A.M. Links: Pro-Russian Protesters Declare Republic in Eastern Ukraine, Jeb Bush Says Many Illegal Immigrants Come to U.S. as 'Act of Love,' Rwandans Mark Genocide Anniversary


Credit: Gage Skidmore/wikimedia
  • Pro-Russian protesters seized government buildings in three cities in eastern Ukraine yesterday. Protesters in the city of Donetsk have declared a "people's republic" and have reportedly called for a Crimea-style referendum.
  • Jeb Bush, who recently said that some people come to the U.S. illegally as "an act of love," has said that he will decide whether he will run for president in 2016 by the end of the year.   
  • An Australian ship searching for MH370 has detected signals consistent with those that would come from the missing flight's so-called "black box" recorder.
  • According to Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.), members of Congress, who are on salaries of $174,000 a year, are underpaid.
  • Rwandans are marking the 20th anniversary of the Hutu-led genocide. France's justice minister will not be attending ceremonies in Kigali as planned after Rwanda's president said that both France and Belgium played a role in the "political preparation for the genocide."
  • Japan and Australia have reached agreements on a trade deal after seven years of negotiation. The deal will either eliminate or reduce tariffs on a range of goods including beef and cars.

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  1. Game of Thrones. There, I said it.

    1. Hello.

      Mickey Rooney was great in ‘Radio Active Man.’

      Who’s next? Lou Reed?

        1. Hi?

      1. Obviously, Mickey Rooney wasn’t a cultural touchstone for the Cosmotarians the way Lou Reed apparently was, or else we’d already have half a dozen posts on his death.

        1. He needs three first names like the junkie.

      2. You mean “The Atomic Kid,” right?

    2. I was disappointed with the lack of walking.

      1. NO SPOILERS. I know it seems by blurting out the name of the show early in the thread like I was inviting spoilers, and even though I watched the episode, some have not, so NO SPOILERS.

        But are you being clever with the term “walking” or do you just mean walking? NO DON’T ANSWER. But if you’re being clever then I assume it’s coming.

        1. I don’t see it until the DVDs come out, so I have to second this.

        2. I understand why people would get all bent out of shape about spoilers, but at this point, they need to get over it. There’s too much information out there about the books and the storylines have been playing out for nearly 20 years.

          I read through the first three books, looked up the rest of the plot developments online so I don’t have to slog through Martin’s increasingly tedious prose, and I’m pretty confident my life will go on if I find out how everything turns out before seeing the shows.

    3. Decent but not great episode to start the season. Honestly I expected Arya to be a bit more agressive

      1. They changed it from the book. Almost every change they make from the book is for the worse. I’m not just saying that as book hipster. For example, the book is virtually free of whore-based exposition.

        1. THAT’S THE BEST PART. I get something else to pay attention to instead of plot points. Which, let’s face it, just get in the way of [SPOILER ALERT] zombies and dragons anyway.

        2. It’s called sexposition! Get it right! The clever term is the only good thing about it.

          1. If I didn’t coin it, I don’t want to use it.

      2. She killed 2 men, one in cold blood. That’s pretty aggressive. Why should she risk her life to help Sandor Cleagane?

        1. I didn’t expect her to risk her life for The Hound, I expected her to act to get revenge a bit quicker and more aggressively

        2. Revenge was served cold in the tavern. I liked that.

    4. Not enough shaky cam.

      1. Any shaky cam is too much.

    5. As part of HBO’s long standing policy of siphoning resources away from their online service so you pikers actually pay for the real thing, HBOGO was down for basically all of last night. Hopefully I’ll be able to watch it after work.

      1. You can subscribe to HBOGO without having a regular network subscription?

        1. Do tell, please.

        2. There doesn’t seem to be a limit on the number of devices that can access the service per account and last I heard that’s by design. My siblings and I are all mooching off our mother’s subscription.

          “Pay for the real thing” means calling the cable company and getting your own goddam subscription.

    6. The Thenns? Terrible divergence. Just dumb sensationalism.

  2. An Australian ship searching for MH370 has detected signals consistent with those that would come from the missing flight’s so-called “black box” recorder.

    Black Box, coming Sundays to ABC.”

    1. They’re not even black! So sick of this boxism… sick of it!!!

      1. Ping … Ping … Ping …

  3. Jeb Bush, who recently said that many people come to the U.S. illegally as “an act of love,” has said that he will decide whether he will run for president in 2016 by the end of the year.

    The Supreme Court said the same thing about another Bush’s presidential run.

  4. $174,00 is too low, but then they’d still be stealing money and peddling influence if they made a million a year.

    1. Moran lives up to his homonym. He lost all his money on financial options, now he wants us to cover his ass by paying him more to fuck us harder.

    2. Back in the late 90s, New York State Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver claimed that New York’s legislative salaries were less than minimum wage and that’s why they needed a pay raise. At the time, the salaries were around $57K, for a four-day week and several months off, which certainly was minimum wage… if you worked 31 hours a day, 365 days a year.

      Fucking bastards got their raises, and Silver is still Assembly Speaker.

      1. Sheldon Silver vs Mike Madigan in the Corruption Cage Match of Death.


    3. Yeah, I see a lot of poor, suffering congress-critters.

      I thought they were doing it for the love of serving their country.

      They only get $100/year in New Hampshire.

  5. According to Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.) members of Congress, who are on salaries of $174,000 a year, are underpaid.

    If they were paid more they wouldn’t need all the graft?

    1. What are they paid anything?

    2. Canadian Senator Mike Duffy complained the same thing of their salaries, I think in the $135 000 range – maybe more.

      Regardless, they’re paid too much if you ask me. What does it take to scratch your balls, spend tax payer dollars, travel a little, fuck interns and/or colleagues, table nanny-stater legislation and read bills that only need rubber stamping?

      1. I think ours should be paid whatever the median household income is.

        1. Median individual income.

          They shouldn’t be paid for all those houses that have to have two incomes to survive in the climate they’ve created.

          1. I like this idea better.

          2. How about $10.10 an hour?

            1. No, that would make them raise the minimum wage and cause more economic damage.

              1. It would also cause them to have Congress in session longer and would also be BAD.

    3. I trust Moran will be seeking a larger salary in the private sector in a few months.

      1. and using the connections from his current slave labor post as the springboard.

        1. Yep.

          “Mr. Moran is taking the position of ‘Salary Justice Consultant’ at a prestigious non-profit.”

    4. How can one legally take advantage of insider trading with such paltry capital?

      1. Moran is so stupid that he can’t even manage that. He lost his money on options.

    5. FFS, at least have the complaint come from someone who actually has to fly to get to his home district.

    6. What a mor-an! What an imbessile!

    7. his salary isn’t too low. his taxes are too high.

  6. It’s election night in Quebec!

    Like you care.

    Anyway, the Liberals have pulled ahead of the divisive motherfuckers in the PQ according to polls.

    1. Who holds elections in April?

      But as I can’t stand the PQ or their policies (and I’ve never even visited Canada) I have to say – good.

      1. Maybe they are held in April because by that time the ice and snow have melted and the roads are passable?

        1. I’m south in Vermont and I still have three foot drifts that haven’t melted.

          1. Same here. Last year at this time I was already prepping my lawn and deck.

      2. As someone who’s always dreamed of US elections being held on April 16……

    2. Perhaps we will be spared another referendum crisis.

      1. Let parts of Quebec secede, and the rest of Canada (and the US) blockade them.

        1. The thought of all those French spouting, poutine craving refugees is why I keep my shotgun under the bed.

          1. Just put up a sign that reads “sorry, out of poutine.”

            1. It’d need to have a French supertext.

        2. The hilarious part is they want to separate, use the currency (which they can) AND get a seat at the Bank of Canada.

          Yes. Because Canada led by Alberta will allow a bunch of racist, troublemaking assholes who just busted up the country to sit at the table influencing monetary policy.

          I can’t stand them.

          1. The rest of Canada ought to create new banknotes and coins valid only outside Quebec, and flood Quebec with the old currency.

            1. The ultimate comedian’s revenge!

    3. That’s good news.

  7. Jeb Bush will decide by year-end whether he will complete the family’s work of destroying the Republican Party.

  8. This is a sad, but bittersweet day: The Undertaker’s Streak is over.

    1. I was pretty disappointed in the whole show. Ending the streak was terrible. I know a lot of guys go out with a loss but the streak was different and the match itself was only about a c+. Then, Daniel Bryan, uggh, you can’t be the champ with no promo skills and no finisher.

      1. I know a lot of guys go out with a loss but the streak was different and the match itself was only about a c+.

        Also, both those guys aren’t exactly in the best of health to begin with. There’s no way the streak would have ended unless Undertaker had agreed to it–he’s too much of an institution at this point and has been a loyal company man for over 20 years now–and I suspect he actually hand-picked Lesnar so they could work a slower match and a defeat would still have some credibility.

  9. Japan and Australia have reached agreements on a trade deal after seven years of negotiation. The deal will either eliminate or reduce tariffs on a range of goods including beef and cars.

    Japan’s getting quite the deal. What’s better than Australian beef? Only their cars.

    1. Not ALL of their cars. Remember, Holden is owned by GM. When the Pontiac GTOs came out a few years ago, my first thought was, “Huh. That looks a lot like a Holden Monaro.” Turns out it is/was one.

  10. You’ll all be happy to know I deleted my OKCupid profile, telling them that while I’m fine w/ gay marriage I don’t want to give personal info to anyone who goes after people that run afoul of the progressive cause du jour like that.

    BTW, did the Obamas ever donate more than $1000 to Jeremiah Wright’s church?

    1. Those kinds of questions are only relevant for people of impure ideology. It would be a crime if a CEO was fired for being gay or liberal.

      1. so that’s going to be Cook’s position if Apple makes a change?

    2. Unfortunately I like the service they’re providing too much to ditch it at this point. Though if this becomes a regular thing rather than one time idiocy I may have to recalculate.

    3. Doesn’t matter. He never ‘listened’ to his sermons.

      1. To be completely honest, this sounds like normal church behavior. I did the same thing, though the last time I went to church regularly I was 14 and had plenty of pens and paper to draw my own Spaceballs comics.

  11. An Australian ship searching for MH370 has detected signals consistent with those that would come from the missing flight’s so-called “black box” recorder.

    Hawking radiation?

    1. Nothing? Fuck you guys, I’m taking my black hole jokes and going home.

        1. TOO LATE!!!

  12. An Australian ship searching for MH370 has detected signals consistent with those that would come from the missing flight’s so-called “black box” recorder.

    Just say “flight data and/or cockpit voice recorder.” “Black box” is a term worthy of.the Daily Fail.

    1. Why don’t they make the entire plane out of the flight data and/or cockpit voice recorder?

      1. Because it’d be too heavy to fly.

        1. No such thing, put a big enough engine on anything and it will fly

          1. Then it’d be too expensive to fly.

          2. Even Rosie O’Donnell?

            1. You’re getting.into JATO territory there.

          3. +1 F-4 Phantom

          4. Pigs have flown:

            Within a year, my agent and I were starting to talk to publishers and in May of 1998 there was a terrible tornado outbreak in Oklahoma City, where I’d put down some roots during the 90s. My stepdaughter and others called to report that they’d escaped unscathed, which was more than could be said for the animals in some of the commercial pork-producing farms. Yes, indeed, the pigs had flown, even if they hadn’t survived their landings.

      2. It’s funny, a plane kinda looks like a recorder – a long tube with lots of little holes…

        1. “Cockpit Voice Recorder” in this.context brings two.images to.mind:

          1) a bunch of hippies flying a plane into the.sunset while someone plays a recorder.

          2) a smarmy hipster with a t-shirt with screen printed airline captain epaulets and a picture of the musical instrument and the text “cockpit recorder.”

          1. 3) a stenographer taking notes of the dialogue?

            1. “I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job OH GOD NO!”

              1. +1 Apocalyptic Log

    2. Black Box Recorder would be a great name for a band. Oh wait…

      1. I was thinking more along the lines of a porno where a bunch of guys are trying to find the elusive “black box.” I guess band AND porno is possible though. Rule 34 and such.

  13. Shock peer-reviewed paper provides ‘rationale’ for ‘information manipulation’ & ‘exaggeration’ in global warming debate to ‘enhance global welfare’
    …”It appears that news media and some pro-environmental organizations have the tendency to accentuate or even exaggerate the damage caused by climate change. This article provides a rationale for this tendency by using a modified International Environmental Agreement (IEA) model with asymmetric information. We find that the information manipulation has an instrumental value, as it ex post induces more countries to participate in an IEA, which will eventually enhance global welfare. From the ex anteperspective, however, the impact that manipulating information has on the level of participation in an IEA and on welfare is ambiguous.”…

    1. Lotta words for “end justifies the means.”

    2. Was this not explicitly laid out by Al Gore in Earth In The Balance? IIRC, he claimed that exaggeration, hyperbole, and deceit were essential if the CAGW crowd wanted anyone to listen to them.

      1. You know who else claimed that exaggeration, hyperbole, and deceit were essential to conquering the world?

    1. Cops and firemen don’t get along.

      I think it has much to do with the fact that over the years, thanks to their control of the 911 system, cops of have been inserting themselves into the firefighters’ sphere of work, and occasionally interfering with them. Additionally, firefighters perceive themselves as routinely risking their lives, while the cops act like a bunch of cry-bullies.

      Back in 2012, I dated an EMT who had been married to a firefighter, and she said that there was a huge level of resentment towards the cops.

      1. There’s a huge firefighter bar near my house in Brooklyn, and every few weeks there’s a big fight, either firefighter on firefighter or cop on firefighter.

      2. cops of have been inserting themselves into the firefighters’ sphere of work, and occasionally interfering with them.

        Wasn’t there a story not too long ago about a cop arresting a firefighter for failure to obey? The cop told him to move the firetruck, the firefighter refused, so the cop arrested him. Meanwhile, the cop completely and totally ignored the crushed car with injured people inside. And nothing else happened.

    2. I think this happens frequently.

    3. It’s basically the New York City version of Traktor Pullz.

    4. Well, to be perfectly unshocked, it was the players in a hockey game doing the brawling…

  14. ..and now, the thrilling conclusion to

    Warty Hugeman and The Doomcock of Doom

    Chapter Ten

    “Get off me, you idiot,” Warty said, as he and Steve Smith grappled on the floor of a lush forest at night. “We have to get away from the portal.”

    Steve Smith only growled. Warty managed a finger dagger strike into Steve Smith’s deep-set left eye. The beast roared with pain and knuckle-walked into the darkness beyond the baleful glare of the open portal.

    Backing away, Warty watched through the closing time wound as the time hole slowed more of the planet they had left behind. The colors were fading as light nearing the time hole slowed down. If the slow time bubble reached the portal before it closed, Warty wasn’t sure what would happen. It might keep the portal from collapsing and destroy Earth as well. Warty exhaled loudly in the utter darkness of the forest when the portal zipped itself shut and winked out.

    Continue reading

      1. Sorry, now that Game of Thrones is back nothing else matters.

        1. Ah, but I completed my odyssey of rape and destruction before eating myself to death. Will your precious Martin be able to say the same?

          1. Probably not

          2. Yes, I was going to note that, unlike George RR Martin, SugarFree actually advances the story to a conclusion.

          3. You know, I think it might be for the best if Martin dies and someone else writes the end, assuming he has it all planned out.
            The story, characters and world are great, but the writing is just kind of OK.

            1. + half a hundred pieces of boiled leather

      2. Bless you, Sir!

        Will you be writing the screenplay?

        1. Assuming they pay me enough.

      3. I found the ending disappointing;

        Gur qbbzpbpx bs qbbz arire npghnyyl encrq be pbchyngrq jvgu nalguvat!

        1. Is that left key or right key language?

          1. Neither; it’s a cipher… a very easily broken one.

          1. I cannot hate a man who links to such a glorious picture.


    1. I found myself immersed in the story…

      from the naked giant gaijin yajuu

      Having a difficult time holding back the tears of joy/sorrow at the end. It was inevitable, I suppose, but no less emotional. Well done.

      1. I assume that Ultratoyko will be a much larger section in the Warty Hugeman manga to appeal to the market.

  15. CBS’ ’60 Minutes’ admits to faking Tesla car noise

    CBS News says an editor made an “audio error” in dubbing the sound of a loud traditional car engine over footage of the much quieter Tesla electric car

    Um, I’m sorry — That is *not* admitting to *faking*.

    1. Admitting that it was fake is probably as close as they come.

  16. Anarchists Picket Digg Founder’s House And Demand $3 Billion For Anti-Capitalist Housing
    to create autonomous, anti-capitalist, and anti-racist communities throughout the Bay Area and Northern California. In these communities, whether in San Francisco or in the woods, no one will ever have to pay rent and housing will be free. With this three billion from Google, we will solve the housing crisis in the Bay Area and prove to the world that an anarchist world is not only possible but in fact irrepressible….

    …The demonstrators picked Rose as a target in part because of some sexist comments he had made in 2008 on a Diggnation podcast:…

    1. Isn’t Epi an anarchist? But he’s the anomaly. Aren’t most anarchists just dirty commies?

      1. anarcho-syndicalists and anarcho-capitalists are on opposite sides of the spectrum more or less.

      2. Lots of anarchists around here.

        Most left anarchists seem to be very confused or in a complete fantasy world. There is nothing wrong in principle with the idea of voluntary anarcho-syndicalist communities, but experience seems to indicate that they don’t work for very long. People like to own shit and they need incentives to work.

  17. “Female condom” approved in New Zealand; culture warriors want to force people to pay for it

    Jane Bruning, National Coordinator of Positive Women Inc. said “We are ecstatic that the FC2 is finally to be made available in New Zealand. We have campaigned long and hard for this through the Paper Doll Campaign which is an international campaign to increase universal access to the female condom. The next battle issue will be to ensure they are subsidised so they are not only available but affordable, at the same level as the male condom.

    1. I’ve heard female condoms memorably described as “making sex feel like fucking a ziploc baggie.”

      1. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to anyone who admits having used one on either end, but that is certainly what it looks like.

        What is the point of it supposed to be anyway? So you can fuck random strangers in a club or something?

        Or maybe it is just a tool for “negotiating safer sex”.
        “Put on a rubber or you’ll have to fuck this ziploc bag.”

        1. Some women mumble about them providing equality and a choice for women who can’t get their partner to use a condom. OK, equality, but if they can’t get a partner to wear a condom, the guy is going to have no problem with a big plastic ring sticking out of her so he can have sex with a crinkle sack?

          I assume they are really for the ultraparanoid, to be used in conjunction with a male condom. If the guy is that skeezy, maybe don’t have sex with him…

          1. All I hear in your post is incessant mansplaining.

      2. My mom told me using condoms (the male version) is like taking a shower with a rain coat on.

        Thanks Mom, for the horrifying memory.

        1. Is your name Stifler?

    2. I agree, they should subsidize the female condom at the same level they subsidize a male one.

      (I reserve the right to change my opinion if it turns out they are currently subsidizing normal condoms)

    3. We have campaigned long and hard…

      Oh, yeah, baby.

  18. From the Australia-Japan trade deal article:

    The agreement “with Australia will probably proceed ahead of TPP, so there will be a gap in tariffs between Australian beef and U.S. beef,” said Japan’s Ambassador to the TPP Hiroshi Oe. “That will be very difficult for the U.S. beef industry. I think it would be good if that became an incentive for reaching an early agreement.”

    It might become an incentive for the Obama administration and Congress, but I don’t think it will amount to much.

  19. Report: EPA tested deadly pollutants on humans to push Obama admin’s agenda
    The Environmental Protection Agency has been conducting dangerous experiments on humans over the past few years in order to justify more onerous clean air regulations. …

    …”Further, the EPA did not include information on long-term cancer risks in its diesel exhaust studies’ consent forms,” the IG’s report noted. “An EPA manager considered these long-term risks minimal for short-term study exposures” but “human subjects were not informed of this risk in the consent form.”…

    …The EPA has said for many years now that PM is a deadly air pollutant that can cause death even after short-term exposure, but it did not disclose the mortality risks in some of its human tests, despite exposing people to high levels of PM. …

    1. Not just humans, children. They exposed healthy children to high levels of diesel fumes to see what sort of particulate damages would occur.

    2. Tuskegee air (pollution) experiments. At least it’s not syphilis.

    1. Those are band members, though. That book is neato.

    1. “We can still light candles because there is no hygiene issue”


      “we have a wooden knife that separates the cake into pieces with velcro, and it works really well.”

      A *knife*?!

      “The children love it.”


      1. I’m sure they love it right up to the moment they realize they were deprived of the cake.

        Dad is great! He gives us the chocolate cake!

    2. Cake-fee birthday cakes? Speaking of dumb ideas, my co-worker told me that her 6-year-old’s school–just a regular public school–has a rule that on your birthday, not only can you not be given a gift by anyone in the class, you have to bring gifts for everyone else to class, usually a gift bag with four or five things.

      What kind of fucked up commie bullshit is that?

      1. No Snowflake Left Out?

        1. No gifts given at all.

      2. I wish they did that when I was in school. I always got screwed with my summer birthday.

        1. I have a summer birthday to. Of course, we didn’t do that much on birthdays. Cards mostly.

        2. I really can’t recall anything being done for birthdays in school.

    3. So the ckae really was a lie?

      I am now sad.

        1. I was so upset that I developed sponteneous temporary lysdexia!

    4. Let them pretend to eat cake.

      1. Nice.

      2. “Parents sue school over dental damage and choking incidents caused by wooden ‘cake'”

        1. What chocking incidents?

          Wedge shaped piece of wood, man!

          The little tykes will use them as hand-axes!

          1. “You’ll chop your eye out!”

      3. Or.

        Let them eat pretend cake.

  20. Vladimir Putin, you sneaky bastard. Out witting Obama is like outrunning a three legged turtle.

  21. Leland Yee’s interesting history of cash for votes
    …Some of the donations didn’t even seem to be tied directly to a specific bill or issue. Yee also received some strange election contributions, including a $50,000 check from Philip Morris on the day of one election, even though he had proudly proclaimed that he wasn’t taking any money from tobacco companies. Again, none of this jumps right out as a blatant violation regarding individual donations under California or federal law, but this is looking more and more like something that walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. I’ve been dealing with state level politics for a long time, and I can tell you that there are thousands of state senators around the nation who would give their eye teeth to attract the kind of support that results in a major backer dropping fifty grand on them. In most places it just doesn’t happen, so we need to ask ourselves just what Philip Morris thought they were getting for their money when it was going to a lowly state senator….

    1. Is Media Matters covering this?


  22. he will decide whether he will run for president in 2016 by the end of the year.




    1. Now that’s an act of love

  23. Two Australian-ish stories in the one AM Links? Taking over the world, one post at a time

    1. I’ve recently become obsessed with a fan of the works of Paul Fenech (Fat Pizza, Swift & Shift, Housos). Housos in particular, is hilarious. Is there any programming of which you are fond? Would you have any recommendations?

      1. He’s got a new one in May called Bogan Hunters (Housos is about a pack of deadset bogans), so you can always look forward to that.

        Some of my (very) old favourites are D*A*A*S Kapital, D-Generation, The Late Show, Norm Gunston and Aunty Jack, which mix the surreal and the satirical.

        Currently I adore Shaun Micallef, whose latest venture Mad as Hell is an odd take on current affairs, but it probably doesn’t translate well for foreigners.

        1. Prisoner: Cell Block H

          ABC radio did a documentary on Number 96 a couple of years ago, but I couldn’t find any full episodes of that.

          1. Awesome, thanks all. Prisoner: Cell Block H is flooding me with memories; the PBS affiliate in Miami used to air it back in the early 1980s.

      1. Just imagine if that guy had become a cop.

  24. This is a sad, but bittersweet day: The Undertaker’s Streak is over.

    Traktur Pullz?

    1. Wrasslin’

    2. Corpse Disposal?

    3. Pro wrestling is for people for whom tractor pulls are a bit too cerebral.

  25. US Senator offers to waterboard Dickless Cheney:


    1. BUSHPIGS!!11!!!!CHRISTFAGS!!11!!!

    2. so it will be different when Anus King waterboards Cheney, because he’ll be doing it for good. goddamn these guys are stupid.

      1. it’s good to know you approve of waterboarding, Obama’s Taint Protector.

        1. I wholeheartedly approve of waterboarding Dick Cheney.

  26. Retired British art teacher ends life at Dignitas ‘because she couldn’t adapt to modern world’

    “I feel that I can’t adapt, because the new age is not an age that I grew up to understand. I see everything as cutting corners. All the old-fashioned ways of doing things have gone.” Anne told the newspaper she felt email had taken the humanity out of human interaction, and said people were “becoming robots” sat in front of screens. She described her horror at the rows of ready-made meals on sale in supermarkets

    Ironically, she killed herself the modern way. RIP.

    1. She described her horror at the rows of ready-made meals on sale in supermarkets

      So she was a hunter-gatherer then?

      1. She merely recalled a better time, when they weren’t mad of Soylent Green.

        1. Why would people be mad of Soylent Green? 😉

    2. She sounds like a character from a Wes Anderson film

    3. Yeah. Gonna bet there were other issues at hand with her.

  27. ‘There’s nobody gonna have their hand in my pocket without me reacting’: Thief learns the hard way that man, 72, is no easy target after he gets beaten with his CANE

    Chet Dunham, 72, had just finished breakfast on March 27 when Jeffrey Darnell Jones II tried to steal his wallet
    Dunham felt the 23-year-old reach into his back pocket and quickly turned around and hit the 275-pound man with his walking cane
    Jones was later arrested and charges with larceny from a person – a five-year felony

    I remember in the early 90s in Boulder the hipsters started carrying canes to look cool. Immediately the cops started stealing the canes, saying that you needed a doctor’s note to carry a cane, otherwise they’d arrest you for carrying a weapon. And nothing else happened.

    1. Tougher than Lena Dunham.

    2. I need to get a sword cane to go with my switchblade since there are pretty much no restrictions on carrying bladed weapons in NH anymore.

    3. You needed a doctor’s note to use a cane? Good lord.

      1. No, you don’t. But the law is whatever the cops say it is if you don’t have enough money to fight it in court.
        Basically the cops gave the hipsters a choice between handing the cane over or getting the shit kicked out of them followed by a couple nights in jail. Either way the cops get the cane.
        I bet some father in laws got nice canes for Christmas that year.

        1. *fathers in law*

  28. Pretty in pink! Bella Thorne swaps waitress outfit for frilly prom dress on set of new music video

    Youth continues to be wasted on the young.

    1. No worries, she won’t look young in five years.

      1. It’s not like she looks young now.

  29. Pictured: Tense moment Queen’s Guard pulls bayonet rifle on would-be intruder who ranted at police before marching towards Buckingham Palace gates

    Man was seen by passers-by shouting repeatedly at officers on Friday
    As encounter escalated an armed guard rushed from his post to intervene
    He levelled his bayonet at the man’s neck as they exchanged words
    Would-be intruder was ushered away by police and was not arrested


    Mr Scanlan said that when confronted with the bayonet, the would-be intruder said ‘Oh you’re a big boy now’ to the soldier – thought to be Scottish – who in turn replied ‘Yes I am a big boy’ before pushing him.

    1. There are actual soldiers under those goofy costumes.

    2. Not shitting yourself when confronted by a large man with a fixed bayonet is a win in my book. Good on that crazy fucker.

  30. Ironically, she killed herself the modern way.

    No hemlock?

    Disappoint, I am.

    1. Word.

      And to make it *even worse*, her death is being discussed in intertubes chat rooms.

  31. Pro-Russian protesters

    Definitely not Russian plants, so don’t go looking in to this, US reporters.

  32. I was just sitting at my computer for 20 minutes waiting for the Links to show up and then suddenly they appear, dated 20 minutes earlier and filled with comments. I suspect my computer was trying to protect me from an alt-text-less morning.

    1. What browser are you using? If you’re using Firefox then you may want to clear your cache.
      Tools-Options-Advanced-Network-Cached Web Content

    2. If you’re on Chrome, get the Cache Killer extension. I just leave it on all the time and it kills my cache everytime I access a webpage. Not sure why this isn’t a standard feature. Caching made sense in the days of 56k…

      1. Hey, Jordan — How do you get the mouse wheel to work in Chrome?

        1. Dunno. It just works for me. Or am I missing a joke?

          1. I’m serious. I’ve tried all the supposed enablers and still find scrolling problematic.

  33. Rand Paul: Dick Cheney used 9/11 as excuse to invade Iraq for the benefit of Halliburton


    Telling the truth will get you Neo-Conned, Rand.

    1. George Soros used WWII as excuse to round up Jews.


      1. George Soros has spent at least $80million to get pot legalized in the US and Uruguay


        1. “A stoned Jew, is an easily burned Jew”

          -George Soros


          1. “Yo (Jew) dawg, I heard you like toking so we legalized pot so you could smoke while you smoke,” or some other Xzibit meme.

        2. Makes profiting off the currency misery of nations feel so much better.

  34. Last night I realized that the Mountain’s men would do very well as cops. Seriously, the king’s men can do whatever they want, but the second the Hound drops this affiliation they decide that threatening violence is actually a good idea. I half expected to hear them shout “Stop resisting!”

    1. Belated SPOILER ALERT.

    2. The Mountain actually got charged with a crime, but nothing else happened.

  35. There’s something wrong with this headline:

    My ‘sensual’ nights with women, by Debbie Harry: Blondie star reveals she is bisexual despite relationship with bandmate

    “Despite”? I don’t think they understand what bisexual means.

    Oh, and Debbie Harry is 68 now, so you may want to be warned before seeing the “now” pictures.

    1. Hard living catches up to you.

      1. 68 is 68.

    2. That is a shame because she was such a knockout beauty back in the day.

  36. “Dutch Jesuit priest Father Frans van der Lugt has allegedly been shot dead in the besieged Syrian city of Homs by a masked gunman.

    “Van Der Lugt, 72, lived in Syria for decades and had played a key role in publicising the plight of the people of Homs – Christians and Muslims alike….

    “While many Christians were leaving the city after the rebels moved in, the priest chose to stay, claiming “I am the shepherd of my flock”….

    “The priest said the Old City used to be home to 60,000 Christians with 10 churches in the besieged area. “Now I find myself alone with only 66 other Christians,” he told the Telegraph.”


  37. How to spot a psychopath

    The list in full is: glibness and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, pathological lying, cunning/manipulative, lack of remorse, emotional shallowness, callousness and lack of empathy, unwillingness to accept responsibility for actions, a tendency to boredom, a parasitic lifestyle, a lack of realistic long-term goals, impulsivity, irresponsibility, lack of behavioural control, behavioural problems in early life, juvenile delinquency, criminal versatility, a history of “revocation of conditional release” (ie broken parole), multiple marriages, and promiscuous sexual behaviour.

    Apparently DC is a hotbed of psychopathy.

    1. Holy shit they just described my first wife

      1. I trust you got out in time.

        1. Define on time, it took 8 years and most of my sanity but I did get out.

          Fortunately she didn’t want any more kids and made sure to take steps to prevent that from occuring.

  38. “LONDON: Saudi Arabia has introduced a series of new laws which define atheists as terrorists, according to a report from Human Rights Watch.”


    1. The Saudis are brown people and victims of colonialism. I am sure they mean well and we won’t be hearing much about this issue from Western Atheists.

      1. The terrorism thing is absurd, but there really isn’t a whole lot of news there.

        “Saudi Arabia is still a tyrannical theocracy” is pretty dog bites man.

    2. Didn’t we already have this fucking discussion over the weekend?

      1. He’s hoping Eddie will show up this time.

        1. He is Eddie.

            1. Yup, I’ve avowed it. I simply got tired of the old name.

  39. “Row as atheist students [in UK] are sent to vegetarian Sikh school…

    “”The school promotes strictly vegetarian meals, prevents pupils from bringing meat or fish in packed lunches, provides lessons in Punjabi and Sikh studies, promotes meditation and begins the day with prayers from Sikh scriptures….

    “In a statement, the school said it was run with a “Sikh ethos but inclusive to all”, with non-Sikh pupils not required to learn Punjabi and allowed to worship separately in a multi-faith prayer room.”


    1. They don’t have separation of church and state in the UK. So I am pretty sure this is legal.

      1. But if the kids can’t run a Human Rights Act argument the they aren’t really trying

        1. For sure they can. But I can’t remember any time a Christian or an ordinary Western white person of any metaphysical persuasion won one of those.

          1. Well, Max Mosley won… You might find this blog interesting


    2. But on the plus side, they get to bring Kirpans to school.

    3. a handful of local children from non-Sikh families whose parents who [Sikh, hee-hee] failed to name the school on application forms have now been allocated places for this September.

      Apparently in the UK “purposely leaving the name off the fucking form” is the same as “failing to name”.

    4. British schooling may be even more bizarre than American. Why would they assign anyone who did not ask to sent there?

  40. Hide your wife, hide your kids!

    San Diego’s Creepy Ex-Mayor Bob Filner Is Off House Arrest

    Want to guess what part of the story they left out?

    1. Also, bonus liberal irony in the comments:

      Although Filner is still blamed for everything that goes wrong in this city, even months after his resignation.

    2. That he’s a Libertarian? 😉

    3. Does it start with D?

    4. He groped his parole officer?

    5. Also from the comments:

      I have such complicated feelings about the whole situation. I believe some of the women were telling the truth (and some is certainly enough), but several of the stories came from women with very strong Republican ties, and far too much was taken at face value IMO.

      But not complicated thoughts about the whole situation, clearly.

      1. The TEAMDERP is strong in that one.

  41. Drone attacks triathlete, regulator investigates. Dear God, don’t let this set back the work to give every Australian a beer by drone

  42. Not sure if reason or other commenters have posted this, so sorry if this is a repeat:

    Zero tolerance school policies: not just for fucking over students.

  43. PunkBrewsterUsdeditrix Today 1:43am
    About 3 months before the scandal broke, a coworker of mine (middle aged executive woman- in other words, his type) met him by chance as he was leaving a meeting with the boss. During their 45 seconds of unofficial interaction, he completely creeped her out and she couldn’t get away fast enough – it was so skeevy that she felt the need to tell many of us immediately. We were totally unsurprised when the stories came out.

    Dude was bad, bad news… yet, given the chance again, I probably would have still voted for him given the alternatives in that election 🙁 it sucks being a democrat in San Diego.

    1. “I *had* to vote for the bad news dude! My hands were tied!”

      1. Pushing the idea that all republicans are so bad that any democrat is preferable appears to be the main strategy for democrats now. And it rather distressingly effective.

    2. Yeah, I’d hate to have to live in a city were they allowed a second team to have any shot at electoral politics. /progderp

    3. This confirms my suspicion about progs (well, most “TEAM BLUE/RED” statists)… They would vote for a child molester/murderer for their team before they would vote for an honest (and would actually do the things they said during campaigns after being elected), generous, and hard-working individual of the opposite team.

  44. Didn’t we already have this fucking discussion over the weekend?

    Religious persecution, much like rust, never sleeps.

    1. It’s not *religious* persecution, it’s *anti-atheist* persecution.

      It’s like saying that prosecuting someone for not collecting stamps is hobbyist persecution.


  45. given the chance again, I probably would have still voted for him given the alternatives in that election 🙁 it sucks being a democrat in San Diego.

    He may be a despicable sociopath, but he’s OUR despicable sociopath. Maybe we can get him to promise to restrict his creepy leering and gratuitous physical contact to prissy Republican Country Club Queens. Because that would be funny because they’re not really human, anyway.


  46. You people are up too early.

    Anyway, on Saturday I posted the reasonable-esque Firefox extension I wrote; since more people are around on weekdays (while they “work”) I figure I’d better post it here two.

    And I’ll make the same request I did on Saturday: if you don’t like Firefox, that’s fine — but please, we don’t need to hear about it.

    1. s/here two/here too

      Unfortunately, my extension does not add an edit button.

  47. if you don’t like Firefox, that’s fine — but please, we don’t need to hear about it.

    What’s the point of having all this empathy, if I cannot ostentatiously parade it around?

    1. +1

  48. OK, find the ‘good guy’ here:
    “Eviction notices soar as S.F. clamps down on Airbnb rentals”

    SF has ridiculous rent laws, and as a result the market gets gamed left and right.
    The guy getting evicted is in a rent-controlled place (you can tell from the wood-work; that wasn’t built since 1980) and the ‘only way he can afford to live in the city’ is to sub-lease his landlord’s property at market and keep the money.
    Boo fucking hoo!

    1. There’s also this crazy sense of entitlement among the denizens of SF. I really don’t understand it.

      1. They were left alone so long they forgot how normal people live and think.

        1. “The dumbest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”

    2. Spot the actual crime:

      “It’s obviously not the same moral culpability as running a house of prostitution or manufacturing methamphetamines, but any illegal use is grounds for eviction.”

  49. Apparently DC is a hotbed of psychopathy.

    We should run a sting along the lines of those, “Come to this address to claim your valuable prize” scams the cops use to round up criminals.

    “Your neighbors have, by acclaim, selected YOU as their preferred candidate in the upcoming election. Come to your new campaign headquarters Tuesday evening, and we’ll have a strategy session.”


    “What ever happened to ‘candidate X’?”


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