Minimum Wage Hike Blocked, 30-Day Rape Sentence Overturned, White House Criticizes Botched Execution: P.M. Links


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  1. Ukraine’s acting president admits he’s losing control of the situation in the eastern part of the country.

    Who says Ukraine is weak?

    1. FUUUUUCK!

      1. C’mon, CB, you didn’t really want to win today. Just look at that cadre of sorry news items. Let Fist have this little fish, and dream of landing something bigger.

        1. What happened to the time when achievements were celebrated? When did we become a nation of haters? Once, men of accomplishment were revered and looked to as the standard-bearers they were, against whom one would judge oneself. Now it’s all envy and hate. I blame rap lyrics, violent video games and the loss of Mentos commercials.

          1. Newsletter subscription……?

          2. You’re like an Asian kids with a perfect SAT score. Check your privilege.

    2. Hello.

      Why don’t they just bring back The Executioner? Or the guillotine?


      Mind you, if the blade isn’t angled right…well, you know.

      1. The executioner can always Ser Rodrik that badboy during a botched guillotining. Gotta give the audience a show worth remembering.

  2. Dont electro be Bro

    Nice White house…down boy.

    1. I was in such a hurry my comment is unintelligible.

      I hate your FoE! H A T E !

      1. It was a valiant effort, bandito. Maybe someday…

      2. I’m just happy to be noticed.

  3. Champions League people, Champions League
    /no spoiler

    1. The season ended yesterday. Football is dead to me until the World Cup in June.

      1. Same here.

        1. Doesn’t your team still have an outside shot of qualifying for the Failure League?

          1. Yes. Yes, they do.

            I happen to think Europa is solid.

            Are you done? Why don’t you go Munchon on some raw placenta?

            Get it? Munch. No? Bah.

      2. I think you mean the Superbowl.

      3. Two more weeks of football.

        Will be rooting so hard for the blue side of Liverpool this weekend.

        Want that title so badly.

  4. Montana’s Supreme Court overturned the one-month sentence given to a former teacher convicted of raping a 14-year-old student in a case that has drawn wide outrage.

    Sentencing changes don’t count as double jeopardy, I assume.

    1. Depends on the context, but in this case, they do not.

      “Fun” fact, and a way that prosecutors discourage people from appealing their convictions: If your conviction is overturned and you receive a new trial, and you’re re-convicted at the new trial, you can be given a longer sentence than you had been given previously.

  5. A bunch of celebrities, along with Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, are appearing in public-service announcements to combat sexual assault with the power of communal responsibility platitudes. You may see them in the theaters before movies.

    OMG! Will we finally be teaching boys not to rape? Amazeballs!

    1. Great.
      “and now before the movie a shaming lecture for you from two emasculated twits.”

      1. Look, “[t]he message is clear and simple; everyone has a responsibility. There are no exceptions. There are no excuses. Please watch it and pass it on.” That includes you.

        1. “Maybe you’re sitting out there in the dark right now, with your arm around her and thinking you’ll get to second base before act III. Let me be clear: Unless she gives you a signed and notarized consent form it’s not going to happen.”

        2. everyone has a responsibility

          Including young women at college who are drinking? Because I was led to believe otherwise…

          1. Leave it to you to go with masculine logic when you know perfectly well there are other ways of knowing out there, Brett.

            1. I’m checking my privilege. Engaging in dialogue with persons who have other traditions than logic to be more open and supportive of their modalities of thinking.

              1. So, you’re hanging out with Tulpa?

          2. Look, it’s simple: college men who drink are responsible for their own blood glucose levels and consequent behavior, while women aren’t. And if you disagree, you’re contributing to rape culture.

            1. So, you’re saying SugarFree turns into STEVE SMITH if his blood sugar gets away from him?

              1. Have you ever seen them both in the same thread? I haven’t!

                1. Before registration it was pretty common.

              2. With my blood sugar low enough, even Brett starts looking pretty good if I squint just right.

                1. I think you mean he looks even better.

    2. I’m very disappointed in my mother for not teaching me this. Apparently she was part of the patriarchy all along.

    3. I once learned not to rape, but I also once learned Spanish.

      Some lessons just don’t stick.

      1. Clearly, you didn’t practice enough. It’s because of people like you that the next step will be mandatory X hours of not-raping homework.

        1. But women will finally be able to leave their houses without being raped repeatedly! WHY DO YOU HATE OTHER WOMEN?

        2. “And now here’s my friend Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, TV’s Jamie Lannister with an important message about consent.”

        3. As long as the not-raping homework practice examples are of the lady variety I may be able to pull this off, but I make no promises.

        4. Common Core

    4. Thanks, movies! I haven’t been in a long time, but THIS! THIS I will buy a ticket for. Sure, I could watch a TV PSA, but it just doesn’t have the high quality nagging that the big screen can deliver.

      1. Oh man, there’s no 30 second skip button at the movies? Shit.

      2. Oh man, there’s no 30 second skip button at the movies? Shit.

        1. Or one for double comments.

        2. Does that mean there’s a 60-second button?

    5. Obama didn’t avoid women, but he did deny them his essence.

      Kids, be more like Obama.

      1. Well, at least twice he didn’t.

        1. allegedly.


      When are we going to teach our girls not to rape?

      1. In asking 40,000 households about rape and sexual violence, the survey uncovered that 38 percent of incidents were against men.

        Emphasis added.

        When are we going to teach our girls not to “throw you to the dogs”?

        1. In asking 40,000 households about rape and sexual violence

          I love these kinds of articles. Reverse the sexes, and suddenly, feminists realize that they know statistics and study methodology.

          Haven’t even read the comments, but I’ve seen the pattern enough times.

      2. Theon Greyjoy gives….whatever fingers he has left up to this.

      3. It is true that man raping women has a long history of being used as a tool of war and of subjugation of women, but, after reading that, I have to say that in the contemporary US anyway, if there is any kind of rape that is more condoned by the general culture it is that of adult men, particularly in prison or when a woman is the aggressor.

    7. The temptation for me to run up to the screen and tear it will be too great.

      Hey, wait. I’m in Canada maybe they won’t show it.

      1. You don’t think the government will insist on their own version with all Canadian actors? And Quebec will insist on its own version with all Quebecois actors?

        1. Adam Beach, Don McKellar, and the Trailer Park Boys?

          1. William Shatner, Michael J. Fox and Paul Shaffer.

            1. Christopher Plummer, Seth Rogan and Ike.

        2. I was going to add – unless they get the big ‘ideer’ of Canadianizing it.

          Politicians talking about assault. That’s rich.

  6. the president does support the death penalty in some cases.

    No shit.

    1. mainly for the crime of attending a Pakistani wedding.

      1. Good one, Pants.

      2. Boom. I hope you’re here all week.

        1. More of a “KA-BOOM”, really.

    2. When the public opinion numbers are right, his views will “evolve”.

  7. Egyptian judges don’t seem to care much about international criticism of them sentencing hundreds of people to death for their support of deposed president Mohammed Morsi.

    Let’s see if they think the same when the next coup cleans house.

    1. Obama’s too busy cracking down on potential rapist-americans.

    2. “You know what? You’re sentenced to death too!! Anyone else got an opinion they want to share?”

  8. Didn’t catch if anyone posted this yet today. Cody Wilson’s Dark Wallet releases tomorrow.

    Built-in bitcoin anonymizing/mixing/stealth addresses. Wired commenters are in pant-shitting mode.

  9. Today in Derp, Princeton student grows tired of being told how privileged he is and writes column explaining how both sets of grandparents were penniless holocaust survivors and his dad had to work two jobs to get through college.

    Hilarity ensues in the comments as various Princeton students try to explain how his family’s stories of oppression are just not the same because he is white and male and stuff. The best and the brightest.…..privilege/

    1. Jesus the comments are fucking depressing.

      1. No shit.

        I have no doubt that the young man who wrote the article has every right to be at Princeton based on his personal academic merits. But what is asked of him when one suggests that he check his privilege is for him to acknowledge that even though most certainly his family has dealt with oppression (whose hasn’t) the generations following that oppression HAVE been allowed to received education, amass wealth, and enjoy a higher amount of safety and freedom than those with darker skin (and in his specific case, more safety, freedom, and wealth, than those with vaginas.) It means that when he is walking down the street, regardless of his grandparents’ experience, he is exponentially less likely to be stopped and searched by the police than is a black man that might be walking down the same street. It means he doesn’t have to feel the constant fear of sexual violence and male aggression that a woman feels on a daily basis, it means he can marry who he likes whenever he likes and his rights will never be questioned by society at large. And it means that these rights are granted to him based on the historical privilege granted to white males. Period.

        1. Original Sin FTW.

        2. I don’t even no where to start with someone like that, I can’t even begin to comprehend the level of self victimization and mental gymnastics that person goes through on any given second.

          1. Imagine having to ask her the delicate request of ‘honey, can we do anal tonight’?

        3. it means he can marry who he likes

          He guys! Me and Kate Upton are gettin’ hitched!

        4. The idea of privilege that people like this have goes right along with their failure to understand rights and how they work. It’s not privilege, it’s injustice. White males being able to enjoy more wealth and freedom isn’t privilege, it’s everyone’s right. Yes, for a long time there were laws and cultural practices designed to keep black people and women in lower social positions and to restrict their economic freedom. That was a terrible injustice, not a special rule for white men. But if you think that rights are handed out by the government, you might not see it that way.

        5. Written by a Princeton student, complaining about how oppressed they are.

    2. Those who came before us suffered for the sake of giving us a better life. When we similarly sacrifice for our descendents by caring for the planet, it’s called “environmentalism,” and is applauded. But when we do it by passing along property and a set of values, it’s called “privilege.” (And when we do it by raising questions about our crippling national debt, we’re called Tea Party radicals.)

      I like this guy.

      1. Sounds like a botched lobotomy case to me.

      2. I bet they are going to fall into his trap and call him a TP radical.

    3. Holy fuck.

      Your privilege has nothing to do with them, but rather with the fact that because of their skin color, your grandparents were *allowed* to enter the country and start businesses without being crippled by segregation.

      Someone needs to learn a little more history about the Holocaust, if he thinks his guy’s grandparents…I just can’t even.

      1. They are appallingly ignorant but make up for it by being hateful and angry.

        1. And succeeded in making me hateful and angry. I truly don’t have the words for that particular remark. Glad to see the class of 2017 coming out of Stanford will be so fucking brilliant.

          1. The Holocaust is something that happened to other people.

          2. Princeton.

        2. Not to worry, they’ll only be the next crop of the governing class. I can’t wait until these little idiots are the mid-level functionaries denying hip replacements to Obamacare enrollees.

      2. It amazes me how can anyone with any degree of education beyond high school could be that unapologeticly ignorant about that time period.

      3. Yeah, man, it’s not like the Jews ever had to run from the KKK and shit like that.

      4. Reminds me of a joke. I paraphrase.

        “Hey, Giuseppe how are things in America?”

        “Not what it seems.”


        “Well, they say the streets are paved with gold. But I discovered the streets weren’t paved gold. Worse, they wanted me to pave it!”

      1. That list is ridiculous.

        1. “I graduated high school” is on that list as an indicator of privilege. OMFG.

        2. “I have had an unpaid internship”

          is considered a privilege?

          1. If you can afford an unpaid internship, yeah, that’s actually about as close to a legitimate “privilege” as there is on that list.

      2. See kibby, somebody posted their score.

      3. I scored a 42 out of 100.

        You’re not privileged at all. You grew up with an intersectional, complicated identity, and life never let you forget it. You’ve had your fair share of struggles, and you’ve worked hard to overcome them. We do not live in an ideal world and you had to learn that the hard way. It is not your responsibility to educate those with more advantages than you, but if you decide you want to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help.

        It’s pathetic that someone did this not as a joke but as a serious exercise.

        1. It’s pathetic that someone did this not as a joke but as a serious exercise.

          Gotta start raising that consciousness at the lowest possible level.

          41, and I went to a prep school for HS.

          1. Geez, given that there were about 3 dozen privilege exemptions for being homosexual, you must be otherwise off the privilege charts.

            /hisses, points finger, checks privilege

            1. you must be otherwise off the privilege charts.

              I’m just not sure how you guys are scoring so low.

              41 is already living with an “intersectional, complicated life”

              1. You lose a lot of points for being an insatiable lesbian unfairly trapped in a man’s body.

        2. Hey, I got a 42 too! I think because I’m not gay. What does “bullied because of one of your identities” even mean? 8-10 questions had to do with your multiple identities.

          1. It’s easy; one of my split personalities is bullied by the others. That was enough to dump 30 privilege points!

          2. I was a D&D playing geek in the 80’s, I was bullied all the friggin time for it

        3. 37, evidently this Southern Baptist, white, grown up nerd, male privilege sponge couldn’t even score 40 points of privilege.

      4. What the fuck does it mean “I have never been bullied for any of my identities?”

        1. If you were an undercover agent, then you aren’t privileged.

      5. I have never been told I am attractive “for my race.”

        Aw, someone thinks this doesn’t happen to white girls! How cute!

        1. I’ve been told I had nice eyes for a white boy. Does that count?

          1. Mos def

          2. “You got nice eyes for a white boy. Too bad they’re in such an ugly melon.”

        2. I don’t know that that’s the point. A lily-white, straight, cis-gendered, hetero friend of mine from a middle class background only managed to nab a 63. “Privilege” is the new hair shirt and people feel good about not getting a high score.

          It benefits the social justice types because it says “See you don’t have enough privilege either, come rest your head in the warm bosom of our movement.”

        3. So how much privilege do you loose if no one has ever really told you that your were attractive regardless of your race?

          I mean if someone us ugly as a warthog’s backside does the fact that no one has ever tool them they were attractive “for their race” make them more priveleged than attractive minorities?

          1. You’re really attractive for your species?

      6. You’re underprivileged. The world is not a fair or ideal place and you know that because you grew up with several identities that the world is not kind to. You had a lot of challenges to overcome simply to get on a level playing field with most people in the world. It is not your job to educate the world about its injustices, but if you choose to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help.

        Emphasis added. Take the quiz, you privileged bastards!

      7. Having student loans? OMG how am I ever going to get to the end of this quiz?!? DID THEY FORGET THEY WANTED THE POORS TO TAKE OUT STUDENT LOANS?!?

        1. 41 out of 100. I’m almost as good as tarran! But…he’s a man!

        2. I just checked everything. It felt safer that way even if I didn’t understand the question. Now my opinions can be be fully discounted.

      8. I scored a 12

        On a scale of 1-10?

        1. No. 1-100.

          1. Yeah, I was just being snarky.

            1. Funny thing is, I’m a straight white male making above the median household. Weird.

              1. I’m a straight white male.

                Most of my affirmative answers came from stuff like ‘i am comfortable with my sexual identity’.

                I went to a very rough school back in my yute. I was attacked verbally and physically multiple times for the color of my skin. Everyone was. It was just part of the landscape back then. I got over it. Probably because of my privilege.

                I took particular glee at not checking “I’ve never been the only person of my race in a room”.

                I love how privilege was heavily biased towards sexual identity issues. Like a good 30% of all privilege issues are from being transgendered.

                1. You’ve never been the only person of your race in a room? There are people who haven’t had that experience? Are you from Maine, or something?

      9. I have never been told I am attractive “for my race.”

        Is it still privilege if it’s because I’m hideously ugly?

        1. I know, right? Some of us have never even been called attractive. Not even for our race.

          1. A lot of the questions were hard to know how to answer like that. Like “All of my jobs have accommodated my religious practices”. What is the answer if I don’t have any? I guess it is yes, but it wouldn’t matter what the job was or what my race or gender identity was.

      10. I only clicked one question: ‘I am white’ and submitted:

        “You’re underprivileged. The world is not a fair or ideal place and you know that because you grew up with several identities that the world is not kind to. You had a lot of challenges to overcome simply to get on a level playing field with most people in the world. It is not your job to educate the world about its injustices, but if you choose to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help.”

        Retards. The people who came up with this.

        1. Well, it is Buzzgoloid. You have to really lower your expectations.

      11. I scored a 12

        Huh, I hardly checked anything and I got a 31.

        And I’ve been the target of racial slurs, racial attacks… etc. This list is awesomely dumb.

      12. “I am always comfortable with P.D.A. with my partner in public.”

        The person who checks this box isn’t privileged. They’re teenagers.

        1. No kidding. Get off my lawn and get a room!

        2. Meh. That was one of the few non-bullshit parts of it. Holding hands while walking with your sweetie. A hug or kiss at the airport when arriving of departings.

      13. There’s a bit of the stench of a North Korean self-criticism session about this, isn’t there?

        That said, how much do I get to flaunt this? Oh, that’s right, I don’t, since I’m a white dude who likes sticking his dick in women.

        How Privileged Are You?

        You live with 48 out of 100 points of privilege.

        You’re not privileged at all. You grew up with an intersectional, complicated identity, and life never let you forget it. You’ve had your fair share of struggles, and you’ve worked hard to overcome them. We do not live in an ideal world and you had to learn that the hard way. It is not your responsibility to educate those with more advantages than you, but if you decide you want to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help.

      14. God damn it, I scored a 51 and got Somewhat Privileged. And I’m a minority.

        And you fucktards were talking about how I sounded white THIS FUCKING MORNING.

        I can’t buy a break.

        1. No, you don’t sound white, you sound like a Masshole, there is a difference

        2. Good news, at least you’re attractive for whatever it is you are!

      15. Huh, I would have thought I was more privileged.

      16. I scored a 17…growing up a sex-positive pagan living with a poor Hard-Core religious fundy mother in a series of inner city (all black) neighborhoods just wrecks my otherwise privileged existence. But I’m much better now.

        1. I got a 29 and some of that was because I grew up in a very hardcore rightwing family in Massachusetts and then later became a libertarian athiest living in the south.

      17. I scored a 64, despite growing up dirt poor (hey, I was dirt poor and white, and male and straight). Apparently working a salaried job means I’m privileged.

    4. Check Yourself b4 you Wreck Yourself April 30, 2014 at 5:40 pm
      From your story, I am missing an explanation of your own personal struggles? It is great that your parents were able to do so well despite being handed such a stacked deck, but I don’t see you at all interrogating the hand YOU were dealt. So no, you haven’t checked your privilege yet. Try again.

      Neither here nor there: Environmentalism is the maintainence of open lands for the benefit of not only your children, but all future generations of children not you’re own. It saves the ecosystem for all of humanity.

      Your parents passing money down to you isn’t compareable in that regard.

    5. Johnny Whiplash April 30, 2014 at 5:44 pm
      Consider the idea that a person who loses an argument is the only one who gains something from the exercise. That will turn you into a person with the ability to grow and not just someone others perceive to be an entitled asshole.

      I’m gonna start using that whenever I lose an argument. I’m guessing that guy looses a lot of them.

    1. The geese now have to poop carefully on the drone and cause it to crash. Then it will be business as usual.

      1. When the crap hits the fanblades, eh?

    2. It’s also cut down on attendance at geese weddings.

  10. Shooting at Western Forest Products sawmill in Nanaimo leaves 2 dead

    Two people are dead, and two others are in hospital following a shooting this morning at the Western Forest Products sawmill in Nanaimo, B.C., officials have confirmed.

    Police said a shotgun was seized after the shootings, which took place in the parking lot and inside an office at the mill.

    If the reader comments are to be believed, the long gun registry would have totally prevented this. Thank Harper.

    1. I thought continuous-eligibility licensing was supposed to prevent this and the long gun registry help to identify the perp or return stolen property to its owner(???). And never mind that metal tubes and reloading supplies can be bought all over the place for cash and without ID. Canadians are complete morons when it comes to things that go boom.

      1. Canadians are complete morons when it comes to things that go boom.

        Well said. Very well said.

  11. As expected, Senate Republicans blocked President Barack Obama’s proposal to increase the minimum wage to $10.10 per hour.

    Obama should have attached Keystone XL to it.

    1. That would have required compromise and reaching across the aisle, which is much tougher than telling the other party FU, I won, now get with the program.

  12. The Metropolitan Police in London are threatening to arrest people for chanting their soccer (“football”) team’s nickname. Three people they arrested had charges dropped, thought.

    The team nickname is the “Yids.”

    Apparently it started out as an insult from fans of other teams. Though most players and fans are gentile, there seem to have been some Jews in the team’s neighborhood, and some Jewish owners. The fans of the team seem to have adopted the insult as a badge of pride, like with “Quaker” and “Queer” (or “n___a”). So they wave Israeli flags and wear Jewish religious get-up. But the cops want them to stop chanting “Yid.”…

    1. dropped, *though.*

    2. I generally dislike Spurs (Tottenham Hotspur, the team in question), but the nickname always made me laugh. And the police here, are of course, just plain stupid.

      1. COYS!

    3. Would Yidskins be OK?

      1. LOL.

    4. I’d like to see 50,000 Tottenham fans (if there are that many) taunt the police with the chant “Yids” to see how the police react.

  13. NAACP: Sterling’s Lifetime Ban Isn’t Enough

    those groups still want to meet with NBA commissioner Adam Silver to discuss diversity in … the professional basketball league

    Affirmative action for short white lesbians?

    1. Is this the same NAACP that was giving him a lifetime achievement award 24 hours ago?

      1. One way to tell is this: did he give money to them? Then it is the one that wanted to give him the award.

        The NAACP came out of this looking the worst in my opinion.

        1. No, UCLA looks the worst, for turning down Sterling’s donation to help with medical research. His money isn’t racist, he is.

      2. My thoughts as well.

        “Sterling’s long-established pattern of bigotry and racist comments have not been a secret in the NBA,” the statement said. “Yet until now, they have been tolerated and met with a gentle hand and a blind eye.”

        1. “Yet until now, they have been tolerated and met with a gentle hand and a blind eye.””

          What in the world, this was the same organization that wanted to give him an award a week ago. For them to criticize the NBA for going too easy on Sterling is really the pot calling the kettle….wait a minute, let me think about that…

    2. “NAACP: Sterling’s Lifetime Ban Isn’t Enough”

      Adam Silver announces ban to be extended through several reincarnations.

      1. “We won’t let his *corpse* attend a game, either!”

      2. Kill the bastard!

      3. Apparently they wanted a longer ban. Maybe stop his kids from owning a team?

  14. From old Nazis to enhanced breasts, 16 weird things you didn’t know were taxed in Canada

    1. I hate old Canadian nazis with enhanced breasts!

      1. From your mouth to God’s ear!

      2. Ilsa is so disappointed.

    2. Isn’t everything taxed in Canada?

      1. Everything except royal bas****s.

  15. A bunch of celebrities, along with Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, are appearing in public-service announcements to combat sexual assault with the power of communal responsibility platitudes. You may see them in the theaters before movies.

    This so reminds me of the bullshit propaganda we used to see in movie theaters growing up in India.

  16. The White House said that the botched execution in Oklahoma fell short of humane standards, but spokesman Jay Carney added that the president does support the death penalty in some cases.

    Like at wedding parties.

  17. Is that a molecular sensor in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?: SCiO is made to analyze everything.

    “SCiO is actually a miniature spectroscope. Like the bigger, more expensive laboratory-grade models it’s based on, it works by shining near-infrared light on materials, exciting their molecules in the process. By analyzing the light that’s reflected off those vibrating molecules, it’s reportedly possible to identify them by their unique optical signature, and thus determine the chemical composition of the material.
    In the case of SCiO, an accompanying iOS or Android app sends its readings to the cloud, where algorithms process the data in real time. The results should appear on the phone’s screen within a matter of seconds.”

    1. Someone in the comments worries that it will mainly be used to analyze drugs. Since the analysis is done “in the cloud” I suspect that the NSA and their friends in the DEA sincerely hope this is the case.

    2. No, its a raging hardon at the idea of these kinds of tools being sold for $150!

  18. NBA Legend Larry Johnson Calls For All-Black League, Twitter Reacts

    1. I don’t even want to know. I don’t.

    2. He is not a “legend”. And I wish Larry luck with that.

      1. There’s only one legend named Larry. And he’s white.

    3. That should be pretty easy, just toss out the 5 white guys and we should be good to go.

      1. And since they all play for Minnesota, just add one new team.

    4. That’s clearly the only way to really deal with racism. Separate but Equal, folks!

      1. The NBA is obviously biased toward short people.

        My league would have baskets that rise and lower depending on who has the ball. #equality

        1. So you’re a fan of the ABA?

          1. Are you telling me my idea is unoriginal?

        2. A randomly moving hoop might make basketball interesting to watch.

  19. Computer glitch causes UK airport delays

    “It appears to be getting progressively worse but we are hoping it will be sorted out soon.”

    But, enough about Democratcare.

  20. Unarmed FedEx security guard, still critical, “didn’t stand a chance”…..-stand-ch/

    Fuck you, FedEx. You don’t want to pay the few extra dollars for armed front gate guards.

    1. What I don’t understand is why do armed security cost more? What good would a guard do when armed with only a walkie talkie? Call for more backup targets?

      And who the hell hired Spielberg to be in charge of the security policies at FedEx?

      1. Armed security guards cost more because you have to buy more liability insurance in case they shoot someone. Something city police departments don’t have to worry about, since any court settlements are passed on to the taxpayers.

  21. So, I just watched a soccer game…

    1. You did? So did I!

      [No spoilers]

    2. Did your kids win?

    3. a soccer game…football match.


      1. Meh, I tried to care, and with all these screaming Europeans, it’s a bit easier, but it’s no NHL playoffs.

      2. Soccer is short for Association Football and the term originated in England to distinguish from Rugby Football. Association became the dominant code there but it places where it didn’t Soccer is the more common term and football will generally refer to the dominate code like American/Canadian Football (US/Canada), Aussie Football (Australia) or Rugby Football (NZ and some parts of Australia).

        Of course people who get their panties in a wad the other directions are equally as annoying. As someone who grew up in both cultures I can say that they should all just shut the fuck up and chill out.

    1. The only way that could have been better is if he ate a wafer-thin mint and exploded at the end.

    2. The best nicole bait is not in video form, however, FUCKING SQUEEEE

      1. May I offer a baby hedgehog to sweeten the deal?

    3. Looks kind of like Warty eating a coed.

  22. Filthy lucre is actually pretty filthy, it turns out: A microbial jungle thrives on dollar bills.
    “Each dollar bill carries about 3,000 types of bacteria on its surface, scientists have found. Most are harmless. But cash also has DNA from drug-resistant microbes. And your wad of dough may even have a smudge of anthrax and diphtheria.
    The most common microbes on the bills, by far, are ones that cause acne. The runners-up were a bunch of skin bacteria that aren’t pathogenic: They simply like to hang out on people’s bodies. Some of these critters may even protect the skin from harmful microbes, Carlton says.
    Other money dwellers included mouth microbes ? because people lick their fingers when they count bills, Carlton says ? and bacteria that thrive in the vagina. “People probably aren’t washing their hands after the bathroom,” she says.”

    1. Other money dwellers included mouth microbes ? because people lick their fingers when they count bills, Carlton says ? and bacteria that thrive in the vagina

      — because ….?

      1. My first thought was strippers.

      2. This leads me to an interesting line of thought about how one might go about estimating what percentage of dollar bills in circulation have spent some time in a stripper’s g-string.

        1. All of them?

          Except crisp bills, of course.

    2. I would imagine dollar bills are about as buggy as doorknobs or the backs of restaurant chairs or anywhere that has the contact of many human hands.

  23. Gerry Adams, head of Sinn Fein and former player in Northern Ireland peace talks, investigated (or arrested?) for a 1972 IRA murder.…..d-27232731

    1. BBC said arrested, this says interviewed…..33822.html

    2. Tom Lehrer’s Irish Ballad

      About a maid I’ll sing a song,
      Sing rickety-tickety-tin,
      About a maid I’ll sing a song
      Who didn’t have her family long.
      Not only did she do them wrong,
      She did ev’ryone of them in, them in,
      She did ev’ryone of them in.

  24. “A bunch of celebrities, along with Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, are appearing in public-service announcements to combat sexual assault with the power of communal responsibility platitudes.”

    *Yawn* More social standing signaling?

    Why don’t they just stand up and say “I against BAD stuff.”
    What a bunch of meaningless drivel.

    1. They do this to get some dumb Republican Congressman to say something stupid in rebuttal, so they can use it to say all Rebulicans are evil women-hating sexists.

      We’ll be hearing War on Women and Racism until November of 2016. It’s all they have.

  25. spokesman Jay Carney added that the president does support the death penalty in some cases.

    For example, when applied to small brown children, preferably attending weddings, via drone. Or, of course, when applied to the ambulances responding to the scene, afterwards, via the same method.

    1. No, he means people who might vote for his friends.

  26. Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams arrested in connection to a 1973 murder

    Sinn F?in leader Gerry Adams has been arrested by Northern Ireland police in connection with the 1972 murder of Jean McConville.

    Mrs McConville, a 37-year-old widow and mother of 10, was abducted from her flat in the Divis area of west Belfast and shot by the IRA.

    Her body was recovered from a beach in County Louth in 2003.

    Speaking before his arrest on Wednesday, Mr Adams said he was “innocent of any part” in the murder.

    Police said a 65-year-old man presented himself to Antrim police station on Wednesday evening and was arrested.

    In a statement, Sinn F?in said: “Last month Gerry Adams said he was available to meet the PSNI about the Jean McConville case. That meeting is taking place this evening.”

    Mrs McConville, one of Northern Ireland’s Disappeared, was kidnapped in front of her children after being wrongly accused of being an informer.

    Last month, Ivor Bell, 77, a leader in the Provisional IRA in the 1970s, was charged with aiding and abetting the murder.

    There have also been a number of other arrests over the murder recently.

    Weird to think of how recently there was political violence in what is ostensibly a civilized country.

    1. Obviously they are being persecuted for their beliefs!

  27. My State Senator posted a Rosanne Barr clip to her Facebook page today as a rebuttal to the federal Senate minimum wage vote. When I responded with this she said “Seriously, Sowell, God bless us all. There is tons of research to show everything he says is wrong here. Anecdotal stories of his and the host’s youth is not research. Check the longitudinal research on this topic, you will likely be surprised.”

    Apparently sitcoms are serious research and Economists need to step to the back of the bus. Even better, someone on the thread invoked Krugman, and this Econ 101 quote of his always comes in handy for that: “So what are the effects of increasing minimum wages? Any Econ 101 student can tell you the answer: The higher wage reduces the quantity of labor demanded, and hence leads to unemployment.”

    1. Wtf is “longitudinal” research? I must be a rube.

      1. It is allegedly long term studies of individuals. In reality it is just BS to “prove” an emotional point. Kind of like Climate Change.…..udinal.htm

        1. Your state senator is an exemplar of intellect. I’m impressed!

        2. My own 40-year longitudinal study tells me the climate is pretty much the same as it was 40 years ago.

      2. as opposed to cross-sectional

      3. We want to study effects of X. We can either compare 60 year olds who used X to 60 year olds who didn’t use X. That’s a cross sectional study. Or we can get a group of 20 year olds test them now, then wait 40 years and test them again to see how their 60 year old selves changed from their 20 year old seves depending on whether they used X or not. That’s a longitudinal study.

        Longitudinal studies are much harder to do, but less prone to self-selection biases in the inital population.

        1. That does not appear to be the case with Senator Johnson. It is merely a set of long words to toss about in a monologue.

          1. Agree. Bombastic language to hide ignorance is an old tactic.

    2. And she totally provided links to support her claims, right?

      1. No, she didn’t bother with that. I did, of course, even the Krugman link:…..a021103427

      2. She provided this statement. Perhaps someone can make sense of it, as I am obviously not smart enough to comprehend it:
        “Glad to see where one of many explanations for drop in black youth employment is increase in enrollment in school, especially age 20-24, positive!”

        I want to know when Black youth unemployment ever dropped since minimum wage was instituted, and what 20 year olds of any race have to do with it.

    3. “Don’t bother me with economics, I have tons of research by people who agree with my position.”

      1. That sums it up correctly.

    4. I once heard some progressive spout their usual nonsense about the minimum wage, and dared reply that the minimum wage should be abolished in its entirety not raised. The look on their face was priceless. I said it was a counterintuitive thing, and definitely NOT heartless as they painted it. But progressives being progressives, I was dismissed out of hand as a loonie and whackjob.

      1. It’s only counter intuitive if we let them control the messaging. If we’d stop calling it “minimum wage” and start calling it what it is, namely outlawing a range of voluntary contracts, it would be clearer to people that it isn’t the simple redistribution of wealth that people believe it to be.

      2. Yes. And Nader thought progressives and libertarians should united.

        Based on the above, someone should commit Nader.

        Or at least slap him off the side of the head.

      3. Blow their minds by pointing out that the minimum wage was originally intended as racist, sexist, eugenics:

        Leonard’s work shows that some advocates of the minimum wage, including many giants of the early days of the economics profession, such as John R. Commons and Richard T. Ely, understood exactly what minimum wage laws would do and liked it. In addition, various Progressives and socialists who were not economists, such as Eugene Debs and Beatrice and Sidney Webb, also supported minimum wage laws and other interventions into the labor market precisely because they would weed out those who were deemed too stupid or lazy to compete in a market economy?in particular, women, immigrants, and blacks.

        Leonard writes, “the progressive economists . . . believed that the job loss induced by minimum wages was a social benefit, as it performed the eugenic service ridding the labor force of the ‘unemployable.'” He quotes the Webbs’ statement that “this unemployment is not a mark of social disease, but actually of social health.” Further, he quotes Henry Rogers Seager of Columbia University, who suggested that minimum wages were necessary to protect workers from the “wearing competition of the casual worker and the drifter.”

        1. that first link I gave is a YouTube discussion between Sowell and Williams, in part pointing this out.

        2. Wow. That was a hard-hitting read. I have not seen AA’s video yet. Thanks to you both.

          1. Elsewhere I’ve read that the idea was to raise the wages of white working men, make white women less employable so they’d stay home and have babies, and disemploy blacks and the disabled so that they wouldn’t be able to afford to have kids.

            My analogy is that the minimum wage was invented as a pesticide, but now it’s sold as a health tonic.

  28. “The White House said that the botched execution in Oklahoma fell short of humane Federal standards, but spokesman Jay Carney added that the president does support the death penalty in some cases because ‘He’s really good at Killing People‘”

  29. The White House said that the botched execution in Oklahoma fell short of humane standards, but spokesman Jay Carney added that the president does support the death penalty in some cases.

    Well, the ones that don’t involve any real due process, anyway.

    1. I’m against those things that everybody hates!

      -Obama’s slogan

  30. Glenn Beck: “I’m telling you. Hillary Clinton will be having sex with a woman on the White House desk if it becomes popular.”

    So, I usually don’t find Beck entertaining or informative, but I LoL’d with this.

    1. So where do I sign up for the class action lawsuit against Beck for putting that image in my head?

      1. I wouldn’t let people know that you’re sensitive to mental imagery. Next thing you know SugarFree will appear to describe in detail what that would look like.

        1. I skip over all of NutraSweet’s posts anyways. That man’s head is a very, very disturbing place.

        2. [evil grin]

    2. The anecdotal evidence I’ve heard from an ex secret service guy suggests she probably already has.

      1. I am pretty sure she fathered Huma’s child.

        1. As I understand it, she was the cheater in chief. Bill was tame by comparison.

    3. Doesn’t posting that violate one of the restraining orders Beck has against you?

      1. restraining orders Beck has against you

        Wait, who do you think I am?

        I think Beck is good at entertaining people and makes some insane leaps of logic on his shows that people swallow unquestioningly, but I largely ignore him. I think you may have me confused or conflated with somebody else…

    4. Yep, thats funny until you picture it in your mind. Then, not so much. *gag*

      I dont understand the people that get their undies in a bunch over the likes of Beck and Linbaugh. They are entertainers, thats all. In the case of Beck, the guy is a freakin’ comedian.

      1. He actually made a good point in the video when he says (paraphrasing here): look you’re [Hillary] calling the gay rights movement the civil rights movement of our time, but you were only willing to get on board once popular opinion had already shifted.

        1. He is a smart guy and does make good points, but he discredits himself by punctuating them with crazy. That allows the progs to dismiss everything he says while simultaneously tying themselves in knots over it.

          1. It’s too hard to figure out whether there’s anything in his ramblings that actually makes sense when you know at any moment he could start going off about the secret fascist imagery on a fucking dime.

            1. It’s not really a secret, the teeny-tiny fasces are right there.

            2. This and the fact that his arguments usually involve

              1. Point I agree with
              2. Point I agree with
              3. Frantic scribbling on a chalkboard
              4. Conclusion that is entirely unrelated to the points I agree with.

              Well that and I have had to talk my mother out of believing some of the more outlandish things he’s said too many times.

              1. Glenn Beck was on our local talk radio before he went national. His entire persona is an act; he actually announced one day they would be relaunching the show tomorrow and then the next day was suddenly a completely different person.

          2. I heard him described as the enthusiastic friend who won’t shut up about the book he’s halfway through. Seems about right.

            1. Still better than the enthusiastic friend who won’t shut up about the book he’s already written and published but no one will bother to read.

  31. Those women in the photo aren’t helping their case by refusing to stand while holding the sign.

    1. I thought this picture was shot at the Trout River in Newfoundland.

  32. The dimpled pint glass or jug nearly disappeared from pubs a decade ago. Now this symbol of the British pub is back.

    1. NO! Those dimples collect second-hand smoke!

  33. Someone from Pensacola has a sense of humor.

    For trade- 2002 Jaguar S Type Raft (Pensacola )

    1. That’s can’t be a raft. It has a roof.

    2. I heard on the news Pensacola got 22 inches of rain in a 24 hr period.

      That’s a lot of rain.

  34. The White House said that the botched execution in Oklahoma fell short of humane standards,

    And a USDOJ investigative team was en route as you spoke, right Jay?

    1. Oops forgot to close the block quote.

  35. THERE are 3 game 7’s tonight.

    1. And I am STUCK in Europe, with no.NHL on.tV to speak of.

      Dr. Girlfriend is keeping me apprised, however.

  36. “Jesus’ wife” papyrus fragment may not have been written in the 7th century.

    Material in the same batch of documents is shown to be a forgery.

    As two professors put it at CNN:

    “Multiple experts agree that the fragment of John and the Jesus’ wife papyrus are written in the same hand, using the same ink and even the same writing instrument.

    “Simply put: If one is a forgery, they’re both forgeries.…..?hpt=hp_t3

    1. Forgot the money quote:

      “Well, it’s never a good sign for a text of doubtful authenticity to be found in the company of a sure forgery.”

  37. io9 post about Doctor Who: Doctor Who will have a porn parody by the same person who has made such classics as Game of Bones and Sailor Poon

    Doctor Whore

    I’m not sure if the title suggests the Doctor might get his long-awaited first female regeneration or if he’ll just be a Doctor who chooses whores for his companions, but I do know I will be sorely disappointed if his time-traveling, bigger-on-the-inside blue box isn’t called the P.E.N.I.S.

    1. “A little game of ‘hide the sonic screwdriver’, eh?”

    2. +1 Bigger on the Inside

    3. Why would io9 report this? They already masturbate enthusiastically when anyone so much as mentions Dr. Who. Sadly, those same chumps will watch the porno critically and be disappointed.

    4. the Doctor might get his long-awaited first female regeneration

      *yawn* The Curse of Fatal Death already did that fifteen years ago. Next!

  38. Jameis Winston stole some crab legs. A “source inside Tallahassee Police” didn’t read the whole memo.

    “He got an adult civil citation,” a trusted source inside Tallahassee Police told Tomahawk Nation. “If he completes the sanctions it will never show up on his record. They commonly give them to juveniles on first criminal offenses. They are now doing it for minor misdemeanors for adults to lower crime rate.”

    Pretty sure that last part was supposed to stay in-house.

    1. This has been comedy GOLD on my FB feed today. Some pretty good photoshops here.

  39. Ruh-roh!: South Carolina men arrested after pot found in Scooby Doo lunchbox.
    Two Rock Hill men are facing charges after police said they were selling pot just feet from a school.
    Officers arrested Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, Tuesday.
    They said the men had nearly five ounces of marijuana and 13 glass pipes inside a Scooby Doo lunch box.
    Officers found the men 50 feet from Northside Elementary School.
    They said the lunch box had been tossed in the woods near the men. Both men denied owning it.

    1. “Brittany”, eh?

      “Call me ‘Sue’.”

  40. Vox explains how it is possible to increase wages without reducing employment

    Reason 1, already scratching my head:

    Turnover. A higher minimum wage makes working at the minimum wage more attractive. That makes it easier for employers to hire and retain workers, reducing turnover in employment, which is usually high in low-wage industries. The reduction in the cost of turnover offsets the increase in the cost in wages. Underlying this view are the economics ideas of “monopsony” and “labor-market frictions” ? that is, that the labor market isn’t perfectly competitive, and employers have some power to set wages. A higher minimum wage forces employers to raise wages rather than tolerate vacancies.

    1. That looks like a college student answering an essay question having no clue what he’s talking about, and hoping that throwing in a bunch of big words will fool the professor into thinking he knows what he’s talking about.

      1. That sounds exactly like how Matt Y. and Ezra got through college.

    2. Oh boy, more “Voxsplaining” from a group of people who are more likely to try to hump a doorknob then have an original idea. I read a columnist the other day who said something like, “I hope Jeff Bezos sends Ezra a box with $10M worth of shredded bills every so often, just to remind him that it wasn’t about the money.”

    3. The basis CEPR study

      Among the most important “channels of adjustment” are “improvements in organizational efficiency”.

      Work smarter, not cheaper!

    4. So, the current minimum wage is insufficient to curb turnover, but the new minimum wage will do this. (nods) Sure, sure.

    5. The reduction in the cost of turnover offsets the increase in the cost in wages.

      Then why wouldn’t these businesses do this already, you moron?

  41. What is this I can’t even

    The Capitalist Beast

    1. “Rebuilding Militant Labor”

      but it will cost $6mil (adjusted for inflation of course)

        1. “Most citizens have been harvested by corporate power.”

          I don’t even know what that means…

          1. Somebody saw the Matrix and interpreted it as an allegory concerning corporations.

        2. “…whether you’re fighting for food…”

          The chief benefit of free exchange, you realize, is that you don’t have to fight for food.

          And if Fatty wants to fight for food, well, I’ll buy him a bus ticket to Cleveland. I’ll give him a cheeseburger if he wins.

  42. Profile of a Professional Golddigger:

    Daily Mail on Vivian Stiviano

    But Stiviano, who always dreamed of becoming a catwalk model, hasn’t always been the beauty queen and would have struggled in image-obsessed LA. She was once a spotty high school kid with below average looks.

    Despite her stunning body and exotic beauty, press photos betray her far from flawless complexion and reveal the tell tale signs of surgery.

    But MailOnline has been told that Stiviano is rumored to have also known Jerry Buss, the owner of the LA Lakers and former associate of Donald Sterling – who she first met at the Super Bowl in 2010.

    It is claimed Stiviano had a close friendship with Buss ? a notorious ladies man – which lasted a number of years.

    But Sterling, who is thought to be worth around $1.9 billion, did Stiviano in charity roles.

    Intriguingly, the similarities don’t end there. When Buss died he left a condo and a Bentley in his will for his then girlfriend Delia Cortiz – Sterling gave Stiviano a condo too and TWO Bentleys (plus a Ferrari and a Range Rover). Apparently, they were men of similar tastes in women and gifts.

    Now I ain’t she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin with no broke niggas.

    1. But that’s what Sterling was afraid of!

      1. Unfortunately, Donald Sterling didn’t strike that perfect balance every man seeks at some point in life: A rich, old man’s bank account and a young man’s dick.

        1. every man

          Not all of us share your love of twinks, AC. NTTAWWT.

          1. That’s okay. I’m disinclined to sharing anyway because I read Ayn Rand like all good libertarians are supposed to.

    1. Words fail me.

    2. &, thanks to that link, I’m never eating again.

      1. And yet you are really into ‘Hannibal’.

          1. I suppose the lack of attractive actors doing the deed makse a difference.

            1. I am going to change your mind about that show.

    3. “If you do decide to eat placenta, it’s probably best to eat your own, rather than other people’s.”

      Indeed. “Do you have any idea where that placenta has been?!”

    4. I’ve heard anecdotally that some vegans will eat placenta because it’s meat that involved no suffering.

      Besides labor, of course.

    5. So was this Brett or Sloopy?

  43. No such thing as peak derp (or is it sarcastic? my meter is broken):

    Free WiFi is a selling point in NoMa, but why isn’t the Internet free wherever we’d want it?

    But the livelier, whinier point of contention is this: Why, more than a decade into the proliferation of WiFi networks, is free wireless Internet not available everywhere all the time, especially in the capital of the free world? Why must we purchase and set up our own individual hotspots, or linger in coffee shops, or siphon connectivity from unsecured networks, or make do with our phones?

    Why in 2014 is a neighborhood stoked to offer a service that for some has become as elemental as clean air, as sacrosanct as a universal human right?

    (emphasis mine)

    One problem: The market relies on consumers to purchase connectivity individually. In other words, blame AT&T or Verizon, if you’re willing to also blame capitalism as a whole.

    Thus, a human right may hinge on whether it eclipses the radiance of a streetlight.

    1. Is this invariably what happens when almost everybody in a nation goes their whole lifetime without ever once being hungry or cold or tired? Or enduring serious pain? There’s a lot to be said for civilization and everything, but if it has to produce these cunts, then maybe there’s a good reason for sacking Rome.

      1. It’s rampant narcissism in the guise of self-esteem.

      2. Yes.

    2. What is this, I don’t even….

    3. Judging from the comments Zak is writing tongue in cheek.

      1. That makes me feel a little better.

        I guess I should read about Border Patrol beatings a bit, lest I get too optimistic.

      2. Judging from his own comment, he is not.

        8:48 AM MDT
        Not arguing for. Wondering why it’s not here yet. And if technological trends are any indication, we’re definitely headed to “free” and omnipresent Internet. Whether you want to use it, and risk your privacy etc, is another matter.

  44. Sorry, SugarFree:

    Slash fiction falls victim to China’s latest crackdown on online porn

    But one particular form of sexually explicit content seems to have received special attention from authorities ? slash fiction.

    Slash fiction is a genre of fan fiction that focuses on the interpersonal attraction and sexual relationships between fictional characters of the same sex. In China, slash, or dan mei (??) in Chinese, goes beyond fan fiction, and is used exclusively to refer to male-male slash. Believe it or not, slash is more popular than one would expect in China, and sex scenes are a big part of Chinese slash stories.

    In light of the new online porn-cleaning campaign, many Chinese book-sharing or book-hosting websites took off their slash collections, including, the biggest and most popular self-publishing website in China. Websites dedicated to slash content, such as, were shut down entirely. Twenty or so writers of slash fictions were reportedly taken away by police, all of whom were female.

    Yes, female. The majority of readers, as well as writers, of slash in China are straight young girls who identify themselves as “rotten women (??).”.

    And BTW, fuck Thomas Friedman.

    1. I’d love to be arrested for something I wrote. What an honor. I would write a book in prison: Wartonoy’s Complaint maybe, or My Struggle.

  45. Jesse: the well for trip. Had the day mostly to myself and toured La Sagrada Familia Cathedral. That’s some serious architecture.

    1. On topic:

      “As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to the building up of a vast array of wonderful church edifices, and starving half her citizens to accomplish it. She is today one vast museum of magnificence and misery. All the churches in an ordinary American city put together could hardly buy the jeweled frippery in one of her hundred cathedrals. And for every beggar in America, Italy can show a hundred – and rags and vermin to match. It is the wretchedest, princeliest land on earth.
      Look at the grande Doumo of Florence – a vast pile that has been sapping the purses of her citizens for five hundred years, and is not nearly finished yet. Like all other men,
      I fell down and worshiped it, but when the filthy beggars swarmed around me the contrast was too striking, too suggestive, and I said. “Oh, sons of classic Italy, is the spirit of enterprise, of self-reliance, of noble endeavor, utterly dead within ye? Curse your indolent worthlessness, why don’t you rob your church?”

      1. Well, to be fair, they claim that La Sagrada Familia has been funded 100% by voluntary donations since its inception.

        But for the rest of what you say, +1 Symphony in C.

      2. Who wrote that? It’s missing the point.

        And it’s spelled ‘duomo.’

        1. Someone who absolutely understood the point. And yes, someone transcribed it wrong.

          1. He said you couldn’t throw a rock in Quebec without hitting a Church.

            Ah. The part of the transcribing.

            He visited Italy at its worst point.

    2. Sounds fun. How is the food?

    3. Nice! Don’t miss Park Guell.

  46. Judgmental Maps

    I like the Baltimore one. Cleveland does not appear, appropriately.

    1. A lot of places don’t appear. At least the Baltimore one sort of gets the Johns Hopkins region right. Sort of.

      1. It got Hampden and Roland Park

    2. The Denver one is pretty much perfect.

  47. New research proves Neanderthals were not inferior to anatomically modern man

    Villa and Roebroeks focused on nearly a dozen common explanations for Neanderthal based largely on the idea that the Neanderthals were anatomically inferior to modern humans, which limited their reasoning and communication skills, kept them from becoming more effective hunters and prevented them from drawing sustenance from the wider diet the digestive tracks of modern humans were able to handle.

    The researchers found none of such hypotheses were supported by the
    available research, which instead demonstrated Neanderthals hunted and communicated as a group, and had were able to make efficient use of their surroundings to help them accomplish their goals

    Added archaeological evidence discovered at Neanderthal sites suggested the species had a diverse diet that included wild peas, acorns, pistachios, grass seeds, wild olives, pine nuts and date palms, subject to what gatherers could find locally.

    Also found at sites inhabited by Neanderthals was ochre, a kind of earth pigment, that may well have been used for body painting.

    The discovery of ornaments at the sites seem to indicate Neanderthals had cultural rituals and symbolic communication for which they painted and decorated themselves.

    Check your privilege, Magnon bastards!

    1. This explains ProL’s low parietal width and pronounced superorbital ridges. And all that grunting he does.

      1. It’s true–I am descended from Neanderthal man. I burn with the desire to avenge the wrongs done to my people. I also seek reparations, plus interest. Figuring that over the last, say, 40,000 years. . .let’s call it the solar system. The whole thing. You Cro Mags can keep Pluto.

  48. Devastating wit

    I particularly like the one with the kids playing with the pistol, and going, “Cool! It’s just like Grand Theft Auto!”

    1. I particularly like the “backyard gun range” one about Florida. I guess I find it funny because I had a backyard gun range in California when I lived in the central valley as did about half of the people on my street. And our local cop let me carry when we walked my property late at light after the first murder in over a decade happened in the town.

      1. How long was this street that half the people living on it were in an entirely different part of the state?

        1. About a mile long. It didn’t hurt that my backyard went up against a mountain.

  49. DC Reasonoids unite! Banjos and I will be in DC/Baltimore next week. I will expect there to be some hospitality of some sort both at the Reason DC Headquarters as well as a local watering hole. We plan to arrive Monday and leave Thursday, although I’ll be in south Jersey on Wednesday until at least 4 or so.

    Who’s with me?

    1. No one. No one wants to meet you because everyone hates you and you look funny and you smell like urine.

      1. Just keep him away from any Armstrong memorabilia at the Air & Space Museum.

        1. Oh shit. That reminds me to get some of these before I head there.

          1. That would be wise.

            Have you been to the Air & Space Museum before? It’s very cool what they have there.

            1. Several times but it’s been at least 8-9 years so I’m sure it would all be new again.

              I’m more curious if The Dubliner and Irish Times are what they used to be.

              1. I was only there for any amount of time during a summer in the 90s (White House fellowship). I can’t remember any of the bars, though I guess it was all over at Adams Morgan.

                Go see the Constitution at the National Archives before they burn it, too.

              2. Be sure to go to the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center out near the Dulles Airport. It where the Air and Space Museum keeps all the stuff that’s too big to fit in the building along the mall.

                1. Be sure to go to the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center out near the Dulles Airport.

                  I grew up pretty close to Wright-Patterson. I’ve probably seen it all.

                  1. I grew up pretty close to Wright-Patterson. I’ve probably seen it all.

                    They have a space shuttle, an SR71, and a Concorde. It’s worth the trip.

                    1. Saw a shuttle in Fla at KSC. I’d like to see a Concorde though.

              3. Irish Times are what they used to be.

                Last time I went there, it was full of cops. Fuck Cop Week.

      2. smell like urine

        Go on…


        1. Please. The only reason you’re not into peeplay is that you prefer to eat da poo-poo.

          1. Ha. I always knew you were a Ugandan preacher. You’ve finally been snared in my trap.

    2. Aren’t you afraid of inadvertently conceiving a child there and having it become infected with the evilness of that region of the country?

      1. Hell, if all goes as planned, we’ll be there for good pretty soon.

        1. So you want to move from an earthly paradise with horrible laws to a malarial swamp with slightly less horrible laws? Why?

          1. Because money talks and I quit my job out here over a month ago.

            1. It’s not like there aren’t jobs out there. Have you considered public service? For instance, you’d make a fine police officer.

              1. She’s going to become Lord Sloopy the spider, her swarm of little children coming for her enemies when they least expect it.

              2. Dude. It’s like you’ve never posted here before. The public-sector job for sloopy is clearly Postmaster General.

            2. No need to do anything crazy. I’ll fund your food truck. 50/50, and you do all the work.

              1. No need to do anything crazy. I’ll fund your food truck. 50/50, and you do all the work.

                If you’re even remotely serious, we need to talk right away.

              2. No need to do anything crazy. I’ll fund your food truck. 50/50, and you do all the work.

                That’s my kind of investing.

            3. Are you planning to work for Reason? That would be awesome. You could get rid of threaded comments and do vile things to our comments whenever you felt like it. And the pools would be a feature of this blog, rather than something buried in the comments section.

              1. I second having sloopy work for Reason. Maybe we can get him installed as asort of ombudsman for the commentariat.

                1. I’d give my right arm to work for Reason. Seriously. I just don’t have the credentials and J-School bullshit degree.

                  I think I could do a good post-Balko cop beat.

                  1. I’d give my right arm to work for Reason. Seriously. I just don’t have the credentials and J-School bullshit degree.

                    Neither do Reason staff. I believe that Gillespie has like a French Literature degree and six figures of student loan debt.

                    1. But he’s the host for The Jacket. Like that dude Beverley Crusher fell for.

                    2. In 1996, Gillespie received his Ph.D. in English literature from the State University of New York at Buffalo. He also holds an M.A. in English with a concentration in creative writing from Temple University and a B.A. in English and Psychology from Rutgers University. Gillespie, the father of two sons, lives in Washington, DC, and Oxford, Ohio.

                      Yeah. Gillespie has done amazingly well for someone with that kind of degree. Usually, those types end up driving a pedi-cab in New Orleans, or working at a Starbucks.

          2. California is like that crazy hot chick. Offers plenty of pleasures but is liable to superglue your nuts to your thigh.

            DC sounds like a 500 pound dominatrix with a hairlip and venereal disease.

            Although I suppose Virginia would be more tolerable.

            1. The plan is to live down in the northern neck. I’d be working that area as well as some suburban DC counties in MD.

              1. How far down? I would assume you’d be looking closer to the Potomac.

                1. King George/Colonial Beach area or across the river anywhere between Hollywood and Clinton.

                  Of course, if Banjos gets offers (and it looks like she will be), we may be living closer to DC. Apparently there’s a huge need for IP legal secretaries in the area.

                  1. So are ya’ll looking to live on the water? Because Fredericksburg has gotten nicer in the past few years. You can ride the train to DC! Because trains are the future.

                    1. It’s a little further from the MD line than I’d like. I want to live within a few miles of the river or bay.

                      If I was going to be as far in as Fredericksburg, I’d just move back The Fan or Carytown and be happy. Unless the hippie invasion is complete. Then I’d go to Church Hill and pray the bulletproof glass does its job.

                    2. It’s a little further from the MD line than I’d like. I want to live within a few miles of the river or bay.

                      Gotcha. MD is going down the tubes fast. VA is still circling the bowl. I want to see how Scumbag Terry shakes out.

            2. California is like that crazy hot chick. Offers plenty of pleasures but is liable to superglue your nuts to your thigh.

              Hey… hey… HEY… heyyy. Whoa now. Hang on there Mister.

  50. Irony: Colorado high school student leads the Pledge of Allegiance in Arabic, Christian parents freak out over the “under Allah” at the end.

    1. Arab Christians use “Allah”. True story.

      Fuck these people.

      1. I’m no expert, but doesn’t Allah just mean “God”?

        Now, had the kid said, “one nation, under Muhammed…” that would have been pimp.

        1. It means “the god” — al is the indefinite article in Arabic. & it refers to the god of all three Abrahamic faiths. People just like to freak out.

          1. So he should’ve just said “Lah?”

    2. In other news, Stormy Dragon digs up stupid shit news to get derpy over.

    1. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

    2. It’s the 90s all over again.

    3. Wow, the comments are worse than the video. It’s the magic of Youtube.

    4. Theory: the KKK runs World Star.

  51. Spurs are looking good tonight

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