A.M. Links: Incumbents Win on Primary Tuesday, John Kerry Calls For "Bigger" Approach During Temporary Gaza Ceasefire, San Antonio Spurs Hire Becky Hammon

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  • Becky Hammon
    NBA

    Incumbent Sen. Pat Roberts defeated a Tea Party challenger in the Republican primary in Kansas. Reps. Tim Huelskamp and Mike Pompeo, who won as Tea Party candidates in 2010, survived "anti-Washington" challenges. So did Rep. Justin Amash in Michigan, handily, while an anti-surveillance amendment in Missouri passed overwhelmingly.

  • Secretary of State John Kerry is using a 72-hour ceasefire between Israel and Hamas in Gaza to call for a "bigger, broader approach" to negotiations—Operation Protective Edge enters day 29.
  • British Airways is suspending flights to Liberia and Sierra Leone through August over Ebola fears. More than 1,600 cases have been reported in West Africa so far.
  • At least 589 people are dead and more than 2,400 injured after a magnitude 6.1 earthquake hit the Yunnan province in southern China.
  • Rupert Murdoch has withdrawn a bid by 21st Century Fox to take over Time Warner.
  • Apple and Samsung have agreed to end their patents fight in overseas courts, though they will continue to litigate in the United States.
  • The San Antonio Spurs hired WNBA player Becky Hammon as an assistant coach for next season. Meanwhile, Major League Baseball is expected to hire a new commissioner next week.

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NEXT: Tuesday Election Results: Anti-Surveillance Amendment Wins in Missouri, Anti-Surveillance Candidate Wins in Michigan, More…

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  1. So did Rep. Justin Amash in Michigan, handily, while an anti-surveillance amendment in Missouri passed overwhelmingly.

    AHULK AMASH!

    1. Should I head off Rufus J and say ‘Hello’ for him?

      1. How thoughtful!

    2. Hello.

      “Secretary of State John Kerry is using a 72-hour ceasefire between Israel and Hamas in Gaza to call for a “bigger, broader approach” to negotiations…”

      Kerry: “Blah,blah…This big!”

      /stretches arms wide.

  2. ‘God is angry with Liberia,’ local religious leaders say, blaming Ebola on ‘homosexualism’

    Amid the reports emerging out of Liberia, it’s difficult to discern what is true and what isn’t. But the fear they carry is undeniable: Fear of the disease, fear of dead bodies, fear that God himself has sent down a terrible plague to blight the people of Liberia for their transgressions.

    There are local reports that “armed men” are allegedly trying to poison wells “to kill in the name of Ebola.” There are reports that the government is dumping bodies by the truckload at a mass grave on the west bank of a river and nearby residents fret over water contamination. And there are Reuters reports of bodies lying in the streets of Liberia’s capital Monrovia for days.

    1. Sad

    2. Is there anything that someone won’t blame homosexualism on? It seems to be the go to.

      1. Abortions?

        1. I’ve seen people blame unwed motherhood on homosexuality, so it’s just a matter of time.

    3. There are local reports that “armed men” are allegedly trying to poison wells “to kill in the name of Ebola.”

      Cultists of Nurgle?

      1. Well, some would refer to them as the “Great Unclean Ones”………

        1. And this is why I love this place…

    4. The world waits for General Butt Naked to swoop in and restore order.

    5. There are local reports that “armed men” are allegedly trying to poison wells “to kill in the name of Ebola.”

      *hisses* FREEMASONS!

    6. Clearly it’s the JOOZ! Duh

    7. And silicon valley want to give internet to these people? Sorry, but WTF. There are certain basic “civilization” prerequisites they just ain’t meeting.

      1. ?

        Yes, no better way to encourage people to become more civilized than to cut them off from civilization.

        1. I’m all for it, but my point being they probably be throwing the laptops down a well claiming they’re the tools of witchcraft and/or spreading ebola

          1. Well, if they have a virus….

            *runs from room*

    8. I think you screwed up the link.

      And did you have to summon the humorless?

      1. connected via VPN – so there is some annoying lag

    9. God is awfully inconsistent in how he punishes places for homosexualism. Ebola in Africa, hurricanes in the SE US. And then some hotbeds of homosexualism he seems to ignore altogether.

      1. My dad once made the argument that homosexuality caused the fall of the Roman Empire.

        “Oh really, I didn’t know that the Ostro-goths and Visa-goths were all gay? I’m betting they didn’t even have a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy in their army. Oh, and how is decades of currency inflation related to homosexuality? How about a foreign policy that tried to unite dozens of cultures and languages under one banner? How is that gay?”

        I’m a Christian, but the whole “God plays favorites with countries based on the demographics of their populations” thing makes no sense to me. Reminds me of the Greek gods trying to influence the Trojan War in The Iliad.

        And also, why would God give a crap about the imaginary lines we’ve decided to draw across the globe?

        1. But they had all those public baths, and we all know what that means.

    10. I was wondering what was taking the anti-homo nuts so long. They’ve had their script for blaming bodily fluidborne disease on gays for some time, after all.

      1. I would hate to be a gay albino in Africa right now.

  3. Meanwhile, Major League Baseball is expected to hire a new commissioner next week.Meanwhile, Major League Baseball is expected to hire a new commissioner next week.

    And then it will be sent to New York for video review.

    1. Does the review include comment editing?

      1. I blame Ebola…

        and homosexualism.

  4. Why I Want Elisabeth Warren in the Senate for the Next Hundred Years

    If America, like Terry Pratchett’s Ankh-Morpork, was run by a Patrician, I would absolutely vote Senator Warren Patrician for Life. As it is, I don’t want her to waste precious time addressing the Iowa Family Leadership Summit or fending off David Gregory’s attempts to get her to put on a “war bonnet”.

    1. So many on the left crave a dictator whom they can worship. What’s particularly odd is how lame the targets of their affection have been in recent years. I mean, Warren? Obama? Egad.

      1. Do you know who else craved a dictator whom they could worship?

          1. Twice! Because, both ancient and modern!

        1. The Romans? *ducks rotten fruit*

          1. What have the Romans ever done for us?

            1. For me? Not much, I’m descended from two groups of barbarians who never lived under Roman Rule.

              1. Liberty, brother! Defy the Romans and their successors!

                1. +1 *still* waiting on reparations.

            2. Aside from the wine, sewage system, and currency, you mean?

            3. The Aquaduct!

        2. Every religion ever invented?

          1. Tsk, tsk. Senatus Populusque Romanus.

            1. Hey, pal, you might have predated the Romans, and watched Latin come about as a language, but I speak ‘merican!

              1. Oh, American like E pluribus unum?

                1. Out of One, Many?
                  -Algore

                  1. People called Romans, they go the house

      2. It’s not enough that they worship her, throwing roses on the hood of her town car as she drives by, but we all must show our unending love for her, OR ELSE.

        They truly are the chosen people of tolerance and peace.

        1. There, boy, is Warren. The might, the majesty, the terror of Warren. There is the power that bestrides the known world like a colossus. No man can withstand Warren. No nation can withstand her. How much less. . .a boy! Hmm? There is one way to deal with Warren, JW. You must serve her. You must abase yourself before her. You must grovel at her feet. You must. . .love her. Isn’t that so, JW?

          1. Look, cut me down from here, free my family, stop burning down my crops and village and I’ll [wretches] love her. Deal?

            I draw the line at kissing her vaginal rings.

            1. I have it on good authority that you can tell how old she is by counting her vaginal rings.

              1. *glug glug glug* goes the bottle of brain bleach…

      3. They are so attached to the idea that the right people could make everything good if they were just given a chance that it kind of makes sense. But they don’t seem to be terribly selective in who they choose.

        1. We need a man who can make a plan work !

    2. Oh, this is rich:

      Warren: After all, Mr. Hunt, the banks lobby to get nondischargeability in bankruptcy, the question I started with here is what are people supposed to do?

      That’s a bald-faced fucking lie. The banks have a federal guarantee. It’s the FedGov that made backed student loans undischargedable.

      1. Yes, and I thought that was reasonably well-known.

        1. They’re talking about the 2005 bankruptcy bill.

          NEW YORK (CNN/Money) President Bush on Wednesday signed into law a bankruptcy reform bill that will make it harder for individuals to clear their debts through bankruptcy.

          So, experts say, if you were thinking about filing for bankruptcy, you might think twice — or act twice as quickly, since major provisions of the law will go into effect six months from the day the law is signed.

          http://money.cnn.com/2005/04/2…..ptcy_bill/

          You’re not too bright, are you?

          1. Don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

      2. She’s been training for the job her entire life, with her complete and total mendacity.

      3. On student loans (which seems to have been the subject at hand) that is certainly well known. In other areas, I’d sort of expect banks to lobby for requiring people to pay back the money they borrowed.

        1. Sure. And, of course, banks used to take a bath on people defaulting on student loans, which is why they didn’t want to give them to anyone.

          I’m totally opposed to making the debts nondischargeable, which has played no small role in driving up tuition costs. They’re fucking unsecured personal loans and should be priced and made accordingly.

    3. God. The comments. Scary.

      And notice how some don’t want her to be President since she will be ‘neutered.’ Already planning the ‘those wingnuts wouldn’t work with her!’ excuses.

      1. I bet they masturbate to thoughts of gun confiscation/ mass murder of anybody who once had a conservative-ish thought. Their NAZI strongwoman is the fast track to permanent orgasm town for these assholes.

    4. So they want Lizzie to emulate Lord Havelock Venitari, The Patrician, who rules the city, and operates a specialised form of “One Man, One Vote” democracy: the Patrician is the Man, and he has the Vote.

      He also deals with dissent by bringing you into his office, discussing the issue, and letting you leave the office. Whether you survive leaving the office depends on how well Havelock feels the disagreement has been settled.

      1. We could have worse dictators than Vetinari, to be honest. Like Warren.

    5. Havelock Vetinari is a benevolent dictator who mostly leaves things to run as they are while putting his thumb on the scales occasionally in the background. We could do worse.

  5. Beautiful sunny morning, on vacation for the week… time for a smoke and the am links. As Rufus would say:

    Hello.

    1. Oh hey, Smilin’ Joe is back.

      1. Lynx.

        Sly nod to the wnba theme this morning? Or snarling declaration of love for the one true browser?

        1. Its the snarling one. I refuse to acknowledge the “fall down a lot and miss shots” league subsidized by the NBA.

          1. There’s no way the WNBA doesn’t make money. Average attendance of about ten thousand people and a team salary cap under a million dollars? Seems like those teams are in the black after a few home games.

            1. Yeah, but they probably don’t make enough to cover base salary for the guys sitting on the bench in the NBA.

        2. He’s just towing the lion.

    2. Enjoy, Joe!

    3. So the Liberal party government won here in Ontario a few weeks back. Their budget is about what you would expect from statists. Higher corp taxes, higher top marginal tax rate, larger Ontario pension, etc. etc.. It’s one of those things you see and realize you need to get the fuck out of the sinking ship that is Ontario.

      1. Worse than that. They’re a corrupt bunch of incompetence.

        What a group of idiots Ontarians are.

        1. incompetents.

        2. More incompetent than the Quebeckers?

      2. And the price of beer up there? Criminal.

  6. That’s some witty alt-text there.

    1. “She’s got huge… tracts of court.”

      TIWTANFL

  7. Adding insult to injury: Insurance company delivered a $21,000 settlement to elderly man who claimed he was assaulted by one of the company’s employees in BUCKETS of loose change

    Adriana’s Insurance Service, Inc. gave Andres Carrasco, 73, over $21,000 in coins as part of a settlement
    An employee assaulted Carrasco, the elderly man claimed in a 2012 lawsuit
    Carrasco is not strong enough to lift the buckets and was treated for a hernia, his lawyer said
    Since the story broke, Yelp users have flooded the insurance company’s page with one-star reviews

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..hange.html

    1. I thought having a bunch of one-star reviews on Yelp was supposed to be a badge of honor.

  8. Dead koala with $50 bill in its mouth baffles Aussie investigators

    Sgt. Jason Von Tunk told ABC News he was working along Saturday night when he heard a thud. As he left the station, he thought he was about to be ambushed.

    “The old, put a dead koala out in the middle of the driveway situation and then get ambushed,” Von Tunk said. “But when I saw the $50 in its mouth, that made me even more curious.”

    There was no note attached to the dead animal. Von Tuck said the koala had head injuries, but it didn’t appear to have been killed deliberately. He said it could have possibly been run over.

    1. I think ifh ran it over, fearing a drop bear attack. The $50 was a Han Soloesque “for the mess” gesture.

    2. W…..T…….F?

    3. Say, haven’t heard from ifh lately ….

      1. IFH was a drop bear all along?!

    4. Koala sex is apparently kinky, expensive, and dangerous.

    5. “The old, put a dead koala out in the middle of the driveway situation and then get ambushed.

      Yeah. That’s one of my favorites.

    6. So drunk when he/she hit the panda that it was mistaken for a dead hooker?

    7. Koala bears live solely on eucalyptus leaves, which are mildly hallucinogenic, meaning koala bears are tripping balls all day, every day. No telling what the hell that koala was up to.

  9. EMTs: We Stopped NYPD Cops From Beating Handcuffed Mentally Ill Man

    Two fire department emergency medical technicians claim they had to physically intervene when NYPD officers began beating a mentally ill man who was handcuffed on a stretcher, the New York Daily News reports. The medical workers have since turned the officers in, and the police department’s Internal Affairs Bureau is investigating.

    1. And…wait for it!…nothing else will happen.

    2. They weren’t charged with interfering with the police? I’m shocked. Seriously.

      1. I’m sure New York’s Finest will have a word with them.

      2. I don’t think the NYPD wants to go to war with FDNY. Apparently, FDNY doesn’t have a problem doing so, since public opinion of is against the police.

        1. Since when did the cops give a shit about public opinion?

          1. I don’t think they do, but they probably do want the EMT’s to give police priority at any scene where there’s also civilian casualties.

            1. Fuckers don’t care about triage, do they?

              1. Oh, they care very much about triage, Theodore. Triage, Cop Version: Red tag – any injury to officer. Yellow and Green tag – serious injuries to non-perp civilians. Black Tag – any injuries to perps.

                And cops do mandatorily have to certify in CPR but you will never see an on-duty cop helping anyone but another cop.

    3. The end.

    4. Do they have it on video?

    5. I clicked on a link in the thread to a cop site: http://bit.ly/1y5to61

      My God what a bunch of miserable cocksucking assholes cops are.

      You guys were right all along.

      Not one among them considers the guy was MENTALLY ILL. They try and justify just beating the shit out of a guy because he spat at them not realizing the beating solves NOTHING.

      Idiots. Thugs.

      1. They don’t care about solving anything. They care about being obeyed. That’s it. You look at any beating or murder committed by the police, and they all boil down to someone failing to obey. Without exception.

      2. Its not the mentally ill part that really pisses me off.

        Its the handcuffed to a stretcher part.

        You can restrain a suspect, or you can beat a suspect, but you really shouldn’t do both at once. I mean, I’d like to do away with the beatings, too, but obviously we need baby steps here.

  10. Marijuana map of the U.S. reveals where the nation’s biggest tokers live and surprisingly it isn’t Washington or Colorado… but Rhode Island

    New state-level research compiled in the latest National Survey on Drug Use and Health has found Rhode Island is the marijuana capital of the U.S.
    13 percent or just over 1 in 8 of residents in the country’s smallest state – also known as The Ocean State – smoke marijuana monthly, while the national average was about 7 percent
    Other states where pot smoking is very popular included some more obvious candidates such as Colorado and Washington which have both legalized the recreational use of marijuana this year
    The most popular age group using marijuana on a regular basis was unsurprisingly those aged between 18- to 25-year-olds
    Usage rates drop off considerably amongst people aged 26 and over and only 5 percent of people over that age said they still smoked marijuana on a regular basis
    Alaska was the state with the largest number of people aged 26-and-over who continued to regularly use marijuana

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..sland.html

    1. The reason is obvious: The Rhode Island School of Design and those who have to live next to those who attend and work for The Rhode Island School of Design.

      1. Is it The Rhode Island School of Design, or is it Rhode Island and Providence Plantations School of Design?

        1. Whatever turns you on, baby.

          1. I just mean that if you’re going to use “The” in your name, you can damned well use the proper name of the state. I mean, that’s like calling OSU Oh State.

            True fact: The legal name of Ohio is Ohio and Neil Fucking Armstrong Ranch.

            1. John Glenn is STILL trying to get that changed.

              1. What the fuck world did he go to? Earth? Besides, he gets a discount for being in the Senate.

        2. RIPPSD sounds like a wet fart but could stand in for Risdy.

        3. This is the most ridiculous question you have asked all week.

          Everyone knows that it’s the Rhode Island School of Design and Providence Plantations Scrotums.

          1. You can’t expect me to understand New England culture. Your world frightens and confuses me.

            1. It’s not supposed to make sense, it’s Lovecraft Country.

            2. Did you know that sometimes, it gets cold enough that the rain freezes before it falls to the ground? (Frozen is like the ice in your freezer, but if you made it all tiny and shaved) This happens for months at a time.

              1. So you have some sort of giant shaved ice machine in the sky? How is it supported, by zeppelins? Doesn’t the sun melt everything?

                1. No, that’s what I’m telling you. They’re made of meat cold.

                  1. Oh, so not ice but some sort of frozen, shaved meat-product?

                    1. It’s flying mammoths, and they sweat out the “snow”.

                    2. “Sweat?” I’ve been commenting with SF long enough to suspect that’s a euphemism. No wonder you people are such assholes.

    2. I wonder how much weed the average Brown University student smokes.

  11. Meanwhile, Major League Baseball is expected to hire a new commissioner next week.

    Let’s see if he can usher in the changes necessary to increase the pace of finding new commissioners.

    1. Why do you hate the rivalry between Red Sox and Yankee commissioners?

  12. ‘It’s the most natural thing’: Olivia Wilde breastfeeds her son Otis in new fashion shoot for Glamour magazine

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..azine.html

    1. I saw that last night, and thought of you.

      I then realized I probably spend too much time here.

      1. I recognize the words you use in that second paragraph, but they make no sense put together.

    2. She has beautiful eyes.

  13. When guessing a perfect bracket isn’t impossible enough for you…

    THE HALF A MILLION DOLLAR WEATHER CHALLENGE

    Ever thought “if I could guess the weather, I’d be rich” Well, the Colts are giving you a chance to do just that. Take the Half a Million Dollar Weather Challenge and try your hand at guessing the outdoor temperature at kickoff for all twenty of the Colts games this season. Plus, for home games, tell us if you think the roof at Lucas Oil Stadium will be open or closed.

    The Odds Of Winning The Indianapolis Colts’ Weather Challenge

  14. Apple and Samsung have agreed to end their patents fight in overseas courts

    Why don’t they take it from overseas to on the seas where there are no laws?

    1. Admiralty Law is surprisingly harsh on patent violations.

      Keelhauling.

    2. They are patriotically bringing their fight back to the US. ..merica!

  15. Justin Amash attacks Brian Ellis: ‘You owe my family and this community an apology’

    One of the nation’s nastiest primary campaigns got a little nastier Tuesday night after U.S. Rep. Justin Amash got 57 percent of the vote to win the GOP nomination in the Third Congressional District.

    The sophomore congressman declined to answer a congratulatory phone call from his challenger, Brian Ellis, then demanded an apology from his opponent while speaking to a crowd of supporters at GP Sports inside the Amway Grand Plaza Hotel. Amash also blasted former U.S. Rep. Pete Hoekstra, a past Amash supporter, for appearing in a TV ad for Ellis, calling the former congressman’s political standing one of “total obscurity and irrelevance.”

    1. Burn those bridges Amash. Burn ’em good.

      1. Burn them or blow them up? I guess if you burn them there is nothing left to rebuild? Maybe blow them up and then burn the wreckage, and dredge the river so it’s impossible to ford?

        1. As long as he takes a giant whiskey-fueled dump on the remains, I don’t really care about the method.

    2. “I want to say to lobbyist Pete Hoekstra, you’re a disgrace,” said Amash, noting the former U.S. representative who appeared in a TV ad for Ellis. “I’m glad we can hand you one more loss before you fade into total obscurity and irrelevance.”

      BURNNNN

    3. Good for Justin. These people are his enemies, and pretending they aren’t accomplishes nothing good.

  16. British Airways is suspending flights to Liberia and Sierra Leone through August over Ebola fears.

    The sun often sets over the British Empire.

    1. No, no, no! Almanian’s update applies here:

      “The sun never sets on the remnants of the British Empire.”

      1. “The sun never sets on the British Empire – 150 year drought causes agricultural catastrophe!”

        /retro-enviro-prog

  17. Secretary of State John Kerry is using a 72-hour ceasefire between Israel and Hamas

    to get in some much need wind-surfing time.

    1. “I don’t know, Sir. Still seems pretty hairy out there.”

        1. “I love the smell of hummus in the morning.”

          1. “It’s smells like. . .tahini.”

            1. “…the kibbeh…the kibbeh…”

            2. “Smells like tahini spirit.”

    2. You know, maybe what we need is a more Bill & Ted approach to Middle East diplomacy. “Bogus, dude.”

  18. China bans beards, veils from Xinjiang city’s buses in security bid

    A city in China’s restive western region of Xinjiang has banned people with head scarves, veils and long beards from boarding buses, as the government battles unrest with a policy that critics said discriminates against Muslims.

    Xinjiang, home to the Muslim Uighur people who speak a Turkic language, has been beset for years by violence that the government blames on Islamist militants or separatists.

    Authorities will prohibit five types of passengers – those who wear veils, head scarves, a loose-fitting garment called a jilbab, clothing with the crescent moon and star, and those with long beards – from boarding buses in the northwestern city of Karamay, state media said.

    1. Thomas Friedman will be in his bunk.

    2. I’ve been waiting for Muslim extremists to sufficiently piss off the Chinese, the Chinese are ruthless, and will not put up with the crap that the western powers will.

      1. I’m surprised we’re not already hearing about piles of corpses in Xinjiang – I suspect it could get quite ugly there.

  19. At least 589 people are dead and more than 2,400 injured after a magnitude 6.1 earthquake hit the Yunnan province in southern China.

    It’s a good thing we’re not building any nuclear power plants there. No seriously we’re not building any plants there. China is building them far north and east of what appears to be their most active seismic zone. I have no doubt that Chinese engineers are excellent, but their priorities don’t always coincide with western practice.

    1. Its definitely preferable to build them outside of seismic zones, but none of the plants in Japan suffered real damage from their 9.0 quake (Fukushima was due to the tsunami). Nuke plants are usually built to sustain much more than can be thrown at them.

      1. The Chinese nuclear sites I’m aware of are definitely built in seismic zones. However they do have the passive safety features which are designed for some 1.7 factor of the 10,000 year earthquake. The design accelerations on the components are severe but there is scant data on the real life behavior. If anything Fukushima gives strength to the argument that new nuclear is safer than ever.

  20. Secretary of State John Kerry is using a 72-hour ceasefire between Israel and Hamas in Gaza to call for a “bigger, broader approach” to negotiations…

    Allow us to further muddy the waters, shall we?

  21. More climate doomsaysers – METHANE!!

    “Now if only we could get reality to match our models.”

    1. While Box concedes that dramatic effects may not be felt in our lifetime

      So, we’re good then!

  22. I’m sorry for what is getting ready to happen. You might want to start scrolling.

    1. We’ve been trigger warned.

      1. Holy hell. Don’t dip your toe into the first sentence, anyone, if you have any trepidation at all.

    2. This makes Warty Hugeman look like The Little Engine that Could.

  23. “Take it! Take it all in!” Michelle said as she thrust her enormous penis into Barry’s mouth. She groaned when she felt the ribbed confines of his trachea scrape along her engorged glans. Massive hands worked the plug into his anus and roughly ran it a large wallowing circle.

    “Suck my nuts, you little faggot,” Michelle grunted. Her dick popped out of his mouth like a champagne cork. “The seam, work the seam!” she growled. She balled up a fist and punched the anal plug as hard she could. Barry screamed until he began coughing and hot phlegm splattered her bulbous scrotum.

    “Roll over, cunt,” she told him. She was sick of his slack ballsack and useless worm of a penis in her face. She wanted to pinch it off like deadhead a flower. She wanted to feed it to the dog in front of those two little mewling shits they hired to play their daughters. She saw the tall one hugging Barry in the residence the other day. Barry didn’t get hugs unless it was Michelle crushing him between her rock hard implants.

    She straddled his neck, crushing his tiny head between her muscular thighs. She began to beat him, wielding her fuckball bat like a club, the dull slapping of it echoing through the Camp David fallout shelter.

    1. “Open your mouth!” she screamed. She reached back to twist his remaining testicle and then yank it forward. When Barry screamed she rammed her thick meat into his bloodied mouth and choked off his crying.

      Michelle glared down at him. “I wish I could fuck all the teeth out of your head. Why did you get to be president and not me?” She thrust at the end of the question so forcefully that Berry’s eyes bugged out of his head. His arms began to flail.

      “I’ll tell you why. America isn’t ready for a strong woman in the White House. They fear our power.” She ran her blunt fingers through her thick patch of chest hair. “I’m just too beautiful and powerful to rule them like I should.” Tears ran down Barry’s face as he tried to nod in agreement.

      Michelle imagined herself taking the Oath of Office on top a mountain of dead bodies, burnt and twisted from her rage. She thrust deeper and deeper, Barry struggling under her now, unable to breathe.

      When she came it burrowed into him like a white-hot drill bit.

        1. I expected that comment from PB, not you Rich.

          1. Shh. I’m just trying to be “nice”.

        2. I’m sorry it wasn’t long enough for you to finish.

          1. Oh, that’s OK. I’ll try again in a few minutes!

          2. Is that the “readers digest” version?

            1. One does not condense SugarFree.

              1. There is evil there that does not sleep. His great prose is ever vile. His writing is a disgusting wasteland, riddled with blood, mucus, and santorum. The very words you read are a poisonous fume.

      1. I don’t get it–where’s Warty Hugeman?

        1. I think this is more in the style of a STEVE SMITH’S RAPE ADVENTURES.

          1. I see, so he’s turning his back on all of his fans, wasting time on characters we don’t care about. Where’s the fucking next novel in the series? He could die before it gets published, you know. He’s been in a coma for the last decade.

            1. I have outlines. I have plans. Brian Herbert is going to finish the series for me.

              1. That’s so horrible that it’s awesome. You’re making a cameo as a diabetic sandworm, I hope.

                1. The insulin must flow.

              2. Brian Herbert is going to finish the series for me.

                No further proof is needed of SF’s evil.

          2. STEVE SMITH goes to Washington?

      2. I feel violated

      3. Do you have this in a .gif, SF?

        1. I expected that comment from Certified Public Asskicker, not you Mongo.

          1. I am waiting for the sex tape to leak.

        2. I will when the long-prophesied Return of the Day of the Commenters finally arrives. ProLib Akbar!

          1. I envision a scroll bar of your work, continuously running at Hit & Run. With, of course, video feeds. All in the comments section.

        3. Do you have this in a .gif, SF?

          Yeah, then we can post it on FB and my mom will finally stop looking at mine and asking about it.

          1. my mom will finally stop looking at mine and asking about it.

            Note to self: when posting near Sugarfree, consider your wording carefully.

      4. I wanted to look away…but I could not. Your words were like magnets…how the fuck does that work?

      5. So…the best part was the bit about the mewling shits hired to play their daughters. I laughed.

        And then I puked a bit.

      6. *starts injecting brain bleach directly into his eyeballs*

    2. Massive hands worked the plug into his anus

      I get a portion of the royalties, right?

      1. I might mention you in the forward if you don’t get all whiny.

  24. How Student Loans Are Shaping Mortgage Approvals

    One of the biggest fears today in the real-estate industry goes something like this: Rising student debt is going to freeze millennials out of the housing market.

    Data from a top national lender shows that loan applicants with student loans aren’t being turned down more often than those without debt. But the data also show that even small changes in the size of a loan applicant’s monthly debt payments can make a big difference in whether a loan gets approved.

    1. BUT…BUT…College is the ONLY way for poor people to get ahead. THE ONLY WAY. ONE OF US. Gooble Gobble! Top. Men.

  25. The San Antonio Spurs hired WNBA player Becky Hammon as an assistant coach for next season.

    They also hired a reason or excuse for the team’s success or failure next year.

    1. “Here at the Spurs organization, we’re not nearly as sexist as the other NBA teams.”

  26. Proprietor’s beer humour falls flat

    Outside Spring Creek’s Junction Hotel life-sized mannequin Pero holds a sign stating “Pero says free beer tomorrow”.

    The Health Promotion Agency has warned the proprietor the cheeky sign could be in breach of licensing laws.

    Under licensing rules, licensed premises cannot through promotion, signage or activities encourage the consumption of alcohol to an excessive extent.

    If action is taken by police or licensing inspectors, publican Dave Weir could face a $10,000 fine.

    1. Considering I’ve seen this same sign in like 100 bars…

    2. “You have until tomorrow to take down the sign.”

  27. Italy’s Second-Quarter GDP Declines, Showing Recession

    Italy’s economy unexpectedly shrank in the second quarter, falling back into recession and extending a slump that’s lasted most of the past three years.

    Gross domestic product fell 0.2 percent from the previous three months, when it declined 0.1 percent, the national statistics institute Istat said in a preliminary report in Rome today. That compares with the median forecast of a 0.1 percent expansion in a Bloomberg survey of 22 economists. Output was down by 0.3 percent from a year earlier.

    1. It’s always unexpected, isn’t it?

  28. That’s why they say mind the gap… Commuters manage to free man wedged between a train and platform by lifting the carriage off his leg

    People power saved a commuter whose leg became wedged between the gap in Perth, Western Australia during rush hour
    Transperth praised the actions of all who helped lift the train off the man
    The incident was not a problem caused by overcrowding
    Ambulance were called but the man escaped without injury

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..ck-to.html

  29. Obama (and Congress) hit new poll lows

    President Obama has hit another low in another poll, but so have many of his critics in Congress.

    The latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll gives the president an approval rating of 40%, a record low; Congress has a rating of only 14%, also a low.

    NBC News reports that “six in 10 Americans are dissatisfied with the state of the U.S. economy, more than 70% believe the country is headed in the wrong direction, and nearly 80% are down on the country’s political system.”

    40%? I would have guessed a solid 8.

    1. There’s always a solid base of idiots to hold him up. I mean, someone watches MSNBC, right?

      1. Not really, their ratings are always in the ‘accidental viewing’ range.

        1. Kind of like The Independents.

        2. “These ratings indicate most of our viewership comes from TVs left on in budget coma wards.”

          1. That would explain the lack of recoverability of coma patients.

        3. Nielsen ratings are active (as opposed to passive). Panel participants have to actually indicate they are watching a program for it to register in the ratings.

    2. 80% are down on the country’s political system

      80% are down with the two party system? All right! That means 20% want to end it! This is actually good news!

      1. Unfortunately 19 per cent just want to bag it and go full on monarchy.

  30. Did cutting jobless benefits promote work? Not so much

    What happens to the unemployed in the worst labor market in living memory when their long-term jobless benefits end? Some people, including many Republican lawmakers, had a theory: ending benefits would give the unemployed a nudge. With no more government checks coming, these folks would start looking harder ? much harder ? for a job or perhaps accept a job they wouldn’t have earlier. This is the logic behind Congress declining this year to renew the federal program funding extended jobless benefits.

    Two pieces of evidence suggest this “bootstraps” theory might be wrong. First, a new paper from the Boston Fed paper looking at the Not-So-Great Recovery finds that, yes, the unemployed tended to remain so until their UI benefits were exhausted. But their next move wasn’t into a job. Rather, they became “more likely to drop out of the labor force; transitions to a job appear to be unaffected by UI benefit extensions, ” writes Katharine Bradbury in “Labor Market Transitions and the Availability of Unemployment Insurance.”

    1. There are no bootstraps on my flip-flops!

    2. the worst labor market in living memory

      but, The Recovery??!

    3. SSI disability steps in, when UI runs out…

    4. Probably because the Fed is doing everything it can to prevent recovery.

    5. That sounds like they weren’t actually in the “labor force” at all then. They were just taking free money.

    6. ome people, including many Republican lawmakers, had a theory: ending benefits would give the unemployed a nudge.

      It did give them a nudge: into the ranks of the discouraged workers. However, this means that cutting unemployment benefits does reduce the unemployment rate while reducing the deficit, and the program can be counted as a success.

      1. It did give them a nudge: into the ranks of the discouraged “disabled” workers.

    7. “Some people, including many Republican lawmakers, had a theory”

      They have more than a theory. They have evidence in places where this has been done before that that’s exactly what happens.

  31. Man struck trying to videotape lightning: ‘I made possibly the world’s worst decision’

    man says he can’t help but laugh after surviving a lightning strike that hit him while he was standing in the middle of an open field at Green Lake trying to capture the storm on video Saturday.

    “I made possibly the world’s worst decision,” Robb Montejano told KIRO Radio’s Dori Monson. “I’m standing there in the middle of an open field, the highest point in a lightning storm, and I’m trying to video it.”

    At first, Montejano said he thought the noise was the Blue Angels and made his way out to the center of the field to get a closer look. Then he saw it was actually lightning and the flash was so awesome, he wanted to see if he could capture another on video.

    1. No, the worst decision was voting for Obama.

      1. I thought the worst decision ever was whatever one Nikki just made?

    2. SF Much?

  32. Witness the Moral Confusion of Progs on the Sharing Economy

    We used Uber for everything. Again, Uber claims that they are merely a sharing service and not a taxi company. This allows them to avoid buying medallions, avoid paying for football stadium construction, avoid paying for some types of insurance.

    My public finance nerd came out as I know so many municipalities and counties have depended on levying significant taxation on hotels, taxis and rental cars in order to fund major regional infrastructure and “nice to have” projects such as stadiums. Locally, there is a significant per-room hotel tax for the convention center, and the convention center bonds are limited obligation bonds for the county where there is no general revenue that the bond holders can claim. What happens if Uber, AirBnB and other internet enabled services that exist as regulatory and taxation arbitrage schemes proliferate nationally and take massive market share instead of being the domain of hipsters and quasi-hipsters like my brother?

    1. What happens? ANARCHY!!!

    2. Won’t someone think of the cronies and public sector unions?!

      1. Don’t forget about the poor billionaires who own the professional sports franchises!

    3. Progs Morally Confused? Hypocritical? Retarded?

      Get out of here with those lies.

    4. Where will I be able to spend $28 on a beer and hot dog!? OH NOES.

    5. All these assholes want is to use the cities services but not contribute to their cost. How else is a city supposed to maintain a level of attractiveness that makes us want to go there. Just like using the bridge without paying the toll to maintain it or incorporating overseas while doing all your business here. It’s part of the “me first” culture that the corporate shareholders have instilled.

      1. Nerf, is it normal to uncontrollably scream “FUCK YOU” at the imagined, but no doubt punchable, face of the shitcunt who wrote that bullshit? Because if not, I need to go to a doctor.

        1. It’s more fulfilling to imagine them as a protagonist/recipient in one of SF’s literary escapades.

    6. Here’s a question that is telling:

      The question, and I don’t know the answer, is how much are we willing to let the user to be able to take a known risk (of being abandoned at a NJ rest stop for instance, which once happened to me) in exchange for paying rock bottom prices?

      1. My body, my choice? Not sure where I’ve heard that argument before.

      2. They [the Chinatown buses] keep their prices down by saving on frills such as maintenance or licensed drivers.

        From the same commenter. Mendacious twat. They probably left him at a rest stop (assuming that isn’t also a lie) because he was an insufferable prick.

    7. What happens if Uber, AirBnB and other internet enabled services that exist as regulatory and taxation arbitrage schemes proliferate nationally and take massive market share instead of being the domain of hipsters and quasi-hipsters like my brother?

      Sounds like another person bitching about the wrong people gentrifying a place.

    8. Oh I am quite sure the government will find a way to forcibly take what it believes it is owed.

    9. I was under the impression that Uber drivers still paid tax on their gas and AirBnB hosts still paid property taxes (or paid rent to their landlords who pay property taxes).

      1. To comply with tax laws, shouldn’t most drivers and AirBnB hosts also be collecting sales tax from their customers?

      2. AirBnB hosts still paid property taxes

        But not the extortionist hotel taxes.

        1. That’s got nothing to do with using regional infrastructure.

          1. Sure it does. Cities want to shut down AirBnB because it’s cutting into the hotel tax revenue.

    10. Uber, AirBnB and other internet enabled services that exist as regulatory and taxation arbitrage schemes

      Yep, they’re just schemes cooked up by evil, monocle-wearing capitalist pigs to avoid payments they fairly owe to society because social contract. Nothing to do with providing novel services to willing customers.

    11. regulatory and taxation arbitrage schemes

      That runs a thrill up my leg.

  33. Inventories of war: soldiers’ kit from 1066 to 2014

    Trigger warning for Ted: slideshow. Pretty damn cool, though. It lays out what English soldiers commonly carried at various points in English history.

    1. from 1066….

      English or Norman?

  34. …an anti-surveillance amendment in Missouri passed overwhelmingly.

    A winning issue for any libertarian-leaning candidate. I hope such candidates are paying attention.

    Of course, there will be charlatans and liars who pretend to be anti-surveillance as well.

  35. House GOP clears Obama administration of any wrongdoing or stand down order in Benghazi:


    The House Intelligence Committee, led by Republicans, has concluded that there was no deliberate wrongdoing by the Obama administration in the 2012 attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, that killed Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans, said Rep. Mike Thompson of St. Helena, the second-ranking Democrat on the committee. [?]

    Thompson said the report “confirms that no one was deliberately misled, no military assets were withheld and no stand-down order (to U.S. forces) was given.”

    Another fake scandal down the shithole.

    http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-ma…..heorists-0

    Good job, GOP. Constant lying does fool some of the people some of the time.

    1. Hello, Weigel. How’s the ProActiv regimen working for you?

    2. Of course the report is classified, so the democrat talking points can’t be confirmed. But don’t let that stop you, shithead.

    3. So PB is just a Maddow-head, getting his marching orders from MSNBC?

    4. This has been known for some time, as Mike Rogers has been saying.

      “Michigan Republican Rep. Mike Rogers, the Intelligence committee chairman , has previously said that based on the panel’s investigation, he found no intelligence failure but a “gross negligence” in securing the compound in Benghazi before the attacks.

      Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/…..z39cgGgihk

      This is now news because Maddow, etc. say it is?

      1. Oh, well, gross negligence, no problem then.

        And how exactly is the administration’s blatantly and laughably false cover story about the video consistent with “no one was deliberately misled”?

        Are they just admitting that it was such a risible lie that no one was misled because no one believed it?

  36. Those unintended consequences!

    We’ve been following the unintended consequences of Germany’s “Energiewende” for some time now. Ever since that nation made the hasty decision to phase out its nuclear power plants in favor of renewables in 2011 , the news has been nothing but bad.

    Electricity prices are rising along with coal use and carbon emissions . Now comes word that German industry, the heart of its export-led economy, is beginning to suffer thanks to the inevitable grid instability wrought by the “Energiewende.”

    1. Oh the other hand, Demand for Lignite has never been higher!

    2. Somewhat fascinating addendum to this story is that BMW has gotten into the nuclear game and apparently is eating Areva’s lunch. If only their government would get behind them for some Kraftkernwerk.

  37. I was hoping Hit & Run would talk about this, but since they apparently aren’t, I would like to introduce to my fellow commenters, libertarians, friends, countrymen, illegal immigrants, editors, interns, the National Security Agency, and trolls the next commissioner of Pinellas County:

    MACHO LIBERTI.

    I don’t know if he’s actually a libertarian, but he got in trouble for holding a raffle for an AR-15 during his campaign and is vocally pro-business. Besides, with that name? Come on.

    1. This sounds like either it’s Warty in some bizarre sort of rape basement long-con, or the beginning of a Sugarfree story.

      1. If he’s not related to Warty or, at least, cosplaying Warty Hugeman, I’m shocked. Not hairy enough, but politics means sacrifice.

        1. Not hairy enough

          I think that’s party of the trap.

          1. Vote for the smoothskin, get the Warty analogue.

          2. Party of the trap?

            Sounds like someone’s been enjoying their time in the rape dungeon.

      1. But not Liberti! There can only be one Macho Liberti.

  38. How Israeli Attacks Have Devastated Schools in Gaza

    “Wherever the true blame lies, the school’s demolition highlights a potentially long-lasting side effect of the war: the destruction of Gaza’s educational facilities.

    According to United Nations data released this week, 138 schools have been damaged by shelling, including 49 government schools and 89 schools run by the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA).”

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..mm&hpid=z3

    1. I’m sure there are buildings left that can be transformed into a school with just a change of designation.

      1. You can’t properly learn the words to “Throw the Jew Down the Well” unless it’s taught on an interactive Smartboard.

    2. So, bad things happen in war, who knew?!

      1. Nothing a few thousand tons of tunnel-grade concrete can’t fix.

      2. We’ve all heard and rightfully condemned it when anti Israeli forces attacked school buses or schools in Isreal but Israel destroys dozens of schools and, shrug, bad things happen in war

        1. No repercussions for Hamas for using these buildings as storage and launch sites for it’s rockets?

          1. The Geneva Conventions are Islamophobic. How are we to judge that trivial bit of Palestinian culture?

            1. I just wonder how people expect Israel to respond when an enemy is using public buildings to store its armaments and public sites to launch it’s rockets.

              I suppose you can take careful inventory of these sites and mount an invasion/incursion with armor and infantry to neutralize them – but the downside is it’s an invasion and the time it takes to do that could give Hamas time to reposition its arms, not to mention the likelihood of greater civilian casualties.

              Airstrikes/artillery strikes against fixed positions are probably more effective and certainly does not give Hamas time to reposition its arms – thus eliminating them and also has the benefit of reducing civilian casualties, at least relative to a an invasion only.

              I suppose Israel could mount coordinated raids to capture suspected storage/launch sites and eliminate them after Hamas has been documented for using women and children as human shields. Probably less effective but at least in terms of the PR war there is the possibility that some Israeli-haters will be persuaded.

              Regardless, it doesn’t seem like Israel has a win-win scenario to fall back on.

              1. One thing might be to not use artillery in urban areas. They’ve got that yearly 3 billion in military aid from us, it should buy some ‘smarter’ weaponry use.

                1. I’ve no idea if they are using smart rounds or dumb rounds. Do you?

                2. Here is an interesting link, purporting to show Hamas setting up and launching a rocket from a densely populated urban site.

          2. Of course Hamas is blameworthy too, but wouldn’t Israel be somewhat culpable as well (especially since it seems that even the IDF has backed down on claims it was just targeting fighters based in the school in at least one deadly instance).

            1. Yes, I think it is fair to hold Israel partly responsible. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them atone for it later. However, when considering that Hamas is deliberately using public buildings and sites to a) shield itself from Israel as much as possible, and b) to launch it’s attacks against Israel, and c) all to cynically garner greater sympathy for itself than it already has (because why else would you do that?), it’s hard to not hold Hamas to the greater portion of responsibility.

            2. Israel uses rockets to shield children; Hamas uses children to shield rockets.

        2. You left out the meat of the story:

          As of the report’s release, it was difficult to determine the full extent of the damage. “Access restrictions impede the ability to assess impact of hostilities and carry out repairs to damaged school infrastructure,” the U.N. report said.

          The dilemma is not a new one in Gaza. In strikes in November 2012 … at least 240 educational facilities were damaged ? 25 of them seriously, according to a report in 2012 by the U.N. Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs.

          In the last round of operations, Israel “seriously damaged” roughly 10% of the total number of schools damaged, with those destroyed necessarily being some subset of that. Judging by the number of schools reporting damage in this go round, you have to skeptical that “dozens” of schools were destroyed.

          1. Whoo! HTML Failure. My comment is in the double blockquote.

    3. Damn Joooooozzzz

      / Bo

      1. Race card

    4. Bo

      This is not necessarily a bad thing – if it leads to true reform and oversight of what is actually taught in these schools. Don’t automatically assume what the UN funds is necessarily a “good thing”

      UNRWA schools are Hamas:

      http://canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/65086

    5. look at all the shovel ready jobs this creates, you all are looking at this conflict the wrong way. you see destroyed lives and shattered families, I see infrastructure opportunities for new and improved projects.

      1. I bet Dr. Paul Krugman, PhD NpH is over there right now joy-humping some rubble.

    6. Guess it’s a bad idea when your government decides to deliberately pick a fight with someone who can easily destroy you. Who’d have thunk it?

      1. Wow, libertarians holding children to blame for the actions of their government.

        Who’d have thunk it?

        1. I don’t see anywhere in DM’s comment that he holds children to blame. Unless Gaza is ruled by a government staffed with children?

        2. No, the libertarian in me thinks the primary responsibility of a government is to not sacrifice the lives of its citizens in an un-winnable conflict, particularly one that they chose to start.

        3. Israel uses rockets to shield children; Hamas uses children to shield rockets.

    7. Are you talking about the attack that was completely fabricated?

      http://www.thegatewaypundit.co…..ly-staged/

      1. Yeah, that dead girl was totally made of paper mache.

        1. Nobody is saying that’s not a real dead girl. We’re saying there is zero evidence that she was killed by Israelis, though.

          Could have been Israeli fire. Could have been Hamas “collateral damage”.

          http://www.algemeiner.com/2014…..-in-shati/

          Or she could have been murdered by Hamas. Hamas does that, you know.

          http://www.israelnationalnews……-JVImdOW3z

    8. How many of those schools were being used by Hamas for military purposes? We know some were, but was it many? All?

      1. Probably not all. It increases the chances of an Israeli mistake – with all the collateral damage that goes with it – and increases the chances that Hamas benefits from that mistake.

        I wonder if Hamas is using public buildings that are outside the range of its rockets? Or is it only using public buildings within the range of its rockets and thus more likely to draw Israeli counter-fire?

  39. $619 billion missed from federal transparency site

    A government website intended to make federal spending more transparent was missing at least $619 billion from 302 federal programs, a government audit has found.

    And the data that does exist is wildly inaccurate, according to the Government Accountability Office, which looked at 2012 spending data. Only 2% to 7% of spending data on USASpending.gov is “fully consistent with agencies’ records,” according to the report.

    1. According to cinematic landmark that is Roland Emmerich’s magnum opus Independence Day, that’s how they fund Area 51.

    2. Most Transparent Administration EVER!

  40. Milibank: The Battle Cry of the White Man!

    “The congressman went on to condemn those who say the Republican position on immigration is dooming the party by alienating Latinos.

    “This is a part of the war on whites that’s being launched by the Democratic Party,” Brooks said. “And the way in which they’re launching this war is by claiming that whites hate everybody else. It’s a part of the strategy that Barack Obama implemented in 2008, continued in 2012, where he divides us all on race, on sex, greed, envy, class warfare.”

    It was the battle cry of the white man, particularly the Southern white man, who is feeling besieged.”

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..ml?hpid=z5

    1. Conservatives are basically bitter-clinger rednecks with strong regional appeal. They have demonized every other interest group often enough to earn that characterization.

      Like inner-city gangstas they even demonize education and accomplishment these days.

      1. Don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

      2. Conservatives are basically bitter-clinger rednecks with strong regional appeal.

        Yeah, look at that regional appeal:

        As of November 2012, the Democratic Party held the majority in 18 state houses and the Republican Party held the majority in 30 state houses.

        As of November 2010, the Democratic Party held the majority in 32 state houses and the Republican Party held the majority in 16 state houses.

        http://ballotpedia.org/Partisa…..ate_houses

    2. “The tea party movement was a setback because it elevated extreme individualism over collective responsibilities and because it tapped into nativism and further undermined trust in American institutions.”

      You really want to quote Milbank at us, here he is right back at you.

  41. In playground murder, 12-year-old boy charged as an adult

    “Minutes earlier at a neighborhood playground, Jamarion had allegedly pulled out a knife buried in the sand and repeatedly stabbed 9-year-old Michael “Conner” Verkerke in the back.”

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..e&hpid=z16

    1. I guess this playground was not a knife-free zone?

    2. “Hi. I just stabbed somebody. Please pick me up. I want to die. I don’t want to be on this Earth anymore,” the boy reportedly told a 911 dispatcher.

      Conner ran home screaming and collapsed, bleeding on his porch, according to neighbors and police.

      Holy hell.

      1. The shocking part is that the cops didn’t grant his wish.

        1. I would have expected them to be carrying drop puppies by now for just such an occasion.

          “I was just performing my normal Hero Duties?, and that kid must have gotten in the way.”

    3. All right, he’ll be charged as an adult. But will his parents be charged for leaving their 12-year-old baby without supervision in a public area?

      1. They’re going to charge the dead kid’s parents with child abandonment and felony murder, would be my guess.

  42. Love at any size
    For too many men, my weight is a problem, or a fetish. But I want somebody who will hold my hand — and more

    For most of my dating life, my amplitude was something to be overlooked, overcome. Tolerated. I remember one man, an alcoholic who’d begun taking red wine before his morning coffee, sitting across from me as I held a vegetable roll between my chopsticks, and asking, with an earnest obliviousness, if I might consider “eating healthier food.” My suitors were always taken enough with everything beneath my skin ? heart and wit and good old-fashioned moxie ? but only taken so far. Even if our breakups were rooted in banality of mismatched ambitions, uneven libidos, or just plain stupid youth, there was always a thin tendril muscling up from that root, one that choked our relationships: the stigma of dating a fat girl.

    Not this guy. He’d been unabashedly open, enthusiastic even, about his preference for those of us on the Melissa McCarthy end of the size spectrum. He’d reached out to thank me for an essay I wrote about my choice to duck-and-roll off the hamster wheel of constant dieting and accept, even embrace, my size 24 figure.

    1. I await the laws that will force people to date/fuck people they are not attracted to. Maybe that could be the basis for the spiritual sequel to Idiocracy.

    2. So you found a chubby chaser. Congratulations. It’s not some great revelation.

    3. heart and wit and good old-fashioned moxie

      Manic Pixie Ham Planet

    4. Hey Harry, look at this! What’s the matter with these cans mens?

    5. his mouth and hands teased the rolls and folds of my body

      And I thought Sugarfree would have penned the most vile thing I’ve read all morning.

      1. Fiction cannot compete with reality.

    6. Her back catalog is full of such hits as “I choose to be fat”, “My best relationship is with my dog”, “Forgiving the dad who beat me”, and “Curse of my birthing hips”. Why aren’t men beating down her door to fuck her? I don’t get it.

      Oh. Now I get it.

      1. Fat girls are like scooters, fun to ride till your friends find out.

      2. Honestly, I was expecting worse.

      3. “Forgiving the dad who beat me”

        Yeah, right.

    7. “a thin tendril muscling up from that root”

      Sounds like that should have been “massively scaberous tentacle”

  43. Justin Amash delivers gracious victory speech, complimenting Ellis for a well-fought, nah, just kidding:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8DRen60X10

    1. After the way Ellis and the GOP establishment acted towards Amash, that’s about as conciliatory as a man could be expected to be.

  44. Former Va. governor’s trial: McDonnell staffers called Williams the ‘tic tac man’

    A day earlier, a onetime aide testified that after then-governor McDonnell endorsed Mitt Romney for president in 2012, McDonnell’s wife sought out the candidate at a news media session in South Carolina to promote the dietary supplement.

    Phil Cox, Robert McDonnell’s chief political adviser at the time, said that he put a stop to that plan but that Maureen McDonnell went on to talk up the supplement to Romney’s wife on a campaign bus. He said she told Ann Romney that the anti?-inflammatory supplement could “potentially cure MS.”

    While Ann Romney, who has multiple sclerosis, listened politely, Cox said, he feared the episode would reflect poorly on his boss, who at the time was considered a possible Romney running mate.

    1. Well that’s embarrassing.

  45. Lefty rag considers payment for organs, but really, it’s about being spiritual, isn’t it?

    “Organ shortage prompts debate over compensating donors”
    http://www.sfgate.com/health/a…..670431.php

    And if people die? Well, at least there were no icky profits involved (for the donor; everyone else is banking that check).

    1. I’m not wasting my time reading his crap, but there’s sense (one I’m sure he doesn’t much address) in which that’s a true statement–Congress has totally failed in recent years to perform its proper role in our political system. Between improper delegations to the administrative agencies and not checking the president when he goes beyond his legal powers, the Congress has basically become a debate society.

      Obviously, this all predates Obama, and some of it has been going on for a long time.

      1. yep – and Obama is taking advantage of the weakened system as much as possible.

      2. At present, though, Congress is reflective of the increasing divide in our society between left and right. About the only way forward that doesn’t involve massive horror is some sort of mutually agreeable separation of the flyover country from the old US.

      3. The problem is that possible impeachment and removal from office is no longer a viable, realistic threat and thus is no longer a deterrent to a lawless, out of control president.

        This is a real and serious problem in our system that needs to be addressed, because right now there is no real alternative and nothing that can be done about it. I don’t know what the answer is, but we need one fast.

        1. Every single check needs to be in place, plus a few more, if there’s any hope of maintaining a limited government. Impeachment, given human nature, particularly the nature of politicians, should be a commonplace event.

  46. I can’t stop cheating on my husband

    My husband loves me, but somehow it’s not enough. I rationalize why it’s OK to cheat. He was obsessed with porn early in our marriage to an unhealthy level, he neglects me, he doesn’t consult me for major decisions, he is often far away, etc. Some of these reasons may be legitimate enough to end a relationship, but I am not emotionally prepared to leave him or to turn my children’s world upside down, so I simply use those reasons as validation for my cheating.

    His love is grounding to me, and I need it, however dysfunctional it may be at times. The fleeting touch of other men is reassurance that I am still desirable, nothing more. It’s a cheap, temporary ego boost. It counteracts the years of verbal venom my dad spewed at me, telling 12-year-old me I was trash, a worthless whore. Yet, I wonder, what have I become?

    Your Dad was wrong for that, but you’re just proving that he was ultimately right.

    Bitch, divorce your husband, and don’t take all his shit.

    1. Actually sounds like Dad was a good judge of character.

    2. I too am confused how cheating on someone “counteracts” being called a whore. I mean, I guess technically you’re doing it for free, but I don’t think that was the point of the insult.

      (And yes, her dad was a dick)

      1. I’ll show you. . .that you’re right!

      2. If what she said was true (and sometimes these stories are shitthatneverhappened.txt), her dad’s a piece of shit that should have a baseball bat swung flush at his face.

        Daughters take more of their behavioral cues from their dads than they realize. If you treat her like she’s trash, and that’s how she turns out, that’s just as much on him, if not more so, as it is on her because that’s what he raised her to be.

        And of course whatever kids they have are going to see this behavior and think an emotionally dysfunctional marraige is completely normal, all because Daddy Dearest had low impulse control.

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