ISIS on the Move, Everybody Hates Common Core, Sarah Silverman Rants About the Wage Gap: P.M. Links


  • Sarah Silverman
    Sarah Silverman / Youtube

    Forces loyal to ISIS are attacking the Syrian border town of Kobani, despite U.S. bombings of militants in the region.

  • Even Common Core's biggest supporters recognize that public opinion is turning against it.
  • Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan succumbed to the virus. His family has questions about the quality of care that he received in the Texas hospital that treated him.
  • What a difference a decade makes: Ed Gillespie, a Republican Party operative turned candidate for Senate, no longer supports a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. His opponent in the Virginia Senate race, Democrat Mark Warner, changed his views on gay marriage just two years ago, and is now hammering Gillespie for not supporting gay marriage outright.
  • Watch Sarah Silverman perpetuate every myth about the supposed wage gap in this very un-funny video that doubles as a fund-raising drive for the National Women's Law Center.

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  1. His family has questions about the quality of care that he received in the Texas hospital that treated him.

    Is this another Obamacare complaint? Because that’s the House GOP’s fault.

    1. I blame BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!111!!!

    2. Just wait until “we” extend the VA system to a fully nationalized, socialized healthcare system with 100% accountability and responsibility.

      1. 100% transparency too!

    3. His family has questions about the quality of care that he received in the Texas hospital that treated him.

      His family can go fuck themselves.

      That is all.

    4. Is this the same family that’s still in quarantine?

    5. the second patient is a deputy so it may be he is merely fearing for his life which is the normal state of mind in his line of work

  2. Even Common Core’s biggest supporters recognize that public opinion is turning against it.

    That’s when you double down on the support.

    1. Common Core supporters need to take the long view: Once Common Core is fully implemented, indoctrination can begin.

  3. …in this very un-funny video that doubles as a fund-raising drive for the National Women’s Law Center.

    Because women’s issues people usually have a great sense of humor.

    1. If jezebel is any example, they’re absolutely hilarious.

      Consent Laws Are Ruining Sex, Says Writer Who Probably Has Awful Sex

      1. (without a shred of hard evidence or a real world example ? ironic, for a publication with the word “reason” in its name)

        You know what to do.

        1. Gimme a “D”!

        2. Go out and ruin some sex? With consent?

          It’s for the data.

        3. It’s been a damn long time since we saw an actual one, so I’m going to literally drink.

          1. God damn I forgot how good that Scotch was.

      2. This argument is bad and dumb for many reasons.

        Good lord, somebody actually wrote this.

        1. And this:

          But one writer over Reason (and at The Week) believes (without a shred of hard evidence or a real world example ? ironic, for a publication with the word “reason” in its name) that this could be the end of sex as we know it. She’s really worried about it. She’s concerned that the lawmakers who wrote it don’t understand how sex really is.

          This woman is paid for her writing.

          1. It’s unreadable. I can’t tell if she has a point or not. The writing is too awful.

      3. ENB rises yet further in my esteem.

        1. Don’t you mean Dalmia…as that’s who is the target of the screed?

          1. Shit. I crossed the streams with this piece.

              1. Ooo, fun. I’ve been enjoying the shit out of the new Allagaeon lately too.

            1. Great. Life as we know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in our body exploding at the speed of light.

              Thanks a lot.

              1. Don Rusho ? 2 hours ago
       eh? I always knew you guys were bitter that you can’t scream N*GG*R! any more without decent people getting testy, I just didn’t know you were literally counting the days until you can start lynching darkies and commies again.
                ? Reply?Share ?

                When somebody asks if you’re a god, you say yes.

                1. What’s N-star Gee Gee Star-R? Is that a new Japanese anime?

                    1. Stop using those misogynist slurs!

                2. I’m not really seeing the problem with lynching actual, honest-to-God commies, since they would identify themselves by putting a gun in my face. Not sure how the “darkies” have done me any harm, though.

      4. Insight into Jezebel readers:

        Today 4:50pm
        So my ex used to do this thing where he would wake up and want to have sex and he would nuzzle into me and start kissing my neck and then when I would actually wake up and get into it he would whisper into my ear “Can I fuck you?” and it was SO GODDAMN SEXY.

        40 minutes ago
        adding a “, please?” don’t hurt neither. me likey.

        Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

        1. “please?”

          Fuck that shit. if you could imagine how uninterested in you i’m going to be after my coffee and you should be thanking me.

    2. I think the feminist bookstore sketches on Portlandia are funny, but that might be because they went for realism.

      1. And speaking of realism, the bookstore they film that sketch at is closing down because they aren’t profitable.

        1. No!!!

          1. I know… I should’ve made sure you were sitting down before I dropped that bombshell on you. Story here.

            1. Independent bookstores have been dropping like flies in SF for years now, and the feminist bookstore in Berkeley closed down years ago.

    3. Is this part of that popular web series, “Leftist or Die”?

    4. … in this very un-funny video . . .

      Well, of course — it’s got Sarah Silverman in it.

    5. “Watch Sarah Silverman perpetuate every myth about the supposed wage gap in this very un-funny video that doubles as a fund-raising drive for the National Women’s Law Center.”

      “No. I’d rather go watch the windowbreak taser video.”

  4. His family has questions about the quality of care that he received in the Texas hospital that treated him.

    Guess he could have stayed in Liberia, then.

    1. No question that he lied to be able to get here for treatment…

  5. Watch Sarah Silverman

    Not even for a lifetime subscription to Reason.

    1. I did like that thing she did about fucking Matt Damon, which she totally did.

    2. The sad bit is that I used to have a serious thing for her, circa Larry Sanders Show.

      Not so much, these days. She’s still cute, but the cuteness is being overruled by other attributes.

      1. Somewhere along the line someone told her that her political views were Important and should be a major part of her public persona. Horrible advice.

        Still, I give her a huge free pass for the joke, “It’s like they say: when life gives you AIDS, make lemonades.”

        1. Gina Gershon is way fucking hotter.

      2. Yeah, it’s sad when idiotic politics makes attractive women less so.

  6. “She is not seeking to create any kinds of divisions in our community over this. She certainly, like all of us, would want to see justice done. She wants to see that people are treated well and treated fairly, and that includes Mr. Duncan. But this is a human drama. It’s not a political drama.”

    She wants to “see justice done”? WTF?

    1. Clearly we need to put ebola on trial for murder.

      1. And when it gets off, there can be marches and shit

        1. Where can I order 10,000 nitrile gloves that say “Justice for Duncan” on the back?

          Might as well make a buck…

          1. Harbor freight sells gloves and permanent markers. Get your orphans a-workin’.

      2. Oh. I thought it meant she’s volunteering to pay for his medical services.

    2. Scientists should have known he was going to get Ebola and have a proven remedy prepared for him.


      1. No no no – it’s not like it was an earthquake or volcanic eruption.

  7. Forces loyal to ISIS are attacking the Syrian border town of Kobani, despite U.S. bombings of militants in the region.

    Well, at least it’s not because of it. Right?

  8. Local elections coming up in BC…

    Gregor Robertson unveils Vision Vancouver affordability plan

    The Vision Vancouver platform includes:

    Building 4,000 new rental housing units over four years
    Ensuring new housing developments include at least 35 per cent family housing
    Enabling the Affordable Housing Agency to use city-owned land for new housing
    Creating 1,000 new child care spaces
    Providing free children’s beginner swimming lessons

    Nothing says “affordable” like lots of taxes!

    1. How about scrapping zoning regulations?

      1. It’s the seattle north soviet in Canukistan, they can’t concieve of such a thing.

  9. Here’s my question for those who think he got substandard care. What possible incentive would a hospital, treating the most high profile patient it will ever encounter, have for hastening his death? It makes no sense.

    1. “We Texans don’t cotton to your kind.”

    2. If you lived in Texas and had the your choice of hospital, how close to the top of your list is the one treating *the* ebola patient?

    3. It makes sense if you assume that everyone who doesn’t live in a hip urban environment and votes Democrat is an evil racist.

  10. “As horrific as it is to watch in real time what is happening in Kobani,” Mr. Kerry said at a news conference with the British foreign secretary in Washington, “you have to step back and understand the strategic objective.”

    Just what *is* that objective, John? Retaining control of the Senate?

    1. I presume it doesn’t apply to the po-po.

      1. Natch.

        MVA 3.1 214.3

        Exceptions to prohibition ? emergency personnel

        214.3 Section 214.2 does not apply to the following persons who use an electronic device while carrying out their powers, duties or functions:

        (a) a peace officer;

        (b) a person driving or operating an ambulance as defined in the Emergency Health Services Act;

        (c) fire services personnel as defined in the Fire Services Act.

        1. The police aren’t peace officers; they’re subjugation officers.

        2. Note that the police and fire exceptions cover off-the-job as well. And volunteer firemen can go fuck themselves apparently.

    2. Pft. Laggards. Quebec has had that for a few years now.

    3. Demerits? Really? God, Canada sucks. It’s like an entire country of Boy Scouts. Don’t forget your inhaler and epi-pen when you go outside, Canada!

  11. Watch Sarah Silverman perpetuate every myth about the supposed wage gap in this very un-funny video that doubles as a fund-raising drive for the National Women’s Law Center.

    Hmm, I’m pretty sure Sarah Silverman makes a lot more than the male and female warm up acts that go before her when she does stand-up tours.

    What about equal pay for equal work?!

  12. Deadspin thinks it is wrong that African Americans don’t like hockey

    Cowherd, however, said it’s OK that only three percent of African-Americans watch hockey, which, clearly, is not OK. Hockey is a kind of fun sport to watch and play, and when given the opportunity, blacks can grow to both enjoy watching and excel at playing it. But hockey is a lot like lacrosse, or, say, NASCAR, or even like youth soccer, in that there are very obvious race and class reasons why few blacks ever feel like the sport is for them. It’s not, and it’s not designed to be.

    Also, I don’t know much about Colin Cowherd, but Deadspin seems very comfortable declaring:

    Colin Cowherd is a flaccid penis shaft of a man with a syphilitic soul who is paid handsomely by ESPN to spew racist and sexist and otherwise trash opinions over TV, radio, and the internet on a daily basis.


    1. So Deadspin is essentially admitting he is a troll, yet they are dedicating an entire article to discount his views because they think their audience is to stupid to realize he’s a troll?

    2. You know I bet that when they designed the hockey stick, they wanted it to be uncomfortable in a black man’s hands. And don’t get me started on the mask thing.

      1. There’s a reason why the puck is black.

        1. Vulcanized rubber?

    3. African-American men — not so much.

      African-Canadian men — a lot.

      1. 4 Classless Subbans for you!

    4. Suggest that there aren’t enough black fans: virtuous SJW.

      Suggest that there aren’t enough white fans: evil Danny Ferry.

      That having been said, Colin Cowherd is a prick.

      1. He used to have salient and interesting points, but he realized it was much easier to be a shock jock.

        1. His wikipedia page seems to indicate he is libertarian, which combined with the fact that he pisses Deadspin off, makes me like him.

          I have never heard anything he has ever said though.

          1. There is no way he’s a libertarian. I’ve listened to his show a few times and got the exact opposite impression.

            1. So he’s a BillMaherian?

        2. His lead ins and analogies are generally good. He can be entertaining but his ‘bloggers in pajamas’ shtick is stale and annoying.

          If it weren’t for blogs (and real investigative journalists who blogs followed) fucking mainstream sports journalists would still be clueless about steroids.

    5. But hockey is a lot like lacrosse, or, say, NASCAR, or even like youth soccer, in that there are very obvious race and class reasons why few blacks ever feel like the sport is for them. It’s not, and it’s not designed to be.

      Black people can’t buy an NHL Center Ice package? And God fucking forbid black people make up their own minds about what they like. No. It will forever be the black man’s burden to make douche bag white guys like the ones at deadspin feel good about themselves.

      1. You heard the man, it’s not designed for black men, like lacrosse, and Docksiders.

        What a fucking retard.

        1. Lacrosse was invented by Indians. Hockey was invented by Canadian lacrosse players as a way to keep their game sharp over the winter. But they were all so racists they made sure the game isn’t designed for black people.

          And I wonder if the retard knows that Jim Brown is universally considered the greatest lacrosse player ever. I guess Jim isn’t a real black man.

      2. douche bag white guys like the ones at deadspin

        Not just Deadspin. Pretty much every single SB Nation blog is infested with this shit.

      3. For being very obvious, I sure can’t think of the race and class reasons why black folk aren’t NASCAR fans.

        Little help here?

        1. Only in the sense that race and class are part of the culture you grow up in. If you don’t have any friends or family that are into NASCAR, chances are you won’t be either.

        2. NASCAR is boring as fuck?

          1. ^^^

            +1 continuous left turn

            … Hobbit

      4. The problem is more and more blacks are making NHL rosters.

        Deadspin are idiots.

      5. and everyone knows blacks don’t play soccer, they play basketball.

        1. +1 Eusebio, Garrincha and Pele!

          1. Those are not the right kind of black people.

    6. Isn’t the answer to blame the people not watching?

      1. No the author likes it so therefore everyone must like it.

        1. I think the author is really trying to blame the league for the fact that the viewing audience isn’t “diverse” enough. Why else would the author write this:

          But hockey is a lot like lacrosse, or, say, NASCAR, or even like youth soccer, in that there are very obvious race and class reasons why few blacks ever feel like the sport is for them.

          1. It costs lots of money for the equipment?

            1. The cups are too tight.

            2. When I played for ‘reals’ it was as a goalie. A set of equipment in 1990 cost almost $2000. It’s a huge impediment for all races. Hell, I just bought a stick last week that cost $200; it isn’t even considered top of the line.

    7. You know what’s racist? There’s not a single fucking white cornerback in the NFL.

      1. Isn’t anyone else worried about what we can do to get short white kids into basketball!?

        1. Steve Nash?

          1. He doesn’t count, he was born in Africa.

          2. Also, he’s 6’3″.

            1. Bullshit. I’ve met him, he’s maybe 6’1″.

      2. ESPN is the paragon of political correctness. Yet, Bill Simmons gives out a joke award every year called the Paul Mokesky award for the best American born white NBA player. Imagine is someone did the same for the top black player in the NHL. They would be fired before the end of the day.

    8. They’re completely correct about Colin Cowherd. He’s an ass.

    9. Cowherd actually said sports blogs engage in race baiting.

      He works for ESPN.

      Home of Smith, Bailey and Jamele Hill and other writers who find race in everything.

      1. Sure, but he’s not wrong.

        1. Not wrong but call out your own first.

      2. Race, sex, scandals, Top 5 Things You Didn’t Know About Derek Jeter, whatever. Those clicks aren’t going to bait themselves.

    10. or even like youth soccer, in that there are very obvious race and class reasons why few blacks ever feel like the sport is for them

      Not to distract from the hockey talk, but even limited to America this is absurd. Going worldwide it’s straight up retarded.

    11. This guy seems to like NASCAR a lot. Getting pretty good at it, too.

      1. Bard Dougherty, too.

        1. Brad, dammit.

  13. Trinity Western grad ‘attacked’ for being Christian in job rejection

    He wrote that she wasn’t qualified and “unlike Trinity Western University, we embrace diversity, and the right of people to sleep with or marry whoever they want.”

    Trinity Western is the Christian university in Langley, B.C., where Paquette earned her biology degree.

    In the rejection email, Amundsen also wrote: “The Norse background of most of the guys at the management level means that we are not a Christian organization, and most of us actually see Christianity as having destroyed our culture, tradition and way of life.”

    A highly concentrated dose of stupid on all sides for you.

    1. They embrace diversity by refusing to hire Christians…. Okaaaaaaay.

      1. Christians destroyed their way of life Tarran. You know their peaceful life where they enslaved each other, had human sacrifices, engaged in blood feuds and were the scourge of all civilization.

        1. Oh, come on. They were only the scourge of European civilization, and they deserved it by virtue of being Christians.

        2. You’re just being a big meanie!

          You try living on a diet of ludefisk for a few months and tell me you wouldn’t do any of those things!

          1. If I had to live on a diet of lutefisk for months (or hell, hours, probably) I’d fucking move.

    2. I hope they have good insurance because she is going to be able to sue the living shit out of them. Have fun in bankruptcy court dumb ass.

      1. Well, I wouldn’t hold my breath for lots of $ from these jackasses-

        a Viking with a PhD in Norse culture

        He’s basically useless, apart from separating hikers from their coin.

    3. The Norse background of most of the guys at the management level means that we are not a Christian organization living childhood fantasies as adult men.

      1. Yeah, I thought that was strange too. Do they dress like Vikings or are they just Scandinavian and pompous?

        1. Scandinavian and pompous


          1. Yeah I thought that after I typed it too.

        2. They dream of raping and pillaging, like their forefathers.

        3. Or, do they spend a lot of time singing?

      2. My family is from Norway, and they’re Lutheran. So are most other Norwegians.

        1. No fucking way! You don’t have a replica of Mjolnir in your living room?

          1. I do, but it’s completely unrelated.

        2. Most Norwegians are from Norway?!?!? Who knew?

    4. Amundsen then used an expletive to state that if he met God, he would have sex with him.

      It was that comment that prompted Paquette to retain a lawyer to take her case to B.C.’s Human Rights Tribunal.

      So the thing that will get him in trouble is not the religious discrimination, but the offensive speech.


      1. B.C.’s Human Rights Tribunal.

        Didn’t Mark Steyn and Ezra Levant put the kibosh on that shit? Shamed a bunch of scumbag SJW’s until they had to back down? Perhaps it was another province and not a national thing. Rufus?

    5. That company should fire its human resources department. And she is making herself toxic for employment.

      1. ++ to both of these.

        Yes, they’re idiots, but holy fuck, she’ll never get another interview again after people in HR google her name.

        1. Eh…plenty of companies are run by Christians who might see something like this as a plus.

        2. Hobby Lobby might hire her.

    6. Didn’t the Norse spend a great deal of time attacking Christian monasteries for centuries? Pot, meet kettle.

    7. This is actually stupider than Gamergate.

    8. Sounds like a place one should be happy to not work at.

    9. You know who else thought Norse/Germanic paganism was superior to Christianity?

      Anyhow, if that happened in the US, I would hate to be their lawyer.

  14. Physicians claim “dead” girl is not brain dead and is, in fact, alive.

    “If the concept of “justice” matters?and if we care about the integrity of the system that bears its name?the Jahi McMath case must be reopened. This from someone who wrote publicly last year that I thought she was dead.”…..ey-j-smith

    1. Given the current motor function and the fact that the brain has not degenerated in the manner associated with actual brain death, I’m confident the girl is alive and the dead diagnosis was in error.


    I am on board with the self driving truck. You could st the speed at 55 mph and command it to always stay in the far right lane. It would never get tired or need rest so keeping it at 55 mph would not make a difference. And the roads would be much safer and much easier to drive on.

    1. 2nd to rightmost lane please… I want to be able to enter the highway safely. 😉

      1. Amen to this, I wish more people thought this way.

        It drives me crazy the way people stay in the far right lane, and apparently believe they own it, as they aggressively try to prevent people from accessing the lane to enter and exit the highway.

        1. It is the responsibility of the merging fmdriver, not the driver already in the highway, to merge safely. Drivers who yield left to merging traffic create hazards for faster left hand traffic and slow the overall flow down.

          1. Who says yield left? Just don’t stay in the right lane!

            AS for putting the onus entirely on the merging driver’s shoulders, The merging driver can’t see the fucking traffic over his left shoulder well while the guy in the right lane has a much better picture. Putting the onus entirely on the merging driver means that you get a much higher accident rate, because the burden is being placed on the driver who has the most difficulty in building a picture of the situation.

            1. And also the guy with fewer options.

              1. The problem is that when a driver in the right lane tries to yield, he becomes limited in the same way as the merging traffic. He creates a cascading merge to the left and causes a disruption of the traffic flow that results in a net reduction of traffic speed and a decrease in traffic separation and overall safety.

                1. That’s not a problem if they’re merging correctly. If there isn’t room to do it without slowing someone else down then you shouldn’t be merging.

            2. I’ve seen more near accidents involving people in the right lane attempting to yield to merging traffic and blocking the left lane or nearly sideswiping traffic to the left, and merging traffic aggressively trying to merge than I have ever seen when mergers properly and smoothly merge behind traffic in the right lane. Yes, right lane traffic shouldn’t actively try to thwart mergers but I don’t see much of that ever.

              1. It’s the same problem in two different forms. People ride the right lane despite the signs well in advance warning of an upcoming merge lane (never mind the “exit 1/2 mile ahead” sign), then either move left suddenly and dangerously when somebody is merging or else close the gap between them and the next car making merging impossible.

                Of course, there are also people who don’t understand that you can’t merge onto a 65MPH highway at 35MPH, and they create a lot of problems, too.

            3. You must live somewhere with freeways that don’t just have two lanes.

            4. In most of the country, freeways have only two lanes. They only become multi-lane in cities.

              1. Yes, these complaints are about the areas around cities, with 4 lanes or more of traffic in each direction, and on and off ramps every half-mile or more — so people sticking in the far right lanes can really interfere with the constant off and on traffic. It makes more sense for such drivers to be in the second lane from the right in these freeway sections.

          2. *It is the responsibility of the merging fmdriver, not the driver already in the highway, to merge safely.*

            Totally and entirely incorrect. Where do they train drivers these days?

        2. I was shocked when I started driving outside of northern Vermont and discovered that pulling over one lane like that to let people on isn’t the norm. (not that there is much interstate up there anyway)

      2. I want to be able to enter the highway safely.

        I always try to enter it at a speed that is higher than the posted one, but people always be throwin’ off muh groove.

    2. Plus the Muscles from Brussels could effectively do splits on world’s highways all day long.

    3. And no more “distracted driving” wink-wink-nudge-nudge.

    4. Obama was right, technology does lead to unemployment; just think of all the lot lizards this will be put out of business.

    5. Hmm, so future truck drivers will have to wear business casual, but they can watch porn on an iPad.

  16. Ebola dog is dead:…..een-killed

    1. Has it been established that dogs can carry ebola?

      (Reads article)”Though a spokesperson for the World Health Organization acknowledged that there is no evidence that dogs can pass the Ebola virus to a human, the government officials decided to err on the side of caution and with the power of a court order, the beloved dog, whom the couple considered to be family, was destroyed.”

      1. Has it been established that dogs can carry ebola?

        Are you volunteering as a test subject?

      2. I heard something this morning about a monkey version of Ebola that is airborne. This isn’t exactly a happy piece of news, even though I’m not particularly worried just yet.

        1. +1 Bruce Willis Time Traveler

            1. What, you expect me to believe Koch propaganda?

              1. “And don’t even get me started about the KKKorporation for Public Broadcasting!”

                1. Say, it is a corporation, isn’t it? How come I never noticed that before?

                  [Points at PBS and screeches ? la Donald Sutherland.]

      3. They murdered the dog with no medical justification but they won’t stop people from traveling from West Africa.

        Yeah, the country is in the best of hands.

      4. It has been established that missionaries can carry ebola, and no one seems interested in shooting them yet.

        1. ISIS prefers beheading them. They don’t know much about disease transmission, I guess.

        2. Shooting just causes contaminated blood to leak everywhere.

          The proper method of containing the spread of the infection would be to burn the missionaries alive.

          1. Or gas them.

    1. Please god no.

      They’ll probably give it to Franco and Rogen instead. blechhhh

      1. No, it’s going to have an all-female team. I’m not kidding.

        I’m thinking Melissa McCarthy, Cameron Diaz, the aging corpse of Sandra Bullock, and either the fat Latina girl or the mannish Latina girl in the Ernie Hudson role.

        1. Who you gonna call? FAT BITCHES

          1. They will eat the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

        2. I honestly can’t figure out what the hell prompted the media’s determination to try and make Melissa McCarthy into this generation’s Great Comedy Actress. Her schtick is recycled Rosie O’Donnell and Janeane Garafolo from the 90s, and based on interviews with her that I’ve read, she seems to be a thoroughly unpleasant person.

      2. You know it’s bad when you think Micheal Bay is probably the better option.

        1. How about NOTHING will be better than what happened in 1984 so leave it the fuck alone?

          1. I would pay more to watch a movie where Melissa McCarthy, Cameron Diaz, the aging corpse of Sandra Bullock, and a nameless latina girl stand around trying to convince a no-name writer not to remake the Ghostbusters movie than I would the proposed movie.

            I think my movie would be funnier.

    2. This is pretty much the best news we’ve ever heard. If you’re not sure who Katie Dippold is, she’s a great comedy writer who penned The Heat and some great episodes of Parks and Recreation (including that one with April and Andy’s surprise wedding). She also wrote a slew of episodes of MADtv.

      Holy Shit. If you don’t know who she is she recently made a buddy-cop film and wrote for a sketch comedy show (not SNL).

      1. Think it’ll maintain the originals Libertarian slant?

        1. Do bears use flush toilets?

        2. It’s all a corporation’s fault, for wanting to monetize ghosts or something.

          And Slimer is in the pocket of Big Hot Dog.

      2. a great comedy writer who penned The Heat

        This statement is internally inconsistent, because OH DEAR BUDDHA did The Heat suck balls.

    3. Oh, good, a “reboot”.

      How many reboots have there been that didn’t massively suck compared to the original?

      1. Oceans Eleven? That’s all I got.

        1. OK, I’ll give you that one. And I liked Pierce Brosnan’s Thomas Crown Affair.

      2. How many reboots have there been that didn’t massively suck compared to the original?

        This is being considered the wrong way. You’re taking nominal films into account rather than probabilities and using relative suckiness instead of absolute.

        I would sacrifice 100 Christopher Nolan Batman’s for one of Schumacher’s and that doesn’t approach massive black holes like ‘Blues Brothers 2000’ and ‘The Three Stooges’.

        It’s like asking, ‘How many government employees do we have that don’t massively suck at their job?’.

      3. I don’t know if it counts as a reboot, but the original movie version of The Count of Monte Cristo tried to stay true to the book, and sucked. The remake didn’t bother trying, and sucked a lot less.

      4. The latest James Bond movies have been pretty good.

        … Hobbit

  17. Watch Sarah Silverman perpetuate every myth about the supposed wage gap in this very un-funny video that doubles as a fund-raising drive for the National Women’s Law Center.

    Make me.

    1. Shush! They’ll bring back autoplay!

  18. If I had unpacked one of these when I was working offshore I would have thought I was losing my mind.

    Susan G. Komen pink, by the way. It’s special. Like John Deere green. And that signature color has been painted by hand on a thousand drill bits, which will soon be shipped by Baker Hughes to well pads all over the world, thus facilitating a thousand fossil fuel extraction projects just in time for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Which is this month. (But please don’t confuse Baker Hughes pink drill bits with Chesapeake Energy’s “even-rigs-can-rally-for-a-cure” pink drill rigs).

    I am not making this up. Read more about the Komen/Baker Hughes frack-for-the-cure effort here. Watch a little promotional video about it here. And then share the contents of your heart with Susan G. Komen headquarters: right over here.

    As the story explains, when the pink drill bits are shipped in their boxes (and, yes, the boxes are pink, too), they come packed with information about “breast health facts, breast cancer risk factors and screening tips.”

    And exactly whose breast cancer awareness quotient will be bolstered out there on the well pad? Inside the trailers and the trucks? Down on the drilling floor? Up on the derrick?

    “The hope is that the roughneck who cracks open that container learns a little more about the disease that afflicts 200,000 women per year.”

    1. Teach men not to rape give women beast cancer?

    2. “SGK pink. Why’d it have to be SGK pink?”

      I guess people have been complaining about the prevalence of SGK pink – there’s a new NFL ad which features a woman who saw the pink gloves and decided to get a mammogram which turned out to be life-saving.

      1. If it saves just one boob!

    3. This was some deckie’s brilliant idea, I’m sure.

    4. I imagine the average male driller does care about women’s breasts.

    5. There is no person unaware of breast cancer. However, there are still a few people unaware of Susan Komen.

      1. Exactly…also, I give that drill bit about five seconds before it’s just bare metal. Something tells me paint doesn’t last long when drilling through rock…

  19. Well, thank god that that menace to society was properly punished!!!

    The Phi Delta Theta fraternity seems to be keeping good on its word to do what it can to stop sexual violence on college campuses. This week, the fraternity’s international organization stripped the Texas Tech University chapter of its charter for reportedly displaying a banner that read “No Means Yes, Yes Means Anal” at a party last month. Images of the poster, along with photos of a “vagina sprinkler” that shot water at guests, were posted online in September and sparked an investigation by Texas Tech, as well as the fraternity’s temporary suspension by international officials.

    On Monday, however, Phi Delta Theta officials posted an announcement on their website that the Texas Tech chapter has had its charter revoked:

    1. And somewhere Daniel Simpson Day weeps.

    2. The only appropriate responses by college fraternities to this hysteria that puts “The Crucible” to shame is for is ban women attendees at their parties from drinking, or just ban the co-eds from the parties altogether, or have the pledges on-hand, armed with video cameras to film every sexual encounter that takes place at the parties.

    3. Is it too late to join that chapter of that fraternity? Because that’s awesome.

      1. Also, how does one draw the ‘vigina sprinkler’ investigation straw at Texas Tech?

    4. How stupid do you have to be these days to do crap like that. The feminists are foaming at the mouth, just looking for anything to grab on to, and these idiots stick their arm in the dog’s mouth.

      1. Bluto’s right. Psychotic. . .but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part!

        1. I think Otter said that in response to Bluto.

          1. Yes, I’m quoting Otter, my personal role model. What’s your question?

      2. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests – we did. But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, trshmnster – isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    5. And the winner is…ROBOT HOUSE???

      1. Cheese it!

    6. “Attending this party is consent”

  20. Watch Sarah Silverman perpetuate every myth about the supposed wage gap

    Was that doctor played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus?

  21. Some fucked up locker room hazing

    It would start with a howling noise from a senior football player at Sayreville War Memorial High School, and then the locker room lights were abruptly shut off.

    In the darkness, a freshman football player would be pinned to the locker-room floor, his arms and feet held down by multiple upperclassmen. Then, the victim would be lifted to his feet while a finger was forced into his rectum. Sometimes, the same finger was then shoved into the freshman player’s mouth.

    1. Man. Now I feel even better about my decision to vigorously resist everyone’s suggestion that I play football in high school.

    2. So basically rape.

    3. Darn, the Bombers. No slouches.

  22. War Memorial High School

    That’s, uh…an interesting name

    a finger was forced into his rectum

    What do they think this is, summer camp?

    1. Or the precinct?

  23. I Tried Online Dating And No One Even Messaged Me Back

    Mmmmmm. That’s good self-pity right there. What kind of lunatic would publish something like this?

    1. Wait, this was posted by a woman? That’s a fucking lie. There are men out there that will fuck anything. I’ve heard fairly unattractive women talk about the total deluge of messages they’ve received in response to on-line dating posts.

      I had a friend in college who used to regularly say, “Go ugly early.” And he lived by this creed.

      1. No shit. She either left it up for a day or the whole thing is a lie.

      2. She concedes that she got messages from guys “who weren’t her type”.

        1. Ah, so men who aren’t her type are nonentities, then? Women at their worst are the worst humans can be. Jesus.

          1. After a month of only getting two messages from men that were not my type, and receiving no response from any of my “matches” (there had to be over 40 at that point), I enlisted feedback from my friends.

            Fat woman tries the Angles, fails, refuses to stoop to fucking black men.

            1. She’s in her twenties??? That first picture makes her look as if she’s a 40-something mom at the PTA.

              1. Just posting a picture exposing most of her tits should be enough for a couple hundred messages a day.

            2. I thought that was the go-to option for fat white girls? Has the world changed that much?

              It’s really weird, because the beauty of on-line dating is that people of all kinds can seek each other out and destroy one another. Or whatever it is they wish to accomplish.

          2. And Nicole at her worst is like a singularity of worstness.

        2. She concedes that she got messages from guys “who weren’t her type”.

          “Her type” being “Matthew McConaughey but having been hit in the head so much that it caused a very specific type of brain damage that caused him to be sexually attracted to homely women.”

          1. No, that’s horrible. If the guy’s attracted to her type, then he’s fetishizing her. Apparently, fat women want guys who will date her because she’s so awesome he doesn’t care that she’s fat.

            And then they wonder why they end up alone.

            Have you ever heard a guy say “fuck that, she only likes me because of my big dick”?

            1. Me. But that chick was fuckin batshit. Vegan, bisexual feminist. It was fun for a while, but it’s impossible to date a woman for more than a few weeks when she won’t go to dinner with you because she doesn’t want to see you eat meat.

              1. It would appear that you had other reasons for not continuing to fuck her. You didn’t dump her because she was attracted to your physical features.

                But kudos on taking an opportunity to let us know you have a big dick. It’s always so hard to advertise.

                1. No, we didn’t actually like each other. She thought I was an unsophisticated redneck, and she was a pretentious bitch. She just liked my big dick, which I was ok with for a while, but it got to be not worth it.

      3. There are men out there that will fuck anything.

        As Lenny Bruce said, “Men will fuck mud.”

    2. A lunatic who wants to publish a combination of “Woe is My Iced-Coffee-and-Peanut-Butter-Smoothie-Sipping Cottage Cheese Ass” and “Where Have All the Good (Fattie) Loving Men Gone?” so that her xojane sisters will pat her on the head and tell her that there is nothing she could possibly (lose weight, take better pictures, not talk about sitting at home watching Netflix, not complimenting the intelligence of the cat(s) who will eventually eat her face after she dies in apartment, and generally, not have a profile that screams “NESTING!”).

      And I call bullshit on her not getting messages. She probably got messages, just not from men she would have liked to get messages from, so she deleted, chugged another peanut-butter smoothie, banged out an article, and went to sleep with her cat in one hand her remote in the other.

    3. She’s being an idiot.

      What she’s doing is essentially, cold calling sales suspects. The ratio of guys she messages to the number of guys who respond is likely to be 100:1. Because low response rates are what you get in cold calling.

      Moreover, she needs to craft her message to her target demographic (or completely change her demographic). She should ask guys whom she thinks are similar to the people she wants to date to look over her profile and give her feedback.

      The last bit of advice for this poor woman is to ask herself if she is really going after the right demographic? At different ages, people look for different things. Is she shooting to high on the looks department? Is she chasing after only artsy guys who seem to be like her, guys who are looking for a sugarmommy and not a fellow broke artist to share their suffering with?

      I can tell you that *I* wouldn’t date her. Her entire profile says to me that she likes to lie around doing nothing and like a child wants a guy to give her that life. Fuck that. I might put up with that for Ornella Muti, but not for some semi-overweight chick who really only brings her personality to the table.

      1. Nah, she should be getting response rates much better than 1%. The average for guys on OKC is like 10-30%, and girls have it way easier since so few of them actually make the first move. I’m ugly as shit and still do fine.

        Her real problem is that her profile was boring as shit and she needs to lose like 20 pounds. The former excludes the more serious guys and the latter excludes the more horny guys.

        On a semi-related note, I’m actually currently a few dates in with a girl who messaged me first. Unsurprising to me since she messages first, it turns out she just joined and I’m the first guy she’s meet up with.

        1. Ask her if she’s a member of the Church of Liberty.

          1. There was a slightly awkward moment the other day where she strayed into politics. I picked up enough to know she’s a Democrat before we switched back to talking about how disappointing the Patriots had been up to that point.

            1. The Bene Gesserit program people during sex. Just whisper “Vote Libertarian” when she orgasms. Every time.

              1. If you’re afraid you’ll for get to whisper that in the heat of passion, you could also just play this as your fucking music.

                1. What? No, Auric already uses the “Star Trek Fightin’ Song” for musical accompaniment.

                  1. Hmm, this might be difficult, given the mutual quirk regarding music we discovered.

                    1. Interesting. Please explain. Also, describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.

                    2. Actually not that interesting: We’re both amusical. I actually can’t think of another person I’ve met before that felt the same.

                    3. Then why not the “Star Trek Fightin’ Song?”

              2. The Bene Gesserit program people during sex. Just whisper “Vote Libertarian” when she orgasms. Every time.

                For some reason that ends up happening anyway. I’ve made several libertarians, no programming required.

                Of course, they’re probably now voting however the current guy they’re fucking is.

                1. My wife is quite libertarian now, but she was more apolitical than liberal or conservative in the first place.

            2. Time to hit and run.

        2. She doesn’t even need to lose 20 pounds, she needs more flattering photographs. Speaking of OKC, they’ve done research on which photos are the most popular and they found that quality of camera and photographs make a big difference.……accidenyt/ i.e. “the flash adds several years”

      2. Ornella Muti

        It’s spelled “Nutella”.

      3. She’s being an idiot.

        I’m calling B.S.;

        1. Using the internet she meets/met 40 men per month. I’m a happily married father of three and I probably physically bump into 10 available women per month.

        2. ‘try new things…play softball, try eating clean, and run a 5k’, cats, iced coffee, muppets, etc. anybody doing sales/writing/marketing can’t be this oblivious to subtext.

        It’s gotta be digging for source material or click baiting or something.

        1. I do not want to generalize, but I am going to guess that an apparently out of shape woman who joins a softball league in which she doesn’t know anyone is likely going to piss off the guys on her team. I would not be thrilled if an automatic out who’s never played a defensive position before played on my team.

          Alternatively, if she were good, she would be fun to play with and might have better luck flirting with the guys if they weren’t thinking of her 4 strikeouts and 12 errors during the game.

          1. I would not be thrilled if an automatic out who’s never played a defensive position before played on my team.

            It’s a good as time as any to state “Fuck the DH rule”.

            Jus’ sayin’

            1. Yes, can we get rid of the DH now? Thanks.

              1. We should replace it with a rule that the home team gets to bat in the bottom of extra innings, unless the visiting team manages to score a grand slam.

                1. You know, why not just have ties in baseball? I mean, they have 162 games as it is, which is plenty. Keep extra innings for the playoffs, which, while we’re at it, should only include division winners, since they play 162 fucking games already.

                  Also, no DH and batters can’t call time out. And pitchers have to pitch in so many seconds or it’s a ball.

                  1. No Wild Cards, no Marlins World Series, and no Rays playoffs last year. You sure you’re a Floridian?

      4. The “not my type” comment is the give-away.

        I’ve only been messaged first maybe 3 or 4 times vs. 800 or so times I’ve messaged first on various dating sites. If 5’4″ guy like me can get 40 or so dates off the internet, just about anybody should be able to get at least one.

        I click on as many profiles as possible and then message the people who view me back. I figure there’s no point in messaging someone who doesn’t think you’re good-looking enough to warrant a glance.

        Also, I don’t know about the men, but the female profiles are generally very dull. Either there’s almost nothing there, or looks like a half-finished autobiography. The list of demands many of them issue at the end can be unintentionally funny.

        1. One that cracked me up was a woman who had only a tight head shot in her profile, but spent a great deal of time angrily explaining that she wasn’t thin and she was tired of guys rejecting her because of her weight and blah blah blah. Well, lady, just put up a full-body photo and let your readers self-select. It’s not that difficult.

    4. If I am being myself and it hasn’t attracted anyone, then perhaps I have way bigger fish to fry than trying to get a date.

      Maybe she figured out she’s fat and boring.

    5. All of her pictures are horribly unflattering, she probably just didn’t wait long enough.

  24. I laughed at the article, felt bad for her (just a bit), then laughed some more.

  25. Phil Ivey is such an awesome poker player and is definitely one of my poker heroes. This case where he lost a claim to over 12 million raises some very very interesting legal questions and of course the laws are obviously different in the UK then here so I have no way to know if it’s a good decision under U.S. law

    I would argue that here in the US it would not be considered cheating since he made no overt act but essentially just used powers of observation to gain an edge which is what any good poker player will and should do. he did not create the marks on the cards himself himself, but took advantage of visual anomalies which sounds perfectly legit to me. The burden is on the casino to make sure it is not displaying anomalies that will give a player an edge;the burden is not on the player to ignore those visual cues

    Realizing again that we articles are always in accurate on the law or close to that I thought it interesting that the article referenced that he was not ‘granted’ the right to appeal!!!

    1. Old dunphy was not this boring. Step it up!


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