Obama Wants the Internet Treated as a Utility, Presidential Campaign Season Is Now Underway, New York City Makes Marijuana a Ticketable Offense: P.M. Links

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  1. Obama wants Internet service to be classified and heavily regulated as a utility.

    I would say this is fixing something that isn’t broken, but it’s actually breaking it.

    1. If it moves, tax it.
      If it keeps moving, regulate it.
      If it stops moving, subsidize it.

      1. If it stops moving, subsidize it.

        And be sure to take credit for saving it.

        1. If it still doesn’t move, you’re not subsidizing it enough.

    2. The internet is a public good because DARPA!

      1. What does Al Gore have to say about this?

        1. That regulating the intertoobz will help cut down on global warming.

      2. I eagerly await the resurgence of BBS.

          1. Hello!

      3. More like DERPA.

        1. Your comment is most excellent…and most timely too!

          1. Great minds think alike. Need I say more?

    3. Hello.

      There oughta be a law keeping Obama from the people.

      1. It doesn’t kick in for another two years.

        1. Well, until some future dipshit president appoints him to the Supreme Court.

          1. Well, he was a Constitutional Law professor. He has the knowledge!

            1. *facepalm*

              I wish this wasn’t true.

              1. It isn’t.

                1. Of course it isn’t, but you just know that some on the left would love for this to happen, and that would be the exact reasoning they’d use.

                  1. I don’t know, guys. I could easily see another retirement from the supreme court, and fucking Obama getting placed.

                    Kinda makes me want to die inside.

                2. Well, he was a Constitutional Law professor.

                  This part is. It’s when people conflate that with “Constitutional Scholar” that it becomes untrue.

                  1. Lecturer, not Professor, despite the bullshit statement from UChicago. Professors actually have to publish once in awhile.

                    I can’t see Obama wanting a SCOTUS job. He knows he’d actually have to work a bit if he took it, right? Even with the three clerks he’d get? Though he might be the first Justice to teleconference from the golf course. Still much more work than giving speeches at hundreds of thousands of dollars a pop.

                  2. Michael Badnarik is a Constitutional scholar. I’d rather have him on the Supreme Court any day.

          2. He’ll wind up at the UN or in China dressed up as gay Mao.

            1. Yeah. What the fa-shizzle was up with that gay Mao suit he was photo’ed in today?

              1. Dude has less fashion sense than Kennedy.

                1. The purple dress-robe was still more masculine than Obama lifting weights.

                  1. Damn. I can push press more weight than the president of the USA.

                    1. I’m pretty sure that Obama is one of my ex-girlfriends, I just can’t remember which one…

                    2. The lousy fuck?

                2. Zing.

              2. Reggie Love is back in town!

    4. Broadband providers made this bed when they lobbied for franchise monopolies under the argument of being public infrastructure. Now let them lie in it.

      1. yeah, no. that’s terrible reasoning.

        1. And yet I still don’t care about poor Comcast, Verizon, etc.

          1. And? Not everything is about feelz.

          2. I still haven’t decided which is more evil, Kim Jung Un or Comcast.

            1. Yes.

          3. Comcast you say?

            Also, isn’t current FCC chairman a lobbyist?

      2. If they want to keep the internet going forward…

        Introduce competition. Break all the municipal monopolies…

        Competition breeds innovation and innovation makes neutrality moot.

      3. Yes, let’s screw the public twice! Who cares about them misogynistic Interwebs anyway! State TV and Pravda for everybody!

    5. Hello.

      Breaking is too generous a word. Ruining? Destroying? Passing on and lighting on fire?

      Yeah, that one.

      1. *pissing

    6. They’re clearly embarking on this b/c of the incisive critiques of government coming from the HnR commnetariat.

  2. The cops will find some other reason to lay a beating on you.

    Officer safety.

    1. DAMN YOU AND YOUR SIMILAR BUT NOT IDENTICAL INTERPRETATION

  3. The cops will find some other reason to lay a beating on you.

    Maintaining officer morale.

    1. The beatings shall continue until morale improves?

      1. And after, to maintain morale.

  4. …where religious services are just about the only public gatherings still taking place.

    You know who else bled out of certain parts of his body?

    1. Hitler?

    2. Jesus of Nazareth?

    3. A guy with a ruptured kidney?

      1. LEAVE FIST ALONE!

        1. Was that about me? Do people know my medical history? WHAT ABOUT HIPAA???

          1. All your data is belong to us.

            /NSA

            1. And your kidneys.

              1. But I need those to pee!

                1. All your pee is belong to us

                  /NSA

          2. H&R isn’t a medical provider…

            1. Could you look at this thing on my penis and tell me if it’s cancer?

              1. Someone didn’t get his HPV jabs…

              2. Throat cancer is gnarly, bro.

    4. TRAYVON??!!

    5. You said “his” just so I couldn’t make a menstruation joke, didn’t you.

      1. ‘e’s a bleedin’ pussy ‘e is!

    6. Your mom?

    7. People infected with the Sky Haussmann Cult virus?

      1. I wonder if Reynolds is going to write anymore stories in that universe?

    8. L Ron Hubbard?

  5. Oh yeah. Obama wants Internet service to be classified and heavily regulated as a utility. What could go wrong?

    Will porn sites take collects calls?

    1. Asking an operator to connect you with your obscure fetish should be delightful.

      I’m gonna need at least 37 seconds of women in power rangers outfits with strapons spit-roasting a white nerdy guy with horn-rimmed glasses. He cannot be blond, and at least one of the women has to be 5’11” and have green eyes.

      Thank you, I’ll wait.

      1. Do you have a link?

        1. Sadly, no. But if we put it out into the universe, Rule 34 will bring it to us eventually.

        2. He has a newsletter.

      2. a white nerdy guy with horn-rimmed glasses

        Hey wait, that wouldn’t be pajama boy…

        1. I’m never going to get that out of my head now. Suicide is probably my only option. Thanks a lot.

      3. “I’m sorry, all we have is 28 seconds of the yellow Ranger 69ing sailor moon before sharing a 34 Japanese man bukkake and punching spiderman in the nuts for 15 seconds. Spiderman has green eyes and is 3 feet tall.”

  6. Republican and Democratic front-runners Rand Paul and Hillary Clinton are both hitting the trail in search of rubber chicken.

    What about Jeb? Why won’t anyone talk about Jeb?

    1. Screw Jeb! Let’s talk about the only man who can lead TEAM Red to victory: Chris Christie! He looks Presidential!

      1. I REFUSE TO EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT.

      2. He’ll close the bridge to the 21st century!

      3. Well, Union-Presidential, anyway.

    2. They (Paul staffers) expect the campaign will be a “go” by mid-April, with an announcement as quickly after that as his staff can put together a fly-around to the early states.

      In time for an April 15th money bomb I hope.

    3. What about Joe Biden? Well?

      WELL????

  7. Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) also points out that the war against ISIS lacks congressional authorization and is illegal

    Do something about it.

    1. In all seriousness, at this point if we just walked into the congress and citizens arrested every single person, it would be BEYOND legal.

      The beatings we incur after wouldn’t be, though.

    2. Instead of impeachment, we now have imspeechment.

  8. Can Rand be truly considered the front runner or is that wishful thinking from the people here? What do the polls say?

    1. Even if he is the front runner, the warmongers will drag him down.

    2. What do the polls say?

      You mean millennials?

    3. What do the polls say?

      Now you’ve done it.

    4. What do the polls say?

      More importantly, what do millenials think

      1. alright, two comments on pm links and they are duplicating comments with time stamps ahead of mine. sorry. Back to read-only status.

    5. What do the polls say?

      You mean proles?

    6. He’s the only Republican that can win. And yes, he is a front runner, and I think going into the primaries he will be THE front runner. And then the GOP establishment will shamelessly attack him and even side with Hillary over him. And they will use the media, aka Fox News to help with this.

      1. Because (we decided) he can’t win.

    7. Rand Paul is the clear front-runner. The problem will be trying to win the nomination with 30-35 percent of the vote. If enough big government types stay in the race to split the rest of the vote, Paul has a chance.

  9. Laundry detergent pods are ‘real risk’ to children

    Last year a Florida mother of a 7-month-old came back to her room to find that her baby had accidentally eaten one of those bright colored laundry detergent pods.

    He had been sleeping in a laundry basket with the pod when it happened. They rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late. He died, of poisoning from the detergent, according to the Kissimmee, Florida, police department. …

    The colorful packets can easily be mistaken for candy. Doctors argue there must be more of an effort to prevent children from getting a hold of them. The study authors conclude that a new national safety standard is needed to improve product packaging and labeling. They call the pods a “real risk” to children.

    Or instead of spending millions of dollars to inconvience millions of people we could just, I don’t know, not put our kids to sleep in fucking laundry baskets.

    In 2012, New York Sen. Chuck Schumer called on the Consumer Product Safety Commission to make manufacturers put these pods in child proof packaging. He also wanted better labeling about the product’s potential danger to children.

    OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

    1. All for one retarded kid.

    2. If I have learned anything during my (so far) 2 years of parenting, it’s that there is no shortage of morons attempting to raise children.

      1. We used to play with lawn darts. And shoot arrows straight up. And jump off roof types. And see how steep of a hill we could ride our bikes down. Without helmets.

        1. The only way your presence can be explained is that the zombie apocalypse is already upon us.

        2. You jest, but it true. I did all of those things. And the bike part was an iron beast by Huffy with a banana seat and huge ape-hanger handlebars, no suspension. We’d try to jump anything. We used to ride through the woods down a very steep hill and off of a cliff at a cut-out. The key was to kick the bike away from you in mid air and then roll out as you landed on the sandy soil that created a landing ramp at the bottom of the cliff. A good 20+ foot drop. The other big key was to get out of the way before the next kid (or his bike) landed on you.

          That was elementary school. By high school we had graduated to blowing up makeshift dams with homemade black powder bombs.

          It really is a wonder we lived to breed.

          Now you are an unfit parent if your children are unattended for 45 seconds. I think I’m going to bring some balance to the force tomorrow. I’m gonna take my son out to build and launch some rockets in celebration of Veteran’s Day.

    3. How would child proof packaging have stopped this? The kid didn’t get it out of the detergent container.

      1. It’s not about stopping/preventing, it’s about doing something.

        1. This, there are these little seats called Bumbos, that sort of help babies learn how to sit. Well, a couple of years ago they issued a recall because some babies were getting seriously injured when they fell out of them…because parents were using them as high chair substitutes and other dumb shit like putting them on coffee tables and leaving the baby in the thing while they went off and did something else.

    4. The risk to the child’s safety is stupid parents letting them, effectively, play with detergent pods. Oh, and “its Florida”

      1. Obviously Florida needs to come in child-proof packaging.

        1. Florida needs to kick out the goddamn carpetbaggers.

          1. That would empty out Palm Beach, Broward, Miami-Dade and Orange counties.

            ….

            I could get behind that.

            1. Don’t forget Osceola County … or should I say: No te olvides del Condado de Osceola!

    5. More must be done? We keep ours on a shelf on top of the washing machine. Out of the kid’s reach.

      There, it’s fucking done.

    6. Maybe we should just shrinkwrap all children. It might be easier.

    7. In 2012, New York Sen. Chuck Schumer called on the Consumer Product Safety Commission to make manufacturers put these pods in child proof packaging. He also wanted better labeling about the product’s potential danger to children.

      Better labeling will make it easier for babies to read that they shouldn’t put detergent in their mouths, right?

      1. Chucky Bitchtits never misses a chance to spew his wretched stupidity in front of a camera.

    8. Fuck, I killed my baby by being stupid! I’d better blame this on everybody but me, or I might have to suffer the consequences of my actions!

      Oh congressmannnn….

      1. Except when babies get killed by airbags mandated by the state. Then it is your stupidity, and not anything else.

        1. Did you celebrate internet favorite Hedy Lamarr’s 100th birthday* this weekend?

          After an early film career in Germany, which culminated in her controversial nude scenes in the film Ecstasy (1933), Lamarr moved to Hollywood at the invitation of MGM head Louis B. Mayer, and soon became a star during the studio’s golden age.

          Lamarr’s most significant contribution to technology was her co-invention, with composer George Antheil, of an early technique for spread spectrum communications and frequency hopping, which paved the way for today’s wireless communications. The invention in 1941 was deemed so vital to national defense that government officials would not allow publication of its details.

          Nude scenes in the ’30s and co-invented a precursor to wifi.

          *Were she still alive, of course.

          1. Headley?

            1. I wonder how many commenters here got that one. And how many _miilenials_!?

              1. All the Millennials posted by 5:30 and are in bed by now …

              2. Don’t worry, it’s the 1870s. You’ll be able to sue her for taking your name.

    9. Doctors argue there must be more of an effort to prevent children from getting a hold of them.

      Maybe there should be. By parents.

    10. That’s one tough way to go for a Darwin Award …

  10. Comment from the article on net neutrality:

    “Obama is suddenly acting like a populist after finding being a half-republican bankster-lover didn’t work at all for his party.”

    It’s interesting that to some he’s a left-wing socialist to others a lap dog for ‘corporatists.’

    1. It’s interesting that to some he’s a left-wing socialist to others a lap dog for ‘corporatists.’

      To some Republicans are anti-government extremists and to others they are big government statists.

    2. Does anyone know what the f&^* happened to Jon Corzine? President Hope-and-Change was supposed to prosecute those dirty crooked Wall Street bankers who used their clients’ money as their own.

    3. Obama is a cocksucker. He sucks any cock that comes near him, whether it’s attached to a CEO or a smelly socialist hippie.

      Pressuring the people gets you re-elected. Or gets Hillary elected.

      I eagerly await watching Hillary begin the process as well.

      1. With the amount of blowjob videos that exist you eagerly want to see that one?

        1. “What I Would do Sexually to Hillary Clinton” – by Peter Griffin.

    4. What is most interesting is that people think it has to be one or the other.

      1. Yes, he is clearly both a leftist and a corporatist.

        1. It’s very difficult to separate the 2 these days. The commies gave up on the whole people own the means of production and everything is equal a long time ago. Now it’s all about the ruling class and their cronies plundering the hell out of a country and suppressing the plebes.

          1. No, sorry, the problem is just that you got your terminology mixed up.

            socialism, communism = “capitalism is bad and the state should on the means of production”

            progressivism, fascism = “capitalism is bad and the state should regulate private enterprise”

            Democrats are progressives, not socialists. (Communism and fascism are more extreme versions of socialism and progressivism.)

            1. The Old Grouch defines a Democrat as “someone who’s not quite pink enough to punch.”

        2. IOW a Fascist. It’s too bad that word is so associated with Nazis. It’s really pretty accurately applied to American Progressives.

            1. ^^^THIS

          1. That’s not an accident; historically, Nazis started out as progressives, and they were inspired by US progressivism.

    5. It’s interesting that to some he’s a left-wing socialist to others a lap dog for ‘corporatists.’

      Shortly after Obama was elected the first time, I thought of him as just another bullshit run of the mill politician out for some fame and fortune.

      After 6 years, I am 100% convinced that he is both a hardcore leftist ideologue and a sociopathic narcissist.

      1. You Know Who Else was underestimated as just “another bullshit run of the mill politician out for some fame and fortune”?

        1. Teddy roosevelt?

        2. All of them?

      2. I’m still not so convinced about the ideologue part. I see him as more of an unprepared idiot bumbling around. He’s full of leftist assumptions, but not really coherent enough to be an ideologue.

    6. He was the great left hope until last week. Now he’s whatever they need him to be. He’s the scapegoat the progressive movement deserves, but not the one it’s convenient for them to worship right now.

    1. India and Israel – two democracies – on one side and, well, you know the rest on the other side.

      1. Remember when the Challenger shuttle blew up? Some Imam a$$hole said that it was because the astronauts were from 3 dirty infidel countries – the US, India, and Israel.

        Over the years, I’ve read conspiratorial comments online from Islamic geniuses about such a secret infidel alliance, and I think maybe it’s not a bad idea after all.

        1. ^Columbia.

        2. No I don’t remember that but not surprising.

  11. You’re paying how much for a Dartmouth education?

    “Do you (Rick Perry) dislike bootysex because the peeny goes in where the poopy comes out?”

    1. “Since the event organizers knew what we were doing before it happened, they sort of controlled the lens through which the questions were viewed,” said Packer. “The questions ? they’re funny, right? I think they’re funny. I think a lot of people think that they’re funny, but since the event had control over the framing of the questions, nobody in the audience laughed. They booed.”

      Then I guess they weren’t funny, idiot.

      1. HEH
        You said “Packer”.

    2. It is obviously more important to ask questions like this, instead of asking what policies made Texas the jobs leader post-recession.

      Ivy League “education”. LOL.

    3. Was that question posed by Jar Jar Binks?

      1. Meesa likah dah poopah!

    4. I support all trolling of politicians of any political party, and I especially support trolling Perry. That said, this is pretty weak tea.

      1. Yeah, this is more along the lines of Seinfeld’s, “It offends me as a comedian.”

      2. You can just imagine the reaction if somebody were trolling Michelle Obama.

    5. “He uses those donations to convince people to vote against their economic interest…

      Uh…

      Ah…

      KNEE TO THE GROIN!
      KNEE TO THE GROIN!
      PUNCH TO THE KIDNEY!
      FACEPUNCH! FACEPUNCH! FACEPUNCH!

      FINISH HIM!

      ROUNDHOUSE TO THE HEAD! HIS SKULL POPS OUT AND HIS SPINE DANGLES!

    1. Well if Bron-Bron won’t touch him inside it’s no wonder he’s leaving.

    2. He would be silly not to opt out anyway, but this is funny so early in the season.

    3. It was truly a miracle for LeBron that Bosh and Wade put up with him so successfully for 4 years.

      1. Yep. I think once they’re both retired, we’re going to find out a lot about just how much of a total douchebag he is.

        I predict his heroic return to Cleveland will neither go well, nor end well.

        1. Should have kept Wiggins, who can at least play some defense and run the floor, instead of trading for Love. Kyrie already has the shoot too much and don’t play any defense role nailed down.

  12. I can see the pro-neutrality side in one aspect: I think ISPs throttling traffic can easily become a form of extortion. On the other hand, I’m not opposed to charging extra for “fast lanes,” which I see a separate issue.

    But is there really some sort of terrible problem that net neutrality is going to “fix,” and what are the downsides? It’s not hard to imagine gleeful regulators rubbing their hands at the thought of all the meddling they can do. Maybe political candidates should get special treatment! And the poor! And people helping to save the planet from global warming! And what about all those bad people on the internet? Surely something should be done to impede the “haters,” the weapons-sellers, etc., etc.! Internet regulation is a can of worms I don’t want to open.

    1. I wouldn’t mind throttling if there was an actual free market in telecommunications. But when the incumbents have already used regulation to completely entrench a couple of monopoly providers in most parts of the company, they can’t just light the “Fried Man Signal” when suddenly they aren’t the party benefitting from excessive regulation.

      When Comcast has it’s lobbiest put forward a bill that bans local governments from offering franchise monopolies, I’ll start caring about what they thing about regulation. Until then it’s just statist #1 vs. statist #2 and I don’t care who wins.

      1. regulate away because I hate comcast isn’t an argument. but no one expects you to argue for free markets either.

        1. no one expects you to argue for free markets either.

          It must’ve been a surprise then when he said “I wouldn’t mind throttling if there was an actual free market in telecommunications.”


      2. Comcast you say?

        Also, I don’t think you seem to understand that there is tons of competition as far as national/international transit providers go. The problem that exists in some places is a “last mile” problem which net neutrality will do nothing but make worse.

        For example, under net neutrality it would be somehow “bad” for youtube(google) and/or Netflix to directly connect to your ISP and only allow their traffic over these “fast lanes”.

        Even though, this would mean Netflix and/or Youtube would work better AND it would mean your ISPs other traffic exchange points would be less congested as a result making it faster for everyone!

        Also the entire concept is absurd on it’s face. So bittorrent traffic should get the same priority as DNS traffic bound to the root nameservers?

        Your neighbor’s porn downloads will have to be treated equally to your VOIP traffic?

        Seriously?

        The FCC will never enforce strict net neutrality though. What will happen is they will get involved in a bunch of peering disputes between major transit providers where there is already a lot of competition and favor whoever has the best people working for them at the FCC.

        At worst it will be used by the FCC to censor things and ruin the internet like they’ve ruined television.

    2. If other regulatory bodies are any indicator, internet regulation will start off with populist rules that, if at least in their end results, may not be all that bad. And shortly thereafter, entrenched interests will start to rewrite and make new rules that will stifle competition and creativity, resulting in stagnation, higher prices, and miles of bureaucratic red tape. It may take a while given the momentum that the internet creative classes have going for them, but it will happen.

      1. Yes, all we need is more regulation. Ye gods, haven’t we seen enough destructive crap from the federal government? Internet access pricing bubble for starters.

        1. CLAP HARDER, ProL!

          You have to believe.

          1. I’m all out of faith in the government.

              1. He is so lost without you.

                1. Wait, that music is real? Huh. And here I am, all these years, thinking it was a tequila-induced nightmare. So ABBA really happened, too? Ditto hip-hop?

    3. I think ISPs throttling traffic can easily become a form of extortion.

      What’s that word again, that would prevent that sort of thing, or at least ruthlessly punish any company stupid enough to try it? Compe…compet…compa….Damn, I can’t remember it.

      1. Compassionate conservatism?

        1. No, that’s not it.

          It’s something to do with ponies or something.

          1. Internet access is akin to health insurance. Getting the federal government out of it isn’t enough. That states and local governments are also contributing mightily to the problem.

            1. No, no, no, you have it all wrong.

              Because, Comcast.

              1. Whenever a company seems to take on the bureaucratic evilness of government, there’s a brilliant sign that the government is too involved in that company’s industry.

              2. Yes, Comcast. A big part of the problem is local cable monopolies, which are the result of local (and maybe state) governments. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want Comcast to make Netflix unwatchable in order to force Netflix to pay them more money, or to demand the Google or anyone else pay them to avoid throttling.

                1. COMPETITION.

                  We really do need an amendment providing for the separation of commerce and state. What a hash all levels of government make of things!

                2. PapayaSF: See my comment above.

                  Net neutrality would also prevent Netflix from more or less directly connecting to ISPs which would just make things faster for everyone.

                  Something google/youtube already more or less does in a lot of cases.

  13. I saw this commercial on Fox News today.

    lolwut?

    1. Spoken-word/Rapping about American Indians Combined with Modern Dance is actually more common than you’d think

      Horrifying by itself? Yes. Worse is when you realize that it is funded by Federal Tax money.

      1. M.E.Ch.A. brought some M?xihcah dancers to campus. They launched into a litany about how they danced to remember their mothers who were raped by the white man. I think we made it 7 minutes before it just got way too awkward and we left.

    2. Trigger warning: Hip-hop music.

    3. They’re rapping? Cultural appropriation!!!!!!

  14. From the Future Leaders of America Files: Sophomoric Dartmouth student prepared obscene questions for Rick Perry

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry was barraged with sexually explicit questions at Dartmouth University on Sunday by students who oppose his stances on homosexuality and gay marriage.

    Senior Emily Sellers, for example, asked the likely 2016 presidential candidate whether he would submit to anal sex in exchange for $102 million in campaign contributions, the college’s newspaper, The Dartmouth, reported.

    The questions, which were prepared in advance by a sophomore named Ben Packer, reportedly did not go over well with other students who attended Perry’s talk.

    The sophomore, however, lamented the fact that his “funny” questions were not well received and that some of his fellow Dartmouth students even booed.

    I’m all for bashing politicians, but let’s bash them for, oh say, mortgaging the future of America and infringing on the rights of the public, not go “LOL WUD U BUTTSEX 4 KASH?”

    1. Ben Packer

      Hmmm…

    2. You know that kid thought his questions were really fucking funny too.

        1. What about the booing students? Don’t let a handful of retards taint a whole cohort of students.

          1. These were people who spent an hour of their lives listening to Rick Perry speak. Presumably willingly.

            So, Dartmouth men.

          2. I’ll give the other students who booed this stupidity into oblivion their credit. At least until The Dartmouth publishes an article about how Mr. Packer was traumatized by how mean his fellow students were to him and the school should discipline everyone in attendance for hurting his FEELS.

        2. Did it trigger him that some people didn’t think his stupid questions weren’t funny, and did it make him feel unsafe?

    3. Rick Perry has been closing down abortion clinics in my home state and winning elections by playing off of the socially reactionary fears of the racist and sexually traditional poor and middle class, while soliciting mass donations from the rich and crafting economic policy in their favor,” Packer told Campus Reform.

      Which socioeconomic class do most minorities belong to again?

      1. Wonder if he’d be willing to criticize African-Americans in that “sexually traditional” part, given how anti-gay marriage they are.

        1. Ahem.

          *taps the sign “OBEY THE NARRATIVE AT ALL TIMES.”*

          1. But I can never remember what the hierarchy is when the narrative conflicts with other parts of the narrative. Is it gays that have priority? Or women? Or African-Americans?

            1. We’ve been over this a hundred times: It goes women, then gays, then brown people. Come on now, it’s really easy.

              1. I was confused. I thought it went women, brown people, then gays. My apologies.

                1. I was confused. I thought it went women, brown people, then gays. My apologies.

                  Gays jump up the list whenever fundraising becomes an issue. Nobody is sure why.

                  1. Gays jump up the list whenever fundraising becomes an issue. Nobody is sure why.

                    Wait, what? Are gays the new Jews?

                    Someone needs to create a flow-chart.

                    1. Wait, what? Are gays the new Jews?

                      Both groups are looking to steal good Christian babies for their own nefarious purposes whether it be to make matzoh or to replenish their sodomitical ranks.

              2. I don’t know, I’d need to ask a lesbian of color what the correct answer is.

                1. Yes. In contemporary progressive/Marxist thinking, lesbians of color are the new proletariat, and their wishes trump all. But we may have to work “disabled” in there to precisely identify our new rulers.

              3. Non-white people are more likely to be anti-gay and misogynistic (the only people to take either of these peculiar oppressions seriously to this point being western Europeans and their progeny), so the hierarchy has to be mutable if it’s to be politically viable.

    4. Well, given that Perry favors criminalizing sex acts between consenting adults, I’d say he is intending to “infringe on the rights of the public”.

  15. Post-Structural Anti-Racist Racist Humor

    if you think you understand what the joke is, you’re missing the point, and you’re probably racist if you don’t laugh anyway

    1. Are you by any chance related to Magus Peter H. Gilmore, the Church of Satan’s High Priest:

      Satanism is an atheist philosophy using Satan as a symbol of pride, liberty, and individualism, as did many before us who would not accept the status quo such as Milton, Byron, Twain, and Carducci.

      1. No, sorry, I’m catholic and therefore actually believe* Satan is real.

        (*in lay catholic-speak, that means “laugh about the idea”)

    2. Could only take about 30 seconds of that.

      Where do I get my ‘I’m a Racist’ I.D. card? And do I get to choose its color?

      1. Well, try my above links to the Indian Rapper/modern Dance piece.

        If you laugh at that, you can still be in the club

    3. I thank African-Americans for jazz, R ‘n’ B, rock ‘n’ roll, and Motown, but I think every one of their cultural contributions since then has sucked.

      And get off my lawn.

      1. Culturally, they are pretty much stuck in the late 80’s. Nothing new since then.

        1. How can you come up with something new when you can’t get off the team blue plantation?

          1. That has a lot to do with it. Stiffles creativity is my take on it.

      2. KANYE WEST IS CRYING FOR YOU

      3. “I thank African-Americans for jazz, R ‘n’ B, rock ‘n’ roll, and Motown, but I think every one of their cultural contributions since then has sucked.”

        The irony here is that almost everything in American music is simply derivative of that, more or less. So, that’s sort of like, “Aside from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you like the play?

        1. I don’t see much irony in pointing out that someone has made great and enduring contributions in the past, but failed to make important contributions more recently.

      4. I thank African-Americans for jazz, R ‘n’ B, rock ‘n’ roll, and Motown, but I think every one of their cultural contributions since then has sucked.

        You thank, and then criticize, all African-Americans for things that the vast majority aren’t responsible for one way or another?

        1. Well, Mr. Laconic nitpicker, when one speaks of the cultural contributions of different cultures, lumping everyone together is unavoidable. When we thank the Chinese for Chinese cuisine, we don’t mean that every individual Chinese person contributed to it.

          1. “When we thank the Chinese for Chinese-American cuisine…”

            I actually think New York Jews deserve more credit here.

            I mean, have you been to china? some of the food is downright scary

            1. Yikes, they really do eat everything in China.

              But the nitpicking never ends around here… yeah, “Chinese-American,” sheesh.

    4. I…what? I have no idea what that was.

      1. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS

  16. Two federal government Web sites that help people find AIDS-related medical services have begun routinely encrypting user data after years in which they let sensitive information — including the real-world locations of site visitors ? onto the Internet unprotected.

    “We started requiring SSL for the [services] Locator because we understood that information should be encrypted to protect privacy,” said Miguel Gomez, director of AIDS.gov. The site had been transmitting unencrypted location information of users searching for healthcare providers on the Web site since 2010. It had offered encryption as an option, for those who knew how to activate it, since last year.

    Reminder kids, install HTTPS Everywhere on your parents’ and friends’ computers.

    Drum roll for the most libertarian snippet of the article please…

    Federal rules governing healthcare privacy typically require the use of encryption when private institutions, such as hospitals or insurance companies, transmit personal medical information over the Internet.

    I have a great idea. Let’s put them in charge of ALL THE HEALTHCARES.

    Link

  17. The local LP has a feed the homeless at the park event (in Fort Lauderdale, at the same park where the 90 year old was arrested) scheduled for December 17. Hopefully the idiotic law is changed by then, because otherwise I’ll probably end up being arrested, and my wife will likely kill me for doing that right before we’re going to see her parents for Christmas.

    1. Seems to me you win either way.

      1. Normally I like quick and nimble fingers. But darn yours, Warrren, darn them to heck.

        1. Hey, watch the language!

      2. My wife’s family is awesome, mostly because my own basically sucks. I need to figure out how to do this in reverse and stay up there.

    2. Arrested for fighting the good fight, right before being subjected to your in-laws? Win-win.

    3. “So Andrew, what have you been up to besides being bailed out of jail?”

      “I knew you weren’t good enough for my daughter!”

      1. “Learned make a prison microwave out of some foil and a light bulb. I also shanked a guy for trying to take my anal virginity. Pass the stuffing, please.”

        1. “Pass the stuffing, please”

          ISWYDT

      2. I dunno. I’d stand behind an in-law if they did something like this.

        Of course, her parents are probably democrats. It’s inevitable that your in-laws will disagree with your politics.

        1. My in-laws are southern Democrats. They generally vote blue, but they’re fairly conservative overall.

          They’d definitely disagree with my politics.

  18. Hail to the King, baby! ‘Evil Dead’ TV series starring Bruce Campbell greenlit by Starz

    Starz has ordered an Evil Dead TV show.
    Original franchise director Sam Raimi will executive produce the series and write and direct the first episode, with Rob Tapert also executive producing.
    And ? and ? and ?

    Bruce Campbell will star, reprising his iconic career-making role as Ash.

    The logline: “Bruce Campbell will be reprising his role as Ash, the stock boy, aging lothario and chainsaw-handed monster hunter who has spent the last 30 years avoiding responsibility, maturity and the terrors of the Evil Dead. When a Deadite plague threatens to destroy all of mankind, Ash is finally forced to face his demons ?personal and literal. Destiny, it turns out, has no plans to release the unlikely hero from its ‘Evil’ grip.”
    Campbell played Ash in the cult-favorite horror comedies The Evil Dead (1981), Evil Dead II (1987) and Army of Darkness (1992). Raimi previously teased at Comic-Con last summer he was developing a show based on the films and wanted Campbell to star.

    “I’m really excited to bring this series to the Evil Dead fans worldwide ? it’s going to be everything they have been clamoring for: serious deadite ass-kicking and plenty of outrageous humor,” Campbell said.

    1. So I take it Burn Notice was not renewed?

      1. They ended the series last year.

    2. This could be either really good or really awful….

  19. Fun Fact:

    It may sound absurd, but taking a picture of the Eiffel Tower at night and sharing that online may be copyright infringement. The stance is confirmed by the Soci?t? d’Exploitation de la Tour Eiffel, who note the following on their website.

    “Daytime views from the Eiffel Tower are rights-free. However, its various illuminations are subject to author’s rights as well as brand rights. Usage of these images is subject to prior request from the Soci?t? d’Exploitation de la Tour Eiffel.”

    1. If you take them to court, they’ll just surrender.

    2. Another fun fact:

      Did you know that for almost a decade (9 years to be exact), the Citro?n car company ‘rented’ the Eiffel Tower and had it’s brand name emblazoned on it with 125,000 glowing lights? The sign was erected in 1925 and remained there until Citro?n went bankrupt for the first time in 1934. The ironic thing is, their bankruptcy was partly due to incredibly high electricity bills.

      1. What do you mean “ironic,” Ms. Morrisette?

      2. Yes, I knew that. If you watch the 1934 Bette Davis version of Of Human Bondage (which I highly recommend), the establishing shot of Paris has the Eiffel Tower with the Citro?n ad.

    3. So the tower itself is well into the public domain, but novel lighting isn’t.

      You know, that’s a little weird. By that token, perhaps I can bring public domain works back under copyright protection by just using a new color of paper.

    1. Uh, no thanks.

  20. Things that should be a red flag that whatever you are going to say next is a thought that is best kept to yourself:

    Rick Santorum: Obama and Bush Have ‘Given All Muslims A Pass’

    I’m not saying all Muslims are terrorists, but…

  21. Whoa: ABC Just Canceled ‘Modern Family’ In Order To Teach People That Something You Love Can Be Taken From You With No Warning Whatsoever

    But don’t despair just yet, folks! Though the network seems to have sealed the fate of Modern Family on ABC, several sources within the company have hinted that the show could be revived on Netflix or Hulu in order to teach people that, sometimes, miracles really do happen.

    1. You know that’s an Onion-related site, right?

      1. He probably knows… now.

      2. 1. Yes, I was aware before I navigated to clickhole.com that it was owned by the Onion.

        2. Even had I not know that ahead of time, if I’m am ever enough of an idiot to think something like that is a serious news story, I want to be killed. That you would even ask is mildly insulting.

        1. s/I’m am/I’m/

          1. There, their, they’re…

            1. Lose, loose.

    2. Phew! I thought it said they cancelled “The Middle”. But no, it was only Modern Family. The world hasn’t come to an end, yet.

  22. Obama Wants the Internet Treated as a Utility

    Of course he would. How can you control something if you can’t destroy it(*)?

    (*)Paraphrasing Muad’Dib

    Known for harsh enforcement of drug laws, New York City is poised to turn marijuana possession into a ticketable offense. The cops will find some other reason to lay a beating on you.

    As if they needed one…

  23. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LisSYXj9HoM

    /hattip: Pro-Life libertarian

    Using pro-sports to justify salary caps? Skip Oliva will love Jesse.

  24. http://egbertowillies.com/2012…..residency/

    Has anyone seen the article about some Canadian who said that we should be thankful that we Have Barack Obama as our President? This is beyond stupid. This guy has droned American citizens, waged war without Congressional support, crapped all over our civil liberties, and lied to the American people about his health care law. How can anyone defend Obama after all the stupid shit he has done?

    1. Hopefully my sarcasm meter is down because this has to be a parody. It’s just my liberal friends been parading this bullshit for a couple of days.

    2. “we use to rally around the President after elected”

      In what universe?

      1. Gosh, I wonder if the “we won, now suck it bitches while we ram all this legislation through on strict party lines” approach to government has anything at all to do with that? Nah, can’t be that.

    3. “We definitely rallied around Kennedy, Reagan, Daddy Bush, and for a time Baby Bush.

      That must be the kind of respect he’s referring to.

      1. Didn’t Bush, Jr. have eggs thrown at him on inauguration day?

    4. In President Obama, Americans have the real deal, the whole package and a leader that citizens of almost every country around the world look to with great envy. Given the opportunity, Canadians would trade our leader, hell, most of our leaders for Obama in a heartbeat.”

      Sir, you have got yourself a deal.

    5. Oh god, they’re multiplying. Here’s the unsolicited Canadian article that cluttered my FB feed that’s even worse:
      http://www.addictinginfo.org/2…..ith-obama/

  25. Progressive Democratic Caucus to Obama: Go Mussolini

    Rep. Raul Grijalva (D-Ariz.), co-chair of the Congressional Progressive Caucus, said on Monday that unilateral action by the president on economic issues is more necessary than ever.

    “The president is in a pivotal position to go assertively with executive orders to create a political balance and an economic balance,” Grijalva told reporters on a conference call. “I’m one member that urges them to use that as a balancing tool and a leadership tool in these next two years.”

    Grijalva and his fellow caucus co-chair, Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.), are putting their weight behind two proposals in particular: one executive order that would give federal contracting preference to firms that pay a living wage of $15 and provide basic benefits to workers, and another guaranteeing that contractors wouldn’t interfere with worker efforts to unionize. Branded as “More Than the Minimum,” the proposals are being pushed by the Change to Win labor federation, which includes the Service Employees International Union, and other progressive allies.

    Ellison and Grijalva, along with Change to Win, already have a couple of executive-action victories under their belts. They successfully pressured the White House to institute two executive actions that were signed by the president earlier this year.

    Can’t see that backfiring.

    1. As long as it results in immigration reform Reason will be happy.

    2. Look, if Obama doubles down on his Tyrant of the Month subscription, then fucking impeach him.

      1. Will all Republicans and 15-13 Democrats support it though?

        1. Depends on what they go after him for. Even the Democrats have to be worrying now about what the next president, who may very well be a Republican with the same party controlling the other two branches of government, will do with these new powers.

      2. It’s a bad idea, but I’m not sure how it qualifies as “tyranny”. Specifying the details of federal contracting is pretty firmly within the executive branch’s milieu.

        1. I just meant generally. Some of the things he’s threatening to use executive orders to accomplish aren’t within his sole province.

          The ship has long since sailed, but I’d fucking impeach him for fighting illegal wars, too. What a bad idea it has been to allow one guy to get the entire country into war.

    3. Ellison is my congressman. He really sucks ass and will never lose an election.

    4. So wait, now elections aren’t supposed to have consequences?

      1. No, where did you ever get such a silly idea from?

    5. Executive action…

      THIS IS HOW DEMOCRACY WORKS! THIS IS HOW DEMOCRACY WORKS!

    6. Obama has not yet recovered from his awful lesson that the federal procurement process is bad for websites. He also never recovered from his discovery that there are no “shovel-ready” jobs thanks to federal contracting rules.

      Now comes the big idea that he Mussolini things even further.

      I think he might do it, just to fuck over his successor.

  26. Gallup: 6 in 10 Americans think guns in the home make you safer

    Huffington Post ‘Gun Guy’ haz a sad because the science is settled!

    In the place where the argument really counts, the arena of public opinion, the folks who believe that guns are a risk have fallen far behind. This week the Gallup Organization published a poll on whether Americans feel safer around guns, the fourth time they have conducted this poll in the last 14 years. In 2000, the poll showed that 35 percent of respondents thought the house with a gun safer and 51 percent thought it was less safe. This year, more than 60 percent thought a house with a gun was safer and only 30 percent believed it to be less safe.

    Why is there such a clear disconnect between the consensus among health researchers and the general public regarding the safety of guns? Somehow, the results of an awful lot of research doesn’t seem to be getting through. I’ve been a gun guy all my life and if anyone tries to convince me that guns aren’t lethally dangerous, it’s a discussion that will come to a quick end. But it’s not a discussion that seems to be happening between gun scholars and anyone else.

    I dunno, maybe because guns are inanimate objects and individuals are able to assess the risks when they buy them?

    1. Only 60%?

    2. Wow. He starts with Kellerman study. Way to throw yourself under the bus right at the start, panty-wad.

    3. They aren’t listening to the TOP MEN. HOW CAN THIS BE? *smoke coming out of ears*

    4. There have been some people online that have questioned whether or not the HP Gun Guy is real/legit.

      At the very least, he seems to be of the opinion, “Ewww, no guns for anyone unless they meet my criteria.” That tends to be only “professionals” and proglodytes that wouldn’t dare be around a gun.

    5. “gun scholars”

      If ever there was a bullshit title that is it. I think what he means is ‘gun grabbers’.

  27. The hipster effect: When anticonformists all look the same

    when hipsters are too slow in detecting the trends, they will keep making the same choices and therefore remain correlated as time goes by, while their trend evolves in time as a periodic function. This is true as long as the majority of the population is made of hipsters. Otherwise, hipsters will be, again, largely aligned, towards a constant direction which is imposed by the mainstream choices.

    1. Not surprising. Non-conformists originally referred to Baptists and Methodists after all.

      1. And the originally anti-establishmentarians were the Puritans.

        1. But who were the original antidisestablimenatianists?

          1. Anglicans.

          2. Cavaliers.

  28. This isn’t about regulating a business model. It’s about regulating an area of speech that the government has no control over. What will come next will be licensing of blogs, and websites…and the government will have control over WHO gets a license…just like the IRS…

    Does anyone where not think that will come? Democrats already want journalists to be licensed…

    1. Journalists and any group that talks about politics publicly.

    2. They want to license everybody for everything.

    1. I did not predict that.

    2. Charges are now pending against the legal analysts who told the prosecution their case was a slam-dunk.

  29. In a shocking twist, the nurse that didn’t have ebola turns out not to have had ebola all along:

    Kaci Hickox Still Doesn’t Have Ebola, Might Move Out of Maine

    Nurse Kaci Hickox, who was quarantined in New Jersey after returning from a trip to treat Ebola patients in Sierra Leone, today reaches the end of the 21-day period during which individuals exposed to Ebola are at risk of developing the disease.

    1. The point of a quarantine is to make sure someone does not have a disease. Exiting quarantine without succumbing to a disease does not mean quarantine is a bad idea. It’s like saying you didn’t really need to wear your seatbelt today, because you didn’t have an accident.

      And note that 21 days only covers 95% of cases, and even 42 days only covers 98%.

      Also of note: CDC officials have ordered $2.7 million in personal protective equipment (PPE) in order to assist U.S. hospitals caring for Ebola patients

      1. In this case the quarantine was more like saying that because you might get in a car accident, you should wear a seatbelt on the toilet.

        1. No, it was because she worked directly with Ebola patients, and many such people have gotten Ebola. Sheesh.

          1. She also had numerous blood tests showing she didn’t have ebola.

        2. You don’t wear a seatbelt on the toilet? I guess next you’re going to tell me that you go wingsuiting on the weekends.

    2. This proves that the border walls worked!

  30. A sub 300 comment PM lynx? Shameful.

  31. Headed into the presidential campaign, leading Paul advisers include Jesse Benton, a longtime Paul family operative, who lives in Louisville…

    Better finish up some house cleaning before April then.

    http://www.politico.com/story/…..z3IiOw6Toc

  32. If the internet is treated like a utility, that would mean that users/companies that send and/or receive large amounts of data would pay proportionally more on metered connection the way everyone does with power, water, etc.

    As large originators/recipients of data seek out low cost metering/flat fee providers, you can bet that the transit providers/ISPs that peer with them on a settlement free basis will dissolve those agreements and demand paid peering as they see huge imbalances in their peer connections. (Typical SFI agreements require near equal exchange of data)

    It won’t take long before the large originators and/or recipients naturally have to slow down or limit capacity as they find their customers won’t absorb anymore of the costs. The alternative is what some have been doing where they install replica servers or content distribution servers inside the networks of ISPs so that streaming traffic is local to each ISP. This isn’t cheap and no doubt more ISPs will demand that local replication be installed in more and more of their datacenters to keep traffic as local as possible.

    The same people who always complain when reality is uncomfortable can be counted on to demand price caps, mandatory SFI, looser replica/CDN policies, etc. at which point we’ll all see our service become progressively poorer and less reliable. Not the kind of neutrality and equality I want.

  33. Back on topic:

    This “net neutrality” proposal is nothing close to the anti-corporate internet freedom that supporters on the left believe it to be. This is how regulatory capture begins.

    Once the FCC has power over a many, many billion dollar industry like the internet, the money and power will begin to flow in their direction until the big ISP’s have the regulations rewritten to their advantage. Eventually they will have their monopolies preserved and protected by the government. Service will get crappier, not better. And if they really want paid access for big data services like google and netflix, the government will be happy to add that to the regulations. Lose-lose.

    If you really wanted to preserve “net neutrality” you would just require some explicit disclosures about what the ISP will be doing with it’s traffic. That way the market can decide if it wants to pay $35 per month for broadband with boosted access to services that pay for extra speed, or pay $85 per month for guaranteed neutral access at high speeds.

    1. This “net neutrality” proposal is nothing close to the anti-corporate internet freedom that supporters on the left believe it to be. This is how regulatory capture begins.

      It’s Cartelization 101. Halfway-educated lefties are at least aware that the FDA is run by industry insiders like Margaret Hamburg and Michael Taylor, mainly because they’ve been trained to hate Monsanto as much as they do the Kochs. As usual, they hate Monsanto for all the wrong reasons.

      The FCC is run by the ultimate industry insider, someone who has spent his entire career protecting the profits of the cartelized businesses from potential threats. But that’s totally different because Monsanto is bad and Wheeler is sure to be turncoat who will stick it to Comcast and Verizon. Meanwhile all of his senior staff are former reps, attorneys, and assorted bigwigs of the telecom industry.

    2. That way the market can decide if it wants to pay $35 per month for broadband with boosted access to services that pay for extra speed, or pay $85 per month for guaranteed neutral access at high speeds.

      But that would involve some form of personal accountability. They’d much rather force you to subsidize their usage than have to pay for it themselves.

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