1. Oh, and circumcision.

              It’s kind of post-modern trolling.

          2. He often doesn’t realize that he’s doing it. That was my mistake, assuming that he does it on purpose.

            See above, er.. I mean supra.

            Warty: ” but it’s not terribly polite either”

            GKC: “But I’ll do one now – drop by your local Catholic church, talk to the priest, kick the tires, drop in on their RCIA classes, you might like it!”

            1. He often doesn’t realize that he’s doing it.

              Maybe, maybe not. It’s a short leap from sincere believer to True Believer.

      3. Every libertarian discussion board should adopt a SoCon troll. They like regular feeding, but they can provide lots of entertainment.

        1. Who’s posts would you rather read, Eddies or the shrieking imbeciles? Everything is about perspective.

  7. Competitive shooting is booming (yes, it is) on campus.

    Corresponding with the competitive police-calling clubs?

    1. If I can get them to the range, every gun “control” argument disappears. Let ’em run through a box of nine millie and the scales are blasted from their eyes. I’ve had to replace my passenger seat several times because of the moisture.

    2. There’s a small minority of bitter old white men* at MIT? Who knew?

      (* Cause we gotta bleve the survey. It’s science!)

  8. Al Gore at SXSW: We Need to ‘Punish Climate-Change Deniers’

    He called on the tech-minded SXSW crowd, which is dominated by Millenials, to harness technology to launch a grassroots movement to tackle climate change and call out climate deniers.

    Can we get a poll of Millenials about this?

    1. Religious zealot says something stupid, film at 11.

    2. I love that guy. Love him.

      I can’t think of a single individual that could do more damage to the movement than Al Gore.

      1. If “he” hadn’t lashed it so thoroughly to *science as a whole* I would agree.

    3. We need to punish Al Gore.

      Now. To figure out the punishment…

      1. Take away all his petroleum-related things.

        1. Wait, he gets credit, because . . . intentions, amiright?

      2. Life with Tipper.

        1. My understanding is that she’s kind of a party girl. Serious Dead Head, at least back in the day. Of course she is a scold and a moral panicker of the worst sort.

          1. Fine, then. You first.

      3. Flood his beachfront property.

    4. Oooooh!!!!!!

      We’re going to be called out?!?!?

      That’s scary!!!!

      Oh wait! It’s climate change deniers he wants shamed! Is he referring to natural climate change deniers like himself? Or is there some other mythical sort that he’s after?

    5. Al Gore looks like he sweats gravy.

      1. That’s used motor oil.

      2. ManBearPig makes for a very rich, gamey gravy.

        1. He’s a walking, living haggis.

    6. It’s almost like you guys don’t agree with Ezra Klein that Al Gore should run for president.

      1. It’s almost like you guys don’t agree with Ezra Klein that Al Gore should run for president.

        Correct.

      2. Say what you want about George Bush, he wasn’t Al Gore and he wasn’t John Kerry.

        And still isn’t, I’m pretty sure.

    7. Al Gore is kinda fat. I don’t like fat people.

    8. He has ridden the mighty moon worm!

    9. As soon as his personal power consumption is less than the city of Austin’s, I’ll start rethinking my position on Al Gore’s credibility.

      1. So much this^

      2. That’s just one of the gifts. There’s the private jets and motorcades as well.

  9. Left-wing Washington Post editorial board member Jonathan Capehart admits that “Hands Up Don’t Shoot” was based on a lie.

    Gee whiz, thanks for that timely apologia there Einstein. You’ll probably be shocked to know that some of us had that figured out months ago. Also, that’s pretty rich considering it’s coming from one of the typical media scumbags (that’s you) responsible for perpetrating the lie around the entire country in the first place.

    1. “Through exhaustive interviews with witnesses, cross-checking their statements with previous statements to authorities and the media, ballistics, DNA evidence and results from three autopsies, the Justice Department was able to present a credible and troubling picture of what happened on Canfield Drive.”

      Wow, if only we had private organizations willing to do that sort of investigative work, acting on deadline, so as to enlighten the public about controversial and disputed events involving the government!

      “More credible than the grand jury decision to not indict Wilson.”

      Pull the other one. In what universe does a thorough state investigation have less credibility than the Obama administration?

      Shorter Capehart: I didn’t do my job, I swallowed a bunch of lies – the same kind of ridiculous lies my paper discredited in the UVa case – and now Obama pulled the rug out from under me by exonerating the cop, so I have to eat my words, covering my retreat with a bunch of racial-justice rhetoric.

    2. Overall the media do a good job. You just need to have a healthy skepticism when they write about science, religion, politics, or current events.

  10. Evangelicals Aim to Mobilize an Army for Republicans in 2016

    …….

    “They say you’re anti-Israel,” Mr. Lane said he told Mr. Paul when they met, and asked if he had ever been to Israel. When Mr. Paul said he had not, Mr. Lane, whose daughter now works for Mr. Paul, asked if the senator would be interested in going on a tour with evangelical leaders from Iowa and South Carolina.

    Two years ago, Mr. Paul, his wife, Kelley, and their sons joined about 50 pastors and evangelical leaders on the trip. Afterward, Mr. Lane said, he received a note from Mr. Paul in which he wrote that he had awaked from a dream singing “How Great Thou Art” and that two of his sons had committed their lives to Christ.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03…..pe=article

    1. We need more SoCons like Rand Paul and his father.

  11. Remember that island in the South Pacific that was under treat of rising sea levels because of climate change? No worries, it got hit by a cyclone instead.

    1. A cyclone caused by global warming, right?

      Fun fact: Without global warming, hurricanes would not exist.

      1. Before climate change, we only had to deal with hurricanes. Now we have cyclones too!

  12. Surrounding the Fed’s policy meeting this week is the widespread expectation that it will no longer use the word “patient” to describe its stance on raising interest rates from record lows. The big question is: What will that mean?

    Many economists say the dropping of “patience” would signal that the Fed plans to start raising rates in June to reflect a steadily strengthening U.S. job market. Others foresee no rate hike before September. And a few predict no increase before year’s end at the earliest.

    Would someone *kindly* explain WTF this word-parsing crap is all about? (And exactly what Janet Yellen *does*?)

    1. She occupies a position somewhere between court-jester, court-soothsayer, and court scape-goat.

    2. Brokers get paid when people trade. News outlets are entirely in the thrall of brokers. Therefore every Fed discussion must be carefully parsed to force as many suckers to make trades as possible.

    3. The word-parsing is what happens when real power evaporates. People focus on the trivial because it’s distracting and comforting.

      Think of the Fed as sorta like the guy who gives the monkeys at the zoo peanut treats. The guy has a big red button that releases peanuts into the monkey cage. The monkeys bang on the glass demanding more and when they get overly worked up the guy presses the button to quiet them down.

      So, Janet Yellen is a monkey trainer who’s lost control of her monkeys.

      1. To be fair, Bernanke and Greenspan threw so many peanuts at the monkeys that she doesn’t have any left. There’s nothing left to do when you are creating money as fast as possible and the economy doesn’t inflate.

        1. Yes. It’s only a matter of time until the monkeys start flinging their shit.

          1. And worse, they’re nasty little creatures. Cute when things are going well, but smart enough that keeping them captive is creepy and difficult.

      2. “So, Janet Yellen is a monkey ”

        Enough, good lady, enough.

      3. More that the quiver is empty and Grandpa Yellen has nothing but words to play with now. Any real rise in rates would crash the economy and that’s treason in this modern .gov age. Any move towards NIRP would be a blatant admission of failure, and that’s also treasonous behavior.

    4. Interesting, because there’s been the expectation by many that doctors should no longer use the word “patient” either.

      In our case it’s because some language warriors feel a ‘doctor-patient’ relationship gives the ‘doctor’ too much power.

      So instead, we’re supposed to be ‘providers’ now, and our patients are ‘consumers.’ This is how the very PC people speak now.

      Sometimes, I have to be alone with other docs in the charting room before we can feel comfortable enough around each other to utter such derogatory words as ‘patient’.

    5. She’s a shaman.

  13. NRA fears Grover Nordquist may be a secret muslim terrorist:

    Wayne assured me and asked me to convey to you, that he and the NRA are taking this very seriously. They are beginning an open and transparent investigation into these alleged ties and relationships and will provide the results to me, my audience and NRA Members.

    1. Dude goes to burning man. It would be hard to be a secret muslim anything there. Although…

    2. Note to NRA web designer (reason squirrels pay attention): if you site requires a popup to tell people how to navigate your menu because you’ve hidden it in that pseudo mobile version of “clean” design, you’re doing it wrong.

  14. Here is the email I sent to the Turd Burglar mentioned in today’s Brickbat:

    Great work, Batman
    Freaked out over a gun, huh? There, there. The bad, scary man and his wicked bang stick are far away now.

    We all know that criminals and mass shooters carry pistols on their hips where everyone can see them, so you did the right thing by calling the po-po.

    I can only wish that perhaps someday I could be as brave and mighty as you, o great hero of the University of Michigan Band Dept.

    Guns are like the ring of Sauron- no one can possess one without being corrupted by its evil aura. Except police, of course.

    BTW: If you’re going to dox a guy, you should probably do a better job of scrubbing YOUR contact info from the web.

    Peace, Love, & Smooches

    1. What Daily Brickbat, Derpy.

      Good letter, though.

    2. Dipshit goes to Michigan, what did you expect?

    3. Derp, you’re the reason my daughter came to me and said, ‘we should invent a drink called MOUNTAIN DERP.’

      I love that girl.

      1. And now you see why I became a derpetologist- to make a difference in the world.

      2. Mountain Dew is perfect. Don’t.

    4. Good one.

    5. “Ask any “people” you’d like why they were concerned. I can tell you that I am concerned about firearms being brought into schools,” he added.

      The ones that you can see or the ones that you can’t?

  15. http://www.thedailybeast.com/a…..ement.html

    “The US won’t let the UN look at prisons to investigate solitary confinement.”

    I’m not sure why anybody puts any sort of faith into the United Nations. It’s a self-deluded socialist’s wet dream even in purest theory, and an utter abomination in reality.

    Allowing the United Nations on American soil is Satanically awful.

    I especially love the guy’s bitching about our obligations as a member of the Human Rights Council. The irony stings.

    1. While that’s true, I have a strong feeling that if another country had the type of policing and jail conditions as we do in the US, there would be a large call, especially from the left, for tough sanctions (and possible military involvement).

    2. I agree. Fuck the UN.

  16. Repost from last night, because Sundays suck:

    The Guardian posted a piece about how Reddit is not censored to their liking.

    While it’s not much different from other pieces in the genre, what I found notable is that in the graphic, “bad Reddit” includes “GentlemanBoners”* and “RandomSexyGIFS”.

    Neither allows nudity. The former goes as far as to require that the women featured be wearing formal attire.

    So at The Guardian, it doesn’t even have to be porn or deviant to be sinful.

    Also, Ellen Pao is hot.

    *So named because it was inspired by a subreddit called LadyBoners, which features pictures of men (so of course was not mentioned in the Guardian piece).

    1. Looking at women is ocular rape.

      1. Maybe they could wear some sort of special garb that hides their figures?

        1. You’re wrong. Women aren’t the problem, men are. Men need to wear blinders at all times when in the presence of a woman.

          1. Wow…that’s like the reverse Islam of Earth-29.

    2. What a surprise, zero mention of the subreddits tailored towards women and homosexuals that provide pornography.

      1. You missed out on a lot of nerdy time travel talk in the robot thread.

  17. You know, I think maybe this contempt for John Kerry at last gives us middle ground for meaningful rapprochement with Assad. For I, too, don’t give a damn what Kerry has to say.

  18. American patient with Ebola at NIH downgraded from serious to critical condition.

    Whoa whoa, whoa. Number one, I thought the Ebola problem had been eradicated already and everyone was cured since the media basically disappeared all the coverage. Number two, I though it was basically impossible to get the disease in the first place.

    1. Number three, critical is better than serious?

      1. Downgraded means you’ve gotten worse. ‘Critical’ is the next rung down the ladder after ‘serious’, not much farther you can go after that and still be alive.

      2. Downgraded means he got worse. Right?

        1. What, this is like when my wife tells me to turn down the A/C. Does that mean make it colder or make it warmer??!? Gah!

    2. Careful, I think that scarecrow is stuffed with ebola contaminated straw!

  19. For hockey fans. IT’S HAMMOND TIME! Now is this a mask or what?

    http://www.cbssports.com/nhl

    1. Obama looks on in envy.

      1. Give ’em a break. They’re working around the clock to create Shaddam I:

        http://www.zerohedge.com/news/…..te-its-foi

    2. And how is that effectively different from how things were before. I love how dictatorships go through the motions of rule of law, elections, etc.

      1. It’s a sign that the leadership is dumber and more arrogant. Augustus took over and ran as an autocrat, but he hid it all under the auspices of constitutional rule. His successors got increasingly bad at doing that. Of course, much later, the autocracy was firmly established and everyone stopped resisting.

        1. Thing is, Augustus was competent. Which we can’t say about these idiots.

          1. I dunno what happened to the fascist left, but they sure like showing their tyrant-wannabe hands nowadays. That’s not the best way to seize power.

    3. thanks a lot joe

    4. Apparently, they just weren’t hitting it hard enough.

    5. Sean Penn hardest hit.

  20. http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015…..p=HPBucket

    “Restroom at an Indiana Wal-Mart closed indefinitely after backpack meth lab is found inside.”

    “MUNCIE, Ind. ? A restroom at a Wal-Mart in eastern Indiana has been closed indefinitely after an employee discovered a working meth lab inside.

    State police say a Wal-Mart employee alerted police after seeing a man he described as suspicious enter the restroom about 11:30 p.m. Thursday with a backpack and leave without it. The Star Press reports (http://bit.ly/18o9m0E ) that members of a state police meth suppression team removed the dangerous chemicals.

    Delaware County Health Department inspectors closed the restroom and a nearby women’s restroom until they could be “decontaminated” by a professional cleaning company.”

    ——————–

    He’s in the empire business.

    1. Suspicious?

      Was it this guy?

      1. Drugs and acahol have ruined mah life!

  21. Spot the Not: Che T-shirt… I mean Guevara

    1. My nostrils dilate while savoring the acrid odor of gunpowder and blood. Crazy with fury I will stain my rifle red while slaughtering any vencido that falls in my hands!

    2. Many will call me an adventurer – and that I am, only one of a different sort: one of those who risks his skin to prove his platitudes.

    3. Political power springs forth from the barrel of a gun.

    4. Do not shoot! I am Che Guevara and worth more to you alive than dead.

    5. Cruel leaders are replaced only to have new leaders turn cruel.

    6. Youth must refrain from ungrateful questioning of governmental mandates.

    1. Number three is from that other commie hero Mao Tse Tung. I know this from my Civilization IV playing days.

      1. Civ V taught me that Gandhi is a warmongering maniac. I wouldn’t trust that game when it comes to history.

        1. The ‘Gandhi is a bastard’ joke has been in Civilization since the first one, where there was a bug in a mechanic where he was supposed to be really peaceful.

          1. I always randomize the personalities, and Gandhi is still the biggest prick.

          2. I’ll bet it was Ghandi Phalanxes that kept defeating my battleships!

    2. Damn, Derpy, you’re good. Not familiar enough with Guevara to venture a guess, but you did use the “acrid odor of gunpowder” quote in the AM links, so presuming that one is legit.

      1. Careful, Tonio. He’s probably used “the smell of napalm” at some point, too.

    3. The third is Chaircunt Mao, isn’t it?

    4. 5 sounds a little too self-aware to be real.

    5. Fun fact: Che’s last words were not the defiant “Go ahead and shoot, coward. You will only kill a man.”

      According to a Bolivian general present, his last words were “I am Che Guevara and I have failed.”

      Another said his last words were #4 above.

      1. Either way he was a scumbag. Mona from ‘Soap’ was braver.

        She’s still alive by the way.

    6. Mike M. ruined it for me.

    7. I’ll call this one since 2 have already guessed correctly. The Not is #3 and it is indeed from Scare-man Mao.

    8. I think 3 is Mao, so I’ll say it’s the not

  22. ISIS fighters dress as women in desperate attempt to flee battlefield?

    The men put on makeup, wore dresses and some even wore women’s bras. Others chose not to shave their facial hair, though still applied eyeliner, eyeshadow and blush. It is unclear what will be the fate of the Islamic State members now that they are in police custody.

    It is clear, however, what will be the fate of their rectums.

    1. “You’re hereby sentenced to a lifetime of hourly cavity violations, to be carried out by a Bubba of our chosing. God have mercy on your rectal soul.”

      1. If this is true, and not just war propaganda by their opponents, then it is a welcome development and should subject them to much mockery.

    2. Isn’t it against Islamic law for a man to dress as a woman? Cause if so, the hypocrisy is hilarious.

    3. The truthfulness of that notwithstanding, that may be the single worst comment section I’ve ever seen on the internet. Holy shit.

      1. Wow…

    4. He’s an ISIS fighter/and he’s OK
      He kills all night/ and he prays all day

  23. Poles Steel for Battle, Fearing Russia Will March on Them Next

    For evidence of how much President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia has jangled nerves and provoked anxiety across Eastern Europe, look no farther than the drill held the other day by the Shooters Association.

    The paramilitary group, like more than 100 others in Poland, has experienced a sharp spike in membership since Mr. Putin’s forces began meddling in neighboring Ukraine last year.

    Thirty students took an oath to defend Poland at all costs, joining nearly 200 other regional members of the association ? young men and women, boys and girls ? marching in formation around the perimeter of the dusty high school courtyard here. They crossed Polish Army Boulevard and marched into the center of town, sprawling in four long lines along the edge of St. Joseph’s Square.

    Gen. Boguslaw Pacek, an adviser to the Polish defense minister and the government’s chief liaison with these paramilitary groups, marched with them. He has been making the rounds in recent months of such gatherings: student chapters like this one, as well as groups of veterans, even battle re-enactors.

    1. Poland’s safe. An invasion of Poland, since it’s part of NATO, constitutes a declaration of war upon the United States. Putin can try, the motherfucker. but he won’t.

      1. I guess if I were Polish I might be concerned about whether the U.S. would face up against an invasion of Poland, given that the U.S. provided security guarantees to Ukraine (in exchange for giving up its nukes) that weren’t worth too much.

        1. I’m unsure, to be honest. On one hand, the idea that the United States would abandon NATO in the event of Russian aggression strikes me as mathematically impossible and unconscionable. On the other hand, Obama’s government is cowardly, retarded, and immoral to its very core, and were such an invasion to occur, there’s a good chance, however much I’d love to be in denial about it, that we’d be horribly disappointed. Obama’s progressive hellspawn, so I sure as hell don’t put it past him to let Poland burn, though I’m ever the optimist.

          1. I honestly don’t know what this government would do.

            1. Wait to see which side had the better PR campaign.

              1. Well, does Putin or Merkel poll better in the U.S. among Democrats?

          2. Even Obama couldn’t let that slide.

            1. Oh, I’m sure stern words would be issued. Of course, Poland is different than Ukraine in that I’m not sure the Russians could actually win. And Europe would sure the fuck wake up if that happened.

              1. We would do nothing.

                Europe might wake up – but then what are they gonna do? Issue their own strongly worded statement?

                1. You know, I’m not sure Germany couldn’t defeat Russia head-to-head in a conventional war right now.

                  1. The Germans could just sweep the Rooskies away with their Brooms of Might +2.

                    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..4352358293

            2. Even Obama couldn’t let that slide.

              Snort!!!!!

              1. You think? As much as he might want to, I don’t see any way he’d feel he could weasel out of NATO obligations.

                1. What are we going to do to him, not re-elect him? Impeach him?

          3. It seems inconceivable that Russia would invade Poland. That is just too much. A more plausible scenario would involve “protecting Russian-speaking minorities” in the east of Estonia and Latvia. Will Nato start a full-fledged war with Russia for a small territory where ethnic Russians constitute the majority of the population?

    2. Given Poland’s long, long history of being fucked over by the Russians, Germans, Austrians, or a combination of the three, I’m amazed the whole country isn’t surrounded by bunkers manned 24 hours a day.

      1. They fucked up. They trusted us.

        1. ^^Yeah, this, but I’m guessing they have a manpower problem.

  24. Federal agencies made $125 billion in improper payments last year, including tax credits to people who didn’t qualify, Medicare payments for treatments that might not be necessary and unemployment benefits for people who were actually working, said a government report released Monday.

    The level of improper payments was a new high after several years of declines. In addition to fraud, the errors included overpayments and underpayments, as well payments made without proper documentation.

    While the errors were spread among 22 federal agencies, three programs stood out: Medicare, Medicaid and the Earned Income Tax Credit.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Politics…..r-29677793

    Cut some spending, GOP!! For once!! Quit dicking around with Hil-Dog and letters to Mullahs!!

    Nawww. Won’t happen.

    1. How many different medications are you prescribed when you visit the pediatrician?

    2. Social Security has no death record for 6.5 million people who would be at least 112 years old, according to a report by the agency’s inspector general.

      In reality, only a few could possibly be alive. As of last fall, there were only 42 people known to be that old in the entire world.

      1. Social Security has no death record for 6.5 million people who would be at least 112 years old

        Curiously, however, there were voting records available for all 6.5 million of these people, who all had recently registered as Democrats in states with no voter ID requirements.

    3. Mr. Hopey Changey promised to curb waste, fraud, and abuse in Medicare – color me shocked that it hasn’t happened.

    4. What I love about the GOP being back in control is how much more libertarian (well, anti-govnance by the heretics) you suddenly become.

    5. So who’s in charge of the executive branch again?

  25. Just think- the next election could feature Gore vs. a different Bush!

    Maybe there will be another recount!

    OH, JOY!

  26. Bradley Cooper’s girlfriend is smoking hot (pic linked):

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…..lp00000592

    Suki Waterhouse

  27. GENERATION WAR! GO!

    Researchers at Princeton-based Educational Testing Service (ETS) expected it to be when they administered a test called the Program for the International Assessment of Adult Competencies (PIAAC). Sponsored by the OECD, the test was designed to measure the job skills of adults, aged 16 to 65, in 23 countries.

    When the results were analyzed by age group and nationality, ETS got a shock. It turns out, says a new report, that Millennials in the U.S. fall short when it comes to the skills employers want most: literacy (including the ability to follow simple instructions), practical math, and ? hold on to your hat ? a category called “problem-solving in technology-rich environments.”

    1. Think you’re smarter than a Millennial?

      Take the test.

    2. It’s because of their inferior video games. All they play now are FPS games. They grow weak.

      1. We need more games that require keyboard diagrams to know how to play.

        1. That fucking game was the fucking shit.

        2. If you aren’t using both hands and all fingers, you’re not really involved.

    3. Young cone, let me tell you. I used to walk 7 zerls, knee-deep in farthrite crystals to one-room daladala center…

      /conehead sketch

    4. “He say Millenials have low IQ. “

    5. We hear about the superior tech savvy of people born after 1980 so often that we tend to assume it must be true.

      From my experience, my fellow younguns are not “tech savvy”. They simply have slightly less learned helplessness around tech than old people.

      Also, the way the report is formatted/laid out is stupid. I skimmed it and the whole way it’s being spun is mildly stupid, but I don’t really want to get into it.

      1. That’s what I was getting at – it’s thinly veiled Kidsthesedaysism.

        1. Yeah. It has always been spoon fed to them. Just because you can play Play Station doesn’t mean you know how it works.

  28. Someone should make a movie about Felix Rodriguez, the CIA spook who captured Che Guevara. Mostly because his life story is interesting and also to hear the howling from the Che-loving pinkos.

    He even has Guevara’s Rolex in his possession. Now that’s a trophy.

    1. Oh goddammit. How’d I fuck that up? Fuck preview for not working.

      Trying again: Puscifer

      1. I used to really dig Tool/APC/Puscifer, but lately I’m not as keen on Keenan.

  29. Most transparent administration in history.

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/…../24844253/

    1. It’s a good thing I’ve chosen to be apolitical or this would piss me off. Rather than giving a shit about what those fuck heads in Washington do or do not do, my only mission is to avoid all contact with government at every level.

    2. I knew I should have scrolled down further. I’m such a naughty.

  30. One party to the contract has a sob story and the other is easy to hate on, so Chuck Schumer says fuck contract law.

    How is this not an unconstitutional interference in contracts? And when will the federal government forgive the tax liens of the deceased?

    OK, I know the answer to the latter question.

    1. I am all for buyer be ware. The problem is when the lender buys off the government to get the loans guaranteed and then the recipient of the loan buys off the government to get the loan amounts raised so they can raise their prices way above market, I say fuck the whole lot of them. I have no sympathy for anyone in higher ed or the student loan business. They are all a bunch of crooks who deserve to lose their money.

      1. OMG, JOHN WANTS TO NATIONALIZE THE BANKS!!! DERP!!!

    2. If the borrower on a student loan is dead, does is matter if the loan is forgiven? What exactly is the penalty for default? They repossess his brain? The corpse gets a bad credit score?

      1. No. The parent/family co-signers do.

        1. Oh. It’s not, strictly speaking, a student loan then, is it?

    3. The obvious answer to this is STUDENT LOAN INSURANCE .

      Just like mortgage insurance it will solve that problem and create new avenues for big bank revenues.

      Problem solved, as long as it is MANDATORY.

      1. More seriously, why not just get a term life policy for the sum of the student loan? Do you know how dirt cheap term life insurance for someone that age is?

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