Brickbat: Flipping the Bird


Credit: KetaDesign

When Steven Patterson found an eagle's nest and two baby eagles that had been blown out of a tree, he took them to a wildlife rehabilitation center. One of the eagles has recovered and been released into the wild. The other is still recovering. Meanwhile, La Salle County, Illinois, prosecutor Brian Towne charged Patterson with interfering with wildlife for his efforts. Patterson's first trial ended in hung jury, but Towne says he will not drop the charges.

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  1. “He did more harm to that eaglet than he did good. Had Patterson not intervened with the experts dealing with the situation, that eaglet would not have had to be released after 18 months of incarceration,” Towne said.”

    The birds had broken wings and could not fly, and would have died if left alone. How did an idiotic nihilist get to prosecutor?

    1. The birds had broken wings and could not fly, and would have died if left alone.

      You know, in a just world, Towne would have his legs broken and be left in the middle of the wilderness. If he could make it back to civilization, he could prosecute Patterson.

    2. That’s what the trial was about.

      By the time Patterson found the birds, the Illinois Department of Natural Resources and the US Fish and Wildlife Service were already aware of the fallen birds, had discussed the situation, and agreed that the best course was to leave the birds there under the supervision of their parents.

      I suspect Patterson made the right call and the state and feds had made the wrong one, but it would be nice if Reason at least included the prosecutor’s side of the story.…..e=printart

      1. I’m not seeing a whole lot in the prosecutor’s side of the story. The claim essentially is that the eagles would have been fine without him intervening, and the parents would have thwarted any predators that wanted to eat them. Of course they didn’t thwart Patterson, or apparently even interfere with him, so that holding seems a bit bizarre. There also is no refutation of the assertion that the eaglets had broken wings, which pretty much would have disqualified them from flying off on their own.

        I’m trying to figure out the harm here that justifies a criminal prosecution. The claim that rescuing wild animals who are in distress is anything like picking up children left alone by their parents should be laughed right out of town. If that’s the sort of argument he makes in court I’m amazed he’s ever won a case.

        1. I think it comes down to rules based versus case based analysis.

          If he had called the IDNR before moving the birds, they could have told him that they were aware of the birds and wanted him to leave them alone. He then could have called the wildlife refuge and let them have it out with the DNR.

          I guess there are two issues: (1) do we want people moving wild animals if they mean well, or do we want them to call DNR? (2) In this specific case, was Patterson correct and DNR wrong that those animals would be better off if moved.

          As I said, I think I come out on the same side as you, but Reason could have pointed out that IDNR already knew about these chicks, had discussed it with USF&G, and they had all decided to leave the chicks in place.

          1. IDNR already knew about these chicks

            How fucking naiive can you get?

            The IDNR is government. Therefore they are liars.

            The shocking part is 11 jurors chose to convict. I’d love to find the hero juror who didn’t fall for government bullshit.

          2. IDNR already knew about these chicks

            And how is Patterson, or anyone else, to have known that? Was there a sign nearby that said, “IDNR is aware of and monitoring these birds”? Was there some sort of DNR bat signal glowing above the birds?

      2. Prosecutor Towne, who has learned more about eagles recently than he ever did in law school, says it’s not uncommon for eaglets to hit the ground while learning to fly.


        Prosecutor Towne: a goddamned Liar.

  2. idiotic nihilist get to prosecutor?

    Does the Pope shit in the woods?

    1. Is that what they named the vatican water closet?

      1. I want to see the other photo that goes with it. You know the one.

  3. “He thumbs his nose at nature and the law. All under the guise of being a hero,” Towne said.

    “But once I get a conviction, I’ll show you that I’m the true hero in this story. I’ll show everyone!”

    1. Mr. Patterson’s bio page (and contact link):

      1. That’s *Towne’s* stuff. He’s a member of the Elder Abuse Training Team, so his treatment of Patterson makes sense.

      2. Oops – I meant to write “Mr. Towne’s bio page” as in the prosecutor who is charging the man who acted to save the eaglets’ lives.

      3. He’s basically a kiddie diddler.

  4. **Apathy compensators engaged**
    **Random desired outcome generator initiated**
    **Survey says – Jury Nullification**

  5. La Salle County, Illinois, prosecutor Brian Towne charged Patterson with interfering with wildlife

    In USSA, you can be a criminal for both helping and hurting wildlife.

    Patterson’s first trial ended in hung jury, but Towne says he will not drop the charges.

    So, what happens now?

    1. hung prosecutor? (in the gallows humor sense of the term)

      1. in the gallows humor sense of the term

        I would have thought you were just talking about his junk.

  6. That’s *Towne’s* stuff. He’s a member of the Elder Abuse Training Team, so his treatment of Patterson makes sense.

  7. Our future Reptilian Overlords appreciate the thorough documentation of instances of mammal douchebaggery. The first few meal selections will be based on highest douche rating, provided by this impudent publication.

    1. Try the john edwards and don’t forget to tip your waitress.

  8. my best friend’s mom makes $76 /hr on the internet . She has been without a job for 9 months but last month her paycheck was $16819 just working on the internet for a few hours. visit their website…..

  9. I was trying to find a story from a few years back where a kid found a feather in his yard and when dad took it to a wildlife biologist to identify the feather they got a visit from the law because it turned out to be a hawk feather when I came across the Fish and Wildlife Service page on identifying bird feathers.

    Did you know it’s not just endangered species you’re not allowed to have feathers from? It’s a federal offense to possess feathers from any bird covered by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. There is an exception for hunters possessing the carcass of waterfowl they have legally shot, but it’s illegal for you to pick up duck or goose or songbird feathers you may find in your yard or in the birdbath or along the edge of the pond or whatever.

    I suspect that provision of the law isn’t widely enforced – unless you piss off the IRS or the EPA or OSHA or something, then they’ve got a free “fuck you” card in their hands.

    1. Land of the free.

    2. One of the birds covered is the the robin. SO be careful if one of those fucks flies into your windows or is eaten by your cats. Don’t touch the body! it’s one of Harvey Silverglate’s three felonies a day.

  10. Did the eagles seem at all displeased?

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