Secret service

Mets Mascot: Secret Service Threatened to Shoot Me If I Got Too Close to Clinton

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"and it's likely they'd a-killed him had not casey raised his hand"
ian.crowther/flickr

In 1997, this apparently happened, via the New York Daily News:

Secret Service agent threatened to put some high heat in the Mets mascot's oversized dome if he ventured too close to former President Bill Clinton during a 1997 game at Shea Stadium.

"We have snipers all around the stadium, just in case something were to happen," the agent warned. "Like I said, do whatever it is you normally do. But approach the President, and we go for the kill shot. Are we clear?"

AJ Mass, the man inside the Mr. Met outfit from 1994-97, recounted his brush with mortality (and perhaps immortality) in his new memoir "Yes, It's Hot in Here—Adventures in the Weird, Wooly World of Sports Mascots."

My high school math teacher once told us a story once about seeing President George H.W. Bush at Martha's Vineyard in Massachusetts, if I recall correctly. She had a video camera and said she told Secret Service she "just wanted to shoot the president." She said the agents told her it was a poor choice of words, but nothing else happened. A classmate of mine once yelled "shotgun" to call the passenger seat in a friend's car after leaving a diner where Joe Lieberman was campaigning in 2000. The Secret Service agent heard that too, but nothing happened.

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  1. Weigelcast

    I stumbled on this crap after seeing Douchebag Dave’s guest writer claim the right wing would have cheered the government on in killing the rancher if he were Black.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/wei…..anger.html

    1. What? I bet plenty never even knew his race or nationality. I don’t recall even seeing the guy’s picture, now that I think about it.

    2. Play the “Race Card”? when you’ve got nutin you useless Twatwaffle!

    3. Just like they totally called for that black talk show host in AZ to be arrested for his open carry stunt during the 2012 election seas… oh wait, that didn’t happen.

  2. Who is going to assassinate an Ex-President? And why would it be a matter worth a praetorian guard.

    I’m so glad they changed the lifetime protection law so that neither W nor Obozo get indefinate details.

    1. The incident happened while Slick Willy was still prez.

      1. I have particular resentment of Bubba for ruining my commencement at college by showing up and blathering. The Japanese guy that spoke before him was more interesting, and I can’t even remember his name. (He added to the jerkiness of the move by not even remaining for the whole ceremony, he hopped on a plane to give another speech at the other end of the state.)

        Since the office if more important than the person why do we need to give them bodyguards?

    2. he would have been the sitting president in 1997 when this occurred.

      1. Then what’s it doing coming up NOW?

        1. Yes, I skimmed the article, I thought it was more recent.

          I appologise.

          1. 1997 is the second word in the post?

            1. When I’m skimming, numbers don’t get processed. Which was the root of my confusion.

        2. He wrote a book

          1. That book is probably more interesting than anything Bubba or his Praetorians ever said.

            I really shouldn’t post from work, it leads to cutting corners.

    3. Not to worry. Lifetime praetorian guards have been added back before any ex-presidents were affected.

  3. When I worked in Kennebunkport, Secret Service agents would often drink at local bars (they followed Bush to Walker’s Point). I overheard them trading rumors about Hillary being lesbian. Barf.

    1. *Jacks furiously

    2. I overheard them trading rumors about Hillary being lesbian.

      Might explain a few things, like why she didn’t leave Bubba for banging the fat chick. If she was only there for the power trip, why would she care?

      -jcr

      1. I think that is the case, lesbian or not. Plenty of people get or stay married for non-romantic reasons even without being gay.

        1. +1 dowry

        2. Plenty of people get or stay married for non-romantic reasons even without being gay.

          Fear of prosecution in Mrs. Clintons case.

      2. Might explain why Bubba banged a fat chick. Doesn’t seem like he wanted something hotter, just wanted something that wasn’t frigid.

        1. It’s like my cousin used to always say; “The only thing a man needs is cold beer and a warm meat hole.” That leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

  4. Dude should have called the cops and filed charges against the SS goon for threatening him.

    -jcr

    1. Then he’d have been shot by the local cops instead of the SS. Lose-lose here.

    2. All crimes are crimes against the state. When someone is acting as an agent of the state, it is literally impossible for them to commit a crime because that would mean committing a crime against themselves, since they are the state.

    3. You act like this really happened, instead of being a punched up vignette for a loosely autobiographical book.

      1. Yeah, I’m sure the meatheads of the praetorian guard would never do anything like that. Being as how incredibly professional they are.

        1. Right, and I’m sure nobody ever punched up a story to make their completely uninteresting biography sparkle. Six of one, half a dozen of another. I think those guys are too busy nursing hangovers and banging whores to threaten this guy.

        2. While there is definitely something not quite right about the SS people who do security for the president, I don’t really think stupidity or incompetence is the problem there.

  5. But approach the President, and we go for the kill shot. Are we clear?”

    I bet he still gets a chubby every time he remembers uttering this line….Dirty Harry like…..to a guy wearing an oversized baseball head.

    1. Where would you aim for a kill shot on that costume? Something tells me they’d hit the ‘forehead’ and miss the guy inside. But that’s just my cynical assessment of their cognitive ability.

      1. Well for an arch villain like “Mr. Met” the minimum a professional would use would be an RPG!

  6. She said the agents told her it was a poor choice of words, but nothing else happened.

    Oh, what naive young fools we were, back in the days when we painted ourselves blue and sacrificed goats.

  7. The SS agent only said that because, well…it’s the Mets. Doesn’t everyone want to go for a kill shot on Mr. Met?

    1. The SS agent only said that because, well…it’s the Mets. Doesn’t everyone want to go for a kill shot on Mr. Met?

      Pity shot. Like the poor dog who is still suffering after you wounded him with your Subaru.

    2. In all seriousness, can you imagine the shitstorm that would come if the SS shot and killed some mascot? I mean, how fucking threatening is someone in a bulky suit? Even as screwed up as things are today, I think that might get a reaction.

      1. “Oh shit, they killed the Philly Chicken! Revolution!”

        Not seeing it. And the big-head presidents at the Nationals games? Totally need shooting.

        1. Not revolution, no, but maybe some reaction to this idea that the SS can kill people at will. Which is totally illegal and unconstitutional, not that anyone cares about such things.

          1. Now that local cops can get away with pre-emptive shooting of invalids waving a felt-tipped pen at them, this sentiment seems quaint. Like the idea that America used to be a free country.

            1. It’s different when it happens in front of thousands and on TV. Well, kind of different. I was going to use the Rodney King incident, but those cops initially walked.

            2. Honestly, if you don’t think shooting a mascot at a televised sporting event with dozens of cameras present wouldn’t be a shitstorm, you’re a moron.

        2. I bet that same bullet would have killed Shillary’s political hopes and dreams in NY (and beyond) as well. His ~60% approval rating would have taken a significant hit, and after R.R./Waco, murdering a mascot at a ballgame would have provoked some sort of response from the still seething portion of the populace. The spin-doctors would certainly of had their work cut out for them…

  8. Having your goons execute the home team’s mascot during the ballgame is a real political breadwinner, Billy…

  9. He should’ve just done it anyway and forced their hand. Had he actually been killed at a fucking baseball game with thousands there and millions potentially watching it would’ve been proof positive to every nimrod watching at home that the government was out of fucking control.

    1. Hey buddy, if you want to be a martyr for the cause, have fucking at it.

  10. I don’t blame them for taking precautions. I saw a documentary once about how Reggie Jackson was hypnotically programmed to kill the Queen of England during a baseball game, and was only thwarted at the last second by a heroic opera singer/umpire.

    1. Ken Burns did that right?

    2. I remember that: The San Francisco Examiner made a huge fuss when they ran that picture of a cop laying on top of the queen of England with her legs wrapped around him and called it news.

    3. It’s seems very funny to me that my coworkers were just talking about the Naked Gun movies not even an hour ago.

      So… +1 Frank Drebin.

    4. God Bless Enrico Palazzo!

  11. He could have *anything* in that giant head!

  12. One more reason why the president (and any other politicians who get SS protection) should have to arrange and pay for all his own security for anything not completely necessary to his official duties.

  13. Not buying this story.

    1. I mean, I believe it’s being reported faithfully here, i.e. that that’s what Mr. Met had in his memoir, but not that that actually happened.

  14. how fucking threatening is someone in a bulky suit?

    Are you crazy? Think about how much TNT you could pack into one of those suits. It’s a dadgum WMD.

    BAN SPORTS MASCOTS< BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!

    1. -1 for failing to use “…for the children”.

  15. What if Mr. Met just wanted to suck Clinton’s prick?

    If only I had photoshop skills (and wasn’t lazy).

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