South Dakota

South Dakota Lawmaker Begs Docs to 'Come Out' About Dangers of Anal Sex, 'Gay Lifestyle'

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Steve Hickey/Facebook

You can tell South Dakota Rep. Steve Hickey (R-Sioux Falls) is quite proud of the analogy he made in a recent anti–anal sex screed, titled "A One Way Alley for the Garbage Truck." Edgy! After submitting the letter to the Argus Leader, South Dakota's largest newspaper, Hickey also posted it to Facebook. "We'll see if they reprint it," he wrote. "Kristen hates the title. You probably will too. Doubt they use it…"

And yet, clearly, he found the garbage truck comparison just too good to pass up. He's also sure that more doctors would speak out against homosexuality if they didn't feel "silenced and intimidated." 

"Certainly there are board-certified doctors in our state who will attest to what seems self-evident to so many: gay sex is not good for the body or mind. Pardon a crude comparison but regarding men with men, we are talking about a one-way alley meant only for the garbage truck to go down. Frankly, I'd question the judgment of doctor who says it's all fine."

Frankly, I'd question the judgment of a lawmaker who refers to his anus as an alley and his poop as a garbage truck. But different strokes… 

Hickey goes on to tell South Dakota doctors that it's time "to come out of the closet and give your professional opinion on this matter like you capably and responsibly do on all the others." This belies perhaps the most amazing thing about Hickey's letter—he is utterly convinced that doctors must agree with him, and the only reason we hear that "eating at McDonald's will kill us but the gay lifestyle" won't is because no one's properly encouraged them in a strongly worded letter-to-the-editor yet.

"Truth be told it seems self-evident the list of side effects would read far longer than anything we hear on a Cialis commercial," writes Hickey. Translation: Come on, guys, butt sex has to be more dangerous than my boner meds! 

After a few paragraphs lamenting the existence of transgender teens, Hickey concludes by "issu(ing) a call to the medical and psychological communities and associations to weigh in publicly and timely on the matter of homosexuality and the human body, psyche and family, particular kids." Here, Rep. HickeyLMGTFY…

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  1. Long live lesbians!

    1. *Only the hot ones who have sex on camera of course.

  2. Jesus, what a maroon. Probably a closeted toe-tapper (NTTAWT).

  3. The man has quite the obsession with anal sex. NTTAWWT, of coruse, but it might be a bit telling.

    1. Doesn’t it always seem like every politician who is fervently and passionately against gay sex is a raging homosexual behind closed doors?

  4. Translation: Come on, guys, butt sex has to be more dangerous than my boner meds!

    Wrong. Translation: I am obsessed with gay anal sex and talk about it all the time because I think about it all the time.

    Every one of these obsessed homophobes are just in denial. If they would just be honest with themselves they’d be so much happier.

  5. I bet he did a lot of research on this subject. And by research I mean…

  6. This post is shameless Bo chum.

    1. shameless Bo chum

      A good band name for a free jazz ensemble.

  7. SugarFree had it right in the AM Links:

    “There is a 0% chance he doesn’t have something in his ass right now.

    He’s making his own shame at his love for anal pleasure into an argument against what he wants the most in the world.”

    1. ” …he was found in his hotel room impaled upon a large electrical device. Our surgeons did what they could but it took them two hours just to get the smile off his face.”

  8. Frankly, I’d question the judgment of a lawmaker who refers to his anus as an alley

    Maybe wizard’s sleeve would be more apt?

  9. gay sex is not good for the body or mind

    Not to pick nits, but I know gays who are as anti-anal as Auric is, and I know straight couples who love the butt secks. Anal?gay sex.

    1. I don’t think sexual accuracy is an overriding concern to this guy, jesse.

      Frylock: ‘Scuse me?!? I think you have me confused with a woman.

      Skeeter: Ohhh, she burned you, dude!

      D.P.: Oh, so you couldn’t get in to a sorority?

      Frylock: I’m a man, all right?!

      Skeeter: This is beat. Total sausage party. Uhh…I think. C’mon D.P., let’s get out of here.

      D.P.: Well, what else is open besides, your mouth, when you’re like kissing on some gay dude and like holding his, like, muscles cause his arms are just like, wrapped around you and you feel like so safe, cause you’re like, not that you’re gay or nothing, but god you just want to bury yourself in his chest and just live there forever.

      Frylock: …I’m outta here.

    2. Well to that dude it is… I suspect his horizons are not all that broad, nor understanding in what you have pointed out, jesse.

    3. Don’t confuse the Hickeys. 45 seconds in a missionary position is straight sex, anal is gay sex.

      1. As long as he isn’t taken in by the pernicious lie that is the female orgasm.

        1. Wait, wait?

          1. I don’t remember what I’m referencing but there was a comedic bit where someone was railing against sexual deviance and “claimed” the female orgasm was a lie cooked up by women to subjugate men.

    4. Not to pick nits,

      After which you tiresomely pick nits.

      Yes, we are aware that straight people buttfuck, and some gays don’t, thank you so much for explaining to us something that is so crushingly obvious.

      1. All the tiresome bitchiness of ‘so very tired’, fresh new handle!

      2. Your complaint is as long as his original post. Time for some self-reflection.

  10. Tonight on Eyewitness News Now, a state legislator says something controversial on his Facebook page. Tune at 11 for details.

  11. How does Rep. Hickey feel about oral sex? Since everything is going in the correct direct direction, is he OK with oral sex?

  12. “Gay Lifestyle”

    Brunch?

  13. Friction is a good way to transmit blood pathogens.

    Would not be surprised if in a few years Obamacare requires men with big dicks (gay and straight) to register with the government.

    Socialized medicine does make all “unhealthy” behavior a communal risk.

  14. I thought it was a know fact that gay men face significantly higher risks of certain types of cancer. The incidence of anal cancer is something like twice that of straight men. This Rep sounds like a jackass, but he isn’t completely wrong.

    http://health.usnews.com/healt…..had-cancer

    1. HPV is a bitch. I believe HPV recently surpassed smoking as the leading cause of throat cancer. It also causes cervical cancer in women. If you’re worried about cancer in your orifices, keep them away from the cock or get vaccinated.

    2. If you’re not gay then your anus is safe. But it’s this stuff that scares me about Obamacare. I just know and can’t convince anyone else that as soon as the SoCons get the chance they’ll use O’care as a tool against the LGBT community.

    3. From an interview with Michael Douglas about his throat cancer:

      The throat cancer, I assume, was first seeded during those wild middle years, when he drank like a fish and smoked like the devil. Looking back, knowing what he knows now, does he feel he overloaded his system?

      “No,” [Douglas] says. “No. Because, without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

  15. My father was a physician and was disgusted by male homosexuality. I never asked him if he thought it was adverse to health, though.

    I’d question the judgment of a lawmaker who refers to his anus as an alley and his poop as a garbage truck.

    Why? Seems like a fair analogy, and a possible way to explain the physiology to a child.

    1. Just to clarify, it was the anal sex that disgusted him. And he did tell me he was intimidated against talking about it.

  16. South Dakota Lawmaker Begs Docs

    No evidence of “begging” provided.

    While it’s good fun to see you PC amateur psychologists indulging in projection, “webmd.com” says:

    Studies have suggested that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk for the receptive partner than vaginal exposure. Exposure to the human papillomavirus (HPV) may also lead to the development of anal warts and anal cancer.

    Repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet.

    Even if both partners do not have a sexually-transmitted infection or disease, bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner. Practicing vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections.

    Oral contact with the anus can put both partners at risk for hepatitis, herpes, HPV, and other infections.

    Bleeding after anal sex could be due to a hemorrhoid or tear, or something more serious such as a perforation (hole) in the colon. This is a dangerous problem that requires immediate medical attention. Treatment involves a hospital stay, surgery, and antibiotics to prevent infection.

    1. Well then we MUST BANZ IT, because the CHILDRENZZZ!!!!!

      Derp

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