Conspiracy Theories

Jesse Walker to Speak in Canada About Conspiracy Theories in U.S. History

The event is at Western University.


Watch me with an ALL-SEEING EYE.

This afternoon I'll be giving a talk at Western University in London, Ontario, about conspiracy theories in American history. I don't know how many Reason readers there are in the area, but you're all welcome to attend. The event will start at 4 p.m. in room SEB 2202.

If you can't come, you'll just have to read the book instead.

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  1. Gord and Lorne will be there.

    1. I know those guys, eh?

    2. its pronounced Gordie, eh.

      1. From the Canuckistanians I know, “Gord” is the more common appellation.

  2. Know who else spoke in Canada?

    1. Snidely Whiplash?

      1. *standing ovation*

        My favorite cartoon character EVAH!

    2. Canadian Hitler?


    Old man yells at cloud.

    “Wearing workout gear as street clothes was popularized in the 1980s (along with other self-inflicted cultural wounds such as stonewashed jeans and glam bands). That started a downward spiral that has left us with the public wearing of yoga pants, or, as I call them, the last temptation of Satan.”

    “When black kids are doing it in America, white kids are sure to follow, whether it is sweat clothes as street clothes or today’s gravity-defying pants with underwear sticking out of the top. I’m stunned by that look. When I was a kid, the worst thing that could happen to you in grammar school was if a girl saw your underwear. Good grief, you might have to move out of town if a girl saw your underwear. I’m tempted when I see today’s ridiculously low-worn pants to check if there is a safety pin holding them up. Once below the hip bone, I don’t get how they don’t fall down.”

    “What of pride? What of humility or modesty? When it comes to men in bikini bathing suits, what of courtesy? I don’t want to see that. There are plenty of European beaches where you and your banana hammock can feel at home. You give me the willies.”

    The entire article is fucking gold. I hope it’s meant to be tongue in cheek, but I really feel like it’s not.

    1. “Christianity is a hard hustle. You see, humans are part of the animal kingdom with inbred instincts. One of those instincts is survival of the species, so when a man sees a woman there can be an innate reaction inside him toward perpetuating the species, which, of course, is done through sex. When a man commits to a woman, these innate parts of his being don’t shut off. If married, he ignores or suppresses them to the point where they don’t matter to him, except for his wife.

      Now, the more the temptation, the harder it can be on a guy to ignore or suppress that desire to propagate. If he’s in an old-folks home, he may experience little desire to propagate the species. When he enters a go-go bar, he may be suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to propagate some dancer’s brains out.

      So being a good Christian man is hard enough. Since desire can rise and fall with temptation, all Veronica Partridge wants to do is not be Satan’s tool. Good for her ? and for us men, too.”

      No. Way.

      1. Hey, he makes a good point, and in a funny way (yes, the reference to Satan was deliberate exaggeration for the sake of humor).

        I liked it.

        But the, I would, wouldn’t I? 🙂

        1. but *then*

        2. Seeing as you also think that by masturbating a man is being untrue to his wife, I am not surprised.

          1. So he *is* being true to his wife? 🙂

            1. He’s certainly not being untrue.

              Are you betraying your wife when you scratch your butt?

              1. If you’re doing it for erotic gratification, sure, but I doubt you’d do *that*.

      2. “Veronica’s reasoning for her rejection of Satan’s leggings is temptation. She spoke to her husband, and he admitted that it’s hard not to break the 9th Commandment when in a room full of ladies dressed as yoga pant-wearing strumpets.”

        Honestly, if you’re sad enough that you can engage in the most minimal degree of self-control I really don’t care what your opinion on yoga pants is.

        1. *that you can’t engage. However, I’m perfectly fine with poorly written thread posts.

          1. you are bordering on John levels here.

        2. Only his belief in God’s word stops him from raping entire rooms of women. He’s not a psycho or anything.

          1. That’s funny, I don’t recall him saying that.

          2. You know who else are psychos? Those guys on Youtube who make video after video of “evidence” of the Illuminati pedophile conspiracy to hypersexualize children through popular media. Which, of course, has nothing to do with their own sublimated attraction to children. Nothing.

            1. Look, Mr. Yoga Pants deliberately used humorous exaggeration to make a serious point – some writers do that, you know. It doesn’t make him a kiddie-diddler.

            2. Yeah, there’s something going on there.

              I say that as a proud McMartin Preschool alum.

  4. It would be nice if he’d bring up the highly convenient fact that 90% of the Canadian population is amassed on their southern border, surely poised for some sort of invasion.

  5. What about Canadian Conspiracy theories?

    1. They’re like american conspiracy theories, only round.

      1. And covered in gravy.

    2. The basic Canadian Conspiracy theory is that everything is the United States’ fault.

      I have often been tempted to go to one of the “Council of Canadians” (an uber-leftist, uber-nationalist group) and read out a passage from the Protocols of Zion, only substituting “the US” or “Americans” for “Jews”, just to see the response I would get.

      1. “Aresen|1.23.15 @ 4:36PM|#

        The basic Canadian Conspiracy theory is that everything is the United States’ fault”


        The Council says the following about “trade” (*since most of that is with the US)

        “Trade is important to the Canadian economy to the extent that it enriches communities, respects democracy, and preserves our shared natural environment. But free trade agreements signed by Canada and other countries in the past 30 years have had the opposite effect.”

        ‘to the extent’?

        The way these people construct sentences always seems to presuppose their alternative to ‘trade’ is that all human labor should otherwise be engaged in self-sustenance and nothing else. As though ‘economic activity’ outside of bare necessity is all *extremely suspicious*. They also seem to assume that science and technology are all just ‘givens’, and that *of course* we’d still all have cheap cell-phones and super-cheap wonderfiber fleece clothing and electric cars… *without all this evil profit*

        And “‘Free Trade’ is just Legally-Protected Greed

        Because otherwise… ‘greed’ would be punished? Huh? Or people’s activities *controlled*?

        The creepy things about commie leftists is not what they actually say? Its the assumptions beneath their banal statements.

        1. You should point out that Canadians have free trade with other provinces, towns, and Canadians?

      2. Film that and you could probably make a few bucks. Or loonies.

  6. Oh, but what of the proud legacy of Canadian Conspiracy Theories?

    I think the winner surely has to be “Quebec was in on 9/11”

    I do recall there being a big stink up there about the separatist frogs at the time. But apparently that wasn’t even part of it – it was the Montreal Mafia, my understanding of which is entirely limited to the movie ‘The Score’ (*the mafia being = Marlon Brando in all his obese glory)

    1. I do believe there was also a popular conspiracy theory in Canada surrounding Mad Cow disease/BSE? in the 1990s(or some other Bovine-related panic)

      I think someone argued that the US Govt over-reacted to it partly in response to US agricultural lobby who wanted to cut off/restrict imports from Canada, or at least impose higher costs on Canadian producers to make them less competitive.

      Actually, i think that one was in fact *true*… but still…

    2. And then there’s the plot to ship toxic Canadian tar sand oil through our pristine Midwest and spill it to ruin the Ogalla acquifier, cause our agriculture to shrivel up so it can be replaced by good Alberta and Sask. wheat.

  7. Annuit c?ptis always sounded like some sort of dark magic enchantment to me.

  8. Sure, if they let you in the country, “Mr. Walker”…if that is your real name!

    *looks for additional aluminum foil to add to hat*

    1. Mr. Walker*

      For the ghost who walks.


    The North American Union is what keeps Canadian nationalists up at night.

    1. I always assumed that when Obama made his 57 States gaffe, he was including some of the Provinces.

      1. You poor naive fool, it’s because

        he’s a Muslim


        We learned the depths of infiltration of the Muslim Brotherhood (Al Qaeda is actually a subset) into all aspects of American society ? including cutting off any (even Fox) news that might expose their agenda. He meticulously outlined the names of the perpetrators (dead and alive) and myriad universities, departments of government, and military agencies the MB has infiltrated. He flashed on the screen ? The Organization of Islamic Cooperation (OIC). It has 57 member states! Two of us asked, “Is that Obama’s 57 states that we thought was a gaffe in 2008?” Guandolo responded, “You said it, I didn’t” and went on.

        We are all familiar with Obama’s sympathies toward, if not belief in, Islam and his confrontations with Christian doctrine and sensitivities. Was his “57 States” remark a signal that all was well in the world of Sharia where its 58th member isn’t too far from joining its brethren?

      2. He was channelling Joe McCarthy.

  10. Jesse Walker to Speak in Canada About Conspiracy Theories in U.S. History

    And WHY is Jesse speaking in Canada? Methinks there are forces keeping him from being heard stateside.

    1. Is he speaking Canadian?

      1. I hear there’s a ‘Corner Gas’ marathon.

  11. That dude does not have a clue man.

  12. There has never been a conspiracy in the US. Not until that one in 1787 when a group of delegates from the States got together in the name of modifying the Articles of Confederation but instead in great secrecy wrote a whole new Constitution.

    1. …as discussed in chapter five of the book.

      1. Nicely timed pitch.

        1. I think DJF is a shill.

          Or there’s some secret algorithm which converts DJF into JW.

  13. I find it incredibly suspicious how so many of these comments are dated five days earlier. Is someone suppressing a time machine? Didn’t H G Wells move to Canada or something?


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