A.M. Links: U.S. Spying on Europe Causes Diplomatic Kerfuffle, Gay Marriage Resumes in California, Deadly Blazes in Arizona

|

Get Reason.com and Reason 24/7 content widgets for your websites.

Follow Reason and Reason 24/7 on Twitter, and like us on Facebook.  You can also get the top stories mailed to you—sign up here. Have a news tip? Send it to us!

NEXT: Microsoft Requests Permission to Disclose FISA Court Rulings

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. Twitter CEO Dick Costolo remains legally unable to reveal the extent of government snooping on his company’s customers, making for slightly awkward interviews on the subject.

    It would take more than 140 characters anyway.

    1. Fuck you, that’s why.

      21 characters.

    2. Couldn’t these guys just leave the gov. orders on their desks, call in a reporter to the office, then just leave and shut the door behind them?
      “Sure would be a shame if you read these secret NSA orders in this folder on my desk, but hey, I’m gonna be out of my office for 23 minutes exactly, so what am I supposed to do?”

  2. Motorist lists his Mercedes on eBay – modelled by his ‘chubby missus’
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/ho…..issus.html

    for you know who.

    1. Lookit the construction of the sheet metal on the hood, the largest unreinforced piece on the whole car…

    2. It’s perfect if you need a spacious trunk for some reason…

      1. my old Roadmaster had a “three body” trunk – four in a squeeze. You know, just in case…

        1. “When they’re dead, they’re just hookers, Cyril!”

    3. Impressive, most cars are totaled when they hit a cow.

    4. modelled by his ‘chubby missus’

      Not exactly LCHF, huh?

  3. Charges were dropped against a West Virginia middle school student arrested for wearing an NRA t-shirt to school. Students county-wide donned similar shirts in solidarity with Jared Marcum.

    Teaching students everywhere the dangers of backfire.

    1. White said he and a prosecutor agreed that creating a criminal record for Marcum wasn’t a good idea.

      Of course, if the kid had been busted for pot, no problem.

      1. Drug convictions are low effort and without much controversy. That criminal record would have been a welcome addition to the prosecutor’s resume.

      2. White said he and a prosecutor agreed that creating a criminal record for Marcum wasn’t a good idea.

        That sounds like a load of bullshit to me. If the prosecutor didn’t think that giving this kid a record was a bad idea, why the fuck did he charge him to begin with?

        It sounds like the prosecutor saw the public reaction and decided that the writing on the wall wasn’t in his favor.

        1. This. As he got to know what a fine young man Marcum is, his attitude evolved.

        2. “That sounds like a load of bullshit to me. If the prosecutor didn’t think that giving this kid a record was a bad idea, why the fuck did he charge him to begin with?”

          Exactly.
          He was gonna claim he wanted to spend more time with his family, but no one could stop laughing when he tried it out, so it was plan B.

        3. You don’t think the lawsuit brought by his parents had anything to do with it, do you?

        4. He meant :creating a criminal record for Marcum wasn’t a good idea, for his career.

          1. He meant :creating a criminal record for Marcum wasn’t a good idea, for his career.

            Yes.

    2. Students county-wide donned similar shirts in solidarity with Jared Marcum.

      If only it were because they sincerely believed that RKBA was a fundamental right, or at least that the government as a whole is too large and needs to be cleansed with fire.

      1. That would be better sure, but it is hard to fault them taking a stand for 1st Amendment rights regardless of where they stand on the 2nd

        1. I think it was most likely taking a stand for pissing off the teachers and administration.

          1. Something I was always for.

      2. It’s West Virginia. Odds are pretty good that they do also support the 2nd amendment.

        1. Actually, you’re probably right. I read “country” not “county”.

  4. When the squirrels start working with beavers…

    Eager beaver blamed for New Mexico Internet outage
    http://news.yahoo.com/eager-be…..46287.html

    CenturyLink spokesman David Gonzales told The Associated Press on Friday that a hungry beaver chewed through the fiber line last week. He says the biting evidence was discovered by contractors who worked to repair the outage.

    Officials say more than 1,800 Internet users were affected by the blackout. The number of cellphone users without service during that time is still unknown.

    1. This illustrates the danger of free-range beavers. The EPA and PETA should form a task force to keep us all safe. For the childrenz.

      Think of the ad campaign…

    2. “When the squirrels start working with beavers…”

      your wife needs to pick up some monistat?

  5. The German government is a little pissed off that its ostensible ally, the United States, turned the NSA’s vast spying apparatus against Germany’s turf … err … European allies.

    Time to dust of the Enigma machine.

  6. After 150 years, the choices made at Gettysburg still reverberate
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..story.html

    But as Lincoln said at Gettysburg, the war’s ultimate purpose was to preserve the Union in order to prove democracy’s viability. “Unless the Union was restored,” Guelzo says, “there would be no practical possibility of emancipation, since the overwhelming majority of American slaves would, in that case, end up living in a foreign country, and beyond the possible grasp of Lincoln’s best anti-slavery intentions.”

    Lee was, a colleague said, “audacity personified.” His temperament and intellect were mutually reinforcing, his aggressiveness serving his strategic understanding: The South would lose a protracted defensive war. After Antietam, Lee said: “If I could do so, I would again cross the Potomac and invade Pennsylvania.” Hence a small crossroads town became the hinge of American, and hence world, history.

    1. beyond the possible grasp of Lincoln’s best anti-slavery intentions

      *cough* *cough* Hagiography *cough* *cough*

      1. beyond the possible grasp of Lincoln’s best anti-slavery intentions

        *cough* *cough* Hagiography *cough* *cough*

        This.

        Lincoln didn’t have any anti-slavery anything until it was politically expedient to have them.

        Abraham Lincoln is often admired for being the very model of the progressive politician, a crusading visionary who sealed his place in history with his farsighted, morally righteous decision to emancipate the slaves during the Civil War.

        The truth, historians say, is more complicated. Lincoln certainly deserves credit for signing the Emancipation Proclamation and for throwing his weight behind the 13th Amendment, banning slavery, but many historians are quick to point out that the Great Emancipator’s civil rights achievements weren’t entirely of his own volition. In a series of recent books and essays, scholars argue that Lincoln, like most presidents, had to be pushed?in his case, by black abolitionists and “radical” Republicans?to listen to his own “better angels” and took action only when it became politically feasible.

        If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that[.] – Abraham Lincoln

        1. Oh boy… any minute now, John will show up in rightous fury to explain why anybody who thinks invading the south to conquer it was a bad idea is worse than Hitler.

          1. Defend the CSAs slavery state doesn’t help the libertarian cause in 2013.

            1. No it doesn’t, you are right.

              If New England had seceeded from the United States over slavery, and the United States had violently invaded and subdued it, we’d be making the same arguments.

              Principles, how the fuck do they work?

              1. Principles, how the fuck do they work?

                You may want to re-evaluate your principles if they require that you compulsively defend slavery in the southern US 150 years ago.

                1. You may want to re-evaluate your principles if they require that you compulsively defend slavery in the southern US 150 years ago.

                  I defended slavery?

                  Where?!?!?

            2. One need not defend the CSA or slavery to point out that for Lincoln at least Slavery was a secondary issue far less important than preventing succession.

              In the end he did what was right, but only because it was what was most politically expedient for him and not from any great conviction that it had to be done.

              1. Bullshit.

                The whole point behind Southern secession was racist slavery.

                1. Does it matter?

                  The right to secession does not depend on the reason.

                2. You changed the subject.

                  They were discussing Lincoln’s motives. You are discussing South Carolina’s motives, then attributed them to the entire South.

                3. The whole point behind Southern secession was racist slavery.

                  Yes, and the point is that slavery was a secondary issue for Lincoln. His priority was preserving the Union, not freeing the slaves. The Emancipation Proclamation was strictly a strategic move to weaken the southern economy, not a high-minded effort to liberate human beings from bondage; as he said, if making the country whole again meant the perpetuation of slavery, he didn’t have a problem with that. Hell, his preferred solution was to ship every black person in the US to Africa, but that wouldn’t have been possible.

                  He only began pushing hard for the 13th Amendment when it became clear that the Union was winning the war and that he’d have to resolve the social and legal conundrum that resulted from the EP.

                4. Not really sure what the south’s motivation has to do with a discussion on how motivated Lincoln was personally to free the slaves

                5. So, VG Zatyev,

                  Are you a neo-Stalinist or a neo-Nazi? Who should have won World War II? 😉

              2. I would say expediency but a little more complicated: Lincoln became convinced that even is the north won the war, if slavery was not abolished, they would do the whole thing over again at some point.

                And, he & his family were never fans of slavery, which is why they moved to Illinois. He was not an abolitionist, but was opposed to the institution.

            3. By some basic numbers (wikipedia) the total U.S. (ex CSA) deaths in the Civil War were 365,000. Total KIA 140,414, total casualties 780,614.

              Total CSA population in 1860 was 9,101,090, including 3,521,110 slaves.

              Some basic math shows a U.S. KIA rate of 0.04 KIA/slave freed, 0.10 total deaths, and 0.22 killed+wounded per slave freed.

              If we consider 50% of the Syrian population to be enslaved by the other 50% (conservative since the case can be made thatthe ratio of ruled:ruler is much higher), we should be able to justify up to 449,237 U.S. KIA in any Syrian intervention. Moreover, any blowback to the continental U.S. population could result in up to 2.5 million total casualties before exceeding the ratio set by the U.S. Civil War.

          2. Activia!

        2. Lincoln didn’t have any anti-slavery anything until it was politically expedient to have them.

          Yeah, it’s not like he had an extensive anti-slavery record before being elected president.

          Or that he joined and was elected through a new political party founded with the goal of eliminating the joint scourges of slavery and polygamy

          Or that his election so scared the shit out of the slave states that they seceded shortly thereafter.

          1. .. or that during his inauguration he announced his support of an amendment making Slavery permanent in the United States.

          2. Since apparently you don’t believe that Abraham Lincoln can best speak for Abraham Lincoln, this may be a waste of time, but here it goes.

            If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that[.] – Abraham Lincoln

            1. Lincoln did’d dislike slavery so much as he thought blacks shouldn’t compete with whites for work.

              I haven’t found a single instance where he condemned Illinois prohibition on free blacks immigrating into it.

              Fucker was a huge fan of deporting anyone with the wrong parents out of the U.S. entirely.

              1. Lincoln did’d dislike slavery so much as he thought blacks shouldn’t compete with whites for work.

                Right, Lincoln was the real racist and slave owners were humanitarians because they cared for their old and sick slaves.

                1. Right, Lincoln was the real racist and slave owners were humanitarians because they cared for their old and sick slaves.

                  Yes. Because that’s what we’re doing here. Defending slave owners.

                2. “Right, Lincoln was the real racist and slave owners were humanitarians because they cared for their old and sick slaves.”

                  False Dichotomy as it is possible for both or even neither to be true.

                  The point being made here is not that Lincoln was or was not a racist, nor even that he did or did not oppose slavery. The point is simply that regardless of what his personal views with respect to slaves and slavery were they were far less important to him than his opposition to the idea of succession and nowhere near strong enough for him to take a principled stand on the issue of slavery because he did not do so until after it became politically expedient for him to do so.

            2. The idea that Lincoln wasn’t a committed abolitionist is full on retarded.

              Look at his record in it’s entirety, don’t just cherry pick a few lines from early in his presidency.

              Especially since you neo-confederates also point out his general mendacity.

              You people are like the morons that claim Hitler was a Christian because of a few lines cherry picked from a few speeches.

              1. The idea that Lincoln wasn’t a committed abolitionist is full on retarded.

                You simply didn’t read the same historical record I (and many others here) did.

                But you did graduate from the “I can’t make an argument, so I’ll go full Ad hominem” school of useless contributions.

              2. ROFL!!!!!!!!

                According the VG Zaytev, Lysander Spooner is a neo-confederate.

                Dude, that’s Tony levels of idiocy! You know that right?

                HA! HA! HA! HA!

                1. We can start calling him “Union-Tony”.

                  1. I can’t wait until Rand Paul starts dissing Lincoln.

              3. The idea that Lincoln wasn’t a committed abolitionist is full on retarded.

                So’s the idea that he was a fire-breather in the Thaddeus Stevens/William Lloyd Garrison mold.

              4. The idea that Lincoln wasn’t a committed abolitionist is full on retarded.

                The Emancipation Proclamation did not cover Missouri, Kentucky, Maryland, Delaware or Tennessee. 65 Virginia counties and two cities were exempted. New Orleans and 13 parishes of Louisiana were exempted. 800,000 people were left to rot in slavery.

                Yep, that’s the work of a “committed abolitionist.”

                1. Indeed, based on my readings I think it would be most fair to say that Lincoln found slavery distasteful personally but did not believe that the abolition of it was a particularly important issue. I also think he would be considered a racist by today’s standards (as would even most abolitionists of the day) but he was probably rather middle of the road for the time when it came to dealing with Black Americans

    2. The South would lose a protracted defensive war.

      This is true only if the North was willing to fight a protracted war. I dont think they would have.

      Longstreet wanted to dig trenches across Northern Virginia and fight it out WW1 style. He may have been a little too ahead of his time, as the weaponry to pull that off probably didnt exist.

      But, as Gettysburg showed, Napoleanic charges were on their last legs.

      1. Longstreet wanted to dig trenches across Northern Virginia and fight it out WW1 style.

        Didn’t they do this in Tennessee and Arkansas?

      2. It’s always better to fight on an enemy’s soil. One problem for Lee, however, was that many Southerners thought they had a right to fight a defensive war, but lost their moral authority once they crossed into Union territory and became invaders.

        1. It’s always better to fight on an enemy’s soil.

          …said Napolein as he crossed into Russia.

      3. Longstreet wanted to dig trenches across Northern Virginia and fight it out WW1 style. He may have been a little too ahead of his time, as the weaponry to pull that off probably didnt exist.

        The artillery at the time wasn’t sophisticated enough to pull it off. Even the best shell gunners were ridiculously inaccurate–they didn’t really do much damage to formations until the enemy got close enough to use cannister.

    3. the war’s ultimate purpose was to preserve the Union in order to prove democracy’s viability.

      Yeah… that makes sense…

    4. Hey, check out the newly published “Stars and Bars Over Philadelphia” for an alternative history version of Lee’s second invasion of the North.

  7. “Oh, and Wikileaks’s Julian Assange promises that more fascinating nuggets of information are on the way, courtesy of Edward Snowden.”

    This is very good news.

    1. I’m starting to wonder if there’s not somebody high up somewhere who wants the leaks to continue. Otherwise Assange et al. would be “missing” by now.

      1. What Assange and Snowden have both done is play off one government against another. That is what is keeping them safe – to the degree that they are safe.

    2. I’ll believe it when I see it. Assange is notorious for being a cock-tease when it comes to these “announcements” and it’s more likely that it’s not nearly as salacious as Assange is implying.

    3. He’s a Hero. I said this to my spouse and I got a “I bet he’s in it for the $$$” response…to which I sighed and said “Yeah, he gave up his whole life, his family, his hot GF, to live as a fugitive from the US government in some shithole, for $$$.”

      Oh the joy of marrying your political opposite.

      1. No offense, but she sounds like a low information voter.

        1. What do you mean? She reads her Facebook feed everyday.

      2. Wait. Just how many other men is my wife married to?

  8. Chilean Mummies Reveal Ancient Nicotine Habit
    http://news.yahoo.com/chilean-…..34752.html

    The hair of mummies from the town of San Pedro de Atacama in Chile reveals the people in the region had a nicotine habit spanning from at least 100 B.C. to A.D. 1450.

    Additionally, nicotine consumption occurred on a society-wide basis, irrespective of social status and wealth, researchers say.

    The finding refutes the popular view that the group living in this region smoked tobacco for just a short stint before moving on to snuffing hallucinogens.

    1. They obviously didn’t see the warning labels.

      1. Or suffer through those horrible pictures in health class…

    2. Clearly Big Tobacco? has a bigger reach than we first anticipated.

      1. They sent billboards back into the past. That’s the only reason those poor mummies were smoking after they died.

        1. Were the mummies wrapped in tobacco leaves? Might make for the second worst cigar ever – just above the Itsaboy cigar – but it would explain the nicotine-stained skin.

    3. Joe Alpaca is marketed to children!!!

  9. The Texas legislature is back in special session as the Republican majority pushes for abortion restrictions in a clever effort to ensure that women never again vote for the GOP.

    I’m not sure women are universally pro-abortion, but all this will do is give that woman another chance to flap her gums all day.

    1. because a limit of 20 weeks into a pregnancy is somehow an assault on reproductive freedom. And no, plenty of women are either pro-life or believe in some sort of limits on abortion.

    2. My favorite was the unintentionally honest interview she gave when she said something like, “I think many politicians view this as an opportunity to advance their careers rather than a key right of Texan women.” No shit, huh?

    3. I’m positive that not all women are pro-abortion. But don’t tell a collectivist that not everyone in the world is a collectivist as it may cause their head to explode.

      When you think of yourself as a women (or any subset of humanity) before you think of yourself as an individual, you simply cannot comprehend others who don’t have the same impulse.

    4. Great, more self congratulatory bullshit from facebook revolutionaries.

    5. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a number of polls showing that women are more in favor of limits at 20 and/or 24 weeks into a pregnancy than men. (The real cleavage in the rates come when you start looking at things like ages, marital status, and whether or not one has had kids.)

      1. Once you’ve carried a child to term it is a little hard to pretend that a child is just a clump of cells at twenty weeks. I’ve known plenty of women who have become pro-life after giving birth.

        1. That sounds super rational of them. I’m sure it has nothing to do with oxytocin or anything like that.

          1. Eh, my wife sort of changed her mind. Now she says it would be a much more difficult decision but she’s still firmly pro-choice.

            1. I just think we all know that people are, literally, brainwashed when they have kids, to love them.

              1. It is brainwashing. Our brains are rewired by the pheromones that accompany pregnancy to love the little poopy noisemakers; otherwise the human race would go extinct as we strangled our offspring.

                I mean, would you keep a cat around after it tried to give your VCR a bath?

              2. Nikki–I maintain that it’s a genetic switch that kicks in after birth that makes you all super-protective of the spawn. Otherwise, no one would ever have the little shits if they really, truly knew what horrors parenting entails.

              3. Right, we’re all just biological automatons, helplessly following our chemical urges. No need to engage the breeders in argument, people lose the ability for logical argument once they spawn.

            2. mine’s like yours – she favors choice but not choice without limits. Her line is the first trimester, which would make her more strict than TX proposes to be.

          2. And the choicers are hyper-rational? None of them are horny guys who want to boink women without worrying about children?

            1. Wanting to have sex without kids sounds extremely rational to me, Eduard. Even most pro-lifers probably think that.

              1. No, sex is only for procreation. Nothing else. Ever.

              2. And it would seem that preventative pregnancy precautions rather than a reactionary invasive process is even more rational. Especially being that there are a number of alternatives available.

                I mean if we’re talking reason here.

              3. Yeah, wanting to have sex without kids is super rational. That must be why there are so many abortions and single mothers.

    6. They are not, but they do have a much stronger tendency to believe that some form of abortion be legal and lets face it, the longer Republicans talk about abortion the closer their odds of making an Akin level stupidity remark approaches 1.

      You tend to lose even those women who are strongly pro life when you start making remarks trivializing rape or blaming women for becoming pregnant in the first place.

      1. They are not, but they do have a much stronger tendency to believe that some form of abortion be legal and lets face it, the longer Republicans talk about abortion the closer their odds of making an Akin level stupidity remark approaches 1.

        You tend to lose even those women who are strongly pro life when you start making remarks trivializing rape or blaming women for becoming pregnant in the first place.

        They’re not called the stupid party for nothin’.

        1. the longer Republicans talk about abortion the closer their odds of making an Akin level stupidity remark approaches 1.

          Another iron law

    7. My Mother is a pro-life Republican. Screw you collectivist Reason!

    8. Women, like libertarians, are universally in favor of abortion, all the way through partial-birth abortions.

      Any counterexamples are not true Scotswomen.

  10. Twitter CEO Dick Costolo remains legally unable to reveal the extent of government snooping on his company’s customers, making for slightly awkward interviews on the subject.

    I find it hard to believe that the government left more than 140 characters un-redacted.

  11. Euro zone joblessness at record high, inflation up
    http://www.reuters.com/article…..AT20130701

    Inflation in the 17-nation euro zone, which is suffering from its longest ever recession, increased to 1.6 percent year-on-year in June from 1.4 percent in May, the EU’s statistics office Eurostat said.

    Joblessness in the bloc stood at a record 12.1 percent in May, with the number of people out of work rising further above 19 million, Eurostat added.

    Government austerity programs across the continent have helped fuel the economic hardship and provoked widespread public discontent, especially with more than half of young people unemployed in Greece and Spain.

    1. “Government austerity programs across the continent have helped fuel the economic hardship and provoked widespread public discontent, especially with more than half of young people unemployed in Greece and Spain.”

      We now have a strong candidate for leader in the Mendacious Statement of the Year contest.

      1. It’s simply someone who believes the shit they write.

    2. Party like its 1975!

      1. did boobs look different back then?

        1. Yep. They were pointier. Just watch the movies.

  12. Right out of the gate, same-sex marriages have resumed in California, bringing great joy to caterers across the state.

    Except the ones who are morally against same-sex marriage. For those it’s their lawyers who are joyous.

    1. Don’t forget the diversity industry, they will be happy to fine people or even throw them in jail if they spot someone acting in ways that are not approved of by the diversity industry. Diversity=Sameness.

    2. Well, those that are morally against providing food for same sex weddings, anyway.

      1. Don’t get me wrong. I believe any business that turns down customers based on something like this should go out of business (unless the turning down brings in more business somehow), but not through litigation or state intervention.

        1. exhibit A for whatever side Dan Cathy represents is Chik Fil-A. His initial comments re: gay marriage that led a couple of mayors to want to ban the restaurant were followed by lines hanging out the doors of virtually every franchise.

          Some folks still believe in teh right to express an opinion, whether they agree with it or not.

          1. Please, let’s get tonio and stormy started on Chik-fil-a again…

            1. What if Chik-fil-a served deep dish chicken pizza, endorsed by a circumcised Captain Picard?

              *ducks, runs from room*

              1. The South rises again?

            2. Lunch question settled.

          2. You know I really don’t care what Dan Cathy thinks his chicken sandwiches are the best on the market so he can spout off any nonsense he likes but I’m still gonna eat there when I get the chance

            1. After his comments on gay marriage, I vowed to never eat there again unless it was convenient.

              1. The ones in Louisville all seem to have death trap parking lots. So none of them are convenient.

          3. Yes, everyone has a right to their own convictions, even if it puts them at a disadvantage in a free market. Gay people have money to spend.

            Personally, I think Chik-Fil-A’s food does far more damage than anything said by the Cathy family. I’d like to see what happens to their menu and their business model if Big Corn ever loses its federal subsidies.

          4. You have the right to express your opinion. I have the right to express my opinion. My opinion is that Dan Cathy’s a biggot that no decent person should want to associate with.

        2. I don’t know. I think it is a perfectly viable choice assuming you have enough business without servicing the group you disapprove of

  13. Students county-wide donned similar shirts in solidarity with Jared Marcum.

    Does being on the SPLC watch list earn you a suspension from school?

  14. Candidates Strut Their Stuff at Post-DOMA Pride Parade
    http://politicker.com/2013/06/…..de-parade/

    “Weiner, Weiner!” the spectators chanted as they pushed against metal fences flanking the parade route while the former congressman walked down Christopher Street.

    “We love Weiner and you can quote me on that!” shouted 25-year-old Justin Curtis after Mr. Weiner passed, flanked by a slew of supporters who followed in his footsteps, holding a “Weiner!” sign that stretched the length of the street itself.

    1. “We love Weiner and you can quote me on that!” shouted 25-year-old Justin Curtis….heh-heh-heh….he said weiner…..heh-heh-heh

      1. First ever bipartisan presidential ticket, Bush/Weiner 2016 hehehe

    2. That’s gotta be good for his self-esteem.

      Weiner Weiner Weiner.

  15. Elderly man who picked dandelions for food gets $75 ticket

    A spokeswoman for the forest preserve district noted that foraging is prohibited there and called the practice “unsustainable, especially when it’s done for commercial purposes,” the article reports.

    “Quite simply, we could see some of these plants disappear over time,” said spokeswoman Karen Vaughan. “It can also have negative impacts on the natural plant and animal communities we’re trying to preserve for the public.”

    While dandelions are not native to Illinois or particularly valued species, some native plants resemble dandelions and could be mistaken for them, Vaughan said.

    via Overlawyered.

    1. “But, caught in the act of picking the weeds by a Cook County Forest Preserve cop, he was issued a $75 ticket.”

      Thanks for making me sooooo happy I live in this State. Oh, and nice job by the Tree Police copper there. Just making the Rabbit Sheriff’s office look real good.

      1. Let’ not forget the possibility that Grandpa might’ve been making Dandelion Wine.

        In the story, dandelion wine, as made by the protagonist’s grandfather, serves as a metaphor for packing all of the joys of summer into a single bottle.

        Yep, definitely sounds like it ought to be illegal.

        1. The sickest drunk I’ve ever had came off some dandelion wine my parents made. Nasty, nasty stuff. Of course, the fact that I was fifteen and drank it straight from the barrel without straining it may have had some impact. Nasty stuff just the same.

      2. As a resident of the People’s Republic of Cook County, I am not all that surprised that they pulled this sort of shit. The Cook County administrators are an incompetent bunch, but one thing they do know how to do is take money from people.

    2. Only in the Land of the Free.

    3. “Quite simply, we could see some of these plants disappear over time,”

      The sooner the fucking better you twit.

      1. “Quite simply, we could see some of these plants disappear over time,”

        The amount of stupid in that sentence… Must be crippling.

        1. Weapons. Grade. Stupid.

          It is a fucking weed and not even native to the area. There is not reason it should be there and no benefit for keeping it. The only possible argument against picking it was because the local bureaucracy does not seem to be smarter than a plant so the average IQ of the region may have decreased due to the loss of these plants.

  16. Student loan rates double
    Now you can pay more for your worthless degrees!

    1. Oh good, I predict more and shriller “I’m a permastudent pushing 30 studying Marxist Agitation and have no hope of employment, forgive my student loans!” pieces on the way real soon now.

      1. Already saw it from a cousin, who is an executive professional along with his wife, and has two kids in college.

        “What about us? How are you going to help us?”

        Just the type of FB post that makes you consider starting a family feud.

        1. “What about us? How are you going to help us?”

          Uh, nothing? Yeah, definitely nothing. Sounds good to me.

      2. 30? Are you fucking kidding me?

        Many of the people I started grad school with 10 years ago are STILL IN FUCKING GRAD SCHOOL. A few of them are pushing 40, and taking it as slowly as they fucking can. I know a few people that didn’t graduate with their PhD until they were nearly 50. They do this for 2 reasons:

        1) They fully understand that the job market for English PhD grads sucks. There are far more PhDs out there than there are jobs available. Even in the academy most English PhDs will teach part time as adjuncts for most of their career, and they’d like to prolong their education as long as possible knowing that life after PhD will probably involve all manner of teaching writing composition classes to “non-traditional students” at community colleges that you’re not really interested in. And what makes that funny as all fuck is that these jobs are no better than the jobs that one can get as a MA graduate. So they go to school for an extra 10 years only to land the same job making the same shitty pay. I guess that’s what makes them more “enlightened.”

        2) They fully understand that as long as they are in school they can continue to put off paying back their loans. Of course they compound these loans while avoiding payments, so all they’re really doing is increasing the chances that they will have no way to pay them back in full. Which is why it’s “unfair.” They spend nearly 20 years in graduate school only to be unable to pay back their loans.

    2. Best facebook comment I’ve seen on this was from a Philosophy PhD: “My student loan payments just went up to $1700/month. Haha! I don’t make $1700/month.”

      Maybe you shouldn’t have spent 15 years in school for a worthless degree so you could do shiftwork for shit pay.

      1. It’s horseshit too, if he has the federal loans subject to this increase then he has income based repayment. And I’m pretty sure this is only undergraduate loans, so he was lying in the first place.

        1. Plus this would only happen to people who hadn’t locked in their rate, which means they are way too stupid for me to care.

          1. To these people, they didn’t lock in their rate because if it were a good idea, someone in government would have gone ahead and taken care of that for them.

      2. (lights bag on fire, rings Brett’s doorbell, runs)

        http://thinkprogress.org/econo…..?mobile=nc

    3. I saw a bunch of progtards crying the blues about this yesterday–a bunch of FUCK YOU DAD comments that didn’t even address the fact that they have no problem with shelling out an additional 5-10% in tuition payments every year.

      Fuck them. I wish student loan rates would go up to 20% so they can really feel some pain.

  17. U.S. Secretary of State: from WDATPDIM? to Everybody Does It!

    1. He really is dumber than we deserve.

  18. 3 parent babies in the UK?
    Article about using donor DNA to prevent mitochondrial disorders. And, naturally, people are going apeshit over it. People are comparing it to “designer babies”. Why is there a worry about “designer babies” anyway? I mean, sure, we don’t want an army of Khan Noonien Singhs, but if we can eliminate genetic disorders and make people resistant to other diseases, it sounds fine to me.

    1. They’ll offer the world order.

      1. The ultimate designer baby wouldn’t have just offered order. He would have brought it, along with peace, freedom, justice, and security. And not just to one world. Go big and go for a whole galaxy.

    2. I thought trichromosomes were linked to bad things.

      1. One parent only provides mitochondrial DNA. Really, as long as it works properly, “ethical” issues are bullshit.

  19. ‘If you take the elevator from the lobby to floor 2 you are FAT’: Hilarious elevator messages reveal what neighbors really think about each other

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..other.html
    Some of those are pretty funny.

    1. I had a former co-worker who always took the elevator from the first floor to the second. She said it was because she had bad knees. No doubt. Walking around with carrying an extra hundred pounds is rough on all the joints.

      1. Here in Czechia there’s all sorts of old people grandfathered into their flats from communism. Most of the buildings lack elevators and the people on the top floors (fourth, fifth) seem to die off the last even as they complain about having to huff it up the stairs at 85.

    2. I am very pro-elevator.

      That said, unless you are in a fucking wheelchair, you need to be taking the stairs if you’re only going up one floor, or I’ll mock you as the lazy fuck you are.

  20. In Obama’s War On American Coal, China’s The Victor
    http://news.investors.com/ibd-…..es-war.htm

    While our electricity prices necessarily skyrocket under the weight of the administration’s regulatory assault in fossil fuels, the world’s largest carbon emitter will spew even more, preferring economic growth over climate change hype.

    President Obama’s expansion of his war on coal to include existing coal plants may very well put the industry on the path to extinction, costing jobs and economic growth while raising energy prices, a huge tax on the American consumer. But countries like China and India are increasing their coal consumption, more than outpacing any U.S. reductions in coal use and carbon emissions.

  21. That’s one way to whip up a frenzy! Ke$ha gets wild with whipping cream as she douses herself and her fans at music festival

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..tival.html
    Disgusting.

  22. When Star Wars meets Star Trek: Female Wookiee belly dances for a Klingon band in ultimate geek mash-up

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..sh-up.html
    Who knew Michelle O was a big fan.

    1. We are a strange species

  23. Ohio police department puts fake drug checkpoint signs on highway to see if people would react suspiciously
    Police in Cleveland posted large signs on I-271 warning of checkpoint ahead
    But no checkpoint existed, just officers looking for suspicious reactions
    Drug checkpoints are illegal in US but it is unclear if signs for fake ones are

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..ously.html
    Liars will lie.

    1. Next up: Fake Amber Alerts.

    2. The police in this area are becoming more and more intrusive with these little tactics. They tried using “safety inspection checkpoints” a while back in a neighboring community and a few people I know got stopped and harassed.

      Oh, and that Vitantonio douche that says “we should be applauded for doing this” is as big of an ass as he seems.

      1. Think I know that guy. Ugh!

        1. Vitantonio? Do me a favor and smack him around a bit next time you see him. They guy is a criminal who gets his jollies off by turning everyone else into a criminal as well. Worst part is he has serious political aspirations and the kind of friends that have the money and influence to get their pal elected to more powerful office.

    3. I can’t imagine any reason why Cleveland has such a hard time attracting visitors! They have the R&R Hall of Fame & everything!

      1. Don’t forget the Casino we just got. Having a casino that pays out less than most casinos and has a monopoly is great for the area.

        1. But the payout is state lottery. So win – win!!!

          1. Also, the “official” Ohio casinos are bankrolling the effort to shut down the little “Internet cafe” gambling dens.

            “Ohioans against Illegal Gambling was organized to advocate for the passage of House Bill 7 and is supported by Ohio’s constitutional authorized casinos.”

            So fuck them.

  24. Tatts fake! Lana Del Rey reveals large faux belly tattoo as she slips into a racy tasseled bikini to play a small-town stripper in her new music video

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..video.html
    Totally fuckable, but my goodness her music sucks.

  25. What the the Germans going to do, write him a letter telling him how angry they are while putting out less thumbsucking articles on oh boy wouldn’t it be swell if Europeans could vote for Obama for President?

    1. The same things Germans always do when they get pissed off, invade Poland

    1. Gak! The vocals. Ugh.

  26. this is IMPORTANT!

    Official word: The body of Christ is not and cannot be gluten-free
    http://www.improbable.com/2013…..uten-free/

    If you are Catholic, what if you are allergic to the body of Christ? The answer may be hard to swallow.

    1. Human flesh is gluten-free. So much for transubstantiation.

      1. Seriously. Has this guy been excommunicated yet or what?

    2. And people wonder why we Protestants…..well, protested.

      1. IBS? Crohn’s Celiac?

        1. Err…should be a ? after Crohn’s.

          But I actually think it was chronic constipation.

    3. Just drink the blood of Christ, dummy.

    4. Pray harder to be healed, duh

    5. Gluten allergy is the Mark of the Beast, forever branding the Unsavable.

  27. Egyptian protesters would like a Revolution 2.0, please, since the first model has serious performance issues and just doesn’t live up to expectations.

    The fruits of the American revolution have been circling the drain for at least several decades now. Egypt should give it some time.

  28. Sen. Dick Durbin: It’s time to say who’s a real reporter
    http://www.suntimes.com/news/o…..orter.html

    Everyone, regardless of the mode of expression, has a constitutionally protected right to free speech. But when it comes to freedom of the press, I believe we must define a journalist and the constitutional and statutory protections those journalists should receive.

    The media informs the public and holds government accountable. Journalists should have reasonable legal protections to do their important work. But not every blogger, tweeter or Facebook user is a “journalist.” While social media allows tens of millions of people to share information publicly, it does not entitle them to special legal protections to ignore requests for documents or information from grand juries, judges or other law enforcement personnel.

    1. Over and over these assholes say, ” Freedom of Speech, BUT

      1. “Reasonable people agree there must be tradeoffs and limits. Especially since 9/11 changed everything.”

    2. This makes less sense then what usually comes out of a politicians mouth. Is he saying that you have freedom of speech only the press have the freedom to write it down? If I have a mimeograph machine does that make me a member of the press?

      1. No, you can still write it down, in a nice private journal where no one will see it.

        Same thing with speech too, you are of course free to say anything, unless too many people can here you say it, then you’ll have to be a licensed “journalist”

    3. Freedom means asking permission and taking orders.

    4. Fuck off, slaver.

      Yet one more reminder that Illinois is no fun, ungood and depressing. Thx.

    5. “Congress Shall Make No Law”. FYTW, Dick.

      1. You don’t understand. The Supreme Nazgul have read the 1A and found the word “unreasonable” before “Law.” I know like myself you cannot see it, but they can. They have the black robes, the Ivy League law degrees, and the lifetime appointment by the office of the President. This gives them the power to see things that are invisible to mere mortals like us.

        1. They’ve become Joseph Smith. If you put The Bill of Rights at the bottom of a hat and used their magic stones, you’d be able to read the words the right way as well.

    6. Can we throw Dick in the slammer yet? Seriously.

    7. While social media allows tens of millions of people to share information publicly, it does not entitle them to special legal protections to ignore requests for documents or information from grand juries, judges or other law enforcement personnel.

      In other words, ALL YOUR DOCS ARE BELONG TO US

    8. But when it comes to freedom of the press, I believe we must define a journalist and the constitutional and statutory protections those journalists should receive.

      Huh, let’s see what the constitution says

      Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

      So fuck of little dicky durban.

    9. If this is about shield laws and stuff like that, it kind of makes sense (though I definitely don’t like it). I don’t believe that shield laws protecting sources are required under the first amendment, so they are a special privilege. I agree that it is totally stupid for the government to be determining who is and is not a journalist, but it may not be a constitutional issue.

  29. Harried Husband? I have a product for you!

    Woman superglues mouth shut after lip gloss mistake
    http://www.gadailynews.com/new…..stake.html

    It was an unusually tight-lipped call for help.

    The frightened woman on the phone could only grunt as she pleaded for an ambulance to be sent to her home.

    The 111 call, about midnight yesterday, sparked fears that the 64-year-old from Dunedin was being held captive, but it turned out she had accidentally super-glued her lips together.

    1. NOT FL! Yay!

    1. J-Lo, you, ma’am, are no Marilyn Monroe

      1. The latter slept with mass murderers; has the former?

        BTW, you are right: J-Lo has some talent in addition to her physical attributes; Monroe, otoh, was a zero talent tart.

    2. I’ve been on a J-Lo’s Ass jones for about 13+ years now. It’s been a good run.

  30. U.S. Prism, Meet China’s Golden Shield
    http://rendezvous.blogs.nytime…..en-shield/

    On Tuesday, shortly before China escalated its criticism of the United States over its global surveillance programs, saying they showed not just the “hypocrisy” but also the “true face” of the U.S., a Beijing lawyer named Xie Yanyi filed a public information request with the police asking about China’s own surveillance operations.

    Mr. Xie wanted to know: How was the state protecting citizens’ rights to online and communications privacy? By what laws was surveillance taking place? Who granted the permission to monitor citizens? Were such activities approved by the National People’s Congress, China’s parliament?

  31. Why Healthcare Costs Are About To Explode
    http://www.forbes.com/sites/re…..o-explode/

    In a recent study for the Physicians Foundation, health policy analyst Jeff Goldsmith found that paradoxically, while physicians direct almost 80 percent of all healthcare spending, many of them feel powerless to change the conditions that generate unnecessary costs and create red tape. In fact, 82 percent of physicians feel they have little ability to change the healthcare system, according to the Foundation’s 2012 Biennial Physician Survey. By purpose or design, the ACA is driving physicians from the best and most cost-effective place to provide care ? their private offices ? to the most expensive place to provide care: the hospital.

    Unless and until this trend is reversed, the cost of American healthcare will continue to rise at an increasing rate without any demonstrable improvement in access to quality healthcare services. The worst of both worlds.

    1. Market failure!

    2. The left hates private practices because that’s where the middle and upper classes get their health care.

      If you’re in a doctor’s office, you are either somebody who can take a day off from work when you need to or you’re a stay-at-home mom.

      Real Americans in real medical need go to ER’s or CHC’s, because they get no paid sick time and have no primary care provider. They just come home after working two minimum wage jobs and go to the ER in the middle of the night to talk to a doctor about their back pain.

      Doctors belong in hospitals, where they can help these real Americans in real medical need.

      1. You foool,

        In Obama’s America real Americans don’t work, they’re either evil 1%er trustifarians or they’re on welfare.

      2. ^this is the flaw that I’ve been pointing out with the Medicaid expansion. like the Medicaid population is going to clock out during business hours to sit around a GPs office. solution of course will not to allow clinics with nurse practitioners and physician assistants, but mandatory leave or something similar.

        1. The REALLY stupid part of this is if it weren’t for all the idiotic regulations on practicing medicine the market would have solved this problem LONG ago.

          For example, an actual DR’s office is not all that large, you could actually fit 2 of them in the back of a Winnebago, you could actually have a roving Dr’s office capable of providing all of the GP services that actually just set up shop in various underserved neighborhoods or industrial parks so that people didn’t have to “go” to the Dr but rather the Dr came to them. They already have similar services for vets but for humans that would be illegal

    3. Why Healthcare Costs Are About To Explode

      My dad was at an event where a bunch of big-wigs in FL were talking about the realities. The exchanges don’t exist. 17M healthy people need to be brought into the insurance system at double the pre-PPACA healthy person rate for the system to work. Evidence has identified 12 metrics that can actually be used for outcome improvement, the Feds have 44. This thing is going to be a giant, giant clusterfuck.

      Start laying the groundwork for explaining why the government is the cause of, not the solution to, this problem.

      1. 17M healthy people need to be brought into the insurance system at double the pre-PPACA healthy person rate for the system to work.

        That is unreal.

        1. Oh, and BTW, the 2014 penalty is $95 for being healthy without insurance, withheld from your tax refund for most young, healthy people in the 3rd and 4th income quintiles (the demographic most likele to be dinged for not having insurance). Most people won’t even know they were penaltaxed the first year. So they set up an incentive structure designed to fail.

          1. It’s ineffective? That just proves it’s not a penalty, but a tax! Roberts vindicated!

  32. Police: Ballard woman clubbed burglar after he leaves beer, pees
    http://blog.seattlepi.com/seat…..beer-pees/

    A suspected burglar allegedly caught urinating in a Ballard home is in custody Thursday after the resident clubbed him with a pot and held him prisoner with a brass elephant statuette.

    According to Seattle police, the drunk 21-year-old left a mostly empty 18 pack of beer in the 59-year-old woman’s washing machine shortly before she bludgeoned the man with a piece of pottery. Police contend the young man also urinated in the basement of the home, located near the intersection of 14th Avenue Northwest and Northwest 50th Street.

  33. Exploding fridge leads to pot find in San Diego
    http://www.wtop.com/681/337367…..o-pot-find

    City News Service says the fridge exploded and caused a fire Thursday afternoon at a home in the Encanto neighborhood.

    It took firefighters about 30 minutes to douse the fire and there were no injuries.

    However, police say authorities later discovered marijuana growing at the house and a quantity of flammable hash oil, which apparently caused the explosion.

  34. Nineteen firefighters died battling wildfires in Arizona, where high temperatures make fire season even more dangerous than usual.

    Still not a tragedy on the scale of gay marriage. Hordes of homomatrimonalists ravage countryside in search of venues for their godless union of butt lust.

    1. Look, 19 anuses were friction-burned to death last night in my house, but you don’t see the mainstream media saying one word about it.

      1. Go ahead and laugh, you unsaved buttbarian. When you get forced to gay marry a homopolygamous cult, don’t come crying to me.

        1. Why, in SF, “they” were forcing people to marry, oh, telephone poles or something!
          Regardless, it was horrible!

          1. I heard a female herosexual was forced to marry a handful of used gay staples.

      2. Yeah, but for you, that’s just a slow weekend.

      3. so no lube in the Warty “household”

        1. No, there’s lube. Warty ties it to the end of a pole just out of reach of his victims.

  35. John Kerry employs the Shreeeek defense to defend spying on allies

    Nearly all national governments, not just the United States, use “lots of activities” to safeguard their interests and security, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said on Monday, responding for the first time to allegations that Washington spied on the European Union and other allies.

    1. “I’m not going to comment any further until I have all the facts and find out precisely what the situation is.”

      Good luck with *that*, Johnny.

    2. Israel stole nuclear materials from us.

      *Shrug*, it happens.

      1. Meh. They have existential threats all around them – I don’t like it, but cannot blame them. What do we need to spy on the Euroweenies for?

        1. Last time we didnt spy on them, the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

      2. They also blew up one of our navy ships, but we’re totes besties, so it’s easy to get over things like that.

        1. but we’re totes besties

          You take this new expression of language which is very popular on The Disney Channel and put it on the fucking burn pile.

          My son tried that once, and I told him that he would have a lifetime of compensationless chicken coop cleaning. He hasn’t tried that bullshit it since.

          1. totes besties

            WTF is a totes bestie?

            1. Totes besties = totally best friends.

              Seriously, this butchering of language needs to die a quick and gruesome death.

              1. I thought it was funny in context, but I have a sick mind. Here, let me offer you this as a peace offering.

  36. “I’m not going to comment any further until I have all the facts and find out precisely what the situation is.”

    “I hate to judge before all the facts are in, Mister President, but it’s beginning to look as if General Ripper may have exceeded his authority.”

    1. 😎 Too bad there wasn’t more essence-denial in years past.

  37. Unless and until this trend is reversed, the cost of American healthcare will continue to rise at an increasing rate without any demonstrable improvement in access to quality healthcare services.

    In other words, “Never.’

  38. My long work nightmare is over! I’m sure you all were up and on whitehouse.gov Saturday morning watching the Big Announcement. At least I was (with the computer on mute, and only because I had to).

    1. Big Announcement?

      1. Exactly.

        1. I’m feeling slow this morning. So the project finally died? What happened?

          1. It didn’t die – our Dear Leader made his announcement about his new fancy fellowship for future African dictators leaders, and we all move on.

            1. So, he’s opened a new school modeled after the School of the Americas?

              Faaaascinating.

              1. No – it’s his very own Fullbright program. For Sub-Saharan African elites.

                I am going to laugh so hard in 10-20 years when one of these people becomes the next Mugabe.

                1. A reverse Cecil Rhodes?

    2. This’ll be Obozo announcing he’s tired of compromise, so he’s just gonna act like the king he is and save the world?

    3. Congrats! On to the next one. May you only have to have 3 months worth of meetings on colors and fonts.

    1. Police questioned him, searched his car and ultimately apologized for the inconvenience.

      The police apologized? There’s a first.

    2. I couldn’t find anything specific to banks, but the number of robberies was 4 per 100,000 population in 2007. (see p. 5)

      The US was at 133 / 100,000, in comparison. Surprisingly (to me) Belgium topped the list with 1762 per 100,000

      1. Sorry, that was for 2012, not 2007. Also, I think there’s a bit of an apples / oranges thing going on, as the disparities between certain countries are odd.

  39. Student Loan Debt: Feverish Anecdotes Trump the Facts
    http://www.realclearmarkets.co…..00444.html

    Given the maximum amounts one is allowed to borrow in federally-guaranteed student loans, a large percentage of those with large balances are likely to be people who incurred the debt going to graduate school, especially law school and medical school. Thus, a significant number of these high-debt load people probably have the income-earning potential to handle their loan balances.

    Taken together, these data suggest that for all the hype, media coverage, and political debate, the issue of burdensome student loan debt is confined to a group of probably one to two million people. This is hardly an enormous number of people, so perhaps we should all calm down for a minute and worry about this small group of people rather than the approximately 35 million who appear to be using the student loan program responsibly.

    1. people who incurred the debt going to graduate school, especially law school and medical school. Thus, a significant number of these high-debt load people probably have the income-earning potential to handle their loan balances.

      Yeah, that does not exactly follow, actually…

      1. When I worked as a cook one of the waitresses told me she had graduated summa cum laude with a Masters in English. She helped to inspire me to study Computer Science so that, unlike her, after graduation I wouldn’t have to work in restaurants anymore.

    2. The concept of a grad school that you pay to attend baffles me.

      Shouldnt they be paying you?

      1. Shouldnt they be paying you?

        Yes, if you want to have a career afterwards. If there isn’t enough demand for your post-bachelor’s education level to create a paid route to it, you should think about whether there’s enough demand for you to work in the field.

        1. By that logic, why shouldn’t your undergrad be paying you too?

        2. Does it count if you’re paying for your grad degree, but your employer is reimbursing you?

  40. Big Announcement?

    I hope it was a letter of apology and resignation.

  41. Edward Snowden: HERO.

    John Bolton: ENEMY OF FREEDOM.

    Advice for Gretta “just look at me if your erection persists for four hours or longer” von Sustren: Stop giving a platform to John Bolton.

  42. Men? Lindy West has some dating advice for you…

    It’d be better if we were all just blocks of cheese. And NO, I DO NOT HAVE A WEIRD SEXUAL THING ABOUT CHEESE.

    1. I haven’t even read the link, but I am imagining without looking that doing the opposite of whatever is stated there is probably the way to go.

      1. You would be correct.

    2. Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

    3. I get the feeling she’s trying to imitate Tina Fey/Liz Lemon.

      Lindy, I am Liz Lemon (minus the flaming liberalism), and you’re no Liz Lemon.

    4. A great way to endear yourself to women is to fight against the societal structure that oppresses them and made you lonely in the first place.

      So *that’s* how to hook up with Catherine MacKinnon.

      1. A great way to endear yourself to women is to fight against the societal structure that oppresses them and made you lonely in the first place.

        Yeah, because nothing says “women’s rights defender” like pretending to fight for the cause to lure her into a pump-and-dump.

    5. All this shit?your “type,” the “criteria” you think you need in a mate?is arbitrary. It’s social conditioning.

      Jesus Christ on a cracker. Could she be any more of a collectivist? Surrender your individuality! You couldn’t possibly have personal preferences, particularly if those personal preferences happen to collide with mine!

      1. If it were social conditioning, I’d be attracted to “nice-looking” unmemorable status-seeking thin men with no post-pubescent hair.

        1. As a thin man with no chest hair, I think you’re just being arbitrary.

          1. If you’re not attracted to slightly chubby almost-middle-aged short-haired women with quirky fashion sense, you’ve just been socially conditioned!

            1. I was with you until quirky fashion sense and then my inner bitchy gay man came out.

              1. What, you don’t want to be seen with someone wearing Madras plaid ski pants? But only in winter. I’m not a cavewoman!

                1. Madras in winter?! You monster!

      2. I actually thought that one wasn’t so bad. It probably is stupid to reject someone as a potential mate simply because of some arbitrary characteristic.

    6. I’ve found that all dating advice pretty much sucks. When it comes to meeting that “special person” what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. Duh.

    7. change yourself for you, not for some faceless ringwraith you plan to bone some day in the future as soon as you get good enough at kettlebell squats

      Most inexplicable use of “ringwraith” ever?

      1. Not to mention that a kettlebell squat is pretty much an automatic motor pattern. Unless you’re a 300 pound landwhale who’s spent the last 30 years glued to a couch by your own filth…oh. Never mind.

      2. Maybe it’s a reference to those women who plan their weddings before they have a candidate for hubby.

        1. Yeah, I thought about that…but ringwraiths just seem so male and unsexy.

      3. “Ringwraith” as a term for a gold-digging, marrying-Mr-Right-to-check-off -the-box-on-her-life-plan woman with no soul or personality of her own is a pretty good neologism. Although it is inverted to what a ringwraith actually is. But I think if it wasn’t Lindy West, I’d give credit for it.

        1. Oh, I get it. Because she wants a ring, you see? And she’s skinny, so she’s, like, a ghost or something. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wait, I don’t get it.

          1. And I think she thinks they are evil, corrupted versions of “real” women. But I may have given too much credit.

        2. Yeah but it also doesn’t make sense that that’s the kind of woman she’d be talking about there. I mean, why would some guy with no confidence who’s just trying his best to get laid be looking for one of those? It would assume the guy was also the same kind of ringwraith. And looking for a woman who was. It’s just retarded.

          1. I have an acquaitance with CP. He is short, out of shape, and the left side of his body doesn’t work well. He is an asshole who hates people (so I get along with him fine). The women he would like to date, if he wasn’t terrified of having a conversation with breasted-humans, are of this type. Although, admittedly, he has no experience to draw on.

    8. The comments are good as usual.

      The patriarchy has put forth standards that men must be manly, and women must be feminine. And (falsely) one of these guidelines is that women are smaller than men. Women must be thin, men must have muscles and be strong. Women should have soft features; men should have a square jaw. Women should be softspoken and delicate, men should have a booming voice and speak with authority. This may all sound a little out-dated but it’s real and present today.

      1. Sorry, but if it’s patriarchy to believe that the woman in a relationship must be smaller than the man, than I am wholeheartedly lined up with the patriarchy.

    9. *I don’t think of myself as a “virgin,” really. There’s no special word for people who haven’t driven a car or skydived or whatever, so I think it’s kind of ridiculous that not having had sex gets to be some sort of identity label.

      These poor people.

      1. These poor people.

        I think their fear they might enjoy themselves is very real.

      2. Yup.

        HBhyenaULindy West11L
        Does anyone else feel like they want to be in a relationship, but HATE the idea of contact with other people? I mean, it sounds okay on paper, but I find people repulsive to the point where it’s very difficult for me to make friends, let alone form closer relationships. This has always creeped me out, from the time I was a little kid and resting my head against my mother’s chest would make me gag because I could feel her heartbeat.

        The worst part is, I want other people to be happy, and I want to keep them safe, but I can’t stand to be near them when they don’t absolutely need me. I just feel like I’m an alien in a world full of real people. Yesterday 6:18pm

        1. Necrophiliac.

        2. And yet, we keep producing more of these people who in previous ages would wander of into the wilderness and let nature run its course.

          1. I blame the Internet.

          2. Or they’d live in a cabin by themselves and then get burned at the stake after a bad harvest.

            And what is a sluggish economy but a bad harvest?

        3. Does anyone else feel like they want to be in a relationship, but HATE the idea of contact with other people?

          That person basically described every Mountain Dew-guzzling, 300-pound lardass nerd shut-in out there. Do they not realize these people substitute fetishes (e.g., Bronies and other assorted social maladapts) for actual human relationships?

      3. There’s no special word for people who haven’t driven a car

        Yeah there is, though it’s split up into two possible subversions: kids and losers.

    10. Man, I would have loved to see Lindy sit down with Patrice O’Neal.

      Anytime I see this crap, I always wish we still had Patrice to comment/make me laugh hysterically.

    11. In grad school I had a conversation with a buddy who asked aloud if it was right for us to exclude women who were overweight from our choices in who we dated.

      I told him “You and I both work out, run, swim, lift weights, study nutrition and apply that knowledge to our lifestyles, care about our hygene and try to dress in ways that show some kind of style and thought. Why would I get into a relationship with a woman who didn’t have at least a similar point of view as mine on these topics?”

    1. dammit sug. shoulda refreshed.

  43. For those of you who may be wondering what Krugabe has to say today, allow me to paraphrase: “Republicans are evil, there is no inflation, government spending should never go down.”

    You’re welcome.

    1. So he has abandoned Keynesianism?

      Good to know.

  44. Are any of you fatties on FitBit? If so, care for a bit of a competition?

    1. WTF is FitBit?

    2. I have one, a hand me down from my wife when she upgraded to the wristband one.

      Can’t say I really do much with it although I really should

    3. Do you like the FitBit? The gf has been asking me for one, but this feels like a trap. Giving your pregnant gf a piece of workout equipment? What could go wrong? Even post-partum, this seems like trouble. But if I bought myself one and let her steal it from me…

      1. I like competition, evil monocled libertarian that I am. I know more people using FitBit than other fitness tools, so that’s the one I chose. I bit itself is easy to use. Their web site isn’t that easy to figure out (took me forever to figure out where to update my food and non-trackable activities like the elliptical).

      2. And I don’t see why you can’t set it up as a “family”, except your activities would be combined, not broken out individually. That would kind of defeat the purpose.

        1. Thanks. I’m kind of all in on the nerdfitness.com challenges as my ways of motivating. The only go-round I’ve had with them is over raw milk, and they were polite in disagreeing with me while acknowledging that there’s no statistical basis for preferring raw milk over pastuerized for health reasons. I just think of it as a trendy thing that they’re caught up on, which is exactly what they shouldn’t be doing. SLD here (which I posted there) everyone should be able to drink raw milk if they want to, but I’ve been around cows, and they don’t give a damn if they get shit on their udders.

      3. Well it is not really workout equipment, it is really just a glorified pedometer that in addition to counting your steps makes adjustments in calculating calories burned for things like elevation changes (it can figure out if you are going up/down hills/stairs) The new wristband one adds an added benefit of tracking your sleep patterns. Then the whole thing is synched into a mobile app via bluetooth

        1. The One (not the wristband one) tracks sleep also.

        2. Well it is not really workout equipment

          In the gf’s mind, it is going to help her get back in pre-pregnancy shape. My best survival chance is to appear supportively non-judgemental, the line for which in the hormone drenched brain of a pregnant woman shifts at random.

          1. Goddammit, these fucking people. Just tell your girlfriend to squat.

          2. Here, buy her this. And if she doesn’t use it, let it be a standing reproach to her laziness.

            1. Here, buy her this.

              Fuck yeah. Actually, I have been encouraging her to squat more, albeit without weights. And leading by example.

              1. I once had a jiu-jitsu competition in a venue that was also hosting a powerlifting meet at the same time, and I remember my buddies who don’t lift being awed by how nice the powerlifting girls’ asses were. I wondered what they expected an ass that can squat 400 pounds to look like. In summary, put some weight on her.

                1. Shes 4.5 months pregnant. We’d be lynched for putting her under a bar.

                  1. Look, do you want me to solve this pregnancy problem or not? This has way more plausible deniability than throwing her down some stairs.

                    1. Look, do you want me to solve this pregnancy problem or not?

                      Nah, at this point I’m on to figuring out how to brainwash him to be maximally vexing to all authority figures who aren’t me (and possibly his mother, although that’s a target of opportunity).

          3. Yes, just smile and nod. It’s the only way you’ll maintain getting laid and not piss her off.

            1. Yes, just smile and nod.

              The literal conversation I had with my father when he found out the gf was pregnant was, “Since you’ve ignored my advice to never get married and never have kids… You do remember me saying that every time you and your brother did something particularly stupid don’t you?”
              Me: “Yes.”
              Pops: “I have some more advice for you to ignore: practice saying, ‘that sounds like a good idea, how much should I write the check for?'”

              1. Sounds like your dad was a wise man. If only we weren’t too young and/or stupid to ignore our parents’ advice…

                I know I’ve caught myself plenty of times in situations thinking “Oh, so that’s what he meant. Fuck me…”

    4. No Fitbit. Nike+ and Fitocracy here.

    5. I’m a cheap fattie; no way I’m paying $100 to lose to you people.

    6. I’m already at my near ideal weight – having lost 45pds (and keeping it off).

      1. So, are you going to have to change your name to Lord Averagus?

  45. “It’s a move that makes sense for O’Brien, who ended her day-to-day job at CNN amidst that network’s rebranding. Al Jazeera has promised a less celebrity and politics-focused network, something that jibes with O’Brien’s high-brow approach to TV journalism.”

    * Serms to be a typo, must have meant: Something that jibes with O’Briens high-brow approach to Team Blue propagandadizing.

    Only the Huff Po could consider Soledad “high-brow”.

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3528378/

    1. Also high-brow HuffPo journalists, lets be honest, she didn’t end her day to day job CNN ended it for her.

  46. Instead of reading Jezebel, why don’t you* just get an ant farm?

    *You know who you are.

    1. Says the guy who reports on Morning Joke for us.

    2. I agree. Hate-reading jezebel has to cause brain damage after a while.

      I haven’t done any studies on this, but it must be true. Hell, more evidence of that than “no inflation.”

  47. three day work week… and then off to the northern compound. Beaches ‘n’ beer.

  48. Bay Area commuters scramble for alternatives on Day 1 of BART strike

    That’s the great thing about commuting via car: I never go on strike.

    1. Didn’t those assholes just strike over something else last year?

      Fire em all already.

  49. By the way, it’s getting almost no attention at all in the so-called “mainstream media”, but Block Yomomma is taking another vacation (in Africa this time), with a cost to the taxpayers of approximately one hundred million dolkars.

    1. dolkars

      Is that like a dollar, but with value?

    2. NOTHING LEFT TO CUT!!!!!!

      At least Bush just went back to his home in Texas.

  50. So we’re upgrading our WordPress installation at work this week. Our sys admin wants to install the newest version of WordPress on a development server first, then copy our existing blogs into the upgrade.

    Is it just me, or does that sound ass-backward? Wouldn’t you copy the existing blogs to the development environment, THEN upgrade the blogs to the newest WordPress version?

    1. What, you want to do in DEV the same thing you’ll do in LIVE? Are you trying to be successful here?

    2. And now the sys admin doesn’t have any recollection that all of our WordPress upgrades and installs have to be done manually on the server (as opposed via the admin GUI). Even though we’ve done this same type of thing dozens of times.

      He said “I see a link that says ‘Upgrade to 3.5.2 – click here’ – it can’t be that easy, can it?”

      FML.

      1. Wow, your sys admin knows less than your average 16yo pc gamer.

        How do these people get fucking jobs?

        1. Ex military get A LOT of “points” when being considered for jobs. Unfortunately, many of them learn what they know by rote, which is not very helpful when you need to troubleshoot or extrapolate.

      2. He said “I see a link that says ‘Upgrade to 3.5.2 – click here’ – it can’t be that easy, can it?”

        On the upside, at least he didn’t say, “I clicked the upgrade link without doing backups and its totally fucked, what’s the plan?”

  51. The Texas legislature is back in special session as the Republican majority pushes for abortion restrictions in a clever effort to ensure that women [???] never again vote for the GOP.

    Because women are like ants, right JD? Moving like a single organism, eh JD?

    Nothing sexist about that comment. No, siree!

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.