A.M. Links: Ebola Quarantine in Texas, Hong Kong Protestors Attacked, Australia Will Send Troops and Jets to Iraq


  • Credit: Wikimedia Commons

    Four relatives of Texas Ebola patient Thomas Duncan are under quarantine. Public health officials, meanwhile, say Duncan may have had contact with as many as 100 people.

  • Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott will send ground troops to Iraq and assist in airstrikes against ISIS forces.
  • The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit has allowed Texas to begin enforcing harsh new restrictions on abortion clinics. As a result, all but seven of the state's abortion clinics are expected to close.
  • "Protesters occupying one of Hong Kong's most crowded areas came under assault on Friday from men seeking to break apart their pro-democracy sit-in, tearing down their tents and surrounding demonstrators who said their attackers were pro-government gangs."
  • A Connecticut man scheduled to appear in court on drug possession charges was arrested by courthouse officials because he tried to enter the court with marijuana in his possession.

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  1. VA Gov Mcauliffe offered a job to a state legislator daughter to encourage her father to keep the legislature blue.

    Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe’s chief of staff left a voice-mail message for a Democrat who was on the verge of quitting the General Assembly in June, saying that the senator’s daughter might get a top state job if he stayed to support the governor’s push to expand Medicaid, according to descriptions from three people who heard the recording.

    Then-Sen. Phillip P. Puckett wound up resigning, flipping control of the chamber to Republicans and thwarting McAuliffe’s signature goal of expanding health coverage under the Affordable Care Act.

    Puckett’s abrupt exit came amid accusations that Republicans had enticed him to leave with job offers for himself and his daughter, triggering an ongoing federal investigation and inflaming partisan passions in Richmond.

    Now a voice-mail message suggests that Puckett fielded a similar overture from Paul Reagan, McAuliffe’s chief of staff.

    So after all the allegations of corruptions against Dems about the Republicans giving her a judgeship, they were just upset they were outbid. It’s assholes across the board here in the virgin state.

    1. WOOOOO!!!!

      1. Fist!!!

      2. *golf clap*

        1. It makes victory feel so cheap when he takes this long to comment.

          1. While that’s an excellent post, and the one with the earliest timestamp, it’s not an official “first” for scoring purposes unless it comments on one of the posted AM Link items.

            1. Fuck rules, where are the anarchists when we need them.

    2. Er, Hello?

      It’s pronounced EBOLI!

      1. E.botato, E.cotahto.

      2. I always thought it was an electronic bola used for hunting small game on the internet. Sort of like eMail and eBooks…

        1. No, it’s a Ricola knockoff. Except they advertise with a vuvuzela.

      3. Calcio takes center stage this weekend, Rufus(*). Who you got — Roma or Juve?

        (*)Okay so not really, with Chelsea Arsenal occupying the same time slot.

        1. I like Roma but Juve always manages to win. Except against damn Spanish sides these days!

          Chelsea-Arsenal is a nice tie as well.

          Good soccer.

    3. And I am embarrassed to live in a state where someone with the name Phillip P. Puckett could be elected to the state senate.

      1. Phillip P. Fuckett or Phillip P. Phillip would have been cause for concern.

        1. Make that Phillip P. Phuckett.

      2. That’s awful. At least change it to “P. Phillip Puckett”.

        1. That’s worse – no matter how bad your name is, using a first initial is pretentious.

          1. All right. P. P. Puckett it is.

    4. This is what you get for voting for Sarvis and taking away votes from Cucinelli.


  2. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is mulling a presidential run in 2016.

    That cracker? hah!

    1. Isn’t he supposed to be gay? I have no love for the thought of Graham being President. If he came out however and became the first openly gay major party Presidential candidate, the LUTZ among the Dem operative media would be epic. Suddenly being openly gay wouldn’t be so cool anymore.

      1. I don’t think he is supposed to be gay. I mean it’s not gay when you do it with drag queens is it? I mean it’s perfectly platonic to take a man in your mouth isn’t it?

        1. Totally. And just because its “sexual” doesn’t mean its romantic. And if its not romantic, its not gay its just fun or something like that.

          I would write a campaign contribution check right now if it doing so meant Graham would run for President with a drag queen as a “wife” and potential first lady. It would sure get me watching the cable news networks again. That is for sure.

          1. It would be nearly suicidal for him to come out as gay as a senator in SC although awesome as he sits in Strom Thurmonds seat.

            1. You would think that. Yet, everyone I have ever met from South Carolina thinks he is gay and he still gets re-elected every year. I guess they don’t mind dabbling with the odd drag queen as long as you don’t make a big deal about it.

              1. Not making your sexuality a public cause c?l?bre is literally the same as repressing it, shitlord.

                1. There’s a difference between being honest about one’s personal life and making a deal of it.

                  1. Not when you make every issue a gender issue.

          2. It’s just showing a dude some respect.

            I love the idea of a gay republican running. The Republicans would gain some respect from me if they just started trolling the shit out of the Dems and their supporters.

        2. I mean it’s perfectly platonic to take a man in your mouth isn’t it?

          As long as you don’t kiss, or hold hands.

          1. Like Zeb says, its just showing him respect.

      2. True. I think they would just say he’s not a real gay…the way the left reacts to Clarence Thomas for instance. In the end, I just figure this is Lindsay trying to make himself more interesting as a Sunday Morning Talk Show guest.

        1. Graham isn’t “gay gay” because we all know being gay has nothing to do with your sexual orientation and everything to do with whether you are a leftist.

          1. Nobody tell Tonio or Jesse.

    2. John Anderson lives!


      Maybe he’ll choose Rick Santorum as a running mate. And John McCain as Sec Def.

      Sorry Kermit, your day is passed.

  3. Drug recommended to help cut drink dependence

    “We are pleased to be able to recommend the use of namelfene to support people further in their efforts to fight alcohol dependence.

    “When used alongside psychosocial support nalmefene is clinically and cost effective for the NHS compared with psychosocial support alone.”

    The World Health Organization defines high alcohol consumption as drinking more than 7.5 units per day for men and more than 5 units per day for women.

    For men, that is three pints of beer or cider at 5% strength. For women, two pints of similar strength alcohol would put them into the high consumption category.

    Coming soon to our shores?

    1. high alcohol consumption as drinking more than 7.5 units per day for men

      Meaning every day or once a week?

      1. Something about the whole “units” of alcohol strikes me as incredibly creepy.

        1. Meh. In the public health nanny context, yes, but for diet purposes and those of staying within the legal limit not so much.

          I first heard this term in Bridget Jones’s Diary, where it wasn’t as creepy since she was voluntarily managing her own consumption.

          1. Per the discussion above about Lindsey Graham, reading ‘Bridget Jone’s Diary’ is gay.

            1. Oh, sorry, my bad for flaunting my homosexual lifestyle CHOICE!!1!

      2. It has to be weekly.

        1. It says 7.5 units is 3 pins of beer. So the units are pretty small. Seems like a not too unreasonable definition of possibly drinking too much if it is daily.

          1. I’m assuming it’s imperial pints, or 20 oz IIRC. 3 would be 60 oz, or the equivalent of 5 beers, which is the “binge drinking” standard we use here.

            I don’t consider 5 beers in a night to be binging, but if you’re having at least 5 on a daily basis then you should probably watch yourself. You’re not necessarily an alcoholic, but you’re certainly at risk of turning into one.

            1. Yeah, that’s pretty much what I am saying.
              The binge drinking thing is “in one sitting” whatever that means.

              Of course, it depends on the individual. I don’t weigh a whole lot, so if I drink 5 beers in an evening, I will be somewhat drunk.

              1. If I’ve already eaten when I start drinking I usually do 3-4 drinks in the first hour and 1-2 each hour after; it gives me a nice buzz that I keep steady. According to the CDC this means that on weekends my wife and I are no better than frat boys on safari, which is simply nonsense.

                I have no problem with the standard they use above as the baseline for “high [daily] alcohol consumption,” but as a the baseline for a binge? Oh god no.

    2. The World Health Organization defines high alcohol consumption as more than 7.5 units per day for men and more than 5 units per day for women.

      war on women drinkers

    3. 7.5 units per day for men … is three pints of beer or cider at 5% strength.

      Just who is it that makes this stuff up?

      *I’d* make those three pints *half* a “unit”.

      1. What’s a cubit?

        1. hey, Hey, HEY!

    4. It was some kind of anti-alcoholism drug that killed Keith Moon. I think I would take my chances with the booze before I started taking pills.

      1. At least it stopped his drinking.

      2. I think Hank Williams Sr. took morphine for the same reason and it contributed to his death.

        1. That and Williams had spina bifida that since he was dirt poor as a child was never fixed. He had horrible back pain his entire life and became a morphine addict as a result.

    5. Wait 3 pints is considered “high consumption” Thats my daily average.

      1. Considering 2 per day is right at recommended dose, that is low.

      2. When I get home, I usually have a large gin & tonic. Later on I’ll have a homebrew. The horror…

        1. I keep a mug full of homebrew all night…is there something I should be counting?

    6. Why would a health organization tell anyone who isn’t an alcoholic to stop drinking? Moderate drinking is the best thing you can do for your heart.


    7. They make 5% beer? Do they have to add water to it or something? It doesn’t sound very good.

    8. efforts to fight alcohol dependence

      People do that? Huh.

  4. arrested by courthouse officials because he tried to enter the court with marijuana in his possession.

    What danger was his pocket weed to the court? I get that this guy is dumb, but I doubt he is ever going to learn. Punishment serves no purpose.

    1. Are you serious? It’s a well known fact that the Devil Weed will take any opportunity to infect bystanders, and cause officers’ weapons to discharge.

      1. and their guns too

          1. *slap!*

            1. *slap*

              1. Doesn’t all this physical violence violate the NAP?

                1. It’s consensual, and we have all signed contracts to that effect. It’s in the reason TOS.

                  1. Yes, participation in Slap Ass Friday is purely voluntary.


                    1. Wait, did I just get slapped???

                2. Now you see the violence inherent in the system, Restoras.

          2. *slap*

            1. *slaps self*

    2. It’s a danger to their FYTW authority.

  5. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is mulling a presidential run in 2016.

    Good – a chance to see him humiliated.

    1. Yeah, but how urinated off will you be when the mainstream press treats his candidacy as being more legitimate that Rand’s?

      I’m like you. I want to see him end up like Snyder vs. the Cowboys on South Park. My fear though is that the WaPo and the NY Times will push his campaign as an example of a sensible grown up one.

      1. You echo some of my own thoughts. Even though I would like to see Senators Graham and Paul have a real debate, I think most of the pundits and “debate” moderators would skew things for the benefit of Senator Graham/the establishment/the State.

        I would also get to re-experience my despair seeing someone like Senator Graham get support from so many of my fellow citizens.

        1. He has the potential to be McCain.1

          The media propped him up as teh best republican candidate, then savaged him in the general election for the same reasons they supported him in the primaries.

          1. “Bobarian”,

            Do you think many of the 2016 GOP candidates will parrot “libertarian” talking points during the primaries similar to how some of the 2012 candidates did after Congressman Paul seemed to garner a surprising level of support?

            1. Absolutely. A few of them might actually mean it.

          2. Regarding McCain, the media don’t mind a Republican being nominated. It’s a Republican getting elected that they won’t stand for.

      2. John Huntsman redux.

    2. I also have to wonder if Graham is even capable of feeling shame.

      His actions to date indicate that he has no capacity for that emotion at all.

  6. CHINESE security officers have carried out an ‘anal security check’ on 10,000 doves, fearing a potential terrorist attack.


    1. *TSA official reads this, perks up, slow grin crosses his face*

    2. Doves are pigeons, and pigeon shit is a disease vector, therefore these doves are biological weapons!

      1. Dove are fine eating. I’d be very suspect of putting feathered rat in my mouth though.

        1. Squab? Cooked right, its not that different than dove.

    3. This is what it sounds like when doves cry “RAPE!!!111!!!”

  7. You can’t catch ebola from alt-text, Damon.

  8. Guys, serious question. How do you remove hair near your anus? I am not comfortable using a razor down there; waxing and laser removal are too expensive for me. I currently have my partner use a scissor to trim the hair there but I want to know if there is a cheap and effective way to deal with the hairs in that region. Thanks for your guidance on this issue.

    1. Use a trimmer like this one…

      1. Thank you.

      2. I would suggest buying two, if you also intend to trim your nose hair as well!

        1. The scissor used to trim my ass hair is also used to trim my nose hair. Come to think of it… no wonder I smell anal breath everywhere.

    2. Is this some really weird trolling?

      1. Yes – see the period after the name.

      2. Rule 34 suggests somebody finds it kinky.

      3. Its Mary. She must be off her meds again.

    3. How do you remove hair near your anus?

      Vigorous scrubbing?

    4. Stainless steel or copper sponge, rub vigorously.

    5. Use a lighter.

      Then fart.

      1. or roll up some newspaper, insert, set it alight, and perform the dance of the flaming flamingos

      2. Have any road flares?

    6. Hair, it won’t burn for long 🙂

    7. How do you remove hair from your anus?

      How about you have your partner shave his/its pubic region?


      1. * Blushing *

  9. 3,000-year-old mummy stuck at airport after being stopped at Customs

    It wasn’t the mummy that caused the delay. Instead, it was several ivory pieces that were boxed up with it for the flight to Miami from Asia, where the exhibit just completed a wildly popular tour.

    Tom MacKenzie, a spokesman for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, said stricter regulations on ivory imports are part of the reason. The rule changes were put into place earlier this year as a way to protect endangered elephants. They can be complicated and take some time to work out, MacKenzie said.

    All the exhibit artifacts that arrived in Florida by air ? “the whole crew,” Crampton said ? are being held with the ivory as the issue is addressed. Two other mummies also are in limbo at the airport, along with the mummified girl.

    1. So what does Brenden Fraiser have to say about this?

    2. His passport expired during the Ptolomaic Dynasty.

    3. Shouldn’t this technically be handled by Immigration?

    4. How does that conversation unravel?

    5. “Mummies – a Riches to Rags Story”

    6. What did the mummy have to declare?

  10. pro-government gangs


  11. Who hasn’t wanted to punch their dentist?

    Charlie Sheen under investigation for dentist bust-up

    A police investigation has been launched into allegations Charlie Sheen was involved in an altercation bust-up during a trip to the dentist last week.

    Officers of the Los Angeles Police Department are investigating claims the “Anger Management” star scuffled with his personal dentist and an oral surgeon while he was in the chair receiving treatment for an abscess.

    1. me. i like my dentist

        1. *slap!*

    2. I happen to like my dentist. He’s highly competent at his job, and I can pay out of pocket when I don’t want to bother with the insurance bullshit.

    3. No problem with mine. Even though he weirdly keeps suggesting I remove my wisdom teeth for no apparent reason despite having space back there and being perfectly straight.

      Maybe Sheen is just a narcissistic asshole who deserves a royal beating?

    4. I think Charlie needs to suck it up and pay for the gas next time.

    5. Cocaine-based drugs, which are commonly used in dentistry, can make people aggressive.

  12. Four relatives of Texas Ebola patient Thomas Duncan are under quarantine. Public health officials, meanwhile, say Duncan may have had contact with as many as 100 people.

    Are quarantines anti-libertarian?

    1. Probably going to depend on each libertarian’s view on whether spewing germs counts as violence.

      1. I’m no libertarian, so take from the next opinion what you will. I regard preading disease as a form of violence, be it willful or unwitting. When you’re talking something that currently has a 50% fatality rate, quarantines are the lesser evil and downright sensible. He should have been quarantined in Liberia, but lied on his questionnaire (which was the only exit check they did)

        1. I would lie as well. I have a chance of living in the US. I have little change of living in Liberia. However, I would never left the house when I returned until the incubation period was over.

          1. Everybody’s gotta die sometime, Red.

            1. Zed is dead, baby.

          2. How many people are you willing to kill with Ebola in order to give yourself that chance, FUQ?

    2. It depends if you like cocktails or not.

    3. I tried to raise this question a while back. It didn’t generate the vigorous discussion I thought it would. Nobody* here is going to defend massive quarantines and travel restrictions. But also nobody stood up to defend the right of the infected to gambol forth spewing deadly germs everywhere.

      (*)Statist trolls excepted, of course.

      1. Its an edge case.

      2. Nobody* here is going to defend massive quarantines and travel restrictions.

        I’m actually in favor of cutting off travel from infected areas, myself.

        If we do that, the need for quarantines is greatly reduced.

        Here’s the deal:

        Once Ebola gets loose in the US, its going to be hard to control because so much of the US is relatively crowded and it is super-easy to travel. The US is much more of a happy hunting ground for transmissible diseases than rural Africa, where most people live in small villages and travel is slow and difficult.

        1. Look at a virus with a similar transmission vector like Hepatitis A. While endemic in Africa, it’s virtually unheard of in the US.

          Waterborn diseases do not transmit well in developed countries.

        2. Cutting off travel is a quarantine. It’s the most basic form of quarantine, but that’s what it is.

    4. It is a special case of shunning. If roads and sidewalks were privately owned, there would be no question. It only gets gray when you consider a public thoroughfare that everyone feels a right to.

  13. Enough of my wife…

    Kitsap County road crews battling persistent beaver

    He builds it. They tear it down. He rebuilds it. They tear it down again. That back-and-forth defines the battle being waged between county road crews and a very determined beaver.

    “They’re workers, you know. They’re busy all the time, I appreciate that about the animals,” said Kitsap County Roads Superintendent Jacques Dean. “But at some point what they’re doing is compromising public safety, and we can’t let that happen.”

    Dean says his crews have had to dismantle a beaver dam beneath a bridge on Long View Road three times since August. Each time, the beaver returns to the same spot and starts over. At one point the dam was 40-feet long and 3-feet tall.

      1. So, you’re not having a cop do the shooting then, are you?

        1. *wiping coffee from computer screen…*

      2. Maybe this hard-working beaver can get a new job…as a pelt!

    1. “They’re workers, you know. They’re busy all the time, I appreciate that about the animals,” said Kitsap County Roads Superintendent Jacques Dean.

      It’s a quality he doesn’t see in his employees.

      1. That was my immediate thought. That’s why one beaver stays well ahead of an entire county’s road crews.

    2. Just picture the beaver working on his dam while one beaver holds a sign and 2 others stand around drinking coffee.

    3. Just tell Wynona to take her beaver elsewhere.

    4. Dam builder battling persistent road crew is more like it.

  14. http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..s-in-1989/

    Part of this mystery isn’t one at all: the economy simply isn’t as healthy as the headline numbers suggest. Unemployment has fallen, in part, because so many people have given up looking for work rather than finding it, and there are still millions of part-timers who want full-time jobs.

    1. And then there’s the explosion in disability claims.

      1. Any idea where one could find info on that?

        1. Mike Shedlock has written a bit about it. That article is a good starting point and contains links to his other articles.

          1. Thanks!

      2. You do realize it takes 2 to 5 years to “win” a disability claim except in the most extreme cases? There may be a ton mores claims filed but the disapproval rate is amazingly high.

        1. “Amazingly high”? Well, that depends on how you define it. Here’s one study (PDF warning):

          In 2010, fully 2 percent of the SSDI-insured population ? 2.9 million workers ? applied for SSDI benefits. Somewhere between 50
          and 60 percent of applicants will eventually receive an award.

        2. Yeah, initial disapproval is high, but there’s a whole industry dedicated to the reattacks who’s approval rate is amazingly high…

          1. Well, persistence is one key to success!

            1. If at first you don’t succeed, be lazy harder

          2. It seems like they deny everyone at first as a matter of procedure. My father has over the course of the past 4 years degenerated from an able-bodied carpenter into an uncommunicative and bedridden invalid. His claim was initially denied despite the diagnosis being on whatever rush list they use and it took them six months to verify that yes, he really did go from framing houses to tripping on pebbles and that this does pose a rather severe impediment to continue working.

            Then again, his best friend got laid off as a longshoreman and took roughly the same time to get his “back pain” claim approved after extended unemployment ran out. No matter what the issue, you can count on the Feds using FYTW as a guiding principle.

        3. Disapproval rates are the wrong metric. The correct metric is the number of able bodied persons on disability.

    1. If you think you need to demand a right to dream, then you don’t actually understand what this America thing is all about.

  15. Man pushes giant testicle across America for cancer awareness

    Testicular cancer survivor Thomas Cantley is pushing a giant ball across America to raise awareness for men’s health.

    He quit his job and sold his house to push a six-foot ‘testicle’ from Los Angeles to New York City after he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, according to his website.

    1. I’m not sure how a hernia and sunburn help.

    2. If you’re doing something for a cause, you are no longer crazy, apparently.

      1. “Hey, *you* try pushing a giant vagina across America!”

        1. But enough about your family vacation, Rich . . . .

    3. he should have painted it blue

      1. I wonder how often he has to get the rocks off.

        1. I’m sure he busted a nut or two during the trip

    4. AC/DC may have some re-writing to do. Clearly someone now has bigger balls.

    5. I’ve been hauling around two giant testicles all over the place for years. Nobody gave me a medal.

  16. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is mulling a presidential run in 2016.

    I am not sure that I can think of a worse candidate, which probably means that if he runs he will win the GOP nomination.

    1. Santorum/Huckster are both worse but it’s pretty close. Also lindsey Graham also comes off as an effeminate pussy, and I say that in the least misogynistic way possible. He’s the pudgy immature pants wetting kid with the inhaler in pe that sucks at everything.

      1. And pushes for more gym glasses for everyone else after he gets a doctor’s note that let’s him go to study hall.

      2. +1 James Joyce

      3. Graham has that effeminate southern aristocratic charm at least. When you see Santorum you imagine him hitting on your teenage daughter. When you see Huckabe you can see him getting too friendly with your ten year old boy at church camp. When you see Graham you figure he has a few well paid pretty boys that look like Kevin Bacon in JFK. All of them creep you out but of the three Graham’s actions are at least his own business.

    2. We’ve had the white marshmallow, we’ve got the chocolate now. All we need in 2016 is the Graham Cracker for the greatest national S’more anyone has ever seen!

  17. Montreal fires firemen for storming City Hall over pension funds. More to come? The Mayor is a rat (after all, he’s from the Liberal party) but he has public support on this one. Except from the lefties on the radio who feel no one should lose their jobs because you know, if any of us would storm City Hall we wouldn’t either. More like we’d be thrown in prison.

    Worse, the lefty NDPer I heard yesterday went as far as to – surprise! – project by saying ‘who hasn’t done something stupid in their lives’! Ergo, they deserve a second chance! Imagine if a Wal-Mart exec pulled some stupid thing – she’d be all over them about evil capitalism that needs to be regumalated!



    1. What would you expect from the New Dictators?

      1. Fortunately, the callers and texters were have NONE of it. Yet she dug in and kept being defiant refusing to accept the voice of the people. Instead, she danced and even jabbed at everyone for basically not being ‘compassionate’.

        She’s an idiot.

        1. having

        2. She’s an idiot.

          You already said NDP.

      2. The New Dictators

        Great band name.

        1. Reverend Mayhem and the New Dictators
          even better

  18. Obama’s ?minence Grise
    As the Obama administration crashes and burns, insiders begin to blame Valerie Jarrett.

    Jonathan Alter, a columnist for Bloomberg News and the author of a sympathetic book on Obama’s first term, reported that Jarrett is an unusual presence in the White House: “Staffers feared her, but didn’t like or trust her. At meetings she said little or nothing, instead lingering afterwards to express her views directly to the President, creating anxiety for her underlings and insulting them by saying, ‘I don’t talk just to hear myself talking.'”

    Everyone expects a presidential spouse to weigh in on issues, but the reference to Valerie Jarrett, the White House senior adviser who mentored both the president and the first lady at the start of their careers in Chicago, is telling. Her outsize role in many presidential decisions is known to insiders, but she remains resolutely behind the scenes. So when Jarrett does enter the news, it’s significant, because it may provide a window into how the Obama White House really works.

    1. Wow, no one will blame Obama for anything at all, and he probably wouldn’t have the common courtesy to take even a little bit.of it for the sake of his.team. if this guy were a CEO, his board would have fired him three years in for total lack of leadership skills.

    2. Chase her out into the desert, taking the sins of the Obama administration with her!

    3. Good luck. She’s Black, too, y’know.

    4. So when Jarrett does enter the news, it’s significant, because it may provide a window into how the Obama White House really works.

      “Works.” Good one.

    5. Someone is going to take the fall for Obama being such a failure and it won’t be him. If the Democrats get killed next month the media and the left will looking to blame someone and it can’t be the Black Jesus or the ideology. So, Obama only failed because he was stabbed in the back by someone. I think Jerrett is a pretty good bet to end up being that someone. She is by all accounts a remarkably unpleasant woman. I am sure she has a lot of personal enemies within and without the Administration who are just waiting for a chance to stick a knife in her back.

    6. So Valerie Jarrett is the Jiang Qing (Mrs. Mao) of this administration? Gang-of-Four style purges?

      1. Jiang Qing outlived Mao.

      2. Good analogy!

        *begins work on giant character poster*

  19. In Secret Service, Some Blacks See a Flawed Shield for the President

    Representative Elijah E. Cummings of Maryland was at the grocery store the other day when he ran into an elderly black woman who expressed growing concern about President Obama’s safety. Why, she asked, wasn’t he being better protected by his Secret Service agents?

    The furor that led to this week’s resignation of the director of the Secret Service resonated deeply among blacks, outraged that those supposed to be guarding the first black president were somehow falling down on the job ? and suspicious even without evidence that it may be deliberate.

    Racism all the way down…

    1. I can’t find the story now, but NYT had an editorial (I think) the other day that argued Republicans weren’t really concerned about the president’s safety – they were just using the fiasco as another way to knock government.

      First response, why can’t it be both?

      Second response, I would think, from a brutally politically pragmatic perspective, the Republicans would be desperate to protect Obama and his family. If Obama or any family members were injured or killed by an intruder, I would suspect Democrats waving a bloody shirt for decades.

      1. yeah, it would be like the Kennedys times a thousand

        1. Yes. You have to be a serious brain dead Republican to see anything but evil resulting from Obama being assassinated.

      2. If we’re thinking of the same article, it wasn’t an editorial. It was a “news analysis” or something like that, which made it way worse (though not surprising).

        1. Thanks for the clarification. It was a drive-by reading on my part.

          1. It was ridiculous. “Republicans don’t like the President’s policies. So why don’t they want him killed??”

            I am no Republican, but Jesus Christ. That article was a great example of how politics makes people worse.

    2. I recall W getting hit by a flying shoe without a SS guy diving in front of him.

      1. He didn’t get hit, W had pretty good reflexes.

    3. Oh, good. Let’s make this about race too.

      The president wasn’t even there, was he? I’d imagine they would be more on the ball if he had been. I could be wrong.

      But still, locking the fucking door and having a couple more people watching the fence would solve the whole problem.

      1. The presidential bodyguard costs around $1.5 billion per year.

        Hell, why not just electrify the fence and put concertina wire inside and out of the fenceline?

        Why spend so much to maintain the appearance that the US is anything but a police state?

        1. Hell, why not just electrify the fence and put concertina wire inside and out of the fenceline?

          Put the locks on the outside of the doors and gates, too, and we have a deal.

  20. I like how the Ebola guy’s family’s apartment hasn’t even been decontaminated yet and they’re forcing his family.to stay there. Plus, there’s a video going around somewhere purporting to be of city workers using a pressure washer and no.protective clothing to wash his vomit off the.sidewalk.

    1. EBOLI!

      The President said it’s EBOLI!

      /tears hair out.

          1. Nice band name.

        1. I assume this is the reference:


    2. Yeah, because that pressure washer would aerosolize the shit out of the ebolavirus. Hope they thought to add bleach, and lots of it, to the fluid.

      While not the best thing in the family’s interest, it avoids the whole problem of moving them, etc. If they did move them it would set off a chain reaction of neighbors demanding to be moved, etc. Basically they are risking this family to control panic.

      1. The CDC has an actual quarantine facility in Dallas. What are the saving it for? A horrible flesh-eating disease that kills nearly everyone?

        Oh, wait . . .

  21. Ben Bernanke turned down for mortgage refinancing

    Hahaha! Looks like your banker buddies left you high and dry after you fucked over the rest of the country to enrich them.

    1. You should have heard the way Fox News “Fox and Friends” led the story:

      “The man who saved the economy from collapse can’t get a home mortgage…”

      I’m not making it up.

  22. N.Y. Fed Lawyer Says AIG Got Billions Without Paperwork

    AIG’s dire condition required an immediate infusion of cash, and paperwork memorializing the terms of the loan wasn’t complete, Thomas Baxter, the New York Fed’s general counsel, told a judge in Washington yesterday in a trial over a shareholder challenge to the terms of the rescue.

    The Fed wanted to quickly get control of AIG because of concern that Rodgin Cohen, an attorney for the company, might try to re-negotiate the rescue terms, Baxter said. Cohen had succeeded in re-working the terms of JPMorgan Chase & Co. (JPM)’s takeover of Bear Stearns and the Fed was worried that he might try again with AIG, Baxter testified.

    “The more credit we put into AIG, the less bargaining power we had,” Baxter said.

    1. Our old CEO was scathing – I remember him saying something to the effect of calling Paulsen and saying “so, have you given any other of our competitors several billion dollars today?”

  23. These Scientists Want to Bring You Civet-Poop Coffee Without the Civets

    Civet coffee is among the most expensive coffees in the world?a cup can cost $80. Coffee beans that have passed through the digestive tract of this cat-sized creature native to southeast Asia make a remarkably smooth brew, producers and aficionados say. But the cost isn’t just financial. Although civet coffee, also known by its Indonesian name, kopi luwak, originated with beans collected from the feces of wild animals, increased demand has encouraged producers to keep the animals in cages and force them to subsist on a nutritionally deficient diet of coffee beans.
    A civet cat in captivity.

    “It’s the fois gras of coffee,” Camille Delebecque, a synthetic biologist, said during a recent visit to WIRED. Delebecque saw a depressing civet farm on a trip to Indonesia a few years ago, and it got him thinking about alternatives.

    1. Why do people drink that shit?

      1. No, no! The beans U r doin’ it wrong!

        1. Smells about the same. I don’t drink coffee, so I’m not doing anything wrong.

          1. You don’t even like the smell of coffee? I can certainly understand the taste, even though I like it. It’s kind of bitter and weird. I thought everyone liked the smell, though.

      2. Good one, UCS.

        Disappointed in you, Alpenhorn Boy. Surely that deserved a narrowed gaze.

    2. The coffee they serve at my office tastes like it’s been passed through the digestive tract of something. Maybe I should resell it for $80 a cup.

      1. It can be done. All you need is the correct marketing and some space in SkyMall.

      2. You guys get Starbucks at your office?

    3. Another coffee beans in poop story?

      Has Voyager left the solar system again?

      1. Oh, Ted, what would we do without you?

        1. You’d have much worse taste in music and movies without me. 😉

      2. “My name is V’ger, and I will NOT be ignored!”

    4. I can’t imagine it’s worth the price, but I’m perfectly happy to eat shit if it tastes good and won’t make me sick.

    5. Delebecque saw a depressing civet farm on a trip to Indonesia a few years ago, and it got him thinking about alternatives.

      Like, say, coffee that hasn’t been passed through a cat? I wish you could buy that.

  24. North Korea Lockdown? Pyongyang Reportedly Closed Off Amid Possible Kim Jong Un Coup Attempt

    Pyongyang is reportedly under lockdown, raising fears of the possibility of a coup to overthrow leader Kim Jong Un or his top leadership, experts told the Telegraph. Attempted defections of North Korean leaders may have also prompted the lockdown, which includes travel restrictions in the North Korean capital.

    “This sort of action suggests there has either been an attempted coup or that the authorities there have uncovered some sort of plot against the leadership,” North Korean expert Toshimitsu Shigemura, a professor at Waseda University in Tokyo, told the Telegraph in a story published Friday. “If it is a military-backed coup, then the situation in Pyongyang will be very dangerous and I have heard reports that Kim has been moved out of the capital.”

    1. Um, hasn’t North Korea basically been on lockdown for 50 years now?

    2. We can only hope fat boy is laying in a pool of his own blood somewhere.

    3. Vice has a similar article. Also, there’s this, guaranteed to make proglodytes sad:

      Jang predicts that the North Korean regime will collapse in the coming years due to divisions between older elites and a younger generation that is benefitting from the growth of private markets in North Korea. While the regime once maintained rigid control over the North Korean economy and food supply, today people trade goods and services in public markets that are still technically illegal but widely tolerated.

      Reichel said he observed people wearing fashions from South Korea and China, indicating they have access to forms of foreign media that were once banned. Some government officials view the new freedoms as a threat to their power, but cracking down is a risky move that could lead to total collapse of the economy and a repeat of the famine in the mid-’90s that led thousands of people to starve to death.

      “Because the public distribution system has utterly failed, they’ve lost so much control of the country,” Reichel said. “When they can’t control the economy, this is in essence a loss of control of the country. It’s been that way since the end of the famine and that’s not going to reverse itself.”

      I can already hear them bemoaning the country’s loss of “authenticity” (i.e. soul-crushing poverty).

      1. There was a PBS documentary earlier this year showing how the black markets operate. USB sticks with Chinese, South Korea, and Western media are penetrating North Korea.

        1. I saw that. It was very interesting. I have no doubt it is going to collapse at some point. When it does collapse, it will collapse very quickly and be a complete mess. It just has to hit a tippling point where people realize they are not alone in hating the regime and think it is going to fall. Once that happens, the goons with the rifles drop their weapons hoping to avoid being on the losing side and the entire thing unravels in almost an instant.

          1. That and SK is basically on the hook for the bill. One reason unification doesn’t get much practical support. It’d make German unification seem like a financial speed bump.

            1. And it would spill over into China as well. It would be an epic humanitarian crisis. On top of that North Korea has hundreds of thousands or maybe millions of poison gas shells, huge stockpiles of God knows what other chemical and biological weapons and at least five or ten nuclear weapons. Good luck accounting for all of that when the place falls apart.

            2. One would hope that they’ve planned for that contingency and have some money set aside. You can be damn sure they have reunification plans covering several different contingencies.

              And, once they do reunify, watch out world. How long do you think it will take for former NK to start earning their keep?

              1. The Koreans have been planning for reunification since the 1950s. They have amazingly detailed plans for it. Every mayor and city government in South Korea has an assigned city in North Korea they will govern and rebuild in the aftermath of a war or in the event of a North Korean collapse.

                They have the plans and being Koreans would pull it off if they had to. It will just cost them a fortune.

              2. The interesting thing about the split is that the north has a ton of raw materials, while the south has almost all the agricultural lands. Combining the two would make a very strong country.

                Best bet for reunification would be if they started a war on Japan. Nothing the two Koreas agree upon as much as the fact that Japan has fucked their country over royally in the past.

                1. Yes Jimbo, a united Korea would be a big regional power. It would have all of the efficiency of Japan with a lot more natural resources. The reason why the Chinese came in and took as much as they could was partially because they didn’t want to have to deal with a united and independent Korea on their doorstep.

            3. I think there would be a decent surge as folks welcomed the new freedom and opportunity, but that’s tempered by the fact that you have any entire country pyschologically fucked. Sure, some get it, but many others are totally brain-washed. That part will take generations to resolve.

          2. It just has to hit a tippling point

            I hit a tippling point every day around 5-6 PM.

          3. It just has to hit a tippling point

            God love ya, John.

    4. How could you tell?

  25. OT: My local paper ran this cartoon about Holder.

    1. For the love of god, please tell me there’s a joke there that I’m just not getting.

    2. jesus, the bathos is unendurable. the comments are not wholly idiotic

      1. I was surprised, the comments are somewhat half-decent,yes.

      2. Interesting that a couple of proggies rip into him and for some of the same things that libertarians complain about. There may be a smidgen of sanity on that side after all.

    3. I saw the closet door and hanger bar.and was expecting a tasteless autoerotic asphyxiation joke. Then I scrolled down and saw something even more tasteless.

    4. Paging barfman?

      That cartoonist is possible the only person on planet Earth who thinks Holder is a decent human being.

  26. District cuts hours amid health insurance cost concerns

    TWIN FALLS — The Twin Falls School District says the Affordable Care Act is causing them to make tough decisions when it comes to some of their employees’ hours.

    The school board made the decision this spring to reduce paraprofessional hours from 30 a week down to 27.5 hours a week.

    It affected 150 employees throughout the district, including positions like janitors, substitute teachers, and food service workers.

    But this just isn’t possible! I’ve been assured that only greedy mega Kochporations would be affected by this law, and they would just have to take a few gold pieces out of their Scrooge McDuck swimming pools to take better care of their employees.

    1. I bet those employees are real happy – fewer hours means less take home and no health insurance as icing on the cake. Though, on the upside, now the district will probably hire more part-timers and lower the unemployment rate! Never mind that they will basically be working poor.

      1. At least until they figure they could have a better lifestyle by getting fired and going on welfare.

      2. We were assured by the administration that the reduction in hours would let people pursue their real passions and hobbies.

        1. Yeah, those rewarding hobbies like wandering down ditches looking for aluminum cans that can be traded in at the recycling center for cash.

    2. What’s the differnece between a paraprofessional and a para-amateur?

  27. Naked Man Tased By Police at Atlanta Airport

    Weems stood near the gate for around 30 minutes before police arrived.

    WARNING: Self-start BS.

    1. It is like a real life LA Confidential. The naked guy had a gun, really!!

      1. “Sir, I’m going to have to check your asshole.”

        1. TSA Training Center?

          (wondered if I should put a trigger warning on this, then I thought “nah”.)

  28. “The more credit we put into AIG, the less bargaining power we had,” Baxter said.

    If you owe the bank ten thousand dollars and have no way of paying it back, you have a problem. If you owe the bank ten billion dollars, with no way of repaying it, the bank has a problem.

    1. And our genius regulators were not bright enough to understand what any small business man could tell you. Cleverness is just a way for smart people to convince themselves common sense isn’t true.

  29. Four relatives of Texas Ebola patient Thomas Duncan are under quarantine.

    Gee, now why the heck would that be necessary? All our “Top Men” keep telling us that it’s next to impossible for this virus to spread from one person to another!

    1. I noticed they are wearing space suits while telling me all is well.

      1. http://youtu.be/MdddUJWIj_M

        See at 1:58 for how your government will protect you.

      2. Hey, the most important thing of is that all the peasants just shut up and remain calm, because everything is peachy and our Top Men are on the job and really know what they’re doing.

      3. Many years ago I worked on a case where some old mustard gas had been found on the ranges of Fort Sam Houston. The commander had to go to a public meeting to explain that it was being disposed of and was not a threat. I still think him and his staff showing up to the meeting in full MOPP gear would have been the best joke ever.

        Sadly, no one at the time agreed with me.

        1. When I was in the Marine Reserves we once did a company run down a busy civilian street wearing gas masks (way before 9-11). Hilarious reactions.

          1. Used to love to hate playing football in masks for PT.

          2. Um, ha ha?

          3. Running in a gas mask about the most unpleasant experience I know of. Honestly, I think I would rather go back into the tear gas chamber without a mask and go through that again than take any kind of run in a gas mask. It is just fucking awful.

            1. Fuck I had to do a 2 mile march in full MOPP gear in Okinawa once. Talk about miserable.

              I kept having to break the seal on my gas mask just to drain sweat out of it.

              1. I lived in MOPP 3 for about three weeks in Iraq. It was fucking horrible, even with the newer mob gear. I can’t imagine running in full MOPP.

                If anyone ever uses poison gas on the battlefield again just run or figure you are going to die, because you can’t live in MOPP let alone fight in it.

            2. Some guys would take out the exhaust valve from their masks, which allowed you to completely bypass the filters.

              1SG fixed that shit by gassing us at PT one morning. You knew right away who was cheating. Getting gassed while sweaty and breathing hard and having an inoperable mask is hilarious to those of us who were playing fair.

              Also, if you get gassed enough (CS), you start to build a tolerance.

        2. Apparently I spent 4 years running around a campus filled with unexploded ordnance. Fun times.

          1. Tales of your withdrawal of consent just prior to ejaculation won’t win you any friends around here.

    2. I understand Liberians are quite affectionate.

      1. Or something. No one, including Reason’s own Ron Bailey, has yet explained to me why it is that it is so hard to contract yet still manages to spread over all of west Africa.

        1. It really hasn’t infected that many people, considering how interconnected the global community is.

          1. And yet, four more people are now under CDC quarantine for some reason.

            1. Like I said, not many.

              1. I mean, look at how successful HIV – another virus spread only through bodily fluids – has been. Ebola outbreaks just burn themselves out too quickly. Now, if the virus ever mutates to be spread via airborne transmission, that’s when the shit hits the fan.

          2. It really hasn’t infected that many people, considering how interconnected the global community is.

            That’s what I’ve been thinking too. There are a shit load of people living close together in west Africa. The numbers really aren’t that huge.

    3. Really, they keep telling me that it is easy to spread through contact with bodily fluids.

    4. Recap of what the top men have actually done:

      1) Allowed Patient Zero to travel from a well-known hot zone to the US.
      2) Provided such shoddy training to US hospitals that, when Patient Zero presented himself to hospital with typical early-stage symptoms, hospital staff sent him back home.
      3) When Patient Zero returned with late-stage symptoms, the ambulance that transported him was not decontaminated but remained in use for two days.
      4) According to CNN interview last night, Patient Zero’s family has been quarantined, but their residence has not been decontaminated. However, a friend of the family gave them some Clorox.
      5) The “Top Men” still allow travel from the hot zone, even “The Top Man” said an Ebola case in the US is highly unlikely.
      6) Despite earlier reports that Ebola could be spread by aerosols, and well-documented cases of African villages being entirely devastated by Ebola, the “Top Men” now say it is hard to contract the virus.

      Of course, Ebola has some upsides for politicians:
      1) If one of the houses of cards that the US financial system, welfare system, and foreign policy are built with collapses, the Top Men can just say it was due to Ebola and “not my fault”.
      2) What a great way to get rid of social security and Medicare liabilities!
      3) What a great way to get people to clamor for more government!

      I don’t think that many politicians are actually scheming this, but a million or so cases of Ebola really could work to the benefit of government.

  30. “The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit has allowed Texas to begin enforcing harsh new restrictions on abortion clinics. As a result, all but seven of the state’s abortion clinics are expected to close.”

    Wow, that’s awful! Here, let me commiserate with you:


    1. You monster! Don’t you have any feelings for all those poor abortion providers who bilk the taxpayer women?

  31. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is mulling a presidential run in 2016.

    All I can ask is why? What on Earth could possibly make him think this is even remotely a good idea? Who is it that they think is out there saying “You know, I really liked that John McCain guy, if I could just get someone just like him just with even less intellectual heft and taken even less seriously!” It’s just not happening. Doesn’t this guy get it? Yeah, he can win as the party functionary in S. Carolina. It’s a safe seat and he’s the incumbent. But, has he so confused himself that he thinks it’s because he’s just such a rock star?

    1. Not for nothing was South Carolina described as amountain of conceit.

    2. Overweening vanity.

    3. What on Earth could possibly make him think this is even remotely a good idea?

      From his POV it looks pretty good. Normally, he wouldn’t have gotten a serious shot at it. Given the current field of weak and fringe (as viewed from the POV of the GOP base) candidates an otherwise lackluster candidate starts looking pretty good.

  32. Man thought to have died from Ebola awakens after burial team wraps him up

    My first thought on seeing it was “I don’t want to go on the cart.” Does this make me a terrible human being?

    1. Before I got to your comment I thought “I’m not dead yet!”

      1. “Come on! Could you help us out?

        Thanks very much….”

    2. No; there are a whole bunch of other reasons why you’re a terrible human being already.

      1. Thank you.

      2. Well, I meant “unusually terrible for a libertarian”, if that helps clarify the question.

  33. So are all those pictures of the Ebola guy in Dallas all from one day or does he always wear that lime green shirt?

    1. Like animated characters, he has a closet with 15 identical shirts.

      1. Yeah – did George Jetson ever change his clothes?

        This dude is the FUTURE, man.

        1. Rosie the robot maid laundered it every night while he was asleep. Duh.

          Or it was self-cleaning.

  34. The Dallas light rail system sucks! Generally the infrastructure here isn’t hardened to storms, so when a front blew through last night it knocked all the trains out. It took me 2.5 hours to go two stops last night and 40 minutes to catch a train to downtown this morning. You would think that they would be able to handle a 30 minute thunderstorm without screwing up the next 18 hours of train schedule.

    1. As horrible as traffic is in Dallas, I could never bring myself to ride DART. Probably because it would have doubled my commute time (from North Dallas to Plano).

    2. Get a horse!

    3. I never got to use the light rail the entire time I lived there and I was literally down the street from a stop. I tried three times when the weather was bad. It was closed all three times.

      1. I go with the traffic and work downtown, so I end up saving about 40 minutes each direction on the train (if it’s on time), and it’s not terrible most days, but when it backs up it backs up bad!

      2. I only use light rail to go to a Mavs game, but that’s pretty much the only time I go downtown.

        It’s not bad, though it was not a really good investment. Now, if it had a connection that went to DFW airport, it would be worthwhile.

  35. *looks in mirror*




    1. I am so not clicking that link for any number of reasons.

    2. I expected one of two motivations for that. A gardener in a studio apartment running out of space to grow things and wasn’t using her vagina anyway, or some bizarre art project. Contraception was the last thing I would’ve guessed. At least she hopefully won’t be reproducing.

    3. Let me tell you lass, you have made me the happiest Irishman alive!

      – Seamus Seamus Potato Eater

    4. Yeah, I want to see Mr. Potatohead try to explain this one to the missus.

    5. Meh. Let me know when she perfects her vodka recipe.

  36. The woman who grew a potato in her vagina.

    [insert mashed potatoes and gravy joke]

  37. (R)congress critter doesn’t know what a monopoly is:

    “A technical glitch, perhaps? A glitch that just happens to be happening to a lot Hachette authors? Maybe. But it angered Ryan, as indeed it has angered many authors over the past year. He complained about it on television. He was asked whether Amazon was a monopoly.
    “I don’t know the answer to that question,” he said.”

    I do.

    1. Hachette is the bad guy here. They want to charge the same price for e-versions of books, but they’re not burdened with any printing or production costs. They are the ones that pocket that entire difference.

      More power to Amazon.

      1. Since Hachette is nearly a vanity press operation for TOP MEN, I’d say this is more about creating a barrier for entry for unknown writers than profitability per se.

        They want to keep being the gatekeeper that decides who gets published, and preventing cheap ebooks as an alternative is a key part of doing that. That way, they keep a stranglehold on the public conversation.

    2. Because nothing says “this party is commited to small government” like threatening to use your political influence to destroy a company for not selling enough copies of your book.

  38. That guy in CT had nothing on this guy. One of the benefits of service as a peace officer is the lulz

    Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn’t need a warrant because a “bulge” in Christopher’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.

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