Longtime Mississippi Sen. Thad Cochranprevailed over his more conservative Tea Party challenger, state Sen. Chris McDaniel, in a closely watched Republican primary contest on Tuesday. Assuming that he wins the general election in November, Cochran will return to Congress to serve a seventh term that he barely wanted. Thanks, democracy.
- Remember that story about the heartless KFC employees who kicked a little girl out of the restaurant because her ugly face was allegedly disturbing customers? Well, it's not true. The family of three-year-old Victoria Wilcher initially maintained that a Jackson, Mississippi, branch of the popular food chain had treated the girl—who was recovering from a pitbull attack in which she had lost an eye—cruelly. But investigators found no evidence that the incident ever occurred. KFC has decided to contribute $30,000 to the girl's medical bills, anyway. Those evil corporations, at it again.
- In the wake of recent developments in the IRS scandal, Jon Stewart assailed the agency as "totally incompetent" and bordering on "criminal idiocy" on his latest show.
- Queen Elizabeth visited the set of HBO's "Game of Thrones" and somehow resisted the malevolent call of the Iron Throne. She shook hands with cast members and producers but declined to sit in the ultimate seat of royal power. Long may she reign, in any case.
- Robert Morris University-Illinois has added League of Legends as a varsity sport.
Fairfax County, Virginia, allows home businesses but prohibits them from keeping inventory on site.
The democratic socialist congresswoman has lamented that the public-school system hinges on zip codes.
In one month, two sheriff's deputies in Florida have been arrested for fabricating drug evidence during traffic stops.