NEA Turns on Common Core, Colo. Making Bank on Marijuana, New York Limits Police Lying: P.M. Links

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    The National Education Association, the large, powerful teacher's union, has turned against Common Core standards for public schools. The president says some standards need to be rewritten with teacher input.

  • The governor of Colorado expects the state to bring in more in tax revenue from marijuana sales than initially expected, which means they just can't wait to spend it on government programs.
  • Ahmed al-Darbi, a Guantanamo Bay prisoner from Saudi Arabia, has pleaded guilty to helping plan a suicide bombing off the cost of Yemen in 2002 that struck a French tanker, killing one.
  • Oregon's attorney general has joined Virginia's by refusing to defend the state's ban on gay marriage recognition.
  • New York's top court ruled that police lied too much to draw out confessions in two separate interrogations, and the statements were tossed out.
  • Pussy Riot has released the video they shot yesterday at the Sochi Olympics, which includes them being attacked by Russians.

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NEXT: Oregon's AG Will Not Defend Gay Marriage Ban in Court

Scott Shackford is an associate editor at Reason.

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  1. Idle Hands

    It’s like they’re trolling us.

    Do you think any of these people understand their opponents position at all or is it all projection?

    1. RBS

      Of course there have been plenty of floods in the past, and it’s impossible to identify any particular weather event as directly caused by global warming. But…

      Everything else I am about to write is speculation.

      1. paranoid android

        But as the Met Office’s chief scientist Julia Slingo put it, “all the evidence suggests that climate change has a role to play in it”.

        Evidence suggests that a role was played! How can you not believe in the face of such certainty!?

        1. gaijin

          Met Office’s chief scientist

          I suspect anyone capable of obtaining that position is less scientist and more politician.

      2. Zeb

        Any argument about whether a particular even is caused by global warming (or whatever you are calling it) is just dumb. You can’t separate out causes like that in a system like the climate of the earth. To the extent that there is human caused climate change, that climate change has some effect on every atmospheric phenomenon. Nothing woudl happen the way it does if things were not exactly as they are.

      3. Corning

        Everything else I am about to write is speculation.

        Sadly none of it is even remotely passable sci-fi or fantasy.

        And Britain has so many good genre authors to pick from.

    2. mr simple

      They’re just following the disaster capitalists mantra of ‘never waste a good crisis’

      Socialists are now called disaster capitalists?

      1. BiMonSciFiCon

        Rahm is a capitalist?

    3. CE

      I don’t have to deny climate change. There hasn’t been any climate change to deny. The climate change believers are the ones who have to deny facts.

      1. Tonio

        Meh. The climate is always changing in small ways.

      2. Zeb

        There hasn’t been any climate change to deny.

        I think you just denied climate change.

        Climate always is changing and always has. Don’t be silly, it’s not helpful.

        1. Some call me Tim?

          1) the climate is a dynamic system where the only constant IS change

          2) the earth was as warm or warmer during the medieval warm period which predates the industrial revolution and massive carbon emissions. I have yet to hear why humans should be more worried about this current warm period when we survived the previous one just fine. I have also heard no explanation as to how or why that period occurred and why this one couldn’t have been caused by the same forces.

          3). One can accept that the earth is warmer now without accepting that human activity is definitely the cause of it.

          4) one can accept that human activity is the cause without accepting that this a crisis that needs to be solved. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease and we might be better just adapting to a warmer world than trying to reverse course (rather expensively) to ensure the temps of 1908 (or whatever year) return.

          1. mr simple

            But the weather was different when people grew up in the seventies so that’s the way it always has to be!

            Yes, the earth has warmed in general over the past couple hundred years. That’s what usually happens after an ice age. No one has explained to me why and ice age would be desirable.

            1. Pavlov's Cat

              But the weather was different when people grew up in the seventies so that’s the way it always has to be!

              I remember the weather of the 1970s. This winter has been quite reminiscent of the 1970s, and it sucked. I want it sent to the same hell as all those wide, bland ties and bad haircuts went to!

            2. Pavlov's Cat

              No one has explained to me why and ice age would be desirable.

              Ice sculptures would keep longer.

          2. Zeb

            I agree with all of your points. Well put.

        2. CE

          I’m not being silly. I’m referring to the past 20 or 30 years that the climate change believers have started making it an issue and clamoring for action.

          Obviously the climate has changed radically in the past, with ice ages and inland seas and all.

    4. The Spencer & Christie article in the WSJ has really pissed a bunch of people off. It is beautiful. Add that to the sea-ice volume study that shows the average being right in the middle for the last 35 years (admittedly 25% above average in the Antarctic and about the same below in the Arctic), and it is starting to not hold up. In truth, nobody really knows what the majority of the Southern Hemisphere was measuring before satellites, so these “cold in the Northern temperate zones, warm in the Southern temperate zones” are starting to wear thin.

    5. Tonio

      Congrats on your first First! Even though not related to any of the PM links, it is topical content and therefore counts.

      Do you think any of these people understand their opponents position at all or is it all projection?

      Hard to say, really. There is no effective difference between actually not understanding and pretending to not understand. Everything in that article is based upon the premise that man-made climate change is occurring. They refuse to acknowledge that there are people who question the degree to which climate is changing and whether such change is man-made.

    6. Suthenboy

      Holy shit, that is pure communist propaganda.

    7. Rufus J. Firefly

      Hello.

      Sweet gold medal game between the US and Canada. Onto the men!

      1. Archduke von Pantsfan

        Part of me wants Teemu to get a gold. Is that so wrong?

        1. KDN

          Part of me is wishing for the US to go home with no medal because Parise’s the captain. Now that is wrong.

        2. Rufus J. Firefly

          Finland wouldn’t bother me one bit.

    8. Medical Physics Guy

      Wow, all the sputtering indignation of a typical climate change column of the last two decades, minus any reference to the planet getting warmer, replaced in this case by British rainfall??? These guys have certainly been hit where it hurts.

    9. Winston

      it’s impossible to identify any particular weather event as directly caused by global warming

      The Science is settled!

    10. From the comments:

      “Good grief, you Chicken Littles never give up do you? No matter how many times your climate models fail to comport with reality, no matter how little evidence there is to support your egotistical notions of AGW, and no matter how abundant the evidence is that climate is driven by solar activity, you still insist upon forcing us all to march lockstep into your idiotic brave new world like a bunch of lemmings off a cliff.

      Contrary to your airy notions, the refusal to accept AGW has more to do with the machinations and exposed by the East Anglia email releases, the fact that there has been no warming in 15-18 years, and the fact that the “science” behind it is anti-science to the point that you consider skeptics to be heretical, and virtually any weather phenoma is held out as proof of your half baked disproven theories. The real question is: are you really stupid enough to buy into this nonsense, or are you so corrupt that you push it knowing full well that there is really no evidence to support your contentions?”

      I wish there was a way I could push a button and it would automatically send a beer to an anonymous commenter.

      1. I wish there was a way I could push a button and it would automatically send a beer to an anonymous commenter.

        When FB buys that from me for $19B, I won’t forget the little people.

  2. Grand Moff Serious Man

    New York’s top court ruled that police lied too much to draw out confessions in two separate interrogations, and the statements were tossed out.

    I got nothing.

    1. Almanian!

      AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED

  3. New York’s top court ruled that police lied too much to draw out confessions in two separate interrogations, and the statements were tossed out.

    “Lying is like 95% of what I do.”

    1. Injun as in from India

      You got fisted again yo.

      1. Seriously? No one knows the proper response to that quote?

        1. Medical Physics Guy

          It’s like a biased version of the Epimenides paradox?

          1. RBS

            Watch more TV.

    2. Archduke von Pantsfan

      All Archer all the time

    3. Brandon

      In your job?

      1. Sure.

  4. 110 Lean

    Plan To Split California Into Six States Gets OK To Gather Signatures

    1. CE

      I’m still going to be stuck with the liberals though. But at least not Sacramento!

      1. Brandon

        Then, no Moonbeam?

    2. Mad Scientist

      Yuck. They’re going to lump me in with L.A. If this passes I’ll never need to vote again.

      1. Calidissident

        Do you need to now?

        1. Mad Scientist

          I try to maintain certain delusions.

    3. 10 extra senators for California seems… ill advised.

    4. Tonio

      Not gonna happen. No way are the other states going to give them ten additional US senators. Nope.

      1. creech

        Only if the free states get an equal number of new senators.

        1. PD Scott

          Will the rest of us have to return runaway Californians as well?

          1. Lady Bertrum

            We just need to determine that Californians are 2/5 of a human being.

            1. Marshall Gill

              That much?

      2. kinnath

        Just split up Texas at the same time. Give them another 6 or 8 senator to balance things out.

        1. The belt buckle lobby would never allow that.

      3. Red Rocks Rockin

        They won’t let it happen, but it’s not a bad idea. Hell, I think the US would be better off if most of the states broke up into smaller pieces, with smaller representative-to-population ratios, simply because populations are so atomized these days and effective representation passed the limits of scale a long time ago.

        1. with smaller representative-to-population ratios

          No can do, amigo. 435 is the magic number and the magic number shall be 435.

          1. flye

            There is no number larger than 435, 435 is the largest number, fugghedaboutit.

      4. The Last American Hero

        Just merge New England into one state.

    5. Brandon

      If this happens, do the feds just take over Moonbeam’s HSR fetish?

    6. Invisible Finger

      This is just a scam to get more Senators.

  5. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Rudolf’s red nose now obsolete.

    1. Covered on The Independents the other night. They can go back to laughing at Rudolph and calling him names.

  6. Clich? Bandit

    MJ taxes in CO are going to be a deal with the devil soon.

  7. Oregon’s attorney general has joined Virginia’s by refusing to defend the state’s ban on gay marriage recognition.

    He probably shouldn’t have taken the job if he can’t carry out its duties.

    1. Zeb

      There has to be a line somewhere beyond which “just doing my job” is no excuse. I’m not saying that gay marriage is or is not an issue that crosses that line right now, but there are certainly some laws that should not be defended.

      The next question is is it better for someone in a situation like that to quit the job and let someone else do it, or to refuse to do the reprehensible part of the job but keep the job?

      1. PD Scott

        Do the job, but as sarcastically as possible.

        1. Zeb

          Actually, I’d like to see that.

      2. Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think John Adams has the answer.

  8. Grand Moff Serious Man

    The governor of Colorado expects the state to bring in more in tax revenue from marijuana sales than initially expected, which means they just can’t wait to spend it on government programs.

    But because of pot induced laziness, the tax revenue will take twice as long as to acquire.

    1. CE

      Sales tax receipts at convenience stores has also taken an unexpected hike up.

  9. Episiarch

    The governor of Colorado expects the state to bring in more in tax revenue from marijuana sales than initially expected

    Who didn’t expect that? I mean, seriously? There’s so much fucking underground weed action that you’d have to be retarded not to realize this.

    1. hamilton

      They are retarded. The revenue to be extracted from currently gray/black market transactions is enormous. It seems like it was going to be a matter of time before the voraciousness of the state for funds overwhelmed any remaining sense of ideology or consistency or whatever the fuck was holding them to their policies in the first place. I’m not sure that isn’t going to be more of a driver than the social aspect.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        And they’re going to waste it.

        It’s gonna get flushed away in corporate and social welfare.

        1. Brandon

          It is Hick, so….yeah, pretty much. He might just give it to the DNC in exchange for having their ’16 convention here, because that will raise like an extra $2 million in revenue.

    2. He totally spaced on like doing his research on you know that whole deal and whatever man.

      1. Episiarch

        FoE’s not here, man.

    3. I’d expect the weed action to remain underground with the people not paying tax on it.

      1. CE

        No, most people prefer not to risk getting arrested if that’s an option.

      2. Episiarch

        Make the taxes low and make selling it easy, and people will rush to comply to avoid any possibility of getting arrested. Politicians are too stupid to be believed, yet there they are.

        1. Almanian!

          this

        2. BigT

          Exactly. Who does more business, Walmart or Tiffany’s?

    4. New facts have come to light, man! There’s a lotta ins and a lotta outs to this case. Which is why the Gov has been adhering to a strict drug regimen.

      1. a better weapon

        Gotta keep the mind limber

  10. Duke Trshmnstr of Stench

    UCLA Law students cry about their FEELZ

    I’m torn.. I want so badly to drink their salty prog tears, but I’m also sad because this feels like parody, but isn’t.

    1. mr simple

      Got a tl;dw, because I’m not listening to all of that.

      1. Duke Trshmnstr of Stench

        It’s all the same… watch the first 30 seconds and you get a feel for it. I couldn’t make it past 2 minutes.

    2. BiMonSciFiCon

      I’m definitely not watching that. I’d wager the acceptance rate for “poc”s is higher than for whites. I’m also guessing Asians don’t factor into that 33/1100.

    3. montana mike

      Jeebus, UCLA is pumping out 275 lawyers per year….no wonder Cali is fucked.

  11. hamilton

    The National Education Association, the large, powerful teacher’s union, has turned against Common Core standards for public schools.

    And yet another union joins the growing horde that will Almost Possibly Not Vote Democratic Maybe in the next election!

    1. Tonio

      They could always stay home or vote Green or Labor or something.

      1. PD Scott

        Create the National Teachers for The Children Party. One of their planks is all funding for Air Force bombers is transferred to education except for whatever amount is needed to finance the bake sale.

        1. *slow, intermittent clapping evolving to thunderous applause*

    2. The Last American Hero

      They are afraid of what might happen if Team Red holds the trifecta in 2017.

      1. The Last American Hero

        Which is a good thing. Before giving politicians more power, you should consider that your guy might not always be the one wielding the power.

  12. CE

    Plan to split California into 6 states gets go-ahead from California Secretary of State to start collecting ballot measure signatures.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/new…..-1.1620361

    I’m definitely voting for this. Every state should start splitting up.

    1. Episiarch

      Split the states however you like. As long as the feds are still around, almost nothing will change. At least not on big things like the WoD, federal debt, and so on.

      1. CE

        States are already changing things on the WOD. When other states realize Colorado isn’t devolving into a stoner haze, and is instead raking in big bucks, legalization will take off.

        Most social and criminal laws are state laws. There’s a lot a state can do to increase freedom compared to other states. That’s the whole idea behind the Free State Project (now at 15K of the 20K needed to trigger the move to NH.)

    2. Tonio

      My state has already split, thanks. We’re unique in that regard.

      1. T

        Splitter.

      2. Brandon

        You’re in Texas?

      3. Mickey Rat

        No, you are not.

        1. Mickey Rat

          There is…another.

    3. Sudden

      I’m tempted to vote for it, but as a resident of what would be West California, it is entirely conceivable that my new state is even more fucked up and mismanaged than my old larger one. Isn’t there some way we could just cut the bay area out of the state and keep the IE, Central Valley, and OC/SD so they can provide some votes to offset the overwhelming stupid in LA?

    4. PD Scott

      This is really a plot by flag manufacturers, isn’t it?

      1. The Last American Hero

        Yes. The pols behind this are just the tools of Big Flag.

  13. The governor of Colorado expects the state to bring in more in tax revenue from marijuana sales than initially expected…

    This should get some other state legislatures’ mouths watering.

    1. Almanian!

      Mostly those other states are getting drymouth from this….weird

  14. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Gold Medal.

    1. Idle Hands

      All this proves is your lesbians are butcher than ours, congratulations.

      1. Grand Moff Serious Man

        THIS IS WHY THERE ARE NO LESBIAN FEMALE HOCKEY PLAYER LIBERTARIANS

      2. Rufus J. Firefly

        Butchier and bitchier?

      3. Well, if this is butch, sign me up.

        Also, twins.

        1. Mickey Rat

          21 is something.

      4. Corning

        All the women hockey players I have met are strictly hetero…

        Lesbians play softball not hockey.

        Hell even tattooed roller derby chicks are mostly hetero.

    2. PD Scott

      You win the medal and then mock us Americans with your unwatchable (literally, it won’t play for me) video! Justin Bieber! Celine Dion! Are there no depths you Canadians won’t sink to?

      1. Just for that, we’re not going to fight their War of Arctic Independence for them.

        1. PD Scott

          Maybe trade Ukrainian “freedom” for Baffin Island?

          1. I was thinking 500 tons of ice.

            1. Isn’t that what he just said?

    3. mr simple

      That was a rough one to watch. It was Canada’s second gold of the day.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        Curling! We rule sheets of ice. Except skating. Jesus, are the Dutch juiced?

        1. They freebase tulips before every match.

    4. That’s good because your men’s team is looking a bit shakier. (By Great White North standards.)

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        Yup.

        Babcock making weird decisions. Sharp on the point on the PP when you can use Subban who is byfar the best option and is one of the best in the NHL in that situation.

        Never liked the selection of Kunitz, Carter and Nash from day one and I see nothing in their play to suggest I was wrong. Carter has been better but the other two have been terrible. I like Nash a lot but the fact is he’s been in decline for a few years now. NONE of these guys should have been picked ahead of Thornton, Seguin or Giroux and perhaps even Spezza – centermen notwithstanding. They could play the wing I reckon.

        Finally, putting a creative, fast skating player like Duchene in the stands and limiting St. Louis’s ice time while letting Nash and Kunitz play is unforgivable.

        Just my take.

        1. Rufus J. Firefly

          USA are a faster more technical team because Canada chose to go with muscle and size. Crosby, Getzlaf, Perry, Toews – beasts with skill.

          It’s gonna me a pick ’em. Either way but I give the edge to the USA based on play. They’ve played tougher opponents. Plus I like the goaltending better than Canada’s.

          1. Rufus J. Firefly

            Wow. Horrible sentence structure. It can go either way but I give the edge to the USA based on recent play.

            Still. It’s Canada. They come to play when it counts and matters.

          2. I assume the thinking was that Kunitz would complement Crosby in Sochi like he does for the Pens. I don’t know why Claude Giroux wasn’t chosen, or yeah the lot of other players but really Canada produced so much talent and I assume Babcock was trying to put the right pieces into place rather than just the best individual centers or wingers.

    5. Lowdog

      Dude, I was going to watch the game, but in the beginning they revealed that there is no body-checking in women’s olympic ice hockey. That makes it unwatchable to me. Yes, the Canadian and US women are better hockey players than many men, including myself, but without body checking it is a different game and really pretty weak tea for a big international competition. (FWIW, I’ve played 4 years of full-check club college hockey and plenty of non-checking beer league hockey to know the difference.)

  15. Grand Moff Serious Man

    Dear Prudence: Help! My husband started smoking pot and now he is insufferably lazy!

    I am at an impasse with my husband over his recreational pot use. We are in our late 30s and I have no moral objection to occasional pot use. I did a bit of when I was younger, but have outgrown it. But he’s a frequent user and becomes a different person when he’s high?he acts unintelligent and clueless. The other problem is that when he has it, he can’t keep his hands off it, so there can be days on end when I only see him high. I end up going to bed alone while he stays up late playing video games and eating all the snack food! Then he runs out and we’re back to normal for a few weeks. When I tell him this is undermining our marriage, he says I’m overreacting. A few months ago he seemed to take my concerns more seriously and agreed not to keep pot around the house. He’s broken this promise several times, and now I feel betrayed in addition to everything else. Am I overreacting? Is he underreacting? How do we move past this?

    Maybe she should trade spouses with the wife that’s the subject of the first letter.

    1. Episiarch

      Maybe she should try getting stoned with him. Or is that too complicated?

      1. PD Scott

        She’s outgrown it! Silly Epi, pot is for, uh, kids?

      2. RBS

        The old “I’ve outgrown it” trope.

      3. Brandon

        Is it a problem that your wife has to get intoxicated to enjoy sex with you, or should you be delighted she’s willing to get intoxicated to have sex with you?

        This is one of several lines that make me think I probably wouldn’t like Prudence in person. “Willing” to get intoxicated? Seriously?

    2. paranoid android

      Spoiler, then Chris Cooper shoots him.

    3. Tim

      Signed, Michelle in DC.

    4. Zeb

      Maybe he needs to find a different kind of weed that makes him less dopey.

      1. PD Scott

        Someone told me this is prohibition’s fault. Fast growing indicas tend to encourage couch lock/heavy body load more than cerebral, slower growing sativas.

        1. Zeb

          I think that’s true. It’s hard to find a good pure sativa.

    5. I was going to marry an insecure shrew, but then I got high.

    6. SugarFree

      “Your vulva is why I drink.”

  16. Homeland Security is seeking a national license plate tracking system

    The Department of Homeland Security wants a private company to provide a national license-plate tracking system that would give the agency access to vast amounts of information from commercial and law enforcement tag readers, according to a government proposal that does not specify what privacy safeguards would be put in place.

    Whoda ever guessed that an organization called Fatherland Homeland Security could have come to this?

    1. Jordan

      Reason posted about them walking it back today.

      1. CE

        Like they walked back Total Information Awareness, before Snowden let us know they proceeded with it anyway?

        1. Almanian!

          Almost exactly like that, I bet

    2. Rich

      Government drops plan to collect license tag data

      probably in order to implement something even worse.

      1. They’re only saying they’re dropping it.

        1. The good news is they’re putting the Obamacare team on it.

          1. PD Scott

            “If you like being surreptitiously surveiled, good.”

          2. The Last American Hero

            If you like your “2 COOL” vanity plate, you can keep it.

      2. Mad Scientist

        Government drops plan to admit collecting license tag data.

        1. Rich

          Nice.

          It’s dropped plans all the way down!

      3. Wow. Good.

        But let’s “NEVER FORGET”…they tried.

  17. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Despite questions about who’s to blame for those broken bolts and corrosive water leaks, the prime contractor on the new Bay Bridge eastern span has been rewarded with nearly $49 million in bonuses – including $20 million for finishing the job on time.

    1. Brandon

      “Finishing.”

  18. Pussy Riot has released the video they shot yesterday at the Sochi Olympics, which includes them being attacked by Russians.

    So they do sometimes make music.

    1. hamilton

      They released a video, not necessarily a music video. So they are kinda the new MTV of protest bands.

      1. 110 Lean

        Sounds like music to me.

        1. hamilton

          Without George Michael kissing a hot chick and looking queasy, it just isn’t a music video to me. Case closed.

          1. Well, without Robin Thicke singing and a hot naked chick dancing around him, it isn’t a music video for me. So there.

            /TIWTANFL

            1. hamilton

              She’s wearing flesh-colored panties, as any hours-long detailed private basement viewing of that video would reveal.

    2. Zeb

      They were horsewhipped by Cossacks. Which is pretty bad-ass.

  19. Rich

    “Defendant was told 67 times that what had been done to his son was an accident, 14 times that he would not be arrested, and eight times that he would be going home,” the court record stated. “These representations were, moreover, undeniably instrumental in the extraction of a defendant’s most damaging admissions.”

    If, by any chance, those detectives get sacked they could immediately be hired by the Obamacare marketing organization.

  20. PD Scott

    Anchor babies – Chinese perspectives.

    FTA:
    This overwhelmingly negative public perception of those who give birth in the US stems from China’s culture of corruption. Many of China’s corrupt officials are the so-called “naked officials” who move their entire families overseas (mainly to the US) and stay in China alone to cash in on their power. These naked officials are considered to have no interest in improving the livelihood of Chinese people because the ones they love are already US citizens. The only thing that they care about is how to take advantage of their power to get richer, which, more often than not, results in the suffering of the people.
    …
    “Those who criticize the system in China. Those who sing praises of the system in China. They all choose to have an American kid. That’s the ultimate universal value in today’s China.”
    …
    The irony, like many netizens pointed out, is that most people would choose to do the same if they were given the chance. “After all, US has better environment, better healthcare, better education and better everything,” commented many netizens.

    1. Matrix

      “After all, US has better environment, better healthcare, better education and better everything,”

      well, let’s spoil it all by instituting communism in this country. It’s the only way to save us from those “icky” foreigners!

      1. Jarl ? the booty

        You have it all wrong. Everything bad in China is due to capitalism. Everything good in China is due to communism.

  21. rts

    Conservation: Nicaragua Canal could wreak environmental ruin

    “Hi, would you poor people mind staying poor for the sake of the cichlid fish? That’d be swell, thanks.”

    1. PD Scott

      Fun fact: The US originally wanted to put the canal through Nicaragua, but a stamp issued by the Nicaraguans showed a smoking volcano beside Lake Nicaragua, leading the US to reconsider placing it there due to worries over eruptions.

      I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I read it as a child.

      1. Calidissident

        I doubt it. Nicaragua is a lot wider than Panama is. Would make no sense.

        1. Zeb

          It actually makes more sense that you’d think. Lake Nicaragua drains into the Caribbean even though it is very close to the Pacific and is at a fairly low elevation. I believe there are already navigable waterways from the Caribbean to Lake Nicaragua, so the only tricky part woudl be the relatively short canal to the Pacific.

        2. PD Scott

          Panama was controlled/owned by Columbia and the area was under lease to the French. The US fomented a revolution to get the canal zone.

          Here is an article on the proposed routes. Includes this tidbit:
          Competition, involving all sorts of political shenanigans and deceptions, including entirely false news stories being planted in the US press about an erupting volcano, continued for the remainder of the 19th century to build a canal in Central America.

      2. Tonio

        The Wikipedia article doesn’t support that.

        1. I’ve heard that one before, too. Might be true.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    The president says some standards need to be rewritten with teacher input.

    Teacher Barbie sez, “Teaching is hard!”

  23. Grand Moff Serious Man

    Guess who:

    The winners here are truly big winners. WhatsApp’s fifty-five employees are now enormously rich. Its two founders are now billionaires. And the partners of the venture capital firm that financed it have also reaped a fortune.

    And the rest of us? We’re winners in the sense that we have an even more efficient way to connect with each other.

    But we’re not getting more jobs.

    In the emerging economy, there’s no longer any correlation between the size of a customer base and the number of employees necessary to serve them. In fact, the combination of digital technologies with huge network effects is pushing the ratio of employees to customers to new lows (WhatsApp’s 55 employees are all its 450 million customers need).

    Meanwhile, the ranks of postal workers, call-center operators, telephone installers, the people who lay and service miles of cable, and the millions of other communication workers, are dwindling — just as retail workers are succumbing to Amazon, office clerks and secretaries to Microsoft, and librarians and encyclopedia editors to Google.

    Productivity keeps growing, as do corporate profits. But jobs and wages are not growing. Unless we figure out how to bring all of them back into line — or spread the gains more widely — our economy cannot generate enough demand to sustain itself, and our society cannot maintain enough cohesion to keep us together.

    Weep for the candlemakers and gas lamp lighters.

    1. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that Facebook is slightly overpaying here.

      1. Andrew S.

        They’re terribly overpaying.

        As for guessing who wrote that, I’m going with Robert Reich.

      2. Episiarch

        Yeah, but it keeps the “I created a relatively simple app/feature and it was bought for a staggering, nonsensical amount of money by an internet software giant for so much money that it doesn’t even make sense, and now I’m richer than any possible dreams of avarice” dreams alive.

        Those are important dreams!

        1. Yes, what the fuck is wrong with you? I need someone to hit up for a retirement fund.

          The one chance I had was when I thought up Craigslist/eBay well before they started. Motherfucker.

        2. T

          Says the code monkey. The rest of us just play the lotto.

          1. Episiarch

            I’m pretty much doing the equivalent, dude. Startups are hard to win at.

          2. For my profession, the key is thinking up an entirely new reason for class action lawsuits. Then retiring.

            PCs and tablets lead to nearsightedness and headaches. For each class member, they’ll recover $50 in damages. For me, that’s, let me see, $2 billion.

      3. jesse.in.mb

        A friend of mine felt the same way, but it’s ubiquitous in Europe where a lot of people still pay sms fees and a lot of network fragmentation. Facebook will be able to pull their entire message histories and route future messaging through their system which is good for advertising data and will expand their user base in European markets including Russia where other social networking systems are dominant.

      4. Jarl ? the booty

        Maybe, but a lot of it is in (arguably overpriced) Facebook stock.

        1. If I ran Facebook, I’d buy some real companies with all of that money, just to be ready when people start saying, “Screw Facebook.” My kids all already do, and my wife, who does use it, said the same thing just last night.

          The writing is on the wall.

          1. Jarl ? the booty

            I mostly use it for chat, since nobody I know uses standalone IM services these days, and it’s more convenient than SMS.

    2. PD Scott

      Not sure which pundidiot it is, but of course they don’t realize they are part of the problem as well. In the old days every town had a village idiot spouting nonsense, now they’ve put all of them out of work, the insensitive greedy bastard.

    3. CE

      Guess who they want to put in charge of “spreading the gains more widely”?

    4. paranoid android

      I was gonna say Robert Reich, but I think Reich would be much more explicit in advocating redistribution, instead of using weasel phrases like “figure out how…to spread the gains more widely”. This guy’s not advocating a plan, he’s “asking questions” so that other people will come up with the plan, thus absolving him of responsibility for it.

      Which sounds just weaselly enough to be good old Matty Y.

    5. Grand Moff Serious Man

      Survey says:

      Our favorite fascist midget

      1. Andrew S.

        I was right! What do I win? The ability not to click on that and avoid a concussion by not slamming my head into the desk repeatedly!

    6. Zeb

      Yes, because all of those new rich people are going to put all of their money in a pile and sit on it. They won’t buy any stuff or invest in any other businesses that might create jobs.

      1. PD Scott

        Those monsters might hire unemployed people to beat each other up for their amusement. They might even hire accountants to try to reduce the amount of taxes they owe, which is like the worst possible thing anyone could ever do.

    7. Loki

      That’s got Krugnuts written all over it.

      1. Loki

        DAMMIT!

  24. The National Education Association, the large, powerful teacher’s union, has turned against Common Core standards for public schools.

    What, does it do away with tenure or something?

    1. It’s not entirely dedicated to breeding weak, socialism-ready kids.

      1. califernian

        None of this matters unless your kid is in public school and then I say, “WTF is wrong with you”

    2. T

      It requires results of some kind would be my guess. Accountability is the devil.

      1. hamilton

        From the letter sent by the NEA President:

        So the first step is for policymakers to treat teachers as professionals and listen to what we know is needed. Give us the resources and time?time to learn the standards, collaborate with each other, develop curriculum that is aligned to the standards, and time to field-test the standards in classrooms to determine what works and what needs adjustment. We also need the financial resources for updated textbooks and fully aligned teaching and learning materials.
        Second, work with educators?not around us?to determine how to properly use assessments in classrooms across America. It’s beyond me how anyone would ask teachers to administer tests that have no relation whatsoever to what they have been asked to teach. In too many states, that’s exactly what’s happening.

        Translation: We need to be consulted and essentially completely in charge of defining, implementing, changing, ans assessing the means by which our performance will be judged. Because we totally will not be biased about it, etc.

        1. Education is too important to be trusted to people with education degrees.

          1. From my perspective inside the beast, I agree wholeheartedly.

            1. I’ve told this story before, but a PhD in biology told me once that he respected most terminal degrees (including, I was surprised to hear, law), but NOT EDUCATION. This guy was in the education business in a big way, too, both as a university academic and in K-12 education technology.

              1. I’ll try to find the post where I earlier shared the special interest groups of the American Educational Research Education. I think a grand total of two were devoted to neuroscience and educational psychology, compared to the 25 sem-odd groups devoted to some sort of neo-Marxist pedagogy bullshit.

                There is nothing inherently wrong with Education as an academic discipline, but the majority of its disciples are lunatics.

                1. Right. In theory, someone should be thinking deep thoughts about and researching educational techniques and the like. You know, like using electroshock therapy and really negative reinforcement to teach the young. But theory and practice seem to have little to do with each other, because I’m pretty confident that today’s methods are dramatically inferior to those of fifty years ago, maybe even 100 year ago.

  25. Archduke von Pantsfan

    At least 150 police dog attacks on innocent people have been reported in the past three years, a BBC investigation has revealed.

    1. hamilton

      The people were obviously being aggressive. It’s protocol to neutralize them before moving on to the case at hand. Good shoot bite.

    2. PD Scott

      Growls and angry barks are just nature’s way of saying “stop resisting!”

    3. CE

      How many police attacks on dogs?

    4. I blame Barbara Woodhouse.

  26. hamilton

    I apologize if someone already posted this piece of Harvard brilliance, it is a couple of days old:

    The Doctrine of Academic Freedom

    Choice quote:

    No academic question is ever “free” from political realities. If our university community opposes racism, sexism, and heterosexism, why should we put up with research that counters our goals simply in the name of “academic freedom”?

    Note: research that “counters our goals”. Sigh.

    1. Indeed, why should they put up with facts, reality, or the existence of people that counter their goals?

      I have a cunning plan. Develop full immersion VR with haptic interfaces that is indistinguishable from reality (experientially speaking) and develop a rosy, virtual world of perfect identity politics without any Republicans, libertarians, white men, or anything else that bothers them. We can then hook them all up to the VR and some feeding tubes, then run the world in some sane manner.

      1. Medical Physics Guy

        How about a Willy Wonka everlasting gobstopper, but with psilocybin?

        1. paranoid android

          “The snozberries taste like snozberries…AND I AM FREAKING OUT, MAN”

          1. Mickey Rat

            You don’t want to know what snozberries are.

        2. A little low-tech, but why not? And it’s organic.

    2. Episiarch

      I love how they are too stupid to not let the mask slip. They always let the mask slip. Always. And the real icing on the cake is that they always do it prematurely, before they’ve become victorious in whatever repulsive thing they’re trying to do. It’s like they can’t help it, which I suppose is fitting for such vile scum.

      1. hamilton

        I know it – what amazes me about this is the mind-numbing stupidity of publishing it. Astonishingly, even the comments are good (this one time!) at pointing out how fucking stupid and totalitarian this is. One of them even suggests that “Veritas” is apparently no longer an appropriate motto for Big Crimson.

      2. T

        This is why the villain monologue is so enduring. It happens in real life.

      3. Sudden

        They’re like the 60’s Batman villain that reveals his whole twisted scheme for world domination just before allowing Batman to escape and foil the whole plot.

        They’re fucking caricatures, and they’re proud of that.

        1. Do you think all of their floors are slanted?

    3. CE

      Because it’s research, and you might learn something?

      1. And if you’re not careful, you may learn something before it’s done! Hey, hey, hey!

      2. Because it’s research, and you might learn something?

        The Aryan can learn nothing from Jewish Physics.

        1. In Aryan physics, the lesser subatomic particles do not interact with the racially superior subatomic particles.

          1. PD Scott

            Decadent Uranium splits apart unlike pure, stable elements like Wolfram. Clearly Wolfram is the superior element.

            1. Wolfram is superior because he’s sexier than Bill Gates.

    4. Duke Trshmnstr of Stench

      When are the kangaroo courts going to start? They’re going to start hanging people for doing the “wrong science” soon.

      1. Marshall Gill

        When are the kangaroo courts going to start?

        Michael Mann is suing Mark Steyn for calling the hockey stick fraudulent. They have already begun.

    5. Winston

      I remember reading some academic supposedly admitting that “tolerance” was all about crushing dissent.

    6. Suthenboy

      Well, that is a pretty clear admission.

    7. N.I.C.E is the most scarily prescient thing CS Lewis came up with. That Hideous Strength should not be a fucking textbook! It was a dystopian fable about the banality of men who believe in nothing but themselves.

    8. mr simple

      At least the comments are good, even if there are reports they’re trying to censor them:

      guest ? 2 days ago
      I guess the crimson isn’t interested in any criticism of this article, since they’re actively deleting comments posted here.
      111 ? Reply?Share ?

      therewolf guest ? 2 days ago
      They’re just trying to build a just comment section.

  27. Notorious G.K.C.

    “The National Education Association, the large, powerful teacher’s union, has turned against Common Core standards for public schools.”

    If you throw some liquid on a vampire and the vampire screams “it burns!” then maybe you have holy water. If you throw reform ideas at a teachers’ union and they say “this is horrible!” then you may have something good.

    1. T

      Alternatively, a shitty idea may just be a shitty idea.

      1. Notorious G.K.C.

        Maybe I jumped the gun with some innocence by association.

        http://www.nationalreview.com/…..m-geraghty

        1. Medical Physics Guy

          Cato certainly hates common core, feeling it is a trojan horse for Federal takeover of education

          1. One of the things I’d do in my first few days in office as THE LIBERTARIAN PRESIDENT is dump the DoE and dismantle the entire involvement of the federal government in education. Based entirely on my opinion, as president, that the whole process is completely unconstitutional.

            1. hamilton

              Would there be canings? I’d vote for you. Those are always a hoot.

              1. Tarrings and maybe featherings, sure. I came up with a list of things in 2008.

                1. mr simple

                  How do you stop people from counterfeiting the grenades?

                  1. Biometrics.

  28. Rich

    Malware makers ‘tailor’ Android threats geographically

    For example, the cyber thieves in Belarus are going after healthcare enrollees in the United States.

    1. CE

      Globalism FTW!

  29. Suthenboy

    The NEA wants to revise the Common Core standards with more teacher input.

    Why do I think this will not result in an improvement?

    1. Rich

      “The NEA would like to thank all teachers who provided input, which will be carefully considered in revising the standards.”

  30. Archduke von Pantsfan

    Well, Bye

  31. Grand Moff Serious Man

    Holy Jesus: In Defense of Venezuela

    The U.S. media, echoing the sentiments of the U.S. government, is openly encouraging violent regime change in Venezuela. An emblematic story from yesterday was aired in what is considered a “liberal” media source, National Public Radio (NPR). In short, this piece featured claims of Venezuela at the precipice of “economic collapse,” and spoke in glowing terms of the opposition’s hopes for a “coup” to overthrow President Maduro. This type of reporting is not only irresponsible, but it is deeply misinformed.

    Walter Duranty, is that you?

    What’s more, the media’s current claims of “economic collapse” in Venezuela are also quite exaggerated. Indeed, as Venezuelan-born sociologist Mar?a P?ez Victor explains, “The Venezuelan economy is doing very well. Its oil exports last year amounted to $94 billons while the imports only reached $59.3 billons – a historically low record. The national reserves are at $22 billons and the economy has a surplus (not a deficit) of 2.9% of GDP. The country has no significantly onerous national or foreign debts.” But again, we do not hear such voices in our allegedly free press.

    I’m at a loss for words

    1. Winston

      Will Kovalik be at the next International Students for Liberty Conference?

    2. Big Lying never overcomes reality, no matter how many times you try to do it.

      1. Rich

        How many fingers am I holding up, PL?

        1. Twelve.

    3. Jordan

      Let’s see: 56% inflation, shut down all dissenting media, arrested opposition leaders, sent thugs to beat and shoot protestors… Nope, no problem here. Fuck this turd.

      1. Grand Moff Serious Man

        Hey man, this lawyer/peace activist cited a Venezuelan sociologist.

        Who you gonna believe? The stats or the woman that can tell you why you view reality the way you do?

    4. Grand Moff Serious Man

      The author of this piece is a “labor and human rights lawyer”. He’s a good Comrade, for sure:

      If we compare this to Venezuela’s neighbor, and chief U.S. ally in this hemisphere, Colombia, that country has been stuck at position 91 in the world during that time same time period. Moreover, in terms of human rights, there is no comparison between these two countries with Colombia, one the largest recipients of U.S. military support in the world, having the dubious distinction of leading the world in forced disappearances at 50,000
      and internally displaced peoples at over 5 million.

      Moreover, it is the very poor and those of darker skin tone who have benefited most from the improvements since the election of Hugo Chavez, and it is they – by the way, the vast majority of the Venezuelan population — who support Chavez and his successor the most. Of course, the U.S. government and its compliant media openly side with the white, wealthy elite

      Useful idiot or does he know better? I’m leaning towards the latter since his profile says he’s worked in Latin America.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        Latin America is such a confused mess I don’t know what to make of it. Even a course I took in school didn’t help much.

        1. Almanian!

          Interesting – I, too, took Latin American history in college cause interesting.

          And my company had major operations in Brazil when I first started, so tons of exposure/work with them and ARgentinians and Mexicans.

          Brazilians – nicest people in the world. Love ’em. Do not understand anything about how they get work done, their politics, their martial arts….lovely people

          1. jesse.in.mb

            Brazilians – nicest people in the world.

            In person, absolutely. Once they hit the internet they’re a plague. A video game company I know a few workers at had to open up a Brazil only server because they were so abusive to the other players, and the game is known for its abusive player base.

            1. ^^THIS IN SPADES^^ Fucking Brazilian hordes ruined D.C. Universe Online. Not only are they rude as fuck, but each and every one of them are horrible at playing the game.

            2. Jordan

              League of Legends?

              1. jesse.in.mb

                League of Legends?

                What gave it away, the abusive player base?

                1. Jordan

                  Yeah, that’s the gold standard for abusive player bases (along with HoN). I’ve heard bad things about the Brazilian players as well.

            3. Cytotoxic

              Ha I heard a hilarious story on this subject! Apparently about 10 years ago Brazilians started going online and playing Ragnorak online in large numbers. They were not liked. They spoke Portuguese and other people didn’t like that. They were initially shunted onto BR servers but they sucked so they kept coming back to English servers and annoying everyone with Portuguese and their…mannerisms. So they started getting kicked out of servers. Brazilians retaliated by forming online death squads of high-powered players and asking people ‘BR’? Anyone who did not respond in Portuguese was summarily executed and possibly spawn-camped for hours. Anti-BR deathsquads were formed in response and the result was virtual ethnic cleansing. It was like ‘Bosnia Online’. It spread to other gaming communities before things settled down.

              1. jesse.in.mb

                I think they do that even when they aren’t ethnic clensing video games. They just spam chatrooms with

                “Hi I am from Brazil. Check my profile.”
                “I am from Brazil.”
                “Heellloooo. I am from Brazil.”

                Maybe they’re like the Eloi and the Morlochs and the Brazilians that use the internet are needy awful humans while the people out in the streets and in hostels around the world are hot and generally friendly people.

    5. Medical Physics Guy

      This reminds me of the emails I routinely get forwarded by my mother in law.

    6. Suthenboy

      I look forward to his piece on North Korea.

  32. Winston

    If Yutes are more libertarian than ever then when is the old “drop out, move out and get a jerb” attitude going to make a comeback?

  33. Certified Public Asskicker

    Another U.S. Company Moves to Ireland for Tax Reasons

    One big advantage of tax inversions, besides a lower statutory tax rate, is that deals can become more affordable. Once inverted, companies can more easily use overseas cash to pay for a deal, and the earnings from any acquired company are also taxed at the company’s new, lower rate.

    In this case, Forest’s earnings, which had been getting taxed at a higher United States rate, will eventually be taxed at the lower Irish rate currently paid by Actavis, which executives estimated to be 16 percent. Tax savings will amount to at least $100 million, the companies said.

    Who’s shocked?

    1. Medical Physics Guy

      The tax thing is just a coincidence. They moved for the Kerry Gold.

      \prog

  34. The Late P Brooks

    But jobs and wages are not growing. Unless we figure out how to bring all of them back into line — or spread the gains more widely — our economy cannot generate enough demand to sustain itself, and our society cannot maintain enough cohesion to keep us together.

    Efficiency is bad, children, mmmmkay?

  35. 10 Unbelievable Facts You Didn’t Know About Redheads

    1. Rich

      Adolf Hitler reportedly banned ginger marriages

      You know who else reportedly banned ginger marriages?

      1. Almanian!

        *gobsmacked*

        Uhhh….ummmmm…….

        The baker?

    2. Episiarch

      It seems to be missing the fact that they have no soul.

      How am I not a redhead?

      1. The unbelievable fact would be that gingers in fact do have souls.

      2. Mickey Rat

        All redheads are homunculi, not all homunculi are redheads.

    3. Almanian!

      I have the blue eyes, and very little of the grey hair. Although mostly because hairloss, but also because “mostly still reddish/blond”.

      Plus – freckles.

    4. jesse.in.mb

      Research shows that redheads are more sensitive to hot and cold pain, with their bodies able to change temperature much quicker.

      Gingers are lizard people?

      1. Almanian!

        *hisses at jesse – flicks forked tongue – jettisons tail and runs away*

        1. Grand Moff Serious Man

          You’re Jewish too?

  36. PD Scott

    More from China: Legalize Prostitution!

    As many Chinese netizens commented: “It’s impossible to ban prostitution. So why not regulate it and end the sufferings of and the discrimination against sex workers?”

    Most held that China’s state media are in no moral high ground to criticize sex workers because, as many netizens put it, “selling your body is better than selling your soul.” And selling souls is exactly what they believe journalists from China’s state media are doing everyday.

    1. Jordan

      ting you yisi. wo xiang canguan Dongguan…

      *Shakes fist at Reason for banning Hanzi*

      1. Very yellow, very violent.

  37. Notorious G.K.C.

    “The American College of Pediatricians is appalled by Netherlands’ recent legalization of Neonatal Euthanasia and Belgium’s legalization of euthanasia for terminally ill children of any age, and alerts healthcare professionals to the possibility of similar legislation in the United States….

    “Physicians are healers not killers. An individual’s future quality of life cannot be predicted by caregivers. The role of the physician is to promote health, cure when possible, and relieve pain and suffering as part of the care they provide. The intentional neglect for, or taking of, a human life is never acceptable, regardless of health system mandates.”

    http://www.acpeds.org/physicia…..ot-killers

    1. Rufus J. Firefly

      Europe is hyper-secular and so this is a natural course they’ve been on for some time. It IS gonna come here.

      And the first places to accept it will be the progressive spots on the continent.

      1. Cytotoxic

        ‘Hyper’ secularism means child euthanasia?

  38. CampingInYourPark

    Saturday was “National Youth Enrollment Day” for the Health and Human Services department: a culmination of extremely expensive effots to get young people to sign up for Obamacare-sponsored health care plans on Healthcare.gov.

    But the powers that be, who are utterly convinced that they are singularly capable of running a national health care system, approached Youth Enrollment Day with an interesting proposition: what if Healthcare.gov went down for scheduled maintenance on the exact day they suggested that every Millennial in America feed their personal information into an unsecured website all at once.

    “We just found that out,” said Aaron Smith, co-founder of the recruitment group Young Invincibles. “Obviously it’s unfortunate.”

    “It’s not ideal,” another Obamacare ally said.

    http://www.freedomworks.org/bl…..-youth-enr

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      “I won’t sugarcoat it,” said General Custer, “the military situation is not ideal.”

      1. Almanian!

        -100% of your team

  39. I made this mistake…DON’T YOU!

    25 Ways To Tell Your Girlfriend Is From New Jersey

    1. Episiarch

      OK, that was pretty funny because a lot of the elements in it are grounded in truth. I loved the AC comp card one, but it doesn’t just apply to girls.

      1. “Ask her how the gas pump works” was good.

    2. 20. Make Fun Of New Jersey And See If She Get’s Pissed

      You all do this just to piss me off, don’t you?

    3. SugarFree

      I love that the angry comments prove out every stereotype he’s listed.

    4. Lady Bertrum

      Are you fucking with me, Francisco? Because it is all about me.

      First the ginger link, now this?

      You’re on the list. Watch it or I’ll use my secret Jersey language to communicate with your wife and we’ll spend a day at the salon spending your money on mani-pedis and Brazilians while drinking Long Island Ice Teas or cranberry vodkas.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        cranberry vodkas

        The civilized among us add a lime wedge and call it a Cape Cod. Might I recommend a Salty Dog, or it’s lower sodium sibling a Greyhound?

        1 1/2 oz. Gin or Vodka
        5 oz. Grapefruit Juice
        1/4 tsp. Salt

        Pour into highball glass over ice.
        Salt the rim of glass.
        Stir well.
        (skip salt for Greyhound)

        1. Lady Bertrum

          Grapefruit juice and salt? interesting. It sounds delicious.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            I usually order two salty dogs and switch to greyhounds.

            If you’re looking to get skip all but the most essential carbs you can infuse vodka with early grey tea and serve it with soda water over ice. It was the most popular drink I made when I was recruited to serve drinks for a friend’s bachelorette.

            1. Duke Trshmnstr of Stench

              I never got this scene from Star Trek until now. Picard obviously reprogrammed the replicator to make that drink when he says “Tea, earl grey, hot”

            2. Lady Bertrum

              The salt is actually necessary when in ketosis. You pee out all the excess water and salt in your kidneys so extra salt or a potassium/magnesium supplement is needed. I’m usually a wine drinker.

    5. Corning

      25 Ways To Tell Your Girlfriend Is From New Jersey

      Shoot it, burn it, then bury it.

      It is the only way to be sure.

      note: You can conveniently do all three if you dig the hole first.

  40. Almanian!

    Ahmed al-Darbi, a Guantanamo Bay prisoner from Saudi Arabia, has pleaded guilty to helping plan a suicide bombing off the cost of Yemen in 2002 that struck a French tanker, killing one.

    SEE!!! TOLD YOU!!!! So they must ALL be guilty, therefore – JUSTIFIED.

    /Jon Bolton

  41. The Late P Brooks

    why should we put up with research that counters our goals simply in the name of “academic freedom”?

    That is truly awesome.

  42. SugarFree

    3/3/14

    1. [Runs away screaming.]

      1. It’s a repeat from this morning.

        At least, I think it’s a repeat; SF isn’t getting me to click on that link twice!

        1. SugarFree

          Just alerting the night shift. Not everyone is around for the Morning Links.

      2. JW

        [eyes melt]

    2. I get the feeling that this may be the greatest event in sci-fi-anal-porn history.

      1. Why must you pigeonhole great literature in such a narrow genre?

        1. Be fair, pigeon-hole porn is a fairly narrow genre.

          1. Of which SF is the acknowledged master.

    3. Notorious G.K.C.

      Young Harty Wugeman came home to find his sister crying.

      “I dropped my peanut butter sandwich,” she explained in between her tears.

      “That’s all right,” said Harty, “you can have my sandwich, I don’t really need it.” And he gave his sister the sandwich his mother had prepared for him.

      “Thank you thank you thank you!” said his sister.

      Harty had to do his paper route before going to school. So he rode his bicycle around the neighborhood, carefully placing papers in everyone’s driveway. He saw that Mr. Bartleby hadn’t shoveled the snot off his driveway yet, so Harty shoveled it himself.

      Waving off Mr. Bartleby’s offer to pay him, Harty then rode to school.

      On the way, he saw an old lady trying to cross the street. He helped her across.

      In class, Harty was quiet and attentive. He made sure to leave an apple at the desk of each of his teachers, but unobtrusively, so that the teachers wouldn’t know who it was and inadvertently show him unfair favoritism.

      At lunchtime, a small boy was getting bullied in the cafeteria. “Pick on someone your own size!” said Harty, and chased the bullies away.

      1. Notorious G.K.C.

        After school, Harty worked his shift at McDonalds. It way payday, and Harty put the money aside for his parents. “It’s the least I can do for all they’ve done for me,” thought Harty.

        Returning home, Harty noticed that there was a Firefly marathon on TV. He decided to do his homework instead, because that is more important than some silly TV show.

        Then Harty noticed it was time to visit Grandma. He went to her house and cleaned it from top to bottom, changed Grandma’s bedpans, and gave her the new walker he’d saved up to buy.

        “Such a nice boy,” said Grandma.

        1. Copyright infringement is a very serious, very actionable civil and criminal offense.

          1. It’s clearly satire. I mean, what TV channel is going to play a Firefly marathon? Advertisers aren’t going to pay for an audience of three neckbeards.

            1. I detect no fair use in this material at all. In fact, I believe this is copyright terrorism.

        2. Notorious G.K.C.

          Suddenly, an alien spaceship landed in Grandma’s yard. Aliens jumped out of the ship and seized Harty. They brought him into the ship and set their course for the Planet Bazonga.

          On the ship, the aliens subjected Harty to unspeakable probings. Then they said they would make it all up to him, and led him onto the holodeck where he could summon up and image he liked.

          “I want to see my own home,” said Harty, “and my dear sister sleeping.” And the scene came before him.

          Then the aliens landed on Bazonga and dragged Harty to a brothel where several female aliens with four boobs each offered their services to him. It turns out that pocket lint is a valuable currency on Bazonga, and Harty had enough lint to buy whatever he wanted.

          So he paid to send the hookers to trade school, in exchange for their promise to give up their immoral lifestyle.

          1. Notorious G.K.C.

            The aliens gave Harty a disintegrator pistol and an invisibility cloak and brought Harty back to earth.

            No sooner was he armed and invisible than Harty saw several mean kids from school walking down the street. So he let them pass.

            Then he disintegrated the weeds blocking the paths at the park, so that citizens could use the park freely.

            He stayed invisible so that nobody would recognize him doing good deeds and embarrass him.

            Then he became a Senator and repealed all the bad laws THE END.

            1. Marshall Gill

              Holy Science! The anti-Nutra Sweet! That was the polar opposite of his horrific prose!

              They look exactly alike, except for the neck beard.

    4. hamilton

      Have you locked down exclusive broadcast rights with Lifetime yet?

      1. SugarFree

        Big screen. I want Bay, but I’ll settle for Fincher or Cronenberg.

        1. Herzog insists that his miniseries proposal for HBO is the best option. I told him to call back when he’s secured Kinski’s corpse.

          1. SugarFree

            But can HBO go far enough? No punches can be pulled.

            1. They’re discussed launching a new network just for this series. HBOSweetJesusNo.

              1. Marshall Gill

                HBOSweetJesusNo.

                So, do you do any copy write law? I am going to get the rights to this name because this thing is going to happen!

                Ok, I just purchased HBOSweetJesusNo.com! Just think of the monocles and top hats I will be able to afford. 6 inch handle bar mustache, here I come!

    5. Dr. Frankenstien

      I laughed, I cried, I used bleach on my eyes.

    6. Lady Bertrum

      Needs more cock.

      1. SugarFree

        DoomCockCock of DoomCock? That doesn’t even make any sense.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          That’s 2D thinking, SF. You need a cock-based font so that each letter is another penis in the face of the viewer.

          1. SugarFree

            Hmm… A cock-based font… I’m going to work on that.

            1. jesse.in.mb

              Dude, this is the internet:

              Cocksure

              1. SugarFree

                I found that. I just need my work computer to do what I have in mind.

            2. JW

              PENIS PENIS PENIS

              1. Lady Bertrum

                Brilliant. It reminds of the posh character on Fresh Meat who draws cock pictures everywhere.

                1. SugarFree

                  Oh, man. The ep where they try to drink the entire wine cellar at his parent’s house before it is sold is fantastic.

        2. JW

          I do believe that the Lady is coming onto you, Sug. And maybe jessie, too.

          Come to think of it, I’m pretty turned on right now, myself.

          1. Lady Bertrum

            I have too much respect for SF’s wife, who I imagine is a kindred spirit to me in all things except for her questionable taste in yoga pants, to do that.

    7. Marshall Gill

      3/3/14

      I am a bit concerned, here NS. You seem to be spending so much time promoting this expected novel that I am concerned that all the good parts of the book will be already seen in the adverts.

      Will there be more doom than just the doomcock of doom? Will there also be more cock than just the doomcock? Will there be vaginas, for those of us who are into them?

      Or is it going to be just doomcock doomed, and doomcock cocked through the whole thing? How many barf bags will be required?

      If you include pictures, actually, even if you don’t, you can market it as something to induce vomiting. Hell, you could prolly get ObamaCarousel to subsidize it.

      1. hamilton

        Will there be vaginas, for those of us who are into them?

        Or for those of us who are not (currently) into any, as the case may be. This is the Ampersand after all.

      2. SugarFree

        There will be plenty of doom and cocks to go around.

  43. TruthTeller

    scientists are worried the IPCC is underestimating sea level rise
     Humans are the primary cause of global warming over the past 250 years.

    1. Suthenboy

      Wow, so there is a consensus. It says right there that 90% of participating scientists agree.

      I bet I can do a survey on any fucking thing at all and have 90+% of participants agree.

    2. The Last American Hero

      Correction – they are worried that their narrative is broken.

  44. TruthTeller

    Persistent weather patterns at the mid-latitudes, like this winter’s long-lasting polar vortex or severe drought in America, are a direct consequence of climate change heating up the Arctic.

    1. I don’t understand how they “know” these changes weren’t similar in previous cold winter periods in the northern hemisphere like the turn of the century. Are the ice journals of whaling captains as detailed as satellite mapping?

      1. Weather isn’t climate, until it can be used for the control freaks’ agenda.

    2. The Last American Hero

      So weather equals climate?

    3. Suthenboy

      The polar vortex is always there. It just moves around slightly from time to time.

      Do these people really believe this shit? I ask cuz they are perpetuating a falsehood that at some point will be verified to be such. They are either complete idiots or true believers.

      1. The Last American Hero

        True believers see everything through the lens of man made climate apocalypse. They are kind of like those hyper religious people that see the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast.

        1. The Last American Hero

          One more thing – the key difference being that the burn marks on the piece of toast actually look like the Virgin Mary.

  45. The Late P Brooks

    Humans are the primary cause of global warming over the past 250 years.

    That’s so cute.

  46. Notorious G.K.C.

    “First lady Michelle Obama will join NBC’s “Today” show next week for an interview with former President George W. Bush’s daughter and “Today” correspondent Jenna Bush Hager, the network announced Thursday.

    “Obama will take part in the show’s Love Your Selfie series, which will focus on body image issues….

    “The interview will be part of a media tour by Obama promoting her “Let’s Move” program.”

    http://www.politico.com/story/…..03742.html

    1. Libertymike

      “Can’t wait!”

  47. Winston

    http://variety.com/2014/film/n…..201099921/

    1. Winston

      So anyone care to comment on the new Fantastic Four reboot?

      1. Notorious G.K.C.

        “With its four leads on board, Fox will now try to find its villain and hopes to test a handful of actors in the coming weeks.”

        Possible villains –

        The Wretched Flop – the movie tries to dispel the stench of its predecessors.

        The Fanboy – Harasses innocent artists about continuity errors, etc.

        The Human Burnout – The public’s exhaustion with superpowered costumed do-gooders.

  48. jesse.in.mb

    Eye of the Tiger played on a dotmatrix pritner.

    I’m impressed.

    1. Duke Trshmnstr of Stench

      Next thing you know, they’ll be playing Styx on a buggy whip!

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