A.M. Links: Obama To Outline NSA Reforms, Kerry Urges Syrian Opposition To Attend Peace Talks, Protesters in Thailand Wounded By Explosion

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  1. Obama is giving a speech today at 11am ET outlining proposed reforms to the NSA.

    He really wants to reign in the NSA but those damn bloodthirsty Republicans in Congress have tied his hands.

    1. “Let me be clear, I will promise only enough to get everyone, maybe even Fox, to drop this story.”

    2. he keeps reading all these stories about the agency and it just pissed him off.

    3. Proposed reform #1: NO TATTLE-TALES!

    4. “If you like your privacy, you can keep your privacy.”

      1. “We are enhancing your privacy. If your existing privacy is inferior to our superior privacy, you will have to pick a compliant privacy plan.”

        1. Damn it! Quit giving them ideas!

          1. What do you mean? It is already in their script.

            1. *** waxing semi-serious ***

              Please show me the list of compliant privacy plans.

              1. “We have to pass it to see what is in it.”

      2. “If you like your privacy, you can keep your privacy. Asterisk.”

    5. Here’s what I expect. Some platitudes then a firm commitment to launch an investigation into intelligence activities–an investigation run by the intelligence agencies–which will result in recommended changes that will properly balance security with liberty.

      1. which will result in recommended changes that will properly balance security with decrease liberty.

        1. I meant that’s what he’s going to say–balancing–not that it’s actually going to happen (nor do I think our fundamental rights can be offset because of some claimed security need). I can guarantee that it won’t.

          1. It’s always a safe bet with Barry, to take the inverse of what he’s saying, in order to understand what he’s actually doing.

            He’s the Joe Isuzu of presidents.

  2. A United Nations report claims that it would cost up to 4 percent of global economic output by 2030 to “contain” climate change.

    Oh, I think they want to charge more than 4%.

    1. It’s a bargain at any price. We’re talking about saving the planet here! Do you have any spare planets?

      1. We’re finding more every day.

        1. Current estimates are in the tens of billions of habitable planets in the galaxy. If our area is about average then the nearest one is probably about 12 light years away.

          1. So the Planet Loving Left wants to reduce all human life on this one to 1492 levels.

          2. Are relocation costs included?

          3. The habitable zone of the galaxyis shaped like a donut because the center is too dense to support life. The outer regions are less likely to be able to support life because there’s less star formation. We’re basically sitting in another Goldilocks zone, so habitable planet density in our area should be relatively high.

          4. Well, getting there may be a challenge. We already have to lie about even escaping our own solar system.

            1. If we get a ship up to a decent fraction of light speed, we can get a new story about it leaving the solar system even more frequently!

              1. Someday, an enterprising young man will take a starship and cross the edge of the solar system over and over again.

                That edge, of course, is about 100,000 AU out, at the outer fringes of the Oort cloud, not the 100 or so AU Voyager is at now.

                I just looked up a related point and ran across this IEEE dissent from the media and NASA’s claims about Voyager leaving the solar system.

                1. It all comes down to how you define “edge of solar system”. Each possible definition can be objectively measured, but picking a single definition is purely subjective.

                  1. You know, I don’t buy that. There’s no exact border, no, but I think it’s ridiculous on any number of levels to suggest that the edge is the heliopause. There are thousands of AUs from there to the edge of the Oort cloud, which orbits the sun.

                    1. I’m still down with our gravity based definition. Manifest destiny galactic edition!

                    2. Our legal claim is indisputable, though I think we’d better file first before some other stellar system comes up with this concept.

                  2. The orbit of Neptune should suffice, since it’s now the last planet out.

                    1. since it’s now the last planet out.

                      HA!!!

          5. Current estimates are in the tens of billions of habitable planets in the galaxy.

            Current estimates are wild-ass guesses, since no one has yet visited a single inhabitable planet other than Earth. Takes very little to make a planet uninhabitable.

            1. And it doesn’t take a whole lot to build a habitable shelter in an uninhabitable environment. No matter what we do here, I’m pretty sure we’ll still be around unless it’s something catastrophic. Our cities will just move and change character, as will the primary food sources.

            2. Yeah, telescopes and math don’t exist.

            3. While it’s possible that Earth is insanely unique for some reason, I rather suspect in a galaxy with hundreds of billions of stars that this situation is duplicated a number of times, probably in the many millions.

              That doesn’t necessarily mean intelligent or technological life, though to have free oxygen, an inhabitable (for us) world will likely need living organisms to maintain it.

              1. At least in terms of size, composition, and solar energy received, the Earth is not even remotely rare.

              2. The point that i think you’re making (and that I agree with) is that we’re working with a sample set of 1. We know life exists on Earth, and that’s it. The scientists make guesses about the extremes of where life can survive by looking at the most extreme forms of life here on Earth, but that tells us precious little about the situations where life can be created, only where life can adapt to given billions of years to evolve. Currently they’re speculating on inhabitability based mainly on the size of the gravity well, the surface temperature, the color temperature of their star, and the chemical composition of the atmosphere (does it include water, are there any known toxic chemicals detected).

                Who knows if that is all that’s required to create and sustain life.

                1. I think we’ll have an answer if we find life elsewhere in the solar system. I suspect we’ll find fossilized life on Mars (and maybe some microbial or fungal life of some sort) and maybe something a little more advanced on one of the icy moons, like Europa or Enceladus.

                  If so, then we’ll know that life can arise fairly easily, though, to be fair, it’s possible that life here might’ve arisen in just one place and spread through panspermia.

      2. How much money is 4% of global economic output? About 10 trillion dollars maybe? I bet we could colonize Mars or the Moon for that kind of money.

          1. Imagine the catastrophe if we started pumping out greenhouse gases on Mars!

            1. It might become warmer than some parts of Canada?

              1. Shudder

                Just thinking about ruining Mars like that makes me sick.

              2. It might become warmer than some parts of Canada?

                I’m trying to remember who it was here who bragged to me that Canada invented frozen food.

                1. Canada invented frozen food.

                  What the hell were the Siberians doing 12,000 years ago?

                  “Chief chief the mammoth meat froze again!!”

                  “I guess we now all starve.”

        1. You could probably terraform Mars for that kind of money.

          1. Mars’ problem isn’t environmental. As noted it can be rather easily terraformed. Mars’ biggest problem is the lack of a significant magnetic field to shield it. Anything you do will be wiped away by the first X class flare. Plus Nikki will grow another boob and Arnold will blow up your mountain.

            1. That’s true enough, but I’ve wondered before whether we could artificially create a magnetic field to shield the planet from radiation. I’ve read some articles that suggest that Mars’ magnetic field is dormant due to some crystallization or something in its core.

              1. Large amounts of differential spinning Iron (as in liquid with currents or solid core with flowing liquid shell etc.) is what creates our magnetic field. Mars’ core supposedly solidified millennia ago thus no differential spinning. An artificial planetary magnetic field would be quite something for our current technology to create.

                1. Nuke the core?

                  What I was referring to was an article suggesting that Mars’ core might be merely dormant, not permanently solidified. Of course even if that’s true, in geological (or areological) terms, that could be a long time if we can’t nudge it at all.

                  1. If it isn’t solid then it would have differential rotation. So melting it (via radioactive decay) would be one way but if all the radio topes’ are gone how you gunna put them back?

                    1. I dunno. Let’s go there and try to figure it out.

                    2. Do they make Trappist beer there? Cause if not I am hard pressed to be convinced to go.

                  2. Nuke the core?

                    10 billion breeder reactors that you let melt down and burn holes to the core should do the trick.

                    Also with a think warm atmosphere wouldn’t that heat up the planet?

                    I mean without an atmosphere wouldn’t earth have long ago frozen its core as well? I read that in Antarctica the ground 1000s of feet down is frozen.

                    1. The atmosphere doesn’t really have anything to do with it. Mars is significantly smaller so it had less primordial isotopes to begin with. It basically used up its nuclear fuel. The exact opposite occurs with fusion in stars, i.e. the big ones die young.

                      The longer term problem would be no plate tectonics to recycle material like carbon into the atmosphere. That would eventually result in a carbon-starved world much worse than Earth is now. Remember at ~200ppm of CO2 and below plants stop growing.

                2. Not really. You just need a few orbiting dipoles. Conveniently there are lots of NiFe asteroids right next door to Mars. Move a few into orbit (possible with existing technology), wrap some conductors around them, pump current through the coils and poof! orbiting magnet. All of that is achievable with today’s technology but would require some hefty engineering.

            2. Mars’ biggest problem is the lack of a significant magnetic field to shield it.

              50 feet of rock would do the trick. Just dig a hole and live in it.

    2. They’re just making shit up. You could spend 10 trillion and it would probably accomplish nothing.

      1. it would probably accomplish nothing.

        We’d all feel better.

        1. All the mindless progressives and little tin-pot dictatorships in the UN would anyway.

      2. “up to 4%” includes 0%. It also includes negative costs.

        Technically true is the best kind of true?

  3. This man was arrested for clicking ‘like’ on a Facebook status

    http://dailycaller.com/2014/01…..z2qaiyr8NC

    The host of a Memphis online radio show was arrested Tuesday after he “liked” the Facebook status of a woman who filed a restraining order against him.

      1. Think of all that archived metadata they could examine

        1. I hate to think of it!

    1. Matthews had multiple child pornography charges brought against him last November after posting an image depicting child pornography to his Facebook page more than a year prior. The Commercial Appeal based in Memphis reports the image showed a sex act between a man and a child of less than 5-years-old.

      So the guy is probably a POS, but what an infantile culture to think liking a FB video violates a restraining order.

      1. So the guy is probably a POS, but what an infantile culture to think liking a FB video violates a restraining order.

        It does violate a restraining order. If you’re not allowed to contact someone, it’s irrelevant how you contact them. You’ve still violated the restraining order.

        1. It’s the fucking law, right?

    2. No contact means no contact. If he called her phone and hung up, he would have been violating the no contact order. I have no sympathy for people who can’t understand that.

    3. how in the hell, could he even have done it if a) they were still ‘friends’ or b) her FB privacy settings weren’t set to full retard?

      1. I had one where some chick in I think maybe Russia (altough I can’t translate her page or her name for that matter) just “accepted” my friend request. Which is interesting since I never sent her one.

        1. Let me speak for your significant other when I say

          Suuuuurrrrrrreeeeee.

          1. Heh. That’s pretty much the reaction my wife gave me.

        2. I got one like that last year from some woman soldier in South Korea. My wife was not amused.

        3. Facebook should be renamed Insecurebook.

  4. The latest Adobe’s Photoshop CC update includes a 3D printing tool.

    I can 3D print that endangered black rhino to hunt and not get red eye.

    1. But my red-eyed printerbots were my favorite minions. I can’t get that effect intentionally!

    2. 3D print some ancient Chinese ED treatment…

    3. Lemme know when I can print a photon torpedo cannon.

      1. I just want to be able to 3D print the 25 year-old me at will. Also, I want brain transfers.

  5. Hello.

    Salutes Ted S. with AC Milan espresso cup.

    Booya!

    1. Have fun not playing in a UEFA competition next season!

      1. Ouch!

        Low blow.

        1. At least they’ll be able to focus on their real mission, which is avoiding relegation to Serie B!

          1. You’re killing me.

    2. You’re no Rufus J. Fisk; you’re an imposter. What did you do with my friend?

      1. I think it’s the other way around. We’ve gone over this.

        And be careful.

        I’m Canadian.

        /slips tuque and snowshoes on.

        1. Isn’t it crampon season up there by now?

          1. It’s always crampon season here.

            /narrows eyes.

            1. It’s January and I miss my old stompin’ grounds! And by stompin’ I mean slip-sliding down Peel… (I used to be all “fuck the Plateau” but when I lived there I realized how flat it was)

              1. I always got creeped out when I would drive up to Montreal and a few miles after the border all the mountains just stopped.

                1. Ha!

                  And English stops too…or at least, the PQ try in all their idiotic glory.

        2. That’s exactly what an imposter would say!

        3. I want to be the fourth member of Rush. What should I do?

          1. I want to be the fourth member of Rush. What should I do?

            Drastically lower your musical expectations?

      2. Rufus J. Fisk signed teh Declaration of Independence…..YESTERDAY!!!!!

  6. American Apparel stirs up controversy for giving storefront mannequins pubic hair
    Popular store featured three mannequins with unkempt bikini lines
    Aim is to ‘start a conversation about society’s concept of feminine beauty’
    Firm keen to bring ‘rawness and newness’ to ‘Hallmark’ Valentine’s holiday

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem…..front.html

    District Visual Manager Dee Myles told the Observer that the display is meant to ‘bring rawness and newness to a holiday thought of as a romantic Hallmark holiday. . . by exploiting the lust of Valentine’s Day.’

    Because nothing says “lust” like bush spilling out of underwear.

    1. LOL

      ‘start a conversation about society’s concept of feminine beauty’

      What is this “society” to which you refer?

      1. What is this “society” to which you refer?

        That’s the question of the day. Few things are more stupid than believing and prosthelytizing that “society” can form a coherent thought about anything at all. Many men in American society are plenty glad that women put razor to bush, others enjoy picking stringy pubes from their teeth after they go down and chow box.

        1. What if you just like things to be trimmed up?

          1. Bingo.

            I’m all for fuzzy as a squirrel’s tail and all, but those mannequins look like somebody stuffed a tribble colony down their drawers.

          2. You mean you vote 3rd party on pubic trimming too?

    2. There are all sorts of fetishes out there.

      If they really wanted to be controversial, they’d have the mannequins with cigarettes in their mouths.

      1. Are German bukkake’s a fetish?

        1. Bukkake is basically missionary in Germany.

        2. Ewww I don’t even want to know what the German version of a bukkake is. Das ist einige schmutzig SchieBe.

          1. It involves exactly one cup.

      2. Or mannequins with cigarettes spilling out of their underwear.

    3. So after 5 years of Obama people are trying to bring Bush back?

    4. because Lena Dunham has not been enough conversation; we need more and the less romantic, the better.

    5. Aim is to ‘start a conversation about society’s concept of feminine beauty’

      I’m pretty sure society doesn’t think that masculine pubic hair sticking out of speedos is beautiful either.

      1. With very few exceptions (legit athletes), nothing about men in speedos is beautiful.

        When I went on a European cruise last year, I quickly realized that Europeans have no sense of shame or think about the welfare of others when they dress in swimwear. There is no reason for anyone to ever be subjected to seeing packs of wrinkly old men wearing speedos. I’d rather be subjected to an eternity of a naked Lena Dunham than seeing groups of old European men in Speedos.

        1. Eh. My goal in life is to get one of those European hard-fat bellies wait for my beard to turn full white, and then set about embarrassing my wife and child(ren) by going with the Eurospeedo at the beach every year.

          1. My goal in life is to get one of those European hard-fat bellies wait for my beard to turn full white, and then set about embarrassing my wife and child(ren) by going with the Eurospeedo at the beach every year.

            But you know full well that you won’t look good, and that’s the difference. The entire point is to embarrass your family (an admirable goal, BTW), not dress stylishly, which is what Europeans think they’re doing when they put on a speedo.

          1. Until their dermatologist gets a hold of them

          2. If skin cancer turns you on, that’s hot.

    6. If you’re a feminist whose job is to make window displays for American Apparel, you probably have to perform all kinds of mental gymnastics to make it palatable. I wouldn’t be surprised if the store display person got the job just so they could troll the company from the inside.

  7. Houston man gives change to homeless person, is then assaulted by man in costume:

    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/od…..ts-postbox

    1. Words fail me

    2. He had it coming. Doesn’t he know only the government can perform charitable acts and lift people out of poverty?

      Sheesh. Work with me people!

      1. Listen, bub, I don’t know what fairyland you come from, but in the real world drug dealers regularly cruise the streets looking for homeless people to give drugs to. I mean, they just walk right up to them and hand them the drugs! Free of charge! They do that! And they do this because drug dealers are irrational beings who are only motivated by their evil desire to see all of us, I mean all of us addicted to their poison. They cackle and twirl their mustaches at the mere thought of it! Thank goodness those brave police officers where there to prevent this irrational act of drug charity! And even though the man didn’t actually hand the homeless man drugs, it is necessary to question one innocent man, lest 10 guilty go free.

    3. For once the comments to the story actually blame the police.

      1. I like slumming Yahoo’s comments quite frequently. While the caliber of the commentary isn’t anything to get excited about, I’m glad to say that when there’s a story about police brutality, the commenters tend to be overwhelming angry about it.

    4. Will Grigg just commented on this story on another site. He called it a “tax feeder flash mob.” I kinda like that.

  8. A VERY rich breakfast: Customer charged $1,666 for dining at a Waffle House has to FIGHT to get the money refunded
    Jim Andrews’ bill for breakfast for him and his wife should have been $16.51
    The bill he accidentally signed was for $1,666
    When he explained the mistake with the cashier, the cashier just argued with him
    After taking the mistake up with the restaurant’s corporate office, the charge was reversed
    The mixup was the result of a sticky 6-key on the credit card machine

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..HOUSE.html
    I hope that cashier is unemployed.

    1. But. They works so hard! They owed a job even if they perform poorly.

      1. That better be one heck of a waffle.

        1. I seem to recall seeing a show where they had meals in the $1500 range. I think one actually might have been a waffle. I am sure that one was a Sundae with edible gold.

        2. Better than me anyway.

        3. Condor eggs. Vesuvius-preserved Pompeii flour. Amur Tiger milk.

          Tastes like shit, but this isn’t about the taste. It’s about flaunting wealth.

          1. Endangered Species Kabob?

            Bigfoot Sirloin grilled over Moon Rocks?

  9. Going the extra mile: Make-up free Ali Larter indulges in yoga session while filling her car up at petrol station

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..ation.html
    I miss Heroes.

    1. I don’t, it sucked.

      1. I think you were watching for the wrong reasons.

  10. 407-foot-wide Eagles record spins atop Los Angeles concert venue

    A 407-foot wide disc billed as the world’s largest vinyl record is spinning in Los Angeles to mark the reopening of a concert venue with shows by the Eagles.

    The giant record, which has been spinning at 17 mph since New Year’s Day atop The Forum in Los Angeles, is made to resemble a giant version of the Eagles’ 1976 single “Hotel California.” It heralded the Jan. 15 reopening of the venue following a $100 million renovation with a series of “History of the Eagles” concerts from the classic rock band, NBC’s “Today” show reported.

    it would look more impressive if set on fire

    1. I’ve had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles man.

      1. Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

      2. Out of my fucking cab!

    2. All that vinyl for shitty music?

      1. All that vinyl for shitty music?

        That was exactly my thought. If I could erase one band from history it would be either The Eagles or Styx.

        1. You bastard. I hope Mr. Roboto sets fire to your house.

        2. What an angry young man.

          1. Don’t be silly, you’re only fooling yourself.

    3. Replace it with a giant deep dish pizza.

    4. I don’t why The Eagles are so hated around these parts. I like them. Saw them live even. Joe Walsh is an entertaining beast.

      1. I think it’s due to the popularity of The Big Lebowski and that they realy only have like 4-5 different sounds, for decades.

        1. Waffles, 4-5 different sounds? Seems a lot to me for a band. How many do Zep, the Stones and Who have? Beach Boys? The only great band I can think of that has multiple layers of sound and styles are The Beatles.

          1. Maybe he meant they only play 4-5 songs on the radio?

          2. Led Zeppelin might be a bad example.

          3. You’ve never actually listened to any of those bands have you?

        2. “One chord is fine. Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you’re into jazz.”

      2. Are they actually hated around these parts, or are these all Big Lebowski references?

        Rufus, I will join you in admitting I like the Eagles. But not so much “Hotel California.”

        1. I don’t hate them but I think their music is incredibly boring. So I don’t listen to them.

          1. I’m eagerly awaiting John to tell us all what our musical tastes should be…

            1. Who needs john when i am here!!!

              This is what you should be listening to:

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKD-MVfC9Ag

              and this:

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEH_LSL4rVw

              VIDEO GAME MUSIC IS THE FUTURE!!!

          2. That’s about where I am on the Eagles. I don’t find their music unpleasant at all, but I’d never put it on deliberately.

      3. I join the group of actual haters, not just Big Lebowski related either.

        1. Guelphs and Ghibillines are forming here.

          1. Almost as vituperative as Fisk v. Firefly 😉

        2. Yeah. You honkeys are crazy.

          1. Must be self-hatred.

            Because if I had to name one band that personified “Honky-ness” the best, it would definitely be the Eagles and after them the astonishingly more boring Fleetwood Mac.

      4. For me, it’s more a hatred of the song “Hotel California” than of the Eagles in general.

        1. Does ‘Stairway to Heaven’ the same hatred too?

          1. How could it, considering all those school dances with your hands in the back pockets of your partner’s Levis?

    5. spinning at 17 mph

      What does that even mean? You can’t measure angular velocity in mph.

      1. I’m guessing it was “17 rpm” but editors gotta edit, even when they have no fucking clue what they are editing/talking about.

      2. I took it to mean that a point on the rim of the “album” traveled 89,760 feet in an hour.

        1. That’s usually what they mean. The rim is the only place it practically makes sense to measure a speed.

          1. Not so much with a record. There you probably want to know something like the average speed of the groove throughout the record since the cartridge has to deal with the full range of speeds.

  11. The latest Adobe’s Photoshop CC update includes a 3D printing tool.

    The next environmental catastrophe, landfills overflowing with plastic penises.

    1. You know you can re-melt the plastic used in 3D-printers?

      Oh wait, it’s Plissken. Sorry.

      1. Environmental catastrophes are too important to waste time with logic!!!

        1. You missed a prime ‘call me Snark’ opportunity.

  12. “A United Nations report claims that it would cost up to 4 percent of global economic output by 2030 to “contain” climate change.”

    Well up to includes 0% so they are not wrong

  13. Parenting style linked to kids’ Internet addiction

    Young adults who recall their parents being tough or demanding without showing affection tend to be sad or to have trouble making friends, and those personality traits raise their risk of Internet addiction, the researchers say.

    “In short, good parenting, including parental warmth and affection, that is caring and protective parents, has been associated with lower risk for Internet addiction,” said lead author Argyroula E. Kalaitzaki of the Technological Education Institute (TEI) of Crete in Heraklion, “whereas bad parenting, including parental control and intrusion, that is authoritarian and neglectful parents, has been associated with higher risk for addiction.”

    1. But how do they explain the HNR commentariat?

      1. How could our parents have been such assholes if we’re still living in their base… um, I mean, I had a good upbringing too.

    2. I wasn’t breastfed.

      1. Me neither, SF.

        HOLD ME!

        1. I wouldn’t do that, I hear diabetes is contagious

          1. I wouldn’t do that, I hear diabetes is contagious

            That’s a half-truth!

    3. parental warmth and affection

      the only warmth I got was the stinging rebuke of not being a member of the clean plate club.

  14. The lawyer who represented a man who was executed in Ohio yesterday says that the execution, which was carried out using an untried method, was “a failed, agonizing experiment.”

    They should have used an umbrella.

    1. It could have been worse – death by Ke$ha

  15. http://www.tomdispatch.com/pos….._blowback/

    “In the waning days of the Bush presidency, Special Operations forces were reportedly deployed in about 60 countries around the world. By 2010, that number had swelled to 75, according to Karen DeYoung and Greg Jaffe of the Washington Post. In 2011, Special Operations Command (SOCOM) spokesman Colonel Tim Nye told TomDispatch that the total would reach 120. Today, that figure has risen higher still.

    In 2013, elite U.S. forces were deployed in 134 countries around the globe, according to Major Matthew Robert Bockholt of SOCOM Public Affairs. This 123% increase during the Obama years demonstrates how, in addition to conventional wars and a CIA drone campaign, public diplomacy and extensive electronic spying, the U.S. has engaged in still another significant and growing form of overseas power projection. Conducted largely in the shadows by America’s most elite troops, the vast majority of these missions take place far from prying eyes, media scrutiny, or any type of outside oversight, increasing the chances of unforeseen blowback and catastrophic consequences.”

    Obama didn’t expand war and the deficit. Sure. Shh. Sure, he didn’t.

    1. Aren’t there only something like 193 countries worldwide?

      1. According to FIFA 208. It has more members than the UN.

        Soccer. She powerful.

        1. But FIFA members include entities that are not independent states – England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland for a start

          1. If they can do that, why doesn’t the US send someone from each state?

            1. Because US membership wasn’t a big deal a century ago. FIFA was founded by Belgians with a desire to centralise power and go on junkets. The Brits didn’t join, partly because they were suspicious of Johnny Foreigner and his big plans, but mostly because it had separate football associations and competitions, and didn’t want to amalgamate them and only have one vote in FIFA. FIFA needed the home of football to actually join the international football organisation, so it let each association join as a separate member.

          2. True but the list doesn’t include the Vatican, Kirbati, Monaco (not sure about San Marino) which are included on the UN side.

            1. San Marino is a FIFA member. They’re one of the whipping boys of Europe like Liechtenstein or the F?roe Islands.

              1. Yeah. How stupid of me.

                Too funny.

              2. and Iceland…oh wait.

                I so wish Iceland had eliminated Croatia and made the WC. That would have been amazing.

          3. Gibraltar is the newest member too.

      2. No worries, we’ll get to the rest of them….soon!

        /SOCOM

          1. *tries to applaud, but is too tightly restrained by zip tie*

  16. Man Arrested For Waving a Sign Warning Drivers About a Speed Trap

    http://gawker.com/man-arrested…..1503182281

    1. Colorado drivers signal each other when there’s a cop by flicking their lights to high beam, then back to normal. So you have a little advance warning of a speed trap.

      1. What makes you think that’s just a Colorado thing? (If indeed you believe that.)

        1. Yeah last week I had a bit of a fright. I blinked a car coming the other way to warn him of a speed trap. Except it turned out I was blinking a cop. I was very nervous checking the rear view to see if he turned around to pull me over for interfering with the course of revenue collection justice.

          1. I never warn strangers about cops. Odds are the guy I’m signalling is a statist-supporting dick who will get what he deserves.

            1. Yeah, I once flicked my lights to warn about a speed trap and it was the other cop, who turned around aggressively, got behind me and turned his lights on. Obviously pissed him off. I wasn’t speeding though, and some guy sped by so he peeled off to pull the other car over.

        2. OK, I am hoping it will spread. I just know I’ve seen it done in CO.

          1. I don’t think it’s anything new; I’ve seen that done since I was in kindergarten.

      2. We do that in Ohio too.

      3. Kentuckians shake hands and say hello when meeting someone.

        WTF?

        1. That’s wrong.

          I’ve been assured that Kentuckians, upon meeting someone, engage in a howdy-doody type dance screaming YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAW, followed by sipping moonshine and spitting it on one another.

  17. Abbey in Spencer, Mass., produces first U.S. Trappist beer

    A community of monks in central Massachusetts has begun producing the first Trappist ale to be brewed outside Europe.

    In a statement on their website, the monks of St. Joseph’s Abbey said the decision to start the Spencer brewery, named after the town west of Worcester where the abbey is located, was one of necessity. The order is required to make enough money to support its members, something the monks have done in the past with Trappist Preserves.

    1. Numero uno, I already alerted yall to the Trappist beer.

      Numero two-o, are trappist preserves like black rhino preserves?

      1. I’ve seen the Trappist preserves around, but I might* actually buy the Trappist beer.

        * will

      2. Still, it’s nice to see the Globe story get picked up a week later by UPI for International distribution. What I found most interesting about the story was the massive expenditure that took place here for which the monastery, whose “lack of income” claims was the supposed justification for building the brewery, was completely mum about the source of the capital.

        Once I fall off the No Carb wagon in March, I’ll give this a try.

        1. I suspect they got a loan. But I don’t know.

    2. A beer run to Massachusetts is called for.

    3. The trappist monastary in KY makes great cheese, Im pissed they dont make beer…yet.

      1. I feel compelled to brag about how I am the most qualified Trappist connoisseur on this site. I am bummed as now I have to go to MA to keep with the “I have been to all the Trappist breweries” thing I got going.

        Westvletteren (three times) FOR THE WIN!

  18. The latest Adobe’s Photoshop CC update includes a 3D printing tool.

    Oooo, I’ve always wanted a sepia-toned gun.

    1. +1 Filter Effect.

    2. Hey that gives me an idea. We should make AR-15s sepia-tone so that the control people think they are antiques.

    3. How about removing all the noise?

      1. Nothing? Nothing? You guys suck.

        1. You just couldn’t hear our replies.

        2. It was good. Don’t dumb it down for a bonehead mass audience.

  19. The lawyer who represented a man who was executed in Ohio yesterday says that the execution, which was carried out using an untried method, was “a failed, agonizing experiment.”

    I still don’t understand why they don’t just give them an overdose of opiates.

    1. Too many FDA forms to fill out

    2. he might get addicted to them

      1. +1 think of the childrens.

    3. Don’t Veterinarians euthanize animals every day without any drama?

      1. Don’t Veterinarians euthanize animals every day without any drama?

        Yup. They shoot them full of an overdose of tranquilizer which literally puts them to sleep and then they inject a second drug which stops the heart. No pain, no drama, no bullshit.

    4. Should have had Obama do it. I heard he’s good at killing people.

  20. Obama’s phony IRS investigation

    President Obama dismissed the IRS’ harassment of conservative groups as a “phony scandal,” so it’s little wonder his administration has conducted a phony investigation into it.

    Why else would they appoint Barbara Bosserman ? a partisan lawyer who gave thousands of dollars to Obama and the Democratic National Committee ? to lead the DOJ investigation? Bosserman’s appointment is highly unusual. She hails from the civil rights division, not the criminal division. At the House Oversight Committee’s hearing yesterday, the DOJ Inspector General Michael Horowitz admitted that in his 12 years at DOJ under 3 different presidents, he did not ever recall the civil rights division investigating tax law matters.

    So why did the Obama administration choose this lawyer from the civil rights division over all the criminal division attorneys to lead the IRS investigation? Maybe it’s because the civil rights division in the Obama Justice Department is a hotbed of liberal partisans ? as evidenced by the president’s recent appointment of a lawyer for convicted cop killer and left wing cause c?l?bre Mumia Abu Jamal as the head of said division.

    1. To be fair, this*is* a civil rights issue.

    2. Phony scandal. Really. Hope for another one to come along.

      1. derp-ity derp

        http://online.wsj.com/news/art…..ding_now_3

        That’s the big, dirty secret of the omnibus negotiations. As one of the only bills destined to pass this year, the omnibus was?behind the scenes?a flurry of horse trading. One of the biggest fights was over GOP efforts to include language to stop the IRS from instituting a new round of 501(c)(4) targeting. The White House is so counting on the tax agency to muzzle its political opponents that it willingly sacrificed any manner of its own priorities to keep the muzzle in place.

        …snip…

        Yet my sources say that throughout the negotiations Democrats went all in on keeping the IRS rule, even though it meant losing their own priorities. In the final hours before the omnibus was introduced Monday night, the administration made a last push for IMF money. Asked to negotiate that demand in the context of new IRS language, it refused.

      2. Since this is ‘phony’ then you would be happy with President Santorum denying tax-exempt status to various liberal commie groups?

        1. Investigations found no link to the White House (reported here at Reason).

          And liberal groups were “targeted” too.

          1. Government investigations now government wasn’t at fault! That’s a fucking relief.

            And yes, liberal groups were targets about about a 20:1 ration, perhaps even worse. So shut the fuck up.

          2. Liberal groups were not targeted. They were included, but received their tax exemptions in very little time. ONLY the conservative groups were denied/delayed.

        2. CMON! You guys can do better than this!

          Where are your ratfuckers? What is James O’Keefe doing? Just fucking bribe someone or something!

    3. I think they’re going to regret not at least firing a few people and instituting some fake reforms, because when the Republicans take over Congress, they’re going to be able to use this to do some massive damage to the administration.

      1. A few heads did roll. The acting IRS commissioner was one of them.

  21. Obama is giving a speech today at 11am ET outlining proposed reforms to the NSA.

    I hope one of them is to stop stealing the alt-text.

  22. In the $1.1 Triyooon budget bill: Winners and Losers (you/me/america).

    The IRS gets $526 million less in the bill than last year’s pre-sequester level despite warnings that level is not sufficient to maintain quality customer service. The bill also contains embarrassing language forbidding the agency from politically targeting people and wasting money on frivolous items like the infamous Star Trek promotion video.
    http://thehill.com/blogs/on-th…..1t-omnibus
    What will we do without their “quality customer service”?
    My gums bleed for them.

    1. Related: IRS Targeting and 2014:

      As one of the only bills destined to pass this year, the omnibus was?behind the scenes?a flurry of horse trading. One of the biggest fights was over GOP efforts to include language to stop the IRS from instituting a new round of 501(c)(4) targeting. The White House is so counting on the tax agency to muzzle its political opponents that it willingly sacrificed any manner of its own priorities to keep the muzzle in place.

    2. Without customer service you’ll never even know you’re being audited. (Until you go to jail. Then you’ll know.)

  23. Tattoo Le Monde
    The French succumb to the scourge of self-mutilation.

    France is three or four decades behind Britain in cultural degeneration but is making valiant efforts to catch up. One straw in the wind I noticed a few years ago was the arrival of a tattoo parlor in the small town near where I live when I am in France. This alarmed me. I had mistakenly thought that the French had too much taste to go in for this form of self-mutilation.

    Since then, much slippery slope has been slid down. According to a recent article in Lib?ration, 400 professional tattooists operated in France in 2003. Now, only ten years later, there are 4,000. I doubt that any other industry has grown nearly as fast, and many may have contracted as quickly. According to one of the newspaper’s informants, if the trend continues, tattooists may soon be as numerous in France as hairdressers.

    *le sniff*

    1. Tattoos and piercings are cultural degeneration? I think French economic and employment policies are more self-mutilating than 4,000 tattoo parlors.

      1. I think tattoos are unsexy, but that’s just me.

        1. back before the tattoo craze took off, I had a GF in college with quite a number of them. It seemed exotic and fun at the time. Now tats are as common as dirt.

        2. I agree with you Ted. To each his or her own.

        3. I also agree.

          And a tramp stamp is especially so. Tat on the small of the back is a stop sign.

          My fiancee has zero tattoos. And she did have her ears pierced at one time but they grew back closed.

          So we are pretty much mutilation free.

      2. Tattoos and piercings are cultural degeneration?

        Absolutely.

        1. Please tell me you’re joking…

          How in the fuck is me, putting art on MY body cultural degeneration? I can’t warp my thinking enough to make the first bit of sense out of that…

          1. I’m not joking in the slightest. That hideous self-mutilation is perceived as art by many is exactly why it’s appropriate to call it cultural degeneration.

            1. Your opinions on what is and isn’t art are moot.

              People with tattoos aren’t degenerates, they didn’t sign some secret contract with teh debul in order to get their ink. Just because someone has a tattoo or a piercing doesn’t mean they are promiscuous, a drug user, or anything else that you might consider “degenerate”. They don’t go out and cause trouble just because they want to.

              Tattoos are a form of art whether you like it or not, and it has been that way for centuries. Just because it doesn’t conform to your narrow view of the world doesn’t make it evil.

              1. Tattoos are a form of art

                Yup. Just like graffiti. Except graffiti “artists” put their “art” on someone else’s property, whereas cultural degenerates let others put “art” on them. This, to the paintee, is called “expressing myself.”

                1. Yup. Just like graffiti. Except graffiti “artists” put their “art” on someone else’s property, whereas cultural degenerates let others put “art” on them. This, to the paintee, is called “expressing myself.”

                  This is thoroughly retarded and narrow minded drivel.

                  First, graffiti and tattoos are not the same. Tattoos are art that is put on my property by my will. Graffiti is art that is put on my property against my will. If you haven’t been paying attention, that’s a fairly huge distinction around these parts.

                  Second, I still haven’t heard even a single explanation as to WHY I am a degenerate because I have tattoos. What is inherent about tattoos that makes them degenerate? All I’ve heard so far is “tattoos are evil and you’re a bad person for having them”. Ok, lets hear your reasons why instead of ignorant ramblings.

    1. I want to be tasteless and ask if he finally made a Bonzai charge against the American position.

      1. Call that tasteless? You could ask if he’s raping the great Chinese city of Nanjing in the sky now.

        1. Tasteless would be saying he spent all that time reading tentacle porn.

          1. While bayonetting Chinese civilians, and testing bubonic plague on the population of Manchuria?

            1. Yeah, that too.

      2. Wait, do you mean bonsai or banzai? If it’s the former, I’m having trouble picturing a charge with a tiny tree.

        1. Well, he has dementia.

        2. You couldn’t let that one tower go unkicked, could you?

          1. I simply seek clarification. Perhaps he was a bonsai enthusiast during his jungle years?

            1. How can you not picture a charge with a geriatic Japanese man holding a tiny tree like a sword, screaming long life to the Emperor and trying to hack apart Otaku tourists. It’s not what I originally envisioned, but it is glorious!

              1. Yes, he shaped his tree into a sword. Of course. Bonsai!

  24. Obama is giving a speech today at 11am ET outlining proposed reforms to the NSA.

    Making MLB’s progress toward replay reform look downright rapid.

  25. A United Nations report claims that it would cost up to 4 percent of global economic output by 2030 to “contain” climate change.

    I love how the UN thinks that Nations out East like India, China, and Indonesia really give a crap about their view of climate ‘change’

  26. Monkey Quarantined After Biting Incident

    The employee said he was helping to remove plates for the customer’s car. When he was finished, he walked over to the window of the car and saw a man sitting with a white-bellied spider monkey named Brodi.

    The man asked if he could pet the monkey, and after getting permission, put his hand inside the car. The monkey smelled his hand and then bit his right thumb, according to the police report. The bite mark caused a small puncture wound and started bleeding.

    Never pet someone else’s monkey in a car

    1. Never pet someone else’s monkey in a car

      FIFY

    2. Wasn’t this a movie?

    3. “That’s not my monkey.”

      1. “Minkey.”

        1. “Do you have a lahzense for that minkey?”

    4. Would you like to touch my monkey? Love him!

      1. Now is the time on Morning Links where we DANCE!

        1. Your comment grows tiresome.

  27. Well, Monday is MLK Day! Time to place your bets on who will write this year’s If I Had A Hammer sermon! Will it be Gillespie? Maybe Welch? Shackford is always good for spilling blood all over the page. Or will we get the Full Monte, with every editor at Reason bombarding us in a Sanctimony Spectacular? Step right up and play your hunch!

  28. I still don’t understand why they don’t just give them an overdose of opiates.

    It’s called crime and PUNISHMENT for a reason.

  29. I just threw up a little…

    Nancy Pelosi loves Colin Kaepernick’s ‘big arms’ and ‘tattoos’

    After showing off a 49ers charm bracelet and mentioning that she’d like to take her grandchildren to the Super Bowl (again), Pelosi got really excited about San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

    “We love our quarterback, the tattoos, the big arms, the whole deal,” Pelosi said.

    1. Yeah, she sounds like she really knows football well. I’m not surprised she’s attended a Super Bowl.

      1. It’s not authentic, like Obama’s love of sports and especially the Miami “Heats”.

        1. He’s a huge fan of the White Sox, and their star player… um.. you know, uh, that guy… with the glove! I mean, the Cubs had some pretty cool guys too.

          1. His supposed love for the White Sox is only a cultural marker. In Chicago, the Cubs are linked with rich, uptown types, while those who live on the South Side (read: poor blacks and hispanics) identify with the White Sox. He’s just trying to show the Chicago ghetto that he’s one of them.

    2. “Kick a touchdown!”

    1. I’ll never understand the psychology of people who claim to have all the love and compassion in the world for animals, and yet are willing to threaten the life of a human being. A human being whose actions are doing far more to save these animals then the whiny vegan pussies that are threatening him.

      1. They’re idiots. They don’t understand how important hunting is to legitimate conservation.

        It’s all about intentions.

      2. A human being whose actions are doing far more to save these animals then the whiny vegan pussies that are threatening him.

        This.

    2. Should have gone for a white rhino instead. RACIST!

  30. Obama is giving a speech today at 11am ET outlining proposed reforms to the NSA.

    Uh, huh. Will anyone be broadcasting it?

    1. Isn’t CSPAN obligated to?

  31. John Yoo sez Obama’s NSA Reforms: Giving More Rights to Terrorists than Americans

    Why should foreigners have any privacy rights against the United States government? Privacy is a constitutional right that a citizen has against his own government ? I have no more a right of privacy against Saudi Arabia’s government than a Saudi Arabian should have against NSA surveillance. Under the Privacy Act, an American has the right to see the information held on him or her by the government ? will Dr. Zawahiri, the head of al-Qaeda, have a right to request his government file now?

    The suggestion shows that the Obama administration seems to worry as much about the rights of potential terrorist suspects as it does about the Americans who are their potential victims.

    1. I really want a full accounting of John Yoo’s internet history, emails, and cellphone calls.

    2. We’re only spying on dirty foreigners, trust us!

    3. Fuck Yoo cut spending.

    4. Why should foreigners have any privacy rights against the United States government?

      I mean seriously; why should foreigners expect to be treated better than citizens who evidently have no privacy rights, either?

      1. I don’t know. Our soldiers would get in serious trouble if they were caught beating the shit out of an unarmed Afghan, but cops in America get away with beating unarmed homeless men in America, land of the free.

        So maybe foreigners have good reason to suspect they would be treated better.

  32. Neknomination – the drinking game that is my country’s gift to the world

    1. the viral trend, including a man skolling a beer before nailing his testicles to a table, then skolling another beer in the process.

      Methinks this man has issues beyond alcoholism.

      1. Didn’t South Park do a thing on this?
        Not the drinking, but the media alarmism.

    2. Umm, isn’t the point of drinking games to get drunk? This seems like it would take too long to be, uhh, effective at achieving that end.

      1. For us normal people. Down in Austria, land of poisoned crossbow wielding giant man-eating spiders this is just what you have to do all day to stay sufficiently anesthetized to function.

  33. Nintendo Sees Loss on Dismal Wii U Sales
    Videogame Console Maker Struggles Against Mobile Competition

    Nintendo Co. cut its earnings forecast for the year ending in March to an operating loss, and slashed its estimate for the number of its flagship Wii U game consoles it expects to sell to a third of its initial projection?dealing a grim blow to the company’s hopes that holiday sales would revive its flagging fortunes.

    The dismal numbers show that the iconic game maker failed to generate strong year-end sales of its gaming software and consoles–particularly the Wii U, which has struggled ever since it was released, amid competition from games played on social networks, mobile phones and tablets. Nintendo has kept its software off such platforms, arguing that its success depends on keeping alive the player experience, on its own dedicated hardware.

    1. I always thought a gimmicky design was their impediment. You know, the awkward touchscreen controller that’s too big, the annoying two-screen system, etc.

      1. Yeah, the Wii was a fluke. They can’t count on non-gamers to save them this time. I think Nintendo will eventually go the route of Sega, and we’ll see Mario and Zelda on Sony and Microsoft’s next next generation consoles.

        1. Yeah, the Wii was a fluke. They can’t count on non-gamers to save them this time. I think Nintendo will eventually go the route of Sega, and we’ll see Mario and Zelda on Sony and Microsoft’s next next generation consoles.

          I used to think this wouldn’t happen because Nintendo is so stubborn. I think Nintendo of America and stockholders will help prevent Miyamoto and others more traditional folks from getting their wish of letting Nintendo go bankrupt rather than become a software developer

      2. I think their real problem is they just havn’t caught on to 2 realities about the console gaming world….

        1) The only thing gamers care about in a console is graphics and game titles. Since the best game titles require the best graphics that means Graphics is really the only thing that matters and Nintendo has been consistantly 2 generations behind Microsoft and Sony in their graphics quality

        2) The era of the Console as a dedicated gaming machine is over. Consumers expect their gaming console to be a centralized media center

        1. 2) The era of the Console as a dedicated gaming machine is over. Consumers expect their gaming console to be a centralized media center

          Then why does the new PS not even play CDs? or for that matter not have the ability to connect to a media server over a local network(could be wrong but I remember not being able to figure that out when playing with friend’s ps4)?

          1. People still buy CD’s?

            1. Eddie Murphy just rented them.

          2. I think they said they’re working on adding back media server functionality, since people were pissed that it wasn’t there. Did not know about the inability to play CDs…

        2. 2) The era of the Console as a dedicated gaming machine is over. Consumers expect their gaming console to be a centralized media center

          They do?

          If they did Xbone should be outselling PS4, but it isn’t.

          PS3 could play DVDs and Blu-Ray, but Sony only sold the same number of consoles as Microsoft.

          Supposedly the number of “unique” (meaning they only owned the one console) 360 owners was higher than that of the PS4, though I haven’t seen the number on that in years. It was an article in Gamer from a few years back.

          People want game consoles, to play games. All of the extraneous “media/entertainment center” shit Microsoft added really hurt their sales.

          1. It may have hurt their sales, but it’s pretty cool. Our Xbox One is on whenever we are in the room. Our PS 4 is one when were are playing a game on it.

          2. PS3’s only edge over the Xbox 360 was only in the Blue Ray disks. XBox could still play DVD’s.

            I’ve never played Play Station so I can speak to it with any authority but my understanding was that the Xbox had a better internet interface for accessing online media content.

            With the current generations of the consoles (PS4, XBox One) PS4 is winning primarily becuase of some of the marketing screwups MS made around the always on, mandatory Kinect, and no resale of games decisions. Both consoles function as a centralized media server

            1. I have both an Xbox 360 and a PS#. Like the latter better and use it to access Instant Video, play DVD/BlueRays, and so on.

              Both are decent, so this is just a matter of favoring one over the other. The Kinect is much better than the Move, though.

        3. Our old Wii has a Netflix interface that works fine for the kids. The problem with the Wii is the controller sucks for a bunch of games, but works great for certain stuff.

          The XBox 360 is much better for sports or shootting games.

          I haven’t touched to new consoles and won’t until they get new titles.

          1. Whoops, I mean more games. Need coffee.

        4. If that’s all they cared about then they would just buy PCs.

          1. Not really, a lot of games don’t translate very well to the PC.

            I found Skyrim basically unplayable on my PC and had to pick up a copy for the XBox to even get as far as Whiterun.

            1. Funny, I had no problems with Skyrim on PC. After my first playthrough, I found out how easy it was to add Mods, some of which fixed the quibbles with the interface.

            2. I found Skyrim basically unplayable on my PC

              I really don’t get this. How is it unplayable? A friend of mine made this same claim, and I really don’t understand why. Maybe you could explain the difficulties you had with the PC version?

              The only type of game that I play that is better on consoles are racing games (which is a moot point if you have a wheel for PC).

              1. The tracking of the mouse.

                At first I just assumed I needed a higher end mouse so I went out and droped $70 on a midrange gaming mouse. I was never able to find a sensitivity setting that was playable. It was always either move the mouse a quarter of an inch and you’ve turned the character a full 90 degrees or having to move the mouse the equivalent of 3 feet to turn 90 degrees.

                Since you actually had to point at your target, even for melee combat it was basically impossible to actually survive a fight.

                1. Yeah, that’s mouse smoothing – why that’s enabled by default no-one knows since its only useful if your getting ridiculously low FPS.

                  But it can be turned off in the .ini

            3. Skyrim is your example? That’s absurd, Elder Scrolls is a PC series ported over to consoles, not the other way around.

              There are better examples but they can all be fixed by plugging in a controller. I have a 360 for Windows controller for any game like that.

            4. Also, that wasn’t one of the 2 things you referenced. Graphics will always be better on PCs and PCs will always be a more powerful and diverse media device. The advantage of consoles is convenience.

              1. The tracking of the mouse…

                As Apatheist said… that’s absurd. There are sensitivity settings for that if you’re not able to control the movement. It’s even a nice sliding scale so you can get the exact sensitivity you want…

                point and click attacking is far more accurate and smooth than a control stick. Microsoft did a test back when Gears of War came out. They were going to let PC gamers play with console gamers. They pitted mediocre player (on PC) against professionally ranked players (on console). The PC players destroyed them, easily.

                1. Also, my friend and I did a test of this. He’s amazing at Halo on the console. He’d play online and outscore everyone else combined sometimes. Ridiculous good. I’m decent at pvp in shooters, at best.

                  We set up a few computers with Halo on them, he used an Xbox controller, I used KB/M. We played to 50 and I beat him 50 – 20.

                  There’s no real comparison between the two. KB/M is a far superior control scheme for aiming.

                2. “As Apatheist said… that’s absurd. There are sensitivity settings for that if you’re not able to control the movement. It’s even a nice sliding scale so you can get the exact sensitivity you want…”

                  And like I said, I tried them ALL on my original mouse, thought the problem was the mouse was just the basic mouse that came with the computer bought a gaming mouse and tried all of it’s sensitivty settings. All totaled I spent more than 10 hours fiddling with it and never once found a playable setting.

                  In general I agree, Mouse/KB is superior to a control stick but there are games where I have found that to not be the case and given that I have maybe 100 hours a year to devote to video games not called Everquest (my wife gets pissy with me if I play anything else) it is not like I have the time to start going into the engine and fixing shit that should just work on whatever platform I am using with whatever input devices I have available to me.

                  1. And like I said, I tried them ALL on my original mouse, thought the problem was the mouse was just the basic mouse that came with the computer bought a gaming mouse and tried all of it’s sensitivty settings. All totaled I spent more than 10 hours fiddling with it and never once found a playable setting.

                    I have a hard time believing you tried ALL the sensitivity settings. It’s a sliding scale, not a “pick one” choice.

                    Where were you adjusting the setting at? There are multiple places that it could possibly be adjusted from (windows settings, buttons on the mouse, mouse software settings, in game settings)??

            5. They translate *very* well to PC – its that most of the time they’re ported poorly.

              Skyrim had a UI geared (poorly IMO) towards using a gamepad instead of M/KB. and FOV set for a tv across the room instead of the monitor 4 feet from your face. At least you could access the engine options easily enough to fix some of those flaws (mouse smoothing, frame-rate caps? On a PC?)

              IMO, a lot of console games could be *improved* when ported over – its just no-one wants to put any extra effort in adding in the things PC gamers take for granted.

              Almost all the games ported over lock the FOV to 65-75 degrees and otherwise go through some gymnastics to make it difficult to open up the engine for modification – proprietary formats requiring users to write their own tools to do anything is one.

              1. Or, another peeve of mine in ports, changing the direction the camera faces does not turn your character and you can never just back up.

    2. The 3DS is doing good.

      How can it be struggling against “mobile competition” when its mobile gaming device is doing good?

  34. Obama is giving a speech today at 11am ET outlining proposed reforms to the NSA.

    And I’ll be sure to believe everything he says like a good citizen should.

  35. and mentioning that she’d like to take her grandchildren to the Super Bowl (again)

    “Nice little football game yas gots here. Be a shame if sumpthin wuz ta happen to it.”

    1. Maybe it’s the circumference… Which would still have a radius of like 250 miles.

    2. Why am I picturing TSA-level stupidity with Stalin-level enforcement within that cordon.

    3. I hear it’s just to keep jesse and Tonio out

  36. I’m “working from home today” – which consists of VPNing into my desktop at work, answering emails, and listening to Agalloch on my basement stereo.

    1. Every Wednesday now that the baby is here. Which means that I actually do more work on Wednesdays because my wife gets out for 2-3 hours and I have concurrent baby duty and work.

    2. Which Agalloch?

      The Mantle is my favorite album, and sounds great on vinyl (especially an original pressing).

  37. As I said in the other thread…

    A) announce end to data collection program
    B) allow known terrorist plot in the works to happen
    C) ?
    D) profit!!!

    1. The problem is that (B) is actually a null set.

    2. This kind of presumes they actually know about a terrorist plot in the works, doesn’t it?

      1. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

        Anyway, I imagine they do know about several plots at any given time and have full discretion on a) whether to stop them without publicity, b) whether to stop them with a barrage of publicity, or c) let them happen for political purposes.

        If Obama announces and “end” (haha!) to NSA data vacuuming, it would be a perfect time for a LiHOP.

        1. Little House On the Prairie?

        2. Unless it’s just a slow clock. Then it might never be right.

          1. just being nitpicky here, but even a slow clock would be right again at some point. As actual time progresses faster than the clock tracks it, it would gain distance on the hands of the clock until it eventually caught back up with the slow hands.

            just sayin…

            1. Unless the slow clock was infinitesimally slower than it should be. Then it would take an infinite amount of time for it to be right again.

              1. If the difference were so small as to be undetectable (infinitesimal), then the clock would ALWAYS be right as the difference between what the time actually is and what the clock says is not a detectable difference.

    3. A) announce end to data collection program
      B) allow known terrorist plot in the works to happen
      C) ?
      D) profit!!! make an investment in America’s future

      Fixed. 😀

    1. It pours itself downnyour throat without your consent.

      Honest, officer!

    2. I hate beer, but I would gladly buy a beer called Mouth Raper.

      1. I hate beer

        As I said in the thread the other day, anyone who says this hasnt tried enough beer.

        The variety of flavors available is way too wide and diverse for that statement to make sense for more than about 7 people in the world.

        1. I have yet to find a beer where the odor and flavor don’t immediately make me ill. Since it is basically rotten barley and weeds, I’m not surprised. It needs to have the good parts distilled out of that ferment.

          1. Some are rotten wheat instead.

        2. I hate beer

          As I said in the thread the other day, anyone who says this hasnt tried enough beer.

          Could the same nt be said about shit?

        3. I’ve yet to try a beer that didn’t taste identical to every other beer.

          1. If you think

            Cantillon Gueuze == Stone Arrogant Bastard == Weinhenstephaner Hefeweissbier == ABInBev Bud Light

            then you have serious taste bud problems.

            Serious. As in, see a fucking doctor, stat.

            1. That was my first thought. Either he’s being dishonest, hasn’t tried more than maybe 3 beers, or has some serious condition that prevents him from tasting things.

              The variety of flavor in beer is so great that if one were to have someone with no knowledge of beer taste them, they probably wouldn’t classify them as the same type of beverage.

              1. Usually, if you give a BMC drinker something like a lambic, they say “That is beer?!?”

              2. I’ve tried a good dozen or so. The usuals like Heineken, Miller, Guiness, Yuengling, Sam Adams, Blue Moon, 420, Dogfish Head. Plus a few seasonals and fruit flavored ones whose names escape me. All taste the same: like piss.

                1. A couple of Chinese beers too.

                2. I can understand if you don’t like any of those beers, but saying they all taste the same is just plain ignorant. If you honestly think that Guinness tastes the same as Blue Moon, you have a seriously defective sense of taste.

                  1. Like I said above, see a doctor immediately.

                    And I dont know what to do with the “Dogfish Head” comment.

                    Within their brands is such a wide freaking range of flavors that I have no clue what he means. Im guessing 60 min, but you cant just say “Dogfish Head” and expect me to know what beer you are talking about.

                    Hell, technically the same is true for the others, 420 is the only specific beer he identified.

                    1. Even I could taste a difference between the varieties I did manage to force myself to try. I didn’t care for them, but they weren’t the same.

                    2. *Shrug* I don’t drink often enough to remember which variety of each I tried. And thanks for telling me what I tasted. Clearly, you know better than I do.

                    3. I don’t know what you tasted. Hence my suspicion that you have a defective sense of taste. IF, as you claim, they all tasted the same, there’s no way your sense of taste is working properly.

                      Just within the list that you provided, there are several different flavors involved. Sweet, bitter, etc. Hell, just the fact that Guinness is nitrogenated makes it taste different. It would be like you saying “all fruit tastes the same to me”. If that actually is the case, there’s something wrong with your sense of taste.

                    4. I suspect that what he really means is that he doesn’t like beer.

                      And I want to know why he goes around tasting piss.

        4. Um, all alcohol basically tastes like shit but in my very limited experience tasting them as a non drinker Beer is by far the worst.

          The only ones which approached being good were high end single malt scotch and rum

          1. I remember I went to a bar in Lexington with a buddy one time. He’s a big fan of bourbon, so we bought a bourbon sampler. The waiter brings over 5 shots and goes into some long winded explanation about the difference in flavor between each one.

            As we tried each one, my buddy was raving about them and I just kinda nodded and smiled. They all tasted like gasoline to me.

            1. Once again, you are wrong.

              1. Once again, you are wrong.

                Yeah, wood tannins taste closer to turpentine than gasoline.

                1. MMM. Turpentine. If it wasn’t toxic, I’d drink that shit and wear it as perfume.

        5. I think it is fair to say that beer and most spirits are an acquired taste to some extent. So it’s not too surprising that a non-drinker wouldn’t like it much.

          I don wonder who these people are who drink enough piss to compare it to other beverages, though.

    3. Rapeseed oil!

    4. Then need to make a wine cooler called “Sweet Statutory”

    5. I wonder if they’d be upset if I made a brand of Indian food called Colon Murderer.

    6. Breweries just come up with weird names that have nothing to do with the actual flavor or type, to make people at the bar ask the bartender/waitress: “What about this piston-nitro berry beer?” So the potential drinker will then listen to the spiel, and perhaps buy it. I’d rather they just name things in ways that make sense.

      1. You’re putting way too much thought in it. It’s conversation fodder for drunk people. “Mouth raper! BWAHAHAHAHA” (awkwardly loud laughter)”GIMME THAT” It’s the same reasoning that’s behind the names of sleazy shots and cocktails: red-headed slut, between the sheets, screaming orgasm, etc

    7. I like the comment the guy from the bar makes. Basically, there are tons of beers that make reference to murder and don’t get called out. Is it a worse crime than murder?

      1. If memory serves I think Jezebel had a similar fit when the “raging bitch” beer came out? Murder isn’t important, it’s only important when females are denigrated.

        1. I’m guessing they had no issue with Arrogant Bastard ale.

          1. And probably not the Dirty Bastard either.

    8. aren’t there a lot of beers with violent names?

    9. She should sip down a Raging Bitch and shut the fuck up.

  38. Elderly Squatters Take Over McDonald’s

    The NYPD would not say how many customers they have had to remove from the restaurant.

    I bet they would if those geezers were occupying Krispy Kreme.

    1. They’d need a tow truck for those Krispy Kreme customers.

  39. Philadelphia Swiss Cheese Pervert Arrested

    “I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more,” the message read. “That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.”

    1. I prefer the Philadelphia Cream Cheese.

  40. Merde!

    Some of the comments are pretty good.

    1. TRIGGER WARNING:

      THIS LINK CONTAINS AN AUTO-PLAY VIDEO.

    2. That’s a lot of Courics. Still nowhere near an Obama though.

  41. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.

    This is why we need universal broadband access.

    1. It’s like people are inventing new fetishes every day.

  42. This is why you should never, ever, ever eat anything “sugarfree”

    Yes. These bears are directly from hell. I thought I was doing a nice thing for my two boys at home (age 7 and 9) by bringing these home for dinner. … I snuck a few of these in my mouth right before I turned into the driveway with my car. 10 minutes later I was standing in the kitchen when I almost fell to the floor. Whatever began transpiring inside my stomach would have made a gory Quentin Tarantino film look like The Sound of Music. It was already too late to warn the others.

    My wife and two kids had already eaten their bears as well. I could see the look of pain on their faces when we all abandoned the fact we were family and began an all out war to see who could fight to the death for the bathroom first. It didn’t matter who got in the 3 bathrooms in our house and who didn’t. Death was upon us all that night. …

    I was no longer a husband or a father in that bathroom. I was a prisoner to my own body, weeping like no man should ever be allowed to weep like.

    1. Fuck you. I am delicious.

      1. But you clearly cause explosive and painful diarrhea.

        1. I should be consumed in moderation.

        2. To be fair, this was known already.

    2. you know I think I ate some of these when they were on clearance at Meijers. With no consequence either – but maybe I didn’t gorge on them enough.

  43. Anything new on the Justin Bieber raid, where the cops were looking for his private security camera recordings? Also Lil Za’s arrest, in the jail while he was being released for his arrest at Bieber’s place?

    1. 5 bucks says they’re looking for JB’s Selena Gomez fapping videos

    2. As much as I don’t like cops. Justin Bieber does have the most punchable face I’ve ever seen.

  44. Goddammit, the Bloomberg babe is whining about deflation. Oh, woe, prices are not skyrocketing. Shovel more money into the furnace, quick!

  45. http://knowmore.washingtonpost…..a-country/

    America has fallen.

  46. http://www.roadandtrack.com/ca…..naias-2014

    Always loved the M3.

  47. Why are libertarians so smart? SEX

    http://dailycaller.com/2014/01…..edirect=no

    1. How is that possible when there are no libertarian women?

      1. There are a few, and they’re VERY smart.

      2. Maybe masturbation counts?

      3. Nobody ever said we only had sex with libertarians

    2. Yeah, because a bunch of borderline Asperger’s computer programmers have so much sex. I didn’t get laid once in 2013.

      1. Actually, thinking back, I banged a pretty hot asian hooker in early 2013. And had oral sex a few times. But still, my brain must be atrophying from lack of sausage-hiding.

    3. I’m in a long-term, monogamous relationship. What’s sex?

  48. Apparently one Roman emperor balanced his budget by selling off the palace dwarfs. How much would Joe Biden go for on the open market?

    1. I don’t know exactly, but it’d be a BFD!

  49. Always loved the M3.

    I owned at least four early 70s BMWS (2002s and a Bavaria- never got my mitts on a coupe, dammit). I wanted an M3 mkI, but you couldn’t give me a brand new BMW. Too big, too heavy, too complicated.

    1. My wife has a 2008 328. I still get a loaner sometimes when it’s in the shop. The new BMWs are basically rolling computers. There are lots of gadgets to fiddle with to distract you from a very boring driving experience.

  50. Former FEC chair Bradley Smith explains Ohio’s law purportedly targeting false political statements:

    “Here’s how it works: If you’re a candidate, he says, in the last days of the election you file a complaint against someone who’s run an ad or distributed a flier you don’t like. A three-member panel of the commission then finds “probable cause” to look into whether the accused has made a false statement.

    “”The complaining candidate then features this finding in advertisements run over the last weekend of the campaign,” says Smith. “It will say, ‘A panel of the Ohio elections commission found probable cause that my dirty rotten scumbag opponent’s campaign ads are lies.’ ”

    “Never mind that long after the election, most complaints are dismissed.”

    In this case, an Ohio Congressman got a probably cause finding from the state elections commission but lost a suit claiming that the ads were false.

    http://nypost.com/2014/01/16/w…..-is-a-lie/

    I would also add that the Ohio laws imposed higher penalties – criminal penalties! – for false statements about a politician than for false statements about Joe Schmoe citizen. Because a politician’s reputation is more valuable that the reputation of some peasant.

    TRIGGER WARNING: The group whose rights were violated is a prolife group.

    1. Former FEC chair Bradley Smith explains Ohio’s law purportedly targeting false political statements:

      So, to combat problems caused by one piece of clunky, poorly thought out and written legislation, the solution is to add another layer.

  51. Gawker mildly outraged at NSA. It’s commenters? Not so much.

    chipchippersondoublegunsUTaylor Berman41L
    As long as Obama is doing it, I don’t really have a problem with it. Imagine what happens when he leaves office, though. Today 8:03am

    apeshapedmanUchipchippersondoubleguns101L
    I voted for him twice and love the man to death, but that is an incredibly foolish line of reasoning.

    No administration should be doing this. If anything, I’m upset he is letting this happen on his watch. Today 8:08am

    (Yes, the first one is sarcasm, included for context.)

    hashtagisreallypoundsignUTaylor Berman11L
    The government has been collecting this information since like the beginning of time. It’s not a new occurrence. Ideally I’d like to believe they are collecting this information with the intention of protecting us. That’s something I’m willing to accept.

    What I am not willing to accept is the fact that private companies collect this very same information in order to sell it and make money off of what we do. How else do you think Google and Facebook are considered profitable and successful companies? What kind of regulation is there to control what information they sell and use? Because I know they aren’t in it to protect me. They are in it to make money from me. 50 minutes ago

    1. Ideally I’d like to believe they are collecting this information with the intention of protecting us. That’s something I’m willing to accept.

      Loki: Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.

      Too bad there’s no Captain America to talk some sense into this bootlicker.

      1. I’d settle for the old German dude who was willing to sacrafice his life to stand up to him

        1. I thought he was Swedish?

          1. Hard to tell, they were in Germany at the time and he had a Germanic accent but was speaking English. The implication of what he was saying was that he remembered Hitler, WW2 and was comparing Loki to them, unlikely given he didn’t look well into his 70’s, but that was the implication

            1. Nah, he was from East Berlin.

    2. Oh my god, they might try to SELL ME SOMETHING!

      vs.

      Meh, they can just throw me in jail for hate speech or political libel.

  52. http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014…..nd-guilty/

    Might be old news.

    1. So, to be clear, cops beating someone to death with their hands is not manslaughter, but running over two kids you can’t see in a road is. FML.

      1. The actual running over was accidental, it’s the attempted coverup that got her.

        Within minutes, her brother returned to the scene on his way to his girlfriend’s house and saw a man standing over the pile, screaming. The man spoke to him briefly.

        The boy went home and told his sister she may have hit two children. The girls were later identified as step-sisters, 6-year-old Anna Dieter-Eckerdt and 11-year-old Abigail Robinson. Anna died at the scene. Abigail died later at a Portland hospital.

        She knew damn well what she did. Then she got her boyfriend to wash the blood off her car. She tried to get away with it and cover it up.

        1. Well, no offense, but I might do the same thing in the circumstances.

          There’s nothing to be done to bring the kids back and you can’t rely on a civil suit to settle matters between you and the parents – everyone is going to be out for blood here and a jail sentence is guaranteed.

          1. Well, no offense, but I might do the same thing in the circumstances.

            Oh sure I’d retain the best lawyer I could, and get him to negotiate me a deal. That’s what a guy did here last year when he ran over a girl on a bike. History of DUI, but he turned himself in a couple days later, so they obviously couldn’t prove he’d been drunk.

            But if you’re going to wash the car off and try to cover it up, you don’t get to play the “it was an accident” card in court.

            1. Of course, I don’t drive my car into leaf piles, snow piles, empty boxes, etc. because I’m not a fucking moron.

  53. I’ll bet you didn’t know that the oh, so elegant O-care website is perfectly safe:
    “HealthCare.gov passed security test, experts say”
    Would these be the experts who promised it was ready to go on 10/1/13?
    Or maybe the “test” was copying it on some CDs and dropping it from 8′?
    http://www.sfgate.com/health/a…..150648.php

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