The U.S. Government is Run by Space Aliens, According to an Iranian News Agency

Tim Burton Productions

Here's your awesome international conspiracy of the day: Iranian news agency Fars News is reporting that the American government is run by cleverly disguised space aliens. Via The Washington Post:

On Sunday, the hard-line semi-official Fars News dropped one of its biggest bombshells yet: The United States government has been secretly run by a "shadow government" of space aliens since 1945. Yes, space aliens. The alien government is based out of Nevada and had previously run Nazi Germany. It adds, for timeliness, that the controversial NSA programs are actually a tool for the aliens to hide their presence on Earth and their secret agenda for global domination. This is all asserted as incontrovertible fact with no caveats.

There are so many wonderful details here. As proof that aliens were secretly behind the Nazis, the report explains that Germany built hundreds of submarines toward the end of the war, far more than would have been possible with mere human technology. It does not explain why aliens with access to interstellar travel built subs that were so grossly incapable against the British navy, or why all-powerful extraterrestrials were unable to help the Nazis resist an invasion by Allied forces that are mere cavemen relative to their own technology. So far, these are pretty unimpressive aliens.

In any case, after losing the war, the aliens apparently installed themselves as the secret force behind the United States government. President Obama is said to be a tool of the aliens, though anti-alien factions within the U.S. government are fighting to topple him.

The source of all this delightful fiction? According to Fars News, they found out thanks to NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden. 

Comments

[Pro Libertate]

It would be nice if, in fact, the Nazis and the Soviets were run by space aliens rather than humans.

[AlexInCT]

I know Kim Jong Il was a space alien... And a cockroach while you are at it too...

[Tim]

Sounds like a great series idea for cable.

[Pro Libertate]

I had this weird dream this morning that some network was rebooting U.F.O. I was about to find out who was going to play Stryker, then I woke up.

[JW]

If there are no purple wigs and mini-skirts on the Moonbase, I'm not interested.

[Pro Libertate]

Obligatory. In fact, mandatory.

[Francisco d Anconia]

My wife bought me the entire series last year.

[Pro Libertate]

Loved that show as a kid. I need to rewatch it.

[Francisco d Anconia]

So did you want to fly SkyDiver or an Interceptor?

[Austrian Anarchy]

Sounds like a great series idea for cable.

It sounds like a full segment on the Alex Jones show.

[tarran]

Curse that Snowden!

[Pro Libertate]

What if it's all true?

[Stilgar]

The X-Files told us all of that nearly 20 years ago. Damn those Iranians are slow

[Pro Libertate]

So Snowden is Mulder? Jesus, it all kind of hangs together, doesn't it?

[Episiarch]

Does that make Chelsea Manning Scully? I want to believe!

[Pro Libertate]

No. It makes Lauren Hanley Scully. I don't know why, but it's so.

[Episiarch]

I agree that that's preferable. Therefore, I have no objection. After all, I want to believe!

[Pro Libertate]

The truth is out there. In Lauren Hanley's bra somewhere.

[Ken Shultz]

Totalitarian states function like cults, and one of the classic preconditions for mind control stipulates:

"The more complicated and filled with contradictions the new system is and the more difficult it is to learn, the more effective the conversion process will be."

http://tinyurl.com/lolwelf

Their beliefs are supposed to be contradictory and outrageous. When you can't trust yourself to know what's outrageous and what's true, it adds to the sense of powerlessness in the target of the conditioning.

When you're looking at Tony, and all his unassailable contradictions, you're basically looking at this kind of conditioning. We all know Tony can't think for himself; he's been conditioned to accept all sorts of outrageous contradictions.

He no longer trusts himself to think, and he doesn't understand where our confidence comes from.

This is everyday life in North Korea and Iran, but it works that way with La Rouchies in the United States, too. And to a lesser extent, it works that way with progressives like Tony. Every watch him lash back in anger when he starts to quibble in his beliefs.

It's like watching a Moonie during deprogramming.

[Tony]

It's perplexing that you seem unable to step outside yourself for a moment to realize that I'm just a run-of-the-mill liberal, while libertarians are seen as fringe and cult-like by pretty much the entire spectrum.

But yes no one can quite approach the pristine consistency of the premise that "taxation is theft, but we're not anarchists."

[Francisco d Anconia]

And, on cue, it shows up in support of Ken's premise.

[Ken Shultz]

Yeah, Tony doesn't care if you call him brainwashed or point out that he can't think for himself.

The important thing to Tony is that libertarians are an out-group, and he's part of the in-group.

If the Moonies had gotten to him before the progressives did, he'd be in an airport parking lot somewhere hassling tourists for change.

[Corning]

while libertarians are seen as fringe and cult-like

You do realize that none of us get along at all and we are entirely leaderless right?

For a cult we are the least cult-like cult in the world. more like a massive herd of cats in a perpetual war with itself.

[ChrisO]

Nah. Space aliens would likely be competent at the job.

[Brett L]

This is my supposition as well.

[AlexInCT]

Exactly..

If they could cross those wide distances of space, they have to be better at this shit than these clowns have been. That is, unless they are a space race of carnies and the invaders are all circus clowns. That would make this disastrous situation make some sense. I fucking hate clowns...

[db]

They may be the alien equivalent of model railroaders. Or maybe they see us as so insignificant that they see nothing wrong with fucking stuff up so royally.

[AlmightyJB]

They sure as hell couldnt do any worse.

[Austrian Anarchy]

I don't imagine their bureaucratic structure being any more efficient than ours.

[JPyrate]

Most to be feared by Russian policy makers and authorities, this report concludes, is if those opposing the "Tall White" "secret regime" ruled over by Obama have themselves aligned with another alien-extraterrestrial power themselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfhBM_Yay6w

[Andrew S.]

Those foolish Iranians. They don't know the truth. Yes, there are aliens in the government. But they're not in charge. They're controlled by the lizard people. But they're not in charge either, because they're controlled by the members of the Vast Global Jewish Conspiracy. Except they're not in charge either, because they're controlled by the Illuminati. And the head of the Illuminati, of course, is Barack Obama.

(except the Illuminati is currently controlled by the Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers)

[Ken Shultz]

I've heard Queen Elizabeth is a lizard.

[AlmightyJB]

Zygon

[CE]

And Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are too. And both are the Queen's cousins.

[prolefeed]

A little early for April Fools Day articles.

[RBS]

It does explain how the Nazis are able to maintain their Moon base though.

[MikeP]

Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.

[Gadianton]

Obligatory.

[bostonaod]

This is going to make me rethink my strategy in XCOM: Enemy Within

[db]

Is satire unknown in Iran? This smacks of an Onion/similar article that got picked up on a wire.

[CE]

I think they read it in the National Enquirer, and thought they had the Philadelphia Inquirer, which they heard had Pulitzer Prize winning investigative journalists once.

[Death Rock and Skull]

No, not literal space aliens, Kenyan aliens.

[Corning]

though anti-alien factions within the U.S. government are fighting to topple him.

tea party? or just republicans in general?