VID: For Your Consideration — Remy TSA Contest Entry


“Remy’s TSA Contest Entry,” written and performed by Remy and produced by Meredith Bragg. About 2 minutes. Original release date was August 8, 2014 and original writeup is below.

Remy enters the Transportation Security Administration's contest seeking helpful hints to improve airport security lines. 

Let's hope he wins. 

Approximately 1:45 minutes. Written and performed by Remy. Video and graphics by Meredith Bragg. Music tracks by Ben Karlstrom.

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To see more Remy/Reason TV videos, go here.


Well, video contests they ain't really my kind of hobby, uh,
but 15 grand? You're cutting checks like your name was Slovakia
but if you're asking for some tips I've got a couple rules
to make the lines even shorter than the ones to get in this school

Just because it zips up don't make them take their vest off
If they just had a mastectomy don't make them take their breast off
if you're looking for another tip to save a couple minutes
if they're shrieking for their momma while you grope them they're not terrorists
Assaulting children's never good and it's safe to assume
The only time it's okay is if your name's Orlando Bloom
And if you're looking for even more time I swear you'll have enough
if when people go through TSA you don't steal any of their stuff
You'd save time if the guy up at the ID checking place
Knows the District of Columbia's in the United States
and if you can bring apples on board or a crate of Macintosh
you could save some time by not arresting ladies who bring applesauce
Making old folks take their pants off? How is that embarrassing?
Well the answer to both questions just happens to be "Depends"
If someone fought in Korea facing bullets, death, and strife
maybe that should be the most traumatic thing they go through in their life

Now at this point I realize that offering this dollop
of advice will likely lead to you checking me for polyps
But if you think it's no use and my entry's gone awry
Like a rape victim that gets pat down all I can do is cry


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  1. Remy has nothing on this guy.

    Jus’ sayin’

    1. Does there need to be a 1 IceJJfish link per day rule?

  2. The TSA is the only thing that makes the idea of HSR seem reasonable. I suspect a conspiracy. No wait, stupidity.

    1. Nah, the TSA already want to do the same thing for trains and buses.

      1. Yeah, the lack of TSA screening is a ‘feature’ in the choo-choo pitch. It’ll be instituted the minute the station opens; those unions are salivating at the jobs and the Ds are salivating at the new D voters.

        1. Don’t you know that there’s a new threat every week. HSR is fucking dangerous.

  3. Like a rape victim that gets pat down all I can do is cry

    Oh, is that supposed to be FUNNY, Remy? Cause rape is not FUNNY.

    Check your rape-culture privilege!

    [I’m re-reading this to make sure I didn’t miss something like earlier….]

    OK – Remy! Not funny!

    /modern world

    1. The TSA isn’t funny either, and an assault is an assault.

      I’m quite serious when I say that every TSA agent should be held personally liable for his actions, and that claiming “I was just doing my job” went out the window as a defense at Nurenberg. The difference is one of amount, not kind.


    World Pipe Band Championship results. Called the first 3 – missed Power – had Shotts there. HD video at the site.

    Congrats Field Marshal on (I think) their TENTH World Championship! Damned Irish know how to play pipes…

    Grade 1
    1st Field Marshal Montgomery (Northern Ireland)
    2nd Inveraray & District (Scotland)
    3rd St Laurence O’Toole (Ireland)
    4th Boghall & Bathgate Caledonia (Scotland)
    5th Shotts & Dykehead Caledonia (Scotland)
    6th ScottishPower (Scotland)

    1. Bagpiping is a violation of the NAP. Discuss.

      1. I submit that if all of the people within earshot are 1) interested in this perversion or 2) deaf then it’s OK under free association.

        1. Big bidness in Glasgow for the week. The number of visitors and the money they spend is astounding.

          Add in the global audience through the BBC feed and you have…dozens and dozens 🙂

      2. Ted S.|8.16.14 @ 9:33PM|#
        “Bagpiping is a violation of the NAP. Discuss.”

        Well, use an accordion, go to jail!

  5. “SANTA BARBARA, Calif., Aug. 16, 2014 /Christian Newswire/ — Mireille Miller-Young, an associate professor of feminist studies at the University of California at Santa Barbara, was sentenced to 108 hours of community service, 10 hours of anger management, and three years probation for her assault on a group of pro-life students in early March. She was also ordered to pay a small fine and restitution of almost $500.”

    Katie Short, Legal Director of the Life Legal Defense Foundation and mother of the victims, says: “”While Miller-Young submitted a written apology to the court for taking and destroying the sign, the sincerity of that apology is undercut by other letters she submitted from colleagues, several of which attempt to shift the blame onto the pro-lifers,” [] “Regardless of the actual level of her remorse, her conviction on three misdemeanor charges will undoubtedly be sufficient to dissuade her from any repetition of her outrageous conduct.”


    1. Yay! Glad to hear this. What a fucking cunt.

    2. her conviction on three misdemeanor charges will undoubtedly be sufficient to dissuade her from any repetition of her outrageous conduct.

      They will not, I am sure however, affect her employment status, unfortunately.

  6. Not one of Remy’s top ten.

  7. Is anyone else fucking sick of people talking about ‘the black community?’ Does that term have any purpose other than to allow leftists to claim all black people are the same without getting accused of racism?

    1. To imply that your thoughts on a given subject are invalid if you are not a member of it? That’s often what the ____-community shtick boils down to.

      On the other hand I have read so many loathsome comments on various internet sites over the several days that my criticism of it is a little more muted than normal. To some degree it’s a feedback loop.

    2. Agreed.

    3. Irish|8.16.14 @ 9:51PM|#
      “Is anyone else fucking sick of people talking about ‘the black community?’

      Yes. I’m glad you’re thinking outside the box and making a wake-up-call to those who….
      Ah, fuck it.

  8. Maybe not at the top of his efforts, but thanks Remy! It gets the point across.

  9. Yeah that jsut makes a ll kinds of crazy sense. Wow.

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