A.M. Links: Immigration Fight Heats Up, Justice Department Investigates Missing IRS Emails, Ceasefire Reached in Gaza

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  • Credit: jonathan mcintosh / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

    According to a new Gallup poll, one in six Americans now believes immigration is the top problem facing the U.S.

  • "A Justice Department investigation into the Internal Revenue Service has expanded to include an inquiry into the disappearance of emails from a former senior IRS official."
  • Crime rates are dropping in Detroit and Police Chief James Craig says armed citizens deserve a good deal of the credit. "Criminals are getting the message that good Detroiters are armed and will use that weapon," Craig declared.
  • Philadelphia's attempt to tax strip club lap dances has been struck down in court.
  • "A ceasefire deal has been reached to end fighting between Israel and the Palestinian militants in Gaza, an Israeli official has told the BBC."

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  1. According to a new Gallup poll, one in six Americans now believes immigration is the top problem facing the U.S.

    Time to pivot to women’s health issues.

    1. Hello.

      Johnny Winter dead.

      http://www.guitarplayer.com/ar…..umor/48013

      Who’s next? Lou Reed?

      1. The man looked like a ghost anyways. RIP.

        1. You’re thinking of Edgar Winters, I think…

          1. Edgar and Johnny Winter are brothers.

            1. Edgar and Johnny Winter are brothers were lovers.

      2. Johnny Winter always looked dead. Are they really sure this time? (is this too soon?)

      3. I loved him on Mork & Mindy.

    2. They believe immigration is the top problem, or that illegal immigration is the top problem?

      1. I’ve mentioned I’m confused as to why Americans are conflating immigration with illegal immigration. I see no problem with enforcing the law in the latter yet the Democrats seem intent on just simply amnestying everything to make it go away. Am I misreading all this?

        1. the Democrats seem intent on just simply amnestying everything to make it go away.

          I think it’s obvious at this point that the Democrats want to amnesty everyone while not reforming the system in any meaningful way so they get a shiny block of new voters while still being able to beat the Republicans with immigration cudgel in order to keep them in their camp.

          1. I see a cynical ploy as well. Given it’s Obama who is as calculating as they come for political expediency.

          2. I think they care less about that and more about having the GOP continue to make stands that make them unpopular among present minority voters.

            1. Well, yeah. But why settle for that when you can create whole new bloc that votes for you at a 75% clip as well?

              1. It also could be that one I’m twelve is concerned FOR the immigrants and one in twelve is concerned ABOUT the immigrants. I did hear from a TX sheriff that many if these kids are probably terrorists and gang members.

                1. I did hear from a TX sheriff that many if these kids are probably terrorists and gang members.

                  Define “many”. I saw a spoooooky pic of gang-y looking toughs but how representative is that?

                  1. It’s a sheriff (and TX, to boot). He doesn’t need evidence.

                  2. MS-13 steals male children from their cradles and indoctrinates them in the life. Trust none of these dirty Guats, they’re all criminals at heart.

                2. decision-making by poll results – what could go wrong.

        2. Then we have believers in and whoopers for completely open borders.

        3. I am confused why some libertarians conflate immigration, immigration with arbitrary and discriminatory (not necessarily racist) restrictions, and the right of a business owners to hire whomever he (or she) so chooses.

          My new bumper sticker :
          Everyone Welcome, No free shit for anyone!

      2. Gallup equates the two for their own reasons, citing them as “Immigration/Illegal Aliens” on the results.

  2. Crime rates are dropping in Detroit and Police Chief James Craig says armed citizens deserve a good deal of the credit.

    Nice to know Detroit can be the model for something.

    1. I guess now we know how far a city has to fall before common sense starts to peek through.

      1. Have you been to Detroit, eh? It’s no longer a city.

        “All the bowling alleys had been wrecked, so I spent most of my time looking for beer. One day I was out looking for a nice place to build a city for my children when I spotted a mutant in the forbidden zone. I landed my vehicle to pursue and
        destroy this genetic freak before he could warn other mutants in the underground caves. I was kind of like a one man force, eh, like Charlton Heston in Omega Men, did you see that? It was a beauty.

        [Doug leaps out and confronts Bob]

        Fleshy-headed mutant, are you friendly?

        Doug

        No way, eh? Radiation has made me an enemy of civilization!

        Bob

        Alpha base, this is Bob McKenzie. I’ve spotted a fleshy-headed mutant in sector 16B.”

  3. Tennessee, Louisiana Added To the List Of States Getting Double-Digit Obamacare Premium Hikes

    Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Tennessee, the largest health insurer in the state, is upping its exchange premiums by an average of 19 percent, according to rate request filings. Humana is requesting an average 14.4 percent increase and Cigna is asking for a 7.5 percent rate increase, The Tennessean reports.

    Louisiana customers will face even larger hikes. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Louisiana, the largest insurer in Louisiana as well, has proposed rate hikes between 18.3 percent and 19.7 percent for Obamacare customers. The company covers 52,600 people ? over half of all those who signed up for Obamacare exchange coverage in Louisiana.

    Bend that cost curve!

    1. Wouldn’t it be easier to list the states where the premiums aren’t going up by 10% or more?

      1. West Dakota and North Virgina.

        1. Wasn’t South Alaska in there at just over 9%?

          /57 states

      2. Those would be the states where it looks like the Republicans are competitive for a Democratic congressional seat.

    2. Somehow, the law did nothing about state-granted healthcare monopolies…

      1. I’m amazed at how that is so easily overlooked, as if the dominance of BCBS happened in a vacuum. Each state restricts the companies that can offer service. Yet, people point to rising costs as evidence of market failure. Sure, if you believe a market is defined as the number of companies govt permits to sell a given product.

        1. Maybe they could sell health insurance medallions. Of course, then some clever guy would just start DocWagon.

          1. Get Uber providers to start carrying first aid kits in their glove box?

  4. “A ceasefire deal has been reached to end fighting between Israel and the Palestinian militants in Gaza, an Israeli official has told the BBC.”

    When was this? Because NPR told me the ceasefire lasted all of 5 hours.

    1. They never said permanently. Always check the fine print, Israel.

      1. “Did you find everything you need? Would you care to purchase the extended warranty cease-fire?”

    2. Yeah I heard this morning they’re likely going to send troops in.

  5. “A ceasefire deal has been reached to end fighting between Israel and the Palestinian militants in Gaza

    *wipes hands clean*
    well, that should settle that.

  6. Philadelphia’s attempt to tax strip club lap dances has been struck down in court.

    Time to tax boners then, I guess. Since it’s Philly it wouldn’t do to tax by the inch, though.

    1. Nice.

    1. Fuck, I forgot how fun HampersandR was before registration. The “Ted Koppel” post made everyone in the office think I was choking to death.

    2. 3 fucking years ago…damn

  7. These Days, Rock Cover Bands Can’t Seem to Get It On
    Desperate for Gigs, Performers Don Spandex, Sing at Strip Malls; Glut of Aging Musicians

    Despite a brush with fame, Mr. Brown doesn’t shy away from even the most cringe-worthy of gigs. One day he’ll perform for thousands at a festival with his rock band, Trixter, whose videos briefly topped MTV’s charts in the 1990s. The next night he’ll be in a yellow, zebra-print vest belting out Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)” at a party in the Hamptons, or singing “Hotel California” as customers examine Buicks at a car dealership in New Jersey.

    “Not every show can be Madison Square Garden,” he says.

    Mr. Brown is among the many cover-band artists these days who are finding it more difficult to earn a living. The problem is a paucity of lucrative bar-band gigs (thanks to DJs, trivia nights, karaoke, and changing tastes) combined with a glut of middle-aged musicians who just can’t quit the scene.

    1. Man, I remember Trixter.

    2. The class war against smokers makes bars suck too.

      1. We’ve been going to a bad in NoVa where smoking is allowed. It’s surreal after living in California,for so long.

        1. Wouldn’t it be good if smoking were allowed? 😉

        2. I despise smoke indoors, but it should be the bar owner’s choice, not the nanny-state’s.

          Before IL went all ban-y, some places had popped up that advertised/marketed themselves as “smoke free”… Obviously the market wasn’t going to solve this, so the State stepped in and just banned it all.

          Bah.

        3. Virginia hasn’t been completely raped by progressives yet, I mean McAuliffe was just elected.

    3. Just another reason to hate DJs.

  8. According to a new Gallup poll, one in six Americans now believes immigration is the top problem facing the U.S.

    Just a doggone minute. Did that poll ask “new Americans”?

    1. What about millennials?

      1. Yeah! Has anyone thought to poll them on anything lately?

  9. Years and years and years of admitted violent physical abuse gets a cop the incredibly harsh sentence of…30 days.

    http://www.thedenverchannel.co…..r-old-girl

    But they’re held to a higher standard than “civilians”, right?

    1. According to court records, the girl told Loveland police investigators that Yachik abused her almost daily for years. The abuse allegedly included restraining her hands with handcuffs or plastic zip ties and then slamming her head into a wall hard enough to leave a hole and choking her until she blacked out, according to a Loveland Police Department arrest affidavit.

      The girl also said he beat her with ropes, restricted her food, shackled her in a darkened room for hours and force-fed her “ghost pepper sauce” that’s roughly 10 times hotter than habanero peppers, the affidavit said.

      30 days. What in the fuck?

      1. Professional courtesy.

      2. Remember, a minor in Georgia was sentenced yesterday to 23 years for breaking into a cop’s house and killing his dog.

        Keep that in mind when you look at this guy’s sentence and remember them the next time some cop apologist says they’re held to a higher fucking standard than normal people are.

      3. Asked why he did these things, Yachik told investigators the teen “won’t communicate” with him, the affidavit said.

        And why the “investigator” didn’t beat Yachik to death with a claw hammer upon receiving that reply will elude mankind for years to come..

        He didn’t cite anything the girl had done to warrant these punishments, police wrote.

        Yeah, I can’t imagine anything she could’ve done to warrant that assholes constant abuse either… go figure.

    2. Higher standard of evidence maybe.

      1. During a voluntary Sept. 27 interview with Loveland investigators, Yachik, who is 5 feet 11 inches tall and weighs 270 pounds, admitted doing many of these things to the girl, the affidavit said. The officer also confirmed he was the man shown in a video abusing the teen in July 2012.

    3. Yes. There’s a higher standard of evidence needed before you can convict them.

    4. 9:30 and already it sounds like whiskey time.

      1. It’s always time for your spirits of choice. (I preferred vodka when I drank spirits. Nowadays I generally limit myself to wine unless I have a mixed drink at a restaurant.)

  10. “A Justice Department investigation into the Internal Revenue Service has expanded to include an inquiry into the disappearance of emails from a former senior IRS official.”

    They’re not going to have enough whitewash for all of this.

    1. It’s okay, the media has extra.

      1. So as long as they keep fanning the flames about the Hobby Lobby decision, this other stuff will all go away?

    2. This is Holder’s Justice Department. Some crony will be appointed, who will do nothing. However, the fact that the Justice Department is now investigating will result in a parade of officials in front of the Congressional inquiries saying things like; “I cannot comment due to an ongoing investigation.” This will last however long it takes.

    3. “Mrs. Pelosi, you don’t know anything about the disappearance of emails from a former senior IRS official, do you?”

      *** files report on inquiry ***

  11. CBO Projects Lower GDP Growth and Wage Growth

    Yesterday, the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) released its annual Long-Term Budget Outlook for 2014. Compared to its 2013 outlook, the CBO projections include a significant reduction in real wage growth, to the tune of more than $40,000 over the next 10 years for a middle-income earner.

    In its 2014 Budget and Economic Outlook published in February, CBO noted a reduction in gross domestic product (GDP) growth compared to its 2013 Budget and Economic Outlook. In particular, it projected that GDP growth would average 2.6 percent over the 2014?2023 period, as opposed to the 2.9 percent it had projected in 2013. CBO also lowered its projections for long-run potential GDP due to lower labor force participation, persistent effects of the recent recession and slow recovery, and federal tax and spending policies.

    1. In particular, it projected that GDP growth would average 2.6 percent over the 2014?2023 period, as opposed to the 2.9 percent it had projected in 2013.

      Those are depression level numbers, considering that long term trend is 3.1%

      Bammy and the progs have done a heckuva job.

      1. Yeah, they’re not even achieving replacement.

  12. Now Captain America will be black: Marvel makes latest announcement just one day after revealing Thor is becoming a woman

    Sam Wilson, also known as The Falcon, will be taking over the reins after Steve Rogers lost his special powers and youth last month
    Marvel executive editor Tom Brevoort says ‘It’s about time’ and the move ‘shouldn’t be seen as revolutionary’
    News comes in the same week as Marvel revealed Thor is now a woman

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..woman.html
    If you care then you are a dork.

    1. Thor is an actual Norse god, and is not a woman!

      Okay, I’m a dork.

      1. Thor is a fictional character.

        [ducking]

        1. And I suppose you think Jesus Christ was a fictional character as well!

      2. Isn’t Thor Thor. And the hammer is its own thing. So if Sally can pick up the hammer, she is still Sally with a hammer, and Thor is still Thor?

        1. Yeah, pretty much. The hammer is called Mjolnir.

        2. Dosney is trying to kowtow to the gods of ‘diversity’, but Marvel doesn’t have ‘legacy’ characters where the title can pass to antoher person, so they have to perform all sorts of nonsensical contortions to appease the unappeasable behemoth.

          1. Or, you know, they could just be trying to tell an interesting story using a preexisting character that is already known and liked by fans.

            1. That’s not what they’re selling, so I’m not prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt. They haven’t ditched the people who gave us the speculator bust and the dark age of comic books yet.

              1. They haven’t ditched the people who gave us the speculator bust and the dark age of comic books yet.

                I’m not a huge Marvel fan, but I am familiar with the concept over at DC. Still, this reminds me of the bitching that occurred with the Ultimate universe’s Nick Fury, who ended up becoming 1,000,000 times better than the original Nick Fury was. (That is, unless you’re a Hasselhoff fan.)

                1. I can’t argue from a position of authority on Marvel either. See my prior comment about not buying Marvel titles nor giving a crap about them. I do, however, love a good argument (better still if it rised to the level of debate). But the creative decisions coming out of Disney seem to be a cavalcade of confusion with little authorial input on the creative decisions. The unwillingness to let the writers write has plagued the major houses of the industry for the past couple of decades. They also have a paralyzing fear of attempting to introduce new characters rather than remolding existing characters for new traits. I don’t know if there is actual sales data that backs up the difficulty of introducing new characters, or if it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy where editorial is afraid the new characters will fail without name recognition, so they put no time money or effort into making them work and they fail to gain name recognition.

                  1. I keep forgetting that Disney has their vile tentacles wrapped around them. Point taken.

                  2. “The unwillingness to let the writers write has plagued the major houses of the industry for the past couple of decades.”

                    In general this is true, but there have some fine exceptions; Peter David’s run on the Hulk was a great example where lots of wild things were allowed to happen.

        3. Unless Thor is a woman, how can they sell a trillion dolls based on her?

    2. I’m going to continue my lifelong and ongoing boycott of Marvel – because I simply don’t give a crap. Plus, they raised their price to $4.99 an issue.

      1. Plus, they raised their price to $4.99 an issue

        For 26 pages?

        1. Yep, at the very least along the high volume titles where they expect the buying populace to ignore the price tag because they regard their readership as loser sheep. (DC also regards their radership as loser sheep, but has maintained a 2.99 price point by throwing in more ads)

    3. Villain: Capt’n ‘Murica a niggar?
      Captain America: That’s Captain Niggar to you!

      PAF!

      They’re taking over! Obama, Oprah and now Captain America!

      1. Already been done, 10 years ago, with Marvel’s take on the Tuskegee Experiments.

        1. I see how it is. Gotta gang up on me.

    4. There already was a black Captain America. Marvel can’t even remember their own damn publishing history.

    5. If they can make another Captain America, why not just make a thousand and take over the world?

    6. He said, “Captain America is near.”

      1. Blazing wit

  13. Rosetta’s seeing double! Remarkable images reveal Esa spacecraft’s comet target is a TWIN and not a single rock

    Stunning images of the comet Rosetta is heading to have been revealed
    Paris-based Esa have yet to comment on what they mean for the mission
    Images reveal a two-lobed comet rather than the single comet expected
    This is something known as a ‘contact binary’, when two objects in space ‘stick’ together
    Could make a planned landing on the comet in November more difficult
    Rosetta is due to enter orbit on 6 August after ten years of travel

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..-rock.html

    1. Ha! The space aliens beat us to the landing!

    2. Stunning? It looks like a blog of white salt rock.

      1. *block

        der, I need some coffee. Or else a new noggin’

  14. Yahoo exec case turns into “she said, she said”.

    Warning: Auto-play video.

  15. Ex-caseworker in Dallas housing program who traded apartment for sex, lied to feds gets 15 months in federal prison

    From 2012 until last year, Hart worked for the city’s Housing Department as a caseworker for Project Reconnect, which uses federal dollars to help the formerly incarcerated find housing, counseling and jobs once they’re released. Problem was, Lawrence Hart helped someone who wasn’t even remotely qualified for the program get a Carrollton apartment at a deep discount using U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development dollars: Lawrence Hart. He got the place by using someone else’s name on the application; court docs refer only to a “Person A.”

    That was bad enough. But Hart also admitted to federal prosecutors earlier this year that he helped a woman, known only as Person B, get an apartment through Project Reconnect. Here’s how he did it, according to court records: “Hart propositioned her for sex and expedited Person B being placed in an apartment because she agreed to have sex with Hart.” He kicked her out in January 2013, only after the woman broke up with him.

    1. What an idiot. He should have become a police officer, then gone on to physically torture a girl for years. His sentence would have been 1/15th as severe.

  16. Firework fail! Man blows up his own boat dock after placing explosives the wrong way up

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..ay-up.html
    Ha ha!
    /Nelson

    1. “THIS SIDE TOWARD ENEMY”

  17. At grocery this morning. Ad for robert mondavi playing, i heard robert muugabe. It was confusing until i figured it out.

    1. Unless the shelves were empty, it could not have been Mugabe.

      1. Mugabe is proof that only the good die young.

    2. At least you get to buy wine at the grocery store.

      1. Actually, no. Beer only. Wine is in liquor store separate.

        1. So why were they advertising Robert Mondavi?

          1. Kroger grocery was advertising for Kroger Wine & Liquor.

            Encouraging you to walk next door (actually, diagonally across the parking lot, they dont even adjoin).

  18. Detroit Police Chief James Craig : ONE LEO THE REASONOIDS CAN GET BEHIND!!!

    http://dailycaller.com/2014/07…..e-decline/

    Christ, I wish there were more like him!

  19. Learning the family business: Father teachers his boy, five, how to wrangle and wrestle GATORS five times his size

    T-Mike Kliebert hopes his son Blaise will one day take over family gator farm
    He is now teaching the boy, five, how to handle some of the 2,500 alligators
    The Kliebert Gator Farm is the largest and oldest in the world after Mr Kliebert’s grandfather Harvey set it up in the 1930s

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-size.html
    Yeah. What could possibly go wrong.

    1. Stupid is as stupid does

    2. you don’t know nothing about wrastling.

    3. T-Mike?

    4. “Father teachers”? Maybe “T-Mike” is doing their editing.

    5. What kind of pussies are you guys? T-Mike learnt it from his pappy who learnt it from his own pappy. Losing a finger or an eye is just as much a right of passage in the ‘gator farming business as it is in the wood-working business.

  20. Man sets house afire trying to kill spider with lighter, spray paint

    Firefighters originally battled the blaze from a distance after learning there may be ammunition inside. Crews were eventually able to extinguish the fire, but not before it did significant damage to the structure.

    A man who lived at the home told fire officials he was trying to kill a spider in his laundry room using a can of spray paint and a lighter when the wall caught fire, according to Kyle Moore with the Seattle Fire Department. The man wasn’t able to put the fire out himself, and he left the home when it began to spread.

    “I don’t want to encourage people to do this, but that’s what he did,” Moore said. “The spider tried to get into the wall. He sprayed flames on the wall, lit the wall on fire, and that extended up to the ceiling.”

    1. Any word if the spider was OK or not???

      1. Of course not, it’s now homeless at the very least!

    2. And the pussification of men continues.

    3. “I don’t want to encourage people to do this.”

      Safety first, Chief.

    4. But is the spider dead?

    5. I can see this happening at my house, except it would have been a wasp or a bee.

      1. You admit your husband is a pussy?

        1. Or a Fire Bug?

    6. This is why I use archery to combat big, scary bugs. Less chance of structural damage to my domicile.

  21. Out of vacation pay? Need a break from the grind of being a Prince George County police officer? Well then, just pull out your gun and point it at a valet in DC. That’ll get you a sweet paid vacation.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..feafdd1394

    1. Nothing else happened.

  22. Boeing 787-9 Dreamliner performs acrobatic stunts

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/vid…..tunts.html
    I never thought one of those could do a vertical climb on takeoff. That’s cool.

    1. If I were President, I’d ask if Air Force One can do barrel rolls and then think seriously about having the pilot do one if the answer is yes.

      Can it loop the loop?

      1. The first jet airliner, the 707 (367-80), was capable of a barrel roll. The test pilot performed 2 of them at a demonstration to help sell the plane. Management was not pleased.

        1. Somehow, I’d think most passengers on a long-haul flight wouldn’t want to do a barrel roll.

        2. The test pilot had an excellent answer to why he performed that maneuver.

          I was selling airplanes

  23. Survey Reveals Unhappy Person Profile: She’s 42, Single, and Working
    If you were thrown into a random group of white-collar workers and offered a million dollars if you could select the happiest person in that group, what kind of person would you pick? Would you select a man or a woman? Married or single? Children or no children?

    Well, according to a new survey released this month, your odds of winning would be increased if you skipped over the 40-something, single, female doctor or lawyer and opted for the middle-aged, married senior manager with a child at home and a wife who works part-time. In its Office Pulse survey, Captivate Network, a media solutions company, says its uncovered “profiles of the happiest and unhappiest workers.” And women don’t fare so well….

    1. As Christine Hassler writes in The Myth of Having It All, “Somewhere along the path of the women’s liberation movement, we began to buy into the belief that to be an empowered woman means we have to do everything that both men and women do. So instead of making choices, we have tried to fulfill both gender roles at the same time.” Hassler goes on to say, “Instead of giving us a tremendous amount of freedom and opportunity, this concept of having it all has morphed into something that excuses putting so much on our plates that we are stressed out, burned out, and running out of time for ourselves (and our loved ones) every single day.”

      Somebody is going to receive some of that famous, feminist compassion and empathy in the very near future.

    2. I plan to teach my daughters to get married before 20 (to someone in their mid-20’s with a career) and have their kids before 25. Then, college (which is a lot more flexible about the life/”work” balance situation than a job), then career.

      Trying to follow the traditional male life path doesn’t work for women, since it’s optimized for male biology. Once feminism learns to pursue parity rather than equality, it might actually be a useful philosophy again.

      1. So your goal is to have your daughters all be single mothers?

        Age at start of marriage vs. divorce rate:

        15-22 58.4%
        23-28 43.1%
        29-34 36.2%
        35-40 23.4%
        41-46 10.5%

        1. I don’t agree with ant1sthenes, but Holy Shit, Stormy, do you really not see what’s wrong with your statement?

  24. Sweden’s School Choice Disaster

    You’ll have your own favourite mistakes in this article, but i enjoy the naive correlation between private school rates and PISA rankings (fun fact: 40% of Australian high school students are in private schools, and we rank higher than Sweden and its 14% on the PISA rankings. Not that Slate would see that as disproving its thesis)

    1. Sweden doesn’t have real private schools anyway, does it?

  25. Australia shark ‘chokes on sea lion’

    “This could explain why the shark was exhibiting such unusual behaviour,” principal research scientist Rory McAuley said.

    Hey, ifh — Is this humor?

    1. Nope, I was going to post that as proof that my homeland is freakin’ awesome

      1. You do realise I meant ‘humour’, right?

        1. Yeah, I’m bilingual

      2. And by ‘awesome’ she means that anything that walks, crawls, or swims will freakin’ kill you.

        1. “The important thing to remember about Australia, though, is that it is some tough-as-nails country. It’s, like, where all the nasty stuff from evolution went to go and live in a trailer with a shotgun.”
          ‘Ray Smuckles’ in Chris Onstad’s “Achewood”

    2. Fish can’t choke.

      1. Well yes. The two theories are:

        * a large object like this may have damaged the shark’s internal organs or impeded water flow into his gills, contributing to his death; or

        * it accidentally become stranded in his attempts to get rid of the obstruction.

      2. When I was a kid, a dead muskie was found that would have been a state record if caught on an line. It had a duck stuck in it’s gills. I would say it choked on the duck.

    1. So given all that I’ve read here about feminists and family courts, why do men get married?

      1. the loveless sex?

      2. Apparently it makes them happier. (see article about who’s unhappiest, feminists, etc.)

        1. This one?

          It just so unclear what the rational decision for a man to get married is. So it must be irrational, like love or some junk.

      3. Because somehow, the woman he’s chosen is “different” from every other woman. She “loves” him.

          1. Sounds like he needed a better lawyer.

        1. Open your pool to outside the US and your odds greatly improve.

      4. Key point – don’t marry a “feminist”, marry a normal woman. It has worked for me.

        1. That was what I was going to say. It’s worked out for me, too.

      5. Getting married is an economic and legal choice. No reason you can’t love each other and live your lives together.

    2. I hate to make arguments based on source, but…

      …no sites with “Red Pill” in the name are welcome here, unless they’re posted mockingly.

    3. Fuck off, weirdo.

  26. Pentagon told lawmakers that it plans to move six Guantanamo detainees to Uruguay

    By Ernesto Londo?o July 16 at 6:23 PM

    The Pentagon recently notified members of Congress that it intends to transfer six low-level detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to Uruguay soon, including a Syrian man who is legally challenging the manner in which the military force-feeds some prisoners, U.S. officials said Wednesday.

    The men ? four Syrians, a Palestinian and a Tunisian ? are among the more than 70 detainees who have long been cleared for release from the U.S. detention facility because they are not deemed an ongoing threat. The move would mark a significant step in the Obama administration’s long-stymied quest to shut down Guantanamo Bay, where 149 inmates remain.

    1. Why don’t they just leave these detainees outside the gates to Guantanamo? Let them go to Cuba.

      1. Send them to Guatemala, let them dress up as kids, Mexicans take them right up to the border so they can get across, Bingo: 9/11 the sequel.

    2. Well, at least they didn’t move them to Honduras, I guess.

  27. Microsoft plans to slash 18,000 jobs

    In a Thursday morning letter to his employees, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella announced that the company would be cutting 18,000 jobs in the next year.

    “We are moving now to start reducing the first 13,000 positions, and the vast majority of employees whose jobs will be eliminated will be notified over the next six months,” Nadella wrote. “It’s important to note that while we are eliminating roles in some areas, we are adding roles in certain other strategic areas.”

    Microsoft had 127,000 employees as of June 5, which would mean the company will see a headcount reduction of over 14 percent.

    1. The former Nokia people I know are sure they are first ones gone.

  28. According to a new Gallup poll, one in six Americans now believes immigration is the top problem facing the U.S.

    Idiots. It’s clearly the alt-text shortage.

    1. Maybe they are related?! Note you well…we didn’t have these kinds of problems when alt-text was plentiful, right???

      1. DEY TOOK UR… alt-text?!

  29. New Birth Control Ads Show Women’s Fucked Up Priorities
    …In just the past couple of years, I’ve seen a drastic shift in the tone of marketing campaigns for women’s birth control. Gone are the wives and fathers of previous pitches. Enter the floozies. Today’s woman, the new ads inform us, is busy. So busy and distracted, in fact, that taking a pill every day is too much of a burden. Ron Popeil’s famous set-it-and-forget model has reached the American pussy in the shape of rings and wishbones and an array of other suppositories. You crush the thing into the love canal and don’t have to worry about “forgetting” to take your pill….

    1. “Women: More Forgetful than Old, Sick People.”

      Nothing sexist about that.

    2. Also, I thought replacing children with cats was considered a sign of a crazy, unlovable woman?

  30. Bubble Paranoia Setting in as S&P 500 Surge Stirs Angst

    Two years of uninterrupted gains in U.S. stocks are sowing anxiety among financial professionals, with three in five saying the market is on the verge of a bubble or already in one, the Bloomberg Global Poll found.

    Forty-seven percent of those surveyed said the equity market is close to unsustainable levels while 14 percent already saw a bubble, according to a quarterly poll of 562 investors, analysts and traders who are Bloomberg subscribers. Almost a third of respondents called the market for lower-rated corporate debt overheated and most said stock swings will increase within six months, the July 15-16 poll showed.

    1. Individual investors are piling in now, it’s over.

    2. I’d say investors could be in for a shock this fall, maybe December or January at the latest. Something has to give, here. I’m not saying the end of the financial world is nigh, just that there has to be a slight downward adjustment coming at some point. The constant upward movement of the SM can’t continue forever.

      1. Mid-November at the earliest. FedGov is going to do everything it can to make certain any downturn isn’t until after the election.

      2. The constant upward movement of the SM can’t continue forever.

        JANET YELLEN DISAGREES.

    3. So stocks are staying pumped up due to the Fed’s monetary policy goosing the whole operation and people are looking for returns. The stated reason for the monetary steroid is to shore up weakness in hiring. My question is this. How do we know low interest rates reduce unemployment?

      1. I think they were banking on the correlations between low interest rates and high market returns and market returns with GDP as a continuous process, but all they proceeded to accomplish is to disengage the market from the real economy. It’s very interesting as an experiment, but we’ll have to deal with the effects of a stock bubble bursting when we already have a weak economy.

        THANKS BENJANET.

  31. Australia Becomes First Developed Nation to Repeal Carbon Tax

    In a vote that could highlight the difficulty in implementing additional measures to reduce carbon emissions ahead of global climate talks next year in Paris, Australia’s Senate on Wednesday voted 39-32 to repeal a politically divisive carbon emissions price that contributed to the fall from power of three Australian leaders since it was first suggested in 2007.

    Australia, the world’s 12th largest economy, is one of the world’s largest per capita greenhouse gas emitters due to its reliance on coal-burning power stations to power homes and industry. In 2011, daily emissions per head amounted to 49.3 kilograms (108 pounds), almost four times higher than the global average of 12.8 kilograms, and slightly ahead of the U.S. figure of 48.2 kilograms.

    g’day, mate.

    1. I wonder if plane tickets to Australia will get cheaper.

  32. My wife called to tell me she saw the grossest thing she’s ever seen. A decapitated raccoon on the side of the road. Body on one side, head on the other. Yuck. How the fuck did that happen?

    1. An angry possum with a samurai sword?

    2. It pissed off Warty.

    3. Send your wife to reddit.com/r/wtf

      She won’t be grossed out so easily after some time there.

    4. I’m pretty sure the dead raccoon I found in my grandmother’s woodshed was worse. It had putrefied and was mostly composed of maggots.

    5. So your wife has never seen goatee or meatspin?

      What’s her email address? I’ll wipe the image of that raccoon out of her mind in three minutes.

      1. Goatse.

        Although I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Apple,autocorrects one for the other. They’re basically interchangeable.

      2. No thanks. She’s trying to quit.

    6. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

      Watch out for the immortal raccoons.

      1. That’s funny. I’d tell her that except that she doesn’t watch guy movies and wouldn’t get it.

  33. Reporter stopped by TSA agent who didn’t know District of Columbia is in US

    Gray, who lives in Washington, D.C., was flying out of Orlando International Airport when a TSA agent said Gray’s District of Columbia driver’s license wasn’t a valid form of identification. Gray said his license is legal and up-to-date, but the TSA agent didn’t seem to know what the District of Columbia was when Gray arrived at the security checkpoint over the weekend.

    When Gray handed the man his driver’s license the agent demanded to see Gray’s passport.

    Gray told the agent he wasn’t carrying his passport and asked why he needed it.

    The agent said he didn’t recognize the license.

    1. *Face-palm*…and these are the folks who are responsible for making sure that our flights are terrorist-proof? Jesus…

      1. Well, I’d agree with the premise that Washington DC is as Unamerican as they come, but the security kabuki players were not hired for their stunning intellect or geographic understanding.

        1. Wait a minute … Washington, DC … that is one of the 57 states, isn’t it?

        2. “Security kabuki”

          Read that as “security bukaki”

    2. You don’t professionalize until you federalize. God Harry Reid has a punchable face.

  34. Here’s What Jesus Would Think About Major Issues Facing America

    1. Jesus would not support gay marriage.
    2. Jesus would oppose legal abortion.
    3. Jesus would support universal healthcare.
    4. Jesus would not support the death penalty for murderers.
    5. Jesus would not support stricter gun laws.
    6. Jesus would not support high taxes on the wealthy.
    7. Jesus would support reducing carbon emissions.

    Jesus is all over the fucking place.

    1. What’s Jesus’ opinion on Iggy Azalea?

      1. gross

      2. he would probably think she was black when he heard her music, and then be shocked when he came to realize she was white.

        1. He did have a thing for town whores.

      3. She’s a godawful abomination.

      4. Jesus: She’s Eminem, only without the penis or the talent.

      5. Does she come from the same phylum as twiggy?

    2. Jesus is all over the fucking place.

      *God*, don’t ya know.

    3. Jesus was never a policy maker. All the Christ the King stuff really rubs me wrong given my knowledge of the Gospels.

      1. You mean, he didn’t necessarily believe in state coercion?

        1. Not my Jesus. He didn’t seem like the type to force people to do things. Pretty cool guy.

          1. Eh. I perceive Jesus as the ultimate Jewish mother. Love me, accept me, and beg me for forgiveness or you’re suffering eternal damnation.

            But that’s just me.

            1. Dad was more the harsh one… Jesus was the “can’t you all just get along, follow the simple rules and listen to your father?!” one.

      2. Jesus was black, so obviously he would be a Democrat. Ducks.

        1. Jesus was Irish. He worked in the building trades, he thought his mother was a saint, and the last thing he said before he died was to ask for a drink.

      3. You might want to check out Matthew again. Its theme is “Christ the King”.

        The genealogy in Matt 1 is to establish his claim to the throne.

        But, yeah, a different kind of King than the Jews were expecting.

        1. Maybe in the sense of fire and brimstone judgment is how it bothers me. The genealogy to David seems silly to me but I live in a post monarch world.

          1. Matt 22:1-14

            Thats red letter, we arent talking letters of Paul or anything like that.

            1. But it’s also a parable. Designed in terms to be familiar to the recipient. If I were a christian I would not believe God wants to rule us on Earth, but rather in some other plane.

              1. Yes, of course. And the “fire and brimstone judgement” is also on that other plane.

    4. Jesus wouldn’t give a shit about most of those, since Jesus believed that the only thing that mattered was your personal relationship with God.

      1. Jesus really was a libertarian in that I don’t think he once endorsed state coercion for what he thought wrong or right. Of course as progressives would say with such a stance he had little chance of causing any real and meaningful change in the world.

        1. Oh, I’m stealing that one.

        2. “RENDER UNTO CAESAR! TOTALLY A PROGRESSIVE! DERP!

          1. Ive mentioned it here before, and its been about 20 years so I guess it isnt going to happen, but I have an outline in the back of my head for an essay entitle On Being Caesar.

        3. Alright, not bad Bo.

          I was raised Catholic, not really anything anymore (deist/agnostic I suppose) but I do hate when progressives try to play “Gotcha!” when it comes to how Jesus would have voted.

          1. Jesus didn’t vote!

            1. But what if we did? These hypotheticals are extremely important for some reason.

        4. It’s right there in the passages where he was tempted by Satan.

          Specifically, the third temptation was political power over the Earth. Jesus rejected it, choosing a path of peace instead.

        5. I don’t know. An eternity of torture for not doing everything he demands seems pretty statist to me.

      2. As reflected in your treatment of other people, it must be said.

    5. Years ago some religious planet savers anxious to discredit automobiles started asking “what would Jesus drive?”

      The best answer I heard was, since he was a carpenter, an F250 pickup with a crew cab and a chromed diamond plate toolbox in the back.

  35. Sweden can have flavoured snus, but it can’t label it as flavoured

    http://www.thelocal.se/2014071…..lavours-eu

    1. But what about flavoured snu-snus?

      1. The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

  36. why go on living?

    Scientists Engineered Mutant Worms That Can’t Get Drunk

    A team of researchers in Texas recently did something extraordinary. They made a genetic tweak to worms’ brains that made it impossible for them to get drunk. More specifically, the scientists modified the worms’ genes so that a molecular channel that binds alcohol to their brains would no longer work. And humans have a similar molecular channel.

    1. Mutant Worms That Can’t Get Drunk

      Nice band name.

    2. Thats a good way to kill people.

      I can keep drinkin, I aint drunk yet!

      It wont turn off the BAC.

      1. But why bother drinking?

        For the taste?

  37. Revere, MA cop steals money used for controlled drug buy, admits to the crime and…is allowed to resign without facing any criminal charges. The lack of charges is due, apparently, to a new policy in the state where administrative penalties are used instead of criminal charges in order to maintain integrity in pending criminal cases.

    http://www.reverejournal.com/2…..ce-money/#

    Equal,protection is effectively dead in Massachusetts.

    1. It’s been dead for a while.

      Here in MA they got rid of the dash cams because there were too many instances of the camera contradicting the police report.

      Most citizenry doesn’t notice because their view is blocked by the clouds of smug.

      1. Fat shamer!

        1. Better than being a fat apologist.

    1. Uhh this is like the third time this has been re-posted and I click it every time, because I see Instagram and I’m programmed to think i’m going to see a bevy of hot ass only to be treated to what I assume is a cosplay of the readership of Jezebel.

      1. “a cosplay of the readership of Jezebel”

        Nice.

        *applause*

  38. “A Justice Department investigation into the Internal Revenue Service has expanded to include an inquiry into the disappearance of emails from a former senior IRS official.”

    Move along, nothing to see here. You will receive any updates via email.

    Or not.

    /E. Holder

    1. Isn’t losing those e-mails a crime in and of itself, regardless of whether they are incriminating or not, or whether it was intentional or not? I’m pretty sure they’re required by law to retain all official records.

      1. The one time the principle of mens rea will be applied

      2. Who will prosecute? Exactly.

        1. Maybe find one person willing to take a misdemeanor hit then proclaim justice done and moveon.org.

  39. So the administration is taking steps to economically hit Russia’s banks and energy sector? Only fair I guess since they’ve been doing the same to ours for six years.

    1. Heh. Or their plan to fight climate change is to cripple every major economy in the world. It might be the first time in history a trade war was also a holy war.

      1. The Fourth Crusade doesn’t qualify?

        1. That was more a straight up opportunistic pillagin’ and rapin’ event, wasn’t it?

          1. I thought it was a little of both. From what I remember, Venice and Constantinople were going at it over eastern Mediterranean trade routes at the time, East and West had just schismed, and here come some Crusaders supported by Venetians and Rome to Constantinople right when the Byzantines had enacted a policy of Muslim appeasement since they were tired of getting their asses handed to them by the Turks. However could the Italians have known that the pillaging of their rival would occur?

    2. I actually support the fines like the $7 billion Citi just received for breach of contract. They misrepresented their shitty mortgages as conforming loans to the GSE’s.

      Think of it as a civil suit for damages.

      1. Hey, Weigel. Fancy meeting you here.

        1. Hey, Weigel.

          Of 2124 12th St NW Washington, DC 20009, phone number 202-261-2848.

          1. Ok, do we really think this?

            Or is this just counter-trolling?

            I’m OK with it even it is just counter-trolling. But now I’m confused.

      2. No need to state the obvious. If it’s done by the Obama Admin, it’s understood that you will support it.

        1. You prefer taxpayers pay the bill for scam artists in the private sector.

          Typical.

          1. Actually, I would prefer that those who have committed fraud go to jail.

            1. Good point. If malfeasance of this magnitude cost people their freedom rather than some faceless check being written out we would have much less of it.

            2. The criminal definition of fraud was not met in these cases.

              Throwing some mid-level jackass into prison won’t recover the damages anyway.

              Regulators and the GSE’s are partly to blame for not doing their job as well.

              Maybe they were watching porn all day.

              1. Is the point to recover the damages? Or is it to create a deterrence to future behavior?

                Citi has a guaranteed business, extracting $7 billion from them will do nothing in the long term. If it were that bad, they should lose their licensing and be broken up. If it were a violation worth $7 billion, somebody did something criminal. We put people in jail for not paying court fees.

                1. Both.

                  But just getting someone here to admit the private sector misbehaved on a massive scale is noteworthy.

                  Of course the government oversight was incompetent as usual too. Govt will always eventually fail but there are more con men in the private sector.

                  Look at Gov Rick Scott and his Medicare con. It takes two to tango – a con man and incompetent government.

                  1. STFU, turd.

              2. go screw your daddy, turd.

      3. Just like a civil suit, except the people who were defrauded will never see a dime of that money.

        1. Nope, that is the Emo-prog false line. MBS investors were “defrauded” – not homeowners.

          People who got these NINJA bullshit loans were in on the act. Not that I can blame them too much. If a sham bank wants to loan you $500k so they can sell the paper off why turn it down?

      4. Where’s the emails, turd?

  40. The hilarious case where a Missouri cop thought he was using his taser but instead pulled his gun. The “gee whiz” moment only resulted in the shooting of a panhandler though, so I guess the misdemeanor charge is applicable.

    Oh, and by the way, the cop is on paid leave and there’s a good chance he’ll keep his job after the trial.

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/…../12493779/

    I’m sure if you or I approached a schizophrenic panhandler and shot him in the back when he left, we’d also get an extended paid vacation and keep our job, right?

    1. I’ll go check the “policies and benefits” part of the HR page….maybe under “hobo shooting”?

      ……

      Nope, we don’t get paid vacations for backshooting people, dammit!

    2. Charged does not mean convicted.

      1. Oh, I think it’s safe to say he’s going to plead guilty to a lesser charge and get a 30 day suspended sentence and he’ll keep his job because he’s one of the King’s men.

        On the off chance he sees jail time, he can use all the PTO he’s accumulating during the trial so he won’t miss work. It’s really a win-win from the taxpayers standpoint.

        1. Or he’ll waive his right to a jury trial, get a sympathetic judge, and be found not guilty.

          1. Why waive when he could get 50 uniformed “supporters” to show up and stare at the jury?

  41. Are you a tax protestor? Want to improve your arguments (or at least discover how typical arguments fail)? Look no further.
    http://taxprof.typepad.com/tax…..dison.html

  42. Cop alleged to have kicked girl, 13, in state care

    http://www.heraldsun.com.au/ne…..6992649729
    He’s caught on video kicking her in the head. Nothing else happened.

    1. So long as he was yelling “STOP RESISTING!” it’s all good.

    2. Suggested theme song for these type of stories.

      1. I thought it was going to be this.

  43. Ill see your head-kicker, sarc, and raise you a cop using his squad car to escort drug runners. Of course he was at least sentenced…to probation.

    His coo-defendant was sentenced to a year because he got leniency due to being a veteran.

    http://www.chron.com/news/hous…..612298.php

    You just can’t make this shit up anymore.

    1. When y’all going to O’Shaughnessy’s again?

      1. Looks like Wednesday were gonna have a meetup there. I’ll email ya.

  44. Good news, everyone: Dick Dale is on tour. Plan accordingly.

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