A.M. Links: Governments Responsible For 87 Percent of Internet Spying, 40,000 Voters Registered in Both Virginia and Maryland, Scientists Mull Oldest Light in the Universe

|

  • oldest light had to get past all the turtles

    According to a report from Verizon, governments around the world account for 87 percent of all Internet spying.

  • An investigation by the Virginia Voter Alliance found that forty thousand voters are registered in both Virginia and Maryland.
  • Stricter regulations on e-cigarettes were proposed by the the Food and Drug Administration, which also recommended it regulate cigars, pipe tobacco, nicotine gels, water pipe tobacco, and hookahs.
  • Three U.S. doctors were killed in Kabul after a security guard opened fire at a hospital.
  • The Palestinian groups Hamas and Fatah have made a deal to form a national unity government.
  • The oldest light observed in the universe is reshaping how scientists think about the universe's early history.

Follow Reason and Reason 24/7 on Twitter, and like us on Facebook. You can also get the top stories mailed to yousign up here.

NEXT: Bill Would Ban Connecticut Childcare Providers From Serving Whole Milk

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. According to a report from Verizon, governments around the world account for 87 percent of all Internet spying.

    The other 13 precent? My ex.

    1. Badumtiss.

      I’m actually surprised it’s only 87%.

      And good morning you wonderful ladies and gentlemen.

    2. The other 13 precent? My ex.

      Your ex is a network admin?

    3. Hello.

      1. Been traveling this week, so a late answer to your hockey stick question. Waddell had a place next to my in-laws on a lake in Michigan.

        1. Ah.

      2. Imposter! Orange Link Imposter!

    4. The other 13% is private contractors doing it on behalf of governments.

    5. Pfft. AS if we can trust the word of Verizon.

    6. The Turtle Moves!

    7. The other 13 percent is alien governments. The reptile men are watching.

  2. The oldest light observed in the universe is reshaping how scientists think about the universe’s early history.

    Our ancestors didn’t use CFLs, did they?

    1. Damn, I guess it was an obvious joke. I’ll have to do better.

      1. Just be lucky I wasn’t also the first comment with it. That would have been humiliating.

      2. I was talking about Canadian Football Leagues, but yours is pretty good too.

        1. +1.2 Kramer.

    2. Hey buddy, did you see a real brat lat?

    3. No reshaping. The science is settled. Who are these deniers. Put their backs against the wall. Scientific knowledge can’t change.

  3. The oldest light observed in the universe is reshaping how scientists think about the universe’s early history.

    About how much better incandescent bulbs were.

  4. “Three U.S. doctors were killed in Kabul after a security guard opened fire at a hospital.”

    Fuck. That is all.

    1. People who took oaths to do no harm, killed by scum who could never heal someone.

    2. Get the Fuck out. That is all.

      FTFY

    3. If we restricted gun ownership to those people with the government imprimatur, this wouldn’t have happened.

      [/sarcasm]

  5. Your Government Owes You a Job
    The federal government can easily afford a job guarantee program, becoming our employer of last resort.

    Would jobs for all skyrocket wages and prices, spurring inflation? Such unfounded belief holds the jobless hostage to hysteria. The JG is an inflation stabilizer, easily compatible with additional precautions. Because non-JG employees could quit for a JG job, their bargaining power would increase. By the same token, businesses could hire JG-trained employees, so employers’ negotiating power would increase as well. Thus, wages wouldn’t spiral. Furthermore, guaranteed employment for low-income individuals would discipline the prices of goods and services they typically buy.

    Aside from the economic benefits, we deserve to participate in society as both producers and consumers. Participation is a premise for both collective enterprise and the self-determination Americans cherish. Even the best education and training programs cannot assure full employment. We need to change the economy, not people.

    1. We need to change the economy, not people.

      This nonsense has been making the rounds on the liberal dipshit sites. I guess it must be the topic of the week on Journolist.

    2. You SF’d the link, though I might not want to read the whole thing if the excerpt is that dumb.

    3. Genius of economics and history.

    4. SF’d the link.

        1. Who ARE those people in the threads?

          Wtf is going on?

        2. Involuntary unemployment is barbaric.

          But involuntary employment is heaven on earth, comrade.

          1. Involuntary unemployment is barbaric.

            Given the fact that you can always opt to be self-employed, isn’t involuntary unemployment self-abuse?

    5. Would jobs for all skyrocket wages and prices, spurring inflation?

      If the Treasury can count on the Fed to produce unlimited zeros on the plus side of the ledger, then why not? $3 trillion later and all the manipulated numbers say ‘zero inflation’.

      /KeynesianClown

    6. we deserve to participate in society as both producers and consumers

      deserve got nothing to do with it. Is this serious or The Onion?

    7. This bastiat quote comes to mind:

      ” Whence does [the State] draw those resources that it is urged to dispense by way of benefits to individuals? Is it not from the individuals themselves? How, then, can these resources be increased by passing through the hands of a parasitic and voracious intermediary?”

      1. Well, through magic of course.

        /John Maynard Keynes

        1. Now you see it, now you don’t?

            1. I’ll bet you one orphan worker that the multiplier is way less than 1.0, and is likely closer to 0.

      2. No, those resources come from corporations, which aren’t people, and will continue to lay golden eggs forever.

      3. Only the rich pay taxes. And they’ll be fine.

    8. guaranteed employment for low-income individuals would discipline the prices of goods and services they typically buy.

      What?

      1. Government would dress up in leather and smash the shit out of things.

        That’s what I get from that sentence, but I’m pretty sure it makes more sense than whatever the original was meant to intend.

    9. Would jobs for all skyrocket wages and prices, spurring inflation?

      When did “skyrocket” become a transitive verb?

      1. During an afternoon delight.

        1. I still shudder when I think about that song.

    10. guaranteed employment for low-income individuals would discipline the prices of goods and services they typically buy

      That seems completely ass-backwards…

      1. Because it is

      2. I keep feeling like there’s some country that tried that before. Like one or two large countries, maybe one in Asia and one sort of in Asia and Europe, and like a couple smaller ones in Latin America. I seem to remember it not quite working out so well.

        1. And when you look at night time satellite images of the area adjacent to Japan, there is is weird dark zone. I wonder what the heck that is.

          1. Gjoria’s lair?

            1. *Gojira

      3. guaranteed employment for low-income individuals would discipline the prices of goods and services they typically buy

        Of course it would. Guaranteed Student Loans have demonstrated this in the real world of higher education tuition.

    11. The JG is an inflation stabilizer, easily compatible with additional precautions. Because non-JG employees could quit for a JG job, their bargaining power would increase. By the same token, businesses could hire JG-trained employees, so employers’ negotiating power would increase as well.

      What happens when the JG people show up at the job and work like shit?

      1. And who decides where to put these resources? Top men! They could never be swayed by corporations or their own well-being. They will only have the economy’s
        Best interest in mind, which if course they are an expert at. No unintended consequences!

    12. He links to Myserson late in the article, specifically this steaming pile of dogshit.

      Ever noticed how much landlords blow? They don’t really do anything to earn their money. They just claim ownership of buildings and charge people who actually work for a living the majority of our incomes for the privilege of staying in boxes that these owners often didn’t build and rarely if ever improve.

      1. Yeah, how dare they charge people a fee to use their property!?

      2. It’s hard to believe Myerson is this fucking stupid.

        The most mainstream way of flipping the script is a simple land-value tax. By targeting wealthy real estate owners and their free rides, we can fight inequality and poverty directly, make disastrous asset price bubbles impossible and curb Wall Street’s hideous bloat. There are cooler ideas out there, too: Municipalities themselves can be big-time landowners, and groups can even create large-scale community land trusts so that the land is held in common. In any case, we have to stop letting rich people pretend they privately own what nature provided everyone.

        1. The most mainstream way of flipping the script is a simple land-value tax.

          uh, property tax? Never been tried, why not!

          1. uh, property tax theft ? Never been tried, why not!

            1. +1 logical conclusion

        2. “By targeting wealthy real estate owners and their free rides…”

          My father worked all his life like a fucking dog – we rarely saw him except when he took me to soccer practice or go see various sports matches – to buy his house and own four properties which currently serve as his pension. Good thing because the Canadian government is clawing back his OAS because, in a nut shell, he succeeded in life.

          Everyone can go fuck themselves – especially Myerson. If I was ever to walk into this ignorant bum I would lace into him.

        3. It’s hard to believe Myerson is this fucking stupid.

          No it’s not.

        4. In any case, we have to stop letting rich people pretend they privately own what nature provided everyone.

          Apartment buildings and houses used to grow like weeds before those damn Kochs came along.

      3. Uh… get the fuck out of rent controlled shitboxes, dumbass. In places where rent prices float freely, owners often do regular improvements to attract higher rents. Your dumbass socialism is what keeps owners who have to pay market prices on improvements, but charge sub-market prices for the space from improving and maintaining their buildings, shit-bird.

        1. We just need price controls on contractors who do work on rent-control buildings. That’ll work.

      4. They just claim ownership of buildings…

        Oh, okay, I didn’t realize that’s all I had to do to become a real estate mogul. No more of this working and investing to be able to purchase nonsense.

        1. Make your own flag, walk into a building and declare “I claim this building in the name of (insert your name here). Long live (insert your name here)!”

          Should totally work.

      5. It’s awesome how if you make the city the only landlord, landlords will magically not blow anymore.

    13. I’ve heard sh– like this spouted by Indian kids born after the early 90s. Knuckleheads have no f-ing clue how life under socialism was.

      Preserving liberty is going to be an eternal struggle because younger generations don’t seem to learn their lessons from history and keep wanting to repeat mistakes of the past.

      1. Because nobody is teaching them the failures of socialism and communism. It’s fine to teach the failures of the republican experiments and the West, but it should be coupled with the massive failures of the Marxist experiments.

      2. Kids spend enormous amounts of their formative years undergoing socialist operant conditioning and immersed in it’s propaganda.

      3. Are the schools in India as infested with socialists as are US public schools?

    14. Would jobs for all skyrocket wages and prices, spurring inflation? Such unfounded belief holds the jobless hostage to hysteria.

      “Unfounded belief,” eh? I guess the last 40 years of cumulative CPI growth in conjunction with an increased workforce was just a fever dream.

      Not that more people working is bad–but these dummies seem to believe that .gov can magic jobs out of thin air at middle class income levels without economic consequences. They’re ignorant of the fact that FDR’s jobs programs paid people about $6000 a year, inflation-adjusted, not the current median wage.

    15. By the same token, businesses could hire JG-trained employees

      Yes, government-trained employees who needed the state to give them work. Private employers would kill each other for the opportunity to hire such folks.

      This writer is fucking insane.

      1. It’s all part of the guaranteed income movement, just a different form.

        Man, the recession (caused by crony banks and deadbeat borrows and continued by Obama policies) has really caused the commie cockroaches to come out into the light.

        I know even conservatives throw around those ideas of just giving people a check instead of all the stupid welfare and housing programs – I agree that would save money, but Dems will always want to have guaranteed income along with WIC, SNAP, HHS, MC, etc which is well on it’s way to making us a nation of serfs. It’s going from Free Shit Army to Free Shit Nation.

  6. Uber has now rolled out in Sydney and unsurprisingly the taxi industry is scrabbling to crush it. Punters on the other hand are crying hallelujah

    1. France is plotting to take Uber’s car-tracking tech and hand it over to taxis

      Under pressure from traditional cab drivers in the country, a new law was introduced that required the likes of Uber, LeCab and SnapCar to wait 15 minutes before picking people up, giving normal cabs a better shot at landing the business. It didn’t survive very long, not that it did much to calm some old-school cabbies anyway. Now, a new report, due to be presented to the French Prime Minister today, suggests disarming the newer services of one of their greatest weapons, and turning it over to regular taxis.

    2. Wow, is the SMH pro-market or is Pascoe an outlier?

      1. He’s one of the token grown-ups there to trick non-progs into buying it.

  7. An investigation by the Virginia Voter Alliance found that forty thousand voters are registered in both Virginian and Maryland.

    Yet both states suck for different reasons.

    1. An investigation by the Virginia Voter Alliance found that forty thousand voters are registered in both Virginian and Maryland.

      They all voted vor Sarvis and prevented Cuccinelli from winning.

      1. Good one, but the preferred phrasing is that Sarvis “stole votes”.

  8. “An investigation by the Virginia Voter Alliance found that forty thousand voters are registered in both Virginian and Maryland.”

    TEATHUGLICAN VOTE SUPPRESSION!!!!!1!1!1eleventy

    1. This came up yesterday and I think further down in the story was the report that maybe 120 people had voted in both states but not necessarily at the same election.

      1. Seriously, if you moved from one state to another, how would you go getting yourself removed from your previous location’s voter rolls?

        1. My wife volunteered to be an observer at the most recent local elections where we are in Maryland. She was horrified. It’s a bunch of old ladies eating sandwiches and fiddling with index cards while one or two idealistic managers (also volunteers) try to keep the thing from being a complete farce. Boxes (and I mean multiple large boxes) of votes get lost, or get stuck in a corner unsealed. In our ward, the local Democrat’s lawyer actually went door-to-door and threatened residents of public housing with the loss of their homes, then walked individuals into the polling station and stood behind them while they voted. No shit. And the city’s official poll people not only didn’t do anything but got real defensive when my wife complained.

          I used to be one of those people who really vociferously argued about how much voting matters. Now, not so much. Not sure if I’ll be voting in the next election, to be honest.

          1. Wow, that is totally fucked up. FWIW, I’ve never seen that in Virginia, but there isn’t a lot of public housing in my district.

      2. This came up yesterday and I think further down in the story was the report that maybe 120 people had voted in both states but not necessarily at the same election.

        And how does anyone have this information?

        1. Voter rolls are public info. Not who you voted for, but who voted.

  9. Man named Edward Cocaine arrested for drug possession

    “My last name is Cocaine,” the man said proudly at the podium, it transpiring that it was indeed his legal name as stated on his driver’s license.

    “You know, I thought I’d seen it all,” (Judge) Hurley laughed. “How many times have the police told you to step out of the car during your life?”

    “Just about every time I get pulled over,” Cocaine replied.

    Funnily enough Cocaine was actually arrested for illegal possession of Xanax.

    1. “Just about every time I get pulled over,” Cocaine replied.

      He don’t lie, he don’t lie, he don’t lie…

      1. *slow clap(ton)*

        1. very nice!

          1. Hey, I liked yours
            better, it was too good to pass up.

  10. An investigation by the Virginia Voter Alliance found that forty thousand voters are registered in both Virginian and Maryland.

    Both states are named after chicks so let’s just merge them.

    1. WINGNUT MEME! TALK RADIO! ARRGH!

    2. As long as we can keep the MD flag.

      1. Shit, flag’s only good thing about this damn state. That and J-O Seasoning.

        1. J-O? Is that some Old Bay ripoff?

        2. J-O Seasoning

          Ew.

          /teenage girl

    3. Throw the Carolina’s and Georgia into the mix too.

      1. Throw the Carolina’s what into the mix?

        1. Carolina’s autocorrecting a$$?

      2. They’re both named after men related to the chicks, so it would be an incestuous orgy. NTTAWWT between consenting adults I suppose

    4. Sounds hot

    5. Both states are named after chicks so let’s just merge them.

      Sounds suspiciously like gay marriage to me.

  11. Stricter regulations on e-cigarettes were proposed by the the Food and Drug Administration, which also recommended it regulate cigars, pipe tobacco, nicotine gels, water pipe tobacco, and hookahs.

    —-

    Remember in Dennis Leary’s No Cure for Cancer, where he joked that in the future, it would only be legal to smoke in your bedroom, under the covers, with the lights out? Yeah.

    1. It’s not just here; they’re banning e-cigs in Ireland, too.

      Apparently the Irish won’t revolt over that the way they would over bans on drinking. :-p

      1. Ah, there you are. Thought you were in a corner crying.

        1. Wednesday is the day I stop by my elderly parents’ place to make dinner for them, so I left immediately after the game finished. I didn’t bother to visit H&R last night, since it was only the Independents thread, and the computer isn’t in the same room as my TV so I don’t watch TI.

          I’ve been telling you ever since the first leg against Arsenhole that I’ve been worried.

  12. Retired nurse sues for $275,000 in Oregon pet duck attack

    Cynthia Ruddell, 62, of Washougal, Washington, was on her mother’s property in Estacada, Oregon, about 25 miles southeast of Portland, when a neighbor’s duck attacked her without provocation, according to the suit filed in Oregon state court last Friday.

    In her attempt to run away from the agitated waterfowl, Ruddell fell to the ground, breaking her right wrist and spraining an elbow and shoulder, the suit claims. The incident occurred in May of 2012.

    1. pet duck attack

      Nice band name.

    2. Maybe she should have learned how to not run like a 2 year old.

    3. attacked her without provocation

      How could anyone possibly know what was running through that duck’s tiny brain?

    4. If you can’t handle a duck attack I think you don’t get to retain your personhood. In fact, I think you should have to renounce your humanity and give it to the duck. Then watch in shame as the duck drives off in your car.

      1. I’d take my son to watch that movie.

      2. Didn’t sloopy claim that you don’t know how bad it can be until you’ve been savaged by a mallard protecting eggs? I distinctly remember a conversation like that.

        1. He did indeed. He claimed it had been defeated, decapitated, and now served as an awful warning to other who would challenge him

        2. Aw c’mon, I had a muscovy sitting on 18 eggs in my attic. It had pecked thru the stucco and made itself at home in the far corner where I had to crawl on my stomach to get to it. It wasn’t happy when I shoved its feathery butt back out the hole it made, but it wasn’t gouging out my eyeballs either.

          1. Those things are ugly and shouldn’t be allowed to exist.

        3. I got in a kayak-based fight with a Canadian goose dive-bomber after getting too close to its nest. Thing came at my head twice and the move that saved me was to lean all the way back and nail it with the paddle at the last second, sending it into the water.

          1. Tools and thumbs for the motherfucking win.

  13. Remember that story from a few months ago I posted for Jesse about the Icelandic tunnel builders who had to strip to the waist? Well, that tunnel is back in the news:

    A minor panic ensued this morning when an Icelandic laundry washed some dynamite.

    A potentially dangerous situation arose a short while ago when explosives intended for blasting North Iceland’s new Va?lahei?arg?ng road tunnel ended up at the Grand ?vottur laundry in Akureyri for washing, DV.is reports.

    (The server squirrels had better not choke on that Icelandic word!)

  14. George Clooney ans Steve Wynn had a smackdown and no-one made book?

    http://gawker.com/george-cloon…..1566927838

    1. Aw, Georgey was saddy, waddy because his fwend was insulted.

      Grow up.

      And he is an asshole for fricken lying to an entire country.

      1. He’s not just an asshole, he’s an evil, conniving fucking villain and he should spend the rest of his life in solitary. Truth is an absolute defense against charges of slander.

    2. Wynn is an ungrateful shit. His stock has gone from $40 to $210 with Obama policies in place.

      1. Oh shut the fuck up

      2. It’s almost like some people have these things called principals. I know that’s a difficult concept for you progressives.

        1. He didn’t want his maids and janitors to get to buy Obamacare.

          Big Guy he is.

          1. Whereas you, Clooney, and Obama want to sic the IRS on people who don’t buy insurance. Nothing assholish about that.

    3. “Clooney’s fun to be with when he’s sober,” Wynn added. “If you have a chance to drink with him, you want to get there early, and don’t stay late.”

      Wynn is better at this game than Clooney.

    4. I love how Obama is supposedly Clooney’s “long-time friend.”

      Bullshit, George–you hadn’t even heard of him before the media started sucking him off as a “rock star” before the 2004 convention. I realize the Hollywood-Democrat Media Industrial Complex is incestuous to the core, but let’s not pretend you even gave a shit about this guy before about 2006 or so.

  15. Our favorite turd has floated back up into the bowl.

    Of course Tulpa The Cowardly Dipshit would have to come roaring back to get a lick at that sweet, sweet cop boot. Can you spot his other handles on the thread?

    1. Jesus, he’s pathetic.

    2. I actually read that story and thought to myself “this is so egregious, even Tulpa wouldn’t defend this”. I guess I’m a bit of a dreamer that way.

    3. Look at that, he showed up when the place was dead. What a shock. And he still got a fair amount of abuse, which is hilarious.

      1. So in addition to everything else, Tulpa corpse-fucks dead threads to try to get in the last word. Even more pathetic than I realized.

        1. Now come on, you don’t know the whole story. There was a history of the dead thread asking for it twice in five years, and they can be dangerous to LEO, so he had to corpse-fuck it

        2. Of all the pitiful things about Tulpa, the worst and funniest is his pathological need to be the smartest guy in the room. If he has to be the only guy in the room to achieve that, so be it.

          1. ^ Bullseye, my muscley muse. ^

      2. And showed up on just the right article to strut out his maximum derp. Which means he’s still reading the articles, his face pressed up against the glass of the window of our bright and clean candy shop, wishing he could come in with the rich kids and enjoy himself–but then slinking back to sleep in the gutter with the rest of the urchin scum.

        I’m laughing so hard I think I pulled something.

        1. He’s our own Bizarro Chauncy Gardner, dispatching statements that, in his own mind, are crumbs of brilliance from his steel-trap mind, while everyone around him marvels at what a moronic dunce that he is.

      3. Cheaper than paying the dominatrix to put on a cop costume and beat him with a dildo-truncheon.

        1. You know this from experience, I presume?

    4. I thought this was going to link to his sockpuppet upthread. Didn’t know he showed up under his own name later.

      We could have a 1080p video, including the 5 minutes before and after the scene, which shows a cop walking up to somebody from behind, putting a gun to the back of their head, and shooting, and that fucktard would still find a way to justify it.

    5. He’s still going with the “selective editing” thing I see.

    6. Sometimes I wonder if we have the stupidest trolls on the internet or the most inadvertently hilarious ones.

      1. Por que no los dos?

  16. An investigation by the Virginia Voter Alliance found that forty thousand voters are registered in both Virginian and Maryland.

    Voter ID still likely won’t be able to solve a problem iof duplicated registrations.

    1. But it would solve the problem of people voting for someone who now lives out of state.

    2. No, but it would ratchet up the paper trail and make prosecution easier when they are inevitably caught. Now they can claim that it wasn’t actually them voting, that someone impersonated them and that they are shocked, shocked that this happened.

  17. “Maybe we need to? allow some new physics in there. … Or maybe it’s something none of us have thought of yet.”

    Please state that in the form of a testable hypothesis.

    1. There are other parts to the scientific method. They came up with a hypothesis about the polarization of the CMB, found results that differed from what was predicted. Now the theorists come up with new ideas and make more predictions.

  18. Welcome to the Paradise of the Real
    How to refute progressive fantasies ? or, a red-pill economics

    The physical economy ? the world of actual goods and services ? looks radically different from the symbolic economy. Measured by practically any physical metric, from the quality of the food we eat to the health care we receive to the cars we drive and the houses we live in, Americans are not only wildly rich, but radically richer than we were 30 years ago, to say nothing of 50 or 75 years ago. And so is much of the rest of the world. That such progress is largely invisible to us is part of the genius of capitalism ? and it is intricately bound up with why, under the system based on selfishness, avarice, and greed, we do such a remarkably good job taking care of one another, while systems based on sharing and common property turn into miserable, hungry prison camps.

    rest of the article pretty much reads like a re-interp of Bastiat

    1. I think “howling moonbat” is my favorite term to describe your typical leftist: boorishly arrogant and chronically illiterate in how the world actually works, but determined to run all of our lives anyway.

  19. Supreme Court voids $3.4M payment for child porn victim

    http://nypost.com/2014/04/23/s…..rn-victim/

    1. Are you trolling for Plopper?

      1. Trolling For Plopper is the title of the Ke$ha album released after she drowns in bum spunk.

        1. It’s hard to know exactly.what you.mean by “Bum spunk” in this context, but all possible connotations are.foul beyond measure.

          1. Aren’t you a bit old to play the ingenue, db?

        2. $park? approves.

        3. That made me laugh.

  20. Vice President Rand Paul?

    Assuming Paul loses (the primary – LH), the Libertarian Party will have an easier task than usual: It will be able to concentrate its organizing among the people who voted for Paul in the primaries. That could easily amount to enough voters to deny Republicans a victory in the general election. (In other words, the libertarian candidate in this situation would be Ralph Nader in reverse.)

    The winning Republican nominee would need Paul to campaign actively for him to prevent this scenario. But why wouldn’t Paul just go home to Kentucky to campaign for his own re-election? His Senate seat will be up in 2016.

    Paul would then be the unusual politician who could actually secure some voters as the vice presidential nominee.

    1. There’s no way in hell I’d vote for a ticket with Vice President Paul, because there’s no way in the hell the presidential candidate would be anything resembling a libertarian. Fuck off, GOP slavers.

      1. I can’t recall anyone putting a dynamic opponent under them. Kennedy, in fact, was the last one and look where that got him. No, you want assassin insurance, not assassin bait.

      2. I can’t see Paul accepting the VP slot if the presidential nominee is some schmuck. But then I think Paul will be the nominee.

    2. It would depend on who is on the top of the ticket.

      1. Ted Cruz. He’s the mainstream Republican’s answer to Rand Paul.

        1. He certainly isn’t a mainstream Republican. I can tell because I often agree with him.

        2. AFAIK, he’s the best of the rest.

  21. Today I learned that Willie Nelson holds a 4th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Pothead power, yo.

  22. Might have to wait for PM Links to find out which Reasonoid this is.

    Oh, wait — he’s in a *Tesla*. Never mind.

    1. Not necessarily. A Reasonoid wouldn’t risk crashing the muscle car, but a Tesla is expendable

  23. Sutter County Sikh Told He Can’t Serve On Jury With Ceremonial Knife

    Singh, who is Sikh carries a dagger, known as a kirpan, an important part of the religion he says that must not be removed.

    “It’s a very important article of our faith, put it that way,” he said. “We have five articles of faith in fact, and this is one of them.”

    But he’s been told his jury duty scheduled for next week will require him to show up without the kirpan. State law prohibits weapons of any kind in courthouses.”

    1. Awesome, you get out of jury duty and you get a fat check from the state government!

    2. Simple solution: stop disarming peaceable citizens.

    3. It is actually true that Sikhs must carry a kirpan, but I think a lot of them have found suitably token ones, like those cocktail toothpick thingys.

      1. Zero tolerance, Biotch! “Goes to mindset, Your Honor.”

    4. Government lesson: If you have principles, you’re fucked.

    5. State law prohibits weapons of any kind in courthouses.

      Just another example of bias in reporting.

      State law *doesn’t prohibit weapons in the courthouse. It prohibits weapons in the courthouse that are not in the possession of *agents of the state* – for who it is perfectly legal to possess a weapon inside the courthouse.

  24. Proof that anyone who opposes the government is a racist, especially Rand Paul.

    “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” he said. Mr. Bundy recalled driving past a public-housing project in North Las Vegas, “and in front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids ? and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch ? they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do.

    Continue reading the main story
    “And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he asked. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”

    A spokesman for Mr. Paul, informed of Mr. Bundy’s remarks, said the senator was not available for immediate comment.

    1. It is the perfect comment for H&R fodder.

      It has Big Gov, race, and a nutty backstory.

      1. Don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

      2. Fuck off, sockpuppet.

        1. See, race doesn’t drive my political philosophy. You Bundy types are consumed by it. It started with busing and integration, then the sad development of affirmative action sent you over the edge.

          1. Now this is some impressive projection.

            1. It’s not projecting.

              Being non sentient, it has no clue what concepts are contained in the random string of characters it spews out. It merely knows that certain strings of characters are likely to evoke a response it desperately wants.

          2. So now you’re reduced to racebaiting. Man, the evidence of your progressivism just keeps piling up.

            1. Hey, he’s only 8% non-libertarian. Just ask him.

              1. Any discussion with a progressive will eventually devolve into MasterChaition.

    2. “And because they were basically on government subsidy”

      Sounds like a lot of farmers and ranchers I know.

    3. A spokesman for Mr. Paul, informed of Mr. Bundy’s remarks, said the senator was not available for immediate comment.

      Classic Kafkatrapping there by the left. Just because Bundy’s a vicious racist doesn’t mean the government wasn’t way out of bounds in how it handled its case with him.

      Every day, these people demonstrate how important it is to be armed when the Day of the Rope finally arrives.

  25. Ezra Klein “vox-splains” that Cliven Bundy is a racist. Remember when people cared enough about the powers of the individuals in America to defend actual neo-Nazis’ rights? But not the juiceboxers. They’ll piss away everyone’s rights for a win in today’s news-cycle. Which is what I hate about the craven little fucks the most.

    1. I’m too lazy (and tired) to look up Thomas More’s quote to William Roper in A Man For All Seasons. I really need to copy it to a browser note that I can just insert as needed.

      1. Alice More: Arrest him!
        More: Why, what has he done?
        Margaret More: He’s bad!
        More: There is no law against that.
        Will Roper: There is! God’s law!
        More: Then God can arrest him.
        Alice: While you talk, he’s gone!
        More: And go he should, if he was the Devil himself, until he broke the law!
        Roper: So now you’d give the Devil benefit of law!
        More: Yes. What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?
        Roper: I’d cut down every law in England to do that!
        More: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned ’round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country’s planted thick with laws from coast to coast? man’s laws, not God’s? and if you cut them down?and you’re just the man to do it?do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I’d give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety’s sake.

  26. Cliven Bundy demonstrates he is ready to be a GOP Senate candidate:

    “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” the rancher began as he described a “government house” in Las Vegas where he recalled that all the people who sat outside seemed to “have nothing to do.”

    “And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he said, as quoted by the Times. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”

    NY Times

    1. Well, I’m glad to see that Warty, PB, and I are all not sockpuppets of each other.

      1. That is exactly what a sockpuppet would say.

        1. That is exactly what a sockpuppet would say.

          INdeed, timestamps say 09, 10 and 11…let’s see you all post at the same time!

          1. Hold on, let me get three sessions going.

    2. the new Dem Party simply created a more acceptable form of slavery to replace the one championed by the old Dem Party.

      1. But over 90% of entitlements go to white people.

        Aren’t white people the real slaves?

        1. Don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

          1. The only response it ever deserves. Troll-free Thursday and all that.

            Keep the faith, bro!

            1. I am no troll. I just escaped the GOP plantation and Tead Red can’t have that.

              1. BUSHPIGS!!11!!!!CHRISTFAGS!!11!!!!

        2. i shouldn’t ask but, I wouldn’t mind a citation for that assertion.

          http://bit.ly/1rotGBH

          Whites make up 65% of the population so I doubt it’s as high as 90%.

          http://www.statisticbrain.com/welfare-statistics/

          1. A new CBPP analysis of budget and “Census data, however, shows that more than 90 percent of the benefit dollars that entitlement and other mandatory programs[1] spend go to assist people who are elderly, seriously disabled, or members of working households ? not to able-bodied, working-age Americans who choose not to work.”

            But you mangle it into being ‘white.’ You sure it was the GOP plantation you escaped and not the asylum?

            http://www.cbpp.org/cms/?fa=view&id=3677

    3. Re: Peter Caca,

      Cliven Bundy demonstrates he is ready to be a GOP Senate candidate

      You mean like Harry “Negro Talk” Reid?

    1. Nah. Change it to a four-inch-high tattoo reading “REDRUM”.

      1. It actually almost reads that way, since.it appears in the.photo to.be a mirror.image. so that, whenever.this.guy looks.in the.mirror, his reflection yells “MURDER” at him.

        1. Note to self: Look at article before posting.

  27. Dog testifies in court in French murder case

    During a recent preliminary hearing the judge called a nine-year-old Labrador named Tango to the witness stand in an attempt to confirm the allegations against his master’s presumed killer, RTL radio reported.

    The judge ordered the suspect to threaten the canine with a bat, with the idea being that Tango’s reactions could be used to identify or rule out the suspect. And in a nod to the scientific method of keeping tests fair, a second dog named Norman, of the same age and breed as Tango, was brought in to serve as the ‘control group’.

    Perhaps not surprisingly the suspect’s lawyer, Gregoire Lafarge, said the whole thing was totally absurd.

    1. Well, the SCOTUS thinks that a drug dog’s cue is reasonable grounds for searching someone.

      1. Yeah, because dogs won’t react when threatened. Holy shit.

    2. And in a nod to the scientific method of keeping tests fair, a second dog named Norman, of the same age and breed as Tango, was brought in to serve as the ‘control group’.

      This is exactly the kind of thinking you would expect from an over-educated idiot

    3. “Woof, woof, woof, woof. WOOF!”

      /lights cigarette.

      1. Existential dog:

        “Woof, woof, woof, woof. WOOF?”

        /lights cigarette. Jacks off.

  28. Would jobs for all skyrocket wages and prices, spurring inflation? Such unfounded belief holds the jobless hostage to hysteria. The JG is an inflation stabilizer, easily compatible with additional precautions.

    WTF?

    1. “Nothing to see here! Move along! Pay no attention to the inconvenient facts!”

    2. Intentions are pure, thus if anything goes wrong it is because of the free market.

  29. Super-vermin rats have become too smart to trap

    Smart 18-inch-long rats have astonished experts by becoming smart enough to avoid being snared in monster traps.

    They have discovered a way to steal the food out of the devices without setting them off.

    Pest controller Tony Margiocchi was horrified to see the wily rodents successfully dodging his killer bait.

    They are clever enough to avoid touching the trap’s sensitive pressure plate, meaning they can take the food without having their necks snapped.

    1. In another America, entrepreneurs would be beating down this guy’s door with a better rat trap.

      1. Well, there’s glue traps. Or cats and snakes.

        1. Rats will eat cats. You need dogs for rats.

          1. A few weeks ago, I was sitting in my backyard, watching my two cats prowl around. A big fat squirrel came trotting along, heading towards the trees in the back. The cats just watched the furry bugger… and instead waited for some smaller game to come along – like mice or chipmunks.

            1. I hope the new calico is as merciless a predator of the bushy-tailed american tree rat as my previous cat was. Even if he did prefer to eat them under my bed at 2:00am.

    2. They’re evolving to take over from the humans.

      1. FuturePlanet 2525: Rats vs. Roaches

  30. Quinn Campaign Wonders: Black Republicans Like Jewish Nazis?

    Illinois Democratic Gov. Pat Quinn is in some hot water with the Jewish community after his campaign tweeted?and then quietly deleted?several messages urging backers to read an article comparing black Republican voters to Jews who collaborated with the Nazis.

    Chicago Sun Times readers were stunned last week to find that writer Neil Steinberg has penned a column comparing black supporters of Republican gubernatorial candidate Bruce Rauner to Jews who collaborated with the Nazis against their brethren.

    1. Well yeah, if the Nazis had been the party that had historically freed the Jews and fought for their civil rights. Other than that, spot on.

    2. The most ridiculous thing about liberals favorite pastime of comparing Republicans to Nazis is the fact that they were quite supportive of Hitler at the time. History is totally subjective to them.

      1. “Far right” has a bit of a different meaning in Europe. But in the US sense, Nazis were anything but right wing. At least as far as domestic policy went, they were progressives. If Hitler hadn’t been insane and obsessed and hadn’t tried to take over all of Europe, American Progressives would have kept on thinking Nazis were great.

  31. Soldier in battle to rid home of squatters, Florida sheriff’s office says it can’t do anything

    Ken Doll, Pasco County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson told the station that the squatters have established residency in the home. The sheriff’s office could not force the couple to leave without a court ordered formal eviction. That wasn’t satisfactory to Mr. Sharkey who questioned, “Basically what you’re telling me is just because they’re in the house and they took up residence, they can live there. Okay, so I can go down the street and find an empty house and just kick in the door and start living there and that’s my residence. I don’t think that would work.” He added, “I don’t think I should have to pay hundreds of dollars and go through that aggravation?I work hard, long hours, and these people never had permission to live in my home. They should be thrown out.” The Sharkeys are also concerned that if they do get the formal eviction, the squatters will damage their home.

    1. Thankfully, while the cops couldn’t get off their asses to do anything, other people did, and the squatters are running.

    2. How about showing up with some shotguns and a couple of buddies and throwing them the fuck out of your house yourself.

      1. Because he’s stationed in Afghanistan?

      2. I’m quite sure that would be in violation of the law, unlike breaking and entering and trespassing and failing to pay rent and destruction of property…

    3. Do you really want sheriffs unilaterally deciding to forcibly remove people from their homes because some guy showed up and said it was his and they arbitrarily decided he seemed credible?

      It sucks for this soldier, but the sheriff’s deciding this was a decision for a judge seems the right call.

  32. A convicted murderer and rapist has won damages after a tribunal found he was racially discriminated against in jail ? because he is British.

    http://www.news.com.au/nationa…..6893963896

    1. You guys couldn’t reverse transport him?

      1. Reverse transport? Cute! Once his sentence is over, we will.

    2. he was racially discriminated against in jail ? because he is British.

      wait, British is a race?

      1. British is the nationality, Limey is the race.

      2. “I am Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, King of the Britons.”

        1. King of the *who*?

    3. The Brits aren’t a race.

      1. Sure they are – Homo Dentum Horribilus

        1. Ok I laughed at that

  33. Today’s Antarctic region once as hot as California, Florida

    Parts of ancient Antarctica were as warm as today’s California coast, and polar regions of the southern Pacific Ocean registered 21st-century Florida heat, according to scientists using a new way to measure past temperatures.

    But it wasn’t always that way, and the new measurements can help improve climate models used for predicting future climate, according to co-author Hagit Affek of Yale, associate professor of geology & geophysics.

    1. It was also once a lot closer to the equator.

      1. 50 million years ago it wasn’t that much closer. I think changing ocean currents had a lot more to do with the climate changes than CO2, though. The Southern Ocean does a lot to keep Antarctica as cold as it is.

  34. WTF is it with blown leads and 4-3 scores in this Pens-Blue jackets series?

    1. I would laugh my ass off if Columbus wins this series. Rooting so hard for them.

  35. Marijuana may cause heart problems in young adults

    Taylor added that more research needs to be done to assess the risks posed by marijuana. “It is a shame that we simply don’t know more about a substance that potentially carries the risk of serious bodily harm.”

    And why, one might wonder, could *that* possibly be?

    1. Key word – “may”

      They’re grasping at every straw to re-ban it for our own good.

    2. Pretending that marijuana is this mysterious, novel substance with a totally unknown safety profile is laughable, given its safe use in millions upon millions of human trials. Every time I’ve had the pleasure of watching DEA chemists present on cannabinoids, I’m amazed at how much of their data is sourced from Erowid and Bluelight.

  36. Any DC region reasoners going to the Mastodon/Gojira concert @9:30 club on 5/13/2014?

    1. Somewhat related:

      Warty, I’d appreciate your assessment of Mahavatar.

      1. These guys? Decent enough, nothing groundbreaking. The chick can growl decently. Major demerits to the drummer for wearing his own band’s T-shirt in the video.

        I really should go see Behemoth tonight, but I’m feeling awfully busy and lazy. Being lame sucks.

        1. Thanks, Maestro. I stumbled upon them the other day. They seem, um, inconsistent; but the distaff aspect is kind of cool.

    2. Shouldn’t Gojira be performing with Mosura?

    3. I’ve seen Mastodon many times, and they’re great when they’re on, and mediocre as hell when they’re off. Never seen Gojira.

      1. What would you say the odds of them being on, on any given night?
        Thanks

        1. Beats me, it’s been years since I’ve seen them. It’s worth going, especially at a place like the 9:30.

  37. That’s one charged display: Man strips naked to perform bizarre dance through sun-roof of his $70,000 electric Tesla Model S on busy highway

    Unidentified man held up traffic for hours on the Pacific Coast Highway in California on Tuesday
    Performed a naked dance through his sun-roof and on top of his electric Tesla Model S
    Was eventually taken away and authorities said he may have had a ‘meltdown or psychiatric episode or was on a controlled substance.’

    https://reason.com/blog/2014/04…..nt_4468033
    Was the episode before or after he purchased that piece of crap?

  38. NYPD’s Twitter campaign disaster spreads westward as users post LAPD’s not-so-angelic police behavior

    New York’s police introduced the Twitter hashtag #myNYPD where citizens can show them as a force for good, but it quickly backfired
    Images and stories of police brutality quickly cropped up with the New York tag
    The same is now happening on the West Coast with #myLAPD and in other cities like Chicago and Oakland

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..avior.html

    1. Nice – I hope that reaches Chicago now!

    2. Kelly. Thomas.

  39. Episarch now has Russell Wilson all to himself.

    1. Episiarch* ?

      Fuck it, Epi.

      1. If he wants to have a retarded name that only retarded retardos would have he needs to get used to have it spelled retardedly.

        1. I just googled his name, and I know this probably isn’t him, but it was still hilarious:

          https://twitter.com/episiarch

          1. It doesn’t link to his Grindr account, so I don’t think that’s him.

            1. This sounds like him though:

              Pam’s boobs are really big this season

              ? episiarch (@episiarch) September 25, 2011

              [removed][removed]

              1. True…

          2. episiarch ?@episiarch Oct 12
            It’s been 2 weeks and I lost 8 pounds, thanks garcinia, try it for free http://bit.ly/1bmaVIH

            Definitely not him.

    2. Russel Wilson married his high school English teacher?

  40. State law prohibits weapons of any kind in courthouses.

    Privately owned weapons, anyway.

    1. The Yankees background noise is interesting.

  41. Kudos for the picture and alt text, Krayewski.

    1. Everyone else has been raptured. We’re fucked.

      1. Nah, it’s just that 85% of us were Tulpa stockholders and.got.banned.

        1. Auto correct makes “sockpuppet” into “stockholder”

          1. Be thankful you didn’t buy stock in Tulpa. Hasn’t been doing well lately.

            1. Nuh-uh! Shreek tells me everything is.superduper because the stock market.is.up!

      2. or captured.

        or rape-tured (by Warty)

        1. I always carry a cyanide pill with me just in case of the latter scenario.

      3. About to walk into my weekly office meeting. Fuck.

        1. Walk? Stride, you fucking popinjay, stride. And then pick a fight like your old man.

          1. Mosey. Or stalk or march, but never amble.

          2. Should I mince in there like Hemingway’s son? I’m confused on the expectations.

      4. Everyone else has been raptured. We’re fucked

        Since I’m still surrounded by NYS Bureaucrats, I can’t refute this claim.

      5. Everyone else has been raptured. We’re fucked.

        We’re fucked anyway, Andrew.

  42. President “I dare ya to step over this line” has once more sternly admonished Putin.

    Consequences, I tell you.

    CONSEQUENCES!

    1. Too bed there is precious little TRUTH to.go with those CONSEQUENCES.

  43. Everyone else has been raptured. We’re fucked.

    Perhaps they, like me, made the horrible mistake of attempting to decipher that Nation article in full. I’m still reeling helplessly from the inchoate deluge of unsupported assertions and non sequiturs.

    THAT GUY GOT PAID TO WRITE THAT.

    *slips head into noose, kicks chair over*

    1. The rope was too long, your feet are back on the floor.

  44. The oldest light observed in the universe is reshaping how scientists think about the universe’s early history.

    God lighted up a cigarette and the whole thing exploded in his face.

  45. It’s Take Your Little Snot Factory to Work Day. And of course, I’m not teleworking. SAVE ME!

    1. Oh, shit. I could be playing with my baby instead of working?

    2. Years ago, I had a friend at work who brought b.s. two daughters to work and they found out that I am easily startled when surprised while concentrating.on work. Yay, fun.

    3. It pisses me off that they let those walking biohazards run free around the office, yet I can’t bring my dog in.

    4. My boss happened to bring his daughter in for lunch today. It turns out she’s a thin redhead who’s looking at colleges right now, and specifically the one whose sweater I was wearing when we met. This has been a super distracting week.

  46. ” U.S. doctors were killed in Kabul after a security guard opened fire at a hospital.”

    Well, think how much worse it could have been without the ‘security’.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.