Gun Control

Bloomberg Group Wants You To Start Fights About Gun Control at Thanksgiving

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Michael Bloomberg
David Shankbone

I don't know what holiday dinners are like at Michael Bloomberg's house, but I suspect there's an awful lot of picking at food while the windbag at the head of the table lectures the assembled guests about why he's right and they're all idiots. That's the message I get from his pet Mayors Against Illegal Guns organization, which wants its loyal minions, if there are any, to sit down to their Thanksgiving feasts and immediately start fights with relatives they haven't seen in a year about gun control. All you need is a handy list of tendentious talking points—and a shitload of patience from Cousin Bob, who rebuilds old pistols for fun and just wrapped himself around half a bottle of Jack Daniels.

On the Mayors Against Illegal Guns' "Demand Action" site, the tone for a holiday frolic is set by the Talking Turkey About Guns page:

Everyone has friends and relatives with strong opinions and shaky facts. You can help set the table straight—all you need is this simple guide to Talking Turkey about guns!

The page adds:

This Thanksgiving, when talk around the table turns to politics and current events, you can help set the record straight on some of the most common myths about guns.

Cuz what everybody needs in the midst of what's likely to be family chatter, or maybe a heated argument about Obamacare for those who delve into politics over the good china, is a chipper grad student spouting five non sequitur factoids about firearms, with no larger knowledge about the subject, or even links to other information.

Seriously? You're going to ask people to plunge into a fraught topic, about which gun rights advocates tend to be extremely well-informed, with acontextual tidbits like:

FACT: We know that gun background checks work. Since it was created in 1998, the system has blocked more than 2 million sales to criminals and other dangerous people.

Talk Turkey
Mayors Against Illegal Guns

What happens when one of the gun owners at the table takes time from the real conversation to point out that those blocked sales almost never result in prosecutions because, according to the Justice Department itself, "the prohibiting factors are often minor or based on incidents that occurred many years in the past"?

Background checks catch people busted for pot or a bar fight decades ago. Real criminals don't go to gun stores. But you won't know that from a blurb on the Internet.

Tuccille family gatherings are incomplete without howling discussions about topics of great import, such as health care and the time septuagenarian Uncle Tony beat the crap out of three would-be muggers. While he was drunk. We like our arguments, a lot. But, unlike at the Bloomberg residence, and like at a lot of other homes, I suspect, nobody gets to lecture—it's give and take, and you need to come prepared. If all you have is a short list of talking points, there're gonna be two turkeys carved at the table.

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  1. Distilled message: “Take all of the strawmen out of the family garden and set them up at the dinner table!”

    1. Distilled reply: If people with guns are so dangerous, why haven’t my wife, my kids or I plugged any of our anti-gun-jackass relatives yet?

  2. “Your family already thinks you’re an insufferable dick. Prove them right!”

    1. If, theoretically, one of my relatives started to spout pro-disarmament talking points at the Thanksgiving table, I would get up and leave. In my rush out the door, I might accidentally break some of their crystal.

      (As it happens, my relatives are right-wing Republicans who, whatever their faults, don’t take marching orders from a megalomaniac would-be dictator.)

  3. He never gets tired, he will never stop…. The Nannynator?

    1. Listen, and understand. That nannynator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are controlled completely.

    2. Can’t somebody arrest him for crimes against humanity?

      1. A citizen’s arrest would be awesome if he were ever to take a trip to a jurisdiction that took freedom seriously.

  4. a chipper grad student spouting five non sequitur factoids about firearms, with no larger knowledge about the subject, or even links to other information

    How so very true

    1. My factoid – Why does your Fear of what a law abiding citizen “might” do get to override that citizen’s civil rights?

    2. What about footnotes? Did he have footnotes?

  5. 2Chili, you’re the best.

  6. 2Chili wins one internets for this beauty:

    “and a shitload of patience from Cousin Bob, who rebuilds old pistols for fun and just wrapped himself around half a bottle of Jack Daniels.”

  7. I don’t think “talking turkey” is how I would want to be described. Nonetheless, If you’re as cocksure of yourself as any proggie, you won’t let facts and logic stand in your way.

  8. If I ever end up eating Thanksgiving dinner with Bloomers, there’s going to be a serving fork stuck in someone’s vocal cords before the meal’s over.

    1. Might I suggest sticking Nanny Bloomberg in the neck before the meal begins so as to not disturb the serving of food and generally festive mood of the evening.

      Helpful hint: Jam the fork in during the game if the Cowboys appear to be on the verge of winning for that little something extra!

    2. Would that be an “Assault Serving Fork”, with more than nine prongs?

      -jcr

      1. Excellent point John….nobody should ever have a need for more than three tines.

        1. Maybe everyone in your 1%er home dines on nothing but lobster and shellfish, but the 99% can’t enjoy their dirt pies without a standard four tine fork.

          1. Its only standard because RACISM!!

          2. Shellfish would be two tines, three is a salad fork and four is a dinner fork.

            /Emily Post

            1. Well the ocean called, and they’re running out of you!

          3. Maybe everyone in your 1%er home dines on nothing but lobster and shellfish, but the 99% can’t enjoy their dirt pies without a standard four tine fork.

            …..nothing but 7-11 plastic Sporks for them!

            Losers!

      2. Would that be an “Assault Serving Fork”, with more than nine prongs?

        I thought a private citizen couldn’t have more than seven tines in New York.

  9. One of my first memories of Thanksgiving are of my mother supervising a herd of children to make stuffing from scratch, when suddenly, in the living room, a drunken fist fight breaks out over the Vietnam war and/or whether Joe Namith is a fag.

    Just the smell of turkey makes me think of Joe Namith and the Tet Offensive.

    1. What was the upshot on Namath? You can’t leave us hanging.

      1. Did you ever see the dude? What could be more obvious?

        -jcr

        1. Lots of guys… I mean it was the 60s… right?

          1. but only Joe wore panty hoes on TV.

            1. Yeah, but he was hitting on female journalists on live TV 50 years later.

              1. Beards.

    2. the smell of turkey makes me think of Joe Namith and the Tet Offensive

      That phrase needs to be gilded and set in a museum for all to stare at in wonder. Bravo.

      1. If I might, Swiss-

        +1 golden baster

      2. Comment of the day? Yes.

        Comment of the year? The jury is still out.

        1. We can’t sugarcoat it. There’s going to be some competition for that one.

      3. That phrase needs to be gilded and set in a museum for all to stare at in wonder. Bravo.

        It really has that “smell of napalm in the morning” majesty to it!

        1. Yeah, if I ever write a novel that will be the first sentence.

    3. Joe Namith and the Tet Offensive

      Would be a…pretty terrible name for a band, actually.

  10. It’s too bad they went for an infographic instead of easy to print out flashcards. It’s rude to look at your phone at the table! I guess you could plan ahead and write on your napkin.

    No, I’m not assuming people who would repeat talking points like this at a family gathering can’t remember shit. I just want to prevent “but.. but if I could remember the exact numbers I could totally shoot down your rebuttal! Wait, not “shoot down”! I mean…”

  11. I only talk turkey like Dick Valentine talks turkey.

  12. Who is smug enough to try their families’ patience during the holidays by insisting that they hear regurgitated talking points?

    This might be ignorance on my part, but I haven’t seen any prominent conservative or libertarian orgs suggest anything half as cultish as this to their membership. Can you imagine the NRA telling people to hector their family while passing the turkey? I think not.

    1. chipper grad students

    2. One of the things conservatives and libertarians have in common is that they can both separate the political from the personal.

      1. Good point.

      2. I think I just lost a liberal friend of mine over a conversation about minimum wage.

        I explained it from the point of view of a price floor on voluntary labor, and he said “I understand what you’re saying but I disagree.” Which was a weird response because he basically said that I am right, but he doesn’t agree. Which doesn’t make sense to me.

        Haven’t heard from him since.

        1. Its okay. Who wants to be friends with an economics denialist? The (dismal) science is settled!

          1. Thing is that he’s a fellow homebrewer, so I’ll miss talking with him about making beer.

            1. Ask him if he can make his SG stronger by really wanting it to be higher. Preference doesn’t matter. Sorry, I’m sure you know this. I’ve just been having this fight way too often lately.

              On the plus side, my wife, who has never made much that could be reported to the IRS became incensed when she found out how much of her money the government was stealing from my paycheck about three weeks ago. I was almost as proud as the day she say a “hybrid and electric vehicles only” space in front of the store we were going to and pulled right in.

        2. Shhh. Don’t disrupt his faith in the magical power of minimum wage increases.

          1. I think it was one of those deals my pointing out the results were taken as a personal attack on his good intentions. He would never support pricing the young and inexperienced out of work. But the way I explained it he had to admit that that is exactly what minimum wage does. I unwittingly presented him with a choice between our friendship or doublethink. He chose doublethink, because the alternative would mean being kicked out of the hive.

            1. He chose doublethink, because the alternative would mean being kicked out of the hive.

              Since the friendship might be finished anyway why not try and get that message across….hive vs. friendship….maybe it destabilizes his Borg programming.

              “I am Hugh.”

              1. Are you saying Obamacare is a topological anomaly that cannnot exist in our spacetime being used as an invasive program to destroy the Collective?

          2. “Shhh. Don’t disrupt his faith in the magical pouwer of minimum wage increases.”

            Exactly. The only reason it doesn’t work is the same reason Obamacare doesn’t work: because you people don’t WANT it to work! It’s just like that point in Peter Pan when the audience helps heal Tinkerbell.
            If only everybody believed hard enough, it would work!

        3. I’ve had some of those conversations.

          “Do you agree that if a person buys something from another person, they value the thing they bought over the money they spent for it, and the other person values the money over the thing they’re trading it for?”

          “Yeah”

          “Do you agree that if one person hires another person, then the person hired values the money over the time and effort put into his job?”

          “Of course”

          “Do you agree that a person shouldn’t be punished for trading their labor for any amount of compensation, and that the person they’re trading with shouldn’t be punished, either?”

          “Sure”

          “So, you oppose the minimum wage?”

          “Of course not, it prevents exploitation”

          Oy.

          1. The Socratic method requires the other party to continue to accept what they accepted two questions earlier.

        4. Know what sarcasmic? I don’t have any liberal friends like that. Their mentality would fuck me over in a heartbeat. I’m a happy guy as a result. I can’t tolerate such idiocy as I grow older. My patience has run thin and if Bloomberg were my uncle I’d throw him out of my house – prick.

          I have one friend but I only see him from time to time and we have enough in common to engage in smart conversation without having to go that route.

          Still, it’s a challenge through email.

        5. “Which was a weird response because he basically said that I am right, but he doesn’t agree.”

          GEESUS Sarc, what fucking planet have you been living on? The whole thing with progs is the rejection of ‘reason’ in favor of Pathetic Appeal = if it doesn’t *feel good* then its probably not good! Economics doesn’t fucking feel good, so as far as they care ITS NOT REAL. Its a classic blunder, second only to “starting a land war in Asia”, to attempt to debate a topic on the basis of economic realities, incentives, facts. Or even *objective results*! The fact that wage flexibility creates more jobs, more competition for labor, and increases people’s choices is meaningless in the context of the ‘theoretical good’. Saying you want people who make less than you to “make more” FEELS NICE. Saying people with pre-existing conditions should pay the same for health insurance as you or I *really sounds quite charitable*. Who cares if it flies in the face of the economic realities of insurability? Then reality needs to change!

          I’ve found that when dealing with people like this, I tend to let them continue to try and explain how their world actually works in practice, until eventually it collapses under the weight of their own self-conflicting concepts. Then I move in and try to repair the wreckage.

        6. I genuinely feel bad when i offend people who are close to me with my political views, but at the same time i wish they wouldnt take it personally and i almost feel like they’re being manipulative. But i still feel bad. Fuckers.

      3. It’s a curious thing. I understand why I don’t talk politics at the table. I know that my views are the minority view, and I’ve come to terms with it. The reason why conservatives generally don’t make politics personal while liberals do…well, I haven’t a clue. I do know that my Aunt demanded, for her to grace my family’s table, that there be no prayer said aloud, and that no products were purchased on Thanksgiving day itself because…well, I think it had something to do with minimum wage or some such. I tend not to listen that much when she goes on.

        1. If it were me, Thanksgiving would be sans Auntie.

          No offense to your decision, but I wonder if our slow drip loss of liberty is because we entertain such nonsense so as to avoid conflict?

          1. Yes avoiding conflict is definitely part of it. I was getting drinks with some old friends, and some acquaintances that were from Colorado. The topic turned to MJ legalization in Colorado and the acquaintances thought it was cool that it was legal, and were excited about the new source of taxes for the State. I merely commented that it was too bad they had to tax it all. Well, you would have thought that I suggested we start stuffing babies into woodchippers for our afternoon entertainment. I got told I was unrealistic, irresponsible, and uncaring.

            I went over and played a couple games of pool until the acquaintances were leaving.

            1. It’s odd that the prog friends and relatives don’t seem to have any problem voicing opinion that is confrontational while libertarians and even conservatives avoid it.

              1. It’s odd that the prog friends and relatives don’t seem to have any problem voicing opinion that is confrontational while libertarians and even conservatives avoid it.

                I find it even more odd the way they respond when somebody is even mildly abrasive (or even just politely critical) in return. They act like they just got punted right in their cunts.

                They also to look for opportunities to be confrontational dicks. I suspect being confronted or opposed makes them feel as though they have been “victimized.”

                I did have a leftard cousin tell me that my opposition to her “common sense” views on gun control made her feel unsafe and that she didn’t feel “comfortable” with me being around her children. I told her to have a nice drive back to Maine (I’m in Virginia). When she didn’t take the hint I said, “No, seriously, get out and take your filthy shit factories with you.” I am not heavily encumbered by social graces. Be a dick, get treated like a dick, even (well, especially) if you are family.

                1. Good for you, Redmanfms. What a cunt to say that to you.

                2. I did have a leftard cousin tell me that my opposition to her “common sense” views on gun control made her feel unsafe and that she didn’t feel “comfortable” with me being around her children.

                  My nearest parallel only sent my sister to the far side of Richmond. I also live in Virginia, so I’m currently feeling a bit inferior.
                  I’m gonna hafta up my game!

            2. I find myself wanting to avoid conflict a lot too. In my professional life almost everyone I know is at least mildly left leaning if not full on progressive, and they make little comments here and there disparaging conservatives and small government types, mostly meant as jokes, as if everyone else in the room obviously thinks like them. But I usually don’t speak up because I don’t want to start an argument. In some settings I will try to make my voice heard but not as often as I could. For me, I also worry about engaging with someone who is REALLY passionate about some subject and has a bunch of talking points memorized that I may not be able to immediately refute. I hate the idea of my ignorance making them think they are right.

              1. I find myself wanting to avoid conflict a lot too.

                I get that and in the day to day sense, it applies to most of us. No one wants to spend every work day or time with friends/family fighting. But there comes a point when you have swallowed it enough. In your shoes I may have reached that point, knowing that doing so may well leave me ostracized.

              2. Lynch, same here. At my table the opinions always trend left. Evil corps, dumb conservatives etc. When Bush was in power – holy shit. Silence with Obama.

                They know my take on things. But I take my wife’s advice and just keep quiet or walk out.

                Luckily, a family friend is a hard core Republican Cuban-American. I have a shoulder to lean on from time to time.

                He’s a doctor/businessman and absolutely loathes Obama.

              3. I don’t give a shit. (Not talking about you, but about avoiding conflict.) I realize I’m in the minority, so I don’t care if my minority views piss people off.

                A few weeks back the relatively young readership in the off-topic section of a tennis forum got into pearl clutching over people who wore “offensive” Halloween costumes like Boston Marathon bombing victims. I made a point that we’re always told modern art is supposed to be transgressive, but look what happens when you transgress against the wrong people.

                The wailing and gnashing of teeth was delightful.

                1. I’m sure they have no problem with art that shows someone pissing on Jesus – or anything religious. It’s expression!

              4. For me, I also worry about engaging with someone who is REALLY passionate about some subject and has a bunch of talking points memorized that I may not be able to immediately refute. I hate the idea of my ignorance making them think they are right.

                This is part of the problem for me as well. I’m not particularly quick thinking unless I’ve spent time preparing for a debate, and since my life doesn’t revolve around politics like so many proggie’s seem to, I’m not often all that prepared with memorized facts and figures and talking points to support my positions. I swear some of these smug douche nozzles must spend all day memorizing the latest talking points on Huff-Po or Kos so that they can sanctomoniously spew them out at people at the drop of a hat, and then when their target is unable to immediately rebut them they get to enjoy a little burst of self satisfaction about how they “totally put that small government advocate in their place.”

                If only punching people in the face weren’t looked down on in our society…

                1. I’ve been brushing up on being able to identify logical fallacies. That way, if I’m hit with something I’m not educated on I can still call them out on their logic.

                2. Look, half the shit the proggies say is complete BS, and the other half is twisting statistics in the “lies, damn lies, and statistics” kind of way.
                  So just make shit up. Nobody is going to check it out. Just don’t make up shit that sounds completely unreal.
                  For instance, some proggy says “x number of gun deaths in America each year.”
                  You just say, “Yeah, but around 70% of those involve inner city gang wars, and another 15% are actually people defending themselves or their homes. Another 2% are police shootings.”

                  See? I just made up all of that shit as I wrote it, and to the unlearned, I bet it sounds fairly realistic.

                  1. Don’t mean to sound condescending, but it’s a matter of having and adhering to principles.

                    If I’ve got to lie to win an argument, why bother arguing. Not to mention, you’ll eventually get called on it and then you no longer have an ounce of credibility.

                    1. Yes, I’d rather say “I don’t know” then lie about it.

                      Luckily, gun death statistics is one thing I am up to date on, and GILMORE provides for a nice teachable moment below.

                    2. Loki, I’m the same way. I get dazed too easily especially when they gang up on you and don’t give a chance to rebut. Francisco, again, the same way. If I don’t know the facts, I don’t lie. I do go home and research and more often than not, the shit progs spew is bull shit.

                  2. That’s the other problem: I have more integrity than your average proggie. But you’re right, I could make just make shit up, although I’d prefer not to throw out actual numbers pulled out of my ass, on the off chance that they do look it up later. But saying something like “the majority of gun deaths are either the result of inner city gang turf wars, self defense, or police shootings” is a possibility. And probably true as well.

                  3. Actually the actual fact is just simple = 60-70% of the actual “gun deaths” quoted are *suicides*

                    http://www.pewresearch.org/fac…..un-deaths/

                    The other one that crushes them is pointing out that gun-homicides are 45% lower than when the ‘Crime Bill/AWB’ was in place. i.e. ‘moar gunz’ yet still less gun crime than under a federal ‘ban’.

              5. For me, I also worry about engaging with someone who is REALLY passionate about some subject and has a bunch of talking points memorized that I may not be able to immediately refute.

                Treat them like a Rottweiler treats a beef bone: Keep gnawing until it cracks open.
                I have a Green Weenie professor friend. I showed him study after study and fact after fact about the safety and efficacy of DDT, how bird species expanded their range during its use, on and on.
                Finally he blurted angrily that he didn’t care about the science, he would never believe DDT would be OK.
                “So it’s a religious belief for you?”
                “Yes.”

                1. You’re a pro.

                  1. Nah, I’m a dedicated amateur.
                    The DDT thing took years, btw.

        2. The “no shopping on Thankgsiving” thing definitely has a proggie origin, but the justification is “because everyone deserves a holiday.” Which I do agree with, but only up to a point.

          Hospitals can’t just leave the patients to fend for themselves. The motoring public needs to buy gas to get to their destination.

          I would hope that more businesses would choose to close or have restricted hours, and that those that are open would pay a holiday differential which would be a really good opportunity for kids to skip out of family dinners early or for the truly poor to make more money.

          1. and a lot businesses that are open on holidays staff either voluntarily or on a rotational basis, i.e. you work one holiday, I work the next, etc.

            I was in the news business a century ago and that’s how it worked. Plus there was holiday pay for working.

          2. …those that are open would pay a holiday differential

            A lot do. My dad worked in the medical field and all the hospitals he worked for paid holiday differential. Sometimes as high 50%. Don’t know about department stores though, but IIRC the grocery store I worked at in HS did.

            1. My local grocery store pays triple time on christmas. They have way more volunteers than shifts.

      4. Right…because my conservative family never sneaks in little barbs about their agnostic son during grace, and no conservative ever has been known to bring up abortion at an inappropriate time…

        1. In my experience it’s usually the uber SoCon types. I have an aunt like that. Yet another way that SoCons are more similar to proggies than they’d like to believe.

        2. Right…because my conservative family never sneaks in little barbs about their agnostic son during grace,

          My relatives tried this just once on the atheist brother… So I continued the prayer, including something about if He expected me to believe a giraffe had walked through my back yard, He’d better put some hoof prints there along with 20 pounds of fresh giraffe shit.
          I was told that was rude. I answered “If you don’t want me fucking around in your prayers, don’t fuck around with me in your prayers.”

        3. your 1 example sure contradicts the millions of others!

          Numbers r hard

    3. The NRA does run “Here’s Some Talking Points” articles in their magazines, but I’ve never seen it in the context of deliberatly getting into political arguments during the Holidays.

    4. I don’t get it, either. It seems that Obama and Bloomberg and co. want everyone to go to the Thanksgiving table this year armed and ready to be the most boring person alive.

      If someone comes to the table talking anything like this, I don’t think my family would stop slapping them. Not for their political positions, mind you. Just for being that pathetic. Taking conversation cues from Obama and Bloomberg is like taking conversation cues from a televangelist.

      1. Except a televangelist isn’t trying to crush your liberty.

        1. Uh, depends on who you are, EDG. SOme of those guys go pretty harsh on the homos.

        2. Televangelists aren’t in a position, politically speaking, to crush anyone’s liberty is probably more accurate. Some would if they could.

    5. It’s the party of peace. Until you disagree with them, of course. Odd how such a large percentage of politically incited violence comes from the peace-loving progs.

      1. By peace, they mean “Stop resisting!”

    6. “Cultish” is a spot-on description. Bravo, TIT.

  13. Anymore, I’m thankful when random visitors are handing out the Watchtower. Since weird religious ideologues aren’t half as pushy about evangelizing me as the Democrats are.

    1. My friends with a couple of little kids actually had a JW group say, “oh man, look at the time, we gotta go” after about an hour of sitting in their living room being part of the family. They may or may not have allowed the wee’uns to drink a giant amount of sweet tea in the first 5 minutes of the visit.

      1. Leave me out of this.

      2. My mom usually invites them in, and then starts quoting scripture back at them.

        1. Heh. That’s what my dad used to do.

  14. No thanks.
    I’d rather spend the holiday laughing about the “O’care Rollout Blues”.

  15. Is it just me, or does Nanny Bloomers look like an evil Mel Brooks in that picture?

      1. William J. Le Petomane would be far preferable.

  16. Topics to avoid at family gatherings:
    Politics

    Topic for discussion at family gatherings:
    Sex
    Religion
    Drugs

    Gun control falls under the first heading.

    Buttinsky!

    1. You forgot “Poop” as a suitable topic for discussion.

  17. Bloomberg’s suggestions are worthless without accompanying instructions for proper hand motions. Like, am I supposed to thrust my index finger up in the air when I start a sentence with the word FACT? Or am I supposed to wag it disapprovingly the whole time at my rusticated relatives from flyover backwaters?

  18. Thanksgiving. I’ll hang the Christmas lights and lawn decorations for my in-laws house, while my wife makes sure there is bourbon in my glass. Later, we’ll sit together and watch the Raiders. After the Raiders smoke them Cowboys, we’ll enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Any discussion about guns will mostly be about how cool guns are, the crazy shit that happened during the Dorner manhunt (the paper delivery shooting occurred three blocks from their house), going to the shooting range, and possibly who in the family got shot/ is running from the law for shooting someone. Thankfully, no relatives are going to bring up any of Bloomberg’s stupid talking point.

    1. while my wife makes sure there is bourbon in my glass.

      Any links to the training program you used?

      1. It’s called “Confirm That She Actually Likes You Before You Marry Her”. It’s surprisingly unpopular with guys.

        1. As well as NP=Hard to identify what with the multi-polar nature of the female gender. (I say multi-polar because if they were just bi-polar men would be right at least 50% of the time statistically speaking.)

        2. Oh, you unknowing collectivists and your silly theories. You’d be hard pressed to find a wife who likes her husband more than mine does. Equally as much, sure, but not more. She’ll even get me a drink if she’s getting one or I ask. But to keep my glass from going empty is another skill entirely.

    2. Raiders…..?? You sick fuck!

    3. Well, as an Eagles fan (albeit from Montreal) all I can say is go Raiders. I fucking hate – especially the Giants and their lucky QB – any team in the NFC east.

      1. as an Eagles fan … I fucking hate … any team in the NFC east.

        The Eagles are in the NFC East. I guess that makes sense, most Eagles fans have a love hate relationship with their team. Probably because they’re self-loathing douchebags since most of them have had to put up with living in Filth-a-delphia.

        What’s your excuse?

        1. Okay, okay smart-alec. You caught a fib. Ha, ha. Have a Jai Alai beer on me.

  19. I’m having Thanksgiving with my ghetto fabulous neighbor who watches a crapload of RT and yells at her friends for voting in the two-party system. Her only shortcoming is she doesn’t like football.

  20. “FACT: We know that gun background checks work. Since it was created in 1998, the system has blocked more than 2 million sales to criminals and other dangerous people.”

    I’m sure this is a fact.
    Why, someone tracked every one of those 2M attempted sales and found a ‘dangerous person’ was trying to buy it!
    They use the same guy who checked the employment numbers to find all those ‘saved jobs’.

    1. I like that you can replace “FACT:” with “LOGICAL FALLACY INBOUND:” and immediately make the entire statement truthful.

  21. This Thanksgiving, when talk around the table turns to politics and current events,

    You say “Fuck this family. We aren’t talking politics.”

  22. Let me ask just one simple question. What kind of presumptuous fucknozzle encourages people to turn a Thanksgiving day dinner, a time for family fellowship, into a political indoctrination session? I’ll leave aside the fact that any imbecile who tries to confront an actual gun owner with even a room temperature IQ with these circle jerk talking points is going to get their ass handed to them.

    1. What kind of presumptuous fucknozzle encourages people to turn a Thanksgiving day dinner, a time for family fellowship, into a political indoctrination session?

      Someone who feels very strongly about something they know absolutely nothing about.

  23. IF Back ground checks worked there would be no street crime. Oh I forgot criminals don’t bother with background checks.

  24. What kind of twit speculates about future Supreme Court cases and calls it a “fact”? It’s not a “fact” that the Supreme Court would uphold Bloomie’s newest ban. Any 2nd Amendment case that actually comes before the current court will be decided based on whether Anthony Kennedy woke up on the left or right side of the bed that morning.

  25. Joe Namath/Tet Offensive
    Rusticated Relatives
    “Assault Serving Fork”

    You people keep me sane, thank you.

  26. Well, my inlaws are all yellow-dog Democrats, and Progressives to a man. I can virtually guarantee that I will engage in debate over common gun control myths over Thanksgiving. Not to mention the ACA, inflation, and the night of the long knives attack on the filibuster.

    1. Kick back after a lovely turkey dinner, put your feet up on the dinner table like a proper savage…coolly draw the .45 from your shoulder holster, work the action and calmly ask, “who wants to have a little chat about gun rights?”

      1. They’re also Cowboys fans, so the atmosphere always has a brittle layer of pleasantness above potentially volcanic ultraviolence.

    2. My mother-in-law still thinks the GOP is trying to kill old people.

      1. Mine found out that my wife changed her registration from Dem to Rep so she could vote in our city’s primary for a friend of the family (who won), and Momma-in-law actually wrote her an email about not thinking she’d live to see the day when one of her children wasn’t a Democrat. I walk into the house with a copy of “Man, Economy, and the State” and it turns into “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?”, political edition.

  27. Ted Nugent, or somebody like that, should come up with a pro-gun counter to this. As a joke, of course. Don’t be that asshole who wants to argue politics at a family gathering.

  28. “You’re walking down the sidewalk, headed back to your car from Thanksgiving dinner. Ahead of you, you spy a group of boisterous young men. Suddenly, one of those young men, to the cheers of his compatriots, for no apparent reason punches another pedestrian, knocking him unconscious. Which would you rather have on your belt at that moment, a cellphone or a pistol?”

    1. Rocket launcher….acceptable losses!

    2. We’re talking about people who draw no distinction between self defense and vigilante justice. All they see is someone with a gun who isn’t a cop. They’ll never directly say it because that would mean being honest, but they’d rather die with a phone in their hand than live with a gun in their hand.

  29. What the hell would Bloomberg even have at his Thanksgiving dinner? I know that the rules are meant for the little people, but I get the impression that he personally doesn’t like food anyway.

    1. The food is all bland as he doesn’t allow salt.

      1. Actually, I read that he personally loves salt and puts lots of it on his food.

  30. What the hell would Bloomberg even have at his Thanksgiving dinner?

    Prepackaged servings of professionally prepared nutritious food approved by dieticians from the Center for Science in the Public Interest. No seconds! Washed down with water from melted icebergs.

    1. And it all has to be Kosher too, because Thanksgiving and Hanukkah are on the same day this year.

  31. This Thanksgiving, when talk around the table turns to politics and current events

    People who don’t think and act and obsess over their own pet issues simply don’t exist in this world. You know what my family talks about over Thanksgiving dinner? Stuff we are thankful for. No really, we do. Stuff like freedom, health, prosperity, God, each other. We talk about our lives, we make jokes, we talk about sports. We don’t pick fights with relatives just to try and prove how much smarter we are than people we are supposed to love, or at the very least tolerate.

    I’m reminded of 1984, or actual Stalinist states like North Korea, where children are actively encouraged to not just rebel against, but hate and snitch on their parents. Destroy the family and replace it with the State. Yeah, I know Bloomberg isn’t a Stalinist, because I’ve read up on actual Stalinists. And I suspect he isn’t actually out to destroy families. But he can fuck off all the same.

    1. Thanksgiving is a holiday where we are supposed to put aside our differences and just be thankful for what we have. There isn’t any overtly religious base to it, the focus isn’t primarily on patriotic flag waving, it isn’t celebrating any individual person or any specific group. It is my favorite holiday and these progressives who want to weasel in on that and start arguments about healthcare and gun control and whatever the hell else need to fuck off. Really, you don’t need any other evidence that government is too big and too invasive than the fact that there are people trying to insert politics into EVERYTHING.

      1. But what about the people who don’t have access to healthcare, LP, what about them? And the victims of gun violence?

        /smugproggie

    2. You should meet a few actual Stalinists. I’ve been to Europe.

    3. Everyone else in my family is a raging leftist, and they always try to talk about politics. At which point I start envying the turkey.

  32. I’m imagining some condescending libtard getting a hot turkey shoved down over his head by a gun-owning cousin.

  33. Gee, this ought to make thankgiving dinner with the smug insufferable lib-tard relative (everyone has at least one) a real treat this year. I’m glad I’m not going home for Thanksgivine (although most of my close relatives are conservatives, except for my sister, who actually parts ways with most lib-tards on guns since she actually owns one).

  34. You know, I think on Thanksgiving I’ll print off a few pages of Nanny Bloomburg’s face and put a few .38 inch holes in them.

    1. What part of his face is going to be the bullseye?

  35. “Talking Turkey about guns!”

    If I remember my American History correctly, the pilgrims trapped their wild turkeys. The pilgrims hated guns.

    1. Is that true or snark?

  36. Che cazzo, Bloomberg?

  37. I will be playing with my granddaughter. I’m very much looking forward to it.

  38. I would rather everyone go to Bloomberg’s house for Thanksgiving (which he will probably be celebrating Hanukkah instead) and have a nice long debate with him about how disillusioned he and his “supporters” are about guns and the fact he can throw all his money away if he wants, while the rest of us use our guns to defend our 2nd Amendment right.

  39. If I were fortunate/unfortunate enough to have Thanksgiving-ukkah with Bloomy, I would offer him a nice heaping cup of Shut The Fuck Up, which is kosher.

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  41. Wanting to make the world a better place is generally a good thing.

    But no plan to do so that starts off by stripping people of their human rights has ever done anything but the opposite.

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