Boston Marathon Winner Is American Immigrant, Eric Holder Expects More Clemency for Drug Offenders, Ukraine Says Photos Prove Russian Meddling: P.M. Links

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    The first person to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon is Meb Keflezighi, an American immigrant from Eritrea. He's the first American citizen to win since 1983. 

  • Presumably coming down from a 4/20 buzz, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the Justice Department is setting more lenient guidelines for drug offenders and anticipates "receiv[ing] thousands of additional applications for clemency." 
  • Ukrainian officials claim that they possess photographic proof that the militant separatists in the east are undercover Russian troops.
  • The Boy Scouts of America revoked one Seattle troop's charter after finding out that their leader is gay.
  • America's hobbling economy is forcing more people to live with their parents, but it's not just those recent college debt slaves: the number of middle-aged people moving back home is surging.
  • First Lady Michelle Obama today waxed philosophical on food. She questioned, "How would you appreciate vegetables if you never had chocolate?" Her wisdom is that "splurging is the key to life." 

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Zenon Evans is a former Reason staff writer and editor.

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  1. The first person to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon is Meb Keflezighi, an American immigrant from Ethiopia.

    Whom an FBI agent promptly shot dead.

    1. Bam!

      Their aim isn’t that good.

      1. Sudden

        The local constabulary successfully euthanized the dog

        1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          Quick! Shelter in place!

          1. Notorious G.K.C.

            …unless you’re Dunkin’ Donuts.

      2. Their aim isn’t that good.

        Well, they were aiming, err, correct that, shooting at someone else.

    2. Due ran a 4:37 16th mile. He’s quick.

      1. It looks like Avery Brooks lost a lot of weight to make that time.

        1. Shit, I totally had Meb mixed up with Haile Gebrselassie.
          /No Racist

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        A 4:37 any mile would cause me to drop dead.

    3. fish_remote

      “He charged me……”

      (an investigation showed that all procedures had been followed)

    4. Rufus J. Firefly

      Is it too late for hello?

      Was making supper.

      1. gaijin

        It’s never to late to say hello.

      2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

        What is this supper you speak of?

        1. Rufus J. Firefly

          Dinner?

          In case you’re asking what I made…spaghetti alla carbonara. A little last minute and my kid loves it so. Also made zucchini fritters and other stuff.

          1. Entropy Void

            Not take-away from Tim’s?

            1. Entropy Void

              How aboot that …

          2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

            I don’t doubt that it was really good.

            An uncle (but not really) of mine came over from Italy when he was 18, and does the whole pasta from scratch thing. Better than anything I’ve ever had in a nice restaurant. The tomato sauce is always so sweet, and he denies adding sugar or sweetener to it. I think he is lying.

    5. TheZeitgeist

      Our East Africans are better than their East Africans.

  2. BiMonSciFiCon

    The first person to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon is Meb Keflezighi, an American immigrant from Ethiopia. He’s the first American citizen to win since 1983.

    USA! USA!

    1. Injun, as in from India

      Looking at the American Olympic team makes me do fING proud of America. The diversity is incredible. America IS exceptional.

      1. granite state destroyer

        A country that imports talent is hardly exceptional, just efficient. Switzerland is an exceptional country.

  3. Andrew S.

    Afternoon all.

    Was in the room while my kid was watching something called “Transformers Rescue Bots” this past weekend. Whatever was happening in the show, the characters, including the transformers, were discussing their nightmares. The transformer who turned into a police car said that his worst nightmare would be a world without crime, because then he’d be useless.

    I found it amusing.

    1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

      A parent recommended that show to me. I put it on for about 10 minutes before deleting the season pass and permanently banning it from my TV.

      1. Andrew S.

        It was pretty awful. Especially to me, who grew up on the 80s Transformers cartoon, which was, and remains, great.

        1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          My kids like Chuck and Friends from Netflix. I can put on a playlist and have them leave me alone long enough to use power tools in the garage.

          1. Sudden

            Does the missus use the same strategy?

            bazinga

      2. Root Boy

        Thumbs up. Most kid cartoons these days seem to be some hipster fever dream from when he was a kid (though more like what an adult thinks would be funny to a kid) or some eco warrior/rescue crap.

        I make my kids watch Zombie movies instead.

        1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          That’s what Scooby Doo looked like to me last time I put it on. Every single joke was on the adult level.

          1. And the writers would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids.

        2. Sudden

          The eco warrior crap dates all the way back to my youth when Captain Planet was busily propagandizing an entire generation of my peers to believe that industrialists are not motivated by profit or ambition but rather a desire to kill every living thing on planet earth.

          1. gimmeasammich

            Thankfully, my mother had the good sense to let me watch just about anything BUT Captain Planet.

            1. Andrew S.

              I’m the child of two baby boomer liberals. We were actively encouraged to watch that. My siblings liked it. I couldn’t stand it.

              (I turned out libertarian. My sister went from hippie liberal to staunch SoCon after she married her asshole of a husband. My brother’s somewhere to the left of Stalin)

              1. Sudden

                I want to be invited to Thanksgiving at your family’s house this year.

              2. Rufus J. Firefly

                Asshole brother in law, huh.

                I’m having some breaded zucchini and averna. I got some time for some idle gossip.

                1. Andrew S.

                  Back before they were married, I think it was Thanksgiving 2002, right after my parents divorced. Wife and I went to my mom’s house for the holiday, and my sister and her future husband were there. He has his PS2 with him, and we sit down to play Madden.

                  Halftime of the game, I’m winning 21-3, score another TD early in the 3rd. His controller ends up in approximately 60,000 pieces against the wall. Knew at that point what she was getting herself into. My mom, my brother, my wife and I all got nearly blackout drunk at their wedding. Only way we could stay sane.

                  I’ve got multiple problems with him. He has a temper like nobody’s business. He constantly carries two guns. One in a regular holster around his waist, and one in an ankle holster. I don’t particularly care about that, except they have an almost 7 year old and an almost 2 year old, and he tends to leave his guns sitting, loaded, around the house. Saw one sitting on their bed once.

                  He also checks off every damn checkmark on the “abusive husband” list, including completely isolating my sister from her family (My daughter has never seen her cousins). He doesn’t work (excuse me, he thought up a bullshit job that he doesn’t get paid for right now, and he sits around the house, drinks, and smokes pot all day). My father pulled approximately 60,000 strings to get him a cushy job at a local law firm right after he passed the bar exam (which he had skipped once). He left it after 6 weeks.

                  1. Andrew S.

                    He’s also supremely racist. One of these days he’s going to mouth off to the wrong person and either kill them or get killed himself.

                    (Though he’s also talked about moving to Israel. That’d be grand.)

                    1. Scruffy Nerfherder

                      He sounds like a winner.

                    2. Andrew S.

                      Favorite story, from when he still talked to me.

                      So he’s in his 30s, and is supremely immature. At one point he was mocking something and calling it “gay”. Feeling bored (and slightly tipsy), I threw out the Seinfeld “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” line.

                      Cue a 5 minute rant of increasing volume about how terrible gay people are, etc., etc.

                      (for the record, he’s Orthodox Jewish (though he does make excuses for going to Saturday college football games))

                    3. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                      My SIL and her husband are Orthodox Jews. Lots of misogyny going on there…

                    4. Rufus J. Firefly

                      Wow.

                      Some guy he is.

                      And your sister…does she realize his, er, shortcomings?

                    5. Virginian

                      So your BIL is Walter Sobchak?

                    6. Sudden

                      That depends on whether he remains Jewish after the divorce…

                  2. Vulgar Madman

                    Sounds a lot like my ex brother in law. Not good.

          2. Zeb

            industrialists are not motivated by profit or ambition but rather a desire to kill every living thing on planet earth.

            I don’t know how anyone swallowed that crap. I may have been a little older than the target audience, but it always seemed absolutely absurd. And back then I was a lot more of an environmentalist, humans are killing the earth type.

          3. lap83

            Captain Planet singlehandedly turned me against environmentalism as a kid.

            I remember one episode where the evil businessman’s plan was to pollute a pond full of ducks, which was next to his office building. They never explained why this business strategy was pursued or how it would make him money. I guess the pollution to profit connection was too elusive and mystical for even the Gaia worshipping kids to guess at.

            1. Rufus J. Firefly

              At least Mr. Burns has a strategy for his nefarious schemes. And he stared down the Germans.

              USA!

            2. #

              I figured that out too. Even as a kid, I could smell that it made no sense that the villains would pollute just for the sake of it.

            3. First step: Pollution
              Second Step:
              Third Step: PROFIT!

          4. Lord at War

            So glad my “cartoon years” were late 60’s/early 70’s.

            Wonder Twins activate! Form of fascist Government/ brain of a fucking ice cube.

        3. Andrew S.

          There is some good kids TV out there nowadays. My love for certain pastel-colored ponies notwithstanding. Phineas and Ferb is a pretty good one. The shows my daughter likes are mostly on Disney Channel (Sofia the First and Doc McStuffins), which I don’t particularly like to watch, but I can see why she loves them, and they seem to have some pretty good lessons in them as well.

          But most stuff out there right now is crap. Though that may be because of volume; when I was growing up, getting Cartoon Express on USA Network for 2 hours of cartoons a day when I was 8 in 1985 was the height of everything, and then the still excellent Disney lineup of Gummy Bears/Duck Tales/Tale Spin/Darkwing Duck added to that. Now there are about a dozen kid-only channels. Hard to fill that much volume.

          1. When I was growing up in the 70s, syndicators were still packaging the vintage Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, Woody Woodpecker, and Popeye cartoons. I also grew up on the Hanna-Barbera stuff.

            1. Andrew S.

              They were still doing that in the 80s as well. My daughter loves the Looney Tunes blu-rays and DVDs I’ve shown her.

              1. JW

                I bought the Jonny Quest DVD set. The Boy was quite into it for a while and the she-spawn was all over PowerPuff Girls.

            2. Scruffy Nerfherder

              Thundarr for the win

          2. Rufus J. Firefly

            My wife and daughter love Phineas and Ferb. I even had to wait an hour for them to get a fricken picture with them at Disney.

            1. Overt

              Hell, I love Phineas and Ferb.

              That show is awesome.

              1. Pi Guy

                Why, yes. Yes it is.

                1. C. Anacreon

                  I know what we’re going to do today!

                  Ph&F remind me a little of Penn and Teller. One guy does all the talking while the other does a lot of the magic.

          3. PapayaSF

            About 10 years ago I was sick and discovered reruns of Invader Zim. Great show.

            1. jesse.in.mb

              Doom do do doom doom!

          4. JW

            Now that my kids are teenagers, I can say that I am SO fucking glad I don’t have to endure the under 10 cartoon crap any longer. There were a couple shows that were tolerable, Kim Possible and iCarly come to mind, but FUCK YOU AND DIE PBS Kids.

            Agreed on Phineas and Ferb. Avatar the First Airbender was quality stuff as well.

  4. …and anticipates “receiv[ing] thousands of additional applications for clemency.”

    So the administration will be all set for TP for the rest of its term.

    1. Root Boy

      Read this if you want to throw up. Chock full of excused for Obama -too busy in his first term, that small pardons office run by Holder was overwhelmed, etc.

      http://news.yahoo.com/obama-pl…..14911.html

      1. Suthenboy

        “In November 2011, three years after Obama’s re-election, she got the form rejection letter from Washington. ”

        I think that says all we need to know.

        1. Brandon

          I blame Bush.

    2. anticipates “receiv[ing] thousands of additional applications for clemency.”

      I have the feeling that “receive: was autocorrected from “reject”.

    3. John

      If you like your minimum mandatory sentence, you can keep it.

  5. Pl?ya Manhattan.

    “and anticipates “receiv[ing] thousands of additional applications for clemency.”

    That’s pretty meaningless.

    1. Rich

      Consider the source.

    2. Brandon

      Well, the application will have a box asking “which Obama donor are you friends with?” to help them with sorting.

  6. Injun, as in from India

    The Boy Scouts of America revoked one Seattle troop’s charter after finding out that their leader is gay.

    Enough already.

    1. It should be noted that the chapter in question was sponsored by the a methodist church. The church knew the scout master was gay when they hired him and didn’t care.

      1. Coeus

        I used to be methodist. We had a gay choir director. Methodists don’t care. But the mormons who took over the BSA definitely do.

        1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          Same here. Used to be Lutheran. Female pastor, and openly gay people in the congregation.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            I’m guessing you were ELCA instead of Missouri Synod then?

            The church I grew up in purged senior level female ministers when I was in HS because the pastor felt strongly about 1 Timothy 2:12

            But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

            1. Coeus

              My best friend’s dad was a Southern Baptist pastor. He took his congregation and split when they started getting heavy on the “woman in the home” stuff.

              1. jesse.in.mb

                What’s funny is it’s a Foursquare denominated church. The denomination was founded by a woman.

            2. Rufus J. Firefly

              Ti-meh!

            3. JW

              But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

              Finally, some peace and fucking quiet.

            4. Pl?ya Manhattan.

              Yep. ELCA. The Missouri Synod Lutheran church in town may as well be catholic.

        2. Virginian

          But the mormons who took over the BSA definitely do.

          Right, I really wish the BSA would adopt explicitly adopt a federal organization. There was kind of a DADT thing going for a while, but now they’ve gone full on sheet sniffer.

    2. Private organization associates with who it chooses to associate.

      I’m assuming this posted at a libertarian website as a show of support?

      1. Injun, as in from India

        It becomes a culture war thing because the BSA gets public subsidies, right?

        1. It becomes a culture war thing because culture war is about [some] people’s identities, and thus everything is a culture war thing.

        2. because the BSA gets public subsidies

          No, they don’t.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            I don’t know about cash subsidies but Federal law seems to think the BSA gets quite a bit of special treatment:

            Military equipment for jamborees

            The Secretary of Defense is hereby authorized, under such regulations as he may prescribe, to lend to the Boy Scouts of America, for the use and accommodation of Scouts, Scouters, and officials who attend any national or world Boy Scout Jamboree, such cots, blankets, commissary equipment, flags, refrigerators, and other equipment and without reimbursement, furnish services and expendable medical supplies, as may be necessary or useful to the extent that items are in stock and items or services are available.

            (…cont)

            1. jesse.in.mb

              (cont)

              Equal access for “patriotic organizations” on DoE funded property with Boy Scouts being specifically named:

              The Act applies to any public elementary school, public secondary school, local educational agency (LEA), or State educational agency (SEA) that has a designated open forum or limited public forum and that receives funds made available through the Department of Education (Department). Under the Act, these entities may not deny equal access or a fair opportunity to meet to, or discriminate against, any group officially affiliated with the Boy Scouts of America (Boy Scouts) or any other youth group listed in title 36 of the United States Code (as a patriotic society) (Title 36 youth group) that wishes to conduct a meeting within the covered entity’s designated open forum or limited public forum.

              The city of San Diego was renting them use of Balboa Park for $1 per year…

              1. alittlesense

                “…cots, blankets, commissary equipment, flags, refrigerators…”? the actual scounts would probably prefer the DoD lend them tanks….

      2. Brandon

        It’s posted at a libertarian site because it is newsworthy that a national organization is apparently choosing to die on a particularly stupid hill.

      3. Zeb

        Nah, fuck the BSA. If they want to position themselves as some grand national institution and have a congressional charter and all that, then they deserve to get bashed for shit like this. I don’t think that they should be forced by law to accept gay leaders, but they should be publicly shamed for doing stuff like this.

        1. they should be publicly shamed for doing stuff like this.

          Culture war. Gotcha.

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder

          They’re obsessed with teh gey. The new Boy Scott handbook reads like a “How to not get gayed” manual. Back in the 80’s it had useful stuff like how to shit in the woods and proper ass wiping.

          1. Aresen

            “proper ass wiping”

            Oh, come off it!

            Not every Boy Scout can be a Congressional Aide.

    3. Jayburd

      The real reason Gillespie won’t let his kids join. http://www.boyscoutssexualabus…..ion-files/

  7. The first person to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon is Meb Keflezighi, an American immigrant from Ethiopia. He’s the first American citizen to win since 1983.

    DEPORT HIM!

    (Herman “Flava” Cain)

    1. Injun, as in from India

      If you make life difficult enough for him, he can self-deport himself Romney-style. And given he is a marathon runner, he could run right across the Atlantic Ocean.

    2. Andrew S.

      DEPORT HIM!

      Barack Obama, master deporter.

  8. Warty

    “How would you appreciate vegetables if you never had chocolate?”

    This is amazingly incoherent.

    1. Tim

      It makes perfect sense to normal people. We’re the abnormal ones.

      1. Certified Public Asskicker

        I have always said, how would you appreciate vegetables if it weren’t for pizza to put them on.

    2. Rich

      Damn your fast, um, “fingers”, Warty!

      “How can you have any vegetables if you don’t eat your chocolate?!”

      1. Mad Scientist

        So, I guess we’ll have to change the lyrics(?) to:

        If you don’t eat your pudding, you can’t have any meat. How can you have any meat if you don’t eat your pudding?

    3. AnonymousHoward

      Incoherent, or shining endorsement for a Terri Schaivo presidential run?

    4. This is amazingly incoherent.

      Yet she managed to get through law school. Contemplate that on the tree of woe.

      1. Perhaps law school makes people incoherent?

        1. No, but it attracts the already incoherent and enhances their incoherence to a very high level.

          1. Or as Prof. Kingsfield would say, “Fill this room with your incoherence.”

            1. “Mr. Hart, here is a dime. Take it, call your mother, and tell her there is serious doubt about you ever becoming a lawyer.”

          2. trshmnster the terrible

            It gives them a vocabulary to assert their incoherence as some sort of intellect. Being surrounded with law students 4 days a week, I’ve found that very stupid people have the potential to do very well, simply by regurgitating shit in a pretty way.

            1. Scruffy Nerfherder

              Kind of like progressives

              1. trshmnster the terrible

                You make a distinction as if there is a difference. Law school isn’t quite as progressive as some of the gender grievance majors, but it’s fairly obvious, even in a conservative state like TX, that most professors lean “forward.”

        2. True story:

          Awhile back, I came on a bunch of my undergrad papers. I was a pretty darn good writer, back in the day. I also looked at some of my law school papers.

          After three years of law school, my ability to write clearly was significantly impaired.

          1. I felt the same way about my writing. Stupid law school mindwarping.

            1. I’m no lawyer (or Doctor), but isn’t that a feature?

              1. For second-raters, maybe.

                1. For second-raters, maybe.

                  *absorbs implications of what RC is saying*

          2. John

            Its called the Harvard effect.

          3. Juice

            I came on a bunch of my undergrad papers.

            Wow, they were that good, huh?

            1. Golf clap.

              1. Sudden

                Agreed. Well played, Juice.

            2. C’mon, man. That hot undergraduate writing? You know how it is.

      2. Rich

        For more amusement, read her master’s thesis sometime.

        1. Is it online?

          1. Rich

            That’s where I read it.

          2. Oh my god! It is, and it is awful:

            Interestingly enough, the percentage of respondents who were motivated to benefit the Black community increased from
            46% at the Pre-Princeton point to 63% at the Princeton
            point, and remained drastically unchanged (64%) Post-Princeton (see Table 4.3). [emphasis added – tarran]

            She’s both an ox and a moron!

            1. Warty

              I began this study questionning my own attitudes as a fu-
              ture alumnus. I wondered whether or not my education at
              Princeton would affect my identification with the Black com-
              munity. I hoped that these findings would help me conclude
              that despite the high degree of identification with Whites
              as a result of the educational and occupational path that
              Black Princeton alumni follow, the alumni would still main-
              tain a certain level of identification with the Black commu-
              nity. However, these findings do not support this possibil-
              ity.

              Well that says it all, doesn’t it.

              1. My father got his PhD from Princeton. The course of study was so rigorous that he was on the verge of nervous exhaustion by the time he came to his oral boards.

                I think I shall torment him by sending him this thesis…

                1. What was his in?

                  1. Physics.

                    1. Well, that’s a totally different matter. I mean, what’s the point of Princeton if not physics?

                2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                  The STEM and non-STEM components of a university are essentially completely different schools. It always bothered my that the non-STEM people get to piggy back on the hard work done by others.

                  I have a classmate who never misses an opportunity to tell people that she graduated from the best public university in the world. In ethnic studies.

                  1. Brandon

                    You went to Texas?

                    1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                      I said THE BEST, not occasional top ten.

                    2. Brandon

                      Sorry, didn’t know Rice was public.

                    3. He meant Texas A&M, obvs.

                3. Karl Hungus

                  My father got his PhD from Princeton. The course of study was so rigorous that he was on the verge of nervous exhaustion by the time he came to his oral boards.

                  My cousin completed her PhD in biophysics a couple years ago. More than once she found herself on the verge of walking away from the whole thing. It takes a special kind of brilliance to immerse yourself in the hardest of the hard sciences, and with the sort of discipline and persistence few of us can comprehend to see it through to the end.

              2. I wondered whether or not my education at Princeton would affect my identification with the Black com-
                munity.

                Jeebus on a pogo stick.

                She does a survey to find out what her own subjective attitudes are?

                1. She does a survey to find out what her own subjective attitudes are?

                  It’d deliciously self absorbed.

                  1. Just think, if things keep going the direction they are, someone may get a physics PhD from Princeton writing a similar thesis.

              3. Hillary's Clitdong

                Race-obsessed? A pathological naval-gazer?

                1. Sudden

                  Is it common for there to be a dedication in an honor’s thesis?

                  Thank-you for loving me and always making me feel good about
                  myself.

                  And that right there says it all. We’re now ruled by the first of the “feel good/self esteem” generation.

                  1. A couple of my staffers were ABDs who were dragging out their defenses in terror of holes in their dissertations. Naturally, those were in technical and scientific disciplines where bullshit only goes so far.

        2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          I think you mean her honor’s thesis at Princeton. It is truly sad. She is/was sub-literate.

          1. Rich

            Yes. Sorry for any confusion.

          2. Suthenboy

            I think y’all are mistaking a term paper she wrote in the 9th grade for her Princeton thesis. Look around again and find the correct one.

            1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

              Along those lines, if I were an 8th grade public school teacher, I would fail whoever wrote that paper.

    5. Tim

      “The first lady said she tries to teach her two daughters balance and healthy meals at home, by firing the White House Pastry Chef. “

    6. Andrew S.

      How Can Chocolate Be Real If Our Vegetables Aren’t Real?

    7. The Other Kevin

      I am eagerly awaiting the new FDA splurging guidelines. I hear they will be introduced by a mascot named Splurgy.

      1. Suthenboy

        I think Splooge would be a better name. I will write it in as a suggestion.

    8. gaijin

      “How would you appreciate freedom if you never tasted slavery?”

      Better?

      1. Brandon

        But she got it backwards.

    9. JW

      “It’s the death rain that makes you appreciate the cloudy days.”

    10. LiveFreeOrDiet

      “How would you appreciate vegetables if you never had chocolate?”

      A few hundred brain cells just decided it was all hopeless. They couldn’t go on. I could hear them singing,

      Save the life of my child
      Cried the desperate mother
      Oh, what’s becoming of the children?
      People asking each other

      When darkness fell, excitement kissed the crowd
      And made them wild
      In an atmosphere of freaky holiday
      When the spotlight hit the boy
      And the crowd began to cheer
      He flew away

      Oh, my Grace
      I got no hiding place…

      1. C. Anacreon

        My parents bought Bookends when it came out, I’m thinking about 1968? I was a little boy and played the album endlessly. The lyrics were all printed on the back of the album cover, and “Save the Life of My Child” probably ended up being one of the first songs I could ever sing ‘by heart’ beyond nursery rhymes.

  9. Notorious G.K.C.

    Jews put God on trial during Passover:

    http://www.theamericanconserva…..al-of-god/

    (seriously, though, “what happened in [Christ’s] passion cannot be charged against all the Jews, without distinction, then alive, nor against the Jews of today.”

    http://www.vatican.va/archive/…..te_en.html

    1. Rich

      “what happened in [Christ’s] passion cannot be charged against all the Jews, without distinction, then alive, nor against the Jews of today.”

      So, what exactly is His Holiness’s position on the descendants of Pontius Pilate?

      1. What have the Romans ever done for us?

        1. UnCivilServant

          Roads, aquaducts, common currency, end to internacine warfare, common laws and language, baths, destruction of priates and opening of trade routes…

          1. Well, yes, and there’s wine and olive oil, too.

        2. Rasilio

          Besides the roads you mean?

          1. Raven Nation

            And here it is:

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9foi342LXQE

            1. Interestingly, the Romans only reluctantly got dragged into the region. Things were perhaps even more fucked up there then than they are now.

              1. Brandon

                I blame the Judean Popular Peoples’ Front.

    2. Aresen

      Matthew, Chapter 27

      24When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.

      25 Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.

      Each person in that mob, assuming they had any descendants, would have on the order of 2^80 – or roughly a septillion – lines of descent arising from them down to this day. Since there are only about 2^33 people on earth today and, due to the diaspora, considerable intermixing of peoples, almost everyone on earth today has many lineages that goes back to someone in that mob.

      Therefore, to speak of “Jewish Christ-killers” as a separate group is nonsense.

  10. …the number of middle-aged people moving back home is surging.

    So we’ve become a reverse-Italy.

    1. Rich

      An “Ylati”, as it were.

      1. gaijin

        ^lol

    2. Certified Public Asskicker

      50 to 64 year olds!?

    3. kinnath

      Is that like the reverse cowgirl?

      1. gaijin

        Is that like the reverse cowgirl?

        only in a spaghetti western.

    4. Sudden

      That has actually been going on in Italy and many other European countries for some time now. Its taken a while for the states to catch up in large part because vast swaths of the country still have reasonably priced rents and houses (my own city notwithstanding).

  11. Injun, as in from India

    The first person to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon is Meb Keflezighi, an American immigrant from Ethiopia.

    English is not my first language, but isn’t it supposed to be “Ethiopian immigrant in America”?

    1. Tonio

      I’d say they got it right. He’s an American since he’s a US citizen, “immigrant from Ethiopia” simply highlights that he was naturalized (as opposed to US-born) and originally came from Ethiopia.

      1. Tonio

        Having said that, “American originally from Ethiopia” might have been better phrasing.

        1. Rich

          The best phrasing, of course, would have been “African-American”.

          1. C. Anacreon

            Careful there. I work with a number of Ethiopians. They do not consider themselves to be black or part of sub-Sahara Africa. They see themselves as a very individual and superior race gifted by the Almighty. (Pisses the typical black employees off here like you wouldn’t believe — they feel the Ethiopians are ‘arrogant bastards’.)

            1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

              They make up around 10% of the employees at LAX. I have yet to hear a theory as to why that is.

            2. Suthenboy

              “….they feel the Ethiopians are ‘arrogant bastards’.)”

              Because they are?

            3. JW

              I’ve only worked with one Ethiopian and that desription fit him to a T.

              I never wanted to punch anyone in the dick as much as I did with him.

            4. Rich

              Note to self: Use less-subtle sarcasm.

          2. Jordan

            We have a white South African in our department at work. We call him our resident African American, especially when the annual diversity bullshit rolls around.

      2. Injun, as in from India

        Maybe it’s me having gone through the process and being exposed to the legalese, but I tend to distinguish between immigrants (green card status) versus citizens (naturalized).

    2. No, he’s an Ethiopian emmigrant and an American immigrant.

      1. Injun, as in from India

        All this migrant talk is giving me a migraine.

        1. Sudden

          My grain alcohol is just the elixer to fix yer headache!

    3. I would have voted for just plain old “American”. If you just have to “an American who immigrated from Ethiopia”.

      The “American immigrant from Ethiopia” language (1) elides his citizenship (2) makes it sound like the main thing isn’t that he is American, but that he is an immigrant, and (3) is just kind of confusing.

      1. I agree with anything that derides identity politics. However… here’s why I found his ancestry interesting: White folks don’t win major marathons, period, the end.

        So when I heard that an American had won, I immediately pictured like… a dude who grew up in Sheboygan whose parents were of Irish descent.

        Then when I found out he was an immigrant from Kenya/Ethiopia/Marathonia I was like all like… “oh”

        1. Suthenboy

          People of European decent tend not to be build like deer. We don’t see a lot of Eskimos winning either.

          1. We don’t see a lot of Eskimos winning either.

            +1 Adam Carolla scene in The Hammer.

        2. Raven Nation

          Well, since the 1980s, right? And, men right?

  12. I can't trust my fans

    When you really go in and take a close look at that FLOTUS tush–she can’t convincingly claim to be a vegan.

    1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

      I don’t think she ever claimed to be a vegan. But “Captain” Paul Watson does. No fucking way that fatass is a vegan.

      1. Rasilio

        Sure she could.

        Like Sir Mix-A-Lot said, Red Beans and Rice makes the Ghetto booty

    2. gaijin

      When you really go in and take a close look at that FLOTUS tush-

      Why, in god’sname, why?

    3. [splashes bleach in eyes, pours bleach in earholes, snorts bleach in desperate attempt to remove any trace of this comment.]

  13. Idle Hands

    The Military is a socialist paradise. probably the dumbest thing I’ve read today, until one of you links to jezebel.

    1. paranoid android

      It would explain all the suicides.

      1. Idle Hands

        and all the civilian casualties.

    2. Do they say anything about the problems of time-in-grade promotion?

      1. Rasilio

        One of the reasons I got the hell out of the military as soon as I could.

    3. Based on the stories my dad tells, he didn’t find the military a paradise.

    4. Warty

      You know, there are plenty of us who don’t like socialism for the same reasons we didn’t join up. I don’t think he ever bothered to consider that.

      1. Idle Hands

        yea, that’s kind of what is funny. He acts as if this is some original thought.

    5. Juice

      Socialists? Yes. Paradise? I doubt it.

    6. Hillary's Clitdong

      So is a socialist paradise, just like the military, incapable of supporting itself without massive cash infusions?

      1. Suthenboy

        Yes.

      2. JW

        And it destroys everything, no matter where it goes, through ordinance and near-infinite incompetence?

  14. Her wisdom is that “splurging is the key to life.”

    And yet she still went after Gabby Douglas on The Tonight Show.

    1. Rich

      She’s a *progressive*, Ted. Remember what we said about progressives and “consistency” ….

  15. Warty

    Retro metal

    1. gaijin

      vocalist reminds me of Ian Gillan.

    2. Juice

      main riff is a ripoff of sabbath’s “children of the grave”

      1. Warty

        Jazz musicians call it “quotation”.

  16. Hyperion

    If Holder and his boss weren’t the total asshats, crooks, and cowards that they are, they would immediately release everyone in the country who is locked up for drug related charges, clear their records, and compensate them for the damages done to their lives.

    Anything less is not good enough.

    1. Rich

      WHAT?!

      Hyperion, first we have to have a National Conversation about this!

      1. Hyperion

        Nope, I’m going to gather some operational tactics from the progs.

        Progs first demand full on retard and then the GOP concedes just a little more retard to them. This is called ‘bipartisanship’.

        So you see, the only way we ever achieve true liberty is demand all of it now and then let ‘bipartisanship’ work it’s wonders.

  17. jesse.in.mb

    Amoeba, the electronic monocle

    “We envision that you would wear the Amoeba device before you start your web-based research,” Sanya Rai explains on her website. “As you go through different webpages, the device senses your bio-data and quantifies your interest. When you are done, you can then go to the Amoeba app and select the keyword you were looking at.

    women and research orphans hardest hit.

    1. “As you go through different webpages, the device senses your bio-data and quantifies your interest.”

      So it figures out what kind of porn you like?

      1. Hyperion

        Yes, right before it uploads all of the data to the NSAs new Prism database.

      2. jesse.in.mb

        So it figures out what kind of porn you like?

        I can’t wait for the customer testimonials:

        After years of watching dick-centric “straight” porn, but never being truly satisfied, Amoeba started serving raunchy gay porn. At first I was offended, but Amoeba’s biometric sensors didn’t steer me wrong. I left my wife and opened a hair salon immediately.
        –Rodney P. Provincetown, MA

        1. gaijin

          Connect an amoeba to teledildonics systems and you have the future of distance relationships.

        2. JW

          Hair salon? I don’t think the maximum density of disco-ball dance clubs has yet been reached in Ptown.

    2. I think a monocle is really a good, if not the superior, vehicle for “Google Glass” type functionality.

      A monocle that reads my bio-data will never come near my face, though.

      1. gimmeasammich

        So then what *will* come near your face, if I might ask?

        1. A monocle that does what I tell it to, and nothing else, might have a shot.

        2. Rasilio

          Warty

        3. Sudden

          ISWYDT

      2. jesse.in.mb

        I’m surprised hipsters haven’t tried to bring back the pince-nez. Imagine the difficulty of incorporating Google hardware into a pince-nez!

  18. Specail Sauce

    Her wisdom is that “splurging is the key to life.”

    You spelled splooging wrong.

  19. Shark smuggling, a Florida Man specialty.

    1. Andrew S.

      I’m becoming an advocate of drawing a line just north of the Orlando/Tampa metro areas and giving them to Georgia and/or Alabama.

      1. To be sure, I think I like North Florida better than much of South Florida, particularly the SE part.

        1. Andrew S.

          I agree with that (and I live in SE Florida)

          I liked living in Tallahassee. If I could move back up there I probably would.

        2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          I went to Miami for a long weekend to watch a friend play in the Orange Bowl about 12 years ago. What a culture shock.

          Every single store, including pharmacies and banks, had flashing neon lights and techno music blaring.

          All of the topless boobies offset the gayness of all the men in speedos, though.

      2. We can give y’all to Puerto Rico, since you insist on driving like a 3rd world country.

      3. Hyperion

        You don’t want Slowcala?

    2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

      “Joey Polk tries to be inconspicuous while filling up with a giant mako shark in his truck; photo by West Calhoun”

      The tail sticks into the next lane of traffic. How inconspicuous.

      1. I was in Apalachicola this weekend, and say a Chrysler 300 with the back window soaped up “Justice for Bubba, RIP”, which I guess is about this.

        1. I have a question. Is Little St. George Island near St. George Island? I just read something about places to kayak in Florida, and it mentioned the former but was totally unclear about where it was. We used to go to St. George Island for the spectacular sand dunes back when I was a kid.

          1. Yes. Little St George is only a couple hundred yards west of St George Island. (In fact, the place we stayed this weekend is just west of Indian Pass between St. Vincent (the next island west after Little St. George) and the mainland. Its all quite beautiful. Although it was gray and nasty this last weekend. But yeah, its beautiful for kayaking.

            1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

              Since I have both of you here, is there any place in FL without a shitload of bugs? I have been doing a little bit of browsing on Redfin, and a lot of the patios there appear to be screened in.

              1. I don’t know of one. Though some places are worse than others. We don’t have ridiculous bugs where I live, but that’s just the suburbs killing all life more than anything to do with the area.

                We went kayaking near dusk in the north bay a couple of weeks ago, and it was buggier than heck.

              2. Since I have both of you here, is there any place in FL without a shitload of bugs?

                Eh, at our place, its only bad when the wind dies. Like this weekend. I got eaten up. But most of the time there’s a strong enough breeze that they can’t land, down the beach. I mostly just try to be drunk enough to poison the little fuckers.

                1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                  Is that the case pretty much year-round?

                  1. We have fewer bugs in the winter here. You can always live somewhere where they spray the living hell out of everything.

              3. Suthenboy

                Get some DEET, apply liberally.

                1. Worst, scariest, and biggest mosquitoes I ever encountered were in Minnesota. I was completely shocked at the time, thinking that tropical and subtropical climates were the end-all, be-all of mosquito hell. Boy, was I wrong.

                  1. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                    Minnesota is my only real encounter with mosquitos. I was at an extended family reunion on the Gunflint trail, and it was miserable.

                    1. Episiarch

                      The mosquitoes can get pretty fucking bad in CT (all of southern New England, really). Many a time I would go out for a cigarette on a humid 85-degree night and have to watch any exposed skin like a hawk if I wanted to hopefully not get bitten. They’re absolutely relentless no matter how many you kill.

                    2. I’ve heard that Canada has mosquitoes that are truly epic, both in size and in quantity.

                    3. Brandon

                      Alaska has worse. And they are only active for a short season, so they are more enthusiastic.

                    4. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                      I stayed at a rented house on the cape one summer. The bug zapper was fascinating. A mini fireball every few seconds. There was a pile of bug corpses a few inches high by morning.

            2. Excellent. Thanks. We’ll have to try it one of these days. I got a new tandem kayak (well, new to us, anyway), which is quite stable and fast.

        2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

          I didn’t see any mention of race in the article. There has to be a racial element for people to care, right?

  20. jesse.in.mb

    A comic for Pantsfan

    1. Warty

      I’ve considered getting into Highland games just so I’d have a legitimate reason to own a kilt. I should consider it more.

      1. Make sure you train eating haggis and drinking scotch. Exclusively, I mean.

        1. Sudden

          Haggis is a woefully underrated culinary delight.

      2. Rich

        Tossing the Caber FTW.

      3. jesse.in.mb

        I’d have a legitimate reason to own a kilt.

        Or you could just go to your local Renaissance Faire or gay pride festival. Not the MOST legitimate reasons, but legitimate enough.

        1. Nothing–nothing–is more legitimate than the Highland Games.

        2. Warty

          Good point. The Gay Games are coming to town, after all.

          1. Does it involve goat dressing? Because that’s the best event in the Gay Rodeo.

            1. Warty

              I once went to a rodeo that had a monkey dressed up as a cowboy riding a dog. This sounds even better than that.

              1. To think we live in a world where such things are possible.

          2. jesse.in.mb

            Ah yes, 25 Muslim cab drivers are already refusing to drive cabs that advertise the Gay Games. I’m sure they refused to drive cabs that advertised alcohol, strip joints and gambling, all active indulgences in vice, right?

            1. Warty

              I eagerly await the “25 Dipshits Fired for Failure to do Jobs” followup article.

              1. jesse.in.mb

                Patrick Keenan, general manager for the third taxi company at the airport, Americab, said two of his drivers initially opted not to work due to the ads. One of them has since returned, he told FoxNews.com on Friday.

                “He cited religious reasons,” Keenan said of the unidentified driver. “I didn’t foresee it being a problem ? We have no problem with the signage and [the protest] doesn’t reflect the views of our company.”

                Americab employs tire-iron diplomacy to maximum effect?

                1. Warty

                  Don’t fuck with the gay mafia, I guess.

                2. Pl?ya Manhattan.

                  How flaming were the ads? Did they feature the soccer team or the figure skating team?

                  1. jesse.in.mb

                    I’m not always a good judge of public morality, but I think the ads are pretty tame.

                    1. Mad Scientist

                      But they’re full of balls! Think of the children!

                    2. gaijin

                      that’s actually kind of clever.

                    3. Suthenboy

                      Closeup photos of giant balls is tame?

                    4. jesse.in.mb

                      I told you I wasn’t a good judge of public morality!

                      *Strips naked and runs off sobbing*

            2. Rhywun

              I see strip-club cabs all the time here in NYC. And all our cabbies are Muslim, so yeah that is interesting. I guess they’re being selective.

            3. Injun, as in from India

              Some of the muslin cab drivers in MSP refused to drive passengers who carried alcohol in their baggage. There was a huge public backlash and a bunch of them lost their licenses if I remember it right.

      4. T

        I have the most legitimate reason to own (several) kilts: I wanted them and I had money to buy them.

        Plus, I was drunk at a renfest, just like I am four times a year.

        1. gaijin

          Plus, I was drunk at a renfest,

          Did you piss your kilt Angus?
          Aye, Angus always pisses his kilt.

        2. jesse.in.mb

          A friend of mine did her bachelorette at a RenFaire and was required to do kilt checks and tie a blue ribbon on those who weren’t wearing undergarments. She found out afterwards she was also supposed to give them a bit of a rub and tug while she was down there, but had tried to be overly polite about the whole thing. She also felt compelled to ask one guy for ID.

        3. Rhywun

          I was drunk at a renfest

          I read that as “rearfest”. All this talk about kilts and gay games is ruining my eyesight.

    2. Archduke von Pantsfan

      beautiful

      *wipes tear*

  21. If Obama does end up pardoning every non-violent drug offender, there will suddenly be an argument that (at least in terms of results, if not rhetoric) that he’s one of the most Libertarian presidents ever.

    I expect the resulting commenter meltdown here would be utterly hilarious.

    1. Really, do you think that’s even slightly possible?

      1. I doubt it, but it will still be hilarious if it does.

        1. Fine by me. Anything he wants to do that’s accidentally freedom-supporting is just peachy.

        2. John

          Why do you think we would melt down? I think it would be great if he did that. I would practically be in tears of joy if he did that. It would make me proud to be an American.

          You only think we would melt down because you assume everyone who disagrees with you must be some mindless partisan.

        3. John

          And no one melted down when he got rid of the crack sentencing disparity.

      2. Yeah, the fact is that Carter is the most libertarian POTUS since Coolidge but I am the only one that will admit it.

        He deregulated everything in sight, did not raise income taxes, did not get us into an aggressive shoot-out, and put Paul Volcker in charge of the Fed.

        It is not even a good debate – Carter is the winner (since Coolidge).

        1. John

          Nothing says “Libertarian” like high taxes and national malaise.

          God you are fucking moron.

          1. It’s not sentient!

            John, it doesn’t know that words like ‘liberal’ ‘libertarian’ ‘Hayek’ have meanings.

            It literally just sequences snippets of words it has seen on the Internet and judges the quantity of the response they get. The greater the response, the more likely it is to repeat bits of that sequence in the future.

          2. Nothing says “Libertarian” like high taxes and national malaise.

            We’ve had high taxes since WWII, you moron.

            1. And how that takes anything away from “Nothing says “Libertarian” like high taxes”, well, beats me.

        2. Rasilio

          I don’t know, Clinton scores pretty well on a Libertarian scale.

          Completely by accident but he does.

          He basically did nothing in his entire presidency, the “signature legislation” was simply to sign a Republican welfare reform bill that amazingly enough actually worked and was probably the most successful legislation passed in the last 30 years and his interference in foreign wars was relatively minimal.

          This of course is not how he wanted his time in office to go but the end result wasn’t horrible

          1. If we can’t have libertarians, gridlock can at least slow things down. Clinton practically became a Republican in his second term. Actually, before that. 1994 freaked his shit out.

            1. Gridlock gets my vote! With a D president and GOP House preferred.

              One thing we don’t want?

              A fucking full-house of GOP nutjobs (see the Reign of the Bushpigs).

              1. Coeus

                Bushpigs were “compassionate conservatives”. The ones people are calling crazy now are called as such because they’re libertarian leaning.

                1. Bushpigs were “compassionate conservatives”. The ones people are calling crazy now are called as such because they’re libertarian leaning

                  OK, this is a sensible comment. I would like to believe you. And you may be right.

                  I’ll give you Amash, Rand Paul, maybe one other. I don’t see too many others.

                  1. SlV

                    Dr Paul Broun, motherfucker

          2. Raven Nation

            I remember someone attributing a lot of that to Carville. Apparently within a month of getting to DC he had pissed off just about everyone he met – R & D. And no one wanted to work with him.

    2. Warty

      Something we’ve all wanted to happen for years, and you think we’d be upset about it happening?

      1. If Obama read The Road to Serfdom or something and had this huge libertarian epiphany, then started gutting government and doing all sorts of crazed, libertarian goodness, that would be just groovy.

      2. Mad Scientist

        The TEAM mentality is impossible for some people to escape.

        1. Warty

          Some people like being dicks. Some people are not very smart.

      3. Hyperion

        It’s in the top 20 or so dumbest posts that I have ever read here. It’s a top candidate for beating out the All Hall of Fame Derptard collection of Tony and Shreek.

        1. You’re an idiot. I have a chair smarter than you are.

    3. My predictions:

      His pardons, commutations, etc. will be carefully calibrated to be slightly more than W.

      The press will be hugely uninterested in any connection between political support and pardons.

      1. Oh yeah. All those lock-ups were big Team Blue donors. Seriously.

        1. I’m just recalling the last round of pardons by a Dem Pres, is all. You can draw your own conclusions from the fact that Eric Holder was involved in that last round, as well.

          1. John

            Remember RC. Holder never prosecutes any Team Blue donors. So who are they going to pardon?

    4. Jordan

      If Obama does end up pardoning every non-violent drug offender, there will suddenly be an argument that (at least in terms of results, if not rhetoric) that he’s one of the most Libertarian presidents ever.

      No, not really, since there were a few dozen presidents before the DEA existed. And he continues to invent new excuses to throw peaceful people into prison.

    5. PRX

      If Obama does end up pardoning every non-violent drug offender, there will suddenly be an argument that (at least in terms of results, if not rhetoric) that he’s one of the most Libertarian presidents ever.

  22. kmc212

    Meb Keflezighi is from Eritrea! He came to the USA when he was twelve!

    1. SForza

      Black Cactus FTW!

  23. MJGreen

    First Lady Michelle Obama today waxed philosophical on food. She questioned, “How would you appreciate vegetables if you never had chocolate?” Her wisdom is that “splurging is the key to life.”

    there all is aching

  24. Hyperion

    All of the things you just speculated on, not one, or two, but all 3, are NEVER going to happen.

    That’s one of the most ridiculous posts I have ever seen here. And you are competing with Tony and Shreek.

  25. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Saskatoon’s first “Feminist Summer Camp” will involve much more than women talking about women’s rights.

    1. By that picture, hopefully orthodontics.

  26. 18-yr old earns $40,000 a month using Youtube:

    http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs…..55143.html

  27. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Watch as Zdeno Chara laughs at Brendan Smith for trying to fight him

    1. Raven Nation

      Should anybody try to fight Chara?

  28. RishJoMo

    Sounds like some serious business dude. Wow.

    http://www.GotsDatAnon.tk

  29. Coeus

    Fox guest mocks liberals on Keystone pipeline: Cars don’t run on ‘unicorn tears’

    “I mean, I’m all for alternative energy, but until we come up with something that actually works and is efficient, we have to live in the real world,” Hunter said. “We’re not to the point where we can have car that runs on unicorn tears, and hopes and dreams.”

    hehe.

    1. Fuck the Canucks and their greasy tar sludge.

      I want the US to become energy independent like we are on track to. We don’t need imported sludge.

      (This goes for Venezuela sludge too. Fuck them 2x over)

      1. John

        Wow. The stupid it just fucking burns.

        Needs more ChristFAG!!

      2. Hyperion

        NEEDZ MOAR ETHANOL!

        /DERPITY DERP DURRR!!!

        How do you spell moon, Shreeky?

        1. It is only three sentences in length. Did that surpass your attention span?

          1. Hyperion

            You think we can grow sugarcane here in the USA, don’t you?

            And you also think it’s a good idea to cut down every tree in the USA to put up wind farms, don’t you?

            Say something that’s not retarded. Can you do it? I think you can’t do it.

            1. TransCanada wants to usurp/ED US land to build that pipeline.

              Let me know when US refineries like Holly or Tesero ask for it.

              1. Hyperion

                You don’t want the pipeline because Buffett doesn’t want it.

                You’re a pathetic prog and crony and you can’t prove that wrong.

                Go away, you have no purpose on a libertarian site.

  30. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Why do I keep doing this?

    Vegangelical

  31. Grand Moff Serious Man

    California is in a drought: Ban fracking and drilling

    I grew up in a town with a nuclear reactor. The entire region was sold the promise of a power source and good-paying jobs, but that promise was inadequate given the environmental and safety risks my community was asked to shoulder. Because the hazards and consequences of the reactor were mostly isolated to my community, people living in the rest of the region faced a much different question when they considered the merits of the reactor.

    I guess nuclear contamination as a child explains Sandra Fluke.

    In addition to improving the way we use water, we need to prevent future egregious waste. Solving our water crisis absolutely requires that we pass a moratorium on fracking and other dangerous drilling practices that use a tremendous amount of water. Fracking requires millions of gallons of water to frack a single well, and once that water is mixed with chemicals in the fracking process, it becomes too dangerous to ever use again. This is just one reason I am a strong supporter of the efforts by the Los Angeles City Council and Senator Holly Mitchell to impose a moratorium on fracking here in Los Angeles and across the state — it won’t only stop a dangerous practice, but will save us water we so desperately need.

    Any chance she knows what opportunity costs are?

    1. John

      No

    2. Episiarch

      I’m confused. How is she an expert on water, fracking, or…anything? Why is she bloviating about this?

      1. Mad Scientist

        Because she’s a self-important progressive who knows with a certainty that she’s smarter than everyone else and should be able to impose her will on anyone whose so-called rights get in her way.

      2. She went to law school, dude. That means she knows everything. I mean, look at the president. There’s nothing he doesn’t know, right?

      3. Grand Moff Serious Man

        She speaks fluent Progese, that’s why:

        As I learned from the nuclear reactor in my hometown, it sometimes takes recognition of shared consequences and shared responsibility to motivate people to protect their environment. California’s drought affects us all, and as a State Senator, helping to find solutions to our state’s water crisis will be one of my top priorities. I look forward to working with you to confront this challenge. After all, we are all in this together.

        Just look at that, pure prog-frontier gibberish.

        1. The lengths this slut will go to for free, totally subsidized sex are quite incredible.

          1. Mad Scientist

            But birth control costs 3 grand! How can you expect an upper middle class girl to hook up with that expense?!

            1. She’s a great symbol of everything that is wrong with this country right now. I say we build a statue of her right smack in the middle of the U.S.

              1. Sudden

                Please do not soil the fair city of Kansas City.

                Unless its the Kansas side, cuz Fuck Kansas!

          2. JW

            Goddamn it. Now you went and made me give that useless, parasitic twat a page hit.

            1. Before her political career is over, she will have successfully had enacted into law a requirement that all people in the U.S. must have sex with her for free, on demand. On demand, damn you!

              1. Mad Scientist

                No way. Not even with Warty’s dick.

                1. REQUIRED BY LAW. Why do you think she went to law school, anyway? Her dream of creating single fucker sex is coming.

                  1. Mad Scientist

                    Teenagers all over the world are already doing it that way. No law required.

                    1. Mad Scientist

                      Oh, and Bronies. I forgot to mention the Bronies.

                    2. Grand Moff Serious Man

                      Teenagers all over the world are having sex with Sandra Fluke?

                      Is she a member of the Super Adventure Club?

                    3. Do not underestimate the power of her cravings for taxpayer-provided sex.

    3. Mock-star

      I grew up about 10 miles away from her, and was a year or two ahead of her in school. Saxton’s power plant had been completely disassembled for as far as I can remember. (and the creek that runs by its foundations is awesome for catching catfish.)

      1. Brandon

        How many eyes do the catfish have? Huh? Answer the question, kulak!

  32. jesse.in.mb

    John Hamm resents Hammaconda’s notoriety:

    “Would you want people walking up to you and pointing at your d**k?? I can’t believe I’m still talking about this? The fact that I’m painted as this exhibitionist is a little annoying.” Jon said. “It’s become a meme?Being someone who people want to photograph, you have to open yourself up to the positive and negative. It is what it is. If I get mad at it I’ll look like a douchebag. But it’s silly.”

    1. Coeus

      World’s smallest violin begins to play…

      1. Mad Scientist

        Hey, is the blood rushing to your ears? Enough with size jokes!

    2. Bam!

      Weird how one of these articles appears every time a new season of “Mad Men” starts airing. Funny how that happens.

      1. Sudden

        It just kinda pops up outta nowhere and becomes a huge story

  33. Today on Derpbook:

    The problem with capitalism, has never been with the concept of capitalism. It is UNREGULATED capitalism that has always been the issue. In this country the intermingling of government and corporations, has turned our “free trade” capitalism into an oligarchy controlled by a handful of banks, energy companies, and corporations that have literally bought our democracy out from under us. Libertarians and Republicans both have fought hard to ensure that these companies have complete control over the free market and price fix everything from fuel and energy costs, to interest rates, to just about every other necessity we have in our society. They stifle progress and competition by ensuring the government works so let for them. It’s easy to say gas and oil is cheap and efficient when the taxpayers are taking the brunt of the costs and the corporations are left only with profit.

    Yes, I have tried to teach him about regulatory capture.

    1. The whole point of The Wealth of Nations is that government fucks up capitalism when it interferes too fucking much. Which, incidentally, is a whole lot less than the U.S. government is interfering now.

    2. Hyperion

      The problem with capitalism, has never been with the concept of capitalism. It is UNREGULATED capitalism that has always been the issue. In this country the intermingling of government and corporations

      Wow, just fucking WOW!

      So the very same big government that this person is claiming is causing the problem is also the one to fix it? And libertarians are the problem?

      1. Yeah, a lot of his confusion is of the “wet streets cause rain” type.

    3. Ayn Random Variation

      “In this country the intermingling of government and corporations, has turned our “free trade” capitalism into an oligarchy controlled by a handful of banks, energy companies, and corporations that have literally bought our democracy out from under us. Libertarians and Republicans both have fought hard to ensure that these companies have complete control over the free market”

      I’m confused. Is Obama a Republican or a Libertarian?

  34. Cont’d

    Decisions supported by the right like Citizens United literally allow our government to be sold off to the highest bidder, and now the laws and regulations meant to protect us, are being used against us to maximize corporate profits over all else. For some reason people have been convinced that somehow paying to use literally everything from roads, to water, to electricity, to sidewalks, to schools, prisons, etc. If this society was as privatized as the right wing wants it to be, no one but the wealthiest people would be able to even leave their houses. The only solution is to reign in the oligarchy and put the power back into the hands of the people, not the highest bidder.

    So, to prevent the wealthy and corporations from controlling the government, we need to give more power to the government that is controlled by the wealthy and corporations?

    1. Episiarch

      Yes. You’re missing the point. People like this retard have one underlying motivation: they hate corporations and the wealthy. I’m not sure why they hate corporations so much, as they’re just business organizations, but they do. They hate the wealthy because of envy. But regardless, even if they see that the government is corrupt and in bed with large corporations, it is always the wealthy and the corporations that are the problem, and not the corrupt monopoly of government. Logic is irrelevant, because what they want to do is blame the things they hate. That’s all.

      Remember, they are animists. The corporation is a supernatural evil that can corrupt noble government officials through its touch. Always, always remember that they are animists. It explains so much.

      1. I’ve wondered before about whether someone should trick them into supporting LLCs. Which are not corporations, see.

      2. Whereas I like corporations and the wealthy – in particular the “good” corporations.

        Capitalism is the only proven method to distribute goods effectively. Thankfully more of us realize this and don’t fall for the lying-ass Team Red bullshit that they have a chokehold on capitalism.

        1. I think both Teams have a chokehold on capitalism, myself.

          1. Neither understands it or economics, that’s for danged sure.

    2. Suthenboy

      “For some reason people have been convinced that somehow paying to use literally everything from roads, to water, to electricity, to sidewalks, to schools, prisons, etc.”

      That is my favorite sentence.

      1. It looks like a sentence fragment to me.

        My favorite part is his claim that privatization would mean only rich people could afford to leave their houses.

        Because of course the sidewalk barons would never let the common riff-raff tread upon it.

        1. C. Anacreon

          And of course, somehow the rich would stay rich despite no one being able to afford their services. There’s some sort of economic law dealing with that, it’s on the tip of my tongue…..

    3. Apatheist ?_??

      Literally…

  35. For those wondering, this is the video the prog was responding to:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwH3Xr6uyG0

  36. Grand Moff Serious Man

    Dear Prudence: Help! My husband uses racial and sexist epithets while driving angry

    Q. Icky Comments: Sometimes my husband will use racial/sexist epithets to describe other drivers in the heat of the moment. I’ve let him know (outside the car) that these are unacceptable. I coldly tell him that it’s not OK and I stop talking to him for a little bit (usually a few minutes). He always apologizes but doesn’t actually change. Anything else I can be doing? This is super frustrating, not reflective of his overall character/beliefs about other races/sexes, and definitely not something I want future children to pick up on!

    I find this question fascinating because it really raises the question of how far some race-conscious people are willing to go over what is really an innocuous matter.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      It’s not always easy, in the heat of the moment, to see the race/sex of the other driver, which is why experts recommend using broad and inclusive language like “buddy,” “moron,” “asshole,” and “f___face.”

      1. I know cunty driving when I see it, regardless of the sex of the driver.

    2. jesse.in.mb

      Umm, maybe make the switch to Sanka? Or season his pre-driving meals with Xanax?

      1. Brandon

        Or just get over it and let the man drive.

    3. Rhywun

      Why the hell did she marry him then? It is impossible that she didn’t know about this behavior already.

  37. Coeus

    Feminists will celebrate mediocrity as long at as it sticks it to men.

    Orphan Black’s straight men are among the stupidest and least riveting fictional creatures to populate the modern television landscape. After years of suffering through completely unrecognizable female characters on TV, it’s hard not to celebrate the show’s almost gleeful denigration of its straight male characters. Orphan Black’s creators are not interested in speaking to the straight guys’ justifications or needs, except to show how superficial they are. The straight men of Orphan Black are stupid, weak, simple, unethical, violent, buffoonish, and easily manipulated. They are purposefully one-dimensional sketches denied the layers and complex motivations given to the female characters.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      I’d totally forgotten there were straight men on that show. I can only think of two of them and one of them is shirtless. Which is distracting.

      1. Coeus

        I’ve been hearing all this time from them that one dimensional female supporting characters are bad because it’s bad TV.

        Guess that wasn’t really the issue at all.

        On another note, though I haven’t seen it yet, I heard that the star’s performance is amazing. How would you rate the show?

        1. MJGreen

          Her performance is a real marvel. The show’s a hell of a lot fun.

        2. jesse.in.mb

          I recommend it. It’s a low budget show that punches far above its production costs and Tatiana Maslany does an excellent job of being several people in the same scene.

        3. Rhywun

          I caught a few eps of season 1 and it’s quite good. I didn’t think it would last so I stopped watching. Guess I was wrong.

    2. Ayn Random Variation

      I love the show, and never once considered how straight males are portrayed on it.

      Maybe it’s time for a NATIONAL CONVERSATION on straight males, you nation of cowards.

      1. Rhywun

        In the (few) episodes I saw, I only recall there being one gay male – and his gay-itude wasn’t part of the plot or anything. But I wasn’t filtering the experience through my political consciousness or anything so what do I know.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          Yeah, there’s the gay best friend. It isn’t a plot point and I found him a bit annoying at first, but he’s grown on me as a character.

          It’s worth picking back up. It’s a solid option.

  38. Mike M.

    First Lady Michelle Obama today waxed philosophical on food. She questioned, “How would you appreciate vegetables if you never had chocolate?” Her wisdom is that “splurging is the key to life.”

    Translation: “Yes, I’m a hypocrite with a big fat ass. There’s no point in denying it anymore.”

  39. Notorious G.K.C.

    “The administration’s National Labor Relations Board’s (NLRB) proposed rules would allow for union elections ? in which workers at a company vote whether or not to unionize ? to be held 10 days after a petition is filed. And what, exactly, would be happening to the unions during those 10 days? The new rules require employers to disclose workers’ personal information, including phone numbers, home addresses, and information about when they work their shifts.”

    http://dailycaller.com/2014/04…..z2zWq5xekl

  40. Just to put down my marker when reason fails to hat-tip for finding this, the next big scare story.

    Alcohol is primarily known as a liquid, but it can also be whipped, solidified, and practically vaporized. But now it’s available in powdered form ? a product called “Palcohol” that was just approved by the U.S. government.

    Tagline: Instant asshole,just add water!

    1. Grand Moff Serious Man

      It will be banned for the children. Do you monsters want them mistaking the stuff for a Pixie Stix?!

    2. Mad Scientist

      I hope we’ll still be able to butt chug it.

    3. Okay, so could one mix this substance with, say, Sprite at, say, a college football game? Could one, say, transport this substance back in time?

    4. Episiarch

      What a boon for getting drunk while camping this will be. And for flying. What, you want $4 for that drink? No, I’ll just take the free water, thanks.

      1. What glorious times we live in–3-D printers, powered alcohol, drones. . . .

      2. Coeus

        I always just pack about 6 or 7 3oz bottles of whiskey in my carry on. Out of dozens of flights, I’ve only been asked one time what it is.

        Told ’em it was astringent.

    5. Notorious G.K.C.

      I don’t need alcohol to be an asshole, thank you.

  41. Notorious G.K.C.

    Journalist burns certificate of appreciation from the Southern Poverty Law Center to protest its latest hackery.

    http://freebeacon.com/blog/wfb…..plc-award/

  42. Archduke von Pantsfan

    LIzzy turns 88

    1. Grand Moff Serious Man

      Will there be tournaments of jousting held in her honour?

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        I’ll watch if to the death.

        If not.

        Yawn.

    2. Grand Moff Serious Man

      And meanwhile, across the Narrow Sea, a woman plots to take back what is hers with Fire and Blood

  43. Notorious G.K.C.

    Which is more awkward: The story or the headline?

    “Medical miracle: Man with reconstructed penis fathers a child after suffering a botched circumcision when he was seven”

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..young.html

    1. Grand Moff Serious Man

      How is that a miracle? They used IVF and there is no indication he was rendered sterile by the botched procedure.

      1. Sevo

        “How is that a miracle?”

        The miracle is the guy getting 15 minutes of fame from the deal.

  44. Sevo

    It happened in SF!

    “Warriors ditch Piers 30-32 for Mission Bay arena site”
    […]
    “the arena will be entirely privately financed – perhaps the first sports venue of its kind in the country that uses no taxpayer funds or public land.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/…..418579.php

    1. Brandon

      Holy crap, that’s amazing. I might have to become a Warriors fan now. Especially if the Nuggets keep sucking.

      1. Sevo

        There’s a subtext here that isn’t clear from the article; the local progressives (IOWs SF politicos) forced the earlier proposed location to a popular vote and since the club makes EVIL MONEY we know how that would go.
        So the ownership mooned to proggies, bought that piece of property over the weekend and will do as they please (mostly).
        A rare double-win!

  45. Entropy Void

    You know Schumer, Nanny Bloomberg and the rest of the progtards are gonna hate this as much as the 3D printed gun …

    http://www.iflscience.com/chem…..-coming-us

    1. Entropy Void

      My own Hat Tip to Bret L fellow Floridian and all-fun-things-powdered connoisseur …

    2. Notorious G.K.C.

      “58 percent alcohol by weight”

    3. Hyperion

      Can you just imagines if scientist ever invent a drug that gives you all the best high of all drugs combined, with no provable anti-social or negative health effects, no hangover, no net negative effect.

      Both the SoCons and the Proglodytes would have the ultimate freak out.

      1. Brandon

        They did. It’s called MDMA. And they did. Remember “IT DRAINS YOUR SPINAL FLUID!!!!?”

        1. Hyperion

          Never tried it.

          But…

          It drains your spinal fluid? How? Do they have this documented?

          Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doubting you one bit. The FUN police have never seen anything they don’t want to ban. And the more fun, the more they want to ban it.

  46. Notorious G.K.C.

    NPR profiles an Indian-American comedian talking about his English girlfriend, who broke up with him, leaving behind her some clothes, some books, and an extensive railway system.

    Now he’s talking to the interviewer about the joke.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      I think the interviewer is trying to curry favor with him.

    2. Brandon

      Are we just supposed to google this?

  47. Pathogen

    I’ll just leave this here, if it hasn’t already been ridiculed today…

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      The commentariat got in a few whacks against this yesterday, IIRC.

      They seem to think that by dancing against “gun violence,” they are doing a Very Important Thing which will Finally Show People the Seriousness of this Issue. Did you know that people are getting *shot*? With *guns*? Here, we will dramatize it for you! *Now* will you vote to restrict the rights of everyone who owns guns?

      Or maybe it’s a threat – “if you don’t pass our laws, next time we’ll *twerk* at you!”

      1. Brandon

        *Now* will you vote to restrict the rights of everyone who owns guns?

        It’s not just everyone who owns guns. It’s everyone, period. I don’t own any guns at the moment, but I have in the past and will in the future, and would never vote to restrict anyone else’s rights.

    2. Suthenboy

      We lambasted them yesterday, but it is worth another go.

      From the article: “…an interpretive dance that will help reduce gun violence.”

      No. It won’t.

      1. Notorious G.K.C.

        How do we know if we don’t *try* it?

        1. Notorious G.K.C.

          It’s like the plot of a lame children’s cartoon.

      2. Sevo

        “From the article: “…an interpretive dance that will help reduce gun violence.””

        True news clip from several years back:
        ‘We’re tap-dancing to raise awareness of global warming!’
        No you’re not. You’re hoping for free ink.

        1. Notorious G.K.C.

          When will there be a Lady Godiva Association to raise awareness of oppressive taxes?

          1. Sevo

            It’s called Code Pink and they’re protesting war (when rethugs are running it).
            And YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEM NEKKID!

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