Law

Private Law Among the Juggalos

Tribal self-government at a music festival

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Bill McMorris covered this year's Gathering of the Juggalos—the annual convocation of Insane Clown Posse fans—for The Washington Free Beacon. His dispatch includes this moment of legal anthropology, which I submit without comment:

Judge Juggalo presiding.

Juggalo Night Court [is] a daily ceremony designed to smooth out trivial festival disputes under the jurisprudence of Judge Upchuck the Clown and bailiff/professional wrestler Mad Man Pondo.

I took my seat on the haystacks on Wednesday night. The matter at hand: Juggalo Lee had sued Juggalo Pete for groping his date.

"It was the heat of the moment," Pete said before admitting to groping at least a dozen other women. During closing arguments, the alleged victim took the stage topless and allowed Pondo and Upchuck to grope her.

The crowd sided with Pete. Lee was tarred and feathered with honey and a gutted pillow.

Lust is forgivable in Juggalo eyes. Theft is not. The Gathering program warns of "dire consequences" for stealing, and that's an understatement. Last year a man was found with pilfered goods in the trunk of his red Pontiac. Juggalos stripped his car, smashed the windshield, ran it over with a monster truck, then posted the video to YouTube under the title "Juggalo Justice."

Juggalo Justice is why I feel safe leaving my laptop in public, my car doors open, and beers unattended.

Bonus quote for conspiracy buffs: "Juggalos see themselves under constant threat—every one swears to the existence of Juggalo Holocaust, a mythical entity hell-bent on killing ICP fans." Of course, the Juggalos themselves are perceived as a conspiracy in some quarters.

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  1. Bonus quote for conspiracy buffs: “Juggalos see themselves under constant threat?every one swears to the existence of Juggalo Holocaust, a mythical entity hell-bent on killing ICP fans.”

    They are on to you Episiarch.

  2. ” The crowd sided with Pete. Lee was tarred and feathered with honey and a gutted pillow.”

    Classic.

  3. “Juggalos stripped his car, smashed the windshield, ran it over with a monster truck”

    Truely, an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.

    1. “It was as if thousands of painted faces suddenly cried out in ecstasy, and were silenced.”

  4. Lust is forgivable in Juggalo eyes. Theft is not. The Gathering program warns of “dire consequences” for stealing, and that’s an understatement. Last year a man was found with pilfered goods in the trunk of his red Pontiac. Juggalos stripped his car, smashed the windshield, ran it over with a monster truck, then posted the video to YouTube under the title “Juggalo Justice.”

    I love examples of voluntary, anarchic legal systems.

    1. So anarchy means I have to accept being sexually assaulted as long as the community is okay with it?

      1. Well, since “Ed” was suing “Pete”, I think you’re stealing a base with your assumption that the groping was uninvited.

        1. Whoops “Lee” was suing “Pete”

      2. You did note the person who was groped was not a named party to the case, didn’t you? And was apparently okay with getting groped by the judge and the bailiff?

        1. So because she’s okay with Pondo and Upchuck groping her, it follows that ANYBODY can grope her?

          If she was fine with the original groping then okay, but the article doesn’t seem to suggest that anywhere. And the ruling “lust is forgivable” doesn’t suggest that was the deciding factor either.

          1. You don’t have to be a Juggalo. It’s a voluntary association.

            But even so, how does it follow that anyone can grope her? If she objects to some guy groping her she could presumably have her boyfriend beat the shit out of him or go to the Juggalo court.

          2. If she wasn’t okay with it, she could have been a named party, no? It would have been Juggalette & Lee vs. Pete, right? Since she wasn’t a named party, I’m gonna go with she was okay with it in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

            1. It would have been Juggalette & Lee vs. Pete, right?

              Not having studied Crimalo Procedure, I don’t know if you’re allowed to have multiple plaintiffs.

              1. So was the suit a variation of the old fashioned alienation of affection suit? Or am I missing something here.

      3. Well I know people have already replied to you, but I’m going to as well, since you don’t seem to have RTFA very well.

        The chick was OK with it. Her boyfriend wasn’t. You do support the idea of being autonomous in your own body instead of letting your SO’s insecurities determine your actions, don’t you?

      4. The community wasn’t OK with sexual assault. The offender was honey-tarred and feathered.

        1. I read it the other way. The plantiff was tarred and feathered for being uptight. Which also leads me to believe that the date was okay with Pete being handsy. (Apparently, several other women were, too.)

        2. I read it the other way. The plantiff was tarred and feathered for being uptight. Which also leads me to believe that the date was okay with Pete being handsy. (Apparently, several other women were, too.)

          1. And this time I really mean it! Fuck you squirrels.

          2. Yes, you are correct. I was thinking about getting a blowjob from a fat girl in clown make-up and mixed the names up.

            1. That’ll happen.

          3. That’s how I read it too.

        3. No, the offender wasn’t honey-tarred and feathered, the plaintiff was. Now maybe all of the dozen girl who got groped were okay with it and McMorris is just a shitty journalist who left the single most important fact in the case out of his account, but based on what’s in the article, it looks like the Juggalos are just okay with Pete randomly groping any woman who comes in range.

          And somehow this is a win for the non-violence principle.

          1. Well he couldn’t bloody well interview the dozen other women who were not named and thus had no way of being contacted, now could he?

            So keeping to the specific case, the receiver of the groping was OK with it. It was her boyfriend who claimed to be the aggrieved party.

            You’re trying to argue for some sort of blanket grievance for all of the women involved when the one woman specifically involved in the case did not feel violated or aggressed against.

            So you know how she feels and what her expectations of behavior are better than she does? You speak for her now?

            1. Where in the article does it say the reveiver of the groping was OK with it?

              1. Where does it say she wasn’t, you stupid asshole?

                All the info from the story suggests she was fine with it. The onus is on you to prove she wasn’t, you stupid fucking asshole.

                1. It doesn’t say she wasn’t the secret love child of Obama and Sarah Palin either. Although maybe if I swear enough I can pretend it did.

      5. So anarchy means I have to accept being sexually assaulted as long as the community is okay with it?

        Don’t flatter yourself.
        And no, it has nothing to do with anarchy.

  5. Warty was gone for a few days recently, wasn’t he?

    1. Warty is Upchuck the Clown?

    2. Warty was in the woods hunting them.

  6. Also: fucking voluntary association, how does it work?

    1. I prefer voluntary fucking association, or even voluntary association fucking, thank you very much.

    2. I don’t know, my brain reboots when I try to come to grips with the fact that groups like the Juggalos exi…

      *Commentator has suffered a critical error*

      *Commentator rebooting*

      What were we talking about again?

      1. “What were we talking about again?”

        Top 5 “yacht rock” artists. my vote was =

        – Michael McDonald (this includes the Doobies, obviously)
        – Christopher Cross
        – Hall & Oats
        – Steely Dan
        – Kenny Loggins (this obviously includes Messina)

        1. T-Pain
          Huff and Doback

  7. In other Juggalo news…

    http://www.fox5vegas.com/story…..n-stabbing

  8. What the fuck

  9. “Juggalos see themselves under constant threat?every one swears to the existence of Juggalo Holocaust, a mythical entity hell-bent on killing ICP fans.”

    I’m not usually one for rounding people up into camps, but hypothetically speaking, if one wanted to join this hypothetical conspiracy to wipe out Juggalos, would anyone have contacts?

    1. If such a concern of like-minded individuals existed, and they do not, they would contact you, after you had sufficiently demonstrated your committment.

  10. True story: I bought an extremely colorful thrift store ICP t-shirt with the two main clowns on the front holding ray guns, with the title something like “Insane Clowns from Outer Space” on it. I knew who ICP was but really had never explored their catalog, I just liked the look of the shirt.

    So I’m walking down the main drag in town with it on, and these really alternative-looking dudes spot it and one guy just lights up, smiling, comes over gives me a big hug, and says, “Right on! Juggalos in the Midwest!” He introduces himself as “Sad Clown” and his friend as “Eddie Clown.”

    At this point I’m like Michael Bolton in Office Space, not wanting to burst their shared-culture bubble, so I just went along with it, introducing myself as “Happy Clown.” They had their girlfriend take a picture of me with the guys, and I did my best to contort my fingers in a way that looked like it might have been legible gang signals.

    It seemed to make their day, and I had fun with it, so overall a good encounter.

    Only bad thing about it was it spurred me to try and get familiar with the music, which absolutely sucks. Just take my word for that.

    1. A decade or so I worked with a self-described Juggalo. I had no idea what it meant, but the guy defined himself by it. ICP was his life. So your story doesn’t surprise me.

      1. Did he have a good relationship with his PO?

        I’m pretty sure I work with a Juggalo right now.

    2. Back in ’97 or ’98, all the mailboxes in our dorm were stuffed with an ICP demo cassette tape, including “Chicken Hunting” and some other song. ICP became a running joke with all the residenta for some time. We had no idea how big Juggalos would become.

    3. I never really could get into the ICP. I had a sampler tape handed to me one night in 1995 while walking around Deep Ellum, and when I played it, I bristled at the violent lyrics. Not my cup of tea. Then a decade later, my nephew was all into the band, declaring himself a Juggalo and all. At first I was like “WTF?!”, but I didn’t really judge him on that.

      I’m still not “down with the clown”, but I do have a lot of respect for ICP and their followers, which by and large are like a close-knit family looking out for one another. They did great on the Opie & Anthony show a couple weeks ago.

      1. I to am not “down with the clown”, although in my case it is because I am disturbed by their inability to understand even simple qualitative applications of Maxwell’s equations.

        1. But do they know how to use “too” in the proper context?

        2. All I understand is that Maxwell’s closed.

          1. Was it good to the last drop?

  11. “It was the heat of the moment,” Pete said before admitting to groping at least a dozen other women. During closing arguments, the alleged victim took the stage topless and allowed Pondo and Upchuck to grope her.

    I’ll bet Mayor Filner is a self-described Juggalo by next year’s Juggalopalooza.

  12. Which is less reasonable, the ICP court or Code American?

    A Tennessee man who appeared in a YouTube video dancing with his pet raccoon to Aretha Franklin’s “Chain of Fools” has started a social media campaign to get the raccoon back after it was seized by state wildlife officials.

    The Tennessee Wildlife Resource Agency took the animal away from Mark Brown two weeks ago because state law says it’s illegal to keep wild animals as pets.

    That raccoon is to damn fat to be wild. She obviously wasn’t missing any meals or being harmed.

    1. The fat one is Gunshow, his last raccoon. Rebekah is the little one that he took a shower with. (The ABC doesn’t make that very clear.)

      I’m surprised they haven’t already killed Rebekah, like they did poor Giggles the Fawn.

      1. I’m surprised they haven’t already killed Rebekah, like they did poor Giggles the Fawn.

        Animals!

    2. A Tennessee man who appeared in a YouTube video dancing with his pet raccoon to Aretha Franklin’s “Chain of Fools” has started a social media campaign to get the raccoon back after it was seized by state wildlife officials.

      Wonder if he would accept a cap, because I doubt this raccoon will ever dance again.

      1. Why? Because guilty feet have got no rythym?

    3. This kind of bullshit is happening in Ohio as well, where a vet tech that rescued four raccoons and two fawns (named Trooper and Patch) is going to trial:

      http://www.dispatch.com/conten…..-deer.html

      1. He could get a permit to keep them if he planned on hunting them. Either way the deer has to die.

  13. Do you suppose this is how Christianity started?

    1. Immaculate Conception Pussy

    2. I’ve always assumed it was something like this. Then the fancy, college educated boys take over, add some candles, link up with the local city council/warlords and it’s full Vatican time.

    3. If mankind is obliterated in a nuclear holocaust, and a few illiterate quasi-ape beings are all that remains, there does exist a dangerous potential for the relics of Juggalodom to gradually rise to prominence as the foundation of human-ish-kinds New Religious Order.

      I for one will be glad to be in hell

      1. Hell is a Town in Michigan…

  14. If Juggalo Justice can deter theft using clever and entertaining approaches short of amputating hands, leading to a society where one can leave one’s doors unlocked and one’s electronic devices unattended, for example, then perhaps I, too, am Down With The Clown. It’s worth a look, at least.

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