Kerry Says U.S. To Continue Palestinian Aid, McConnell Will Fight Obama's Carbon Rules, Fudge Says Fat Kids Are National Risk: P.M. Links

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    Secretary of State John Kerry told Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that the U.S. will continue to disperse aid to Palestine, where a new unity government has been formed between President Mahmoud Abbas' Fatah movement and the militant Hamas group.

  • Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) says that he will introduce legislation to stop President Obama's new Environmental Protection Agency carbon rules.
  • Fat kids put the "future of our nation at risk," assures Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio) who is proposing a multi-million dollar federal grant for healthy food. Smells like pork, Fudge.
  • A bill that would allow the Veterans Affairs Department to fire poorly performing senior executives but would prevent the "wholesale political firings" of individuals is on the fast track for consideration by the Senate.
  • Google is spending $1 billion on satellites in a bid to bring an Internet connection to the entire world.
  • Pop star and public nuisance Justin Bieber apologized today after a video from several years ago revealed him using the n-word in a joke.
  • A government building in rebel-held Luhansk, Ukraine was bombed today, killing at least seven. Pro-Russians claim it was an airstrike by the Ukrainian government, while pro-Ukrainians say it was a ground-level missile from the separatist militants.

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  1. Fat kids put the “future of our nation at risk,” assures Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio) who is proposing a multi-million dollar federal grant for healthy food.

    What isn’t a national security issue?

    1. Especially when it’s for the children.

      WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

      1. Jerry Sandusky thought about the children.

        1. WON’T CERTAIN PEOPLE PLEASE STOP THINKING OF THE CHILDREN?

    2. “What isn’t a national security issue?”

      That video that caused the Benghazi mess.

    3. Fiscal insolvency, apparently.

      1. *golf clap*

    4. Hello.

      “What isn’t a national security issue?”

      Benghazi?

      1. Too late…

        1. 4:34 PM.

          We need to see the seconds.

          I concede nothing!

    5. sez the woman named Fudge.

      1. Maybe she wakes up in a cold sweat each night, haunted by dreams of being chased by fat children. Maybe she doesn’t wake up until they’ve caught her, until she can feel their greasy hands and the sharpness of their teeth.

      2. Was there really nobody else in the legislative body to make this point? Next up: Anthony Weiner lobbies on behalf of new circumcision bill…

    6. Doesn’t fudge have a ton of calories?

    7. Why doesn’t Uncle Sugar just put the fat kids in camps, Frau Fudge? I don’t recall ever seeing photographs of fat people humping rocks up and down rickety stairways in Sachsenhausen.

    8. You mean that their fingers are so fat they need a dialing wand to enter the access code for the drone they are using to blow up weddings?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZYKVNT-VWA

    9. Is it the sword tip of Al Qaeda?

  2. Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) says that he will introduce legislation to stop President Obama’s new Environmental Protection Agency carbon rules.

    Easy there, Mitch. You already won.

    1. He doesn’t want anything to negatively affect the world’s lettuce productive. It’s the main source of food for domesticated turtle-people.

      1. production*

    2. Mitch is in a close general race against a rifle-toting Kentucky woman with a mean streak.

      I’m hoping she punches him if they debate.

      1. Is she mean enough to destroy the economy to limit CO2 emissions?

        1. She’s mean enough to say she doesn’t agree with Obama’s actions NOW and then flip-flop the minute her hand comes off the Bible in January. Haha, suckers!

          1. Team Red baaaaad! Team Red baaaaaad!

    3. Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) says that he will introduce legislation to stop President Obama’s new Environmental Protection Agency carbon rules.

      It’s some old legislation he found while cleaning out Robert Byrd’s desk.

  3. Remember that story from a few months ago that Minnesota was going to require a conviction in order to seize property via forfeiture?

    This is my surprised face.

    1. You were right, so terribly correct. Why can’t there be any good news, like ever?

      1. The change in Minnesotan law is absolutely good news.

    2. How does it work with the U.S. Marshals and U.S. Attorney involved? This seems like it’s their fault, not Minnesota’s (though I may be reading the story wrong).

      1. When they’re restricted by state law regarding forfeiture, local police departments generally turn to the feds. The feds come in and “help”, the forfeiture case turns federal, you get a ridiculous federal case like “United States of America vs. $200,000 in US currency”, they steal take the victim’s defendant’s cash, and then through “equitable sharing”, the police department gets the vast majority of it.

        1. Yes, can’t be said enough. The bullshit animism of the many actual cases in federal courts where the US government wages a claim against a quantity of money. Not against Scrooge McDuck FOR $200,000, but against the money itself. Like the bills have agency, or the zeroes and ones in the bank computers have intelligence, or something. This is how low we’ve sunk.

    3. Well, unfortunately, the Feds didn’t make that promise. They’re the ones “babysitting” the money.

    4. Form the comments:

      A friend of mine was arrested once driving home with take out from Buca di Peppo…when he was being booked at the jail, all of the police officers were eating his Buca.

      Jerks.

      1. Civil forfeiture applies to foodstuffs? Bastards!

      2. Where’s Buca di Peppo?

        And really, they’re allowed to do that?

        Fucking disrespectful pigs.

        How does PoliceOne rationalize that?

        1. “They had to closely eat it to make sure there was no contraband in it.”

        2. They stole my six-pack of craft beer (bagged) when I got caught up in a drug sweep in a downtown park.

          1. Mongo only pawn in the game of life.

        3. Where’s Buca di Peppo?

          He means Buca di Beppo. It’s downtown; it sucks.

      3. It would have been worth it to put rat poison in the food just to see how it all turned out for them.

    5. The saga started in 2012, and it’s still just one incident. The Minnesota law change in asset forfeiture was still absolutely a good thing.

      1. But was it an isolated incident?

    6. It would be hilarious to do this to some mobsters. Then we can enjoy watching prosecutors’ and drug warriors’ being car bombed.

      1. Unfortunately, they’ll respond by raping the Constitution even harder than they currently do.

  4. I support Hamas. I mean hummus. Whoops.

    Would that be Sabra-branded hummus or homemade?

    1. Home made, dude.

      Sabra is good. I pick up hummus at a local Leb grocery store.

      1. I guess you are in the Great White North, so any FDA rulings that Sabra gets implemented with respect to the particular ingredients of said hummus wouldn’t affect your local store. For now.

        1. Maybe, maybe not. If they do or can produce separate product for the Canuckistani market then they can continue as normal. Canada may get the same product as does the US. Having said that, Hummus is really easy to produce, so they should easily find local contractors which can produce the product.

          This is an example of the pernicious effect of US regulations on the world market. Happens all the time with products of various types which are changed or killed by US regulations.

          1. The place I go to use straight ingredients. As for the rest, my friend and I were talking about this and I brought this up here a while ago. For example, you won’t find high fructose corn syrup in Canada. Interesting because, I still see it in U.S stores despite the fact they’re sometimes the same product. For instance, Kellogg’s will use different ingredients in the U.S. than here.

            1. It’s the Canadian content laws. 🙂

              1. CanCon!

                What a stupid law that is.

                All these quotas.

            2. The place I go to use straight ingredients.

              You mean that’s a thing in Canada? How do you tell if the tahini is lesbian?

              1. Now where was that link to “instantrimshot”…?

    2. This being H&R, shouldn’t it be “I support homos”? 😉

      1. Yes, Ted S, it is and should be.

        /Wipes tear from eye thinking of Sloop and baby Reason in The Hall of the Long-Dead Relatives.

  5. Pop star and public nuisance Justin Bieber apologized today after a video from several years ago revealed him using the n-word in a joke.

    Can we all just agree to ignore him until he returns to Canada in shame?

    1. Shame is nothing to be proud of.

    2. He won’t return in shame. He’ll be absorbed into the Liberal party of Canada.

      1. I’m waiting for cytotoxic’s take on it.

        1. I’m truly sorry. Between the Beeb and Nickelback the fact that you haven’t glassed us is proof of your incredible tolerance and strength.

          1. Throw David Foster in there please.

            1. Didn’t he thankfully off himself for us?

            2. And David Frum…what a list of sin.

              But hey, I’m from Canada. Doesn’t that make up for all that?

      2. Become with the body, as it were.

  6. Google is spending $1 billion on satellites in a bid to bring an Internet connection to the entire world.

    Google ads ON THE MOON.

    1. In the fifth story of the book Cloud Atlas set in the near future, companies were projecting ads on the moon.

      I recall thinking when I read that, it’s a matter of when not if.

      1. unlikely:
        http://canonicalmomentum.tumbl…..n-the-moon

        1. I think it was more using the Moon as a screen to display projections, not actually writing something on it physically.

          1. My bad, thought that had something about light projection on it. Now I want to do the calculations. My interweb searches are not going well.

            My guess is at least a few nuke plants to power the lasers to write your message.

            1. best estimate here: http://boards.straightdope.com…..83008.html
              looks like 1 million GW (1 GW could be used to represent a nuclear power plant).

              1. Interesting — thanks for finding that.

          2. Regardless of how you write the message, the moon simply doesn’t appear big enough to the naked eye to serve as a canvas for any complex message. You might be able to get away with a simple pictograph or a short word, but much more than that wouldn’t be visible to anyone without a telescope.

            1. Come on, you know somebody’s just gonna draw a dick on it.

              1. Or write
                “I’m in orbit, brokenhearted.
                Tried to shit but only farted.”

            2. I can think of a number of logos which could fit very nicely on the moon and still be legible from earth with the naked eye to anyone with even half-decent effective vision.

    2. The spectacular levels of derp on Daily Mail regarding this were a sight to behold.

      “My god, it’s full of morons!”

  7. A bill that would allow the Veterans Affairs Department to fire poorly performing senior executives but would prevent the “wholesale political firings” of individuals is on the fast track for consideration by the Senate.

    If the Democrats support it, the chances of this bill being anything but symbolic are precisely zero.

    1. A bill that would allow the Veterans Affairs Department to fire poorly performing senior executives

      WTF?

      1. The fact that this requires an act of Congress says all you need to know about anything run by government.

        1. ^this. exactly this.

  8. Google is spending $1 billion on satellites in a bid to bring an Internet connection to the entire world.

    Scandalous! Kids in Britain will be able to see porn without opting in!

    1. Fuck. That. Law.

      When I was in Ireland (IE, they have the same policy as UK) my Vodaphone Sim kept forcing me to a page that told me to go into the store and register. So I did, and I still couldn’t get to certain sites or apps.

      My Irish sex count was irrevocably harmed by this law.

      1. Jesse, I feel for you, but just think of the irrevocable harm that would be done to British kids if they were able to see boobs. Certainly, you’ll agree that boobs are from the devil!

        1. Popular misconception. I have no interest in fondling them, but I find them highly entertaining.

          Who here does not like boobies?

          *crickets*

          1. I didn’t know you were into moobs.

            1. Now you know my secret shame. Schumerphilia.

                1. So public schools then?

                2. By law I have to do a police background check for every employee at my daycare. Used to be free. Now it’s $67 a pop.

              1. You sick fuck.

        2. Wait…isn’t it the UK that has full nudity on teh teeeveee? Like Benny Hill and stuff?

      2. How did the Irish have a go at each other before the internet? You should have tried that.

        1. I said harmed, FoE, not zeroed out…not by a long shot.

        2. I think a very low standard is all that is required there.

          1. And a freckle fetish.

            1. My freckles are offended by this comment.

      3. That’s what VPNs are for.

      4. My Irish sex count was irrevocably harmed by this law.

        I feel for you, bro. Ginger cubs…

  9. As a Flyers fan, I’m not sure I could’ve come up with a worse possible finals than New York-LA. Maybe if it was Pittsburgh-LA. But ugh.

    1. If you’re a Flyers fan then you can be considered an expert on worsts.

      1. That usually comes from being a Phillies fan or a 76ers fan. Maybe “Worst GM in hockey” would be one I’m used to.

        1. Ugh. Don’t remind me. At least the Phillies won something fairly recently rather than the to-the-cusp ball-breaking heartache that the rest of our teams regularly provide for us.

    2. Sports leagues love CA versus NY.

      1. I said it before. Two biggest television markets? Of course the NHL is going to engineer that contest.

        1. Ah, but how many hockey fans are there in LA versus Chicago?

          It’s part of the reason the league doesn’t give a shit about the Devils, despite playing in the largest TV market.

          1. Celebs!

            But yeah, I read that it’s not even where is was the first cup run. It’s like the novelty has worn off for Los Angeles.

            1. More Beckham and those ugly tattoos.

              Lovely player (awesome passer) but vastly over rated by the casual fan.

              1. Not even the best player whose surname started with “Beck-“.

                1. The Kaiser.

                  /Bows.

        2. Yeah but Chicago is a bigger hockey market – by a substantial margin.

          1. Than L.A. that is.

          2. SHIT, DAMN, BOO, ARGH!

            Stop reminding me of what could have been!!!

            *runs sobbing from room*

    3. As a SJ fan I can’t come up with a worst result period.

  10. OH NOES MUSCLE MENS

    The handwringing about roids is priceless. And then there’s this:

    Twight recalls that one of the original Spartans confided, “You know one of the reasons I lost so much weight on that job? I was doing enormous quantities of cocaine.”

    1. The term “inguinal crease” is mentioned, so I Google Imaged it. Came up with some really, really weird shit.

      1. That was a lot more hernia pics than I really wanted to see.

  11. So. Are you guys negotiating with ter’rists now?

    1. I’m wondering WIH Obo did that. Can the family deliver a couple of hundred votes or something? Did they write him a check for seventy five bucks?
      I know he’s for sale and I gotta presume he’s cheap,

      1. They bundled well.

  12. Fudge says the bill is needed because about one-third of all children in the county are overweight or obese, and that the government needs to intervene to help kids get in shape.

    Obviously the solution is to stop providing food stamps to the families of those children.

    1. Nah, the solution is famine. Governments are truly exceptional at that sort of thing.

      1. “Forty years in the food desert ….”

      2. I thought the solution to obesity was cocaine?

        1. That’s the expensive solution; the cheap solution is starvation.

  13. Fat kids put the “future of our nation at risk,” assures Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio)

    If your last name is Fudge, and you want to to legislate shit about obesity, I mean, come on…the jokes write themselves. There was no other piece of legislation you could write other than that? No other issue? It’s too funny.

    1. She needs to get Gwen Moore (D-WI) as a cosponsor. I’d vote for the Moore-Fudge Act of 2014.

    2. It was obesity or gay marriage. I think she chose wisely.

    3. In 3……..2…………1……………

      “IF TAXPAYERS ARE PAYING FOR THEIR HEALTHCARE, WE HAVE A RIGHT TO MAKE SURE THEY STAY HEALTHY!!!!!’

      /Leftist

  14. For Andrew S.: “Incredible My Little Pony Transformer Body Paint [Cosplay]” (NSFW-ish: painted boobies)

    This is an amazing mashup of My Little Pony and Transformers in some very sexy body paint. It’s the work of RoustanBodypaint who made the shoes by using hot glue to attach pieces of foam core that were then sculpted into the right shape with a knife. It took about 10 hours to make the costume and then 2.5 hours more hours to apply the body paint for the stunning finished product.

    Well executed for what it is, but good luck unseeing this.

    1. *Looks up at sky*

      Any day now, giant world-ending asteroid, we’re ready for you…

    2. Thanks but no thanks. The description is scary enough.

      I’ll get you guys pictures of the good cosplay from Bronycon. I’ll be… ignoring the bad stuff.

    3. How long did it take to get that sexy thing off?

      1. How long did it take to get that sexy thing off?

        PHRASING!

        1. We’re still doing that?

        2. He did phrase it in the form of a question.

    4. I’m…not clicking on that. What happens if you need to go to the bathroom?

      1. Well, the fact she’s naked simplifies things…

  15. Google is spending $1 billion on satellites in a bid to bring an Internet connection to the entire world.

    B-b-b-b-but that’s a public good! Why would a private company invest so heavily in a public good? It’s IRRATIONAL!!

    1. Evil Hidden Agenda. Duh!

    2. Streaming ads.

      1. Also I wonder how the fuck the FCC is going to regulate that?

        1. Inter-planetary commerce.

  16. Bob Latta (R-OH) has proposed a bill that would prevent the FCC from reclassifying broadband as a common carrier utility:

    At a time when the Internet economy is thriving and driving robust productivity and economic growth, it is reckless to suggest, let alone adopt, policies that threaten its success. Reclassification would heap 80 years of regulatory baggage on broadband providers, restricting their flexibility to innovate and placing them at the mercy of a government agency.

    “In light of the FCC initiating yet another attempt to regulate the Internet, upending long-standing precedent and imposing monopoly-era telephone rules and obligations on the 21st Century broadband marketplace, Congress must take action to put an end to this misguided regulatory proposal.

    He sounds like someone worth keeping an eye on. Anyone know anything about him? Is he crazy in some other category?

    1. He sounds like someone worth keeping an eye on.

      Don’t give the NSA ideas.

  17. Google is becoming the Umbrella Corporation and I love it. They even have a biophysicist looking into immortality. Soon our allegiances will be to Google, Amazon, or Facebook. A weird kind of Hell for Progs.

    1. A weird kind of Hell for Progs.

      Nah, they can swear allegiance to Comcast or GE instead.

    2. Not 6 months ago my Democrat voting buddy started preaching out of the blue about good and bad corporations.

      Google was good but Walmart was bad sort of stuff.

      1. Yeah some of the younger ones are ahead of that. The good corporations are basically tech companies, small startups, or companies that give lots of money to Obama.

  18. What idiot thought hitching their brand to the TSA was a good idea?

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/…..0166.story

  19. 10th-grader admits to murdering parents because they took away iPod

    A smart and talented Norview High School 10th-grader admitted in court today he killed his parents a week before Christmas because he was weary of their seemingly routine punishments, “like my dad taking away my iPod and stuff.”

    Jeez, why didn’t I ever think of doing that?

    Vincent Parker attacked his mother Carol as she emerged from an upstairs bathroom in their Bland Street home. He admitted to police he doused his mother with pepper spray, stabbed her in the eye, and then beat her in the face and head with a baseball bat and a crowbar “until she stopped breathing.” A medical examiner identified 25 separate smashes and stabs to Carol Parker’s neck, face and head.

    When Vincent’s father Wayne Parker came home, Vincent struck him with a crowbar and stabbed him several times. Wayne Parker lived long enough to tell police what happened. After first trying to say his father was the aggressor, Vincent admitted he killed his parents. Vincent was Carol and Wayne’s only child.

    I’d like to propose a PSA series: Do Yourself First!

    “Think you’re going to go on a killing spree? Do yourself first!”

    Maybe ads with Elmo and hologram David Carradine.

    1. “Smart and talented.” Uh huh.

      1. He’s “misunderstood.”

    2. At least he didn’t have a gun.

    3. Does anyone really NEED a crowbar? We should have common sense background checks for crowbar purchases.

  20. * suddenly stops and reflects that the US has had Hillary Clinton and John Kerry as Sec’y of State – on purpose *

    Huh. We’re dooooooomed. And we deserve to be.

  21. US policy puts US behind in developing ‘green’ chemicals market.

    Biofuel-obsessed U.S. seen blowing ‘historic opportunity’ in nascent green chemical market

    There are big profit margins in renewable chemicals, experts say, as major corporations like Coca-Cola Co. and Wal-Mart Stores Inc. demand cleaner chemicals for their booming efforts to promote being green.

    But U.S. policy that has for many years emphasized biofuels and biopower production has yet to catch up with the shift on chemicals that is taking place in the private sector, experts and advocates say. Though the new farm bill includes an incentive for renewable chemicals, other nations appear to be lapping the United States in attracting and nurturing renewable chemical production

    But the policies meant that the markets developed differently than they would have based on economics, said Brent Shanks, director of the Center for Biorenewable Chemicals at Iowa State University.

    “If this whole biofuels, bio-based area had grown organically, as opposed to a federal drive, it would have developed much differently,” Shanks said. “From a strict commercialization perspective, you would have started at the highest-value chemical. There’s some market there, and as you learn technology and refine it, you would go to lower-margin products.”

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