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A.M. Links: Obamacare May Have Hit 7 Million Mark, NATO Planning Military Exercises in Ukraine, Microbes May Have Caused Mass Extinction

Ed Krayewski | 4.1.2014 9:00 AM

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(White House)
  • 65 million years, 250 million years, might as well be seven days
    Perry Bible Fellowship

    Obamacare may have hit the original target of 7 million enrollees, though how many have paid remains to be seen. Open enrollment is "closed" but users can still enroll if they claim they've tried to enroll before the period closed. Up to three quarters of previously insured Americans who enrolled through Obamacare could be seeing higher premiums.

  • The FBI is reportedly looking for an Army recruit who may be planning a Fort Hood-inspired attack on U.S. soldiers.
  • The Transportation Department is requiring cars and light trucks built after May 1, 2018, to include rearview cameras.
  • NATO is planning a series of joint military exercises in and with Ukraine.
  • Australia sent a flying air traffic controller to the Indian Ocean to prevent a crash among the many aircraft looking for wreckage of Malaysian Flight 370. Malaysian authorities, meanwhile, released transcripts of the flight that indicate the final words from the plane were the mundane "Good night Malaysian three seven zero" and not the "all right, good night" authorities previously reported.
  • Mozilla and its browser, Firefox, are under fire from some critics because the company's new CEO once donated money to an anti-gay marriage initiative.
  • Methane producing microbes may have been responsible for the extinction of the vast majority of life on Earth 250 million years ago, according to an MIT study. 

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NEXT: Read Reason's Complete April 2014 Issue

Ed Krayewski is a former associate editor at Reason.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    The FBI is reportedly looking for an Army recruit who may be planning a Fort Hood-inspired attack on U.S. soldiers.

    Conspiracy to commit workplace violence!

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Hello.

      Angry French-Canadian guy.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nchqgSTLzxA

      1. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

        As opposed to?

        1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

          Angry French-Canadian Girl?

      2. Aloysious   11 years ago

        Black Jaque Chirac?

        1. Restoras   11 years ago

          Racsist?

        2. BakedPenguin   11 years ago

          Tabernac!

      3. Jensen   11 years ago

        'Bout sums up my reason for the past month, but in English.

    2. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Maybe they can blame a video on Youtube.

  2. BardMetal   11 years ago

    NATO : "I still have armies in the Ukraine"

    1. hamilton   11 years ago

      Sadly everyone knows you can't hold that if your attacker comes in from Ural with three dice.

    2. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

      *Putin reaches for handful of dice....looks at cards.*

    3. DJF   11 years ago

      Time for the US to pull out of NATO.

      1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

        That would be a dick move - we yelled for NATO to help after 9/11 and they sent folks to Afghanistan, and later to Iraq... now we say Screw You when there is not even a fight?

        1. BardMetal   11 years ago

          Yeah I'm sure those 20 some German clerks they sent to man the copy machines in Kabul were absolutely vital to the war effort.

          1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

            Ve vere ze most efficient copy shop in midasia!

          2. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

            I am sure the families of the dead Lithuanians, Poles and others would be amused by that crack...

            1. DJF   11 years ago

              Don't care. Just care about getting the US out of NATO then your Lithuanians, Poles and others can fight your own battles

        2. DJF   11 years ago

          It will be too late to leave if there is a fight.

    4. Free Society   11 years ago

      Russia: "The Ukraine is weak. It is feeble. I think it's time to put the hurt on the Ukraine."

  3. BardMetal   11 years ago

    Son of bitch, I thought I would post first.

    1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      Maybe when Krayewski moves this post to where it belongs it'll wipe out all the comments and you'll get a second chance.

      1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

        By now you think Ed would have learned the difference between H&R and 24/7.

        1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

          One is alive and vibrant, and the other is all but tits up.

          1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

            And 24/7 will die alone, unmourned.

            1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

              But happier than the slow tormented demise that will befall H&R.

              1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

                No, no, H&R will self-immolate

              2. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

                No, no, H&R will self-immolate

                1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

                  But fail to die from the fire, and linger until the infected burns finish it off.

                2. DontShootMe   11 years ago

                  cr@p. Replicants.

            2. RBS   11 years ago

              24/7 has it's own shadow commentariat too.

            3. Pope Jimbo   11 years ago

              It will be converted to metric and foisted off on the Canucks.

              25/10 for the win!

  4. gaijin   11 years ago

    Australia sent a flying air traffic controller to the Indian Ocean

    What if it goes missing?

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Then they'll send another...and another....and another...and...

      1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

        Eventually we'll fill in this ocean and find the airliner!

        1. Shirley Knott   11 years ago

          And blame the sea level rise on global warming.
          A plan brilliant in its simplicity!

  5. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    The Transportation Department is requiring cars and light trucks built after May 1, 2018, to include rearview cameras.

    It helps when hitching up a trailer, that's for sure. Oh, and not backing over kids, I guess.

    1. Atanarjuat   11 years ago

      By 2018, Americans will be too fat to twist around and look while backing up.

    2. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

      Can it be set to record the cops in the three seconds between when the lights go on and they begin shooting?

    3. pan fried wylie   11 years ago

      Rearview cameras don't bother me.

      Headlights that follow the road do. If you're driving correctly, normal stationary headlights should be doing the same. I'm not sold on collision detection systems either.

      Let the cars drive themselves completely, sure, but half-assing it is only going to make people lazier/less-responsible drivers.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

        Didn't Tucker's car have a moving headlight?

        1. PD Scott   11 years ago

          Yes. IIRC some luxury cars in the 20s and early 30s did as well.

          1. Whahappan?   11 years ago

            As well as the Citro?n SM.

      2. Restoras   11 years ago

        That's my feeling about back up cameras. People use them and don't bother to look behind when backing up and lose all peripheral vision.

        1. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

          Yeah I envision this as the shit show that will make people even worse at backing than they already are.

          1. Zeb   11 years ago

            I learned to drive backing up a steep narrow driveway and putting boats in the water, so I am excellent at backing up. But doing it looking at a video screen rather than over the shoulder or in a mirror seems weird.
            I wonder if the video from the back-up camera is mirror image or not? I imagine it must be mirror image or it would be really confusing.

            1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

              I've always backed up using mirrors primarily if not exclusively. I only use the backup camera when I parallel park (it's great scaring anyone in the car I'm parking in front of) or hitching a trailer. I think it's a reversed image but since you asked I've been trying to remember.

              1. Zeb   11 years ago

                The trailer hook-up thing is very handy, I'm sure. Especially if you are doing it by yourself.

            2. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

              I learned to drive backing up a steep narrow driveway and putting boats in the water, so I am excellent at backing up. But doing it looking at a video screen rather than over the shoulder or in a mirror seems weird.

              That's because it is weird. It makes backing up exponentially more difficult.

        2. Trials and Trippelations   11 years ago

          I've found that is exactly what happened to me. Thankfully I recognized that I was not looking back, but that the camera really didn't show everything I needed to see. Also the camera died

        3. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

          People use them and don't bother to look behind when backing up and lose all peripheral vision.

          This is exactly what happens, especially when the camera image is in the rear view mirror. Theoretically it's placed there in order to facilitate easy switching between the two, but what actually happens is that you substitute the backup cam image for the rear view mirror and use it as the rear view mirror. This is VERY dangerous. Even knowing these tendencies I still do it when I drive my wife's car.

          The backup cam on my truck is great because the image is in the console on the navigation screen and nowhere near the rear view mirror. I have to consciously look at it in order to use it, and I only really use it in parking lots when trying to back out of a space and trying NOT to hit a car across the aisle, or when backing to a trailer because I can get it perfect 10 times out of 10, negating the need for someone to yell at you "6 more inches!" Otherwise it's useless.

          1. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

            ...someone to yell at you "6 more inches!"

            That's what she said.

      3. Zeb   11 years ago

        I heard something about the cameras and someone said that it would save 63 lives a year or something if fully implemented. And cost $150 per vehicle.

        Maybe I am a cold hearted bastard, but that really doesn't seem worth the trouble or cost. More people than that just drop dead for no reason.

        And all of these stupid safety mandates just make cars more and more expensive.

        1. Jordan   11 years ago

          Yeah, this kind of stuff really fucks over poor people.

        2. Trials and Trippelations   11 years ago

          I got my tires changed and the tire store wanted to replace the air pressure sensor components. I declined, but the guy tried to explain how important it was. I still declined. People and cars survived this long without an air pressure sensor I'd say its not a safety feature. Same thing for the rearview camera

        3. Restoras   11 years ago

          Follow the worm. Who makes the cameras?

          1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

            China, probably.

          2. Zeb   11 years ago

            It could just be the DOT making sure it's budget doesn't stop growing too. Though I wouldn't be surprised if someone's brother in law isn't somehow in the back-up camera business.

          3. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

            This. I worked with a guy who worked at a place that designed some new process for manufacturing headlights for cars or something back in the '90s. The owner of the company was not shy about telling everything that he was going to call a friend of his at the federal leve to make this new process a requirement for all future headlight production because it was "safer." I think the only thing that was safer was the guy's retirement plans.

        4. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

          It's almost like someone in the DOT has a brother who makes/distributes/is somehow or another involved in the supply chain for backup cameras.

        5. Cdr Lytton   11 years ago

          When people still die from backing accidents, they'll mandate those backup sirens too!

    4. Tejicano   11 years ago

      My Father-in-law was backing up his van with his eyes on the rear-view video screen. At just the crucial instant the screen froze - but he didn't notice and backed right into a low, cinderblock wall with resulting damage to the van.

      The technology is not yet solid enough to be trusted.

      1. Zeb   11 years ago

        That's pretty bad. They must have used some sort of network camera or something. Seems like the best thing for the backup cameras would be plain analog composite video. Then if it breaks, you will know.

  6. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

    And now a trip down memory lane, perhaps the greatest April Fools joke of all time, the BBC report on the Swiss spaghetti harvest.

    On April 1, 1957 the British television programme Panorama broadcast a three-minute segment about a bumper spaghetti harvest in southern Switzerland. The success of the crop was attributed both to an unusually mild winter and to the virtual disappearance of the spaghetti weevil. The audience heard Richard Dimbleby, the shows highly respected anchor, discussing the details of the spaghetti crop as they watched video footage of a Swiss family pulling pasta off spaghetti trees and placing it into baskets. The segment concluded with the assurance that, For those who love this dish, theres nothing like real, home-grown spaghetti.

    The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest hoax generated an enormous response. Hundreds of people phoned the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this query the BBC diplomatically replied, Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.

    1. Restoras   11 years ago

      My personal favorite was the shit-kicker wearing Mets phenom pitcher in SI, was it 1987?

      1. The DerpRider   11 years ago

        Sidd Finch. 1985.

      2. robc   11 years ago

        Sidd Finch.

        And that sounds about the right time.

      3. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

        And now he posts on H&R.

        1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

          Torn rotator cuff...career ending, sad.

          1. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

            He also runs a bar in Boston and has an on/off relationship with a pretentious twiggy blonde.

      4. ~Knarf Yenrab~   11 years ago

        Siddhartha Finch!

        Mets fans should've known better after what happened to Gooden.

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Racist. And anyone who posts such things is a racist too! In fact, I'm gonna red flag this and report it to the bosses at Reason.

      You think it's funny Italians struggle growing spaghetti?

      April Fool's!

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        fools.

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          or is it fools'. Could work in any of those ways, I suppose.

    3. DontShootMe   11 years ago

      This is unpossible. There couldn't have been a mild winter in 1957. That was before global warming took hold and all the winters were severe, cold frozen affairs. It's only recently that mankind has experienced mild winters due to the evils of global warming.

      Hockey Stick!

  7. gaijin   11 years ago

    Also, what is up with these links appearing in 24/7 vs. H&R?

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      It's their fucking April Fools joke.

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      This is why libertarians only garner 1% of the national vote.

  8. EDG reppin' LBC   11 years ago

    Good morning, y'all. Let the snark commence!

    1. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

      Hiyooooo!

  9. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    The disappearing phallic sculptures of Iran

    Located in the green hills of northeast Iran, the Khalid Nabi Cemetery, also known as the "Valley of Genitalia", is a historic site famous for its very phallic sculptures, thought by some to be gravestones. Recently, however, visitors have noticed that many of them have gone missing.

    Our Observer, who works in the tourism industry, says that about half of the original 600 sculptures have vanished in the last few of years.

    Monuments to the power of the Doomcock.

    1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

      the cemetery has koro

    2. WTF   11 years ago

      It is from the time when Warty's doomcock made him king at the beginning of civilization.

    3. SugarFree   11 years ago

      The Fungi from Yuggoth are finally running to the stars.

  10. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    Mozilla and its browser, Firefox, are under fire from some critics because the company's new CEO once donated money to an anti-gay marriage initiative.

    Getting homophobes to marry each other?

    1. Flat Fifth   11 years ago

      I've never quite gotten the concept of mixing business dealings with social views. I buy a product or service because it works well and fits within my budget. Why would I give a rat's ass about the personal beliefs of the seller?

  11. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

    Slate marvels at spontaneous voluntary rule-making amongst comedians over who owns jokes

    http://www.slate.com/articles/.....erial.html

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      There's a funny scene in the movie Let's Make Love in which Yves Montand gets his PR man (Tony Randall) to pay a joke writer $1000 for a completely original joke. Randall makes up a story about who the joke is for to the writer, and then gives the joke to Montand, who uses it the next day at a theater rehearsal. Unbeknownst to him, the guy who wrote the joke is in attendance.

    2. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

      Spontaneous intellectual property? Some people here heads will explode.

  12. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    Open enrollment is "closed" but users can still enroll if they claim they've tried to enroll before the period closed.

    I can pay my taxes late with the same excuse, right?

    1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

      Certainly....do write us from prison, and we'll send STEVE SMITH to break you out.

      1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

        I would watch that movie.

        1. Cdr Lytton   11 years ago

          Midnight Express II: Electric Rapegaloo?

      2. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

        Better than to break me in.

      3. Zeb   11 years ago

        Does the IRS still run a debtors prison?

    2. Zeb   11 years ago

      Just about. But you have to actually file the extension.

  13. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    So would I.

    Swedish man buys army tank 'on impulse'

    Jimmy Johansson, a 23-year-old from Borl?nge in central Sweden, can now add tank to his list of possessions. But the 76,000 kronor ($11,700) purchase wasn't something he planned.

    "It was just an impulse buy from beginning... I went to look at a motor and my eyes were drawn to this instead," he told The Local.

    The PBV 401, a Soviet-built fully amphibious tank that weighs around 12 tonnes and travels at a top speed of 80 kilometres per hour, is parked out the front of his grandfather's house while Johansson decides what to do with

    Without a cannon - is this really a tank?

    1. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Where do you buy tanks? Please say there is a website. Like SovietSurplusTanks.com or something.

      1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

        I know there are a number of - fairly rich - people who buy and restore old tanks.

      2. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

        Someone scared up a website for buying tanks a while back when I posted this video of Ahnold cooking ostrich eggs on his tank.

    2. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

      $12k on an impulse? I wish I could waste that kind of cash and not be concerned.

    3. Restoras   11 years ago

      Cannon? You mean gun, right? And yes, without a high veolicty, armor shredding gun it is not a tank. Armored vehicle sure, but not a tank.

      1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

        cannon/gun/main battery/whatever

      2. Red Rocks Rockin   11 years ago

        "But it's a troop carrier, not a tank."

        "Do you want me to put a sign on it in fifty languages, "I am a troop carrier, not a tank, please don't shoot at me"?"

  14. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Guess Who Has No Democratic Opponent in 2014?

    Remember about a year ago, when Democrats spent a fortune to defeat former Gov. Mark Sanford in a special House election? Elizabeth Colbert Busch spent $1.8 million, and the House Majority PAC and the DCCC spent $884,000 on independent expenditures.

    The deadline for filing papers for a race for Congress in South Carolina March 30. No Democrat filed papers to run for Congress in South Carolina's First Congressional District. (Independent candidates have until July 15 to file the papers.)

    1. prolefeed   11 years ago

      That seat has been held by a Republican since 1981. Special elections are a chance to take otherwise unassailable seats -- Charles Djou, a Republican, briefly held a House seat in Hawaii due to a special election.

      I can see how the Ds might have thrown up their hands in despair after pumping in that kind of money and still losing 54-45.

  15. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Gangs of Super Buff Women are Mugging Tourists in Hong Kong

    The women, reportedly from an unspecified African country, hang around bars, flirt or offer sex to men, get them drunk and then proceed to rob them blind.

    One guy was tossed into the trash when he began to fight back, while another had $1,300 stolen from him after taking three of the women back to his hotel room.

    Sadly, many of the victims are too ashamed to report the incidents, according to local police. However, authorities have warned visitors to be on the lookout for female thugs.

    1. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Someone, somewhere is writing some sort of porno story based off this.

      1. Restoras   11 years ago

        Are you sure the women weren't inspired by the original porn? That'd be my guess...

      2. Ted S.   11 years ago

        That someone would be Sugar Free or Epi.

      3. Bardas Phocas   11 years ago

        What's Grace Jones doing these days?
        Maybe a little old for a porn version.
        Quick google: Apparently she's singing at third string music festivals in nanny-land.
        http://www.kentnews.co.uk/news....._1_3516218

        1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

          i saw her live a few years ago. She was magnificent. Mad, of course, but magnificent.

  16. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

    Mozilla and its browser, Firefox, are under fire from some critics because the company's new CEO once donated money to an anti-gay marriage initiative.

    Which was done before Obama "evolved". I'm sure they are furious at Chocolate Nixon also.

  17. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    Methane producing microbes may have been responsible for the extinction of the vast majority of life on Earth 250 million years ago...

    Greenhouse gases. Get it?

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      This seems appropriate.

    2. gaijin   11 years ago

      Methane producing microbes may have been responsible for the extinction of the vast majority of life on Earth 250 million years ago...

      See...humans were at fault even way back when we were just wee microbes. We must be eradicated.

  18. db   11 years ago

    How The Golden Girls turned an entire generation of young men against MSNBC and Ronan Farrow

    1. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Ok someone needs to explain to me the Golden Girls thing.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        Er.

        No.

      2. Jordan   11 years ago

        Johnny Longtorso used to routinely post some link about the Golden Girls turning people gay or something. I never followed the link, so I don't really get it either.

      3. SugarFree   11 years ago

        Four older women live together in Florida. One is kind of slutty, one is kind of ditzy, one is old and crabby and one is a lesbian. Adventures ensue.

        1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

          Think Maude without Adrienne Barbeau and Walter, whom God will get.

    2. Red Rocks Rockin   11 years ago

      It turns out that putting on a successful media blab show, even by the low standards of MSNBC, is a hell of a lot more difficult than punching out glib 140-character bon mots on Twitter.

  19. Restoras   11 years ago

    Question: Will Feeney post yet another No True Libertarian story about the decicely un-libertarian and potentially secret neo-fascist Nigel Farage today?

    Discuss.

    1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

      No, it'll be an april fool's story about how UKIP is the best thing since sliced bread.

    2. SlV   11 years ago

      Feeney is just a shill for Big European Union.

    3. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

      Remember Feeney and his hit piece on Rand Paul?

      1. Restoras   11 years ago

        No True Libertarian! I wonder if Bo is Feeney since Feeney seems to be The Arbiter of All Things Libertarian.

  20. Mike M.   11 years ago

    Happy "Obama Doubles the Publicly Held Debt Day" everybody!

    And sadly, that's no April Fools' joke.

  21. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    You know who else bathed in milk?

    Cheese factory in Siberia closed after employees bathe in milk

    Rospotrebnadzor launched an unscheduled investigation of the factory after the images and videos of young men posing in a vat of milk were posted on the Internet. A worker of the factory Artyom Romanov posted cynical pictures in social networks. He wrote the milk in which the men bathed was intended for cheese production. The scuffed walls of factory, dirty floor with plastic basins for the final product are depicted in the pictures.

    1. Restoras   11 years ago

      Blessed are the cheese makers...

    2. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Meanwhile in Russia...

    3. Rich   11 years ago

      Joe Biden?

      1. Aloysious   11 years ago

        I'm not clicking any damn link with Joe Biden in it. And if it's about his glowing skin and what kind of [redacted] moisturizer he [redacted] uses I am going to [redacted] [redacted] [redacted].

        That story was all over my favorite radio station yesterday. All day. Ruined my favorite blues show.

        1. Rich   11 years ago

          Sounds like you need a new favorite radio station.

      2. Jensen   11 years ago

        Ha, got to love the desperate Obamacare plug. It's really just pathetic now.

    4. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

      Nero's wife?

    5. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Yet another reason why Russia sucks.

    6. B.P.   11 years ago

      PJ Harvey?

  22. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    Australia sent a flying air traffic controller to the Indian Ocean...

    Let's see if Sally Field can pull off an Oz accent.

    (I dare any of you to get that reference.)

    1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

      Flying Nun?

      1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

        This is only because down under gets our TV shows years after we make them., isn't it?

      2. robc   11 years ago

        Im trying to figure out why he thinks any of us wouldnt get it.

        1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

          Who the hell remembers The Flying Nun?

          1. Restoras   11 years ago

            Me!

          2. Ted S.   11 years ago

            It was on the nostalgia channel MeTV as of about a year ago. I'm not certain if it's still on the schedule.

          3. robc   11 years ago

            If you have ever seen even one minute of it, how the hell can you forget?

        2. Ted S.   11 years ago

          So that when we show we do get it, he can respond, "You like me! You really like me!"

          1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

            Those kinds of exclamations aren't for superior beings. Doy.

            1. gaijin   11 years ago

              Would superior beings need to point that out?

              1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

                I need a starship.

        3. Tim   11 years ago

          He thinks he's SO special, bastard.

    2. BardMetal   11 years ago

      I going to take a wild stab in the dark here and say "wings"?

    3. WTF   11 years ago

      Sally Field = Flying Nun

  23. 110 Lean   11 years ago

    A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

    After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

    One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

    As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

    After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

    A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.

    He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in, and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes, smiled, and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

    He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

  24. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Iraq-Afghanistan Veterans Give Obama Poor Grades

    Just 32 percent of military veterans who served in Iraq or Afghanistan approve of the job Barack Obama is doing as president, according to a new poll from the Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation. In a related question, only 42 percent of those surveyed said they believe Obama is a "good commander-in-chief of the military." Forty eight percent said he is not.

    Veterans were asked a similar question about former President George W. Bush. Sixty-five percent said they felt he was a good commander-in-chief, while 28 percent responded he was not.

    1. WTF   11 years ago

      I'm surprised the approval ratings are actually that high.

      1. Palin's Buttplug   11 years ago

        Yeah, Obama should have lied them into a useless war. They they would respect him.

        1. Ted S.   11 years ago

          Obama's waging a war on work right about now.

        2. The Last American Hero   11 years ago

          He tried to, but we wouldn't let him get involved in Syria.

        3. WTF   11 years ago

          Don't lock eyes with 'em, don't do it. Puts 'em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming "No, no, no" and all they hear is "Who wants cake?" Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

        4. OneOut   11 years ago

          Butt Plug:

          "Yeah, Obama should have lied them into a useless war. They they would respect him."

          They liked Bush better because Bush didn't make them wait to be fired upon before they could defend themselves.

          Under Obama's ROEs they are required to sit and watch the enemy get into defensive positions and open fire before they can fire back.

          Dumbass

      2. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

        He gives off a strong "I don't care" feeling.

        1. SugarFree   11 years ago

          If anyone is in the wrong here, it can't possibly be Obama.

  25. Hillary's Clitdong   11 years ago

    Malaysian authorities, meanwhile, released transcripts of the flight that indicate the final words from the plane were the mundane "Good night Malaysian three seven zero" and not the "all right, good night" authorities previously reported.

    Their actual last words were "Nothing can go wrong on this flight. Air Marshal Hugeman will protect us."

    1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

      DOOMCOCK misfire?!

      1. SugarFree   11 years ago

        Probably just a really, really, really sexy jet engine exhaust.

      2. Restoras   11 years ago

        I hope we name our next ICBM DOOMCOCK instead of Peacemaker.

        1. gaijin   11 years ago

          with an explosive force measured in megawarts.

  26. SugarFree   11 years ago

    So apparently this happened.

    1. Jensen   11 years ago

      ...I am willing to invest in your company, and would like to know more.

    2. Atanarjuat   11 years ago

      It's strange how becoming a parent can sometimes turn irresponsible young people into responsible adults, while simultaneously turning good folk into abject retards.

    3. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      You have to register for platter spinning acadamies before conception if you want to get into a good one.

    4. Ted S.   11 years ago

      That's Baby Reason. 😉

      1. SugarFree   11 years ago

        There was only one girl infant in the class. There are concerns about gender equity in the future of the unemployed DJ profession.

    5. Scruffy Nerfherder   11 years ago

      No peak stupid yet.

    6. robc   11 years ago

      Im assuming everything posted today is false.

      Including this post.

      1. SugarFree   11 years ago

        I would like to tell you this is false. Unfortunately, I cannot.

        1. robc   11 years ago

          Today, the entire internet is a lie.

          Period, end of story.

          Including all of my posts today.

          1. SugarFree   11 years ago

            I've always liked you, robc.

            1. robc   11 years ago

              Proving my point.

              1. Rich   11 years ago

                You lie!

        2. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

          "I enjoy teaching kids because there's a lot of joy and no judgment," Ms. Weiss said, comparing it to her experience in the "low key" indie rock scene.

          So, having been judged and found wanting by hipsters, she now turns to their babies for validation.

  27. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Sheep Herded Into Louvre By Protesting Farmers
    French farmers stage a demonstration at the world-famous museum against industrial reforms they say put their livelihoods at risk.

    Laurent Pinatel, spokesperson for the Farmers' Confederation said: "What we have today is the agricultural ministry which are trying to impose policy which excludes farmers.

    "So we're here to say we don't belong to a museum and that our place is in the countryside. That's where we want to develop, create jobs and produce quality produce."

    1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

      I believe some words fell off:

      "we want to develop, create jobs and produce quality produce on the taxpayers' tit"

    2. BardMetal   11 years ago

      See this is what happens when hipsters start trying to force the French to grow kale.

    3. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

      How did the farmers make it past all of the Bosnian kids selling post cards on their way to the Louvre?

  28. Palin's Buttplug   11 years ago

    Boston Marathon Bombing Victim Sues Glenn Beck For Defamation

    "Beck repeatedly and falsely identified Mr. Alharbi as an active participant, repeatedly questioned the motives of federal officials in failing to pursue or detain Alharbi and repeatedly and falsely accused Mr. Alharbi of being a criminal who had funded the attacks," the lawsuit, filed Friday in U.S. district court in Massachusetts, read.

    Well after authorities intentified the Tsarnaev brothers as suspects in the bombings, Beck continued to push the narrative that three people were behind the attacks. He claimed Alharbi was set to be deported for "terrorist activities" and called him the "money man" behind the scheme.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/l.....defamation

    1. WTF   11 years ago

      Don't lock eyes with 'em, don't do it. Puts 'em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming "No, no, no" and all they hear is "Who wants cake?" Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

      1. Restoras   11 years ago

        It's funny, the more we ignore it, the more idiotic it becomes.

        1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

          The Dance of the Whirlin' Derps

          1. SugarFree   11 years ago

            If he spins fast enough maybe the broken pieces of his heart will stay together but some things I've seen lately make me doubt it.

            1. Restoras   11 years ago

              I was always under the impression that extreme spinning causes all things to fly apart? Have I been misled?

              1. SugarFree   11 years ago

                It's, like, a song, man.

              2. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

                For an immigrant from Bizarro land, spinning pushes things together.

                Or, you could try reversing direction 🙂

          2. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

            *Rises to applaud*

        2. tarran   11 years ago

          Because you guys reward it by replying when it says something particularly ridiculous.

          It says the things it says because your guys have trained it to say those things. It is your replies tuning its pathetic excuse for a neural net.

          You could have made it into something sublime, but instead you have made it into something twisted and sad.

          1. Restoras   11 years ago

            you have made it into something twisted and sad

            And amusing!

          2. BardMetal   11 years ago

            You guys are going to find out that Palin's Buttplug was made by the same people that created Cleverbot in an attempt to pass the Turing test.

            Needless to say it has failed to do so.

            By the way does anyone else here ever write bizarre responses to Cleverbot, knowing that somebody, somewhere will end up receiving those responses? Or am I the only one with that particular hobby?

          3. gaijin   11 years ago

            you have made it into something twisted and sad.

            are you victim shaming us, tarran?

            1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

              I'm more amused that one "commentator" can take so much abuse, but yet keeps coming back for more.

              1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

                it's a power bottom

              2. OneOut   11 years ago

                He has posted here at Reason before that he just likes to argue.

                I don't think even he believes some of his own BS.

                1. Corning   11 years ago

                  You morning crowd sure aren't kind to poor ol shrike.

  29. db   11 years ago

    NASA painted the wrong names on two space shuttles and didn't notice the error for 20 years.

    Evidently no one ever bothered to look at the airframe serial numbers until the Kennedy Space Center Museum realized they didn't get the right shuttle.

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Good enough for government work.

    2. WTF   11 years ago

      Sooo...which shuttle actually blew up?
      *adjusts tin foil hat*

    3. mr simple   11 years ago

      That's funny.

      This makes it believable:
      In a move reminiscent of the "failure is not option" attitude that saved the crew of Apollo 13, NASA is expected to unveil a multi-million dollar plan to put things right.

      1. db   11 years ago

        "Our branding has been thrown into utter disarray," said a gift shop manager who asked not to be named. "Our attraction is prominently named Space Shuttle Atlantis. If nothing is done we'll need to remake thousands of t-shirts, mugs and keychains.

      2. Tim   11 years ago

        April fool?

        1. mr simple   11 years ago

          Probably.

    4. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      Any other day and I would believe that story.

      1. db   11 years ago

        Yuuuuup.

    5. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

      "NASA spokesman George Navias was quick to stress that the mix-up never put shuttle crew safety at risk and deferred all further questions until after the news conference."

      I call bullshit. That means those two craft were flying with the wrong service histories for the remainder of their careers. Not knowing what repairs and equipment changes had been done definitely put the shuttles at risk.

      1. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

        It was bullshit. Fuck 4/1.

      2. db   11 years ago

        That was my initial reaction, until I remembered the date.

  30. BardMetal   11 years ago

    See this is what happens when hipsters start trying to force the French to grow kale.

    1. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Wait a sec. How did this happen?

  31. Jensen   11 years ago

    Rob Ford seems to be evolving into some kind of tomato man.

    1. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

      He may just be a tomato, but he's my kind of tomato.

    2. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

      speaking of Rob Ford:
      http://i.imgur.com/pLmnERQ.jpg

      1. Jensen   11 years ago

        More here.

    3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      The scary thing is the candidates aren't measuring up to him.

      1. Jensen   11 years ago

        Yeah, Red Tory and Chow aren't exactly prime candidates.

      2. Rhywun   11 years ago

        I dunno the issues but is Ford election-worthy? I.e. I would vote for a crack-smoking blowhard if he wasn't (say) a fascist or communist (I live in NYC and therefore have low expectations).

  32. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

    Not cool, bro.

    1. db   11 years ago

      Man, that's cruel.

    2. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

      Which, the story or the fact that you know it's April 1?

    3. Jordan   11 years ago

      Why not? They did a good job with Arrested Development. I'll give them a chance.

      1. Jordan   11 years ago

        Ah, shit. Nevermind.

    4. Atanarjuat   11 years ago

      "Meesa no likey Reavers, okeeday!"

      1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

        But if we're lucky, they'll feed him to the Reavers to buy time to escape.

        JUSTICE!

        1. db   11 years ago

          I could live with Jar-Jar as a vacuum-mummified hood ornament on a Reaver craft.

          1. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

            vacuum-mummified hood ornament

            Good band name.

  33. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Yellen's Real-Life Examples of Unemployed Omit Criminal Records

    One was Dorine Poole, who lost her job processing medical insurance claims when the recession hit.

    "When employers started hiring again, two years of unemployment became a disqualification," Yellen said in her speech yesterday to a community development conference in Chicago. "Even those needing her skills and employment preferred less-qualified workers without a long spell of unemployment."

    Poole was convicted of felony theft 20 years ago after she fell in with a "bad circle," she said in a telephone interview. She was 18 at the time and served two years of probation.

    1. R C Dean   11 years ago

      Poole was convicted of felony theft 20 years ago

      Yeah, that's an automatic blackball for a lot of employers, and even a lot of jobs at employers who will hire convicted felons.

      I'm surprised she got work processing medical claims. We don't let anyone convicted of a property crime anywhere near our billing department.

  34. Rich   11 years ago

    The subway train that can climb a skyscraper: Radical new concept could see vertical stations in New York and London

    Suck on *that*, "flying car"!

    1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

      It's called an "Elevator"

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      I'd guess that's an April Fools joke. But have they ever heard of a funicular?

      1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

        What fun is that, you have to battle Illuminati goons every time you ride it.

      2. Rich   11 years ago

        Oh, ye of little faith!

      3. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

        They probably haven't, to be honest.

      4. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

        I have. There's one in Bergen that I'm likely to go to this summer.

    3. Jensen   11 years ago

      Can we get massive cyberpunk towers with tube trains going through them? SimCity seems to think it's efficient.

    4. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      Wake me when skyscrapers can ride trains.

      1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

        Okee Dokee!

        /Jerry Brown

  35. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    NHTSA chief: GM did not share critical information with U.S. agency

    The head of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration defended his agency's decision not to open a formal investigation into defective ignition switches in some General Motors cars and pointed a finger at the automaker for not sharing information with the agency.

    In testimony prepared for a congressional hearing on Tuesday, NHTSA acting Administrator David Friedman said: "GM had critical information that would have helped identify this defect."

    That poor powerless government.

    1. John   11 years ago

      Regulators are selfless servants of the people. They would never allow the regulatory process to be corrupted by political influence. So, whatever is going on the disparate treatment of Toyota and GM in these matters couldn't have anything to do with GM's political influence. Never.

      1. tarran   11 years ago

        What disparate treatment?

        A handful of hoax sudden acceleration cases prompted the head of the Transportation Dept to advise people to junk their Toyotas.

        A long standing problem that GM knew about results in a handful of deaths, and the Transportation board says "Meh"

        It's totally the same!

        1. John   11 years ago

          And everyone knows GM cars have a much better reputation for reliability than Toyotas. I mean who would possibly think there could be anything wrong with a GM product?

          1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

            Me.

            Ever since the mid eighties, I've known there was something wrong with GM.

            1. John   11 years ago

              Forgot the Sarc meter. And if you started thinking that something was wrong with GM in the mid 80s, you were a pretty late adopter of that view. Most people started thinking that in the 70s.

              1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

                Cut me some slack, I wasn't born until '82.

              2. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

                I'll give GM kudos for a few of their products:

                The '77 Impala was a great update over many other cars of the time - and continued on as the Caprice/etc until '96. Still one of my favorite platforms.

                The A/G-Bodies of the late 70s, to the 80s were some of the smallest full-frame cars around. Perfect for drag race terrors on the cheap. Though the mix of metric and SAE fasteners drove me mad.

                1. John   11 years ago

                  GM still makes some decent cars. My dad as one of those Buick sedans and it is a decent car. The interior is very comfortable. The steering could be tighter and the engine better, but still not a bad car.

                  1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

                    My old man is a GM guy - A Trailblazer *snore*, and a Saturn Outlook (worst seats ever). His big ol' boat Cadillacs of the past were more comfortable but living in the sticks, he needs vehicles that can get through the snow and haul trailers 'n' such. A Tahoe is next on his list since the Trailblazer has been discontinued.

                    I keep trying to get him into a Toyota 4Runner, but he won't do anything but GM - Rewards card points plus my grandfather was a union man at a GM plant.

                    1. John   11 years ago

                      LH,

                      I have several friends who have owned Tahoes and used them as DD for well over 150,000 miles without a problem. Tahoes and GMC SUVs in general seem to be a refutation to the idea that American cars are not as reliable and long lasting as Japanese ones. I love 4Runners. But I have to admit that my experience has been that Tahoes are just as reliable and long lasting, which is really saying something.

                    2. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

                      GM seemed to do the full-frame truck/cars right - they were good at it.

                      It was their move to FWD cars that really messed them up.

                  2. R C Dean   11 years ago

                    In this day and age, "not a bad car" doesn't cut it. Not when there are so many good cars to be had at every price level.

                    1. John   11 years ago

                      RC

                      All cars are compared to old ones great cars. The issue is what car's looks or driving experience appeals to you the most.

                      If you like a boxy, sensible Japanese car, go for it. If you like a big Buick, for that. The difference between the too isn't enough to worry about.

  36. hamilton   11 years ago

    BMW introduces artificial G-Force Technology.

    "Driving slow has never felt so fast."

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      BMW introduces artificial G-Force Technology.

      It's called a centrifuge.

      1. Zeb   11 years ago

        No, it's called April fools.

    2. John   11 years ago

      Note the date on the story, if you haven't already.

      1. Zeb   11 years ago

        Spewing gravity out the air vents was a bit of a giveaway too.

        1. hamilton   11 years ago

          As was the AirNet hair protection technology.

    3. Rich   11 years ago

      BMW has a long traditions of April Foolery.

      I always liked the Rain-Deflecting Open Top Car.

  37. John   11 years ago

    James Toranto yesterday talked about the origin of the term "states are the laboratories of Democracy". I either never noticed that in law school or had forgotten it. Turns out, taken in context, it was actually a pretty nasty term used by Justice Brandais in a dissent. The case involved a challenge to an Oklahoma law that said you couldn't sell ice unless you showed the state that the area really needed ice in their view. The court struck down the law applying substantive due process to economic rights (something they abandoned in the later New Deal cases). Brandais coined the term in his dissent in this nasty little passage.

    I cannot believe that the framers of the Fourteenth Amendment, or the states which ratified it, intended to deprive us of the power to correct the evils of technological unemployment and excess productive capacity which have attended progress in the useful arts.

    1. John   11 years ago

      To stay experimentation in things social and economic is a grave responsibility. Denial of the right to experiment may be fraught with serious consequences to the nation. It is one of the happy incidents of the federal system that a single courageous state may, if its citizens choose, serve as a laboratory; and try novel social and economic experiments without risk to the rest of the country. This Court has the power to prevent an experiment. We may strike down the statute which embodies it on the ground that, in our opinion, the measure is arbitrary, capricious, or unreasonable. We have power to do this, because the due process clause has been held by the Court applicable to matters of substantive law as well as to matters of procedure. But, in the exercise of this high power, we must be ever on our guard, lest we erect our prejudices into legal principles. If we would guide by the light of reason, we must let our minds be bold.

      http://online.wsj.com/news/art.....reno64-wsj

      Gives the phrase a whole new meaning, and not in a good way.

      1. tarran   11 years ago

        Wow!

        Am I parsing this correctly? Did he really opine that the rule of law shouldn't be allowed to get in the way of a neat idea?!?

        1. John   11 years ago

          Sort of. What he is saying is "due process" only applies to procedures. That means the government can control anything it wants or do anything it wants, provided it follows the correct procedures. So, since Oklahoma passed this law legally and enforced it following the proper procedures, it is constitutional, end of discussion.

          1. gaijin   11 years ago

            lest we erect our prejudices into legal principles.

            it sometimes seems the court has been doing this ever since.

          2. Zeb   11 years ago

            Too bad there's nothing about "privileges and immunities" in there.

            1. R C Dean   11 years ago

              That's whats always driven me nuts about "due process". People apply it to results, when it seems pretty clear it applies to, well, process.

              "Substantive due process" and the incorporation doctrine of the 14th amendment are what judges do to undercut your rights by recasting them as process issues (which the State can always get around) rather than fundamental rights.

              1. Zeb   11 years ago

                Admitting that there are fundamental rights outside of what is written down woudl be a dangerous precedent.

      2. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

        I cannot believe that the framers of the Fourteenth Amendment, or the states which ratified it, intended to deprive us of the power to correct the evils of technological unemployment and excess productive capacity which have attended progress in the useful arts.

        "Evils of technological unemployment." I guess it should not be surprising that the hero of the progressives was an economic illiterate.

        1. John   11 years ago

          That is quite a paragraph isn't it?

        2. tarran   11 years ago

          Can you imagine what the unemployment rate would be if all those out of work stable boys and liveried attendants had jobs again? If people hired human computers instead of purchasing machines? If legal documents had to be copied by hand instead of run through the Xerox?

          1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

            Butlerian Jihad?

            1. BardMetal   11 years ago

              We also have a large prison population for producing Sardaukar. Now if only there was some backwards desert place filled with a vital resource that we could send them to....

              1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

                Nevada?

        3. Loki   11 years ago

          "Evils of technological unemployment."

          Didn't Obama bitch about the EVUL ATM machines putting bank tellers out of work a few years ago? Progtards haven't gotten any better when it comes to economic literacy. It's almost like they're incapable of ever learning anything.

      3. Zeb   11 years ago

        I knew about that and that is why I don't like or use that phrase. I don't even think it is a very good idea out of context.
        It is nice that states are different so if you really want to you can move to a place with slightly different laws and taxes and everything. But that is mostly because of state constitutions and culture, not democracy. States are just as good, if not better than the Feds at being tyrannical and violating rights. "States rights" is a good thing in the context of how the US government works, but is not a good thing in and of itself from a liberty point of view.

        1. John   11 years ago

          Yes Zeb, one of the dumber things the Right does is pretend that states are somehow benign compared to the Feds.

          As much as I dislike the Feds, I would say most of the government rules and tyrannies that actually affect my day to day life are committed by state and local governments. It is at that level where to real petty tyrants live.

          1. robc   11 years ago

            True.

            The big advantage of local rule is that I can walk to the Mayor's office and bitch at him.

            Which I have done.

            Middletown, not Louisville. It would be a bit harder to do to Louisville's mayor, but only slightly.

          2. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

            It is at that level where to real petty tyrants live.

            No. The real petty tyrants inhabit suburban communities and serve on HOAs.

  38. kinnath   11 years ago

    March comes in like a lion and goes out like a bitch.

    1. Restoras   11 years ago

      So March is a wife?

    2. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

      No, he said March "comes." Either you aren't married, or your wife has been lying to you.

  39. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Covered California Sends Deaf Callers To Hotline Offering 'Hot Ladies'

    A Covered California spokesperson declined an on-camera interview, first saying by email, "We've never had the incorrect number on our site."

    A screenshot captured by CBS13 shows the incorrect number as it appeared on the site.

    Later, we would get another email saying in part, "?After investigating it further, we are reviewing the shop and compare tool as an incorrect number. We're currently working to correct the problem."

    The mistake has since been fixed on the Covered California website.

  40. John   11 years ago

    Like many Feynman groupies, I often wonder what he would have to say about AGW if he were alive today. Freeman Dyson is the closest thing we have to Feynman. He is equally as brilliant and every bit the hard nosed scientist. He even worked with Feynman in translating Feynman's ideas on QED into fuller mathematical expressions. Well sure enough, Dyson finds the science and the proof of AGW lacking. He won't say it is not true. He adopts the sensible neutral position that climatologists do not really understand climate and thus cannot be said to be right or wrong at this point.

    http://www.wired.com/2014/03/q.....-dyson-qa/

    1. VG Zaytsev   11 years ago

      He adopts the sensible neutral position that climatologists do not really understand climate and thus cannot be said to be right or wrong at this point.

      That's weaseling bullshit.

      Either the theory is correct, or it is wrong. The fact that every verifiable prediction has been wrong to date means that the theory has been falsified.

      1. John   11 years ago

        It is not at all. If you don't understand the system, you can't say it is wrong anymore than you can say it is right. He is just being precise. Is it probably wrong? I think so. But to say for certain that it is wrong requires an understanding of climate that we don't currently possess.

        1. VG Zaytsev   11 years ago

          The theory as it exist now has been falsified.

          A revised or new theory may be verified at some point in the future but that does not change the fact that the current one has been proved wrong.

          1. John   11 years ago

            The theory as it stands is incomplete and can't explain the data. That means it is unproven. I wouldn't say it is "disproven", although the current form of it has been. That is all that Dyson is saying.

            1. WTF   11 years ago

              The hypothesis (it never really rose to the level of theory) was that man-produced CO2 would cause the temperature to continually rise as the CO2 increased. The models based on this hypothesis predicted a continuing increase in temperature as CO2 increased, which has not occurred. There has been no warming since 1998, despite increasing CO2, therefore the manmade CO2-based AGW hypothesis has been falsified.

              1. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

                It's hiding in the ocean!!!!

          2. BardMetal   11 years ago

            I thought you couldn't prove a negative?

            1. robc   11 years ago

              You thought wrong.

              People say that all the time, but some negatives can be proven.

              1. robc   11 years ago

                Fermat's Last Theorem being a classic (hard) example.

                There are a ton of easier examples.

            2. Zeb   11 years ago

              You can't prove a negative existential statement. It's easy to prove lots of negative statements, though. Just take any statement that you can prove and put two negations before it. There, you have infinitely many examples of provable negatives.

              1. robc   11 years ago

                Fermat's last theorem is a negative existential statement.

            3. Zeb   11 years ago

              It also depends on what you mean by proof. As more of a math person, I reject the notion that science proves anything. You can disprove a matter of fact by finding a counterexample. But you can never prove a general scientific proposition in the absolute logical sense.

            4. R C Dean   11 years ago

              Whether you can prove a negative or not is kind of irrelevant to most(?) science.

              I don't have to prove that your hypothesis is wrong. You have to prove its right. If you can't, then its deemed wrong, or at least not scientifically valid(ated).

        2. Suthenboy   11 years ago

          VG is correct. When your hypothesis makes predictions that turn out to be false, your hypothesis is false. Period.

          While your reasoning is not wrong in the strictest sense- you can't prove a negative- it is useless in a practical sense. There is no hypothesis , no matter how wild or bizarre, that could not be entertained.

          I say this with a high degree of confidence: The AGW hypothesis is bullshit. Dyson should sack up and say so.

      2. BardMetal   11 years ago

        Or there are just too many variables to do a reliable experiment, or design a reliable model.

        1. gaijin   11 years ago

          Or there are just too many variables to do a reliable experiment,

          That's what black boxes are for!

      3. Zeb   11 years ago

        Not quite.

        Some models and predictions about climate change have proven false. That doesn't mean you can dismiss the entire idea. The only things that have been disproven are the specific models and predictions that have been contradicted by observations. Some climatologists are wrong about some things. That is all you can say. It doesn't allow you to conclude anything about whether and to what extent human activity affects climate.

      4. prolefeed   11 years ago

        That's weaseling bullshit.

        Either the theory is correct, or it is wrong. The fact that every verifiable prediction has been wrong to date means that the theory has been falsified.

        Not quite. There isn't any "the" theory of AGW, just a bunch of conjecture about the DEGREE to which a slight change in the atmospheric ratio of CO2 will cause warming. There isn't any doubt that changing the chemistry of the atmosphere will have some effect on climate, the debate is about whether it is insignificant, significant, or catastrophic.

        So, if the scientists don't understand very well how climate works, then all their theories about this effect are basically junk due to GIGO.

        1. prolefeed   11 years ago

          For example, it is possible that the Earth was starting to slowly tilt into another ice age -- that the current long-ish interglacial period was about to end -- but that humans pumping CO2 into the atmosphere cancelled out that change that otherwise would have occurred.

          That is, the CO2 effect posited by some theorists might be true, but that natural huge climate changes might have swamped that effect. And so theorists ignorant of how climate works might have had a small piece of the puzzle, but not nearly enough to actually predict future events, but due to hubris and incentives were not humble enough to admit to their ignorance.

      5. R C Dean   11 years ago

        If you're a scientist, and you happen to be right by accident, then I don't think you can really be said to be doing science any more.

        If your modelling consistently fails, then I don't see how your science can be said to be anything but bad.

        He's weaselling a little, I think, the difference between "bad science" and "wrong."

    2. Loki   11 years ago

      He adopts the sensible neutral position that climatologists do not really understand climate and thus cannot be said to be right or wrong at this point.

      Pretty much this.

      They're attempting to model a planetary climate, which is an extremely difficult model with many variables and unknowns. They really don't know for sure what all goes into it. IIRC they didn't figure out until fairly recently that cosmic rays have an impact on cloud formation, and as the Earth's magnetic field fluctuates it will let in varying amounts of cosmic rays that will increase or decrease cloud formation.

      The fact that they have to use "sensitivity factors" (i.e. "fudge factors) to try to get their models to converge on a solution (and they still don't fit all that well) and that there are more than one model with different factors for the various inputs tells you a lot.

      The fact that try to pretend that their models are gospel truth and that they can make accurate predictions with them should be insulting to most people's intelligence. The fact that more people aren't insulted is just further evidence of how stupid most people are.

      1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

        The fact that more people aren't insulted is just further evidence of how stupid most people are.

        "Tony"

      2. BiMonSciFiCon   11 years ago

        People are like Mulder. They want to believe.

    3. Zeb   11 years ago

      Feynman knew a lot about computer modeling and how science works, so I imagine that he would see that the models are pretty worthless. I like to imagine that he would share my annoyance that a very interesting scientific question has become so politicized that it is hard to find a purely scientific analysis of what the actual state of knowledge is.

      1. Suthenboy   11 years ago

        ^This.

        It is more than an annoyance to me. It is a fucking moral crime. What they have done is undermine the already tenuous credibility of science in the minds of the public. They have cast suspicion on everything involving earth science and given ammunition to the likes of young earthers and creationists. In a hundred years it will be seen as the worst scientific hoax of all time and people will spit every time they say the names of those involved.

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          Yeah, annoyance was a bit mild. It is fucking terrible that this very interesting and potentially important area of science is so screwed up right now.

        2. John   11 years ago

          I agree Suthenboy. As this fraud unravels, the long term effect will be people won't trust scientists anymore and assume they are just lying for personal gain or to advance a political ideology. That is how you end up in another dark ages.

  41. Rich   11 years ago

    Following an introductory segment by Scott Pelley, whose wife owns a Model S, there is a series of shots provided by Tesla of a Model S driving down a road accompanied by the out-of-sync sounds of an internal combustion engine and the shifting of a transmission.

    '60 Minutes' admits 'audio editing error' in Tesla report : "APRIL FOOL!"

    1. John   11 years ago

      They really put engine sounds over the film? Top flight journalism there.

      1. Rich   11 years ago

        60 Minutes has good stuff occasionally.

        But CBS really is shameless about some of the stunts they try to put over.

        1. John   11 years ago

          That is actually true. If they would do honest journalism and stop being DNC Hacks, they could do a lot of good work and win back a lot of viewers. Hell, people under the age of 60 might start watching again.

        2. KDN   11 years ago

          60 Minutes has good stuff occasionally.

          But they also have Leslie Stahl, whose vacuous stupidity outweighs anything they otherwise provide.

  42. John   11 years ago

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0tobSb4BP4

    Steve McQueen scares the shit out of Bruce Lee who then scares the shit out of McQueen by threatening to kill him.

    1. Tim   11 years ago

      "That which is dead can never die"

      1. John   11 years ago

        They are both dead. And yet, so many lesser people of the same era live on.

        I like that story. I like how McQueen suddenly realizes the toughest man in the world wants to kick his ass and won't slow down until Lee agrees not to.

  43. Jordan   11 years ago

    Play as Toronto, led by Rob Ford, in this Civilization V mod. Alas, it's not to be...

    1. John   11 years ago

      There should be a "tack a crack hit" button that allows you to have two turns to your opponents' one, at the risk of overdosing and ending the game if you use it too often.

    2. Jensen   11 years ago

      I want to know what resource I have to use to build Doug Ford. Uranium maybe?

  44. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    Video: Cruz Flashes Tattoo of Churchill

    The Texas senator surprised Fox & Friends hosts when he rolled up his sleeve and showed off his supposed tattoo of the British Bulldog. Inspired by a recent poster featuring an inked-up version of himself, Cruz joked that even his wife was taken aback by his decision.

    1. John   11 years ago

      He is really playing for the Yute vote.

  45. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Even slimline Emma wears control pants! Ms Watson flashes some leg (and her underwear) in a daring thigh-split gown at UK premiere of Noah

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....-Noah.html
    Oh my. Still, I think I'm going to pass on Noah the Action Hero.

    1. John   11 years ago

      The reviews I have read said the plot is ridiculous, like Michael Bay ridiculous.

      1. Mike M.   11 years ago

        To be fair, the original version of the story is about as ridiculous as it gets.

        From what I've read, the movie sounds like a deranged anti global warming diatribe.

        1. John   11 years ago

          They manage to make it worse by adding things like "the rock people" whoever they are.

          And you could make it a good movie by retelling it from the perspective of "this is the event that happened that caused the writers of Genesis to interpret the events as the Noah Story". Make Noah a real person confronted with the fantastic event of God telling him and only him to do something crazy. Set it in a small primitive place where the whole world effectively is something that could be flooded. Then have the flood and the arc and so forth.

          Or you could just let Bill Cosby write the script and make it a comedy.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bputeFGXEjA

          1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

            Cubit? What's a cubit?

            1. John   11 years ago

              What is that?

              I am building an arc.

              Well get it out of my driveway.

          2. Atanarjuat   11 years ago

            And you could make it a good movie by retelling it from the perspective of "this is the event that happened that caused the writers of Genesis to interpret the events as the Noah Story".

            That would be a great movie. Some archaeologists think Flood stories, which are in many cultures, are passed down from the time when the Black Sea was filled with rising water from the Mediterranean (off the top of my head, actual water bodies may vary) at the end of the last ice age. Adjacent farming villages would have been flooded.

            1. WTF   11 years ago

              I've also seen theories that it could have been tsunamis in the Mediterranean caused by volcanic explosion/earthquakes which flooded the populated areas of the middle east.

            2. John   11 years ago

              It could be. I always explain Genesis in terms of "how the hell were ancient people supposed to express the origins of the universe?" You and I talk about the big bang and all of that, but we forget we were taught from grade school language and concepts that took thousands of years for humans to develop. Someone in 2000 BC Sumaria or Egypt has no idea what the stars are much less the real nature of the universe. And they didn't have clocks, so they thought in terms of days and seasons. They had no way to even think about time spans going over billions of years.

              So lets just say for the sake of argument that there is a creator of the universe and it decides to reduce itself to try to communicate with humans living in 2000 BC. How could something like the Big Bang be explained to them? It couldn't. They would end up putting it into concepts they understood like "waters" and "dark" and "light" and "days".

              Not saying that as an argument for theism. Just pointing out that the people who claim that the Bible means the earth was created in seven actual days as we know them, really don't understand what they are reading.

            3. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

              Or a particularly nasty flood of the Tigris-Euphrates valley. Genesis claims Abraham and his people came from that area.

            4. mr simple   11 years ago

              There are great flood stories in South American native cultures that are similar to Noah.

          3. prolefeed   11 years ago

            The Noah's Ark story could be a retelling of a localized huge flooding that happened, such as when the Mediterranean broke through the Istanbul land bridge and in short order the area that is now the Black Sea flooded.

            To someone living in the middle of that area when it happened, and who survived it, it would seem as if the entire world had flooded.

            1. robc   11 years ago

              And if your boat ended up in Turkey, that would be about right.

    2. John   11 years ago

      She looks great. Russel Crowe looks like a homeless man the shelter cleaned up for a job interview.

      1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

        Isn't that what he is?

        1. John   11 years ago

          More or less, so yeah.

      2. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

        She needs a sammich.

        I wouldn't kick her out of bed, but she isn't nearly as hot as I had expected when she was a first year.

    3. Restoras   11 years ago

      She is maturing into perfection.

      1. John   11 years ago

        I wouldn't say that. I still think her features are a bit harsh. But she looks better than I thought she would. She actually has kept a figure and hasn't let Hollywood for her to starve herself.

        Lets just hope that as she gets older the plastic surgeons don't get a hold of her.

        1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

          Lets just hope that as she gets older the plastic surgeons don't get a hold of her.

          From what I've read, that goes against everything she believes in.

          1. John   11 years ago

            Lets hope so. She has a chance to age really well. She will be one of those women who gets better looking in their 30s after she has a kid. She will always be thin, but will mature and look less like a kid.

    4. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

      This ruined my Emma Watson boner forever.

      1. John   11 years ago

        Damn snark, thanks for ruining mine.

        1. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

          Sorry, I should've added a trigger warning.

          1. Swiss Servator, mehr Spr?ngli   11 years ago

            Or a "wilt warning"

      2. Zeb   11 years ago

        It didn't make you want to fuck Dawkins?

      3. Loki   11 years ago

        AAAHHHHH!!!!!! GOD DAMN YOU!!!!!111!!!!!

  46. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    U.S. to require rear cameras in all vehicles by 2018

    http://www.detroitnews.com/art...../303310087

    "Most people place a high value on the lives of children and that there is a general consensus regarding the need to protect children," NHTSA said in defending the costs. The costs of parents running over their own children, NHTSA said, is "not easily convertible to monetary equivalents."
    Still, the costs per life saved are expensive: $15.9 million to $26.3 million.

    1. Tim   11 years ago

      You don't place high value on the lives of children? You monster.

      1. db   11 years ago

        Yeah, parents who can't be bothered to check around the car and teach their kids to stay away from behind cars really care about children's safety.

    2. Rich   11 years ago

      The costs of parents running over their own children, NHTSA said, is "not easily convertible to monetary equivalents."

      A lot easier than estimating global economic impacts from climate change.

      "Would you run over your own children for, say, FIVE BILLION DOLLARS?"

    3. John   11 years ago

      I think even that is being generous. If you are too careless to look out your rear window, why would you look at the camera? The backup cameras are just a novelty. People will use them more at first but then get used to them and go back to not paying attention.

      Bad things happen sometimes and kids get ran over. No amount of nannying will change that.

      1. Tim   11 years ago

        You get the camera, then you need to mandate a light for the camera at night, then you mandate a wiper for the camera lense...

        1. Ted S.   11 years ago

          When mandatory passenger-side airbags started decapitating children, the response wasn't that perhaps you should be allowed to get a car without a passenger-side airbag; it was to start a nannying campaign that having your kid in the passenger seat is evil.

          1. John   11 years ago

            Air bags are an interesting safety question. If you are in an accident under 35 mph, they are actually dangerous. Those things go off and will tear the skin off your arms or do real harm if you are a child or a petite adult. Yet, in a collision under 35 mph, they offer no increase in safety over seat belts. If you are wearing your seat belt, you should be fine in a collision under 35 mph. Wear they will safe your life is in a really high speed collision, especially if you are not wearing your seat belt.

            So, is the harm caused in low speed collisions worth the safety you gain in high ones? I am not sure that it is.

            1. robc   11 years ago

              It seems like the computer could activate the air bags when speeds reach, say 35, and turn off when you drop below 25 for an extended period of time, or something like that.

              1. John   11 years ago

                I would think so. But for whatever reason it doesn't work that way. My guess is the feds being feds, won't let the car makers do that since air bags are associated with the magic word "safety" and therefore must never be turned off.

                It took the death of a few people before the jackasses let car makers put an off switch on the passenger air bags.

                1. Zeb   11 years ago

                  And now kids can't ride in the front seat, taking away one of the great pleasures of childhood.

                  1. KDN   11 years ago

                    And now kids can't ride in the front seat, taking away one of the great pleasures of childhood.

                    Is this a legal thing nowadays or just recommended? My passenger airbag automatically turns off if whatever's sitting on the seat is under 90 lbs or so, so unless you've got fat kids they should be able to ride in the front seat just fine.

                    And if that's only my car, then I've got one more reason to stick with Ford.

                    1. RBS   11 years ago

                      I don't know, but pretty soon it will be mandatory to put your kid in a car seat until it reaches puberty.

                    2. Zeb   11 years ago

                      Not sure about the law and front seats. Some states require kids to ride in car seats to a suprising age (or height, I think).
                      I remember being pissed at age 5 when they first made a law requiring seat belts for kids under 6.

                  2. Loki   11 years ago

                    And now kids can't ride in the front seat, taking away one of the great pleasures of childhood.

                    Not to mention a lot of kids who get car sick tend to get it worse in the back seat. It's almost like maybe they want to make people as miserable as possible...

              2. Zeb   11 years ago

                They should do something similar with ABS. Make it turn off if you are going under 20 MPH. ABS is fucking dangerous in the snow or off road at low-ish speeds because instead of skidding a little bit and then stopping on the little pile of snow you pushed up, you just keep on rolling.

                1. John   11 years ago

                  Yeah Zeb. My mustang has drum brakes. People say I am crazy not to upgrade them to disk brakes. But I find them easier to use than people think. You just have to know how. And they give a better feel and more control that the ABS on my new cars.

                  1. Zeb   11 years ago

                    Disk brakes are objectively better in several ways, but you are right, a lot comes down to knowing how to operate the equipment you have. You'd stop a little faster if you had disks, but you'd also stop even faster if you had larger ceramic disks.
                    It's like rear wheel drive. People used to manage to drive in the snow with two wheel drive. Now you'd think it's impossible. You just need to know how to do it and it actually has some advantages over front wheel drive.

            2. Loki   11 years ago

              Those things go off and will tear the skin off your arms

              Where did you hear that? I've never heard of anybody having their skin peeled off. I was in a head on collision once (dumbass pulled out right in front of me). Speed was ~45 mph. All the air bag did to me was I felt like I'd been popped in the nose (although I've been hit harder in Taekwon-Do, and if given the choice between that and eating the steering wheel...), and the propellant that deployed the bag singed the hair on my arms a little bit. Maybe that's where the whole "peeling the skin off your arms" came from: sensationalized stories where people's arm got a little singed? So based on my experience the airbags aren't a big deal.

              That said, do I think they should be mandated? Not really. Although I also don't think the design of seatbelts should be as controlled as the fed gov does. Let car manufacturers experiment and they might be able to come up with something even better than the seatbelt/ airbag combo.

              Nah, that's just crazy talk...

              1. John   11 years ago

                Loki,

                I have a cousin who was in a low speed collision and her air bag went off out of her steering wheel. She had her hands in a 3o'clock 9 o'clock position on the wheel and the thing tore the skin clean off the inside of her arms. Not all of the skin. But it left a hell of a road rash and broke her collar bone to boot.

                1. Cdr Lytton   11 years ago

                  Interesting. I take it she's a smaller frame, meaning closer to the steering wheel and airbag?

                  I've been in two accidents where the airbag deployed. First was lost control on loose shoulder at ~45-55MPH and spun into the embankment. Second was striking a large animal at night at ~30MPH at impact. Both times the airbag happened so fast I can't recall actually hitting it. No rash, no broken bones, but I sit back almost as far as the seat will go.

              2. Zeb   11 years ago

                Most safety regulation would work better that way. If you just set a standard of safety and make people figure out how to meet it rather than making people tick off boxes that absolve them of responsibility, you would probably have more safe products and more innovation.

            3. R C Dean   11 years ago

              Personally, having been in a high-speed accident in a Honda Civic that predated airbags, my conclusion is that if you are wearing a seatbelt, airbags add nothing.

              Two cars totalled, glancing head-on collision (black ice) at a combined speed of at least 90 mph. I walked away, wasn't even sore the next day. No airbag.

              If I'd had an airbag, I would have been worse off, because airbags punch you in the face.

            4. Whahappan?   11 years ago

              No. Airbags without seat belts are deadly. There is a small explosive charge which inflates the bag. Without a seat belt, you are thrown forward, just to have the airbag blow up in your face. They are designed to be used in conjunction with seat belts.

        2. John   11 years ago

          Then you get to talk about how unjust capitalism is because poor people can't afford a new car.

        3. db   11 years ago

          I've rented cars with backup cams, and they get crusted over and useless in the winter.

          1. John   11 years ago

            My mother inlaw's Buick has one. I find it very strange to use it. Maybe it is just me but I am a menace driving by camera.

            1. robc   11 years ago

              My fiancee's car has one, and its weird to use.

            2. WTF   11 years ago

              Yeah, my wife's new car has a backup camera, and when she backs into the driveway with it she often ends up half on the fucking lawn.

          2. Tim   11 years ago

            "Got bad news for you Mr. Jones, the back up camera is bad and we can't sticker the car until you replace it. The camera is $450 and the labor to take the rear end apart is $800..."

            1. db   11 years ago

              Exactly.

        4. Rich   11 years ago

          You get the camera, then you need to mandate a light for the camera at night, then you mandate a wiper for the camera lense...

          ..., then you mandate eye-trackers to ensure the driver has looked at the camera display ....

          1. gaijin   11 years ago

            self driving cars are clearly the answer

      2. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        People will use them more at first but then get used to them and go back to not paying attention.

        The article suggested removing side mirrors completely because with a camera they're not needed. All they do is lower gas mileage. So much for being a novelty. The camera will be the only way to see what's behind you.

        1. John   11 years ago

          That is insane. It is harder to drive using the camera. And the entire population uses the mirrors out of habit. How many people do you kill as people forget to look at the camera because they are used to the side mirrors.

          But the side mirrors reduce mileage. And everyone should be happy to die for mother earth.

          Assholes.

    4. robc   11 years ago

      Speed bumps cost more lives than they save.

      Its not even close.

    5. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      You're not even pretending to read the official links, are you?

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        I had one prepared for the methane bacteria, but noticed it in the official links.

  47. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    I cannot believe that the framers of the Fourteenth Amendment, or the states which ratified it, intended to deprive us of the power to correct the evils of technological unemployment and excess productive capacity which have attended progress in the useful arts.

    Buggy whips!

  48. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

    6 Mysterious 'Dracula' Ant Species Discovered in Madagascar

    Dracula ants, so named because they suck the blood of their young in a process dubbed "nondestructive cannibalism," were first discovered in a rotting log in Madagascar more than a decade ago.

    But for years, these weird insects confounded researchers, as looks can be deceiving for the Dracula ants.

    Now we need a little Van Helsing

    1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

      Kate Beckinsale.
      *drool*

    2. Rich   11 years ago

      I met a girl from Madagascar who lamented all the eco-tourists ruining the place.

      1. gimmeasammich   11 years ago

        As opposed to who? The locals cutting down all of the trees for charcoal, pastures, mining, etc.?

  49. Auric Demonocles   11 years ago

    Well, I suppose I deserve last night. That's what I get for watching a CBS comedy.

    1. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Meh. I watched the Eva Marie Saint interview instead, followed by the end of the Devils game. Nice not to have to deal with the fucking shootout for once. Fuck you, Gary Bettman.

      1. John   11 years ago

        Eva was a first class babe back in the day.

      2. John   11 years ago

        I watched the last hour of High Plains Drifter that was on before that Eva Marie Saint interview. Not a great movie, but a freaky fun good one none the less.

  50. sarcasmic   11 years ago

    Recorded The Walking Dead Sunday and watched it last night.

    So.... Cannibals?

    1. SugarFree   11 years ago

      They drink elixirs they refine from the juices of the dying.

      1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

        And they use my spine for the bassline

    2. RBS   11 years ago

      That's my guess. I just find it hard to believe that after everything the group has been through they would all just walk right into to Terminus expecting it to work out. I mean, the last community they encountered was run by a madman. I can sort of understand Glen and Maggie's group, they don't seem to think too far in advance, but Rick and his crew should have known better.

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        but Rick and his crew should have known better.

        I know.

    3. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      SPOILER ALERT

      One had to wonder where they got the meat they were perpetually grilling. Personally, I would have had Daryl at least hang back while I scoped the joint. Always good to have someone with a silent weapon on the outside just in case.

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        One had to wonder where they got the meat they were perpetually grilling.

        Exactly.

      2. Auric Demonocles   11 years ago

        Technically this would make the statement about how "when new people join our community it makes us stronger" still true...

      3. Loki   11 years ago

        One had to wonder where they got the meat they were perpetually grilling.

        I hadn't given it much thought, but fuck, you may be onto something. It would also explain that strange area they ran past that had all the bones laying around. And the creepy candlelit shrine room. At first I thought maybe they were feeding people to walkers, but now I'm thinking you may be onto something.

        At least Rick had the presense of mind to bury a bag full of weapons. Now all he has to do is escape...

    4. gaijin   11 years ago

      that was my first thought

  51. Loki   11 years ago

    There's got to be better ways to get rich.

    A Man Lost His Penis To A Hyena Because A Witch Doctor Said That's How He'd Get Rich

    Witch Doctors. Are they covered under Obamacare?

    1. Tim   11 years ago

      Which doctors?

    2. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

      A Man Lost His Penis To A Hyena Because A Witch Doctor Said That's How He'd Get Rich

      Finally, an explanation for Obama.

  52. db   11 years ago

    Anyone else planning on buying Goat Simulator?

    1. Jordan   11 years ago

      I'm sorely tempted.

      1. db   11 years ago

        It reminds me of what we did when the very first Quake demo came out: spend hours trying to make the funniest deaths by blowing each other out of windows with the grenade and rocket launchers.

    2. SugarFree   11 years ago

      I find the cost of replacement Fleshlight sleeves a little high for my taste.

      1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

        That's terrible. When perverts can't get the Fleshlight sleeves they need, we all suffer. Where's the government program?

        1. SugarFree   11 years ago

          If Obama really cared, every hard-working pervert in America would receive a living wank.

    3. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

      That sounds so wrong. Especially if you misread it.

      1. db   11 years ago

        Goatse Simulator?

    4. Jensen   11 years ago

      You had me at the Dead Island parody.

    5. JW   11 years ago

      I got it. It's only 10 bucks and stupid good fun when you're drunk.

  53. tarran   11 years ago

    I have a new website to read daily:

    Climate Nuremburg

    Ten days ago, UWA Professor Carmen Lawrence confirmed the fears of many in the climate community: psychologist Stephan Lewandowsky was still being hounded. He'd relocated his family from Australia to England; he'd agreed to take down a paper that characterised his critics as paranoid conspiracists, although he knew it was true; but they weren't giving up.

    The situation hasn't got any better, according to an email I received today. Steve "is still being pursued by climate deniers."

    He hasn't been able to get a good look at his pursuers, who switch cars every day.

    1. tarran   11 years ago

      Another gem:

      An article by Wall Street Journal employee Pete du Pont, in which he argues that the public "could use an honest debate" on climate change, has just come out in the WSJ (where else?).

      We cannot risk taking du Pont's advice. What he forgets, or deliberately fails to tell his readers, is that debates take at least an hour. They can easily break the two-hour mark, depending on the format.

      But we need to act on climate now.

      Not in a couple of hours. Not next month. Not in an hour. Now.

      Du Pont's motivation, then, is clearly to stall for time. Seen in this light, the call for "debate" is almost understandable (if not forgivable). Hey: if you can't deny it, delay it!

      Look for such tactics to become increasingly central to the denialist MO this year as the science itself becomes less and less controversial. Remember, people who oppose science are, at bottom, neophobes with an irrational addiction to the status quo. And when change terrifies you you'll do anything to slow it down?no matter how foolish you make yourself sound in the process. (This is why my New Year's resolution was to say "science refusard" less and "climate retardard" more.) If the climate-change wars have proven anything it's the visceral conservativeness, the blind fear of change, of the left half of the human bell curve.

      1. tarran   11 years ago

        It's a treasure trove of awesomeness:

        An Anatomy of Denialism, Part 1

        Look around you. According to climate anthropologists, 1 in every 2 people you see is a denialist.

        That's almost half of all people.

        (How many are truly unique, and how many are just aliases of a small handful of individuals?created, funded and coached by vested-interest lobbies to give an exaggerated appearance of disagreement?is a fascinating question. But it's been explored elsewhere by researchers like John Mashey and Steve Lewandowsky, who pioneered the fields of climate paranoia and conspiracy ideation. So we'll leave it aside for now.)

        But which half? And how can you be sure it's not you?

        You can't.

        There's only one way to know, scientifically, whether you're a denialist: by reading the following post, in which I reveal the telltale characteristics of denialism.

        1. tarran   11 years ago

          Well, at the risk of stereotyping slightly, all denialists?being on the right?are free-market fundamentalists with an irrational ideological antipathy to communism.

          So it's only natural that they're paralyzed by cognitive dissonance whenever science points to a problem?any problem?that requires a supranational one-world government.

          Initially it was thought denialists rejected climate science in its entirety. But this model may have been too simplistic. Deniers might actually be open-minded on the science?as long as it poses no threat to personal and/or national sovereignties.

          But once the scientists start telling us that the only hope for our species is to immediately entrust a borderless global regulating body with recalibrating the industrial metabolisms of its subject nations by legislating any and all aspects of public and private life (as well as the power to transfer wealth between countries as and when necessary to justly reflect the historical culpabilities of developed versus developing worlds), deniers suddenly grow suspicious!

          Isn't it obvious?the science has been politicized in some way! It's some sort of disguised grab for power!

          1. tarran   11 years ago

            As paranoid as such "reasoning" obviously is, it's crucial to remember that not everyone is politically progressive. A lot of people really do ideate like this. And only by understanding the irrational suspicions that underlie climate denial can we find ways around them. And only then can we begin the total reordering of human society that the science demands.

            1. tarran   11 years ago

              A common denialist behavior is to vocally and shrill-ly call for "False Balance."

              What do deniers mean by this catchphrase? Basically: "Even though we're only 50% of the population, we deserve equal time!"

              Unfortunately for denialists, science is not some age-old, unanswerable human question like religion, aesthetics or the safety of GMO foods?in science, there aren't "two sides to the story." So the demand for equal time is pretty arrogant on its face. However, it needs to be understood in light of one of the key obsessions of denialism: debate.

              In the denier mind, everything?even science?is up for debate. Naturally, then, if the mainstream half of the population would just agree to a public contest of ideas, deniers think this would magically solve all our climate-change disagreements.

              So, year after year, they demand a fresh debate. Then, like clockwork, they refuse to accept the verdict, which is that there wouldn't be any point debating, because it would only give denialism credibility.

              1. WTF   11 years ago

                That is some grade A stuff right there.

              2. Suthenboy   11 years ago

                I am speechless. That should be on every major news channel everyday so everyone can see the raging insanity.

                Best line - "He hasn't been able to get a good look at his pursuers, who switch cars every day."

                1. tarran   11 years ago

                  I am speechless. That should be on every major news channel everyday so everyone can see the raging insanity.

                  IT'S SATIRE!!!! LEWANDOWSKY IS NOT SAYING PEOPLE ARE FOLLOWING HIM!!!!

                  For the record, though, Lewandowsky does strike me as being a very paranoid conspiracy theorist based on his behavior in the Moon Hoax/Recursive Fury fiasco.

      2. John   11 years ago

        We cannot risk taking du Pont's advice. What he forgets, or deliberately fails to tell his readers, is that debates take at least an hour. They can easily break the two-hour mark, depending on the format.

        But we need to act on climate now.

        If that is not someone trolling the site, it is no longer possible to troll these people. They have gone so insane that nothing a budding troll could post would be as crazy as they actually are.

        1. tarran   11 years ago

          It is an entire troll website John.

          A marvelous glorious bit of satire.

          1. John   11 years ago

            It is. Truthfully, how can you tell what is satire and what is real? I am finding that harder and harder these days.

            1. Suthenboy   11 years ago

              Yep. I can't tell anymore either. As crazy as that shit is, I have heard many say just as crazy earnestly.

              Is it satire or not? Who can tell?

          2. gaijin   11 years ago

            when change terrifies you you'll do anything to slow it down

            The best line of satire in the whole thing if you ask me.

    2. robc   11 years ago

      In a 2010 Nature editorial Professor Paul Ehrlich mentioned that, "Everyone is scared shitless." A comment like this might have been dismissed as hyperbole if it had come from anyone else, but we all knew Ehrlich's reputation. You don't become the most respected living ecologist if you're in the habit of being wrong about things.

      Im assuming an awesome April Fool's Prank?

      1. SugarFree   11 years ago

        You don't become the most respected living ecologist if you're in the habit of being wrong about things.

        This sentence is a joke no matter what day of the year it is.

      2. tarran   11 years ago

        I think whoever is writing it has decided every day should be April fools day.

        And we are all richer for it.

      3. Sevo   11 years ago

        "You don't become the most respected living ecologist if you're in the habit of being wrong about things."

        That is true!

    3. Loki   11 years ago

      Is this meant to be parody? Seriously, I can't tell.

  54. Sevo   11 years ago

    "Monica Berini, who teaches a belly dance class at Alonzo King Lines Dance Center, wants to stay on the Healthy San Francisco plan after finding out the cost of health insurance on the state's exchange"...
    http://www.sfgate.com/health/a.....365315.php

    Yeah, because it's "free" and the world should subsidize belly-dancing teachers.

    1. Snark Plissken   11 years ago

      Even when they appropriate Arabic culture?

      1. Steve G   11 years ago

        micro-appropriation

    2. RBS   11 years ago

      That certainly does not fit my metal image of what a belly dancer should look like.

      1. Sevo   11 years ago

        "That certainly does not fit my metal image of what a belly dancer should look like."

        Goes pretty well with "welfare queen" though, doesn't it?

        1. invisible furry hand   11 years ago

          "Belly dancer" does sound nicer than gunt dancer

      2. Ken Shultz   11 years ago

        Those classes are to help middle-aged housewives feel sexy, too.

        Another important function of government.

        1. Sevo   11 years ago

          "Those classes are to help middle-aged housewives feel sexy, too.
          Another important function of government."

          Ah, send 'em to Fredrick's of Hollywood with a twenty.

      3. R C Dean   11 years ago

        My metal image of a belly dancer involves black leather and chains.

    3. BardMetal   11 years ago

      Well as long as they aren't white belly dancers. At least according to Salon.

    4. John   11 years ago

      Wait until she hears about the coming HHS body fat requirements and mandatory dieting.

      Seriously though, these people thought Obamacare was going to be free. Another reason why this bill will never be popular.

      1. Suthenboy   11 years ago

        Has anyone looked up that idiot woman who wept in joy that Obama was going to pay her mortgage when he was first elected in 2008?

    5. Ken Shultz   11 years ago

      Money quote:

      "The city's Healthy San Francisco program, created in 2007 as the first of its kind in the country, is not considered insurance because it doesn't cover participants when they travel outside city borders. That means it doesn't satisfy the requirements of the federal Affordable Care Act, which mandated that individuals have health insurance as of Monday or face a tax penalty."

      It's like everything Shrike denies is happening in one quote--coming straight from the party organ of the People's Republic of San Francisco.

      The only people who are losing their insurance are the people who are too stupid to know their insurance sucks, isn't that right, Shrike?

    6. mr simple   11 years ago

      You're just upset that these Real Women refuse to stay hidden, fat-shamer.

      1. Ken Shultz   11 years ago

        Rape culture.

  55. Steve G   11 years ago

    You know what we need? A meat tax!

    http://www.fastcoexist.com/302.....ll-kill-us

  56. Ken Shultz   11 years ago

    "Up to three quarters of previously insured Americans who enrolled through Obamacare could be seeing higher premiums."

    The important thing is that Obama was reelected on the strength of having gotten this monumental achievement through Congress.

    Only a racist would obsess over details like whether it actually hurt the American people.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      "Up to" and "could be", Ken.

      The government doesn't track that data, anyway.

      1. PM   11 years ago

        I've slept with "a number" of Victoria's Secret models. Zero is, in fact, a number.

        1. Auric Demonocles   11 years ago

          Heretic!

      2. Ken Shultz   11 years ago

        Yes, and why would they track that data?

        Anyway, I don't need government data to know that ObamaCare is going to make healthcare more expensive.

        Really, there's this thing called Econ, and dumping more people into Medicaid, giving policy holders more to pay for by way of preexisting conditions, and hoping that younger people, who probably don't need insurance anyway, are going to pick up the slack by paying more than a thousand dollars a year--out of fear of a piddly penaltax?

        Doesn't add up to big savings for insurance consumers.

    2. VG Zaytsev   11 years ago

      On MSNBC this morning they are saying that 7 million signups for Obamacare proves that there was demand for subsidized insurance that the free market was failing to delivery.

      1. gaijin   11 years ago

        demand for subsidized insurance that the free market

        I think they have a different definition of 'free' market than I do.

        1. PM   11 years ago

          Free as in beer, not free as in freedom.

          1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

            Freedom means being free from responsibilities like paying for your own health insurance.

      2. John   11 years ago

        There is a demand for free money from the government. Who could have guessed that?

        1. mr simple   11 years ago

          Seriously, I have demand for subsidized Porsches. Why won't the free market deliver this to me. Market Failure!

          1. John   11 years ago

            Yes. The fact that most Americans can't afford an exotic sports car just shows how bad the market really is.

        2. mad libertarian guy   11 years ago

          Not just free money, but free money that they are mandated to take!

          How can one measure "demand" of a MANDAtORY PROGRAM? People are going to a legally mandated program, that proves there's demand!!

  57. kinnath   11 years ago

    http://www.salon.com/2014/04/0.....standards/

    I miss the Soviet Union. I never visited the country during its 72 years of existence, and I didn't much like what I read about it in late-Cold War newspapers and library copies of Soviet Life: the long queues for bread, the military parades presided over by impassive bemedaled field marshals, the kitschy tributes to dictators, the Olympians inflated by performance-enhancing drugs. Communism, with its denial of both God and the individual, never appealed to me as a way of life, and I doubt it was much good for the Russian worker, the Polish worker, the East German worker, or the Yugoslavian worker.

    Communism was, however, fantastic for the American worker. It's no coincidence that the golden age of American equality, that period from the 1940s to the 1970s when the gap between CEOs and employees hit its all-time low, was almost exactly coterminous with the Cold War. As any capitalist will tell you, competition is good for the marketplace. It forces businesses to create better products and more efficient services for consumers. The same is true for capitalism itself: as a means of raising the living standards of an entire society, it never functioned better than when it was forced to compete with a rival economic system.

    Fuck these people.

    1. PM   11 years ago

      Not even wrong

    2. sarcasmic   11 years ago

      That makes no sense.

    3. John   11 years ago

      That is the most idiotic thing I have read in a long time. The threat of "communism" is not what produced the 1950s. These people live in a fucking fantasy.

      Beyond that, even if it did, he is actually saying that the entire population of Eastern Europe, Russia and China living under the most tyrannical and evil system yet devised by man was just great and totally worth it because Americans got union jobs as a result.

      That article is just like someone writing that they miss the Holocaust because America got all of these great Jewish emigres because of it.

      Go screw yourself, you sick, ignorant fuck.

      1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        Even with massive Russian bankrolling of agents here, communism never even came close to getting a foothold. The business of America really is business.

        1. John   11 years ago

          America never bought into Fascism or communism. It is too well armed, too big and has too much of a tradition of individualism. Fascism and communism have always been the ideologies of the academic and government elites. They have sent their love of Fascism in the 30s and 40s down the memory hole, but it is still there.

          The threat of communism just caused the country to have to spend trillions of dollars on defense and building nuclear weapons. Of course this guy no doubt thinks we should have just surrendered so doesn't blame that on the communists.

          1. PM   11 years ago

            Not to quibble or anything, but every major first world country has been operating on an economic model that is fascism (more of the Italian than German variety) in everything but name since WWII. USA included.

            1. John   11 years ago

              Fascism, unlike Communism is not systematized. It is really hard to come up with one agreed definition of what 'fascism' is. So if you want to define it really broadly as including any sort of marriage between government and big business along with the commitment to social engineering, sure. It seems to me, however, calling a country like Japan (which is much more so than the US) "fascist" dilutes the meaning of the term so much that it renders it worthless.

              1. PM   11 years ago

                calling a country like Japan (which is much more so than the US) "fascist" dilutes the meaning of the term so much that it renders it worthless.

                Only if you want "fascist" to carry some nefarious connotation at the expense of its utility as a descriptive term. As an innocuous description for a type of economic policy it's both a lot more useful and accurate than calling "capitalism" or "free market" or even "mixed market" that which is none of those things.

            2. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

              There's some truth to that, but the authoritarianism is still a little less overt. We seem to still have some limits on government power, if you squint at things in just the right way.

              1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

                while standing tippy-toe on a ladder.

      2. kinnath   11 years ago

        Nothing by chaff left at Salon.

    4. sarcasmic   11 years ago

      It's no coincidence...

      Uh, yeah. Actually, it is. That period from the 40s to the 70s was when American had a competitive advantage over Europe and Japan in manufacturing because those countries had had their means of production destroyed during the war.
      That and it's not like there was economic competition with the USSR. They weren't exporting much of anything other than AKs and oil.
      Holy cow that writer is an idiot.

    5. Neoliberal Kochtopus   11 years ago

      you guys reading Salon is like feeding Tony. It's just misery for you and joy for them as they troll you yet again.

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        At least we have you to admonish us for behaving in a way in which you disapprove. Where would we be without you and your horse?

      2. John   11 years ago

        As the major media gets more and more desparate for ad revenue, I really think the more outrageously stupid stuff is written to troll the Right and obtain extra site visits and accompanying ad revenue.

        If you are the editor of Salon, how the hell do you get anyone to read it? You can't publish anything honest or intelligent without alienating your customer base of ignorant Progs. But that base isn't big enough to make you any money. One way to solve that problem is to publish something offensively stupid that gets the right up in arms and visiting your site just to be outraged. Since you base is so stupid, nothing you right will offend them, provided it is Leftist, you only have clicks to gain.

        1. Neoliberal Kochtopus   11 years ago

          I agree entirely. The problem I have is that saying something outrageously stupid for attention is the definition of trolling and yet we still let it work! Why?

        2. kinnath   11 years ago

          Salon has reached at least 90% "look at the latest conservative atrocity" type articles. They don't even attempt to promote liberal causes anymore, they only function to whip up animosity against the right.

          1. John   11 years ago

            That seems to be the entire leftist media establishment. They haven't made a rational argument in years, if they ever did. All they have is hate. That is the only thing they have keeping their coalition together, hatred for the other side.

    6. Fluffy   11 years ago

      That's just the usual progressive racism we really should have come to expect by now.

      The fact that tens of millions of people have been lifted out of poverty in East Asia, India means nothing to them.

      The fact that hundreds of millions of people were liberated from tyranny in the Soviet bloc means nothing to them.

      None of those people count, if Spanish shipyard workers or American steel workers lose their jobs. Because "capitalism" isn't supposed to help those filthy Asians or Eastern Europeans. It's only supposed to help overpaid blue collar Americans or Western Europeans.

      1. John   11 years ago

        Exactly. Like I said above. It is totally false. But worse, even if it were true, this guy is saying millions of Asians and Russians and Eastern Europeans being murdered and living in slavery is just totally okay if that causes good white Americans to have it better.

    7. Loki   11 years ago

      What the fuck did I just read? I said last week once that reading Tony's comments is what going mad must feel like. I was wrong. Reading that shit is what going mad feels like...

  58. Sevo   11 years ago

    So the CA legislature wrote the rules that allow campaign donations to be used for criminal defense fees, and even CA voters woke up when they heard that!
    So: ""We have a system in this country that is awful," said Sen. President Pro Tem Darrell Steinberg,"

    Yes, you see, the problem isn't allowing the misuse of funds, it's the horrible strain it puts on the poor scumbags having to raise money,

    Natch: "What change looks like varies widely, from publicly funded campaigns that dissuade private donations to bans on fundraising while the Legislature is in session."

    Yep, just bill the taxpayers!
    http://www.sfgate.com/crime/ar.....365759.php

    1. John   11 years ago

      If you get indicted for anything, the government will take every dime you have without having to even make a showing that any of the money is the result of your alleged criminal behavior.

      A politician in California gets indicted and he is able to use his campaign funds to pay for his defense.

      I am thinking that the Republicans basically dying in California might be a good thing in the long term. The Democrats are going full Chavez out there only they can't use the power of the gun to fix elections, (yet). They are destroying themselves in an orgy of corruption and greed.

      1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

        That's the joy of the feudal system. Serfs get public pretenders while the nobility get to hire the best. Only the costumes have changed.

      2. Sevo   11 years ago

        "A politician in California gets indicted and he is able to use his campaign funds to pay for his defense."

        It's worse than that:
        "Calif. Senator Convicted Of Voter Fraud, Perjury"
        [...]
        "The conviction on all eight felony counts doesn't immediately bar Wright from the Senate,..."
        http://losangeles.cbslocal.com.....d-perjury/

        He's STILL GETTING PAID!

        1. John   11 years ago

          So is the guy in the Massachusetts legislature who beat his girlfriend so badly he got a six month jail sentence for it. The guy is serving in the legislature while serving jail time for beating up his girlfriend and the Dems refuse to expel him. Can you imagine the "war on women" meme that the media would be doing if that were Republicans? As it is, the story has gotten no national coverage.

  59. Notorious G.K.C.   11 years ago

    "Take my wife - wait, what wife?" Bl. (soon to be St.) John XXIII - rescuer of Jews, Pope, and comedian.

    http://www.catholicreview.org/.....e-of-humor

  60. prolefeed   11 years ago

    Methane producing microbes may have been responsible for the extinction of the vast majority of life on Earth 250 million years ago, according to an MIT study.

    Microbe farts killed off most life on earth?

    1. Ken Shultz   11 years ago

      Yeah, it happened before, too, but in the other case, when it killed most of everything, the microbes were farting oxygen.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.....tion_Event

    2. Auric Demonocles   11 years ago

      It was probably time traveling Warty farts.

      1. SugarFree   11 years ago

        The Wartihood of the Traveling Farts

  61. Sevo   11 years ago

    And, this pegs the BS meter:
    "Obamacare may have hit the original target of 7 million enrollees, though how many have paid remains to be seen."

    Sebilius made the claim 'way back when that 7M was the magic number, and of course, that meant 7M new-insureds. And them it took forever to find the number of sign-ups really sucked.
    Now, we get instant data and it just sort of matches the goal? Fuck you Obo. Only slimy turds like shreek are going to fall for that.

  62. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    Look around you. According to climate anthropologists, 1 in every 2 people you see is a denialist.

    Call me crazy, but I interpret that as meaning the science is not actually settled.

    1. sarcasmic   11 years ago

      All scientists who count believe in AGW, and the only way to count is to believe in AGW. It's a tautology!

    2. R C Dean   11 years ago

      WTF is a "climate anthropologist", anyway? I see zero overlap in the work of climatologists and anthropologists, myself.

      1. tarran   11 years ago

        It's a satire.

        I am getting depressed that so many people whom I respect keep missing the obvious signs that it is satire.

  63. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    Well, at the risk of stereotyping slightly, all denialists?being on the right?are free-market fundamentalists with an irrational ideological antipathy to communism.

    Oh.

    1. Lord Humungus   11 years ago

      because nothing says irrational than a hatred of a political system that caused millions of deaths.

    2. robc   11 years ago

      Replace "communism" with "slavery" or "antebellum" or something similar and see if it flies.

  64. The Late P Brooks   11 years ago

    Will they have a ticker tape parade for Mister (or Mizzx) Seven Millionthest Customer?

    Maybe they will perform a free a buttscope on live teevee.

  65. Suthenboy   11 years ago

    I am looking at the Climate Nuremberg stuff and the Obamacare debacle and I can't tell which is real and which is parody, if indeed there is a parody. They are both shameless, naked insanity.

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