A.M. Links: Ukraine's President Agrees To Early Election, 13-Year-Old Charged With Felony After Throwing Snowball, Venezuela's President Threatens To Boot CNN


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  1. A 13-year-old boy has been charged with a felony after throwing a snowball at a cop in Chicago.

    It’s all part of the plan to get every kid into the system early.

    1. Are we up to five felonies a day by now?

    2. Hello.

      Rob Ford celebrates Canadian hockey gold.

      Where’s the coke?

      1. Link would help:


    3. “It’s sad, he’s only 13. I’m so upset, he’s never been in trouble before,” she said. “It’s his first case.”

      The first of *many*.

      1. This is so fucked up. Send him a message, sure, but this is retarded. Sad.

    4. The little shit should have been shot!


      1. Good shoot.


      2. Cops shoulda given him a puppy — and then shot it.

        1. A puppy with a rock in it!

      3. DC cop pulled his gun in a similar thing. got hit with a snowball during a snowball fight.


        1. oh god, please don’t resurrect this incident. Tulpa will have an aneurysm.

          1. I don’t see the problem…

            1. You think he’ll go down quietly? No, it will be a solid stream of gibberish before that thing brings him down.

          2. Yes, this is the exact incident/thread I was referencing.

            It case you in the mood for some prime derpage.

      4. +1 Boston Masscre

    5. Could have been me. I was a serial snowball thrower at authority figures.

      1. We saved the ice balls for the cop cars. Regular ones just got snow.

        1. Nothing like a few rocks in a snowball to up the danger factor.

          1. A buddy of mine managed to get a cop’s windshield once. The aftermath felt like GTA with 3 stars; if my town had a helicopter they would have sicced it on us.

      2. Our thing was to wait behind a big snow bank at a nearby 4-way stop. Just a s some poor bastard rolled up to the stop, we’d dart out, hit the quarter panel and fall down.

        When the poor guy got out to see how bad we’d been hit, we’d jump up and run away.

        We thought it was really funny, but looking back at it I realize how fucking mean it was to the poor guy who thought he’d just hit a kid.

        1. Still better behaved than us. We would see bikers on narrow roads, roll up behind them in neutral, slam the brakes, and hit the horn.

          We were a bunch of assholes, I feel lucky nobody ever got really hurt.

  2. Three suspected Auschwitz guards have been detained in Germany.

    You know who else detained people in Germany?

    1. Walter Ulbricht?

    2. Arminius of the Cherusci?

    3. Hansel?

      1. Gretel?

    4. The Jewish Underground?

      Oh, de*tain*ed. Sorry.

  3. Ukraine’s president has agreed to an early presidential election being held before December this year.

    “The Ukraine is weak, it’s feeble. I think it’s time to put the hurt on the Ukraine.”

    1. The Ukraine is game to you?

  4. Democrats fight for ‘personalized weapons’ with fingerprint technology in new gun-control bid
    Massachusetts Democratic Sen. Ed Markey’s bill would require safety devices on every new gun to prohibit anyone but the owner from firing
    Gun right activists say the technology is dangerous since it can stop gun owners’ family members from defending themselves against attackers
    Police forces don’t use the technologies, which include biometric finger sensors and paired watches that must be near a gun to make it shoot
    Watch batteries go dead, industry experts caution, gun owners wearing gloves have no fingerprints, and companies would be open to lawsuits


    ‘If the police won’t use them,’ Gottlieb asked, ‘why should I?’

    There you go again, thinking the same standards apply to everyone. Why should you? Fuck you, that’s why.

    1. Why would you fuck up a mechanical tool with electronic wankery?

      1. Srsly? They know this won’t work. The goal here is to discourage gun ownership by making them ineffective. Full frontal assaults on 2A are non-starters, but damn if they can’t chip away at the foundations.

        1. Also make it expensive as shit to buy.

          1. That, too, of course. Anything which makes them ineffective, expensive or difficult to obtain and use.

      2. If mine would blow off Markey’s arm when he tried to pick it up, I’d probably consider it.

        1. “I hate warriors, too narrow-minded. I’ll tell you what I do like though: a killer, a dyed-in-the-wool killer. Cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough. Now a real killer, when he picked up the ZF-1, would’ve immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun.”

          1. + 1 Jean Baptiste Emanuel Zorg. Or topless Leeloo. Either works.

    2. Next, the government requires electronic kill switches to be built in that government agents can use to deactivate weapons on command.


    3. Ed Markey probably saw Skyfall and got the palm print idea from it.

  5. Either everyone in Brooklyn is appalling, or Katie Roiphe only gets invited to really shitty parties

    1. This is what happens when poor people affect the homes of rich people. They can’t afford to allow shoes or wine near the floors they bought but can’t afford.

      I really thought I’d like Ms. Roiphe, right up until the point where she admitted to letting her kids wear Crocs.

      1. To quote Adam Carolla:

        Crocs are like getting a hummer from a guy. Feels great, but at some point you look down and realize you are gay.

      2. Oh, crocs aren’t so bad if they aren’t in ridiculous bright colors.
        But what do I know, I wear flip-flops int eh summer.

        1. *Reaches down, pulls off official footwear of Florida (excepting funerals and weddings not held outdoors), slaps Zeb with flip-flop*

          I shall have my satisfaction for comparing the only sensible outdoor shoe with a sad and pathetic injection molded horror.

          1. Hey, I agree on flipflops (good ones, not those cheap pieces of crap that cut you between your toes). It just seems that a lot of people hold flip-flops in similar low regard fashion wise to crocs.

            1. Hey, I agree on flipflops (good ones, not those cheap pieces of crap that cut you between your toes). It just seems that a lot of people hold flip-flops in similar low regard fashion wise to crocs.

              That’s because flip-flops are a goddamn abomination to mankind (as are crocs). And this is coming from a native South Floridian. Unless you’re going to the fucking beach, wear shoes.

              1. The beach is the absolute worst place for flip-flops.

                Why the fuck does anyone care what other people wear on their feet in informal situations anyway?

                1. Because in my experience, most younger people who wear flip-flops wear them in informal situations, AND EVERYWHERE ELSE.

        2. Pfft. Xero shoes or go home.

          I wore those for most of 2013. Then I started a new contract at an uptight big corporation and have to wear real dress shoes. Man that sucks.

          1. Interesting but I can spend $20 for some flip flops that are already put together.

    2. I think that everyone in (as the author aptly describes it) “liberal, brownstone Brooklyn” is appalling.

      1. I’m glad I live in “apolitical, brownstone-knockoff Brooklyn”.

    3. It should perhaps not have come as a surprise that, in addition to being a no-shoe home, this is also a no-red-wine home.

      Total giveaway right there. Douchebags.

      1. If you are that worried about your precious furniture, you probably shouldn’t have a party.

        1. At least break out the plastic sofa covers.

      2. Stains add character, reflecting the personality and the lives lived there. Pristine means – neurotic asshole who hates themselves.

        1. When my parents left for the weekend one time in the 80’s, my father’s only words to me were “No track marks on the couch.”

          1. So, you had a junky for a sofa, huh?

    4. I actually know loads of people who ask that people remove their shoes, but that is in New England in the winter when that means lots of grit and water comes with the shoes. But at a fancy party in Brooklyn, that seems like less of an issue.
      A lot of people even automatically take their shoes off in my house even though I don’t care.

      1. I prefer people take their shoes off in my house. Partially because I hate wearing shoes in general but mostly because a lot of people don’t understand what the doormat is for. That being said, I’m not going to lose it if someone wears shoes in my house.

      2. I have no problem with people who do it to kids, but a party? That’s weird.

        1. Seriously. If you throw a party you just have to accept that you’ll be cleaning the floors the next day. I’ve known this since I was in college, FFS; it’s the cost of doing business.

      3. That’s what mud rooms are for. But it’s rare to find a house with a mud room south of about the 44th parallel in the U.S.

      4. My whole house is done in Pergo. You can’t hurt that shit. So I don’t care if people wear shoes in the house. I do.

      5. Without reading the article, if it’s winter in NY you get a nice film of gross shit all over your shoes, and there are large banks of snow lining the streets (and encasing parked cars). Street muck, sooty slush, salt… I don’t throw parties at my place but I do make the odd guests leave their shoes outside, next to mine.

        1. That’s utterly ridiculous. If you don’t know how to act in your clime, have no guests or move.

          1. I was responding to Zeb who implied that Brooklyn has some magical force field that prevents snow and dirt from clinging to boots and shoes in the winter. It doesn’t. It’s fucking filthy.

            If the host has rules about smoking cigs inside, smoking pot inside, doing coke in the kitchen, only drinking imported liquors, whatever retarded rules – you don’t go to the party. Or you go, you have a drink, complain that the host sucks, and take a cute group of girls with you to a place where no one cares about your dirty shoes.

            Have no guests or move… who’s the fucking ridiculous one?

            1. You’re right, but that doesn’t make your rules any less retarded.

              Asking people to take off their shoes is classless and tacky.

              1. Not to large swaths of the world’s population, including many Americans.

                  1. As opposed to argumentum ad Kochtopusum?

                    Besides which, when it comes to manners, I don’t think argumentum ad populum is necessarily a fallacy.

              2. Have you never visited an Asian household?

            2. That’s why there are overshoes. If you are going to a fancy party with your fancy shoes, you’d want to cover those shoes on the street in winter. I didn’t mean to suggest that Brooklyn is not covered in sand and salt and ice in the winter.

    5. My wife is from Korea, so we always take off our shoes in the entry way. Hopefully, that gives me a legitimate out for our no shoe policy. Of course I have never heard the term no shoe house until I read that article.

      Also, like Zeb said below, the melted snow and salt that come in during the winter is horrible here in Sunny Minnesota.

  6. Chicago cops developing real-life ‘Minority Report’ model to predict who might commit violent crimes
    The model stitches together people with violent backgrounds and those who are known acquaintances
    People without any criminal history are added to the list because police believe running with violent crowds puts them at greater risk for offending
    Cops have gone door to door visiting people on the list to let them know they are being watched
    All of the known visits have occurred on the crime-ridden predominantly minority populated South and West Sides


    A West Side resident told the paper he was shocked when an officer said there was a file on him back at the precinct after his friend was gunned down in 2012.
    ‘I have no [criminal] background, so what would even give you probable cause to watch me?’ Robert McDaniel recalled asking police.

    Probable cause is so quaint.

    1. A history of throwing snowballs is now proof positive of future criminal tendencies.

      1. Having a sealed juvenile record is now proof positive of future criminal tendencies.

    2. Chicago cops

      ‘Nuff said.

    3. “Pretty nice life you got here. Be a shame if anything happened to it.”

    4. All of the known visits have occurred on the crime-ridden predominantly minority populated South and West Sides

      Cops in the progressive utopia of Chicago making pre-emptive visits to blacks and hispanics to tell them not to be criminals? Sounds about right.

    5. Targeting people is exactly the wrong use for this kind of technology. The individual probabilities are just too low.

      It’s too bad because planning patrol routes and staffing could totally benefit from statistical analysis.

      But hey, that would make police more efficient, while lists of precrime suspects lets them be more overbearing.

  7. Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) has said Ted Nugent should apologize for calling President Obama a “subhuman mongrel.”

    Was it the subhuman part or the mongrel part?

    1. sub?hu?man adjective \?s?b-?hy?-m?n, -?y?-\
      : not having or showing the level of kindness, intelligence, etc., that is expected of normal human beings


      mon?grel noun \?m??-gr?l, ?m??-\
      : an individual resulting from the interbreeding of diverse breeds or strains; especially : one of unknown ancestry


      So maybe Rand Paul ought to apologize to Mr Nugent.

      1. As they say, the truth hurts.

      2. It’s about the connotation not the denotation. Obama is a piece of shit, but this sort of idiocy only hurts those associated with Nugent, which in most people’s minds probably includes libertarians.

        Just call Obama a fascist fuck, like any decent person would.

        1. Perhaps, but words do actually mean something whether the person who hears them wants to accept it or not.

          1. Of course, I don’t know if Ted broke out the dictionary before making the statement.

          2. This is why there are no libertarian politicians.

          3. yes, words mean things but in today’s environment, certain words from certain people are twisted to mean something totally different. Nuge’s intent is totally lost amid “racist!” and all the rest.

          4. Yeah, words do mean something. And “mongrel”, especially when referring to a mixed race person, means something idiotic and offensive. The word is not used with positive connotations. And when applied to a person it has obvious reference to stupid and wrong racist theories about the human race.

            1. Seriously, you have to be completely tone-deaf to not know how “mongrel” is commonly used.

            2. Eloquently stated, Zeb. Thank you.

              Also, what NLK said.

          5. Perhaps, but words do actually mean something whether the person who hears them wants to accept it or not.

            Words also mean more than a dictionary definition.

      3. Nugent is what is called “white trash” in Georgia. It below “redneck” in societal hierarchy.

        1. Don’t lock eyes with ’em, don’t do it. Puts ’em on edge. They might go into berzerker mode; come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake?” Let me tell you something: They all do. They all want cake.

        2. Don’t worry, PB, a few more years of effort and I’m sure you, too, will be able to advance to the level of redneck.

      4. Whether or not intended “subhuman” and “mongrel” have ugly racial connotations. One online dictionary definition doesn’t prove that it wasn’t a dumb and offensive thing to say. Maybe you could make the argument for subhuman, but mongrel is just terrible. It can really only be interpreted as referring to his racial background. Human beings are not divided into breeds and strains. This is not the American Kennel Club and there is no such thing as a pure breed human being.

        1. Good thing Ted didn’t call him a thug, I hear that’s the new N-word.

          1. Mongrel specifically refers to a person’s breeding or racial background.

            1. Uh.. yeah, I get it. I was making a crack about thug, the new ‘it’ word for race baiters.

      5. why was mongrel intended as an insult? Because it clearly was.

        We’re not supposed to care whether someone comes from “diverse breed or strains”, so fuck off with this apologist nonsense.

        1. Who the fuck are you to be telling us what we can and can’t care about?

          Fuck off, slaver!

    2. I think that that was a stupid and obnoxious thing to say. Nevertheless, Ted Nugent should Do what Ted Nugent wants to do.

    3. Ted Nugent is a Drug Warrior of the first order. Let him yell in an echo chamber for all I care.

    4. I hate to have to defend Ted because he’s an ass and this was a really stupid thing to say (I mean, everyone over the age of 7 should know the racial connotations of “subhuman mongrel”). But having listened to the whole quote on CNN when they first broke this, I thought it pretty clear that he meant Obama’s subhuman mongelry to be a function of his background as a communist-raised community organizer from Chicago that is still a communist.

  8. Cop who arrested Justin Bieber for drag racing in Miami faces credibility questions after it is revealed he has been investigated 15 TIMES for misconduct

    Miami Beach officer who collared Justin Bieber for drag racing under the influence of alcohol has a checkered professional record
    Officer Steven Cosner has faced 15 charges of misconduct over an 11-year period
    He was exonerated seven times
    Bieber’s defense team believe this casts doubts on the authenticity of Cosner
    Upon his arrest, police had accused Bieber of racing at speeds of between 50 and 60mph
    GPS records show that could not be the case

    Not that I give a shit about Bieber, but come on. Why the fuck does this cop still have a job after obviously being a liar who is addicted to power? Oh yeah, because his fellows and superiors are also liars who are addicted to power.

    1. Have you not been following the MDPD’s slow boil war with FHP after the female trooper arrested the guy for speeding with his lights off?

    2. In New Hampshire we have something called the “Laurie List” (named for a court case). It’s a list of cops who’s credibility may be in doubt because of past infractions up to and including perjury. Fairly regularly I see stories about whether prosecutors have properly disclosed whether a cop is on the list.

      No one ever seems to suggest the obvious, the Laurie list should be a list of cops who have been fired…problem solved.

      1. Can’t fire cops. I mean, once a person is so accustomed to using violence whenever they are not immediately obeyed, they’re unfit for regular society. They’ve got to stay cops their entire lives. Otherwise they’ll end up in prison, and because they’re ex-cops they’ll end up dead. Which is fine by me.

        1. Like the lawyer for one of Kelly Thomas’s murderers said, his identity as a human being is totally wrapped up in being a cop (paraphrasing).

          This Laurie list thing is just so blatant. Cop commits perjury, we put his name on a list. Not prosecute or even fire. His name goes on a list !

          1. Granted, it’s pretty weak sauce, but at least it limits the ability of those on the list to continue testilying.

            Baby steps, dude, baby steps.

      2. Well, if you start firing cops for lying, pretty soon you won’t have any cops.

    3. Upon his arrest, police had accused Bieber of racing at speeds of between 50 and 60mph

      Driving 50 or 60 is racing? Since when is it racing unless you’re driving a fucking go-cart at those speeds?

    1. An emblem worthy of the Stasi.

    2. I want a version of this where the octopus has a monocle and a top hat, and the NROL-39 replaced by “Kochtopus”.

  9. A 13-year-old boy has been charged with a felony after throwing a snowball at a cop in Chicago.

    That little savage is lucky to be alive.



  10. ‘You’re a mean little girl!’ Baby moose let loose from its bonds turns on animal tracker and lashes out at him
    Moose had been caught and tagged as part of conservation programme
    But she decides to take her revenge on her captor as she is released

    Dude gets his ass kicked.

    1. A M??se once bit my sister…

      No realli! She was Karving her initials on the m??se with the sharpened end of an interspace t??thbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian m?vies: “The H?t Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge M?lars of Horst Nordfink”…

      1. We apologize for the fault in the Morning Links. Those responsible have been drone striked.

    2. From the comments:

      This happened because he did not understand what your supposed to do when you catch a moose. When you catch a moose your supposed to turn it into meat.

      1. Our tracking data indicated that the moose spent several days in a refrigerator before the collar was recovered in the residential garbage. There has been no sign of the moose.

        1. You laugh, but my father once had a guy on his probation caseload who poached a moose and hung it in his garage without bothering to take off the tracking beacon.

          Researchers became suspicious when the location was a) in the middle of a small town, and b) didn’t move for a couple days.

          Dad said the best part of it was that the guy never really figured out how they caught him.

          1. As John pointed out a couple of days ago, many people in the prison/probation population have only the haziest ideas about cause and effect, much less sophisticated things like radios.

    3. Moose are really dangerous. When I visited Alaska, where moose are nearly as common as deer in New England, everyone said that you should be a lot more scared of encountering a moose than a bear.

      1. That’s why you always carry a gun.

        1. Well, yeah. But you still want to keep your distance from a moose. Especially a male in rutting season.

      2. I thought they just walked around town not bothering anyone. Well, that’s what I learned on Mythbusters.

        1. I learned that from Northern Exposure.

  11. Census Bureau: Means-Tested Gov’t Benefit Recipients Outnumber Full-Time Year-Round Workers
    Americans who were recipients of means-tested government benefits in 2011 outnumbered year-round full-time workers, according to data released this month by the Census Bureau.

    They also out-numbered the total population of the Philippines….

    …When the people who received non-means-tested government benefits from programs such as Social Security, Medicare, unemployment and non-means-tested veterans compensation are added to those who received means-tested government programs such as food stamps, Supplemental Security Income and public housing, the total number of people receiving government benefits from one or more programs in the United States in 2011 climbs to 151,014,000, according to the Census Bureau….

    1. Totally not a problem. We can support this welfare state indefinitely.

      1. We just have to extend our taxes to ‘potential immigrants’ (ie people in other countries)

        1. What, you one of those people who want kids to starve!!!

          /prog and practically everyone else in the country

    2. Wow. That’s a lotta people taking money.

    3. So nearly half the population is on the dole. Totally sustainable.

      1. Throw in all the people with a government job and I’ll bet it’s close to 75 or 80 percent whose lifestyles are subsidized by the private sector.

        But remember, it’s the 1 percent who are greedy and selfish.

        1. Well, as Margaret Thatcher once noted, eventually you run out of other people’s money.

          1. The BBC commentariat got really pissed at me when I gave them that quote on a page about some wasteful socail program they were rushing to defend.

    4. Mission accomplished.


    5. But they are now free to paint and write the great american novel

  12. Venezuela’s president is threatening to expel CNN over its reporting of ongoing protests against his government.

    Obama tried the same thing with Fox News over the Tea Party protest, didn’t he?

  13. Ex-TSA agent reveals absurd memo from HQ warning that terrorists were going to use solar-powered bombs and slams other ridiculous rules – like confiscating aluminum foil and printer cartridges

    I believe the maximum IQ allowed for TSA management is 85.

  14. I just visited the Girl Scout Marijuana thread from last night. No one mentioned this gem of a comment from the mashable story?

    My girls used to be in scouts years ago. I couldn’t believe the junk they put in those cookies. They were loaded with trans fats beyond belief. Selling them outside a clinic for people with medical problems is not right. They could be encouraging those patients to get into very bad habits. They are praying on a group of people with a legitimate need for medicine and trying to get them to eat something that their body simply doesn’t need.

    The clinic should turn down the Girl Scouts and tell them to sell their cookies elsewhere, away from people who don’t want to be exposed to such things.

    1. Is the clinic for people who have lost their willpower?

      1. Weed will cure anything.

        1. I see, I’d set up shop outside a marijuana store too.

      2. Cannabis helped me quit tobacco.

    2. The clinic should turn down the Girl Scouts and tell them to sell their cookies elsewhere, away from people who don’t want to be exposed to such things

      But since they did record business with the people visiting the dispensory, that means the people did want to be exposed to such things.

    3. The clinic should turn down the Girl Scouts and tell them to sell their cookies elsewhere

      I love how she believes that the clinic has some sort of special power to control vendors on public sidewalks near them.

      1. Are they a food truck? OMG, ARE THEY A FOOD TRUCK?!?



    4. Nobody needs more than 7 boxes of Thin Mints.


      We have passed Peak Retard, and are now riding the back half of the Bell Curve into Funkytown. Strap on your helmets, people, it only gets weirder from here.

  15. Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green give their newborn son a Buddhism inspired name… and you’ll never guess what it is

    Shoulda been sarc jr. Damn I’d love to impregnate that woman.

    1. I’ll guess … “Siddhartha”.

      1. *** looks at TFA ***

        Damn it!

    2. Is there anything more shallow than celebrities clinging on to religions?

      My all-time personal favorite is Madonna following the Kabbalah.

      Nonsense. If there’s one person that breaks the essence of that world view, it’s her.

    3. Bodhi? That’s not that uncommon of a name. Bodi Miller, Bodhi Elfman.

      1. I love Bodhi bags. They’re lined in faux fur! (well, the two i have are)

        1. OMFG…I need the one with the safety pin handle!

    4. Is he still living large off of his 90210 money?

      Damn I’d love to impregnate that woman.

      You have to play the part of the Hollywood deadbeat to get with girls like her.

  16. Mystery Artifact Unearthed at City Hall Is 19th-Century Feminine Device

    An excavation at the city’s political center has unearthed a 3-inch artifact that initially baffled archaeologists ? until they realized it was one of the earliest documented feminine hygiene products in New York.

    “At first we thought it was maybe a spice-grinder or needle case,” said Alyssa Loorya, president of Chrysalis Archaeology, the firm that oversaw the dig, part of a Department of Design and Construction rehabilitation project at City Hall. “We were stumped.”

    1. “They also used them as means to do what they thought was cleaning themselves.”

      “Cleaning themselves”, eh?

      Perhaps ifh would care to weigh in on this ….

  17. S&M is GOOD for you: Researchers say sadomasochism can lead to an ‘altered state of consciousness’ similar to meditation
    Researchers say those who practiced S&M felt less anxiety
    Effect similar to ‘runners high’


    1. Om…om…om…om…swish-crack! Swish-crack! Om…om…om…om…hey, it *is* like meditation!

      Alternate joke: the author of the study said he hoped his methodoly was valid, but if not he certainly deserved to be punished.

  18. McNider and Christy: Why Kerry Is Flat Wrong on Climate Change
    …For instance, in 1994 we published an article in the journal Nature showing that the actual global temperature trend was “one-quarter of the magnitude of climate model results.” As the nearby graph shows, the disparity between the predicted temperature increases and real-world evidence has only grown in the past 20 years.

    When the failure of its predictions become clear, the modeling industry always comes back with new models that soften their previous warming forecasts, claiming, for instance, that an unexpected increase in the human use of aerosols had skewed the results. After these changes, the models tended to agree better with the actual numbers that came in?but the forecasts for future temperatures have continued to be too warm. …

    1. When the failure of its predictions become clear, the modeling industry always comes back with new models that soften their previous warming forecasts, claiming, for instance, that an unexpected increase in the human use of aerosols had skewed the results

      The warmists will put anything in the models except a better way to account for the effect of Sol.

    2. As they continue to fail to acknowledge that the hypothesis their models were based on has been falsified.

  19. Hate Parking Tickets? Fixed Fights Them In Court For You

    Up to 50 percent of parking tickets are dismissed when fought in court, but it takes knowledge and time to do it. New app Fixed will do it for you. Take a photo of your ticket, Fixed contests it, and if it’s dismissed, you pay Fixed 25 percent of the ticket price. If Fixed loses, you pay it nothing, so there’s nothing to lose. Fixed just launched in San Francisco, but wants to fight tickets nationwide.

    Pretty cool. It would be nice if they could expand it to speeding tickets.

    1. If I’ve actually not broken the law I want zero dollars coming from me and going to anyone. I can’t see myself ever using this service.

  20. Cat Bites Are Linked To Depression

    What’s the matter–cat bite your hand? After combing through the health records of 1.3 million people over 10 years, researchers found an unusual link between cat bites and depression. More than 41 percent of those who had presented to hospitals with cat bites were also treated for depression at some point. Furthermore, 86 percent of the people that had been both bitten and diagnosed with depression were women. If you are a woman who’s been bitten by a cat, there’s nearly a 50 percent chance that you will be diagnosed with depression at some point, the study suggests.

    Puzzling findings, there. What’s going on? The researchers don’t know. But they do outline some guesses.

    1. Or maybe, just maybe, depression-prone women are more likely to be bitten by cats than the general population?

      1. Well, they do tend to have a lot of cats.

        1. Hey, I resemble that remark!

    1. The stakes have never been higher!

  21. Recording cops land people in jail, despite being perfectly legal. What happened to the cops who jailed people for non-crimes? Absolutely nothing.



    1. Because false arrest and kidnapping are only for the peons.

      No double standard at all.

  22. A sad day in history:
    Feb. 20, 1839: Congress outlaws pistol dueling to prevent lawmakers from continuing to kill each other,/B

    1. Think we can make dueling a thing again among the political class?

      1. It was still a thing until quite recently in France

      2. Dueling requires a culture of honor.

        1. How about backstabbing with real knives?

        2. And a culture of “honor” is total bullshit. It’s actually not about honor but “face” which is even more bullshit. It’s nothing more than everyone trying not to look like a pussy. Totally moronic in itself, not to mention building a whole culture based on it.

  23. Louisiana State Rep. Franklin Foil (R) wants to increase the penalty for selling cannabis or pwit cannabis from a discretionary 0 to 20 year sentence to a mandatory minimum sentence of 20 years (up to 50 years) without the possibility of parole.

    Please email Foil at foilf@legisla.gov. and let him know that he’s evil.

    1. “Curses! Foiled again!”

      /Captain Obvious

    2. Damn those Democrats! Hiss! Boo!

  24. NYC pay toilet charges $8 a day

    A New York company has started marketing what amounts to an upscale pay toilet service. Posh Stow and Go will offer visitors to the Big Apple “clean, safe and soundproof” bathrooms worthy of “the greatest city in the world,” in addition to such other amenities as “luxury showers” and private storage rooms.

    Prices for the Midtown facility, which is set to open around June, start at $24 for a three-day pass (or $8 a day), plus a mandatory $15 annual membership fee. The company envisions opening other locations throughout the city?lower Manhattan is next on the list?but warns that “only a limited number of memberships will be sold so as to provide the best possible experience.”

    1. Every day we get a little closer to Snow Crash.

      1. My brother and I had an idea at an outdoor event for a mobile, superclean toilet service for the women in attendance. Because woman fucking hate portable toilets.

        1. Yep. I went to a two-day music festival last year – 95 degree F and the portaloos were fucking steaming. I thought I’d pass out from the miasma, die a lonely death in a tiny dunny, and miss Pere Ubu. Luckily it was hot tat i was pretty dehydrated and didn’t need to use them much

        2. I hate ’em too – I mean I just want to take a whiz while the other patrons have decided to hold their bowels in check until they get to the Oktoberfest.

        3. They exist.


          1. Ha! I don’t see evidence of automated total sterilization like my concept has.

  25. Winter Olympics 2014: Kate Hansen’s Sochi hall wolf revealed to be Jimmy Kimmel prank

    #SochiProblems has become one of the biggest stories of this year’s winter Olympics, with an accompanying Twitter handle now attracting more followers than the official @Sochi2014 account.

    So when US luger Kate Hansen posted a short clip on Youtube claiming to show a wolf – or at least a large husky – roaming the corridor outside her room, a lot of people got pretty excited.

    But it turns out the video – however much we here at The Independent wanted it to be true – was a well executed hoax orchestrated by American chat show host and comedian Jimmy Kimmel.

    Confirming his involvement, and suggesting a real wolf rather than a dog starred in the clip, Mr Kimmel tweeted: “I always say, if you’re going to cry wolf – get an actual wolf to cry with.”

    She’s cute and has a good sense of humor. Bonus video of her warmup routine at the link.

    1. Yeah, she’s cute, but that “viral” warm-up routine is just about the most contrived thing I’ve ever seen. I’m sure it’s a just a coincidence she always warms-up in front of the cameras.

  26. CBS 2 Exclusive: De Blasio’s Caravan Caught Speeding, Violating Traffic Laws
    Embarrassment Comes Just Days After Mayor Announced New Traffic Safety Initiative

    Leaders must obey the same laws as the people. Rulers, not so much.

  27. Michelle Obama: ‘Young People Are Knuckleheads,’ Which Is Why They Need Obamacare

    “They’re the ones who are cooking for the first time and slice their finger open, they’re dancing on the bar stool”

    , and throwing snowballs at cops.

    1. She forgot all the fucking they do, hence the need for free contraception.

    2. They’re the ones dying in uselss foreign wars your husband still has not ended, and will die in the conflicts he keeps trying to start. They’re the ones who can’t get a goddamn job. They’re the ones with crippling college debt your generation pushed on them. They’re goddamn adults, and they don’t want your help, especialy since it only hurts in the end.

      1. Nice rant, WT.

    3. Youth for Obama…we love it when our idols insult and femean us! It’s like a runner’s high!

      1. Is “femean” like the converse of “mansplaining”?

        Eddie why are you torturing the English language? You are not James Joyce.

        1. Because I love having you follow me around on H&R – it keeps you off the streets.

          1. I am the Wormwood to your Patient.

    4. Youth for Obama…we love it when our idols insult and femean us! It’s like a runner’s high!

      1. You’ll have to mansplain “femean”.

        1. Damn you, Rich. Didn’t scroll down, obviously.

          1. That’s OK, Tonio.

            I did something similar in the Funnies.

    5. If kids are knuckleheads, what does that make her hubby?

    6. “They’re the ones who are cooking for the first time and slice their finger open, they’re dancing on the bar stool”

      “and pulling the arms off their friends – oh wait”

      1. Literally lol’d.

      2. “and pulling the arms off their friends – oh wait”

        +1 Let the wookie win…

  28. Markets flooded with cash, should Fed prep to stamp out risk?

    The 2007-2009 financial crisis left many wondering whether the U.S. central bank should have more boldly tightened policy in the preceding years to head off the explosion of risky mortgage debt on Wall Street.

    Now, after holding interest rates near zero for more than five years and pumping trillions of dollars into the economy through bond purchases, the question of how best to deal with bubble-like signs could become a defining one for the Fed and its new chief, Janet Yellen.

    If the economy continues to grow but inflation stays stubbornly low, concerns over financial instability could prompt Yellen to more quickly wind down the policy stimulus than she otherwise might.

    1. As usual, Monetarist clowns spot the bubble in its terminal stages. The next crash is already baked in.

      1. Monetarist clowns for your kid’s next birthday party!

        1. You know who else was a clown that liked to work at kids birthday parties?

        2. “Watch as I inflate this baloon animal to massive proportions! What the? It popped? I totally didn’t see that coming!”

          1. “Now watch me inflate several smaller balloons that are just as good as the first balloon!”

    2. They can’t raise interest rates until the economy improves. They need about a 12% bump in tax revenue to cover the debt payment if it were to rise to a reasonable 6%. Which is why the Central Bank issuing currency shouldn’t be chartered by the nation issuing debt.

      1. Bingo.

  29. From the comments on a story about stupid tourists:

    I once had a group of English tourists and one American couple (desperately young newlyweds on their honeymoon) on a Sydney orientation tour.

    To begin with the Americans seemed confused as to why the English were laughing at certain things I’d say like “well as you can see it’s terrible weather in Sydney today” when it was obviously bright and shining and 28 degrees. Then he slowly began to cotton on that it was sarcasm….only his young wife just couldn’t get it. Her husband became increasingly frustrated with her and he tried to explain the concept to her over and again. To no avail.

    When we got to Mrs Macquarie’s chair the group were taking photos of Sydney Harbour and I mentioned to them all that if they looked closely at the Harbour Bridge they could see people doing the bridge climb and they could do it too if they wanted.

    When she saw the small silhouettes on the Bridge the American woman reacted with horror.

    “Oh my God! Look at them! But…but…how do they get down?”
    Understandably frustrated by this point I decided to have some fun.
    “Well they get to the top and they just jump. It’s a ritual suicide thing. Kind of like lemmings. Sad, but beautiful in its own way.”

    “Oh God no! I can’t watch!!”

    1. At this point her husband chimed in.

      “Oh baby…..God damn. The man is joking. Do you honestly think people commit ritual suicide in the middle of Sydney?”

      “Well I don’t know everything is so different here!”

      He walked off in a huff with the English tourists.

      I often wonder if the marriage survived the honeymoon.

      1. Soooo, when did the woman receive her booting?

    2. Why sarcasm is my second language.

    3. Marge: I’ll have a cup of coffee.
      Aussie: Beer it is.
      Marge: Cof-fee.
      Aussie: Be-er.

      1. One of my top 3 episodes. The other two are Homer the Heretic (1) and Bart Gets an Elephant.

        1. “You already had an elephant, Bart. His name was Stampy. And you loved him.”

          “Oh, yeah.”

      2. I see you’ve played knifey spooney before.

  30. Obama Budget to Delete Proposal to Limit Social Security

    President Barack Obama will emphasize Democratic priorities in his next budget, dropping an offer to trim the growth of entitlement spending and proposing new tax limits for U.S.-based multi-national companies.

    In an election-year spending blueprint to be sent to Congress March 4, Obama is leaving out a proposal to reduce cost-of-living adjustments for Social Security and other benefit programs, while adding $56 billion for domestic and defense programs and seeking more revenue through taxes. The budget seeks new limits on companies’ ability to take advantage of gaps between countries’ tax rules, administration officials said.

  31. Three suspected Auschwitz guards have been detained in Germany.

    I am so sick of this. I can’t wait until everyone who was over ten years old during WW2 is dead.

    Sure, no statute of limitation on murder, or civil rights violations committed by government officials.

    But this sort of thing is also just a bit unseemly.

    1. Why is going after the guys who helped run the fucking murder factories unseemly? Saying “well, you’re old now, go on your way” is unseemly.

      1. Agreed. If you’re looking for unseemly behaviour, how about the various governments who decided there was no shame in harbouring sadistic killers?

      2. It just seems a tad pointless.

          1. Yes.

            1. C’mon over to Skokie and tell some Holocaust survivors they need to get over it, right?

          2. There is a statute of limitations for many crimes. Murder is an exception, as well it should be.

            But, yes, there’s an inherent time-limit that not even the most powerful judge can transcend – the death of the perpetrator. Unless you want to dig up corpses and put them on trial as was done by the Spanish Inquisition.

            1. Nope – dead ends it. But “he’s old” is not a defense to killing. I’d put rape in there too, but I am more retributivist in my criminal justice outlook than many.

        1. Not to me.

          1. In the case of the 94 yo, yes, somewhat pointless. At that age he’s likely as not to die before the trial ends, and certainly unlikely to live long enough to serve a significant sentence. TFA said they were transferred to a jail hospital, so already in poor health. If he’s senile or borderline he may not even understand what is going on.

            However, the alternative is to give them a pass which is also unseemly.

            My greater point was that the whole situation is unsatisfactory.

            1. The world’s full of unsatisfactory situations, but letting old Nazis walk simply because they are old is the most unsatisfactory outcome, in my view.

              They should be treated like other accused. If he’s senile, he’s senile, it’s reasonable not to try him. If he’s just old, not so much.

              1. And I believe we ultimately agree on this, HM.

                The only difference is that I described the situation as unsatisfactory. That doesn’t change anything.

      3. I don’t think it’s so much that they’re old now, I think it’s more how do they get a fair trail after 70 years?

        1. Proabably a helluva lot better chance at a fair trial than if they were tried in 1947.

          1. While true, that still doesn’t make it fair.

            1. So what’s your alternative if getting an even more fair trial today than they would have if apprehended almost immediately isn’t fair enough? It wouldn’t have been a fair trial in 1947, it’s not a fair trial today. Would the trial have only been fair at some intermediate point or was their (alleged, whatever) act so egregious that a fair trial isn’t possible and they should never be tried?

              I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that military documents place them at the camp and if they don’t have anything better than “nuh uh” then that’s fair enough, in my view.

              1. How many of the guys why’re arresting these days are just the schlubs who walked the perimeter? Several of these show trials lacked evidence that the defenant actually committed a crime beyond being there. What do they have on this one?

                1. I don’t know what they have on this one. I’m not saying to hang them, I’m saying it’s legitimate to try them.

                2. That’s a good question. Even the perimeter walkers (assuming that there were people who indeed only provided perimeter security) were directly complicit in this – they could see what was happening.

                  But where does it end? What about the people in the offsite payroll office (again, assuming, but surely there is someone in an analogous position of supporting the enterprise without experiencing the horror first-hand).

                  My understanding is that the entire adult (at least) civilian population of Germany had to attend mandatory de-Nazification classes including camp walk-throughs (in areas with camps).

      4. And I agree that Justice must be served, as I tried to make clear in my post.

        In an ideal world these people would have been rounded up and tried long ago.

      5. “Why is going after the guys who helped run the fucking murder factories unseemly?”

        Did they really run the show? Something tells me that it was the prisoners’ life or theirs. I don’t know much about it though, but I have a hard time believing that they didn’t have a gun pointed to their head too.

        1. ..helped run…

          Bolded, for your reading ease.

          I get it, they were just following orders.

        2. Well, they could have stolen something or assaulted an officer; perhaps they’d have ended up in a military stockade for a time, then have been sent to the Russian Front.

  32. Madoff said JPMorgan executives knew of his fraud: lawsuit

    Two senior officials at JPMorgan Chase & Co and predecessor companies repeatedly confronted Bernard Madoff over irregularities in his business, a new lawsuit said, suggesting that bank leaders had “direct knowledge” of his Ponzi scheme.

    The lawsuit filed in federal court in Manhattan on Wednesday on behalf of shareholders against Chief Executive Jamie Dimon and 12 other current and former executives and directors was based in part by statements made by Madoff himself during a series of interviews.

    “JPMorgan was uniquely positioned for 20 years to see Madoff’s crimes and put a stop to them,” the lawsuit said.

    “But faced with the prospect of shutting down Madoff’s account and losing lucrative profits,” it added, “JPMorgan – at its highest level – chose to turn a blind eye.”

  33. Religious sex toys


    1. It takes a special kind of person to want to use a Baby Jesus butt plug.

      1. At least they’re forgiven for their transgressions.

    2. Let’s see. He wants to do Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism and Hinduism…I guess that covers all the major religions, right?

      I keep feeling like he’s beheading…I mean forgetting…something…maybe a Jain vibrator? An Amist hand-powered dildo?

      I know-a Ka’aba buttplug! I’m sure he’ll get right on it!

      1. Given Islam’s prohibition against Idolatry, there is nothing analogous (“logous”, get it?).

        1. I dunno…”turbaned twat tickler” is a name waiting for a product.

  34. Scientists discover a ‘violence gene’ that turns some children into video game addicts

    Next up: “Scientists discover a ‘sarcasm gene’ that turns some children into Hit & Run addicts”

    1. And by “some children” they mean “all boys”, right?

    2. They call it the ‘violence’ gene, but don’t even bother to check for correlation with actual, real life violence.

      Agenda much?

  35. Dutch Skating Coach: Americans Lost Because They Love Football, ‘a Sport that Sucks’

    When the United States speedskating team blamed its failure to medal in this year’s games on its suits, the Netherlands’ coach couldn’t help but laugh at the excuse. Instead, Jillert Anema, who led the Dutch to 21 medals in the speedskating this year alone, pointed to Americans’ love for football as the culprit for the country’s lack of success internationally.

    “You have a lot of attention on a foolish sport like American football and you waste a lot of athletic talent in a sport that is meant to kill each other, to injure each other ? nobody in the world is competing [with] you in that field,” he told CNBC on Thursday. “You’re so narrow-minded, and then you want to compete against the world while you waste a lot of good talent on a sport that sucks.”

    1. Fine words for a rollmoppin’ mofo who’s only one step about the Belgians

      1. +1 Sauerkrat wrapped in a filet of pickled herring.

        1. “kraut” must have caught something from Eddie. LOL.

    2. So they watched the Super Bowl then.

    3. How are they doing in skiing, hockey, etc.? How many medals do they have? How about that Summer Olympics team? What about WWII?

      1. Don’t mention the war!

      2. What about WWII?

        Well, that escalated quickly

        1. I was kidding, of course. I quite kindly left out that we’re displacing them and the Belgians as beer powers.

    4. then you want to compete against the world while you waste a lot of good talent on a sport that sucks.”

      Yet the USA still has more medals than anyone else.

      1. “*Pssh* They have all the world’s money, they clearly bought off the judges.”


    5. That is so full of non sequiturs, I can’t even…

    6. I’m sure the guys in the NFL, who are making at least the league minimum of ~$500k per annum, see what they do as a “waste of talent.” Better they be skating stars who live in poverty because no one gives a shit about speed skating except every 4 years at the fucking Olympics.

  36. NFL Fashion Update:

    Buccaneers New Helmet and Logo

    1. I always liked the fop with the feather. It really said “Tampa” to me.

      1. Dude, I’ve lived in Columbus.

        1. I will run you through with my rapier. It’s gonna look like the set of Hook here any minute.

          1. See, we’re the pirates. And the strippers. We’re the stripping pirates. And I’m troubled that Hook is your go-to pirate movie.

    2. That flag is way too big.

    3. “Where are your buccaneers?”

      “They’re under my buccan helmet!”

      1. I thought a buccaneer was just expensive corn.

    4. Super Bowl victory now guaranteed.

    5. I can’t wait for this trend of ULTRAMODERN HELMETS to die already.

      1. Me, too. I was on a Bucs blog yesterday, and someone inserted an image in the comments (something the so-called libertarians here refuse to allow except for that one time) of an old-school leather helmet with a Buccaneers logo on it. Loved it. But if we use those, we have to sign Tebow and five 600 pound linemen.

        1. Jared Lorenzen could have been somebody.

          1. I saw that clip that made the rounds of him playing recently. It reminded me quite a bit of Welles playing Falstaff in a battle scene in The Chimes at Midnight.

            1. He’s like 400lbs these days isn’t he?

              1. Indeed he is. It’s an amazing thing, watching a lineman play QB.

    6. I don’t like it much. It reminds me of the trend of blasting a huge logo on shirts and the like, which looks fucking stupid to me. Then again, it’s not a very dramatic change.

  37. “Well they get to the top and they just jump. It’s a ritual suicide thing. Kind of like lemmings. Sad, but beautiful in its own way.”

    If only we could institute this practice on the Golden Gate Bridge.

    1. Or the Capitol dome.

  38. In an election-year spending blueprint to be sent to Congress March 4, Obama is leaving out a proposal to reduce cost-of-living adjustments for Social Security and other benefit programs, while adding $56 billion for domestic and defense programs and seeking more revenue through taxes. The budget seeks new limits on companies’ ability to take advantage of gaps between countries’ tax rules, administration officials said.

    Haha, suckers!

  39. Kevin Williamson: Punitive Economics
    The Democrats now seek only to punish.

    The Democrats’ economic agenda is now strictly punitive. In the debate over raising the minimum wage, the Congressional Budget Office has weighed in with an estimate that the move would throw hundreds of thousands of low-income Americans out of work. The Democrats’ response? That it’s worth it. If we want to increase the purchasing power of low-income people, there are many ways to do that without adding to unemployment, but that is not what this is about. This is about the progressives’ demand for a show of force: Business is going to do business how they say, or else. The tax increases the president is seeking will not do nearly as much to stabilize our long-term finances as entitlement reform would, but the president wants to raise taxes on higher earners as a moral matter rather than as an economic one. Never mind if it ultimately undermines our public finances ? if it feels good, do it.

    And if it feels bad for your political enemies, do it twice.

  40. Artificial ‘Yarn Muscles’ 100X Stronger Than Human Muscles

    The fiber muscles can lift 100 times as much as human muscles of the same length and weight, generating the same power per unit weight as a jet engine, researchers say.

    Wow! Imagine the, um, squats Warty could do with that stuff!

    On second thought, better don’t imagine that.

      1. Certainly not *I*!

  41. Interesting write-up on the Opium Wars.

  42. The tax increases the president is seeking will not do nearly as much to stabilize our long-term finances as entitlement reform would, but the president wants to raise taxes on higher earners as a moral matter rather than as an economic one. Never mind if it ultimately undermines our public finances ? if it feels good, do it.

    The Zero-Sum President.

    Thanks, you fucking dummies.

  43. State to buy tinfoil hats to combat Common Core

    The House Appropriations ? Education Committee cut deeply today into Gov. Jay Nixon’s proposals for public schools and higher education, slashing his planned increases by more than $200 million.

    But committee Chairman Mike Lair, R-Chillicothe, found $8 to address a pressing problem. The money is to be used “for two rolls of high density aluminum to create headgear designed to deflect drone and/or black helicopter mind reading and control technology.”

  44. NY lawmaker: Parents should take parenting classes

    New York state Sen. Ruben Diaz Jr. introduced a bill that would require parents of elementary school children to attend a minimum of four parent support classes. If parents don’t go, 6th graders won’t move onto 7th grade.

    WTF is it with New York?

    1. There’s a particularly strong vein of stupid between the shale and the aquifer that leaks into the water we ship down to the city. It catalyzes with the material in the aquaduct walls to become manumentally strong stupid.

    2. Holy shit. I’ve often used a hypothetical example of having to earn a parenting permit before you can have children as an illustration of the evils of utilitarianism. These assholes want to make that hypothetical a reality.

    3. That’s right. Punish the kids for something stupid that the parents didn’t do.

  45. Obama to call for end of “era of austerity” with 2015 budget proposal.

    Yes, you read that correctly: Obama and his left-wing media base are now calling the last five years an “era of austerity”, even though they’ve racked up six trillion dollars of public debt. Imagine how terrifying their notion of an era of big spending must be.

    1. I propose we end our austerity by returning to a balanced budget.

    2. White House officials declined to say Thursday how they would fund the initiative.

      How about starting by firing those White House officials?

  46. Evidently not enough bootlicking going on by fcc standards.


  47. New York state Sen. Ruben Diaz Jr. introduced a bill that would require parents of elementary school children to attend a minimum of four parent support classes. If parents don’t go, 6th graders won’t move onto 7th grade.

    “Tell your child to sit still and unquestioningly obey the teacher” classes, in other words.

  48. Hmm… random thought here:

    Let’s say the Republicans hold the House and take the Senate. We’ll have a fairly neutered president – left to executive orders and all.

    If Hillary wins in 2016 and the Republicans manage to hold on to both the House and Senate, how would Madam President react?

    I see a further tension between the City/Country or the Free Gravy train/Middle Class, and calls for a more “proactive” and forceful executive. Much like Rome when the Senate lost more of their power and became a token body of government.

    1. I will try optimism here.

      She could learn from the mistakes of Obama and actually “work” with republicans. With the nation favoring decreasing the WOD, they could scale down penalties on consumption of MJ to misdemeanor.

      /being positive feels weird. I don’t like it. Hurumph.

  49. The NYC mayor who’s gonna get tough on bad drivers and speeding taxis careens through a stop sign in his gas-guzzling SVU.

    Gawkers leap to De Chavesio’s defense.

    1. “sometimes has to use special driving techniques for protective reasons.”

      So, the city had a compelling interest in running that stop sign?

      1. He was being chased by invisible right wing attack choppers!

    2. Oswald notwithstanding, it is tougher to hit a moving target.

      1. Who gets carjacked or shot at at a higher rate, regular citizens or the mayor of New York?

    3. “BLOOMBERG DID IT!!!”

      Shreek, is that you…?

  50. Gawkers leap to De Chavesio’s defense.

    How do you do it?

    Leaving aside the content, Gawker’s sites are abominable.

    Even(!) worse than HnR.

    1. I do it for you, P Brooks and for sarcasmic and for Rich and Ted S. and Lord Humungus and little Jimmy there in the back.

      I do it because it has to be done.

      1. Thanks, SF.

        I, for one, appreciate it more than these puny bytes can convey.

  51. White House officials declined to say Thursday how they would fund the initiative.

    “What a ridiculous question. We have plenty of checks left.”

  52. I do it for you, P Brooks and for sarcasmic and for Rich and Ted S. and Lord Humungus and little Jimmy there in the back.

    You’re like a twisted, depraved, hunchbacked Baby Jesus.

    1. he’s like the Baby Jesus Butt Plug

      1. You need to let Jesus in. Let him fill you up.

  53. Dallas police have six-hour stand-ff with empty apartment.

    After a nearly six-hour standoff, Dallas police did not locate any suspects in an Oak Cliff apartment complex.

    Officers were called to the Holiday Apartments near Eighth and North Ewing early Friday morning after a woman reported being assaulted, police said.

    Deputy Chief Scott Walton said officers had been told there was a group of people in the apartment possibly holding someone against their will.

    Around 3:30 p.m. officers made their way into the apartment complex, which was found vacant, Walton said.

    1. “stand-ff” has humorous connotations.

      +1 can Crisco

    2. These guys are brilliant.

      And they’ll almost surely be hailed as heroes for their brave deeds done.

  54. Jesus Fucking Christ.

    Celebrities testifying on Capitol Hill are a staple. As with most transactions in Congress, there’s something to be gained by both sides: Lawmakers attract attention they typically wouldn’t for their issues, and the VIPs ? from Bono to Elmo ? get to soak up some of that special gravitas that only a congressional microphone can provide.

    Next week, we’ll see a few. Ben Affleck will be speaking to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee about Congo on Wednesday, while actor Seth Rogen is slated to address another Senate panel about Alzheimer’s disease. But a House committee apparently didn’t think Affleck was enough of an expert on the African nation to merit a spot at a similar hearing on the other side of the Dome, Foreign Policy magazine is reporting.

    “The meeting would be inappropriate given the wide offering of other experts available to speak on the issue,” FP quotes a Republican aide as saying about the “Argo” actor. Such an appearance was “floated” and rejected.

    Ouch ? that’s harsh.

    Lamenting that the House would rather hear from experts rather than celebrities? Fuck the fuck off, bitch. It’s not the information that’s important, it’s the fucking donkey show that counts.

    1. “We mistook him for someone who was actually a celebrity. After we realized the error, we asked him to not come around again without a bucket of cash.”

    2. That’s the Post’s celebrity gossip column. What else would they talk about?

      1. Celebrity shit, rather than interjecting politics in to celebrity shit? The notion that everything must wind down to politics is base. Making connections between celebrities and politics is even worse.

        1. That’s the whole point of The Reliable Source – it’s about DC celebrities and celebrities in DC.

  55. Krauthammer says something intelligent!

    I repeat: I’m not a global warming believer. I’m not a global warming denier. I’ve long believed that it cannot be good for humanity to be spewing tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. I also believe that those scientists who pretend to know exactly what this will cause in 20, 30 or 50 years are white-coated propagandists.

    “The debate is settled,” asserted propagandist in chief Barack Obama in his latest State of the Union address. “Climate change is a fact.” Really? There is nothing more anti-scientific than the very idea that science is settled, static, impervious to challenge.

    He even busts out the “warmists as religious zealots” metaphor.

    1. Consider this: Even if AGW-supporting evidence to date could be shown to be absolutely correct, that doesn’t mean we could extrapolate warming to infinity. There could easily be a point where whatever contributions humans are making have diminishing returns as far as affecting the climate are concerned.

      After all, there’s no question at all that we’re not overwhelming the atmosphere with CO2 or anything else–the hypothesis is based on our relatively miniscule pollution having a significant effect (which is not, in itself, a ridiculous hypothesis, but it’s all the better for supporting proof).

      In other words, even accepting it all as true, we still don’t know that it’s worth taking radical steps to stop something that may not need stopping at all. Leaving aside altogether questions about whether there is significant AGW, that it will have cataclysmic effects if it does exist, or even if the recent warming trend has any meaning at all.

      1. But TEH MODULZ predict the west will be dry in 10 years (something a friend told me 2 nights ago). You know, the same models that told us the arctic would be without sea ice by last summer, and the same ones that have been universally wrong on temperature predictions.

        But this time they’ll be right. You wait.

        1. Obviously, I agree that some caution is in order if AGW can be firmly established. But the predictive ability of climate science seems very low. Improve that, and then maybe we’ll know where we stand, if anywhere.

        2. I am certainly no expert, but I have read some things that suggest that the American West has historically had long very dry periods (having nothing to do with human induced climate change). It may be that the recent past, when human population in the west grew enormously, has been an unusually wet period for the west and they are now moving toward a dry period which will make it hard to sustain the current population there.

          1. Which is why we need to capture some comets.

    1. “Why would anyone ever eat anything but breakfast food?”
      “People are idiots.”

  56. In an unsurprising move, Cilliza goes collectivist AND full retard:

    The split is clear. If you have a Waffle House in your state, you are more likely to support a Republican for president. If you don’t, you won’t. The harder question to answer is whether that fact is terribly meaningful. The Waffle House franchise began in Georgia (hence it has the most restaurants of any state) and, not surprisingly, grew most aggressively in the nearest geographic/regional areas of the South and Southwest. (The franchise was founded in 1955.) The south has been solidly Republican territory since — at least — the 1994 midterms (and arguably considerably earlier) so it’s possible that the map simply shows a coincidence rather than any conclusion.

    But, at the least, the remarkable overlay between Waffle House America and the Romney States of America speaks to the remarkably divided state of the country. The self-sorting/silo-ing of America extends beyond what we read, watch and listen to — it extends all the way to what we eat.

    Let’s create a meaningless cultural marker for us to define you rubes by.

    1. Clearly, the next step is a three megaton nuke dropped on each Waffle House.

    2. Romney States of America? Really?

      1. Yeah, because southern conservatives really love Romney.

    3. I wish there were a Waffle House near me. And a Crack Whore Barrel.

      1. According to gaggle, looks like Dumfries on both counts

        1. Yeah, Dumfries. That’s about 30 minutes from me. No quite worth it for a quickie breakfast and coffee. And that’s the closest Carrabas, too.

    4. At first glance I read that as Clitzilla.

      Carry on.

    5. Like tractor pulls?

    6. Look out, Cilliza, or you’re going to wake up scattered, smothered and covered.

    7. You know what I hate? When people take statistics about a population and then apply it to an individuals likelihood of being or doing something or other. If I lived in a state with a waffle house, I would be exactly as likely to vote for a Republican as I am now.

      1. You know what I hate? When people take statistics about a population and then apply it to an individuals likelihood of being or doing something or other.

        Why do you hate the insurance companies?

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