Suspicious Dresser Provokes Panic! at Florida High School

Screenshot/CBSMiami

High-school officials are prone to overreacting to "supicious" activity on school grounds. Instances of this are not particularly newsworthy or novel, but some cases have better absurdist potential than others, and this is an especialy absurd one. It seems that utter! chaos! broke loose at a Miami-area high school after officials found a suspicious piece of hatefully-painted furniture. 

According to CBSMiami, a wooden dresser was found in the middle of the Flanagan High School courtyard Wednesday morning as students were arriving. The dresser had been painted with a swastika, curse words, an anti-African American slur, and the messages "open me" and "surprise inside". Police were called in to investigate, understandably (I sure as heck wouldn't want to open a mysterious Nazi dresser labeled 'surprise inside'), and students were ushered out of the area. The scene that followed, as described by CBS:

School officials immediately started moving students out of the area of the building to the bleachers on the ball fields and sent out robocalls to all the parents. Arriving students were sent home. Students who were not picked up or walked home, were sent to the nearby Walter C. Young Middle School to wait for rides home.

"Teachers started yelling at me to leave school," said Karina Zodrafakis, "And I heard what happened and I was scared."

Some students ran for it.

"It was rough. A lot of police, a lot of people jumping fences," said student Sebastian Espinosa.

Students were literally running and jumping fences in fear of a dresser. A nice example of how school officials exacerbate situations with worst-case scenario attitudes and antics, no? A bomb-squad robot eventually poked the dresser until it fell over, finding inside a cinder block, several bricks, and some paper. Police said surveillance cameras show three individuals in hoodies dragging in the dresser in in a cart around 3 a.m. The Anti-Defamation League released a statement calling for "swift collaboration…to investigate this potential hate crime." 

Comments

[PM]

*exacerbate

This is why old people hate millennials...

[Free Society]

I'd let one-o-them millennial ladies exacerbate me any time

[PM]

TIWTANFL

[Brendan]

What does that mean? A decent search gives me nothing.

[Zeb]

"This is why there are no female libertarians"

[mnarayan]

Try an indecent one?

[Orlando Carpet Cleaning]

Yeah alot of people over react but sometimes thats a good thing.

[Warty]

I thought this was going to be that story from the Brickbats about the girl who got the police called on her because she was wearing an army jacket. I guess this is less dumb. Maybe.

[Hugh Akston]

w-what else was she wearing?

[Swiss Servator, Grundgesetz!]

A coy smile.

[Sigivald]

A lot less dumb.

[Hugh Akston]

I was hoping there would be some fresh underwear inside for the administrators and cops who shit their pants in terror.

[mad.casual]

With swastikas and n-words on them.

[Lord Humungus]

Swasti-Roos

"and the other word"-oos

[mad.casual]

+2

[Heroic Mulatto]

Police said surveillance cameras show three individuals in hoodies dragging in the dresser in in a cart around 3 a.m.

Well, there's your reason to be concerned right there!

[generic Brand]

This is definitely an overreaction, but it seems like an appropriate instance for some apprehension from school officials. A dresser shows up at a school overnight and has the words "Open me" written on it: my first instinct would probably be bomb, although I would probably not yell at students to leave school.

Fear is important to understanding limitations, but it should not be a guiding principle.

[Elizabeth Nolan Brown]

Yeah, I think calling in the cops is reasonable here. And I don't mean to make light of racist dickheads. But you really have to watch the TV news account. It's all just so ... breathless.

[Overt]

how much of that account was media sensationalism? At my highschool, a teacher blew up the chem lab, and everyone filed out of the building happily. That night's news cast would have had you believe it was carnage and mass hysteria. It didn't help that they sought out the most melodramatic attention gluttons in the school to interview.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

This sounds to me like a legitimate cause for worry.

We can't rule out the possibility that someone willing to put "a mysterious Nazi dresser labeled 'surprise inside'" onto school grounds was fucked up enough to plant an explosive in there.

This isn't some kid with a pop tart, its a nerve-wracking situation, and getting kids off the grounds, so they aren't exposed to a potential "surprise," seems legitimate.

[PM]

I think it was more the panicked, pants-shitting manner in which the effort was undertaken. Particularly considering the relative danger of an explosive device in the middle of an easily-evacuated outdoor courtyard.

[thom]

The panic was the problem. It's the correct reaction to assume that it could be a bomb and notify the authorities, but then you want to, as calmly as possible, move everybody to safety. Panic begets more panic in an emergency, whereas authoritative calm begets order, which is why we have fire drills where we practice calmly walking to a meeting point, and why some people emerged from the WTC unscathed on 9/11 even though they had to descend many flights of stairs.

[PM]

Bingo.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

OK, sure. When I first saw the headline, I thought "suspicious dresser" meant some kid in camo pants or something. So I was looking for another Pop-Tart story.

[Zeb]

I also imagined some unknown person putting on clothes somewhere near a school.

[Careless]

+1

[Heroic Mulatto]

There is really only one thing to be said for all of this.

[Sigivald]

I was actually expecting this...

[mad.casual]

"swift collaboration...to investigate this potential hate crime."

If racial slurs and furniture delivery are suddenly a hate crime, movers and movers' unions all over the country better lawyer up.

[Zeb]

Yeah, aren't both hate and an actual crime supposed to be necessary for a hate crime?

[wagnert in atlanta]

You mean felonious furniture delivery isn't already a crime?

What is Congress thinking of?

Never mind. I know.

[Episiarch]

I sure as heck wouldn't want to open a mysterious Nazi dresser labeled 'surprise inside'

You and Indiana Jones both. Don't look at it. Shut your eyes. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!

[JW]

IT'S BEAUTIF----- Aw shit, it's only masonry.

[Swiss Servator, Grundgesetz!]

+20 Nazis with melting faces

[Dances-with-Trolls]

Could kids in public school today even relate to the scenario that sets the plot for The Breakfast Club? It's like a different age. Could that movie even be made today?

[Episiarch]

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

[Swiss Servator, Grundgesetz!]

*Freezes in place...drops pink sequinned jacket and slowly backs out of room*

[INFORG]

We can't charge them as terrorists if we don't act terrified enough.

[Swiss Servator, Grundgesetz!]

So you are a terrorist?

Yes.

What kind?

What?

What kind of terrorist?

A terrifying terrorist.

[Rev-Match]

The Anti-Defamation League released a statement calling for "swift collaboration...to investigate this potential hate crime."

I see "thought crime" is a thing now.

[antisocial-ist]

"It was rough. A lot of police, a lot of people jumping fences,"

Could be an irrational amount of fear by the kids, or it could be

Did she say we could leave?

Yeah.

Run before they change their mind motherfucker.

[Swiss Servator, Grundgesetz!]

Did she say we could leave?

Yeah.

Run before they change their mind motherfucker.

THIS!

[Paul.]

A bomb-squad robot eventually poked the dresser until it fell over, finding inside a cinder block, several bricks, and some paper

So it really was a brown-shirt weapons locker. I take it the paper was supposed to have notes, saying something like "attention jew!" but written in the original German, of course, and then wrapped around the brick and lobbed through a dry-cleaners window?

[Bardas Phocas]

hmmm hoodies.
We are Trayvon.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Technically, that's a chest of drawers. Totally different killing capacity than a dresser.

[Swiss Servator, Grundgesetz!]

They are just lucky it wasn't an armouir.

I still wake up screaming in the night, remembering my encounter with one of 'em.

[mad.casual]

I had a similar experience with a credenza once.

[Almanian!]

As MMonocle noted, I, too, thought this meant "a person dressed in...something weird" when I first read it.

Then I read it - "yeah, prolly should call the cops." But why wouldn't they shelter in place? Get the kids to rooms not facing the courtyard, have the cops come and get Robot Dog to knock it over...."Good boy!"....you're back in class in 1/2 and hour if you're unlucky.

Dump the building? Kids jumping fences? Way to control the situation, dumbasses. Someone coulda put an eye out hopping that fence!

Of course, now they can pass out the Courage Awards and document this in their little yearbook...

[PapayaSF]

hatefully-painted furniture

A bomb-squad robot eventually poked the dresser until it fell over

potential hate crime

Hilarious.

[BuSab Agent]

You have to admit this was seriously more effective at getting school dismissed for the day than pulling the fire alarm. Tips hat to miscreants who want a day off.