Obama Prepares More Syrian Lecturing, Weiner's Comeback Needs a Comeback, Mexico City Considers Pot Legalization: P.M. Links

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(Center for American Progress / Foter / CC BY-ND)
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    Credit: Center for American Progress / Foter / CC BY-ND

    President Barack Obama will address the nation on Tuesday about Syria, probably to hector the unwilling electorate into trying to support a military strike most don't want.

  • The president doesn't have the votes in the House, either.  When asked what he'll do if he can't get the votes, he wouldn't say.
  • Anthony Weiner's friends say he's already planning a comeback following his disastrous mayoral race. Funny, wasn't this race his comeback?
  • How does Supreme Court Justice Napolitano sound? Awesome, right? Unfortunately, Vice President Joe Biden was referring to outgoing Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, not Andrew Napolitano.
  • Mexico City is mulling legalizing marijuana and establishing smoking clubs, but the president of Mexico is not on board.
  • A volcano 1,000 miles east of Japan has been declared the largest on earth.

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  1. A volcano 1,000 miles east of Japan has been declared the largest on earth.

    Wake me when they finally discover the world’s tiniest volcano.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      You sir, are quick.

      1. So my girlfriends keep telling me.

        1. db

          All the better to service you all in the same night, dear.

        2. Snark Plissken

          After they tell you about discovering the world’s tiniest volcano?

          1. It’s not much of a discovery if it’s presented to a person.

    2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

      Wake me when they finally discover the world’s tiniest volcano.

      Epi’s mom tells me that it’s in your pants.

      1. db

        Mount Tinitubo?

      2. Episiarch

        I can confirm this.

      3. It’s not the size of the eruption but the lobster dinner that preceded it.

    3. Generic Stranger

      A volcano 1,000 miles east of Japan has been declared the largest on earth.

      So they finally found Godzilla’s lair…

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        +1 underwater Monster Island

  2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Anthony Weiner’s friends say he’s already planning a comeback following his disastrous mayoral race. Funny, wasn’t this race his comeback?

    You know who else planned a comeback after his bid for power in a major city failed?

    1. Hillary's Clitdong

      Spinal Tap?

    2. Rich

      Godzilla?

    3. Irish

      You didn’t think he’d finish so soon, did you?

    4. Ice Nine

      That original ‘you know who else’ guy?

  3. db

    Man, I bet Obama is just super stoked about his decision to run for a second term…

    1. Rich

      “Valerie, when this is all over, [fill in the blank].”

    2. Bam!

      Do you think the history books will portray it negatively?

      1. C. Anacreon

        I think the history books will regard him more favorably than even Jack Kennedy — as a man who inspired others, faced countless challenges brilliantly, and overcame a racist opposition to lead our country to new heights. If you think the Obama fellating is bad now, wait until you see what your grandkids hear about him.

        Expected passage in 6th-grade history textbook, 2035: “Even if you get sick in America, you have nothing to fear, because President Obama created universal health care for all Americans.”

        1. Irish

          This will not happen. I will dedicate my life in its entirety to making sure that Barack Obama’s name echoes down through history as a synonym for lying, corrupt, selfish, narcissistic, incompetent politician.

          I want people to spit every time Barack Obama’s name is mentioned and for children to be kept in line by parents who tell them that if they don’t listen Barack Obama will return and destroy their health care. With enough effort, we can make this a reality.

          1. Eduard van Haalen

            It’s good to have a goal.

          2. Oh, I think he’ll be remembered as a shit president. The economic disaster he’s helping to ensure will guarantee that. Others will be blamed, too, as they should be, but I doubt he’ll do well once people don’t have to cover for him anymore.

            1. Virginian

              You’re wrong. FDR presided over the Great Depression and a terrible war. He put people in fucking concentration camps. Yet he is remembered as a great leader, and the popular line is that “things would have been so much worse without him”

              Obama will be remembered in the same way.

              1. Maybe you’re right. It seems so much more obvious now, but maybe it was obvious then, too. I frequently underestimate the human ability to totally delude ourselves.

                1. Cdr Lytton

                  I’m with Virginian. For those old enough, ever run across someone who lived through FDR’s reign as an adult and hated his policies with a passion? Very similar to the above about Obama and usually regarded as a crank in their later years.

                  My wife lived across from one such codger years and years ago. She said the other day how she now understands why he was the way he was.

                  1. Michael S. Langston

                    Yeah, but FDR didn’t have a lot to do with the depression itself and has WWII and the destruction of the Nazi’s to counter-balance any discussion about his possible negatives.

                    I guess the same could be said about Obama – bad economy, took charge during war… crap, now I’m convincing myself that Obama will be lauded more in 50 years than he is now when trying to convince you he wouldn’t be…

                    But in the long run, as we get further away from Obama, say great-great grandkids, I think the real facts will speak for themselves on both Obama and FDR.

                    It’s just a matter of getting far enough away from them in time where most people don’t have a prior opinion nor care whether Obama, FDR, Bush, etc were good or bad presidents.

                    & given the last president was called a unilateral warmonger who still got congressional approval & a UN resolution passed for his wars – yet the current president cannot even get our closest ally to vote with them in the UN and may not get congressional approval to simply bomb someone – well *I think that stark reality (and many other issues) will simply be too hard to ignore when emotions are removed due to time passed.

                    *I think… or do I hope… not sure…

                    1. Emmerson Biggins

                      FDR made the depression last 15 years instead of 2. So fuck him.

  4. Biden is always good for a laugh.

  5. How does Supreme Court Justice Napolitano sound? Awesome, right?

    If it ever turns out to be Janet, then the system definitely will not have worked.

  6. jesse.in.mb

    Pravda Godwin’s the hell out of things: Obama to step on Hitler’s path?

    At the will of the United States the world is on the brink of another World War under the classical, known since the time of Hitler’s scheme – a false pretext and a large-scale aggression.

    [snip]

    Obama is so keen to prosecute al-Assad that he is ready to act without the approval of the UN Security Council, which, according to the U.S. president, does not want Assad to pay. Once again the system of international law is replaced if not with the sole will of the American President, but the decision of the National Congress. A world dictator with the manners of Hitler is born in front of our eyes.

    Russian propaganda, the broken clock that’s right twice a day?

    1. Apatheist ?_??

      Did Hitler even bother with a false pretext?

      1. Marshall Gill

        Yes, they faked a fire in the Reichstag and blamed it on Poles, I believe.

        1. Apatheist ?_??

          The blamed the commies and used that to help take over the government but that was well before the war. I assumed he was referring to war stuff.

          1. CE

            Belgium was needed for ROADZ for the German army.

          2. Virginian

            Before the invasion of Poland they brought forty concentration camp prisoners out to a border radio station, dressed them in Polish uniforms, and shot them.

      2. jesse.in.mb

        Just the tip a little lebensraum?

        1. Apatheist ?_??

          I would just call that a pretext and not a false one I guess. He said he wanted to conquer and murder and that’s what he did.

          1. He said ethnic Germans in the Sudetenland (also known as Czechoslovakia) were being abused by the Czechos.

            1. Apatheist ?_??

              Fair enough but he wrote about the whole lebensraum thing in Mein Kampf. I guess people just didn’t believe him.

              1. Robert S

                You know who else wrote a book before he was famous detailing what he would do when he seized power, which wasn’t believed by people…

      3. Nazdrakke

        The Nazis engaged in pretty straightforward the enemy crossed the border first propaganda.

      4. NeonCat

        Yes, the Germans claimed the Poles attacked them. Fortunately for the Germans they had an entire mobilized army, air force and navy along the border to defend their sovereignty.

        1. Apatheist ?_??

          Sweet, the correct answer.

        2. Eduard van Haalen

          IIRC, they dressed up some concentration-camp prisoners as Polish soldiers, had them shot, and said these “soldiers” were invading Poles.

    2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

      Still more enlightening than NBC News.

    3. Pravda’s commentary on the state of American leadership has been quite enjoyable lately.

      1. Nazdrakke

        Damn, Fist, ain’t that the truth.

    4. I see they gloss over Stalin’s invasion of Poland from the East timed to hit them after they moved their forces west to counter Hitler.

      Hitler didn’t go it alone; the Russians were part of his coalition of the willing.

      1. The Poles kept their mouths shut about the Czechs because the Germans gave them a couple small territorial concessions.

        Payback’s a bitch.

    5. Eduard van Haalen

      Do you know who else was called Hitler?

      1. C. Anacreon

        Narcolepsy-suffering comedian Vic Hitler, Jr.?

  7. Rich

    wasn’t this race his comeback?

    More of a reacharound, actually.

  8. President Barack Obama will address the nation on Tuesday about Syria…

    Golden pipes, do your work!

    1. It’ll be interesting to see whether I’m more opposed to the war than I already am after the speech. Which I won’t listen to, anyway. I can’t stand to hear the moron talk anymore.

      1. Rich

        Uh ….

        1. Yes, I know. But once the speech has been parsed down to the three words of actual substance it contains, I can make a ruling. It’s not like I’ll gain any insight listening to him drone on.

          Get it? Drone on.

          1. Rich

            Oh, we’re in violent agreement about the substance, PL.

            I’ve gotten to the point where I “enjoy” his speeches just for any novel Obamaese.

            1. I strictly use secondary or even tertiary sources for Obama. For my protection.

              1. Nazdrakke

                I agree and I can’t recall ever so completely tuning a president out, personally. Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush 2 could all get tiresome, but I could at least bring myself to listen to what they had to say. Obama just makes me want to smash whatever device is currently transmitting his voice with the heaviest available object.

                1. I can still listen to Obama, but that’s because I mentally edit in the “Looney Tunes” soundtrack in a loop whenever I hear him speak.

                  1. Which character do you see him as? Clearly not Bugs. Or Wile E. Coyote.

                    1. Marvin the Martin, maybe?

                    2. Eduard van Haalen

                      Foghorn Leghorn comes to mind.

      2. I saw where the totally unbiased Jerusalem Post has added a let’s-you-and-him-fight article about Iran striking US interests if the US hits Syrian targets.

        So I’m thinking, let’s go after Syria and Iran, and Turkey and Egypt so that in the last century the US can have defeated all of the sons of the enemies of Alexander the Great.

        1. Eduard van Haalen

          Remind me why Israel hasn’t smote the Iranians yet?

          1. I think we should let them work it out.

      3. MJGreen

        I could never stand to hear him talk. Back in 2007, I couldn’t understand why anyone was impressed with his oratory “skills.”

        1. Seriously. I mean, before I even officially moved him into the Totally Despised column, I was not very impressed with his oratory. Clinton is a lot better, and he’s merely serviceable.

        2. Brandon

          Soft bigotry.

        3. Somalian Road Corporation

          And look at the fine embroidery on the emperor’s robe! And such richly colored silk!

    2. CE

      Didn’t he just address the nation this morning? It was hard to find a channel he wasn’t on, lying about what he wants to do next.

      1. I swear this president talks more and says less than any of his predecessors.

        1. Rich

          Wait’ll Martin O’Malley gets into the ring.

  9. Mad Scientist

    President Barack Obama will address the nation on Tuesday about Syria, probably to hector the unwilling electorate into trying to support a military strike most don’t want.

    Since when does Obama give a damn about what the electorate wants?

    1. CE

      He always said if he wants to know what we think, he’ll tell us.

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        “Blah, blah, blah – shut yer trap and bring me a beer…I mean a war.”

  10. db

    Anthony Weiner’s friends say he’s already planning a comeback following his disastrous mayoral race. Funny, wasn’t this race his comeback?

    Being a politician must be awesome. Get into office once and make the right contacts, do the right favors, and the money just rolls in forever after.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Mr. Weiner, this is your dumbphone, it has no camera. We’ve also outfitted you with a shock collar that will zap you every time you pick up a device that contains a camera.

      Good luck sir!

    2. Weiner’s got a reservoir full of political potential.

      1. db

        If he retires he can find work as a consultant, injecting his unique perspective into the debate, issuing advice, and perhaps greasing the palms for other hopeful pols.

      2. Personally, I think he’s already blown his wad.

        1. YOU CAN’T USE A EUPHEMISM FOR YOUR DOUBLE ENTENDRE.

          1. CE

            On the plus side, he does have first hand experience with social media, and reaching out to young people.

          2. MJGreen

            NOW HE’S GOT SOMETHING OF A MESS ON HIS HANDS, IF YOU WILL.

            1. …I think you’ll be surprised at some of your phrasing.

    3. Well how can feminist journalists write approvingly of Huma’s forgiveness if he fades into obscurity?

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        Easy for Huma to say – he’s the only husband she’s got. Voters have a broader range of choices. Does “forgiving” slimy politician A preclude voting for better-qualified candidate B? Doesn’t B deserve some forgiveness, too?

        In Weiner’s case, “better qualified candidate” means anyone with a pulse, even a Democrat.

    4. Hawk Spitui

      Just goes to show you – you can’t keep a good weiner down!

  11. When asked what he’ll do if he can’t get the votes, he wouldn’t say.

    Pout like no one HAS EVER POUTED BEFORE!

    1. The nuclear pouting option.

    2. Episiarch

      Not answering questions or indicating what they will do is the entire arsenal of this administration at this point. That way, they can do anything!

      1. I think I’d faint if they just once said, “We don’t have the legal power to do that.”

        1. Rich

          Be careful on April 1.

  12. Rich

    When asked what he’ll do if he can’t get the votes, he wouldn’t say.

    Seems he listened to General Scales, and doesn’t want to give away the element of surprise.

  13. hamilton

    Justice (Janet) Napolitano? Given the Nazgul’s general pro-spying pro-cop pro-military pose she’ll fit right in when it becomes her turn to saddle up a fell beast.

  14. Marshall Gill

    Holy Science, it really will never end. Why are the Syrians killing each other mercilessly? BOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!!!!!11!

    http://opinionator.blogs.nytim…..ef=opinion

    1. LynchPin1477

      I liked this one.

      It turns out that the most compelling argument against military action in Syria is a simple one. We can’t trust the Republicans not to drag us into another war.

      Those Republicans for Voldemort bumper stickers were right. They’re using the Imperius Curse on him!

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        What’s the matter, Senator Sanders…chicken? lol

        extracrispygoodnessyum.com

  15. Coeus

    White Privilege is John McCain Playing a Video Game During a Hearing on Going to War in Syria

    Irresponsible. Lazy. Traitor. Bad citizen. Incompetent. Un-American. Disloyal. Not patriotic. Impeachable. Treasonous.

    Those are the labels that would be applied to a black congressperson or senator–or perhaps, even one who is a Democrat–caught playing a game of video poker while sitting through a hearing about, what are quite literally life and death matters, if the United States should intervene militarily in Syria.

    1. Irish

      McCain was viciously mocked for that and was called irresponsible, lazy, and incompetent for it. The reason he hasn’t been called treasonous, not patriotic, a bad citizen, or a traitor is probably because most people think of him as a war hero, no matter what his other failings might be.

      It’s not because he’s white, nutjobs.

      1. Brandon

        Meh. Video poker is probably the least destructive thing congresscritters can do. I’m totally ok with McCain doing it, especially since his mind was already made up on the issue.

        1. Virginian

          Exactly. It’s like, I don’t give a shit what newest bullshit the gun grabbers have come up with. There is no fucking way they’re convincing me. It’s a waste of time listening to them.

      2. Long Range Boredom

        Actually someone called him a traitor at a town hall meeting a couple days ago.

    2. Mickey Rat

      It is not as if listening to hearing has a chance to change his mind or anything.

  16. Snark Plissken

    The president doesn’t have the votes in the House, either. When asked what he’ll do if he can’t get the votes, he wouldn’t say.

    The first rule of Rubicon Club, don’t talk about Rubicon Club.

  17. Troy muy grande boner

    Wiener will rise again.

  18. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Last survivor of Hitler’s bunker dies at the age of 96

    Rochus Misch was the last survivor from Hitler’s bunker in Berlin.

    The former SS man had operated the telephones in the bunker and had proudly reminisced about his wartime duties for the “boss”.

    He had called Hitler “a very normal man… he was no brute, he was no monster”, according to the Associated Press news agency.

    For five years, Misch was part of the Fuehrer’s inner circle, as a bodyguard, a courier and telephone operator.

    AP said that in his interview he stayed away from the central questions of guilt and responsibility, saying he knew nothing of the murder of six million Jews and that Hitler never brought up the Final Solution in his presence.

    “I knew about Dachau camp and about concentration camps in general,” he told the BBC in 2009.

    “But I had no idea of the scale. It wasn’t part of our conversations. The Nuremberg Trial dealt with crimes committed by the Germans.

    “But you must remember there was never a war when crimes weren’t committed, and there never will be.”

    Some people are just beyond reason.

    1. Tim

      You know who else was no brute? Oh, wait.

      1. C. Anacreon

        Hitler killed, what? 15 million total “undesirable” types, but all we ever hear about are the six million Jews. I guess the other nine million or so murders, no one really has a problem with?

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          If you managed to know about the other six to nine million, what’s the problem? Do you have access to books that others don’t?

          1. C. Anacreon

            I don’t believe I have any better access, but you’d be amazed at how many people I talk to didn’t know about the handicapped, the mentally retarded, the gypsies, the Slavs, Jehovah’s Witnesses, etc. And certainly not too many movies about anyone else suffering the holocaust.

            Also intended as a bit of a razz to my friends in the tribe during the High Holidays. L’Shana Tova.

        2. The Immaculate Trouser

          Dunno about that. German savagery in the Eastern front against Slavs, general brutality against the mentally unfit + homos, and attempted extermination of gypsies is common knowledge — did I leave anyone out? The majority populations in the West didn’t really suffer much on account of Hitler.

        3. jesse.in.mb

          Israel To Honor Gay Holocaust Victims With Tel Aviv Monument (sorry for the huffpo link)

          “This will be the first and only memorial site in Israel to mention the victims of the Nazis who were persecuted for anything other than being Jewish,” Lev is quoted as saying.

    2. db

      Chiseled on his headstone:

      “He Knew NOTHEEENG!”

      1. This after the Cleveland Browns let him down into his grave.

    3. Snark Plissken

      “But you must remember there was never a war when crimes weren’t committed, and there never will be.”

      Coincidentally the latest MSNBC talking point for bombing Syria.

    4. Eduard van Haalen

      Of course he didn’t know anything – he was one of the people Hitler ordered to leave the room before one of the fuhrer’s tirades. Not only didn’t he know about the Holocaust, he didn’t know about there being no Santa, about Chuck Norris coming, the fact that there’s no camera i iPod Touch, etc., etc.

  19. jesse.in.mb

    Feel good story of the day:

    Joey + Amarildo

    On August 28, 2013, Joey Jordan became the first ever Selfless Portraits* participant to get a permanent tattoo of his randomly assigned subject, Amarildo from Brazil. This short piece captures Joey’s story and reveals the process behind his getting a tattoo of a complete stranger.

    *Selfless Portraits is a project where you’re randomly matched with someone who draws your Facebook portrait.

    Video is work-unfriendly, but not obscene.

    1. Marshall Gill

      Jesse, you and I have some very different ideas about what “feel good” means. Were you being sarcastic?

      1. “At least I’m not a dumbass like that guy” feels good to me.

        1. Marshall Gill

          Ah, the Jerry Springer effect.

        2. jesse.in.mb

          See, Brett gets it!

          1. Marshall Gill

            It is just so stupid on so many levels. Well played Sir!

            1. jesse.in.mb

              I was giggling the whole time because it was so bizarre.

              It probably didn’t hurt that Joey is easy on the eyes, although clearly daft.

  20. For your Rule 34 viewing pleasure today we have:

    Conjoined twin porn

    Or

    Dude with a doll wife (and another doll mistress).

    1. Rich

      Just looking at the photo, you can tell Davecat *knows*.

    2. That dude looks like the kind who would keep something on the side. Creep.

  21. Tim

    That which you call Ee’d Plebnista, was not written for the chiefs of kings, or the warriors or the rich or the powerful, but for ALL the people! Down the centuries, you have slurred the meaning of the words, “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty, to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution”. These words and the words that follow, were not written only for the Yangs, but for the Kohms as well! They must apply to everyone, or they mean nothing!

    1. We need Kirk to beam down and make that speech to us.

    2. That was some subtle writing, right there.

      1. You know, despite all of that, I do like that episode. Star Trek is best understood as a series of morality plays. It’s that even more than it’s science fiction.

  22. Coeus

    Krugman, when the lies fell.

    The Austerian Mask Slips
    Simon Wren-Lewis looks at France, and finds that it is engaging in a lot of fiscal austerity ? far more than makes sense given the macroeconomic situation. He notes, however, that France has eliminated its structural primary deficit mainly by raising taxes rather than by cutting spending.

    And Olli Rehn ? who should be praising the French for their fiscal responsibility, their willingness to defy textbook macroeconomics in favor of the austerity gospel ? is furious, declaring that fiscal restraint must come through spending cuts.

    As Wren-Lewis notes, Rehn is very clearly overstepping his bounds here: France is a sovereign nation, with a duly elected government ? and is not, by the way, seeking any kind of special aid from the Commission. So he has no business whatsoever telling the French how big their government should be.

    But the larger point here, surely, is that Rehn has let the mask slip. It’s not about fiscal responsibility; it never was. It was always about using hyperbole about the dangers of debt to dismantle the welfare state. How dare the French take the alleged worries about the deficit literally, while declining to remake their society along neoliberal lines?

    1. MJGreen

      Holy shit. Krugman is such a scumbag.

      1. Coeus

        This has always been the plan. Pretend that the people preaching basic economics are actually preaching this “austerity” which he has defined as “whatever the fuck doesn’t work” instead of their constant, 30 year campaign of lower taxes, lower spending and less regulation.

  23. Floridian

    http://www.foxnews.com/tech/20…..wikipedia/

    Feminist injecting political correctness instead of facts into Wikipedia? I don’t believe it.

    1. Irish

      “Today in the English version of Wikipedia, if you type feminism and technology it says ‘no page exists’,” Balsamo, who is affiliated with the program, told Women’s eNews. The objective, she said, is to leave Wikipedia in better condition than “when we started the project,” as a “cross-cultural digital archive.”

      I actually just typed in feminism and technology and got three results. I then typed in white people and technology and got told it does not exist.

      I can only assume from this that wikipedia has an anti-white bias. We should go on wikipedia and inject pro-Caucasian propaganda into as many things as possible.

      1. Floridian

        pro-Caucasian propaganda

        Um…ok… White people…um…they….

        Damn! What does it say about me if I can’t come up with any good white propaganda?

        1. Irish

          According to Aziz Ansari, we should be psyched all the time!

          1. Floridian

            I’m pretty happy except for when I read reason. Wait. Why do I come here?

            1. Irish

              Catharsis.

              1. Floridian

                I know it is popular to beat up on tribalism round here, but it is nice to know there are people in the world that share some of my views. Also I learn stuff here like that In gay culture I would be a gym rat. Where else you gonna get that.

                1. Irish

                  Tribalism doesn’t normally apply to beliefs. If you come to a belief through thinking about it, it’s not tribalism. It’s only tribalism if you believe something for no other reason than that people ‘like’ you believe it.

                  For example, feminists who are unthinkingly left-wing on every issues are probably only like that because they think that’s what women are ‘supposed’ to believe. You can tell by all their claims that people like Thatcher aren’t really feminist heroes because their politics are on the right. That’s tribalism.

                  1. Floridian

                    Thanks. I took it to mean group identity.

          2. NeonCat

            Without clicking on the link and from my familiarity with Mr. Ansari’s work, it’s because most of the celebrities he hangs out with/name drops are white.

    2. Killazontherun

      Delicate sensibilities offended by cartoon:

      http://www.wired.com/underwire…..ickwolves/

      Comment section turned into an indecipherable text of dronespeak (the comments I wanted to point out as examples are buried too deep in there now to even try to pull out).

      1. Coeus

        And then on Monday at PAX, in front of an audience of thousands, Krahulik told business manager Robert Khoo that he regretted pulling the Dickwolves merchandise from the Penny Arcade store ? merchandise he had created as a “screw you” to rape survivors who had had the temerity to complain about a comic strip. While the audience burst into applause, Khoo nodded sagely and said that now they knew better; now they would just leave it and not engage.

        It’s about goddamn time.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          They actually discussed it on the PA site the other day.

          I still know people who don’t read PA because of that cartoon and the fallout.

          1. Coeus

            And he totally reverses his stance from the Ocean Marketing thing:

            If we had just stopped with the strip and moved on, the Dickwolf never would have become what it is today. Which is a joke at the expense of rape victims or a symbol of the dismissal of people who have suffered a sexual assault.

            How many people are raped by dickwolves? It’s gotta be a small pool.

            1. Corning

              How many people are raped by dickwolves? It’s gotta be a small pool.

              There is at least one:

              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAKL3Og-zGc

        2. Coeus

          From “Gabe”:

          Someday every bully meets and even bigger bully and maybe that’s me in this case. It’s the same thing that happened with Jack Thompson. It might not always make the most business sense and it is a policy that has caused us some legal problems, but I really don’t give a shit about that. When these assholes threaten me or Penny Arcade I just laugh. I will personally burn everything I’ve made to the fucking ground if I think I can catch them in the flames.

          -Gabe out

          1. Corning

            The feminists are right about Penny Arcade being assholes.

            I will give them that.

        3. Corning

          I still want a dolphin rape video game.

          In it you mostly rape other dolphins but you can also rape stuff like tuna and sharks, giant squid and surf boards.

      2. Delicate sensibilities offended by cartoon

        That’s every Friday morning around here, isn’t it?

        1. Killazontherun

          I’m not familiar with the morning routine here, work day mornings I try to get everything I can done so I can goof off in the afternoon; non workdays, I stay up until five in the morning playing video games.

      3. MJGreen

        I read that this morning and gagged, but this is the synopsis that is posted on Facebook:

        “If the gaming community’s going to keep moving forward, the time has come to leave PAX behind.”

        Because one of the co-creators can be a dick to outraged feminists on Twitter!? That means the entire PAX system has to end?

        Even the charity drives? Won’t someone please think of the cancer-stricken children!?

  24. andarm16

    A volcano 1,000 miles east of Japan has been declared the largest on earth.

    How long before someone makes a cheesy disaster movie about it, and when the inevitable does happen, can Justin Bieber be the first annoying b list celebrity killed off (He’d be playing the role of the young assistant to the University scientist who refused to believe the warnings (insane rantings) of the heroic mad scientist.)

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Likelihood of Samuel L Jackson showing up in this film: very high.

      1. andarm16

        Someone has to play the foul mouthed non conventional military type whose job it is to drop the atomic bomb into the volcano.

        1. Rich

          “Gonna hit it with some motherfucking SNAKES!”

    2. Mad Scientist

      the warnings (insane rantings) of the heroic mad scientist.)

      Insane. I like the sound of that.

  25. Ah Tallahassee. Ghetto tracker app (now renamed Good Part of Town). Also blowing up is a tweet from a thoughtless FSU coed who took a picture of several black students at the Union and captioned it “welcome to FAMU, I mean FSU”. FAMU being an HBCU. Said coed is now claiming her now deleted feed was hacked and doubling down by filing a (IMO) false police report. Turning her bad judgement into a felony.

    1. Sounds like a typical day up there.

      1. Someone has to take up the Stupid mantle with the legislature out of town.

        1. Since I lived in both cities, people sometimes ask me which is better, Tallahassee or Gainesville. I usually just point out that one has the state government in it and leave it at that.

          1. Also, although Tallahassee is hard at work to steal the land to fix this, Gainesville has that one district where you can eat and drink and see a show. And you can walk there from campus. Tallahassee has one good bar here, another there, and not a single decent indoor space to see a band.

            1. I lived in Killearn, blissfully far from the university and the government.

              Tallahassee is a nice town, really. Very pretty in many spots.

            2. Floridian

              First date with the wife was at the Hippodrome. We saw a Christmas carol. Good memories.

            3. No good place to see a band? Did The Moon close?

              1. No, good point. I’ve seen shows there that I really enjoyed. I was thinking of the old Cow Palace/Beta Bar and how much Floyd’s and Bull’s both suck.

        2. Floridian

          Seems like a legit app. If it goes by crime statistics more than demographics I don’t see the problem.

          1. Crime statistics correlate insanely with demographics, oh wait I’m being Watson’d goodbye

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      Does the app include a map of the entire globe? Because The World Is a Ghetto.

  26. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    NYT: The BOOOOOSSSSHHHHH Burden

    Time should not soften what President George W. Bush, and his apologists, did in an eight-year war costing the United States more than a trillion dollars, 4,400 American soldiers dead and the displacement of two million Iraqis. The years should not gauze over how the world was conned into an awful conflict. History should hold him accountable for the current muddy debate over what to do in the face of a state-sanctioned mass killer.
    […]
    But for all of these neocons stuck on the wrong side of history ? Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, John Bolton, say the names loud and clear ? it’s not a change in conscience at work; it’s a change in presidents. Later this month, dozens of Republicans in Congress will make the same decision, simply because they hate Obama, and would oppose him if he declared Grandmother Appreciation Day.

    The voice that stands out most by his silence, the one that grates with its public coyness, is Bush himself. He has refused to take a side in the Syrian conflict. The president, he said, “has a tough choice to make.” Beyond that, “I refuse to be roped in.”

    This is cowardice on a grand scale. Having set in motion a doctrine that touches all corners of the earth and influences every leader with a say in how to approach tyrants who slaughter innocents, Bush retreats to his bathtub to paint.

    1. That’s butt-hurt comedy gold, right there.

      1. Killazontherun

        And if he did criticize Obama the same writer would have jumped on him for not staying out of it. They are insane, and entirely predictably so.

        1. IF Bush had said he supported it they would have written that he should STFU because he was making them look bad.

          Here’s the score. They are angry at Bush, not because of what he did, but because Obama has painted himself into a corner where he has to use similar arguments as Bush did in the past to not look stupid. And Bush discredited those ideas by showing them to underestimate the damage they would wreak and the difficulties in implementing them.

          They are angry because he showed Obama’s arguments to be stupid well before Obama set foot on the world stage.

          If Obama started arguing that the Jews were stabbing us in the back, this dude would write and article bitching about how Hitler ruined it for people pointing out the danger posed by world Jewry.

    2. MJGreen

      Why won’t Bush something – anything – definitive so that I can criticize him some more?

      1. MJGreen

        Damn it, tried to type that before the boss walked by.

        Why won’t Bush say something

  27. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Trailer for the remake of Robocop released.

    It looks so underwhelming and generic I wish they had just given it to Michael Bay.

    1. Snark Plissken

      The trailer is completely lacking in shaky-cam.

      1. Irish

        Some of the shots appeared to last more than 2 seconds as well. It therefore can’t be Michael Bay.

        1. No chick in front of American flag == No Michael Bay.

  28. Killazontherun

    Conversation a mid forties guy should never have with his 73 year old Mum. I sent her a link to the video I posted here with the evil crows instigating the two cats to fight.

    Mum: Got the video. Wanted to watch other cat videos. But all I got was vile, disgusting porn!

    [paraphrasing here, not knowing how this medium works, she implies I had something to do with it]

    Me: Did you write ‘scat videos’ instead of ‘ca videos’?

    Mum: I did. Sorry.

    1. My gf asked me what Rule 34 was today. I am ashamed of her illiteracy. But what can I do, she was born after 1985. Everyone knows people born after 1985 have no culture.

      1. Apatheist ?_??

        Hey now.

        1. Sorry, I’m not judging. Just stating facts. Its regrettable and I love her in spite of her handicap.

          1. Floridian

            “Inspite of his racial handicap this man is quite valuable to me.”

      2. Mad Scientist

        Ah, to be young again…and also a robot.

      3. Corning

        I thought people born after 1985 invented Rule 34.

  29. jesse.in.mb

    Virgin Galactic’s Second Rocket Powered Flight Tail Footage

    You’re welcome.

    1. db

      Footage of virgin tail? You’re a monster.

    2. Rich

      Cool. Interesting to see the distant residue in the middle of the video.

    3. They’re claiming commercial flights may start next year. Most excellent.

      1. Shit. Somehow I have to spend $24,496,432 on my Virgin credit card to have enough miles for a free trip between now and then.

        1. I wonder if you could rent a first-class “cabin” like an apartment, on a monthly basis?

          1. jesse.in.mb

            You can join Mr. Hadden and live longer in a low oxygen, microgravity environment!

            1. I know how that ends. It seems like he’s all better, then something rips open his stomach and runs away.

    4. Long Range Boredom

      …And of course the comments are filled with bullshit ‘only rich people will get to space now’ claims.

  30. Francisco d Anconia

    Bono’s right — it’s free enterprise, not food aid, that will lift Africa to prosperity

    “Aid is just a stop-gap,” he said at Georgetown University, “Entrepreneurial capitalism takes more people out of poverty than aid?. In dealing with poverty here and around the world, welfare and foreign aid are a Band-Aid. Free enterprise is a cure.”

    Just when you think all is lost…

    1. hamilton

      Careful, it’s Bono. In the next sentence he’ll be calling for an international coalition to mandate that businesses dedicate a percentage of their “free market” operations in third-world countries.

      1. He’s a hard one to read, as he’s made free-markety statements like that about aid before. Then he says something not free-markety.

        1. Bam!

          Baby steps.

          1. Yeah, I’m willing to be forgiving, because it’s now at least obvious that he actually does care more about getting people out of poverty than self-aggrandizement. He finally got that people need wealth to survive, and that people create wealth.

            1. Odd that so many who purport to care about getting people out of poverty can’t see that, but some Irish singer can.

              I’m beyond convinced that most leftists, especially in the leadership, truly want to keep people poor and dependent and would do exactly the same things they are, even if the capitalist solution were shown to have no real losers (which, of course, no system could claim in reality).

  31. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Ralph Nader takes on President “Barry O’Bomber”

    Dear President Obama:

    Little did your school boy chums in Hawaii, watching you race up and down the basketball court, know how prescient they were when they nicknamed you “Barry O’Bomber.”

    Little did your fellow Harvard Law Review editors, who elected you to lead that venerable journal, ever imagine that you could be a president who chronically violates the Constitution, federal statutes, international treaties and the separation of power at depths equal to or beyond the George W. Bush regime.

    Nor would many of the voters who elected you in 2008 have conceived that your foreign policy would rely so much on brute military force at the expense of systemically waging peace. Certainly, voters who knew your background as a child of third world countries, a community organizer, a scholar of constitutional law and a critic of the Bush/Cheney years, never would have expected you to favor the giant warfare state so pleasing to the military industrial complex.

    Now, as if having learned nothing from the devastating and costly aftermaths of the military invasions of Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya, you’re beating the combustible drums to attack Syria — a country that is no threat to the U.S. and is embroiled in complex civil wars under a brutal regime.

    I like how he points out the militarization of the State Department.

    1. Irish

      Certainly, voters who knew your background as a child of third world countries, a community organizer, a scholar of constitutional law and a critic of the Bush/Cheney years, never would have expected you to favor the giant warfare state so pleasing to the military industrial complex.

      Certainly, voters who knew your background as a child of layabouts, a useless parasite, a periodic guest lecturer, and a demagogue, would have known exactly what you were going to turn out to be.

      Fixed it for you, Nader.

  32. The Immaculate Trouser

    Hearkening back to the earlier discussion on libertarians = communists, it strikes me that progs have a fundamental misunderstanding of communism’s role on the left and what happened when it disintegrated.

    See, communism (in the Marxist sense) was not a well-intended, fuzzy-minded attempt to help the poor — it was a rigorous, highly academic approach to organizing society on the premises that leftists take for granted. In the family of leftist thought, it was not the embarrassing, dumb old hippie with a heart of gold — it was the brilliant theologian with a heart of iron. It was the best idea in the leftist stable, and while it was ideologically rigid this was a sign of rigor more than it was a weakness (at least, when compared to other thinking along those lines). “Social democracy” was more or less a backup plan; an inferior attempt to sneak some communist ideas into capitalist democracies. The best social democratic thinkers — Rawls, for instance — couldn’t hold a candle to their socialist forbears. When communism collapsed, so too did the left’s best idea — the smarter leftists recognized this and worked like hell to preserve the idea.

    When leftists compare communists to libertarians, they have no clue that they are comparing the *best, most rigorous* ideas in an atrocious school of thought, to the *best, most rigorous* ideas in a school of thought that has done the best for the most people. In a way, they are complimenting libertarians without knowing it.

    1. Goldwin Smith

      Do libertarians believe that the state should control everything before it withers away and leaves anarchotopia?

      1. The Immaculate Trouser

        …no, or at least not generally speaking.

      2. If any of us do, that’s insane.

        Not to speak for anarchists, but I think the only way they even approach that argument is to maybe sometimes think that the state might fuck up so bad that it would implode, leaving the anarchy solution as the winner. But states imploding often lead to more oppressive states or fragments of states.

        Personally, I figure anarchy or even a severely limited minarchy can’t happen without some massive social changes in the way people view government. So while there might be a revolution in there somewhere, there’s got to be a lot of evolution in thinking, too.

        1. The Immaculate Trouser

          True, but I don’t think it would be that difficult to get back to the position that, say, the US or some of the enlightened industrial nations in Europe were in before the start of WWI and the rise of social democracy.

          It wouldn’t be as ideologically pure as what most libertarians would want, but it would be a lot better than what we have now.

          1. Most of my life, I’ve thought we could return to a system much more like the earlier constitutional government without revolution or collapse. Now I’m not so sure. I’m a little polluted by being such a student of Roman history, because the rise of demagogues and populism heralded its demise as a republic, but that doesn’t necessarily hold true today. There’s a lot of things that don’t parallel those times, too, you see.

            1. Corning

              the rise of demagogues and populism heralded its demise as a republic

              Huh?

              I thought all it took was for Caesar to cross the Rubicon after Crassus was killed and Pompey was old and lacked an army to do anything about it.

              The fall of the Roman republic was the bumbling of an old man who out of bitterness over killing his own wife put the one man, Caesar, who could conquer Rome into an untenable situation.

              Pompey wanted Caesar to fall on his sword and made Caesar well aware that if he returned to Rome and gave up his army he was a dead man.

              This was not “demagogues and populism”. This was old fart disease on the part of Pompey and simple survival instinct on the part of Caesar.

              What happened after was simply what happens when civil and political institutions are smashed.

              1. The republic was gone before that. And Caesar was a populist, for that matter.

    2. Heroic Mulatto

      it was the brilliant theologian with a heart of iron.

      Heart of steel. Stalin means “steel”.

  33. School to kids: Government is your family
    …Fourth graders at East Prairie School in Skokie, Illinois were given a worksheet that asked “What Is Government?”

    The correct answer, according to the handout:

    “Government is like a nation’s family. Families take care of children and make sure they are safe, healthy and educated, and free to enjoy life. Families encourage children to be independent hardworking and responsible. Families make and enforce rules, and give appropriate punishments when rules are broken. Families make and enforce rules and give appropriate punishments when rules are broken. Government does these things for its citizens, too.”

    The worksheet then quizzed students about how the government can keep them safe and healthy in the same ways that their parents do….

    1. andarm16

      Well you have to get the little tykes listening in keyholes, and informing on their parents somehow!

    2. Illinois Nazis.

    3. Marshall Gill

      Reason # 456,487……

    4. fish_remote

      Yeah…your “Federal Family”….like dad who staggers home dead drunk, wails on the children until all 8 of them are cowering in a corner, face down ass fucks mom dry, and runs out to blow the family money on more Night Train and midget porn.

    5. Rich

      District superintendent Teri Madl [said] “If a parent does have a concern I would encourage him or her to contact the child’s teacher.”

      I would encourage Teri to contact a lawyer.

    6. Um, no. Government is not my family.

    7. Coeus

      Common core strikes again.

      1. Is that common core? Holy shit.

  34. Warning: D.C. cops under orders to arrest tourists with empty bullet casings
    Washington police are operating under orders to arrest tourists and other non-residents traveling with spent bullet or shotgun casings, a crime that carries a $1,000 fine, a year in jail and a criminal record, according to a new book about the city’s confusing gun laws.

    “Empty shell casings are considered ammunition in Washington, D.C., so they are illegal to possess unless you are a resident and have a gun registration certificate,” pens Emily Miller in her investigative book, “Emily Gets Her Gun: … But Obama Wants to Take Yours.”…

    1. Irish

      What the fuck.

    2. That can’t be right. So I have no doubt they’re doing it.

    3. LynchPin1477

      I wonder if that counts the jewelry made from casings that I have seen at gun shows?

    4. I read this as: Washington DC decides to pay out multimillion dollars to three or four lucky winners.

    5. Rich

      What about spent brass that’s been recast into an ashtray?

      I can’t believe this shit. 8-( Out.

    6. Killazontherun

      As much as you here liberals bitch about succession, how is it so many bastions of their creed sound like they have already done so and behave in a way entirely independent of the law of the land?

      1. Killazontherun

        you heare

        1. Juice

          *secession

  35. In Georgia political news, Michelle Nunn, daughter of Sam, whom Georgia Democrats and the SDCC want to simply anoint as the Senate nominee, as if there weren’t other candidates, is in favor of striking Syria.

    There are other candidates.

    1. Nazdrakke

      Ah, the beauty of our hereditary democracy.

  36. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Consumer-driven health care is a scam

    One irony of the current craze with “consumer-driven” care is that its adherents seem surprisingly unaware that we already had an experiment with true market medicine in this country ? in the 19th century.

    “From the beginning,” argues the legal professor T. S. Jost in his critique of the consumer-driven movement, “Health Care at Risk,” “there was only consumer-directed health care in the United States.” Patients paid out of pocket, there was no health insurance, and there were an impressive variety of equally ineffective practitioners, frequently engaged in brutal competition.

    The system-if it can be called that-was basically a disaster, with the presence of a healthcare marketplace doing little to encourage “quality” in that golden age of quackery. What ultimately did improve quality ? at least to some extent ? was good old-fashioned regulation: medical licensure laws, the closure of low-quality medical schools, the Pure Food and Drugs Act, and so on.

    Meanwhile, the poor of that era were generally left at the mercy of scattered and frequently inadequate charitable facilities ? if they were lucky.

    I’ll bet we’ll also see Dickensian workhouses come back too!

    1. LynchPin1477

      I’m sure science had nothing to do with the improvements in medical care.

      1. andarm16

        You ungrateful puke! Don’t you know there wouldn’t be any science without the government!

        1. Eduard van Haalen

          It wasn’t deregulation, it was scientific backwardness which made 19th century medicine so bad..

          How bad was it?

          It was so bad, its inadequacies inspired whole cults, like Christian scientists.

  37. Coeus

    Dawkins is apparently a horrible person for doing this:

    As I walked the ten feet back, I couldn’t hear everything Dave was saying, but I heard the name “Rebecca Watson.” Richard suddenly had a very angry look on his face and I heard him almost shout, “No, absolutely not! If she’s going to be there, I won’t be there. I don’t want her speaking.” and then Dave immediately replied, “You’re absolutely right, we’ll take her off the roster. It’s done.” Richard huffed for a moment, Dave continued to placate him, and then he made the video.

    I was crushed. I couldn’t believe it. Richard Dawkins was my hero. I looked up to him as a beacon of truth and reason in a world of irrationality. I couldn’t believe he would act this way toward Rebecca.

    Last year:

    Why I won’t be at TAM this year:

    I suggested that more conferences should institute harassment policies as TAM did last year, and they should also enforce those policies in order to help women feel welcomed and safe.

    So it’s odd for me to be announcing that I will not attend TAM this year, because I do not feel welcomed or safe and I disagree strongly with the recent actions of the JREF president, DJ Grothe.

    1. So he’s still holding a grudge against someone who smeared him to make a name? This doesn’t seem crazy to me.

      1. Coeus

        What’s not odd is that the fembots are being total hypocrites.

        1. Ah.

    2. Irish

      There is nothing more pathetic than these internet ‘skeptic’ grudge matches. First of all, none of them are actually skeptics. They’re knee jerk leftists that co-opted a word with positive connotations to hide how gullible and easily manipulated they actually are.

      Secondly, these pathetic dorks spend almost all of their time stamping their feet and throwing temper tantrums based on what other pathetic dorks do. Dawkins at least has a legitimate job, but I’m not even sure what Rebecca Watson’s reason for existing is, beyond throwing hissy fits and spouting left-wing propaganda.

      1. The Immaculate Trouser

        Didn’t Dawkins want the “skeptic movement” to start calling itself the “Brights”? Would have added an extra layer of irony to these little pissing contests, that’s for sure.

        1. Irish

          Yeah. Dawkins is an arrogant little weasel, but at least he isn’t Rebecca Watson.

      2. Episiarch

        No, what’s pathetic is her scrabbling for victim status. She won’t feel “safe”? At a fucking convention?!? Like Dawkins is gonna have her knees broke or something?

        It’s laughable.

        1. Well, maybe she’s following John Scalzi, who has been so busy running to the front of the SWPL parade for “justice” that he’s taken to mailing in his day job of writing fiction. Plus his blog seems to be well on its way to LGF echo-chamber status as he mallets more of the actual sci-fi fans for being “insensitive”. Last I saw he was refusing to attend sci-fi cons that didn’t have anti-sexual harrassment policies in place.

          1. Killazontherun

            The agenda driven, they don’t give a damn how many people they smear to get as many people as possible to succumb to their ridiculous creed.

        2. paranoid android

          Hey, you don’t know how hard it is for these women. How would you feel if you went to a large gathering explicity for people with interests similar to yours and some stranger tried to be friendly and flirt with you in an elevator? It’s a wonder they can summon the bravery to soldier on after an experience like that.

          And if your answer is, “Actually, that doesn’t sound so bad”, that just proves what a horrible person you really are…somehow.

          1. Mad Scientist

            People like this are so amusing. Their solution is always modification of other people’s behavior.

          2. Heroic Mulatto

            How would you feel if you went to a large gathering explicity for people with interests similar to yours and some stranger tried to be friendly and flirt with you in an elevator?

            Jesus. That’s worse than those mass rapes in Tahir Square!

      3. Coeus

        none of them are actually skeptics.

        Some are. Guess what political stripe are the ones who just happen to make the fembots “feel unsafe”?

  38. jesse.in.mb

    Pravda: World’s most flexible girl comes from Russia

    TRIGGER WARNING: slideshow

    sample

    Walking the Pravda beat wherever it may take me…

    1. Irish

      Oh hell yes.

    2. Rich

      Wow. In the last picture she seems so *comfortable*, and you can hardly tell what you’re looking at.

      1. C. Anacreon

        I do think we’ve found the future Ms. Anacreon.

    3. Boy, the CIA sure did pull one over, huh?

    4. Episiarch

      This wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if she wasn’t hot. At least you didn’t fuck that up, jesse.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        Have I ever shown myself to have poor taste in women?

        1. Episiarch

          I wasn’t aware you had shown any particular taste in women at all, so…no.

        2. Irish

          You and Nicole do seem to get along well. That shows pretty poor taste, Jesse.

          1. jesse.in.mb

            That’s fair Irish. I can’t possibly argue with your point.

            1. Episiarch

              You should probably start distancing yourself from her as soon as possible, jesse.

              1. jesse.in.mb

                I have it on good authority that women get dangerous when one distances oneself from them. Since Nikki is the worst, I think that’d be extra problematic.

      2. This wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if she wasn’t hot.

        Oh my god. First Robin Williams, then this?!? The bad dye job, the garish makeup, the souless eyes? She’s not hot. She’s just unusually bendy.

        You do for appreciation of the female form what Bender does to cooking.

        1. Episiarch

          Look, tarran, if you want to make it crystal clear to the entire world that you prefer women who look like Rosie O’Donnell, you go right ahead. I’m not going to stop you.

          1. Yes, because the opposite of dead soulless eyes is Rosie O’Donnell.

            I’ll even bet that Rosie O’Donnell has that obesity-has-made-me-very-flexible thing going on too.

            1. Episiarch

              Maybe you’ll find out if your date with her tonight goes well, amirite? Don’t forget to bring her a (big) box of chocolates, or I doubt you’ll get in her pants.

              1. SugarFree

                I wonder how many tarrans could fit in Rosie’s pants. 3? 4 if they all sucked in?

                1. Episiarch

                  Well, tarran is a real beanpole, so I’d say six.

                  1. SugarFree

                    Three in each leg? Well, there goes someone’s Rule 34.

              2. Oooooh! I touched a nerve!

                1. The Immaculate Trouser

                  Tarran, please — this is a family site. We don’t need you to liveblog your touching Rosie O’Donnell’s, ahem, nerve.

                2. Irish

                  Maybe if you had better taste in women, Tarran, we wouldn’t have to be having this discussion.

                  I mean seriously, Tarran. Dayum.

                  1. Mad Scientist

                    Lose the silly heels and I’m in.

                3. Episiarch

                  I don’t have to defend my liking hot flexible Russian chicks to you! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?!?

                  1. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and fear. . .fear and surprise. Our two weapons are fear and surprise. . .and ruthless efficiency! Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency. . .and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Our four, no. . . . Amongst our weapons. . . Hmf. . . . Amongst our weaponry. . .are such elements as fear, surpr. . . . I’ll come in again.

                    1. The Immaculate Trouser

                      Funny thing about the Spanish Inquisition… it was structured so that your town would receive notice at least a month in advance of crimes and individuals to be prosecuted, which would be posted in the town square and announced by the town crier. You were a damned fool if you didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.

                      This has been Pedantic, Unnecessarily Historical Commentary On Monty Python Jokes. Join us next time, where we will explore the surprisingly deep and complex justifications for monarchy so crudely commented upon in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

                    2. Cardinal Fang! Fetch. . .the Comfy Chair!

                    3. Eduard van Haalen

                      They were devoted to the Spanish King, not the Pope.

                      Wait, that makes me sound humorless, doesn’t it?

                    4. They were devoted to the king, and nearly fanatically devoted to the pope.

                    5. Eduard van Haalen

                      The initiative for the Pope authorizing the Spanish Inquisition came from the Spanish crown.

                      “ut even at this early point in the history of the Spanish Inquisition, the papacy was having second thoughts. Pope Sixtus IV (1471-1484) complained about the activities of the inquisition in Aragon and its treatment of the conversos. But, as throughout much of Europe, the papacy had lost much control over the actions of local inquisitions. Pope Innocent VIII (1484-1492) complained fruitlessly as well. The inquisition in Spain was controlled by Spanish authorities, not the authority of the papacy.”

                      http://www.catholic.com/magazi…..n-revealed

          2. SugarFree

            Yeah. Ain’t no shame in liking them meaty, t.

    5. Warty

      Jesus. Na zdorov’ye.

    6. JW

      Yes, two please.

    7. Heroic Mulatto

      DAT ASS.

  39. The Immaculate Trouser

    English Major, With Honors…

    I don’t want to come down too hard on the human habit of chattering endlessly about insignificant things. Our ability to generate a limitless number of observations about the pointless minutia of the world makes dinner with the in-laws more bearable. The problem is not so much that we share our opinions. The problem is our intensity about them?that every opinion about any little thing becomes haterade.

    Speaking of intense opinions, in my personal libertopia journalists who use the word “haterade” in a professional publication will be rounded up and sent to the (privatized, completely voluntary) gas chambers.

    1. I don’t know, I mean, unless they’ve volunatarily signed a contract, I think simply bdoing this is an appropriate first response.

    2. MJGreen

      Let’s give her credit: that paragraph is intelligible, even if the concluding word is deplorable.

      1. The Immaculate Trouser

        Thank God for small miracles…

      2. Killazontherun

        I believe it to be so structured on purpose. I was thinking as I closed on the end, ‘what’s the problem, here?’, and then suddenly, Goddamnit, God, God, Godsofuckingdamnit, that’s the ugliest word and thoughtless fart bubble of inanity within a neologism I’ve encountered this weak.

        1. Killazontherun

          this week.

          That word was like Kryptonite to me.

  40. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Why does society tolerate older women banging underage boys?

    Just as in Mad Men, The Lifeguard skips over issues of consent and instead indulges stereotypes about male libido. In the film, Leigh London (Kristen Bell) is going on 30 when she realizes her life as a journalist in New York isn’t what she wanted. She moves back in with her parents in Connecticut, where she works as a lifeguard and begins a relationship with 16-year-old Jason (David Lambert). The film depicts their affair as being virtually free of negative consequences or any kind of lasting damage. Though their relationship is found out?by Mel, Leigh’s friend and assistant principal of Jason’s high school?Jason and his father “refuse to name names” to the school, and charges can’t be pressed against Leigh. Jason’s father is thoroughly unbothered by the whole ordeal. “Look, Jas has been through enough in his life already. Real problems, you get me?” he tells Mel. “This thing with the lifeguard? things happen. You keep moving or die, you understand?” He doesn’t get why Mel apologizes for not realizing the affair was happening?”Sorry for what? That my son got laid?” At the end of the film, Leigh returns to New York, intent on covering education for the New York Times, her time with Jason and his friend having seemingly solved her mid-life crisis.

    1. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

      It’s not hard to imagine the furor that would erupt over the film if the genders were switched. The plot sounds like feminists’ worst nightmare: Manic Pixie Dream Girl mashed with rape apology. Unlike in Draper’s case, Jason’s statutory rape by Leigh seems to just be statutory. Again and again, Jason declares that it was consensual. Though Jason did make most of the advances, Leigh’s authority?as an older woman, lifeguard, reporter, and mother figure?constantly reminds the viewer that they aren’t on equal footing.

      Consequence-free, unless the older woman is a Nazi like in that book/movie ‘The Reader’.

      1. Plopper

        I am so fucking sick of Cougar Life dot com commercials… If it were a site with older men trying to pick up barely legal girls everyone would be in a huge uproar over it!

        Yet I have to deal with these shitty ass Cougar Life ads when I watch cable TV. They make me want to kill things!

        Life is not fair.

        1. Plopper

          Well… I should say… “break stuff” not “kill things”. They aren’t quite that annoying. But if I had unlimited cash I’d smash in my TV every time I saw one of them on.

        2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

          I doubt you’ll find any hot cougars online. I mean if they are hot they wouldn’t need online dating to find a sex partner.

      2. Episiarch

        This writer–who is presumably a dude with a name like “Jordan”–can’t get why a 16-year-old male would have no problem with, or any lasting problems from, having an affair with an older woman? Seriously? Was he ever 16 himself? Or why a father wouldn’t have a problem with it? My father would have given me a high-five and told all his friends.

        South Park captured all this so beautifully in the episode where Ike has the affair with his teacher.

        NIIICCCCEEEEEE

        1. Marshall Gill

          It is a crime….she’s not doing it with me.

          1. Episiarch

            “Tom, an elementary school teacher is under arrest for allegedly having an affair – with one of her young students. The case is shocking, due mostly to the fact that the teacher is pretty hot, Tom. If the accusations are true, then, damn!”

      3. Troy muy grande boner

        Damn, where the hot female pedophiles when I was a teenager?

        1. Warty

          YOU WERE TOO UGLY

        2. The hot female pedophiles were chasing preteen, prepubescent boys and not interested in your adolescent charms.

          I think it’s the lack of hot female ephebophiles you should be lamenting.

        3. JW

          I actually knew one, who was banging a buddy. She was very open about it, fairly pretty, very nice and normal, for a 28 year-old woman banging a 16 year-old guy.

          He was a GOD in our eyes.

      4. Coeus

        Well, he is right about the hypocrisy. But that’s because feminists don’t like statutory laws because they protect “children”.

        They like them because it reduces competition.

    2. Apatheist ?_??

      The article talks a lot about statutory rape but over half of States have 16 as the age of consent and so does most of the western world (or lower).

      1. MJGreen

        Including Connecticut, which is probably explicitly mentioned in the film. My friend is from CT and would remind every other day that 16 is legal up there.

    3. Mickey Rat

      “In the film, Leigh London (Kristen Bell) is going on 30…”

      “…her time with Jason and his friend having seemingly solved her mid-life crisis.”

      Since when is freakin’ 29 mid-life?!!

      1. JEP

        It’s mid-sexual life?

      2. Coeus

        Since when is freakin’ 29 mid-life?!!

        It is for the males in my family.

        1. Eduard van Haalen

          Let me guess – most of your relatives’ last words are “hey, y’all, watch this!”

          1. Coeus

            More like: “Why is my arm tingling?”

            1. Eduard van Haalen

              Now you’ve made me feel awkward for making jokes about deaths in your family.

              1. Coeus

                Say it with me:

                NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS.

                Even if I didn’t find it funny (though I did), someone else might. I have no more claim on this space than any other. We must fight against the rising tide of “inoffensive humor”.

                But for ultimate strangeness, I will say that it’s all males on both sides of the family. I eagerly await my 3d printed heart.

              2. Coeus

                Say it with me:

                NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS.

                Even if I didn’t find it funny (though I did), someone else might. I have no more claim on this space than any other commenter. We must fight against the rising tide of “inoffensive humor”.

                But for ultimate strangeness, I will say that it’s all males on both sides of the family. I eagerly await my 3d printed heart.

              3. Coeus

                Say it with me:

                NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS.

                Even if I didn’t find it funny (though I did), someone else might. I have no more claim on this space than any other commenter. We must fight against the rising tide of “inoffensive humor”.

                But for ultimate strangeness, I will say that it’s all males on both sides of the family. I eagerly await my 3d printed heart.

                1. Coeus

                  Damn. Squirrels did a number on that one.

    4. Killazontherun

      Why does society tolerate older women banging underage boys?

      The real question is why has society grown intolerant of men wooing young women in their mid teens? It use to be common, the norm even, for a man who worked and lived as a bachelor into his late twenties once he acquired wealth to search for a mate to fill the hearth, and court the teenage women of his community.

      When feminist change society, do they forget what occurred before their dominance altogether in order to feed new and wholly imagined grievances?

  41. NeonCat

    Headline from the Rumford Meteor, link goes to actual article: Polar Bears Drops Human After He Bites Him And He Tastes Like A Lawyer

    You know, if I’m told I can go to an area with lots and lots of bears but I’m not allowed to take any firearms with me?

    I think I’ll pass.

    1. Four years ago, Dyer and his wife, photographer Jeanne Wells, moved from Portland to Turner, near Lewiston, to be closer to nature

      My sister moved out in the middle of B.F.E. because she wanted her cats to be safe from being run over by cars. She’s lost four to coyotes.

    2. Dyer was aware of the threat of polar bears. He had read up on them extensively. He thought if he was lucky, they might see one.

      He got his wish!

      Dyer does not believe a guard would have made a difference, unless the guard kept watch all night and didn’t sleep.

      Military folk call this ‘taking watch’ and it’s done in shifts.

      “I shouted ‘Bear in the camp! Bear in the camp!’ I think I got it out twice. He just scooped me up, tent and all.”

      This is a good strategy– it alerts the bear to your location.

  42. NeonCat

    Some of the world’s tallest buildings are tall like you’d be tall with a giant fake mohawk.

  43. NeonCat

    Meanwhile, in Afghanistan: Police using RPG-7 to catch fish accidentally kill children instead.

    1. Troy muy grande boner

      D’oh

    2. “The rocket went astray and hit a place where children were playing, killing six and wounding two others,” the Interior Ministry said in a statement.

      Clearly, these policemen never played America’s army.

      One out of four RPG-7 shots goes totally ballistic.

      1. cmace

        “In some parts of the country people even use electrical generators and bare wire to catch fish, posing extreme danger to swimmers.

        My dad used to do this in Missouri. Used an old crank up telephone.

    3. Generic Stranger

      I see they’ve been taking lessons from US cops.

      Now they just need to kill a bunch of dogs.

      1. That’s incorrect. Had they been taking lessons, the whole thing would have been ruled justified– that the police were following proper procedure, they’d still be on the force, but with more training planned.

        These guys have been arrested. Apparently, the uncivilized Afghans don’t take kindly to these types of ‘accidents’.

        I believe there are 30 or 40 L.A. cops still on the force after shooting up half the residents because they were driving pickup trucks.

        1. Generic Stranger

          I didn’t say their justice system was taking lessons from ours, just their cops.

          1. Then, Mr. Smartypants, why didn’t the surveillance video get mysteriously deleted? Sounds like their lessons aren’t sticking.

            1. Generic Stranger

              Those kind of fine details are the ken of masters and aren’t that easy to teach to others, particularly when the students aren’t very technically literate to begin with.

  44. Mexico City is mulling legalizing marijuana and establishing smoking clubs, but the president of Mexico is not on board.

    Sounds familiar.

  45. Coeus

    Once great video game site continues it’s descent into insanity and irrelevance.

    Another thing: not all women have vaginas. This fact makes the game exclusionary. Still, it’s obvious that the game is well-meaning and there are some issues worth trying to solve here. Schools do a shitty job of teaching anatomy and talking about women’s sexuality is difficult. I’m just not sure this specific game is the best approach for that stuff.

    1. Irish

      Another thing: not all women have vaginas.

      Wait. This is technically true but such a small percentage of women don’t have vaginas that adding it to this game would be ludicrous. That would be like getting angry that you need a controller to play X-Box since some people do not have hands.

      1. There are 22 libertarians in this country! And we vote!

        1. Marshall Gill

          Yes but you can’t get them to agree on anything!

          1. The Immaculate Trouser

            Well, that’s just clearly wrong.

    2. The Immaculate Trouser

      I’m not reading this Kotaku article until it has been translated into Esperanto Braille, out of respect for those human beings who do not understand English or suffer from impairment of some other kind.

      If it is not translated in the next 48 hours, I guess we’ll know just how committed Kotaku is to non-exclusion.

      1. Irish

        I looked through that website and saw that not one single article was written in Kiswahili.

        What, do those of us who speak Bantu languages and trace our lineage back to the Swahili people not play video games? Is that what Kotaku is trying to say?

        1. The Immaculate Trouser

          It’s like the Siege of Ulundi all over again. I feel so unsafe and uncomfortable right now, almost like I’m an insulated moron with thin skin.

    3. JW

      Once great video game site continues it’s descent into insanity and irrelevance.

      It’s Gawker. What do you expect?

    4. jesse.in.mb

      Only 10% of women masturbate at least weekly? What do they do with all the extra hours in the day?

      1. Irish

        Remember this simple rule: However many sexual partner a woman claims to have had, multiply by 3. I assume the same rule applies to masturbation frequency.

        1. SugarFree

          And divide a straight man’s number by 3.

          1. Coeus

            And both do it for the exact same reason. (though it’s divide by 2 for guys, people are more willing to call out guys, so that far out of bounds is risky.)

    5. Heroic Mulatto

      Some woman have TWO vaginae.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        I suppose if diphallia is a thing then why the fuck not two vaginas?

        1. Heroic Mulatto

          We need to start match-making 2-penised people with double-pussied people.

    6. Killazontherun

      Holy shit. We really need to kill this generation coming up and start over.

    7. Long Range Boredom

      Aww, I thought you were linking to the Escapist, that other once-great video game site that has collapsed into social justice whining.

  46. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc

    Ed Schultz blames Bush for lack of support for Syria, accuses Republicans of rooting their opposition in racist hatred of Obama, but comes out against the war anyway

    More than once, Schultz said he agrees with those who oppose conflict in Syria, but “for completely different reasons.”

    But Schultz said Republicans “don’t hate war, they hate this guy, Barack Hussein Obama” pointing to a picture of the president standing with Joe Biden.

    “They just cannot stomach the fact that they might be agreeing with him,” Schultz added.

    He went on to attack Donald Rumsfeld, saying the former defense secretary “lied” America into a conflict in Iraq, but now opposes war “because he doesn’t like the president.”

    Schultz then played a clip of Rumsfeld explaining to CNN why he believes Obama’s latest adventure is a bad idea.

    The MSNBC host then told his dwindling audience that the reason Obama can’t build a coalition of allies is because the Bush administration “lied to the world about the war in Iraq.”

    “We now have a credibility issue because of this crowd,” Schultz claimed, ignoring Obama’s own “red line” statement and his subsequent claim that the “world” set the so-called red line instead of him.

  47. jesse.in.mb

    Northern Exposure: The Complete Series

    Now you can own Canada’s national epic on DVD for $59.99(USD)

    1. SugarFree

      General question: Was Northern Exposure the best attempt to tame Twin Peaks for the norms?

      1. Episiarch

        Probably. Six Feet Under might be able to be argued for, I suppose.

    2. Wasn’t that set in Alaska?

      1. Mad Scientist

        Yes, and filmed in Oregon.

        1. Cdr Lytton

          filmed in Oregon Washington

      2. jesse.in.mb

        Damn it, you are correct. I brain-farted.

        1. It’s really one of those weird historical anomalies that the U.S. has a part of Russia that really should be part of Canada.

          I’m tempted to post the lyrics to “Yukon Ho!” again, but I’ve gone to that well too often as it is.

  48. R C Dean

    Obama is such an idiot. The whole ask Congress about Syria thing was intended, I have no doubt, to put the Repubs on the spot and generate some sound bites for 2014.

    As it is, though, by refusing to say he will abide by the vote, he’s made it really hard for anyone to vote for it. Everyone believes he will bomb anyway, so why put yourself in line to take the blame for the bombing and blowback by voting for it? The “free” vote if he’s going to bomb anyway is the “no” vote.

    1. Yes, Mr. Genius President has made his eleventy billionth misstep. Amazing that he got reelected. It’s like we’ve got some low probability generator fucking up reality.

  49. Eduard van Haalen

    The United Nations tries to smash the head of U.S. sovereignty into the pavement:

    “UN experts urge United States to wrap up review of Trayvon Martin case, examine laws

    “…”We call upon the US Government to examine its laws that could have discriminatory impact on African Americans, and to ensure that such laws are in full compliance with the country’s international legal obligations and relevant standards,” said human rights expert Verene Shepherd, who currently heads the UN Working Group of Experts of People of African Descent….

    “”The Trayvon Martin case has highlighted the importance of the need to review those existing laws and policies that can have a discriminatory effect on the basis of race, as African Americans become more vulnerable to such discrimination,” Ms. Shepherd said, recalling that the US has been party to the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights since 1992, the International Convention on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination since 1994, and many other international human rights law treaties.

    “”States are required to take effective measures to review governmental, national and local policies, and to amend, rescind or nullify any laws and regulations which have the effect of creating or perpetuating racial discrimination wherever it exists,” said the Special Rapporteur on racism, Mutuma Ruteere.”

    http://www.un.org/apps/news/st…..ipmtn_9zYT

    1. Coeus

      Why should a human rights expert have any accurate information? It’s not like she an…

    2. Eduard van Haalen

      Oops, Reason 24/7 is all over it already:

      https://reason.com/24-7/2013/09…..mmerman-tr

  50. Len Bias

    “How does Supreme Court Justice Napolitano sound? Awesome, right? Unfortunately, Vice President Joe Biden was referring to outgoing Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, not Andrew Napolitano.”

    For the love of God, Kennedy, please don’t die/retire anytime soon.

    1. Eduard van Haalen

      And if you do, don’t ride a horse naked like the other Kennedy.

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