Friday A/V Club: Hollywood Explains These New-Fangled Computer Thingies
For the filmmakers of the '80s, computers were magic and hackers were wizards.
When the press discovered computer crimes in the 1980s, reporters took a special interest in the exploits of hackers under the age of 20. Hollywood quickly grabbed ahold of the idea, producing a series of tales that took the stereotype of the teenaged computer nerd and gave the figure demonic powers. For most audiences in those days, PCs were novel and networks were exotic, so the people making these stories did not, by and large, strive to create a realistic portrait. In movieland, computers were magic and hackers were wizards.
The folks at Found Item Clothing have put together a funny collection of clips from the era:
You can quibble with whether some of those really belong there—Blade Runner was set in the future, for example, so it wasn't pretending to represent computers as they actually were. Still: fun stuff. And it only scratches the surface—they don't even get into how computers were represented on TV. (For a particularly weird bit of '80s television about hackers, check this out.)
Today, of course, computers and the Internet are part of the fabric of everyday life, so the people who make movies and TV are careful to get everything right. Or not.
(For past installments of the Friday A/V Club, go here.)
Editor's Note: As of February 29, 2024, commenting privileges on reason.com posts are limited to Reason Plus subscribers. Past commenters are grandfathered in for a temporary period. Subscribe here to preserve your ability to comment. Your Reason Plus subscription also gives you an ad-free version of reason.com, along with full access to the digital edition and archives of Reason magazine. We request that comments be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment and ban commenters for any reason at any time. Comments may only be edited within 5 minutes of posting. Report abuses.
Please
to post comments
I've seen every one of those. Yes, even Prince of Darkness, which disturbed me when I was younger.
And I miss the younger Val Kilmer, before he went nutty.
Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
I was thinking more of the immortal words of Socrates
Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Episiarch" has a nice ring to it.
Always...
Never....
Forget to check your references.
Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
Not right now...
That's four minutes and twenty-two seconds I'll never get back. I mean, where was Overdrawn at the Memory Bank for crying out loud?
Yeah, I thought it was pretty lame as well. i suppose that was the point but..
I became convinced that Raul Julia did that film as a charitable tax write off.
Wasn't technically the 80's, but Lawnmower Man was a classic.
You mean classically terrible, right? In a good way, but it was still ridiculous.
This technology was meant to expand human communication, but you're not even human any more! What you've become terrifies me. You're a freak!
And it had god damn nothing at all to do with the King short story where it got its name from.
In rotation on the Satellite of Love.
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank is one of those movies where I'm convinced the antagonist is actually the good guy.
Ferris Bueller's principal Jeff Jone's got busted for child porn.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....31699.html
Along with a raft of real life school administrators. Method Acting? No, just a pedo.
And yet he was given sidedoor access to the Gem.
I think he's done one movie since then. "Who's Your Caddy?"
Excerpt From wikipedia:
The film was panned by critics and claimed to be one of the worst movies of all time...a "terrible rip-off" of Caddyshack...with the consensus calling the film "unoriginal, unfunny, and just plain forgettable."...However, former U.S. president Bill Clinton "loves" the film....The film was nominated for a Golden Raspberry awards in the fields of Worst Remake or Rip-off
I'll not have you sully Mom and Dad Save the World.
Nah, he was actually pretty good, if memory serves, in at least a couple of other movies right around FBDO:
Valmont and Beetlejuice.
Also liked him in Amadeus, The Devil's Advocate, and Stay Tuned.
We still have some of that hardware in service here at the Great State of New York. The interface isn't as snazzy though.
Wait, supercomputers can't create Kelly LeBrock?
It's only now that I realize my entire adult life has been a waste.
I thought she sprang full grown from the head of Zeus.
Or am I thinking of someone else?
Athena
Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to...
Nightshade
Halle Berry
Tip: When Google Image searching Kelly LeBrock, make sure you add "young" to the search.
That's a rule that applies to nearly everyone.
Except Helen Mirren
You forgot. To hook up. The doll.
Thanks for the healthcare.gov demonstration.
The thing is, Wargames' hacking stuff was actually pretty on the money. He was using a war dialer (real thing) to dial numbers and see if any lines responded with a modem tone. When he got WOPR, he couldn't get in. So he went and researched Professor Falken and guessed at a possible backdoor password (social engineering, in a way). Then once he was in he just followed the menus. All pretty much plausible.
The stuff in Real Genius was a little overblown but not too bad. Weird Science, of course, was wonderfully absurd.
Sure, and next you'll be telling us that Short Circuit wasn't realistic.
Government contractors stealing a malfunctioning multimillion dollar prototype murderdrone that was on a rampage? What's unrealistic about that?
Are you saying Number 5 wasn't alive?
Sadly, he died from bit rot shortly after being sworn in as a citizen.
Rising Sun was atrocious.
That's what Michael Crichton thought too.
No worse than Crichton's fears of a grey goo
All I remember from Rising Sun is eating sushi off of a naked redhead. Which is probably merciful.
I saw 'redhead' and thought 'Carrot Top'.
Pass the Mind Bleach, please. No, the large, industrial strength jug.
Thanks...
A public service announcement, brought to you by H&R.
NOW you tell me.
FYI: Hot redheads are even more soulless then gingers.
I saw 'redhead' and thought 'Carrot Top'.
That sounds like a personal problem. You should probably talk to someone about that.
And Jurassic Park...Holy CRAP the computer shit in that was fucking asinine. Congo was O.K. but not great.
As a herder of UNIX Boxen, I can tell you, that was no UNIX system.
Believe it or not, it was! That's one of the few things they got right. That was fsn for IRIX.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fsn
Although it's still an open question why a 12 year old girl would know a weird niche file system manager, or why she'd use it in a life-or-death situation instead typing a few commands in a terminal.
What's even stranger is why someone made that. Oh wait, they didn't:
I'd wager she didn't know what program controlled the door locks, or even which server on the farm handled that part of the system. In 1993, the number of off-the shelf applications that could manage that were few, so these would either be niche products or in-house development.
man -k door
bam
pan fried wylie|7.25.14 @ 4:38PM|#
man -k door
bam
If ever i am being chased by a T-rex and a herd of velociraptors and i need a computer locked door opened i now know who my goto guy is.
I've stopped seeing movies in the theater for a number.of reasons, including the fact that I can no longer stop scoffing at them out loud and/or MST'ing them. I don't want to ruin other's fun,and the last few.movies I went to, I know I groaned and cynically laughed or snorted enough times to bother.other.folks. not that I cared at the.time--JJ Abrams never should have been let near Star Trek.
Why do your own MST3k commentary when you can have it done for you?
http://www.rifftrax.com/mp3-commentaries
I've never downloaded one, but I have friends that have and claim that they are pretty good, specifically the Jurassic Park one.
Yeah Wargames was excellent...
Except for the part about a sophisticated seemingly conscious AI somehow running on a super computer from the 80s which is probably less powerful then your average cell phone of today.
NMAP keeps a list of movies that use it in screen shots and how accurately they use it. The Matrix 3 (attacking the power plant by Trinity) supposedly was not only accurate but made sense for the scene. I think it should be the same as hiring REAL RUSSIANS for Russian speaking roles...Sean Connery aint no ruskie.
I think that a lot of the computer hacker stuff you see today is even more asinine and absurd. Like the 3D graphical interfaces and Matrix like rain of text that hackers can magically use to make anything they want happen.
"Is that the data?"
"What, this? No, that's my screensaver"
Like the 3D graphical interfaces
"Its a UNIX system. I know this."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFUlAQZB9Ng
In fairness I would way prefer to play whatever version of BattleZone she is playing then fuck around with a UNIX command line shell.
In the new Morgan Freedman/Scarlett Johansson monstrosity (Lucy) they claim in the trailer that humans only use 10% of their brain...and what if a hot little Johansson suddenly could use 100% of her brain. Comedy, crotch kicks and explosions ensue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVt32qoyhi0
They don't even get basic anatomy correct. How can you expect Hollywood to get the internet right?
What's even more amazing about that premise is it's a Bradley Cooper reboot, the name of which I cannot remember.
And it only came out like five-seven years ago.
Thought I saw Electric Dreams in there. Underrated. I watched that stuff over and over when I was ten. And Virginia Madsen was gorgeous back then.