Curfew Dropped in Ferguson, Hillary Clinton Heads to Iowa, Independent Vermont Sen. Jeffords Dies: P.M. Links

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  • "Right now staffers continue to search for new ways that I can mishandle the situation in Ferguson."
    Screenshot

    Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon has called off the curfew in Ferguson, Missouri (not that police waited to fire upon demonstrators last night anyway). A source told the Washington Post that Michael Brown had marijuana in his system, which as we all know, turns people into violent, crazy people, according to news reports from more than a century ago.

  • Hillary Clinton is heading to Iowa for the first time since 2008, which I'm sure means nothing at all.
  • Former Vermont Sen. James Jeffords has died at the age of 80. He is remembered for leaving the Republican Party in 2001, which ended up handing control of the Senate to the Democratic Party.
  • Ukraine representatives claim dozens of civilians were killed in an attack by rebel forces on a convoy of refugees. A rebel chief says no such attack happened. Journalists aren't able to figure out what actually happened because of the danger.
  • An Ohio morgue attendant has admitted to having sex with the corpses of at least 100 women over the course of two decades.
  • Republican candidates are attempting to take control of the debate surrounding women's access to birth control by arguing for over-the-counter access without a prescription.

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  1. …Michael Brown had marijuana in his system, which as we all know, turns people into violent, crazy people, according to news reports from more than a century ago.

    But not Swisher Sweets?

    1. Hello.

      Marijuana turns people into cowards. At least that’s the impression I got from Shaggy.

      1. That was the Scooby Snacks…

        Marijuana made it so he could talk to his dog.

        1. Obligatory, and well worth watching the whole thing.

    2. Can never read Swisher Sweets without thinking of this song.

      Warning: bad language, attitudes, drug use.

  2. Well, shit.
    My first guess was: “Cleveland?” but evidently Ohio has horrors everywhere. Is Warty setting up franchises in Cincinnati?

    1. I see I’m not the only person who immediately thought it was Warty.

      1. Dead girls don’t say no.

        TIWTANFL.

        1. How about a cold one after work?

            1. You just *know* Cliff had a few people chained up in his basement.

              1. “everybody knows my name, you stupid bitch! And you know what? They’re always glad I came!”

          1. I’m stealing that, thanks.

    2. I have a question. Apparently, there are no ‘dumb’ questions so here goes.

      How does one prep to fuck a dead woman?

      I would assume the vagina is dry.

      Warty?

      1. This Is Why There Are No Female Canadians.

      2. I’d be worried if anyone answers that. It means that either you know, or you googled it. Both are scary possibilities.

      3. Okus the rigor mortis might lead to a Chinese Finger Trap sort of situation.

      4. I’d assume you liberally apply some warmed up lube.

      5. No, Rufus, not “dumb” but pretty fucking creepy. You clearly thought about this a bit too much.

        1. Not really. It popped into my head. I’ve been with girls where it’s too dry and they were alive.

          Meh.

          1. It popped into my head

            That is how Nutra-Sweet got started.

            1. Nutra-sweet, eh?

              I have a feeling anything I say from this point forward will only dig the hole deeper.

              So I’ll stop.

              For now.

        2. Why can’t he be dumb and creepy? He is Canadian, after all.

          1. Et tu, Tede?

      6. There’s probably plenty of fluids in a mortuary that would do in a pinch.

      7. I think the movie Kill Bill might answer your quest for knowledge here.

      8. I once asked a hooker what the weirdest things anyone asked her to do. One of them was a guy who would ask her to play dead and lay lifeless in a casket.
        I said “the guy has a casket in his house?” She said “no the guy owns a funeral home” My mom will not be buried at a certain funeral home in Brooklyn.

    3. What tipped off the authorities were the sudden appearance of newborn zombies.

  3. Hillary Clinton is heading to Iowa for the first time since 2008, which I’m sure means nothing at all.

    At this point it makes a big difference?

  4. Hillary Clinton is heading to Iowa for the first time since 2008, which I’m sure means nothing at all.

    She’s there to lay flowers on the spot where her 2008 campaign died.

      1. Lol, you,(and I) wish.

        But I can’t see her losing the Dem nomination again. The alternatives are even less palatable to independents than she is.

        1. Honestly, it’s not my personal disgust for the candidate, I really think her time has come and gone. She’s not looking good on any level. She’s not even a quality leftie.

        2. She’s old, has health problems, is incompetent, and unqualified.

          I give her about a 60/40 shot at the nom.

    1. Sorry, no one’s going to vote for a grandma. Especially a fascist one.

  5. Republican candidates are attempting to take control of the debate surrounding women’s access to birth control by arguing for over-the-counter access without a prescription.

    But then it wouldn’t be free. Why do Republicans hate women?

    /derp

    1. Its a smart move from the stupid party.

      Blind squirrel, I guess.

      1. If Krugman can be right about something, anything’s possible, right?

        1. Yes, but both in the same day? What does it portend?

        2. Anything is possible if you just put your mind to it.

          1. NO!

            I’m still singing ‘WAR! GOOD GOD YA’LL!’

            I will not let you fuck that up with Debbie Gibson.

            1. Man, that came right out of the blue.

              1. Reference a link in the AM

                1. I think F Stupidity was referring to this.

                  1. NO, AGAIN!

                    1. Besides which you never respond to DG with more DG.

  6. An Ohio morgue attendant has admitted to having sex with the corpses of at least 100 women over the course of two decades.

    Stop shaming corpse fuckers.

    1. “” means “no!”

      1. I would assume that if you left instructions that you could be fucked after death then necrophilia wouldn’t be anti-libertarian.

        1. Does your body, like, still belong to you after your gone, man?

          1. It belongs to your estate.

            1. So this could be used as a means of revenge by unhappy descendants? Gnarly.

    2. Necrophiliphobia is just haters hating.

  7. Ukraine representatives claim dozens of civilians were killed in an attack by rebel forces on a convoy of refugees. A rebel chief says no such attack happened.

    Someone needs to hire Hamas’ PR guy.

    1. Hamas simply executes people who don’t report its propaganda:

      Israeli filmmaker Michael Grynszpan described on Facebook an exchange he had had with a Spanish journalist who had just left Gaza. “We talked about the situation there. He was very friendly. I asked him how come we never see on television channels reporting from Gaza any Hamas people, no gunmen, no rocket launcher, no policemen. We only see civilians on these reports, mostly women and children. He answered me frankly: ‘It’s very simple, we did see Hamas people there launching rockets, they were close to our hotel, but if ever we dare pointing our camera on them they would simply shoot at us and kill us.'”

      1. Yet to many people, this is the side that is hands-down more moral than the Israelis.

        1. Anyone who thinks Hamas has morals is a depraved asshole.

          1. That’s 1/3rd of the left, at the very least.

  8. An Ohio morgue attendant has admitted to having sex with the corpses of at least 100 women over the course of two decades.

    In libertopia, is this a breach of contract?

    1. Turns out that “loving treatment of your departed’s remains” could have been more carefully worded…

      1. At least the Cleveland Browns weren’t involved…

        1. One last time, indeed.

  9. Republican candidates are attempting to take control of the debate surrounding women’s access to birth control by arguing for over-the-counter access without a prescription.

    How cynically phrased!

  10. Video game shooter has Gadsden-wavers as teh emeny:

    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/201…..-bad-guys/

    1. Considering the whole schtick of the game is Battlefield: Cops and Robbers, I’m not surprised. And since the cops are always TEH GUD GUISE, they’d have to pick some much-maligned group to be TEH BAD GUISE

      1. Maybe it’ll wake some people up. “Hey, those guys look just.like the people dressed up in funny hats downtown yesterday. “

      2. Because, seriously, what other anti-authority faction in modern America would posess the means to mount a serious threat to our Heroes in Blue? It’s all those gun-toting bitter clingers that Shreek warned us about!

        At any rate, I’m done buying games in the BF franchise. BF4 was bad enough, and now they’re doing an annual release cycle? Fuck that. Get someone else to buy your shitty, half-finished games. What use is a BF game without tanks and jets and all that other rad gear, anyway?

    2. “Watchdogs” had the player steal money from the bank account of one of the biggest jerks in the world: a Tobacco Executive that was also a Pro-life activist.

    3. The Battlefield franchise continues its descent into shit.

      1. I remember BF:1942, possibly the first (I don’t recall) but also my only purchase of the series. Combat was humdrum, the vehicles were floaty and obnoxious to steer, and flying was an utter waste of time without a joystick. But I did enjoy the large open maps.

        1. I played BC1 and a lot of BC2. In retrospect BC2 was greatly overrated by it was better than 3 or 4 which have all of the bad mechanics (healing=BARF) and none of the charm or other good parts. I never played BF2 but I heard it was amazing.

        2. BF:1942 was fun as hell with the Desert Combat mod. Once you got used to the handling you could do some pretty cool shit with the helos, even without (or perhaps especially without) a joystick. Still needed the joystick for the planes, though.

    4. Cool. I got to shoot a Tea Party-er in Grand Theft Auto V and now I can blast them in BF. At least GTA gave me over-the-top caricatures of every political stripe to murder.

      Wasn’t reason trying to claim that many of these games were libertarian in nature? I can see Red Dead, but GTA and Bioshock? I got the opposite feel.

      1. In GTA V, you can be a Tea Partyer. You can also stroll into any Ammunation and buy military grade arms and armor. And battle the cops until they call in the National Guard.

    5. Good god, the comments are as bad as police one.

  11. Some of the crawls on the news channels keep using MO for Missouri. I understand it’s the initials for the state, but my mind keep reading things like, “MO rioters confronted by MO police”, or “MO looters running around”.

    1. Mo riots, mo problems

      1. Mo’ Better Blues?

        Nah, they’ll choke in the playoffs again.

    2. Don’t be such a MO about it.

      1. Dateline MO, LARRY and CURLY

  12. by arguing for over-the-counter access without a prescription.

    Holy smokes, a have conversation about access to BC that actually focuses on the access part. How much did getting that clue cost the RNC?

    1. No, no, DwT, it’s not access unless someone else is paying for it. /Jezzie

  13. This may have been mentioned already, but yesterday rioters broke into a Monrovian Ebola-quarantine zone and made off with contaminated sheets and the like. I expect a large outbreak. The army should have been there killing anyone attempting to leave or enter. Bullet Buffet.

    1. That whole place is like a terrorist weapons lab open house. It’s scary. I hope the virus can’t survive long outside a host.

      1. Good question but I’m pretty sure the Ebola virus is enveloped and delicate/easy to destroy.

        1. According to this site, ebola can live for several days on surfaces. I have no idea about the legitimacy of this info. Anyone?

          (Where is GM when we truly need him?)

          1. You’re right.

            http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/lab…..la-eng.php

            1. Shit. Thanks for the info, grim as it is.

    2. WTF? Srsly? Linky?

      And does anyone know how long the virus remains intact outside the host? (thanks, db, but I felt the need to reiterate the question)

        1. Thanks. This only talks about infected patients escaping from quarantine.

          1. I don’t have a link but looters definitely took contaminated cloths/blankets. They’ll get what they deserve.

            1. Upon second reading the article does mention looting, but is short on specifics.

              These are the “Ebola isn’t real” people. They may also sell/trade/give those infected items to others. Ugh.

  14. I had a reason to post the following Youtube video elsewhere today:

    Football season is coming

  15. “This morning, a couple of visitors from Ukraine stopped by our New York offices: the Rev. Volodymyr Malchyn of the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church and his wife, Olena.”

    check the photo

    http://www.cnewa.org/blog.aspx…..itecode=HQ

    1. Ok, what stupendous thing am I missing?

      1. Either Olena’s babushka gene is getting ready to activate or this is commentary on Ukrainian Greek Catholic priests being allowed to marry.

    2. The wife is pregnant?

      1. Oopss… I missed that.

        1. Not every religion pushes their priests towards pedophilia. Per Wikipedia:

          In the Eastern Orthodox Church and Oriental Orthodoxy, celibacy is the norm for bishops; married men may be ordained to the priesthood, but even married priests whose wives pre-decease them are not allowed to enter marriage after ordination, although today some exceptions are made.[citation needed] The vast majority (more than 90%[citation needed]) of Orthodox priests are married men?having married before they were ordained. Similarly, celibacy is not a requirement for ordination as a deacon and in some Oriental Orthodox churches deacons may marry after ordination.

          One half of my family is Ukrainian Orthodox, I guess I missed it because to me it’s a non-thing.

          1. Ah, I note now that this was a Catholic priest. Maybe they have absorbed some of the civilizing influences of their Orthodox counterparts?

            1. Ah, I note now that this was a Catholic priest. Maybe they have absorbed some of the civilizing influences of their Orthodox counterparts?

              Eastern (i.e. non-latin) Catholic churches generally allow priests to get married before they are ordained. Bishops are usually celibate though. And yes it is because they come from they share values with their Orthodox counterparts. What distinguishes them generally is that they are in full communion with Rome (and sometimes other issues).

              1. There are a limited number of married Roman Catholic priests, mostly converted Anglicans.

          2. I had a friend in high school whose dad was a Russian Orthodox priest. Coming from a Roman Catholic family, at first I thought.it strange, but it really wasn’t.

      2. Wives tend to get that way.

      3. I though so to, but I can’t think of a reason that would be interesting.

  16. An Ohio morgue attendant has admitted to having sex with the corpses of at least 100 women over the course of two decades.

    Everything old is new again.

    Herodotus wrote in his Histories that in Egypt when a good-looking, rich, and/or noble woman died, her family would hold on to her body for a few days before sending it to the mortuary. The reason? The body would putrefy and the embalmers would be less likely to fuck the corpses. Some embalmers were caught screwing corpses of women.

    1. …less likely

      Eww.

    2. I hope that’s not what the English mean when they talk about a “yummy mummy”.

  17. An Ohio morgue attendant has admitted to having sex with the corpses of at least 100 women over the course of two decades.

    Seriously, why? What the hell could possibly go through your mind to make this seem like a good idea? Even once.

    1. Yeah, there’s really something missing in a person who does that.

    2. “sometimes dead is better”

    3. Necroaggression!

      /jezzies

    4. I really only want to know whether they microwave the petroleum jelly first, or if the refrigerated viscera is part of the allure.

      …I think I need to pray to Kabbalahmonster now.

      1. I remember a Dear Abby question of many decades ago, in which a new bride was concerned that her new husband, an undertaker, insisted that on their wedding night she take a cold bath before getting into bed, and then lie perfectly still and not make any noise….

        1. I thought Abby always answered questions like that by saying
          “Don’t you Yale fraternity boys have anything better to do?”

  18. WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama is sending Attorney General Eric Holder to Ferguson, Missouri, to meet with federal law enforcement authorities investigating the police shooting of an unarmed teenager.

    Obama says Holder will travel to the St. Louis suburb on Wednesday.

    Holder recently authorized a federal autopsy on the body of Michael Brown, the unarmed 18-year-old who was fatally shot on Aug. 9. Brown was black; the officer who shot him was white.

    Obama spoke from the White House on Monday after independent autopsy results determined that Brown was shot at least six times, including twice in the head. Missouri’s governor also called in the National Guard early Monday after police again used tear gas to quell protests that have taken nightly since Brown’s death.

    Hey Holder, haul your ass up to Chicago.

    1. This article says Michael Brown was unarmed twice in the first 50 words. Guess most people aren’t aware of that part yet so they wanted to be clear.

      1. And as someone said somewhere, that’s a misleading detail. Unarmed people can be quite dangerous. There’s no rule (nor should there be) that cops can’t shoot unarmed attackers.

  19. Has anyone seen the ads for “Madam Secretary”? They make me want to puke, which is saying a lot because the star of the show is Tea Leoni.

    1. My favorite Tea Leoni movie is the one where she gets killed by a giant tidal wave.

      1. The Fellowship of the Ring?

        1. You’re thinking of The Fellowship of Surfing. I think Peter Fonda was in that, as well as the sequel, The Two Tubes and the sequel to the sequel, The Return of the Surfing.

  20. Sammy Da Bull Jones aint gonna liek that.

    http://www.AnonWays.tk

    1. Wow! AnnonBot is Guido strong.

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