Porch Shooter Guilty of Murder, Dem Fundraising Emails = 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf,' Do College Kids Need Protection From All That Scary Speech? : P.M. Links

Funny Or Die demands equal-pay-for-equal-work in a new video featuring Christina Hendricks of Mad Men.

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  • Christina Hendricks
    Funny or Die

    Theodore Wafer, the Detroit-area man who shot an unarmed 19-year-old girl on his porch, was convicted of murder. Wafer claimed his home had been repeatedly vandalized and he thought the girl was going to commit a crime. In reality, she was disoriented after a car crash and looking for help.

  • Democrats' fundraising emails are generating tons of cash, but will the DNC soon suffer from "boy who cried wolf" syndrome?
  • Read a response from Greg Lukianoff, president of the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, to the suggestion put forth by U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner Michael Yaki that college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.
  • Funny Or Die demands equal-pay-for-equal-work in a new video featuring Christina Hendricks of Mad Men.
  • John Oliver on haters threatening lawsuits: They "can go fuck themselves."

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  1. Theodore Wafer, the Detroit-area man who shot an unarmed 19-year-old girl on his porch, was convicted of murder.

    At least he doesn’t have to live in Detroit anymore.

    1. Hello.

      I like John Oliver. What little I’ve seen of him anyway. Is he derp or derpy?

      1. And the link to him is an excuse to have another soccer thread. 🙂

        1. Please no. We just have a little while before everything devolves into a football thread.

      2. He’s basically an English John Stewart. Identical politics and all. Take from that what you will.

        1. I keep hoping…

        2. I’d say he’s funnier than Stewart (much better comedian and performer all around), but also more insufferable. Stewart at least tempers his points with his, “I’m just a comedian, maybe I’m wrong about this,” attitude. Oliver has the bravado of the Stephen Colbert character. A very, “I’m right, and you disagree because you’re an idiot” attitude.

    2. OT: ATTN all DC area commentariat and lurkers, there will be a meetup tomorrow in NoVA. Booze and cigarettes will abound. It will be at O`Shaughnessy`s pub in Alexandria. There isn’t a time set in stone, as many are off work at differing times on a Friday, but we’ll “gather” around 6ish. Fun for all ages.

      1. Alternatively, screw that and come to the Boston area meetup instead!

        1. Burn in hell, Masshole!

      2. Meeting people? Meh.

    3. Movin’ on up.

    4. If he was a cop he would have never been arrested.

  2. Those folks at HAS are awfully good at fondling and groping; not so good at keeping some folks off an airplane:
    “Source: How serial stowaway made it onto flight”
    http://www.sfgate.com/crime/ar…..hc-bayarea
    This woman is known, she’s sneaked onto or tried to sneak onto airplanes often enough to have a restraining order, and yet those pros at TSA somehow let her board a plane for HI.
    Do you feel safer now?

    1. Oops:
      At HSA, not HAS.

      1. Once more:
        TSA, not HSA or HAS!
        Dammit!

        1. Has cheezburger?

      2. HSA is an airport in Mississippi.

        1. It’s also a type of savings account.

    2. When I went up to Baltimore last week, I got to use my TSA Precheck for the first time. Skipped the line, didn’t have to take my shoes off, didn’t have to take my laptop out of my bag, didn’t have to take my belt off. It was glorious.

      Now they just have to get off their government asses and take all security back to that.

      1. I keep showing up to airports way too early. I walked straight into the terminal instead of it taking 45min+ like it normally does.

      2. You were in the big city last week?

      3. When I flew out of Atlanta last Spring they did this with all families travelling with infants and young children. Herded us all in a special security line and kept screaming at us: “Stop taking your shoes and coats off! Don’t take tour laptops out!”

        Still took forever because…families with young children…but showed how stupid it is that they make everybody go through this nonsense. Or even that at a lot of airports they swab your carseat and run it through their magical analyzer machine.

        1. They’re looking for any crime they can find.

        2. Wait, the TSA acted like responsible professionals and did something sensible to speed the process? I doubt this story.

          1. Yeah, I suppose it sounds sort of unbelievable, but I swear that it happened. I suppose they reasoned that all the families going through the regular lines would really muck those lines up (it takes forever to get through with small children), but making all the families with young children go through the whole regular screening would create a slow, intolerable environment even for the nastiest of TSA workers. So they just pushed us through as fast as they could.

      4. You came to Balmer, and you lived? I thought I was the only one to ever survive Balmer, or so the rumor goes…

  3. Mr. Cortopassi favors us with his next full-page ad on gov’t corruption and waste. This one features the fave ‘legacy’ project of moonbeam and that master of waste, Willie Brown!
    Thrill as the budget goes from $1.2B up to $6.5B!
    http://www.liar-liar.us/liar-liar-ad-4.html

    1. These are terrifying. The Bay Bridge fiasco is just one example of how messed up the CA fiscal situation really is, and Moonbeam is being credited with balancing the budget.

      1. 1984 toll $1.00 Gas $1.25
        2014 toll $6.00 Gas $3.50

        Those greedy oil companies are ripping you off!

  4. Funny or Die seems to be abandoning any attempt at funny, so I guess they should probably go die.

    1. Funny or Die made a rather good anti-Proposition 8 video back in 2008. That was their entry into politics. Since then, they’ve tried to make far too much of their stuff about politics, and they’ve lost the “funny” part of their name.

      1. Hence the “or Die” part of their name.

      2. THESE ISSUES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING “FUNNY!”

    2. Much like John Oliver?

      1. His brief reign as TDS host was the only time that show has been funny in several years but I don’t know what his show is like.

        1. As I noted below, it is The Daily Show with cursing. I think he is more slanted on HBO thean he was on TDS. I had to quit the show pretty quickly.

          1. My thought on his HBO show is that Oliver’s funnier in much smaller doses.

            At the halfway point on HBO, his rants just turn into whining. But then that’s the case with a lot of HBO’s new shows. Aside from Game of Thrones that entire network has gone to shit.

            1. I like The Leftovers. Not sure what its about, other than the Feds are evil, and cops should be more like Kevin.

              1. err Kevin is pretty cop evil himself.

                Not an assassin murder cop evil like the FEDs…but steal shirts from the dry cleaner and punch some dude cuz he tried to stop him from trespassing and harassing his wife and try to impose a pretty shitty town wide curfew cop evil.

                He also shoots dogs…but those dogs probably deserved it as they seem to be feral.

                1. Oh he also bought beer when he was visibly impaired and when the clerk said no Kevin showed him his badge. I am pretty sure he also drives drunk on a regular basis.

    3. I’d still watch that video over and over again.

      1. On mute, of course.

    4. Didn’t they do Jim Carrey’s shitty song about guns? And Sarah Silverman’s shitty skit about the Black NRA?

      1. Though I did like her shitty song about fucking Matt Damon. Or was that Ray Bradbury? Anyway, there was a female comic and fucking.

    5. Oh god, the very next one to auto play was a mary poppins minimum wage gag. I didn’t make it 10 seconds on that one.

  5. …suggestion put forth by U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner Michael Yaki that college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.

    Some civil rights commissioners suffer from a similar malady.

    1. He knows no one is actually an adult until they’re 26.

      1. Crap. I’m not ready!

      2. Unless you commit a big boy crime, in which case you’re an adult when you’re like 9 or 10.

        1. But crime isn’t speech! Unless it is, of course, but the important thing is GUILTY!

      3. We’re all Obama’s children.

    2. 8% of them do.

    3. “..suggestion put forth by U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner Michael Yaki that college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.”

      But they can handle voting just fine.

      1. Fuck this underachieving cocksucker. I would bet my left testicle that he is projecting from his own worthless experience.

        At 26 I had finished 4 years in the Marines, gotten married, graduated from university, and started a professional career. I was probably better adjusted and able to make sound decisions than he is today.

    4. He was a fat asshole when was was a corrupt SF pol and he remains a fat asshole as?what is the title for his made up, I’ve been a loyal proggie foot soldier sinecure again?ah yes?..U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner.

      1. As a Willy Brown appointee, it’s odds on he was also otherwise unemployable.

      2. Somehow, I think he’d still be an asshole if he were thin.

    5. “Adolescence is a twentieth century invention.”

    6. …and since free speech is less hard to control as cigarettes and alcohol, the natural conclusion is…limit free speech for everyone just to be sure?

  6. Funny Or Die demands equal-pay-for-equal-work in a new video featuring Christina Hendricks of Mad Men.

    Aimed at the White House?

    1. I want equal pay for doing the same thing Christina Hendricks does. Standing around with my hair dyed red and my bosoms hanging out.

      Oddly, I can’t find anyone to pay me the same as her.

  7. Speaking of fondling and groping…

    Games teacher admits having sex with pupil

    A games teacher has admitted having sex with a pupil she taught at an all girls private school.

    Emily Fox, from Bath, pleaded guilty at St Albans Crown Court to four counts of sexual activity with a 15-year-old girl while in a position of trust.

    The offences took place in 2012-13, when Fox, 26, was a teacher at the Royal Masonic School for Girls in Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire.

    1. “Games Teacher” = phys ed teacher?

    2. For a Brit? That’s fantastic.

    3. Royal Masonic School for Girls

      Classes include world domination, how to deflect questions about secret societies, tiny vehicle driving and home ec.

      1. +1 Frankenchrist album cover

    4. Sounds hot.

      Fucking Masons.

    5. I would.

    6. Funny, but we had a similar (but heterosexual) case where the coach just pled guilty

      KINGSTON — Kevin Quick, accused of having sex with a 15- and a 16-year-old girl while a volunteer assistant crew coach at Kingston High School, pleaded guilty to felony charges Wednesday in Ulster County Court, according to District Attorney Holley Carnright.

      Quick, 23, of 39 Jockey Hill Road, town of Kingston, pleaded guilty before state Supreme Court Judge Richard Mott to three counts of rape and one count of criminal sexual act.

      1. I plead insanity!

        I’m just crazy about that stuff!

  8. They’re not even trying anymore.

    The Ohio State University Marching Band has been under intense scrutiny since its director was unexpectedly fired last month. The news shined a spotlight on the gender disparity in the band. Men outnumber women by a 4 to 1 margin. WOSU takes a look at what may be driving the band’s gender gap.

    University of Iowa’s Hawkeye Marching Band director Kevin Kastens, in an email, called the disparity at OSU a “non-issue” based on the band’s instrument traditions. Women make up 43 percent of Iowa’s marching band, which also includes woodwinds.

    “The fact that it is so imbalanced may be a reflection of the decades of harassment,” National Women’s Law Center Lara Kaufmann said.

    Kaufmann is an expert on education policy. (And apparently also an expert at pulling stuff out of her ass)

    “It’s not that male-dominant environments are inherently unwelcoming to women, or that women can’t succeed in those environments,” Kaufmann said. “It’s just that, in some of those environments, we find that conduct is allowed to fester that should be addressed. And as a result, women are treated poorly.”

    1. Are women band members beaten to death if they drop their instrument or baton? Because if not, you got no case in Tallahassee.

      1. Speaking of that, my recollection is that the Marching 100 didn’t have a lot of women.

        I saw them at a UF-FAMU game years ago. UF killed A&M on the field, but the FAMU band prevailed at halftime. Bad ass.

    2. Kaufmann has to drum up business somehow.

      1. She’s really tooting her own horn, isn’t she?

        1. Bassoon or later, it will come back to bit her.

      2. I see something there… What you did…

        Are you trying to make an enemy?

        1. “Enemies can appear in our lives out of nowhere… A stranger who cuts you off in traffic, a dude who looks at you weird in the men’s room, or treasured friends who betray you out of jealousy… But when enemies do rise up, they must be dealt with decisively, on animal instinct…”

  9. John Oliver on haters threatening lawsuits: They “can go fuck themselves.”

    I tried watching that show. It’s a little too one-sided in its pointed barbs for my taste.

    1. It’s a little too one-sided in its pointed barbs for my taste.

      Scientists have announced that the sky is blue.

    2. He has the right attitude on this. Stopped clocks, etc.

    3. The Daily Show, but we can say ‘fuck’!

      Totally edgy…

      That last statement is sarcasm. Just for clarity’s sake. I also don’t want to be sued by Oliver’s crack legal team.

      1. The Daily Show can’t say fuck?

        1. TDS says ‘bleep’.

        2. Comedy Central? You should see the way they edited Idiocracy.

          1. Oh my goodness. That was horrible. I had never been so unamused by a viewing of Idiocracy in my life. Virtually every sentence was rendered meaningless by the deletion of words. “His [ ] all retarded and he sounds like a [].”

    4. A protege of Jon Stewart being one-sided? Say it ain’t so!

  10. I don’t demand a response from Remy.

  11. …but will the DNC soon suffer from “boy who cried wolf” syndrome?

    They’re going to impeach him any second now!

    1. They’ve been crying wolf on abortion for 40 years and it still works. Their demographic isn’t all that bright so it’s not that hard for the dnc to play Lucy to their Charlie Brown.

      1. Well, they can always find some fuckwit Republican to help them make their case.

  12. Huge Russian warship fascinates French in Saint-Nazaire

    Half of the Vladivostok was assembled in Russia, then towed to France

    1. Still more seaworthy than about half of their subs.

      1. Maybe they should get the French to build those, too.

      2. Yeah, I mean fully half the Russian subs sink!

    2. Somehow, I have a feeling that there are various ‘features’ built into that by the French which might have been influenced by the US so that certain people in the US might have an inkling of what transpires inside that thing.
      Name that tune!
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nhtr5J00ntA

    3. Looks like about half an aircraft carrier.

  13. Dems talk about impeachment 20 times as much as Republicans

    Congressional Democrats have talked about the impeachment of President Obama 20 times more than Republicans have on the House and Senate floors.

    Since the start of the 113th Congress last year, Democrats have used the word “impeach” or “impeachment” regarding Obama 86 times, according to a review of the Congressional Record by The Hill.

    Utterances on the floor from Republicans about impeaching Obama, in contrast, have been relatively rare. Only three Republicans in this Congress have raised the subject on the House floor, and the words have been used a total of four times by GOP members.
    Most of the talk has come from House Democrats, with Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (Texas) alone using the words 18 times in two separate speeches late last month.

    1. They need to be careful, impeachment might become trendy.

    2. Well they wouldn’t have to talk about it so much if the Republicans would just stop obsessing over impeaching the President just because he’s black and wants to help poor kids get healthcare. I mean, it’s relentless, those Republicans are like “impeachment, impeachment, impeachment.” For every twenty time the Democrats have to defend themselves the Republicans shout it right back in their face. Give it up already!

    3. I’m so sick of the talk being all about the political calculus. The fucker should be impeached–he’s shitting all over the Constitution, isn’t he? Seriously, is anyone even bothering to say he isn’t?

      We’re where we are in good part because no one has the will or the principles to take the steps necessary to preserve our freedoms and our republic.

      1. Impeaching is a pointless political stunt. He knows he won’t be removed unless there is a massive swing in the Senate, so he doesn’t give a shit.

  14. Read a response from Greg Lukianoff, president of the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, to the suggestion put forth by U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner Michael Yaki that college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.

    Only those approved by TOP MEN may exercise their rights!

  15. So if Matt Welch thinks we might entering a libertarian moment then why did he write this?


    What if Barack Obama turns out to be the most libertarian president of the post-Cold War era?

    https://reason.com/archives/201…..-libertari

    And can someone explain how the millenials are potential libertarians when they voted for Obama, plan to vote for Hillary, support Democrats on social issues and consider those deal breakers and support bigger government?

    1. Get a hobby. Please.

      1. Well if Rand Paul can win election in 2016 and be more anti-government than Harding and Coolidge then I will admit that I am wrong.

        1. I’d settle for more anti-government than Johnson at this point.

          1. Which Johnson? Lyndon?

  16. Repeat for the PMlynx crowd: Boston area meetup tomorrow. Email me if you’re interested and not just coming to kill all of us.

    1. Email me if you’re interested and not just coming to kill all of us.

      Someone’s no fun.

    2. People wanting to kill a Bostonian? Unpossible.

    3. Also should probably leave a note here so hamilton knows it’s really you.

      1. Sure, just run us by the NSA. To be on the safe side.

    4. That’s pretty narcissistic of you to think someone would want to kill you. What makes you so special?

  17. Something reasonable on media echo chambers gets written at io9. First commenter plays role of “this is what I’m talking about fairy”

    There’s a clear difference in frame when we compare one side of the graph to the other. None of the information shared is false per se, yet users make deliberate choices about what they choose to amplify. This is a representation of their values, and the values of their connections. Messages passed along in one side of the graph will never reach the other.

    Yeah, that seems reasonable commenters?

    mkirkl to Mark Strauss

    When the biggest bubble on one side is the BBC and the biggest on the other are Jerusalem Post and Times of Israel, well, no, it’s pretty clear which side is biased. The BBC is legally obligated to report without bias. You can bring a case to their ombudsman if you feel they are not.

    Really, this issue couldn’t be more black and white. Israel is in the wrong; there is no possible justification for their actions.

    1. “The BBC is legally obligated to report without bias. You can bring a case to their ombudsman if you feel they are not.”

      Who says the Brits don’t have a sense of humor?
      That’s FUNNY!

    2. “The BBC is legally obligated to report without bias.”

      How quaint..

  18. Houston city council surrenders to Uber.

    http://www.click2houston.com/n…..s/27335056

    Virginia is also ordering the state to work with Uber. Maryland wants regulations.

    1. Pols and bureaucrats don’t want to look powerless to stop them so they’ll “join” them.

      All these app makers should just keep telling them to fuck off.

    2. Fuck yellowcab, I’m happy it’s settled, but I kinda enjoyed riding Uber while it was “illegal.” I suspect prices will go back up to close to cabs, because they were undercutting like mad and giving out free rides.

  19. So an organization founded by Hollywood Progs ends up making rather strident statist propaganda? Shocking I know.

  20. equal-pay-for-equal-work

    That’s what they always say, but any actual proposals I’ve seen on the issue seem to be quite the opposite. They want equal pay regardless of the quality or quantity of actual work.

  21. So at least two of us in Tallahassee are going to try to make the Wylie stop at Momo’s Sunday. If there are any other lurkers in the area, show up, drink craft brew, and “forget” your checkbook at home like I intend to do. (Or not. But I’m not up on the guy other than he’s not Rick Scott or Charlie Crist — which is actually a ringing endorsement.)

    1. He has a lot of good ideas but so far he’s short on how he is going to put those ideas into action. I plan on checking him out when he’s in Tampa on the 20th.

      1. If you’re local, have you seen the signs on Pinellas County for MACHO LIBERTI? He’s running for country commission.

  22. Syrian Islamist rebels ‘withdraw from Lebanese town after truce’

    At least 42 civilians have died in the recent violence between Syrian militants and the Lebanese army

    Islamist militants from Syria have reportedly mostly withdrawn from the Lebanese border town of Arsal.

    Sunni Muslim clerics brokered a truce after days of fighting between the Syrian rebels and the Lebanese army.

  23. suggestion put forth by U.S. Civil Rights Commissioner Michael Yaki that college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.

    Jesus Christ, the progs are really sounding like the old 19th Conservatives who were labeled reactionary.

    1. Free Speech is no longer beneficial to their remaining in power.

      1. Principals ahead of principles. And fans of Mao, Ho and Castro turn out to hate freedom of speech which is shocking I know.

    2. I hope he has a daughter named Teri.

      1. Or Suki?

  24. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Yaki

    Yaki was appointed by Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) to be her District Director and as a senior advisor. Yaki was also a former member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, serving from his appointment by then-mayor Willie Brown in February 1996.

    1. I pretty much figure that most things that can happen will happen. So let the botnet take down the internet, then someone will come up with something better.

  25. OT: ATTN all DC area commentariat and lurkers, there will be a meetup tomorrow in NoVA. Booze and cigarettes will abound. It will be at O`Shaughnessy`s pub in Alexandria. There isn’t a time set in stone, as many are off work at differing times on a Friday, but we’ll “gather” around 6ish. Fun for all ages.

  26. This is a few months old so I’m not sure if it was posted here before: the price of beer around the world.

    Does it seem odd to anyone else that Saudi Arabia has the fourth cheapest beer and Australia the eighth most expensive?

    1. Supply and demand, not just supply.

      1. It wouldn’t surprise me if taxes were also to blame.

        1. I guessed correctly.
          “The Tax Office said the Federal Government now takes $15.63 in excise on every case of 24 cans of full-strength beer.
          Carlton & United Breweries said this was one of the highest tax rates on beer in the world and called for a freeze on beer tax to provide relief.”

          1. Freeze as in not raising it any more? That doesn’t really provide “relief”.

          2. Xe.com says $15.63 AUD is $14.49 USD, btw.

    2. Beer is legal in Saudi Arabia?

    3. Also, isn’t it interesting how the places where beer is illegal (to almost everyone who lives there) are comparable in price to Norway and Australia, two places that love drinking beer but also love to tax the shit out of most everything.

    4. I met a guy from Iceland who told me he wept with joy the first time he went into a liquor store in the US. Imagine finding out that you can buy a handle for the price you’re used to paying for a flask.

  27. Happy anniversary, Society of Jesus!

    200 years ago today, the Pope revived the Jesuits, who had been suppressed 41 years previously on the demand of the kings of the earth:

    http://www.sj2014.net/blog/uni…..ened-today

    Background on the 1773 suppression decree:

    http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14096a.htm

    1. Charles Carroll of Carrolton, Founding Father, last surviving signer of the Declaration of Independence, and Jesuit-educated. No wonder the kings of the earth were worried about the Jesuits!

      http://www.patheos.com/blogs/m…..-1832.html

      1. I didn’t expect some sort of Spanish Inquisition.

  28. Funny Or Die demands equal-pay-for-equal-work in a new video featuring Christina Hendricks of Mad Men.

    So after watching that video with the sound muted, the point they were trying to make is that I should be paid the same as Miss Hendricks for doing what she does, right? I mean, equal pay for equal work.

    1. I should get paid to get implants?

      1. Ima say “yes”.

    2. The point they seemed to be making is that women are incredibly incompetent.

      1. And that men should be punished because of it.

  29. Frenchie kicks squirrel off Grand Canyon.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL_VAIbCJJo

    1. Well, it was a flying squirrel.

      1. Funny you say that. I kept hearing Rocket (Rocky) J. Squirrel’s voice.

        1. That trick never works!

    2. How can it be a “petty offense” if it involves *wild* animals?

      1. You know the French…

        Good thing it wasn’t set on fire before it was kicked…

    3. Was he a Quebecois garbage man?

  30. college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.

    But they have sufficiently developed brains to die for their country…

    1. You just need a developed body for that.

    2. Actually, I’ve heard anti-mil progs argue that they don’t. “We wouldn’t have wars if they were only fought by old, white men.”

      1. “We wouldn’t have wars if they were only fought by old, white men.”

        Note this implies that black people have insufficiently developed brains.

      2. *”We wouldn’t have wars if they were only fought by old, white men.”*

        Dude, of course, because, there were like, no wars ever fought before, like, M*A*S*H*…dude.

      3. Speaking of Old Men’s Wars, anyone think the SyFy adaptation of that universe is going to be as successful as the Stargate on a ship was?

      4. Actually, we would, and they would be much more entertaining.

        1. ..and they’d end fighting each day at 5pm to catch the early Bird special at Morrison’s Cafeteria.

          Every other Sunday would be a cease-fire to watch Matlock reruns.

    3. I imagine that drone strikes will be hitting the US for our use of child soldiers any day now.

  31. Otto Preminger as “Mr. Freeze” on an old Batman. I don’t recall this one from my yute. Shelley Winters a couple days ago as “Ma Parker”. These shows are so over the top…

  32. ?Why Is There Poop on My Thong?

    The headline is enough.

    1. Not only that, it’s *more* than enough.



    2. Ok, I get it. That is Jezebel trolling H&R. For all the shit we give them.

    3. Bathing suit thong or flip-flop thong? Because I can imagine the strap of a bathing suit thong getting fecal matter on it.

    4. Best “Excellent Band Name” of the three:

      Fastidiously Wiping vs. Wet Fart vs. Fecal Incontinence

      Discuss and choose.

      1. Wet Fart could open up for Anus and the Trouser Chilis…

        I like Wet Fart. That way when the music is panned, it can say “Wet Fart lives up to their name…”

  33. college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.

    A-HA!! Free speech includes giving permission to have sex!

  34. college-aged kids do not have sufficiently developed brains to handle free speech.

    Married at 19, two kids by 21, working 70 hours a week at two jobs by 22. Clearly my brain was underdeveloped.

    1. I actually might have to agree, if you thought getting married at 19 was a great idea…

      1. Sorry Kinnath, but your post doesn’t make the point you seem to want to make.

        1. what was my point?

    2. Society says:

      At age 16: you can drive a car, get a job, fuck an age appropriate peer (but not in all jurisdictions), seek birth control and get an abortion without your parents involvement.

      At age 18: you can get married, sign a contract, buy a car, buy a house, buy cigarettes (but not beer), join the armed services, travel the world, and kill people.

      At age 21: you finally get to buy that beer.

      But you can’t cope with an opposing political point of view until much, much later.

      1. You know who else couldn’t cope with an opposing political point of view?

      2. You forgot that at age 18 they can already vote. And very much encouraged to by the same people who believe that can’t cope an opposing political point of view. Coincidence?

      3. Check this out:

        In Texas, you can get married at 17 without parental permission. If you tape the wedding night, you get charged with child porn. If you wait till you are both 18 to film it, it’s legal, but if you sell it, you can’t purchase the final product at the store until you’re 19.

      4. You can enlist at 17, with parental permission.

  35. Who will strike fear into the hearts (if they have them) of aliens?: Humans.

  36. If I were a boy.

    #IfIWereABoy: 12 Women Share What They’d Do Differently If They Were Treated The Same As Men

    This one’s my favorite. Guess no one told her about circumcision, debtors prison for child support or signing up for the draft.

    1. Shows what she knows. I walked into a clinic and asked for an abortion and they told me to get the hell out!

    2. “I’d be courteous and remember to put the seat down?”

      You know, I don’t remember once, ever, complaining about a woman leaving the seat down. I don’t think I will ever understand that complaint.

      1. It’s because women are too weak and helpless to move things. If you don’t get that, you’re just sexist.

    3. At least she admits not having the capacity to make choices for herself.

    4. This one is my favorite:

      #IfIWereABoy I’d stop posting degrading memes about females on social media.

      You’d have to be a boy to stop, why not just stop now?

      1. Because, as every feminist knows, women have no agency.

    5. I’d stop posting degrading memes about women on Facebook

      The irony is so strong it kind of hurts.

    6. #IfIWereABoy: If I were a boy I’d man-up and pay for my own fucking birth control.

    7. #If I were a boy: I would want to be a *man* and not consider it a compliment to be called a boy.

      1. Corollary: #IfIwereABoy: I would want some woman to make a man out of me.

    8. Keee-rist, these poor broken women. You can tell daddy didn’t love them enough.

  37. Gawkers get everything they want, still complain.

    2) By repeating in a second tweet that she was on the porch, are they playing to one of the most common insults hurled at blacks: that they are “porch monkeys?”

    Also, does that dude look not so white to anyone else?

    1. He shot someone. He’s white. If he’d been shot, well, that’d be different. Shit, the fed even keeps statistics that way. It’s ingrained in our system now. Best quote:

      The Zimmerman matter made people understandably pessimistic about a jury’s ability to convict a white killer of an unarmed black teenager.

  38. Richard Dawkins: Atheism’s asset or liability?

    Who did they interview? FTB bloggers, skepchicks and amanda fucking marcotte.

    It’s like a who’s who factually challenged bloggers.

    1. Wow, it takes a lot to make me sympathize with Prof. Dawkins, but this will do it!

      1. Right? I’ll take a traditional proggie over an SJW any day of the week.

        1. A traditional proggie =/= SJW? Does that really exist?

          1. Believe it or not, SJWs are even crazier than proggies.

            Think Tumblr (sjws) vs MSNBC (proggies).

            Think Scientific American(proggies) vs FTB (SJW).

            1. Yeah, I don’t dip into any of those. Plus, from my vantage point, the Venn diagram appears to be a circle.

              Not disagreeing with you, btw. I just always sensed that a priggie proggie is a sjw, and vice versa.

          2. They are different. Go educate yourself. I’m not here to educate you.

  39. *. In reality, she was disoriented after a car crash and looking for help*

    Disoriented, my foot. She was drunk.

  40. Theodore Wafer, the Detroit-area man who shot an unarmed 19-year-old girl on his porch, was convicted of murder. Wafer claimed his home had been repeatedly vandalized and he thought the girl was going to commit a crime. In reality, she was disoriented after a car crash and looking for help.

    We finally got one!

    Oho wait, Wafer wasn’t a cop?

    1. No, see Wafer did it all wrong. If you need a pesky negro exterminated, you call the cops and they’ll do it for you. And since cops already have the ‘furtive movement, bladed body, reach for waistband, flash of silver in the hand’ song and dance down pat, Bob’s your uncle.

  41. Funny Or Die demands equal-pay-for-equal-work in a new video featuring Christina Hendricks of Mad Men.

    Shouldn’t these people be dead – because they certainly have never been funny.

    1. Fist already made that joke.

      And is Christina Hendricks supposed to be attractive? I’m not seeing it.

      1. She may have been at her prime when she was on Firefly.

      2. Well of course a pedophile like you wouldn’t find her attractive.

        1. LMFAO, you just made my day.

        2. Also, FWIW, I shouldn’t have called you a pedophile, since I don’t know that you are. I was tired and cranky. My apologies.

          That said, you are incredibly annoying and we would all be thankful if you never commented here again.

          1. It’s not really so much being pointed at and called a pedophile that bothers me as much as it’s a shitty way to excuse someone’s argument without actually addressing it.

            I value debate and the truth, and when people just say “pedophile” as if it somehow means someone’s argument can be ignored even if they were a pedophile, it makes you look like a piece of shit sophist.

            Also, I’m not here to please the other commenters. I’m here to debate people.

            If you don’t wish you debate me you don’t have to respond.

            But when people act as if pointing at someone and screaming “pedophile” is a valid way to dismiss someone’s argument I find it hard to let go.

            For example, say your mom fucked dogs and she made an argument as to why there should be no minimum wage, and I pointed at her and said, “dog fucker!”. It’s not as though the problem is that she’s a dog fucker, the problem is that I didn’t actually try to address her argument.

      3. Like anyone else reads the previous comments before they post.

        1. Am I the only one who gets you two confused?

          1. Welch did it once in that “Ask a Libertarian” video segment. It was mortifying. FOR HIM.

      4. Carl ?s his ? for ?s, are you blind? Yeah, she’s inarguably attractive.

  42. Feds set up “transparency in government spending” website

    Somehow lose $$619 billion under the couch

    “WASHINGTON ? A government website intended to make federal spending more transparent was missing at least $619 billion from 302 federal programs, a government audit has found.

    And the data that does exist is wildly inaccurate, according to the Government Accountability Office, which looked at 2012 spending data. Only 2% to 7% of spending data on USASpending.gov is “fully consistent with agencies’ records,” according to the report.”

  43. If Christina Hendricks is going to treat the office like its in the 60s, do I get to chase her around the desk?

  44. When ‘trade with all’! runs into inevitable problems =

    – Kurds try selling oil abroad – US caught in a bind: who do we respect? our “allies” the Kurds? or the Shiite Authority in Iraq? (who are perfectly happy sitting on sidelines while ISIS kicks the shit out of kurds)

    1. Who is willing to take our money in exchange for goods?

      1. Kurds

        Shiite regime in Baghdad (same guys who refuse to fight ISIS if it means defending Kurdish towns) says Kurds are violating the law trying to sell oil directly and not going through the proper channels (aka buying off the politicians)

        1. Welp, fuck ’em, then. Kurds it is.

  45. I’d like to see someone make a video response to this where the woman that Hendricks’ is talking to marches into her boss’ office and demand equal pay to her male coworkers and loses her seniority bonus.

    Or gets told that she’s the most productive and valuable member of the team and so she’s been making 10% more than everyone else, but hey – you want ‘equality’ without regard to ‘quality’, then we’ll oblige.

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