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A.M. Links: Obama's Approval Ratings Plummet, Google Wants Drones, U.S. Colleges Screen for Ebola

Damon Root | 8.29.2014 9:00 AM

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  • Credit: White House / Flickr.com

    "We don't have a strategy yet" for dealing with ISIL, President Barack Obama has admitted.

  • According to the latest Gallup poll, "The percentage of Americans who strongly disapprove of Obama has increased over time, while the percentage who strongly approve has dropped by almost half."
  • As the fighting continues between pro-Russian rebels and Ukrainian forces, Vladimir Putin has taken to referring to eastern Ukraine as "new Russia."
  • The United Nations reports that more than 3 million refugees have fled the fighting in Syria.
  • U.S. colleges have begun screening some students for Ebola.
  • Google is now experimenting with drones.

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NEXT: Friday Funnies: Compete or Die

Damon Root is a senior editor at Reason and the author of A Glorious Liberty: Frederick Douglass and the Fight for an Antislavery Constitution (Potomac Books).

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    "We don't have a strategy yet" for dealing with ISIL, President Barack Obama has admitted

    He finally googled "strategy" on his Blackberry.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      FAKE SCANDAL!!

    2. gaijin   11 years ago

      "We don't have a strategy yet"

      Seems appropriate:

      What does baffled mean?

      1. Furburguesa   11 years ago

        He's waiting to find out what it is from the news.

    3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Hello.

      "The United Nations reports that more than 3 million refugees"

      Speaking of Refugees, saw Petty last night. Great concert. Didn't play Don't do me like that though.

      Why do me like that, Tommy?

      1. Ted S.   11 years ago

        Free Fallin' is overplayed and terrible.

        1. Careless   11 years ago

          You're half right. Which makes you the worst person ever.

          1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

            Sorry, Nikki has that title locked down.

        2. The Tone Police   11 years ago

          Is it terrible because it's overplayed? Because that happens to me a lot. See also: Bohemian Rhapsody.

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

            Yeah. There's a difference.

            See also: Stairway to Heaven, Hotel California and Light my Fire.

            1. Ted S.   11 years ago

              It wasn't that good before.

              And how could you forget Margaritaville in your list?

              1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

                I'm sure the brass here can put together an extensive list.

            2. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

              My hell will have Manfred Mann's Earth Band on a continuous loop.

              1. Ted S.   11 years ago

                Will that loop be wrapped up like a douche?

            3. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

              Imagine. A truly godawful song. From the plinky-plonky rhythm to the shitty lyrics, to the litle "yoo-hoo", there is not one single redeeming feature in it, apart from the ending

              1. Ted S.   11 years ago

                But it has the right social message.

                Of course, every time I hear the line, "Imagine no possessions", I imagine Yoko Ono holding none of the copyrights to her husband's work and being in penury as a result.

                1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

                  Its message is horrifying. Let's get rid of countries, diversity, beliefs and possessions and that way there will be no conflict. What a fucking child. Grownups accept life's rich tapestry and the possibility of conflict, and manage it, not wish that everybody was just like them.

                2. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

                  It's easy if you try.

        3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

          Ted is free fallin' into an abyss of Obami-nation!

      2. hamilton   11 years ago

        Too good to be true!

      3. Warren's Strapon   11 years ago

        I wanted "The Waiting" and didn't get it.

        1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

          Same here.

          Wanted Even the losers, Don't do me like that and The Waiting.

    4. Ted S.   11 years ago

      I thought their strategy for everything was to blame BOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!111!!!

      1. DontShootMe   11 years ago

        Little did we know that even after Obama took office, BOOOOSSSSHHH would still be the "decider."

      2. Raven Nation   11 years ago

        Won't be long:

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....61346.html

        1. Idle Hands   11 years ago

          What a joke. did these people exist on the right in 2006 blaming Clinton for everything wrong with country. It is insane.

    5. Andrew S.   11 years ago

      He's waiting for the Washington Post to do a few more articles on ISIL.

    6. Idle Hands   11 years ago

      Any bets on when will find out that we armed and funded these guys to fight assad with the gun buy-back op going on in benghazi?

    7. db   11 years ago

      I imagine he will be the first to report when he reads about his strategy in the newspaper.

      1. Jose Chung   11 years ago

        I think he just skips right to Marmaduke these days.

        1. db   11 years ago

          "Wow! That is *big* dog!"

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

            Obama to Biden: "WOW!" Clifford the Big Red dog is bigger than Marmaduke? MIND. BLOWN!"

            Biden: I know. Crazy, huh? Mind STILL blown!

  2. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    The United Nations reports that more than 3 million refugees have fled the fighting in Syria.

    Not enough border fences.

    1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

      Speaking of college, just got our girl started. Kinda sad, happy, excited and worried all at once. Parenting is wonderful.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

        WHO WAS SPEAKING OF COLLEGE?

        She should be working on landing a husband.

        1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

          Crap, how did this get under your post? It was supposed to be, um, under your post below.

          She has no desire for a husband yet as she says she has no time for that foolishness.

          1. Raven Nation   11 years ago

            I was listening to a speaker the other day who, in commenting on the increasing number of middle-class women who are choosing to have kids without a husband/partner around, observed that such women wanted the child without having the nuisance.

            1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

              I do not doubt it. But she has her head on straight and wants none of that child stuff either. She wants to be able to go wherever without worrying about those things. Youth is great.

              1. Raven Nation   11 years ago

                She wants to be able to go wherever without worrying about those things

                There is that: one of the best things about my life even into my mid-30s. That's why I could never understand single people who would acquire pets that required large amounts of attention. Why burden yourself down with that?

                1. Zeb   11 years ago

                  I don't get that either. I mean, if you really are into dogs, that's great and you should have one if that is really your thing. But a lot of people get dogs and don't seem to be all that into them or spend enough time with them. It's like having a baby that doesn't get smarter or more interesting.

            2. Homple   11 years ago

              "...the increasing number of middle-class women who are choosing to have kids without a husband/partner around...."

              That's one good way to jump downward out of the middle class.

          2. Warren's Strapon   11 years ago

            She has no desire for a husband yet as she says she has no time for that foolishness.

            That's what my cousin's daughter said right before she got mono.

  3. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    U.S. colleges have begun screening some students for Ebola.

    Let the hemorrhagic othering begin.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      the hemorrhagic othering

      Nice band name.

      1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

        That really does work, doesn't it?

        1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

          Does it roll off the tongue as well as Fist of Etiquette? I don't think so.

          1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

            Well that goes without saying!

          2. DontShootMe   11 years ago

            What else rolls off of Fist of Etiquette's tongue?

            1. gaijin   11 years ago

              venom?

            2. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

              Epi's mom?

            3. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

              I was the object not the subject in that sentence. Or something.

              1. Tejicano   11 years ago

                Wait, you mean Fist of Etiquette isn't already a band name?

  4. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Put it away! Gary Busey's naked strolls anger his fellow housemates on Celebrity Big Brother UK

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....er-UK.html
    Ew.

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      "Paging Teenage Girl, Teenage Girl to the Red Courtesy Phone, please."

      1. hamilton   11 years ago

        Ew.

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      None of them has ever seen a penis before?

      1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

        Somehow I doubt anyone has seen anything like Gary Busey's penis before

        1. Jordan   11 years ago

          Is Gary Busey actually Warty?

        2. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

          Or what he does with it.

          Gary Busey gives advice on how to tube down a river the "right" way.

          1. Ted S.   11 years ago

            Technically, it's probably safe for work.

            1. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

              I've got a wife for that.

    3. Mike M.   11 years ago

      "Goodbye, pants."

  5. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Swedish royal family announce they boycotted music award ceremony for Chuck Berry because of his convictions relating to sex with a 14-year-old

    Rock legend Chuck Berry awarded Sweden's Polar Music Prize
    Queen Silvia and Princess Madeleine boycotted prize ceremony
    Berry convicted of human trafficking under the controversial Mann Act
    Took girl, 14, over state line and accused of sleeping with her in 1959
    Polar Music Prize winners are awarded ?87,000 (1m Swedish kroner)

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....r-old.html
    Wow. I didn't realize he was still alive.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

      I didn't realize that *anyone* convicted under the Mann Act was still alive.

    2. Idle Hands   11 years ago

      Princess Madeleine is a babe.

    3. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

      Not only that, but he performs at the Blueberry Hill restaurant in St. Louis.

    4. Drake   11 years ago

      I didn't realize the Swedes had royals. I thought the most fearsome Viking just took the crown.

    5. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      Ol' Carl Gustav was supposed to be quite the player, back in the day...

      1. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

        "It's good to be the king."

        1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

          "Pull"

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

            +1 "I love the people!"

    6. toolkien   11 years ago

      Let's not forget his skills at amateur film making...

      http://delicioustacos.com/2012.....he-toilet/

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

        The author of that blog is seriously screwed up.

  6. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Nice curves? and yours aren't bad either, Coco! Ice-T shows off his beach body while wife puts on an eye-popping display in G-string bikini

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....taway.html
    Dude's got moobs!

    1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

      eye-popping display

      And after seeing it, you want to gouge out your eyes.

    2. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

      Are you sure she isn't Sir Mixalot's wife?

      1. gaijin   11 years ago

        Red beans and rice didn't miss her

    3. Idle Hands   11 years ago

      She's a cartoon character, I'm convinced.

    4. Jordan   11 years ago

      Ass implants are a terrible thing.

      1. Idle Hands   11 years ago

        I don't think anything on that women is real. She's 90% cyborg.

        1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

          She's 90% cyborg cellulite.

          FIFY

        2. hamilton   11 years ago

          I for one welcome our Wicked Weaseled balloon-ass libertine masters mistresses.

      2. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

        She seems to have more than just those, too.

        1. Jordan   11 years ago

          The verdict is still out on dem tittays. I'll have to research them when I get home. Some boob jobs actually look decent. Some.

          1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

            "Some"

            Agreed. It is more art than science.

  7. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    ...Vladimir Putin has taken to referring to eastern Ukraine as "new Russia."

    He's found someone younger, Old Russia.

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      *blinks rapidly in surprise, then stands and vigorously applauds*

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Putin's the leader of the New Soviet Union.

  8. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    'Nobody has died yet!': German brothers construct giant human catapult that flings people 40 feet

    Johannes and Daniel Schrieber built a 1,100lbs human catapult
    Human catapult fires a person 40ft into a lake, in a 16ft high arc
    Brothers raised ?700 through crowdfunding to build the catapult

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....-feet.html
    Looks like fun.

    1. Jordan   11 years ago

      Ban it.

      1. db   11 years ago

        Buy the rights and install it at that kick-ass park in New Jersey.

  9. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    The fish listener: Fisherman who hunts using sound is one of the last of his kind to carry on Malaysian tradition

    Harun Muhammad 'listens' for fish sounds emanating from the blue depths
    He and his apprentice son in Malaysia are the last remaining 'fish listeners'
    Muhammad uses his art to pinpoint where his crew should cast their nets

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....ition.html
    Interesting. Worth a read.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

      I figures it was a British paper. Who else would use "art" in that sense?

  10. Rich   11 years ago

    The European Union is considering pulling the plug on high-wattage hair dryers, lawn mowers and electric kettles in a follow up to its controversial ban on powerful vacuum cleaners.

    Heh. Wait'll the EU finds out about 50,000-watt radio stations!

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Much of Europe is leaving AM.

      (I'll admit to not knowing the wattage of FM stations.)

      1. thom   11 years ago

        Some of them are 100,000 watts.

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Europe has lost its mind.

      Give them something to do.

      Anything.

      "To Europe: Enjoy a box of crayola bought for cheap at Target. Love, America."

      (I posted this down thread but it was meant for this article). Sorry.

    3. Careless   11 years ago

      Don't a lot of those countries have their radio stations run by the government?

      1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

        Yup.

        My son listens to Radio NL, but on the intarwebz.

    4. Zeb   11 years ago

      What the fuck? Especially the kettles. It takes a certain amount of energy to boil a certain amount of water. You can't change that. And the self contained electric kettles that everyone in Europe uses are pretty efficient. When the job of an appliance is turning electricity into heat, you are going to use a certain amount of power to do the job.

  11. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Gun girls of America: Innocent faces. Pink rifles. After that horrific shooting by a 9-year-old, children in grip of a nation's troubling obsession

    A US gun company sells 60,000 rifles a year for children between 4 and 10
    The Crickett firearm is sold in a 'My First Rifle' range of guns
    Belgian photographer An-Sofie Kesteleyn met some gun owners aged from 6
    The girls said they were scared of the devil, burglars, zombies and sharks

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....ssion.html
    I can't wait to get one of those for my little girl.
    My only problem is with Lily, who has her booger picker on the trigger. Otherwise, what's the big deal? A single shot .22 is not a full auto Uzi.
    As expected, the comments are chock full of Euro-derp.

    1. antisocial-ist   11 years ago

      My daughter loves hers. She got it last Christmas(she's 5) and is getting pretty good with it. It's easy to shoot, even for small kids, and has a peep hole sight(I wish some of my rifles had one).

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        nice

    2. Drake   11 years ago

      My kids started with a Savage Mark II FVT .22. It was cheap and very accurate.

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        They've got a bunch of single shot .22 rifles at the local pawn shop.

        Don't know enough about guns to make an educated decision. I guess I'll pick one out that's balanced with a smooth action.

        1. antisocial-ist   11 years ago

          Make damn sure your kid is big enough for that particular gun. When my dad got me my first gun(a .410 single barrel) he had to saw about 2 inches off the butt stock so I could hold it, and I was a pretty big kid.

          1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

            Good call. Thanks.

  12. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    Krauss, an ex-cop who was convicted of sexually assaulting a woman in 1999, regained his gun rights ? despite the fact that he initially attempted to rape the woman with his gun

    http://www.salon.com/2014/08/2.....h_his_gun/

    Thoughts, people?

    1. gaijin   11 years ago

      hmmm...without reading the article...if he served the time for his crime, wouldn't those who favor rehabilitation of criminals--versus punishment--want his full rights restored?

      The fact that he used his gun in the rape isn't particularly relevant imo (though certainly adds incendiary drama to the story...like his being a cop)

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        Felons lose their gun rights. Unless they're cops.

        1. gaijin   11 years ago

          yeah I guess I'm challenging the idea that felons should lose rights...or at least re-examine the idea given what seems like the expansion of the felony state. Certainly cops--nor anyone else-- should get special treatment under any law.

          1. gaijin   11 years ago

            *cops should not get special treatment

        2. Careless   11 years ago

          Even people convicted of some misdemeanors lose their gun rights.

      2. Ted S.   11 years ago

        wouldn't those who favor rehabilitation of criminals--versus punishment--want his full rights restored?

        The people most vocal about full rehabilitation of criminals (as opposed to libertarians) generally think owning a gun isn't a right at all. So there's no problem for them.

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      He was a cop. Of course the law works differently for him.

    3. Rich   11 years ago

      Perhaps he should be required to keep his gun shoved up his anus at all times?

      1. Xeones   11 years ago

        As long as the safety is off.

        "... and i'm gonna shove that gun up your ass, and pull the trigger until it goes ka-lick."

        "Jesus."

        "You said it, man. Nobody fuck wit de Jesus."

        1. Idle Hands   11 years ago

          Pederaste, dude.

          1. Xeones   11 years ago

            "Eight year olds, Dude."

      2. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

        See if this cop will help out.

        http://www.chicagotribune.com/.....story.html

        It was unclear at what point Evans allegedly placed the barrel of his service weapon into the suspect's mouth. DNA from the man was found on Evans' gun, according to a State Police lab report.

        On the radio I also heard that he held a TASER to the man's genitals and told him he was going to kill him.

    4. ace_m82   11 years ago

      Prison is no justice at all (unless a murderer gets killed by the inmates).

      This isn't justice not because of getting his rights back (where did they go?) but because the punishment wasn't severe enough.

  13. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    According to the latest Gallup poll, "The percentage of Americans who strongly disapprove of Obama has increased over time, while the percentage who strongly approve has dropped by almost half."

    Proving that there's still work to be done improving race relations in the country.

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      He will always have shriek's undying love!

    2. amagi1776   11 years ago

      Seems to me like 46% of Americans are still a little bit confused.

    3. hamilton   11 years ago

      I fully expect that this means a very large chorus of tsk-tsking and disapproving looks during the upcoming Iraqi and Syrian campaigns, and some strongly worded letters to the editor next time we burn a bunch of brown children.

      1. thom   11 years ago

        Once we're at war those approval ratings will skyrocket. The Democrats will make sure we understand that it is our patriotic duty to support the President, while the Republicans will be conflicted between supporting our troops and dissent being the highest form of patriotism.

  14. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Man, 24, died after being tasered 13 TIMES by cops as he was handcuffed laying on the ground

    Gregory Lewis Towns, Jr was killed on April 11 after a confrontation with police in East Point, Georgia
    While laying on the ground hand-cuffed, Towns was tasered a total of 13 times by two officers
    His death was later deemed a homicide by the medical examiner

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....round.html
    Amazingly, one of the cops was fired, since it says he's trying to get his job back. Doesn't say anything about the other one.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

      It certainly carries all of the hallmarks of contempt of cop.

      1. thom   11 years ago

        Imagine if two teenage boys tied up a dog and then electrocuted it until it died. They'd be put in a psych ward immediately. It's sick behavior. At least when two cops do it to a human one of them gets fired...

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

          I'm imagining John Lennon singing that first sentence.

          1. thom   11 years ago

            Now I am too. Thanks.

  15. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    Man with 100-pound scrotum undergoes life-changing surgery that would allow him to have relations with his wife after seven years of abstinence

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....z3BmmbnuFe

    1. Jordan   11 years ago

      Randy Marsh?

      1. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

        +1 scrotum coat.

    2. sarcasmic   11 years ago

      $20,000 for the surgery. I know it takes years of training to be a specialist physician, but I still think they charge ridiculous amounts of money for what they do. Makes you wonder what they'd charge if the government had never gotten involved in paying for health care. I imagine it would be a lot less.

      1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

        It's not clear what that 20 grand covers - whether it's the surgeon's fee alone, or the theatre hire, anaesthetist, assistant surgeon, post-op care etc as well. I've paid for surgery out of pocket and most of it was the theatre and hospital room.

        Even if it's mostly the surgery fee, you haven't seen his insurance premiums, which would be huge.

        1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

          Last time I paid for an operation, about 25% of the bill went to the anesthesiologist.

          1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

            Last time I paid for an operation, about 25% of the bill went to the anesthesiologist's liability insurer.

            FIFY

            1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

              *slow, predatory grin spreads across face*

              1. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

                You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch Swiss Servator.

            2. toolkien   11 years ago

              Who, in turn, paid out millions on claims, awarded by overly sympathetic juries.

      2. Xeones   11 years ago

        The actual customer of medical care (the one who pays, and therefore participates in determining prices) is the insurance company, not the patient.

        The actual customer of the insurance company is, usually, the patient's employer, rarely the patient.

        Supply/demand feedback that keeps prices reasonable in most other industries is therefore all fucked up in health care.

        Yes, this is the fault of government.

      3. The Tone Police   11 years ago

        $20,000 for the surgery. I know it takes years of training to be a specialist physician, but I still think they charge ridiculous amounts of money for what they do.

        That sounds extremely reasonable.

        1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

          Excuse me, but I'm not taking a shit.

          1. The Tone Police   11 years ago

            Run along now, cop cuckold.

            1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

              Projection is a sad thing. If I didn't consider you to be a piece of shit, I might pity you for being unable to find a faithful partner.

              1. The Tone Police   11 years ago

                gosh, how will I go on without the pity of an ersatz gay gelding who gets pushed around by cops and military dudes every week?

                1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

                  Sure, Mary. Whatever you say.

                  1. The Tone Police   11 years ago

                    Have you ever heard the lyrics to the theme song to MASH? Words to live by, buddy.

                    1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

                      Lead by example, buddy.

                    2. The Tone Police   11 years ago

                      Do you learn these insults from "your" children?

                    3. sarcasmic   11 years ago

                      Shouldn't you be following your own advice? Go ahead. It's painless. And it's not like your cheating partner will miss you.

                    4. Xeones   11 years ago

                      Man, i just cannot keep track of all these commenter feuds anymore.

    3. Rich   11 years ago

      He first noticed his scrotum was expanding in his 20s, but doctors kept telling Maurer he needed to lose weight

      "And focus on the weight in that scrotum."

    4. gaijin   11 years ago

      have relations with his wife after seven years of abstinence

      That should be quite the 7 year itch he's going to want to scratch

      1. jmomls   11 years ago

        did the 7 year abstinence CAUSE his scrotum to inflate to 100 pounds?

        I think we've all used that threat to get a little action...right fellas?

  16. gaijin   11 years ago

    "The percentage of Americans who strongly disapprove of Obama has increased over time,

    Amerikkka...becoming more racist all the time

  17. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    I posted this yesterday but nobody laughed, so the hell with you all

    1. Jordan   11 years ago

      I enjoyed it, but I think Classy Dog would make a better mascot.

    2. Rich   11 years ago

      Is that ectoplasm?

    3. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      I laughed, but merely to myself...does that count?

    4. hamilton   11 years ago

      Great. H&R goes lolcats. The apocalypse is nigh.

    5. Raven Nation   11 years ago

      I smiled to myself but it was hours after the post so I didn't see the point in replying.

  18. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

    Witness what passes for commentary in Democratic circles.

    Making Ann Coulter look reasonable

    No one can match our Sugarfree.

    1. Gleep Glop   11 years ago

      Do not, I repeat, do not go into there and look at the Burger King inversion thread. The Platonic Idea of Derpitude exists and it's there for all to see.

      Seriously, if anyone thinks DU posters have any clue about most anything...

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

        DU is a goldmine of rabid progs.

      2. Warren's Strapon   11 years ago

        I read the BK thread. Wow, those guys are idiots. It's too funny to get angry about. One poster claimed BK would now be paying no US taxes at all.

  19. Jordan   11 years ago

    Brother and sister arrested for sex in church parking lot after watching The Notebook

    This was in Georgia, so I don't think Shriek will be posting for a while.

    1. Careless   11 years ago

      They charged them with "aggravated sodomy"

  20. Atanarjuat   11 years ago

    New discoveries are earliering the date of the peopling of the Americas. A bunch of wild theories are also bandied about involving multiple migrations/discoveries from Europe, Africa, the Pacific.

  21. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    Australia has started imprisoning your Playboy bunnies/ex-wives of Motley Crue. You have been warned

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

      Nooooooooo, not Brandi!

      1. All-Seeing Monocle   11 years ago

        I can still picture Brandi Brandt's photo shoot in my mind, and I shall not be clicking the link to tarnish those memories.

    2. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

      you think you have dangerous fauna in Australia now; you start bringing in our dangerous fauna and you'll need your guns back.

  22. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    Naked man on bike crash-tackles policewoman, is then Tasered

    So many details left out...

    1. SusanM   11 years ago

      "...When a naked man is chasing a woman through a dark alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross."

      1. Raven Nation   11 years ago

        +1 Do you feel lucky?

      2. Warren's Strapon   11 years ago

        When I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.

  23. Bardas Phocas   11 years ago

    Sing along of the Russian Paratrooper Song.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlQ6KqTlyfk

    A soaring dome of rainbow peace!
    So gay.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

      I'm embarrassed for Russia.

      Here's Cossacks from Russia and Ukraine doing the sabre dance.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdgRSsHobJI

      1. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

        Little-known lyrics:

        We can kill whom we want to
        The night is young and so am I
        And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
        And surprise 'em with the victory cry

        The sabre dance!

        1. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

          +1 Cossacks without Hats

  24. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

    Europe has lost its mind.

    Give them something to do.

    Anything.

    "To Europe: Enjoy a box of crayola bought for cheap at Target. Love, America."

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      They could always rearm to fight with Russia? Has that not been a previous popular pastime?

      1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

        They could always rearm to fight with Russia? Has that not been a previous popular pastime?

        Germany is sad.

    2. jmomls   11 years ago

      *Europe has lost its mind.

      Give them something to do.*

      Some new CRUSADES would keep them busy, possibly for hundreds of years.

  25. Rich   11 years ago

    "There was a deep rooted belief among many -- especially among military circles -- that the ISIS threat can't be kicked down the road, that it needs to be confronted now, and in a holistic way."

    "Holistic", eh? Deep-tissue massages and talk therapy?

    1. gaijin   11 years ago

      rolfing to victory!

    2. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

      Heh heh.

      "Holistic" is being drained of all meaning.

    3. Bardas Phocas   11 years ago

      Deep Cleansing - With Seaweed!

    4. Tejicano   11 years ago

      Maybe they mean to make a bunch of holes in them?

  26. db   11 years ago

    Totally not Islamic terrorism. Just your standard, run-of-the-mill workplace violence here. Nothing to see, folks; move along.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      Just another highjacking of a Great Religion.

      1. db   11 years ago

        It's "peace-y."

    2. Mike M.   11 years ago

      By the way, it has been a year now since that piece of shit was supposedly sentenced to death.

      So when do we get to execute him? Does it take twenty to thirty years in the military now just like it does in the civilian court system?

      1. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

        Since the military hasn't managed to execute anyone since 1961, they're even slower than civilian justice.

        Ronald Gray has been on death row since 1988 for multiple rape/murder convictions.

  27. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    Google is now experimenting with drones.

    Some moron was just on my teevee, hyperventilating about hoe people will get their hands chopped off by the whirling rotors of the drones when they frantically try to grab the goodies. Also, WHO WANTS A BUNCH OF NOISY DRONECOPTERS FLYING AROUND AT FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO SLEEP?

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      Some moron was just on my teevee, hyperventilating about hoe people

      I am jealous - your typo makes perfect sense, in Dutch. Mine just show what a miserable typist I am.

      1. AlexInCT   11 years ago

        Boeren lul!

    2. Jordan   11 years ago

      He was probably most worried about drones intruding on his lawn.

  28. Certified Public Asskicker   11 years ago

    Inmate dies after eating methadone-soaked Underwear

    You have to really want to get high.

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      I was gonna fold my laundry until I got high
      I was gonna put it away but then I got high
      Now I am choking to death and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
      - cause I got high
      - cause I got high
      - cause I got high

    2. Rich   11 years ago

      Maybe it was Brandi's underwear.

    3. Andrew S.   11 years ago

      Shoulda just made sangria in the terlet.

      ('course, it's shank or be shanked)

  29. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    Oi, beer drinkers: Is this bullshit or what?

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      Rubbish.

    2. Idle Hands   11 years ago

      Wow what a scam.

    3. db   11 years ago

      It's B.S. If your beer lacks head it's the beer's problem, and it can't be corrected by frothing it up. The body of the beer and the types of proteins define the head. There are types of mallet that can be added in the brewing process that promote good head, such as Carafoam.

      1. db   11 years ago

        "Mallet" s/b "malt."

      2. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

        Or if you are a central or northern Illinois barfly, you just tap some salt into your glass to make the beer foam up.

        *bleah*

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

          That's horrible.

          1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

            First couple times I saw it, I quietly asked the person on the other side of the bar "did I just see that?"

            Yeah, it is a thing.

          2. db   11 years ago

            I can't even imagine doing that.

        2. thom   11 years ago

          My grandfather drank his beer this way. In all fairness, he added salt to everything, so he was probably just doing it for flavor.

      3. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        I throw a bit of wheat into my beers for head retention.

        1. Clich? Bandit   11 years ago

          I actually like putting one olive in a stella. I don't usually drink stella. I drink my own far superior beer. But when I do I add an olive. It is a sort of entertainment as the olive will rise and fall rhythmically while my glass sits there.

      4. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

        process that promote good head

        It is my contention that there is no such thing as 'bad head'

        There is 1. good head - anytime some put your junk in their mouth

        2. Great head - when you have to pull the sheets out of the crack of your ass afterward.

        3. 3 point head - this is where only your heels and the back of you head touch the bed.

  30. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    I saw a little clip of the Droner-in-Chief's press conference, or speech, or whatever it was. The guy's looking a little frayed around the edges. I guess the job's just not as much fun as he thought it would be.

    Poor little guy, he could use a little vacation. Maybe a round or two of golf, to take his mind off all those uncooperative racist foreigners.

    1. SusanM   11 years ago

      It's almost like he's undergoing some sort of Star Trek-esque rapid aging. That's what you get when you're not up to the job, though.

      1. Ptah-Hotep   11 years ago

        It's almost like he's undergoing some sort of Star Trek-esque rapid aging. That's what you get when you're not up to the job, though.

        I do not know, but if you look at the last several presidents, it seems that the office does take a toll.

        http://twentytwowords.com/pict.....eir-terms/

        1. SusanM   11 years ago

          True dat, but The Big O's posture and demeanor both have an aged feel to them. It's almost like the visual version of flop sweat.

          1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

            I can imagine his inner panic as he realizes that he cannot vote "present", can only blame everyone and everything else for so much and has to go out and stammer and ah and umm through a press conference.

            1. SusanM   11 years ago

              I'd pity him in other circumstances. Despite all the stuff that can be rightly said about Dubya, at least he didn't flinch from doing the job.

        2. jmomls   11 years ago

          Um, it is EIGHT YEARS at the tail end of a man's life. Anyone is going to age dramatically in 8 years.

          I doubt being waited on hand and foot and dozing off during innumerable 'briefings' from your underlings turns your hair gray and gives you wrinkles.

          On that note, a lot of these dudes probably just let themselves go after winning an election, insofar as hair dye and other cosmetic pleasantries.

      2. Drake   11 years ago

        Well, I feel and look about 6 years older than I did when Obama was elected. It's been tough.

    2. Rich   11 years ago

      Yep. I imagine him begging Valerie, "*Please* let me resign!"

    3. Not an Economist   11 years ago

      I have never thought Barack liked the job of being President.

      He likes the idea of being the most powerful man in the world.

      He likes the idea of being in front of a carefully selected crowd that will scream their adulation for him with every word.

      Those things validates his opinion of himself.

      Trying to rally the American people to do something? Nah.

      Horsetrading with other politicians to get something done? Can't be bothered

      Make a decision? Needs to get a consensus from every one of his advisers first.

      Something go wrong? Can't be his fault, somebody else must have screwed up.

    4. Zeb   11 years ago

      Most presidents seem to age a lot during their term. I'm sure a lot has to do with the stress and demands of the job, but most presidents are also of the age where you start to more rapidly show your age.

  31. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

    All college parties and dorms will now feature a notary public for your convenience.

    California passes 'yes-means-yes' campus sexual assault bill

    (Reuters) - Californian lawmakers passed a law on Thursday requiring universities to adopt "affirmative consent" language in their definitions of consensual sex, part of a nationwide drive to curb sexual assault on U.S. campuses.

    The measure, passed unanimously by the California State Senate, has been called the "yes-means-yes" bill. It defines sexual consent between people as "an affirmative, conscious and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity".

    1. Careless   11 years ago

      "passed unanimously "

      California: for when I want to feel good about Illinois.

    2. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

      No college or university voiced opposition to the bill, Conlon said.

      1. Idle Hands   11 years ago

        But did they give their "affirmative consent".

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

          Nice

    3. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

      Bloom County got this one:

      http://www.cartoonistgroup.com.....?iid=82511

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        He sure had a talent for drawing attractive women.

      2. db   11 years ago

        What's notable is that in the 1980s that was something people could imagine only a sleazy ambulance chased like Steve Dallas doing.

    4. thom   11 years ago

      Why do they define consensual sex only between university students? Students who don't go to college, or who are done, have a different standard for consensual sex? I don't get this. If the state Senate wants to get involved in defining what is and is not consensual sex, shouldn't their definition just apply to everybody?

  32. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    Truth, Justice, and the American Way

    Californian lawmakers passed a law on Thursday requiring universities to adopt "affirmative consent" language in their definitions of consensual sex, part of a nationwide drive to curb sexual assault on U.S. campuses.

    The measure, passed unanimously by the California State Senate, has been called the "yes-means-yes" bill. It defines sexual consent between people as "an affirmative, conscious and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity".

    The bill states that silence and a lack of resistance do not signify consent and that drugs or alcohol do not excuse unwanted sexual activity.

    --------

    The bill comes amid mounting pressure nationwide by lawmakers, activists and students on universities and colleges to curb sexual assaults on campuses and to reform investigations after allegations are made.

    The White House has declared sex crimes to be "epidemic" on U.S. college campuses, with one in five students falling victim to sex assault during their college years.

    Maybe they should call it the "Regret Means Rape" law.

    1. Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern   11 years ago

      It is going to be fun, watching the plaintiff's bar drain the endowments of CA schools.

    2. db   11 years ago

      In 2030, it will be known as the Sexbot Full Employment Act of 2014.

      1. some guy   11 years ago

        Ordinary human dating. It's enjoyable
        and it serves an important purpose.
        But when a human dates an artificial
        mate, there is no purpose. Only enjoyment.
        And that leads to...tragedy.

  33. The DerpRider   11 years ago

    Reclining airline seat epidemic spreads.

    1. thom   11 years ago

      An international flight? Usually not as big a problem. Although if they hadn't finished their dinner service then the recliner has firmly secured her place in hell.

  34. userve32   11 years ago

    This is why you must roll with the punches.

    http://www.CryptAnon.tk

  35. antisocial-ist   11 years ago

    NFL announces new domestic violence policy.

    http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-.....-penalties

    This will not end well

    1. Mike M.   11 years ago

      I don't really have a problem with this. If anything, the NFL reining in some of their more out-of-control psychopaths is way overdue.

  36. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    Krugabe

    At this point, Europe is doing worse than it did at a comparable stage of the Great Depression. And even more bad news may lie ahead, as Europe shows every sign of sliding into a Japanese-style deflationary trap.

    -------

    Most immediately, Europe's economy is in dire straits. Mr. Draghi, I believe, understands how bad things are. But there's only so much the central bank can do, and, in any case, he has limited room for maneuvering unless elected leaders are willing to challenge hard-money, balanced-budget orthodoxy. Meanwhile, Germany is incorrigible. Its official response to the shake-up in France was a declaration that "there is no contradiction between consolidation and growth" ? hey, never mind the experience of the past four years, we still believe that austerity is expansionary.

    Hard money, stable prices, balanced budgets; it's genocide, I tell you!

  37. Not a Libertarian   11 years ago

    http://www.economist.com/news/.....-rand-paul

    This is now the second Economist Lexington column of the last few years to be dismissive of Rand Paul electoral chances.

    "But he still takes an America First view of foreign entanglements. Strikingly, he has expressed "mixed feelings" about attacking the jihadists of Islamic State, and called Hillary Clinton a "war hawk" whose willingness to use military force in the Middle East would?he predicts?scare off independents and even Democrats in a presidential election."

    "Domestically, he paints a dystopian picture of spy agencies seeking the indefinite detention of Americans. Yes, "bad people" want to hurt the country, he conceded in South Carolina. But Republicans need to defend such pillars of liberty as trial by jury. If Republicans wrap themselves in the Bill of Rights, he predicts, the young should flood to them, alongside such historically persecuted minorities as blacks, Jews and Japanese-Americans."

    "The senator is right that his party needs to broaden its appeal. He deserves credit for asking uncomfortable questions and making Republicans consider how America looks to voters very different from themselves. But his analysis of the 2016 electorate will not be their salvation."

    1. Not a Libertarian   11 years ago

      Clinton supporters are taking to the Economist comments:

      You are typical of Rand Paul/Ron Paul lunatic. As a Hillary Clinton supporter and moderate Democrat who cares for the security of this country, I can only wish Rand Paul is the nominee. You would then have a substantial portion of Republican patriots crossing the aisle and voting for Hillary. The fact is that Rand Paul has no chance in the Republican primaries with his radical views. And hint: you are not a lover of "liberty". You are a lover of "totalitarian" and a friend to fascists.

      1. Xeones   11 years ago

        Good god. My mind doesn't have a way to process that kind of dissonance. Reading the quoted comment was like getting bit on the stomach by a horse.

      2. jmomls   11 years ago

        *I can only wish Rand Paul is the nominee. You would then have a substantial portion of Republican patriots crossing the aisle and voting for Hillary. *

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

        Stop, my sides have split and are leaking.

        Republican patriots voting for Hilary. Oh, the mirth. Yeah, that wouldn't even happen if Jesus H. Christ came back and told them to do so, personally, on Fox News.

    2. MJGreen   11 years ago

      Striking! He's not gung-ho about sending a bunch of troops back to Iraq and probably into Syria. What's this guy smoking?

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