Russia Not Feeling the Love Over Ukraine, Democrats and Israeli Officials Face Off Over Netanyahu Speech, Malaysia Disciplines Fifty Shades of Grey: P.M. Links

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  • Vladimir Putin
    Russian government

    Western efforts to talk Putin into pulling troops out of Ukraine and giving up his country's recent real estate acquisitions there have little chance of success, say Russia watchers.

  • Capitol Hill Democrats and Israeli diplomats remain at odds over Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's scheduled "unauthorized" (by the White House) speech to Congress.
  • Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Margaret Hamburg, who led the federal agency into tobacco regulation, is off to meddle elsewhere in American life. The FDA's chief scientist, Stephen Ostroff, will fill in as acting commissioner.
  • Wide publicity for American Sniper is complicating jury selection in the trial of Chris Kyle's alleged murderer.
  • Brian Williams's weird lies about an easily checked incident in Iraq raise credibility problems for NBC News.
  • The forthcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie takes a beating from Malaysian censors. They say it's "pornography" featuring sex scenes that are not "natural." Wait…that's an objection?

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  1. Brian Williams’s weird lies about an easily checked incident in Iraq raise credibility problems for NBC News.

    His 911 call about the incident was edited.

    1. Hello.

      Teacher tapes student to chair.

      http://www.cjad.com/cjad-news/…..d-to-chair

      These incidences leave scars.

      I still remember a third grade substitute teacher who forced me to drink spoiled milk. I hated milk back then and hate it more today. I could never shake the smell from my mind.

      1. My first grade teacher taped me to a chair and taped my mouth shut. That’s why I turned out evil.

        1. Armed mob steals from me. I send my children to be “educated” by the same armed mob. Bad shit happens.

          1. That same argument applies to every single tax funded good or service in existence.

      2. In kindergarten some kid told the teacher that I had bit him, which I DID NOT DO. Anyway, I would never apologize because I didn’t fucking do it. But the teacher got out a hole punch and pretended it was some kind of pliers type implement and held me down and said that she was going to pull all my teeth out. While I was writhing and squirming and yelling, she told the whole class to stand up and move to the back of the room because there was going to be blood all over the floor.

        1. Da fuh?

          Teacher was psycho.

        2. I honestly hope that is the most fucked-up thing I read all week. I also hope that, if true, said teacher was later raped to death by syphilitic baboons.

    2. What does the weapon look like? Can you describe it?

      …snip… …snip…

      It’s black.

      1. It’s got one of those thingies that goes up!

    3. He should have wired trucks to blow up.

    4. As I read somebody else pointing out elsewhere, Brian Williams doesn’t go anywhere alone, so this means that the NBC news team with him and other employees must have been complicit in this horseshit, over a period of years and years of repeating the lie.

      I mean, it’s not like I needed any more evidence of the biases in that organization, but they really shot themselves in the foot on this one.

      1. Variety published an anonymous source saying some network people told him to stop telling this story a while ago.

        Thinly sourced, but the guy comes off as lying douche based on his own words and changing story

        1. Off the top of my head I can recall him giving slurping blowjobs to GM on-air, global warming/climate change hysteria, acting like the sequester (that Obama initially proposed but certain people conveniently forgot he did) was going to be the death of us all, and referring to extremely anti-gun groups as “moderates”.

          Yeah, if he goes, I’ll shed not a tear.

          1. Same here. I’m sure he needs more time to relax in the sun and work that tan.

            Oh, and watch Girls with his daughter (eww).

            1. Yeah, it’s definitely a shock that a lying media douche and his daughter run in the same social circles as a bunch of broken creatures like Lena Dunham and her family.

  2. Capitol Hill Democrats and Israeli diplomats remain at odds over Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s scheduled “unauthorized” (by the White House) speech to Congress.

    You know who else wanted Jews to be somewhere else?

    1. Sheldon Richman?

    2. Every character in the movie Gentleman’s Agreement?

      1. (Throws rock)

    3. A Miami-based travel agent?

    4. Manetho?

    5. Hmmmm…Moses?

      1. And the Pharaoh!

    6. Every real estate developer until the 1960’s?

      1. Every country club membership committee until the 1960s?

    1. Can’t read Twitter at work. What did he say?

  3. Brian Williams’s weird lies about an easily checked incident in Iraq raise credibility problems for NBC News.

    They had that before?

  4. Western efforts to talk Putin into pulling troops out of Ukraine and giving up his country’s recent real estate acquisitions there have little chance of success…

    Says anyone who’s paying attention.

    1. Plus who gives a shit about a bunch of slavs killing each other. Not like that has happened a lot.

  5. Mommy Warren disciplines her medical device children – Elizabeth Warren Goes to Bat for Medical Device Industry

    “If they don’t want to put a dollar in the swear jar, then stop swearing.”

    What a condescending, arrogant academic.

    1. I was going to say “condescending, arrogant cunt”, but “academic” appears to be equally descriptive.

      1. Condescension and arrogance is a theme I’m noticing among the pedantic class. You’ve got Obama, Jon Gruber, and Elizabeth Warren as recent examples.

        1. Gruber has not been excoriated nearly enough. I wish more people understood how evil smug technocracy really is. How much contempt Gruber has for pretty much everyone.

        2. Yes, they are all annoying in that way.

      2. She has all the charm and appeal of a condom made of sandpaper.

        It’s truly incredible that the progressive wing of the Democratic Party think she is their savior.

        At least the tinpot dictators they admire like Chavez had the oratory appeal to be a good populist demagogue.

        1. Watch out, Hulk Smash You!

        2. I think the same thing about Hillary Clinton. I just can’t see most people wanting either of them to be President. They’re both as annoying as hell.

        3. “It’s truly incredible that the progressive wing of the Democratic Party think she is their savior.”

          Could have said much the same about Obama.

      3. I was going to say “condescending, arrogant cunt”

        There ARE libertarian women. They are just extremely rare because they are so fucking awesome.

    2. *puts dollar in jar* Hey Lizzie: fuck you and your Byzantine solutions to everything.

      1. The photo of her in the article shows she is aging rapidly. I can’t really picture her as the ‘fresh-faced rising young star’ of the Democrats that they keep trying to portray.

        1. She’s only two years younger than Hillary Clinton.

          There really is a nadir of talent on the Democratic side. It’s insanely unhealthy for the party to have no viable alternative to Hillary Clinton.

          1. Jeez, you just made me realize they could put Lizzie up for Hillary’s VP.

            1. Boy, if you thought that the intellectually dishonest “War on Women” stuff was tiresome before…

          2. The worst part is this: Michelle Obama now has the same qualifications to be President as Hillary did 15 years ago.

            1. Now that was mean. I’ll be having nightmares for the next decade at least.

        2. There’s a rumor that Hillary’s recent absence from the scene is because she’s “having some work done.”

          Or maybe she’s on a bender.

          1. Benders are work.

            1. Benders are the best way to spend a surplus of vacation time. Sobering up for next week will not be fun.

    3. Members of Congress routinely interrupt and otherwise treat like dirt people the dragoon before various grandstanding committee hearings, and then go nuts when anybody doesn’t treat them with enough respect.

    4. You spelled ‘bitch’ wrong.

  6. This guy has a future in reporting on cops’ follies in the US:

    Surrey newspaper’s Adrian MacNair says sentence was too harsh and ‘dogs are easily replaced’

    A column in a local B.C. newspaper expressing sympathy for Emma Paulsen, who was convicted of animal cruelty in the heatstroke deaths of six dogs [and sentenced to six months’ jail], has drawn outrage from animal lovers.

    “I felt sympathy because Paulsen is going to lose her right to freedom over the death of six animals who, at the end of the day, are essentially inconsequential to this world,” he wrote.

    1. I dunno. How would he report it if a brave hero police dog was killed?

      1. How would he report the usual “police shoot dog that barked” story?

    2. Of what consequence to this world is an Adrian MacNair?

    3. Dogs are property.

      1. I feel the same way. Sad story but at the end of the day better 6 dogs die than one person suffer anytime in prison.

        1. It’s not an either/or. It’s neither or both. Neither would’ve been preferable, but no one is at fault except her.

      2. So, no jail for property crimes? Got it.

        1. Not what I said.

          1. Not you, Idle. Threading fail.

        2. Specifically, there was no intent, just negligence. She is being punished with jail time for not being apologetic enough in the eyes of the judge.

          1. How the fuck do you neglect to remember six animals locked in a car? Fuck that stupid bitch with a Judas Cradle.

            1. Well, people pretty regularly claim that they “just forgot” the baby/babies in the car. Sometimes that works, sometimes not so much.

            2. I just goggled Judas Cradle and wish I hadn’t. That’s not cool man.

              1. I got the same in another thread when someone linked to the Wikipedia article about that horrible ancient Persian torture. The boats. Fuck me sideways.

          2. “She is being punished with jail time for not being apologetic enough in the eyes of the judge.”

            It’s all about how eager you bend over for The Man.

    4. Look, if we really think about it man, everything’s inconsequential. We’re just a bunch of ants crawling on a tiny blue dot in the vast emptiness of the universe.

      *tokes again*

      1. time is a flat circle

      2. +1 Donald Sutherland

    5. One of the comments:

      TrishTNT

      @JibJab That’s why his insensitive remarks were so assinine. He doesn’t get it. He’s so privileged, he has a child so can disregard the need for a dog. Door knob.

      Check yo’ privilege, breeder!

      1. Is that supposed to be some kind of insightful logic?

      2. It’s unusual to see people be so…open about the fact that they use pets as emotional proxies for children. Speaking as someone with no need for either, I find it bizarre.

        1. Um, no, saying that is quite common these days. Judge as you will, but that pov is increasingly mainstream. And pets cost taxpayers a fuck-ton less than kids.

      3. I get told regularly by my childless friends in their 30s that they are not compensating pets for children. They dress them up and talk endlessly about them on Facebook, but they insist that they are in no way compensating.

    6. Most people are also inconsequential to this world. You don’t want to start down that road.

    1. Well, it would be a win-win if “The Toe” were proven wrong.

      1. Agreed. Took his class many years ago, he’s a know-it-al.

    2. Does anyone seriously think a single sentence about vaccinations will have any impact on a presidential election whose primaries aren’t going to start for another year?

      Paul’s statements have ALREADY been pushed out of the news by Bryan Williams. Remember when the government shutdown was totally going to doom the Republicans at the 2014 midterms?

      Say it with me: Most people are idiots with short attention spans. As a result, other than a conviction for pedophilia, nothing that happens a full year before an election matters.

      1. Look, this is the extent of their job. This is what they are paid to do, and for many of them it’s a major source of meaning for their life.

        Is it ridiculous to “analyze” this one comment as if it will matter a year from now, even two or three months from now? Of course. But let them have their 15 minutes of faux-relevance. It’s all they can do.

      2. He apparently did a crappy job at a donor conference in AZ recently. May have been a Koch conference?

    3. According to fucking who? Why should anybody care what he says?

  7. “Brian Williams’s weird lies about an easily checked incident in Iraq raise credibility problems for NBC News.”

    Another insufferable gatekeeper who hates blogs and bloggers.

    1. And now we know why he hates blogs and bloggers.

  8. Brian Williams’s weird lies about an easily checked incident in Iraq raise credibility problems for NBC News.

    What credibility?

    1. This. I can’t even make it through five minutes of network news without the urge to barf.

      1. This is one of the reasons I hate visiting my parents. They watch that garbage every night.

        1. Bah. Mine have NPR playing all the time. Not sure which is worse…

          1. At least NPR has fundraising breaks to disrupt the softly purred propaganda.

            1. softly purred propaganda

              Nailed it, Jordan.

              1. Well, I didn’t say that, but I will accept your compliment, nonetheless 😉

                1. I need to start drinking earlier in the day.

                  Sorry, Injun.

            2. Begathons. The local classicl music station is going through one of those right now, and it’s unlistenable.

            3. Nice turn of phrase, Injun.

          2. Npr has car talk and radio lab, at least.

            1. I’ll occasionally listen to Radio Lab, in spite of the god awful intro.

            2. And that insane guy from Wisconsin.

        2. This is better than my mother, with whom I once got into a fight because she insisted on watching “Long Island Medium” and didn’t like me telling her that it was complete crap (and how cold reading works)

          1. You should have told her to sit down, drink her Long Island Ice Tea and don’t make a Long Island Sound.

          2. “Did anyone here…lose a friend or family member…? …Or know someone who did? …Or hear about something like this on tv? Good! You in the balcony. This person died recently?”

            “25 years ago”

            That recently!? Then I’m going to be extra-sensitive. I’m getting an ‘M’?”

            “His name was Bo Ziffer.”

            Mr. Bo Ziffer? He died of natural causes, yes?”

            “He was shot with a bazooka”

            “So naturally he’d be dead.”

            ~Brian Regan

      2. Network news is one of the worst products on the market.

        That, and they are contemptuous of their customer. Why anybody still watches that stuff is almost beyond comprehension.

        1. Local news may be worse, since most of it is sucking up to cops by showing mug shots, or moral panic stories.

          1. Local news may be worse,

            I can’t dispute that. Local news is its own kind of awful.

          2. Ah, the butthurt

        2. Why anybody still watches that stuff is almost beyond comprehension.

          How else would I know what to ask my doctor about?

    2. Hey. What planet are you from?

      Every media outlet has more credibility than Faux News.

      1. I’m from Uranus.

        (That was a horrible joke; butt, well, you asked…)

        1. Uranus – where Faux News produces sh!t news for mass consumption.

    3. Seriously. This is a little bit like saying “The murder of Mu’ath al-Kaseasbeh raises troubling moral questions about ISIS.”

      1. Obama thinks the crusades raise troubling moral questions about Christianity

    4. Last year I watched Brian Williams appear on David Letterman. They discussed a wide range of topics – extremely briefly, like a sound bite each. Someone who wasn’t listening critically might think they’d had a serious conversation, but really it was just fluff, “news trivia”.

  9. Psst. Wanna buy a ‘Golden An’? Shhhh! Right.

    Or an Italian Castle?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02…..escue.html

  10. Does that picture of Vlad give anyone else shivers down their spine? Jesus, that’s creepy.

    1. The best Bond villain of all time!

    2. I would love to print his face on a target and take it to the range.

      1. The Ukrainians are way ahead of you!

    3. I gaze into his steely eyes and only see the remnants of what was once a great bear tamer staring back at me.

      1. Wouldn’t that be an asset for a torturer?

        1. Yep

        2. Asperger’s *and* Tourette’s.

          1. Come to Hungry Heifer, with our 100% ground rump roast Assburgers.

      2. Just saw that article on Yahoo — didn’t read, but it sounded like the “shrinks think Goldwater is crazy” stuff.

        Just ridiculous excuse making or put downs on Vlad rather than realize he’s just an ex-KGB guy who wants to bring back glorious Mother Russia

  11. Wide publicity for American Sniper is complicating jury selection in the trial of Chris Kyle’s alleged murderer.

    I fail to see any distinction between the killer Chris Kyle and the guy who killed the killer Chris Kyle. //Richman

    1. It’s killers all the way down.

    2. What the jury will do (once selected) is almost indistinguishable from what Chris Kyle did.

      1. Yes: render justice in both cases.

    3. Sheldon is going to pen a piece blaming ISIS’s taste for torture on American imperialism.

      1. Fracking made the gas cheaper.

        Damn those imperialists!

    4. “Alleged murderer”? This is fact – the killer plead insanity.

      1. If his plea of “Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity” is accepted he would not even be an “Alleged” murderer or any type of murderer at all.

        An adjudicated killer yes but not a murder at all.

        Murder requires intent to kill a human being.

    1. Most transparent administration ever.

      1. That AP guy who does a great job grilling the redhead Psaki said “wax paper transparency”

        Has a nice ring to it.

        1. DON’T TALK ABOUT TRANSLUCENCY!!

            1. seconded. I guffawed.

      2. The most transparently peevish and colicky administration ever!

    2. Well we know at least one of the secret muslims was Obama.

  12. “It is ironic a sign warning of the liberal thought police, was stolen by the liberal thought police.”

    No, it’s not ironic, Ms. Morrisette!

    http://www.yaf.org/Umich-liber…..olice.aspx

    1. It’s like a black fly
      in your chardonnay
      that was specifically purchased
      to repel black flies…

      1. It’s like 10000 spoons,
        When you led a campaign to get spoons banned…

  13. So what’s Sheldon Richman’s deal with the Vietnam War? Today he described it as “genocidal” and earlier as a “war of aggression” against all of Southeast Asia, neither of which I think are really accurate.

    Oh and he is apologist for Putin in the Ukraine. Putin is acting against aggression and is acting in his own interests which is totally different from what the US is doing. Judging by his own logic the US is perfectly justified in invading Cuba to oust Castro.

    The Dirty secret about libertarian foreign policy is that it isn’t anti-war at all it is defeatist. Revolutionary defeatism in the Leninist variety to be exact.

    1. If Vietnam was a war of genocide we did a pretty crappy job.

      Maybe Sheldon should express that view at any of 200 pho restaurants in Westminister, CA.

    2. Admittedly it’s really funny to see Richman complain that the United States acts like James Bond ‘with a license to kill’ while apparently Russia’s and groups like Hamas’ ‘license to kill’ never expire in his mind.

      1. As I said it involves Revolutionary Defeatism rather than opposition to war or interventionism.

    3. I wouldn’t call s.r.’s opinions libertarian foreign policy. They are closer to Chomsky than to most libertarians.

      1. There is an extremely degenerate strain of libertarianism that is quite Chomskyesque ex Rothtard. We need to expunge Chomsky libertarians.

        1. No, but that POV deserves mocking.


  14. WTFSRSLY?

    Three jail workers and two inmates were convicted in a massive jailhouse corruption scheme where gang leaders, not guards ruled the institution, impregnated corrections officers and directed crimes inside and outside the jail walls, federal prosecutors said Thursday.

    ——–

    One of those to plead guilty and testify at the trial was Tavon “Bulldog” White, whom prosecutors described as a Black Guerilla Family gang commander and the architect of the conspiracy. White became prosecutors’ most valuable asset and said he directed guards motivated by sex and money to smuggle in drugs and cellphones.

    White, who impregnated four of the guards while in the jail on an attempted murder charge, said he never forced a guard to participate.

    “I didn’t have to,” White testified. “I had my children’s mothers, and plenty of other guards willing to do it for money.”

    I, uhhh….

    1. “O’Malley 2016”

    2. Is it sexist to suggest female jailers should be in *women’s* prison.

      Not *these* female jailers – they should’t be jailers at all. But if convicted they *should* be in prison.

      1. According to my family who all work in the prison system, no one in their right mind wants to work in female prisons. They are just as violent as the men but ten times more manipulative.

    3. I suspect that this sort of thing goes on, albeit on a lesser scale, more generally than is known. But government is virtuous and incorruptible!

    4. I was ready to all “WTF??!!” and then saw “Baltimore Jail” in the headline and said “oh.”

      1. I was expecting it to be some backward Latin American country. Close enough.

    5. Are you really surprised that prison guards are corrupt shits?

  15. Adorably tiny police dog.

    Also, isn’t it a safety violation for an officer to use his Taser’s laser sight as a toy?

    1. Whatcha gonna do, when that adorable puppy comes for you?

  16. I see no difference between Roger Moore and Adam Lanza/ Sheldon Richman.

  17. So that idiot who wrote the article about how racists shouldn’t have free speech rights is apparently an editor for something called the ‘New Inquiry.’ I looked up this website, and it appears to be the douchiest thing that has ever existed.

    ^Read this article and tell me your thoughts. I don’t even know if it’s supposed to be a joke. If it’s a joke I don’t know what it means. I’m so confused by why anyone would write that or why it would be published. A sample:

    “They showed us nebulae, big pink and blue clouds draped in braids of purple stars, always resolving themselves at the pace of cosmic infinity into genital forms, cocks and cunts light years wide. They superimposed puddle-thin quotes over these pictures, so that the galaxies could speak to you in the depths of your loneliness, whispering from across a trackless infinity that you’re so much better than everyone else, because you fucking love science. The words are lies, the colors are lies, the nebulae are lies. These images are collated and pigmented by computers; they’re not a scene you could ever see out the porthole of your spaceship.”

    I don’t know what I just read, except that it’s filled with giant, swirling space cocks, infinitely huge.

    1. “It’s a truism that capitalism never solves its problems but only moves them around.”

      I don’t think I’ve encountered that particular idiocy before.

      1. That’s nothing. At one point he attacks a book on space exploration and actually says “The book also mentions Columbus four times, but only mentions Marx once, which is always a problem.”

        1. I just scanned it. If he were worth any time at all, I’d be tempted to comment that so many are attracted to leaving Earth to get away from schmucks like him.

    2. I think that dude hates words, or English, or something.

      stelliferous?

      ugh.

      1. Look, if he didn’t use them big words you wouldn’t know what a serious, smart feller he is.

        1. You are more righter than I is. Them biggy words mean smarts.

      2. MY GOD! It’s stelliferous (full of stars)!

    3. It’s not supposed to be a joke. Aside from its Marxist commitments, I thought it was pretty good.

      The sample you quote in particular, since it makes fun of the people who like to shout about how they “fucking love science” when their understanding of science is about an inch deep.

      1. You thought it was good?!? This?

        “We should be very afraid. In outer space there is no relation to nature, only antagonism. We think the world is being treated carelessly now; we haven’t seen anything yet. As Silvia Federici showed, the process of primitive accumulation took place not only across the ravaged terrain of the Americas but across the territory of the female body, using technologies of power acquired through colonial conquest. Any new capitalist feeding frenzy will bring with it not only immiseration and slavery but new techniques of discipline, unimaginable today but perhaps not unlike those claws that will drag mineral-rich asteroids into the waiting maws of the machines. Marx wrote that “capital comes dripping from head to toe, from every pore, with blood and dirt.” In the first phase of primitive accumulation it arose as a monster out of the stolen earth. What new tentacled horrors could arrive from the dead blackness of outer space?”

        Nicole…you’ve somehow managed to become even worse than you used to be.

        1. Some people go to college but never get past freshman year.

          “Intellectual-foreverfrosh

          It would work better if i spoke German.

        2. It’s like he’s trying to write shitty Lovecraftian horror…starring capitalism as Cthulhu.

        3. An article can be 99 percent shit and still make a good point in places. Especially when it is as long as that one. People who claim to love science but don’t know the first thing about the scientific process are worthy of mocking.

          1. Yes, they are worth mocking. However, the writing is goddamn terrible.

            “They superimposed puddle-thin quotes over these pictures, so that the galaxies could speak to you in the depths of your loneliness, whispering from across a trackless infinity that you’re so much better than everyone else, because you fucking love science.”

            This makes me want to kill everything.

          2. “An article can be 99 percent shit and still make a good point in places. “

            True.

            This is why i pointed out= “College-Freshmen-level thinking”.

            its a compulsion to bury one good idea in the middle of an intellectual flaming-shit-swamp. It makes it seem like there’s “a lot there”

      2. The only thing worse than you, Nicole, are childless people who compensate pets for children and scientifically illiterate leftist posting “yay for science” crap on facebook to try to impress their equally scientifically illiterate progressive friends.

        1. Banjos, that’s a mean thing to say about childless people.

    4. I will require an eighth of mushrooms to read the final two-thirds of that.

    5. That could have been written by Agile Cyborg. Amazing.

      1. That was my first thought.

  18. The forthcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie takes a beating from Malaysian censors. They say it’s “pornography” featuring sex scenes that are not “natural.” Wait…that’s an objection?

    You don’t even see Dornan’s peen, how bad can it be?

    Also, this article almost makes me want to see the movie, even if Jamie Dornan is unattractive clean shaven and the source material is terrible.

    The female lead doesn’t want people to see the movie:

    Dakota Johnson, Glamour, January 30: “But I don’t want my family to see [the movie], because it’s inappropriate. Or my brothers’ friends, who I grew up with. I think they’d be like, ‘Blegh.’ Also there’s part of me that’s like, I don’t want anyone to see this movie. Just kidding.”

    1. +1 Dante’s Schlong!

    2. I’ve always hoped that one day something like Twilight or Fifty Shades would be made into a film by an old-school Cronenberg-esque director. Suddenly forty minutes in the entire thing turns into body horror and penises growing out of all the wrong places.

    3. I was stupid enough to see Gone Girl in the theater. Before suffering through that piece of shit, I got to watch a ridiculously long trailer for Fitty Shades. I can say with certainty that it would take a forced viewing a la A Clockwork Orange to get me to sit through that.

      1. I think the current plan is to *acquire* it for home viewing early, have a bunch of friends over and live tweet how horrible it is as we watch it and consume a ton of alcohol.

        I don’t know anything about the plot, but my roommate hate read it and is seriously looking forward to hate watching the movie after she read that Gawker article. I will spend the entire time complaining that Dornan is seriously unattractive without a beard (and that I don’t get to see his peen).

        1. I managed to ruin the book series for a friend of mine by reading it aloud to her in a horrible Zapp Brannigan voice. “Goddammit John every time I try to read it now I imagine it in your pervert voice!”

          1. Brilliant! Well played, sir.

        2. Have you ever seen The Room? It’s perfect for that sort of thing.

          1. Anyway, how is your sex life?

            1. I did NAAAHT hit her!

      2. I dunno. It’s obviously going to be horrible (the book started out as bad Twilight fanfic for goodness sake!), but were I single, I would stake out a bar near a movie theater on opening night, dress in a suit, and go cougar hunting.

        1. Devious!

          It’s obviously going to be horrible (the book started out as bad Twilight fanfic for goodness sake!)

          Please read the Gawker article. I think you’ll find yourself rewarded by it.

      3. Gone Girl was a flawed but excellent movie. You have bad taste.

        1. Thanks, Cyto. Now I’m certain it was shit 🙂

          1. I’m not quite 24 karats but I am pretty much a gold standard of good taste in…pretty much everything. It’s a bad idea to go against that.

      4. I’m waiting for the Rifftrax version of 50 Shades to come out.

        I predict: best ever!

    4. …even if Jamie Dornan is unattractive clean shaven…

      Meow.

      1. Don’t make it out like I’m being catty, Fist. We’re talking about objective fact here:

        Clean shaven

        Scruffy

          1. No. Many preferences are subjective. This one is not.

  19. http://thehill.com/policy/fina…..fires-back

    “So they simply find it convenient to create a boogeyman out of an entity that does its job efficiently ? the Federal Reserve,” Fisher said. “To some outsiders the Fed appears to be some kind of combination of Hogwarts, the Death Star, and Ebenezer Scrooge ? especially to those who don’t take the time to read the copious amounts of reports and speeches and explanations we emit”

    like prevaricating sharts.

    1. An audit is not control. What is it exactly that they don’t want known?

      1. This. Ima say … there is *no gold* in Fort Knox.

    2. So they simply find it convenient to create a boogeyman out of an entity that does its job efficiently ? the Federal Reserve

      Since the Fed’s job is to funnel wealth from the lower and middle classes to the wealthy and connected, she’s actually correct about doing their job efficiently.

      1. +1 Fed Discount Window

    3. I thought it’s job was to preserve the value of the US dollar. How’s that job going anyway?

      1. No, it to keep unemployment down… or is it to keep large banks afloat?

    4. That is sad coming from Richard Fisher of the Dallas Fed. He seems at least a little more free market than the rest of those statists controllers.

      Fuck the fed and their stupid Wizard of Oz act. It’s not funny anymore with their bank bailouts, 4T of bonds, and their enabling of huge federal debts.

  20. So-called “net neutrality” brouhaha has been sending sparks flying in my circles. I never actually see anyone change their mind due to argument one way or the other if they already have an opinion. It’s mostly “OMG Comcast, here read this Gawker article, roadzzzzz, etc.”

    1. Its an issue people don’t understand, so they “Prog-Default” to = “NEEDZ REGULASHUNS”

      1. Exactly how Obama thinks since he doesn’t know shit about anything.

        He’s driving the changes at the FCC.

    2. I like to put it this way:

      If you give government the power to dictate how packets are treated over private networks, then government will have the power to dictate how packets are treated over private networks.

  21. ithose who don’t take the time to read the copious amounts of reports and speeches and explanations we emit

    Lies, damned lies, and Federal Reserve statistics.

  22. http://tinyurl.com/opt4e7l

    Next time you need to waste some time, try this out. It’s an orbital simulator for up to 4 bodies.

    You can set the initial mass, position, and velocities for all of the bodies. It really helps to visualize the chaotic nature of orbital mechanics.

    1. What does it say about me that my first attempt resulted in a 3-way crash? beginners luck

      1. There should be a 10 point bonus if you can get a star or other planet to steal a moon from another planet.

        1. Oh, wow. Yeah, I can imagine there’s a really-cool Astrodynamics name for that.

        2. My thought when that happened was,

          “If I were God… the universe wouldn’t have lasted a week”

    2. Thanks, CT.

  23. Why do libertarians hate the cops and the NSA? There is gay marriage and no slavery so what is there to worry about?

    1. Good lord, you’re tiresome.

      1. So no more talk of the libertarian moment?

      2. My exact reaction every time I see Winston’s name.

    2. You forgot weed and Mexicans, dude.

      1. How come the Independents didn’t have a gay, Mexican Pothead on their show before it got canned? I am disappoint.

        1. “How come the Independents didn’t have a gay, Mexican Pothead on their show”

          Welch speaks a *little* spanish?

          1. Welch speaks a *little* spanish?

            And he’s married to a Frog.

        2. The Independents was canned?!?!

          1. I found about that at Lou Reed’s funeral.

            Cleveland Browns as pallbearers, of course …

  24. Spot the Not: Elizabeth Warpath Warren

    1. If there had been a Financial Product Safety Commission in place 10 years ago, the current financial crisis would have been averted.

    2. I am proud to have been the first Native American Harvard professor. My people have come a long way since the Trail of Tears.

    3. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn’t have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory.

    1. 2.

    2. Fauxcahontas not say number 2. It fake.

      1. Number 3 is from her social contract speech where she lectured voters on the fact that nobody gets rich on their own and that they owe a chunk of their wealth to government to pay for stuff.

        Otherwise we’d have marauding bands looting factories.

        1. Shhh! You’re ruining the game!

        2. I’m sorry that you’ve cluttered your mind with that much Warren.

        3. “marauding bands looting factories”

          ‘that is why you must denounce the Kulaks and Wreckers in our midst, comrade’

          1. If not for OSHA, the EPA, and the IRS, businesses would be at the mercy of plundering gangs!

    3. I’m going to guess that she said all three. I hope she was wearing a feathered head dress while saying #2.

    4. Numero Dos.

    5. God, I wish she had said 2 but no way. 2 is fake.

    6. Many moons have passed since I correctly spotted the not

      But 2 it is.

    7. I dare say 2.

    8. Damn! 2 is the Not.

      Oh well. I fooled everybody except Bo Cara with a fake Sean Hannity quote:

      https://reason.com/archives/201…..nt_5068959

    9. 2.

    10. I absolutely LOVE #3 though.

      Part of the ‘You didn’t build that diaries.’

    11. 3. That was Obumbles, wasn’t it?

      1. Nope. O said “If you’ve got a business…You didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKjPI6no5ng

  25. Tough, but … 2.

  26. With L’affair Williams, why did all the soldiers keep quiet this long? Weird. Obviously, he did lie, or he’d not have admitted it, but I don’t get the years of silence.

    1. Nobody below 65 watches NBC Nightly News.

    2. I read that some did, posting on FB (lot of good that does), but it’s probably more like “WTF did he say? Man, what a douche, I think I’ll have another beer”

      1. I heard something on the radio yesterday from a Rangers game where Williams and one of the soldiers were called out (the soldier for saving the NBC chopper) during a game. I guess they were both there or something.

        1. Saw that too. It was pretty creepy and appeared to be all about Williams and what a big heart he had instead of about the guy who supposedly saved the chopper.

    3. Maybe he has a really big MACHETE?

  27. Did Frieda Kahlo smoke pot? Because otherwise she would be the ultimate libertarian.

  28. Those Democrats sure clapped like trained seals when the Mexican president came over here to give us lecture in congress.

  29. Spot the Not: Jonathan Gruber

    1. Lack of transparency is a huge political advantage. And basically, call it the stupidity of the American voter or whatever, but basically that was really really critical for the thing to pass.

    2. Obama’s a bit more relaxed. I think he took a cigarette break halfway through.

    3. Those statements were completely inappropriate and I am deeply and sincerely sorry I said them.

      1. Winner!

        You have a choice of 2 tickets to Lindy West’s stand-up special or a sensual massage from STEVE SMITH.

  30. I’m not going to eff with linking to Facebook from my phone, but Mike Rowe wrote a response to some socialists advocating a $20 min wage on Facebook.

    His response was the single most eloquently written defense of getting rid of the minimum wage that I’ve ever read.

    1. I found the quote:

      Back in 1979, I was working as an usher for United Artists at a multiplex in Baltimore. The minimum wage was $2.90, and I earned every penny.
      When I wasn’t tearing tickets in half and stopping kids from theater hopping, I was cleaning out the bathrooms, emptying the trash, and scrapping dubious substances off the theater floor with a putty knife. I wore a silly outfit and smiled unnaturally, usually for the entirety of my shift. I worked 18 hours my first week, mostly after school, and earned $62.20. Before taxes. But I was also learning the importance of “soft skills.” I learned to show up on time and tuck my shirt in. I embraced the many virtues of proper hygiene. Most of all, I learned how to take shit from the public, and suck up to my boss.
      After three months, I got a raise, and wound up behind the concession stand. Once it was determined I wasn’t a thief, I was promoted to cashier. Three months later, I got another raise. Eventually, they taught me how to operate a projector, which was the job I wanted in the first place.

    2. cont’d

      The films would arrive from Hollywood in giant boxes, thin and square, like the top of a card table, but heavy. I’d open each one with care, and place each spool on a separate platter. Then, I’d thread them into the giant projector, looping the leader through 22 separate gates, careful to touch only the sides. Raging Bull, Airplane, The Shining, Caddyshack, The Elephant Man – I saw them all from the shadowy comfort of the projection booth, and collected $10 an hour for my trouble. Eventually, I was offered an assistant manager position, which I declined. I wasn’t management material then, anymore than I am now. But I had a plan. I was going to be in the movies. Or, God forbid, on television.

    3. I thought about all this last month when I saw “Boyhood” at a theater in San Francisco. I bought the tickets from a machine that took my credit card and spit out a piece of paper with a bar code on it. I walked inside, and fed the paper into another machine, which beeped twice, welcomed me in mechanical voice, and lowered a steel bar that let me into the lobby. No usher, no cashier. I found the concession stand and bought a bushel of popcorn from another machine, and a gallon of Diet Coke that I poured myself. On the way out, I saw an actual employee, who turned out to be the manager. I asked him how much a projectionist was making these days, and he just laughed.
      “There’s no such position,” he said. I just put the film in the slot myself and press a button. Easy breezy.”

    4. To answer your question Darrell, I’m worried. From the business owners I’ve talked to, it seems clear that companies are responding to rising labor costs by embracing automation faster than ever. That’s eliminating thousands of low-paying, unskilled, entry level positions. What will that mean for those people trying to get started in the workforce? My job as an usher was the first rung on a long ladder of work that lead me to where I am today. But what if that rung wasn’t there? If the minimum wage in 1979 had been suddenly raised from $2.90 to $10 an hour, thousands of people would have applied for the same job. What chance would I have had, being seventeen years old with pimples and a big adams apple?
      One night, thirty-six years ago, during the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I sat in the projection booth and read a short story by Ray Bradbury called “A Sound of Thunder.” It was about a guy who traveled back in time to look at dinosaurs, but against strict orders, ventured off the observation platform and accidentally stepped on a butterfly. When he returned to the present, everything in the world had changed.

      1. If the minimum wage in 1979 had been suddenly raised from $2.90 to $10 an hour

        $2.90 in 1979 is $9.46 in 2014 dollars.

        1. And according to your math, the $10/hr in 1979 is equivalent to about $30/hr today – so his point about a high paying entry job still stands.

        2. And? So he exaggerated the increase ($10 in 1979 is like $32.61 today) to make a point.

          1. I just comes across as a “When I was your age, we ate asbestos for dinner and we liked it!” rant from a guy who thinks he had it harder than todays kids when he actually had it easier.

            1. You come across as missing the entire damn point because you are a fool.

            2. No, his point was that he had it good.

        3. I think SD’s point is that the current min wage has not kept up with inflation.

          I don’t think there should be a minimum wage, but indexing it to inflation is less stupid than raising it arbitrarily.

          Of course, the real problem is inflation and the only lasting fix for that is to return to the gold standard.

          1. My complaint is not with Rowe’s point (I agree there shouldn’t be a legally mandated minimum wage), I just think he can make that point without the “Old Man Rant”.

            1. That’s kind of his shtick, though. He talks about the broken parts of society using examples from childhood and growing up.

              I can see how that is grating to some people, though.

              1. I also should say that while I don’t think it’s the government’s job to fix this problem, companies do seem ruthless toward their employees in a way that I don’t think would have been socially acceptable back in the 70s, so I would like to see social pressure to increase low end pay.

                Mike Rowe scoffs at someone wanting a $10/hour entry level job as outrageous, when he essentially had precisely that himself. Likewise, there’s now way someone working in a movie theater would be able to work themselves up to $30/hour after a year.

                But Rowe seems completely oblivious to this, and it irks me.

                1. Or take that theater manager job he turned down. The median salary for a theater manager is $37,145

                  That’s about $18/hr full time.

                2. I absolutely agree that there is a “piss on you” attitude toward some low income earners. I think that some of that is due to high supply and low labor portability, but I also think that some of Mike rowe’s larger points about not needing a college degree would work to resolve those problems.

                  I don’t think people would stick around in a shitty work environment if they know they can go apprentice with a plumber for the same pay, or learn to weld, or go to trade school for a fraction of the cost of college.

                  1. I have a great deal of empathy for the working poor. Typically, the major “costs” they incur are due to GOVERNMENT – via property taxes, now ACA, insurance, misc. taxes paid for basic services, vehicle registration, etc.

                    Bottom line – LESS government will help the working poor.

                3. You couldn’t even get the frickin number right. He said 20.

    5. “The Butterfly Effect” is now an expression that describes a single event that leads to a series of unanticipated outcomes, resulting in a profoundly unintended consequence. (Ironically, it’s also a movie with Ashtonn Kutcher, which I had to pay to see 30 years later.)
      Anyway, I’m not an economist or a sociologist, but I’m pretty sure a $20 minimum wage would affect a lot more than the cost of a Big Mac. Beyond the elimination of many entry-level jobs, consider the effect on the skills gap. According to the BLS, they’re about three million available positions that companies are trying to fill right now. Very few of those jobs require a four-year degree, but nearly all require specific training. And all pay more than the current minimum wage. If we want a skilled workforce, (and believe me, we do,) should we really be demanding $20 an hour for unskilled labor?
      Last year, I narrated a commercial about US manufacturing, paid for by Walmart. It started a shitstorm, and cost me many thousands virtual friends. Among the aggrieved, was a labor organization called Jobs With Justice. They wanted me to know just how unfairly Walmart was treating it’s employees. So they had their members send my foundation over 8,000 form letters, asking me to meet with unhappy Walmart workers, and join them in their fight against “bad jobs.”

    6. While I’m sympathetic to employees who want to be paid fairly, I prefer to help on an individual basis. I’m also skeptical that a modest pay increase will make an unskilled worker less reliant upon an employer whom they affirmatively resent. I explained this to Jobs With Justice in an open letter, and invited anyone who felt mistreated to explore the many training opportunities and scholarships available through mikeroweWORKS. I further explained that I couldn’t couldn’t join them in their fight against “bad jobs,” because frankly, I don’t believe there is such a thing. My exact words were, “Some jobs pay better, some jobs smell better, and some jobs have no business being treated like careers. But work is never the enemy, regardless of the wage. Because somewhere between the job and the paycheck, there’s still a thing called opportunity, and that’s what people need to pursue.”
      People are always surprised to learn that many of the subjects on Dirty Jobs were millionaires – entrepreneurs who crawled through a river of crap, prospered, and created jobs for others along the way.

    7. Men and women who started with nothing and built a going concern out of the dirt. I was talking last week with my old friend Richard, who owns a small but prosperous construction company in California. Richard still hangs drywall and sheetrock with his aging crew because he can’t find enough young people who want to learn the construction trades. Today, he’ll pay $40 an hour for a reliable welder, but more often than not, he can’t find one. Whenever I talk to Richard, and consider the number of millennials within 50 square miles of his office stocking shelves or slinging hash for the minimum wage, I can only shake my head.
      Point is Darrell, if you fix the wage of a worker, or freeze the price of a thing, you’re probably gonna step on a few butterflies. Doesn’t matter how well-intended the policy – the true cost a $20 minimum wage, has less to do with the price of a Big Mac, and more to do with a sound of thunder. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me.
      Mike
      PS I looked into the Freedom Socialist Party and their demand for a universal, $20 an hour living wage. Interesting. You’re right – they’re serious. But not long after they announced their position, they made the interesting decision to advertise for a web designer….at $13 an hour. Make of that what you will…

      1. Thank you Derpetologist! It’s much appreciated.

        1. “Do a good turn daily!”

          [Boy Scout salute]

        2. Mike Rowe is fucking awesome.

    1. “And this is where I keep Stephen Colbert’s balls”

      Required viewing.

  31. Our national nightmare continues with no end in sight:

    George P. Bush quickly seizes Texas’ conservative spotlight

    George P. Bush’s new job as Texas land commissioner has nothing to do with abortion, and it lacks any authority to funnel public dollars to private schools. But after barely 30 days in office, he’s already headlined high-profile rallies on both issues.

  32. Le Shack est Mort:

    Radioshack declares bankruptcy

    It has struck a deal to sell up to 2,400 of its approximately 4,000 stores. Wireless company Sprint will create a “store within a store” in up to 1,750 of those. RadioShack said the remaining stores are expected to close. The company’s franchise locations, as well as stores in Mexico and Asia, are not included in the deal.

  33. Some nut salve for you guys:

    Philly Cops Will Face Charges After Surveillance Video Shows They Lied About Brutal Attack

    Helps reinforce the idea that we need video documentation of police activity, e.g. body cameras.

    Apologies if this has already been posted, I’ve been too busy lately to visit the comments much.

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