Obama Says Boehner Lawsuit Is a 'Stunt,' Tea Party Leader Dead, Mexican Chopper Fires on Border Patrol: P.M. Links


  • White House

    President Obama says that House Speaker John Boehner's (R-OH) threat of a lawsuit against him is just a "stunt."

  • Mississippi Tea Party leader Mark Mayfield was found dead of a gunshot wound today. The activist, who was recently arrested on conspiracy charges for allegedly photographing the bedridden wife of Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Miss.), likely committed suicide according to police.
  • A Mexican military helicopter apparently flew into the U.S. and fired on border patrol agents in the early hours of Thursday.
  • The New York Supreme Court wants the data of 400 Facebook users, an "unprecedented request [that] is by far the largest we've ever received … and we have argued that it was unconstitutional from the start," according to a representative from the social media site.
  • $76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.
  • Ukraine's new president signed a trade liberalization deal the E.U. The previous administration nixed the agreement last November, lighting the fuse for much of the current mess that the nation is in. 

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  1. President Obama says that House Majority Leader John Boehner’s threat of a lawsuit against him is just a “stunt.”

    Lawsuits. They’re no tax audits.

    1. Hello.

      So. I watched Captain Phillips today. Is it me or did the Yanks kinda fuck that Somali over? Dude was going to negotiate. There was a truce no?

      1. I thought it was a movie, not a documentary?

        1. Based on true events.

          1. So, not a documentary.

            I’ve found that ‘based on true events’ means ‘this is a story we can make into a movie, and fill it with tons of crap that didn’t happen to a) make more money, b) make it a story that we like, c) slant it differently, and d) all of the above.

            Just sayin’.

            1. Yeah.

              I looked up the Somali pirate who survived and was arrested and lo and behold a defense lawyer brought it up:


      2. Tough shit. Pirate a ship, catch a bullet. Works for me.

  2. A Mexican military helicopter apparently flew into the U.S. and fired on border patrol agents in the early hours of Thursday.

    You know we started a full-scale war with Mexico over less.

    1. Was the pilot’s name Pancho Villa?

      1. I’m referring to the Mexican-American war where James K. Polk alleged that American blood had been spilled on American soil during a skirmish even though the spot was in the neutral zone.

        Congressman Abraham Lincoln earned the nickname ‘Spotty Lincoln’ for insisting on identifying the exact spot of the skirmish.

        1. That’s just like your mom’s nickname! But her “spots” are for a different reason…

        2. That Lincoln. Always missing the point.

    2. I believe the proper response is to “accidentally” bomb the Mexican embassy in Iraq or Afghanistan. “Oops, sorry, wasn’t marked as an embassy on the map.”

      1. And just to be clear, I meant for a US warplane to do that. Although a drone strike would be very cutting edge.

        1. Nah, we already did that one to the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade, right?

          1. That’s what I was referring to. Couldn’t remember where it was.

            1. 1154 Oopshit Prospekt, Belgrade, Serbia

      2. But they had a flat!

        (Yeah, I know I’m like 8 hours late to the party.)

        1. Damn it, finally get a comment in and I don’t type the key word correctly.

  3. Hate crime attack on Portugal fan after World Cup game: Hamilton police

    A woman in Hamilton was assaulted in a suspected hate crime after being insulted for wearing a team Portugal jersey, Hamilton police said Thursday.

    Everything is a hate crime now.

    1. Don’t worry. In a few decades, arguing with someone will be verbal assault, intimidation, and harassment. And if you say anything about small government, you will get a hate crime charge added.

      1. Well, according to Cenk Uyghur it already is.

        1. Well, except if you’re a dirty Armenian. Then you have it coming, according to him.

    2. That’s not a hate crime.


  4. Something for the weekend?

    Behold, A Fleshlight Case…For Your iPad?

    1. No.

    2. You better read that iTunes agreement. It includes a paternity clause.

    3. http://www.iflscience.com/tech…..e-hospital

      Beat this one 😉

      1. Has anyone informed Don Johnson?

        1. +1 Killer Robots in Underground Topeka!

    4. Behold, A Fleshlight Case…For Your iPad?

      Okaaay. I was wondering why a flAshlight for an iPad was a big deal. Then I thought sure Kotaku must be a Japanese version of The Onion. So this is a real thing?

      1. If the article was written by Brian Ashcroft, then probably no.

        That guy fills the damn site with every stupid ‘look what the Japanese are doing’ trends that really aren’t trends, just one idiot.

  5. Ex-cop arrested, charged with murdering two women found stuffed in suitcases.

    1. Warty posted this yesterday. Did you see the police sketch of one of the victims? Enjoy your nightmares.

      1. What? Why would a sketch of a victim be scary? They didn’t release a pic of the body did they?

        1. It’s creepy beyond belief. It looks like they sketched the desiccated corpse and put a wig on it. Seriously, find it if you can and want to be creeped out.

            1. http://www.startribune.com/loc…..lFQ00tf.97

              Is this the one?

              1. I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight! Shit!

    2. Was the crime spotted by a bedridden photographer, his nurse, and girlfriend?

      1. I had a question for you in yesterday’s links, but you were not there.

        There’s a movie, ’80s or maybe very early ’90s where two guys travel in Europe. There’s a running joke about Europeans being very confused why Americans are so enthusiastic about hamburgers, and the closing scene is them with the girlfriends they picked up in Europe grilling in the back yard and the European women admitting that they’re actually pretty good when they’re done right.

        1. I remember seeing a French movie on IFC before they went commercial that had a young French woman introducing her American boyfriend to her family, but it was from the early 2000s and I don’t remember the name of the movie.

          By the way, there’s no question in your comment. :-p

          1. 2 Days in Paris?

        2. The movie is Barcelona

            1. Thank you! That would’ve driven me nuts.

              1. You are welcome.

    3. So, wait – the cop found two women stuffed in suitcases and then murdered them?

      1. Or was the cop who murdered two women found stuffed in more than one suitcase?

        At the same time?

  6. So I was feeling all kinds of great today until I read that puppycide story. I’m going to go drink until I can’t feel feelings anymore.

    For which the government will surely think I’m a “heavy drinker”.

    1. I had to euthanize our cat this morning, so I was hoping for no dead pet stories, but I should have known better than to check Reason.

      1. Sucks. Sorry to hear that.

      2. Sorry to hear dude.

      3. Sorry, buddy.

      4. Sorry.

      5. Dang… that is never a good thing. Sorry to hear it.

      6. Thanks, it is certainly crazy how attached one can get to a dopey cat. Like family, except she never yelled at me or thought I was stupid.

        1. bummer dude, my condolences.

        2. I had a cat I cried over when he died of cancer. Smartest cat I ever saw. He could turn the doorknob and open the door. He would run under the sink trying to figure out where the water went.

          Thanks for the memory. Sorry for your loss.

          1. Mine wasn’t very bright, but still very friendly and loyal.

            Good to hear though it is normal to become a blubbering mess over a cat.

            1. “or thought I was stupid.”

              I have to say that this is probably not true. I think all cats look down on us and tolerate us for what we provide them.

              1. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

        3. Its a cat – she may no have yelled at you but they *all* think you’re stupid.

      7. Man, that’s too bad. My.sympathy.

      8. Damn. Sorry.

      9. I make a big show of hating cats, but secretly it’s because I love too much.

        1. Ha, yeah she actually became “mine” when I was still a youngin’ living at home with my parents. It was the summer they let me get a puppy, which didn’t work out because my brother has special needs so he was too rough and we had to give the puppy away.

          So…she (the cat) was born with her sister outside our house a little later and my sisters started taking care of them and eventually they came inside. I wanted nothing to do with them, since I had to give up my dog, but she just kept coming into my room and hanging out with me, so we bonded and the rest is history I suppose.

          1. That’s a very touching story.

          2. Yep. I grew up in a semi-rural part of the city. Lots of missing cats over the years, some of which were pretty close. When I moved out I didn’t have the heart to deal with it. I’m sure I’ll change my mind when I’m more settled, but till then I make a big deal about it to dissuade my girlfriend.

            Condolences, though. It’s a tough thing. *cough*

      10. condolences,CPA.

      11. Man, that sucks… I just lost my tortie to a bobcat a couple weeks back, so I know how you feel.

        There’s something about cats, when they bond to you, that makes it harder to get over than losing a dog. I think it’s that it’s not a sure thing. Cats pick and choose who they’re close with, whereas dogs are friendly to anybody who will scratch their ear.

      12. Sorry to hear that. I’ve had a hard time with the loss of a couple pets. I usually don’t know how much it’s going to hurt until their end actually comes. There was one cat, named Fox (after Fox Mulder from The X-Files) we had to put down that hit me pretty hard. Such a charming fellow, and a great companion.

        Our 8 year old pomeranian died in our bed several months ago. He was very ill but it still hits hard. I’m tearing up just typing this out. I’ve had pictures of him as a rotating desktop on my computer but I need to change that. I’m tired of being sad, and he’s not coming back. I can’t count how many pets I’ve buried over the years, but there are those rare few that become something more. I share your grief.

    2. Yeah, that was particularly disturbing to me too. I have a beagle and he’s a friendly dog, but he barks at whoever knocks on the door and then jumps on them in excitement when they come in. If cops ever came in the door, that would be the end of him.

      What kind of asshole thinks a beagle is a threat to them? I guess they just shoot whatever dog because they can and there are no consequences, not always because they’re scared.

    3. Sorry, dude. If you know how to love, pets are always family.

      RIP, kitty

  7. A Mexican military helicopter apparently flew into the U.S. and fired on border patrol agents in the early hours of Thursday.

    They took our SWAT jobs.

    1. But were they public SWAT or private SWAT?

      Massachusetts SWAT teams claim they’re private corporations, immune from open records laws

      Approximately 240 of the 351 police departments in Massachusetts belong to an [Law Enforcement Council]. While set up as “corporations,” LECs are funded by local and federal taxpayer money, are composed exclusively of public police officers and sheriffs, and carry out traditional law enforcement functions through specialized units such as SWAT teams . . .

      Due to the weakness of Massachusetts public records law and the culture of secrecy that has infected local police departments and Law Enforcement Councils, procuring empirical records from police departments and regional SWAT teams in Massachusetts about police militarization was universally difficult and, in most instances, impossible . . .

      1. The Mass SWAT teams are really letting us down one more time.

      2. Some of us went through this while you left-coasters will still asleep.

        1. Check your time zone privilege nicole!

        2. I’d say this is why Nicole is the worst, but I would have made the same comment myself.

  8. President Obama says that House Majority Leader John Boehner’s threat of a lawsuit against him is just a “stunt.”

    Thus says President Stinkburger.

  9. $76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.

    Well so much for the romanticism of that icon.

    1. Man, I’ve gotta get into this government supplier racket. I’ll bet I could make that net for a mere $75 million.

    2. How do they get out of the net?

    3. I’m thinking it’s more like an anti-suicide net…

      1. No, the net actually spells out the letters J-U-M-P-!

        1. Part of the high cost is that they’ve already booked David Lee Roth for the ribbon cutting ceremony.

        2. Part of the high cost is that they’ve already booked David Lee Roth for the ribbon cutting ceremony.

          1. Despite the best efforts of the squirrels, that’s funny.

      2. I saw in some report that it would be a metal net. I guess razor wire would make it a suicide net.

        “We’re just chumming the bay for the sharks! It’s the environmentally friendly way to get rid of the undesirables!”

    4. they should put a diving board up.

    5. The psychology of the whole thing is weird. There’s nothing to prevent someone from jumping into the net, and then jumping off that, but the net will be metal and far enough below that you’d probably hurt yourself on that first jump. Supposedly the idea of being hurt a few minutes before you die dissuades many suicides.

  10. The New York Supreme Court wants the data of 400 Facebook users, an “unprecedented request [that] is by far the largest we’ve ever received ? and we have argued that it was unconstitutional from the start,” according to a representative from the social media site.

    When are they going to come after H&R commenters? Folks, I hope you are all using Tor and pseudonymous emails.

    1. Why would they bother? If they’re keeping tabs on the comments here they know how easily we can be incapacitated. Leak a few nut-punchy stories and we’re mostly drinking ourselves catatonic for the evening. We’re a placid bunch that way.

      1. Hell, they know that all they have to do to stop us is screw up the commenting.
        We’ll be so busy trying to refresh to be a threat to anyone . . . wait a minute!

        1. Wow. Mind: blown.

  11. “$76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.”

    I’m pretty sure the net part costs about $10,000. The other $76 million is for graft, but nobodys going to question it.

    1. Prevailing Wage laws, my friend, Prevailing Wage laws.

      A basic no-nothing laborer costs about $75/hr on a public job in the Bay Area.

      1. By which I meant a “know-nothing laborer.”

        1. I figured you meant “do-nothing”.

          1. Depends on the terms of the Project Labor Agreement.

    2. Or what about this, we just let ’em jump?

      1. The right to off yourself is the ultimate freedom. No matter what other “rights” you supposedly have, if your own life isn’t yours to extinguish at your own will, you are not a free man in any sense of the word.

        And, such a bridge is a pretty damn good place to do it. You don’t leave a mess for others to worry about, the scenery is good.

      2. Here in Seattle they put up barriers on the Aurora Bridge to stop jumpers, but it was mostly at the insistence of Adobe and some other businesses who tended to have the bodies land in their parking lot in Fremont instead of in the canal. Of course, Adobe and the others didn’t pay for it. I also have no idea whether it worked or not.

        1. How high is the net? Seems like an easy solution for falling into the net is to crawl to the edge and then just jump off that.

          1. They didn’t use a net, they put up high fences along the bridge sides to make going over the edge more difficult. I have no idea at its effectiveness, if any.

        2. “at the insistence of Adobe and some other businesses who tended to have the bodies land in their parking lot in Fremont instead of in the canal”

          I think this is the real thing, really – GGB is a HUGE tourist draw and people are back and forth walking across that bridge all day every day well into night, and they don’t want to see people jumping off.

          That plus, the body may not just politely disappear at sea, but could easily wash up on Facebook’s doorstep a week later, not greatly improved.

          1. Needz moar shark.

          2. Exactly. You think they’re going to spend that much money just to try and save a few despondent people? No, it’s for tourism or a concerned interest (like an Adobe).

            1. The despondent people will just move on to BART or whatever. When I lived in Montreal there was a shit ton of subway-jumping. I don’t know why you don’t seem to see more of that here.

              1. Your worstness has driven them to kill themselves anywhere but Chicago proper, nicole.

              2. Jumping in front of a Caltrain locomotive is already a popular suicide method in the Bay Area. Possibly, more prevalent than jumping off the bridge.

                1. I hope nobody is waiting to commit suicide by jumping in front of a high-speed rail train. Their great-grandchildren will die of old age first.

            2. Fortunately, there are no skyscrapers to leap from in Ess Eff.

              1. Or sea cliffs!

              2. Jump off the Transamerica Building.

                1. I wonder how many floors down before you make contact and bouncing/sliding your way to the bottom. I bet its only like 3 or 4. It would be messy.

          3. they don’t want to see people jumping off.

            I think that would be an even greater draw, provided there is advance warning to get a good vantage point.

      3. Well, they’re going to find some way to do it. From the archives:

        Constantia Taylor between the hours of Six & ten of the Clock in the forenoon on the fifteenth day of May one thousand Seven hundred & fifty eight Not having God before her Eyes but being Seduced & led by the Instigation of the divil at Kingwood aforesd in a Certain house Belonging to William taylor then & there being alone with one Rope made With flax of the price of one penny Which shee then & there in her hands had and held and one End then about her Neck then & there Shee put and the other End then about a Shelf in Said house She tied and herself then and there With the Rope aforesd voluntarily and feloniously did hang, and strangle and so the Jurors aforesaid upon their oaths aforesaid say

      4. Several years ago I read an article about people who had jumped and survived. I don’t exactly recall how large their sample was (seems like it was a several hundred people) but the bottom line was that the instant that they took the leap they changed their mind. Every single one of them. My guess is that the ones that didn’t survive had a similar final thought.

        So I guess making it a bit harder might not be a bad thing.

        … Hobbit

    3. The other $76 million is likely for licenses, fees, environmental impact statements, legal briefs, etc. So, yes, graft. Just a more refined quality.

      1. As soon as a few unsuspecting birds get caught in the net the greenies in San Francisco will insist its removal.

        1. My hope is that one day SF will commit suicide on itself by restoring Hetch Hetchy to its original pristine state.

          1. The San Andreas Fault will take care of it eventually.

        2. At a cost of an additional several million dollars.

      2. No – that stuff will only be about $3-4 million.

        1. “licenses,” “fees”, “environmental impact statements”, “legal briefs”


          1. Still costs the same. Maybe $5-6 mil if people are really working the system.

            The real cost, no shit, is in the inflated labor rates, and that’s the smoke screen that hides the other pork.

            The labor bill on that net will top $100k per day easy.

  12. “People’s Daily Takes Firm Stance Against Urine Consumption…

    “These days, the party’s main newspaper rarely takes on a problem without finding a plotter behind the scenes. And so it was here. The report said the dubious practice had been encouraged by the China Urine Therapy Association, which it found plenty to be displeased about.”


    1. Would it be accurate to say the CUTA is pissed about this?

      1. Information leaked by staffers indicates “oui.”

        1. Nice verb choice there.

          1. *just* the verb?

            1. oui, oui! would have been more to the point.

      2. I…you…just…

        *shakes head and walks away*

    2. It is necessary for me to drink my own urine? NO! But it’s sterile and I like the taste.

  13. Mississippi Tea Party leader Mark Mayfield was found dead of a gunshot wound today. The activist, who was recently arrested on conspiracy charges for allegedly photographing the bedridden wife of Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Miss.), likely committed suicide according to police.

    If only guns were banned and we had suicide nets in all bridges…

    1. And sidewalks at the bottoms of tall buildings should be made of rubberized playground surfaces!

      1. I love that stuff. I’m totally in favor of that. It’d be like a mini-trampoline everywhere you go!

    2. I hate to say it by My tin foil hat is wearing out over shit like this.

      1. That’s why I went to an aluminum colander

        1. Try the heavy-duty foil from Costco.

  14. “The activist….likely committed suicide according to police.”

    How he managed to shoot himself twelve times in the back of the head remains undere investigation.

    1. At least he didn’t accidentally brutally cut his own head off while combing his hair.

  15. Suicide “net”?

    Can’t they just ‘ban suicide’? it IS San Francisco.

    1. We tried telling those people that if they kill themselves, they’re going to be in big, big trouble, but they keep ignoring us.

    2. India had a law making suicide itself illegal (apart from aiding it), if I remember it right. Not 100% sure, but we had quite a few laws leftover from the Brits.

      1. Suicide was historically a felony in the US.

        1. Attempted suicide still is a crime.

          I don’t think (successful) suicide is against the law. Pointless, really. No defendant.

          R C Dean

    3. Can’t they just ‘ban suicide’?


  16. “Former Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius acknowledged Friday that she made mistakes leading up to the rollout of the Affordable Care Act, worrying too much about whether there’d be a market for Obamacare and spending “too little time clearly on the technology side.””


    1. Yeah, b&$@*. And when the sh hits the fan because of economics, you will be dead. And it won’t matter because according to your hero Keynes, in the long run we’re all dead anyway.

  17. $76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.

    So get jumping, people! We need to bring that cost per life saved down!

  18. I went over the Tapenzee Bridge last weekend and I noticed they are actually building a new one. The country’s most dilapidated and one if its most important bridges finally being replaced. I really didn’t thing the commies in New York had it in them.

    1. Will it be done in any of our lifetimes?

  19. California couple vexed by live-in nanny that refuses to work and refuses to leave

    They fired their live-in nanny this month, but the woman — Diane Stretton — has refused to move out, and the couple has little legal recourse to evict her.

    “I fired her June 6 and she refused to leave, saying she had rights and I needed to evict her,” Marcella Bracamonte told CNN on Friday.

    “She quit working about a month before I ever fired her — she would just stay in her room.”

    How bad did it get?

    “She threatened to sue me after I didn’t turn the air conditioner on,” Bracamonte said, adding that Stretton “wrote me this long letter with all her terms and what she wanted — she wanted my family out of our home for certain hours everyday — it was crazy.”

    According to the Bracamontes, Stretton started out fine when they hired her March 4 after running a background check. In exchange for room and board, Stretton was expected to help out with household chores and childcare.

    But once she gained the family’s trust, they said, Stretton stopped working and stayed in her room.

    Sgt. Don Dodt with the Upland Police Department told CNN that in general, once someone has established a residency in a home, the landlord or owner of the property must go to court to get the person evicted.

    Mrs. Doubtfire? More like Mrs. Cantfire, am I right?

    1. Homer: Carnies took over our house, you’ve got to help us!
      Chief Wiggum: Well, well, well. Look who’s here, Mr. No-Bribe! Sure, we’ll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn!
      Homer: Thank you so much!
      Lisa: Dad?
      Homer: Honey, Daddy’s waiting for the detective.

    2. Cutting the electrical circuit for that room and a lock on the outside of the door ought to take care of that little problem.

      1. And a vicious attack dog. Turn off the breaker to the room, let the snarling beast roam the halls.

        1. Or just change the locks to the house. Seriously: How the hell is she still getting in?

          1. Maybe she never leaves and has food delivered or something.

        2. Put a lock on the bathroom door.

          1. And throw the circuit breaker for the room she’s squatting in.

          2. Do you really want her to become an EPA employee?

            1. Why not? She’s already more than qualified, and it would get her out of the house.

    3. Why do you go to the newspapers for something like this.

      Simply get a couple of people to come in, beat the shit out of her (OK, maybe not this part) and then throw her and her stuff out on the sidewalk.

      Let *her* go to the courts.

    4. I know cali laws are cray and all, but my first reaction is to grab her by the scruff of the neck and throw her ass out. Why is this complicated?

      1. Yeah. Scuffle throw her out, dial 911 and claim she assaulted you.

  20. Jazz musician Christian McBride’s bass stolen by the TSA.

    The critically acclaimed jazz bassist was travelling to Saskatoon, Canada for a concert when, upon arrival, he found that the bow he packed away with his bass was missing. After taking steps to confirm the TSA was actually behind the curious case of the missing bow, he took to Facebook to vent his frustrations at the federal agency seizing his property without due cause.

    “Now that it’s confirmed, I can tell you that good ol’ TSA confiscated (aka STOLE) my brand new bow right out of my hard case yesterday,” McBride wrote to his 76,000+ fans on Facebook.

    There’s also a link in that story about the TSA breaking John Pattitucci’s bass.

    1. TSA just doesn’t want these negro jazz musicians out smoking the devil weed and corrupting our women.

      1. +1 Harry Anslinger!

    2. The king’s men’s privelege. You should be happy to donate to those whom so selflessly protect you and all your stuff, the stuff the king and his men kindly let you keep. Selfish peasant.

    3. Oops, I missed a word. It wasn’t his whole bass, just the bow. I think there’s a piece in there that looks like ivory (even though it’s not) and the TSA often confiscates bows because of that.

    4. Thieves, Scoundrels, and Assholes.

  21. President Obama says that House Majority Leader John Boehner’s threat of a lawsuit against him is just a “stunt.”

    So says the super genius constitutional lawyer who has been on the losing end of 13 nine to zero Supreme Court Cases.

    1. This. Let him fight the stunt “all the way to the Supreme Court”.

      Let the good times roll.

    2. How the f did he end up being the editor of the Harvard Law Review? Or is he just so morally bankrupt and power hungry that he does not give a sh about the constitution?

      1. It was a political position. He was elected. What happened was the liberals voted for him because he was black and the conservatives were okay with it because he never said much and didn’t seem bright enough to cause any problems.

    3. What specific policy is the lawsuit going to focus on? With our luck the same GOP that criticized Obamacare for taking money from Medicare, criticized the closing of national parks and memorials because its great to have those things, will focus on Obama’s immigration or drug policy nonenforcement issues.

      1. Yeah, I’ve been wondering that too. Just do it “unstupidly”, Boehner. Enough testing the wind.

      2. If Boehner screws this up, 1) it really is going to look like a stunt. 2) he will have political blowback.

        1. Don’t underestimate the level of Boehner’s stupidity.

  22. $76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.

    Officials discovered the desiccated corpses of 12 people, believed to have jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, in the net designed to save people attempting suicide by jumping off the bridge. “The funds to actually monitor the net were never approved, so we never checked.”

    1. They’ll mount the net too low, and the jumpers will be neatly minced as they fall.

      1. neatly minced

        “Nothing to cut.”

        1. This made me laugh for 5 minutes

        1. Disappointed that you don’t have a clip from Saturn 3 thee.

  23. Immigration activists to “occupy the House”


    If you are a closed boarder guy, immigration activists are you best assets. Why these people think a bunch of dirty hippies and various Latino Activists wearing “fuck you its still Mexico” shirts staging a sit in at the capitol is going to help them is beyond me.

    1. And they’re a detriment to us open borders advocates.

      But at the same time, can we give California/Arizona/New Mexico back to Mexico? I mean, would we really be losing anything in that scenario?

      1. Well, perhaps the Grand Canyon.

        But thanks to Google Maps that’s not a real loss.

      2. This.

        PLEASE let them have Mexico. Enjoy that debt, folks!

      3. CA-AZ were never meaningfully part of Mexico.

        That said, I wouldn’t mind independence, if that is what you are proposing.

        1. “A buffer zone.”

      4. Mexico “had” CA,AZ,NM,CO,UT, NV, TX, for …wait for it… about 20 years. During which time all that really happened is some Anglophones moved into the Texas parts and quickly rebelled, and a cult set up shop in the North. There weren’t any cities, the only towns were in New Mexico, and they were built by Spaniards centuries before.

        New Mexico is as “Mexican” as Newfoundland is “American”.

        That said, the Southwest, or even better, the entire West, makes a better Republic of its own than it does as 1/3 of the US or half of Mexico. CA should be its own, independent cesspool that can boldly follow the path of Venezuela and Cuba as it pleases.

        All this of course is conceding that there should be any States or borders or governments at all..

        1. I couldn’t agree more.

          The first Mexican settlers arrived in CA in the 1770s, and the revolution started around 1810. By 1840 the entire population of CA would be enough to fill a small town in CA today, there was never a reliable way to get between Mexico and CA by land, and the closest appeals court was in Guadalajara.

          The transfer of CA to the US was as nearly bloodless as any such thing could be imagined.

          At the same time, CA has culturally never been that firmly part of the US, either, other than having a common language.

      5. No, but if you don’t like us that much we’ll happily leave the union.

        We’d have done it already except that you keep threatening to kill if we ever leave.

    2. AM talk radio is going to freakin’ detonate.

  24. Robert Reich: Beware the Koch Machine!

    The Koch machine includes:

    1. Political front groups pouring hundreds of millions of dollars into elections at every level of our democracy, while disguising the sources of the money.

    2. Giant advertising campaigns to convince Americans climate change is a myth, the Affordable Care Act will harm them, unions are bad, and wealthy people deserve tax cuts.

    3. A network of think tanks designed to come up with findings the Kochs want. For example, over $23 million for studies arguing we should abolish the minimum wage or keep it where it is forever.

    4. A campaign to suppress the votes of minorities. In the last presidential election, funding white “poll-watchers” where minorities vote, leading to complaints of voter intimidation. And peddling a Voter ID bill to state legislators across the country, designed to make it harder for many to vote.

    5. A nationwide effort to bust unions. Funding anti-union campaigns in states like Wisconsin, and pushing an anti-union law that’s been used in dozens of states to undermine workers’ collective bargaining rights.

    And 6. A long-term strategy to unravel America’s campaign finance laws, even organizing secret meetings with sympathetic Supreme Court justices.

    If only those 6 things were true.

    1. And take his little dog, Toto, too….

    2. Is he getting nuttier as he ages or was he always this loopy? I tended to tune him out when he came on various newser shows spouting crypto-Kruggie economics.

    3. Projection.

      1. Unions. “Scientific” researchers (e.g. CSPI).

      2. Pajama Boy, et al

      3. Center for American Progress, et al

      4. New Black Panthers

      5. Nationwide efforts to destroy non-union schools.

      6. IRS Scandal

    4. I’m convinced the Kochs need to throw down the money necessary to hire half-black, half-mexican illegal alien double amputee transvestites to watch the polls, just to see Rolling Stone sputter to death.

      1. I like it.

  25. After an extensive search of the neighborhood, cops find retarded child in his own basement. And only shot one dog doing it.

    A Salt Lake City man whose dog was killed by a police officer in its own backyard last Wednesday said he would not be satisfied unless the officer was fired from the force.

    Sean Kendall, 27, met with high-ranking Salt Lake City police officials on Monday to discuss the fatal shooting of his 2-year-old Weimaraner, Geist. The dog was shot in the head by a police officer during a door-to-door search for a 3-year-old boy whose parents had reported him missing from their house near 2500 South and Fillmore Street.

    The boy was eventually found asleep in his own basement.

    Though the meeting was “productive,” said Kendall, he remained “extremely frustrated and upset” at the apparent reluctance of the police to take action against the officer who shot his dog.

    But Sgt. Greg Wilking said the officer did not break the law when he entered Kendall’s backyard.

    “There are extenuating circumstances,” said Wilking. “A child is missing, and if you’re a parent, you would want us to look everywhere for your child. We wouldn’t want to leave any stone unturned.”

    1. “A child is missing, and if you’re a parent, you would want us to look everywhere for your child.”

      They had jolly well better have looked in that dog’s stomach.

    2. Jesus. I’m gonna have to drink a lot of whiskey tonight to forget about all these dead pet stories.

    3. We wouldn’t want to leave any stone unturned

      Except, apparently, the kid’s own house.

  26. likely committed suicide according to police.

    “He shot himself multiple times in the back of the head, and then disposed of the gun.”

    1. Damn! I missed the “disposed of the gun” part…

    2. E: As the Acting Returning Officer of Dunny-on-the-Wold…

      H: (cuts in) Er, the Acting Returning Officer, Mr. E. Blackadder, of course.
      And we’re all very grateful, indeed, that he stepped in at the last minute,
      when the previous Returning Officer accidently brutally stabbed himself
      in the stomach while shaving.

  27. $76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.

    Fuck that. They should install a suicide catapult, and charge to use it.

    1. suicide catapult

      Nice band name.

      But ban apps that would facilitate scheduling it.

    2. They could even get all the Burning Man weirdos to build multiple, competing catapults to choose from. Cost to taxpayers: $0.

  28. Cop found drunk, nearly naked in stranger’s Bronx apartment hours after receiving medal

    He went from hero to zero in a few boozy hours.
    Shortly after NYPD Officer Eugene Donnelly donned his dress blues for a medal ceremony at One Police Plaza, the cockeyed cop sported only his underwear when found in a stranger’s Bronx apartment.
    The polluted policeman, a four-year veteran, allegedly roughed up the female resident during the June 10 bender ? and officials say he was too blotto to recognize his whereabouts.
    “He was apparently drinking,” a police source told the Daily News of Donnelly. “He was celebrating. He went to stay with a friend.”

    1. Well, at least he didn’t hit teh bong like ol’ Michael Phelps.

  29. A Mexican military helicopter apparently flew into the U.S. and fired on border patrol agents in the early hours of Thursday.

    And apparently none of these people thinks its unusual to open fire on a suspected drug smuggling vehicle. That the only thing wrong here is that that it was a BOB.

    1. Wow, the commenters in that article are a bunch of fascist, racist, douchebags.

  30. Boko Haram kidnaps more girls.

    Long article follows. Then at the very end:

    Another resident who also wished to remain anonymous said the attackers also killed 30 men.

  31. Sorry, guys –

    “Lucy Steigerwald ?@LucyStag 1m

    “Cooking eggs for my boyfriend while listening to George Jones makes me feel like a harried short order cook with big city dreams.”

    1. “I can bring home the bacon/ Fry it up in a pan/ And never, ever let you forget you’re a man . . .”

      1. Your comment is incomplete without a Youtube link.

  32. “The new version of Age of Zombies calls on you:

    “Blast your way through a brand new campaign chapter

    “Channel the power of Abraham Lincoln’s magnificent beard

    “Prove your superiority in three action-packed survival stages

    “Face off against Zombie George Washington to rescue mankind

    “Become a true American hero today!”


  33. Friday history lesson: The Oldest Known Illustration of Circumcision (2400 B.C.E.)

    What do we have here? Just the oldest known illustration of circumcision being performed. Actually, it’s a colorful re-creation of a bas-relief (see original here) found in an Egyptian tomb built for Ankhmabor in Sakkara, Egypt. It dates back to around 2400 B.C.E.

    By the time you get to 4,000 B.C.E., you start to find exhumed Egyptian bodies that show signs of circumcision. And then come the artistic depictions. The Sakkara depiction comes with the perhaps helpful written warning,”Hold him and do not allow him to faint.”

    1. I linked this a few days ago, but nobody responded.

      1. Bah. I’ve been trying to post it since last Friday but I’ve either been slammed at work or blocked by squirrels.

        Welp, sorry I didn’t see you’d posted it, I would’ve commented.

      2. I’m not touching that with a ten foot mohel.

  34. More happy stories to erase all the dead dog ones, please?

    1. “A terrified abandoned dog gets rescued.

      “His transformation will warm your [heart symbol]”


      1. That made me tear up — in a good way!

      2. Heart symbol should be “& # 10084 ;” with no spaces ?

        1. Like this –


          1. Wow, thank you!

            1. You might find this page useful. It’s not complete, but the descriptions are fun. And they can give you the HTML code for quite a few of them.

              This site is a bit more cumbersome, but more complete you can select a particular symbol and you can scroll down to the decimal HTML entity.

              This should be a honeybee:

              1. The squirrels clearly do not like the extended HTML set. Stick to the first link they only have the basic HTML set.

    2. Not happy, but some are funny:


    3. OK, I have one that has no bad ending. My wife had a little dinner party last weekend and after dinner I was standing in the front yard with a buddy for a smoke. At the end of our street is a T intersection, and the people who live at the top of the T have this long chain link fence across their yard, which I can see the entirety of from my place. Their driveway gate was wide open, and the sidewalk gate was wide open. Inside the yard was a Chihuahua running back and forth along the fence line in tandem with a loose Husky mix on the outside of the fence. The pair would run right past the open parts of the fence barking at one another as if in some sort of agreement that this barking was all for show.

      I was laughing about this with a friend when a police car rolled up and two cops got out. My stomach clenched and I thought surely they were just going to shoot the Husky. Instead the dog ran up to them, rolled over on his back, and both cops took turns rubbing his belly. One cop opened the back door of the squad car the dog hopped right in. As the cops were getting in themselves, I heard one of them laughingly say to the other, “Loose aggressive dog, huh?” They drove off and I have no idea what became of the Husky, but it was a nice surprise to not see him gunned down on the spot.

      1. That actually makes my day. Thank you.

      2. Husky’s are beautiful dogs. Lucky the cops took it in stride.

        1. Huskies.

      3. It’s sad when a cop interaction that doesn’t end in pain, misery and death surprises you.

      4. They took him to animal control where he was put to sleep in 7 days.

  35. Cannibalism: Not necessarily fattening

    Cole determined that a human arm would supply about 1,800 calories, for example, while each leg would yield 7,150 calories. The lungs, liver, and alimentary canal each provide roughly 1,500 calories, while the brain, spinal cord, and nerve trunks together account for 2,700. And what lurks in the hearts of men? Seven hundred twenty-two calories, Cole says.

    Archaeologists might use the nutritional template to help settle some tricky research questions. We know that some groups of early hominins engaged in cannibalistic behavior, but it’s hard to know whether they did so for ritual and social reasons (so-called cultural cannibalism) or as an occasional source of nutrients (gastronomic cannibalism).

    In a cave site east of Burgos, Spain, where Homo antecessor lived one million years ago, researchers have found cut-marks on hominin bones that suggest the latter. The marks look identical to those found on the bones of animals consumed as food. Cole hopes that his work could further help distinguish these behaviors. For example, researchers might check to see if H. antecessor’s cut-marks deliberately targeted the most nutritious body parts.

    The 81,500 calories in a human body may sound like a lot, but it’s paltry next to what’s found in bigger animals. A horse contains more than 200,000 calories, and a bear three times that much.

    1. Maybe somebody will finally believe Will Graham.

    2. An arm is only 1800 calories? Thats pathetic. Whose arm are we talking about? A Somalian 10 year olds?

      How much calories is in Hodor’s arm?

    3. “It’s lonely being a cannibal. Tough making friends.”

      1. “I want you to know, If you die first I’m definitely going to eat you.”

        1. “I said no food. I didn’t say there was nothing to eat.”

      2. “Bad cannibal cook makes friends tough”

    4. Wait, a horse that weighs 4x as much as a human only contains 275% of the calories?

  36. Michigan GOP candidate: Ignore my arrests for publicly masturbating in other people’s cars

    A candidate running to represent Michigan’s 95th House district in the state legislature wants you to know that once you look past his bizarre sexual fetish and multiple felony convictions, he is a rock-ribbed conservative Republican, whose “stool of conservatism” is held up by “faith, family and freedom.”

    Michigan Live reported Friday that Saginaw’s Jordan D. Haskins dismisses the arrests and prison time as the results of youthful indiscretion and said that he is ready to “move on from that and do what I can” to serve his state as a Republican state Representative.

    “I have dreams,” Haskins said to Michigan Live, “and I want to make a difference.”

    Haskins, 24, has served prison time in two states and is currently on parole, but there are no rules preventing him from running for the state House.

    On four occasions between April of 2010 and January of 2011, Haskins broke into vehicles on public and private property, disconnected the ignition wires, then started the engine. As the wires snapped and spit sparks, Haskins would masturbate to climax in a sexualized ritual he calls “cranking.”

    1. “Stool of conservatism”…

      Paging SugarFree

    2. Michigan GOP candidate: Ignore my arrests for publicly masturbating

      Why is this a problem?

      in other people’s cars


    3. Mississippi’s had a goat fucker as Senator for decades, so what’s the problem.

  37. West Hollywood Skin Care Expert Sought White Supremacist Group to Kill Rival

    A skin care expert to the stars tried to hire a white supremacist group to kill a “double minority, Mexican gay” business rival, a detective testified.

    Dawn DaLuise is charged with solicitation of murder in an alleged plot to kill Gabriel Suarez, whose Smooth Cheeks salon opened near DaLuise’s Skin Refinery in West Hollywood.

    Oh Los Angeles…

    1. White skin-care privilege?

    2. Jesse, In case you don’t see up thread, the movie you’re looking for is Barcelona a Whit Stillman film.

      1. Yes. That’s definitely it. Thank you so much.

    3. Dawn DaLuise


  38. Obama Says Boehner Lawsuit Is a ‘Stunt,’ Tea Party Leader Dead, Mexican Chopper Fires on Border Patrol: P.M. Links

    ” ‘Bama Beans Boehner, Beaners Bomb Border, Baby-kisser: ‘Bye, *Bang*’ “

    1. I laughed

      1. Can I write for the Daily Fail now?

  39. When I lived in Montreal there was a shit ton of subway-jumping.

    Toronto too. At one point in the early 70s it seemed like one a week. Then they stopped, except it turned out they just stopped reporting them.

  40. Anderson Cooper Says He Is “Certainly No Expert on the Topic of Vaginas”

    Alas, we have found something more wonderful than Anderson Cooper giggling: Anderson Cooper giggling while talking about vaginas. Which is what happened when he discussed the American exchange student who got stuck in a giant sculpture of a vagina in Germany and required 22 firemen to get him unstuck (if you don’t know this story, maybe you should pay attention to the NEWS more. This is IMPORTANT FOREIGN AFFAIRS, people).

    “I’m certainly no expert on the topic of…” Anderson says in the video, pausing as he reads the teleprompter to giggle. “Vaginas…They really aren’t my wheelhouse, so to speak. But I know enough to know that you’re not supposed to go in feet first.”

  41. Controversy as Prince of Sweden marries former glamour model

    I wouldn’t mind her as my queen.

    1. I thought you could marry former lesbian-porn identical twins if you were the king.

    2. Now, she had a dream about the king of Sweden,
      He gave her things that she was needin’,
      He gave her a home built of gold and steel,
      A diamond car with a platinum wheel.

      Now, he gave her his townhouse and his racing horses,
      Each meal she ate was a dozen courses;
      She had a million dollars worth of nickels and dimes,
      And she sat around and counted them all a billion times.

    3. Now that she’s a queen, can she get her teeth fixed?

  42. OK, this is completely fucked. In Chrome, in only this thread and no others, the “reply to this” links have disappeared for me. I can’t post in only this thread in Chrome. So I had to go to IE to do it.

    1. I’m using Chrome and Reasonable and having no such problem. Maybe it’s time you stop jerking off into the keyboard.

      1. Don’t be stupid, I have a special keyboard to prevent that problem. No, this is really weird. Maybe I should completely shut down Chrome.

        1. It’s been coming and going for me. I tried turning Reasonable off but the problem persisted and then cleared up on its own a few refreshes later.

        2. I’ve heard of a lot of weird things on this board, but I’d never heard someone refer to a dead hooker’s severed head as a “special keyboard” until today.

          1. Well maybe you should listen harder. It’s not like this is the first time.

        3. I have been getting a similar problem, albeit jntermittently, with the stock Android browser.

    2. This happened to me with firefox a while back. Switched to Chrome. It started happening to me this week with Chrome. Most times it loads right. Sometimes it doesn’t.

      1. It just worked once for me in Chrome and then went right back to not working. But it’s only the PM Links, nowhere else. I’ve never, ever seen this before.

    3. FWIW (H&R tech support) this happened to me just before 5:00 EDT, using Chrome, W7.

      1. Me too, but it seems to have resolved itself.

  43. Ageist Patriarchy Strikes Again:

    Miss Delaware has crown stripped for being few months ‘too old’

  44. Holy Shiite – If Ayatolla You Once, Ayatolla You a Thousand Times!: Shia Religious Leaders Ready to Throw Maliki Under the Bus…

    … in order to refocus the government on retaining Kurdish territory in a nominal Iraq.

    My read is that there is not going to be much of an “Iraq” when this is all over. But that this will probably not be over for another 10yrs.


    1. They should have split up the country a long time ago — even though it might have angered the Turks.

      1. These days it seems the Iranians are more concerned with keeping Iraq in one piece than the Iraqis.

        Partly the same reason as the turks – both Turkey and Iran have Kurdish minority who they have bad history with. I think w/ Iran its also their assumption that they want to have some control over future of the oil reserves in the area.

        1. Come on, open your eyes people, this is.obviously part of a secret deal between Obama and Iran to trade the Iranian nuclear weapons program for Iranian control over Iraq.

          /tinfoil hat dude

        2. I believe that there is some growing support in Turkey for a ‘Kurdistan’.

          The possible thought is that then the Turks can push their own Kurds out of Turkey.

          1. Sorta. I’m pretty sure they’d prefer it with little to no loss of Turkish territory, which is a large caveat.

      2. Fuck yes!

        Oh, you’re talking about Iraq not the U.S.

    2. Yeah, the Kurds, that’s their problem. Never mind those pesky ISIS fellows who are slaughtering thousands and headed for you. The real problem is those Kurds!

  45. $76 million in federal, state, and bridge toll money will fund a suicide net for the Golden Gate Bridge.

    Just let them fucking jump already. They’ve got high fences and a suicide hotline phone on the bridge. If someone ignores all that, do they really think a net is gonna stop them?

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